This is a headgun podcast. On today's episode of That Was Us, we are diving into season 6, episode 2, one giant leap. Long awaited by unions and first time milestones unfold across generations, as Deja and Malik take a major step forward in their relationship and Nikki comes face to face with a love he's carried for decades. What up gang? 6-0-2. 6-0-2. We're here. We're in it. We jump right in. It's so interesting to see a relationship that people haven't seen each other for 50 years and then something like it. It's very beginning. Love them are sort of like a contemplation of the beginning of something. Right. Because like it's for Nikki, it's the one that got away and for Deja, it is the one. Right. And it does, before we even get into the episode, if anybody wanted to speak to this in oblique or specific terms, does anybody have like a good first story? A good first story. Do you know what I'm saying? We're talking about love. Yeah. Daddy. First story. I mean. And if you don't, then it's going to be a downer. I don't want to talk. No, not a downer, but definitely not as romantic. Not as romantic. I mean, none of us are with our first quote-unquote love, so it, you know, it all comes to an end. I am. Are you with your very first love? The first person that I was ever intimate with, I wound up marrying. Stop it. But it doesn't sound like it's going very well. It doesn't sound like it's going to last. So, so. No. Listen, we had breaks and things between the setters, right? I didn't know this. Yeah. But I guess I missed that in the timeline. I missed that in the timeline, too. They, they've definitely like. Because I thought it was the story you told last week. Yeah. Which one? I want to tell that story. Where you're entering a good old class. Oh, right. She wasn't first. We never transpired. We never transpired. Well, unfortunately, you, you did technically do it because there was penetration. Sorry to break. You. Sorry to be technical, but sorry, Ryan. Yeah. Sorry, Ryan. Yeah. You thought. Your intergluteal cleft was interfered with. Interfered. Reggie. Well, that's so sweet, Sterling. It was, it was really, really sweet. It was interesting. She probably won't let me tell too much of the story after that. So tell us all of it. Yeah. We'll have to be thoughtful. Let me put on my readers here. Got it. But I'll tell you what was cool about it was for me in this moment. It was. I remember. I told you guys, I was waiting for marriage. I'm waiting to be the person I was going to be married to. And I remember having this revelation. I was like, well, you know what? I think, I think Ryan's the person I'm going to wind up marrying. So I was like, it doesn't matter if it's an hour, if it's later, right? Like, she's that person. So I'm happy that the first time was an expression of not just a physical fulfillment, like of an emotional commitment and like sharing, right? Which was really, really lovely. And it was something where like, for the most part, it was two people holding each other while just being together, right? It wasn't like a very like active sort of thing, it was a very just sort of, and the bird was like crying, and I was basically just holding her and resting with her. That's like, that's like, that's so beautiful, that's so beautiful. Yeah, well, about you guys, I got nothing, I got nothing, I got nothing, I got nothing. Anyways, I had a cigarette, we're smoking inside. Anyways. All right. Can't really top that. All right. That's all good. That's all good. That's all good. Let's go. Man, love. Let's get into this, me off me rest. This episode, this episode, I remember this episode. Yeah. Did Kate direct some of it? She directed on it. She directed on it. She directed on it. She directed on it. Yeah. But I feel like she, I feel like there were some, she couldn't be around for some of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like there was a, maybe as we go through it, I'll recount. We're going to always be calling. They're going to always be calling. And Jennifer shows up at the apartment. This young lady has the dress on. This young lady is radiant. And I'm gonna take a moment here, and I can like-- - Fuck like a lady saxophone. - I can do this-- - In a way, 'cause I need her to hear it every once in a while. 'Cause she doesn't recognize, excuse me. She doesn't always recognize herself as being beautiful. And somebody who played her TV dad and who has immense amounts of love for her. They're gonna call you a gorgeous, gorgeous. And she does this thing a couple of times in the episode where I wrote down, I was like, "Why are you looking at him like that?" (laughing) - Like a made-you uncomfortable-- - Oh, woo, woo. - Well-- - Young lady. - Also, like, she needs her flowers. She needs, because there is, like, she has an unquestionable beauty. She looks unbelievable in this dress, but it is her aura. - Yes. - Mm-hmm. - That is so undeniable and so special and so palpable. It's her smile, it's her eyes, it's like there is-- - She takes her time, huh? - That you are hanging on every breath, every word of hers because of that. There's something so intoxicating about her. As a human being, I'm not talking about her physical beauty, her physical form. It's just, there's something about her as an actor, her essence that you're just like, I'm so wrapped by you, that every little thing that you're doing, I'm waiting with Bated Breath because it's so interesting, it's so exquisite. And her in combo with Asante is like, the two of them together and watching this manifestation of, I don't know if it took you guys back, it took me back like, of that first, that feeling of first love and that feeling of trepidation of, am I going to do this? Am I, I want this, but do I want it right now? And am I safe? I feel safe, like it's just the constant sort of back and forth. - She knew, she took this trip with like an agenda. - With an intention. Did you have an agenda when it first went down? Did you know like, tonight, I think I'm gonna, for either of you? - Yes, I mean, I think it wasn't just like, for me, it wasn't just like, and then it happened. It was like, I was very conscious, especially because the person with which it was happening with, it wasn't their first time. - Sure. - So there was a real intention of, okay, I want to do this, I'm ready to do this, it's going