Financial Audit's Most Toxic Wife

There's zero communication between either one of us. In a couple of times, it got physically aggressive. I was also, like, blacked out drunk. She wants to blame it on that. He told you to do insects if you don't want me to [bleep] your friend me better than your friend could. I'm thinking she's [bleep] crazy. Crazy. Yes, I think you're pulling shit out of thin air. I am definitely not pulling shit out of [bleep] thin air. If anyone's crazy, it's you that's [bleep] crazy. I just launched my brand new cookbook, Just Pack of Sandwich. It's full of budget-friendly recipes I love. Oh, it's so good. How's it feel inspired by your favorite financial audit episode? Don't, but don't. Right now, the only way to get a physical copy is with a full year of dollar-wise. But hurry, the first 1,000 customers get a copy signed by me. Once the signed copies are gone, they're gone forever. Go to dollarwise.com or click the link below to get yours. I want you to be on the next episode of Financial audit right here in Austin, Texas. If you think you have interesting finances with an interesting personality or a story or a life or relationship, I will personally pay you to take time off of work, fly you down to Austin, get you personal transportation, a hotel, food, and we'll have a great time hanging out. Go to Calebhammer.com/apply or click that link in the description below. Hi, I'm Alena. I'm 31 years old. I'm Damon. I'm 24 years old. We're from Midland, Texas. And this is Financial audit. Midland, Texas. That's a place I wouldn't wish on my worst nightmare. But I appreciate you guys coming over to the better side of Texas to Austin. Alena, what do you do over there in Midland? I mean, both of you, it's like oil. Oil or servicing the town is pretty much all there is. What do you do? I'm a night auditor at a hotel. Okay, I guess some people go there for a hotel. I'll just say, soon, night auditor, what do they make? We had an auditor on the show for a hotel a couple of years ago. They made decent money. What do you make? I make 16, 50 an hour. And that's like what not what I would consider decent money. Midland isn't like, well, actually, no, those oil towns, they go through weird cost of living phases. So actually, you don't even know with this. Anything oil related? You're going to be making oil related. I'm talking about cost of living. Outside of that, we're not making crap. No, I'm talking about cost of living for the exit. Not income, so I think is how much does that come down to per paycheck cycle? And what is the per paycheck cycle? So I am working only two to three days a week. Well, that's what I have to do, but they work 40 hours. How many hours of your work in this month? I would say I make about 16 hours a week. Yeah. You better bring in some good money. Why? I mean, actually, maybe that's OK. Maybe that's OK. It's context dependent, right? Maybe dude's killing it. So what does that come out to per paycheck cycle? And what does that per paycheck cycle? 300 every two weeks. Damien. Oh, friend. What do you do to make a really good amount of money? So I'm maintenance for the apartment complex. I'm pulling in about 20 an hour, doing 42, 45 hours a week. I get paid weekly as much as you can. And what is that weekly? The highest I've gone it up to-- because I'm also a game-paid guest. They pay me whenever I'm traveling for anything like that. I would not get paid weekly average. Damien, this is the easy part of the show. This is the easy part of the show. This is where we start. And that's a very basic question. It only gets work out. So it's going to be about 800 on the high end, 750 for the low end. Lowest I've ever seen. 775 should we say? 775. 775. 25 to 2. About about 12. Average in 3,300 for the eight. Yeah. So we're like then-- Yeah, monthly, monthly, monthly, open in 3,000 up to 33. That doesn't make sense. Average in out is above 33. What's wrong with you? Do I do 3,150 a month? So I'm just kind of spitballing numbers here. Oh, well, that's good. That's easy to budger off of spitballing numbers. You are the one that makes the money for the household. She doesn't make shit. I also do door dash as well. OK, so she doesn't make shit. She doesn't make it on door dash. Huh? I said, she's losing more money than she's making on door dash. Why would she do that? Because the gas prices up-- I don't know. She's the one that has the car and the keys. You guys don't talk? But this is the household. There's not so much that we don't talk. It's that I will say, no, please don't do that. And then she'll go anyways. Is that a passion? It's a lot harder. It's not a passion. I do it just so we can get diapers. Can you get diapers without the cost of gas? Like he said, he said you're losing money. Does he know? Is he not a knowledge person? Does he not know what's happening? Maybe he doesn't. No, he does know. Oh, so you're doing it in losing money? Yeah. So she'll leave the household out about-- So that's antsy diapers. That is preventing us from getting diapers. Yeah, because it usually goes straight into the gas. So potential conclusion, stop. I've been telling her the same thing, because at this point, at this point, like, I will go to work. We'll have half a tank somewhere around there. She'll pick me up at the end of work. And then it's either the lights on or we're at a quarter of a tank if I'm lucky. But this is like beginning of the week, too. OK, why is this you stopping? I've been telling her not to. Every now and then she'll come out and be like, yeah, I made $10. It's like, go put it back in the tank, because that's exactly where it came from at that point. Why aren't you listening? You're in the household. You can make decisions. So I do it just because I mean, I try to make money. You don't? No, no, no, you don't. We've learned you don't. Yeah. He says you don't. You agree that he is correct that you don't. And then you do it anyway? I do, yes. Why? Is that a response? Is that a response? So he also does certain things as well. What? OK, very good. That doesn't answer my question. We can get into that. But I don't understand why you're-- Oh. I just have my hand up here. What are you? What are you talking about? It's like literally 50% downs, or there's some asian in there. I'm very confused. Where are you getting asian downs, bro? I don't know. You have like a moushu thing going on. Aren't you like the same thing going on? What? You look the same way. No, same thing. Do I not trim this moushu? I thought you said downs and all that. So I thought that's what you were leaning for. I'm not going to get an answer out of you, am I? Probably not. No, you've got an answer at home. Why do you suck at talking? I don't know. It's because she's a little-- It's because she's a bit too sober, I know. She's a door to Asher. And she's not sober? No, I'm not saying that. All of her energy usually comes out anytime we're drinking or hanging out with friends. Oh, that's really good, because I believe I saw kids in my office this morning. Like I was saying, anytime I get a back and forth answer from her, it's usually like a couple of beers in or something like that, because otherwise-- Okay, so he does stuff like this. What does he do? Because you're obviously bringing down this household by losing money, wasting your time instead of going into the working 40 hours a week or getting a better job. Okay, so your house, your defense, when I said don't do that, is well, he does bad stuff too. What is it? So, his uncle will call him and tell him like, hey, I need help. Can you come help me? And he says that, yeah, Asher, his uncle doesn't pay him. But bro brings in 3,000 hours a month. Who cares? He brings in 3,000 you bring in 600. And then you lose more on top of that. He helps his uncle. He helps his family member. That's our critique. Is helping family? No. The no, that was your critique. I feel like she's just kind of pushing some of the blame on me. I feel like the whole reason why this situation is-- Oh, no, no. She's just trying to push him blame on you. She took valid criticism against her. She's like, well, he's doing bad things too. And the bad things that he is doing is helping family-- You don't have to expand on that. Let's try to have her answer a question. Thank you, guy. So it's not more of helping family, too, but he does go to the smoke shop he buys, like, four or five cans of zin at a time. That's about a couple of vapes, whenever I'm down there. And how many packs do you go through a smoke? I don't smoke. Really? You smell like sags in your coffin. I don't smoke. I vape. Yeah, you do. I'll-- A little thing. You're sitting in a car in front of our office. We all look down, and you're taking about 30 reps. Yeah, it's a car. It's a vape. That our kids are in. It's a vape. Yeah, so it's a vape. That makes it good for you and cheaper. No. So what's your criticism? Ah, he gets zins. And I spend the same amount of money vaping. I only smoke whenever I'm going through a lot of stress, but it's not in every way. I don't know because you can't answer questions. You're trying to say he's bad for doing the very same thing you do. And you're trying to say he's bad because he helps family. Is there a valid critique in here somewhere? No. So-- OK. Over 153 million drivers license scans were leaked into the dark web, mostly Americans, too. Your photo, full name, birthday, address, even the infrared and ultraviolet layers readers check. Somebody can make a copy of your ID that scans is real. This comes from idscan.net, who processes 21 million checks a month across tens of thousands of locations. An app you scanned your ID into could have used them without you even knowing. I recently had a scan for a banking app, selfie verification, and all. 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Okay, so she's the problem. Why are we here? What are we talking about? Because my crazy wife just kind of moved us down the middle of a job that didn't actually exist. First of all, you ended up going to a place that didn't exist. the company's area but the job that was offered wasn't real. It was it was supposed to be close to 120,000 dollars yearly. So work at this hotel for a job. No, no, no, no, not the hotel. She left the hotel lucky. It was one of those rents of own furniture stores. What? Where was she going to make 120,000 dollars a year doing that? Well, because that's what the GM makes and that's what the magic number was supposed to be. Would you be the GM? AGM. Assistant GM. Not a GM. Assistant to the person making 120,000 dollars. You should just make 120,000 dollars. Assistant to the retail manager. Same thing. That's not it's lower. So it's close. Right. So she did. Where were you guys? Where'd you live? We lived in it's CopperScove. It's like it's Austin area. Oh, okay. So you lived in civilization and someone convinced you to move to Midland. Yes. Because there are how many kids were there? There were kids. I see that again. Yeah, we so we have our oldest and then we're adopted. Yeah, I stepped out to the oldest. Okay. What are the ages? 12, two and one. Oh, okay. So we adopted the two-year-old whenever we first got together. The first time we lived in Midland because we actually got out of that chile and then this magic woman with this fake job called in. I was like, hey, I got this offer. What do you get to read? Facebook DM. So the GM app to the furniture store. She was like my best friend. I don't know. Did not believe that she would ever come over on a job like at all and that he kept telling me he kept I didn't like that because she we worked at that store together whenever we met. That's how we met. I was