Feel better, attract better: Deine ersten Schritte zu dir Selbst

And then I've always dealt with these things more and I thought to myself, "That can't be, it's so easy that if I just deal with it, what makes me happy and what brings me to fulfillment or what brings me to fulfillment, then everything is just set for me." I thought to myself, "From where then? Who then? God is not my sugar daddy." Hi, I'm Sibel and you just heard my podcast. I'm going to talk about personal spirituality, self-help and personality development. This is not a reliable source for language consistency and is most likely to switch between German and English. Thank you so much for listening and have fun with the following episodes. Hello, hello my friends! I hope you're all doing well. Welcome to my first real episode. I am extremely happy that you are all here and that you have taken the time to listen to this episode. I hope you can take a lot of this with you. I just had a lot of fun recording this episode, although I actually recorded it for the third time. The frustrating thing behind that is that I wanted to do a different topic than the first episode, but it just didn't resonate and I recorded the episodes yesterday and I thought to myself, "No, I gotta change it." That's why I decided to get up here tomorrow and record a new episode. But I don't want to talk about it anymore. I don't want to talk about it too much. So let's get into the topic and let's go! This episode is called "Feel Better, Attract Better - First Steps to Yourself" or your first steps to yourself. And it's just a super, super important episode or it's the starting point of my personal journey. I give you three tips that have helped me to get out of a super dark time and really get into my potential or to take my potential and to make the best of my life so far. First of all, I would like to say that everything I say or recommend in my podcast is not about therapy and I am not a therapist or anything like that. I really only talk about my experiences here and what has helped me to live a successful life. First of all, I would like to explain to you the three states of consciousness that I would like to explain to you. So that you can know what we actually have for dimension or in which dimension we are. So we have the NPCs. Most of you will be familiar with the word "non-player character" and that's exactly it. These are people who don't really decide on their life. That means they run on a program and spend their days like that. They are absolutely unconscious about who they actually control and don't really want to be free. But they think they want to be free. If you project this into our thinking world, NPCs are the people who identify with their thoughts. That means there comes a thought and then they are like "Oh my God, I must be that!" Because we also say "I'm stupid, I'm stupid, I'm shit, I can't do anything better than that." But you know what I mean. And we identify ourselves or these NPCs identify with this statement. Then we have the second level and these are the observers. Observers are the people who can differentiate between what they identify with and their thoughts. So you see, a thought comes in and takes it as it is. So "Ah, okay, like a cloud that flies by." There is a thought and this thought, for example, says "I'm stupid." So then this observer says "Ah, I see this thought, he says "I'm stupid." But he doesn't take it directly. On the second level, you don't know exactly how you can change these thoughts so that this cloud disappears and shines. You don't know that yet. That's why sometimes you sit there and just hope that the thought passes by. And sometimes you just let it rain over you. You haven't seen your whole force yet. Then there are the third level and the third level are the "conscious people." These are people who are aware of what's going on around them and what's happening in them. That means they take their thoughts as they are, accept them as they are and can also lead them. And the power of a conscious person is simply that this conscious person can consciously decide for another reality. This may sound a little off-based, but it definitely makes sense in the course of time, the more you deal with this topic. And that just means that if you are a conscious person, a conscious person, that you have reached a level where you understand yourself so well and can describe your subconsciousness so well, that you can act outside the pre-programmed system, for example, on which the NPCs can act. But maybe that's a topic for a different day. Let me know. Today I'm going to talk about three things that helped me get out of a very negative time with myself. And these three things are actually the first steps that I took and also the reason or the trigger that I'm sitting here today and recording this podcast about these topics. I would like to go back to the concept of the three level of consciousness again. In short, the back story of 2019/2020 was the worst or the deepest years of my life and I was mentally and physically absolutely bad. That means you have to imagine that I was an absolute people pleaser and I developed an idea and I worked in a factory. I went to the university