Fortunately, Unfortunately

This episode of Distractable is presented to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home Internet according to the experts at UCLUS speed test. So if you want the fastest 5G speeds, with a 5-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com/home Internet to check availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply, fastest based on UCLUS speed test intelligence data, second half 2025, all rights reserved. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to Distractable! The sepsil, wrangling wade calls for morphnaf, plugs PRJ, that institutes real a young spinning, Bilbo bob does burlest bowling, gets hext, commits to comedy and smokes a brisket. Mokantar mark gets his dungeon on, delays his motelingle God-bod, describes PCP rare bears and rubs gin asshole. Zyla phone confinement to spectral sexual attentions, it's time for, fortunately, unfortunately, now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show! Hello everybody, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. I'm today's host, Wade, I'm joined by Mark and our friend in Witness Protection, Bob. Hello, you might be in jail. Let me out! Let me out! Good thing they put him in that Zyla phone. Yeah, guys have trapped under musical instrument help. Oh no. Have you never joined the show, you're not missing much, except for everything, go back and watch every episode at least three times, then you'll know what we're about. One of us host the other two compete for points over, has the most, gets to host the next episode. I won the last one, so here we are. Yeah, we didn't choose this, it's not our fault, Wade's hosting. Yeah, gotta say, normally in our small talk, we just allow whoever's got whatever to jump in. And that's how it's gonna be this time too. What's new? "Henry, meany, meany, meany, mo." Let's go for a walk, boys. Oh man, I went early, he's gonna know how to beat this. Yeah, look, here's my hob-hole. Keep it up Mark, he'll eventually play. What did you, they got all catch up. Hang on, wait, what are you doing again, dude? You don't get to see what I got. I already rolled. Oh, he played "Eedy, meany, meany, mo," but with rock paper and scissors it looks fine. All right, track this, editors. Yeah. Peace me out. No paper, you win. I thought he was creatively putting paper on a rock, so he had both. You can do your small talk while I'm walking around this bowling alley that I'm in. Why are you in a bowling alley? Hi, we're recording the podcast right now, there's people over here. Who? Strangers? Uh, Mandy. Strangers. Oh, yeah. Strangers. Strangers. Strangers. Yeah. This, this, and there's balls, crucial to any bowling endeavor. It's a bowling alley. The evidence does point toward it being a bowling alley. I kind of agree, it might be a bowling alley. I like the lighting out here, maybe I'll just sit on the bowling lane, is that allowed? I don't know if anyone's gonna stop you. Hi. This is my, this is my position. How do you like the angle? You look like you're on the stage at a strict club with the flanking legs. Yeah. It's good stuff. I've kind of got a 144 p view of everything. So it's just a big colorful smear. Anyway. That's what we got going on. What a camera pick up right between the legs straight up. Hey, I'm not complaining. No one's complaining. Seriously though, we're in a house in Florida in Orlando and there's just bowling alley on the second floor of the house. It reminds me of the who killed Markiplier castle that we rented, just like with the most random rooms in it. It's a great place. Also, all the rooms are themed and the room that I'm recording from is the Hobbit. So like literally, it's a bedroom. I remember when Bilbo and Gandalf shared a bunk bed during their college years. There's also a hot tub here. I consider doing the episode from the hot tub, but it turns out everyone else who's staying at this house also wants to use the hot tub and they were like, don't do that. We're using the hot tub. Don't do that. I was like, fine. Bitches. You should have had a coin flip for it. Turns out outside of our show, people are not into that. Oh. Oh, I wonder why. That doesn't make any sense. It's really, that's really an us thing. Couldn't tell you. Ridiculous. Anyway, that's my whole small talk. We're going to Disney. I watched Super Bowl and we're going to Disney. I mean, I feel like after the result, I am too. Because I've got friends of their Patriots fans. I'm so glad I don't have to live with that for eight months. Like Tyler, notorious Patriots fan and Tom Brady, aficionado, Tyler. Yeah, he is devastated. Tyler's favorite number? 12, Brady's number? 