For Mother’s Day, Classic Mom-isms

hello hi mom hi honey how are you i'm good how are you fine thank you what's going on um i told you we're doing this mother's day episode right yes you did okay so the idea for it is that we've been collecting all of these expressions that moms say like mom mantras we're sort of calling them little bits of advice that moms repeat over time oh isn't that cute yes can you guess what i've told people yours is no i can't really no i can't what is it these are the good old days oh of course right yes of course which you mean it like regardless of whatever's happening no matter how old you are you're always going to look back at like this moment as the good old days right yes because we look back at like this moment as the good old days right yes because we look back at like this moment at things that we say oh this was so wonderful but we don't appreciate them when they're happening and if you look at things as you would look at them from the future then you can see how precious they are much more easily where did this even come from this phrase did you make it up um i don't think i made it up but um it's just from experience it's like i look at that photo and i thought at the time i looked so bad i was like oh my god i'm so bad i'm so bad i'm so bad i'm so so this and so that it's like wow looking at that time years later i looked so wonderful i wish i could have appreciated it then and i don't know how many decades it took me to finally realize it you know but i did want to pass that on to you before it was too late and i'm so happy it took okay mom i have one more question for you since this is a mother's day show will you help me do the billboard for it what does that mean you know what the billboard of the show is i don't know what the billboard of the show is i don't know what the billboard of the show is no the billboard is the thing which is like from the new york times i'm rachel abrams this is the daily okay so it's you start out by saying from the new york times i'm and then you say your name so can you say that okay you want to practice yeah from the new york times i'm alice chestler abrams excellent and now you say this is the sunday daily this is the sunday daily can you try it can you try to sell me on it okay should i okay from the new york times i'm alice chestler abrams and this is the daily the sunday daily from the new york times i'm alice chestler abrams and this is the sunday daily i'll do the next part okay today we partnered with the well desk here to do a call out to readers for your mom mantras and you sent us voice memos so many voice memos about the expressions that your moms used all the time and i'm so happy to be here with you today and i'm so happy to be here with you today and i'm so happy to be here all the time that have stuck with you and that imparted some important wisdom about life it's sunday may 10th actually mom you want to say that it's sunday may 10th okay it's sunday may 10th and we'll be right back with your mom mantras wait what do i say now we'll be right back we'll be right back with your mom mantras my name is jane d i'm originally from somerset massachusetts my mother had a lot of sayings i don't know if they're mantras but they're certainly mom isms every time my brother or sister or i were about to leave the house she would remind us that all all of us have a mom mantras tragedy starts out in fun i'm sorry but way to bring the room down mom my mom ism or mom mantra is hey you're not the only tin can in the dump gargle with salt water grab it and growl life is like a mardi gras you're just rattling around like a fart in a skillet my mom's expression is boo let me explain my mom's a first grade teacher and one day when she was co-teaching this little boy stands up in the middle of her lesson looks at her and just goes traditionally booing is not encouraged at school but when she got home that day she told me about it and we couldn't help but laugh because it's kind of the perfect response to any situation where you have no control but you are not happy about it howdy i'm richard martin from austin texas texas is a state brimming with colorful expressions and one that i heard frequently from my grandmother was take an onion out of that stew which meant i know you're lying to me straighten up and tell the truth hello my name is gwen harvey i live in portland oregon my mom's expression was when in doubt clean if something is bothering you dear child put yourself to work clean a closet clean out a cupboard wash the car wash the dog if you haven't figured out an answer our answers at least you come away with some evidence of things being better howdy hi this is bobby i'm in central texas i got a great story for you okay i was uh stopped by the folks house and i was pulling into the garage and as i pulled in i noticed mom had a half bottle of in one hand and a cleaning rag in the other and she as she was stepping back she was looking back at whatever she had been windexing and as i got out of my car i said ma what you doing and she says i just finished windexing the water heater and i'm oh god i mean my eyes rolled back in my head so i said ma honey it's time for you to get a hobby and she just kept grinning and beaming and staring at that water heater and she says i love the smell of windex in the morning it smells like victory my name is jesse k and i live in miami florida my mom always tells me