the I was a collection manager. I needed a part-timer. So we hired her. I told her whenever she started don't trust don't trust this woman. She's not she's not good. She's just shit. She was a AGM whenever I started there and she felt a little shanies to feel a little sideways. She had been doing all this under the table crap. I was in a big fan but they hit it off and it looked harmless at that point. So I was like screw it. Whatever it doesn't matter. Well, whenever we finally get evicted from middle in the first time because that's that's a big thing. Oh, you got evicted. Yeah. So, whenever I start taking in the baby the day we were having issues putting him in daycare and then so then I lost my job and then you lost your job or you quit your job. I you quit. So she put in a two weeks to get a quote, quote, better job. But like the last week the guy was like, "Hey, let's just make this your last day." Okay, listen, why don't you trust the friend though? Why didn't you sound like it worked out, but why didn't you trust her? So at one point I end up she comes home from work one day. She has this little paper in her pocket. I'm not like digging through her pockets or anything. But I grab her jacket. I'm about to fill that thing in the washer and I feel paper. I'm like, "Oh, important work for seers. I pull it out. Here's a phone number in the handwriting of the woman that I don't trust." So I'm like, "Hey, what's this?" Like, you're not thinking anything of it. I was like customer phone numbers. Some shit like that. She's like, "Oh, well, since you're not working right now, she's saying that I should probably find someone who's worth the damn." Well, first of all, I don't, that's not. She was trying to get her to break up. So wait, this is whenever we move that code. Maybe it's valid. Was it valid? Is he worth sticking around for it? It definitely was not valid. No, I. Why did you take it? Why did you keep it? That wasn't hard. The, how it really went is I told him I was like, whenever I got home from work, she was trying to give me to go with another guy. I said I wasn't going to do it. So then she ended up giving that guy my number. I blocked the person that. I want to point out at this point too. This is whenever we move back down to Midland. So I don't have a job obviously because I wasn't offered anything. But during that, like, what was it? Like two months that we were down there? I couldn't find anything. Was this when she went for the big job? Yeah, this is we just got to Midland for the big job. Oh, so I mean, it's like. Her boss is like, well, he doesn't have a job. So you should find someone that does because obviously he's a bum. We just got down there. I'm with the kids already. It's not like I'm just fucking off on it. Yeah, I guess I could have just I came from a big, big, big job. I know. So except something to burr rarely and then get a better big job eventually. So he says he was with the kids all day. But all night long, he would be playing his Xbox and he would sleep the whole entire day. Oh, sleep the whole day. I was still there in the house with the kids watching whenever I would get home from work. He would still be in the room while all the kids are just playing in the living room. It's not like we live in a big house. It's a it's a straight shot from my bedroom. I can tell. Oh, thank you. All right, it's a trailer. It's it's one big ass hallway with some rooms attached to it. So if I open up my bedroom door, it's how big. It's a giant for a trailer. I remember when he just said it was one small space. Yeah, so he left the kids in the living room. Yeah, so I open the door. I can see all the kids in the living room. They're right there. It's not like they're like outside in the yard running a mug. Like I can be staring at the TV on Xbox. Oh, yep. There's we moved in together. Okay, okay. We can talk about that at some plan. Just try to stay on topic though. The reality is she tried to get you to have sex with another man because the dude was bumming around playing video games all day. Yes. Okay. Now I wouldn't cheat because of that. But I would put an absolute deadline. I'm like, yo, you got to get your shit together. You can't be bumming. You got to be a man and provide for this household within a certain period of time. That is a fair thing to do. And then you start considering break up after that. So I I would actually go online and apply for him. He's not anymore. I mean, he's the one making money to be clear. So it's not like I'm not freaking out about that at that point. Whenever you were there's your boss wanted you to sleep with someone. So what happened when you found that now? Whenever I found that no, I confronted her. I wasn't even confronting because I didn't think you were capable of bringing something like that home. It's like, oh, my boss wanted this. I was like, maybe it's best we find somewhere better for you to work because you're only making 13 an hour when you're supposed to be making six figures a year. She was promising you a much larger way to get there. And then we move our entire family down for that. So I know he he was pretty upset because I did not get any paperwork from HR. And so he was like, what were you thinking? Yeah, the best we got was a text message from this friend saying, yeah, if you come down here girl, we'd be making this much together. So what happened then? So then I asked her to write me or to write something saying that she was going to give me. Which was just that email with like, I think a letterhead on it from the company. Okay, but like, okay. So the job didn't work out, right? Yeah. But you make money now. Well, I'm trying to get this. You shouldn't be in this problem now. You do? Okay. How long have you been in this job? Uh, it's three months. So what the? Because I'm trying to dig us back out of that hole that we got stuck in. What do you mean? We know. No, you're not objectively no, hundreds of dollars and bullshit, hundreds of dollars going out to eat. That's not fake. Get it inside of the hole. That's staying in the hole if not digging deeper. How much did you spend last month? Uh, last month. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm not sure how much did we spend? $4217. He had your 3000 coming. She had like a thousand coming. I need to know what it's like in this household. Because you guys have to partner together to get out of this or else there's nothing. Relationship, why is I think there's zero communication between either one of us. If I try talking to her about anything, it's either shut down or a couple of times, it got physically aggressive. Physically? There. What's it getting physically? What happened? Or what happens? Well, we're at karaoke one night. I think we still lived in COVID. Yeah, we still lived in COVID at this point. I'm up on the stage doing my little thing, drinking, having fun. Looking at a karaoke screen while singing and there's this girl who happens to be right below it in front of it. And she thinks I'm singing directly to that girl. No, I saw it. It's amazing. So I mean, I saw it. What? He looked at her once. The crazy part is I don't see how she could have seen it since she was on the other side of the bar. Okay. So she thought you were looking at someone. We got home and then she. So you were actually like, you even winked at her. I didn't wink at shit. Are you sure it wasn't a blank? Because we're looking at my side profile. No, it was not a blank. Like, I saw you. Like, [BLANK_AUDIO] percent I saw you I already know why I know when I go winking at another girl with you right there in the same room exactly what the guys are all right so she says she knows exactly what she's looking at a person like it's like okay I looked at a female and that's like big no no I guess it depends how you look at him you're so cute we look at them so I know we've had previous issues with him messaging how is it other females as well on TikTok yes it's probably a trigger what are you doing on TikTok no no no so I was talking to this girl around the time that we got together and I was telling this girl hey I'm with someone I'm happy I'm fine I'll need you fact check that's not exactly what was said I was talking to her and I remember him telling the girl like hey my wife don't want me talking to you and so she was like why and he said because she just doesn't and she told him well we're just friends and then I showed you that message I was like he messaged some more on there and then me shutting it down he blocked what was he saying he blocked her and then he completely deleted the messages so I have some what I was saying tell him what I was saying after you got it was me shutting it down it wasn't anything it was me like because my wife doesn't want me being friends with you she sees you this way it makes her uncomfortable so I was trying to do the good guy thing and be nice to both parties and shut it down what's your issue what's wrong with that previously I was in a relationship where he I was cheated on like so many times so I was like congratulations to you and the person that got the cheat but that's not his problem or his fault or his issue she's like a logical issue to deal with go to therapy I'm not that guy and she treats me like I did all the same shit to her whenever we lived on my parents house she kicked open the screen to this to our bedroom window she was trying to leave with the car kids and all that shit talking about don't wear the she was going to not back to Midland because we had a quarter of a tank and no money to her name but she was like I want to get a break away from you you don't say break you said I'm done I'm gone you were trying to take all this shit and leave you do so I'm trying to get her a calm down no she do it why she do it oh this is the night that she hit me she hit you yeah she hit me so you saw him look at a lady and now you have your own issues which is not an excuse you suck with money so you download a budgeting app you start with the classic one why not but everyone just elites it because it's way too complicated to use so you go to every dollar that's Dave Ramsey the personal finance guy right well they're gonna force you to use it his way that's not very personal finances rock of money they got a lot of commercials but they're owned by rocket mortgage guess what they want to sell you in the end then there's the new guy on the block monarch hundreds and millions of dollars to private equity raising so far but private equity doesn't have the best track record when it comes to private data that's why I like dollar wise built by these people just like you four people just like you no private equity no gimmicks just the best budgeting app there is download now start the free trial dollar wise dot com link in the description below she's kicking open screens to the windows I try like bear hugging her getting her calm down and then bam she pops me in the nose and she actually like pop my like broke that shit really like all the cops no no no no because I was I was trying to do it I was like she actually just hit me but I didn't want a big blow up wait just because you looked at someone yes that's crazy you're bashed insane what the fuck is wrong with you so I wasn't trying to like go for his nose I was trying to shove him like off of me like I don't break his nose from a shove yeah no it was a I'll give her props it was a good book yeah this is not what a shove looks like shoves don't look like that she did again a couple weeks ago to no word she didn't break my nose again but two weeks ago we were so this is constant what happened we were up in New Mexico birthday party going on we're