278. Finding Peace by Letting Go of Fixing, Managing, and Controlling

Do you often try to fix, manage, and control the world around you? What if the story wrote for your future self could actually come true? The intention behind today's episode is to share that coaching is universal and extends well beyond the realm of medicine. And to share a story of being able to move from being on a roller coaster to peacefulness. [Music] Thanks for joining us today at the Healing Medicine Podcast. Who are you listening to? I am Dr. Jesse Mahoney and my co-host is Dr. Neet Changlian. We are two more certified physicians who bring decades of experience to the conversation about wellness. If you crave more ease and aspire to rediscover your love for medicine and life, one mindful step at a time. You're in the right place. We hope you'll love today's episode and if so, please share it. A reminder that nothing in our podcast is medical advice. We have the lovely Carol Howell with us today. I invited Carol on the podcast because her story is awesome. It's a reflection of what happens when we stop fixing, managing, and controlling everything. Instead, start stepping into living more peacefully with presence, compassion, and acceptance, but maybe not liking. I also wanted to share Carol's story because she's not a physician. She doesn't work in healthcare. She's in education. And we met through the Women of Dartmouth in a session I did a few years ago. And her story shows how these tools are universal and much of the dilemmas that we have are human and solutions for a human condition. And so with that, I am going to jump in and have Carol share a little bit about yourself, who you are, who you were before coaching and what where you are now. So hi, I'm Carol. I'm a school psychologist. I live in Central Oregon. And I was so grateful to listen to a podcast with Jesse a couple of years back. I think it was early 2023 or maybe late 2022. And at that time, I was really struggling. It was the pandemic time or sort of coming out of the pandemic. And I was having a lot of marital challenges. And my daughter was also suffering with some pretty severe mental health issues. And I was feeling completely overwhelmed, depressed, and just unable to really cope with my day to day. And I needed help and I didn't know where to find it. And so you joined me for mindful love, which is the relationship coaching after hearing a talk I did about relationship for the women of Dartmouth. And that talk actually came out of a we had a mission or approach or a year long project of about addressing mental health struggles in families coming out of the pandemic. And the thought was that there was such an epidemic of it and there still is. But that it really brought that to light and many, many people just like you were sort of lost and didn't know what to do. And so do you want to share what what it was in that talk that resonated or what it was that got you to jump into coaching? Yeah, I mean, for sure, without a doubt, the image that really hit me during that talk was be the lighthouse. And I had been really writing my daughter's mental health roller coaster and I had been really sort of full of resentment towards my husband because he wasn't able to support her and it was sort of all falling in my lap. And I realized that I really needed to take care of myself and and model sort of what I was hoping for in my family and not go crazy down. I think you talk about a zodiac raft in the rocks and I had totally been living that and I get seasick just looking at the water. I wanted to get out of that cycle and through that coaching, I think it was interesting because it was mindful of love. So it was focused on the relationship with my husband, which definitely needed needed support at that time. But it also really helped me in addressing my role and my daughter who was I think 17 or 18 then in her mental health journey. So, you know, when you talk about fixed managing control, so I totally describes my life and it's been such a blessing and I would say was very easy to apply that concept at work, first of all, like before I could apply it in my home. I could I could look at fixed managing control and working in education. You can't fix managing control or anything, I think sort of in medicine. And so what a gift that was to sort of practice releasing that need in my work environment. And I would say that I hand down feel really confident that I've succeeded in that already for for years since working with you and then slowly try to work it into my home environment as well. And I find that to be so true for many so we can often release things at work or in our careers first because they are less emotionally laden. And we often think that love looks like fixed managing and controlling, especially when someone you love is struggling. And I have shared many times on this podcast that when my husband was struggling, I was an expert at fixed managing control until I found coaching. And I like to think about this idea that love actually doesn't fix manage and control because you end up resentful bitter and exhausted and love doesn't do things that leave you that way. But our culture sort of asks us to especially women and especially women in healing caring professions, which education is we tend to swoop in, I think, especially in education. And we have a lot like medicine where we're caring for people and we take on this responsibility for things that actually probably aren't ours. Yes, for sure. I mean, I see it so much in teachers and they're just, you know, we only have the kids for so many hours a week and can't control anything that's happening outside of that time really. And I think that's why I think it's important to realize that this vision of a lighthouse, you practiced it in one setting. And how are you able to then move it into your personal life. Did you have