First You're Weird, Then You're the Blueprint

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Hello and welcome to or welcome back to Trinidad's care if you're new here. My name's Ashley and I upload every single Monday. The past two weeks has been actually so insane. You already know from last week's episode that I went to Spotify studios in New York to record with Michaela J, which in itself is so insane. And then the day after I got back, Josh and I were at lunch and we just randomly decided you know what? We should probably get a third dog. You know, there's so many things going on right now. We're getting married this year. But hey, getting a third dog would be a great idea. Spoiler, we did get one. So basically it started off with one rescue. His name's Sebi. We got him back in 2019. I believe. And then a couple of years later, Josh was randomly scrolling on pet finder and he found a dog that looked just like Sebi. And we thought it was just so funny because we had never seen a dog that looked like him before. So then we got Isabella and it just became this joke of like we're going to collect all the dogs that look like Sebi and Isabella. So then that Saturday morning, the day after I got back from New York, Josh was again scrolling through pet finder, which I'm so grateful that he was because I'm so happy that we have this beautiful little puppy. But life has been very crazy and hectic and we're wedding planning and we're budgeting and getting a third dog probably wasn't the best idea, especially a nine week old puppy. He has no business looking up on pet finder. But really happy he did because that morning he was scrolling and he woke me up and he was like, look at this dog. It looks just like Isabella. And so we went to lunch and we went back and forth on whether or not we should get another dog. But ultimately we decided what if we just put in an application and if they accept it, then it's meant to be. And then later that night, we got a weather alert saying, up lizard is coming and we're like, oh my god, that has to be a sign because her name is Blizzard. And then he was doing a crossword puzzle and the clue was an unexpected pet adoption. So there was just so many things happening that were like, it's a sign we have to get Blizzard. And we kept her name because it just felt very fitting because it's been snowing like crazy in Connecticut. This is the most snow we've gotten in so many years. So with all that being said, it's been a lot having a puppy. She's only nine weeks old. And unfortunately our dogs aren't really warming up to her quite yet, which I guess is normal. I guess older dogs don't always naturally love a puppy. I get it. She has like shark teeth. I wouldn't want to be near her either if I was a dog. So it's been a lot. It's like having a newborn. That's a piranha and wants to bite you. But she is so good. She basically sleeps through the night. She's almost potty train. She's naps like every three hours right now. She's napping. And that's what I'm able to do work and record the podcast. But she's been a perfect little nugget besides the biting. She is supposedly a border collie piernees mix. That's true. She's going to be massive, but they weren't correct about sebi or is he. So we're just going to get her tested to see what breach actually is. But life's been crazy. And I'm still kind of on a high from last week going to New York and recording with Michaela. And that kind of leads me to today's episode topic. If 2021 me knew that I'd be doing what I'm doing now and I would be sitting down and talking with the person who really inspired me to start podcasting the person who I listened to every single Friday. The voice that was encouraging me to go after what I wanted. I wouldn't believe it. I would be so excited. I would have just completely disregarded all of the noise that I got from people around me and my hometown making fun of me. People saying that I'm crazy for quitting my job. I would have just been so ready for the life that I'm living now. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. This month includes International Women's Day a chance to recognize the strength, resilience, and impact of women everywhere. The women in our lives carry so much. They're leaders at work, caregivers at home, supportive friends, partners, daughters, mentors, simultaneously doing it all at once. But it's easy for their own well-being to fall to the bottom of the list. Us women deserve support, a place where we could talk about the pressures we carry, the expectations placed on us, and the many roles we're balancing, a place where we don't have to be strong for everyone. That's where therapy can help. Therapy creates a space to slow down, reflect, and take care of your mental and emotional well-being. And if you've been thinking about starting therapy, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform with over 30,000 therapists and more than 6 million people serve globally. You just feel a short questionnaire about what you're looking for and BetterHelp works to match you with a therapist who fits your needs and preferences, and you can switch to therapists at any time. So this month, as we celebrate women and everything they carry, take a moment to check in with yourself or with the women in your life. Your emotional well-being matters, find support, and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/TNTC. That's better, H-E-L-P.com/TNTC. In the beginning of doing anything, whether it's pursuing social media or going down an unconventional route or starting a business or just doing things that people don't understand, is uncomfortable, and it's really hard to shake the criticism that you get. People love to make fun of you when you're not following the crowd, and when you're doing something a little different than the norm. Especially when what you're doing is so public, like social media, people want to call you cringed, they want to call you embarrassing, they want to call you a tryhard. But the thing is, they only call you those things until you're successful, and then when