jesse with one behind you can't sit on the whole world and this is passed down from my grandmother when i was a little girl and i was a little girl when i was a little girl and i was a little girl who used to tell us with one torus you can't sit on the whole world and what my mom means by this is essentially you can't do everything at once hi my name is giselle gauguin and i live in frederton new brunswick canada my mother gail has a favorite expression and it is there's many a slip between the cup and the lip and it means you know don't count your chickens before they're hatched don't get cocky and it's meant to you know bring someone down a peg but my mother being the wonderful person that she is she always means it in the context of don't worry everything is always changing all the time everywhere you know that situation at work that you can't control that you're convinced is going to end badly you know that situation at work that you can't control that you're convinced is going to end it probably won't and if it does it's probably not going to be as bad as you think because there's many a slip between the cup and the lip hi my name is janine and i'm from philadelphia when i was going through my teenage years my mom would say the same thing to me every time i was heading out the door to meet up with friends without fail she would say no sex no drugs only rock and roll hi my name is toby crockett and i'm from paso rovelas in california my mom's expression was don't teach your grandmother how to suck eggs i was always like okay well why would anybody want to suck eggs one why would anybody need to be taught how to suck eggs two and what did my grandmother have to do with it because she didn't know how to suck eggs and she didn't know how to she did not seem like the egg sucking type of course later i learned more about it you know and understood that this was supposed to mean hey stupid whippersnapper don't tell me how to do what i already know how to do like a million times better than you do and while it might have been somewhat confusing as a child now that i'm in my 60s oh it's so righteous how many times do i want to say this it's sort of like i'm in my 60s and i'm like oh my god i'm in my 60s and i'm like oh It's sort of like the all-purpose version of mansplaining. Like, don't mansplain me, and don't teach me how to suck eggs either. My name is Hillary Smith. I live in Brooklyn, New York. I was in middle school, and I was having some kind of meltdown about a school project that just felt too big and too overwhelming, and that I was never going to get it done. And in the middle of my freakout, my mom said to me, Hillary, how do you eat an elephant? And I was kind of like, what? What is she asking me? And I thought about it, and I was like, in a giant gulp? And she was like, no, one bite at a time. Hi, friends. This is Jonathan Caberta. I'm originally from Greensboro, North Carolina, and I've lived in New York for 11 years. My mom's mantra, motto, expression was, sing out, Louise. Which, for those of you who don't know, is a famous line from the musical Gypsy. And my mother, Colleen Caberta, was Mama Rose incarnate. She just was a force of life and a tornado in every room she walked into. And sing out, Louise, meant to my mother to always let your presence be known in every room that you walk into, to make a choice, be specific in that choice, damn the torpedoes on whatever choice you did make. And to Carpe Diem. Hi, I'm Phoebe. I'm from Fairfield, Connecticut. I come from a long line of Syrian women who have intense, unfriendly, frowning faces. And when people meet us, they tend to think we don't like them. And so usually this is something that I try to overcome. But my mom always, always, always reminds me of that. She always reminds us that we have a Syrian look and we can use it on anyone who has wronged us or whenever we need to stand up for ourselves. If someone was being mean to us at school, she would say, give them the Syrian look. And she meant, cut your eyes to them, give them the stank eye, and let them know you can't be messed with. My name is Sean Statham. I live in Seattle. My mom's expression was, roll with the cookie. And she would say this typically when the plans had suddenly gone awry. And she needed her five children to get in line in a hurry. And when I was older, I realized that this was her unintentional mashup of roll with the punches. And that's the way the cookie crumbles. And when I was younger, I thought every family was going to have to roll with the punches. And when I was older, I thought every family used it. And later did I realize that it was unique to us. Hi, I'm Carrie O'Grady, and I'm from Manhattan. So my mom's mantra was, if you feel bad, look better. My mom and I are complete opposites. She is always perfectly put together, and I am not. When I was a teenager, anytime I felt bad, whether it be over a boy or my skin or just life in general, my go-to was wanting to hide in my room. bed, sweatpants, PJs, no makeup, and probably Ben and Jerry's. But my mom would come in and she would say, get up, put on something cute, do your makeup, and you'll feel better. And at the time, I found this insanely annoying. And to be honest, I still do. But now I'm almost 43 and I'm a professor and I commute nearly four and a half hours to and from my university multiple days per week. I live out of bags and I'm perpetually exhausted. But when I pack