Foley vs. The Italians! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

New Jersey, Philadelphia, Delaware. You heading down the shore this summer? Of course you are. July 10th, the boys are going to be at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Come out for a little AYG Live. Yes, and before that, we're going to be in Portland, Maine at Empire Comedy Club. Tickets going fast. Then we're going to be in Pittsburgh at the Pittsburgh Improv. And then Hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio. Get your tickets. RUGarbage.com. Stand up comedy. Play AYG with the crowd. It's a good, good time. We'll see you there. Best summer ever. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RUGarbage. Oh, my God. It's that little show where you sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if the group to be classy. Yeah. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Dave Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the new addition. She just got a nose job. Okay. Yeah, made it bigger. I respect. Got to get more up there. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies, just the way we like it. Family. Friends, family, togetherness, tightness. Having each other's back. Do you want to do this? Sticking it out together. Bonus time here over at RUGarbage. Give it up for our good pal, Kevin James Ryan. What up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on our channel. Video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the mother frigging charts. Then obviously, www.patreon.com. So I'll show you garbage. You go over there. You join them. I mean, listen, there's over six or about 16,000 paid subscribers. That's a regiment. That's a regiment. Listen, the proof is in the pudding. How about that? If you think the bang ain't for you. Also, you join today. You get the last five years. All right there. Plus the video of Tootie's nose job. Don't go, don't go promising stuff that we don't have. Maybe I do. Okay. All right. Uh, yeah. So check that out, gang. Yeah. I thought you'd have a comment about me pouring my water. Oh, I, you, you, you want me to have a comment about you pouring your water? I don't. I seen you. You said, Oh, someone look at me. I'm eight. Fully. Look, please. Look at me. Is this cool? Is this cool? And then no one does it. I thought you were going to say something about me. You pour my water. How old are you? 50. Huh? I can flip my eyelids inside out. I wanted to ask you this before we get started, something quick. This is good. Thank you. You just said it out there. I'm done. I'm done. Goddamn dramatic actor. Anyway. Please. A drama queen. Give me that. I just call you. Thank you. Do it. Are you familiar? Nope. Thanks for stopping by. Okay. Thank you. Are you familiar with the term? Shrimp ring? Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's never come across my radar. Is that what that's called? What? The, when you get like the frozen shrimp. They had to say frozen. The frozen. When you get the frozen shrimp. Yeah. We were. It's kind of a store bought thing. Not kind of. It's a store bought thing. You're not getting that. Like you go to Captain Chucky's. You're not getting a, you're not. You're getting fucking fresh shrimp. Sure. Yeah. It's not in that little thing that comes out. It's not in that little car. Yeah. It's not in that little thing that goes around. You don't think that's trashy? You don't think. First of all, I never, I never said that. You asked do I know what it is. Yeah. I never knew that's what it's called. And I also, as a, you know, a man, you don't think I'd be able to put together what the two words shrimp ring were. Took me about a week and a half. I don't know what they were talking. Shrimp ring. But once you figured that, you haven't looked back, have you big dog? I can't do shrimp like that. Okay. I. I like fresh shrimp. Okay. Cocktail. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Shrimp is the trashiest seafood. Yeah. They're like bugs. Yeah. No, they're not. Shrimp rings. Trashy. Go to the store. You get a shrimp ring. You're trash. I would argue all shrimp is trash. You're fucking nuts. I don't know. You're nuts. It was always fancy to me, but I come from dirty, dirty people to him. We used to make it. My stepdad, the recipe died with him. He wasn't able to pass it down. Really? Yeah. What he made. I don't know. I put a lot of Coors Light in it. I swear to God. It was like this brown as you, this brown liquid, like Bay water. Yeah. Uh huh. And how would he serve the shrimp? I mean. Oh, there was no shrimp involved? He'd lay down, take his clothes off and put them on top. Now. Yeah. They would just be like on a platter, maybe in a ring shape, a cocktail sauce. Oh, so it was a dip. Yeah. It was like an as you type lip liquid. Not as you. It's a. For hot shrimp or cold shrimp? I think they were hot shrimp. Hot shrimp. Hot shrimp. I don't know. That's weird. Hot shrimp cocktail. What? Well, shrimp cocktail means it's cold, so it wouldn't be hot. Right? No. Yes. Maybe. No. Right? Sure. Cocktail means cold shrimp. So. So yeah. By definition. I mean, there's a crab cocktail is in cold shrimp. Cocktail crab. Yes, it is. It's cold. Cocktail. Cocktail means cold. When in, in that is what I say. Yes. You said it means cold shrimp. In that vernacular. Sure. Systematically. Nomadically. Crustationally. You got something on this? Is it? You guys are right. But they, there is hot shrimp cocktail. It's a fun twist. Fun summer twist on. Shut the fuck out of here. Fun. Say shut up with the fun. I don't. It's not you personally. But the fun summer twist. Shut up. Can anybody have fun? No. Jesus Christ. Just because you're all bored doesn't mean everybody else can't have out there and fucking let loose a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. All right. I'm going to let you loose a little bit. Yeah. Have some hot shrimp. Stick in the mud. It's famously championed by a hero of yours. Anthony Bourdain. Ina Gartner. Man. Where the fuck was she? When? I would have never kept her happy. That guy's got cash, Jeremy. You can't keep Luke happy. What are you talking about? He's your employee. You're not even married to him. You're not keeping a lot of people happy. I keep them happy. What? Chexie coming in. This one's late, but listen. I love the not looking up. Like a dog who just got caught going through the garbage. I think you're going to be late. I don't understand this. So hot shrimp around this brown sauce? I don't know if it's hot. I don't think they're cold though. It's not chilled. Maybe they're room temp shrimp. Cooked. They're cooked shrimp. Are they de-veined? I think so. Yeah. It doesn't really bother me. Mm-hmm. The poop. Whatever that is. A little flavor. Yeah. I don't think it's protein. I wouldn't mind going to that place out in San Francisco. It's called Swan Seafood Shop or Sam's Seafood Shop. That's a Bourdain spot. He eats the brains of the crab in the crab shell. Swan Oyster Depot. Yes. They got a dish out there where you're just eating a brain. First time I saw it, it was an Asian couple that came into Devon and I was working there. They ordered. This lobster had been there since I started working there. This thing was like six pounds. Mm-hmm. Called him Bubba. He was not six. He was a monster. They say once you get past two, that's an old fucker and you don't want to be eating it. You want to keep lobster about one and a quarter pound, two pound, maybe three, a couple. Mm-hmm. They cracked this fucker open and they fucking turned the head upside down, the body, and they fucking put the mustard stuff in there. What were they, in