Free the Babes of Iran | History Hyenas

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Do not forget and don't forget March 9th next week we're doing the live history hyenas show at the village underground at the Comedy Cellar on West Earth Street in Manhattan. Enjoy the app. What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of history hyenas. I'm Chris C.D. That's Yani P. This is the history hyenas and we are the girl bosses. We are the girl bosses. We're the lady brains. We're a couple of kids that just we join the army. We've joined the army of God. Now let me just tell you something right now obviously the big news is United States taking over Iran knocked out the regime and all that and I think it's pretty clear that the Russians and anyone who has sold weaponry to Iran is kind of looking at themselves right now going whoopsie daisy. They're just saying I'm sorry because the United States has field goal kicked Iranian weapons in about one night they've killed pretty much anybody who's ever been a leader of Iran in the last 40 years. They just killed him night one. So I think Donald Trump probably got a text from a little man named Kim Jong Un saying I'm a sorry in the Japanese accent. Yeah and a sorry because he goes hey Donald Trump I am a sorry you a nice guy. I like you a lot on in your hair. King Jong Un spent some time in Tokyo apparently yeah yeah this is one of those situations where you know you have a friend who goes offline for a little bit yeah and then comes back online. You can tell that they've been in the gym a little bit yeah and catches you a little off guard. Yeah. What Russia and China say right now America's been in the gym yeah they've been in the gym they were like look I you can you can say our army's gay you can save anything you want about America blah blah blah blah I mean in about an hour they've they've killed the top 40 leaders in Iran like they've been able to extract them it's been like surgery they're just like boom bang yeah they go what do you want it's almost like a menu they go like when you're sitting in first class on a plane they go what would you like they go would you like you want an extraction yeah you want now he's gone I don't know anything about like global conflicts I know because what are you talking about your global comfort expert expert cuz Christy Contra I mean you got a PhD cuz yeah I'm a physical therapist I don't know the neighborhood go to you friends yes I don't know anything about it I truly don't I'm there's plenty of the fans that will run circles around me I don't know I don't have that I don't have Dave Smith knowledge of any of this stuff but I just know what I'm seeing on the news and what I'm seeing on the news is United States is fucking feel goal kicking I ran that's just what I know and I know there's a lot of things I know there's a lot of new ones I know a lot of people are dying all that thing is upset and I get I don't know the first thing other than what I know is Donnie T is just lining up the heads of the Iranian leadership and he's just hitting him with a fucking five iron and he's just saying unfortunately unfortunately the kid is funny unfortunately nobody can stop that so he just goes well they were I guess I got to him before he got to me yeah then his speech he goes he's dead yeah he's dead yeah and it's just socks and this pronounced it Ayatollah yeah Ayatollah Komano yeah is dead yeah just killed them all and they're just taking people out and what's funny is online you see a lot of long live Iran and what's fun about that is both sides are tweeting that yeah so it's very funny cuz you got the Persians evolved in the diaspora yeah long live Iran and then you got the shea Muslims also tweeting long live Iran here's what I'll say cuz is is I don't know much about it we're gonna learn here today we're gonna go over the Iran Contra and some history that Iran it's gonna be fun from fun you'll learn but I will say that I know that Iranian women are babes they're babes big but a lot of them Ayatollah Komani made them cover up so what I'm just hoping is the new leader just let's show their beautiful faces and boobs yeah I mean I mean Iranian women are hot essentially that's what it is they like the Puerto Rican to the Middle East yeah Iranian women are too hot to be covered up they're too hot to be covered up and I bet you on the low a couple of them got tittats it's very bad and you've never seen them and now you're gonna see them cuz make absolutely no mistake I'm gonna use the company card to join the first only fans model who goes live from Tehran and we are also going to be doing a live history hyenas right there in tyran in 2020 something yeah we're gonna do it we're gonna be at the first comedy festival that will be happening in Tehran I mean look at these I mean they're just gorgeous they're just absolutely breathtakingly beautiful women Iranian women might be the hottest women in the Middle East and I'm just happy that we're gonna get to see a few of them yeah we're gonna we're gonna be able to hear it's not a few of them yeah it's just big because you know the joke used to be like all Asians look alike and the Asians probably say all whites look alike but truly the the group that looks the most alike is Shi'ai Muslim women yeah they look a lot yeah they just you just don't know you're like are you all the same person yeah there you can only really tell them apart by like hi you have to memorize their height that's all it is yeah what it is yeah I mean so it's gonna be nice obviously you know if you have a family out there in Iran stay safe in the Middle East I don't know it's I know it is in people yeah and you know but here we're comedy podcasts so we're here to make you laugh we're here to have fun we don't know we could say a wrong thing and prevent this from happening so it's really all on us yeah really we really have to make sure we say the right things yes because we say the wrong things people will die yeah yeah it's really on this podcast and all podcasts you never know who can come on a podcast and sway and electing yeah never know who could come on and as a result in is in people die and so we really have to watch our words and treat this very for those things it's like a horrible thing like you know I was more happening than over the weekend there was a mass shooting at a bar in Austin Texas a man came out there with an I love Aalusher and started shooting everybody and it's sad and it's unfortunate and you'll be able to hear from him tonight on Kiltoni I think he supposedly got the golden ticket yeah I think I'm sure it actually said a la university or something is which is a good school it's a very very good school obviously it's an all-boys school yeah it's an all-boys school laugh 14 didn't it say a la university with that university of a la yeah so the kid he's just you know he's in an all-boys school yeah and um he was a Senegali kid I think who um which by the way um that's those are the women Senegali women they got a lot of hot Christian women I'm looking for in my next life I'm looking for an African wife yeah that's what I'm looking for yeah and um they it took the took the cops a couple seconds to take them out because they're on horseback are is that true I mean when you go to Austin you go to Sixth Street the cops are just on horseback yeah it's one of those things where it's like let's get off the horses yeah yeah and let's just get the drones out let's get the drones out yeah we need some drones now I unfortunately there's a lot of violence happening in the world and the only thing really to the left to do now is just to laugh at it and just have fun fun fun because it just feels like any moment now we're gonna get newt that's all you can do really at this point all you can do is really laugh trying to make jokes and cheer people up um and just alert people that if World War Three does happen I did do my research um I think it would probably be uh north Dakota um Montana and then one other one that what's the least the one with the least population in the United States not was constant but it's Wyoming Wyoming yeah you're a kid you got you know your states you know your capital because I know it big yeah so we have our missile silos there we got our new stairs yeah probably try to take out our capabilities first which means you'll be able to live an extra 20 30 minutes maybe an hour two hours that's nice New York and that is enough time to get a loophole before it ends see that's all I care about and I disagree because if I know it's ending up calling Chrissy MC we're going straight for loophole because I think I ran I don't believe that I think I ran is going to take a look at the map of the United States and look for one thing and one thing only where are the most Jews and then I think that's gonna be New York see Miami yeah so they're gonna just start curling nukes at