Fiji w/ Brendan Sagalow | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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Pretty good. Pretty good. I like it. You know what? I have to avoid what? The letter after O and, and the letter after S. Whereas you can just, just say, oh, I go. That's a, that's up. That must be nice. Yeah, that feels nice. It feels nice to be free. You had me fucking doing the alpha bed. I was like, ABCD of G, G, G, K, L, O, P. What, um, yeah, here we are at Fiji. Here we are. Where are we going today? We're in Fiji right now. Bula, everybody. Welcome to you. We're tripping everybody. It's a travel podcast every week. We go to a different place. It's with a guy who's been there. And once in a while, if I want less downloads, a girl has been there. That's great. Do you find that? Do you find that if you have a woman in the pot? Is that like a true statement that there will be less downloads? It's, it's YouTube is a male site. I don't know. I don't know if it's any deviousness to it. YouTube is a male site. That's what I think. Well, there just really aren't any female comedians that people want to watch. Like, like, even at the highest, like, who is the highest female comedian right now? Maybe Schumer is the highest grossing of all time. Yeah, which is insane. You know, emphasis on gross. But like, it's also insane that like, there aren't any. There aren't any. The show was on top for a while. Kiersten is like. Yeah, but she's like, but she's like, she's like underground on top. She's not like, Chappelle Rock, even the short one. Ellen, maybe, but like, she's not a stand-up anymore. No, but I love the way there was an episode of her show before she got outed for being a legitimate boss. Yeah, a boss. No, I don't talk to on my underlings. Yeah. No, get out of the way. I'm worth millions for me getting to my office faster. Helps you get paid. Yeah. Yeah. It's almost like, it's almost better if we just talked about the talk show hosts that aren't assholes. Like that, which there's only really one Conan, maybe, maybe Conan, maybe Conan, but all the rest of them, they're running shows every single day. It's crazy. They have to want to show every single day. You don't think they're going to be like a little on edge. It's crazy, but my favorite one was she had a, who's a chick. She was one of the Disney girls. She, and then she became a star, but she was like more adult than Britney Spears. Who? Christina Aguilara. Yes. And she came in and she was wearing this kind of local shirt and she was, she had just had a baby. So she had all this breasts milk pushing it out. Yeah. And she comes in and sits down and just really pray if you could find it, guys, find it. And she just, so let's say you be Christina Aguilara and Ellen sits and she goes, so you're a mom. That rule. It was for the, it was for the the gag or what you actually was like, wow, those gazongers. And I like, I like gas. Yeah. Christina Aguilara has been is still hot, I think, too. Yeah. Because she seems obtainable now to me. Like, I feel like I could just gone down some. Yeah. I also feel like we're the same age. It's like that Louie Geogrey talking about Britney Spears. He's like, when I was, he's like, when I was 30, Britney Spears was 18 and now we're both 40 years old. That's it. That's kind of like what it feels like with Christina Aguilara. Brandon, I got to be honest with you. This is the mistake doing this in Fiji. Yeah. Let's fly back. Let's fly back. Let's, let's cut this. Let's go out and have some fresh, I don't know, boy. Lolo, Lolo, fish Lolo. Okay. And then we'll do the rest of this at home once we've been, once we've returned. And I'm actually just going to, I'm not feeling like I'm going to hotel on your experience. Nothing. So you can tell me all of it. Okay. Great. All right. Fuck this. Where you been and where you going. This is our race travel show. Yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is like, it's still very, like, like, I still remember it. Like it was three years ago. Perfect. Yeah. So tell me about it. I should go tell me all about it. And then I'll ask questions. So my, my girlfriend writes for love Island. Okay. Right. We won't say much. Please, please welcome Brandon. No. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hi, everybody. Welcome to UB tripping. It's a travel podcast. Hey, I have a new race to stay. I'm going to hear it. Yeah. Okay. Then we'll get into it. Yes. And we'll go to Fiji when you're in your restaurant. And it's just like the noise level is too loud. Yeah. And you can't hear the person you're going to date with. Like music or people. People talking. Okay. So the cafeteria is something. Remember at high school people. Right. You know, right. Okay. And everyone starts talking over each other. Yeah. The one you're talking over is Asians. Yeah. Really start noticing. That's interesting. It's not that they're screaming. It's that their vocal range is of a shriller. It just hits where everyone has to talk over them. Right. And when they leave, everyone goes back down. Look. Right. So regular conversation. There is something that's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to definitely notice that more. But I have been noticing. And I love Asians as much as the next guy. Sure. But I've also noticed, I think they might be the most annoying of the races. And we're all annoying in our own way. Sure. But I think they're a little bit more. They're the most annoying. We're all annoying. But I think they are the most annoying in what way. Just in ways where you're like, you know, when you're sitting on the subway and there's just a tiny little spot next to you in a person that could fit a person. Uh huh. But I think most people are like, I'm not even going to bother sitting there. I'm just going to. I'll just stand. Asians will sit there. They will squeeze right in. They won't say, excuse me. They will just get in. It's never been another type of person. All right. Let me ask you another question. Yeah. Who is the least likely to move over for you to like your, your, your, you know, this is the line of the subway, but you're like here, when you're alone, you can be as wise one. And then we see it's kind of packed. Asians will move over. Sure. I think Indians will move over. You know what the answer is. I know the answer is I'm just getting, I'm getting to it. Okay. And what genre specifically of, I think a black woman, I think black woman would never move over for you. And if you're like, excuse like it's a 35 people standing and that's going to be a problem. Excuse me like, it will be a problem. Yes. Yes. Which I understand, dude, there's sometimes you ever look at somebody. I was never a slave. Like they were in 2025. Of course, don't get up the seat. We're even an Asian person. I do sometimes who definitely didn't know the slaves here and neither does forefathers. Sometimes I will look at, I'll look at somebody doing something that annoys me and go, would I do that? Do I get that? Yeah. And that I do get because when someone sits down next to me and like squeezes in, I have that, like I'll roll my eyes and be like, I wish I could say something right now. And a black woman would, she'd be like, excuse me. We all need a little Patrice in us. Yeah. I wish I had that. Patrice was an amazing black woman. Oh, fucking, you know what you're doing. Yeah. It's very, it's like a black woman, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, yeah. Sometimes I wish I just had that, like the, just the blackness of saying something. Yeah. That would be nice. It's really great. Do you ever do this where you like, get mad at somebody and realize, oh, I do the same show. You're going to mushroom thought of, like, oh my god. Yes. I mean, I'm the king of that. I, if somebody holds a, if I hold a door for someone and they don't say thank you, I go, what a piece of shit. I just held a door for you. But on the other end of that, if someone holds a door for me and I don't say thank you and they get that feeling, I go, yeah, held a door. Yeah, relax. Yeah, relax. Yeah. You held a door. Thank you. I could have - I've opened this door myself. - Yeah, I was actually looking forward to it. Yeah, yeah you took that away from me. Yeah, you stole this away from me And now I have to keep going and I'll be late Yeah, I had one where someone's coming to the wrong was driving someone's coming on a bike lane on Avenue B See so it's both ways there's bike lanes. Yeah, and I'm driving he's coming this way And I'm looking behind me in the river to see if this bike's coming. Yeah, I start to go I'm like oh Dude, yeah, and then he was he went I like go and then he was like kind of blocking like some other fuckers going the wrong way I felt like hitting him. Yeah, I felt like I'm just gonna hit you. Oh, yeah, and whatever and then my friend was like have you ever done that? I'm like no, no, here's a deal. I've done it for a couple blocks. This guy did it for two full blocks That's crazy, dude. That's crazy. I mean, I'll I am this way with everything I think I mean if I was on the bike I would be like relax Relax, right? I'm on a bike. Yeah relax. You can kill me. I saw you but if I was in the car It's literally everything if I'm in a car and someone speeds by me. I'm like look at this fucking asshole Where do you have to go you asshole, but then if I'm behind someone who's moving too slow I'm like come on. I got places to be what we gotta do is get an Asian woman and I'm sorry black woman and an Asian man with just under one seat and let yeah That's like the new Roman Coliseum. You just let them in and you go figure this. Well fucking you stop Asian hate Yeah, I'm hot right now I did see once on a subway. This was months and months ago, but it happened this year where like Kind of that situation where an Asian guy tried to There was a group of black women. Okay, so it was like what would you call that? You know how they have like it's like a I don't know I guess a I Don't know um-hmm ladies or something like that. I don't know. I was I open my Don't call it, but he said when you get four or five like 38 to 48-year-old white women together. That's a shardonnay of women I love calling when I see two women talking all like that I know I'll walk up to them and I go what do you hands clucking about? It's the best thing. It's so funny. They're like what cuz that's exactly what they're doing They're two fucking hands going But I did see on the train a an Asian guy squeezed in next to a murder of black women. Yeah, and Stand off a black woman. Yeah, and they they were like They were just they were gonna beat the shit out of this guy. They were like how did you like shit like that He was just like put his little headphones in and nobody was gonna save him. I wouldn't know. Yeah I feel that way though sometimes. I'm like should I say something? Should I be like guys? Come on? We're all just trying to yeah Get along. That's a good guy. That's how you get fucking shot. Yeah, that's how the guys out of the end of us stand by me spoiler Oh really? Yeah, he broke up a fight and they got something like I need to stab around you Oh my god show it. Hey everybody. I'm breaking this day's episode to let you know a little bit about the guest Brendan Sackler. He's an all-timer. You guys he's a great He's one of the fucking true joys of New York City's comedy is running into Brenda on a club and saying Remember we used to drink Good times and plenty of bad ones. Brendan Sackler has a podcast You should all listen to called sack daddy to pod. I'm on episode 18. That's high High is a magical Jewish number that means life No 18. Yeah Brendan also is a touring comedian. You can catch all his dates at punchup.lives slash Brendan Sackler catches a Special thin lips on YouTube at Brendan Sackler and his Instagram at Brendan Sackler as well And his website W. W. It should be Da da da it's slash slash W. W. W. Brendan Sackler dot com He's gonna be torn. Oh, I should fucking Say his dates Indianapolis Atlanta Damn, I got to find them all actually In the meantime while I go up and look Fucking hate these long shorts. Why are you? To subscribe right now where every watch you're listening to hit the like button hit the like button everybody. It'll help me Get new subscribers And just overall bring you a better product More subscribers more views means better guests Let me get Brenda's fucking dates Also my t-shirt you've been tripping t-shirt right at the bottom of the screen YouTuber on Spotify wherever you're watching or listening Catch yourself a you've been tripping t-shirt Okay Brendan Sackler Instagram, but it's like a sag daddy to pod. Oh, he's also on fart carnival a new podcast With my cannon Olden fat is what they should call it because one looks old and one looks fat I've never let up Indianapolis this weekend March 12 through 14th at helium this weekend everybody get tickets at punchup dot Lie slash Brendan Sackler goodnight to Raleigh May 7 through the 9th the counterweight brooding company joke there I'm not gonna make it May 15th and Helium comedy club in Atlanta, Georgia may 20 seconds. Oh, it's a helium and Atlanta now finally you need to be a club there They need to be a club there ever since the punchline Shut down everybody in Atlanta goes to port that fucking club Go support Brendan may 22nd through 24th. How much do you fear? I'm a Fiji just exploring to see if what he was saying is true or not and so far I've seen almost no lies from Brendan Sackler. Hey, you might have thin lips. Oh Wait, that's what Who's the guy from the Bucking ears the quarterback and goes he's got Big lips Like the way it meant big lips means you lie a lot And then it was like I mean it's a black guy you're talking about And he's like, I mean he does have big lips, but that's not what I'm that's not what I mean Do you see a big nose? Might have said a big nose, but he wasn't talking about juice. So I don't know. I don't know guys. Let's get back to Fiji So my girlfriend works on Lava today's episode is about Fiji the guest today is a notable podcaster rapper and comedian Sackler who wrote it is from the sack daddy pot the pod. I would have said comedian podcaster and rapper. I should have said