Featuring Ashe

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human Are you desperately hoping for change in 2026 but feeling stuck? I'm Dr. Laurie Santos and in a new year series of my show The Happiness Lab, I'm going to look at the science of getting, well, unstuck, unstuck at work, unstuck in your relationships, and even unstuck inside your mind. I am the absolute worst culprit when it comes to getting into these grooved-it-of-looms and just driving myself crazy. Listen to The Happiness Lab on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your shows. Hey everyone, and welcome to the first episode of season 4 of Let's Be Real. That is crazy. I am so excited to share my conversation with singer-songwriter Ash, but before I do, I don't think I truly have the opportunity to share and express my gratitude to you guys for listening and just being interested in this podcast. Season 4 is absolutely my favorite and there are so many full-circle moments that I cannot wait to share with you, but for now, let's kick it off with my new favorite artist, Ash. Hello everybody and welcome to this week's episode of The Let's Be Real Podcast. This week is so exciting because I get to talk with one of my favorite musicians, Ash. Welcome. That's so nice. This is your first podcast. Thanks. Yeah. This is so exciting. Wow, I already sent this earlier, but wow, I love the way I sound. It's a microphone. With the headphone. It makes me want to talk really low. Oh, and it's like, you just want to like do a home meditation. You could do like a narration. Yeah. I was like, your voice is so soothing. It's soothing in person, but then when you're talking, anyways. That's so fun. You say that because I don't like the sound of my voice. Really? Yeah. Even right now, talking. It's fine. I've been listening to it back. I'm like, I like it a lot. It's so nice. It's a really soothing. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Oh, my goodness. Just kicked this off with compliments. You know what? I think that's the best way to start off any podcast. I was a little self-love on my part too. I was like, I sound good. Just to, you know, to your own horn a little more, I've been listening to Ray non-stop. Can I tell you that I think the, not only the lyrics and the storytelling, but the instrumentals and the music, it just hits different. Thank you. It truly does. And I'm so excited to talk to you about it and with everything that's happening. The first thing I want to talk about is I know you've talked about how when you're making an album, it's kind of a snapshot of a moment in time in your life. Where were you in your life when this album was made? Ray. It's funny because it is the perfect snapshot of where I currently am. But when I was writing it, it was kind of like I was manifesting this current era. Weirdly. I love that. It was a manifestation. Yeah. Because I was still in a pretty like long term committed relationship at the time. I was still wearing my turtlenecks. When I was working on this album, I was kind of like wanting to be and like graduate into this new era. But I wasn't there yet. And I like weirdly making the album kind of launch me into this place because like I can be the girl in another man's jeans. And then I broke up with my boyfriend and then I'm in somebody else's jeans. Now you are. It's as you should be. I was like, wait. But when I wrote that song, not in my wildest dreams, did I think I'd be here now? Isn't that funny how life works like that? It just, I'm a worrier. And sometimes something I'm realizing it's kind of, it all works out. It kind of does. Oh, yeah. If you're a worrier, I would say, stop. I mean, hey, listen, I feel like we all have like an inordinate amount of anxiety and especially our generation and like below us, it's just there's a lot going on. But I will say, you're in a waste away your life worrying. Oh, yeah. Don't do it. I know. Just got to let it go because things are going to be the way they are, whether or not you like it. Like, can you let this kind of reminds me of maybe a song called emotional? Yeah, she did her homework. She listened to the whole thing. Of course. Thank you. Yeah. I love that song and it's the energy of it is like, let's just have a good time tonight. But also, I am a firm believer that like, let yourself feel all the things, you know, let yourself go there sometimes. I think one of the things that I think that you know, you can relate to is being a woman is really harsh and that's just a blanket. Just a blanket statement. So, I know and I've been realizing it more and more, especially going into school and just being on my own and just the pressures that come with it and how we're, you know, it's almost like we're not meant to be like human beings in a way. We're kind of looked at and it's hard to, it's just, it's really hard sometimes. And I know you've talked about these things in your songs and your music and I was wondering where that stems from and if you've dealt with it personally as well. Oh my gosh, yeah. I like what you just said. I feel like you kind of hit the nail in the head with like, it's almost like we're not supposed to be human beings sometimes. Like the expectations, some of the expectations on us are like, just so out of this world. Like, be beautiful, but don't be too manufactured. That's fake. That's fake. Because that's fake. But if you're too natural. Yeah. Like work out