Florida Man Calls 911 To Have Meth Tested For Authenticity

(upbeat music) - Hey, Antara Sarabhan, and you're listening to World's Dumbest Criminals. If you're keen to hear about the most ridiculous bizarre and downright stupid criminals and crime stories in the world ever, you've come to the right place. In today's episode, you'll be hearing about a Florida man who called 911 to request deputies come to his house and test the authenticity of the myth that he'd just bought. A Welsh guy who snorted cocaine off Pablo Escobar's grave on Facebook live and went on to do something even stupider and more. Alrighty, let's get cracking. In March last year, Florida man Thomas Kaluci called 911 wanting to find out if the meth he bought was real or if he'd been juped and sold something else. Thomas admit the dealer who he knew as JJ at Karma Spirits and Cafe in Spring Hill, Florida a few nights earlier. He told the police that on March 10th at around 4 a.m., JJ gave him a call. Thomas asked JJ if he had any opioids or meth for sale and gave him his home address. JJ and I mate came over to his place and sold him some meth. When Thomas examined it, he thought it looked a bit strange. He said he sniffed a little of it and did not receive a burning sensation in his nostrils which made him think that what JJ had sold him was not in fact meth. He consulted Dr. Google and came to the conclusion that he'd been sold bath salts. Then he called 911 to have a deputy come to his house to test the meth to see what it was. As he was worried he'd ingested something unsavory and possibly deadly, unlike the healthy and nutrient-filled meth that he'd wanted to buy. Let's have a listen to his call. 911, what is that? Is it your emergency? OK, I just want my emergency of this. I met these two young kids at the bar a couple of nights ago. I'm sorry, you're going to think I'm a really bad person but you should have been getting a meth and these were young people young like 21. 21, 20 years old, I was 41. So I said all right, whatever, take my number of call as you get it. He called me today and he said, I got that close. How much money you got? So well, Jesus, I only got $20 because I'm just short. I'm on it right now. He said, all right, I'm going to come to my car and come over to give it to you. And I heard him last in the background and then they spoke up in a truck and they looked like two shady therapists and they told me, they gave me this piece of meth which was like three times as much as you should get. So they looked just like it. And when I spoke it up, it looked just like it. So I sniffed a little bit and when I think I got this back, so I'll-- OK. Yeah, we can get somebody for them. What is your address? I don't want any of the coming house because I don't really-- I don't know are these guys wanting to kill me. OK. We can just say that I'm locked up so I could show what he told me. I really just want to show a police officer what he told me. Yeah, we can-- I'm really scared. So that's just over the age of-- No, no, I got just-- Yeah, well, what is your address? It's really pretty-- I really think these guys have plans to run. Because you know, they're young and crazy. They got nothing to lose. They see a 40-year-old middle-aged man that's got a truck from. You know, these guys look real shady. Yeah, well, we'll get some help. And what is your address? All right. I don't know what I just put in my body and I still really strange. All right. And just around about a-- [AUDIO OUT] Yeah. What's the phone number? It's a email. It's a email. Yeah, we can get somebody to come to help. Yeah, absolutely. And what is your name? All right. Because I'm afraid these guys are watching me still. I don't know if they're finding an error. Kill me. But they're definitely trying to scam me for some reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what was your name? That's very funny. [AUDIO OUT] OK, I gotcha. And do you have any-- do you know what their names are or are they chance or any of you who they are? I deleted them on my phone after I talked to them. I do something with wrong people. And I was in a lot of trouble. And I gave them my address and I know where I live now. All right. You know, and I just got the name when they're number out. And I wrote a note to my brother and put it under my bed. And I'm going to tell them tomorrow if anything happens to me, tell the cops to look under my bed. Would they-- these are there were two white mammals or black males or Hispanic males? Yeah, they were white. They were white. You have about two years old. Maybe not even 20. All right. They might not even have been 20 yet. Do you look at a card of payment? That's truck. Like an old truck. Like they'll run down truck. Do you know what all of the color was by chance? Yeah, it was very like an interesting thing. It painted like that. It's shiny. But it's just great black bright. OK. So when you take a truck like a pickup truck or-- Yeah, a pickup truck. Yeah. I got it. When I'm one day-- I'm going to get these guys arrested. I really don't want to get these guys arrested. I just want to come. I know that