rapper rapper well known rapper. Well, well, you said podcaster and I went, oh man. I might do something wrong First let me do it again today's episode is today's guest is a well known rapper. No, plus a great stand-up comedian and podcaster sometimes I know you know what the thing is about podcasting, which is so funny. It's like sometimes it's gonna suck Like we do it so many times that you're like I don't feel it today. Yeah, you go. I'm yeah, and I don't care and it's gonna suck This is not my dream, but today is not that day. It's been fun today. It's not that day. Why'd you go to Fiji? So my girlfriend writes on love Island That's cool. Yeah, she works with that dude eat in sterling who you know he's Is he has he done one of these? Yeah, okay. Has he done Fiji? Let's but no, Denmark go on again. Oh, let's look behind the curtain It Has come out by now Yeah, dude you have 54 that are in the chamber. Yeah, it's like you don't know who's come out. Yeah If somebody's like when the public says hits up up and they go hey, can they go on? They want to promote the thing like no Yeah, I've got the next six weeks, but yeah, you go I yeah, I just got Changerine is especially I mean you have 54 weeks already openings this stuff, but if someone's got a special You get you get first dips. Yeah, exactly and then if they're like they're like want to rob load of command Like can you guarantee he's on next week? Yeah, I'm like it's rock low. What if it's a bad episode? It's right Oh, you know what you can do though? Yeah, yeah, and then if it's not good just bury it Yeah, and it bury it and also if the if there is PR team or as publicist is like hey, you said that was gonna come out that week You go, yeah, but I I lied. Yeah, I lied. It sucked or sorry. I had a tactical Sumi sumi sumi remember sumi remember when people would say sumi sumi Is this recording? Yeah, I want to bring that back. Check that one. Yeah, make sure. Oh, yeah, I want to bring back sumi Nice. Yeah sumi be good. Sumi. Oh, yeah Well, you got some of these retro ones was Roblo cool. I saw him doing a couple of hot fucking cool He seems cool. Yeah, yeah, why is as big as he is did he come in with anybody? You know some people come in with like I was guys, but he was like hey, do you mind if I change in your I mean change in the other room And it was like disgusting back there not an inkling of like yeah, yeah, yeah so fucking down to earth Yeah, and I was like he's like I actually love traveling. It's one of the funnest things I do Yeah, it's gonna be one I'm doing just for press Wow, so he was just like that and that was like the first day you guys met full attention And I was like I told his people. I was like hey, just so you know, I don't know if he's done these before. Yeah If you say anything he says he doesn't like is not like a trap me think of anything That come up that he wants out. We'll just cut it. Yeah, no like you don't know about that Well, he's just a tiger rally. So don't worry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm like, oh, okay He was talking how much better podcasts are than late night shows. Yes These some of these guys though like they're they're putting their foot into they're dipping their toes into our podcast world, which there are podcast worlds that are very close to the late night where they're like, they're not going to say some fucked up shit just for a laugh. They're not going to like, you know, try to go you and the shit and all that stuff. But then once you start getting into like the stand up scene podcast world, it almost feels like, are you, are you sure like not to be like, not like I'm like, we're so dangerous. But it's just like, we're going to rank race and gender based on who you want to stick next to on the subway, sit there quietly while we do it, but you really should join this. Right. Yeah. This is not going to be on fucking whole bear. Yeah, exactly. This is some like career ruining shit. You might sweat a little bit. Yeah. Was he like that at all? Was he like, did you? But you must have been kind of censoring yourself a little bit. You're like a little where he's like, I'm with Rob Lowe, that was Sagalow. Yeah. I got grew up it. But also I would make some jokes. Yeah. But it was to fucking care about politics, I would change your life at all, I got to pretend he's an L.A. guy. Right. Also, he did all the coke in Los Angeles. Right. There was no coke left for two years because Rob Lowe. Is that true? Or you're making a joke. Is that true? Oh, okay. But he did it all. He fucked everybody. Yeah. He fucked every star of that. And you want to be like, oh, you're like this adult. But he's like, no, he was in the Brad back. Yeah, you almost forget he was this like badass dude because he's such a straight-laced sober guy now. Yeah. Same as Brendan Sagalow, well-known rapper and broadcaster comedian Brendan Sagalow. He went to fucking Fiji. Yeah. Let's get back to it. Yeah, it's great. No, no, no. It's great. I mean, is this like your old podcast where this could go on as long as we won or are you trying to like, okay, okay. But also, look. Yeah. So, my girlfriend writes her love island. Okay. Biggest show in the world right now. Is it really? Everybody is talking. I mean, whenever this comes out, maybe next year, who knows? No, no. Fiji could have could not even exist next year, right? I love how you talk to me to into Trump. It's gonna all be gone. Yeah, yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. That is a Trump could turn Fiji into his own personal chucky cheese or something. Yeah. Which is not. I don't really, okay. So, I'm like, yeah. You go, okay. It's probably gonna be fine now. Yeah. I'm sure the 400 islands of Fiji are gonna survive. They'll be taken first. Donald Trump. Yeah. Yeah. So, she writes for love island. So she has to go there. It kind of sucks to be honest. Like, I wouldn't want to do that. So love island is, if this is Australia, right? So Fiji is, it's around Australia. It's gotta be in between, right? Oh, here it is. Fiji. Fiji islands. Yeah, the Fiji islands. Or Fiji islands. Fiji islands. Yeah. Fiji islands. Fiji islands. Vanua level. La Bucca. Where'd you go? I went to, I have no idea to be honest. So here it is. I do not remember. I just remember being in Fiji. Wow. Look how nowhere it is. It is nowhere, dude. It's the farthest I've ever gone. So she was, she's there for two months, right? And it is kind of boring. You know, the food is kind of awful. It's, it's, there's not much to do. Like try spending two months at a resort, which sounds nice, but you're like, how many times can you go to the beach? That's the problem. Right. Where this is at a fucking map. It's nowhere. It's nowhere. It's in the middle of fucking. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah. You know what I think? Okay, go ahead. I'll talk about it later. So. So we're talking and she was like, would you want to come visit me? Which is like, yes. I would definitely want to come visit you. But also, I am. This sounds like when you're, I know you already go from an boyfriend, but this sounds like she's going to want to fuck. Yeah. You go. Yeah. Of course. Yes. She doesn't fuck me over this. I'm crazy. I've been together for a year at this point. And it's not like she was pressuring me, but it's like, what a bonus. Can I pause and say, kudos to you because it's a long trip. And I know it's like, that means you want to make for a hotel room, I assume. No, she's already got it. She's got it. So it's like, but a lot of people go, I don't know. It's far. It's so far. And, and they just wouldn't do it. I got spots. You know a lot of comics wouldn't do it. Yes. But so I'm, as far as spots go, it's the longest I've ever taken off. And probably like six years, seven years, like I've taken time off. Like, you know, I'll have not have a spot for a day, and I'll just take the day off. But as far as 10 days, I was like, I don't have any, I'm not doing any comedy for 10 fucking days. Yeah. And there is a weird feeling, like, I mean, I'm pretty secure. No, that's a lot. And all that stuff. But there is a feeling of like, they're going to forget about me, you know, which I, you know, I couldn't, I expressed to her like an idiot and she was like, 'cause she's a standup too. And she's like, yeah, I'm gone for two months. You know, like, what are you talking about? There's a massive need to complain to someone who's got it worse. Yeah. And I, that I'm the queen of that. I do that all the fucking time. I'm always complaining about something that someone has worse. That's somebody explaining about privileges. Yeah. And a, and a very, not judgey way. It's just like white college chick from, from Jacksonville. And she was like, it's when you complain about how it rained on your trip to Fiji, or something like that, to someone who can't afford to go there. Yes. And it's not racial. Yeah. And she'll just say it's like cl, whatever, monetary. Yeah. And you realize, as you're saying, it's like, oh, I'm not taking into account they could never go. Yeah. The poor. Yeah. Yeah. And so you're like, just to realize your privilege and check it a little bit. You're lacking empathy. Yeah. A saying how it was bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I am, I'm like, I'll, I'll, I've had everything up with like, I'm so lucky to go. I'm a lucky person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it rained. Which sucks. But, you know, I'm not complaining. I'm not complaining. You got to do that a lot. Yeah. Um. So she was like, do you want to go? And I'm actually like, as I'm getting older, I am starting to like be more afraid of things. Like I've sworn off roller coasters. Um, I'm not ever going on a roller coaster ever again, unless it's like something small and whatever. I don't enjoy them anymore. Hate them. I hate them. I almost pass out. I almost pass out. Yeah. You look at these videos of those guys doing like the, uh, the, the, the, what's that thing called where you like get in a thing and then it like shoots you off and you go like, but you have all those videos of the camera right there. Yeah. Some of those videos are kind of hot too because the girls will be wearing like nothing and then their tits are coming out. The tits are smashed out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's like a, a wake. Like people jerk off to that. Yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. Not me. But. I'll, like, you watch roller coasters. No, I never do it. Uh, you, you, which actually I am kind of slowing down on jerking off too. I'm like, it's all just becoming old. I'm just becoming like, I've heard a thing about jerking off about porn. Yeah. They go, it takes away your imagination in a way that you're not even sexualized by it. You're like, give me the input I need to do this. Yes. And there's nothing. Yes. When you hook up with a new chick, you're like, I don't know exactly what this tits are going to look like. I don't know. I don't know. You don't know what you're just going to sound like. Exactly. Exactly. And then when you uncover, it's just like, oh, you've got to like a little pop out. Oh, yeah. You have a flat net. But whatever. Yeah. And it's like you're discovering. Now it's just, this is what you need to fucking brave new world it. Right. You can look up exactly what you want. Yeah. And it's not that it's easy. It's just that there's, it's not even sexual. It's just okay. It does. It takes it out of you. I mean, like, you know, like I, yeah, because I'll, I find myself if I'm jerking off too much, I'm like, I'm not like, yeah, I'm not like sexting my girlfriend or anything as much. You know what I mean? I'm like, I got to stop doing this. And my therapist is, oh, wait, I never even like, I did a joke about this. But I'm like, and he, he's always like, you got to stop jerking off. And I'm like, yeah, I'm like, I never came to you about jerking off. Like, I don't know why you keep thinking that I'm jerking off so much. I'm thinking about me jerking off. But he's kind of right. He's like nailing it on the head. So, but I am scared, so I'm, I'm like, I'm, I am getting scared of planes. I've never been like a, I've never been like a scared of planes guy. Scared of planes? About going down? Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Pretty much the only thing you could be afraid of with a plane. All right. Yes. Sitting next to somebody. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I was terrified. Can you move your back off? I see. She goes, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so sorry. I'll just stand. I will. Yeah. I'll, I'll, I'll just stand in the cockpit. Hey guys, today's episode of human tripping is brought to you by Cash app. Guys, if you get your phone stolen, where I am in these countries I'm visiting, you're going to lose your shirt. Do you get it? Do you get the matter for? Lose your shirt. I have no shirt on. Yeah. If you're listening, you might not get it. But if you're watching, you'll get it. Someone's lost their shirt. I've known it legitimately. Probably seven people who are their phone stolen in Brazil. It's like, it's like, they're Olympics. They're stealing people's money. They watch you. They watch you if you put your phone in your pocket. Oh, it's gone. It's already gone. But what's going to happen after it's gone? Your security deserves to be your priority and Cash app treats it that way. 