FEMINISM: How Women Took Over the World | History Hyenas

Welcome back, frickin' frack. Welcome to the jungle. ABC Wednesdays. Abbott is back. It's gonna be the best year yet. Thank you, now we can finally turn this up. And everyone's going wild. Y'all think you run this school, but you don't. It's going great. Abbott Elementary. Anything can happen in the jungle, right guys? All new Wednesdays on ABC and stream next day on Hulu. All right guys, this weekend I'm in Portland, Oregon. Back on tour, Helium Comedy Club. I am there October 8th to the 10th. The shows are almost sold out. Go get your tickets, christycomedy.com. Then the end of October, I'm at Governors in Levittown. Those shows are already sold out, so I might add a show if you guys do the right thing and protest whomever you want to protest outside the shows in the parking lot across from Miller's Ale House. Then November, I'm in Syracuse, so go to christycomedy.com. Batavia, Illinois, October 8th and 10th. This weekend, go check it out. Long Island at Governors, November 6th and 7th. LA, November 11th. Dallas, Denver, December 4th and 5th tickets. YanisPapasComedy.com. Enjoy this episode about feminism. This one's for the ladies and the men. We need to listen up. Men, listen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. what's up everybody welcome to another episode of history hyenas our patreon episode this week was really fun check it out patreon.com slash history hyenas today me and the boys and the boys and me and chrissy and me and me and chrissy we are gonna be talking all things uteri all things feminism and if you watch the patreon then you know that i just drank a 10 milligram wheat seltzer and guess what it just hit me now what perfect timing what do you feel i feel a slight buzz i feel a slight openness i feel kind of just getting silly i kind of feel like spaghetti and i kind of just feel like it's all going to be okay and it doesn't matter and the decisions that i've made i've learned from them and what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and i'm going to keep going girl yes girl and it doesn't matter and if and if and if the cabinets got pushed back three weeks then you know what honey it's all good right right it's a beautiful day outside have fun live life you know absolutely i just i just kind of feel good i feel free absolutely and i kind of don't feel like doing anything or bettering my life i feel like nick yeah absolutely absolutely i just want to do that i want to be this person absolutely absolutely nick is absolutely absolutely no thoughts just affirmation absolutely i like being nick for a day absolutely yeah absolutely yeah yeah whatever you say yeah as long as we're on the same team yeah it's just we're on the same team we're a couple girls yeah absolutely yeah absolutely aoc what'd you say absolutely yeah yeah yeah and this has feminine and today it's going to be all about feminism and it's absolutely going to be a good episode we're going to talk about women and the way that they have tried to make it in this world yeah because i suggested today that we talk about um the uh abraham accord which is something about middle east um treaty stuff and i thought that would be fun but john said no i'm putting the brakes on that we're talking about feminism i said no i'm putting the brakes on that we're talking about feminism i said no i'm putting i need a wheat seltzer and we need a break from the sandbox yeah we need a break from the sandbox we need a break from jesus yeah we really uh have listened to your calls and we know that we know that we are talking too much about jews we know that uh from the sandbox from the sandbox we know that we're talking too much about jews we know we talk too much about um each other's hair and we know that we're sellouts for doing ads for draft kings but it's what it is who gives a shit really what are you what are you supposed what are we supposed to do i mean it's like somebody was like you know people gamble they're gambling it's like well you know why i have to do and i'll be honest you know why i have to do ads you're gonna be seeing those reels for me very quickly as well do you know i have to do ads for draft kings now do you want to know the real reason why because we just and and it's like i i can't win i i can't you know with you people it's like nothing is ever enough you so i have to do the draft kings ads because they've decided not to have a riyadh comedy festival this year ways on riyadh comedy festival this year i'm gonna have to do a riyadh comedy festival i'm gonna have to do a riyadh comedy festival and i'm gonna have to do a riyadh comedy festival and i'm gonna have to do a riyadh comedy festival uh dubai to tel aviv where they you know think that iranian agents tried to kill the pilot and crashed the plane because there was a lot of jews on the plane and you know where the plane emergency landed because they let them saudi arabia yeah so just let a plane of jews in and we're just like no problem we'll get you back to safety so it's just like what are we talking about well i mean saudi arabia the crown that was like bin laden's like number one target they were constantly trying to overthrow the crown the saudi royal family so here's the thing i just they they i mean rogue elements within saudi intelligence probably had something to do with it but the crown itself that would be helping their enemy like it doesn't make any it doesn't make any sense but you can't really say that because the it's already been decided it's been decided that the they did not every saudi arabian did not and it's just one of those things where it's like you realize then they're on to the next thing so whatever i don't know i don't know the saudi history i don't know i just know that i'm doing draft kinks with a little light on the money and um bin laden's son has dreadlocks and i didn't know that he and corn rose in that picture in the middle he does have no women throughout history you know what have we've been we've been anatomically the way we are maybe for like 300 000 years really yeah what were we before uh well we had shared ancestors we evolved like all life so you're saying did we not have pieces and vaginas did neanderthals not have a standard piece no i'm saying 300 000 years for 300 000 years we've been as we are anatomically we've been as we are yeah i guess that's the latest right got it i'm not sure if i'm correct but something along those lines i'd say for 99.9% of the time we've been anatomically we've been as we were 99.99999999 maybe eight percent of that time chicks couldn't do shit yeah it's just the way it was yeah uh chicks had to raise kids they had to you know a lot of them died during pregnancy and they had to put one on the nipple for a little while and then daddy had to go out and just figure out how he's gonna kill some fucking thing to eat right right and so that it's just been a long road where chicks haven't really had any legal rights yeah for a long time until the enlightenment era until europe and then across the world egypt you had some chicks you know certain places certain times but it's interesting because it was like all the same time it was like it's almost like it was like chicks were like fuck that like all around the world it was happening where chicks were like we want in yeah we want rights we want we want to be people yeah we'll be full people we want to be able to own property we want to be able to own property able to vote yeah and you know and then it became this march towards equality right that um we're still undergoing to this day yeah and it's just kind of you know one of those things where uh you know you see like you know i just want you to ask yourself you know the last 30 years if you're someone in your 40s or 50s the last 30 years how have you felt how have you felt with kind of you know women getting you know more of a voice more of the power like how have you felt and then you you know i'm sure some of you are saying you know what i understand why for 300 000 years they just didn't let him talk obviously i'm just kidding it's the weed yeah i'm just kidding around it's the weed but what i do like is being on weed it's looking right in the camera i normally i'm just looking right at you but now it really it's just really looks like the camera is just yeah like you're on weed right now i'm on weed right now and it's the camera just when you look at a dead it just does look like somebody it looks like somebody's asshole it's and so you wonder if like the powers that be if you know if they're assholes a camera i don't know you ever think cats are such assholes you ever suspect that cats may be video cameras for aliens a hundred percent what if they're video cameras for aliens what if the aliens are watching us through the cats they could be because cats act fucking weird well then aliens are going to see me jerk off a lot yeah let me and they're going to see me i'm jerking off yeah the cat's faces let me tell you if you act like a cat i'll tell you right now you're sus yes anyone who acts like a cat is sus well i'll tell you what we went to an adoption agency we went to a little event called wolf stock yesterday like woodstock but for dogs and it was an adoption place and uh we almost walked out of there with the kitten and thank god They said the rules were for that kitten, you had to take two of them because they say kittens don't really do well on their own. Thank God, because I was not prepared to have yet another animal in the house. I'm trying to get rid of one. And then we were going to put in another type of animal. So we got real lucky because even Jasmine was like, we're getting this. And then when they said it was two, she said, you know what? We're not doing two. And I said, thank God. Thank God. So the enlightenment comes and dudes start. You look jacked today, by the way. Thank you. Because last week you