those states first very posse I don't think they're gonna hit Montana because there's just not enough Jews there Iran does not like Jewish people no they're not in in them it's not something they prefer they're not into Jewish people no they're they're the middle eastern people overall are not into Jewish people they're not huge so it hurts the narrative when people go out and protest about Palestine or for free I ran all that because it she's hurts the. narrative because a lot of them are Jewish and you want to say, buddy, they don't like you. Forget about your gay also. Right. You're just done. You're a gay Jew. They don't like you. We like you. Right. We like you. We love you. We want the gay Jews here in the history of Hainan's podcast. And we love muzzies too. Yeah. I love muzzies. I love muzzies people. I love all people. The United States is a very tolerant nation. Iran is not. No, Iran is not. Well, this leadership isn't what the new people will be. No, Iran is a very tolerant nation if you're not a Jew. Yes. That's what I would say. If you're not Christian or Jew, they're big on you. Big. So they're very tolerant. It just depends on how you define it. Yeah. So that is very true. That can happen. What's interesting about this conflict generally is it's confused a lot of people. Sure. Confused me. Yeah. Because you got Shia Muslims. You got your Sunni Muslims. I'm going to give you a little muzzle break. Give me that. Yeah. You got your Sunni Muslims over here and the Shia Muslims believe that the succession of Muhammad is what should be respected. What is that? What do you mean by that? It means if you were related to Muhammad, your divine and his uncle's cousins, whatever, they're the ones that need to take over the religion. But how do you prove who's an uncle or cousin of Muhammad to check out their piece and see who's cutting, who's not? So if you're cut, you've got to be because Muhammad was cut. I think they're all cut. I don't know. I did see Jews invented that. The Jews invented clipping. They did invent clipping. Okay. Egyptians right now have perfected it. It's. Yeah. At least look. I mean, it's a quality. It was the guys that used to be clipped. Now the girls are clipped in it too. So you got to give the Egyptians a, you know, you got to give it right, it was for equal. Okay. So the Shia, the Shia Muslims, right? These are the ones that you're saying they believe everything that whoever descends from Muhammad, we figure that out. That should be the leaders. And then there, the counterpart is the Shia, the counterpart is the Sunni. So isn't there Shia Muslims? Shia. So who Shia and Shia sounds like it sounds like a British guy saying Shia. Shia. So, but are Shia and Shia is the same? No, that's the same. Yeah. So Shia and Shia is the same. Yeah. It's, it's, it's your abbreviation one. Shia, Shia, Shia. Okay. I thought it was like a formal life in Spanish. Like Christ. It's like Christ. It's like Christian. Yeah. Christ and Christopher. Yeah. Believe in. And I think. Okay. And then what about the Sunni Dees? The Sunni Dees, the, the, the Sandra, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the Sundra Dees. Sundras. They believe in, like the generals and like the other guys because they think the Shia, if you're worshipping the people too much, then it's, you're, it's not, it's not divine enough. So would we be Shia or Sunni? The Sunnis accepted Abu Bakar, Umar Uthman, uh, and Ali as the four rightful caliphs. Okay. And Shia's believe one descendant, uh, descendant of the prophet known as Imams. So the Shia's are all about them, Imams. And the Sunnis are all about, um, Abu Bakar, Umar, Uthman and Ali as the rightful guys. As the rightful guys. Okay. He likes caliphs. One likes Umams. So who would you be? Are you, are you more serious? I know you guys. I'm in the move for a slice and sometimes I'm in the move for a square. It's just what it is. I mean, still pizza. So we go. Yeah. So we're just, yeah, we're just, depends on what you're in the move for it. It's still both pizza technically. So and they don't like each other. Sunni and Shia's don't like each other and they both live in Iran. They don't like each other big. And do they both live in Iran? No. Do Shia's are in Iran. They're about, they make up about 10% of global Muslims. So they're in a minority, but they're the majority of Iran and then the rest of the Muslim world is Sunni. And then you got your Sufi Muslims, which can be Sufi Shia or Sufi, Sufi, Sufi Shia or Sufi Sunni. And your Sufis are more mystical, they're more spiritual, they believe in some other shit. Got it. Yeah. But do that, or all of them, or everyone from the Sufis to the Shia to the Sunni D's, are they all the same thing? Covered up just the eyes out for the women? That is a good one. Or it's different degrees of it all. I think there's different degrees of it. So technically, they're all supposed to be wrapped up. Okay. So the Sunnis, you say are the ones that make up most of Iran? Yes. So that's why the other Middle Eastern countries right now are getting in and fighting Iran because most of everyone else is Shia. Right. So they don't like them, if Iran was Shia, the other Middle Eastern countries wouldn't be getting involved. That's right. So, and then in Saudi Arabia, you got the Wahabi Sunnis, okay? Habi Sunnis are like. They're spicy. They're spicy. So, they both look at each other as heretics. Yeah. So, for religious reasons, they go like a little Wahabi Muslim on my sushi. Yeah. I like a little Wahabi mustard on my sushi as well. And so, they are fighting each other, and Saudi Arabia, not a fan of Iran, and Iran not a fan of Saudi Arabia. Great. So, that's what's going on there. So, this is. So, it's not that neat. So, the Ayatollah didn't like that Bill Burh went to the Riyadh Comedy Festival. The Ayatollah is not a fan of that. The Ayatollah is not a fan of America. Anyone who cozy's up to America or does any business deals with Israel, and that's currently the Saudi royal family, and that's just the way the cookie crumbles, as they say. So, okay. So, that's what it is. So, right now, what we have is a little bit of it. We have an argument in sand. Well, we basically have. We have a fight in sandbox. The kids are playing naughty. They're throwing sand at each other. And what most people don't know is some of the most Islamophobic people are Islamic. Yes. Because they don't like the C.I. or the bright. So, they do that. So, and then, and now we have had what's going on too in the world of the internet is we do have a lot of propaganda, conspiracy, like today, there was information there. That is a very good point. I would probably say it's true. But we're probably going to cackle all that because we don't want to make America look like they're not invincible. Right. And that's exactly why they love it. That's what it is. Yeah. So, that's on the Patreon. Yeah. There's a couple. There's a couple of guys that got 'em and those guys were wearing headwraps. I don't question. I mean, it's just what it is. And, okay. Because there's no way you're going to do friendly fight with three is your point. With three is my point. Yeah. That is. In fact, let's make a myth about it right now for the propaganda. Those were. It's the father, the son, the Holy Spirit. There's three of them, Christianity, crusades, whatever. We did it to ourselves in order to honor the father, the son, the Holy Spirit. It's what it is. So, it was actually friendly fire and no pilots were lost. No pilots, it was a miracle and God walks on water and all that stuff. That's what it is. And we got. And the pilots hit the ejection seats. Which is probably fun. I'd like to do that once in my life. That would be fun too. Hit the ejection seat. You want to hit the ejection seat in your life, don't you? Yeah. I really would like to just fucking parachute out. I'd like to land in the center, go and get an African wife. Yeah. So, that's what they got to do. They got to feel that feeling. You like that feeling just shooting out into freedom? Yeah. I'd like that big. And if you are an African Christian woman, you can go ahead and join patreon.com/historyhianus. Yeah. That's where I'll send this message. Are you an African Christian woman? That's what I'm looking for. That's what you're looking for. Or I thought you were going to go Eastern Hemisphere. No. I'm not going to go Eastern Hemie. The new, the search now is for a sub-Saharan African Christian woman. That's what you want. That's what it is. Yeah. Okay. That's a nice one. Yeah. And then we also at patreon.com/historyhianus. We're going to go next Monday, March 9th. So three single ladies. We will call them out from the crowd and we're going to have a dating game with Nick. And then we're going to get Nick's and puts. Yeah. Read up ladies on your WWE alliances. Mm-hmm. Yeah. We want to know you get your knowledge ready because the