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Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. - Hey guys, you know who's cool? - That's right. - We're all thinking the same guy, Arnold Schwarzenegger. - Some of you might have the wrong answer here. - No, it's not 'cause he had sex with his maid and had a child with her and raised him as if he was his full blooded marriage child. It's 'cause while he was dealing with all of these, he was smoking a cigar. So, Arnold Schwarzenegger smokes a cigar. He's one of the cover of cigar-efficient auto. You're new to it. Woo, that's hot. To turn him on. Well, that's where cigar's international comes into play. They have the largest selection, unbeatable prices and customer service, experience, a second and none. Whether you're new to cigar, or not. Whether you're new to cigars, or a seasoned, aficionado. Cigars international takes and joins cigars, makes them easy, approachable, and fun. And now, they're offering free everyday shipping on cigars international. No co-dominums. Cigars international is a go-to really for all, retailer for all things cigars. Biggest selection. I love 'em. Gone, go, he was out of them. Use my code Trippin at checkout for 20% off your order of $50 or more, or visit cigarsinternational.com, www.cigarsinternational.com/trippin and the discount will automatically apply. But it's a solid gift and a solid pickup. I will say this about Asians, though. On planes, they're very aware of surroundings and annoying people, I think. They're very like, they're a little bit better on that. Interesting. Which I don't understand. They wear the mask, which is nice. You're not going to cough on me. Yes, yes, yes. They're going to clip your jaw nails on me. On the way back from Fiji, there was a guy next to me that was like, and I was like, oh, fuck, this guy's getting me sick. But anyway, but he didn't thank God. So, but I go, but I go, yes, of course, and we split the ticket, actually. It was like a $1200 ticket, yeah, and we just split it. We were like, 'cause she was like, you're coming from, you know, you're coming to visit me. I need it. She's like, I need company. I need company. Who was she there with at this time? What's her writing staff? So it's three people. It's her, this guy, Steve and then Ian. But Steve is there. Ian is in, he's not even there. Now, he's him and Steve are working remote from different places. So she's the only one. She's in this little office. Oh, so it's just her. It's just her and Fiji. I mean, they have about 400 staff members that are there. But she's like, you know, she's not really hanging out much with them. Like, she's just kind of like wakes up, she's bored. She's bored, yeah. So it's like, we'll go there. We'll, we'll, whatever we'll have fun. So she was like, I'll pay for half of it. I'm like, OK, that's great. Yeah. So, but leading up to it, would you mind if I drink a beer while you do this? No, of course. That's not triggering for me at all. You keep talking about this. Do you have any NAs? Yeah, let me check. Let's get an NA going. Nice. I had some or a water at least. I don't know if I threw it out. Let's hope for that didn't. Yeah, I got an NA. Yes. The best action. You're on Bex, you want a class taller, dry hop. Dealers choice. I'm going to, I'm going to let you a taste test. I'll take both of them. Yeah, I'm going to let you do both. There's also, oh, OK. I'm going to do two as well. Polaner and a, oh, yeah, buddy. Oh, yeah, we got some fucking, let me see. Yeah. This rules. That's a Bex. That's a class taller. Well, I heard that is the best one. Oh, really? Yeah, I can get a bottle open, all right? Oh, it's a twist off, right? Yeah. Yeah. Or, well, let me see. Yeah, get a bottle open. But the problem is, I actually, I have one on my keys. Oh, but my keys might be out there. OK. Buy your stove. Possibly? Yep. Oh, hell yeah, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very few guests come with this level of helpmanship. Do you have a chief right now? Well, enjoy that class taller. Yeah, I'm going to have a Polaner. I might get to this clue, but I actually might be drinking one right now in Ecuador. Hell yeah. This looks awesome. Well, you know, even my fear with everything started coming after I stopped drinking. Because I was like, I don't want to get healthy. I want to-- I just want to be like, oh, that's nice, dude. That's great. You're in a hot day. I know. I'm not January Day. I know, dude. Yes, January Day, whenever this comes out, yeah. Oh, one of those hot February days, man. Merry Christmas. I'm so done. We got away from the cold and into the PJs. Yeah, I can't believe Trump killed JD Vance. Dude, can I tell you what I overheard on the way here? Walking back from the-- Is this real or is this not real? OK, real. Older man, 65 to 75. Harvard hat. Go on the phone, holding it. That's crazy, because literally it just talked to-- That's crazy, because literally I just talked to Mike Pence this morning. Whoa. That's crazy. Imagine he's like, oh, shit, that's Harry Shafir. I don't know what to talk about this. Yeah, I got to be cool. Bro, I'm going to talk to him. I literally just talked to Hillary Clinton. Because yeah, he's like, he says someone that doesn't exist. I literally just talked to Rocky Balboa today. Oh, that's really cool, a little-- No, pouchy. Pouch. You can hold two. Yeah, but I'm like, so I'm like, that's why, you know, I'm not really doing any hallucinogens anymore. I'm like, I'm just kind of trying to like-- You're getting older and fearful. Yeah. It's not, where that happens to a lot of people. They start getting upset about kids out doing this stuff. I know. But they were doing 10 years earlier. I have that thing that's like, what's that called? It's like, I always want to say messofilioma, but it's not that. It's like that thing we're like-- Faggotry. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly-- Oh, yes. Oh, that is gross. That's what it is. I have suck dickless. No, I have like a thing where when there sounds, it irritates me. Like, so fucking bad. So I totally get it. Things are-- my ears are becoming more sensitive. Yeah. Anyway, so I have like-- So, you know, and eating-- So your fear of planes. You don't want to get it. I have a fear of planes now. I mean, not too bad. You still got to ride them. But like, also, just not even the fear of it going down, but like, you're on it for-- So the trip to Fiji is-- I've had to take a three or-- like a three hour, 40 minute flight to Dallas. And then from Dallas-- That already is, like, kind of annoying. And you've done nothing. It's so annoying. You're like, you've done nothing. Four hours? Yeah, I've done nothing. I've like, this isn't even the beginning of the trip. We're like-- and on those flights, they barely give you food and water. They're just like-- And I was in the back row. So my seat couldn't go back. And I was just like, it was brutal. Then from Dallas, I flew to-- it was a 13-hour flight. That's tough. 13 hours. Over night, it got to be. Or 16. One of the-- Yeah. It doesn't matter at that point, you just go like crazy. Yeah, you don't need most of them. That's why I don't take edibles on flights anymore. Because I took an edible one, and I woke up. And I was just like, how long have we been on this? I really flipped out. The chairs are very tiny for me, too. So I'm like, I have to sit like this. And I'm like, it was brutal. No edibles? No edibles. I take melatonin. To sleep. Yeah. And even that-- Sure, sure. But I'm like, I want to get fucked up for a good five hours. And that's in the past a lot of the time. I know. Maybe if I took like a 10 milligram or something, something small. But I just didn't even want to risk it. I didn't want to like-- You don't want to get the sweats and spits. Yeah, because-- Oh, fuck. Exactly. So like, that's my armrest. Yeah, sorry. I actually did sit next to a big black woman who was taking the armrest. She had like, she like fucking took it. And I was like, OK, because I was in the aisle. So I was just like, all right, I'll just be in the aisle. I don't care. But I did the aisle on purpose so that I could stand up and I could stretch. Small enough. But even like the fear of like, OK, if I take an edible best case scenario, I feel great. You know, worst case scenario, I'm having a fucking nightmare. Full panic attack. Full panic attack. I'm vomiting on the plane or some shit. So I was like, I'm not even going to fuck with that. So I-- but you know, you've taken a flight this long, right? Have you taken a 13 hour? They got it all figured out. You-- They lower the lights. They lower the lights. Yes. Slowly. So it's like a sunset. So it's like, yeah, slowly. The promise is-- Biggie and dinner before that, too. I'm not ready to sleep yet. Yeah. But then they're like, can I do some other thing on it? And they're like, bro? Yeah, you can't do that. Yeah. There's actually-- But it's 10 p.m. I know. I'm not going to sleep for five hours. I know. I know. There was actually a button on the chair ahead of me that you could turn your light on. But it wouldn't turn it back off. So you had to like, reach over and turn it off. So like, I accidentally pressed that and went like, boom. And I had to like, wake the person up. And be like, can you turn that off? It was embarrassing. They give you dinner? OK. And the dinner was pretty good, actually. I forgot what I had. What's all it? Fiji Airways via American-- So I couldn't even get any points on this, by the way. Because my-- Yeah. And then there to there. Yeah. It's so fucking far. Yeah. Yeah. It is so far. - How would they go to LA? - They do, I just didn't, 'cause I probably saved $3. - Of course, yeah. - So-- - And you're just like, when you're actually doing it like, I actually-- - Why did it happen to you now? - Yes. - It's too late now, but in my mom's state, and when I'm rested, I'm like, no, I'm not going to show anything else. - From LA, it's 10 hours, too. So from Dallas, it's 13, from LA, it's 10. But it's from New York to LA, it's five or six, so it's like, it doesn't really matter. And I wore compression socks. I took melatonin, so after the dinner, I took the melatonin. The lights went down, I slept for like five hours, but like in a chair being like, you're like half out on the aisle and all that stuff, then they start raising it up, which I had an eye mask for, too. - Good, good, good. - They raise it up, and then they give you breakfast and all that stuff. And going there was fine, because I'm excited. I've never done this before. I'm like, this went by, I don't even know what this feeling is like. You get out there, and when you get into a place where you're so far from home, there is this like thrill feeling, where you're like, wow, this is, I'm like smiling. I was just smiling. The whole way I was like, I can't believe this. - I got to meet you in a new country. - Six, seven years ago, I went to Ireland. - Wow. - Um, so-- - So get out there in a spot. - Yeah, and I'm like-- - He's feeling you're right. - And the Fiji weather is amazing. It's not too hot. It's not, there's no dry humidity in New York, where you're like, God, damn it, this sucks. In Fiji, it's like, this feels so good. It's like there's a wind, too. So it's like, there's a breeze on the, there's this hot breeze kind of thing going on. It felt so good. And I got out excited. - So excited. - So I'm like, I get there at like five in the morning, and it's still nighttime, and I'm like, oh, this is awesome, dude, I love this. I got, I mean, the whole kind of-- - Because the sun come up, or the sun like-- - Yeah, I watched the sun come up from the airport, which is like, whatever. - No, not, I mean, still, it's like-- - Yeah, it's cool, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was really cool. And the cat, I didn't even know they drive on the other side. They got the steering wheel on the other side. - Okay. - The taxi cabs are very talkative. They're talking to you the entire way, and I'm like, I just got off a fucking flight, I'm like, I don't wanna talk. - Like from New York? - Yeah, the politeness and the, I guess whatever, 'cause they really rely on tourism. So even to a point where I'm in the cab, and I go, I'm like, this is beautiful, is my first time here, blah, blah, blah, it's talking, I mean, it's like not really that beautiful. It's like first world, or third world, where it's like doors are made of this like metal sheet, you know what I mean? It's cool to see, you're like, wow, this is how these people live, it's crazy. Mostly Indians, it's like they're all Indians there. - Indian, Indian. - They're all, I mean, dot Indian, yeah. India, India. I don't mean Native Americans, it'd be crazy. I'm like, this is where you guys all went? (laughing) - Yes, he's like, I am drives with car. - Mostly Indians, why? - Mostly Indians, yeah, it's, it's actually all Indians. There's not like, I-- - Was it an Indian colony? No, it was, - Well like bees, like a bee colony, what do you mean? - No, like Mexico was a Spanish colony. - Oh yeah, I guess they did get colonized. - Yeah, it was, I thought they came from here. Like are they, what? - I don't know, but they're mostly Indians, yeah. - I guess, you know who's cool? - That's right. - No, it's not 'cause he had sex with his maid and had a child with her and raised him as if he was this full-blooded marriage child. It's 'cause it, while he was dealing with all these smoking cigars, Arnold Schwarzenegger smokes cigars. He's one that covers cigar aficionado. But how do you get 'em? You're new to it. Ooh, that's hot. Turn 'em on. Well that's where cigars international comes into play. They have with the largest selection, unbeatable prices and customer service, experience, a second and none. Whether you're new to cigars or a seasoned aficionado. cigars international takes and joins cigars, makes 'em easy, approachable and fun. And now, they're often free everyday shipping on cigars international, so no co-dominams. cigars international is the go-to really for all, retailer for all things cigars. Biggest selection. I love 'em. God and go, he was out of 'em. Use my code, tripping it, check out for 20% off your order of $50 or visit cigarsinternational.com. www.cigarsinternational.com/trippin and the discount will automatically apply. Like they're all, they're wearing those typical garb stuff, like, you know, that kind of thing, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's dogs everywhere and you cannot touch the dogs, although they walk up to you 'cause they have a disease. They're most, they're diseased dogs, and is that what that's called? They're mongrels. Yeah, and if they, if you touch them, you can get it. Yeah, you're a fucking mongrel girl. It's one of the, yeah, mongrel. Yeah, that's another one, we gotta use that off stage with some, some hecklers. Yeah, you go, "Shut up, mongrel." And we're like, she's as Christ. That's maybe what's gonna happen if our gassy come back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, mongrel. Yeah, I would be like, I'd be holding backslurs or something. I'd be like, I can't say this anymore, but I wanna call you a bad name. Mongrel's good, though. Yeah, so there's dogs everywhere, and they're cute, and they walk up to you, and they like, there's literally a picture of me with, I was like, I was walking on the beach, and a dog came up to me. Yeah. And they were like, he was just like chilling, and I wanted to pet him so fucking bad. Hold on. They're so cute, especially when they walk up. Yeah, that's it. Wow. Yeah, walks right up. Yeah. Bad ass. But you couldn't touch the dog at all. 