a tool or a way or did it just become more familiar. I think well, what was great about your talk is that my husband and I listened to it and then I told my husband you've got to listen to this. And so for there was a while there where my daughter would come home and, you know, slamming doors and grumpy and just being abusive towards my husband. And we would just look at each other and we'd be like thinking, be the lighthouse people. And so it was a little easier for me because he, she definitely targeted him a lot more than me. So when he would start to like not be able to co-bide be like, be the lighthouse, you know, and we just, you know, we'd sort of it would bring us to a place where we could maybe even giggle, you know, even though whatever had happened had been super traumatic. And that's actually what I love about a lot of the coaching tools is that even for super challenging really difficult, even traumatic things in the moment it allows us to bring a little bit of humor to it. I, I find of course quite humor filled, you know, or, and it can be that vision of a zodiac raft for me makes me laugh. And I think about being a victim or a victim, I have a vision of this robot that I used to be a victim of at work and the idea is just like, oh, well, that was silly. And so when you can have some clear visual or something that makes you laugh, it's a super powerful way to turn around. And very cool that you were able to get your husband on on board with that. And I think sometimes we can and sometimes we can't because sometimes they don't want to be coached and you did mindful love with him not involved at all. But sometimes when it's around children or something else, you can sort of explain how you're showing up and they may or may not be open to it. Yeah, and I think, you know, the benefit of the coaching for me and the mindful love is that I didn't have to ask for anything from him. It was all about me reflecting on my own behavior and my own, you know, willingness to sort of accept, but not necessarily like and the sort of phrases that I, that really helped me, you know, it's so easy to fall into blame and resentment and all those things. And it just, it's like poison and I was able to come to a place and be like, okay, yeah, I could be angry that for the millions time there's like 25 dishes in the sink and, you know, I've been at work all day and whatever. Or I can just take a breath. And really also just understand that he was doing the best he could and even today I'm still like, I wish you could communicate with our daughter better. Yeah. And I realized like that's just not in his wheelhouse and for whatever reason, he is not willing to address it in a way that I would and I just have to be able to do it. be okay with that. And I like to think maybe he can't because I don't think that any of us really wants to not have a good relationship with the job, for example, right? So I have shared recently my husband and I are actually going to be in a documentary about neurodiverse love and which is coming out soon. The trailer actually just came out and that statement just reminds me of like there are things that are not in his wheelhouse and he's still a loving amazing person and that they're I have to remember that those things are not about me and they're not about trying hard and they're not about caring, they're just not in his wheelhouse. Other things are in his wheelhouse and I remember actually you're saying in the group a lot of things that were in your husband's wheelhouse. Oh yeah. He was so good at and yet we are so trained to notice what they're not good at and where they're not meeting our manuals or our expectations. Yeah, in that term that you introduce the want match, you know, he's just not like want match and it's been great because now my daughter is 21 and you know, she's in relationship and she's like, oh, he can't do this or that. Thanks, sweetie. You know, look at all the things he can do. Like that, you're going to have to just find that somewhere else. Yeah. And I love that idea of a want match and I'm just going to share it because I don't know that we've talked about it on the podcast before and this idea of a want match is the your want match for a walking partner, your want match for someone who does yoga with you, your want match for talking through challenges with your mother, for example, my husband does not want to be that want match. He's made it very clear that he's complete in that journey. And so I need to find someone who does want to talk about mother challenges or find a therapist or coach or my journal. I can talk to my journal, but I think just recognizing that we can find our want matches, but most of us want our spouse and our co-parent to be that want match, even when, for example, a child's having a challenge, right? We want them to have the same ideas as us and the same manual or directions for fixing it that we think would be good because as women were always right. Isn't that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love it. So tell me a little bit about you mentioned except but not necessarily like. And I love that you added the not necessarily because I get very emphatic like except but not like and I'm like, oh, it could be softer like I can accept it, but not necessarily like it. And then the other one you said that was really helpful is just like me. Do you want to share how you use that? Yeah, so I just had to remember, you know, that my husband also like you said wants to have a relationship with our daughter and wants, I think, I think he would want to support me more because he could see like how draining it was for me. And so I it helped me to remember that just like me, you know, he's trying, just like me, he's doing his best, just like me, he wants what's best for her. And even if the way he explained it or whatever, I was just like, where are