now, I find myself throwing in something a little extra, whether it be a zebra print or a bedazzled headband or some high heels. I've even perfected applying eyeliner on the Peter Pan bus. So when I get to work and a student says to me, I love your outfit today or you look great today, I immediately feel more awake than I would otherwise, more ready to conquer my day. And while I'm still not ready to say my mom was right, I'm still ready to say my mom was right. I'm still ready to say my mom was right. I'll admit that she was on to something. Hi, my name is Nitsan. I'm from New York, grew up in New Jersey. And my mom's line, anytime we went shopping, I'd pick something up, a candle, a jewelry box, ripped jeans, literally anything. And she'd turn it over in her hands, pause, and without fail say, we can make that, and then return the item to the shelf. Hello, my name is Erin, and I'm from Irvine, California. And one of my mom's favorite expressions is the grass will soon turn to milk. If you think about a cow in a field of grass, the cow eats the grass, and then the grass goes through this labyrinthine digestive process and then becomes milk eventually. Right? So it's this idea that it might take a while, but your hard work will pay off and result in this beautiful, delicious, good thing, the milk. My mom, as a mother of 12, had many mantras. One of my favorite ones was, oh honey, she suffers from terminal uniqueness. A hundred years from now, who will know the difference? If in doubt, do without. Oh God, who cares? We're on an adventure. Don't make fun of something that someone that you love, loves. Hi, my name is Anna Curtis, and I'm from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. My mother's saying was, there isn't a shroud with pockets big enough, which is a slightly more morbid way of saying, you can't take it with you when you go. That, my mother lived that. She lived that by having adventures, by going and exploring, by, and not just adventures in terms of travel, but adventures in terms of things that she did with her life, the way she raised six children. It all fell into this idea that life is for the now and the living, and you have to grab it. And there was always, there's always an adventure in our lives. Even things like, we took an epic road trip from Winnipeg, Manitoba, up to Circle, Alaska, on an unpaved Alaskan highway in a Volkswagen Beetle with nothing but a tent on the top. And, you know, that's reflective of the fact that they didn't sit back and go, we haven't got enough money to go. They just went, how do we make this happen? How do we have this adventure in our lives? And so when my mother passed away many years ago, there wasn't any money left. That's okay. There wasn't a shroud with pockets big enough. Hello, my name is Danielle, and I live in Alamo, California. My mom is this tiny, fiery, extremely loving little Sicilian woman. To know her is to be loved by her and protected by her. But oof, if you do something she thinks is not right, you will know it. This is important context for her mantra that has always stuck with me, which is, just because someone throws you a football doesn't mean you have to catch it. And what she means by that is that all through our lives, people will give you feedback or criticism or they'll make you feel bad about something. And you can just say, thank you for the feedback and just not take it in because it wasn't yours. Hi, my name is Kelsey, and I grew up in Bloomington, Indiana. My mom always used to say, some things just are. Originally, the story behind it was I was a kid that just needed to know why, why, why, why? And I imagined, for a mom juggling all of the things that she was at that time and having a kid who my dad said came out of the chute litigating, that's a little crass. But, you know, when you're younger, you always believe there's an answer for absolutely everything. And so as I got older, I sort of just tapped into it kind of like a touchstone and I would remind myself, some things just are. Hi, I'm Jeff, and I live in Little Rock, Arkansas. My mother's mom, mantra was, if you're lost, any road will take you there. My name is Diane Falcone. I live in Yonkers, New York. Something I heard from my mom a lot when I was growing up was, God punishes you. And you might wonder, why would your mom say that to you? For some context, my mom was a devout Catholic. She tried to become a nun twice in her life. My parents were very active in their parish. We did church on Sundays, and I even wore that little doily on my head back when women had to wear that to church on Sundays. So God in my household was a big deal. So if someone were to have a minor injury, like they would bump their head or stub their toe or pinch a finger, instead of getting a response from my mom like, oh, are you okay? I would get, God punishes you. Which for me, it was horrifying, first of all, because I'm a tiny child. I don't know what I did to piss off God. But I feel like it was my mom's way of saying, well, you must have done something to deserve that. I didn't see it. So God punishes you. I'm Kay from Port Angeles, Washington. And my mom's mantra was, this too shall pass. Oh, boy. Did I hate to hear that? She'd say it when I was a teenager. And I don't know if I was complaining or something. And you know, honestly, it felt a little dismissive. But now I'm 61 years old. I kind of get it. And I would so love to hear her say