the kitchen? They were eating it. No, they did it all at the table. They did it? They did it. What, did they get in a tank? I cooked it. I had the chef cook it for them. That's the one they wanted. They were like, "Give me that one." It was just- I don't like your insertion of you into this. Grains. You had the chef cook it for them. I waited on them. Yeah, you waited on them. You didn't ask. I sold them, Bubba. You didn't go, "Listen, you know, a guy in the back. He fired up." I sold them. They said, "What's the biggest lobster you got?" You won't. I said, "It's about four or five pounds." It's a big dog bag. It's in my underwear. Why would I have lobster in my underwear? Huh? You're being stupid. Now, crab, sure. I don't think I've ever laughed like that. That's crazy. I just pictured you waiting tables with a big fucking, I don't know if it was your dick or your poop. I don't know, but it was a big lobster and claws sticking out. Maybe that's how you get your tricks. I had a weird dream with you in it last night. I don't want to hear it. I didn't say I was going to tell you. Well, it's a weird. You want to tell me so bad. I don't know what you've. You've told me a lot of dreams, and I'm well-documented. I don't ever want to hear anybody's dream stories. Can you turn the volume up on that water a little bit? I didn't want to drink it out of the thing. This isn't performative. Are you kidding me? You're really looking for a personality, guy. I represent that. Keep saying that. Second show, you said that. I'm looking for a. I got a fucking personality. Ponytail guy. Duh. Right now. Okay. You don't like shrimp? That's crazy. I don't like shrimp, but it is. It's always. Dirtbags are always like shrimp cocktail is the fanciest thing in the world. Growing up, to me. Yes, that was. You don't expect. Shrimp. Shrimp. Shrimp. That was the most expensive that was to guys like us. It's always the most expensive thing at dirtbag menus. That's a good. From a kid from his world, that makes sense. To us, it is classy. I had to got the shrimp. Joe's doing his shrimp. I was so good. Try to get one out of your dad. It was like fucking trying to get a kidney from him. Yeah. Only. Yeah. I mean, we were. Well, Doc, I'm a crab guy. He'll give you three. We never ordered it out. Maybe if we were due. Very special occasion. Yeah, no, I don't know. I mean, Applebee's doesn't, didn't. Maybe my stepdad would get. I picture him like a surf and turf. Oh, those are the trash. Shrimp and chicken. Those shrimps suck. I remember being on a hot skillet and him being like picking his teeth with a toothpick. The long toothpick that they give you. You got to soak them in water? There'd be like four shrimp on it or something. Yeah, they suck. Yeah. They were the worst shrimp ever. They look like little sand crabs. Ain't no meat on that thing. It's all pale. Nobody got to them things before they came out. Took a bite out of them. Squirrels were eating them. Yeah. No, we were never. I don't think my mom really liked them growing up. And he would get it like at Applebee's. That would be the time we saw them. Whatever they, whatever special they were running. You know what I mean? I'll do the Jack Daniel's steak. With shrimp. A baked potato. There must have been a surplus of shrimp from like 1995 to 2002. Because they were everywhere. Popcorn, shrimp. Everybody got them. Yeah. They were throwing them at you for free. Well, I think that was trashy. People thought you can go there and get cheap shrimp. Go to Bonefish Grill. I remember I met my mom there one time. She was eating. I had to borrow money off her. She ran. I pulled. I pulled. I pulled. I pulled up. It was in like Doylestown. It was like far from where, like. What a loser. Yeah. I drove up to get like. She didn't make you come to the table, like the three wise men? Nah, she was embarrassed. I was like her and her friends from work. How much did you have to get off her? Nah, I burned half in gas getting there. 40 bucks? You probably went right to Wawa and bought a pack of heaters. For sure, dude. I'm driving all the way up to fucking Doylestown. I got 40. Probably was 40 bucks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 40 bucks. Getting a shrimp cocktail with that. Probably an entire. Yeah. Now, but then we're going to Banefish Grill. Carrabbies. You watch your mouth. Oh, what is this? There's this one where we grew up. It's the perfect Philly. Millers? No. We are the Millers. Which, by the way, very underrated movie. Great film. Great. Very of that time. I'm assuming. Sudeikis, man. Arnett can kick rocks. I'm Sudeikis. Don't get me started on Sudeikis. I love him. And not that Ted Lasso shit. I love that Ted Lasso shit. No. But Sudeikis. This one. Carlucci's Grill. We're going over to Carlucci's. She'd hit me with that one, dude. They do garlic on the breadsticks. Let's get the dinner. It's real garlic. Let's get the dinner menu there. You get the mussel Carlucci. What's that? Salted with garlic, olive oil. It comes in a pickle. The second, the fifth. Comes with a tip. Fried or spicy calamari, buffalo chicken tenders. That's on the appetizer. Buffalo calamari. Also, this was another big name growing up. Sopranos on the bada bing shrimp. Get the bada bing chicken. Oh, yeah. But it was completely different from. It was like Asian. Wasn't bada bing shrimp. Oh. What the fuck? You bite of your tongue. I was talking. And no, Carlucci's. I thought I remember it was. Mr. and Mrs. Carlucci, I'd like to apologize on behalf of the H Foley Industries. I thought it was. It's a Thai chili sauce base. Boom. Bada bing. Fuck you and fuck Carlucci. That's crazy. Yeah. That's why I'm doing it right now. No, you got to beep that. I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Carlucci. I didn't mean any disrespect. Well, they obviously who owns Carlucci, probably Burger King or something like that. No, this is a this is a. Oh, it was a single family. It wasn't a chain. No, you fucking ass. How are you going to get me fucking whack? You said Bonefish Grill. No, you said pay. No, no, no, no, no. First of all, who the fuck owns Bonefish Grill? Come get some. All right. I live at 235 Bunker Hill Road. Stop by any time. Someone's been watching the town. It's on Tubi. It's on Tubi. But I didn't know Carl. I didn't know the Carlucci's was a fucking local spot. I thought it was a chain from our family. You got to beep that. I'm almost back. I'm not getting whacked now. These guys don't play. Yeah, no shit, dickhead. You fucking set me up. I didn't know. You did. You're the only guy. You mentioned Carrabba's, which is owned by Taco Bell. Then you fucking sneak Carlucci's in there. Get me talking shit about bottom being shrimp. And now all of a sudden, fucking running. You're up again. That's what you do. You're like Jackie Jr. You are. Fuck this. Let's go to Carlucci. I'm a Carlucci's man. Shout out. Are you going to find me? Bag of trash up in Boonton? I believe it's in Yardley, Pennsylvania. Shout out to Carlucci's. Right there. Right. It used to be right next to Kohl's. My mom would take me back to the school shop and at Kohl's. And then we'd hit Carlucci's. Or maybe we'd go to Dick's Sporting Goods, then hit Carlucci's. Mr. and Mrs. Carlucci, that was directed towards Kevin and his argument that bottom being shrimp wasn't a Thai chili sauce. I don't know how you guys serve it at your place, which I'd love to come by as a guest. Nope. I apologize. Look, you're trying to get a free meal out of this. I'm not trying to get a free meal. I'm trying to save my goddamn life. That's all I need now. It's a creamy, spicy sauce. They say nothing