told me I was pissing you off with the way I looked. But now you look jacked. Look at that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you look kind of yoked. I look fucking yoked. Now, are we going to talk about feminism? Are we going to talk about capitalism? What are we going to talk about? We're going to talk about the fucking ladies and how the enlightenment happened and dudes started going, yo, what's up? Yeah. Rights, reason, what's going on? Yeah. But the one thing they forgot is they said, yeah, we're talking about the rights of men. Of men. They go, we're talking, this is men talk here. This is cigar talk. You ladies go in the other room and cut the cake. Yeah, it's just what it is. And get the cake and the coffee ready because the boys are in here talking enlightenment. Enlightenment. We're enlightened. And then the lady says, wait a second, that's not fair. You're claiming to be enlightened, but you're not talking about ladies. And we go, yeah, because you're a thing. Yeah. And then the ladies go, we're not a thing. You had a mother. We go, oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah, ladies, go ahead. We're going to, okay, okay, we'll let you broads, we'll let you broads do some things. Yeah. That was the enlightenment? The enlightenment was basically. Well, the enlightenment was we're not, we're really enlightened. We're going to let dudes do a lot of things, but they forgot about the ladies. Right. It's funny because even when they were contemplating, they were going, slavery's wrong. They didn't mention that maybe we should give ladies some rights. Right. So ladies came later. 1800s. Yeah. I mean, ladies couldn't even vote in America until 1920. They could not. They could not vote. So World War I was raging on and women couldn't vote. They could not vote. And they probably only let them vote because they were like, almost all the guys are dead in World War I. Well, that was kind of the thing is also. When the men went to war, the women went into the factories. They started working. So then that kind of brought into question and they were like running things. So the women were going like, are we just supposed to be in a home? And then they was hearing all these rights and shit. And they were going like, well, what about us? Like, what about, you know, I'm a person. Right. I'm a person. And we were going, we're not so sure about that because the Bible says you ate the apple. Right. It says you chose to eat the apple. So we're not so sure about that. And they said, well, maybe that's a fairy tale. Yeah. And the guy said. What did you say about J.C. and Virgin Mary? Because I'll give you a fucking backhand. Yeah. She said, if you give me a backhand, that's a crime because I have rights. And they go, you're not a person. Right. And she said, and they said, and then Ralph Krimson said, I'm going to send you to the moon, Alice. Yeah. And that was funny then. And now that's a threat of domestic violence. You can't say that. You can't tell a woman I'm going to send her to the moon. Well, you can to our wives because they're kind of more lean a little bit to the right. So you can say that as a joke with them and they could just laugh about it. Yeah. Yeah. Like I could suggest I'm going to send you to the moon. To the moon and back, Alice. Yeah. And she would just laugh at it and walk away. Make no mistake. Ralph Krimson was threatening to punch his wife in the face with an uppercut because the only way to get to the moon is if you push up. He wanted to hit his wife so hard he sent her to outer space. And that got a laugh. That got a laugh. So that is not where we're at today. And that's a good thing. That is such a good thing. We are here. We have come a long way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's been just. It's been just. These. It's been like little, you know, steps towards progress little by little. Women are people. Women can work. Women can own property. Women can not only W-R-O-R-K. They can W-E-R-K. Well, we've gotten to full equality now. You know what I really want? Big tortellini. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we've got. Let's fire that up. Much equality now that women can also kill their kids. Yeah. And. We. Some. Some. Like men. Usually men do that. But now women have, you know, pretty soon. Hopefully we're going to see like. We'll see like women roofers, women burglar. I'd like to see a woman burglar. Yeah. I'd like to see just women doing the things that men do. Women jerking off with cocks. Yeah. Like just. It's complete. Absolute inequality. Well, they could. They've definitely. I wouldn't say they've caught up. They've surpassed with fucking the students. That women have done a really great job. They've done. Because it used to be just men and priests. With the boys. But now women having sex with the students, I think is number one. So I want to give a round of applause. Yeah. For just equality. That is actually a really great point. Thank you. I'm high. Women have really, really exercised their. Their number one. Yeah. To fuck their students. So that's nice. Yeah. So these are all signs of progress. Progress. Now, femininity, feminism. We're living in the hashtag digital feminism. But there was a long road to get here. By some of the heroes that often do not get acknowledged. I want to talk about Mary Estill. I want to talk about Mary Wollstonecraft. I want to talk about Olympia de Gouges, whatever. And of course, the famous Abigail Adams, who had a fucking love affair with her husband, John Adams, they used to flirt with each other. Yeah. And she came from a well-to-do family, but she urged the Americans to remember the ladies. And her husband did not embrace the demand. John Adams, that's cute, hon, but nah. He said, hon, cute talk, but this is, we're talking men's stuff here. Yeah. Go cut me a piece of cake. Yeah. And it's fucked up, but that's why we're here to talk about it. We're here to just be honest about it all. We're here to be honest about women, their slow crawl towards emancipation. And now we're fucking. And now women are the ones who are responsible for the most. Divorces, women initiate it. Lesbian couples have the highest rate of divorce. Women are saying I'm free. I have agency. I have my reproductive rights. I'm a person. I'll tell you what to do. And when we say women, we mean biological women, not guys that push their babies around in strollers. We're not talking babies around in strollers. Yeah. Yeah. Cause if you're a guy and you got a little baby, you got to just hold it like football. That's what I did. I put it in your duffel bag. You can't push the baby around in a stroller. You can't do that. So I put the baby in my duffel bag. Gotta hold your baby like a man, like a man. You got it. You can't put them in the stroller and walk around with a latte, checking your phone. You can't do that. You got to hold it. I don't care if they're three weeks old. You got to hold it like, then you hold, then you hold it like a tennis ball. You hold it like a football or a tennis ball. That's what it is. And when you take pictures, somebody takes a picture and you post, you cannot put one leg out. You can't do that. No, you can't do that. Stand like this and you don't smile. No. Smiling's for girls. You don't do that. You look mean. Yeah. You look like it's a Civil War portrait. Yeah, and it does. Those guys never smile. Yeah, and I don't care if your baby's a month old, you put that baby on your shoulders. Let me tell you something right now. Walk around because that's where the baby goes on dad's shoulders to show you how fucking strong I am. Okay, because smiling is for gays. It is. And, and, and, and Candace Owens for the gays too. Yeah, it's what it is. For the first time in two hours, Nick stopped smiling when you said that. Yeah. So the American Revolution, obviously. I want to talk about it. It declared that all men are equal. Right. And the French Revolution that came afterwards, inspired by the American Revolution, said, "Liberty, egalite, liberty, egalite, fraternité." What does that mean? It says, "Because we're free, we're all brother, the brotherly love." We're free. And we're all equal. But- That's the main thing. But someone noticed that you forgot about one half of the population. Yeah. And it's just a little thing. It's just half of the population. It's just a little, little thing. It's a little, you could see how easy it is to overlook, you know, half of the population. So they said, "We're talking about men here." Okay. Because you go, "Yes, these are the most progressive ideas. These are the most freeing ideas. This is the most revolutionary stuff. And yes, we forgot about half of the population. Also, when it comes to slavery in America, we also forgot about them." We did forget about that. So we're talking about white men. But we're still the greatest country. Look at our country code. It's one. Yeah. You got to dial one. You got to dial one. And then rest of the number. The United States, we're number one. We're number one. And see what happened when England tried to own us, they got pushed all the way down to number 44. Yeah. That was all. We did that. Well, you know what? The French and the British- Because I need you to add a third chain. Yeah. Can you take out your shoelaces and put it around your neck? They can do that. They could do that. Yeah. I want to hang out. Where did the chain out start? Because you used to make fun of me when I was the chain out guy, but then you came with two chains. So what happened? I was a chain guy in high school. I wore the chain with a cross out. Yeah. But then for a while, you were the chain in because you were telling me that I was the chain out guy. So what happened? Well, that was when I was handing out pamphlets for the Democratic Party. Yeah. So yeah. I think that's a rule in the Democratic Party, the DNC, they say you cannot have a chain