to happen. - Gotcha. - Not in quite this like, beautiful fashion, not in this romantic fashion, but yes, I think there was, there was an agenda, yeah, yeah. - Kintin, Kintin, so they go to the party. - They go to the party, are they going to a club or wherever they were, right? - It's party, I think it's like a house party. - Okay, but the music's happening, they're dancing, they're flirting, they're in it, and it's like, you could tell that like, emotions are building, and Deja is like, I'm ready. - I'm ready. - I'm ready, and he's like, well, you're ready to, and it was like, no, no, I'm ready. I'm ready. - He's like, we just got here, which is how much he's like, no, I'm ready. He's like, oh, say less, you know what I'm saying? - Yeah. - Well, gotta go, right? And she, the look, the woman has like, she's at the time, 18 years old. I think she just turned 18, that season, whatever. But like, just the soulfulness of like, no, I'm right, and she just looks, through, and I'm like, young lady, why are you looking at him like that? - Yeah. - They go back to the apartment. She's got her, like, her nighty on. He's got like his little A shirt, I think, is the appropriate term for it. Once upon a time, it was called something else. And she said, you know, I'm so nervous, right? - My heart is beating so fast. And then, she sweetly was like, like, with what did she say? - She's like, you're not nervous? - You're not nervous. - And my man, he takes off his shirt, he shows his little guns and everything, and he takes her hand. - And puts it on his heart. - He puts it on his chest so she can feel his heartbeat, and they kiss. And like, this has to be, I don't know if it's a K-direction or if it was a, but like, she's like, I want to be present for every bit of this moment. She doesn't close her eyes. - No. - She just looks at him as they sort of like goes back. - It's so beautiful, you guys. I'm so moved now thinking about it. It's like the generosity of Malik in that moment to be like, to, like, we're in this together. I'm nervous, even though he's clearly been here before. He is a child. - Right. - The fact that it's like, still, in this moment with you, I am here, and I too, I'm feeling everything you're feeling is like, it's such a beautiful gift to give to somebody. And how does this end? She says she wants to feel this way forever, like after, after the love has transpired. She just, and it's like, man, I totally can be back in that frame. I think anybody that had any sort of experience that remotely sort of touches in this territory. Again, mine did not unfold in quite this fashion, but I still am able to bring myself back to that age and that time where, yeah, the innocence of, like, I never want this to end. I never want to not swim in the lushness of this moment. It's so all-encompassing, and it's so safe, and it's so endless, and, you know what I mean? I just, like, I was brought back, and that's, I mean, thanks to these two unbelievable actors. You were transported for a moment there, man, anymore. Yeah. It's sweet. More that was us, after these words, from our sponsors. It's a beautiful thing, and then again, like I said, they go, she goes comb on the bus by herself, she gets a text message from Randall, "How is breakfast at Tiffany's?" She says life changing, right? And so you're waiting to see, like, all right, once this is actually told how it goes down, like, this was a situation where she's like, it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Correct. You know what I'm saying? It's five hours away. Also, shout out to the black lady who offered sweetness on the bus right there to begin with. I always love old black lady sage council. They make me feel warm and happy. Yeah, her wise words. Her wise words, young love, you know what I'm saying? You'll see. Yeah. And then shout out to Malik for using the word incandescent. And she said, "Okay, however." Yeah. So that was that. That's a great storyline. It's a great storyline. Beautifully done, well done, K.A. going gorgeous. Now, this, this one was for, they're both pretty fucking awesome. Yeah. I really, I didn't know what I was going to think. And I, I didn't remember the whole thing, right? And so they get to, when Nikki's just complaining and scared and nervous and yada da da da. They're packing and Rebecca also makes a note couple times to Miguel. Take the trash can out. Don't forget the trash cans. They're making a mental checklist of everything is they're packing to go on this like, you know, this day trip. Yeah. Potentially one night away. They're bringing stuff. Yeah. As Nikki's packing, they go a shot of a closet. It's all the same flannel. Yeah, I just flannel shirts. Really good. And then my man comes out in the circus and they go, we're going on a day trip, man. He's like, I like to have clothing off. Closing off. Yeah. Closing off. Just little weird things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So same. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like, he's looking through the flattles. I was like, all right, this one might be right for this one, but this one. And they all look exactly the same. Yeah. Go ahead. That's it. I just want to say that. Anybody else want to? Well, they're on the road now, right? Yep. And Nikki's practicing his opening line. Yeah. Is that the kind of thing? Yes. Yeah. And they're trying to coach him up. And they've also, you know, they've asked him. They've also asked for details, right? And Nikki has kind of been vague. Yeah. And yeah. And we will find out for a reason. Yeah. He said that she's single. And. And I don't know exactly. He's just being very vague. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But he has been practicing his opening line. Yeah. Which is, hey, Sal. Took me 50 years, but I finally made it to California. Yeah. You know. There's a weight from the Gallaudet Rebecca. And? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's never going to work. Have you guys ever gone on, on a, on a trip like this? No, not with like a quest. Yeah. I've quested before. You have. Yeah. And looking back, it was pretty creepy. And even this one's a little, I mean, this one. It's creepy. It's creepy. Yeah. What is yours? I mean, it was like, it was, it was a, it was a, it was a buddy of mine. And, and we both were like. I gotta go. We gotta go.