12, I mean, evidence is right there. There's infinite numbers that they both could have chosen and they chose the same one. That's true. Weirdly enough, a lot of people have picked infinity as their favorite number and so. Statistically, that should be impossible, but statistics can go fuck themselves. See, people thought that about me, but I just picked an eight that was napping. Got him. Oh, I get it. All right, enough silliness. It's my turn for small talk. I love dungeon crawler Carl. What book are you on? I'm on book five. Jesus fuck, God, I can't stop. That was not that long ago. I know one week and see the thing is, now that I'm not working on the movie, I have a lot of time on my hands. So I get to read a book, which is so bad. So I actually read five books. Well, four books. I've just started five, so I'm not very far into it. How many are out right now? Seven, eight, I don't know, something like that. Seven, eight comes out into a month or two or something. I read books like I chew packs of gum. All of it at once, my entire friend and I, I don't make it last at all. I'm sure we've talked about that, but the way Mark chew's gum is very disconcerting. Isn't there like an offensive or defensive coordinate or the NFL who does that? Like just has like a huge lot of gum in their mouth. That's how you get the most flavor. Offensive coordinator, Mark. That's me, that's me. You know what's funny, Bob? You said that a certain party would get slow and you'd just have to slog through it. I never felt that at all. Maybe because I was just, I was going so fast. I just didn't get to the slow part, but I enjoyed it all. Yeah, well, if you ever take a break from reading them, it might feel that way. But if you read them straight through, you definitely even happen. It's impossible. I loved all, I love reading the spell and the ability descriptions. Like I could, if the whole book was basically just reading what they did and what the AI was saying, just like, and basically that is the whole book, but it's like, that's some of my favorite part. I don't know why, but it's just, I like it a lot. If you really like the AI, six and seven are going to knock your socks off. He said it. He said the thing. What? Do I say that a lot? Oh, I said six and seven. Isn't it just six and seven? Oh, he said it again. He said it again. Oh, no, it got me. I didn't do it. It wasn't me, I swear. Also to deal with the crushing boredom of not making things, I'm just about to any day now. I'm going to start working out again, any minute now. I'm really feeling, you know, me too, man. I realized how pathetic that sounded as it was going out. But no, I feel like, man, I really got to get in shape. You know, I have to look, you know, when you're not doing anything that consumes your life and you just stare in the mirror at yourself or you're like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. My entire life, yeah. That's a good thing, man. Yeah, I don't know any different. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's so you just got to look at your fleshy body and be like, I guess I should do something about this. So yeah, I've been doing that. I want to learn Korean, I want to learn Spanish. I want to do all these things. I've been doing that. Been doing thinking about working out. What, what, what, what of that have you been doing if you haven't actually been working out? I've been doing the thinking about it. That's what I mean. Been doing a lot of the staring in the mirror thinking about all the shortcomings I have. Well, that counts. Yeah, I mean, I've been exercising for 20 years straight. Oh, I'm confessing my own shortcomings here. I'm just saying, well, I don't know what I'm saying. I'm saying that I'm not doing those things, but I'm really about to. I'm on the precipice. Yeah, me too. Those are good things to do, but you do know you're allowed to make stuff, Mark, that's not a thing that consumes your entire being for three to five years at a time. You could do a thing where it's like for one day or even like a couple of solid days, you're like, oh, it's consuming me. And then you finish it and you're like, oh, I made that and it's the thing that you made. I don't think so. Your next project is gonna be a 10 year long, three movie trilogy that you film at it and release all in one big. You only know how to escalate, huh? Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm excited for the Let's Replay FNAF 2020, 2020, 2020 modes. I have thought about that too, because I got called out for cheating at FNAF 2's 2020 mode. It's you? Yeah, yeah, totally. I can't remember it at all, what the circumstances are, but I looked it. There was a video that someone did a whole essay on. I didn't watch it, but I was like, yeah, it sounds like, that sounds right. I'm pretty sure I did that. And I think Scott covered for me. I know he did because I believe he patched in something in the game to like add a star where there was in the star when he win, when I first did it and he patched it in or something like that. Again, I can't remember. I'd have to watch the video, but I just, I can't remember why or how or when, but, but, yeah, I did that. The other ones were real though, wink. I'm sure Mark said a big hurry to get back to that, right after he finished his bed of thoughty again. Yeah, yeah. Well, actually, I've played that casually on my own and I have beaten it since I've played it. Did you throw any more chairs or was it fun when it wasn't on video? It was weirdly fun the second time around because I understood the mechanics a bit better. It's like what speedrunners, you know, they get addicted to the actual cycle and I didn't want to speedrun it, but I was just like, casually, I fired it up and I was playing. it a bit. Who's not? It wasn't bad. I liked it. But as with the record to show, I gave you a lie point for lying about FNAF 2. Thank you. But the the the the wheel that may or may not exist could make that absolute. Okay. All right. No, FNAF ultimate custom night. I do think I want to try to beat that. That's like a either I have to do a stream where I stream FNAF 2 and then beat the 20 mode, which is be