and be fit, but like, don't be too thin, don't be too thin. There's so many. There's like all these double standards are like, I just started seeing this guy. And like all these things are coming up for me of like, it's fine if like he, like, okay, this is so dumb. But like parts in front of me, but I'm like, I could never be as, I mean, there's a whole, there's a lot of other stuff around there, but like, I mean, even being just like anybody else. I know. And I really think we're, we're programmed to be like, you have to be perfect in every way. And when the standard of perfection changes, then you have to change with it. And you better, you better know when it changes because sometimes it changes overnight and you miss it. Yeah. But I totally relate to you. And I think that I surround myself with a lot of really good humans that see me as a human, like men and women alike in my life and, and everyone in between that I, I have been really well protected now. Like I got to a place in my life where I don't have anybody in my life who doesn't expect me to like be real, you know, yeah, but yeah, what is going on right now in school? How's that, how's that reflecting in school like what's coming up of like, you know, feeling like you can be a human? It's very interesting because being in film school, I'm realizing already there is not only is like the film industry very male dominated, but I already had experience where I was directing a scene and a guy completely was like in my face trying to distract me and tell me I was doing it wrong. What? And I'm like, that was freshman year already, I'm like, why can't I feel like sometimes the voice that we're given isn't enough or it's not taken seriously enough. So I think something that I'm really trying to do and establish for myself is make my what I want clear and because frankly, no one else is going to do it unless I do it. Yeah. You have to care more than anyone else. Oh, absolutely. And so I love this, my mom always told me that you teach people how to treat you. So like it puts the ownership back into your court of like, yeah, people can kind of out the gate, maybe treat you poorly, but then you immediately either validate them and say that's okay or you stand up for yourself and you're like, well, that's not going to fly. And you're constantly everything you do to from the moment you walk up to someone and hug them or shake their hand, you are teaching people constantly how to treat you. And so I feel like in that scenario, it's like this person is violating your personal space, your, he's obviously being super disrespectful. And like in that moment, we learn from it and we grow from it because that's all you can do from it. I feel like sometimes they just have to be like, I feel like no, no. And I feel like something you mentioned about being in this new era. I'm kind of in a new era myself kind of just like, okay, we're 20 now. It's a new decade. Oh my gosh. We're just, it's a new decade and I'm very excited for what's to come and for everything that I'm going to learn. Yeah. How have your 20s been? Do you have any advice? Oh my God. Yeah, I got some advice for you. My 20s have been interesting. I've always felt like you've been through a bit and there are a lot of my 20s were I got engaged. I got married. I got divorced. I said another relationship. I graduated college, moved to Nashville, moved to San Diego, moved to LA, moved around a body house, got that divorce, had to sell that house, give half of my money to somebody else who did not deserve it. And then, oooh, piping hot tea, um, ow, um, the voice is messy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And at such a young age, yeah, I was, I was 25, oh, plenty of time, I get married in the worst. I get married in the worst. Yeah. To go through it all. You're going to love it. No. Um, so that was interesting. And then I got into a very safe, lovely kind relationship with someone who just became my best friend and then got to a point where I realized I was in a friendship, not like a romantic relationship. Yeah. There's a fine line. But the line, it's very, it's, it's, it gets blurred. I needed it. Like it was perfect for the time. It was right for as long as it was right. Like it was, I also was in a really like emotionally abusive relationship in my marriage. And so like needing to be with someone who was really safe and kind. I think was exactly what I needed. And he taught me a lot of like, okay, these are non-negotiables moving forward in relationships. Here's what I know that I want. Um, and knowing what you don't want is also just important too. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Relationships are great. Like I feel like they get a bad rap. It's all the breakup albums that give them the bad rap. It's all the breakup albums. Yeah. That's all everyone listens to. They're the divorce records. Yeah. I mean, hey, it's just, which is, they're great songs. But like, yeah, there's just some lessons that you don't learn through other people. Like you have to learn them on your own and like go through relationship. Yeah. But anyways, what was my advice to you in your 20s? Wait. Um, hmm. What do you wish you knew going into this decade? I do feel like a little bit on the emotional lane. I do feel like I took things far too seriously in my 20s. I take things way less serious and my 20s are almost over. Like I'm getting to that point where I'm like, I think people take life, just make things that aren't important way to important and then they take over your life and then you're losing sleep over these things or over people who don't, you don't even like, you're trying to get approval from people, you don't even care about them, they don't care about you either. It's for this abstract concept of approval, but you want them to care about you. You want them to care, but also like in your 20s, in your 20s, something that I'm trying to figure out is being content with myself and just needing myself and I feel like that's like the journey that I'm currently on right now. That's amazing. Yeah, I went to the summer, I was, the summer was all about self growth, I went to Europe by myself, I was just wanted to see if I could do it. Whoa. So, that's bold. I know. Where'd you go in Europe? I went to Paris for a week by myself. Ah, that's my favorite city. It was so pretty. The thing was, I was so anxious the first couple days, I couldn't even enjoy the food. Oh no. Doesn't that suck? Like, well, I mean, but we got to enjoy Paris. So after the first three days, you chilled out. My body was like, do you know French? No. Are you learning it? No. No, you were there. I was just going listening to music and Apple maps. That was how I got out. Oh, good. Okay. Not talking to any French people. No, I did look. It was great for people. It was so good for people watching. How did you order food? You know, there was a, they gave me English menus. What? In Paris? Yeah. Or, and if it wasn't, I would just like, like go on Google Translate and then see what it said. Oh, like the scanning. That's genius. Yeah. Wow. Modern technology, man. Pretty great. I'm so proud of you. I don't know that I wouldn't know you well enough to be proud of you. But I do feel pride. That's so nice. That you went on your own and spent a week there. That's amazing. I feel like after living through a pandemic, I'm like, get a get out of here. You just got to get out and explore the world at this point. Yeah. Yeah. And I love that this has been the summer of self-growth for you. I think it is, I mean, I don't know, Pearl. That feels like the energy around a lot of people I know right now. What about you? Oh, I mean, yeah. Always. I went on this, like, 54-show headline tour. Incredible. And that's our neighbor. And it just kicked my ass. It was amazing. And I finally got to, like, connect with all these fans that, like, I've just been, like, we were dating each other on Tinder. Like. It's an online relationship. You got to have in person. Yeah. We finally got to, like, not fully, like, hug everyone because I'm on stage, but, like, just, like, connect in a real way. Why did I say that? Oh, growth. Yeah. That tour completely changed my, basically, my entire existence. Like, how so? The view I had of myself, like, seeing myself through my fans' eyes. In the beginning, I had a really hard time with it. I, like, went through a whole existential crisis in the first two weeks of tour because I was, like, no one deserves to be loved like this. Like, I remember, and I've gotten over it, and now I'm, like, love me. Yes. Like, love me more. Love me. Or, like, let-- Okay. Well, we'll get there. But, I was, like, I'd walk out on the stage and, like, the intro-- I have this crazy elaborate intro, and then I walk out in the music cuts, and, like, it's, like, a wall of screaming hits me, and I had a really hard time adjusting to that. It was the first time I had ever experienced it, and while, like, your whole life, you, like, I want to be successful. I want to be in a room where people are screaming my name, and then it actually happens, and then you're, like, how do I process that? No one should feel this way, like, putting me on a pedest-- like, I'm-- I'm a human being. Yeah. And then you're put in another category of not only am I a woman that isn't supposed to be a human being, but I'm also an artist, and-- Which is a whole other-- Just a whole-- Side of it. Just a whole other bag of expectations. Like, "Listen, this isn't a what was me. I love my life." And I got to a point where I got to, like, "Oh, okay." But the beginning was really hard. It's a transition, just, like, anything. It's changed. Yeah. And I, like, was really feeling the growing pains of that. And then I realized the big realization was people are going to fall in love with the version of you they have in their head. So-- And even, like, our closest-- our parents are the person you fall in love with. It's-- they're falling in love with a version of you that they've created. Yeah. And, like, only you get to fully, intimately know you. And so what I stopped doing was making all of my fans wrong for loving me, because I'm like, you-- I'm, like, when you know yourself deeply, you're like, "Stop it!" "Stop it!" And then you get to a point where you're like, "Oh, no. I'm going to just let them love whoever they've kind of made me out to be in their head. And I'm going to be her for them tonight." And suddenly, I was able to, like, process everything so much better. Because everyone views you in their own way. And so it's-- it's-- it's-- it's-- it's-- it's a whole interesting concept, but it's so true, too. Yeah. Even, like, your friends are, like, if your friend met you prior to the summer of growth, you know, would be a different person. They might even be, like, now they'd be, like, "Well, why are