Forgiving Yourself And Others

Good morning brothers and sisters. Last time in the book of Second Corinthians, we saw that we are called to live with integrity and sincerity. The Apostle Paul's ministry was under attack. Some leaders in Corinth were trying to stir up the congregation against him, and the way they were doing that was by undermining his integrity. They were saying that Paul was fickle and worldly because he had changed his plans on them twice. He visited them when he said he wouldn't, and then he didn't visit them when he said he would. And we saw that Paul had good reasons for that. Those decisions were made with the Corinthians best interests in mind, but he had to start the letter by explaining that because this was a genuine threat to his ministry. On the surface, it's a trivial matter. It's just travel plans, but it really mattered because if Paul didn't have his integrity, then he didn't have his credibility. They couldn't trust him in something as simple as his travel plans. How could they trust him in something as important as the gospel? As Christians, it's very important that we live with integrity. People are watching, and if we live in a way that's contrary to what we believe, we will not see much success for the gospel. But on the other hand, if we live out our faith and we're compassionate and forgiving and people see us living with integrity, then when we talk about the gospel, they will be listening because they will have seen that this is real and that it works. So now that Paul has defended his integrity, he moves on to address the underlying issue. The reason why he changed his plans twice was because the situation in Corinth was very volatile, especially as it pertained to his relationship with them because of those rogue leaders who were trying to undermine his authority. Paul knew that if he went there in person, it would only have made things worse. Because in Apostle, he would have had the responsibility to implement discipline on the wrong doers, but because so much of the conflicts centered around him, that wouldn't have gone over well. And he knew that. And so what he does instead, he writes this letter and he gives them gentle guidance on how to handle the discipline internally. He's going to walk them through dealing with this issue in a way that is compassionate and gentle, but that sees justice done. And this passage teaches us the attitude that we should have towards sin, both in our own lives and in the congregation. And the actions that we can take to deal with that sin in a way that God is most glorified. What we're going to see is that discipline is necessary, but that we should put aside our rights wherever possible and that forgiveness is ultimately the point of the discipline. It's not about punishment, it's about restoration. So let's take a look at the passage. 2 Corinthians chapter 2. 2 Corinthians chapter 2, starting with verse 5. If anyone has caused grief, he is not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent, not to put it too severely. Paul's first step in helping them deal with this is really teaching by example. Paul starts by first putting aside his own rights and overlooking the hurt that's been done to him. So question, he was the one most hurt by this situation. He arrived in Corinth expecting a warm welcome from those who were so dear to him, and instead he found the whole congregation turned against him. Paul was deeply hurt by what happened. Just take a look at verse 4, "For I wrote to you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears." Paul cared so much for the congregations that he had helped plant. And so it was devastating when he saw their relationship being torn apart by these rogue leaders. He was crushed by it. And yet in the very next verse he says, "If anyone has caused grief, he is not so much grieved me." Do you see what he's doing? He completely overlooks the hurt that was done to him and instead focuses entirely on forgiveness and restoring the relationship. That's because as Christians that is what we are often called to do. Paul's following the various instructions that he gave to the Corinthians in his previous letter, 1 Corinthians chapter 6. One of the original problems in Corinth was a prevalence of lawsuits between members of the congregation. One member wronged another and that second member got really angry and demanded restitution, but the first member wouldn't back down and the situation escalated and got so out of hand that they took the dispute before the secular courts. Paul says, "First Corinthians chapter 6, verse 7, the very fact that you have lawsuits amongst yourselves means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?" Paul's saying it's better just to put aside your rights and be wronged than to rake each other through the coals to have that wrong avenged. That's right in line with Jesus' teaching about turning the other cheek. If someone sues you for your tunic, give them your cloak as well. If they make you walk with them for one mile, go with them for two. If they slap the one cheek, turn to them the other. The point of Jesus' message there is about laying aside our rights and not trying to avenge wrongs done against us. And right here, Paul is practicing what he preached. Paul could have demanded his rights. He had every opportunity to do so. He could have stuck with his original travel plans, marched into Corinth, punished those who wronged him, and preached a harsh, condemnatory sermon to set everyone straight. He could have done that. It was well within his authority and his rights. But he didn't. Instead, he passed up the opportunity for justice. For the sake of peace and love, he overlooked the wrong that was done to him. And he continues to do that throughout this passage. Take a look at how much he downplays the problem in verse 10. Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven, if there was anything to forgive, I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake. There most certainly was something to forgive. Again, they had hurt Paul to the point of deep anguish and tears. The portrayal cuts deep. And that really comes through in this letter, but what comes through even more is his love for them. Now, imagine it was really hard for Paul to write these words, to act like he had moved on and didn't care when it's still stung so bitterly. But his love for them was so great that he was willing to do so. If it made the road to reconciliation a little bit easier, if it meant their relationship could be restored a little bit sooner, then Paul was willing to do it. He just wanted them back because he loved them. We were talking last time about living with integrity. Without a doubt, this is one of the best places that we can do that. It's one of the hardest places, but it is one of the best. How different is this from the world around us? Our culture is all about demanding rights. It's all about holding on to every grievance and every slight and loudly demanding restitution and the louder the better. In the midst of this shouting, how powerful will our silence be? How much will we stand out if we lay aside our rights? If we overlook hurts done to us, if we forgive. In some ways, forgive as God forgave you is the most countercultural aspect of the gospel right now. This is where our faith will be most visible. This is where God will be most glorified. And so are we taking advantage of that? When a coworker backstabs us or starts spreading rumors about us, do we stab back or do we turn around and be all the more kind and helpful? When our next door neighbor does that one particular thing again, you know what I'm talking about, that thing they know gets on your nerves. Do we activate passive aggressive retaliation or do we just let it go? When the higher ups introduce a new policy that of course makes our job infinitely harder, do we use malicious compliance to get back? Or do we continue to serve humbly and genuinely to the best of our ability? Paul doesn't pretend for a moment that this will be easy to do. We saw how deeply this hurt him. And I'm sure it took a lot of prayer to be able to lay this aside, but to the glory of God, he did it. And God invites us to do the same. He invites us to follow in the footsteps of our Savior, living with compassion and love, and letting the forgiveness that is overflowing from our cup spill over into every part of our life. To be a people who at times choose to be wronged rather than get revenge. I'm not to let people walk all over us, I'm not to ignore situations where justice must be done. There will be times where God calls us to take action and deal with a situation, but there will also be times where God calls us to drop a matter entirely. Seeing this out may be some of the hardest stuff we ever do, but this is one of the places where our lights will shine brightest. Notice how Paul extends to the Corinthians, a subtle invitation to join him in forgiving. If anyone has caused grief, he's not so much grieved me as he has grown. retrieved all of you to some extent, not to put it too severely. Now first, it might not be immediately obvious how the Corinthians had been wronged, especially those who weren't directly involved in this incident. But that's kind of the point. Sin has very far reaching effects further than we probably initially expected. It does touch a whole congregation. In this situation, the anger and division that was stirred up affected everyone. As did the changes of forced Paul to make to his travel plans, they didn't get to hear from him now. The actions of a few jealous leaders had dragged the whole congregation into a conflict with Paul that resulted in grief on all sides. But what we see is Paul encouraging them to overlook the hurt done to them as well. He says they've been grieved to some extent, not to put it too severely. He's very careful to qualify that statement. He's subtly guiding them towards following his example and being willing to move forward with forgiveness. He doesn't want them to think that he's laying aside his rights so they can swoop in for revenge themselves. He doesn't mention that they've been grieved to go to them into anger. He wants everyone to deal with it in a compassionate manner. But that's the other thing we see. He does want them to deal with it. He's shown how sin has very far reaching effects and how it often does a lot more damage than those involved initially expected. Unchecked