go see what that girl's up to. And we both drove from LA to the Bay Area, you know, in my 65 Mustang, you know, old-esque car. - Yeah. - And I dropped him off at a house, and then I drove to this other house, like by memory, and it was like a crush I'd had, and looking back now, it's like, you can't just show up at somebody's house. - Yeah. - That's weird. - Yeah. - Yes. - I guess not. - Yes. I mean, you can be forgiven a little bit with like 19-year-old, you know, love. - Yeah. - Like, hey, it's me. - I'm back. - And she's like, yeah, I have a boyfriend. - Like, or like whatever the thing, but it's like, I'll never forget, like I showed up, and I was just like, hey, I was just a giant neighborhood. So I stopped by, and I remember her being kind of excited. Hey, hey, about her brother and dad being like, love, love, love. - What? And looking back, it's like, no, you're right. - Yeah. - This is weird. I'm sorry. - Do you know what I'm not here? - I think, I think you're a big man. And I think sometimes people like, look sideways at big people like, you should know, like you should be older than what you are. - Yeah. - And it reminds me of naked upies. And Brian and I were talking about the other day, and she's like, that little boy is so comfortable. And I was like, yeah, and I think the world is four. May react to him like he's nine, like it, because he's about as tall as a nine year old. He's like, upies. He's like, naked, I was like, well, this nine year old boy wants naked upies, but he's only four, and that's Brown remembers, and you're still a kid. And even though it is weird or whatnot, like there are these things that happen to us as young people, we move through the world not always with pure cognition. There's impulse to it as well. And like, hopefully, if you're on the other side of it, you have, you make space for it. - Sure. - And not just treat it as like, who is this? - I make space for it for sure. - Okay. - But it also can go down the road of like a Kevin situation, where Kevin's just like, has this romantic idea of, I'm just gonna show up. - Yeah. - And it's gonna be romantic, and the strings will come in. - Yeah. - And it's also like, you can't just do that on the top. - Yeah, you don't know how disruptive this is to someone's life. - Right, right, right. And so they're on their way. Nikki says he needs to make a stop on the way. - Yeah, I can't show up empty. It has to have to get something. Miguel says, yeah, no problem. - They go to an antique store. - Yeah. - Was it an antique store, was it a pawn shop? I couldn't, antique store? - It, it wasn't, I mean, that's like where we shot it at an antique store, I kind of thought it was, that's what they were kind of going for. But yeah. - There's interesting thing, I don't know if this should be separate or together because there's this recollection of, first of all, is Miguel singing in this part? - Yeah, yeah, Uga Chaka, Uga. - Thank you, thank you, thank you. They're singing the Uga Chaka, Uga, Uga, Uga. And then you sort of vibe and all of it. And in the part where I was like, this dude can do a lot of stuff. That's what I gave her first of all. It's just like, where it says I was like, I can't stop this fee, like I was like, where did you better stop singing? - Yeah. - So good. - Yeah. - Stop all that stuff. And then it goes back to Jack singing in the old car. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Because I think I'm just wanna connect it because I don't think it's separate. Rebecca and memory is something that is very present for her as we're going through this whole thing, right? Yeah. - So she kind of, that song comes on the radio. They're singing it and it's silly and goofy and they're having a fun time and she kind of catches herself in the mirror with her little scarf on and just remembering like, wow, I am an old woman and I remember back in the day singing this song Jack and we were driving around and his boss's car and a convertible and it was so fun and that feels like yesterday and how is it that that was so long ago? I was a young woman. I didn't have kids yet. It's just like, yes, I think memory and holding on to things while she still has the capacity to or something she's like highly aware of. - All right, so they get to the antique store. He finds an old camera. The guy's like, it's $90 and then he's like, what the haggle begins? He's like, I give you 50s. He's like, nah, it's not worth it. He's like, no, there's no haggling here. The guy basically says and then he's like, you know what? This is all, like it just sort of hits him. He's like, what am I doing? And it's not just about the camera. It's just like, what you just said, this is weird. There's been 50 years. What are we doing? - Yeah. - Let's go home. And the other hits, two road dogs are like, nah, bruh. - No, we're here. - You didn't pull us out the house to drive like, 20 minutes away from her house. - We gonna go see this. It's the only entertainment I got, ring that bell. - Yeah. Yeah. Kind of and also like, we've come this far. And I'm not listening to you complain about. - There you go. - Never doing this. - Rebecca says, look, we're gonna split the difference. 50, 90, let's go 70. You throw some film in by the Bing, by the boom. He's like, all right, cool. They go to the house. It rings the bell, he's waiting, we're, oh, the knowledge has come out in the midst of that. He's like, I never contacted her. - Yeah. - I don't even know if it's her. - Yeah. - You know what I'm saying? All I know is that there's a bunch of pictures of animals on their thing and says she does photography or whatnot. I don't know if she's married. I don't even know if she's still alive. And they're like, oh shit. Well, we 20 minutes away, let's go, can find out. - Yeah. - Yeah, might as well. - So they get to the door, beautiful house. Very gorgeous, he rings the bell or whatnot. She starts to approach and he's like, OMG, it's her. This woman's beautiful, by the way. - Beautiful. - All right, great casting, Josh. Josh. - Josh. - Doing your job, bro. - Yeah. - 'Cause when they do the flashbacks back to her and I see it, that's good, that works. I like it. And the woman can act great. - Yeah. - And she does not know who this is. - I know it's so sweet, though. - And she's so lovely about it, right? - Right. - She played it so perfectly. - So perfectly. - I am sure, she believes him. - Yeah. - As they get to think it's not like she's not weary, she's not, she doesn't think she's being deceived. She's just like, I don't, remember, tell me more. - Yeah. - About. - Yeah. - It's so charming, too. - But he's immediately deflated. - The juxtaposition of someone that he has not stopped thinking about for 50 years. And that this dude was like a section of her life at one point in time. And my life went in a completely different direction. I just hadn't thought about it. - Yeah. - It just, it really colors the fact that he has led such a small life where she loomed so large. And she, on the other hand, lived a life that many of us have led. You know, that's just, it's filled with many different people and experiences and love and loss. And just like, it's just been a fuller life, right? - It's also the life of. - The life of an addict. - Yeah. - Of a self-centered, someone who is self-centered and thinks only of themselves, even if it is negative, they have this, and I know because I was that way, too. I told you guys this story about the tennis coach, right? - No. - About the tennis coach, I'll make it short. I had an immense to make in this part of my process. And I had been thinking about this tennis coach for years about the way I behaved. And he was so disappointed in me and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I get this note from my uncle Mike, great uncle Mike, hey, that tennis coach just moved in to the old folks home where I live. Well, there's a sign. Hey, can you give my email? I'd love to catch up. We go to catch up. And we're catching up about tennis and about the new book he's writing and what I've been up to and I said, "Hey, I just want you to know that that summer that you gave me a job. I just, I behaved really poorly and I'm really sorry." And I respect you so much and it's been bothering me for a long time and I just want to apologize. And he goes, "You did all that and I didn't fire you?" And it is in that moment that I realized that this man has no idea who I am. - Yeah. Yeah. - No idea. - No idea who I am. (laughing) And it all flooded to me like the narcissism of a 19-year-old to think that this man must think about me as much as I think about him is not malicious. It's just self-centered and it's just like narrow, small. You know, and even in this whole world, Sally gives him the greatest gift of this whole interaction where she goes, "Oh my God, hello, Nicky." - Yeah. - Even if she doesn't fully know like who, like she hasn't gotten all the information yet. - But I believe her in this moment. - I believe her too. - And I believe that she's like. - She's still gathering information. - Totally and it's still processing. It's like the pixels are sort of starting to populate and get a little like more in focus. So it's like, I don't know fully what the picture looks like yet but I know that there's a picture coming and it's like. - And she can see how important it is to him. - And there's a real generosity there too. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It's like, wow, that's a through line in this episode. - They come in, everybody comes in, they exchange their greetings, et cetera. She talks about how she got a job at a pharmaceutical company. - Yeah. - Right? - Yeah, he's like, "Are you still taking pictures?" - Photography became-- - Oh gosh, no, I didn't take that picture.