having fun and all that and I thought we're having a good time she's a little tipsy I felt like she was being annoying just all up in my space mess with my drink and all that it's like hey babe let me let me make this I got it I got it we're fine she ends up walking off I'm thinking nothing other I thought she was gonna go sit down just chill out have fun a little bit later I'm like where the fuck she go I'm looking around she's in our bedroom for this Airbnb we had I'm trying to talk to her I'm like hey what happened what happened did you read something that happened that it's like you're being such a dick to me right now in front of all these people I see was it I wasn't being just being super motion no I was not it's because like whenever we are around friends he will talk to me a certain way and he'll start like and it is you done whatever that's crazy you have and so is she making that up right now are you good I don't remember I've talked to you about I literally just brought it up but like I can't recall unless there's like a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on I've never recall talking down to you like that no you do like I've I've literally had to talk to you about it I've told you like I just don't like the way you talk to me in front of people I seriously can't recall talking down to you like that though I feel like that's a bit much I know you've talked to me like that I don't talk to you like that like in front of other people though you know that you smack me in front of them dude that said he was in front of them that second time she hit me was in front of them so what did she do what happened so we're in I get her to kind of I coerced her out of the room to try to get her to like focus on that and because I see I see the mood the atmosphere and all that shifting downwards so I'm like let's try to save this we spent a lot of money to be up here let's save this little trip and then she brings a fight out of the room and she's like don't touch me don't talk to me I'm like hey calm down let's talk it's okay and then she starts shoving and I'm not letting her shove me over like she's half my weight inside so I'm I'm just taking it I'm like whatever whatever just talk through what's going on and then it starts to smack calf claw I was also like blacked out drunk she wants a blaming on that so arguments that we have just escalate escalate escalate escalate and if there's a couple drinks in us it gets violent in this house yeah that's if it escalates because sometimes I try to talk to her about anything that's either shut down or couple drinks and we're fighting I like the next day I try bringing it up while we're both sober I can't get a word out of her she's like don't worry about we're fine it doesn't matter oh trust me I just got hit I'm not I understand why don't you want to communicate with your husband you guys moved somewhere with your children that you have reproduced I don't I've never been I don't know how to communicate that's I hard documenting that yeah I I'm not like a communication I don't like to communicate at all and so things do get pretty ugly whenever everything gets blown up um she doesn't say a single word about anything ever so why do you think you're always drinking and getting black out drunk would just get you to this dramatic moment so I'm I'm like really exhausted I'm tired um I know I only work a couple days a week but I come home to screaming kids I come home to wait you're right you only do working a couple days a week and this dude works a full shift let's hear how you're exhausted yeah uh I deal with the kids of course 24 24 seven like I mean whenever I get home yeah I deal with them too it's not like I'm not there no he doesn't whenever he gets home he goes to the room and he'll like just hide out in the room and just be on his phone all day he doesn't like is that like is that something that people don't you do have to participate in kids it's not like I'm out for hours he doesn't do the room you have an iPhone I'll take off my net yeah open it okay they go to a city job very stressed because you spend all the time taking care of your kids it's interesting you're on your phone in average of nine hours and 35 minutes a day oh she's pulling shifts on that shit yeah she said she's on she was on Facebook actually last week you're on Facebook a full day of the seven days you were on there for almost 24 hours that we're not sure watching the kids hold time I thought she was too she's texting five and a half hours paramount four and a half hours take talk three hours that's just so stressing care the kids I do I I take care of them no I'm not saying you don't take care of them you said you're stressed because that's the only thing there is to do yeah it is three hours on take talk two hours on solitaire two hours on roque you four and a half hours and paramount texting for five and a half and on Facebook for an entire day who is she can you see who she's texting I don't have an iPhone so I don't know how it works can you see you not you I mean I don't see her texting for you so I have this group chat with my friend and my boss and we do talk on this group chat is this the same friend that took the core this is the same friend that took the car I haven't talked to her ever since so like what was the last time she texted for five hours straight because if you aren't talking no but I have talked to her but not as how it's extra for five hours straight and say I'm not talking but that's not the big issue guys the biggest not who she's texting it's the fact that you literally just said you go blackout drunk because bro doesn't help out. Now, he might not help out perfectly, but you're saying you're beyond stressed, and that's why he gave like a truck. That does not line up with how you actually use your time. You have a lot of fun. You have a lot of downtime. In fact, I would say you probably spent more time on Facebook than bro games. What do you game on? Um, I got an Xbox on a PlayStation, my brother gave me. Which one do you do? It really just depends on last week. Oh, none. The Xbox, the Xbox, he's lying to you guys. Okay, then log into your Xbox app. Uh, I should be able to see your recent plane. And I have a feeling you're pushing me into just an alcoholic drunk horrible mother. I'm not as far as they're getting it. Oh, no. No, Xbox up. Bro actually has the Xbox app. I really thought we were going to sit there and have to wait for you to download. No, no. Listen, I'm not seeing anything in here that indicates he's playing a shit ton. So I'm a little confused. I feel like you're coping and lying and just, I mean, it's kind of like what you did at the beginning when you're like, well, he does bad stuff too. And then like he doesn't, like maybe he games a little bit, but you're on your phone endlessly doing bullshit. That's what I was trying to say. I'm talking about for a little bit. You're bullshitting me. So every time I would talk to him, when I am at work, he always tells me that the thing that's weird to me that I was just scrolling out through a quick. Also because you don't talk. The thing is you threatened him with divorce. Yes, I will. I haven't seen anything that indicates he's the bad guy and you're the good guy. How in the world are you the person to threaten divorce to the breadwinner that is doing everything? Maybe he plays video games. Are we suggesting there's no hobbies allowed? Like I'm confused on that. You haven't been able to back up. There's definitely a hobby is allowed. Yes. How were you the threaten of divorce? I've just been under a lot of stress. Oh, you're a good day. We're stressed out by the same things. Why is it one side? He went six months without working. But he's been working for three months, right? Yes. The reason I went six months without working was because you moved us down here. No, that's bullshit. You could have found a job in a few months. You could have put the fries in the back. You don't need to meet your previous income. You need income on the table. It's not like I didn't work at all. I mean, I had stuff. I had that little saw job. I had one of those daytime workouts. Whenever the first time we moved out of Midland, too, you went like eight months without working. Because my dad was sitting there anytime I whenever we moved to cove, because that's whenever my dad was setting me up with that job. Right. But you don't ever wait for somebody to hit up. It doesn't. You just as bad as her going with her friend, but I still end up coming back and making the money. But you have to make up a previous eight months and not working. That's crazy, dude. Yeah. That was trust me out too. You know what? Okay. Potentially valid. I also threatened to leave a partner. If you know, we were in a dual income household, and they're just not working for. Hold up. When she turns and leave me whenever I am the bread winner of the house, whenever I am bringing in the $3,000 a month, $4,000 a month. When did she turn to force? Which time? Because the first time was in cove after we got this house, we didn't buy house. Where were I saying? But after we rented that house, and it was some little petty stupid argument, and then that's whenever she threw it in my face, it wasn't even the course yet, because we weren't married yet. I never like before we even got married. I never even forced in your face. Yeah, because we weren't married yet. You can't divorce someone. You're not married to. I was trying to leave you with the kid. That's the same thing. You didn't get a job and helped me. I couldn't do everything by myself. And then I flipped around and got a job and helped you. What are you doing? Don't we do it by yourself, though? No, because I was hurt so far, except for the periods, he's not a hundred jobs, which I won't criticize him for. Well, technically, though, I would come home from work. He, like, at four in the afternoon, he would still be asleep, and the baby would be in his playpen the same place he was in the morning before I went to work. That's happening, friend. You act like that's every day. Maybe twice. It happened a few times. It happened twice. So whenever he's not working, and I come home, yeah, so whenever he's not working, I come home, and I mean, of course, I'm going to assume he's doing what he's doing because he's done it before. That's a fair guy. That's dangerous for the kid. I mean, we're doing all this. We got three kids. I'm new to all of this. It's been three years since we got together. I mean, adopted a kid whenever, everyone's new to getting kids. Okay. Okay. We had, we're what? So two months into living together. And I didn't even want to take on this responsibility. She kept talking up. Like, it was going to be short term, temporary thing. I didn't want to go full-adopt. Exactly. Once a kid's in the picture, a kid's in the picture. You're a man. Step up. It wasn't a leave situation. It started with, like, hey, we're going to foster. We're going to watch a little bit. It was a long time babysitting. I gave you an out too. And I even told you, are you sure this is what you want? Because you don't have to. It was a, it was a, I'm going to take everything out. No, it was more of like, are you sure? She didn't give me that out until I already bought her a shin. We had this conversation. Yeah. After I started investing into it, I get her this little shitty 20, 2019 Nissan. And then that's whenever she's like, do you want out? Do you want out? You're not going to take the car, but do you want out? That's no. That never happened. How, what do you mean it didn't happen? Even, even when we first started dating, I told you, are you sure this is what you want? That's when it was one kid. And the kid was, how do we got together? 