Finding Your Own Style of Game

Hey guys, before we get started, here are my bootcamp dates for the next couple months. April 10th through 12th, I'll be in New York City. April 24th through 26th, I'll be in London. May 1st through 3rd, I'll be in Prague. May 15th through 17th, I'll be in Chicago. June 5th through 7th, Dallas. June 12th through 14th, I'll be in Stockholm. July 10th through 12th, I will be in Los Angeles. If you're interested in learning more, want to sign up, go to ToddViday.com/coaching. I'm also doing 270 immersion programs over the summer that are currently filling up. Immersion is my program for intermediates and above. Those immersion programs will be May 24th through 30th in New York City and June 21st through 27th in Barcelona. If you're interested, know as go to ToddViday.com/immersion. When it comes to attracting women, there are some things that are pretty much absolute. Like social proof is always going to be a high value trait. And qualifying yourself and putting heart of pedestal pretty much isn't going to work no matter who you are. And as a man, you're probably going to have to lead an escalate period because most women just don't do that for you. So there are some basic immeutable principles of game that every single guy who's even remotely good at it, basically all do. However, there are a lot of things that change from guy to guy. If you're look at me versus another guy who's good at game or maybe more importantly for you, me versus what you're going to actually look like when you get really good at game, there will of course be a lot of similarities, but there will be some things that are fundamentally different. As you get better and better, you're going to get farther and farther from blindly following the rules of game and much more into developing your own style, doing the things that have particularly worked for you as an individual. So in this podcast, I want to discuss with you how to go about finding your own style in game, how to go about taking these principles, making them truly your own and becoming the absolute best at gaming for you. And this can be about not only getting the type of results you want and the type of girls you want, but also about making game enjoyable for you and making it fit into your lifestyle. That's all part and parcel of style and part of finding your own game. When it comes to determining your own style of game, there are basically five different characteristics about yourself that I want you to consider and I haven't put these in any particular or don't think that just because I cover something first, it's dramatically more important than the others. They all just kind of work together cohesively. But one of the first things you might want to consider when determining your game style is what are your particular strengths as a person. See, we're all better and worse at different things. So if you watch some of my contents, I cater to the things that I'm very good at. I am smarter than average. I have a relatively high IQ. I'm good with words. And I tend to have a game style that relies a lot on status or implied status. I try and come across as a pretty successful, educated person with his life together. And I convey that my life is pretty good. If the girl were to be a part of it, her life would be better as well. There's also sort of a little bit of elitism and superiority almost in my game where maybe I speak a little bit better or more eloquently than the girl. And she thinks, oh, this guy must be someone or this guy must to come from somewhere, that sort of stuff. Those are all elements that I implement into my game. So one of the first things that you want to consider when you're creating a game style for yourself is what are your personal strengths. Some guys are very smart and educated. Some guys are very funny. Some guys are very wealthy. Some of the other guys are none of those things but have other things going for them. I've met guys who are good at game that have no idea where the next meal is coming from, but they're loud and crazy and fun and they have to maybe be good at dancing or singing. They're just really good at making people feel comfortable and asking good questions. The point is you want to think about what you do best. And this is going to dictate all kinds of things. It's going to dictate where you go to meet women. It's going to dictate what type of women you are most likely to attract the easiest. Now that doesn't mean that's what you have to go after, but it's a nice starting point. Now let's talk about me personally. What are my weaknesses and what are my strengths? Well, I am not a good singer. I am not a good dancer. I do not like loud music and I'm not really into drinking and drugs, you know, not drugs at all and drinking very little. For me, going to a loud nightclub where you can barely hear yourself talk and most of what's going on is dancing is not a very good idea. Also going to karaoke bars as a place to meet women or also ever on a date with women is something I avoid like the plague because you really, really don't want to hear me sing. But for my friends, I do have a high IQ and I'm very well educated. I'm fairly successful as a businessman. So in a lounge environment and a place where people are dressed well and a place where status is considered something that's cool in the environment, I tend to do very well and I tend to lean the way that I can vary myself in that direction. And again, I've seen other guys go the opposite way. I've seen guys that do lean on loud clubs, dancing a lot, getting very physical