if something happens to me-- All right. Yeah, we'll definitely get something on the way for it. And when did this happen? I don't know. I don't know. I'm like hallucinating on whatever it is. So may I. Do you-- Where's the thing? We get something on the way for you. Do you want to name them? Is it all an medical treatment? No, I think I'm just going to-- I'm just never going to-- I don't know. OK. I'm just going to keep drinking water because I'm not really trying. But I don't think I need to do hot water. OK. If it's like an important thing. All right. Now I'm working on it somewhere on the way shortly for you. OK. All right. Thank you. I'm going to dig you. OK. You've got to give the 911 dispatcher props for seamlessly going along with Thomas's request. She empathized with him and ensured that she got as much information about the situation as possible. The kicker to this whole situation is when the deputy tested the two baggies of drugs Thomas gave them. It turned out that he had, in fact, bought meth. We're just hardly a great advertisement for doing meth. Hey, kids. One of you also paranoid you've ingested something deadly and people are trying to kill you that you call the cops on yourself? Try meth today. You won't regret it till you do. According to the police report, Thomas told the deputy that he'd smoked some of the meth he bought from JJ three hours earlier and was concerned, as he thought he was having chest pains. He was taken to a nearby hospital where they medically cleared him. But his relief was short-lived as Thomas was arrested at the hospital and charged with possession of meth along with two counts of possession of drug paraphernalia. In June last year, Thomas entered into a pre-trial intervention contract that deferred his prosecution. The contract required that Thomas perform 25 hours of community service and pay around $700 in court costs. He was also banned from visiting bars and consuming or possessing illegal drugs and will have to undergo monthly drug tests as well as random drug tests requested by his probation officer. If Thomas successfully meets the requirements of his pre-trial contract, the case against him could be dismissed. But if he violates the terms of it, he would be tried for the charges. I know calling 911 to get deputies to come out and test your meth is a ridiculous thing to do, but I kind of feel bad for Thomas. It seems like a decent guy. There was no mention of him having a criminal record in any of the reporting on the case, so it's not like he's out there wilding around and putting anybody but himself in danger. Hopefully the terms of his pre-trial contract will help him beat his addiction. - Four area D is tolerated. The D is transporting that guy. Can you verify? - Stephen Stammons from Swansea in Wales was working as a nightclub promoter in Ibiza when he started a relationship with a Colombian woman. They subsequently moved to Colombia and in 2013 the couple had twins. Now I think we all know what Colombia is renowned for. Obviously I'm talking about its aromatic coffee, superior quality emeralds and exotic fruits. In April 2018, 35-year-old Stephen said he was out drinking with friends when they asked him if he wanted to go and see drug lord Pablo Escobar's grave. Stephen, who was three sheets to the wind, was like, "Hell, yes!" When they were at the gravesite in Itaquí, Colombia, a friend suggested Stephen sniff cocaine off it for a laugh. Then he bet him 200 pounds that he wouldn't do it on Facebook live. Despite urban myths to the contrary, Pablo Escobar's grave stone does not dispense cocaine, so fortunately for Stephen and his mates, they bought their own. And it's probably somewhat responsible for the fact that Stephen thought going on Facebook live and snorting Coke off Escobar's grave was a great idea. In the video posted on Facebook, Stephen empties a baggy of Coke onto the grave stone and rolls up a five dollar note. Then he snorts the Coke, looks up with a big grin on his face and says I'm cool. Gordon Ramsay mate? That's apparently a reference to Ramsay's 2017 documentary about the cocaine trade called Gordon on cocaine. Can you imagine how terrifying Pottiemouth rage monster Gordon Ramsay would be on cocaine? It'd be like the movie cocaine bear, but with a lot more swearing. The video of Steven snorting Coke off Pablo Escobar's grave quickly went viral. For some reason. It was said to have infuriated members of Escobar's cartel, despite Steven saying that he did it as a mark of respect. He subsequently tried to change his appearance by shaving his head and he went into hiding. Steven told the mirror, "People sent me death threats on Facebook. They said if they found me, they would skin me alive." In a really odd twist, Steven claims that the video was actually filmed by a hitman for Escobar's medie in cartel after they met in a bar. So a video he made that infuriated the cartel was filmed by a cartel member. See, that doesn't sound super likely. Unless the hitman found him insufferable and wanted to get him gone. The cart strikes Steven down and kicked his ass out of Colombia where his girlfriend