that to me again. I miss you, Mom. Our mother would say, rain makes you beautiful. Misery is optional. It's never so bad that it couldn't be worse. She said that I should love myself first. There is no pillow as soft as a clear conscience. Hi, I'm Amy Marcus, and I'm from Kailua, Hawaii, living in the San Francisco Bay Area. My mom's phrase that I remember my mom saying a lot, the one that sticks with me, is don't make big decisions late at night. And she used to say this to me on the phone when I would call her from college, because she was still living in Hawaii, and I was upstate New York. So I could call her late at night. And it would still be, you know, dinnertime for her. And I could call her with my anxieties, my worries, my stresses, whatever, just to chat. And I remember her saying, just get some sleep, get some rest, don't make big decisions late at night. And now as a parent to a two-year-old myself, these last few years of pregnancy and new parenthood, I really wish I could call her. And I can't, because she passed away at the end of 2020 unexpectedly. So, you know, parenting has you up at all hours, getting so little sleep. And you find yourself maybe Googling sleep training advice for your baby in the middle of the night. And then I would hear my mom's voice, and she would say, no, don't do this right now. Go to sleep, get some rest, make this decision. When you're feeling a little bit tired, a little more rested, and can think a little more clearly. Hey, this is Sarah from Madison, Wisconsin. And one of my mom's favorite expressions was, if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride. As a kid, I remember her using it in seemingly unrelated situations. You know, like at a family potluck, someone would say, oh, I wish we had remembered the mayonnaise. And my mom would say, well, if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride. Totally confusing. To things like, I wish I had gotten into that college. If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride. And I kind of just always blew it off, because I'm like, I have no idea what you mean by that. But a few years ago, my mom received a terminal cancer diagnosis. And I think, I finally knew what she meant. Because life throws stuff at us. And you didn't want it. And you can wish it wasn't happening. And I did. But that doesn't get you very far. I miss my mom every day. But I'm so grateful to have had her. And I'm so grateful to have had her. I've had her and all of her seemingly crazy sayings that have done so much to help me navigate life without her. Hi there. My name is Rosemary Rowe. I live in Sandston, British Columbia on Vancouver Island in Canada. And an expression that I associate with my awesome mom is, you're a human being. Not a human doing. As in, just being is enough. Now, I have to say, this was always a bit rich coming from my mom, who's a very energetic, accomplished, go-go-go kind of person. When she was about 40, my mom went through a very intense personal psychological journey of and recovery. And she ended up switching careers. She got her PhD. She became a psychologist. But it was around this time, those early days, when she started saying to my brother and I, you're a human being, not a human doing. And as the years went by, that expression really stuck around. Anyway, I feel like this is a great full circle opportunity for me. Because my mom is in her 70s now, and she's recently had a serious heart surgery. And she's been a bit frustrated by the pace of her recovery, because she's still a very energetic, accomplished, go-go-go kind of person. So I just want to take this opportunity to remind her that mom, mom, you're a human being, not a human doing. And she's recently had a serious heart surgery. We'll be right back. So now that we've listened to a whole lot of wisdom from other moms, mom, do you have any advice for future moms? Oh, Jesus. There's a mantra that you've said to me about being a parent. I wonder if you remember what it is. Let me tell you. Yeah. Okay. When you have kids, you do the best job that you can, and then you pray that they forgive you. Oh, that's, yeah. I'm curious where it came from. Oh, that's my own. So, okay. So my advice for mothers is that. We all do the best we can with what we have. It's the hardest job in the world, and we're all second-guessing ourselves, and we make so many, so many choices, and you just do the best you can, and you just hope your kids forgive you, and you do everything with love. And even when you're short with them, and you're upset, you're still doing the best you can with what you have. And you just pray, and you just love them. That's beautiful, Mom. It is. Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Oh, my God. Happy Mother's Day, honey. I love you. Thank you, sweetie. I love you, too, honey. Okay, now I have to go recover. Thanks, dear. Okay. Bye-bye. Okay, bye. Thank you to all the listeners who sent us voice memos. We got more than we could possibly include, but you all have very quotable moms, and we enjoyed listening to all of them. Today's episode was produced by Tina Antolini and was edited by Wendy Doerr, with production assistance from Dahlia Haddad. It contains music by Pat McCusker, Marian Lozano, Dan Powell, and Leah Shaw Dameron. It was engineered by Rowan Nemisto. Special thanks to Katherine Pearson and Melonise McAfee. That's it for The Daily. I'm Rachel Abrams. See you tomorrow.