you going with that? I knew that the intention was really solid and authentic in him. And as you said, and I said, it just wasn't he didn't have those tools. And so it just helped you remember that we weren't, we weren't wanting different things or we weren't even enemies around it or whatever, how to explain it, but it just it gave me some peace to just be able to reflect that just like me, he's really trying his best. And I think we so often assume or sell tell a not generous story about why they're doing something. And I find that just like me so helpful, just like me, you know, your partner usually wants to have a happy and healthy relationship in a peaceful home life. They just have a different idea of what it should look like. And I actually have to add the last piece to, but they have a different approach or they think there's a different way to get there. And I that just like me can get you to connect to things that feel totally different because usually we've partnered up with someone who is just like us in terms of what they want out of life, occasionally not, but especially when you've been with someone a long time, right? Your approach to getting there might look very different. And we all come from different childhoods and different backgrounds. So our approaches are inevitably different. And so I think we have challenges with that both as partners and as parents. Yeah, definitely. I'm curious to know what you think about coaching versus say couples counseling or therapy. I don't remember if you did that, but it strikes me as there's your thought on that would be really interesting. Yeah. Oh goodness. During COVID, we did family therapy, which I can just say, like, I will never do that again. Although there were some useful bits to it, but it was, and then we did couple of therapy, which also I found to be completely excruciating. And I think for me, like I can't discount all the things that got us here, but at the same time, I do not want to wallow in that. And a lot of people I know are work with, they get stuck in the past and really, okay, sure, significant things have happened to all of us that shape who we are and how we approach things. And at the same time, like, I want to be now or like looking down the road. And I think that that's what coaching helped me with that it, it, I don't know, it's funny because I brought the concept at work because there are times that in education where people are offering therapy, to children, whatever. And I'm like, I really think what we need to do with a lot of these students is coaching, not like dig down into all the things that have happened, but talk to them more about the practicalities of just being human and facing the world. So I think I just found it to be much more useful. I mean, I've been in out of therapy probably for 40 years and still, you know, was at the point of complete desperation by the time I found you. So I, you know, and I would say that my life is different now. It's better. It's easier. Yeah. So thank you. Absolutely. Pleasure. And I love hearing that. And I do think it also doesn't have to be either or, like, you had done a lot of therapy. So you might have been set up well to now decide you want to move forward. Some people need both. And then there's some people, and I'm one of those people who just likes to move forward. I do not like to look back. And so I do think that we have to know ourselves and to sort of say, like, if you've tried one, try the other, if it's not working for you, or try both at the same time. I do often say that I think coaching, if someone is in having a real mental health concern at that moment is very challenging. And so you do, that's where you really need a psychiatrist is what I was saying. But that, and we never know how we got there. But I love your description of like, you just want to move forward. And I often will tell people, you know, we don't, we don't wallow in the past. People want to go back to those backward stories. And the only thing helpful that I think is back there is your story about whatever happens. Like it almost doesn't even matter what happened. And I mentioned on a recent podcast about my own childhood that actually at this point, I don't even know what happened. Like I have my story, my parents have their story. And it's so long ago that I couldn't possibly know what actually happened, right? Especially this was in the eldest daughter podcast about all of us, you know, what happened? We don't know. But who do I want to be now? Yeah. And given that context, where am I going? Well, and I think the work that we did in the in the group around stories was so helpful for me. You know, what is the story you're telling yourself now? And, and, and then what is the story you want to tell yourself? And what was so thrilling to me is when I reached out to you a couple of months ago, I read the story like where I want to be now? And I was like, well, almost all this stuff is actually true now. And, and how beautiful to get to that place. And, and I would also say I talk a lot with my daughter too about like, what are you telling yourself? You know, and you talk about, and I think I read just recently in a blog about the expensive. Yes. You know, and, and that kind of thing, it's, I think there's a place for that, but I also think that going forward is well. And most of it is story. We often talk about what's fact and what story and most of it is story, your interpretation of the facts. And we can have, as you said, the expensive stories, or the opposite of that is the generous story or the kind story, which is sometimes just no story at all. I find when you really riled up, you have no idea why your husband thinks that's a good idea or why he's did or didn't do X or Y. And that can give you such liberation. Yeah. And I also think, you know, like, I don't think I had ever thought before about