they see the success, they ask you how you did it. You might be someone who's trying really hard to get into social media and grow following, and so when you post a TikTok, you're hoping they take off, but they only get five likes. Or maybe you just started a business, and you really want people around you to support you, but whenever you post about it, it's crickets. Or maybe you're trying to get into modeling, and when you post your photos, all of your friends are super supportive behind the scenes, but then publicly they never comment on the photos, they don't like them, they don't share them, and it's just very disappointing, and it makes you question what you're doing. People have a really hard time supporting you when there's no evidence of success. People tend to only clap once they're spruf of success, but there is no proof, or there is no success without persistence. And that's what I want today's episode to be a reminder of. It's embarrassing until it's not. People are going to call you weird, people are going to call you cringe, and then one day you become the blueprint. One thing that I wish, I understood at the beginning of my social media journey, or honestly, earlier on in life, in middle school and high school, when I was just so afraid of being perceived and being disliked by people. People's discomfort with you is a projection of them. Anyone who sees you trying hard and makes fun of you for it is doing it because they're afraid of trying. Take it back to high school, and the stereotypical theater kid. People make those kids out to be geeks and nerds and weirdos and people like to make fun of them, but what are they making fun of? What is the punchline when it comes to young people finding an interest early in life and pursuing it shamelessly, putting themselves out there and working really hard and performing in front of other people? That's one of the scariest things that you can do, especially performing in front of your peers. Anyone who's making fun of someone getting on stage and doing what they love, aren't making fun of that because what they're doing is embarrassing. There's nothing embarrassing about performing and learning a script and acting as a team and entertaining other people. We all applaud actresses and actors because of course they've already made it. They're successful. It feels like a different playing field, but these people are making fun of their peers because they know that if they were to try to do what they're doing, they would be embarrassed. They would be embarrassed to show themselves trying. They would be embarrassed to get up on that stage and fail. So instead of applauding others and encouraging others, they try to bring them down because it makes them uncomfortable that they're doing something that they know they could never do. Your actions make other people feel uncomfortable and they try to make it seem like there's something wrong with you and what you're doing is wrong, but that's not the truth. That's not why they're uncomfortable. They're uncomfortable with your ability to shine and not be afraid to be seen because it shines a light on the fact that they are. People tend to make fun of other people and get nasty and try to make others feel small. When they see other people either have what they want or are working towards what they want, they're never going to come forward and admit I want to do theater, I want to post on social media, I want to do something creative because that would mean the other people would know what they want, but they aren't doing. They're uncomfortable looking at their potential that they're turning away from. People who are afraid to be seen trying feel exposed by someone who's not afraid. Your willingness to be seen highlights their fear of being seen and their fear of being judged. They see you putting yourself out there and going after all the things that you want to do. It removes the excuses that they fill their head with of why they can't do what they want to do. Your action annihilates all of their excuses and validates why they're not doing what they want to do. Let's say that someone wants to post on social media. That's been a dream of theirs for forever, but they've held themselves back from doing it because they tell themselves that it's not going to work out and people like me aren't successful at this. It's too risky. People are going to make fun of me. When they see someone, they know doing it and not being scared of it. All of the what-ifs and the story that they've told themselves in their head doesn't work anymore. It falls apart and that hurts. It hurts because it's a reminder of, okay, so it's not that it's impossible because this other person that I know is doing it and it's working for them. The reason that I'm not doing it is because I'm choosing not to go after it. People also get mean when they start comparing themselves to you and they see themselves as less than. You're not doing anything wrong. You're just doing something that they want to do. When you're taking a step forward and you're doing this thing that they want, that feels like you're taking something away from them. It's not even that you're competing with them. You don't even know what you're doing is bothering them. But your success feels like a threat to them because it makes them feel like a failure. So an easy thing to do when you feel like you're losing or someone's above you is try to knock them down and make them feel like what they're doing is embarrassing or cringey or stupid or not going to work out. They're trying to knock you down and stop you in your tracks because the idea of you rising above them and becoming successful and getting this thing that they want, threatens their ego. It's easier to label you as cringey than confront their own lack of action. A lot of people also need the validation of others to be able to make moves. They need to know that what they're doing is likeable, that it's digestible, that it's trendy, that it's not embarrassing, that it's not cringey. So when they see someone making movement without following the