'Cause he's wide, he's got fleas. Disease, they're mongrels. They tell you not to, they go, don't touch these dogs. And you're gonna want to. Yeah, you're gonna want to. I'll send that to you. Yeah, I'll send that to you. Bad ass. Yeah, so I was like, I was like, oh, that's so. Yeah. Let me see that again. Yeah. I'll send this to you. Do you have your foot? Oh, you don't have your foot. Just take a screenshot. We'll just screenshot of each one. Okay. Show me. Yeah. That's so pretty. I know. Look at you, bro. You leaned in. Mm-hm. You leaned in. I went full. Fucking. Fiji. I wore the same like three shirts the entire time. And there were these like Hawaiian shirts and like. Care for it on this black sand beach. That beach sucked. So that beach was like by the resort. Okay. Um, yeah, I'll, I'll show you. Is there a worship out there? No. Yeah. I mean, they're, they had like. Oh, I'm so sorry. Jesus Christ, dude. You're a mongrel. I'm a mongrel. Um. That's how that's mongrel behavior. So I land I get in the cab. The cab is all talky. I'm looking at these. I mean, they still like Burger King, which I was like, well, I didn't get any of it because I was like, if the Burger King here is awful, I was like, I can't imagine the meat they're using for this Burger King. I tell you something. Yeah. It's all the same meat. It's the opposite. What? Our FDA is so crooked. Really? First of all, there's this fun thing in KFCs without all the Burkings with a different menu items they don't have, like in Thailand, they'll have Burkings as a brown sticky rice. Oh, whoa. Yeah. And in Canada, they'll have poutine. Damn. I'm feeling regret. Yeah. But also the standards we have for our citizens is so far below what other countries will do to their citizens. So this idea, I know it's a American idea. Like, if we're getting this, they must be worse. It's shocking. It's the opposite. Really fucking put that in our heads, that we're number one in everything and we're actually like the lowest on the totem pole for almost everything except for war and weapons. If you want to look at the positive, national park systems. Oh, okay. Cool. Yeah, that's cool. Well, we're such a big country. Like, we have so many forests and parks and stuff, Redwoods. What are those? The Douglas Furs? You like that? In Ecuador, there's two people. There's clue people and there's pills in people. Okay. And I'm a pillsner guy. Oh, I haven't had a clue in a long time. A clue? There's a horrible name. Looks good though. It might be skunked. Damn. So that's the thing about NAs. You don't drink them fast because nothing's happening. There isn't, it's not like, you know, it's just, it's just a drink in this way. You need to be a gutter in Kansas City and I was like getting ready for a special. So I was like trying to get my skin looking good. I was not drinking. He was the same thing. And once it's cool jazz club, if you go to Kansas City, I'm telling you, let me know. There's a wreck. There's a jazz club. Yeah, yeah. So we got NAs. By the second one, you can't tell. Yeah. The first thing you're like, this is not a real beer. Yeah. Midway through, early second one. Yeah. And you kind of do have this like, you know, like, there's a fucking Pavlov's. dog thing happening where if like if I have like five harnaken zeros, I start getting kind of like whoa. - That's a soda. - Chugs 'em. - Yeah, dude. - Soda's still like, yeah. - Soda is like, you can tell it like, we're like, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna stay on this path. - That is, I went right there. - Yeah, some people know I'm like, whatever. Although, when I did relapse last year, I relapsed on St. Patrick's Day, two St. Patrick's Days ago, like a hack. - It's the hash day to relapse. - I know, but it was so fun. I know it's so hacky, so, but I was like having the best time. It was the first time in a long time that I was looking at a group of people being like, look at us, we're doing it. This is like, we're people, man, we're just trying our best. And I felt that way about people in a long time. And then, you know, at the end of the night, I shit my pants, so. - Did you really? - Yeah, yeah. I had Wendy's, and as I was eating Wendy's, I went for a fart, and I just shit my pants, so. So I was like, so it was kind of. (laughing) It was like, nice little reminder. (laughing) (laughing) - Yeah. - That's the best reminder. - Yeah, you go, you go. I hope you enjoyed this. - I'm gonna stick on it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) I woke up with no hangover, though, which is like, I think is the devil saying to me, like, hey, no hangover, you didn't have a lot of fun. - You have a one less pair of underpants. - Yeah, God was like, Jesus, I was like, check out your trash can. - You feel fun? - Yeah, your trash can with your underwear in it. - Dude, you're actually my example of not to drink, or let the pros and cons. It was that, I think your first year, Comedy Pre-COVID, Cellar Party. You remember this? Cellar Party. - Was I drinking? - No. - Oh yeah, 'cause it was pre-COVID. - And everybody was tuned up. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Everybody was fucked up. - People get fucking in. - And you were like, damn. You're sober. We're in the upstairs. We're the fat black, not bar as pussy cat. - Yeah. - Big J used to run the karaoke. - Yeah. - And we're up there. And you're like, this is, I mean, everyone's having a really good time. This is actually mistrinking. - Yeah. - And you said the next day you called all your friends, and you're like, what are you doing on this hangout? I'm like, I can't, I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked up. - Yeah. - So long as I'm like, this is why I don't drink. - It's, yeah, that is the biggest thing. Like, now I've been not drinking for a bit, so I don't really feel that urge to do it anymore, but that was always the beacon of light. Where I go, where I went. Well, the next morning, I felt great. And I actually, and all the FOMO is gone, 'cause it happened. So it's like. - What happened? - It happened. I'm not missing something that just happened. So I'm like, what was that? - Burp. - Oh, that was a burp? I thought you were puking. I thought you were like, oh. (laughing) - I feel like I'm so good. - Yeah. (laughing) - Two beers in and Ari's puking. - Yeah, so Fiji. - So it started, yeah, go ahead. - So I just got off the plane. I just got off the plane. I get into the can. - Can I say for someone who's been as successful in podcasting as I have? - Yeah. - I am one of the worst hosts in history of podcasting. - I don't think, I mean, it depends. If you're trying to keep someone on the fucking, if you're trying to keep it to an hour, yes, you're horrible. But if you're like, but this is like. What's up, a good time. - It's all over the place. Yeah, like people are watching dishes watching this and they're like, yeah, yeah, go as long as you want. - Yeah. (laughing) - So I get to the hotel. Well, so I'm driving to the hotel and I'm like, it's called the Crown Plaza. And I'm like, okay, it's the Crown Plaza. But as I'm driving there, as we're driving there, it's such a third world country that I'm like, how good could this Crown Plaza really be? I'm like, looking around, I'm like, Jesus, I might be fucking weird. I might be like in this weird farm-ish kind of thing. And then I get to the, yeah, look up the Crown Plaza in Fiji. And I get to it and it is amazing. - No, really. - It's so fucking nice, look at that thing. Yeah, let's look at that. - What's up, yeah. - It's so nice, that's what we were, yeah. - What is this? Oh my God. - That's the front of the place. - It looks like it's pyramids, but I do. - And you see how wide it is? - That's the whole hotel. So when you walk in, you go, you just see everything. - Oh my God. - Yeah, it's really cool. - Wow, the infinity pool up to the fucking-- - Yes, that's where they had the aerobics. - Wow. - Yeah, so my room was on the right over there. - Over there? - Yeah, the room was over there and the right, yeah. That's a restaurant right there in the middle. Those are more rooms. - Wow. - Yeah, yeah. It's pretty incredible. - Oh my God. - Yeah, I mean, the room was bigger than that. - They got a fucking alarm clock. (laughing) - You go, whoa, pillows! (laughing) You go, the beds have pillows there. - Oh my God. - So some of the rooms that were better than the room that we were staying in have their own pools. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. - Did you see those places, or do they have them? - Where it's like, it goes, it's like, on a dock and it goes out in the water and then they have dropped on pools or like see through glass bottoms. - Oh no, but those are there. So like, you could go there, it's just a whole day thing. You know, it's like, you got it, you got it. But those are there. - Is the restaurant? - That's one of the restaurants, yeah. - Can you smoke inside in Fiji? - Uh, no. You can't smoke any weed either. Like, there's a minimum-- - Oh yeah, we research it, right? - Yeah, there's something like it up. - A minimum of three months in jail, if you even have any kind of weed on you. - I'm, it's like, that one's nice. - Yeah, yeah. - It's fair, but the Tiki torches, they have those. - Yeah, so it's six-- - 'Cause they're white power people? - It's, yeah, yeah. They're a bunch of frack guys walk around and we found a job for 'em, you know? You know, that's what you're supposed to do. Yeah, so it's like two, yeah, yeah. So this is where I stayed. At 6 p.m. every night, a guy in a loot like a Tiki dress with no shirt on, he runs around with a torch and he lights all these torches that are around the hotel. And he's going, "Bula, bula." And after a while, like, there were kids that were just running with him. It was like, it was adorable. He looked like Peter Pan. He's running, and then all these little kids are like, "Bula, bula." And he's lighting all the torches and stuff. It was incredible, it's Bula. It means like hello, or something. It means something there. But they say it all the time. They say, "Bula, it's on my shirt, right?" By the way, this shirt is awful. Like, I literally only wore it for this. - I told you to wear it. - It's tight and like-- - I was like, "What's something that you got?" - Yeah, it did get me like, horrible. So I was like, "All right, whatever." I didn't have any money. I used to card the entire time. Or like, if you left anything you did on the resort, you put it to the room. - Yeah. - So I didn't really use, but-- - It's so dangerous, 'cause that's like online poker. Where you're like, "Yeah, I guess I had a bad run." You're like, "Do you know how bad?" - Yes. - 'Cause you ever opened your wallet? - I know. - I know. - And buddy, yeah, I definitely, I spent a lot of money. I actually owed my chick like 700 bucks. But, she's gonna be living with me for a little bit while when she comes back. - Call in. - Yeah, and she was like, she was gonna split the rent with me. - In the version decorate? - Yeah. - Yeah, so she's like, you could pay this now or just take it out of the rent that I owe you. And I'm like, "Alright, yeah, let's do that." So, but the exchange rate-- - She's gonna be staying with you for a little bit. - Yeah, yeah. Just while she looks for a place. 'Cause-- - But can I just give you some, I wouldn't call it advice. I'd call it, what's it called, you read the future? (laughs) - Premonition. - Premonition. - Yeah, prediction. - Prediction, she's not moving. - Yeah, yeah. - She's going to live together. - I would love that. That's honestly what I want. I would love to live with her. She's fucking awesome. - Okay, I'd say what? When this comes, this will already have happened by the time this comes out. - We'll love to eat that. - This will be the next few months, right? - Yeah, yeah, dude. Put one of those stand-by-me things right at the end where it's like, she ended up living with him for the rest of his life. