127. Freedom from Self Doubt- 5 Habits to Help You Feel More Valuable

[Music] Welcome to the Creating Unshakeable Self-Confidence Podcast. The podcast that teaches women just like you to have the self-confidence to express who you are so that the world knows you just by looking at you. Style is the outward expression of the way you feel about yourself on the inside. There is a confident, stylish woman inside of you. And as your style coach, it's my job to help you find her. So you can look stylish and feel confident every single day. I'm your host, Sherry Brasier. Let's dive in. Hello, my friend. Happy Fourth of July. Today is the Fourth of July in America. So if you are in America, you are celebrating today. And today in America in Idaho, it is raining like crazy. And I'm so sad for all the people that are at the parade and all the fireworks and all the Fourth of July things that are just getting drenched. I just feel bad about that. But today, we are going to talk about freedom from self-doubt. This is something that I am coaching on and having lots of conversations about right now because let's be honest. Self-doubt can feel like it's own kind of cage. Am I right? It's that little voice or not so little voice in our head that makes you hesitate. It makes you second guess and it makes you play small. And the truth is, so many of us don't even realize how often self-doubt is creeping in and affecting our days. So today, I want to ask you this question and I want you to think about this. Where do you notice that self-doubt or second guessing is holding you back the most? Maybe it's in your business, maybe it's in your style, maybe it's in the conversations that you're having. And it could look like in your business, for me anyway, this is a big one for me right now, building my business, is I hesitate when I go to put something out there like this podcast for, a lot of a better example. You guys, if you've been here for a while, have known that I've taken some breaks along the way because I I doubt myself, I doubt myself, I get busy, I get distracted, all the things. But ultimately, it's really what it comes down to is self-doubt. So I am preaching from experience. I am not here to tell you that I am perfect at this and that I don't have self-doubt and that I don't have second guessing that's holding me back because I do. And I think, let's be honest, the thing, the people that I follow that inspire me the most are the people that are in the trenches. They're not the ones that are like, "Hey, I'm over here and I'm farther along the path than you are." And so you guys need to just come with me because I know all the things. Those aren't the people. The people that inspire me are like, "Hey, I had a moment today and this is how I pulled myself out. I'm in the real world. I am doing this real time. And this is how I'm working through it right now." Those are the people that inspire me the most. So hopefully, you will feel that for me, as you listen to my podcast, that I'm in it with you. I am dealing with all of these things with you and I am just sharing what's working for me right now as I'm working through it. So that's what this really this podcast episode is about because I am finding myself always working through self-doubt. I don't think it's something that you ever just don't ever feel. I think that you get maybe good at recognizing that you're in self-doubt and then you develop tools to use to help you through it. And honestly, I'm just sharing what I'm learning myself. That's really what it is. So this conversation today, I'm going to go into a few habits that help me to feel valuable because when I'm feeling like when I'm feeling the self-doubt coming in, it's because I don't feel valuable. I don't feel like I have anything to share. I feel inadequate. And so I've been doing some googling and some searching and searching online and searching in my own brain. I've actually listened to some of my own podcasts today and got some insights, some ideas. I've jotted some things down for future episodes that I want to dive into more. And this sentence came in from a very highly downloaded episode of my podcast. And one of those sentences that I said was habits that make me feel more valuable. And as I was listening, I wrote that down. And I thought, I'm going to search my own brain and my own experiences and figure out some habits that I regularly lean on to help me feel valuable. So these are things that I actually do on the daily and on the weekly and on the monthly when I'm feeling self-doubt, when I'm feeling imposter syndrome, when I'm feeling like I'm not good enough, when I'm feeling like I need to level myself up. Right? And I'm telling you this today because I'm in a season right now where I don't know if you're if you are a personal development junkie like I am, but it's worth your hit the ceiling. You've grown your capacity. You've grown your self-awareness. You've grown your personal development to a place and you just feel like you're getting stuck. It's that you've stretched yourself. You've learned a lot and then you just kind of feel like you're just in the trenches. And that's kind of where I'm feeling right now. That's that's the place I'm in. And so today we're celebrating freedom for the 4th of July. So I thought it would be fun to do a play on freedom from self-doubt. So I'm going to give you a few of these habits that I've talked about in the past, but it's something that comes up on the regular. And so I'm going to dig into it a little bit deeper and give you a few more things. Maybe go go into