and twins lived, banning him from returning for five years. Steven later told the media that he regretted what he did and wanted to apologise to the people of Colombia. He added, "I was funny at the time, but I'm ashamed. Everybody said I was the disgrace and I was making the country look bad. I can't see my children and that hurts." He also told the media that he planned to become a drug counsellor. That sounds like he would be counselling people on the dangers of drug addiction, but apparently there is another way to interpret it. In December last year, 39-year-old Steven was jailed for 13 years and six months for his part in an international drug smuggling plot. He and a few mates attempted to traffic large quantities of cocaine into South Wales between April 2020 and August 2021. So he became a drug dealer after gaining international notoriety for snorting coke of Pablo Escobar's grave. How on earth did that seem like a good idea? If your name was synonymous with snorting cocaine, wouldn't you think you'd be better off getting a job in like a sports store or something? Perhaps do some data entry? Maybe see if the post office is hiring? Not this guy. And he was moaning about not being able to see his kids due to his five-year band from Colombia and then when it was one year from being over, he goes and gets himself sentenced to 13 and a half years in jail. Epic Face Palm In court, his barrister described Steven as "naïve" and "a fantasist" in a habiting a lifestyle he sometimes thinks he has. He also said that he didn't actually profit much from his drug importing. The court heard 34-year-old Shane White ran the operation using the Ncrochatt Secure Communications network. The goal was to sell drugs on the streets of South Wales. Investigators discovered that White Steven and the rest of the crew had conspired to import 10 kilograms of cocaine into the UK from South America and they'd supplied a further 8 kilograms in the South Wales area which they'd located within the UK. The 18 kilograms of cocaine would have had an estimated street value of over 2 million pounds. However, White's barrister claimed that the conspiracy to import cocaine from South America was largely fantasy and although the pair had discussed the plans and the large profits they hoped to make for over a year, not a single gram of cocaine had ever actually been imported. Nor was it ever likely to be imported as they did not have the money and did not have the wherewithal. He went on to say, "There was something almost comical about their ineptitude." White Steven and two others pleaded guilty to conspiracy to supply cocaine and was sentenced to a combined total of more than 52 years in jail. They have to spend half their sentences behind bars before being eligible to be released on parole. To finish up, I have a few punchline crimes for you. These are short cases that sound more like jokes than something that actually happened. Carnival in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil is a huge festival held every year just before lent. It's said to be the biggest carnival in the world with 2 million people taking to the street's daily in colourful costumes to celebrate the event. Carnival parades returned in full this year for the first time since the COVID-19 pandemic and there was a palpable sense of excitement in the air. But like most festivals, there's always some dick that comes along and tries to spoil the fun. In this case, I mean that literally. A man dressed as a seven foot penis caught the attention of the authorities after women told them that he'd been chasing them, rubbing up against them and harassing them. Military police arrested the man, dressed as a giant brown, dick and balls in the city centre for acting suspiciously. There are pictures of the arrest and they're pretty spectacular. Only the guys face and feet are visible and if you're wondering what the appropriate footwear to accompany a giant inflatable penis costume is, well, this knob went with thongs or flip flops. Hilariously, some people online pointed out that the guy looked more like a poo than a penis. But either way, anyone going around chasing women and harassing them is clearly a shit dick. Mark Moral from Brackley in England has been campaigning for over 10 years to get the government to do something about the prevalence of potholes on roads in the UK. No one on social media has missed a pothole. That's Mr. Pothole to you. Mark has been trying hard to raise awareness about the issue. His initial plan was to put rubber ducks in the potholes and then he came up with the notion of feeding the potholes cake on their birthdays. Yum, despite them both being brilliant ideas, neither of them ended up panning out. So Mark put his thinking cap on and came up with yet another stroke of genius. He joined forces with the instant noodle brand Pothnoodle and started filling the potholes in his hometown with the noodles in a bid to gain attention and pushed the government into doing something about the issue. Their slogan is "Nothing fills a hole like Pothnoodle" which a doubt is meant to be seen in a pornographic