10, nine, like nine or 10, because I feel like we, whenever we got together, we had a first birthday. So she's old enough to where it's not like, here's a kid, I have to keep eyes on 24/7. She was a fully functioning little micro teenager. All I had to do was make sure she was going to bed on time, doing school work. I was boyfriend. I'm just like, I'm not even stepping in. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. So I agree to that. That's like, okay. I never asked you two months after moving into this place. I never asked you to agree to that. First of all, secondly, like I never told you to take on that responsibility. You chose it. So you're stuck with it. On your old, I didn't agree to the two-year-old. That was something that just kind of got staying as a green. That staying is after the apartment was in my name. So I knew if we broke up, she was going to leave me with that. I couldn't afford that on my own. That was a two bedroom in Midland. That was, how much were we paying like 1,600 for that? I was definitely not making 1,600 a month money. And then we had the car payment on top of that. That was close to 4,500. So both of those. And I knew I was either going to eat shit on both or I was going to get both and get sacked with them. Like I invested into it. I wasn't ready to just dip out and leave. Plus I wanted to work on it. I wanted it to work out. Okay. Then how can you say you didn't want the two-year-old if you wanted it to work out? Because I wanted it to work out. I wanted conversations. I wanted to talk about this stuff through. I wanted to make sure she wasn't. She didn't make the choice to go up and into it. It didn't feel like we're making the choice together. Well, that's not necessarily fair. She didn't fool me at one point. She told me she was like a kid. If the other person doesn't want a kid, she even said either I either we take the kid or she's gone. The people that gave us the boy, he made it sound like a back alley deal. The CPS contact us. CPS contact us and asked, you know, you're the only family member. Oh, I got you. Okay. Yes. Yeah, that's a relative. Okay. Well, it makes sense that you'd want to step up and help them. I was helping. I was trying to be like the good guy and it was supposed to be temporary. Temporary. If I didn't think her kid. I didn't think her cousin was this. So you have to say that when you're a kid, like once a kid, I always feel like I met her four days before we took home. Right. But you saw the way she looked straight up kid. No, I'm a suburb kid. I didn't grow up with kids and shit. I don't know what they look like. It's so cute. It's easy to tell the difference between. And then I got you telling me to that she's getting clean. I got her dad telling me she's getting clean. I got your brother saying that she's getting clean. So I got all these people talking me into it. So I'm like, they know more than I do. Let's go through with it. She's going to get clean. We'll have this kid for four or six months. And then she went to rehab for like three months and then checked herself out and then missed all of the supervised visitation. And then that's where they asked us to if we can just adopt. But either way, there's another kid that's a year younger. So you still chose to have another kid. So it's not like you were like, no, kids, like you stuck a load in. It was after I kind of accepted my fate that this is where everything was going. Oh, that doesn't. And it wasn't your fate. You weren't like, I'm in love. You accepted your fate. Well, she's the one that's trying to bore. You're the one that's trying to bore us. Come on. That's like, I was in love enough not to turn to leave you. I've never turned to take those kids. I've never trying to do this and that. How? I've always stuck by you through all this shit no matter how quick the movements were, no matter where we're going. That's the last time she's trying to divorce. That night, the last time she hit me. She's, which is what you said a couple weeks ago. That's crazy. How is she hitting you? This is crazy. We shouldn't be at an abusive household, especially there's kids there. And I'll just tell you, what was it when they were in front of kids? How long until though? How long until they're in that dark question? Because you're already snapping at kids too. Oh, Rick, like what? She just has quick temper. She says this because she's stressed out. No, what does that look like with the kids? Just loud angry yelling. No. What? - For I do not yell at the kids at all. - No, you don't leave them alone. - I get snappy, no, I get snappy with them. - She's got the oldest runner around like a (beep) made. - No. - Do this, do that, change this, change that. - No, I'm not. - Pick up this, pick up that. - I get snappy with them. - What does snappy mean to her though? - Snappy to her is like, what the (beep) are you doing, put that down, na-da-da. - Hmm, I feel like for them. - That's not how I talk to them at all though. - No, no, snappy, well snappy to me is, get out of here. Give me my break, but I do not. - I never heard you say that, that's what I was talking about. You just criticized him for having some solo time, but you're saying, get the (beep) gotta hear, give me a break. To your kids? - Yeah. - Well, then why are you criticizing him for wanting a break? - Well, I, it. - 'Cause I was supposed to get home after my eight, 10 hour shift, if I have overtime, cook dinner. - Well, whenever you get home though, you don't immediately do anything. Which I understand, I mean, I'm not in the course, it's not like I can be arrested on the drive. - Two hours a week. You take care of the shit at home. If you're not gonna work in other 20 hours, two 20 hours a week at home and don't do anything, I'm the one that cooks. - Oh, really? - Yeah, I cook. - What the fuck are you on about then? - So it's, he does not cook all the time. Sometimes she'll give McDonald's while I'm coming home from work. So we both agreed. We both agreed. We will take turns. - Agreing is one thing. I actually going through it. It's a completely different thing. When was the last time you cooked at the house? - The night before we came here? - Yeah. - Okay, she started, it's began, you and I finished it. Oh, the taco, she started the taco. That's it. If she cooks, it's, - No. - Okay, do this. Oops. Do you think you can help? And then she's gone. I don't know where the fuck she went in the house. Find her ass in the bedroom, just watching TV. And I'm like, hey, what happened to the help? She's like, I started it. - What, that's exactly what you're criticizing him for. This makes no sense. And yet, you're the one that threatened to force? Well, what was two weeks ago? Oh, it was like, if you're treating her like she and her friends, I don't think you should hit a spouse, but. - It's so, I just can't be upset. - So I understand they get like blacked out drunk and don't remember anything. - Oh, that is not a good thing for a mother to say. What if you don't remember beating your kids? - Next time, you're already snappy with them. What's blacked out drunk mom are going to be like? How have an issue drink? - Weakened, every weekend. - Oh, what the fuck? - Not, it is not every weekend. - When was the last week and we didn't? - Two weeks ago. - Two weeks ago, you were being the shit out of me 'cause you were drinking. - Two weeks ago, it's like, that's not long ago. - Right, but you make it sound like it's an everyday thing or an everyday thing. - I don't say it, I just say every weekend. - It's not an every weekend kind of thing. - Right, 'cause sometimes I'll tell her no. - What is she doing when she storms off? 'Cause I know she turns off her life 360. What do you think she's up to? - I want to trust you enough to think that you're not just disappearing and talking to friends that I don't want you around. Like I, she tells me-- - She doesn't want her around? - Like the one that got us down here in the first place. I don't believe she's completely out of the picture. - She is 100% out of the picture. I know whenever I take off and be-- - Why are you turning off your location? - So I can't check. - I don't know she's going to the park next door or-- - I don't know. - Cross town? - I just want a break from him and I'm not saying good news. - No, 'cause she has the only car we got. - I'm not saying a long break. I'm just saying like give me a couple hours, please. - Would he follow you? - No. - Then what are you talking about? After a big fight and threat of divorce, turning off location and fleeing away, it doesn't look great. - Because he's also had a break, he also had some friends go and follow me and-- - What have I done that? - You've had and go and look for me at one point. - Yeah, 'cause you went up the only corner. - No, all I said was I wanted at least a couple hours to myself. - And all I did was I go through-- - And I didn't say his follow. I asked him to text and check on you. If she tracked you down, she tracked you down. - All I wanted to do was just go to the park and just sit there and breathe out. - You didn't tell me any of this though. - You knew about it, I told you. - No, you did, if you told me I wouldn't know about it, but if you're just like, oh, gone. How am I supposed to, am I just supposed to assume every time you're going to the exact same place? 'Cause you don't, you go into multiple places. - No, you want, like you are smothering sometimes. - Smothering. - Maybe, but it's right after a big fight and whatnot. Like what does he think? You're already blacked out drunk. Maybe you're leaving. Who knows what you're bouncing on? Come on, that's happened. That's happened almost every episode this year. Guys, you've known me since the beginning. And the fact is, I just love building products that help people and we're continuing to do that with the Caleb Hammer Financial Services. Listen, now you got personal loans that you can get the best rates on forever. You want to use it for, whether it's consolidation, after you change your behavior, or you need a purchase, something that gets a good return on investment. And now we got credit building as well. You can shop for the best credit builders that are either free, or low cost to you, and build that credit. We got debt forgiveness and debt consolidation as well. We got auto loans for your new card that are great rates, or you can refinance a horrible auto loan today. And not only that, now you can shop for the best car insurance out there. The thing is, we are building more and more of these to help you get the best tools and services that you can possibly get online at the best rates. So check those out at CalebHammer.com. All those links are below in the Caleb Hammer Financial Services. Check them out, save yourself a lot of money. If you or your child spent years growing up on social media and experienced serious mental health struggles, you should hear this. Recently, a jury ordered meta and others to pay millions for the role in designing and promoting addictive platforms. They knew their apps could contribute to anxiety, depression, and body image issues, but did not share those risks while prioritizing profits. The recent historic verdict underscores the consequences of those decisions. Now Morgan and Morgan is stepping up to hold these platforms accountable for the harm they cause. Collect the link in my bio to take a short quiz. You may be entitled to a potential recovery of over $1,000. - I don't know where you're going, and I already know that there's people I don't want you talking to. There's