about Thai or Thailand or the good people of the Far East. We're talking about creamy, spicy Italian sauce. But commonly, the bottom being sauce. Thai chili base with sriracha. Yes. Or a stripper with braces. Shout out to Tracy. God rest her soul. You know what I'm talking about? Uh-huh. Ooh, the chimp and shrimp Stephanie. Excuse me? Chimp and shrimp? The chicken. Chimp and shrimp? These are monkey steaks. Chicken and shrimp Stephanie. Grilled chicken strips, jumbo shrimp sautéed with bacon, asparagus, sun-dried tomatoes in a vodka sauce topped with penne pasta. That's probably their daughter, their beautiful daughter. I got to go here next time. Sun-dried tomato? Figured you'd stay clear of that. They're okay. It's like a raisin. Yeah, it's something I like, Mel. I like you. I don't like that. Yeah. No, I like them. It feels like skin sometimes. Yeah, sometimes you get a wet one or something. Like a tongue. Like I'm tongue-kissing something. I don't know. I've never tongue-kissed anybody. Have you? What? I can't imagine you kissing. You say this all the time, and the amount that you've said it makes me think you picture it a lot. Oh, yeah. Oh, bring it up, and then, ugh. A lot of big shrimp breath. You ever have Thai chili? No. I'm a goddamn patriot. Find out who owns Carlucci's, please. I know it. It's on the website. Is it the Carlucci family? It's an Italian family. I see. We can't be talking shit about a nice fucking family on a restaurant like that. I didn't talk anything. You going to let me hang out there, Luke? I'm going to have to put you down like Jackie Jr. You're not going to do it. Shit. You'd have the nerve to put a gun to the back of my head and pull the trigger? Better not miss. Please don't. Please don't. I need this. I'm going to have to take Denise out there for dinner, smooth things over with the family. What? You got beef? Oh, you're going to go out there and represent me? Not representing you. I'm talking about a drug. Went down to Miami. I was doing a lot of coke. That was Ralphie's story. Worked for him. Got to whack this Foley character. Been running his belt now too long. What if Carlucci came to you and was like, listen, either you take him out or we take you out? I'd say, hey, give it six weeks. He'll probably do it to himself. You would do. No, I'm not. Walking every day. Not telling anybody where. Yeah, to the bridge. Would you do the honorable thing? What's the honorable thing? You'd take the bullet for me. Yeah, that's what I would do. You wouldn't? I already have arrows in my back. You wouldn't? You would do that? If they came to you. I'd have to take the knife out of my back that you put there and try to. Get the fuck out of your knife out of your back. And try to defend myself against. You're dripped out in diamonds and jewels. Against the Carlucci's. I wonder if they got a tour of Italy. They got a tour of Italy over there? I don't know. It's a little. Maybe they got Scuji to back me up. There you go. Those guys don't fight clean. You need the Scuji's, I presume. Shout out to Scuji. Get the tour of Italy if you're going over there. And that peanut butter pie, it's delicious. Obviously, Carlucci's, I'm joking. I'm going to have to take Denise over there. I'll sit them down. They do booze over there? Maybe it's BYOB. They got a root beer float. Fuck, now I'm really pissed. You fucked up, guy. You're running your mouth. In another life, I could have been working for the Carlucci. Making root beer floats. Drinking them. They got a Carlucci's food truck now available for off-premise events. Hire them. Get them over here. Whatever it costs. Next Philly show. Get them over here. Next Philly show. I've brought the sponsor, my car. Whatever. Yes. Baby showers, bridal showers, birthday dinner, or any special occasion. Like your best friend and partner's funeral. Have the beef and beer there. I'd be fucked up. They whack me and you got to have the. I got to have it there. Hey, we'll give you. Give you 10% off, huh? Your friend was a jerk-off. No, I did nothing to. Do it then. We know. We're having fun. Shout out to the car. I brought it up because I knew you would love it. You were trying to disagree with me and trash me and Bonefish Grill. Yeah, I got you. We got you. Relax. Man, I'm going to have to save your keister. Get the fuck out of here. I'll run. I'll run. I'll go straight to Sicily. They're going to find me over there. You think they don't know about anybody over there? Until I got Apollonia. Yeah, I'll be starting a car. I'll be over there teaching you how to drive. Boom. Did we just get married? Took my virginity. What? Creep. See, you always say, you always bring this. They were a couple. You wish. They kissed me. And I got all that fucking bottom being shrimp breath going on. Gang, let's talk Pesty. Pesty, Pesty, Pesty. Now, Kippy's the Pesty King. Who you doing? This guy's a client. Mm-hmm. Listen, nobody likes bugs around the house. Listen. It's summertime. Nobody wants creepy crawlers ruining a party. And that's taken from the bug man. Nobody wants him around. Also, too, you got kids, you got pets. Well, what are you going to do? What's the answer? You got kids and you got pets and you don't want bugs in your house. Kippy, straighten them out. Yes. First of all, Pesty is kid and pet friendly. The pesticides they ship are fully registered and have been used in hospitals and schools all over the country. Pesty offers a 100% bug-free guarantee or your money back. Pesty gets rid of over 100. Types of bugs from spiders and ants to roaches and scorpions. Like I've said, if you got scorpions, you got bigger problems, okay? You better put a for sale sign in front of your house. Yeah, you take care of scorpions. Do Pesty. Listen, it's also very easy. They ship it. You mix it up yourself. I do it. You put your little hose sprayer on. You go around the house. You do the two-foot sweeps. It's got a little Hummer battery on it. Do the house twice. Do a double dose. Get them out of here. Keep it going. I think it's like. You're a family man. Complete it in less than 10 minutes. I think it's like everything's. You're ready within an hour to keep going back on the thing. How you doing? Out the door. So what are you waiting for? Fix your bug problem before it gets worse. Go to Pesty.com slash AYG for an extra 10% off your order today. That's Pesty. P-E-S-T-I-E dot com slash AYG for an extra 10% off. Gang, we're talking Oriframes. Oriframe, Oriframe, Oriframe. That's right, Kippy. You know them. You love them. Oriframe is the best gift that you can give your aunts, your uncles, your mom, your dad. Your dad. It's pa. Father's Day. Yes. Kippy. Listen. I'm getting you an Oriframe. Thank you. And if my wife was worth her weight, she'd also throw me an Oriframe and I'd respect that I have them in every room. One for the office. Boom. One for the house. Boom. Now listen, my dad's dead. I can't get him an Oriframe. But you know what my mom would appreciate? Pictures of my dad. That's why she's got an Oriframe. Yeah. And I upload pictures of my old man. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. All the time. Yes. I don't know who's running around in that house down there, but they see the old man, they know, they got a lot of, they got some heat to follow. Sure. Guys, we've said it once, you've said it a million times, Oriframes are a great gift for anybody, specifically your dad. I follow his day to day. I don't talk to my dad, but if I did, maybe I can bury the hatchet with a nice Oriframe. If anything can do it, it's that. And I take that to the bank. You get free unlimited storage for all your pictures. You can preload photos before it ships. You can personalize your gift. I'll add a message before it arrives. The gift box is included. You share your photos and videos effortlessly through the app. Bada bing, bada boom. Top rated app. Reach number one in the app store on Christmas day in 2025 because they're moving frigging units. Moving. Numbers don't lie. Name number one by Wirecutter. You can now save by visiting Oriframes.com for a limited time. Listeners can get $35 off their bestselling Carver mat frame with the code garbage. That's Oriframes.com, promo code garbage. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions, conditions applied to it. Yeah. All right. Listen, we got to start a family episode on our hands. We got to do some business here. We got, we got to talk. We got, we got you guys. As you know, when you join the Patreon, we're going to answer your garbage questions on the air. What am I talking? I got 16,000 guns on the street. What am I worried about? You don't think the homies got nickel? You don't think the homies like a nice Italian dish? Come on. I ain't panicking. I'll go to the fucking mattresses. Take a nap. Helix. I can't sleep on anything else. All right. Listen, all jokes aside here, we're having fun. Shout out Carlucci's. I don't like this. What? You crack your seltzer now. I should have waited. You're such a psycho. I don't like that. I don't what? You do it at the cool time. Dude, everything to you is like a personal affront and or attack. Shark, seltzer me, please. Lime. Shark. He beams one through the fucking curtain. Takes you right in the head. And he looks over and he wipes his hands. And he goes, that's when the Carlucci's come up. I'm speaking in a Chinese accent like that lady by the big. I listen. All jokes aside. There's a great way. What a transition. This is from Big Z to the sauce monkey. Shout out to a long term investor. That's what his train is called. Italian sauce monkeys. Shout out to the boys. The boys is a garbage. If you wear clothing from an amusement park, roller coasters. My adult. Age friend has a king to car and El Toro shirt in his normal wardrobe rotation. You are king to con, isn't it? He wrote king to car. I think it's car. King was a snake, right? I thought it was a monkey. I don't know. Something. That's this is great adventure. Sure. They played it fast and loose. You are a 100% bozo. If you're wearing that, you gotta be. What if you're in a band? A cool like alt band. I'll give you that. If you're wearing it, ironically, Julian Casablanca from the stroke. Luke's war. It'd be pretty cool. Yeah. Well, if once you're a rock star, I'll, you know, you make some covered. I'm not wearing it. Yeah, that's a. Yeah, it's trash. Also, to spend your money on that, they're probably. What do you think? What do you think? A merchandise T-shirt goes for over a great adventure. They bang out. I mean, that ain't target prices. My dad wouldn't buy anything. I feel like we packed our lunch. Was that possible? I think so. Yeah. That we brought food in. Mm hmm. I was just somewhere where that way they did that, where it was like you can. I was shocked that you could. I think you can. Can you bring food into a baseball stadium? Yeah, probably like sandwiches and stuff, right? I can eat a peanut butter sandwich guy next to me. Got a plate of nachos. I'm sitting there looking like a dickhead. Peanut butter sandwich. Peanut butter and jelly. Watching the game. That stinks. Mouth fucking dry. Like a goat out in the fucking bleachers. No. Thanks. Fucking burning hot summer day. Yeah. Peanut butter is melting. All oily. Where I was just somewhere where I'm like, oh, you won't be able to like, oh, no, you're allowed to bring that stuff in where I was shocked. I'm not going to recall. How do you feel about people that bring food into a restaurant if they have like dietary restrictions? No, I'm OK. I actually brought some. I don't think that flies a car. Oh, it's not. Um, I, uh, yeah, no, I mean, I would say I have a friend who has pretty strict dietary stuff. She, um, and you can always find something on the menu, something whether I'll just do the salad. Does this salad come with whatever can. All right. I'll just lose that. And can you just do that with grilled chicken? Like there's a way to negotiate around it. I don't, I don't have the nerve. My boy does that. Bring stuff. No, well, he did. What does that look like? And not even him specific. How, what does, I don't know what that looks like. It was like a soup. It was like a butternut squash soup. I got my own soup. Yeah. He was like on a really strict thing, but he would order something too. He would say, listen, unfortunately, they would call ahead, do all that stuff, but he'd order, he'd order grilled chicken, but then he would have like requests. Like you can't cook it in butter. Don't do this. Don't do that. It's a lot of stuff. A lot of guys do that. Those kitchen guys would be such fucking pricks about that. What? Like I was ordering it. Yeah. They hate it. Let's make the fucking chicken. I feel like it's probably now it has, like you're also, all of your war stories are from a different time in waiting tables. Now, like, I mean, you used to hate when people would like, hey, can we split this between two cards? Now it's like, that's just, hey, what'd you have? You had the Coke and like that. It's, things are significantly different. I think more people are requesting that. The no butter or no whatever. What do you cook it in? Not at those, not at those, not at like a chef restaurant. Couldn't do that on the bear. I don't think. Tell you to beat it, right? Yeah. No substitutions. Uh, yeah. I mean, if it's like Michelin, I think, yeah, you're not allowed. Michelin. Michelin. But why? Wait, was, I got to ask, was it, uh, the Michelin man? Was it, uh. How'd they become the authority? I know. Do you want to know? Or do you not know? You've told me before. Uh. They would go around. My wife texts me. Can you text me? Can you call me when you're done recording? Like, I need that right now, lady. Call her up. Like, what's this? I hear you bringing food into a restaurant. Um. No, I just, I was like, is everything okay? Like, you can't. That's panic mode. Yeah. Yeah. Um. Nobody texts me anymore, so. No, they were, it was a guide to promote people to drive. So it was like, hey, go to these towns when you're, when you're driving and we'll, you can stop at these good restaurants. Okay. Um. At least that's according to Instagram. It was a certain amount of tires worth going. And like, yeah, I think you. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, something like that. - Like six tires worth going? - Exactly, yeah. - And then they became Authority on, it's got to be separate from the tire division, I would assume. Yeah, but it started out as, hey, we're going to give you good restaurant recommendations while you're on your road trip. Is Michelin an American company? I don't know. And why do they say Michelin star instead of Michelin star? French company. French tires? Oh, that's it. I'm a Pirelli man. Shout out to the Carlucci's, keeping it in house with these guys. With Pirelli's on the tires. Um, what were, okay. Who does all the tires for F1? Pirelli? Pirelli. It wasn't tires, yeah. So, one star, a very good restaurant worth a stop, two stars worth a detour, three stars worth a special journey. Now it's fucking crazy. Yeah, I think it's just as a, you know, you wanted to get on the list, and then the list became more refined. I was a Zagat man back in the day. I never, I never, that missed. You weren't? No, my mom was obsessed with Zagat when it dropped. My mom, I guarantee you, my mom doesn't even know what it is. Because they only had it in New York for a while. They didn't have it in Philly. It came later. Yeah, I mean, if, is Carrabba's on Zagat? Probably. Now, but not when it dropped. Like, my mom wasn't. I think they were a couple. Unless it was just a Saturday Night Live sketch, I don't remember. The Zagats? Yeah. I don't know. Zagats. I got you. Bob Zagats. Huh, RIP. RIP. I heard he crawls the Grilucci's. Established by Tim and Nina Zagat. Aw. Probably, like, they're probably New York people. Yeah. I doubt they were from, you know, Saskatchewan. They came down and. All right, this one. Don't go there, you hoser. Hey, please, thanks. Too many toonies. You get two beer. I did some of Stephen Clark's $10 home. He never had one. Stephen Clark? Yeah. That's a solid name. Uh-huh. Mr. Clark. That's the guy that should be running our company. Stephen Clark. I don't know why you undermine me publicly. Well, that's like in The Founder. I always thought it was undermined. Undermined. You're undermining me. Undermining. Yeah, I found that out, like, very recently. Wait, what is it? Mining. Like a mine. Yeah, like you're. You're going under. You're cutting them off. Oh, I thought it was undermining me. Undermining. Fred Turner was the guy's name. He ended up running McDonald's. Ice Turner was my guy's name. Gonna move that car, girl. I can't do a voice. I was texting Norman that the other day. Undermining. Undermining. You really undermine me. Mm-hmm. Cut me off. Like. Make me look like a Johnny Come Lately. Sure. Or a Daydream Johnny. Mm-hmm. That's from Life Aquatic with Steve Sussow. Mm-hmm. I'm a Stephen Clark guy myself. Anywho. Stephen Clark. Shout out to you. Stephen Clark. That's a name you can trust. If I end up with a squeaky wheel on my shopping cart at Walmart, I take it to the hardware section and spray it with WD-40. I've done it twice and it worked both times. Am I garbage? That's a fucking Stephen Clark move right there. You're a goddamn American genius. That's what you are. That's a fucking man. That's a man. Because as a guy who's recently started being in the burbs and using shopping carts, you don't find out till you're too far. You're like, ah, you think it's going to settle out. It doesn't. And then you go, I got a bum cart. But you already got one or two. You're not going to go back to the. You're a man. You're a roughet. This guy goes, I'll rough it right to the hardware. Spray it down. Whoa. Brilliant. Only thing I could see about that, they wouldn't want that. You sprayed a tire, sprayed a wheel. You're a little bit on the floor. Some dumbass comes along around the corner, slips on WD-40. You're shopping at Walmart now? I don't think I've ever used a cart. I don't use a cart. Shopping for one. A lot of rotisserie chicken. How do you carry seven rotisserie chicken? I have them delivered. I do live bird. That's a very New York thing. Have you ever done that? Or what would it take? I would ask for you to do that. What? Kill a chicken? No. You owe me money. Carlucci told me that I would. Carlucci tells me to push a button on a chicken. I'm pushing that button. What, um. A lot of buffers, Your Honor. What, uh. No, you get the groceries delivered. Like, my grocery store does that. And the guys there, it's like an economy. The guys are there. Like, they're the bagger, older, retired guys or whatever. I don't grocery shop. I know, but I'm just saying. Nah, well, I need the. I couldn't get, like, a rotisserie. I wouldn't trust them to get a rotisserie chicken or my eggs. Why? Because I got to open the carton. I got to look and make sure they're all right. I got to do that freaky stuff. The milk, I got to get the one from behind. I'm not taking the first milk off the shelf. What am I, a fucking dickhead? It expires tomorrow? No, you go back. I got to do that shit myself. You know what I'm saying? Sure. I don't even like doing that. I don't even really like. I don't even like getting the Chipotle ordered, because I don't see it. Okay, well, then, stop ordering it. You've had it about three times this week, so it's not bothering you that much. I got that Chipotle honey. When a Chipotle honey chicken runs out, I'm done. Wait till they drop that bottom-bing shrimp on you. That's the Chipotle wants to take over the world? Drop some bottom-bing chicken on me. Why don't they copy that model? What? That Chipotle model with other stuff. I mean, they have. Everywhere. I guess they have. That sweet green, all that shit. Cava, yeah. Yeah, there's like every cuisine has one. All right, I'm sorry. Take my wife, please. Man, Stephen Clark with a home run. That is great. This one's from Joey Bag of Donuts. $10 homie. You's ever tried a fat ass in a glass? When you come to Portland, Maine, which we'll be there, ask for it at a dive bar. Sweet. Boys would enjoy it. It's a boozy. I can't. Big man can't have a boozy. Ice coffee beverage. You put my business out there. I can have a drink if I want one. Just everybody take cover. You son of a bitch. You never lie. Look at your shirt. I'm done. That's a fat ass in a glass. That's a great trashy dive bar thing. What was it again? It was an ice coffee boozy beverage. See what you got there, Lucas. It's a coffee flavored brandy and cold milk or cream over ice. It's got the big man right in the hole. Talk about a fat ass in a glass. Fat ass on the floor of the bar. I'm going to do two of these and get my fat ass on the dance floor. Doing a half and half out there. They're backing it up and dumping it on somebody. I mean, you're getting fucked up on chocolate milk. That's crazy. Holy shit. Oh, my God. I'm going to do two fat asses in a glass if I get my tiny dick wet. I'm spitting up like a baby. That sounds all right. That's very funny. But I can't do it. Hand up. I'm focused. I'm working on me. Hand up. I want to have a hot dog up there. I feel like I got good hot dogs up here. That's important. Okay. Actually, I got a spot. What? Do they? What? You got a spot? Yeah. I got family up there. You do? Are they coming to the shows? Yeah. Can we stay with them? Yeah. Whose side of the family? Well, Bryce Dickens. They got it. Dad's side. They got it. You comped them out? Yeah, of course. Did you already comp them? Yeah. Oh, fuck. Chickens are running a roost in here. He's got their hands in my pocket. I'm going to need some muscle. Call it the Carlucci's. There's only a couple people back in there. Got to answer to the Carlucci's. The fuck? They're skimming the skim. I'm going to hit Carlucci's heavy. Stay tuned for the fucking Instagram carousel coming from Kippy. Heavy. I'm getting everything. Okay. I'm going to slay that. Shrimp Jackie. No, that's a- Shrimp Jackie's down in, don't tell me. Russo's. Not Russo's. No. Alfie's. Alfie's. Shrimp Stephanie. Shrimp Stephanie. Beautiful girl. Chicken Shrimp Stephanie. Probably a wonderful lady. Mm-hmm. I don't know why you brought that up. Kippy, this is Factor. Factor, Factor, Factor, Factor. Now, I don't got to tell you. Mm-hmm. We don't got to tell most of the bozos and the homies out there. Nah. But if you don't know- Now you know. Now you know. Okay? Factor. Ready to eat. Two minutes. We're talking lean, nutritious, delicious. Fills you up. Mm-hmm. Summertime. Summertime's here. You're on the go. Man, this is me saying this. You want to be looking good? Factor. Yes. Factor, Factor, Factor. I can't say it enough. 