sin in a congregation can sap away at the spiritual life of the whole body. And that's true in our individual lives as well. Sin in one part of our life has a tendency to bleed through into other parts. Unrepentant sin can sap away our spiritual strength. Dampen our passion for Christ and put a wall between us and God. All of a sudden we find our prayers aren't feeling effective. We find our evangelism is just not connecting. Our hearts are feeling a bit hardened. Sin will do that. And so sin needs to be taken seriously and it does need to be dealt with properly. Paul writes, "The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient." In other words, there should be a punishment. Overlooking wrongs done to us doesn't translate into a nonchalance about sin. He calls them to show an abundance of grace and mercy, but that doesn't mean let the sin keep growing unchecked. Deal with it in a compassionate manner, in a gracious manner. Don't approach it as a personal vendetta, but do still deal with it. Now this was a public sin which had affected the whole congregation and so Paul says there needs to be public discipline. Those involved should face some sort of correction administered by the congregation. He doesn't tell them what that discipline should look like. We may wish that he gave more specific advice, but I think that's the point. Every situation is different. Every person is different. Some people respond well to one thing and others to another. Sometimes extra grace is called for and sometimes more sternness is required. Church discipline can't be reduced to a static law code or a penance system. The congregation is called to exercise wisdom in each situation, taking everything into account and determine what is appropriate. This whole public discipline situation might be somewhat alien to us because at least my whole life, we've never had a situation like this here at Oma, at least that I've been aware of. And I pray that we never do. But we will certainly have to deal with sin in our own lives. And so the question becomes, does this mean that we should punish ourselves when we sin? Some denominations teach that. I think punish is too strong of a word. This is not a call to rake ourselves through the calls every time we mess up. That entirely misses the grace of the gospel. The point of the passage is that sin needs to be dealt with and for public sin that often will require public discipline as a component of that. Private sin isn't necessarily the same. There may be times where we do feel the need to discipline ourselves and that's fine. But the real application is, do we take sin seriously? That's the point of the verse. Because unless you're quite different from me, you've probably got some kind of sin in your life right now. Maybe big or small, frequent or infrequent, but chances are there's something there. So the question you can ask yourself is, how fiercely are you fighting against it? We know that our sin grieves the Holy Spirit. It causes our Savior the same anguish and grief that Paul was describing. So do we live like we believe that? Is there an urgency to our fight against sin or is there an apathy? If you've ever had a lot of dandelions in your yard or weeds in your garden, you can probably relate where you start the summer all motivated about eradicating them. We're gonna do all kinds of weeding. But after a month, you kind of just accept, yeah, the weeds are here to stay. And it can work like that with sin. Is there a sin where we've just accepted its presence, where we've gotten a little too slack in dealing with it? If we are fighting against sin with urgency, then we've understood the point of the passage as far as punishment is concerned. And that's because as much as Paul was telling them that there does need to be discipline, the punishment was never the point. Church discipline is never an end in itself. It's a means toward restoration. Paul wants them to discipline the person so that they could correct him and guide him back into the fold. It wasn't revenge, it wasn't getting back. It was getting him back. The point of church discipline is always restoration. That's why he says to them, the punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. He's saying, that's enough. There's no need to go further. Now instead, he says, you ought to forgive and comfort him so that he will not be overwhelmed with excessive sorrow. He treats the discipline as something to get out of the way almost so that we can move forward with forgiveness. Punishment is a footnote on the journey to restoration. Because Paul warns that otherwise, the person will be overwhelmed with grief. They'll lose heart, they'll fall away. Sin is discouraging. And I doubt there's a single person here who wants to sin. We want to please God. We want to be faithful. But we often mess up. And especially when we repeat the same mistakes again and again, that can be crushing. If someone has been struggling against the same sin for a while, and they've been on the verge of losing heart, and then the congregation comes and beats them up over it, what's gonna happen? They're gonna give up. We need encouragement in this fight. You can only take that despair for so long