and somehow I had my social gatherings or whatever. I came home, went to social media, slept, went back to university, worked on social media and so on and so forth. And that was my life, especially because my social life was so consuming, because of my energy, because I put so much into it, because I was the most people pleaser in the world. It was just exhausting for me to live at all. Every time I was in contact with people, I was as high as if you were at a concert or at a really crazy party. I don't like the crazy party, but that's how I imagine it. And I was always really high energy and high life and motivating as fuck. And everyone really liked it and that was my goal. I always wanted to motivate everyone and always push them and then I came home and I had this absolute drop. From this whole high, this endorphin and everything that I felt there, I was suddenly completely on the floor. I was at home, the mundane, it was just boring and I was alone with my thoughts and it was kind of super creepy. So that I started to distract myself with everything possible. I had my laptop running, I had a TV running, I had a conversation next to it and I was on my phone at the same time. Just to distract myself from the empty thoughts in my body that I had in my head because I was the ugliest overthinker. So, diving right into it. Oh boy. Okay, now you have a little overview of how my life actually was and how I felt. It's just really crazy that when I look back now, I was the sickest NPC and I thought I was the main character. So nothing wrong with that, but you know, I was so unconscious in my life and I didn't even notice what I actually experienced in that moment. So, and to top it all, I decided to move out in 2020, early 2020. Then I was completely alone for the first time in my own apartment, away from my parents, away from any guest families or anything like that or WGs. I was all alone in my cold, unmobiliated apartment. And all I did was work, uni, work, uni, work, uni and that's it. And when I got home, I sat down again and linked myself to everything. That was also the time when I developed my idea and it just sounded so bad to me. I just ate my feelings, I tried everything to avoid my thoughts. Then Covid came and then I sat here really alone. I couldn't go to uni, I couldn't really work, so work was just this weird short work, so I didn't really have much. I wasn't just alone, I was lonely and it felt so bad for me. And then for the first time I asked myself the question "Who am I actually if I don't have to be anyone?" "Who am I if I'm alone?" And with this question I never had to confront myself and I was absolutely crushed because I didn't know who I was when I was alone. Because who am I then? I didn't understand what was expected of me, who should I be when I'm alone? I'm just me, but who am I when I'm alone? Those were the thoughts that made me so crushed and finished. And then I discovered the book "Ask and It's Given" in my closet again. And this book, guys, it was a sign! I can't believe that I saw this book at that moment, because I had the book a few years ago. I had it when I worked in the U.S. as an au pair and that book gave me the biggest comfort at that time. Because I had an absolute annoyance, but that's a different story. I could always feel so good because it's just a whole pocket full of love and warmth is this book. Then I thought, okay, I'll start reading again. And this book says that we are not here to only experience and grow, because to be honest, this has become so exhausting for me at the time, but we are here to feel joy, fulfillment, fun and love, to experience what our soul brings to burn, and that if you do that, so everything you want and how you want it, the Joker card in life would be everything you want and what you need to be available to you, because it's your birthright. And I was like, huh? What the fuck? No way! And then I got more and more involved in these things and I thought, hey, it can't be that it's so easy that if I just deal with it, what makes me fun and what brings me to fulfillment or what brings me to fulfillment, that everything will be set for me. I thought, hey, from where? Who? God is not my sugar daddy. The fuck? Hey? And of course everything goes much, much deeper. The book is really thick, but I really recommend reading it to everyone, because there are also tasks in it to change your feelings in a positive way, but not in this toxic way, not this just-be-happy, but just really that you understand what feelings are for and what these feelings make of you and where they come from and how you can put it on the root and strengthen it from the root and transform it into something that is personally better for you than a better feeling. So if you want to take a look at this book, I definitely linked it in the show notes. It's called Ask a Nets given by Esther Hicks and it's super, super, super, super exciting. I really recommend it to everyone. Yes, and this book was like the start of my journey to my happiest me. So what did I do? I just started asking myself questions. That's it. I asked so many questions. I was like, but why is that? And why is that? I knew these four-year-olds who were asking the