a real photographer took that out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We're kind of pharmaceutical companies. So she kind of abandoned the life that maybe he had conjured up in his mind that she had been living as some free-spirited hippie that went to Woodstock. - She joined up with the man, totally, and then she introduces her husband, right? Because at this moment, we're thinking like, "Ah, maybe she's just here, but yeah." - Yeah, it's like maybe there's sparks. - Look at the sparks, he comes in and we're like, "Oh, I'm like some long-lost scars guard." - Yeah, totally. - She's like, "What's going on in my house?" - Yeah. - There I was good. - Oh, no, right. Handsome dude, but they invite you guys to stay for dinner, like please you here, all right? And you guys were just gonna leave and they're like, "Okay, so we'll stay for dinner, right?" And then Nikki's talking about Jack Tissale because she's like, "I remember you having this brother." And you're like, "Yeah, I was actually married to him." And then Nikki's like, "Yeah, and that was his best friend, but he didn't like, poacher from her or something like that." - Yeah, he didn't snake her. - He didn't snake his widow. - Yeah. - Don't worry, he didn't snake his widow. - Everybody's like, "What?" - And it's funny because Sally's story, things are starting to come back to her like, "I remember your parents." - Yeah. - And the South's very steak, right? - Yeah, that's right. - And then Nikki's like, "I remember everything." He's like, "You deflowered me." - He's so blunt, just sawing at his food. He deflowered me under a full moon. Just like. - Yeah, everybody's like. - The husband's right there. - Like. - The husband's like, "Yeah, that sounds like half the Northeast, just something like that." Or just like, "Jusius." - Totally. I'm like, "Wow, throw your wife under the bus." - Yeah. - Basically, like, you're not special. - I'm gonna be definitely bus, yeah. - Yeah. - You know what though? Like, I felt like it was also like, "I won't let this, um, this molehill become a mountain." - Right. I was like, "It was afraid of it." I felt like he sort of like, "Ah, yeah, it sounds like something that's happened before." - Oh, totally. He played it wonderfully. - Yeah. - It was just. - Also, we've talked about my love for the witnessing of the delicacy of the human condition. If I could have been Miguel on this trip, I hope someone in my life, one day, is like, "I need you to come with me." I. In fact, I don't even need to know you. - Just invite him along. - Send me the email. I will come and watch all of us unfold and eat this dinner, yeah, and just soak it up. - The more awkward the better. - Yeah. - God, I love you so much. - Yeah. - Even, you know, even if it's, even if I'm the one who's awkward, I kind of just like, "Oh, this hurts." - Good. - So tasty. - Yeah. - This is delicious. There's something like, I've had moments like that where I'm sort of in something and also bearing witness to it at the same time. That is kind of like, "Oh, man, this is funny for people watching, even though it's not quite so funny." - Right, sit down. Sit down. And you're just like, "Ooh, you." - Yeah. - Oh, Sally makes a reference to Alzheimer's. She's like, "Oh, gosh, I must be forgetting everything. I must have Alzheimer's." I, you know, early onset Alzheimer's, or not even that early, it's just regular Alzheimer's. And you see Miguel sort of clocking. And Rebecca's listening, but like not like a fendit per se, but she's making her reference there. Rebecca has a memory of Jack with the convertible again. And when she comes out of that memory, she's just like, "I have Alzheimer's." - Yeah. - Right? And Sally's like, "Oh, that's my bad. I didn't know." And she speaks about losing her memories and talks about this conversation about sweating the small stuff. - Yeah, it's interesting. So she, you know, admits she has Alzheimer's that she's sick and she has these plaques on her brain. - Yeah. - And it really is kind of putting into focus, like, what will, like, I think often, like, what is my last memory going to be before, like, all the lights go out? Like, what's the last thing I'm actually going to be able to remember? And she's like, "It's so strange. I thought getting this diagnosis would help me sweat the small stuff less, but it really hasn't." Like, I was so fixated on the garbage cans and telling Miguel that I wasn't forgetting. I just didn't want him to forget the garbage cans. And, you know, it really, like, it's, it's, it's so strange. And this conversation then opens up the floor to everyone else to kind of, like, jump in with, like, you're right, like, you know, Sally's husband admits they have this deck that they built illegally. And he's like, all the time that I am up at night and the years of my life, I've probably wasted worrying about this deck if we ever get caught or we sell the house and if someone going to fall and hurt themselves. And Miguel talks about his hair, silly, right? Like, he's like-- - Says he's lost seven strands. - Yeah. - His hair's this thing. It's just like a jerk. - I sold it tacked. - Yeah. - But there it was all this, they didn't leave you hanging feeling like it was just you. - Yeah, we all have these feelings, right, of like, not sweating the small stuff. We should be able to let it go. It's a silly thing to stress out about. - Yeah. - I hung two swings in the backyard by myself from, and I spent 15% of the time that my children are on these swings, worried about them flying off into the distance, just the swings come unhooked. - Yeah, yeah. - They're not going too, Mandy. They're not going too. - Yeah. - I know. - I did a good job. Man, stop looking at me like that. I did a good job. - They trust you. - Years that have been lost, wondering about something that never happened, and then Nikki starts talking about Sally and how it got him through times, like, you know, I remember it all or whatnot, but I don't feel like it was a waste, no way, not for me, right? And then this is where it gets interesting because Eric, Sally's husband says something about unrequited love is kind of the only pure one, and maybe it's best to leave it at that. Like, maybe it's best that it was that sort of thing, because that kind of thing can live in your memory, like as the pinnacle of something. - Yeah, untainted. - You know what I mean? And then it's sort of devolved. - Yeah, Sally jumps in. - Yeah, go ahead, please. - Well, no, she just jumps in, and she's like, I regret buying that satellite dish from my husband. It's