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But she's never lived alone, so she wants that experience. - Oh, why? - She should. - Yeah, exactly. - She doesn't want her to have that experience. - But that does. That would be awesome. - I'll just move to a hotel for a little bit. Let her live in my place. - This place is nice. - Yeah, the food is dog shit though. Yeah, it's really nice. And then like, so there's a bunch of hotels just in a row there. And they have their own pool. - Yeah, that one has its own pool. And a little couch. That's a nice room. - That's a nice room. - Okay, so you stay there. So I get there, she's at work already. - It's right on water. - Yeah, it was awesome. But the beach sucked there. - Is that called Naughty Bay? - Yeah, yeah. Naughty Bay, N-A-D-I, right? No, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I go, oh, you're fun. - Oh, that's so funny. - Wow, I think you're right. - I go, wow, you're so, you know, you're so smart. - You know what? - There's so little travel. - Yeah. - Don't just fake things, right? - You go, is this called, you beach tripping? - Yeah. - No, yeah, it was Naughty Bay. And the beach was awful. I mean, you just walk, nobody was going in. You walk it. You're like, why? - It was just like, this is a black sand and shit. I mean, that beach was bad, but the other beaches were great. - Okay, so what did you do? Took day trips out places? - So, when she was at work, I would walk on the beach. Like, we would wake up, we both woke up at five o'clock in the morning. She got ready for work because she had to be on the bus I like see. And her job is to be like, I a picture like a war room, like a presidential war room, like, okay, last night, these two fucked, and that one fucked, and it's another one, so you have to know all that, we need stuff about it, so now her girlfriend's gonna find out, so be ready for this, we can go. Yeah, exactly, and they look at the episodes as acts, too, which is surprising to me, because it still seems like, when you watch it, it just seems like one long thing of gossip and people fucking and all that stuff. But it's like, act one, here's some jokes for that, so she'll, you know, they all just work together. She's got to go to work. So, 'cause they want someone also there, they want like, 'cause Ian's not there, and the other guy Steve isn't there, so they want somebody there. Yeah, he writes, but he's got a, he has a voice thing in his apartment, so it's literally like I saw a picture of it, he's got like his microphones right there. So, they're like, okay, this is a lie, can you do it? And he's like, in the villa, blah, blah, blah, blah, so he'll do it right there. And then they're like, okay, cool, done. That's so funny, because he's actually like a good comic. Yeah. He's like a really good comic. Yeah, yeah, that's what I heard. That's what I heard. You're just like the Greg Proofs? Yeah. I guess it sounds like Rogan. We're like, you're just going to eat this. I know. But also, I mean, I was actually having this talk, like debate with my girlfriend, 'cause I was like, is he, is he trapped under it? Like, is he like, oh, now he's Love Island's Ian Sterling. No, because when he goes on stage, he'll mention like, he'll do occasionally jokes about it, because of the voice or whatever, but like, he just says jokes. He's just a really good comic. Yeah, I think if, no matter what, if you're in it, it's like, so today I was in the tube and the fuck, do you ever notice this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just go like, yeah, I'm there. I'm that guy, whatever. That's just a side job that plays a lot. Exactly. Exactly. If you're a good enough comic, you can, you can be a good comic and not be stuck in this thing. I know a game show host who's been on this game show. We did open mics with me. Yeah. And whatever. He came by this day and he did a spot. He was like, yeah, I don't really go on the road. I've done this game show host thing for-- Who Ben Gleiber, some shit? I'm going to get into it. I won't get into any trouble. And he's made a lot of money. And he's like, I don't-- I'm just like, listen, I'm an adult now. And it's like, the money's doing this game show or this reality show, whatever. Right. And he goes, my only job, my only job is to stay the fuck off Twitter. Yeah, yeah. We'll all go away if I go on Twitter and start saying, well, you guys are taking a little bit of the opposite side. We'll just wait in here. Yes. It'll all go away. Don't be a smart guy. That's what I always said about Rosanne. She just needed a group chat. They all these people, they just need group chat. They don't judge whoever's coaching him how to speak. Yeah. When even if somebody gets traded or if he's playing better, no, I'm definitely slumping. They were right to booming. Or like, Soto. Or like, what do you think? Like, I'll miss him for sure. Yeah. But I'll be looking forward to playing against him. But he's great. We'll definitely miss him in the clubhouse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, it's not playing well. I was like, listen, it's a team here. He just says the right-- it's almost like he's being coached. But he's so right every time. Yeah. Every NFL player should be like, hey. Come meet with a Twitter guy. Yeah. Can't do your own. Yes. It's retarded. You might say that word. Yes. Yes, you might say. Don't do anything. Retarded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do anything. Stay off. I mean, even now I'm like-- I have panic attacks every once in a while because I'm like, I'm like, I fucked myself up. There's hours and hours and hours of podcasting of me saying, shit, that I'm like, well, I can't apologize. Like, I'm not gonna apologize. That's it. Dude, I did-- you all do their search on Twitter. I did that. I deleted so much shit. Yeah. I mean, the N word thing was an all day delete. No, bitch, though. Bitch was a long, long delete. Oh, bitch. I haven't even thought about erasing bitch. You just don't know what's going to change around you. We're bitch with nothing. And then I'm like, this actually could go. And also, who cares about a six-year-old tweet? Yeah. I know. I know. I know. Actually, it's catching fire in a good way. Right. Just get them down. Delete your whole Twitter. Just delete the whole thing. That group of socks is definitely scone. Keep going. I'm almost like-- I'm jealous of guys like Conan O'Brien, who just never even thought to be like never dabbled in "Racy Comedy" or whatever. Like, just knew, like, oh, I want to go mainstream. So I'm just going to, you know-- He's just not that guy. He's not that guy. Yeah. He's just not that guy. That's what it is. Yeah, that's what it is. Second time Conan's been mentioned. Yeah. He's on my mind. Conan, come on to this episode. Oh, I should know. Dude, that would be sick if Conan O'Brien-- God, wouldn't it be so fucking sick? He's the best, dude. What would it be so fucking sick? What is that wine? Oh, no. It ain't wine. What is that? Is that liquor? It's fortified wine made by monks. Whoa. That rules. Lovecraft. Yeah, dude. Get fucking hammered, bro. No, I'm not going to. But I'm thinking about it. And I want to have it here just in case. Get hammered, dude. So, okay, so-- That's so much work to do. What I would do during the days when she's working is we go and we go to the breakfast, which is a buffet, which was pretty good, actually. And they have stuff like fish lolo. All their fish stuff is like-- Your pictures of all the stuff? No. Okay. I don't have pictures of the food. Look up fish lolo. And, I guess, you know. But they had stuff like pancakes. You know, they had stuff for-- This is for fish stuff. Yeah. That means there's another-- They have a bunch of lolos. I think there's like chili lolo and shit like that. Ooh. Interesting. This. I mean, it looks like fucking awful. It looks disgusting to me. I don't like any kind of like soupy-- It's like this. Fish company. Yeah. That's exactly what it is. Interesting. In that picture. But not at the buffet. No. I mean, it's like-- I don't like any soupy kind of stuff. Fair. Yeah. That looks like-- Dude, can I say it's-- You're so unadventurous, it's cool you went. Yeah. That's what I was like-- You gotta go-- Like, when I was-- When I was kind of afraid, I was like-- Dude, I was like-- You gotta fucking have some-- Like, live some life, man. People go on there like-- Honeymoon here. Like, you're not going anywhere. I'm not like-- You going to fucking Brazil or whatever. Yeah. You're going to a resort. Like, don't be such a pussy. Like, I love Disney World and shit. But I'm like, you got to do something else. I mean, literally nothing beats Disney World to me. Even here, I was like, Disney World would have been better than us. The list was talking about going to Brazil to his parents. And he goes, yeah, this Brazilian steakhouse is so great. And then his parents-- This is what happens. This is why this podcast is good. Because I'm interested. Because most people just are not. And they just shift. Yeah. And they go, Mark, didn't we have Brazilian steak on the Disney cruise? Like, oh, yeah, I think it did. And then that guy with the entertainer and Joseph on the phone with him. Yeah. OK, guys. That's hilarious. They don't even care. I mean, I would get along with his parents more than he probably does. Yeah. I love his parents. Yeah, I mean, it was like-- And he loves his parents, yeah. I love his parents. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've been to his house. I wonder if that's the house he grew up in. But I went to his house. Yeah, we did that fire department show. And we like stayed at his house or something like that. Super beef three way. Oh, no. From the corn, corn beef place. No. So we got to say the boss maybe. We got pizza. Yeah. Super beef. Yeah, I can't even do a boss. You do it. You do it pretty good. Super. What do you want? Ah, get me a super beef three way. Yeah, on Saturday, we got a beef three. It's kind of Australian after all. That's true. Yeah. So the food to me was like, so in the morning, I would get pancakes and a fucking little thing and whatever and whatever. And just get started. They're coffee, which was dog shit. The coffee wasn't that good. I mean, it was like fine. Like actually kind of did the trick. But they make it there. They import it. You don't know. I think they make it. I don't know. Yeah. I guess I don't know. Okay. That's also totally fine. I do not know. Well, happy you said that because I think 90% of things that I say in that situation, I'm just saying it. So I never say I don't know. We were talking about this one comics. This was maybe 10 years ago. It's comics started getting politically active. And they're like, well, they don't even know they haven't done research and don't can figure it out. He goes, if you put a microphone in front of Kumail Nanjiyani. Yeah. I think that was the example he used and said, just a random comic and said, what's better? What do you think is better with so much of it? And that's how comics are. That's just so true. That's so true. Yeah. If you took a look at a Democrat or this guy, this guy, of course you haven't researched it. Yeah. And you know what's not a proper answer? I really couldn't say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's boring. It's so boring. Because it's boring and we don't want to be boring. Like I think about that Bill Burr-Joke a lot where he's like, it was just kind of like a throwaway thing where he goes like, he's like, yeah, I'm getting that age where it's like, people ask me stuff. I just start answering. And it's like, yes, that's exactly what comics do. No, it's just being a comedian. Yeah, it's just being like, I just started answering. Yeah. So I'm just having an opinion. Yeah, I just have an opinion for no fucking reason. Because it's like, I don't know. I mean, how badly would I be fucking trashed in the comments if they were like, if I was just like, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. And over again, I don't know. Yeah, people be like, okay, he doesn't know anything. Great. Yeah. So the coffee sucks. Coffee does at some point because this is what I hate about mushrooms. We like, it's the medicine. I'm like, fuck off, dude. We're having a good time. Mm-hmm. It's your medicine. Mm-hmm. But at some point, coffee is just medicine where I'm like, it doesn't matter how bad it is. I know. I need to get going. I need it. It's me. I'll take it or dig a coffee from the thing. Yeah, it's okay. That's why I don't even really fuck with cigarettes because I I was always like, I can't get addicted to them. I'm addicted to this, but I can't get addicted to that and for a while I was like, I'm not even addicted to coffee and then I started drinking it every day and now I'm fucking addicted. I can't I can't go a day without having it. I'm saying and if I start with that was I know that I'll have on cigarettes. It's more chemically addicted. Yes, it's made addictive. So she'll so she'll go to work. Yeah, and I would. And so you're free for the day. I'm free for the day. I got the whole day. She comes home at two. By the way, there's 16 hours ahead of us right now. So there's 16 hours ahead. So she's the time is right now in Fiji. It is 803 in the morning. And you know, they're waking up at 803 in the morning tomorrow and we're 4 p.m. It's it's Saturday Saturday for them right now. Line does it. We're going to tell you what place where I want to go. Yeah, there's that line, the date line, right? So this is tomorrow and yesterday on this date line. We'll see it when I pull out here right here. And it goes up and around things, whatever. But this place that I have marked clearly. What's this here? What? Is that Fiji? Is that I don't know. That's beautiful. Oh, French Polynesia. Yeah. I've been there. So this place, Jarvis Island. Jarvis, uh-huh. National Wildlife Refuge. Whoa. It is. Look how small that is. It's nothing. It goes way, way in. Oh my God. It's where the day starts. What do you mean? It's the first place New Year hits. Whoa. Are you and you want to go there? I want to go there for New Year's. Dude, that would be sick. That would be so cool. If you're like, yep, got it before everyone. Yeah, I ended up going to French Polynesia to get there. There was like three trips and I might have like four days, even French Polynesia was ridiculous to go because it was like for that lug of the trip to go for four days is a charter. But yeah, I did two new countries every year, so I need to get one in. Well, but they would be so cool to ring in the New Year first. Yeah, that's holy shit. It's so small. Look at it. Where would you even stay? Set up a tent. Yeah, that's the problem. There's nothing there. Yeah. Wow, there's literally nothing there. Holy shit. Yeah, it would be very hipster-y kind of like cool of you to be like, oh, what? The New Year? Yeah, I like their old stuff better. I heard about them before you guys. Oh, yeah, and I was going to say this like they're so they're so reliant on tourism tourism that and my girlfriend pointed this out. She was like, if you mentioned any kind of danger, they say it doesn't exist. So like I was in the taxi going to the hotel and I go, do you guys have volcanoes? And he was like, no, no volcanoes in Fiji, which could be true. But my chick was like, I don't think that's true. I think they just don't want any danger because she had said to a taxi once she was like, are there any like poisonous snakes here? And he goes, there are no snakes in Fiji. And then she Google it. And they're like, there's like 200 poisonous different kinds of something like that. There's like so many different poisonous types of snakes in Fiji. So they're like, literally, they're like, we don't have any animals that are bad. And nothing bad ever has. Yes, our venomous snakes have Fiji. The most prominent one, which implies lots is the Fiji snake. The Fiji