thoughts creating feelings. You know, people are just like, oh, I feel this way. I feel this way. And seeming to be sort of like without any ability to control how they're feeling. And I, and I understand now so much better. Like, it's how I'm thinking that's actually creating that. And so how about I, you know, if I don't like that feeling, let's examine what the thought behind it. And is that something I'm willing to budge on or? Yeah. Yeah. Because sometimes we're not willing to budge. Yeah. I often say sometimes we actually do want to be angry. I think many people think in coaching that like you should coach yourself out of being angry. But they actually sometimes you want to be. And you don't want to tell yourself that something that is not a way okay, it's okay. But you also don't have to tell stories about intention or things you don't know anything about, which is I think is often we're telling stories about other people's intention or their experience. So tell us a little bit about, you mentioned when we were talking right before we started recording that what you had also noticed that what the change is purely you. And so that while everything has changed, it also hasn't changed. - Yeah, so when I was reading the story, the story that I tell myself, which was the first story, I was reading sort of how I'd described my husband and I wrote some positive things about him. But then I was like in this and that, and I was like last night when I read it, I was like, oh, actually he's not really changed. Like he's still doing this on the other thing. And nothing's really changed. And then I thought, so how come I'm okay now? And I realized that it's because I've changed. And I'm able to like give him grace and just, you know, I don't need him to be a certain way in order for me to be okay. And so that I think has been a true gift of coaching is that I understand now like it's all, like it's on me. It's that he needs to jump over this who birth my daughter needs to not do this or do this. It's about what I do. So. - How did you get to that spot? Because that is where people come to coaching. They want to figure out how to coach themselves to get other people to change. And the big realization is that they need to change. - Yeah, I think, you know, I spend some time in those feelings like resentment and blame and whatever. And I just thought, okay, these don't really feel good. I do, I have done a lot of forgiveness work also where I'm just like forgiving myself for judging that person that way or just forgiving whatever encounter. You know, I've had some issues with my parents the last couple of years, which actually just miraculously resolved after many years and lots of persistence. And my daughter was like, how can you forgive? You know, when I said, it's not enough forgiving for them. I'm like forgiving for me so that I can have peace. And what was so beautiful is that I stayed in that place and eventually they were able to forgive me. I'm not really sure what I did anyway, but you know what I mean? Like the whole thing cleared up that, you know, and then my brother was like, thank heavens, that everybody was like, wow, how did that happen? And I think when you come from a place of peace and you understand that all you control is you and your response and what you say and what you think. And you're not looking around you for other people to fix it for you, I guess. And they're out of your control, as you said, right, I can control is you. And so it's so frustrating when you need them to change. Yeah. And of course they usually don't. They change a little bit when you change. Like if you give them grace, there's a little less pressure and things you change a little, it has been my experience. But really, you know, if we want to unconditionally love someone, then we can't. Like all unconditionally love you as long as you load the dishwasher how I want you to, you know, it doesn't, doesn't work like that. So. And we so often think that is how it works, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you think like, okay, if they would just (imitates music) everything will be fine, but it's not true. So tell me, I think you did also a session or two, one-on-one coaching. Do you have thoughts on like one-on-one versus group or it doesn't have to be versus like, how do they work together? Is I think they work together? Oh, for sure. So I love the group. I love the one-on-one too, but I'll tell you why, I think that when you work in groups, that the healing, it's like exponential. Like there's something about being vulnerable with other people and, you know, I was a little nervous 'cause it was all doctors, you know, and me. And, but then I felt good, 'cause I felt like I was being great progress. And I felt welcome. I mean, everyone was lovely. And so I really appreciated that part, but then the one-on-one was lovely because, you know, when you're in a group, you also don't want to dominate the whole session with your own, whatever you're working on. So to be able to have access to you and be like, okay, we've been talking a lot about my husband. I've seen some progress. I'm showing him wanting to connect whatever, but my daughter, you know? And so we could like branch out a little bit on topics that weren't necessarily the topic of the group. And so that was super helpful because, to be honest, had you offered like parenting with presidents at the same time, I would have been like, hmm, should I do this one or that one? But I'm really glad I did the mindful love because I wasn't parenting a young child, you know, or a young children. And I don't know, I just, I was super happy how it all worked out. And I had an originally signed up to do the individual coaching. But then after a session or two, I said to my husband, okay, remember, I told you it was gonna cost this, but I think it's gonna cost this now 'cause I