hilarious because my I don't remember how to do any of that. All my gamer instincts are so atrophied and didn't the first 2020 mode take you like 20 hours or something? No, it took me like seven or eight every what it was. I thought, okay, I thought the first one was crazy long. Yeah. No. If I remember correctly, the second one I was doing it for like something like 12 hours or something. And I think this situation was like the next day I had to leave town or something. So if I waited, I wouldn't get the 20 mode or something and then I would be I'd be a fraud or something. You'd be a loser. Good thing. You're not good thing. I'm not unless I lose this episode and then I will be a loser. Well, you're off to us start. All right. That's all I hope for now that Bob's out of town. I got to tell you Bob. I don't know if this is true or not because I've not gotten a step outside as particular on Tuesdays. But my computer tells me it's 61 degrees outside today. And it's been like 20 for the last month and a half. So I think maybe all of our snow is melting and Bob left town to go to Florida and all of a sudden we have the most beautiful weather we've had probably ever. I thought it thinks it's 60 degrees at our house. Yeah, 61 60. Yeah. I thought it was only supposed to be 47 today, but it says 60. So is Bob cursed? Is Bob cursed or is he an omen of cold or something like that? He's the cold miser. Remember the I'm Mr. Cold miser. I don't think it was Mr. Cold miser. You should because I'm the host. Oh, it's always right. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's not how it goes. Well, how it goes is the host can say whatever they want and attribute points accordingly. That doesn't make it truth. I say Bob's cursed. Oh, no, I'm in this room. So what's happening to him? He's cursed. You cursed him. No, he was cursed. I didn't curse him. I wasn't the cursor. I think we all just watched you curse him. No, he's the cursey. I have to do the rest of this episode in this claw. Oh, it's broken closet. All right. This is my curse. Bye. No, no, no, no. People in the closet aren't cursed. That's not how that works. Oh, God. Oh, my God. He's gone. He's actually gone. We know. Hold on. Actually, I don't have object permanence. I'm scared. Oh, I'm a, that gave me chills. I'm like, where are you fucking go? What the fuck is that? Mark, I need a borrow your tape. No. Oh, my God. You can have it. Jesus Christ. Where'd he go? No, my God. It was a ghost hand. This is why we're the top 50 in the top 50 of best podcasts in the world. This right here is why are we still there? Are we still top 50? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. I'm specifically comedy, though, right? No, no. We're like top. We're like 32 overall and we're in like the top 15 of comedy. We're 29. Oh, thank God there was that plug for distractable and iron lung that really boosted our numbers. Speaking of stuff that surprised me, did you guys see that we're nominated for the iHeart Music Podcast Awards? For what? What do we do? For best comedy podcast at Best Adreads, which is just hilarious. Oh. That was two years ago, man. Everyone's still living on the old mugroopier read. I hope we win. I'm sure I'll find out the same way I found out we're nominated from a Reddit post from a thing that was unrelated to us. I just happened to see distractable in it. That's cool. I mean, I'll take it. Yeah. I'm done with my small talk. If there's voting, hey, vote for us. Do the thing. If there is a thing, otherwise, don't do it. Santa Claus likes when you vote for distractable. You want to be on the nice list or if you prefer the naughty, he'll put you there too. I've got no other small talk other than yep. Super bowl happened. Did you guys know the wedding during the halftime show is real? Yes. I heard about that. Yeah. Watching it, I was like, I don't know why there's a wedding. And then I thought it was like, oh, that's a real wedding. That's one of the coolest things ever. Imagine getting married during a halftime show. So wedding because they got married. Wait. That's what happens. This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. 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Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply fastest based on UKLA speed test intelligence data the second half 2025. All right, it's reserved. So I guess I'll get it started in the actual episode. I don't think we've ever done this before, but then again, I've got the memory of a goldfish so I could be wrong. It's a pretty simple game. It's just called, "Fortunately, unfortunately." I was talking to Molly about different ideas, and we were thinking about different like word games and stuff. And fortunately, unfortunately, is very simple. I give like a one sentence prompt, and then you guys will alternate and you just say a sentence that begins with the word "fortunately" or "unfortunately." And then the next person has to do the opposite. You guys go back and forth and create a fun story. So I've got some prompts here, and I guess we can do our thing of flipping a coin to see who goes first. I feel like whenever I'm part of the coin flip, I'm always heads, but whenever I flip a coin for you too, I don't think it's ever a thing. Do you guys have one assigned? It's ever what, huh? You guys aren't permanently assigned to one side of the coin, right? When you flip a coin, there's a mysterious