like, oh, are we going in to regrets? How we were talking about silly things that we were sweating that really were unnecessary. We were just kind of, you know, and she just like kind of uses this as a moment to really unpack this grievance she's had with her husband. She's like, I regret buying our satellite dish because it's become his retreat. And he just, he spends all of his time in front of the TV. We eat our meals silently at different times. I make food at the beginning of the week because I just don't know whenever he's going to want to eat his dinner. And you could just tell that this is like, she's been sitting on this grievance for a long time and dammit. If this is the moment she can air it, she's going to do it. - Yeah. And she's like, honey, are we, you know, talking about things in front of, you know, gas and folks that we don't know. And she's like, these are, I know him. I've known him longer than I've known you. - I've known him than I've known you, you know what I'm saying. - And he's loved me. He's pined after me from afar for 50 years. Like that matters. That means something. Whereas you treat me like a line cook. - That's right. - And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, we have, like, entered into this very awkward marital. - Yeah. This is the moment I wish I was McGill. - Yeah. Really? You're like, give me more. Yeah. - Yeah. - It's fun. Like, so. - Chris and I have had, like, a conversation about this offline where, like, this point in, that can happen in your marriage, where you reach what I like to call benign neglect. You're not intentionally, sort of, like, withdrawing from your partner. It's just because you haven't been intentional in connecting with your partner. - Sure. - Things just, sort of, like-- - Faster. - Yeah. And if you're not careful, if you don't address it, right, the schism can become an abyss, can become a gulf, or et cetera, et cetera. And I think she was reminded in that moment. She's like, to be in the presence of someone who has thought about you in such high regard for such a long period of time, and then be like, and here I am with the person that I chose to share my life with, and I don't know how much they even think about me, right? It was just, sort of, like, this jolt of something. And I didn't get the sense. What I loved about the scene is that there was an airing of a grievance in front of company or whatnot, but it didn't seem like the end, right? It didn't-- - Right. - It felt like, oh, they're going to get through it? - Yeah. Because like-- - Oh, yeah, I wasn't like, well, this is the end of it really. - But that's what I liked about it. - It was because, if his reaction, he could have been an escalator. - Yeah. - And he wasn't. - No. - He let her get out what she needed to get out, go away, and then he said, who wants some bourbon? - Yeah, she leaves the room. - Yeah, and then Nikki's like, I'm an alcoholic. - Yeah, I can't do that. - So good. - But then the thing that I really loved about the episode that I completely forgot was it was about you two. - Yeah.
- You don't say it right? - Or what it means to be a lady of that age. - Yeah. - And this is the first time that we see Rebecca like with a peer. - Yeah. - I know. - They don't have any friends historically on the show. - Well like some of her own age. - Yeah, that she can talk to. That she could like have a little gal pal to like chat about like getting older and how not fun it is. - And if we thought Mandy more disappeared into her older character before, you having a conversation with a woman of the same age, you were just gone. - Oh. - It was so beautiful. - It was great. - I love it. There's one thing, like before you get into the meet of it, there's just this thing where Sally was like, you were looking at the pictures on the board and she was taking these selfies of herself and she talks about it at some point in time. She stops taking these pictures of herself. She's like, and she said I turned heads in my day or something like that. And I bet you were a look at two. And I'm in a, I had my days. - Yeah. (laughing) - Wow. - Yeah. - Go Rebecca. - Yeah. - You can't tell with this Bob and these glasses, but I used to really try to turn it out. - Yeah. - My husband, my husband punched a guy once. (laughing) - On my behalf. - Me. (upbeat music) - We'll be right back with more of that with us. (upbeat music) - She talks about how her first husband got the show or model and now poor Miguel is stuck with the used classic with a ton of miles. - Yeah. - And Sally's like, yeah, but he's, he seems like totally obsessed with it. - He's up for it. - Yeah. And she's like, yeah, I really did strike gold twice. - Yeah. - I love when Miguel gets his flowers. - I did too. I did too. - And they talk about when did we stop seeing these reflections of ourselves? Like when, when did we stop wanting to see what was in the mirror? And Rebecca talks about, you know, covering her, liver spots on her hands and wearing a scarf 'cause she doesn't like the way her neck looks and they talk about her friend who stopped dying her hair. Sally mentions her and Rebecca's like, bullshit. - Right. - She really, Bernadette. - Bernadette is owning her gray hair. She also talks about how she started salsa dancing with Miguel. - I also, before you get to the songs, you're like, my husband's Puerto Rican. Let's let this end, right? - Yeah. - He's Puerto Rican. - He's Puerto Rican. - Okay, she couldn't tell. He speaks Spanish. - Yeah. - But she talks about how they took salsa lessons for like in preparation for their wedding and their first dance and they continued after, right? Or was it before? And she's like, I just remember this younger woman kind of eyeballing me once. As if to say like, wow, you're old and you're still doing this kind of thing. - Good for you, old lady. - Like a good for you. And she was like, that was the immediate moment where I decided, never gonna do this again. Never gonna do this again. I don't want anyone to look at me like that. - Those moments happen so often in life. Have you had moments that have kept you from doing something that you used to do? I mean, I'm not talking about tennis because that was a self-selecting thing. Was there anything that anybody's ever done to you? Or you're like, oh, maybe I shouldn't do that. Maybe that's not a public thing to do anymore. That's not cool because of a reaction that you got. - Oh, I mean, as far as behavior goes. - Yeah, behavior or something that you enjoyed at one point and then you're like, I'll just stop