questions will all be wrestling based. Wrestling. You remember your dating game where it's like bachelor number one. So you're taking me at the date. So Nick's going to be like, okay, bachelor number one, sting. Where is he from? Yeah. What? Intramural wrestling locally. Yeah. Did he start in? Yeah. And what was his heel name? Yeah. Yeah. Before he became stay. Yeah. Nick's going to be like, okay, fuck Mary Kill. Ultimate warrior. Hulk Hogan to Tonka. Go. Finish his sentence for me. Hulk Hogan was not a good wrestler because. Yes. Yeah. John Michaels was actually the best racker. Wrestler and why? Yeah. State doesn't involve going to WrestleMania, you're out. Ray Mysterio Jr. finally taking off his mask was bad for wrestling. Why? Why? Yeah. Why was that a national international tragedy? Yeah. And why, right? Right. We didn't want to see. We didn't want. We would rather have not knowing what Ray Mysterio Jr. looked like. Yeah. Why did they do that? Yeah. This respect the culture. Yes. Disrespecting the culture is what they did. What it is? Disrespecting the culture. Yeah. That's what it did. This situation over in Iran is confusing a lot of people and it's fun to watch because you have people arguing who you wouldn't otherwise have arguing, right? So you have this situation where you have the, I told the commande who murdered tons of protest. Sure. But if you side with the protesters, then you're siding with something that Israel also wants. Right. So in America and you're against Israel, you got to not say anything. So Iran has-- It's confusing for you. Iran has what we call a situation. There's a situation right now. Yeah. The Middle East is flaring up again. It's got to be a big situation. It's a big situation. Yeah. So unfortunately, Chris E.D.'s not going to go to the Saudi Arabian comedy festival this year. Unfortunately, no. I don't think there will be a separate way of festival. Yeah. But I will go up there. I'll go on Zoom. Yeah. Yeah. There's still a festival going on of certain comedians go. Yeah. Those like the bomb. Bomb. Yeah. Big, big. I don't know who that might be. Yeah, it's a very complicated situation and it seems like it's not gonna get better. Yeah, and it seems like certain people are scared to talk about it because they don't wanna appear Islamophobic. So that's sort of the situation. Because you'd be arguing against essentially the ruling class over there, which are Muslims. And the thing is, we don't really know what's going on over there. That's why I stick to really for me what this is about is just releasing the babes from Iran 'cause Iran has babes, babes, babes. Release the fucking babes. Release, I mean, Iran has got babes. Iranian women are babes. So for me, it's about bomb what you want, kill you want, give us the babes. That is our position on this. Yes, we're not four against it. We are four one thing and that is release the babes. The babes of Iran, I mean, you are welcome here. You have a room here at the History of Hyena's show because make absolutely no mistake. I will get a lot tattooed on my forehead to have some of these iranian babes. 'Cause Beverly Hills was. - Wow. - Celebrating. - Big. - Big. - Because those are all Persian Jews over there. - Yep. - Yep. - They're big into this. - Yeah, I mean. - They want it. They want it big. - Big, yeah. And Iranians in the diaspora were celebrating big. - Do we have Iranians in New York City? - Absolutely. - Big time, but where are they located? - They're all over the place. - But they're big in Beverly Hills. - They're big in Beverly Hills. They're big in New York. - If you're an Iranian girl out there and you're into a guy with a skin tag on his eyelid, you go to patreon.com/historanians and you send me a message. - You've been doing something with that because it's gotten smaller. - I've got a face care routine now. - Do you really? - That's my new thing. I use Brickle face cream, not a sponsor. I just found them Brickle. And how did I find them? 'Cause Ryan's her hand uses it. I think, I don't know if he does, but I have a moisturizer I put on. I have an eye cream. And I just have a skin care routine at the moment. - Nice. - Yes. - Just a little history hype. - And I just also want to just say publicly, just because I forgot, I did use the company card to sign up for an only fan's account. (laughing) So I just want to say that before I forget and it's only $6 a month. Every problem has a solution. So I just obviously could've put on the family card. So I put it on the company card and I will Venmo you the difference if it's, you know. So if you see that, just know that if you get a charge that says yes, we did, we've joined the only fans for the company. And it's technically to tax right off. If you want to go sniff out, what's Chrissy's screen name is there? Go look, what did you, what did you name yourself? Hi, Hino or John Diaz? - John Diaz. - John Diaz. - Yeah. - You can find me as Carlos Danger on there. - Yes, what it is because I make absolutely no mistake. I got back on Instagram. I'm comfortably back on social media now and I got hooked by an only fan's model immediately. (laughs) So I just used the company card. I used the Bayridge Boyce card and we just, now we are the proud, we are the proud sponsors. - Fonsers? It only fans models. (laughs) Oh my phone's over there. I'll show you on the picture. I'm gonna talk all about it. - Yeah. - I'd like, I mean, she's got big boobs and you'd want to clean her dick. (laughs) - Yeah. - What can you do? - What can you do? - What can you do, except for release the babes of Iran? - Release the babes of Iran. I mean, the name of this episode is the babes of Iran. We're gonna be right back after short commercial break 'cause I have to jerk off. 'Cause remember that shirt I was wearing last week that had the polka dots that buttoned down? - How can I forget? - Cause that was from Miz and in Maine. That is cute. - Yeah, it was a cute shirt. I got a lot of compliments. Miz and in Maine, they make menswear performance fabric. So it's effortless to look sharp and feel great and they make menswear. They don't make it women'swear to make it men's shit. - They sent me an absolutely cute shirt too because I am into cute stuff and what they assured me ended up being true and that is that the shirts stay crisp. - Yeah. - They stay comfortable. - Yeah. - And somehow they stay clean way longer than they should. - 'Cause my Miz and in Maine shirt has been through multiple massage that Wes Garner and it's still clean. - Most dress shirts make you choose, look polished or feel comfortable. Miz and in Maine is the first shirt that I have ever worn 'cause that actually does both and it does it without ironing, without steaming or without dry cleaning, which is why I like it. 'Cause I'm a lazy Greek. - You're a lazy Greek. And how I know Miz and in Maine is great. Nick's even wearing Miz and in Maine stuff. He's for the first time since the late '90s got out of some wrestling t-shirts and putting on some Miz and in Maine. And that's what it's good for. It's what it is right now. Miz and in Maine is offering our listeners 20% off your first purchase at Miz and in Maine.com. promo code hyenas20. That's hyenas20. That's Miz and spelled M-I-Z-Z-E-N and Maine. M-A-I-N. dot com promo code hyenas20 for 20% off. Miz and in Maine dot com promo code hyenas20%. And if you'd rather shop in person, you can find Miz and in Maine stores in selected states. And that's Miz and in Maine dot com promo code hyenas20. 'Cause you know the one thing, tonight's your wife's anniversary. 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Blue chew gold dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes. That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer. Elevation without hesitation. And we got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10% off your first month of blue chew gold with the code hyenas. That's promo code hyenas visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank blue chew for sponsoring this pod. Yeah, that's what you do. That's what you do. If you see a like on your page from the history, hyenas is just for engagement. It's our social media manager. It's what it is. It's always dick. Yeah, it's Nick. He's a pervert. You always blame Nick or Jesse. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Roughly spit out my coffee cause. Cause roughly half of the nation's Iranians reside in the state of California. The other launch communities include New York, New Jersey, which have 9.1% of the US Iranian population. Okay, so we got the second most Iranians live here. So the babes are out. Yeah, so I was about to give you that fact and also Texas, Texas is in there. So it's basically all the hotspots you would think of that have all the immigrants is wearing. Texas, Maryland, the Maryland DC area, New York and LA. Yep, that's where they all are. And so this is a situation where there's a long history. There's a long history between the United States and Iran and the United States and Israel. Cause Iran and the United States used to be, we used to be friends, right? No, oh, we were never friends. No, we were never friends. Never got along. Ew, I thought we did. No, we never really got along in the modern Iran, modern Iran, modern Iran is, I guess you can say 1979. You know, before the seven, before that we got along, well, if you consider us getting in their control and their oil and kind of, sure, doing CIA operations getting along, we did get along, which is getting along with the United States. Yeah, if you do what we say, you get along with us. What it is, I mean, I mean, may you ever seen all pictures of Tehran from the 60s? How beautiful it is? Oh, the babes. I mean, babes, the babes. The fucking hot, hot Iranians. I mean, it's like covering up a beautiful car. Why would you do that? Put it on display. Get it on display. Yeah, get it out there. So in '53, there was the CIA coup, the CIA and M16 orchestrated coup to overthrow Mosadeh, right? So they wanted to overthrow him because he a nationalized Iran's oil industry. And if there's one thing the United States does not like historically, it's when you say the oil belongs to the people. Yeah, they don't want that. They don't want to hear that at all. No, the oil does not belong to the people. No, the oil does not belong to your people, just because it's under your ground. It belongs to the strongest people. Yes. And that's what we like. We like your playboy and sell a playball and sell his cheap oil. And that's our number one priority, usually. So if you just follow those rules, sure. I'm not here to tell you how to live, right? I'm just saying, if you know what's good for you, what you want to do is never say that the oil belongs to the people. Yeah, because it does not belong to the people. Now, let me ask you this. In 1979, I mean, the Shah was overthrown in a popular revolution led by Ayatollah Khomeini, who just was killed by the US. So what happened? No, that was the original Ayatollah Khomeini. Okay, so they just keep reincarnating the same guy with the same name. Same name, same shit. But this Ayatollah has been there 40 to the religion too. But for 46 years or whatever, 47 years he's been there. So then why did they, like, what happened in 1979 or leading up where the people wanted this? 'Cause I mean, now they're overthrown in the other way. Right. So what happened after we overthrew their prime minister, Moza Duh, and the people, right? So young people, college students, And, uh, is live. Okay, we're like we want the foreign influence out they're they're trying to take our oil They're trying to take our resource to try to troll us so there was and you know the Western influence the Muslims Didn't like the Western influence girls dressing the way they were dressing and the students You know they were communist students and and liberal very progressive students or we have here They were like get out colonialization Western influence get out get out So they teamed up the students the young people that ran teamed up with the Islamists, okay, and they they they they kicked out The American and the British backed shop and then but those girls that kicked them out that all of a sudden Had could you show their eyes for the next 46 years? No, so then they went. Yes. We got them out We got them out and they went to high five the girls and the couch students went to high five the Islamist Okay, they caught their arms off. Yeah, it said, but we're not doing that. Yeah, we're not doing that What we're gonna do right now is you're gonna put a blanket over your body right? Yeah I don't know what the college kids had a little bit of a whoopsie the college kids said oh, maybe we fucked up Yeah, so that's what happened then they got locked into this for 46 years locked into something They didn't really see that part comment because what they did was they aligned themselves with the the wrong person Yeah, Islam and then they took power and then so they got duped by the Islamists in a way. I don't know if they got duped I don't think the Islamics were relying about who they were Right, I think it was just like hey they were convenient allies in getting rid of the Shah and the American and British You know installed government. I see which they both they had a common enemy and they joined up and then It was like once they were got once we were gone the Islamist said okay Which one of us is gonna win now right didn't said we're gonna win because we believe in peace and all that We said well, you don't guys don't have any swords. Yeah, you know me swords and you don't got any weapons So yeah, and your beliefs are not as strong as our beliefs. So that's what happened Interesting so now and then pretty much since 1979 the United States has been looking for a way to overthrow them Well get back right. Yeah, so since 79 then we started throwing some shank sanctions on them trying to do whatever we can to cripple them to cripple that regime and whatever and the The Shi'ai Muslims not a fan of Israel So they started funding all these proxy militia groups because they didn't want to directly do anything right? So they started funding groups like Hezbollah and the Houthis and Hamas to kind of fuck shit up Over the years they bombed, you know, they hijacked the plane TWA playing 1985 They they went they Iranians Yeah, well Hezbollah Hezbollah the Iranians will never say it was around the go It wasn't us, but if Hezbollah who is that sets the terror proxy that is ran right that okay proxy of Iran and They so 85 there was the TWA Hi, I was think Hezbollah's that little kid on Instagram who's who's that one? Yeah, his name is his name Hezbollah, right? Yeah, something close to that the little the the the squeak Yeah, cuz there's a lot of times I would see Hezbollah attacks and I say this little fuck it somebody put this little fucking kid back in his room I just call him the Rizler of the Middle East. Yeah, that's what he is But if his name has below something like that. Yeah, so I'm somebody to put it back in his cage Yeah, I said just what is this kid? What do you mean? This is going around my ankles? What's he doing? Yeah, what is he doing put somebody put this kid back in his room? Give him fish sticks and get him in the back back room Yeah, so we've had a lot of drama with the ran over the years and then of course There was the Iran Contra scandal right so we had the TWA hijacking 85 We had the marine barracks that they bombed and killed like 200 300 Marines US Marine US Marine and we didn't we didn't hit them with a nook for that No, we did it hit them with the new cuz wow Donnie T would hit you with a nook for that Donnie T would have probably made you pay for that. Who was the president in the 1980s? That was caught out right and caught it under Carter Reagan 85 so a different kind of guy if a guy like Trump was in and you did that If you did that today you killed 300 Marines it would not get be good for country. No Why didn't they hit them? Why didn't the US attack because it's a complicated thing They're a big country 90 million people, you know, it wouldn't have been we weren't as big as we were now the US right? Or we were we were big. I mean we didn't have the I don't know We didn't have the communicator pulls the trigger. He does pull the trigger is that just what it is You think a lot of presidents want to do what Trump did but Trump just pulls the trigger well undoubtedly That's the thing if you look at what Hillary said She said I want the people of Iran to know if I get elected president We're going to war with Iran right we're going in there So they all say the same it's even with the border. Everyone goes like Trump with the border You look back at what even what Bernie said about the border. I mean Bernie is even saying like you can't have an open boy I'm like very conservative on the border is Bernie. Yeah, Hillary is said it Obama said it Clinton said it. They all say the same shit. It's just that Trump's tone is a little more crass And he's a little bit more he's less he doesn't less politician He's less politician and he's a little more the Device of what is rhetoric right? He doesn't know how to like he doesn't know how to smile in bomb right right right He's a smiling bomb. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he goes out there and he goes other Tony come any is dead dead Yeah, he doesn't go like we've fulfilled operations and the obnoxious man He instantly goes dies like a dog. They died in the sand. He died crime for his mama. Right. I got him before he got me Fuck you right. He's that guy. He's that guy. Yeah, so he which maybe I understand there's a lot of negatives about that I get that but sometimes in the in times of need you just need a guy like that history will tell that's the thing Everyone's arguing now like everyone. Oh, this is gonna cause World War three. Maybe it will right There's a good chance it will but it's also a chance that you know and this works out. There's by 2027 You got JetBlue flights directly to Tehran and little debos, you know might be throwing the bags and we're going direct to Tehran They be with Deach of four meals definitely Saudi Arabia Israel the United States They're trying to remake the Middle East right they want this to change right so they see Iran as like the number one sponsor of Extremist groups and they want to get rid of it now will they know I mean look because you still got the Pakistanis out there You still got the Afghans well right now Pakistan and and Afghanistan are at war right like they're distracted over there I don't know what that war is about but they're both Muslim countries and they're fighting each other over something Yeah, so it's just like oh India wants is too big a lot of people want this big India wants Iran out here India is big against Muslims Right, so they don't care. They're actually more indiscriminate. They don't they just go we're against Muslims Because of the whole Pakistani thing yeah, whole civil war between they just want them out Hindus in the month They just not a fan. It's just wanted. They're just not fans. So the Indians the Hindus and them know what we you know We we forget sometimes we live in a country we live in a westernized country where we're like you know Politically correct and we do all those things and I see the positives in that but there's other places in the world Where they just tell you how it is our national television they tell you how it is like so they'll tell the school teachers It's just in India will just say we just want the Muslims out of here. That's the I write right that's what it is when it comes to human rights When it comes to individual rights when it comes to justice you just can't be trans in Russia though What's not gonna? Did you or Ukraine? This is not gonna. They're just not gonna allow it That's the irony of it when it comes to do you do here freedom of speech distance individual right? There's nothing compares right to the United States and the Western world when people When people rail against the United States in the United States It's proof of how great the United States is yeah because you can't just in China go You know what the government sucks you disappear right you disappear right so that's the irony of it That's kind of the irony of it is like you're allowed to complain about the peoples in power here They're allowed to get voted out you know when you ever when you ever you have these guys call like anyone calls someone a bootlicker Yeah, one of these like communist what does that mean bootlicker means like oh you're like a mega bootlicker all like you love Max you love power. It's like and they the lot of these people love China and you're gonna wait a second So you're favoring you're favoring a system that always elects a strong man right that can't be voted out Yeah, and you and the people there have to bend to his power right that is the definition of bootlicking yeah We can vote out our people we can vote out our people remember one the podcast you're not talking to your brother This is a conversation that you have in your brother right. I'm trying to make points to my brother Yeah, I'm you looking at me like I'm your brother. Yeah, I do not call you a mega bootlicker. I'm not your brother I'm not MAGA. I'm not yeah, but your brother says you're a MAGA my brother. Yeah, my brother doesn't he doesn't like anything that sounds moderate Yeah, cuz and then you're come back to him. We'll say I might be a bootlicker but you're a booty liquor We're all just punch him in stomach. Yeah, it's what it is like you did in your dad's birthday party now cuz So it's a complicated world. We need to release the babes release from Iran We want the babes of Iran to be safe. We want the babes are of Iran to know that we hear you We are looking forward to your unveiling. We know that you're a beautiful babes in that country We love the babes of Iran and we want you to stay safe We want you to stay warm. We want you to join patreon.com says his trainers. You have the safe haven We will open up the border With no questions asked for the babes of Iran If you are refugee in Iran and we have a system here if you're over in seven Seven and a half out of ten you're in we should be treating the border like they do nightclubs Yeah, the door at nightclubs. Yeah, if you're a guy you need three hot babes that you to get in or else Yeah, I rose there's no guys. I mean, I would understand if I was trying if I was going to a country if the United States really did fall apart We had to go to like Mexico or Canada or something like that say Canada and the the guy at the border of Canada I could see him letting Jazz in, and my daughters would be older by then. I'm sure They'll be beautiful like their mom and then I just won't get in you kick and I would just understand I'm not going to get in that sometimes I three babes from Iran. Yeah, sometimes you don't got to overthink stuff I get it like just follow the rules of nightclub I would not complain at all. Yeah, Donald Trump as a president I'm sure he would agree that the babes of Iran could come into the country exactly Yeah, that's what it should be and the babes of South America could come to the country Yeah, no problem I mean, did you see the guy the girl who mom Donnie got her out of prison last week from Azerbaijan? Go mom Donnie. Do you see the the the he got her out of the ice detention center? I mean look at the scroll Trump took a look at her was like, okay, she's in yeah, well, it's no looking over the record They said oh, but she's got connections to Hamas. It's a letter. Yeah, there should be for every border patrol agent There should be yeah, I mean, yeah, there should be an attending list guy. Yeah, a door guy standing right next to him Going YouTube. I mean stay this month, you know, I mean, it's just a babe babe Forget about coming into the country come she can come in my family It's what it is. Yeah, now speak into babes cuz I want to give you quick congrats to you and your wife today Shrine of Thursday is my anniversary. Yeah, I'm we were supposed to do the live show and you forgot that the anniversary is happening Imagine setting your makeup then forgetting. It's even theirs Meet new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York Delta mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all-day comfy grip No tightness, no stickiness, no residue just plump Dewey hydrated skin that still feels like your skin try new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York Maybe it's maybe lane We're what's the dinner where we going You're not invited unfortunately cuz cuz what do you mean? Yeah, you can't come what we're gonna do What if I just sitting in another table? No, you can't party around a virtue and your wife's birthday party Yeah, he texted me and he said you would have a sleepover tonight. Yeah Because are we gonna celebrate your wife's birthday and your birth wife's anniversary at soul Joel's wedding? That's what we're gonna do. Yeah. Yeah, she got a nice dinner lined up tonight But what we're gonna do she said because we got the kids and all that sure So if I get back early, maybe we'll take the kids and go somewhere otherwise we're gonna do she just said just bring me some nice sushi My wife is addicted to sushi. I think in a previous life. She was a jab. Honestly, cuz it's Definitely from Wilg Island. She's not Jewish, but she definitely isn't a jab It's what I'm saying. I'm a Jewish American princess now I think with your wife that's great because she's not putting a lot of pressure on you She's saying I have a husband right now who definitely forgot it's her anniversary So if you could just bring me a little sushi that will be good, and I think that's good. Yeah, I think that's good I that wouldn't unfortunately be my well, you don't have an anniversary yet. Not yet. Yeah, well, I do it's You have a gotcha day. Yeah, gotcha. You have a gotcha day remember forget I proposed on January 6th and if you were more of a dog person you would know how funny that is gotcha You have a gotcha day. You're right. So a gotcha day is When you rescue a dog from rescue. Yeah, they call that the gotcha day anniversary. Okay, so it's not the official birthday It's a gotcha day right and since you're you wait for not married you just have a gotcha day gotcha day Yeah, you have a day of like yeah gotcha. Yeah, I agreed you cuz I got a property I got a you know on on my backyard. There's not a fence in the back and the kids came running back and they say Josephine got to the fence That she went on the other side of the fence and I didn't necessarily sprint to go find her I just I got out there and I did find her