third option that pops up. What do you say? Well, though, I feel like I'm always assigned to heads like when Bob flips a coin, maybe when you flip a coin. But when I flip what I don't have you to assign to a heads or a tail. Well, which one do I look like? A tail. Come on, man. Hooray! Hey! Hey! Okay, so you're going to say the sentence, and then I start with either, fortunately or unfortunately, or do I have to start with one? I had it assigned, but if you want to change it up, I guess you could. No, no, do with what you assigned first. Okay. I have you going unfortunately first. So again, the way this works, I'll give a sentence, Mark, to start since unfortunately, Bob, you'll respond with fortunately. Then Mark will go back to unfortunately, and you guys will keep going until we get to some conclusion to the story. It's just not a game where we have to, like, keep restating the whole thing, right? We just, we're just building. You're just telling a story. You do not have to repeat or anything. Keep it easy. Keep it fun, relaxed. Mark, you're prompt to simple. I decided to go for a walk. Unfortunately, there was a pack of rabid bears in the area. Fortunately, I had remembered to bring my bear spray. Unfortunately, my bear spray was empty. Fortunately, it was a great distraction to throw it while I ran away. Unfortunately, all the bears were hopped up on PCP and they were 10 times faster than a human male. Fortunately, the closer they came to catching me, the more of a contact high I gained from them. So it was like a speed boost while I made my escape. Unfortunately, we just so happened to run through the police officer convention, and we were clearly high on PCP. Fortunately, as the chief of police, everybody already knew how I was. So they were like, hey, don't stop running. The bears are coming. Unfortunately, I had misdiagnosed the PCP bears as not just PCP bears, but PCP wear bears. They bit all the other police officers and turned into wear bears and also got the contact high. Fortunately, I'm a great comedian. So when they turned into wear bears, I turned and stopped. It was like, wait, wait, wait, wear bears. And they said, yes, wear bears. And I said, they're bears. And they said, we bears. I said, yeah, but wear bears. And we did that for 40 minutes. So the PCP wore off. Unfortunately, I had booked for a 60 minute show. So I had 20 minutes left. And these guys were crashing hard. They were not happy. My comedian store on the comedian scoring website is toast for. Oh, yeah, what's the what ends this whenever we feel like it's a whenever we feel like it's a good stop. There's not really a will lean on you to say scene. That feels like a good one. Yeah. All right. Okay. Try to figure out how to assign points for that. But I'm working on it. Hey, it's your game, man. We're just playing. Yeah. We're goofing. The next one starts with fortunately, but then it'll rotate. So I know you just did these, but it'll you'll see it'll flip the next round. So you'll be doing unfortunately twice in a row, Mark and Bob, you'll be doing fortunately twice in a row. Then we'll flip whatever you say, man. In my brain, when I wrote these, I was like, Oh, I'll start to prompt with unfortunately, then fortunately, then unfortunately, unfortunately, I forgot that you guys also flip flops and you just stay the same. It's all good. - Good man, Bob, another simple prompt for you this feels right up your alley. Actually this one worked out really well for you, I think. Working on cars is a passion of mine. Unfortunately, where you start? - Fortunately, I already own my dream car so I get to live my passion every day. - Unfortunately, having achieved my dream so early in life, I have no hills to climb and now there's a noose that's staring at me from the garage ceiling. - Fortunately, I'm not very good at tying knots. So the knot I tied wouldn't tighten and I just keep falling out of it. So I guess I'll live. - Unfortunately, my wife storms in and is upset about spending all our life savings on a stupid car. - Fortunately, I found this necklace outside on the street. It must have slipped right off your neck, sweetheart. - Distractor. (both laughing) - Wait, I'll be back a minute. - Is the necklace a necklace or did you grab the noose? - No, no, it's a necklace. - Oh, I also thought it was the noose. - I was the noose. - I was stealing this bit from country if you can. It's a one-to-one joke ripoff, don't worry. Plus the knot wasn't right, so it wouldn't work anyway. - Unfortunately, my wife came back with logic and said either I spent more money and we're now in debt or I stole it from someone and now I'm on the lamb. I don't even like lamb. - Fortunately, I had a side of beef in the freezer, so I offered to smoke my wife some brisket as an apology dinner, 'cause nobody likes lamb. (both laughing) - Unfortunately, she all her response was just, are you serious right now? As if beef wouldn't solve all of our problems which she said it wouldn't. - So I guess I'm not welcome in my home anymore. - Fortunately, as it turns out, you can live in cars and I love those and I have one. So I'm living in my car now. (both laughing) - I mean, that seems like a happy ending. - Yeah, fortunately, you're in your car. Why don't we bring it back? I don't know where we're gonna go starting off with a nice noose and then the necklace gift. I really thought that was going-- - It's