no telling if you're gonna be hanging out then, whenever we went up to New Mexico, she was texting the friend, not the first friend that got us moved down here, but the other friend she has out, I'm like, "Why don't you like this other friend?" - She's like, "I don't have friends." - She's a lot of friends, yeah. - I don't have to isolate her. - No, like I was excited whenever we moved down here 'cause she's talking about, I'm best friends with this person, I'm best fucking friends. - Ooh, what's wrong with this other friend? I don't want you to take away friends. - She's talking about my car. - She brought her baby daddy husband down. - Sorry. - They fought on our front yard. We, I get him to go down to the gas station so he can buy cigarettes, and then whenever we get back cars gone. - This is trailer trash galore. How do you have someone that, your friends are someone that stole your car? - She wanted to talk down to him, be like, "Maybe I told her she could, but she didn't have a son steal our car." What does that even mean? - We were drinking. We were not even. - Oh, as usual. You're weekend little festivities of alcoholism in their mother's house. - Well, we were not drinking a whole lot. I had barely had maybe one beer, and then I was like, "Why I gotta run to the restroom?" He went to the store with her baby daddy boyfriend has been whatever the hell he is. And so he went to the store with him. And whenever I come out of the restroom, 'cause he leaves the keys in the car, he doesn't ever take the keys out. So whenever I come out of the restroom, and I call him like, "Hey, my car is gone." I came back outside to check on her, 'cause they were just-- - She would just say, "My car is gone." She was like, "Hey, I think I let her borrow the car." I was like, "Why the fuck would you let her borrow the car?" And then the story changed up. - Oh, borrow the car. - She's not bad though. - No, she said borrow the car. This friend didn't ask. She was like, "Hey, can I use the car?" She said, "No, 'cause I had, I'm on call from my job. I need to be able to go there the next morning at the end of the year." - No, I didn't, I didn't know. - And then this friend still found the keys, and it was like, "I piece and dip the (bleep) out with the only car we have." We got it back, new in the next day after contacting the husband, 'cause I was like, "Hey, if you run into your wife." - She stole this thing. - Yeah, she drove off with it. - Shit, he doesn't want you to be friends with her. He's not isolated. - And no insurance on the car. - I'll tell you like a good person that you got in the car. - Yeah, but these are the reasons we would have said so. - Ever since though, I have cut down on talking to her a lot more. - Cut down. - I have. - Cut down. - How many hours were on that phone? - Stop, stop, stop. - Five hours of text on the car. - I don't blame him. Come on. I don't blame him. - Get you to just have normal friends. So, okay. - That's all I was asking. Just have good friends. And you do have a good friend. There are two good friends. I would also feel concerned with these kind of bad shit crazy people you got in your life that after a big fight when you're blacked out, you cut off your location. That was crazy. - That was one of the exact issues I was doing. She was already telling you, hey, I got cousins or I got this one dude or I got this guy. And then you fight with me. And then next thing I know you were like, oh yeah, I want to talk with her. I don't know what's going on. I don't know if you just say that finally. You're like, maybe I will go flavor. Go taste the flavors of Odessa. - No, one thing I've never done was cheat, like ever. - How much does it know that when you do that? How do you even know that? You say you're blacked out drunk, you can't remember this stuff. - Well, 'cause whenever I'm blacked out drunk, I'm blacked out drunk with him at home. - Always. - Off. - Off. - Well, whenever I walk off. - Well, whenever I walk off, I walk off to the room. I don't get in the car and try. - In New Mexico, you walked off and you contacted. - I walked off and I called. my best friend to come pick you up. - No, I just told her, well, yeah, to come pick me up. - We're all the way to Mexico. We're all the way to New Mexico too. That's like, well good. - Did she ever take the kids with her? - No. - In these instances. - I'll give her that. She's never gotten drunk and walked off with the kids. - Are you afraid of that she may have cheated in your relationship? - In any of these extreme crashes? - I want to say she hasn't because I truly, truly want to believe I'm not wasting my time. - I want to say, but what does your, well, you know, what's your confidence level on that? - I feel like she might have at least talked to a guy while she's doing these little dip out sessions. - The only guy I've ever, ever talked to is my boss. And that is it, and it is related. I've never talked to him about personal issues. I've never talked to him about outside of my, like outside of work. - Wait, well, hey, what's your issue? - So my issue is, I come home from work. She's not working that day, she's not working the next day. She didn't work the last day, 'cause, you know, she got these like, spans where she's not working. I come home after my (beep) an eight hour shift, and she's on the phone, talking to him, it's already been like an hour or two. I'm like, hey babe, it's just like one second. Keeps going, like I get signed like for this. - Okay, maybe you're not trying to do something, but this guy's talking to you. - Yes. - For that long as, like friends. - She wants to, she wants to say like, yeah, she wants to say to three-way call with a friend and the boss. - We do talk mostly about work. - Mostly. - For most people. - For hours on and about a (beep) hotel. - Yes, we do. - But for fun. - It can't be that stressful. - For fun. This is not actual work hours. This is for fun. - This is for fun. - And we're talking about hotel booking numbers. - It's because we don't like the other girls that work there. So honestly, if you would even- - So you can also- - Yes. - It's more gossipy. - That's not talking about work. That's gossipy. - So it's gossipy. - So this guy. - I don't see how you find five hours of talk to him instead of me. - Yeah, that is, I just got home from work. - Well, that's fair. - I got stories, too. I got shit I could talk about. - Well, I got into people's apartments for- - Living. Like you take out, see shit. The apartments I work at, they're pretty much man camps. You know what a man camp is? - Yep. - So there's always some shit going on there. - But I've never cheated. - No, I just pulled a (beep) like condom full of some shit. Ah, some dudes toilet and he said those plunges up there for a couple of weeks. Like I got stories, too. - Come on, this is a relationship you guys are into this together. You have a biological kid together and it often get together and then your whore kid together is home. - It's not that I don't want to talk to him, but every time I try to communicate with him or I even do try 'cause I don't, I'm not a communication person. But whenever I would, he does lash out on me. - Lash out. - Yes. I mean, hold on, hold on. - He's never put his hands on me, ever. - Yeah, what's the last shout? You're the one that puts your hands on him. - Yeah, but like he will start yelling, he will start cussing at like not only me, but he does at the kids. Like he'll say, what the, and then he'll say his name. - Are you projecting at me all of a sudden? - Oh, not kids. So whenever the (beep) whenever the 11 year old puffs up a chest and all that, yeah, I'll say something like, hey, calm the (beep) down. Oh, that's good de-escalation. I'm not, okay, I'm not good at de-escalating, but it's not, and then cussing isn't like, cussing at them, that's part of my (beep) - No, it's a lot more than just that because you will literally sit there and be like, what the (beep) are you doing? And then you'll say her name, and then, you know. - But to you, what does he do to you? And then he's, when you try to communicate, I mean, it would make sense, honestly, dude, she's trying to communicate. And all of a sudden, you just blow up every time and start yelling at her, why would she want to communicate? - This is after I get signlined for a (beep) conversation with the guy that you talk to, that you don't like? - No, of course I mean, of course I don't want to talk anymore. - Because whenever you-- - God, just go home, you don't want to talk to me, I don't want to talk to you. - No, because whenever you get home, I will sit here and try to talk to you, and you will literally sit there and tell me, like, oh, go be with your favorite kid, or go be with this. - Because you definitely have a favorite kid. - I don't have a favorite kid. - You definitely have a favorite kid. - And it's not yours. - The youngest kid, our kid together, that's her favorite. - The youngest is that my favorite. I don't have a favorite kid. - You can have a favorite, I don't care. But the last you know and the conversation-- - I don't care, this doesn't matter. The last you know and the middle of a conversation does. She won't communicate. - If you lash out cleaners, it's not like I'm screaming that you're like, "Hey, bitch." - I'm listening to a little plain. I'm listening to a word, that's what she's saying. That's what you said about her. Are you overplaying it? - No, I'm not overplaying it. - Exactly, so what the f*** are you saying? Well, 'cause she's acting like I'm over here like puffing up and getting all aggressive. - You do tell us to shut the f*** up sometimes. You will literally just lash out, or whenever I'm just sitting there trying to have a conversation with you. You're like, I don't care, I'll deal with that later. - What are these conversations? If it's something, first off, if it's one of those conversations where I'll deal with the later, it's you bring up chat I don't want to hear about. - Oh, who does that talk to her choice? - Why do you get to bring up things she doesn't want to talk about? - Well, 'cause whenever she's bringing up shit that she wants to talk about, those situations are like, "Hey, the toilet "over this clogged dirt." - That's important! - Yes, and I will f***ing deal with it. - You're the man! - Oh, see it whenever I see it. Like, I will say that there has been a few times where I am trying so hard to tell him like, "Hey, we need to go get diapers." Like, the boys are down to only one diaper. - That's important. - And that's, yes, they need a diaper. - Why you don't get to just not choose to talk about that? - And he would be like, "Well, all I got is like $20. "We can get diapers right now. "A small pack of diapers." - Oh, but she's spending $400 going out to you. That's good. - A small pack of diapers to last us a whole week is like 12 bucks. - 'Cause we're wrong with you, dude. You don't get to pick and choose when or not. We have to take care of the family. That's not how that works. Something that I don't want to talk about. - You, you still have to participate in the household. - You are now saying the exact same thing you're accusing of her. - I am participating. - But you don't get to pick and choose. - I'm not picking and choosing. - You just said, I don't want to talk about that right now. And that's getting supplies for the kids. - She can go grab those supplies herself too. Like, it doesn't have to be one of those. We're out to watch her at the store. - I don't ask you to go and hold my hand at the store to grab any of that. - And you have access to my car. You have the money. - You have the vehicle and you have the time. - I also would like to ask for permission before using your part. - I've told you this time and time and time again. - I can't put a married part. - I don't feel comfortable just using - I've never gone mad at her for her. - Why don't you feel comfortable? - So it's honestly the way I was raised. - That's why it's not overspending. - It's not overspending. Like I don't have an issue with her using the car. - I know, but she feels more comfortable asking. - For whatever reason. - Okay, you don't need her too, but she would like to. - I've gone so far, you can do a tough to pay. My car's not her fucking phone. - She feels like she is more comfortable asking you though. No one is suggesting you're saying you are requiring her to ask. - All right, and I'm not shutting it down either. Like, as you are, I'm not shutting it down whenever she asks. I give it, like, I don't know what. You guys literally can't talk about shit. - Do you guys even get any more? - Sometimes. - Don't put it down like it's something where like we're having issues. - It hasn't been. - It is in my notes. From her that, oh, you guys are not intimate and you have a lot of issues. So I would say so. - So we haven't been intimate, I would say like a couple weeks now. - Oh, what? - No, it's been, it's been a couple weeks. - Oh, wait. - You got here, like. - No, not really. - Huh? How do you not really? - I mean, like, because he's saying that we did, but we did not. Like, at all. - Huh? How many of you guys have sex? - How often? - I don't trust you. 