light, but hey, if you can think of it, somebody's into it. Though I'm sure the whole that they're referring to is a "hungry hole". Okay, yeah, that's not helping, is it? Like a hole of hunger in your stomach, Mark has cleverly repurposed it to apply to the issue at hand. He told the Metro, "Since nothing fills a hole like Pothnoodle, who better to team up with to highlight the ridiculous state of the UK's roads. Hopefully filling the road's hungry holes with Pothnoodles will have the desired effect and Mark doesn't cop a hefty fine for littering." In 2019, an Australian man did the unthinkable. He entered his cat into a dog-swimming race. Oh, what's the world coming to? Although his cat gusts performed quite well, many locals were appalled that anyone would ever enter a cat into a dog race and some went so far as to send gusts death threats, which is dumb because he can't read. I know it sounds like some metaphorical morality tale about inclusion, but this story is actually 100% true. The Scotland Island dog race is held in the Northern Beaches suburb of Scotland Island in Sydney, New South Wales. Gus's owner, Glen Drew, retowed the media that Gus is a Tonkinese cat who loves the water and is a keen swimmer. Glen said, "I did a lot of research. I wanted a cat that was dog-like and a cat that liked the water. He swims with me, he kayaks with me, and does stand up paddle boarding." So a few years back, Glen entered Gus into the dog race where dogs paddle with their owners across 550 metres or a third of a mile of water. Gus did really well in the race. Glen said, "He swam at his pace, cat pace. He did beat some of the dogs though, but most importantly, it was a fun really nice day." Or at least it started out that way. After the race, Glen said, "Oh, one of these local parochial yobbos said that he was going to shoot the cat and beat me up if he ever saw us again. Another woman did the throat-sleeping gesture, and pointed to the cat. I work in politics and I get that sort of nonsense all the time and I can deal with that. But they threatened my cat for God's sake. I'm going to play you a clip from a current affair of some local people's response to Gus participating in the dog race. But locals Louise and Vinnie, who are not the cat threat nursing question, think Glenn and Gus are asking for trouble. He's not even a local, the guy that said all that crap. He doesn't live here. I don't understand it. He obviously just one of the publicity. Do you reckon that locals would be like that around here? They wouldn't kill someone's cat. Oh, we love animals. They might've wanted a choke here, but not the cat. It started out 30, 40 years ago just as an island thing. Then you get tiddy, it's bringing cats down. It's just like, "You're just taking a piss. It's like taking a knife or gunfire. It's just not going to work." So it's not about the fact that you guys don't like cats. It's just stupid. You know, it's the dog race. What do you bring in a cat for, mate? Glenn scratched Gus from the race this year. If it was me, no problem. I'd go, but it's not just me. And he's saved his first. But the dynamic duo hasn't ruled out a comeback. I think one thing that Gus would be pushing for, if he could speak, would be certainly changing the name from the Scotland Island dog race to the Scotland Island pet race. You know, I was never a cat person. If I could see me five, five years ago, we could see me today. Who was that weirdo? I asked my dog, Tilda, what she thought about a cat being in a dog race. And she looked at me like, "Yeah, whatever." Tilda considers cat poo to be a delicious snack, though. So if she was in a dog race with a cat, she'd probably be following its arse around like it was a pet dispenser. This brings me to the end of the episode. Big shout out to Brandon Hall, who makes the brilliant podcast Music City 9-1-1, for putting me onto that guy calling 9-1-1 about his mess. Brandon covered it on a recent episode and suggested it might be a good one for me to do too. How cool is that? Brandon is awesome. Thanks for listening. Make sure you subscribe if you want to stay up to date with all future episodes. And if you dug what you heard, please leave a review. And thank you to BeelineFriend CJ from the USA for doing just that. And I hope you enjoyed the cat in a dog race story. BeelineFriend. If you'd like to support this independent podcast, head on over to patreon.com/worldsdommascriminals. All levels get access to monthly bonus episodes and add free episodes. And higher levels also receive a Chanel Toe Ring and a pot-billied peak. Thanks to Brenda Whitebrockway for coming on board as a patron. I really appreciate your support Brenda. If you're up for more dumb criminals action in your life, you could follow me on Instagram @worldsdommascriminalspodcast and Twitter @wdcriminalspod. Or you could join our world's Dommascriminals podcast Facebook group. And thank you to the indispensable Lorraine Leadwell for running the group with me. Till next time, look after yourself, stay out of trouble, and whatever you do, don't commit a crime that makes you end up on this podcast. [Music]