before you just close yourself off. And that's exactly the opposite of what the discipline was supposed to accomplish. And that's why Paul spends the rest of the passage talking about love. And one verse is spent on punishment, and the rest is both forgiveness. He's setting our priorities straight. Because if we approach this as a personal grievance, then we want to make punishment the end goal. We want them to pay. That's why he encouraged them to set aside their rights. Because in church discipline, if it's about the punishment, then we've already lost. Look at what Paul says, why we're doing this in verse 11. In order that Satan might not out with us, for we are not unaware of his schemes. In other words, this is a tactic of Satan. This is one of his schemes to make us fall away, overwhelming us with sorrow. Satan can use either end of those extremes, no discipline at all, live however you want. He loves that. But he can also use excessively harsh punishment to tear someone apart, to alienate them from the church, and they withdraw out of sheer despair. And again, this isn't just corporate discipline, and you might find that Satan uses this tactic in your own life. When you sin, if you find yourself being overwhelmed by despair, if you find yourself losing heart, if you hear voices of condemnation, that's Satan. We have to remember the difference between conviction and condemnation. Conviction is from the Holy Spirit. Conviction is good. Condemnation is not. Romans 8.1 tells us there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Condemnation is of the enemy. The Holy Spirit will convict us of our sin, and we will experience godly sorrow. But Satan will speak words of condemnation and try to make us experience evil sorrow. And I say evil because that sorrow is built on a lie. He's making us feel condemnation where there is none. The point of discipline is forgiveness. The point of godly sorrow is repentance. It's never been about punishment. Once we have repented, and God has forgiven us, We need to forgive ourselves as well, and then remind ourselves that we are forgiven. Because Satan will attack us, and he will try to hold our sin over our heads. But once we have repented, that sin is covered by the blood of Jesus. It is forever washed clean. Paul says, "I urge you therefore to reaffirm your love for him." These people who had sinned against Paul very publicly were going to be discouraged and ashamed. So it was time to let them know that they were still loved. This is where the congregation comes and says, "Yeah, I'm a sinner too. So am I, so am I. You made a big mistake? Welcome to the club." They need to know that this is exactly the place for sinners. We can be so discouraged by our sin that we want to withdraw. But this is where sinners are supposed to draw near. The attitude we as a congregation have toward sinners is so important. If someone confessed to sin to you, how would you react? Would you be disgusted? Would you condemn them? Would you gossip about it? Or would you reaffirm your love for them? Would you say, "Yeah, I'm a sinner too." And this applies to the church as a whole. What impression are we giving to the world? Do people feel they will be judged by us? Or do they feel they will be loved by us? Do we let them know that we are sinners just like them? Or do we put on a facade and pretend to be perfect? Jesus loved sinners, and so we love sinners as well. And that means that we love ourselves when we sin. You may be here and you show grace to everyone but yourself. You're forgiving and compassionate when someone else messes up, but you are harsh, even cruel to yourself when you sin. God loves you when you sin. He is sad and, of course, but He loves you so dearly. And He doesn't wait to love you. He doesn't love you after it's been three weeks. After you've beaten yourself up over it, after you've changed your ways, He loves you right now. He loves you the moment you sin. God loves sinners, and so let's take a page from God's book. And of course, let's repent. Let's mourn over our sin, but let's love ourselves and show that same grace and forgiveness that we show to all other sinners to ourselves. If God decided to love me like this, then who might I say otherwise? I want to end by pointing out what Paul said in verses two and three. For if I grieve you, who is left to make me glad but you whom I have grieved, I wrote as I did so that when I came I would not be distressed by those who should have made me rejoice. I had confidence in all of you that you would all share my joy. This was why Paul was so concerned about restoration. In this world and in the world to come, who did He have but them? If we can't stick with each other through our sins and weaknesses, then who will? But Paul had confidence that despite everything that had gone down, the relationship would be healed. They would share his joy once again. We as the church are a community of broken people. We love each other through our mistakes and we love ourselves through our mistakes. And sometimes that love means discipline, but always it means restoration and forgiveness and compassion to each other and to ourselves. Because when we do that, we are living out the love of Christ.