out. Yeah. Chain out is a dog whistle. Yeah. It's a dog whistle. Yeah. It's a dog whistle to the right. Yeah. So, okay. So now you got- Not a lot of libs would chain out. No. It's a Republican thing. Chain over the shirt means Catholic means fucking MAGA. Yeah. So chain. So then you got two chains. I got two chains. Did you go right from one chain to add a second? What happened? So I had the one chain. I got the one chain. Okay. And then I'm so moved by the story of Yeshua of Nazareth. I decided to get a little sign of him so I could feel protected from the evil of the world. That's what it is. One of them has a little cross on it and it's a lot cheaper because you can't be rich and get into heaven. So, and I'm not rich. So, and then this one is just, I bought this from a jeweler in Bay Ridge. Right. Yeah, I bought that from a jeweler in Bay Ridge years ago. Now, what are we going to do? Where's your fucking chains, guy? I got my chains right here. You got dog tags on, but you never fought in a war. I got the license plate on. Yeah, why do you got a dog tag if you never fought in a war? Yeah, I don't know why. Why are you confusing me with a dog tag? Because I saw Jonah Hill had it in one of the movies that I liked that was on Netflix. So I said, I want to get a dog tag if Jonah Hill had it in a movie. Yeah, or you could say, because I'm a comedian, I go up there and I get killed every night. Yeah, that's what I do. I kill up there every night. Fucking serious XM. That's what I do. So, cuz. Yeah, cuz. Now, here's the thing. Yeah. You know, I mean, guy. You know. Don't forget lady. Ladies. Yeah. How come that never became a thing with feminism? We always go, hey, what's up, guy? Or dude, how come that hasn't? What's up, lady? Yeah. Lady. Lady. Lady. What's up, lady? Lady. And why is lady? Why, if I called you as a guy, if I said you're acting like a lady, why is that condescending? Why is that condescending? That shouldn't be. That should be empowering. That's why I wanted to be now. I say you're acting like a lady because you're doing an amazing job at life. You're doing an amazing job at life. We respect these broads. Because you're a pussy. Way song she ain't. Cuz. Yeah. I mean, cuz, what do you, I mean, with this world we're living in, too, especially New York City with the melting pot, you know, the muzzies and the Jews mad at each other. I mean, a shish kebab could be used as a weapon. Shish kebab could always be used as a weapon. So we shouldn't have pointed sticks on the shish kebab. They should, because it's just going to be a matter of time. Somebody goes in the train and stabs one of these muzzy guys, stabs a Jew with a shish kebab. We may have to start identifying people by ethnicity just to be able to know what food is safe to give. Yeah, cuz I just can't, and it's not overall, but I just think with the heightened sense of anger right now, we can't be giving Jews or Muslims pointed objects. You should not be getting a pointed piece of wood, no. Yeah, and I wouldn't allow them to wear the yarmulkes, cuz that could be used as a weapon. Yeah. That's a fucking, one of those, what do they call it when you throw? It's a, that's a boomerang. A throwing star. A throwing star, or a Chinese star? A Chinese star. Yeah. If a guy put, you know, blades on the end of his yarmulke and he threw it, that would not be good. Well, that's, I don't, I never understood, and I thought it was a bad thing that, you know, the Legion of Doom, or also the Decepticons or whatever, how come there was never a Jewish superhero that had a yarmulke with fucking, that was also, it doubles as a Chinese star where he takes it off and he throws it at the bad guys. Well, that's a good wrestling paradigm. It'd be good if we put him in Star Wars, too. Nick, and Nick's, you like that idea? Will you write that? Nick will write that out for the WWE. We'll call him the hat. That's what it is, yeah. Ladder 14. Cuz, this one right here is for all the cat lovers in the building. I told you, I almost got a cat last week, so I'm really listening on this. Yes. Tell me about this. Yeah, this is great. This is, uh, my best friend's cat's been scarfing and barfing, or my parent's cat had low energy, followed by what small is. Yeah, so you're just reading what they're telling us to do, but we're gonna keep it going because it doesn't matter. Because make it. Make no mistake, cuz, I know about smalls. Yes. What is smalls? Smalls is a fresh cat food, and it's protein-packed, and if you got protein, I'm listening. Recipes are made with preservative-free, 100% human-grade ingredients that you find in your fridge, and they're delivered right to the door. Since switching to smalls, my friend has noticed an improvement in. The cat has more energy. Yeah. They have less sticky poops. Small cats. Smalls cat food leads to high protein and improved hydration that equals strong bones and toned muscles. I want my cat to be ripped. You know who told me about smalls? Who? Uncle Russell. Uncle Russell is. Uncle Russell uses smalls. He uses smalls. It's Uncle Russell-approved, more nutrients, more digestible. I mean, there's just no way. Forbes actually ranked smalls the best overall cat food. Come on. And BuzzFeed actually says good, really good things about it as well. So BuzzFeed says my cats went completely ballistic for this stuff. Guys, and we're gonna give you a nice offer for a limited time because you are a history hyena. Listen, you're gonna get 60% off your first order plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com slash hyenas. One last time, that's 60% off your first order plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com slash hyenas exclamation mark. Cuz, let me tell you something. I've been using this company called Housecall Pro because you know me, I'm always, you know, moving houses. I'm always trying to fix a house. I'm always in debt. I'm always just, I'm not a guy. I don't know how to do the work. So Housecall Pro, this is awesome. Um, we had an HVAC tech come over that we got on Housecall Pro. This guy did a phenomenal job. Um, so that's why I, I, uh, I was like, oh, let's, let's have them be a part of this. Housecall Pro helps home service businesses stay organized and win more jobs. You know, what do you have? An HVAC problem, a tech, plumber, electrician, whatever home service pro these guys got on them. They dispatch the team. They send people out there. On average, uh, pros using Housecall Pro save more than eight hours per week. Jake Cordero from Mother Flushers Plumbing. Said using Housecall Pro felt like it took maybe 10 hats off my head. Yeah. He's wearing a lot of hats. It's just, he's wearing a lot of hats and it's just one of those, um, digital miracles that makes everything a little easier for you. It's already trusted by 200,000 pros on there. It's top rated software across 50 plus trades, including plumbing, HVAC, electrical, handyman services, contracting, cleaning, and more. So are you ready to save time and win more jobs? For a limited time only, our listeners get 50% off base plans for their first three months when you head to HousecallPro.com slash hyenas. That's HousecallPro.com slash hyenas for 50% off. After you sign up, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that the history hyenas sent you. Yeah. So getting back to feminism is back to these ladies. I mean, you got Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, no relation to John. A bunch of mouthy broads. That's what it is. Hey, hey, they, they did that. And then they really, you know, made things, made things better. If that's the way you want to look at it. Yeah. Well, so things will happen around the world, right? So the feminism movement started between the 16 and 1700s, but then things really took off in America, which is really all we're concerned about in 1848 with the Seneca Falls convention. Why do they always pick a dump to have a good time? I don't know. Why did they go to Woodstock? Woodstock's a fucking dump. How come they didn't do that shit in Jersey? Jersey. I know they should have did it. And you know what's crazy? Cause I'm always. So they can have a view of the skyline. I'm always connected to history. I grew up on Seneca Avenue. You did? Yeah. So that's right. That's right. And with all women. And I, I assume Seneca's named after some Indian tribe that got wiped out. Cause every lake in a good neighborhood is named after some Indians that got wiped out. Wiped out. Yeah. It's what it is. Waka Paka or whatever. You're always just, they just give you a name. They slap a name on it and say, that's our sorry. It's called genocide. It's what it is. Yeah. Seneca. So Seneca. But wait, but you said real quick, you said, I know we only care about the Americans and that's true, but how feminism was going on in the 1600s. Where? In France? It was going on. Yeah. The ideas were flirting around in France, in Germany. And then there was certain individuals, one famous chick in Egypt who was saying like, who took her veil off. Whoa. Which, which is a weird thing because according to some feminists now, the veil's a choice. The veil, the. The hijab or whatever is a choice. So it's like, it's not, I don't know why taking it off would be a sign of feminism, but this woman did at that time. I don't want to get into that because it doesn't make sense. And that's the way we like it. Yeah. That's the way we like it now. I don't want it to make sense. We don't want things to make sense. I don't want, I want it to be all emotion. I want it to be all. No more facts. No, just whatever. Just, yeah, it just, if it doesn't make sense, whatever, just don't ask questions. It's what it is. It's just what it is. And so there was a couple of chicks here and there in Europe. Um, and then, but America is really, uh, and Britain and Britain as well. And I think, um, Britain, they gave the right to vote. I think that these, some of these places, the women's