messed up, man, who would do that? - All right, Mark, this time you start with fortunately. - Okay. - One day I woke up to find myself shackled in a jail cell. - Fortunately, as the world's greatest magician's lap as slash escape artist, I knew exactly how to get out of this predicament and have been training for it all my life. - Unfortunately, my jailer appeared at the door just at that moment and it was my arch nemesis and slightly better magician and escape artist, Entrapo. (both laughing) - Fortunately, I knew Entrapo's greatest weakness. He couldn't resist the perfect crime with which I had the plans in my pocket and threw it behind him to make him go after it, giving me a chance to escape. - Unfortunately, Entrapo was so enthralled by my greatest perfectest crime plans that he excitedly wheeled around to try and catch the plans that I tossed and he smacked his head on the wall of the jail and collapsed into a heap. And then in the background, he's here. - Entrapo? (both laughing) - Drinking, walk down the whole jail. - To clarify, when you say wheeled around, he's not in a wheelchair, is he? - No, no, he-- - That's a phrase that no, no. - He can wheel around, he was like-- - You? - That, it means to turn around quickly, isn't it? - I just, I pictured Entrapo, just-- First, I read as a wheelchair. That's not funny, by the way. - All right, put Mark and Guam, put me in Guam. - Fortunately, I knew of one power that could get me out of this situation. I raised one finger, first, this finger, and then I raised the other to the security camera, and I say, editors, put me in Guam. (barking) The teleporter activates and I zip out of there. - Unfortunately, Guam is located at the deepest depths of the Marianas trench, as far as I know, so I found myself trapped in the depths of the ocean. - Fortunately, I was a live streamer who had a 24/7 stream going on, and my views were jumping like you wouldn't believe. All I had to do was escape Marianas trench, and I would be cemented as better than Entrapo. - Unfortunately, due to some past misjudgments and misdates on my part, the only platform I was still allowed to stream on was X. - Fortunately, after I failed my escape attempt and died, Grock will be able to keep me alive in people's memories, escaping random bullshit nonsense forever. - Thanks, AI. (laughing) - Editor's note, Grock did not actually help Mark in Guam. - Little do you know. - He didn't help him in Guam. He just recreated his likeness so that he could live on forever. - I feel like Grock's the no-but of improv, isn't it? - In a way, in a way, in a way, everyone needs that. - Bob, you are unfortunately again on this one, and you will lead us off, searching through an old attic. I came across what looked like a magic lamp. - Unfortunately, it looked like it done already had been rubbed. - Fortunately, there was another lamp right next to it. What are the odds? - Unfortunately, what I went to rub that second new lamp I actually rubbed the first one and nothing happened. (laughing) - Didn't see that coming, did you? - What's the twist? (laughing) - Fortunately, outside of the now two lamps, I looked to the other side of me, and there was a third lamp there. - My eyes went on, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. (laughing) - Unfortunately, once I got my eyes back in their sockets and I successfully rubbed the third lamp, the genie that came out was a real a-hole. - Fortunately, I know how to deal with a-holes. I turned around. - Oh, another lamp. (laughing) - I need you anymore, Jackass. - It might be that second lamp, I can't remember. - Unfortunately, I once again tried to rub this new end or second lamp and miscompletely (laughing) falling down and getting a wicked splinter right on my finger. - Fortunately, I don't need one finger in a rub things. I've got nine more. So I just started rubbing all around everything and eventually my finger touched one of the lips. Maybe a new one. - Unfortunately, after summoning dark near 30 plus genies, (laughing) I had the world at my fingertips splintered though they may be and I couldn't take a one thing that I would want and that was better than what I already had. - Fortunately, I remember what my mama always told me. - Some, some, some, some, nonsense yada yada, the friends along the way and now I had a room full of friends. What more could I possibly wish for? - Unfortunately, genies are really meant to be solitary creatures and they did not get along. Turns out there are rules about the genie hurting the person who rubs the lamp but there's basically no rules about genies hurting other genies. - By the time the massacre was over, I had one genie and three wishes left. - I think all these sentences are becoming their own little mini story. (laughing) - So there's one sentence. There was a comma, the semicolon is one sentence. - Comma clause, I can't argue the comma clause. - Fortunately, that asshole genie died in the massacre and I was well left with someone who was really out of breath but probably not an asshole. So I asked for my first wish which was more friends and/or lamps. - I'd good. (laughing) I don't know if I can go through the loop of you guys rubbing the wrong lamps again. (laughing) - All right, here we go. Mark, you are unfortunately this time. - Okay. - It's weird the way that this worked out 'cause I swear I didn't set it up this way but I decided to make my own