whole time, starting with absolutely banal things. Why are my friends like that? Why do I have the feeling that I never get something back? Because that was my biggest conflict back then, because I was a people pleaser. I always gave a lot and I always had the feeling that my friends never gave me something back. And I was totally in this victim role where I thought, no one likes me and this whole thing. So I really started asking everything back. And then I came back to the question that absolutely overcame me back then. Who am I when I have to be no one? And I wrote that down. And people, that's an absolute game changer. So you could say, no, it's all cool, I have it all in my head. Yeah, I get it, but do it anyways. So honestly, take a pen, take a pen. It doesn't matter what kind of pen it is, it can be a fucking book. Take a pen, take a napkin or whatever and write it down. Who are you? I wrote down a few journal prompts for you that I used back then to start the whole thing. And just to be clear, it wasn't easy for me to answer these things. That's why I didn't expect that if you answer these questions, that it will be so easy-peasy. So of course it's something very emotional. And I cried every single day. Every single day. But it's worth it. Because many, many session were also session of relief. Because everything I felt, all these negativity that I felt, I finally had a place, I finally had an outlet where I could put it on and let it go from my own little system. And because I let it go, I was able to ask myself, am I ready to let it go or do I still want to hold it? And that's an absolute game changer. And that's why I'm not taking it lightly now. So here are a few journal prompts for you, if you want to deal with this topic. How do I feel? Why? And you're really honest, because no one would ever read this book. I personally burn the books most of the time. Please be careful when you do so. But I always burned them, or most of the time burned them if I couldn't keep them close to me. How do I feel and why? What's going wrong? Do I want to let go of this feeling? How do I want to feel instead? I wrote letters to every thing I really thought was crap. It may sound a little weird now, but I wrote letters to everything I thought was crap. And there are... I'm sorry, if you know me, I probably have a letter for you. These letters are not for the people, or for the objects, or for the situation. These letters are for you. I wrote a letter to my fears, for example. And I talked about these fears exactly. I did that when I was afraid of a person. I said, "Hey, I think you're crap. I think you're crap because I have you. I think you're a piece of me. I think it's absolutely stupid what you're doing to me, because the way I react because you're a piece of shit to me is actually not how I want to react." And I wrote a fucking farewell letter to these fears, and I also thanked myself for the fear. Because in the end I knew that these fears wanted to protect me from something. And that's okay. I said, "Bro, thank you for your service. Thank you for protecting me. But I got this now. I got this. You don't have to protect me anymore." And in that way you could do that with all means. So I did that with people, that I took people out of my environment and said, "Hey, person XY, I think you're crap. Why are you actually like that? You're so fucking ugly, boy. And I just went off on this, okay? And you're allowed to hear or see or feel that you're crap about what you've been through. And you can... As long as you don't... So please don't share it. I'm sorry, but please don't share it. That's not what other people think. Take this book and cut yourself out. I don't think so. I don't think so. I was sometimes so angry and so disappointed because of a person. And I wrote every time, "I think you're crap. I think you're stupid." I feel like the last piece of shit in this room and I don't want that. And I wrote it all out and "Let me tell you something." Every time I did that, I felt better afterwards. And from a certain point, if you have a certain satisfaction, a certain acceptance, it's not about the person. It's about what the person is triggered by you. What you experience, what you perceive, must never be the intention of the person. And then I took this feeling, what I felt about this person or through this person, and I did it to my own person. And I said, "You ain't this person. You're a part of me that I couldn't accept myself." Maybe it's a little too deep. A short excursion, "Everything that triggers you on a person is a part of you that you don't accept or love." It's a fact, but it's like that. And the good thing about it is that if you've found out that a person has a certain part of you triggered, then you know where you can still work to become a full person. But the end of the excursion, because that might be a topic for another time. That goes a little deeper and I really want to talk about the first steps here. So back to this topic. In any case, I wrote this letter and I burned this letter every time. Why do I burn this letter? Very simply, energy cannot be destroyed. Energy cannot just go away. Energy is irreplaceable. And I always said, "Okay, if I wrote