got the right to vote before America. Right. I think the first women that voted was 1909. Right. Right. The first, first time the broads could, you know, put on their big boy shoes. It's what it is. And go to the ballot box and cast the vote. Yeah. I think that was 1909 if I have that correctly. Um, and that was in, uh, 1909. That was, oh, I'm wrong. It was 1893. And it was in New Zealand. It was in New Zealand. Women to go to the polls for the first time, 1893. New Zealand's got a female president, prime minister. Yeah. And then Australia went, uh, the women got the right to vote in 1894. Crikey! So I was off by about 10 something years and then somebody. But that's pretty much your pattern is you're off just like your birth, just like you're really not 50, you're 51. It's like, just like. Greeks are just a little off with the math. We're just a little off with the math. And then Finland became the first European country. And I was wrong again. It was, I said 1908, but it's 1906. Cause remember you're never, ever wrong because what you're doing is comedy. And it's a gift. It's an offer to God. We're offering to God. So Finland came around 1906. And then, so there's a bunch of places that were doing it before the United States. So we didn't start everything. We didn't start the fire. We just watched it burn. We watched it burn, but we did start most of it. And it's just one of those things where. Yeah. I, when I was a kid, I only ever really learned about Elizabeth Stanton and Susan B. Anthony. Those are the ones that everybody knew. So I knew a lot about them, but now I'm happy that like my daughter and her age group, there'll be, there's like new feminist heroes. Yeah. And don't forget about Sojourner Truth. Sojourner Truth, who I would assume was the black one. It was a black one because she was the one that took her, her government given name and said, it's not cool enough. I'm gonna change it to Sojourner Truth. Which is objectively way better. It's way better. And blacks love to do that. And they go, that's my government given name, but they call me Lil Rel around there. works better it's funner yeah now i obviously obviously it's um you know not the truth uh anymore and it is a stereotype but i'm going to be honest with you um you know when they say oh all blacks look alike that's not true at all but sojourner truth does look a lot like harriet tubman i cannot tell them apart latter 14 well in just being honest with you in your defense it's a really blurry picture and they are wearing those kind of similar like headpieces so there is a picture of harriet tubman where she absolutely looks like et yeah i mean it's just i know the picture where you're going that looks like et she's sitting in a chair and she's really old and it looks very like she wants the phone home yeah and it's just what it is and that happens that's what a lot of old pictures white people look awful in old pictures it's just what it is but yeah cuz make zero mistake what i also too i know a little off track then we'll get back on but i'm gonna get us matching pairs of pajamas and we're gonna take a photo in here let's do it and i'm gonna get the ones that have a little top hat i want to go old school pajamas let's do it and i want i want to put nick in uh reindeer ears yeah so and the hat off with reindeer ears because speaking of i want to see a bald guy with reindeer ears and here's the thing speaking it'd be great speaking of women and feminism they actually are really really good when we had women running the show remember when we had a female employee we would get all these merch ideas we would do little photo shoots so i think we should think about hiring a woman to like keep us organized every time you hire a woman for a certain thing whatever three things she had she had 20 problems yeah it's just what so you always got to do the math you know there's always 20 problems you can't foresee i'm just kidding guys we can't we just can't figure out organize we're never we're never doing what we're saying we're gonna do but a woman keeps us in line well but now we're complaining like women right so you think we have to be the women here we just have to figure it out because we're men because listen there was a bunch of guys that got together and figured out a country yeah so we can figure out a fucking merch idea it's just what it is there's just four guys that can figure out a fucking merch idea if a bunch of guys figure out a country yeah because the fatty fellas got together and they that's a very funny point yeah we can figure it out yeah we just got to try i don't know if we need ladies for anything other than just be at home and be in slippers way song she ain't it's just a joke nick nick you're nick smart nick nick's nick's the only one without a lady yeah he doesn't have a lady yeah because he's waiting what i like about nick is nick is such a feminist he's waiting for a woman to choose him beautiful you don't want to grow aggressive you don't want to aggress you don't want to court and courting is before women had rights i actually would like that i actually would like if the world got like that like what like if women go women choose i like i like if women choose i like that it just ends the headache like let's be honest it's a it's a little bit of a thing to have to like pursue right it's like tiring like i could be thinking i could be doing and thinking a lot of things there's a game on there's things i can be doing it would be nice if you put the effort in and you could do it to show effort that you wanted me right choose me right instead of me having to go pursue what's up can i take you on a date yeah it's just easier that way it's like you know what i want to tell like even jazz like how about i just take your last name yeah just take it and also like you just say kiss me now yeah tell us what to do tell me what yeah just stomp on my balls and yeah just put something in my ass yeah just fucking throw a fucking pony hair in my ass and just sit on me yeah just stop making me think cuz and here's the thing we're so out of the loop that they they do do courting bumble which is the most prominent dating event in the world makes the women make the first move love it so they are doing it so just forget what we said do women like that though because that's the thing then women will complain have you guys boys ever been on bumble yeah i don't know anything about it i don't know nothing about it and i've never been happier to be out of what's going i just feel like kids now are probably just really scared to interact with each other sure yeah it's really you're really scared because you can't it's very hard to trust right probably going like what's going on what's going to happen right is this going to end up am i going to be in a group chat nobody wants to be in a fucking subject of a fucking group chat no not really talking about you or fucking behind your back it's just so easy to go behind people's backs now yeah it's like fucking we got a group chat we're talking about you i don't like it at all like it so um that's what they do on bumble and and how do women like bumble let's see let's get can we get a review of like what do women think of making the first move what do they really think ladies we're not holding back today here on the history hyenas hotline yeah yes i want you to call in 1-800-fucking-skank ladies we want to know what you like we want to know what you like because my wife's an empowered woman but for some reason she cannot figure out what she fucking wants to order from the menu ever she doesn't know what she wants and she looks at me and she goes do i want the burger or do i and i go i don't know lady yeah i'm not you yeah i don't have your palate and i don't have your fucking cravings so make a fucking decision about what food you want to put in your mouth because i'm paying for it ain't that good enough ain't that good enough and that's why i don't have that issue because for jasmine the answer is always rice and beans which is a great food and it's a complete protein folks so it's great so the reviews from bumbles say women appreciate that men cannot message them first this heavily reduces the immediate influx of just unsolicited dick pics but you could still send a dick pic if you wanted right yeah maybe but like like once a woman matches with like if a woman matched with me on bumble could she just open up my thing it's a dick pic i don't i don't know that'd be a surprise we call that an october surprise that october surprise and they used the promo code october surprise on bumble to get 10 off for the month of october and the funny thing about that october surprise is it it's a year round yeah you could get it you could get an october surprise because you say it's october somewhere even though it's not so they appreciate that they also generally appreciate users report that the average user on bumble feels slightly more relationship oriented educated and respectful compared to platforms like tinder yeah tinder is just like sex right like yeah guys just are visualized and go let me just let me see inside your vagina yeah just oh let me just look inside your asshole like guys are a little guys are up in the head a little fucked up right a little fucked up guys are a little fucked up can't talk like that to people no you can't conversation fatigue this is interesting women don't like this having to initiate every single conversation within a strict 24-hour window can feel like a chore yeah women know they why is that that doesn't seem to make sense why only 24 hours i don't know that's maybe a rule i guess bumble just tried to create a site that would contain men right because men can get a little crazy on there yeah of course let me say some more pics yeah yeah let me say some more let me see another let me see your foot let me see your foot yeah that's how you know that's how you know yannis would