it a little bit more of how I have created and am constantly building myself confidence. So the first one is and I've talked about this a lot, speak kindly to yourself. I've told you the story about me being a bully to myself and how that was kind of my my turning point to creating more self-confidence and that was not talking to myself like a jerk and just just being kinder to myself, just being nicer to myself. And instead of saying things like, oh, I'm so terrible at this. I really try to say sometimes I do say I suck at this. I am terrible at it. And I try to catch myself and I don't all the time catch myself, but I try to catch myself when I say things like that and reframe it to I'm learning. I'm learning how to do these things. I am not the best at it right now, but I'm learning how to do it, right? And if I'm learning, then that is always valuable. That's a valuable skill is to learn things, right? So I'm going to keep saying it and saying it and saying it and saying it and it's always going to be number one is speak kinder to yourself. Make a habit of speaking kindly to yourself. And this thought just came to my mind and so I'm just going to say it because I'm just kind of on the cuff. And this podcast episode is not going to be on YouTube because I just woke up this morning with this on my mind and I'm just recording it and I'm actually still in my pajamas and I haven't gotten ready for the day so you don't get to see me. I'm not going to put this on video. And I just am going to throw it up on my podcast feed. I'm not going to do a lot of editing. I'm not going to do a lot of all of that stuff like I normally do. I'm just going to put it up. So it's just on my Facebook feed today. We're just going with it. But speaking kindly to your Here is a habit that you can create. If you have ever read the book by James Clear, oh, now I just forgot the name of it. Habits. Oh, my gosh. I've talked about it on this podcast so many times, but it's by James Clear. And I'll probably just say the title of it as I talk about. Since I'm trying to find the topic in my brain, I can't think of it. Anyway, he talks about habit stacking. And habit stacking has literally transformed my life. I use habit stacking all the time, daily. And the concept is, if you want to create a new habit, then you have to add it to something you're already doing. So, for instance, recording this podcast. I have a crazy schedule. And I have always had a hard time finding space for recording this podcast. When it's quiet, when I can get my thoughts together, when I can turn on my microphone, and no, I'm not going to get interrupted because when I get interrupted, it interrupts my flow and my brain. And so then it takes me so long to come back to it. And so I've always struggled finding a time to record my podcast. So, about a month ago, I decided to habit stack my podcast recording onto a meeting that I already have in the morning on Monday. In the morning on Monday, I have a meeting with my team at 9/30 in the morning. And my family knows that I'm on a meeting. They know not to bother me. Most of the time my family isn't even awake. It's summertime. And so, my kids are still sleeping. Or they're doing their own morning routines and whatever, and they're just involved in all the things they're doing and so they don't necessarily need me at that time in the morning. So, I thought I'm going to stack, habit stack, my recording of the podcast on Monday mornings after my team meeting. So, I put it on my calendar right after that team meeting. I'm already on Zoom. I'm already into my workday. I already have all my podcast episodes and everything, you know, done in my Google Docs. I'm already there. So, it should be easy to do. And it has worked. I'll be darned if it hasn't worked like a charm. And so, that's what I'm talking about. When that's his James Clear, that's his training. Is to stack something that you want to create. You want to create a habit of. You want to put that on to something that you're already doing. So, back to speaking kindly to yourself. This is something that I did in the very, very beginning of when I was trying to talk nicer to myself. In the morning, I take a shower every day. Every day, I take a shower, right? So, I decided that every day in the shower, I was going to say one nice thing about myself. So, I put a note on my makeup bag that's in my bathroom. And I, I just put a note that said, "Speak nicely. Talk kinder. Say something nice." The little sticky note. Something that reminded me that when I got in the shower, I was going to say something nice to myself. Okay? So, that's how I started. Every morning, go in the bathroom, get in the shower, say something nice about myself. And sometimes I had a hard time thinking of something nice. And so, I mean, that sticky note's on my makeup bag in my bathroom. So, I see that note more often than just when I get in the shower. But I had just decided that I was going to say something nice to myself when I got in the shower. So, sometimes I would be in a mood in the morning and I was tired and grumpy and somebody woke me up and my alarm woke me up or I didn't want to do whatever it was I was doing that day or whatever. And I was in a state where I couldn't find something nice to say. And so, it was really hard to find something nice to say about myself. Plus, I was in a really good habit of talking not very nicely to myself. So, sometimes if I had a thought in the middle of the day about something that I could say that was nice to myself, I would write it down. And I would put it with