doing it. - I mean, I've told you, I've told you about, I think I've talked about it early on. Like I was at the Viper Room once at a show and I was standing in the back. But the room was about half full and the room filled in behind me. And halfway through the band set, the lead singer, like between songs, stop the show and like pointed me out. It was like, bro, what are you doing? Nobody can see and like pointed me out. And so I like slunk to the back. And like, this is like a being tall thing. Which is like, I've told you, every time I go to the theater, the sound I hear from directly behind me, no matter where I sit is. And it's usually an older couple. And the husband's like, do you want me to switch seats with you? Do you want to sit here? Do you want to sit over here? And I'm just like, what do you want me to do? And it's like, I am so sorry. I have a real sense of being in the way all the time. And I'm always trying to get out of the way and not be in anyone's way. And that's like something I try to like fight against, but also I want to be considered. I don't actually want to be in anyone's way. - Sure. - But also. - You existing as not being in someone's way. - Thank you, Mandy. This is-- - All right. Let me just reiterate that. - We're gonna make that the ringtone when you texted me and called me. (laughing) - You're not in the way. - Thank you. - You're not in the way. - That's tough. - That's tough. - But these little, they it's called the inner critic, right? And then like that little thing burls into your brain. - Yeah. - It's like you're in the way. - Oh yeah. - You're in the way. - Well, Mandy, I saw a clip of you talking about, you know, singing and the voice that comes into your head. - Oh yeah. - I've had multiple people in my life. - Yeah. I've had a moment where I was like, you know, just messing around in the car, singing and whatnot. And I heard like, it wasn't trying to do anything, just having fun or whatnot. And like I hit a note that wasn't right along with the thing and then the person who was with me was like, and I stopped singing in front of him. - Yeah. And it's like, it's the worst. - Yeah. - And it's, and it has as much to do with that person as anything else, right? Because that person hears a person being vulnerable and maybe making a mistake or, and they would be embarrassed. - Yeah. - Or they would feel negative feelings about that. - If they were that person. And it's like a socially transmitted disease. It's like, I feel embarrassed. Why don't you feel embarrassed too? Why don't you have a little embarrassment? - Yeah. - And yeah, I mean, it happens all the time. These little micro-aggressions. - Yeah. - Sometimes macro. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So then, Nikki comes and he breaks up the party. The girls are having a good time. They're enjoying themselves. Nikki's like, it's time. - We gotta go. We gotta go. Time to go. - The girls, he pockets a picture. I couldn't see the picture he pocketed. - Well, they took a bunch of selfies essentially. - Yeah, we took a little bunch of colories. - He took one of those. - Okay. And then he's looking at the board and of all the pictures of Sally or whatnot. But then he coax one like right in the middle of the collage. - And it's him. - And it's him, right? With his back to her when I come to the court. - Because his hair is long, initially, she could mistake that it's just a shot of her. But then as you see, she's like, I know. - That's it. - That's young Nikki was right there, right? Which makes me wonder if this whole time, she has a bit more of an idea than she's letting on. - I get the impression that she doesn't look at that board that often. - Okay. - Yeah. - 'Cause it's like if you saved that photo all these years. - Yeah. - And when you made that collage. - Yeah. - Maybe, maybe not. - Yeah, I didn't, I really believe that she did not make that connection. - Yeah. - In my heart. - You were like, oh, maybe she was like. - I was like, no, she knows, she knows. She knows. - Oh, hello, Nikki. - Yeah. (laughing) - We're Nikki. - She's a picture of himself. Nikki and Sally say goodbye. He tells her it's like, you know what, it's all good now. Like I've made you a wall. Like that is like, listen. - Make you a wall. - To Chris' point, like, you know what I remember. - You did remember, but you remember everything. But like, I was important at one point in that photo. - Yeah. - That's basically it. Like, you went on Facebook. - Yeah. - Save it all these years. - Yeah, that was the, that was a 75 year old version of a Facebook wall. - Yeah. It's interesting too, because she's so sweet in this moment. They flash back to them sort of getting together for the first time in their youth. And she touches this cheek or what have you. It was a little bit of a misdirect because you were wondering like, are they about to or not? I didn't think so. - Yeah. - But I was still sort of like. - They were hoping. We were hoping. I was hoping. - I think there's a part of you. - I was like, kiss them on the mouth. - I was like, she turns a cheek. - Kiss them on the mouth. - He turned a cheek. Who kissed her? - He kissed her. - He kissed her on her cheek. - He kissed her. She turned a cheek or what? - Yeah. - He kissed her too. Very, very sweet. - Yeah. - And then they hugged. - They hugged. And then there's conversation stop. - She left her. - And don't misdirect the people. - And they smash cut to her throwing a satellite dish in a dumpster behind the home. - No, it gets even better, it gets even better than that. - It's even better. It's even better. - Because we go to Rebecca McGill. - Are they in the car? - Waiting for Nicky. They're giving him some space to practice. - Rebecca says, you did not get the best version of me. I'm so sorry. And McGill was like, hey, sickness and health, right? Remember? He's like, we got a journey ahead of us. - Yeah. - And I am here for that journey. - Is that not gonna be the best for you? - We saw at the beginning, as they're packing. - That destroyed me. - Listen. - That destroyed me. - As they're packing at the beginning. Like, he's like, I got the pillbox. Like, I'm doing this, like these little small things that he's doing, 'cause he's getting himself ready, right? And even when you ask him about the trash cans and stuff, he's like, yeah, I got it. - I won't. - Cool. - Yeah. - No problem. - Yeah, he's so dialed in. - Or as little as you need to, I'm here, right? And it's the first, I don't know if it's the first, I know we've seen him kiss, but this is the first.