have a ghost bumble account if ladies try to get in dm say i see your feet let me see your arm yeah let me see your waist yeah let me see it now open it up i want to see inside that's great yeah let me see your ear canal yeah yeah let me see your hair i want to smell it guys are like that right yeah i shit your underwear and send it to me in an envelope yeah i want to smell it i want to smell your shit yeah yeah nick texted us that yeah i want you to sweat all day and then i want to shit on my face guys are like that right guys like that yeah he just got naughty just getting real naughty if they could do it anonymously they'll go naughty nuts yeah yeah ah squeeze out with your eye juice so when you pour your eye juice in my penis hole yeah they want it there's some more disgusting things more than white yeah yeah i want to have a yeah and then i want you to treat me like shit yeah yeah ah guys just have yeah they got weird fetishes yeah it's just what it is it's kind of oh god you know and then you know here's what here's what bumble do now does is they they have uh advanced filters they're locked behind high price paywall so everything's a paywall guy yeah it's like patreon.com says history and it's why don't you use that as your bumble we'll keep you safe over there we'll keep you safe over there the peep the fans at history hyenas would not talk any they would not sexualize our women fans no i've still had one one user said i've still had exclusively positive experiences i am definitely way more selective with who i match with out of necessity if we hit it off great if not no big deal somebody else said so expensive and or the free version does nothing can't see like can't get messages or super swipe whatever it is just want to get fucked now the problem is with bumble because guys are so restrained on there perhaps it's like just only women on bumble right you know right i'm probably there's probably just not a lot of guys on bumble so how does bubble how does bumble compare to hinge i'd like to say i'd like to see that because why because i'll i hear more about hinge it's just nick you've never been on any any of these dating apps come on these fucking dating apps are just turning everyone fucking autistic you could just meet girls in theater bro they're nice yeah that's true carpentry also so you don't gotta do it yourself that's true yeah the girls in theater are nice guys hinge focuses heavily on intentional prompt driven matchmaking while bumble leans into a swipe heavy interface with unique messaging rules nobody meets in person dog it just makes it so easy so wait so what's the main difference Okay, Bumble leads into a swipe. Okay, so it's the same shit, just kind of a little different. Yeah, and then you go on Grindr. What about Grindr? No rules. Show me your dick. Where are you right now? Yeah, what are the rules of Grindr? Efficiency and ubiquity, unmatched user density. Reviewers note that no other app matches Grindr's sheer volume of active users. Whether you're in a major city like New York or a smaller town, you will find people nearby. Also, instant gratification. For users strictly seeking casual encounters or instant hookups, the location grid format is the fastest and most efficient tool available. Cultural staple, it serves as a digital gayborhood or safety net for travelers looking to quickly find and integrate into local career spaces. So basically, that instant gratification is like you could just say you could be a guy and say I just want to come in your asshole and they'll say yeah. And that's what they want. And they don't even use pictures of faces. They just use abs. It's anonymous. And you see how every time they have like a Republican National Convention. Like Tinder always goes like way up. Like all the hits. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it always explodes. And it's because of what? Closeted Republicans, basically. Well, there's the old joke. The convention and then. No, you said Tinder. You meant Grindr. Grindr, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. There's the old joke that Republicans are closeted homosexuals and liberals are heterosexuals who act like homosexuals. Right. So it's like the reverse. Right. It's like the Democrats are like, what's going on? Yeah. I'm feeling for the ladies, but they're like trying to fuck the ladies. Right. And the guys are like, I'm only for the ladies on the Republican side. But then they sneak off to motels and bang, dude. Dude, it's catamine. It's what they do. And it's called rolling the dice. It's called having a little fun. It's called taking this planet for a spin. Take it for. Because the planet thinks it's spinning me, but I'm spinning the planet. Spin the planet. Spin the wheel. Take a spin. Take a spin. Spin the wheel is something we got to start saying again. The wheel of fucking. Yeah. That's what it is. Spin the wheel of cum. And you know what's funny is when you separate men and women the way lesbianism and male homosexuality does, you can clearly see that there are differences. There's no better example of how different men and women are innately than when you look at lesbian communities and gay communities. Yeah. You know, you can clearly see, which is ironic because they're not into the opposite sex, but they act. Right. Like they're sex. Guys are fucking. There's dicks everywhere. I mean, there's just dicks flying out of ceilings. When you're a gay guy, it's like, suck me dick. Suck my dick. I'll suck your dick. Where are you? Fuck me. Goodbye. Yeah. Don't want to know your name. Get away from me. Yeah. You're too clingy. I want to fuck another guy today. I want to fuck five guys today. Yeah. And women are like, fuck. And lesbians are just like. Right. Are we in a relationship? What's going on? We're getting divorces. We're like. Right. We're sitting down. We're quiet. We're quiet. You know, the lesbian part of the island is quiet. The gay is just is, is, is. It's just, they turn it up. I don't know. How do you have that much fluids to be gay? What do you mean? Like, I'm saying like, for me, if like, if I, if you know, one nut, I would be like, I'm out for the weekend. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'd go to one of those parties, those gay parties. One guy would get me. I'd get sucked off immediately. And then I'd say, I'm going home now. This is what I came for. Like, why would you stay? I thought you have high T levels. What do you mean? No, but I'm saying like, like, if I, if I. Are you depressed? Yeah. No, I don't have high T levels. That's what I'm saying. I got to get in the Ferrari. I got to get on T. I thought you had like, you. They're decent, but they could be, they're, they're normal, but you want them to be high. Yeah. Well, welcome to middle age. Well, that's why you get in the Ferrari. Because you're at the 50 yard line. There's 50 more to go. Yeah. Okay. And a lot of people don't make it to the goal line. Some people have to kick a field goal. Those are the people that leave early. Yeah. And they just got to kick a field goal. They can't get a field goal. They only make it to the other side's 42. And they're saying, we're never going to make it. So let's just try to get some points on the board. Let's just try to get some points on the board. Not everyone's going to get into the end zone. Yeah. It's just, they get some points on the board and they say, you know what? At least I'm not going to hell. I'll get some points on the board. We'll go out at 70. We'll go out at 70. And at some point, you just got to be thankful that you made it to the 40, 50 yard line. I mean, right now you're at the 40, you're at the 42 yard line. I'm at the 42 yard line. I mean, you know, at the most there's a hundred yards. Right. Yeah. But most people throw a pass in from 93. Some people throw a pass in from 88 if you get a long bomb, but those are harder. But, you know, I mean, there's a very good chance that we kick a field goal at 67 to 74. It depends. We could be in the end zone. Right. In the 70s. Which means dying. Does it ever blow your fucking mind? Yeah. That like the best. Case scenario for us as fathers is like, we won't see most of our kids life because they'll be a lot. We'll be dead for most of their life. Yes. That's a scary thought. And what I like to do when I have that thought is say, what is making me have that thought? What's making me have that thought is the love for my daughter. So I'm going to focus on the love for my daughter right now. And that is a tactic that seems to work for me. That's what it is. And that is what we call an emergency response. That's been programmed by Yannis' therapist. Yanni, I didn't realize that Yanni just had to hit the emergency. Emergency parachute live on YouTube. Yes. It's an emergency button. He just had to hit it. Because that anxiety is, and that thought is so overwhelmingly horrible. Whenever I have an overwhelming. You just have to hit the button. You have to hit the button and go, let me get right back now and just focus on the feeling. Because feelings are timeless. Love is timeless. If you believe that love is the ultimate, you just throw yourself into that and you go, that's the price you pay. Let me just be here right now because that is a fucking horrific thought. And it's. And it's true. And it's true. Yeah. We're just going to not, we're going to see our daughters into the thirties, maybe forties. Yeah. And then that's it. And that's like really like, that would be amazing. Like if you could see that. The worst part is for them is they're going to be a little relieved when we're gone. Yeah. That's the worst part. Yeah. Is they're going to go, well, you know, I missed him. He was really good, but he was also getting annoying me, calling me all day. Yeah. Telling me, Hey, what do you want? Yeah. They don't love that. We become a little bit of a burden to them. Yeah. Because everyone needs a dedicated