this hate letter now, I can't leave it standing and lying in my apartment, because then a spot in my apartment is kind of tainted. There's just a black spot in my apartment that contains negativity." And that's why I took it and I packed it in my bag. And I went outside with my bag and I burned this letter in my bag. Because every time I burned something, I imagined how this smoke and the dust that comes out of it is irreplaceable energy. And I imagined that I could let it go because of that. I posted it in the world, in the atmosphere, but away from me, away from my own little universe, which is my body. And at this point, after I started to ask all these questions, I was already on level 2. So level 2 is the observer, if you remember what I said at the beginning. And I could observe more and more there, but the observation was super difficult for me. Because every time I saw something, I took it personally. And my ego was full again. But I have one more journal prompt for you. I almost forgot it here. And that's the best. So listen up. If everything were possible, you could take a new clean sheet and rewrite your life from now on. What would you do on your first day of your new life? Feel and who is part of it? I also have a book recommendation for you. And the book is called Beautiful You. And it's a really nice book. But you just have to read one page. And it's a book that you could read 365. So it's a one-year book. You read one page every day. And there's always a small, a mini-small task in it. That then says, yes, no idea. Write on how your morning routine would look like if everything were possible. And it's just so trivial and so small. Small is not something to do, but it does. It's life-changing. As a third, I just became aware that I have to live in that moment. It doesn't help to think about the future. And it doesn't help to think about the past. It's easier said than done. I know this. I've tried to learn more and more about life at the moment every day. I want to do a little exercise with you. I saw it on TikTok recently and I thought it was so cool. So make yourself ready. I don't know where you are right now. But I hope you can take a quick look around you. First of all, I want you to search for three things in your environment that are white. Now three things that are green. And three things that give you a good feeling. Welcome to the now. You just looked around and your environment was taken. This is a mini little exercise that you can do again and again. You can also just look at how I'm breathing right now. How does my breathing feel right now? When I breathe in, it's a little cooler. When I breathe out, it's a little warmer. It's a great job, a great exercise to get back in the moment. Especially when you realize that the thoughts come in. And you start to panic. I also started meditating. I personally had absolute problems to meditate at the beginning. I couldn't concentrate at all. For me it was really a thing. I close my eyes and I go to sleep. And I did that a few times until I tried to only bind myself to my breath. And to always imagine how this breath goes in and out of my body. And I did that for two minutes. Then I did it for five minutes until I arrived at 40 minutes at some point. And people are so crazy things happen in my meditation. Oh my God! But then I tell you about it differently. This is one thing I did. Another thing that helped me so much was to go for a walk. I woke up in the morning and went for a walk. I didn't have any time left in my brain to think about whether I want to go for a walk or not. Because I woke up when my alarm went off. I woke up and went out. And when I went out, I didn't have my phone with me. I only had my keys. I looked around and I thought I was conscious of colors. I went out. I said, "Okay, I'm going to take a look at everything that's red. I'm going to take a look at everything that's pink." And I did that for so long until I had left before I had gone out. I could already say that today I want to see a purple flower. And people, it was winter. I went out and saw purple flowers. That's the power of focus. My subconscious was so trained on it. And it was so much expected that what I wanted to see, I would definitely see, that I could ask an absolutely absurd question before I went out. For example, I want to see purple flowers in winter when it's below freezing. And I went out and saw it. That's the little task that I'd like to give you if you're struggling with it. To feel the moment, pay attention to what's going on around you. Look for a certain color and just look for this color. Just look for this color. Okay, I think that's it. All right, my friends. I hope you could take a little something from this first real podcast. I want to briefly tell you about the books that I just mentioned in this podcast episode. The first book that I mentioned was "Ask and It's Given" by Esther Hicks. And it's a really, really cool book. I recommend it to everyone who's on the way and who asks me for book recommendations. A short quote from this book. I'll link it in the show notes. You can just go into the description of this episode and see the link to this book there. Then you can just get it on Amazon or