crowd, without following a trend, without the sphere of looking stupid or looking weird, they attack them and they want them to know what they're doing is weird or stupid or wrong. Because Ironic that these people do this though, because that's exactly how trends are born, right? We all follow trends, but the person at the head of the trend, the leader, is often ridiculed and made fun of, but trends don't come out of nowhere. Someone had to invent it or popularize it. Someone had to take a risk and try something new and then others caught wind of it and followed. I imagine Emma Chamberlain was made fun of when she was in high school and she was posting her vlogs. I'm sure there were people who talked behind her back and laughed at her and said why she doing that? What is she going to happen? Why is she filming herself in her car, talking to her camera? Who does she think she is? And now she's exactly who she thought she was. Now she's this megastar who has really paved the way for a lot of online creators. She's a fashion icon. She's a business woman. These weird people who have these strange ideas are only that way until they are successful and then they are iconic. This is a phenomenon that happens quite a lot and this is known as tall poppy syndrome. Tall poppy syndrome is when people who stand out, who don't follow the crowd, who just have that effector, who naturally are talented and successful and don't care to fit in, are criticized and mocked and made fun of by others for not doing what everyone else is doing. This idea comes from the tallest poppies in a field, get cut first. You bloom before everyone else. You rise before everyone else, but instead of being encouraged for it and celebrated for it, you're penalized. Instead of people acknowledging and supporting your authenticity, your talent, your intelligence, the things that you excel at, they cut you down and make it seem like there's something wrong with you. People tend to cut down the things and the people that make them feel small. But when the thing that people ridicule becomes popular, it becomes validated, it becomes successful. That's when things flip socially. At first your innovation threatens other people's comfort and makes people feel weird and then something switches and you expand what people think is possible. It goes from, "Why are you doing this? You're so embarrassing. You're so weird." Oh my god. Oh my god, you're so incredible. How did you do this? Tell me more. And that is just the cycle of being innovative. That is what it's like to be early, to be ahead of your time. First what you're doing is weird or cringey. Then it works. Then it's copied. Then it's iconic. This episode is brought to you by IQBAR, our exclusive snack, hydration and coffee sponsor. IQBAR protein bars, IQMix hydration mixes and IQJMUSH from coffees are the delicious, low sugar, brain and body fuel you need to win your day. I've been trying the IQBAR ultimate sampler pack and it's honestly the easiest way to try everything they make. You get 9 IQBARs, 8 IQMix hydration sticks and 4 IQJMUSH from coffee sticks so you can figure out your favorites. One thing that I really like is that all IQBAR products are clean, label certified and completely free from gluten, dairy, soy, GMOs and artificial ingredients. Everything is made with cleaning ingredients that support both physical energy and mental focus like magnesium and lion's mane. The IQBAR protein bars are great when I need a quick snack or before I go to the gym. They're packed with plant protein, high in fiber and have no sugar added, which is hard to find. And right now, IQBAR is offering our special podcast listeners 20% off all IQBAR products, including the ultimate sampler pack plus free shipping. To get your 20% off, text TTC to 64000, text TTC to 64000. That's TTC to 64000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. Being early or doing things unconventionally at first is going to look like being wrong. There's going to be people who question you, who talk about you, who make fun of you. You might even be isolated. But just because people don't get at first doesn't mean they're not going to get there eventually. Every mainstream trend was once niche or weird or stupid. Every billion dollar business was once laughed at or questioned. Metrics should not validate you or determine whether you keep pursuing what you want. If you let them, you're never going to be successful because you'll quit before it's your time. Because you only get five likes now on a video doesn't mean that it won't end up translating to millions after the 200th time you post. Growth and admiration takes time. Building success takes time. Your confidence in your work needs to exist before validation. Otherwise it will never come. Just because your work isn't being acknowledged in the way that you would like, whether that's people criticizing you or people just not seeing you yet doesn't mean that you aren't building. If you are working at it, if you're putting in time and effort into things that you want to fill your life with, then you are heading in the right direction. You are on the right path. Just because there is no instant gratification does not mean that pleasure is never going to come in the future. And I know that because I've lived it. I started trying not to care at the beginning of January 2022. After I quit my job and from January until August, this was solely a hobby for me. This was just a place for me to put my thoughts into something productive, something creative, a way for me to release how I felt, but also connect with other people and hopefully make other people feel less alone. But for the first half of the year, I was lucky if I got 400 listens out of an episode in like a month. The only people who were listening to my podcast were people who followed me on social media, which wasn't a lot. Or people in my hometown that I imagined were just nosy or wanted to know what I was talking about or were making fun of me with their friends. I love podcasting. It's opened so many doors for me. I think it has healed so much