and I did get her But it wasn't urgent. It's okay. I'm gonna get her. Let me just take a piss wash my hands Let me put on my good boots. Yeah, cuz that's what then we did get her That's what makes me wonder about you because Germans typically love dogs, especially the biting ones right they love them There's so many dog breeds that are German right so many right and they all bite. Yeah, yeah, yeah The Germans I mean they like but even though even a lot of the a lot of the terrier right? You got the you got schnauzers and stuff now's your dog swims by a doxen. I mean so many dog breeds Originated in German the Germans love them. You know who does not like dogs. Oh muzzies Chinese Too good guesses family feud survey says yeah first and second place whose gaze no though They love gaze love dog love dogs. Yeah, they love small who doesn't like dogs. I know Muslims don't Muslims and Chinese Well, the Muslims number one. Muslims number one. Yeah, Muslims. It's part of their culture that dogs need to be they can't sleep indoors So the best thing is just not to have them they can be used for Utilitarian purpose you can use them to farm or whatever for their job, but you can't like Have them inside. That's not yeah, yeah be like having like a wild animal. Yeah, they just not into it They're dirty animals, right, right? Yeah, but look at all these Germans have the box of the Dashhound the Dolbym and Pinsa It's a great day. It's the German Shepherd's the Minichus now's the the Pomeranian the Wattwaller and the Jew finder How to find it is the Jew find. Yeah, the Jew finders is a is an unknown breed. Yeah is a specific Yeah, I mean cuz I almost you know what's crazy before we got Josephine who's a who's a mix of a Siberian Husky and a German Shepherd We almost we're gonna go for a great day. Yeah, which would have been wild because that dog's like a horse No, that dogs like a horse and it lives like four years. Yeah, it's what it is That would be good for me Tim Dylan just texted me getting bad quick So what happened now? I don't know what what he does is he just takes a text and he sends it out to like 40 people and whoever we replies Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I something must be going bad But I just wanted to read to the people what I told you I wanted you to know something about dogs And I really did want you to know this and it's from the well the rest of this will go at patreon at our top You know we are reading text messages at patreon.com such history heinous on a weekly basis now and they're 10 out of 10 to their worth the money This one is gonna definitely be this one was wild, but remember I told you about dogs I know you have for paying attention or whatever, but I told you About Josephine cuz I know that you're trying to get her run away, right? I know you want her gone right what I've been doing is I've been putting peanut butter on like trees across the street Yeah, yeah, that's what you're doing. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's just what it is. Yeah Did you look okay? So we're gonna read all this at Pay some none of it can go on the YouTube, but I'll let's go ahead patreon.com such history Yeah, if you don't know we have a series at our top level where we regularly post our text messages because they're just a little too They're a little too unfiltered for the regular condo It's a entertainment. Yeah, it's just you can't do it. Yeah, you can't do it So we just got to make sure that you are somebody who can afford to listen to this stuff Yeah, it's just what it is and you know as I said last week You know unfortunately with me sometimes what happens is when it you know I just get in a mode where I get silly silly silly and what really gets me in that mode is THC and the Head executives of the network. I had a pilot for that was in development for two years sent me this email It was very nice and very tatesful and very kind about how it was just a budgetary issue and it wasn't creative and this and that and I just sent them back The emoji of an open asshole And that's just what I emailed back and I left it and my manager yelled at me and Jimmy all the fun And I just didn't care because I said at this point who cares? I sent them back in asshole have fun with it Have fun. That's exactly the emoji that Trump sent to Lentola community after the talks disappeared. He just sent an open ass open ass home So the Iran conscious scandal was another one of the things that went down. Yeah, tell me about the Iran I ran conscious scandal ran conscious scandal was interesting. I think we're going back to 1985 So I was one years old you were a one-year-old little boy I was a little boy, but I was already fighting for the United States. You are ready fight for the United States I was getting the tingle for Dolly Parton. Yeah, so this was a secret back door Arrangement that was set up sounds gay supposedly without Reagan's knowledge He didn't know all the deep, but we think he did. I mean most historians say obviously he did sure so The Iranians had hostages. They took hostages a few of them were high profile in 1979 They took 1985. Oh, they okay. This is not 79. Okay. Sorry. Yeah, so they have hostages. Okay, and a few of them were high profile Okay, so They started doing back channel negotiations with Iran saying we will we will with the Ayatollah Right with the high yeah, they'll go and we will send you Will sell you some weapons. Okay, say some weapons at a good price. Yeah, and you'll get those weapons in exchange for the hostages Okay, so which is interesting because wouldn't they just use the weapons against us exactly right? So you know, this is what makes the world so weird, but we we wanted to get the hostages back But you you never wanted to go she ate with terrorists or Kidnappers or wherever you want to call it and let the people know that you're giving into them right because it sets a bad precedent You know because then other terrorists groups will kidnap more people That's why they say you never can give into the demands or also just encourage others to do it Sure, right? So we didn't want to look bad since it was all back channel and of course this was highly Constitutional this is without Congress's knowledge the executive branch goes hell We're going to sell you some weapons you want that'll probably end up killing us. Sure You'll give us our assages back and you'll get the weapons and then we took the money from those weapons and we funded the Contras in Nicaragua who were fighting the Sandinistas and the contras were people who were a group That would not say something like the oil belongs to the people of the country. Okay, those are always the groups if you're in that group It's you're safe from the United States. Right if you're in a group that says the oil belongs to the highest bidder or for the best deal Right, you'll be safe from the United States so the country so so the money that Iran gave them no wait wait You're saying Iran gave up did Iran give us the hostages back Iran gave us the hostages and some money and some money money. We took that money and secretly took the profits from that money and funneled it and it was all coordinated by a guy named Oliver North, okay, who got off on some technicalities eventually. Now should be in prison, but for some reason they're like, ah, something went wrong and now he's on Fox. Right. Yeah. Now he was ahead of the NRA for a second. Because Reagan knew about all this and Reagan greenlight it all. Well, Reagan insulated himself from it. I don't know. I didn't know who's going on. But the truth is, as many as just eating jelly beans, but what's many people believe he knew? Of course he knew. Right. Of course he knew. Right. He's had an executive branch of the commander in chief. Right. So, um, so the key figures obviously were Casper Weinberger. Okay. Um, who I can guess. Yeah. What do you where he's from? I guess why I can guess Caspar Weinberger. Yeah. It's probably I would say what I would say about him is with the last name like that. He's not welcome in Iran. Yeah. That will just say about people now. You know, welcome in Iran. Welcome in Iran. Yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure. Um, what's your name? Um, Rosebud Bakers dad is somewhere around here too. Yeah. James Baker. Yeah. Sure. He was somewhere around here. Um, John point Dexter, Oliver North, Ronald Reagan, Casper Weinberger. Those are your key figures. Um, that, uh, we're in it. Casper Weinberger, Weinberger was a secretary of defense who opposed the arm sales, but was later indicted for perjury. So he was doing a little pretending. John point Dexter was the national security advisor who approved, uh, Oliver North's plan. And he had to resign. Right. When the scandal, but now scandal broke because some Lebanese, uh, journalists broke the store because they shot down a cargo plane. Yeah. And Nicaragua. Yeah. And, um, I, was that what happened? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll share our expose the arms for housing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, you're right. Their cargo plane carrying supplies to the contras was shot down in Nicaragua. Somebody said, Wait, what's going on here? Right. And, uh, like I said, the Oliver North and John point Dexter, uh, were let free because there was some appeal, you know, basically power, let power off. And then basically, because it was over bullshit and they just didn't put them in prison when they should have been when they should have been in prison. And then, and then they just, you know, everybody got part in just like the Epstein. Yeah. George Bush pardon everybody. And it just all went away. Yep. And, uh, that's all that, that's all that, that happened from there. Yeah. But, um, but the, but this is again, involving Iran. There's always a little bit of drama with Iran's been drama with, there's always a little bit of a drama with Iran. It's a little bit like the state of Minnesota's. Oh, it's just a little bit of drama. There's a lately. It's just a little bit of drama. There's certain place have certain drama. Now, if you're, if your place has oil, mm hmm, you're either going to be friends with us. Yeah. Or there's going to be drama. That's what it is. That's all you need to know. That's what it is. All you need to know. And I know there's a lot of people who go, no blood for oil. I know there's a lot of people who go like, we shouldn't do that. I didn't. But then they're walking in sneakers. They got tons on their car. They're eating flat out of plastic bags. It's like, I understand the morality of all this, but at the end of the day, right? Everyone needs oil. All you got to do is watch landman to understand. Yeah. We just need a little oil bellybutton and the, the, the daughter administration is unlike any other administration. I will say this in that they just fucking say it. They just say it, which is interesting and make absolutely no mistake. The daughter from landman who's Glenn Powell's alleged girlfriend looks a lot like the only fans model who were now sponsored on this podcast because how funny has it been when you listen to this administration? They go, so what have we got? They go, what have we got out of this as well? A thing they go, we're controlling their fucking oil. We jack their oil. Right. Like they're just saying it. They're just like other administrations with dance around it. Right. And be like this is an enemy of America. And they're trying to. Right. They're trying to take our freedoms or you need to shop in order to get away from terror. This administration goes, look, we're stealing their oil. Yeah. We're going to go in and we're going to steal their oil. That's going to be good for our country. That's a little bit. I know that it's going to lead to World War three. We're all going to get nuked. But I do have iodine and a third day supply fedichine alfredo and gas mass for me and my family. So I do have all those things ready to go on my basement. However, I got to be honest. It is a little refreshing to just hear an administration go, yeah, this is what we're doing. Because when you tell the truth, what can you say? You can't go because the whole point is like, I know they're lying. I know it's about oil and because other politicians would dance around it. But now what are you going to say? You can just call them a scumbag and they go, yeah, I know. And they go, so are you. You need it. We're all scumbags. Yeah. This is how empires are built. We just heal the resources. Yeah. It's what it is. So in conclusion, the Contras didn't win to send the nieces one. And it was all for nothing. But we did get the hostages back. We still got beef with Iran. And now it's fucking on. Now it's on. And in conclusion, as we've been saying time and time again, every five minutes, we reiterate the same thing. What we care about here on this podcast, what we care about here in this country is that the make sure that the babes of Iran, who there are millions of them, that they are safe. And we welcome the violence stop. We welcome them into our borders. And if they want to stay in Iran, we welcome whatever they'd like to do. And if you have to make money, honey, then you make money. And absolutely, I will join your only fence. And I will use the company card. It's what we call a little bit of a loophole. It's called the loophole. I don't know how you say that in Farsi. Yeah. But it's a loophole. So go to patreon.com/historyhighhenes. We're going to have those text messages up there. We're going to have an ad free episode. And of course, we read out the newest members of the maytriarchy at the end of every episode on YouTube, which comes out every Thursday at 3pm. And the patron episodes come out two days before every Tuesday. So join the maytriarchy. Funniest name wins. We give you a prize at the end. Okay. Welcome to the maytriarchy. John Baller. Then we got they call me rattlesnake because I put coins up my ass. Put them on the list. On the list. Okay. Then we got Steve Harvey Oswald. Wow. There you go. That's what you call it. You know what that is? Yeah. That's what you call the Los Angeles Dodgers. Back to back. Back to back. Back to back. Then we got half Italian half Japanese A.K.A. Goynip. Glad of 14. Drexler. Drexler. You know what? That's a chicken finger. Really solid, really good. But unfortunately, the two before you. Yeah. Then we got our contenders. Then we got pseudo peen. But my chimney is clean. Okay. Wait a second. That's one of those things. That's hitting the net. And I don't know which side it's dropping on. Right. So I just need to see which side the ball drops on. Put it on the list. Put on the other side. Yeah. And there's an apology from the other tennis player pseudo peen. My chimney is clean. That's right. Chimney's the ass. I'll remember that. No blue chew. Just can't get hard unless you suck my dick, babe. Drexler. No more breakups or it's sleeping with the Lee Roy's queer eye for American black guys. You know, Drexler. That's what he's got. We did fuck. We're coming out strong. Brandon Truesdale. Tam. Then we got Frisbee girl. Put my meat in one hole and my milk in the other. Okay. Brandon. Where are we missing something there? Put my meat frisbee girl. Jewish girl. Frisbee girl. I put my meat in one hole and my milk in the other. It's a kosher, I guess. Ah. So it's a good joke. Okay. It's good. Drexler. Yeah. Very good joke, actually. Brandon Rossi. Then we got cock. Always ready. Like Rocco Sofretti. Rocco Sofretti is a kid who likes to fuck. Yeah. Olivia D. Novelis. Microwen soft. Kyle Resnick. Scotty blue eyes. Thunder thighs. Father Bill makes me cry. Call me Yani Mamdani because I'm seizing those footstockings. Drexler. Sonny Teresie. Eddantez. Father Bill. Jamaica Taylor. I pumped to Trump's diaper dumps. Brooks art visin. Need for peen to Tokyo dribble. Big black hawk. Joseph Goebbels the crust. Jesus. Way song she ain't walked in one clean my chimney. Now it's Miss Finkter swiffer to you. My ma is my guma. That's gross. Jesus Christ. Oh, you know, it could be heartwarming too. You know what I mean? Like married guy. Right. And he in his eyes. He's his other loves his mom's mom. It's fine. This could be the tiny kid who loves his mom. My mom. Oh, sorry. Aussie kid. I'm so got the Australian kids in here. Chimney sweet me off my feet right between the ass cheeks. This has been after that episode. Right. Isaac Sarah Hulsug eyes glued shut. List list. Yep. List eyes. Glutender chicken finger. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. You like that. I like it big. Yeah. Uh-huh dot ding and turn my eel into steel. Melania's secret service aka the man dingo jiggle. Oh, she orders when Trump's out golfing. That's there's no question. She's not banging the help. There's just what it is. Right. It's just no question. Cash Patel is the only one who can look yani directly in the hot. Put him on the list. Yeah. Put him straight on the list. Contender. Contender. Right. Yeah. Cause his eyes are very close together. Eight. Well, he's cross side. He's cross side. Yeah. He's looking in that way. Yeah. Yeah. So the visual is very fun. Yeah. He's the only one who can. His eyes are going there. Very funny. Yeah. Yeah. This is a contender. Yeah. Tesla low squeeze. We got to grease the catapult because we got a few. Got a few Leon mox. I named my rice cooker a little boy. Okay. Glad to 14. I don't get it. Like the rice cooker that he has, he named it little boy like, uh, cause they dropped the new coverage pant. Oh, right. Yeah. It's walked in a line. Yeah. Jazz is bike seat. Okay. Can't disparage the family. Um, uh, not all right. Not all right. Not all right. God. God dang Bobby. J.C. God dang Bobby. Uh, that we got Jesse. Yeah. Oh, we're going to check it figure. Jesse. Yeah. J.C. Confused robot. Dave D-Cats, the Roof Slick and Mustard Gas, it's all quiet on the front the lobe. (laughing) - What about the left? - Okay, there he is. - Oh, quiet on the front. - Got the lobby, is that a tent, right? - We got to do it, this is bed, this is, - Yeah. - Dude, people would say last week's was a banger, like a lot of the, a lot of the Patreon members were going like last week's, I think this might be the best list all time. - Daniel LeBron, Bryce P, Bleds, T-Panel, Islamabad. - Yes, I'd say so. - Yeah, yeah, I get it. - You know, yeah, Islamabad is the capital Pakistan, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, we're going to walk into that. It's very funny. - Yeah, Chrissy can't stop eating. - True. - Spencer Copic, Medi Strombol, Lazarus. Barry me and Sid Sweeney's Queef Chapel. It's what it is. I mean, calling it a Queef Chapel. These people are so funny. - Funny. - Fucking funny, yeah. My foot looks like Chrissy's head because I got gout. - These guys won't feed us. - Sweep it, babe. It won't get hard unless you sweep my chimney, babe. - Draxler. - Draxler. Mike, come back. I had to sign up for this again. Martin Luther. (dog barking) - Oh shit. - Okay. - Lavish in. - Yeah. - Okay, walked into one. History of Haine is back, babe. Can you suck my dick, babe? (laughing) (laughing) Montontalee retarded. Kamal Kasi, Kamala Kasi. Mota, Chris House needs to get struck by Jewish lightning. Martin Copac. - With insurance. - Yeah. - Asian. - Loziela. - Alex Thornton, Martin Copac. Asian in the South. (dog barking) - Hazard. (dog barking) - Ray Song Shi'in. - I mean, yeah. Rayson's okay. Rayson's in creative. That's what happens when you get out of the walk. Did it one less? You're racist. - By gravely bad. - Yeah. - But creative. - Yep. Tion, then we got Chrissy D, the boy opposite the boy in the Stripe pajamas, Abby Cadabby, Drexler ate my chicken fingers, Vincienzo, the Libroid Destroyer, Puglisi. - Okay. - Kids, that's a walked in a one, unfortunately. - Worse Super Bowl for a Drake since the last one. Okay, so this is a couple of weeks old. I know where John Binet Ramsey is and I'm not telling. (laughing) I must've stole my heart and fucked it. Kasi's Senate, ding camera is useless at night, makes everyone look white. - Okay. - Lada fortesist. Joel McArthur. - The ding camera? - Ding camera. - Yeah. - Like the ring camera. - Yep. - What it is is your racist and morally wrong, but you're very creative. - Rayson creative. Saudos Alaraza, Italian Jewish kid, Nino the Ninos. Skyline 247, Steve Helm, Jeremy R. Horatio, Master of Selfalatio. Yani Tux, so Chrissy Kincock, Cam, Alex Barclay, Chrissy Daddy issues, Joshua Williams. Tucked away in a gym corner and nick the stick, sits in the chase shirt, towel on head, silently tracking the reps of strangers. (laughing) - Okay, okay. - You're more of a poet. - Yeah. Joe Liegro, this vitamin water tastes like shit. Can all school one? - Oh. - Right, 'cause I might have shit in the vitamin water, yeah. - You're a disturbed kid. - I was disturbed kid. - You're a tilted bird. - That was like 2002, 2003. - Because you got a dusty chimney. - Yeah, yeah. Went to Catholic school, disguised as Santa Claus so I could chimney sweep sister Meredith. - Okay, okay. - Married my muzzle, cozy for her fuzzy muzzle. For her fuzzy wasy, sorry. Kimberly Kitty, Zachary Reed, Cash Patel's, Mossad Handler. - Very funny. - Make no finger. - Make no mistake, Noah Kaniga is real. - Okay, they got you. - But nobody, that's a real guy. Noah, K, N, I, G, G, A, that's a real, I think he's a basketball player. - Oh, what's his name? - Noah Kaniga. That's his name. That's his, I'm telling you, it's a real guy. - So, so he outsmarted the walked into one. - Yeah. - This guy, K, N, K, N, K, N, K, N, K, N, I, G, G. K, N, K, N, I, G, G, A. - This is a real player, look. Well, I'm gonna call him Noah. - He's a football player. - Noah, a person of color. - Yeah. - Oh shit. - Right? - Isn't that real? - Noah Kaniga. - That's a tough one. - Coolio Hyena. If I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes, okay? - Put them on the list. - Yep, Nick wrote that one. - Yeah. Call me Aman Tichigger, the way I'm bug chasing, okay? - Ways on shooting. - Taco man, Luis, AOC, please slam my nuts in the door, you sexy whore. - Drexler for the funny. - Galaine found Jeff, the best VPN girls. Cardinal home solutions, underscores serving Connecticut. Okay, screw it in. Kids gotta prove it. - Screw it in. - Exit 9A, Napstreet, masturbation crew. It's a Brooklyn kid, sheep said Bay Kid. Turbulent chicken, Georgia O'queeaf, Candido. So cute, I look skinny, but I'm not. Okay. - Okay. - All right, so we got plenty. - We got plenty. Okay, so here we go for a recap, okay? - Shout out Noah Kaniga. - Yep. - They call me Rattlesnake 'cause I put coins at my ass. Steve Harvey Oswald, pseudo-pean, but my chimney's clean. I glued, eyes glued shut. Cash Patel is the only one who can look yawning directly in the eyes. The roof's leaking mustard gas. It's all acquired on the frontal lobe. And then we got, if I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes. - Also good one, okay. I know where we're starting. - So where are we starting? - The first two are getting Drexler that you read. - So the Rattlesnake coins at my ass and Steve Harvey Oswald are out. - Yeah, any other day. - But pseudo-pean, but my chimney's clean still in. - No, we're gonna Drexler that. - Okay, so that's out, all right. So that's out. So now it's coming down to, if I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes. - Yes. - That's still in. - That's still in. - Eyes glued shut. - That's still in. - Cash Patel is the only one who can look yawning directly in the eyes. - And that's still in. - The roof's leaking mustard gas. - That is such a good one. - But it's gotta be out if you hesitated. - Yeah. - Okay, so the three that were between is if I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes, eyes glued shut or cash Patel is the only one who can look yawning directly in the eye. - I hate to do this 'cause it's so good, but I'm gonna Drexler the bowling ball. - Right. - Any other day you would have won. - Right. - This is how it works. - This is what it is. - You're just on the list with two funnier ones. It's not anyone's fault. - No. - Timing is everything. - So it is between eyes glued shut and cash Patel is the only one who can look yawning directly in the eyes. Jesse, what do you got? What do you stand? - I'm leaning towards eyes glued shut. I just like it. It's a funny visual, I like what it is. - It's a chicken finger. It's a short-to-fingered clean. - It's a playoff. - Nick, what do you think, Nick? - Yeah, eyes glued shut. - Eyes glued shut. - But cash Patel. - But cash Patel, yeah. - There will never be a funnier yawnings monocle joke than that. - That's where I'm leaning towards out to you because the yawnings one eye jokes are kind of like, you know, like, you know, they're-- - It's hard to hit all of them. - They're like father Bill, $3 Bill jokes, but this is a great one, but eyes glued shut has been there since 2018 for the taking and nobody took it, but this kid. - Yeah. - And it's just a boom, boom, boom. 'Cause I would vote for cash Patel, but it looks like there's three on one here. Well, actually, so here, there's two. I'm going cash Patel. You're the deciding. - Yes, yeah. It comes down to what-- - It's already too much pressure on me and my personal life. It comes down to really what you say. I mean, it's a tough one. It's one of those things where people-- - There won't be a better Yani joke than that. - No. - Because it's visual. He's saying, you know, it's-- You got to think about it in a second. - 'Cause I disagree. I think we've had some great Yani eye jokes. The one where you save 50% on scuba gear, that's-- (laughing) - That's better. - Yeah, that one's better. - Yeah, it's like a minion or tie between the border between Yani's eyes. - Yes, they think-- - We've never had anything that eyes glued shut. - No. - And it's eyes wide, it's a movie. It's been in the news with the Appstein stuff and it's glue, we talk about glue. It's very specific, but cash betel, relevant. - Right, right, right. You know, listen, man, sometimes I've got to make hard choices. - You got to make hard choices. 'Cause I've had to make the hard choices to sell my house. It's, I just think that we're gonna have to go with eyes glued shut as the winner. - Eyes glued shut. - Another chicken finger gets in. - Go to historyihinasisback.com. Eyes glued shut, you are the winner. See the name up in lights. And we're gonna continue this episode and so much more stuff at patreon.com/historyihinas. - Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. - Meet new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all-day comfy grip. Try new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Maybe it's Maybelline.