snake is called the Fiji snake for sure you have it. Also known as the Bolo snake, which is the only venomous land snake on the islands, land snake. Additionally, there's water snakes. Fiji has several species of sea snakes, including the highly venomous bandit sea crate. Oh my God. Yellow lips and blue lips subspecies. See, I'm glad I didn't even read that beforehand. Bites. Well, the venom is I would potent. The Fiji snake is known to be more of a danger to smaller creatures like earthworms and a humans. Okay. Okay. Oh my God. These snakes are common. Okay. Venom bandit sea crates have a highly potent venom, but they are genuinely not aggressive towards humans. Okay. Generally, yeah, until you your scuba diving and you kick one in the head, they tend to stay away from people and are more likely to bite if roughly handled or feel threatened, which means you kick them. Yeah, it's passing out. Yeah. That's crazy. Wow. Okay. So, yeah. Yeah. So they're liars. They're just fill. And I saw at once, too, because we were both like laughing about that together are separate times. And then when we were we were in a taxi once. And she we're we pass over this bridge and she goes, Oh, wow, are there any like dangerous animals in that water? And he goes, no, no animals in that water. It was a huge, like no animals in that water. He was saying there was no monkeys. We're like, dude, other monkeys. There's got to be monkeys. I didn't see any, but there's got to be monkeys there. There are no monkeys in Fiji. Whoa, maybe in the traditional sense in the traditional sense. Well, Fiji is home to the Vegean monkey face bat, which is the type of flying fox. It is not of the rest real monkey. I hate bats. So yeah, I would just like. I would just kind of. I would walk on the beach. Yeah, isn't it, right? Yeah. Yeah, it is, it is. I would go to the pool. There were some days where I'm like, I'm going to the pool. I would go to the gym. Yeah. But there was nothing there. So it was like hard to, you know, I'd put into chat chat, GPT. Like, how do I work out in a gym that has nothing? And it would give me like something that was barely anything there. All the weights were just, but they were like, they'd say 12 pounds. And they were like definitely like 70. They were so heavy. The, the machines were awful. It was just like, I think I only went twice. Yeah. So, well, so this is a certain type of travel is relaxation travel. I have a hard time doing that. I have a hard time relaxing. It seems like that. But Fiji is there's no like adventures or like stuff to do. At least the way you did it, well, there, there are adventures and stuff like that. So like, so like most of the days I would, I would be trying to relax. I got a sun, sunburned day. I got a horrible sunburn. Yeah. Um, I would go to the pool. I mean, they have like, you know, shit like that. I ended up, I bring, I brought my switch because I was playing just video games. But and I, she had a balcony. So I'd play video games on the balcony with like the air and stuff. It was, you know, it's my kind of relax. It's a nicer way to play. Yeah. And when she would leave for work, I would walk on the beach and the sun would be going up. So that was really nice. That was really nice. We're on, we're on. Island in, in Thailand, coast, something. And we went to watch them. Pacquiao Mayweather fight. And it was on at about 8 a.m. The bar was showing it. It's a beach bar was showing it. And then in between rounds. So you're like, I'll check everyone's share for Pacquiao. Yeah, because he's closer Philippines. Right. And you're like, yeah, and then it's like, now you have one minute in between rounds. And you just turn and see like the water. And he was like looking at it like, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome, dude. I playing switch with the balcony facing all that. Yeah. Yeah, facing exactly what you were looking at. The war. I mean, people are like, you know, running around and shit. Like it was, it was definitely like the only white people there were like an infestation. You know, they're like. And but the people that like work there, they're all nice. They're, but they all kind of look the same. Not to be racist. But they all kind of have the same haircut and everything. So you're like, there's like three different kind of different types of them. So it's like one with like a big puffy haircut, one with like, I don't know, like hair with like a little flower. And then the dudes all look the same. And India. And they're all Indian. Yeah. And they they all have gold teeth. Yeah. I told you this before, like they had they they would go to the dentist and they can't afford. Like they don't have them, not that they can't afford it, but the whole country like doesn't have, you know, say this. Yeah, it's like, it's yeah, yeah. So they don't just fix that. Every single person had a gold tooth. It was like, you know, it was like a resort of pimps. And they were like, they all had gold teeth. It was pretty cool. So she had two days off a week. So on the first day off, what did we do? I forgot. We went, uh, we went to, oh, we went to this other resort. This, this one that was so much nicer than even that one. And I forgot what it was. So you took a vacation from Fiji to another vacation. Yeah, we went to we took a cab, which was really nice. It was about a 30 minute cab ride. And we're driving like inland and all this stuff. It was like really cool. Okay. We go to this other resort because we're going to go jet skiing and scuba diving or not scuba diving snorkeling. Love snorkeling. I love snorkeling. It was my first time going. Really? Yeah. Yeah. It was awesome. I mean, the jet skis wasn't my first time, but it was, it was awesome. I like jet skis because I, you know, I have, when I'm driving, I have that suicidal thought of being like, just close your eyes and go. On a jet ski, you could actually do that. Like I'm just in the middle of nowhere. And I'm like, just going like that. And I'm like, oh, you get that feeling that rush. Of not looking at the so white trash. They're so I tried that it even comes with its own rat tail. I wish dude. Yeah, that's so funny. Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. Um, so we went to so we go to this other well around around. We went around. We went around. We were like going through places like you got to see a lot of it and then we go to this other resort. This nature was called. Um, and on the other side or well, I've no, not on the other side. It was like, but they also they have like, like in the middle of Fiji, there's like all these towns and shit. It was like, what was the name of the fucking other place we went to? Bro, you got a current Korean to national park now. Damn. Is that cool? I mean, it looks like it looks like the fucking job. Oh, oh, yeah, you know, um, it looks like the fucking job. We were, we were thinking about going to a waterfall, but uh, no, we didn't, we ended up not going there. Okay. Wow, wow. That's incredible. That looks like we're King Kong. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just like, yeah, that does look like Kong Island. Yeah. You'd be like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Giant version. Get them right now. Yeah. Get them. Get them. Get the Virgin. Get them. I'm like, I've had sex. You guys. They still given. Yeah. Even King Kong. I told like, I thought this is, yeah. He's like, no, a giant bugs. Okay. So you went. So we went. We went to it. I forgot what the name of the fucking resort was, but it was really nice. And we went, uh, we went on these jet skis, you know, and they were really cool. We drove so far out. And it was like, just so amazing. You know, what I mean? And it's like, it's so funny, too, because my chick is a comic. Never been. Yeah. And I just kept, I just kept, I like would turn around. I'm like, did you see any world where you're on a jet ski with Brendan Sagalo in fucking Fiji right now. We're like, we're like, I cannot believe this is happening. We just went in the middle of this ocean. We were going to go to a sand dune, but the water had taken over it. So it's like, we couldn't stand on it. The water had risen already. So the guy was like, sorry. The guy who was like, bringing us. He was like, sorry. We, uh, we can't, but we'll screw it off here. One or more of those, at least one, where it's like, you can, some of them have a, you can walk out and then it's like, get back the bridges. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Like get right back on the jet ski. And then we, um, we, we snorkeled. And that was cool. But even then, um, my chick was like, this isn't the best. We're going to go to the best one. I'll in a couple of days. But this is not that great. She's got it. Yeah. She's like, I know all of it. She said everything on boots on the ground. Yeah. She, yeah. Boots on the ground. Mexicans wearing boots, whatever that is. She, she was like, I mean, like, it's not research. You do online. You're like, I actually have been here. I can tell you exactly. You know, so, but it was still cool. New York. You're like, here's the best pizza place. Like, buddy, that place is done. Right. Right here. Come with me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come with me. Um, I never got snorkeling before. So I was like, this is really cool. Like, you feel like you're just breathing underwater. You're like, this is awesome. Was it like, um, corals and stuff? And like, there were easy stuff. Yeah. Colorful fish. These like glowing fish. So that's fucking awesome. It was so cool. You feel like you're in aquarium. Yeah. Yeah. And we got one of those, um, disposable cameras with the plastic around it. Like the plastic case. So we were taking pictures underwater and stuff. It was, yeah, I still got to have to get a self underwater smile. Yeah. I'm like, you know, we took a selfie. I know I have to get them developed. Okay. I guess I'll do that this weekend. So I can take pictures and send them to you. But, um, we took pictures of the fish and all that stuff. It was really cool. But we were like, and then we got back on the jet ski. This actually sucked. We get back on the jet ski. They're like, okay, we'll drive. You took the jet ski jumped off when snorkeling? Yeah. They were just like, how did the jet ski not go away? Um, they, they hooked it up by, uh, the guy who was like leading us. He took, he had a rope and he hooked them all up in a row. So he was on the jet ski. He was keeping them. Yeah. He was keeping them. Okay. Okay. And you just, you just put on these, the little flappy flips, the flippers and you just little flappy flips. I think you might be right. I know. I never worn flippers too. You're so surprised. Like I was so surprised how good you can swim. Oh my god. You're like, this is like, I know, I know. All I could think about were like platypus. I'm like, they must be going just, so, and you just jump off. You just go like, boof, then you get in the water and you're, you know, so then we got back on the jet ski, which was very hard. It was hard to climb back on for me. You know, I'm like, I'm like, I'm weak, I'm fat. So I'm like, yeah, I'm trying to get back on. It was almost, it was so embarrassing. And then we, we went to this random island because there's all these islands everywhere. Yeah. Noticing that now. It's like, these are even bigger, but like these small ones are like they're everywhere. Yeah, they're everywhere. Yeah. We went to this island. We ate, we ate like an apple there or something. Like we didn't just take one from a tree. Like they had them prepared at that island or some shit like that. Yeah. And he resorted to this island. Like that's crazy. Oh, wait. No, that's not it. I mean, what's the thing told me to do? Andy Hans goes, you go to like Google Maps. You find some restaurants, whatever. And they just like look for pictures until you see somebody having a good time. Like who are these people? Yeah. Whoa. Their workers there. Whoa. Imagine drinking a Fiji and Fiji. Yeah. Well, you don't drink the water because it's like one of those like, it's like Mexico. You can't drink the water. So like even if you had a cup full of ice, you're like, don't eat the ice. I really like that. Yeah. Let me see. I think I might be able to find the name of the, doesn't really matter. I know what it's to me. It does. Usually, I'll tell you what, usually I try to delete names of places really, not ruin them, but a resort all out because it's like, it's already resorted. Yeah, it's a resort. Like if the, if the best pizza place near the seller, I would never say that name out loud. Look up Viti Livo. V-I-T-I-L-E-V-U. Because this is where this is the, that's where we were when we were, or I don't, I know the name of the place is like, sounds like the plaza or some Fiji. Yeah. So that's like where we went. I don't know. Look up resort or something. It's an island. Yeah. And it's all an island. It's a Corrie Island, a Fizzort Fiji. Okay, hold on. It's on the, it's on the main land of Fiji. Yeah. So you went north itself. This is the other place we went to. Like it's, you know, so on the way back from one of the islands, we get on our Jetski. And we're just like, okay, let's go back. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. So let me see. Yes, you know, you never know what you're going to find in there, buddy. Oh, fair. You never know. Fair. Um, Landers Bay Resort. Blue Lagoon Beach Resort. I mean, it's all resorts. I know. It's all resorts here. Yeah, like Hotel Chansom. We, um, Beach Comers Island Resort. Yeah, my, my chick, like, buy stuff from Fiji Mariah Resort. Oh, maybe it's the Mariah. I don't know. Um, yeah, we were like, she would buy like little souvenirs and stuff from Fiji Mariah has, has these, has these shits. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Over the water shits. Yeah. On the way back, the Jetski that we had broke. Yeah. And it was just like, it was going, the fastest it could go was 12 miles an hour. The two, the people ahead of us were going 50 or something like that. And they were gone. They just ended up being gone. So we were like, oh, shit, we're just like alone floating in the ocean right now. And the guy found us, like, he came back and found us and he was like, what's going on? And we're like, this is like broken. And he was like, okay, let's switch. So we had to jump on his. He took the slow one, just fucking fuck, like, he just fucked off. And then we knew where to go. He was like, go, go that way. And we're like, okay, so we just went back to the, the beach. And then we just hung out on the beach. And I was like, in this new resort. Yeah. Yeah. And then we ended up, we went back and, you know, regularly scheduled program. You know, we, we like back to work. Yeah. She went back to work. I did my day, whatever. We would go to a restaurant and what was annoying about, they're just so disorganized and they're so, they're so inconsistent. Nothing was consistent. You didn't, you never know what you were going to get. Like, we would order room service. And it would come one way. And then the next day you'd order the same thing. It would come differently. So we, we got like friends for service industry seemingly country. That's weird. So like, for an example, like, we ordered ice cream one night to get to deliver to the room. They gave us this bowl filled with ice cream. Like, it was too much. We were like, this is crazy. We were like, this is a lot. It was like nine scoops. I don't know, like, we're jumping out. Yeah. So the next night we go, let's get that ice cream bowl again. And we get it. They give us three scoops. And we're like, what is this? We're just laughing at it. We're like, this is so inconsistent. With the restaurants, they would, every single restaurant was like this. The food was awful. But also, I mean, it was fine, but it was like bad, but it was like, they would ventilate it. They had numbers on the table, right? So it's like standard, you know, whatever. Numbers on the table, they never use the numbers. The waiters, every waiter would come out. And they would enter, they'd walk up to your table with food that wasn't yours and go, did you guys order this? And you go, no. And then they would, uh, what do you pick in your skin or something? No, I hit this big bruise and I have a splinter. It might not be a scab, it might be an actual tick that was onto the, it just picked off. Oh my god. Look at how the bruise around it. Holy shit. And I'm thinking it was not a scab, it was a tick in general. How do you, were you in my scab? Was that be a tick? I don't know, dude. It's all hairy and gross, it looks more like a scab to me. It looks like a scab, right? I think I'm okay. What were you in tall grass recently? No. I was not. Oh my god. I think I'm okay. Disgusting. Yeah. Okay, keep going, sorry. So, um, so, yeah, so they would, they would bring out food and they would be like, they would come to your table and go, did you order this and you go, no, and then you'd see them go around to every table. Did you order this? Did you order this? And you're like, you have numbers on the table, use your system. Use your system, bro. And the thing is, they're just so charming there, like they're, they're like, oops, do you want to eat it? And we're like, ha, ha, no. And then they'd be like, they'd walk away. Dude, you might have Lyme disease now. No, I know, I took a heavy thing of doxie. Just now? Just now? No, two days ago, because I was like, I think I bumped your knee or something. Get a bruise with a ring around, I mean, I should definitely show this, right? Yeah. Jesus. You, you might have to take a picture of that, though. I don't think they'll be able to see that. On that one? Oh, maybe. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, it's weird. It's like a totally Lyme disease kind of bruise. Yeah. Damn. Why not? I think the bruises are full. You don't have a leaf. That sucks. I'll just forget how to brush my teeth while I'm in the middle of fuck. Yeah, you might. Huh? I've been like, is it? What side is side? You're going to go out like alcapone, dude. Like, you're going to die from some disease that you could have gone to a doctor about. Yeah. Rickets. Yeah. So that was kind of annoying. But then we went to this, because it was our birthday that week, too. Oh. That's how we planned it. What a perfect time to go out, yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So we went to this Italian place and it was so good. Like, that was the only time the food was good. And you missed the heat wave out here. Yeah. And we missed the heat wave. And except, although my cat was at home and I'm like, oh, my God. I'm a little bit of there. I'm like, I hope I don't come home to this like dead cats. That's what my mom came by and I mean, I couldn't get anybody to look. And I'm like, I don't want my mom to have to come, because she's got like, she's old. She's got two fucking, you know, hip replacements, two legs. Yeah. She had like two hip replacements and shit. Like if she like, tripped on a bong or something and then like, and then my cat eats her and it would just be a fucking mess. Yeah. Did you, did you reign a lot there at all? It never, uh, it rained many, 20 minutes. No. Okay. I wish I kind of wish. That's how old I was. Like, oh, fuck. We got to get in the 20 minutes there. It's gone. Rainbow. Yeah. I wish. I was like, I kind of want it to rain and just, yeah. And then I brought like an ex all our cables. So at night, we would watch, we were, we, we before she went, we were on the last season of Better Call Saul. So we just finished it there and it was fucking awesome. Do you like calling him or not? They, oh, oh, they called, they called it good enough. So wait, that's boiler. It's boiler, they called. Yeah. No. So it was just fucking awesome and then it kind of just goes by. Do you find that with like vacations? You're like, ah, damn, 30 of the last day. Yeah. It's like, first thing you're like, oh, I got a lot of time to kill. I got to make some plans. And then you're like, right about the midday period mid, like, sort of, it's 10 days, day five. Yeah. You know, that's day five out of nine is mid day and then you're like, ah, we're on the back stretch now. Yeah. And then like, fuck, we only got a couple of days left. I know. I know. Oh, we also, we went to a place you can look this up. It's called Mala Mala Beach Club. And we got our own cabana there, cabana number 14, y'all. And it was amazing that we, yeah, we snorkeled there. What? Yeah. That's an island. That's an island. Look how small that thing is. We went there. What? We went there. How? Jetsky? Like, ferry. What's this? What's this bridge? That's the beach. Yeah. I have the exact photo. But where's the bridge go to? That actually might be my photo. Exactly. Oh, it's on the dock. Yeah. Oh, it's on the dock in. Okay. It's the dock in. Do you think that's your? I mean, I took that exact photo, dude. I'll show you right now. I think you showed it to me. Yeah. I touched. Yeah. Because I was like, what? I've seen my photo. Yeah. That's the exact photo that I took. Yeah, dude. This was the photo I took. So that's where we went. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And we got our own cabana. Like, you can run us? Yeah. Oh, no, no. Well, maybe. I can't even really see what you're pointing to. Like this shit? E-E-E. No. Even better. Even better. We had our, like, literally. I'll show you. I've pictures of it. Um. Wow. Look at this. It's a resort island. It's so small. It looks like a fucking pancake. Yeah. It was. It's awesome. This is-- we had our own little, like, just making sure there's no photos of us having sex or anything. Yeah. So it was like a little-- Oh, that's where you were being so itchy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we had sex on that, too. I don't think I filmed it or anything, but we-- That means you didn't film that one. [LAUGHTER] Well, we filmed ourselves. Yeah. OK. Yeah. I love doing that. I love a little sex video. Give it to me. Yeah. Yeah. So we-- and the water was amazing. The beach was amazing. Yeah, please. Did you see that beat? That's-- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We sat on that and swung. Really? Yeah. Yeah. It was awesome. Wow. So, like, can man is like this? Yeah. There was a pool there. And all that stuff. The pool was right in the water. Yeah. It was sick. By the time we went-- This is like-- I just saw you know. I don't know if this is like an expensive trip for people. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I saved so much money because, you know, we-- I didn't have to pay for the fucking hotel room or anything. The coconuts. I had the coconuts when you were out there. I don't really like coconut water. I was drinking and I was like, oh, that's OK. It's like, I don't really like it. It reminds me of when you're younger and you drink something that you think is something else. And then you're like, oh, like, you thought it was going to be like-- Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think it's going to be water and it's seltzer and you're like, oh, what the hell? Yeah. But she got-- she got like three coconuts every day. They were huge, too. You know what's great about this kind of stuff, too, is like when you're done with it, it's that feeling you get when you were a kid and you had a big day. And you're like, I can't wait to go to sleep tonight. I'm going to sleep like a fucking baby. Yeah. And we did get into one little fight. And our mom got scared and sent me to a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But no, we got to know a little argument. But of course, it is what it is. We were at a fucking fire guy, too. She was like, you want to go to the fire guy? Because I kept going, I want to go see a fire dance. I think it was like Hawaii. I actually didn't like it. This was before the argument, too. But I'm sitting there and I'm like, this sucks. I'm like, they're not doing much. The fire is weird, you know? It's low budget. Yeah, it was like low budget. And then they're also screaming, and they're going like, it's right in your fucking ear, you know what I mean? And I'm just, I love people being angry at paradise. I know, dude. And it's so funny that we argued in paradise. And it was like, we're sitting there, and it was my fault. Because I should have just asked our A is everything OK. Because I'm just in, I'm in my head going like, oh, she's not having a good time. Why is she having a good time? It's all cooking. And I should have just went, you're having a good time, and if she was like, yeah, I would have been like, oh, OK, I'm just a fucking whatever. But so I was feeling that way. And then at one point, I'm like, I'm just watching the fire guy. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to tell you how to have fun. Well, you're like, yeah, come dance. And it's like, your fun isn't my fun. I want to watch your dance. Yes. So-- I've got an answer to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm sitting there. The fire guy, he's got his fire on his thing, he goes, and we're shitting on the crowd. The crowd was bad. They were not a good crowd for this. No one's going, woo, wow, you know, world. So he takes the fire and he puts it on his hand. His whole hand lights up. And then he goes, oh, it wasn't like, oh, it was just like, his hand's on fire. And then he put it back on the thing. It was cool. Oh, that's cool. That it was cool. But I'm just watching it. And she goes, nobody even reacted to that. She's like, this is a lame crowd, even you-- Fuck you, bitch. She goes, she goes, she goes, just stiff crowd, even you. And I go, and that's when it got me. And I went, you hurt my feelings, because it was at one point-- Also, you too, though. Right. Also, you too, you and even you. Yes. What are we talking about? It was like, it was like, but I felt like, OK, it was us against this shitty crowd. We're making fun of the crowd. And then you threw me into the shitty crowd. Who the fuck are you, lady? But I have a problem expressing my feelings. Yeah, so I had a problem expressing my feelings. And it came out in a way. And she knows me well enough now where-- So hey, could-- just real quick, you suck my fucking dick. Essentially. I go, I go, so I'm feeling that. And I'm like, and then something happens, and the crowd like applause. And I go, oh, and I go, actually, you know what? Fuck you. You I go and I was just trying to do it in my head. It was a joke in my head It was like oh, I'm not crazy that sells you. Yeah, she went that fuck you was real and I was like no It wasn't and then we were getting it could have been not real it was but I could if I wasn't mad I could have said I'll sold the fuck you there. Yes, that's what I was making. Yes, but I was mad But I was mad but I fuck you was real We're good, but if it wasn't like I could see myself doing that exact joke Right that way and being like, you know, I'm not gonna clap fuck you But because so she was like that was a real fuck you so now we're like arguing and I'm like, you know what? You heard my family's done it and while there's like fire going around people are like It was like so I was just like It was so awkward It was so awkward and then we got back to the room and We talked it all out and it was fine, but yeah, you'd be on it do that. I was just like damn dude You always got to end up getting into a fight. There's no creation with a girlfriend and we never argue. I'll do this thing where I'll go hey Go take a walk around yeah Like I see whatever you're upset about is not working, but it's like you're in paradise This is crazy. I have a core memory of the Maui comedy festival and I saw some guy who was so fun Norman fucking a hot tub in the middle of everything. What? How do you get away with that? I mean it was late night. He's crazy. He's crazy This was like 15 years ago Yeah, I mean it's been a while, but like But what was I gonna say? Oh, I just saw some guy walking like ahead of his wife I assume and like two kids and he's like walking like come on. Yeah, we're gonna miss it snorkeling It was like bro, you're already there the snorkeling is just something to do the water is not going away They're strolling then they're strolling. Yeah, I'm sure they're like what's not like we actually miss the trip Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like you're thinking of the wrong thing. Yeah, yeah, it's