really want that time with Jessie. So, and he was of course willing, so it all worked out. - And I think what you learned is it doesn't take much, right? Like the group was where he did most of the work and this was a little bit of sort of fine tuning and diving in deeply to something that maybe needed a lot more attention. I think, many times people think they're gonna need all the one and ones. And I'm like, no, really what you need is a little bit of tweaking and a little personal attention which feels really good in the context of a group. - Well, in the group too, like you see, like, oh, I'm not the only one with all these crazy problems, you know, everybody's dealing with something. And, you know, I'm sure that people said thing in that group and I was like, oh, I'm gonna try that. Or I said something, they're like, oh, how come that's working for her? So, you know, I thought it was great. I loved the group. - And I often think that people are nervous about the group 'cause they're nervous that we all think our problems are the worst, right? (laughing) And I'm gonna, and even when we get in the group, we have that, like, let me see where I fit in the hierarchy of problems. And yet, I think what you learn when you're in a group is that everybody's problems, whatever they are, are helpful to everyone else and the solutions are helpful. - Yeah. - Yeah. I mean, we're all just human. - Yeah. - Yeah, so, well, anything we didn't talk about that you wanted to share about coaching or how it has helped you or transformed your life in anyway. - You know, I think, like, I've just been an awe of like all the changes, you know, and I've hit some of them, like, there's definitely so much more peace in my house. And like, my own self, like, I, I, I'm taking care of myself so much better now, like, physically, I, I, I work out, like, during the pandemic, it was just, it was, you know, things were so hard. And now I, I have a much more healthy outlook and healthy, just life routine as far as myself personally. And more peace in the family. And, you know, and even things like this, resolving this thing with my father, like, there's just been so many great surprises that I wouldn't necessarily have been like, okay, I'm doing mindful of, and I'm not gonna get divorced or whatever, you know, and that's not to say, like, we were talking earlier, like, you know, there are days where I'm just like, oh goodness, you know, and, but I'm also not feeling the pressure, like, any urgency to like, oh my gosh, I gotta fix this now, you know, and I realize, like, I just have the, the ability to just like go with it, even when I'm not especially liking it. - Yeah, well, so you're trusting that you can figure it out. It's not needed to the world. - And then have a set of tools. - For sure. - Yeah. - And one thing that I'm reflecting on here is that mindful love is one of the shorter groups. So it's maybe six sessions, and you did two one and one, and you've never done any other coaching. - No. - And yet your whole life, like, has been transformed. So from those eight sessions, that's not true for everyone. Depends what they come with, but that sometimes people say, am I gonna have to do this forever? And so I just wanna point out that no people don't. Right? Like, you can get what you need. What I will say is you were all in, like, for you to just do it, and you were gonna make it worth it, and you were gonna get everything you could out of it. And that was really a choice, 'cause I don't think you necessarily had any more time than anyone else. It was just you deciding that this was the moment that this needed to happen. - Yeah, no, I mean, I was beyond desperate. Like, I, and I didn't wanna destroy my family, you know? I just didn't wanna, you know, and that doesn't mean that I'll be happily ever after with my husband, like, you know, like, who knows what will happen down the road, but I just, I lost that sort of, I'm not feeling at all desperate now. I just feel so much more at peace, and I really, I mean, sure, I'd love to come down and do one of your retreats, and do you know what I mean? I was just looking for food, and maybe someday I will, but I'm not feeling like, oh my gosh, I need, I must, like, I'm not feeling that I must do that, so. - And the energy I'm picking up on is this beautiful sort of calm and trusting energy. Sometimes we talk about being empowered, [BLANK_AUDIO] gonna show up, but you're not in this feisty energy. You're in a very calm, grounded, peaceful presence. - No, I want to do that. - Yeah. (laughing) - If your previous fixed managed control energy was exhausting, and this one leaves you with a lot more energy, it looks like. - Yeah, no, I mean, I generally trust, and I wake up every morning, I practice mindfulness. I said intentions. Like, it's not, I work out, I sometimes go a bunch. Like, I have a whole thing. - Yeah. - So it's not just I'm rolling out of bed and doing the drive through it McDonald's. Like, I am very mindful about how I live my life now, but there's no crazy urgency, or if I miss my workout in the morning, I'm not like, oh, I'm not gonna make it through the day. Like, I try just to be like, okay, whatever happens is what's supposed to happen. - I love that. - Basically, I will have the tools to deal with it, and if not, I will wait. (laughing) - And that is true patience, right? That's a gentleman of mindfulness. Like, it will figure itself out. - And for sure, before coaching, nobody would have used the word patient to describe me. (laughing) And I'm just nicer now and more patient, and just like, I think, like, if you ask my husband and daughter, they would be like, oh, thank heavens, she did that coaching. You know, and so, you know, and even, yeah, it's beautiful because I can share also what I learned from you with others in a way that I show them that it works. - Yeah, you're modeling it for