you acting this way?" And you'd be, like, "Well, I-- I mean, Vulve, and I'm changing, and-- but they have a version of you that they love." And so, like, I find, actually, that's why a lot of friendships-- it's, like, the best test of those friendships is, like, if you can grow together instead of just stay stagnant, or let you grow, and continue to, like, let their love evolve while you evolve. Just got deep. No. Hey, it's called Let's Be Real. We're so real. We're so real, guys. We're so quirky. Yeah. We're so deep. Oh, my God. We're so quirky. We're so quirky. I don't even try. Oh, my God. I would never. Okay, we have to take a quick break, but when we come back, so much more to talk about from how the media treats people in the spotlight, your new album, Ray, and how you bounce back if things don't go your way. We'll be right back. Are you desperately hoping for change in 2026, but feeling stuck? Just spinning your wheels and old routines and bad habits? I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and in a new year series of My Show, The Happiness Lab, I'm going to look at the science of getting, well, unstuck, unstuck at work, unstuck in your relationships, and even unstuck inside your mind. I am the absolute worst call for it when it comes to getting into these ruminative loops and just driving myself crazy. We'll look at ways to reignite your sense of purpose, rediscover your values, and get more creative. We'll also explore how to design a life that feels more fulfilling. Sort of like the game of life, I don't know if you ever played that game. Oh my gosh, yes. You take the car long, and you try and get money, and you try and get degrees, and you try and get to the end where either you have a mansion or a ranch or a shack. And once you get to retirement, you're done. What about the whole path along the way? So join me to get unstuck in 2026. Listen to The Happiness Lab on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your shows. And we're back. One of the things that's so interesting you bring up, because one of the main themes I wanted to discuss in my podcast is, I feel like the media and society, we put these people on a pedestal, and then we forget their human beings that bleed, that they're just human. And I feel like something that I'm really trying to do is let everyone know that, because sometimes when I see headlines, I'm like, you're not treating them like a human being. You're treating them like an object. And I feel like also when you see these tabloids, especially with people like my age or stuff that are going through stuff, and it's them they're covering, and I'm like, but they're just a teenager. And I feel like we should all be more accepting of that everyone's just going through their own thing, and we should just all accept people as people. Yeah. I mean, wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that be so nice? That's an ideal world. I think part of it, like you really have to take responsibility on your own. Because the world is not going to jump onto that bandwagon. I know. It's been this way. But that's what this podcast is. I mean, hey, you're going to change like whoever's listening to this podcast, you're going to change their lives and you're going to impact them in a intimate and cool way. At some point I had to go, I'm going to stop being mad at the world all the time for doing what it always does. And not say like, hey, it's okay for you to treat me wrong or anything, not say that. And you do advocate for yourself and you do stand up for what you believe in. You do make a podcast that creates change and impact. But at some point, I had to be like, I'm going to stop being mad at the world for like telling me that getting older is ugly or that you can't be successful as you get older as a woman. And like, yeah, I hate that. Yeah, I'm always going to hate that. But it's a waste of my time and energy. You just got to do what you got to do to get by and you just got to not listen to it and do your own thing because that's all you can ever do. Yeah. And try to like, you definitely, I definitely grew thicker skin in my 20s for sure. How do you not from everything you've been through though? Oh man. Yeah. It makes you the person you are today. Are you grateful for all those experiences and the person you've become today or do which some of them didn't happen? Oh, that's a good question. Well, yeah, I mean, I really love myself. I really like who I am. I got there in my 20s. That was a good thing. I hope you are there or you get there. That's one of those things. Like when you look in the mirror and you're like, she's dope. You should like, what a waste of time to think anything else because you're stuck with you forever. So wherever you go, there you are. You might as well like her, you know. But I, so I am this person that I like because of all the things that I went through. So no, I probably wouldn't know if like asked for them, but like, my brother died two years ago in the middle of the pandemic or like, there's so many other like, so many things happen in my 20. I'm like, now you're like giving me a moment to have perspective over the last, how many years of my life. And I'm like, wow. A lot of them down. Isn't that cool to see how far you come? You've grown? Yeah. It's really, yeah. I appreciate you for giving me a moment out of my day to think, no, you need to acknowledge it. Absolutely. You