'Cause you're trying to like puff up. You don't want to look bad. - No. - Jesus, can you hold these questions now? You go ahead, give them the answer. 'Cause it's in our note from you that you're not even intimate anymore. - Yeah, no, we're not, we're not. And we haven't been intimate. So, he, the friend we were telling you about that soda car, the last time we were actually intimate with each other, you know, he was like, you know, pretty much telling me, oh, ride me if you don't want me to go and fuck your friend. - Oh, the, when the fuck did I say that? - No, that's how I took it, that's what I heard. - You took something, how do you take words? I don't, quiet, you can defend yourself, keep going. You can defend yourself in a second. - So I told him, how the fuck, how the fuck am I supposed to be turned on, like, you know, you're mentioning another woman's name while we are in the middle of having sex. - I have his direct quotes from that. He told you to do insects if you don't want me to fuck your friend, it's me better than your friend could. - Where the fuck? - You just, you just stop. - Is that an audio recording? - And then you start to be a lot less than a presenter. - You just keep bringing up the name. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - We're going to our own stories. - What the fuck? - Give me the night before I can have it. - That's exactly what she said. - What? - When we first started talking to this friend again, well, when I first started talking to this friend again, probably the third time she had came over to our house. - If you don't want me to fuck your friend, it's me better than she could. - So that's a fucking thing? - So it's okay. It's like for me it's a fucking turn off like I don't like that can be fun But it's fun if it's fun for hold up hold up cuz that's not what was happening that night That's exactly do you remember what was on the TV in our bedroom that night? Do you remember what was being streamed to the TV? We have TV while we're doing this I wasn't talking about that bitch ass friend that just I was talking about the woman on the TV that you were mimicking she had her It's shaking the same god damn way. No, you're like feel like that then you said her name. Why would I say her damn name? Why why would I say her name? I don't know why because I didn't because it didn't happen. How was there a disagreement on this? How confident are you on this how confident are you that I would say another woman's name while we are 100% sure yeah 100% sure he's that is what he said I heard exactly what he said and since then he haven't really been intimate on and off But not like as much as we normally are cuz you've been this the scene. Yeah, does he even know that? I'm pretty sure he can fill it Brother yeah, I've definitely felt that I didn't know something related to that it's cuz you said If you don't want me to you if you don't want me to your friend me like she would better Like these words are pulled out of thin air. Why would she be distant right after that event then? I want to say we probably had another fight around that time unrelated to what I said no because this is the first time of hearing about it Even even with our petty fights we are still 100% intimate and then ever since that one night I just cannot be Turned on by somebody who mentions another female in the middle of having sex like who who does that not me That's why I'm trying to tell you I'm 100% sure you said that though. What are you thinking guys? I'm thinking she's crazy Crazy yes, I think you're pulling shit out of thin air. I am definitely not pulling shit out of thin air if anyone's crazy It's you that's crazy. Yeah, I am crazy Did you catch what how she was saying it? That she thinks she heard it that that's the way she took it. She said she's a hundred percent confident though No, at the end after you did was like asked repeatedly, but at first she was like I took it this way. This is what I think I heard No, I said that the person's on you Men distant she's been distant before there's always something for her to be distant about I've never been distant before I've never been distant before if anyone's been distant spin you I've never been distant the only Little distant after you pay me give me a couple weeks to recover from that shit. I've never been distant was a you Mentioning another female in the middle of us having sex That's the only time I've ever been distant when I know two weeks ago. She said she felt like running away from From you the kids and life. I mean, I believe that I believe that you've said some say like that I believe that you've thought of it. I believe that you were probably how do you say she's not said she said that That's these are words she said. That's what I say. I fully believe it. She hasn't said anything like that. You believe it. What do you know? She Okay Yes, I believe that she said shit like that and I am trying to work through this I'm trying to make sure that we work out But it's really hard when it's one if considered leaving him I want to know from a scale of like just like zero is like you are one hundred zero is you are staying There's not even a single chance. You're walking out that door a hundred percent is you're leaving. There's not a single chance You'd say where are you in the scale zero that makes no sense Based on everything you just said you've threatened to force a thousand times. You When they were telling Devon you've considered leaving him the kids and Everything so as much as we fight as much as the irritation and frustration that that we have towards each other I still love him and I want to just see now people get divorced and they love though You've threatened for how are you zero if you have threatened divorce like that many times I just want to say I've never threatened it I've never thought about it and I can confidently say that I'm never gonna leave I'm a zero and I love breaking the nose of someone I really love I know I say I know I say things out of anger and I don't matter all of a sudden because you're angry That's the exact thing that I've been telling you like you say the shape hurts Like whenever you're like I'm gonna I'm gonna grab the kids and we're gonna go you she has said to me I will find them a new dad. I'm trying my Hardest I have never said I will find them a new dad ever No, I've never said that then I never said her name while I was Can you how in the world is he meant to take that how how I'm surprised he even came back after that That's I don't think I didn't come back. I never asked him to take it and like To be cool about it. No, I don't expect him to be cool about that shit at all like at all But at the same time I've never ever sat there and said I was going to find my kids a new our kids a new dad because that is not what I said Why do you call them kids my kids my kids my kids my kids use to sing my kids. We've been together for three years Yes, I'm using I have kids like their our kids. Then why do you keep calling them my kids? They're our kids You want to say you're just now getting used to saying our kids. I'm just now getting used to saying I have kids at all It feels one side or not all this way our kids not just my Not fair point language matters. It does especially whenever you've talked down to me before Yeah, but you've talked down to me too has it been me starting it or has it been me like she wants to go that way. I'm gonna fight back I don't initiate this shit 100% you starting it sometimes when cuz it's not always me that starts all the fight then when When like that time at your parents house whenever We were all just sitting there on the couch and you suddenly just looks at me and you tell me like oh Nobody's talking to you or you know like you only talked to me a certain way not only in front of our friends But in front of your parents like is that what you think? Like how they want you to treat me Thing are you trying to sit up here like when when have I ever done something like that? You did that like three weeks ago on a Saturday You must be confused with the ex again cuz I am not the one fucking talking you down like that. No, you are When I have to shut you down for talking to me like that in front of your parents in front of anybody at that Parents Like you talking to me like that is giving the okay for everybody else to talk to me like that And she's Listen guys, we got to get into the finances and I I don't But I don't think you guys have the capability currently to Communicate over the finances. I really don't but I want to see what you think What do you guys think your household financial score is zero to ten zero being the worst ten being the best? I'm sorry. I'll go now We're gonna call the friends that we're around you guys in the post-show and we're gonna figure out which one of you's the liar? Which one's not? We're gonna get to the bottom of all of this in the post show If you want to figure out what your financial score is, it is a free assessment that only takes a few minutes to take At Calebhammer.com you can see what your hammer financial score is in detail in each category for free And if you don't want to be like you got to answer on the show make sure you download the Dolores budgeting app It is the best budgeting app for the average American. There's a free trial to see if it works for you works for the majority So they take the annual version because it saves nearly 50% and your money so check that out Dolores.com just download the app all of those links are below and you see his parents his parents the ones that he Apparently talks horrible about you in front of well, you guys owe them a lot of money Yes, we do Why do we owe them for two thousand five hundred dollars so I honestly thought it was only a thousand dollars We owe them just because I know that they have helped us since we've been together, you know why you thought that because you guys all could be Unicades That's older around the time that we got together. So I have the of an SUV that my mom bought brand new back What hold on is that you guys don't mean if you've owed this before you guys