in me. Just being able to speak openly about my emotions, my mental health, things that I've gone through. But when you're doing it so low, it can be very time consuming. And at that time, I was struggling with being able to pay my bills. I was doing Instacar. I was doing D-Pop. I was doing song promos on TikTok for like $50. I ended up going back to summer school at the job I was working previously just to make a little more money. And then that July, I was going back and forth and whether I should continue doing the podcast because it was very time consuming. I was considering going back to my old job or finding another full time job because I didn't know how I was going to do this financially. I also just thought that was like being stupid or careless and not working a big girl job which really stressed me out. I felt like I was just regressing. I don't know. I was kind of losing it in July of 2022. But I knew that my podcast was helping some people. And I didn't want to. to end it, but I thought if this is what it's going to be, where it's not really reaching anyone and I am unable to make my ends meet and I kind of feel like a failure, maybe I should continue doing this. So I ended up speaking about how it's feeling to some people that I really trusted in my life, my friends, Josh, I mean him in particular. He was really helpful and so supportive throughout the entire process of starting trying not to care. From the beginning, he would just tell me you need to keep going because what you're doing is actually really good and I'm not just saying that because I'm your partner, your episodes are really good and he would just remind me that every good podcast starts at nothing and has to grow and that really kept me grounded and helped me continue posting every single Monday. I mean, I've always preached that you won't know success if you quit, but hearing that from someone else, hearing someone else say that it's going to work out unless you quit right now, really helped me get out of my head and remind me why I was doing what I was doing, why I started trying not to care in the first place. So at the end of July or maybe was the beginning of August around that time, I decided to post a video on TikTok promoting my podcast and I never really did that. I used to just post audio clips of episodes and like make vlogs to it, but I never just posted a video being like, if you're struggling with your mental health, here's a podcast to list too, or if you're going on a hot girl walk here some episodes, I recommend. But I thought I'd give it a try and it just took off. That video blew the heck up and I went from having a couple hundred people listening to me within I think like a week or two, becoming number one on Spotify and Apple for just like overall podcasts. Number one for educational podcasts, number one for self-improvement podcast and by the end of the year from August to December, I reached one million downloads. Having that type of success with something I never imagined for myself ever. It was and still is the most surreal experience and one of my most proud achievements. And it's so scary to think that I would have taken that moment away from me. If a couple of weeks before that, I decided to stop recording the podcast because I wasn't getting the validation I was seeking. That was such a huge lesson for me. You know, just because people don't see you right now doesn't mean they're not going to. Just because people don't understand you right now doesn't mean they're not going to. Just because you don't have a million eyes on you right now doesn't mean that you're not going to. Just because you don't have thousands of people telling you that what you're doing is incredible and that you're helping them doesn't mean that what you're doing isn't groundbreaking. The only thing that really changed between January and August was the amount of eyes on me. All the people coming to listen to my podcast were going back and listening to old episodes listening to the first episode when I had no one listening. But these people are telling me, wow, this is a really good podcast. Wow, you really helped me. And they were giving me this really good feedback. So that tells me that those first couple episodes were still good, that it was good content. And it was still going to be that it was still going to be helpful and inspirational with or without thousands of people listening to those episodes. There were people from my hometown who made fun of my podcast. And I know this because I was told from people who either heard it or knew about it, whatever. But there were people from my hometown who made fun of my podcast who thought I was embarrassing that I was blasting my private life on the internet. But all of a sudden, all of a sudden when I'm posting stories surpassing dumbass people like Andrew T or being shown next to people like Emma Chamberlain or Alex Cooper, all these big name podcasts, all of a sudden, it's no longer embarrassing. And they're in my DM saying, oh my God, oh my God, this is so cool, this is so incredible. Congratulations, I'm so proud of you. Nothing changed except my success. Before I was cringed to you, but now because other people think that I'm good and that I'm worth listening to, you think so too. Isn't that funny how that works? The same thing with posting on social media. There were these two girls who I went to high school with who just did not like me. And it's one of those things where when people don't like you, they bond over not liking you, it's really cute. And I found out they were scrolling through my TikTok, looking at my profile, making fun of me and saying that I was trying too hard and I'm so embarrassing, which never feels good to hear. But it hurts more when you don't have success yet and you're already kind of in your head thinking that you're cringed and you're questioning whether or not what you're doing is good. And then you're just reaffirmed by these people that what you're doing is cringy and it isn't good. Thankfully, one of my best friends, Shana, who I've been friends with