movie. I decided to make my own movie. Unfortunately, man, nothing went wrong. You know, how could I even, unfortunately? (laughing) Unfortunately, the journey would be much longer than I anticipated and have far more obstacles than I could have ever planned for. - Fortunately, no matter how long and torturous the journey, it starts with one step, which I took. Unfortunately, the subject matter of my movie, landmines incorporated. I decided to go as practical and possible and that first step had me directly on top of the first landmine of many. - Fortunately, I've never quit anything in my entire life so no matter how many landmines I walked across, I just kept going. Unfortunately, there was some kind of a propulsion factor to this so as I started to go on top of the landmines, going across the landmines it would explode me into the next one and I would accelerate the explosions. Why did I put them all in one line? Fortunately, sometime as I approached the speed of sound, I realized exactly what this film needed. Eureka. I'm not gonna give you everything. Unfortunately, just about as I was hitting Mach 2, I realized I forgot to hit record on the camera all the way back at the beginning. This is a complete aside. I just fucking love the visual of Mark with the iron lung set. Just like everything set and I'm like, "All right, see, see, whatever, take three." Well, I got to roll the thing together. It's just you by yourself in a fucking huge studio. Look, it's not too far off. Some of those pick-up nights. It's not too far off. Fortunately, as I blew past Mach 5, really started to wonder if I was gonna survive, I realized that my chest mounted GoPro was rolling, so I'd have one hell of a POV shot. Unfortunately, in an opposite fashion from the Red Bull guy who dropped from space, once you hit a certain speed, you gain lift no matter how aerodynamic you are. I realized this chain of explosions was only gonna make me reach escape velocity on the last possible bounce, and I just so happened to space them perfectly that I could see the last mine that would bounce me out of this trash for your approaching. Well, I love the Cava Club. Fortunately, just as I bounced off that last mine, I had the clarity of focus to make my last act as a living person of Earth to rip the chest mounted camera off and spike it down as I flew off into space so that someday someone would discover my brilliant movie. Don't ask what just happened to my headphones. They are a skew. I really want to know, but I guess I've you told me not to ask, so I can't. He said not to ask. Unfortunately, no movie studio wanted to pick up my movie, and it would be not impossible to self-distribute, given that I am currently on the way to Mars. Oh well. Fortunately, I've always wanted to be one of the first humans to colonize Mars, and I'm not saying there's a good chance, but I am saying there's a chance that my new dream will come true. Unfortunately, the extra velocity I gain by throwing my GoPro downwards towards Earth caused me to miss Mars by that much, and then I skipped off of Phobos, which had a land mine just so happen to be on it. I'm on the way to the outer rim. Also, I tied from not being able to breathe low on it. I don't know how you top that one, Mom. I think he buttoned it off with his sixth comma. Fortunately, as I looked down from heaven at my long dead corpse on its endless journey through the through the universe, I realized that all of life is just one big joke anyway, and none of it mattered to begin with. Yeah, that's a happy end, right? All right, yeah. I thought we had buttons like six times. You guys kept going. Look, let's just start with I wanted to make a movie. Unfortunately, you enter heaven with the momentum you carried from your doom. And you go to the heaven of your last act, so I went to land a mine heaven. Oh, no. Fortunately, all the different heavens are separated by gates, and I was going so fast I just kept smashing through gate after gate. No, eventually I'd burn off all my momentum and landed some kind of heaven. Hopefully a soft one. I'll just let you guys go I write down points. No, no, no, we're good. Bob, I think you're first on this one, and you are fortunately go to a haunted house. They said it'll be fun. They said, fortunately, it was very fun. I love haunted houses. Unfortunately, when I arrived there, my rival ghost hunter, Hunter was already on the scene and he'd gotten all the good ghosts. Fortunately, Hunter's name was so goofy that all the ghosts he'd already introduced himself to wanted to come talk shit to me about how silly his crazy ass name was. Unfortunately, after the laughing subsided, Hunter told us all that it was a very culturally relevant name that honored his ancestors and that we were all jerks for laughing at it and I felt really bad and all the well the ghost didn't feel too bad, but I felt really bad. Fortunately, I'm a big enough person to be able to admit when I'm wrong and even though Hunter is my biggest rival, I sincerely apologized because it's really not that hard to admit when you've been wrong about something and I acknowledged that I should have known better. And when you know better, you do better. Unfortunately, I realized that this would be a long road to earning that apology and I had many, many, many acts of service to give him for all of the harm that I had caused, which to be honest, compounding with the ghosts