that note in the morning that I was going to say to myself in the morning, right? So, I would write myself a note that was like, I don't know, you were really nice to the kids today. Or you helped someone out today. Good for you. Good job. You know, whatever. Had a great conversation with a client today and it was so good. This conversation just was so good. It made me feel good. Made the other person feel good. I just felt like it was a great connection. Whatever. I'll put something like that on a little note that reminds me about that conversation that I had with a client or with a friend. And then when I get in the shower, I give myself kudos for whatever the conversation was that I had that maybe I contributed to. Something like that. But the point is it gets my mind in the habit of thinking about myself kindly when I'm in the shower. And I have a whole bunch of tools that I've used. One of them that I use the most is tapping. If you guys have ever heard me talk about my tapping era where I learned how to do EFT tapping, emotional freedom technique tapping. And I use that in the shower all the time. And I'm happy to do a little episode about tapping if you'd like it. Maybe I'll write that down and do you know what I'm going to in this moment having an idea. I'm going to do an episode on tapping EFT tapping. So that is one of the things that that helped me with speaking kindly to myself is the habit stacking. Try that out. And if you have questions go to James Claire's book. And I still can't remember the name of it, but I will remember it eventually. But James Claire is the author of it. And it is such a good book. It is such a good book. Okay, number two is celebrating wins. Now, if you're in the personal development space, if you've been doing self improvement for a while, then you know that celebrating your wins is something that is talked a lot about. And it's always been hard for me. Celebrating my wins has always been hard for me. It still is hard for me, even though I know how important it is. And I know what it does to your self confidence. It still is hard. I think it's a human thing. I think it's human and human in of us to struggle finding the wins. And years ago when I first got into personal development, there was an app and it was called win streak. I can't find it now, but it was an app and I loved it. And I wish I could find it. But so if you've seen it out there and you know where it's at, send it to me because it was such a good app. And what it did was it prompted you at whatever time you put in the app, you got to set it up for whatever time and whatever you wanted to say and all the things. You could set it up to remind you at a certain time during the day to capture the things that you did that day that you wanted to remember the wins that you wanted to remember. And I think it was three things like it prompted you to to come up with three things that you did during the day that you could celebrate. And it could be big. They could be small didn't you know you could do it however you wanted you could do wins for your marriage wins for your business wins for weight loss wins for your health like whatever you could set it up however you wanted. But then every day at a certain time it would say prompt you give you a notification that says what were your wins. And I had decided to stack that onto something in my evening routine that as part of my evening routine I would do I would think about three things that I could celebrate for the day. And it was really hard for me at first but it got to the point where it was actually something that I looked forward to that I was excited. I did too do, not because I did so many amazing things during the day, because every time, nine times out of 10, it took me a minute to figure out what I did that day that I could celebrate. But the feelings that I had when I was done with that exercise, I just had so much more confidence in myself. And it was so good. And I could do it with other apps like I could just set a reminder and, you know, whatever. But you would go inside the app and the app was set up so that the interface was really cool. And it asked you questions. And then you got this like this timeline thing that showed you like you're on a streak and you've given it. You know, you've you've come in here for seven days in a row and you're on a streak of telling yourself how great you are and celebrating your wins. And it just was really empowering. And it was really like a boosting to your self esteem, right? And it just was really good. And I can't find it now. I wish I would have just kept it, but I didn't. But I do it in different aspects of my life now. I have different places that I that I track my wins. I'm not the best at it you guys. I just am not the best. But it's not for lack of trying. I continue to do it. And I know when I am doing it consistently and when I'm doing it well, I really do have more confidence in myself and I reach my goals faster when I do it. So that is another thing that you can do to get freedom from self doubt is celebrating your wins and doing it daily. And if you can't do it daily, if you don't do it daily, don't beat yourself up. It's a practice, right? Because we do it well and sometimes we don't and it's a practice. So if it's something that you want to do more often than what you are currently doing, then have it stack. Put it, put it into something that you're already doing. Okay. All right. Number three is set micro goals and follow through this one. You guys, it's so hard for me. I have not mastered any of this. You