literally since middle school has always really been into posting content like back in middle school. We would make horror movies together and music videos and she was just posting crazy on TikTok and seeing her do it so shamelessly and authentically really encouraged me to keep posting. Because when I saw her doing it, I didn't think it was embarrassing. I thought it was inspirational and it was something that I wanted to do. So it was kind of like having someone's hand to hold through an uncertain process. But one of the things that I find funny is the girls who made fun of me are now posting on social media trying to grow their following. And I could be mean and give them a taste of their own medicine to be like, oh my God, you're so embarrassing. Trying to post on social media with no followers. Who do you think you are? What do you think is gonna happen? But come on, there is no point in that, right? Because the truth is, it's never embarrassing to try for things that matter to you. And obviously I wish that these girls realized that years ago and didn't make fun of me and didn't make me feel small. But that is the cost of being early. People aren't going to get you at first, but then they eventually catch up. Eventually the same people who questioned you or made fun of you are going to want proximity to you and they're gonna wanna know your secret. They're gonna wanna know your secret sauce. They're gonna wanna know how you did it. They're gonna wanna be closer to you because they finally see your value. And it's totally valid for you to not wanna give them that, to wanna say f off, to be mad or hurt that these people who once criticized you or made fun of you are now your biggest supporters. I get that, I totally get that and I've been there. But I want you to remember that if you're going to be a leader, you need to be comfortable with the idea of this happening because that is the cost of being different. That is the cost of being quote unquote weird. And I say weird in the sense of just not following the expectations that people put on you, not doing what everyone around you's doing, not settling down at a young age because your mom had kids in her 20s. Not doing the same job as all of your friends because they were getting big girl jobs and that's what you're supposed to do. Not following trends that everyone else is doing 'cause that's just not who you are. It is lonely taking a different route than other people. It is lonely to see the easy way but still take the more difficult way because that way is what you want. You wanna get what you want. It's a better payoff. It is uncomfortable and lonely and scary to choose growth over comfort. Comfort keeps you liked, but growth makes you legendary. Growth is what's going to separate you from the rest of the world. No one who's an icon did things by the book and followed their crowd. People like Anna Wentor, Madonna, Taylor Swift, Michelle Obama. These women didn't become legendary by being the same as everyone else. They went down an unconventional route where success isn't guaranteed but they make it their goal to succeed. They were challenged, they were questioned, they were criticized, but they were also persistent. The beginning stages of anything that you do that's a little out there or a little different is going to come with self-doubt. There might be isolation. There might be hesitation. There is no guarantee that things are going to work out for you. But you'll never know if you never try. If you quit now just because people look at you weird or they're making fun of you or they don't understand you, you will never achieve the life that you want. Life rewards people who execute, not people who say I was going to do that or I wish I did that. You need to figure out what you want and then take action. What got me out of my own head and made me stop questioning whether or not I should continue doing what I want was the realization that I would rather be weird or disliked or misunderstood than be bored. Then live a life that I don't want. I'd rather be the only one doing what I'm doing and be criticized for it than not do it at all. And now I'm at a place where I can say the same people who made fun of me are now asking how I did it. First you're weird, then you are the blueprint. The one thing that kept me from pursuing social media for so long from when I was in middle school up until COVID really was this idea that if I post in social media, people I know are going to make fun of me. I was so scared of rejection, but rejection is inevitable. You're going to experience that multiple times in your life. If being rejected is the cost of being able to step into yourself fully and live your life authentically and chase your dreams and do more of what makes you you, then I think that it's worth it. If you have an idea or a vision, something to teach people, something to show people, if there's something that you want to share with the world, do it. Don't let the fear of being rejected or being wrong. Hold you back from it because even the greatest of ideas, even the most talented, successful people, feel that way in the beginning. Being seen is going to invite projectors, from other people, but it's also going to invite people to see you and celebrate you. So keep going, keep living your truth, keep being you, keep doing what you love, because the more persistent you are, the better chance you have at success. But that is what I'm going to end today's episode. Honestly, a great place to stop because Blizzard just woke up from her nap. She's chilling on my leg and she also just pissed on my floor. She's almost potty trained. We're almost there. It's taken a day by day. But thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you loved it, make sure to rate, train, and to care on Spotify and Apple. It really helps me out. If you're not already following me on social media, make sure to check those out. Those are in the show notes and also merch is still available also in the show notes. Thank you so much for hanging out with me and I will talk to you next Monday. Bye.