got together I took on some of her dead too because she owed her ex's parents. You've owed your parents for over three years. Yeah Brother, what is wrong with you? I That's pathetic You thought it's a thousand hours until when when did you discover the end of shot up when they did discover the extent of this So I never knew about previous income or money that they've lent him I do know like last year around Halloween time. They did help us with a thousand dollars just so we can be caught up on our rent Okay, so you thought it was a thousand dollars. I thought it was a thousand dollars. When did you discover is fourteen five on our drive here? The drive here so this is yesterday. Oh You are hiding this from her. I didn't think I was hiding it because whenever we got together I was still it's engine and transmission for a truck that I had whenever we got together Oh transmission yeah, that's seven thousand a bit seven thousand for a vet though So you know that she doesn't know she didn't know she wasn't paying attention because that happened while we were together whenever we first got together Whenever I first brought my dog down I was paid So no, I honestly didn't know how it was paid who paid it. - What was your reaction when you heard those last night? - I just looked at him and I said, what the fuck do you mean we owe them $14,000? Yeah, it's not. - It's not. - It's not. - This isn't some blind side thing. - So he's making you know who it is. - 'Cause she's not paying attention. That's what it is. - So he said, you know, you're not the one that has to worry about it. It's me, but we are married. We're in this together. Your day is now my day. My day is your day. - Which is what I told you when we got together and I was helping you pay on that car from the original, from what you call them. - No, not the Nissan. That's me over. I'm talking about the Ford. - Do you feel like he hid this from you? - I don't feel like he hid it from me. - Then why are you talking like he hid it from me? - I feel like he, I just feel like it's just something he forgot to mention at some point. - I didn't forget to mention that you were there when it happened. - No, this whole time. - You were there when it happened. - This whole time I'm thinking we only owe his parents a thousand dollars. - With me and my parents have had this conversation in front of you. - I don't listen to yours and your parents' conversation. - Why not? - How can you say he's insulting you in front of his parents then? - Because he does. - You ever heard it up early? - I mean, I-- - She took it that way. - Yeah, but whenever they talk about certain things, I choose not to listen to those certain things. - She takes it that way. - Hold on, your ignorance is not his fault. Is there a minimum monthly payment we've agreed to give them? - Or at one point, or one point. - We got together at one point whenever I was paying on this. - Oh, three years ago, bad son. - I told them about it. They said, take care of the kids first, pays back second. - Yeah, except we haven't got to a point. - What if they knew he spent a thousand hours a month on bullshit last month? - They would be pissed. - Yeah, I think they probably want the 14,500 hours back, asshole. You, I have a loan. NBTX, first, probably a credit union of some kind. What is this, $999? What is this? - So that is my bank. I took out, when we first moved back to Milan, I got screwed over with my job. I took out a loan so that we would help us put-- - What's your minimum monthly payment to this? - 147. - What's your interest on this? - So I took out $1,000 loan, I pay back $1,200. - Oh, you will pay back $1,200? - Yeah. - Okay, yeah, I mean, it's not great. Why did we need to borrow at that time? Why did we move without anything ready to move? - Can he savings you? You self-compassed had a good income where you came from. - Yeah, so the reason we moved down without the savings and all that was 'cause magic lady with a special offer was like, we'll help you get into a house. - We're gonna help with the-- - Fantastic, wonderful. Love that. You should have had savings. You were making self-confessed, very good money. Why didn't you have anything? - We spent it on some-- I think that was, we got her that Honda that we're currently, that we drove up here from-- - Yeah, you spent 1,000 hours a month on the bullshit, dude. You could have savings. You choose not to. - We had savings in cove. We spent it on that car that we got and we spent the trying to get my explorers back. - Wait, I'm also being told you for the first daughter, I think you already get $809 a month. - That-- - That goes towards rent. - Towards rent. - Could have gone towards this! The first time is at a borrowing. How long have you been getting that? - Monthly, it is pulled out of that account. - I wanna say, guard it back in September. Do you know? - No, that one, that one was kind of on you. You told me that it happened after. - You ready to pay child support? Like, he does when you leave? - That's not child support about that past. Oh, you beat him too hard? - I'm fortunate, we know. - That's sad, I'm sorry to get up. We're together? - Yeah, we're together 11 years. - You're the backup. Like I said, he's gone. Oh, I know, now you're in. As the backup. Okay, moving loan, $600 behind, $4,300. What is this, too? - Yes, so that is a loan we took out in cove to be able to pay for like our moving truck. - $600 behind. What's your minimum payment? Is it in collateral? - So it's at $1,70, it's $1,70. The furniture store, I was working at. They just give us, they receive everything. We're gonna reimburse it, we're gonna pay it. - And then? - Where's the furniture store, man? - Yeah, so we never. - I wanna like push past this. They were supposed to pay that back right then and there. - Yeah, they were supposed to pay you. - That was like a within your first check, we did. - But then it came. - Plus 1600. - Lady, even more important. Student loans, you're not paying on them. They will garnish your wages. - It's not my student loans, okay. - Oh, you, they will garnish your wages. They're up to 30%. You can get her. You pathetic piece of shit. You, you could call them, get on a payment that is less than 1% of your income. If you don't, they will garnish your wages up to 30% of your income. It's a phone call. What is wrong with you? You lazy piece of shit that cares about nothing? - I don't know why you're pushing back on this, like I. - Why am I pushing back on this? - You have to pay me, I have paid on it. - It says need attention. - Yeah, need attention now, 'cause we've fallen back. I was paying on it. - I'm gonna talk it about you! - What else? - We have paid this bet, like, we are paying on it. That's a small, about compared to how much it was. - Yes, but guess what? You don't do that? - How much is it to you? - You get to do it. - You get to do it. - You get to do it. - 5,000, 6,000? What's the number? Give me the number that's left on it. 'Cause that's coming from a $30,000 loan. - No, that's great. - It's not like I've never paid on it before. - You don't understand that. I'm not criticizing you for not paying it in the past. I'm criticizing it now, 'cause all you have to do is calling it on a less than 1% of your money will. - Good, then get garnished, you. I hope they take every dime. - Q2, what do you mean? I pay my loans. - So I did call and I did call the department and I did, 'cause she handles a bills issue. - I did ask if we can set up payments, so they were able to get it. She has started on it. We are paying it. - We are paying it back. - 'Cause you can't take care of yourself. - She deals with all the loans. - So sorry. - This isn't new. - Yeah, but this is the federal government, man. I'm surprised she was even allowed to talk to them for you. - So starting in November is when we'll start making $50 every two weeks. - And you let it get to that. You can't do anything, can you? - I was paying it off a while ago. - Oh my goodness. I don't care if you weren't paying it a while ago and you are now. I'm not killing you for what you were doing. It's now, now co-signed. - Co-signed. - Yes, that's what I thought I'm paying on. - The $20,000. - Yes. - Is that the $5,000? - No, this is something different. - My mom's first, 'cause she co-signed that's doing along with me. - She co-signed, that's doing along with you. Or did she get a parent plus loan? - To be honest, I don't know it. - One matter? - No, the difference was. - One less matter. So if it's a parent plus loan, do not pay on it. That is her responsibility. She chose that. If you co-signed, then, yes, pay it. Before I put it there, I need you to figure that out before I put it in the budget, 'cause that is not worth you paying on. It wasn't on your credit, so it's actually likely only hard loan. You can help take care of it. - That's what I was going for, 'cause I'm not-- - After everything else. It is not first priority. The loan that is first priority is not a loan that is not your loan. All the other loans matter first. Well, you have a closed credit card. I don't make the payments on the bills and stuff. - So you let this go to collections? 145 dollars? - I do, yes. - You let his car loan go to collections of 8,673? Did they get repot? - It got repot, and it was only because I was working at the time, I had just barely gave birth, and then his boss gave him six weeks of the full - Did you call the bank and try to have him put the payments at the end? - Yes, we did, and they said no, that they couldn't. - You're probably missing too many. - And so he went actually six weeks of no pay paternity leave. - It wasn't a full six weeks. You keep trying to talk it down like that. I had comp time with that job. So I worked off-- - They gave me three hours. - Son of overtime whenever I got paid. You could have released put a little towards the car though. - She didn't, I don't even know where that money went, 'cause that was a good like-- - Oh, I know, he spent a thousand hours a month in bullshit and a minimum. Well, you still owe that 8,673. - Okay, they haven't sued and got a court order to start garnishing wages 'cause they can do that. - 387 in collections there, goes-- - Is that another one I'm talking about my credit? - National credit-- - That's probably the worst part about this, is it's all my credit. - It is, yeah, why would, first of all-- - It's all, it's all my credit. - Seeding responsibility to her when it's all your death. - 'Cause that was the agreement whenever we started doing this, her credit, she said her credit was allowing it. - I, this is now an additional 5,497 in collection. - So that's eviction and then we ended up losing the card, too. - Mm-hmm. - After that stuff, I stopped playing her, put anything in my name. - It's not just that, but we have another collections of 341. Why are you still letting her be the one that manages it, though? Where everything's gone to collection. - 'Cause I could trust, I thought I could trust that I'd-- - No, I know, I know, I know. - With the past, you're obsessed with the past. I am saying now, now, you've learned that this is how she fails constantly and you're still allowing it. - Why? - I'm trying to work towards-- pushing myself into it more. I still, I'm not tracking 100% what's where. - You just, I'll put everything in the analyze. - It's so basic, guys. It's all in front of you. You guys get it for free forever. So I really don't understand. And I also get you a course career certification. I'll get you both. But like you especially need to get a job. That's right now, she's home all day. - I'm not doing much and she's still not doing that. - I've been