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That's Chime.com slash garbage. Sign up now. It only takes a few minutes. Do it. Do it. All right. Let's see. This one's good. This is from LaxCoach72. What's up? Are you garbage if your dad became the disco king of Fort Lauderdale after he divorced you? After he divorced your mom in 1976? Holy shit. That guy closed some. He said there's a dance floor, and they turned it into a parquet dance floor, and it was a living room, I guess, for the after parties. Uh-huh. He said every now and then there'd be a new smoke show making them pancakes in the morning. No shit. He was around for that. That should be a movie. Yeah. The disco king of Fort Lauderdale. From Told from the Story of the Sun. Yeah. Coming of age tale. Of course. A coming of age. I could get cracking on that. I'd get a treatment ready. Uh-huh. Tell this kid to hit me up. Cut him in 25%. Plus, I'll need distribution, and I'll need to take a look at his smoke show. This is like when Chrissy got into Cleaver. You don't get it, Tone. I'd write a character with you, but you're retarded. It was this fat, bald kid that I had at the disco. Everybody made fun of him. His name was Melvin. Melvin Bryan. He got hit with a bowling pin. Thought it was a gumball. That's a work in progress. So you had to punch his up for me? Get Clark on the job. Bring Clark in on this. Have you done any work yourself? You're bringing a lot of guys. You're giving away a lot of points. That's what a genius does. They put people around them. Elon Musk didn't start Tesla. It was some fucking engineer. He put cash behind him. Right? Sure. I don't have any of that. I have access to it, though. I could drum up some business. You don't think I can go out there and get fucking two, three million? Uh-uh. Bullshit. You don't think I can go out there and get investors? I know two, three guys I can hit up right now that would say no. It would block their number. I'll get restraining orders tonight. If you needed cash, who's the first person you'd call? First famous, first person in our world that you're calling that you think would get it. I'm calling you, dumbass. Well, that's my. No, not outside of me. What? There's a manager. Liquid date. What are you going to get for these mics? I'm playing the game. Who would I call? I mean, there's two people that I would call. That's what I'm asking. Can I say? Yeah, why not? Call Schultz. Sure. Gilly. Sure. Those are two good ones. Pretty good ones. Yeah. Um. I know who mine would go to. What'd you say? New guy, Luke. Call new guy, Luke. Mark the shark. As for a couple of. You mean mark the shark at a bonefish grill for 40 bucks? What about security? Nothing on that? That's crazy. Yeah, that would be my call. You think so? I would. I was texting with him yesterday. He would have pity on me. I don't think they would do it because they would be worried that they were contributing to something. Mm-hmm. You know? I don't really build up that kind of credit yet. Sure. Like, are you going to go get fucked up with me? I think the next call would be me. Fuck. They'd be like, Hey, don't call Kevin. That sucks. If you say don't call Kevin. I got this dickhead watching me 24-7. That's a dead giveaway. Oh, my God. Hey, listen. Just. I need 250 grand, Kevin. 250? I wouldn't ask him for that. 40 grand. Okay. First thing I'm getting, a pack of heaters. Dude, that's ripping that first rip outside the seven on. Ooh, doggie. Eyes rolling back. Back in your head. Yeah. Okay. But, yeah, if you said don't. I'd say Burt, but I think, you know, he's not handling that. Mm-hmm. You know? I have to go to the missus. Yeah. And she'd probably be very concerned. Mm-hmm. So, probably no dice there. Yeah. Stobby, I would say, he'd probably. No. What? Yeah. Well. Hmm. I have some outside people I could go to, too. Okay. Carlucci's. Carlucci's. Carlucci's. I think so. I want that big every Friday. Oh, no, I don't. All right, let's see. That's a lot of garlic, man. Yeah. This one's good. This is from OzempicGoldMetalist. $10 homie. Ever catch a heater with your college professor before you both walk into class? Whoa, I feel like I've heard that before. That's a good one. That's a really good one. Yeah. I know. I don't think I. I'm trying to think if I ever. I would always stand out front and catch a heater. That was obviously. Something about teacher smoking just really turns. Turned me off. Mm-hmm. I don't know why. Dude, my high school teacher was, like, out of central casting. Suspenders. Belly. Heaters. Dude, face like a catcher's mitt. Like, the pock marks and everything. The yellow fingers. You smoking that many heaters? Oh, dude, this is like. Bad kids. Dude, he's like 60-something. That raspy boy. Always had a cough drop or something. And I'm like. You hear it clicking around in his teeth. A little hansy. He liked the. Girls. Liked the beautiful girls. Yeah, I don't know how teachers do it. What? That's a lot. Day in and day out. Fucking punk-ass kids like you. Badass sitting back there. Peanut butter all over your face. I don't know what you're. Kids are freak, lady. Back to school. Hey, listen. Your kids are freak. Driving me to smoke. You're like. This one's pretty good. This is from Chris. $20, homie. Shout out. Whoa! You big doll. Why don't you freaking say something? A glass of champagne for the gentleman. Is it garbage if your family, specifically your mom, called items by their brand name instead of what it actually was? Love this. I.E. Who used my Pantene? Go grab my Michael Kors. Also referring to any and all video games as Nintendo games. Oh, that's great. They were all Nintendo games. Well, that was before there was any. We were. You're playing your freaking Nintendo games, you vidiots. I had an aunt call me a vidiote. Whoa. Yeah. It was Nintendo. And he's out there playing his freaking Nintendo. Yeah, but then at my age, Sega came in. I was Sega Genesis. You know, so it was like, it was very. It stopped being Nintendo. And then Nintendo was kind of corny until N64 was kind of resurged. Really? Yeah. That was a. Was PlayStation and Nintendo 64 around at the same time? Mm-hmm. Nintendo. PlayStation had to blow Nintendo 64 away at the graphics, right? Or no? No. No, PlayStation. No, I think there were. I think. Nintendo 64 was cartridges. A cartridge can't compete with a DVD. As far as technology, right? It wasn't a DVD. I mean, it was a CD at that time. But also. Whatever the fuck it was. It was whatever the 60s. Laser disc. It's all bit, right? So it's like 64. They were both. See what the original PlayStation was versus 64. Can't do the video games now. It's too much. I really tried. I tried to play that Star Wars game. I got into this video game. I got into this fucking Jedi fighter. It went too fast. Oh! What the hell? Just slow it down. Although, like, I do remember, I guess. We were mostly PlayStation 2. We went N64 to PlayStation 2. Well, they're just so. They are so different, too, because Nintendo is all in-house. So Nintendo doesn't allow any third-party games. Right. PlayStation has all these third-party games. Right. What do you mean? Like, Nintendo doesn't have Star Wars? No. Or, like, they'll have to, like, let. - No, yeah, like-- - Really? A third party could make, a third party I don't think could make Nintendo games. A third party could make. PlayStation games. Oh, that's why Nintendo 64 was like Zelda, Mario Brothers. It's always Pokemon. Yeah, it's all that. They have Pokemon? Yeah. They do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can't get Pokemon on PlayStation? No. That's the whole thing. So if you want to play Pokemon, you have to buy a Nintendo console. Nintendo was always more cartoonish. You don't have a Nintendo console now. I downloaded a ROM on my phone. A ROM? Really? Yeah. No, but there is no Nintendo console these days. The