assistant. That's what we need. That's why I want to talk to you about Athena EA. One person, yours full time, not a pool, not a bot, not someone you share with four other founders. Okay. It's amazing what they do. That's why today's episode brought to you by Athena, the executive assistant service. Every founder I know is quietly obsessed with. That is so cool. They start with your inbox, the calendar, the travel, the dentist appointment. You've rescheduled twice. We all have done that. Then they take the vendor research, the board deck, the CRM that you've let rot and the followups. You keep many meaning to send and they just organize it and tell you about it. And they come from the top 1% of 60,000 monthly applicants and they're trained on the AI tools you've been meaning to set up for two years. So your EA automates the repetitive half and spends their judgment on the half that actually matters, hon. Yes. That's right now. What we need you to do is go to Athena.com slash cackle and get matched with your executive assistant, your personal EA. That's Athena.com slash cackle. Founders who wait, stay buried. Founders who go to Athena.com slash cackle today, get their time back this month. Cause blue chew. I know that. Did you do your hair today with a hard cock? Yes, I did. I do. I, yeah, I love always staying hard. I don't like being soft. Well, I told you that I've been having trouble getting morning wood and popped a couple of blue chews and then boom, we're back, baby. Yeah. Blue chews is a good way to make. Make sure you stay hard, whether you're a little older or you're in the closet and your wife doesn't really do it for you because you're thinking about guys. Right. Blue chew will help you out and be able to keep that denial in the closet. If you want to keep it in the closet. Yeah. Use blue chew. And blue chew gold. That's the big one. That's got four powerful ingredients, two for blood flow and two for arousal. You get, I want you to have a new era of stress-free sex with the number one brand for better sex. No in-person doctor visits, no waiting rooms, just a simple online process and bam, you'll be blowing bedpots out. Like never before. That's right. We're blowing guys, whatever you want to do, you're going to have hard cock in and around you. It's what you call training wheels for your cock. Yeah. So experience it yourself at bluechew.com. We got a special deal for our listeners right now. When you buy two months of blue chew gold, you get the third free with promo code hyenas. That's promo code hyenas. You will also receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank blue. Chew for sponsoring the history hyenas and the bedroom. So that sucks too. That sucks too. But it is just going back to what we said at patreon.com slash history. And is a point that we made is to say that kids are growing up so fast these days because of the internet and because of the news that they're not supposed to be watching, but they get access to it somehow on their phone or their classmates are talking about issues that only adults should be talking about. So these kids grow, they get so much more mature, so much quicker. So you really only have your kid be a kid. Until they're like 11 or 12 years old. Yeah. And then I'm at, I was telling Yanni, I'm at that stage on my 11 year old daughter. It's like, she's becoming so grown up where I feel like that's just, this just used to happen later. So you really got to just cherish the love for your children because they're really only babies for like 1% of your fucking life. Yeah. Which was a really good insight. Chris, he had to go to the picture on to hear it. Um, even, you know, and cause we talk more about and go to pay trying to hear, um, some of, uh, we, we went a little wild that cause the, yeah, we went a little wild and I wonder if we should edit out the stuff we said about this. Yeah. I don't think we said anything bad. Did we not? No, but we just came around, but we had fun. We had fun. We had fun. So she didn't leave it up there. I don't, I don't. Yeah. It didn't seem bad. What do you think? It's all just jokes. It's just all. And we didn't say anything bad. No. So I don't know. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don't think. I'm just high. Yeah. No. Yeah. It's. I don't know. Because you want to go to Nia Bowl? Yo. Yeah. Because you got to get your roof cleaned, right? Your roof cleaned. Yeah. By the fucking. Sometimes. It's a funny thing with roof appointments is like sometimes you need them, sometimes you don't. Recently, I haven't really needed the roof cleaning. But he's going to get his money because he's a Macklemore. Lad of 14. He's a 2012 Macklemore. Yeah. What are you saying? Macklemore put that costume on. No, I'm going to say because he's going to get that money because he's a natural enemy of Macklemore. He's a natural. He's Macklemore's ops. Yeah. He's Macklemore's opsies wopsies. So these chicks met in Seneca. They sat down and they decided. They had a little meeting. The girls got together. And whenever girls get together to talk about the men, it's not good. It's not good. They're going to come at you. This was the first. This was the first hashtag. Yeah. This was hashtag me too in Seneca Falls in 1848, where you had all the fucking all-stars there. This was like a hall of fame of feminists. You had Elizabeth Stanton, Susie B. Anthony, Sojourner Truth, and Frederick Douglass was there. What are you doing there, guy? Hey, Freddie D, you got a cock and balls. Yeah. Was he there? No, he wasn't there. Was he there? No. Well, it says important figures because Frederick Douglass, the enslaved abolitionist, he was a feminist, supported women's suffrage, and attended the Seneca Falls Convention. Yes, he did. He did. He was fucking there. I didn't know that Freddie Douglass was there. Hey, no. He was probably there to get some pussy. Yeah. He banged out Sojourner Truth. I guess because. You think he caught a blowy from Susie B. Anthony? Very possible. That would have been fun. That would have been very fun if Frederick Douglass caught a blowy at the Seneca Falls Convention. At some point, he got a blowy. At some point. At some point, one of these guys caught a blowy at the Seneca Falls Convention. Were guys getting blowys back then? Yes. That way they don't smile in pictures? They were getting blowys. When did blowys start to. Jesse, can we find out? When did blowys. When's the first confirmed blowy? Because I know in ancient Greece, people were getting blowys because they put it on the pottery, but there's no evidence in early America that guys were getting blowys. The fumes might have just been too horrendous. Yeah. No, I think, but if guys were getting blowys in ancient Greece, when's the first. Yeah. But guys were letting their balls breathe a little bit more, so it was a little bit more palatable. Yeah. Let's see. When's the first confirmed. It was a little more tolerable. There's no single confirmed prehistoric art pottery, like you said, ancient written records. Some scholars, yeah, ancient classic Latin texts. The specific tag blowjob is much newer. It first was recorded and printed in 1961. Yeah, blowjob. Well, that verbal slang blowoff was used in prostitution circles in the 1930s, so that means that my father was alive for 13 years without the term blowjob even being invented. What were they even saying? Hey, baby, can you perform oral sex? You needed a term for it. They said they would call it a blowoff. A blowoff. Give me a blowoff. Give me a blowoff. Give me some head, and then I like brains. Yeah. They should give you brains. Brains. Or top sloppy moppy. Yeah, just give me, just fucking vacuum my dick. Yeah. Suck it. Yeah. Suck on it. But that is a very interesting thing to think about. At the Seneca Falls Convention, which was all about women's suffrage, there was a man there who caught a blowy. There was somebody. Statistically, there was no way it didn't happen. Do you think Abigail just sucked John Adams' dick? I think she gave him a blowy at some point. I think so. I think all founding fathers at some point caught a blowy. They caught fucking blowys. Yeah. It's what it is. So, yeah. Yeah, Nick, when's the last time you caught a blowy? Caught a fucking blowy. What's honesty? Tell me the last time you caught a nice blowy. Probably since before there was women's suffrage. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. That's a nice answer. Cuz, we can fucking buy you a blowy. Oh, yeah, dude. You want that? I have my own on Roosevelt, baby. Yeah. That's true. No, but do you want an auto blow? We'll get you that as a Christmas gift. All right. It's like $600 I can get it. I just want more weed seltzers. I got three more for you. I need all of them. Yeah. A lot of this stuff's not so black and white, though, right? It's like, cuz then you have some people going, like, sex workers and, you know, we support them, but then you're going, dudes are paying for sex, treating them like objects. So, like, what is it? Or is it both? I don't know. Like, I want to talk to a feminist to be like, is prostitution okay? Like, if, you know, if we paid for Nick to get a blowy. Is that okay? Is that bad? Is that okay? Cuz we're employing a girl? I think they would say as long as you can confirm that they haven't been sex trafficked to women, but I don't know how to confirm that. How do you confirm that? I don't know. But I think the main problem with prostitution, I think why they want to legalize it is because the sex traffic ring is how most of them get in there. So that's why you have to legalize it. It feels like it. Cuz that's the worst part about it, right? Yeah. So I would agree with the ladies. Yeah. I would agree with the ladies on that, if that's what they believe. Feminists do not hold a single view on prostitution. Radical feminists view prostitution as inherently exploitative and coercive practice rooted in male