guys, I have not mastered any of it. But these are the things I'm working on and I know you're working on them too. And so I'm just going to take you along with me and help and tell you the things that are helping me to be able to accomplish things. So this is something that I'm working on right now in my business is practicing making micro goals, like bringing down my great big giant goals that I have and cutting them down into smaller goals that I can actually achieve. And practicing following through so making small goals that I'm pretty sure I can do. I'm pretty sure that I'll follow through on these little smaller goals and then at night giving myself the celebration that I did it. So that's kind of two and one right celebrating your wins and then making those goals so that you can celebrate right. So it's kind of a hack for me anyway. I'm going to set these small goals that I'm pretty sure that I can that I can make it. I can get those done and I can follow through. And then at the end of the day I can give myself a pat on the back for doing it and I know it sounds dumb you guys I know it does but it really works. And if you're listening to this podcast you want to know the things that are working. So I'm telling you these are the things that are working. Give yourself small goals that you know you can achieve and then tell yourself you did a great job when you achieve them. Because I promise you sometimes even the small goals are going to get away from you because life kids family church responsibilities families whatever is going to get in the way we're going to get distracted we're going to get sidetracked whatever. So those small goals that you are just certain that you can accomplish might not get done sometimes. But if you set big goals for sure you're not going to make them because they're they're just big you're going to chip away and chip away and chip away and chip away and if you don't know that you're accomplishing those little goals then you're just going to always feel like you're behind that's how I feel I just always feel like I'm behind because I haven't tracked and kept track of the smaller goals and celebrated each one of those smaller goals. So don't be like me. I'm telling you how to do it smarter than I'm doing it right. Okay, let's see number four in freedom from self doubt you guys know you know if you've listened to this podcast for any amount of time you know that I'm going to bring in style. It is a thing that I've used to hack myself confidence for years is to just put a cute outfit on start picking outfits that reflect who you want to be and how you want to be. So if you are trying to up level yourself what does that look like and and I don't know maybe it maybe it looks like putting on a blazer today maybe it looks like putting on a sparkly pair of shoes. Whatever it is for you just practice being intentional about it practice being intentional about how you're getting dressed. Just think about it a little bit more than what you normally do and some of you aren't even thinking about it at all. So maybe just think about it a little bit and put on some jewelry today you didn't put on jewelry yesterday maybe put on jewelry today or maybe you're just in the inner rut like you just are wearing the same things over and over and over and over and over because they're safe. But you don't want to be safe anymore you want to look pulled together you want to look stylish so practice one little thing today that's out of your comfort zone maybe it's a bolder color than what you're used to just practice being intentional. Okay number five and the final one for today is comparison. We have to limit comparison triggers now let me tell you what that looks like if you want freedom from self doubt you have to know where your triggers are that bring in the self doubt. Okay for me it's Instagram when I go on Instagram I instantly don't feel like I'm doing enough I instantly don't think my brand is pretty enough I instantly don't think my reals are good enough I'm instantly thinking that I've got to do more of whatever it is I'm doing I just Instagram it just brings out. Self doubt it just does for me so I have a job that's on Instagram like my job is on Instagram I have to get on Instagram right so what I have done to limit the self doubt is I intentionally go to accounts on Instagram like I search accounts that I follow. That make me feel good about myself they make me feel inspired they make me feel motivated they make me feel hopeful I go on and I put in the search bar my favorite people to follow I don't just go to my feed and start scrolling and whatever Instagram is going to give me it gives me and I'm just mindlessly scrolling. Sometimes I do that like if I'm in the doctor's office waiting for you know an appointment or waiting for one of my kids or whatever I might just scroll right but I'm intentional about where I'm going on Instagram I do this on Facebook too so not just Instagram but Facebook too I will go on Facebook to the groups that I enjoy engaging in I don't just scroll my feed. Scroll my feed just to scroll my feed I will like open up Facebook and I'll put in the search bar one of my favorite groups that I get a lot of value out of and that's where I'll scroll because I'm not as triggered about how. I'm not as a mess I am how much of a mess I am right or how my brand isn't this or my job isn't that or my business isn't this from. my family's not that or whatever it is, right? I will intentionally go to the places on social media that bring peace and hope and make me feel inspired