Switch. Oh, that's right. I have one of those. I don't know where the fuck it is. What? Take my Switch. It's at my house somewhere. Sure. Yeah. Moving on. Good day, sir. The N64, though, actually did have better 3D rendering and better gear. Yeah, I only remember my real memories of PlayStation. I didn't have PlayStation 1. But PlayStation was also, yeah, like, more adult games. Yes. Like, you had, like, Kingdom of Hearts, like, stuff like that, like, early on. Cherry. N64 was, like, Sky Fox, Cruisin' USA, Wave Race, GoldenEye. Is that what you. That's the game you played. What you want to call it? You know what was a good game? The one Alec Baldwin was the voice for. You were a spy, and you ran around, and it was like James Bond. Fuck. What was it called? It was really good. PlayStation had scary games, though. I remember getting so nervous playing Tekken Stealth Assassin or whatever. His heart would start beating. The rumble pack would be going. There'd be dogs chasing him, hiding on a roof. Freaking the fuck out, dude. Nope. That's a lot of stress for a Wednesday. Oh, man. Let's throw on Mad About You. Relax. I had this game. I can't remember what it was on. It might have been PlayStation, or it might have been. It might have been. I couldn't have been Sega. But it was called Jungle Strike. You were an Apache helicopter. That was my favorite. Going around fucking up fucking Russian anti. That was on for Sega. It was. Yeah. Also for Super Nintendo. Is that banging? I'd love a good helicopter game. Not too complicated. I don't want to do the flying shit. I want to go around and fuck shit up. And pick up troops. Come down, hit the fucking dirt. Lay down some fucking covering fire. Get the boys in the chopper and get them the fuck out of there. Okay. Sure. Yeah, I mean, the thing is also, it's like you can. They're all simulators now. Yeah, like they're all so easy for the phone or whatever to do this stuff now. What do you mean? Like the console used to be the only thing that used to be able to like have these games. Now you have the phone, which is so much more powerful than all these old consoles. Yeah, but they're jacking you with the fucking in-game play. I'm not doing. I'm not buying missiles and shit. No, you can get a lot. Like this game, I bet you could get for free like on your phone. What's it called? Battlestrike? Yeah. Really? Yeah. I like that naval ship game. I can't remember what it's called. I had that for a minute. Steel and Valor? No. It was sick. You fucking. You could shoot a guy like around the corner. It was just ships going after each other. You gotta buy shit, though. Get the Swiss gun, get this, get that. I ain't got time for that shit. Mm-hmm. I got my cash tied up for real estate. Tommy Bunz, hit me up. I need 40 grand to play video games. I swear to God, don't tell Kippy. What's that stuff called in. Pussy. No, what's that stuff called in. In-game purchases? No, what's the one that the kids play? You jump off Wonder World? Assassin's Creed? No, it's on an island. Fucking. Fortnite. Yes. What are those called? Internet bucks or something? V-Bucks. V-Bucks. My fucking nephew must have shook me down for like 10 grand of V-Bucks. Mm-hmm. Never saw that again. If he don't let me live with him when I'm older, I'm gonna be so pissed. So, he'd be what? 20 and you'd be 60? That's a bad hang. Well. And I don't think you're getting any. I'll give him until he's 30. He settles down. So, you're what? 70? So, you're gonna let him. Yeah. I have my retirement cash then. Hanging out. What retirement cash? I'm gonna figure something out. See if Schultz returns my call. Okay. All right, let's see here. This is some. This is some. This is some. This is from Keaton Smith. Never have one read. Is it garbage to put home construction projects on your wedding registry in hopes that one of your uncles will do the work for free? Holy shit. Jammed up, need electrical work in a new bathroom. Love yous. Wow. I like it. Hey, I'm gonna come do the bathroom. That's a lot. What's a bathroom? Like 20 grand? It depends what you're getting done. Parts and labor? Yeah, I mean, I don't think he's buying the. He wouldn't be buying the parts. Like, hey, I'll buy the tile and the whatever. Whatever, you know, come over for. It's not gonna be a full redo. Like, pretty good spruce up, I presume. What's the problem with that? Are they trying to say, all right, you'll help, though? Fuck, what's the point? I'm not gonna fucking help you. Not really. I like what other people do. They do it better than I do. Uh-huh. I can't do that shit. Mm-hmm. You stuck with hanging out with your uncle? I can't get a. I feel like you love hanging out with your uncle or something. Till he died. Yeah. Yeah. They weren't redoing bathrooms. Businessmen. My dad was terrible with that shit. But I like. I mean, like, I have. A lot of my uncles do that stuff, you know what I mean? Like, shout out my Uncle Dan. He's done, like, my. He did everybody's kitchen. Like, that whole. Like, everybody from my sister and everybody. He did everybody's thing. Those guys love side work. They don't like sitting around. They like a reason to, you know, complain. I gotta go down there. I wish I had that. What? That don't like sitting around. Mm-hmm. Not that I do like sitting around. I get anxious, but I don't. Mm-hmm. Those guys like moving. Yeah. What are you looking at? Like, you're fucking Bear Grylls. I didn't look at anybody anyway, did I? This guy rolls up his sleeve. All of a sudden, he's Bob Vila. You're Slob Vila. Now, see? I could use that in a script. Clark! Put him on a project. You're putting me on the project. I have to run a. Kippy's in for five points. I have to run up by Clark. Get yourself a Clarkman. You got a Clarkman? Thanks, Drac. That's pretty good, man. I like that. I like thinking outside the box. Oh, yeah. You know, I'm a big fan of that. Hey, come over, do that, you know. Anything anybody does. Now, obviously, I, you know, I think I have some expertise in this. Anything anybody does in those situations, like, you know, on the registry or whatever, that's going to move them forward as a couple, I respect that. Yeah. You know? Uh-huh. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. I, you know, that's what it should be. It shouldn't be this big extravagant thing, you know, destination, a bunch of money, all that kind of stuff, around a major holiday. It shouldn't be that. It should be something tight, small, to celebrate with your community. It's Poroso's, by the way. A-G-double-N-I. Hennigan's. The smell. That's what I'm saying. That's why I said it. Tommy's got the 40 grand. He's got all that Poroso's money. It's all over the set. I got a couple of bottles here. I signed both of their names. I signed both of their names and Ted Williams. What? The famous baseball player is dead. The Splendid Splendor. Huh? That was his fucking nickname, dickhead. All right. Johnny Red Sox over here. You live fucking 20 minutes outside New York, all of a sudden you're New Englander. Give me a break. You don't like when anybody does anything. I ain't talking about. Get that 40 grand. What? You got the cash or what, guy? This is from No Context. I got a hot date at Carlucci. This is from No Context, AYG. Is it garbage to leave unopened boxes of soap in your dresser so your undies smell like Irish spring? Again, yes, it's trash, but it's fucking awesome. Get rid of that wood smell. If you remember, we talked about that. I did dryer sheet. I did a bunch of stuff. I didn't think of boxes of soap. I'm going to do that for sure. But why is it trashy? Just because it's not used for that? Rich people, I'm