dominance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In the patriarchal order. Yeah. But then on the other hand, it's like, but also if you're a staunch feminist, if it's a woman's right to choose anything in their body, their choice, what if they want to make money off doing that? That's right. That's the problem. That's where you get into the little bit of that. All right. So what is it? Right. It's like, what is it? Like, you know, we came into the problem a little bit. It's like the sexual revolution, the bras came off, all this shit. Right. But then it's like, so a woman. And, you know, like, what, you know, can a man, can a man be like, whoa, I didn't give consent? Like, you know, it's like. Right. I don't know. I don't know, cuz. I don't know, cuz. I don't know. I don't know. I just know that I love women. I love women. And it's nice to be out of the game. That's. The game right now is a confusing game for the youth. Game. I'm out of the game. And I just, you know. Yeah. And it's what it is, cuz. You just have to respect women. I respect women. And I respect. Fucking Niable. You can't treat. I wanna eat Niable. Here's the trick. You can't treat women like objects unless they say, treat me like an object, which sometimes they will do. Yeah. Because they like that. And then they are giving you consent to treat them like an object. Right. Right? But then also, you have to make sure that. Just have your lawyer present. That's what it is. Just have your lawyer present now. Have him filming it. Cuz you need consent the whole way through. Have. Yeah. Yeah. I think the only way two young people. Don't have sex is if both of their lawyers are present. Don't have. I want both the lawyers in the room. Both lawyers in the room and you cannot have any substance. Do not. Neither person can use any substance. It needs to be stone cold sober sex with your lawyer present. That's what I. That's the solution. It needs to be. It just needs to be. And I would live stream it. Just because that's what the kids want. You wanna have a camera just in case you, you know, you wanna. Live stream. Yeah. Well, they have nudity. Well, this is on set. What we're gonna have to do is we're gonna have to. Figure out a way to access the other person's interiority by Neuralink or something so that you can know even if she's saying what she means by what she's saying. Yeah, that's important too because she could be pressured into. Right. She can be pressured into saying consent. Right. So she could be saying yes but meaning no. So we need access and women need access to men too. We need access to each other's interiority. We need to know exactly what we mean when we say the words. Right. Because we can't be trusted to have agency. Yeah. But on the other hand, all these movements and freedom and everything is give us agency. But yeah, and it is. But then we can't trust what you say. And it's just what it is. Yeah. And look, dude, I was just on set for a movie with Matt Rife and I did not ask consent when I took my balls out and put it on his shoulder. It was just a goof. We both went to all boys schools and we laughed and high-fived but we did. You know, we weren't just teabagging each other in public. It's just a goof. But it's just a goof. And I didn't. You didn't need his consent and I hope you didn't need mine. It didn't come as consent. Then the 1920s, that's when it really kicks in. Women get the right to vote and then they start Virginia Woolf, they start writing stuff, they start, you know, things really change. I mean, listen, things really have changed and now we're living. I think the workforce is mostly women. Yeah, it feels like it. Yeah. The crazy thing, the craziest thing to contemplate about this is how absolutely radically different these last couple hundred years. Mostly like a hundred years, right? About 150, maybe 200 years have been to 300,000 years. Do you realize like if you jumped from 600 AD to 1600 AD, a thousand years, not really that much had changed. There still was no electricity. There still was no vehicles. Like most, you're still living off the land. Like yes, some things, your outfits, but not radical changes. But then if you just went from like 2002 to 2026, the whole world's changed. Crazy. Isn't that wild? Change is so crazy and it's such a blip, you know, in human history. Like the changes, there's probably more changes in the last 10, 20 years than there were in like a hundred thousand years. I saw a thing that said, mathematically, if you took the entirety of human civilization and you put it into a 24 hour clock, like the entirety, then from present day, 2026 to the revolutionary war, 1776, those 250 years would be. That would be five seconds. Yeah. If you represented it mathematically. So it would be in five seconds ago that happened. Yeah. That's how close, that's how quick all this shit is happening. Yeah. Yeah. Is it a good thing? I think so. I think so. What, to have women be empowered? No, I think, yeah, like I think, well, not to have, women should always be empowered. They should always have the right to vote or whatever, I guess. Yeah, no, it's great. It's great. It's great. I'm just saying like, are women, are women happier or is this what women want? I didn't want like, you know, some women do some women don't yeah like some guys are genuinely happier being the stay-at-home dad yeah they just that's a role that they like for me it would just go against my egos and principle and it's just one of those things where it's like even if my wife was making a lot more money than me i would still feel i have to go to work just because i feel like the man should be doing that where a woman might feel the opposite she might feel the woman should be home taking care of the children i think we're both right yeah but here's the fucking thing okay tell me the fucking thing when you experience it not once but twice you do notice there's some fucking differences that have nothing to do with whatever anyone's saying yeah you just fucking notice it you're not supposed to notice it but you fucking notice it i don't think either one of my kids knew who i was right until they were like two years old yeah because they just want mommy they just want their fucking mommy for the first couple years so if mommy's at fucking work for the first one or two years is that a good thing i'm just asking the question are you just asking me i'm just asking the fucking question because i understand you could have a mommy who is at home and she's depressed and then that's bad and i understand you can have a mommy who's at work and you didn't get what you need because you were supposed to need that and that's bad that's what people say so it really depends all i know is from what i've experienced two chicks who are untouched by fucking society i watched them come into the world and i watched them go mommy mommy mommy mommy fucking mommy and i noticed that one of us had chicks and one of us didn't yeah and i noticed that and which one was that because right now i can't tell sometimes it's both of us but yeah fucking one of them works and one of them doesn't one of them's out of order and one of them's for show one of them's performative and the other one's not yeah and i noticed a baby going and all i could do was offer a finger and laugh and giggle that's what all i could do there's not much i could do yes to help out what they need yeah and i just happened to fucking notice that yeah and what yannis was on a real heater and i like that and just because times are so sensitive right now that's why i did the breaststroke because i just wanted to insert a little humor you want to put a little humor in there you never see the fucking you never see the baby apes hanging out with dad they just don't do it they just stay with the mommy for a little while don't do every animal just stays with the mommy at the beginning yeah so it's like i don't know yeah like when the emails come to me from my daughter's school i'm just like i'm just not gonna my wife's gonna figure it out i don't have any capability i just know what school they go to and what time they're supposed to be there but other than that like the lunch being packed yeah the the test being signed the homework i'm just not gonna do that i'm gonna play basketball with my kids and we're gonna go out to eat we're gonna have fun yeah and maybe some of that is something we have to unlearn maybe we gotta unlearn it maybe it was programmed into us by some patriarchal structure yeah but also there is a little bit where you go like some of this kind of just seems organic it's just organic it just seems sort of organic in the middle of the night it does not matter and it doesn't seem to bother my wife all that much no my wife as long as the garbage is taken out yeah she'll scream at me about other stuff but generally she's pretty happy with what's going on like my my daughter today got up at like three o'clock in the morning and was crying i want a mommy and i don't even i was up as well and she knew i was up but she didn't even ask me because she was like i'm this is my job i'm gonna do it just like if i just like outside you know it would be my job to do it but i would send my stepson out there yeah because he you know yeah he knows how to use a sword he's used to use a sword and when you have a boy in the house you just try to put it on him so put it on him a little bit yeah because because for most of the time my wife was the one going out there like all movements you look at this movement you go like a lot of great stuff women obviously should vote they should have the ability to work all this the women should be just as free as men should be equal to men 100 but then you ask do we are we continuing are we just are we just continuing for the sake of continuing i don't know i'm asking the question i just want to know is everybody out there fulfilled right i don't know i don't know i