do. Thanks. This is good for me. Of course. Because like we go through everything and like, if we don't appreciate and learn from it, then the only way of failing is not getting back up. That's the only way you fail. Cool. I love that. Absolutely. The only way you're failing is if you don't get back up. It's not if you fall, you just get back up. Oh no, because the fall is inevitable. No, the fall, like, it's going to happen. You might as well embrace it. Just like embrace the awkwardness. I've actually been trying to, this, I've been trying to live by two things as a reason, which my friend told me the 1% rule, which is to do something that makes yourself 1% better in one aspect of your life every day. So it could be something small, like going to the gym or doing yoga or doing something that helps move a goal forward and then just being comfortable with the uncomfortable. Oh. So doing one thing, yeah, the second one is to do one thing that makes you a little bit uncomfortable a day. Oh, okay. How's that been going? My goodness. That's been so stressful actually. Oh my God. It's been making me so uncomfortable, but the universe, I've never been more uncomfortable in my life. I truly, like, I have just felt like my stomach training in and out this week, but it's been so good because I feel like the universe has been rewarding yet. Can you give me a couple examples, yeah, things that have made you uncomfortable? So I asked three different people out to coffee, okay, cute, but I don't know, but it's at a coffee shop that's like has books and it's very chill, so it's like, you know what, I don't know these people. It's a good environment. So we're going to do that or I last minute, I like to go to bed early. My friends invited me to go hang out with some friends and I went. So like little things like that or saying kind of people that I wouldn't normally say I do or going up to someone and complimenting them like little things. I also feel like the rule two kind of plays into row one. Oh, go hang in there. It's like, yeah, like you're making yourself 1% better by like saying hi to someone you wouldn't normally say hi to and being like gracious to that's amazing. Well, I love this. I'm going to do this. Do like one person, one person, because when my friend told me that, I was like, we can all do something 1% that to make us 1% better than just like even if I do nothing all day. I can send an email that would or draw something or do anything. I feel like it's like 1% moving forward, moving forward in growth, because I feel like there is a big bit of a stigma of like if it's 1% better than it's just growing. Maybe like saying maybe something's broken or something's wrong with you. That's true. Because I feel like we do have to get out of the wrongness of ourselves because we're constantly like this about me is wrong. This about me is wrong. We're so hard on ourselves. But I'm like, yeah, I like the 1% but I'd say maybe like 1% growing, moving forward or something. Because you're not broken, you don't need to make your, you're not sick, you don't need to get better. Yeah. Because you're perfect as you are and wonderful. You know? I appreciate that. Yeah. I've also been living my life in three month chunks, so because I realize how much I change at the end of like three months, like I'm like a different person. Well, seasons. So I just plan my life in three months and it helps so much. It makes things less overwhelming. Are you like a five year plan person? No. Because if the pandemic taught me anything is I can't control a fucking thing so I do it in three months. Yeah. Three months feels much more real. It feels much more manageable. It's a length of a semester. I'm just like, okay, my mind is a semester. I like that. Yeah. Do you do like check ins? Like before the three months start, do you like journal, here's where I'm at and then at the end? I'm trying to get into journaling. It's the thing is I have so many thoughts. I love it. I have so many thoughts. By the time I have to write it all down, my hand is so exhausted. I'm so smart. I have so many words in my brain that I just like can't stop writing. Like it's just non-stop. That's the point. I know. But I do video diaries sometimes. Oh, that's cool. And it's fun to look back on like a year later, like, oh my god, that poor girl. Look at her. That poor thing. Look at her. She didn't know. She didn't fall apart. Imagine you at 29 watching your 20-year-old self and yeah, I'm sure you feel like grown and grow. I know I'm only at the start. I know I'm only at the start of it, too. Girl, I'm only at the start. We're all years ahead of you. We're all at the start. What did Jay-Low said something about that? She was like, I feel like my life is just beginning and she's like 50. She did just get married again. I know. And she looks better than both of us. Oh, she's so cool. She's the coolest. Oh my gosh. Anyways, I don't know how we got to Jay-Low, but we got there and that's what's important to mention. That's what's important to mention is what we got there. But we got there and that was the whole point of the day. That was the whole point of the day. Something that I really want to talk to you about is breakups because I feel like we have some viewers that are going through it. Yeah. And I think we need to talk to them. Because I've got some messages from people and some friends and I know a lot of people that listen to