with girls quickly, those types of things. Girls are two different styles of game and both are effective. So as you're determining your game style, one of the first things I'd ask you to do is think about what are your strengths. What do you do better than most guys do? And also what are your weaknesses? What things would you like to avoid having come up when you're dealing with women? What things would you like to stay as far away from as possible? The next thing you should think about when determining a game style is what are your tastes? What type of women are you attracted to? I'll give you kind of an extreme example. I had a friend of mine who was very, very good at game and he really, really liked tall, blonde women. In particular, he really liked Swedish girls. And so he developed a game style that was specifically calibrated to Swedish girls. It was a lot more comfort based than a game style that you would use with American girls. It was a little bit on the educated side. He actually became more politically correct to do better with Swedish girls in terms of how he conveyed himself. And he did one crazy thing which is he went and he learned Swedish, which is quite the undertaking. But when he did that as a foreigner, no Swedish people ever meet foreigners who learn Swedish. It was an immediate social passport for him where he got a great response right away from Swedish girls. And then he could also, to some extent, I think, talk to some Norwegian or Finnish girls as well. I think there's some similarity of language across there as well. But in any case, he figured out what his target market was and he catered very heavily towards it because he knew what he wanted. And you could do this for whatever target market you want. If you like Latina girls, learn Spanish and also learn their culture a little bit. If you like Asian girls who have not been in the United States as long, maybe have a game style that's a little more focused on comfort, speak a little more simply just in case their English isn't as good. If it's Asian girls from a specific country, maybe learn that language as well. The point is that you can cater to the type of girl you want. And it's not just about where the girls from, there are other things as well. One of my earliest mentors was a very into an element of game he called peacocking, which is dressing very flamboyantly or even garishly in order to garner immediate attention. And for a lot of girls, this wouldn't be very attractive. It could make you look cartoonish. And there certainly were girls who would look at him be turned off and think he was a cartoon. However, for certain types of girls, in particular, he really liked strippers and he really liked girls that were models and actresses. Girls that were used to being in costume dressing up, being in bright colors themselves. And that seemed very natural to them. For them, his peacocking style worked really well to get their attention. Or at least it got enough of their attention that it was better than if he blended in. And so again, he catered his appearance in this case to his taste in women. So just to summarize, think about the type of women you're looking for and you want to cater to some extent to that type of women. Now I will give you a caution here. One that made your principal of game is to not suffocate and to be true to yourself and to lead. So you don't want to bend over backwards or change your fundamental identities so much for the type of woman you're looking for that you're becoming a weak follower male as opposed to a leader or as opposed to someone who's on his own path. But in small ways that are not central to your identity, these little adjustments can actually go a long way. The next element that you might want to adjust to that almost nobody thinks about and everybody should is what is your personality? See, the thing about game is it's not purely about just getting a result. It's also an emotional journey. Number one, if you actually get in a relationship with a girl, you're going to need to be in that relationship. So if you could succeed in attracting women in a way that you absolutely hated every minute of, you'd be destined to have a horrible relationship that brings you no joy, which would be really terrible. Also, when you go out, the individual night or day that you're spending talking to girls should be fun for you, should be enjoyable for you. And so you don't want to be succeeding with a girl leading it towards the ex-Liniant towards relationship and wanting to like, you know, pull your hair out the entire time because it's such a struggle for you. So you want a game style that is congruent with your personality and actually brings you enjoyment throughout the process. Let me give you a couple examples of different versions of this. I had one friend who was very good at game. He absolutely just didn't want to deal with bullshit and he didn't want to waste his time. So he had a game style where he would go in and be incredibly up front, incredibly brazen and cocky right away. And the goal was to just get all the shit tests out of the way right away. To have this intense frame battle, just get all the shit out right up front. And after five minutes, the interaction is either over or she's really decided she likes him and then he can spend the rest of the night talking to a girl that is bought in. And he was willing to lose girls in the process. He was willing to have a lower percentage of his approach's work, but to have the ones that work work quickly and to have the majority of the time he spent talking