like, I do want to get a better job and I know his mom has mentioned to me about - Mama's tried setting her up to work at the office with her. - Guys, stop with the setups for other jobs. Actually takes some personal responsibility, update your skills. I'll get you a course career certification, either in trades or in tech or whatever you want. They have so many now. There's a free course that you can go through, that everyone in the audience can go through that connects them with the best certificate for them. People in the audience have converted it to six figure jobs. I hear from them all the time. So you need to do that. You have another collection, 180. Open sky credit card is this open? Is it closed? - It's closed. - Okay, 200 collections there. - You got 200 on that? - I thought I had a hundred dollar limit. - 147 collections here? - No, it's a 200 dollar limit. - And other collections, five, 62. This is the person that you're allowing to manage all your finances and other collections for her, five, 50. And other collections for her, this is probably, is this another repo, 5,267? - No, so that one is actually another eviction. - You've had two evictions. - And you let her run the finances. This is incredible. - The four of me, I figured out about this one here recently that it's still there. - It was before you, so you've had two Verizon collections, five, 87, 85, more collections, seven, 73. You guys might break a record in terms of amount of collections. And yet, you are letting her run this. Three, 89 in that collections. Okay, that's the end of the debt. There's no debt on the current car. The current car was a Facebook marketplace car. - Take Ash for that. - How much? - 2000, well, it was 2000, but he dropped it down to 89. - That's why you've had a borrow. So we talked about it before, right? - We talked it down to 12. - 1200. - So that's why you've had to put thousands into it, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, I think we put up. - We've already paid like 8,000 on the car, just having it in the shop. - Guys, this is why we get a 10,000 hour car. We don't get a 2,000 hour Dave Ramsey car. It doesn't work. - Yeah, we got that car. He showed me bills that he just got out of the shop. This is in that. I think it lasted two days before something got thrown out of the oil pan. - I don't even remember what it was. - Okay, checking to count. Start with a dollar. That's where we are. And even though it started with a dollar, we got a Venet machine, Venet machine, pinkies, going in and getting some bullshit. Getting some bullshit, getting some bullshit. Little Caesars, bullshit, smunkers, or wasis, bullshit. Hampton and, yeah, but you're buying like food there. Hampton and buying food there. Can't pack a sandwich, apparently. Taco Bell, get us a bullshit, expect a game pass. Get us a bullshit. Domino's, Sunday's sizzle. Out, West, fun ways. Come in and get your, uh, tech, Korea. Get us a bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, smokers, the wasis, bullshit. - I sure want to say all this shit is on my card. But remember how she said she doesn't use a card without asking me first. She does go out and get food on that card. - No, I don't. - Bullshit, smokers, the wasis, burrito. - All this stuff is beauty. - Not working. Sally's not me. - Spotify music, all subs, vape shop. - Sending out money, $200. Who even knows what that one? - There's some interesting things. - All the second best food bills. - Bullshit. - That's not me going out. - Can it's bake center? Bullshit, bullshit. - Like I probably get, go out and eat. - Peacock wants some out there. Bullshit, water burger, H-T-O. - What are you talking about? - Smokers away from the wasis. - No more, no more eating out. - You said no more, you're no more eating out. - No more spending, and I want a burger. - King that one day, for lunch. - Did you not know this? - No, no, I wasn't. - No, what? - Everyone would be excited about this if they knew this. What the fuck, what is wrong with you guys? What is wrong with you guys? - What are you looking at? - This is what happens in West Texas. Feetfinder.com. - Do you want to tell them about that one? - I made an account. - No, this is spending money. - Yeah, no, so her little friend talker and she's making an account. Oh, I didn't find any, there was nothing posted on there, but I found the account, 'cause I was looking for something, something actually important. - My cousin just passed away, so he was looking for, I don't know what-- - Just full story, her cousin passed away, so I'm digging through her phone, 'cause I'm trying to help out. I'm like, let me find where we're supposed to be going, so I can book hotels, see how much money we need to drive down there this and that. And I start going through the friend's messages, 'cause she's best friends with her. She tells her (beep) things, so I'm like, here's the info that I'm gonna need. And then I find back and forth talks about Feetfinder. I'm like, I told her we're not doing this. I'm not married to someone who's telling her (beep) funny, so I find these accounts. I look it up, since I log into it, 'cause I figured out the email in the password. So I log in and then it sticks me behind a paywall before I can delete the account. - You were searching for her. No, I found her account. - You were searching for me. - What is wrong with you? - It was searching for me. It was, it was a-- - My cousin died, let me start doing-- - No, no, no, so-- - That's a new grief. - So my friend, she kept telling me about Feetfinder's and I kept telling her, no, but then eventually the talk between me and her was like, all right, fine. - Guys, I am gonna go through her phone in the poster. Now I just have to, there's shit. I, listen, the fact that you only found that out by going through text messages to find something, I'm going through her phone. And again, we're calling her Frank, 'cause one of them is a (beep) liar about all this shit, but whatever. Wow, no savings, no retirement to speak of. You're in your 30s. That's bad. That is not good. Yeah. Me too, girl. Me too. You're gonna say you have 3,000 hours even though you couldn't tell me like an actual (beep) gum, eight or nine, plus your 600. Total household income is $4,409. Your debt minimum to payments, luckily, for you, most of its collections, unlikely, I hope they sue your ass and get it garnished, but 367. What's your rent? - It was at 16,000. - Even? - 16,000. - Okay, utilities, internet, all that combined. Utilities, we pay $70 a month. - The water's included with the property, so we just pay for electric. And electric usually follows about $70. - That's insane. - Internet? - Internet's part of our phone bill. - 349. - Your phone bill is 349? - Yes. - That's what the three lines, plus the internet. - What are we carrying? - Gas from from drive drive, how much? - $50 every two weeks. - Yeah, I don't wanna say about that. - That's it? - Every two weeks. - We'll cause car insurance. But, there was 254 full coverage. Now we're paying 83 for livery. - A month? That's it. - A month, yep. - What the? - Necessary food. It's a big household. This is cooking. - We can usually get away with like that. - You go out to eat. Shut up. You don't know what you can get away with. You guys, with this household, the one year old's on food now, right? - Yeah. - It was 800. You're meal prep and you're warming up food. You're cooking it only a few times a week and then there's lots of repeats. Teepee fun, anything else for you to exist in the kids and tampons and diapers and school activities, $200 for the dollars. The act that what it goes to changes on a monthly basis for that's a good baseline. Medical health care, there are copays on a monthly basis. - Copays, no, I think we got there. - Is there a gym? - No. - Subscriptions, I'll give 100 bucks. You have any pets? - Three dogs. My life. How much for pet supplies? 150 for pet insurance. So you don't do that borrowing thing again. - Yeah. - How much for pet supplies? - We buy 80 dollars worth of dog food a month. Anything else that needs to be in this budget that I have not put in this budget? - No. - Yeah, I mean, you guys survive. I mean, not by a lot. You have an extra 400 dollars on a monthly basis but with that 400 dollars, guys. You pay off a thousand hour loan in a couple months. You pay off the moving loan in a few months. And then minimum depayments on the student loans, your student loans, not your moms. Then we're paying back your parents as quick as we can. Then we're settling on the, I mean, you'll be out of actually important debt that are not family debt in like less than a year. And then family debt that'll take a while. That'll be a grind. - Well, that's okay. You can come out to a low minimum depayment with them and pay them back in a couple years. And besides that, you're just, yes, more is going to your needs than I would want but you're gonna immediately improve your qualifications and get a better job. Then at that point, you guys are 50, 30, 20. 50% on needs, what you can do. Easily, once she gets a better job, even without her getting a better job, you pay this off a less than a year. Then you need to just negotiate per collection or just hope they don't sue you. Then yeah, 30% on fun, 20% on investing 'cause you guys gotta catch up. It's actually really not that difficult. 'Cause right now, if you actually budget and stop bullshitting around, you can pay off all the important debt, the bad debt that isn't the family debt. Pretty quickly. All right, guys, folks, that's gonna be wild. I'm gonna go through a phone or more importantly, we're gonna call the friends and see who the, 'cause of lying about this situation that happened two weeks ago. 'Cause one of them is, and, I don't know, we'll see what that leads to. It's always crazy though. Let's get the hammer financial score first. Spending in a budget, you're overspending zero to 10 debt. There's collections, zero to 10. Emergency fund. There's nothing zero to 10. I'm in retirement, nothing. Real estate, nothing. Yeah, that one's easy. Zero to 10. But get yours at Calebhammer.com for free. Now join us in the financial audit post show in extra 20 minutes where always the craziest stuff happens. It's a part of our Hammer Elite membership where you get three premium high quality shows just like this one every single day, six days a week. You can join right here on YouTube. Right, click on that join button or link below or you can go off platform at the hammer lead app or hammer lead.com. It's the same membership on both. We just want to give you more options. I'll see you in the post show. Ladies and gentlemen, they think they're smart. They're not smart. Oh, one day ago, 262 messages with deleted. What did you delete? What the hell is this guy you deleted a message with? Who's this person you deleted a message with? Are you able to pull any of that stuff back up? Come back and do all of them. Welcome to Ow Week Ow! Are you excited? Yes, I am. We have a special week only for Hammer Elite members. We have seven girls coming in for a pop the balloon challenge. I wanted to give Ow a little present with my three D's. Wow, we're eating your last meal on this week's Fat and Fatter. We're also going to be doing our break down and off topic. Honestly, I feel like. If you think you have interesting finances, with an interesting personality, or a story, or a life or relationship, I will personally pay you to take time off of work, fly you down to Austin, get you personal transportation, a hotel, food, and we'll have a great time hanging out. Go to katelapamber.com/apply or click that link in the description below.