your music that you've really helped through their breakups and I was wondering what your biggest piece of advice is in moving forward and not looking back. Oh my gosh. It's a hefty one. I know. Well, as someone who recently went through a breakup, how recent? Like four months ago. I'm sorry. That sucks. No, that's good. I'm in love. Oh, okay. Cool. Great. Yay. Yeah. That was easy. Well, that's another thing. You know what you want. As you get older, you start to just like, I know exactly what I want and what I don't want. Anyways, that's not the point of this next thing. Advice going through a breakup. How to move forward. I think that it's so relative to what the relationship was. So for instance, my marriage was very toxic, very hurtful, and unhealthy. So for me, a really good way of moving forward was it actually helped me to remind myself. Like as I was leaving, I had to really give myself permission to leave. Like I was really stuck. It was also, we were in like a cycle of abuse and there was a lot else going on there. But like, I needed to give myself permission to like, I would literally write down all the reasons, like after I left, like, of why he was not good for me and how I was mistreated. Not to focus on the negative, but to get myself out of the like- You're not romanticizing her. I want to watch. You're so sad. Yeah. Oh, that was so paint. Like, oh no. Like, yeah. Yeah. You start going like, I was validating the girl, like, heck, yeah, you left because x, y, z. And you just wrote down all the x, all the yaks, yeah, yeah, that was necessary. But like for instance, in this last relationship, there was nothing wrong. And I think that's why there doesn't have to be though, too. It just doesn't always work. It just wasn't right anymore. And we weren't meant to be each other's romantic partners. It just wasn't how it was supposed to be. And, but moving on from that, it was such a big what I found helpful was like, I did the opposite. Like, I honored that relationship by like remembering really sweet times and being like, oh, I'm so grateful. Like, I'm so grateful that I had this person in my life in that way for as long as I did. And instead of sitting in the wrongness of the situation, the breakup, how much it sucks, you thank yourself for all the reasons why, you know, you were in it for as long as you were. Yeah. I mean, those are, again, so I say that because there's so different many, there's so many different sides. There's so many different situations and aspects. Like I would have to ask them what they're sort of breakup entails and like, are you friends with this person still, did they break up with you? Did you get cheated on? Did you cheat on them? Like, there's so many, there's not a blanket answer to like, how do you move forward with the breakup? They're so complicated. Yeah. Because they're people. It's people. Everyone's complicated. If we try and simplify people as not that, then it's just like, I have the answer. Here's what you do. I will say in both of situations I talked about, I was writing. So journaling, it really does help you. I need to get into it. It's just committing myself to it. Just like helping you process your own life. Something about writing it down, I get more clarity. That's so interesting. Because I got into it last year for like a month. Okay. And then my anxiety got really bad and I like, no, I'm not going to do this anymore. Did you find that you got more anxious because you were writing? No, I felt better after I was. For some reason, I just stopped. Oh, no. No. 20's for getting back into journaling. 20's for journaling. 20's for journaling. Yeah. I can't recommend enough. Even if you're just getting up in the morning, having your coffee or whatever, you don't need Arnold Palmer. Oh, very. I have a Urbana today. Okay. Good. I was like, even if it's just like a couple sentences, or like a paragraph. Just like literally starting your day with like, here's where I'm at, or like, who am I today? Sometimes I'll start with that question. Who am I today? Who am I today? Who am I today? I love that. Because I, while all versions and different facets are me, different days call for different parts of me. Do you do different outfits to show your different styles? That's what I do. Yes. So where are you today? Oh. Um, I'm hot. Yeah. I am confident. I am chatty. Hell yeah. I feel like opinionated. Mm-hmm. I feel like opinionated, as you should be. And there's a boy in town, so I'm like, feeling sexy, love. That's healing. That's healing. Yeah. But like, so thriving. For instance, four days ago, my mom was in town, and I was in my pajamas all day with her, and we were watching movies. And that girl was just like, who am I today? If I ask question, who am I today? I would say I'm restful, I'm like appreciating the present with my mom. I'm meditative, I'm chill. Do you meditate? No. Oh, I've been doing it in the, I don't have the patience, but I've been doing like five, 10 minute meditations on my tube. Oh. Like in the morning. And then I do it for like 10 minutes, because I'm already half asleep, so it's like I'm already in that zone kind of. I think it's helping so much. Really? I notice a big difference in my day. I can send you the YouTube link I use. It's for confidence and for manifestation. Okay. I will watch your meditative YouTube if you commit to start journaling again. Hell yeah. Okay. I can actually do that. I