to the girls be with the girl already having strongly been won over and decided that she liked him. My personal game style is a little bit different than this. I like to succeed a high percentage of my approaches. And the reason for that is that at a certain leveling game, I find that it's hard to find the girls that you're truly into. Once your standards get really, really high, it's harder and harder to meet those standards. When I actually find a girl worthy of talking to, I want to be like water and be adaptable and be able to give myself the highest percentage chance of it working. And I'm willing to be an interaction that takes a while to develop. And I'm willing to be in an interaction where there's a little bit of frustration up front. And I have to use some slow skills to get it to turn around if necessary. Now obviously I also would like the interaction to start as well as possible. And I would like to get the girls bought it as possible. But I'm more willing to stay in an interaction that's only going at a mediocre level and work to turn it around. And so my game style is not as polarizing up front. My game style is not as bent. on either like Love Me or Hate Me in the first five minutes, it actually is more inclusive, and then I trust Futur Todd to do good work later on. I'll give you one more example. I have a coach that I worked with recently who absolutely hates night game and absolutely loves day game. And his reason for this is a lot to do with the fact that to him doing day game feels romantic, whether it's actually completely true or this is the story he tells himself, he has his belief that game should be romantic and beautiful. And to him getting drunk in a nightclub doesn't feel romantic and beautiful, but meeting a girl in a library and taking her to the beach feels romantic and beautiful to him. So that's what he likes to do. And no, he doesn't usually meet girls in libraries and I'm being a little extreme. But the point is he prefers day game because the vibe just feels better to him and it makes it more fun for him and that is completely fine. Right. The points of all of this is yes, you know, on a biological level to like I guess pass our genes along to the next generation, but as human beings, we're not robots. We're not like that. We are here for the experience. We want to enjoy our lives and we're also going to do a much better job in a lot of ways of being efficient if we enjoy our lives. So you want to tailor both the initial interactions and the relationships to suit your personality. So as a practical step, I would ask you to maybe sit down and think about or even write out what it is you enjoy most when you're with a woman and you like to have relationships that are full of that thing. You'd also like to have initial interactions that cater to that set of things. The next critical element in finding your style of game that you should consider is the venue. Where are you doing game? And as I mentioned before, you have a choice in this. So you're already picking the venue based on your strengths, your taste, your personality, these other factors. You're picking, am I going to be a night game guy? Am I going to be a day game guy? Am I going to be an online game guy? Am I going to be a social circle guy? You get to choose the venue. But once you chose in the venue, the venue chooses for you. So if you're doing night game and you want to be quiet, it's just not going to work. You're not going to be heard over the music. And if you want to do night game, but you only want to talk to girls who are by themselves and not learn how to approach groups, that's really not going to work because it's going to be very rare for you to find girls who are by themselves. On the flip side, if you're going to do a day game and you want to get physical and make out with the girl in the first couple of minutes, that's really not going to work. That would work in some cases in a night game setting, especially in maybe a loud club where there's a lot of dancing and grinding going on. But that's simply not going to work in a quiet Starbucks with kids running around. So you choose the venue, but once you've chosen the venue or once you happen to be in the venue on a particular day or night, that is going to dictate your style and you need to do a style that is congruent to that venue. If you're doing online dating, there's an expectation about what you're there for. The expectation, depending on the site, is either that you're there for a relationship, there for a hookup, there for something kinky. Whatever the site is is going to have a starter frame for why you're there. So think about this way, whatever venue you pick, that's like the river that you're navigating your boat in. And yes, you can go in any direction and any river, but it's much easier to go with the current of the river than to fight the current of the river. So once you've picked the venue, it's much easier if you do things that are congruent to the venue you've picked rather than to force things into the venue that don't belong there. And the final factor I want you to consider when determining your style of game is the archetype of girl that you are seeking to attract. Or you might have heard me refer to this before as Blueprint. What is the girl's Blueprint? What is the background of your ideal girl? Who is the girl you are trying to meet? And once you know that, you can determine a lot about what is a value to her and what is a comfort to her. So an example I've given in many other contexts in the past. If the girl grew up in an entrepreneurial