many others. - Yeah. - So you are also one of my long-time yogis who comes fairly regularly. Do you, and I think a long-time podcast listener too? - Yeah. - And so I'm speculating, based on that, that they hope you sort of keep the work alive and probably a blog reader too would be my guest. - Yeah, I'm sure I love your blogs, especially because they're not like, you know, 10 pages long, like they're short and sweet, and you get to the point of like the message that is needed that day. - Yes. - And the yoga, you know, I don't do yoga except your yoga. I don't typically like, I like to run and hike and bike and stuff, but the yoga, it's been so, I realize just once a week it's just perfect for like sort of down Saturdays or Sundays or my down regulation day. And it's been so beautiful because my daughter is wanted to do it with me and it's been so great for her too and even my husband, I think, might have done it one time with me. So yeah, so it's something that we can all use as a tool. And my husband and daughter do do yoga outside, but I'm pretty faithful student of you. So I love it. - I love it. And I will mention for those of you listening to the podcast, if you don't get my blog, not everyone is signed up for the blog 'cause some people don't want to get so many emails. So you actually have to sign up for the blog on that blog page. So if anybody wants to get the blog and you don't get it, you should sign up because it is short and sweet. And it is the thing I get messages back when people read it and they're like, "Thanks for this, I really needed it today," which makes me happy. And so I know it's out there making a difference in the world. And I would love to also have any of you join me for yoga. It is really fun. And there's been a crew of people that have been coming for, I mean, I've been teaching for five and a half years now on Saturdays, mostly occasionally Sundays, depending on my schedule. And it's free and it's just my thing in the world. And they do get recorded. So if you can't come then, you can do them. Many of them have themes that mirror themes in coaching. So if you've done coaching, I think there's also an additional meaning of it that it really resonates in a deeper way. But it's a bit different, I think, than your usual yoga class. There's not a lot of up and downs. It's really a chance to work on your nervous system and figure out how to be patient and slow down and pause. So it's like a coaching booster session with some of you. Exactly, exactly. And you're relaxed while you do it. So it sticks. Yeah. Yeah. So at the end of our podcast, we'd love to give you some reflection questions for those of you listening. So what would being a lighthouse look like for you in your life right now? How might just like me soften a relationship that's challenging? And if you were to write the story of your future self, what would be in it? What would you like to read when you look back a few years from now? So I want to thank you for joining us and sharing your story and really your success and offering hope and wisdom and inspiration for others that your story has struck me because you did come in a really challenging spot. Feeling really stuck and you had quite a quick turnaround. Once you were able to see what was in your control. And so it's a really powerful thing for others to witness. And also, since we're now two plus years later, to witness that it lasted and it's still there. So it isn't like it just happened and you were better for the, you know, a few months and then you reverted back. You haven't reverted back at all. Yeah. Yeah. I'm super grateful. I'm so glad that I met you. Thank you. Thank you. So thank you all out there for listening and stay on after the sound of the bell for the mindful moment and we will see you next week. Thanks for listening. If our message resonates, we'd love to connect further. Join us for coaching, mindfulness experiences, workshops and retreats. Invite us to speak at your institution or conference. When you work with us, you don't just consume information. You create real change. Find me Chang Lang at Awakened Breath and Jesse Mahoney at Pause and Presence. Welcome to this mindful moment offering. An invitation for you to close your eyes or lower your gaze a few inches in front of you, whatever is most comfortable. And bringing up something in your mind's eye or recounting something fairly recently that you're proud of. Anything at all doesn't have to be something super big can be as seemingly simple as remembering to engage in some purposeful physical activity for the day or another health habit. And holding on to that pride of having done that for yourself, simply because it's good for you and hopefully because it feels good. Now, noticing the sensation of pride. And if this sensation is a bit uncomfortable, noticing that as well, getting curious about sitting in whatever is here for you now as you hold on to this experience of pride, even if it's a bit uncomfortable. What body sensations are you noticing? Any other emotions that are associated? And what thoughts are arising for you as I invite you to recount an experience recently that you're proud of? Not judging the thoughts, not judging other emotions and not judging your body sensations, but simply allowing this present moment experience to be just as it is. And if there's some discomfort, noticing that and allowing and accepting whatever is there for you, just as it is being held in some self-compassion and some kindness, and perhaps some curiosity about why there is discomfort, not trying to resist it or judge it, simply allowing it and sending. with discomfort, some compassion, and warmth, and kindness. And as you're ready, blinking open eyes, letting the light back in, taking a moment now to notice how you feel compared to just a few minutes ago. Thanks so much for practicing with me today. [Music]