was pretty severe. Fortunately, it was immediately clear what my first active service would be as I scooped up all of Hunter's gear and offered to carry it down to his sketchy van for him. Unfortunately, right at that moment, my dead racist uncle, Bob, Bob's the only name that comes up. Interesting. Go on. Came out of the woodwork literally and was like, what are you doing with one of them hunt heads? And I said, Oh, no, Uncle Bob, no, he made it worse. Well, my God, is that the colon clause? That was a parenthetical. That was a parenthetic. He made it worse. Fortunately, I was able to gravel and sufficiently kiss Hunter's ass quite literally so that the whole Uncle Bob's transgression could be overlooked. Unfortunately, Hunter was recording the whole thing and now viral clips of me literally kissing his ass are all over the internet and a super smash cut of all of Uncle Bob's most racist things of which he was saying without sub-stopping. Fortunately, all of the clips of me groveling and crying and kissing Hunter's ass attract a very specific type of sexual attention. And as it turns out, I'm into that. I put you guys in a haunted house. What happened? You heard what happened. Yeah, you heard it. You mean what happened? You bet here the whole time. Is that the button? The sexual attraction? I think it's a button. Yeah. Doesn't get any worse than that. Oh, man, I was going to do, I'm going to save it. We could do it part two at some point. Some of these take a while. So, well, we'll button the buttons there. I hope you guys have fun with that. That was really funny. I enjoyed that. Yeah, it's a big ole improv exercise. Some of these did not go anywhere where I even imagined they could, especially that one. Let me go through the points here. I don't like how close the score is. I don't know if I need to fudge this a little bit. Nothing I would. Mark, you got a lie point for lying about beating FNAF 2. No, so I saw this. The suffering that pointed out once again that we are stupid. Lie points are supposed to count. The thing about lie points is that they're susceptible to lie modifications from the wheel. But they are, the suffering it would say, they're just regular points that have the lie, the lie status, and that status is only triggered by wheel things. But we have the thing that makes them absolute, which makes them count, I thought, so I thought they didn't count before. No, you can, you can apply a negative lie point. No, you can get negative lie points, but then if the absolute value is applied, then it switches that too. Okay, well, I did write a negative one because I thought lie points were always negative. So this one is negative, but I, but harder that's because I thought they were by default. Damn. So you had a negative one lie point, I guess, for lying about beating FNAF 2. You got points for rock, paper, any, mini, mini, mo, Bob left you hanging for a while. Say, look who's using the parentheticals now. I'm the host, I have privileges. You've been reading dungeon crawler Carl on a crazy pace. You have free time now. I gave you a point for being a FNAF cheat, even though I also took you one for the FNAF 2 specifically. There's a listening FNAF 2, I didn't like it, but in general, yeah, I'm on, I'm on board with you. I have walk as a point, you got a walk point. I don't know why, but congrats. PCP bears something, it looks like it says hump. I don't think that's what it says. Guam, jail cell, missed Mars, racist Uncle Bob, something landmines incorporated. I really shouldn't have had a hump one was supposed to say. Oh, walk was for the walk prompt. You won the walk prompt. For a total of 11, Mark, for the 11 minus one, so I guess 10. You have a total of 10 points. Okay. Bob, you got points for bowling. Post always right point, because you agreed that I was right about something I said earlier. You gave us a house tour, you said the 6/7 meme, your magic trick and the closet was amazing, Mark and I were both fascinated. It was, yeah, it was quite good. Living in your car, distractable getting an eye-hard award, you brought that up. Movie heaven and trapo, genies, the sincere apology to Honto, and then hunted sexual attraction for a total of 12th. So right now the score is 12 to Bob, 11 minus 1 giving 10 to Mark. Oh yeah, wait a minute, I don't have the wheel. Yeah, guys, I don't know if I'm going to be able to find the wheel, I've got to be honest. We could pretend, we can picture it spinning. There's an image from three months ago. Can we spin an outdated wheel? Are the rules don't say we can't? Yeah, there's nothing in the rules about that, just says A wheel, doesn't say what wheel. So you're just going to rotate it, or how we're going to spin this image on the wheel. I just, I got a plan, I got a plan, I got a plan, I got a plan, don't worry about it, I got a plan. Holy shit, there's a wheel. Do you see my mouse upon the wheel? Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm going to look away and just move my mouse in a circle, and that'll be the spins. I love it, I love it. Wait, we have to decide how many spins we're going to do, you have a coin. I do, how do I get three out of this? Oh, I see, I get it, I get it. You're going to flip the coin three times. Heads is a yes spin, and tails is not a spin. So flip, flip, flip, and then we get the number of spins that we're going to do. So we can have anywhere from zero to three technically with this. Technically yes. Zero is not really usually an option is there. No, but it's fine, this is an exception. There's no way we're going to get zero. There's no way, there's no way we're going to get zero. You got our coins? Apparently Bob doesn't have a coin, so you're going to flip it. I'll flip twice, I'll flip twice. I'll flip my phone, I'll flip my phone. Screen his heads, I'll flip, I'll flip, like I got stuff. Screen his heads. Screen his heads. Oh God. That doesn't mean much, but I did get heads. That's three spins, I'm still in the running. All right, three spins, this kid not possibly be more fair than it is. Oh, what does that say? Was that free parking? You get free parking. Fuck you, man. Fuck you, man. Okay, now there's, we have to remember to put one point on free parking. We have to remember to retroactively. Yeah, no, we have to put a point in free parking. Fuck, God damn it. I'm ready to death, that's one fucking hell, this is so much work. Pin number two. [mimicking] Otherwise, I started to close my eyes. A half point for weight, I think. Oh, fuck off, God damn it. You want to have to point the weight. It's right. It's either that or minus one to current loser. God damn it. I mean, none of those are good for Mark. No point fuck you, half point for weight or minus one to current loser. All right, I still got a chance. I think, and let's, we haven't put those game breaking ones on here yet. We'll find out now. All right, we'll see, won't we? [mimicking] I thought it was going there, what? You fuck off with your free parking. Fuck off with you. No, I know. That's a respin. That's supposed to be disabled. All right, okay. All right, go, go. [mimicking] Two spaces to the left. 10% of what? [mimicking] All right, we're going to add 10% of the one-man show, Jesus Christ. Why are we getting all the weird, complicated roles? I don't know. You're spinning. What's your hand doing? I wasn't even chaining. I was sincerely closing my eyes and looking away. This just makes me think that the usual spins are bullshit, that our wheel is chock-full of interesting nonsense, and we only ever get silly ones. Well, to be fair, even when you did it, we got a dupe. That's true. All right, so, free parking needs a point added. Right now it says zero there, so no points added for that. Even if it does, do we know who it goes to a free parking gets points? Oh, good question. [laughter] All right. [laughter] Okay, here's what we need to do. We need to make another square that says, flip a coin, the person gets the free parking square, but free parking only ever adds points. God, you know what, guys, I was starting to think that maybe some of these rules need to be revised or something, in some kind of boat-related episode. Okay, so half point to me, yay, I'm on the board. Free parking got a point and then there's a 10% chance added to one man's show, which means absolutely nothing changed between you two and Bob, you win, 12th. Mark, you had 10th. Mark, but you do get to win going first with the loser's speech. Hey, you know what, I, uh, unfortunately, I lost this episode, but fortunately, I learned a lot doing it. Unfortunately, it's not about what you learn, it's about who you know. Fortunately, I know a lot of people. Unfortunately, I don't know them by name, so they couldn't help me. Well said, man, if there were still points to be given, I would have given some for that. Bob, winner's speech. I feel pretty fortunate, you know, it feels, it feels good, I can't believe I won. I can't believe how many points you gave me for the terrible contributions I had for this episode, but I'm not going to question it because I earned that shit, apparently. Uh, that was a fun game though, but I have to say that was one of those improv games where some of them, it's like the whole time, it's just fun, and you're like, yeah, that's so fun. That's one of the ones where it's probably good because it was pushing me outside of my very narrow comfort zone. The whole time I was like, oh god, I'm not funny. Oh, this is just making me realize how bad I am at improv stuff. Oh, no, don't fall, computer, it's fine. Uh, so it was very, very good game. Thank you. I feel very dissatisfied with myself and undeserving. I feel like I just got hit with fortunately and unfortunately about my game multiple times in that, but I'll take it. I think that means it's a good improv game. I think it just means that I like to do this stuff I'm really comfortable with. I'm, I'm, I'm unadventurous and safe. I didn't know what it would be like going in because we'd never done it. But after having, you know, watch you guys do it, it felt like one of those improv games that Rachel would have put us through when we were practicing the guess ending. But I had fun. Hopefully everyone watching had fun and grads Bob on the win. Mark Well fought. You guys were very funny. I was entertained. Hopefully everyone watching was entertained. You can find these guys, Mark at Markiplier, Bob at my skirmour me at Minion 777 or Lord Minion 777. We have merch sometimes at distractable.shop, so keep an eye on that. More stuff will be coming hopefully soon. Otherwise follow and watch the podcast, especially right here where you're watching right now. Keep doing that. And I guess stay tuned for the next one with Bobblehost. We'll see what he gets us into. Until then, podcast out. new episodes on Spotify.