almost it's I would say I'm saying on stage It's like perfect to get into a fight in on vacation because I would just go into the water with a snorkel on just start yelling at the fish or something like that Yeah, yeah, it's like It's so funny. It's the world things are too easy. And if it's all for little you like Yeah, I don't have anyone I can take this out You have to be really mindful of like hey, let's be us against the world here Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, which is what actually hurt my feelings because it wasn't us against the world It was it was us against her and then even you even me. Oh now you're I literally said I sat for 13 hours next to a black person to come here you think I like that Yeah, yeah, I mean I was literally like I literally said or I go who's teaming you on I remember saying that like even Even before she knew I was I was actually mad. Yes, I went. Yeah, who's team are you on sue me? But you know what even your thing with the walk it was great because when we got back to the hotel She she had to shower. Yeah, and I went out on the balcony. Yeah, okay, and I went out on the balcony Nice nice dude. Yes Um, and I went out on the balcony and I just kind of sat and I I was like why did I because I couldn't tell I wasn't like you hurt my feelings I was just like mad and I was like Dada da da and when I got on the balcony I was like oh she hurt my feelings like that's it I was able to be alone and go what made me so angry just now and it hit and I was like oh fuck and then you feel like an idiot I'm literally laying there like we apologize to everything and I go I feel like such a jackass I'm like I can't believe I let that happen to that my emotions took over. It's like you it's all to me Whatever, and hurt my feelings more than a shot of yeah, I reacted to it anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and we couldn't enjoy this Horrible fire. It's funny. You're out on a balcony in Fiji. I mean, yeah, I mean this is so far away from the world and you're mad And it's what a waste what a waste and that's not don't say it's never gonna happen when it happens you gotta end it fast Yeah, you go. What am I doing? Why did I why did I why am I so mad like it's fine or maybe it's not fine Wow, so then but you worked it out for we worked it out instantly. I mean that's why she's great I mean every girlfriend I've ever had or every life would that would have been a week-long argument But she we just we worked it out really quickly and went back to paradise. It was awesome You happy you went very happy. I went very happy There was total 10 day well eight days eight days two of those are traveling And the travel back was brutal dude, well, it's just like now. I'm like I want to go home like now when the minute You're like I'm not excited. I want to go home I want to see a nation of going somewhere an excitement on the way back like I'm done. Yeah, so I'm at home now I know and I had a headache. I bought I bought a because the exchange rate is so different that like I bought I bought a gold bracelet in the airport that was $98 but it's $40 a American so I was like, oh, that's a good deal Thing doesn't even fit me like like I don't know why I bought that it was awful and then like I had a headache the entire time And being on a plane with a headache is the worst dude, but it was it was fun. I would go again you would yes That is pretty fucking badass. It's pretty cool to get there It was the end of the world really yeah, Fuji is the kind of the end of the world. Yeah, and when you get there you go These guys have no idea like they're none of America's problems are happening here You know, it's like you're like these guys aren't worried about shit. They're gonna survive I mean every house is made a fucking cardboard and steel and like it's it's fucking third world dude and they're they're still happy Which is great. They're all happy Wow, yeah, it was it was crazy Well, it sounds like an awesome trip you should go kind of excited when you went yeah Yeah, yeah, you should a hundred percent go if you ever get the Yeah, that was also a part of it where I was like damn if I'm here, should I go to Australia because how often am I gonna be here? But I was like that's how they fool you yeah You go to Australia they go oh while you're there headed New Zealand like but that's another five hour flight That's not that place right and before you know, and I'm in fucking Japan. Yeah, exactly exactly. Oh, you're missing Chicago go to Kansas City. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not there. Yeah, I'm trying to trip ready Damn, dude. Yeah, I end up in fucking like I devs yeah, so Madras. Yeah, exactly like I got a bank Fucking yeah, you're like I have this many so much they don't go to me. No, okay now. Here's my question I ask everybody. Yeah, travel tip either general is specific so like if it was for this I'd be like if you're going I would definitely bring cash because you couldn't get ATMs there right or whatever or a general A lot of people go pack light or Take get an aisle seat whatever and then another one is what countries call you like where would you want to go next? You've never been oh, I love that Travel tip for Fiji Where in the world, but you haven't been much places. Yeah, I guess not much places bring Melatonin for the flight Okay, pass the fuck out make yourself go out make yourself pass the fuck out. Yeah, yeah, just pass the fuck out You know what I still watch three Harry Potter movies. So it's that's how long that was and Where would I go Japan I want I want to go to Tokyo me too. I want to go to Tokyo so bad. I want I want to like see all see all that shit Do you know about the thing where they push you into the train? I don't want to get pushed to do a train I want to go once just once down just get shoved in That's so funny, dude. Yeah, I'm crossing the road where so many people cross. Yeah, yeah, I want to see all the like Like all the lights and squares. Yeah, I want to see that. I want to like yeah, yeah, that would be cool Maybe like Korea too like I really want to like be around a bunch of Asians You know what I mean? Yeah, I kind of be a way to make it like a like a Tokyo comedy festival to bring like Thirty guys out to Tokyo that would be awesome break even just yeah, I know the flights are expensive But flights and hotels and then like you know 50 bucks a day to spend and then we'll all go and have a blast That would be Tokyo comedy festival would be fucking awesome Hook it up someone. Yeah, not us. Someone has someone who isn't us Story my fucking life just being like oh, I wish someone else would do this Yeah, well, well, there wasn't recording anything was it Well, that sucks I don't know it looks like it was does look like it was but And stop now maybe it was yeah, okay Well, Brendan, thank you very much. Thanks for having your trip. Yeah, everybody check out Sack daddy the pod. Yeah, I've been on there. You can start with that episode if you want great episode No couldn't monetize it why I don't know. I think maybe you you had your shirt off was part of it I don't know. I have no idea. Well, whatever, but he cares. Yeah, I was fun to do your good Composationalist, but you're a great comic you'll be on the road. I'm sure I'll put in bumpers for you Yeah, let's grill let's grill. I'm so hungry. Yeah, me too. Let's do it That's the podcast. Thank you very much. Brendan Sagalo, SagDaddy for coming in. Probably the greatest rapper in stand-up comedy. I actually don't know Smoothie. Little Dickie. He's not really in stand-up though. He's definitely better than him. I'm going to change that. Brendan Sagalo is a better rapper than Little Dickie. Brendan Sagalo doesn't have a gimmick. He just wraps hardcore from the off-the-clip dome. Anyway, guys, that's the episode. I have a big announcement coming next week. Next week's episode will be with Ari Matty. Now that you've seen this week's episode with Brendan Sagalo, you realize that most recorded as a final after my studio was packed up. Did it just in a band of room and then the roof, right? But this is the last one that I did before. That's on my trip. So next week with Ari Matty, he's going to be the interviewer. Ari Matty, two Ari's, one mic, two mics, actually. And we're going to go over what I planned to do on this crazy trip I took. I don't know if you realize if you're a listener or a watcher of this podcast that I left for a while. If you might have noticed, a lot of my ads have been done in front of a lot more palm trees than other vegetation areas, and just kind of cool cliffs and stuff than previously. So I've been gone. I've been gone. I've been traveling all over Latin America. We're going to discover that next week when Ari Matty hosts this and I, Ari, should fear in the guests. It is produced as always by the your mom's house network edited by Alan Caffey. Please subscribe. Smash the like button. Hit that bell or whatever. And leave a comment, guys. Leave a comment. Leave a comment calling out Lil Dickie that he needs to fucking stake his claim as the number one rapper and comedy and that Brendan Sagalo is actually that man. Well, Lil Dickie pretends to be. Brendan Sagalo is that. If you want to get yourself a t-shirt, support this podcast. Get one of these stay positive shirts that they link that's right below the screen on Spotify or on YouTube. And subscribe on YouTube, guys. This, if you saw the pictures of Brendan put up, it's pretty good, visually, in terms of podcasts. It's not just shooting the shit. Brendan also has a podcast he does with a mechanical fart carnival. He's also got Sag daddy to pod. I've not been on fart carnival. I have been on Sag daddy to pod. It's a great episode. I think we talked about some stuff I didn't let in America. I think. He's also got a special call Thin Lips. And better than that, he's touring. That's the number one thing you want to see from Stan Upcom. He's going to be at Helium Comedy Club at Indianapolis. And this is coming weekend. Broadbury and Richmond, Virginia. Charlie Goodenites. Goodenites Comedy Club in Raleigh, North Carolina in May, as well as Connecticut at the Counterweight Brewing Company in May. And finally in May, Helium Comedy Club in Atlanta, Georgia. Hell yes, Brendan. I love it. Go to BrendanSagalo.com for tickets. You can also follow him at BrendanSagalo on Instagram. There's Bren Dones. He's not a Bren Don. He's a Bren Dan. And another order of fries. It's a fat joke. Guys, that's it. As I said, next week I have a, could be the week after. A very, very big announcement for all my followers and fans and for everyone who just loves funny things. Tune in. Subscribe. I'll do it up top if I do it next week with Ari Maddie. And if not, it'll be the week after. With either sabbatical Tommy or fuck. Maybe Mark Normand? I'm not sure. But subscribe. And you get all of them. That's it guys. Yeah. Fiji does seem like a fucking cool place to go. To relax. And I'm glad Brendan who hates doing shit like that did it. It's cool of him. Guys, for real, go buy yourself a state positive shirt. It will support me in my, it helps him buy hats like this. Yeah, it seems cool. Fiji, what a way to go too on your chick's dime. Yeah, I'm jealous. I want to French Polynesia once. So I don't know if you heard that. A lot of these kids in this neighborhood, I mean this country I'm in get trafficked to children. It's direct route from a lot of these to an island owned by a guy named Heffrey. Heffrey Epstein. Heffrey Epstein, they call him. And yeah, so a lot of them scream. They know what's happening to them and they don't want to go, but they're going. Yeah, I went to Polynesia once. French Polynesia. Clothes that got to Fiji. It seems like the same. It seems like all those places are the same. I don't want to be a crumbogen, I actually love it. But it seems like all those places are the same. Go to some place tropical, eat the fucking fruit, just lay out in the beach and just, this is what colonialism is all about. Have a fucking indigenous looking person, wait on you, hand and foot. Speaking to you in a language that they never should have even heard of, it rules. It rules. It makes you think what it would have been like if, you know, we had never gotten rid of slavery or if we just did do it with black people and did it with the Polynesians instead. Then it wouldn't have been such a problem. Am I wrong in thinking that? Let me check. I call Lindy West and she is just okay with that or I might still have a bit of a problem. Let's see. YouTube. Brendan have a YouTube. Oh, he should go to check out his YouTube also. I got it here. YouTube.com/@BrendinCygolo, but really, guys, what you want to do is subscribe to YouTube.com/@ubitrippingpod. That's it for me, guys. Next week, Ari Matty and we'll talk about everything I wanted to do and look forward to on this crazy trip I'm taking because it's nearing the sign that Brendan was on with no studio. It's kind of the sign that it's got to come to a close at some point. Not yet, not yet, there's still some shit I want to do, but Carnival was fucking sick in Brazil. It was a Carnival in the North and Northern town. It was just block-o after block-o just chasing these bands with these giant puppets. I mean, it ruled. You just get the fucking frenzy. It ruled by a shirt. Keep me in business. Stay positive. I am worried about coming if I ever do come back and I don't get sex traffic myself of all the negativity here is going on in the United States and all the worry about the news and stuff that has not affected me or plagued me at all for going on eight months now. It will be a bit of a learning curve to come back. But not yet. I'm still enjoying. Guys, get out there. Get your passports renewed. Go out there and find your own fucking Fiji. Something more adventurous or less. Doesn't matter. Dip your hand in a slavery like Brendan did. Brendan Sagalo wants slavery back and that is a fact. Alright, guys. Till next week. I don't say goodbye in Fiji, but you don't have to know because they lost. They got beaten by whoever the fuck country took him over. And now fucking guys like Brendan go just go to visit their chicken work. Another my time, please. I love it. Bye!