know the people who are fulfilled are the people go to patreon.com history hyenas and join the matriarchy because that's where the fun fun fun happens and we like this our favorite part of the show and let me just say this to end it because we did an episode about feminism we hardly talked about it so that could be anti-feminist in itself so i'll just mention the important too love her so do what do the work yourself that's this history hyenas podcast is we give you a good idea and then it's all wrong but at least you can google or chat gpt who we were talking about and get the real story yeah i mean it's a pretty simple story broads wanted to say and they got to say yeah okay here we go leading off the list again funniest name wins gets the ppw the pseudo penis of the week we thank you so much for your support and telling all your friends uh and this is just a great part of the show patreon.com history hyenas history named Lynn Gween. Lynn Gween. Like L-I-N Gween. Chicken finger. Chicken. Start with a chicken finger. Then we got Phil. Then we got Chrissy Chlamydia a.k.a. Adolph Drippler. And Yanni the Feet-Seeking Missile Zinladen. You should have just stopped with the Drippler. Adolph Drippler. You're going to Drexler for the Adolph Drippler. Yanni the Feet-Seeking Missile Zinladen. They're both really good. They should have been separate names, but I understand he only has one shot. So we're going to Drexler him with a star on it. That's a really good one. Okay. You get the star of David. Jordan Andrews. Rest in peace, Dolly. Parton's big tits. Got it. You have to shout that out. My commanding officer is a Leroy, so I say slur, yes, slur. Latifort, damn. Jew ship plants. Why are they so inventive? I know. Then we got marrying a native. Can't wait to give her small pox. Can't wait to give her small cocks. Victim of a bad read, but. That goes, right? It's going to go on the list. Yeah, and I read it wrong. Marrying a native, can't wait to give her small cocks. It's got to put it on the list. Jesus, good. Snowstorm, a.k.a. Under the Covers, a.k.a. Try not to let Uncle Yanni dip his matzo stick in your marinara sauce. Obie Clark. Honk, sunk. AOC's ice-detained huevos rancheros. Glued in her mouth, then kissed her, wanted to know what it tastes like, but I'm not gay, cuz. Okay? Okay. She's a curious kid. Cav. Seafaring frisbee wearing flippers, blowhole like a torso. Mm-hmm. Christy's sticky glucose monitor. Mm-hmm. Fruity pebbles turned to booty pebbles. Put them on the list. Yes. They went into another hole. Derek, Hannah, Miss DiStefano moves the vegetables because Christy is a homosexual. Yeah. Probably, right? Probably. So she's a disturbed human being. Ron Deep Kneejar. What? What's that name? Ron Deep Kneejar. I think that's her real name. N-I-J-J-A-R. Mm-hmm. And his name is Ron Deep. Father Bill. All I can say to that is booty, booty, booty, boo. Father Bill tongue-punched Christy's fart box harder than Sergio hit drug dealers on the Lower East Side. That's. She's probably fat. Yeah. Probably. Paul, how did Josephine's asshole get so big? Hashtag Christy K-9. Sean Hanlon, smelly-ass pussy, half-black. Someone being honest about themselves. Chicken figure. Half-black kid who can cook would have been a house Leroy? That's what it is. Not Irish, but I've definitely taken a gay lick. Like, gay lick. He went with the wordplay. The past two were Drexlers. My new address is Sidney Sweeney's septic tank. Lad of 14. Just a real dirtbag, right? You know what's funny? On the list? No, you know what's funny? Again, right? Again! Yeah. A fucking again. We had a whole episode about talking about how dirty guys are. We did that on this episode. Yeah. It's just what happens. It's something with the universe. It's the fabric of it all. Put him on the list. Yep. Contender. Yeah. That's so weird. Jeremy. That is so fucking weird. Cuz, I'm telling you, it happens every episode. There's a name on something we've talked about. I think when things happen like that, like, things are. Like, that's that's like, um, synchronicity they call that, right? Yeah. It's like you're in the flow that you're supposed to be in. Yeah, it's God telling you don't change anything. Yeah, just like you're in the flow. You're in the flow. Jeremy, wading in semen, I smell like a muzzy fish market. Wait, what? Jeremy wading in semen, I smell like a muzzy fish market. Ways on seeing. I don't get it. Yeah. I get that he's covered in Muslim jizz. Yeah. But I don't get what. I don't get it. Yeah, muzzy fish market. Okay. Chrissy is haunted by houses past. Call him Ebenezer Screwed. Mm-hmm. Casey Anthony's daycare service. We've had that. Yeah. My girl got hit in the head by a full beer at a Mets game. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! He just wrote that all in one word. Drexler. Drexler. Yeah. He was just getting the statement out. Yeah. Danica. Wife's asleep. Sniff her feet. Beat my meat. Put her on the list. That's just what it is. Yeah. That's what you call a sonnet. Yeah. It's a haiku. Yeah. Yeah. Jordan Perry. Kelly. Koi Schumard. Ghosty. Scotty Lex. Adolph Oliver Bush. Hashtag ladder 14. Hashtag gays for Trump. Daniel Silva. 8 p.m. Jack Linderbaum. It's Kevon Bass. Derek Lazzari. Chrissy's hemorrhoids. Call me Captain Butthook. Racially ambiguous ham candle. Call it a mystery meat. Drexler. Ethan Hawks. White cock makes the day worth training for. You wrote that? No. What do you mean? I joined the Patreon? No. Yeah. Because you like Ethan Hawks. Yeah. I do like it. Yeah. Very funny. 90 Day Honeypot. Nick B. Bricked up bookworm. Call me Puing Dexter. Clinton Florian. Clipped and zipped so I can pop my zit without a little shit. Cameron Baker. The Vatican's Holy Bagel. Chris has German Downs. My wife's boyfriend bought me Blue Chew so I could finally participate. Whoa. That's nice. That's nice. Half Sandman, half chopsticks. Call me Muhammad Ari. Way song she ain't. Just what it is. What it is. Border Jumping Frisbee. Okay. Asian Prince. Suburban Kid had Mavri moving next door. That's good. That'll be good. I'm on the other side of the Trojan Horse Glory Hole. Cub Man, Lester, the African Wreath, a.k.a. the Somalian Family Tree. I can't afford a tree so they got a reef. Calling Trans Girls Spiderwebs because I walked into one. Okay. That's pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good. Drexler. Pollinated a half-breed Leroy. I'm a whitewasher. Okay. I like saying the word breed. Told the firehouse I stop at the first knuckle. Okay. Don't get that. Don't get it. Fuzz, Alex Weiss, Scratch Scratch, Sniff, Offer Wife a Whiff. Okay. Salvy Woody with a Hoodie. Jonah. Paffay Bidet, a.k.a. the French Glue Gun. Okay. Zachary Brennan. Leroy loving all the grape references. Okay. Oh. Oh, grapes. Okay, grapes. Grapes, yeah. R.A. J. Max Lomax. Shadon. Burn. Fuck the Queen. I'm not gay, but I'd bang out Chrissy Big. I have a weakness for adobo fumes and coconut cookies. I feel you, brother. Yeah, so does Chris. Andrew Wolfe, Mike Edelton, Jury Cruz, Munch and Muzzy, Carpet with My Ass in the Air. Lad of 14. Put him on the list. Yeah, yeah. The visual's funny. Yeah, so he's going down and he has prayer rug while he's eating box. Yeah, yeah. Put him on the list. K.K. Bradley Jenkins, Robert Selig, Eeyore Leroy Cuz, and then Frank Antonetti. Okay. So that's the list. Okay. So the finals, we have marrying a native, can't wait to give her small cocks. That's got to stick around. Fruity pebbles turn into booty pebbles. Wife's asleep, sniff her feet, beat my meat. This is the definition of I'm sorry, dude. Just Jordan. Yeah. I'm just sorry because you deserve to win. We just got a few of them. Oh, God. It's just the luck of the draw. And then we got Munch and Muzzy. Carpet with my ass in the air. It's a funny one, but we're going to have to do that as well. It's just unfortunate. That's the name of the game. So it's down to the final three. It's marrying a native, can't wait to give her small cocks. Or my new address is Sidney Sweeney's septic tank. I can't decide with this one. I can't decide. The laugh that septic tank got was a big one. Yeah. I can't decide. Jesse, what do you feel? Yeah. For me, it's either booty pebbles or septic tank, but I'm going septic tank. Septic tank. Booty pebbles is really good. It's really fun. It's really fun. What do you like, Nick? Yeah, I like booty pebbles, but I also respect the big laugh that septic tank got. Yeah, septic tank, and that's what I would go with. Okay, okay. So that's the winner. Go to historyhyenasisback.com. So you name it up in lights. You have the new PPW. I just want to say it pains me that booty pebbles didn't win. It also pains me that small cocks is not going up in lights. That's what makes this so hard. I wish you guys were on other lists. And I just want to encourage people. It pains me. Just hear if you think you can't do it. You've been a long time listener. You don't want to make a funny patron name. Just try it. Take a stab because you don't know what comes out. I mean, some of this stuff is gold, and if these people could do it, so could you. Yeah, it's just crazy. And to be honest with you, though, I don't know if Giannis or I could come up with a funnier patron name than you guys ever could. No, there's no way. There's no way. I mean, you know what we're doing right now? We're taking can't wait to give her small cocks, and we're taking booty pebbles, and we're making them not winners. That just shows you that sometimes you play in the wrong. That's just the way that the universe mapped it out, and it's unfortunate. And it's unfortunate, but see your name up in lines. You are the winner. So hope you get service in there. ABC Wednesdays. Abbott is back. It's going to be the best year yet. Thank you. Now we can finally turn this up. It's going great. Abbott Elementary. Anything can happen in the jungle. Right, guys? All new Wednesdays on ABC and stream next day on Hulu.