- It was the first time where I was like, - It was a real kiss. - I'm a kiss you kiss you. I know we old, but we ain't too old to kiss kiss. And I fucking love you bro. - Yeah. Like I think about this dude from back in the day and I love him too, and my love for him doesn't take away from my love for you. - Yeah, right? - That's right. Boom. - Period. - By the bang, by the boom. It's a beautiful. - They say to Nikki, I know this didn't work out the way you wanted it to, but we know that the universe is gonna put somebody in your path that's right for you. He's like, no, okay. - Rather universe. - The universe. - The universe. She moonsy versus. - Yeah. - I think he also says it's like it's time for me to go back keys, right? - Yeah. - He's like, your silly son is building that cabin. I got a supervise. - Somebody's got to look out for it and send him. - Yeah. - I got to sit around and bother him all the time. (laughing) - That's all right. Old folks talking about the universe. Nikki says he would have liked that you two found each other. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It was really, really cool. Rebecca says I want to, oh, we see them saucing. - Yeah. - What's it? Mandy? - Shake, shake, shake. - You're so cute. Like Mandy is cute, right? She's holding the dress. - Yep. - She's cute. - She's like, shitty, shitty. - Like guys. - And God bless. - Say, darling. - Fucking that's what. - Where does that thing go? - Everything. - Yeah. - Like he was like, this dude is like, oh, you want to sauce? - No. - He's like, I'm about to watch this. - Yeah, watch this. - Yeah. - Yeah. - He's like, I don't need the lesson. - I'm gonna slip a hit. - Yeah. - Yeah. - He didn't need the lesson. I need his lesson. - He was great. And she's just like, oh, good. - So happy and smiling with him and me. - Yeah. - That's John if he needed salsa lessons and he called HR. - Yeah. (laughing) - He was offended. - He was offended. - Just so you know, they asked me. - Yeah. - Mickey's on the plane. - Yeah. - He started a conversation up with the-- - A disembodied voice? - Disembodied voice. - Five attendants, like, can you put your seat up? And he's like, let me ask you a question. You know, and he just goes into a whole thing these days. - So it's my safety, or is that? - Yeah, is that just because like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's being cute. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And the flight attendant's like, any clock's her name, he's like, "Eady." - Yeah. - You really want me to put my seat up, or you blah, blah, blah, blah. And she kind of given her a little bit of gruff, but very cutely. And she kind of hands it back to him and we see her and she's like, "Yeah, sir, I'm not like, I told you what I told you essentially. Like, are you gonna be a problem?" - Yeah. - And he's like, "Oh, absolutely." And it's like, they have a very cute little chemistry between the two of them. You're like, "Okay." - And we meet Vanessa Bell-Kallaway. - Jump cut to the future. We see her face in the future first before we see her on the airplane, because Randall and Deja are waiting. He's asked her, like, "How's the ride up?" You know, it's always, you know, longer than what you think it's gonna be. And then comes up out of the car, this beautiful black woman. She's like, "Oh, Eady, thank you for making it, so glad you made it." She's like, "Of course we'll miss it." Then we see Older Nikki and Eady and they share a kiss and a hug and they talk about it. Love each other. - Yeah, they miss each other. - And then you go back to the plane and you see the young Eady for the first time, meeting Younger Nikki. And that's when we introduce Jungle Fever to this is us. He saw that chocolate and he was like, "Hey, I'm gonna keep leaning my seat." - Yeah, I'm not gonna put my seat up if you know what I mean. - Keep leaning my seat back if you keep coming and asking me to move it up. - Her name's Nicholas. - She is show you right. Great episode. - Great episode. - Like to see, we see now Nikki has finding love because we know about the future. - Has found it. - In 516, he said something about-- - Wife needed the stockings. - Wife needed the stockings, right? So we're putting pieces together, things are happening in a beautiful way. Days are finding love with Malik for the first time. But we don't know, we haven't seen Malik. In the future, so we don't know. - Yeah, if that's the thing. And more than likely not, right? The first person is usually not the last person. - Yeah, unless you're sterling K-Bron. - Yeah, there's gaps. - It's totally, but it's still. - Unless you're sterling K-Bron. - First person is the person. - Yeah, it's kind of crazy. But I was not, she, I was not her first person, similar to what you were saying in your stories. I just love the show. - I love the show too. - It was great. It was great. - Great good show. - What's our fan say? - Oh, step, we're gonna listen to the voicemails. - Because you called us and. - Yeah, speak five. - Yeah, tap, tap, I'll play some five. - Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. - You reached out on our speaker. - I'll do this message. Speak five. Today we're doing something we haven't done in a minute. We're gonna play some fan voicemail. - All right, even when we couldn't pronounce it, you still went over to. - Speaky pipey and shared your stories, reactions, and what this is us has meant to you personally. - So we're gonna listen to a few of them together and react in real time. - Hi guys, my name is Lindsay. I just want to start by saying how much of a fan of the show and you all I am. This is us has been my favorite show since it aired and I have rewatched it in unhealthy amount of times. And I'm so appreciative of this show. It really means a lot to me. So I want to say thank you for that first of all. - You're welcome. - Second of all, I wanted to say that I am a 26 year old social worker. I have my bachelor's degree in social work. I'm currently getting my master's in social work and I'll be graduated in May. I praise the Lord. - Congrats. - But I actually decided to major in social work because of this is us. So similarly to Dacia, I