family and you are an entrepreneur, she may consider that really cool and really high value. If a girl grew up in a family where she was encouraged to get a nice, safe, stable job and you're an entrepreneur, she may view that as risky or dangerous or she may even view it as though you weren't able to get a job where you're some kind of a loser. So her background, her understanding of the world will dictate what will be perceived of as value for her or what will not. If the girl is extremely religious, you partying and being very social and drinking a lot may be a huge negative value source. Whereas if she's in a profession where there's a lot of networking and a lot of high status and mingling and that kind of stuff, you being very socialist too and going out a lot may be seen as very high status and cool and having a lot of social proof. So in general, every girl in order to sleep with you is going to need some level of value presented by you and some level of comfort that she feels for you. But the specific elements they create, that value or comfort can be different. What's value to one girl may be negative value to another. What's comfortable for one girl may be uncomfortable to another. And so you need to think about within the archetype of girl you're looking for, how do you want to present yourself. And again, when I was talking about the taste of girls, I mentioned not bending over backwards. But I'd say that I would like to stay within the realm that is still an attractive man and then bend a little bit to her archetype. You don't want to bend completely to the extent that you start to become fundamentally unattractive. Another big part of archetype will be what is the girl's sexual history. Some girls have had a lot of sex and are very comfortable having a one-night stand. Other girls have had sex a very few times or even never before. And for them, it's likely that they're accustomed to sexual escalation happening more slowly. Now, just because a girl's never had sex before doesn't mean she won't have sex with you. And just because the fastest a girl has ever had sex in the past is after a new guy for six months, doesn't mean she won't sleep with you on the second date. But it does factor in. It will be easier to do what is more congruent with what a girl's past experience has been. And typically, if you're successful at dating the girl, what actually will happen in terms of the speed of sex happening is that it'll be some kind of a compromise between what you're used to and what she's used to. So if you typically have sex on the first day and she typically has sex after three months, you might end up having sex on the second or third date or something like that. But in any case, you want to think about these archetypal elements. So you want to think about what is the girl's past history and from there, what will she value? And what is the past history? It can be what country did she come from? What is her level of education? What is her religion? What is her sexual history? What are her relations with her family and friends? What is her current socioeconomic status? All of this stuff will play into what is her overall archetype and therefore what is she likely to see as value? What is she likely to see as comfort? And what is likely to just turn her off? So just to reiterate, again, there are fundamental elements that just are a good game. Those are what you should learn first. But once you're starting to get some success, you get the privilege of catering your game to make it personal. You get to turn your game into the thing that makes you happiest. It would be very silly to become very successful with tall blonde girls when you like short Latina girls. And it would be very silly to become successful with church going girls when you want to have really kinky BDSM relationships. So again, you get to choose, you get to select and you get to mold your relationships and you're dating into exactly what you want it to be. In order to make that easier, I recommend using these five characteristics. It's astounding how much variety there is out there and it's astounding how much control you can have over your own experience. So rather than live it to chance, I suggest you actively take charge of your own experience, your own game, your own personality and create a life that's actually going to make you happy. So I hope all that helps you to not only get better results, but more importantly, to get the results that are right for you and make you and the women you're with the happiest. If you want to learn this kind of stuff from me in person, I highly recommend coming out of bootcamp. Bootcamp is three days of intensive infield coaching where you're actually out there talking to women and learning the skillset in the real world. And yes, I'll be doing it right there alongside. We'll be going out during the day as well as at night and you'll be getting real time coaching, winging feedback from me on what you're doing right and what you're doing wrong. Each bootcamp has a student to coach ratio of three to one and most guys do more approaches and make more progress in three days of bootcamp than they do in months or years of trying to figure this stuff out a little. So if you're serious about learning real actionable game and getting an insane dating life, bootcamp is the fastest way to get there. To learn more, go to todbydatin.com/coaching. So that's this episode. If you have any other questions from me or if you want to come on a podcast, email me at [email protected]. Thanks again. See you on the next one. Bye.