from my Instagram profile in my link in bio. Everything is linked there. Here's a small quote from the book. So. Simply because you give your focus and attention to the signals or to your emotions, you can understand exactly what you've experienced so far and what you're living right now. Because everything starts in your head. That's another quote. Wait a second. "I've thought long before manifested in the physical form in which you see it now." Period. Alright. This is the first book that I mentioned. The second book that I mentioned is "Beautiful You". And this is a daily guide to accepting yourself, I guess. So you can just read one page 365 days a day. I'll read you from, for example, day 3. Every day you can read five pages of text. And the task of the day is, how do you feel about yourself? Why is that the case? What will a healthy sense of self and healthy life give to you? I think that when we deal a little more with our head and deal a little more with what actually happens with our feelings and in us, that we, as soon as we feel good in ourselves, feel good and safe and strong in ourselves, that we can strengthen the whole world from the inside out, because I feel good in myself, that I don't need anything from the outside to somehow confirm myself or feel strong. Because of that, I have already seen how I have attracted things in my life, just because I am who I am. And the topic is maybe a little too deep now, but we will definitely talk about it in the next few episodes. But these were the first steps that I took at the time to feel absolutely okay with myself. But I also have to say that I was absolutely okay with myself. I said to myself, I want to feel okay, and I want to do everything to feel okay. That means, if you are a person who also says, it's just enough, I don't want to look for confirmation or attention in the outside, or to have the feeling that I am simply not enough. And let me tell you something, you are enough. You are absolutely enough. We are all born as complete beings, and this complete being has been trained with time. I believe every single person who says, I am ready to do something better than me and get out of the victim role. I am ready to take full responsibility over my own life, to take the chain myself in the hand, to say, hey, Schicksal, there is nothing like that, or at least I don't trust it. Right now, I am writing my own story. You have the pen in your hand. You can start writing now, you can live your new life now. So to summarize the whole thing again, every person has the power to change their life completely, or to improve from the point of time where you are aware that you have the power. The three steps I have mentioned today were, first, write everything, write your feelings, write your definitions, write who you want to be, what you want to do, how you want to feel, and how you don't want to feel, how you feel right now and what you don't want to talk about. Then write a list of needs that you have. What do you expect from other people in your life? What do you want, what do you want from other people? Which feelings do you want to feel when other people are close to you? What do you want from outside? And you can write these needs. Write them down like a postcard, say hey, Sibel, 23 years old, needs, curiosity, love, strength, security and so on and so forth. And these needs are completely okay. It is okay to have these needs. You can now say, these are my needs and I am not going to settle for anything less. You can also say, before anyone else, I will try to give myself. And then just look at your life, what already exists in your life, where you already feel like that. And if it's just something like the security, you feel safe when you are in your bed, you feel safe when you look at your door, something like that. And the third point was, feel the moment. Look at your environment. What is there? Just anchor yourself in the now, anchor yourself with your breath, see that you are walking, see that you are starting to meditate. Just do breathing exercises or just sit down and look around what is just happening around you. I hope you could take some of this episode with you. I had so much fun recording this episode and it feels much, much better than the episode I recorded before. Oh my god, that's why I'm so happy. I will now cut this episode short and then upload it right away. And I am very happy about your feedback. Don't forget, I have a newsletter. The link is also in the show notes or also on Instagram, in my bio thing. I am very happy about your feedback. It is so interesting to hear what you like, what it resonates and in which topics I should go a little deeper. And in general, I am just happy that you are all here and that you are all listening. And I would say, until next time, I should definitely give you some books and articles and just write down a little bit if you actually want to be a little self-image. Work and inner work and healing. And if you have any questions or problems or anything else, please just write me a DM on Instagram and then we can chat about it for a short time. My Instagram is @cibelxhrt and my TikTok as well. And I am happy that you are all here and yes, let's get it.