had a pretty rough upbringing. I'm a first generation college student so I did not have a lot of support going to college. I had to figure out a lot of my own. And I remember watching the season two premiere. I'm pretty sure it was the first episode Dacia was introduced. - Yeah. - It's 2017. I think I had just turned 18 myself. And I was in community college. I had no idea what I was doing. And just seeing Dacia and the complexities of her and her case worker and Bethorandola's foster parents her biological mom, I knew right then and they are social work is what I wanted to do. - Wow. - And so since I graduated, I have been in the foster care field. I have such a passion for foster care. I love it so much and I wouldn't be here without this as us. So thank you. - You are an angel on this earth man. It is such a very special and specific human that can withstand that world. The emotional toll and I just like I am in awe of anyone that does that line of work of service to the world. Because it's truly, seems so exhausting on every front. Lindsay. - Thank you for sharing that Lindsay. - Lindsay. - It is man. I've said this a few times. I'll say it probably a few more times. You think you're making a show that's there to entertain people and sort of give them something to take their mind off of things. And yes, and it does that. - Yeah. - Holy cow. - It's really cool. - Like launching like the trajectory of someone's career path. - Yeah. - Whole. - Their life. - It's amazing. - Thanks. - Thanks for sharing that. - Thank you so much. - Well, congratulations. - Lindsay too. Congrats on, she said she's graduating. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And she's getting the masters. That's right. - Yep. - Holy cow. - Godspeed too. - Godspeed. - Bless you. - Who's next? - Hey, Mandy Stirling and Chris. My name is Millie, and I'm from Manchester, England. I first started watching This Is Us during lockdown when I was 13 after it was recommended by my mom. My Nana was diagnosed with dementia almost a decade ago, and sadly, she's now reached the latest stages. Watching This Is Us with my family brought us closer during an incredibly painful time, especially during the latest seasons. It helped us understand dementia and Alzheimer's, not only from the perspective of the patient, but also have to grieve someone while they're still here. Have you heard on to who they were and how that lost slowly unfolds? It felt like I was growing up with the person family, and I was learning these lessons with them. I also want to thank you for the podcast. Hearing your reflections has added another layer of meaning to the show. They share something I always recommend to others, especially those who are struggling with grief, family illness or loss similar to what my family has experienced. Every storyline makes someone feel seen. I'm 19 now, and I've just started university studying music, and I hope to study how music interacts with dementia patients. This show has influenced me to not only follow my dreams, but to make change. You will always hold a meaningful place in my heart, and it's a show I'll return to for the rest of my life. Thank you for everything you gave us through your craft, and thank you for the most incredible show. Millie. My goodness. It's very emotional to hear. People's individual connections to the show, and how specific and granular it becomes to their day-to-day life, and their experiences, and their way through grief, like to be present for someone, to be a tool for someone, while they are in a decidedly difficult chapter of their life, is such a gift, such an honor to be in that position. By something that we did, that meant a lot to us. The fact that it just continues to ripple out and find new people to interact with.
And you know, the next generation, the next chapter of folks to like, you know, find the show and find their way into it, it really, it just is, it's so meaningful for us to hear from people like Millie. Absolutely. Thank you, Millie. Yeah, I don't know. Millie's a sister too, like I could tell in a, I think I caught that, you guys incorrect that? Yeah. I just clocked her beautiful accent, her beautiful voice. She's like, I can listen to you read the phone book, ma'am. Yeah, she's dope. Thank you for sharing. 19. Got me. Yeah, it's your great. Just two voicemails. That was perfect. Guys, it is every, if you ever, either one of you ever have those moments and I think all artists, possibly from time to time, wonder if they have like a legitimate impact on the way in which people live their lives. Like, is what we're doing of value? The answer is yes. Yeah, at least in this one instance. At least, listen. If you could have one in your life. This is a good one. This is a good one to have. This is a good one to hang in. And what an honor. What a joy. What a joy to share. This rewatch experience with the both of you. I love you extremely. Yeah. And to our fans. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for subscribing for telling friends, for supporting our sponsors. Check us out on the crew, Lou, a day before on YouTube, the day of or anywhere else that you listen to your podcast. We love going through this whole process with you. Stick with us. This is, this is, we're going to the end of the season. Yeah. Still trying to figure out what happens beyond the end of the season. I've heard a few people talk about, look, you expect to see us on your Tuesdays or on your Monday. So we'll figure it out. Yeah. We'll figure it out. Any ideas that you have, throw them away, we're all ears. Chris, yeah, you can call us on our, on our speaker pipe. Don't forget the speaker pipe. The speaker pipe. The speaker pipe. The speaker pipe. The speaker pipe. Uh, that was us.
[email protected]. Yeah. Yeah. There's a phone number. No, it's big part. No. No, we love the phone number's gone. Yeah. I'm tired, guys. I'm tired. I'm just tired. Yeah. I'm just tired. Yeah. I'm just tired. Yeah. I'm tired. I'm tired. That was us. His film that rabbit-grin studios and produced by rabbit-grin productions. Music by Taylor Goldsmith and Griffin Goldsmith.
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