sure, have some sort of classier version of that. Why is it trashy? I don't disagree with you, but like- My mom would always get something from a wedding and put it in there. Like a little bag of potpourri or something. Yeah. Which I mistook for candy more times than not, and it did not end well. I always thought it was those Jordan almonds. You ever fuck with those? You don't know what- From the country? From the country, Jordan? No. They might be. I think they're- Or like Michael Jordan's got his own almonds. Damn. He's got his fucking hands in everything, huh? No, Jordan almonds are candy-coated almonds. No. I remember my mom had potpourri in her room, and I found it and was like- I remember thinking- Trying to smoke it. I'm all fucked. I'm twitching. All fucked up on cinnamon. I started going like, who do you- I go, what is this? She goes, it's just for like to smell good. I remember going, we got like- Potpourri blew my mind. I remember just like red wood chips. Yeah. And I remember being like- You got mulch in the house? Yeah. I remember sitting there thinking like, who do you think you are? We're not- Really? This stuff isn't for us. It felt like rich people shit. It was in a dish with a lid, and you take it off, and then smell it, and then close it? It never worked. It sucked. No. Just fucking get the glade. Hit it. Hit them with some chemicals. You know what rich people do that's very classy? They put something on the stove. They throw cinnamon. Cinnamon, lemon, some shit like that. You guys do that? No, but I've heard of like- That's more like homemakers do that stuff. Like a Martha's Store type thing. Like before you have people over. They do that at William Sonoma. Yeah, that's who does it. They got it going. So you walk, oh, what's that? It's just like, they're just, you know. The casinos pump something through the air too, don't they? Mm-hmm. What is that? Yankee candles. Is that true? No, I don't know. They do pump something. We had, like, in college, we had such dirt bags. Smoked in a house. Out to 716 Edgley Street, North Philadelphia. It was me, Flip. Another kid, and then a couple kids moving in and out. The good-looking kid that you know, my buddy. Good-looking kid. Eddie, shout-out to Eddie Spaghetti. Shout-out to Eddie Spaghetti. He, uh, we all smoked in the house. Imagine that. One kid didn't smoke, moved in with us. Ugh. And me, Flip, Eddie, and my boy McFadden all smoked in the house. And this kid didn't smoke. He wasn't an athlete. He was, like, up at the gym every day. Did he care? I'm just, he would have to, right? That's nuts. You just walk in after class, and there's four fucking kids. Like, hoodlums. I smoke. Crank and heat at that. Maybe crack a window. Maybe. Man, you smoke with the window. I remember up at your buddy's house that we used to live in. We'd be at. Episode just went live. What episode? I mean, is it 7 o'clock? Um, or is it? Do you know where your children are? Do you know where 40 grand is? Um. You do. You smoke with the windows closed. No, we would crack that one. That won't do shit. No, it doesn't. We would try to sit next to it. You know what? Whatever. It's staying around. No, it's lingering. But we had, uh, uh, like a butter, like, it was a Christmas cookie Yankee candle that I stole from my mom. Didn't stand a chance. This thing. We thought it was, it was the bigger one, too. Not the little guy, but the bigger one. I know the exact candle. I know the exact smell. No, I think this might have been. I think this might have been one. I don't know. Oh, a tri-wick? No, they didn't come out until, like, mid-2000s. No, not the big jar. This was still in the glass, but, like, uh. Okay, yeah. Like, a bigger glass. Not, they had the short little stubby ones, or, like, the tiny little ones. This was, like, a. They ain't cheap either. This was, like, a quart. I know what you mean. A big boy. Like, a coffee can size. Big boy. And we used to think this was the, like, girls would come over, but, like, you know, we'd spruce, like, like the candle. And it was so. All the fat chicks, like. You're in there. They have butterscotch. You're in there starving. This fucking popcorn-flavored candle. Christmas cookie. And, uh. Ooh. We thought it was so fancy that we wouldn't ash in it. That was our thing. You don't ash in the Yankee candle. And then, at some point, you just. I'll do. Remember trying to light that thing when it got all the way down the bottom? Fucking hand come out covered in tar. That was wild. Yeah. You look like a Russian coal miner. I remember being like, that's. To me. And I guess Yankee candles are probably trashy in the grand scheme of things. I don't know. Give me a retail price on a Yankee. They are. They trash? Yeah. Wait, to you. I know, but. I would. Listen, I've been out of the candle game for a long time. I would have to say the fact that there's that many flavors. I'm not saying they haven't jumped a shark. For a while, they ruled Christmas. I think to us, they're. I would have. If you zoom out, I think they might be. There's a real good case that they're trashy. They're great. I mean, they hold a lot. They are needed in society. They run about 20 bucks a candle. Really? Yeah. What's the burn life on that? They got to get that. 17 hours. No, more than that. What are rich people doing? Diffusers. No, they're bad for you. Everybody says that. What? Well, good. There's two different kinds of diffusers. What diffusers are you talking about? Like the sticks that you turn upside down? Why is that bad? I've just. I've heard. All right. I'm asking. Why do you get so defensive? Because Carlucci's trying to come after me. You shouldn't have been running your frigging mouth. I didn't mean to. I remember my buddy, rest in peace, he was the first one to have one down the basement. A diffuser or a candle? A diffuser. And he's like, turn that upside down. And I was like, what the fuck? No, I'm talking about the ones that are sitting on the floor. They're sitting on like the vase. They look like punks. Yeah, they sit in there in the bottom and the one side's wet and then you turn the sticks upside down. Wouldn't you get it on your hand? No, the stick absorbs the water and then you turn it upside down and like now you've unleashed the beast. Yeah. Why are they bad? Do you have anything? There's something in them. Parabens. Oh, like a chemi. Yeah. Chemi. Yeah. It ain't fucking tallow. Only bad. Bad though in like very small spaces. Really. To your apartment. We can do this and we got to wrap it up. This is from Ben Rosen. $13.80 Canadian bozo. Hey, Benny. Hey, Ozer. Never had one read. The old man used to be an independent contractor. He worked in legal services. Shady. Every invoice. Every invoice. Every invoice. Every invoice. On every invoice, he would charge mileage, but he only worked from his home office. That. Goddamn Canadian hero. Talk about skimming the skim. They don't know. I'm driving all over creation for this guy. I tell you what, you can't count for human miles. What? There's a skim going here. A lot of trips I had to make to the bedroom during this. I respect it. That's all right. That's good. You just got to turn a corner. What are you doing? Of course. You don't think these billionaire fat cats are doing the same goddamn thing? I mean, I don't think they've made all their money skimming eight bucks in mileage per case, but they'd have to do 50, 500 million cases. But yeah, I see what you're saying. I'm going to tell you this right now. Tell me, bud. I love the both of you. I love you too. Gang, we love you. What a fun one. Good old-fashioned family episode. Yeah. We will see you next week. Punt!