and motivated and all of those things that I want to feel. Because a lot of you have gone on like social media fasts, right? Which I'm not dissing. If you want to go on a social media fast, you just go right ahead. I think it's a great thing to do if that works for you. I can't do that because of my job. I can't go on a social media fast. So what I have done to hack the comparison triggers is by intentionally going on to the accounts and the people that are on social media that bring me up, that make me feel good about myself, that make me feel inspired, that make me feel motivated, that make me feel hopeful. So you've got to limit the places online and in groups of people, whether they're online or in person, that make you feel self-doubt, that make you feel bad about yourself. So these are the habits that I've created over time that make me feel more valuable because doing these things create more confidence. They create confidence in myself and they create less self-doubt. So that is a win in my book. Freedom from self-doubt. I want it. I know you all do too. And creating habits that make you feel valuable is a valuable thing to put your energy towards. So if you loved some of these habits that I've talked to you about today and you're doing them already, I would love to hear about it. Find me. Search me on Instagram. Search me on Facebook. Find the places where I'm hanging out and comment. Come to my Facebook group that I have, the stylish professional. That's the best place for you to find me. I'm always in that group. And so I'm posting in that group. I'm interacting in that group. Come and join my group and tell me all the things. I would love to hear if you have some habits that you've created that make you feel confident, that make you feel valuable, that make you feel like you have less self-doubt. I would love to hear your takeaways. I would love to hear your habits. So just to recap the five habits that make me feel valuable and that I hope that you will put into place in your own life today is speak kindly to yourself. Celebrate your wins each day. Set little small goals for yourself that you can follow through that you know you're going to be able to accomplish. Practice. Getting dressed intentionally. Practice intentional style in some way and limit the comparison triggers that are in your life. These are the things that hopefully will help you get some traction on feeling self-doubt. You are valuable because of who you are not because of what you do. Not just because of what you do. And I hope that these habits that I've talked about today will help you see that in yourself. Will help you feel it and will help you believe it in yourself every day. So that's what I have for you guys today. If you found this valuable, please share this episode and do all the things. You guys know all the things about podcasts that if you share it, if you give rates and reviews and comments and all the things, it helps push the podcast out. But more than anything, it helps me know if this is the content that you want. Because I look at the downloads that I have on each episode and I do more of the episode topics that get the most downloads. So the way that I get the most downloads is by you sharing this episode if it was helpful for you. So if it was helpful for you and you want more of it and you don't, you're not the kind person that's going to rate and review and comment and send me a message and all the things, that's fine too. Just share it with someone so that they listen to it because then the downloads come on my end. I get to see how many how many downloads each episode gets and then I make more content for the for the downloads, the episodes that get the most downloads. There's one of my podcast episodes that has 2000 downloads. Then episode, it actually has 2600 downloads. That podcast is where I got this idea. When I listened to that episode again, this podcast topic came to mind and so I'm recording it for you. So these are the kinds of episodes that get the most downloads for me. So I'm going to start making more of them. The style downloads are fun and I do get a lot of episode downloads for those, but the mindset, the self-confident hacks, the habits, the routines of how to talk to yourself nicer and how to mitigate self-doubt. They're the ones that get the most downloads. So obviously they're the ones you want to hear the most of. So more of them coming your way, my friend. More of them coming your way. So freedom from self-doubt on the 4th of July, let's do it. That's what I say. Alright, you guys, that's what I have for you today. And until next time, have a beautiful day. Be yourself. Be that woman that you're becoming. Be who she is today. Make those goals. Crush them and then tell me that you did it because I would love to hear and cheer you on. Alright, talk to you next time. Have a great 4th of July. Happy Independence Day. And I'll see you next time. Bye. Thank you for tuning in to Creating Unshakeable Self-Confidence. If today's episode inspired you, let's keep the momentum going. Join the stylish professional, our exclusive Facebook community where ambitious women just like you are leveling up their confidence, style, and success. Inside, you'll get pro styling tips, mindset shifts, and a powerhouse network of women cheering you on and stepping into their power. Just search the stylish professional on Facebook or click the link in the show notes. I can't wait to see you there. And remember, your wardrobe is a business tool. Make sure it aligns with the level of success you're aiming for. [MUSIC]