feel like I'm in a place where I can do that. Oh. Can you do it? Yeah. It's kind of like when you're like, I'm going to like start working out more. And then the first thing you do is like buy a cute workout that I never, I didn't just do that. I didn't just buy a second workout top. I would never. No, that's good. I didn't take one yoga class and bought a workout top. Why would I? It's part of inspiring yourself to keep going, but like buying a cute new journal. Maybe at the cute bookstore that you go and have coffee. I do have journals. Mm-hmm. I bet you'll want a journal when you get your fancy new like cute journal. And you're like, oh my gosh, I can't wait to read this in 30 years. Do you? Okay, have you read your journals or are you waiting like for a certain time? Like, I'm when I'm 50 or 60, I'm going to look back or do you just go through? Honestly, I think I'm going to burn them all. Why? Because I am so ratchet and too honest and I don't want my kids to know. They don't have to know. They don't need to know, but like I would write things down that I wouldn't like want someone to find. Yeah. Or say out loud. Get to be, I let myself be as real as possible and kind of as ratchet as possible. And so like I let out some anger. I let out selfishness. I let out jealousy. And it's not cute, like sometimes that girl on the page isn't cute. I think that's what my issue is with journaling is that I tried so hard to like pick my words up carefully and be like, this was my day and today and this, but I think I just need to go be honest and just write. I would say, have you ever read the artist's way? I have not. But it sounds cool. Okay. The artist's way is a book that changed my life. And there's this thing that's called the morning pages. Writing it down. Write it down. Julia something. She's going to bother me. Julia Cameron. Yes. Yeah. I have two copies. I should have brought one. I talk about this book so much. But the morning pages is like a practice that you do. And it's kind of to like unlock like D clog your vision, artistic inspiration and creativity. So no burnout. So less burnout. I have to be honest, 54 show tour. And sharing music videos and getting ready to go to New York Fashion Week. And then going to put out an album soon, like, there's a lot going on and I am so well rested. How are you mentally? I'm fantastic. That's amazing. I've never been happier. Yeah. Thanks. That's awesome. I feel like also I also know when enough is enough like tour. I was like, I cannot do another show for a little while. And that needed like I needed to set my own boundaries. And now I get this good nice break. Put out the album. And then I go to Australia and I play like four more shows before the end of the year. Are you performing anywhere else that I can see you at? I mean next year next year, I said the next year, um, where else am I playing? And then I do a festival in Mexico out of the fund this year in November. Yeah. I've never been. So that'll be cool. Sounds like 2022 is just your year and so will 2023 be when you do look back. You're like, actually, that was pretty rock and I was pretty bad. - Yeah, so we did that. - I did Seth Meyers. - Wait. - Yes. - Yeah. (laughs) - Wait, which TV show was that? - Wait, TV show was that? - Was it Seth Meyers? (laughs) - Oh my God. - Yeah, I haven't really, yeah. I think I've just made my peace with my life. It's not like I don't get tired. I let myself get tired. And then I rest. - Yeah. - I sleep. - Yeah. - And then I only do what's fun for me too. - That's good. - Just choose what's fun. - I'm so glad you chose this podcast. - I know, this is so fun. - Yay! - We have to take one more quick break, but when we come back, I want to talk about your new album, Ray, your favorite collaboration, and much more. We'll be right back. - Are you desperately hoping for change in 2026, but feeling stuck? I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and in a new year series of My Show, The Happiness Lab, I'm going to look at the science of getting, well, unstuck. Unstuck at work, unstuck in your relationships, and even unstuck inside your mind. - I am the absolute worst culprit when it comes to getting into these ruminative loops and just driving myself crazy. - We'll look at ways to reignite your sense of purpose, rediscover your values, and get more creative. - It's sort of like the game of life, I don't know if you ever played that game. - Oh my gosh, yes. You take the car log and you try and get money, and you try and get degrees, and you try and get to the end where either you have a mansion or a ranch or a shack. - What about the whole path along the way? - So join me to get unstuck in 2026. - And we're back. - I think something I'm very excited for for this new era for everyone to listen to Ray, is it the variety on there? Every song feels different. And that's what I love about it. - Oh good. - It has like some different vibes to it. And this new era, it's all about being sexy, being a badass, loving yourself. What else is this era for for you? And this album, what does it represent for you? - Freedom. I think freedom from like, not even from other people, but just like from my own sense of like, who I thought I was supposed to be, how I was supposed to look, how I was supposed to sound. Like it, it definitely takes off like a filter for this new era, it feels very like, I'm kind of bearing it all in a lot of ways. I mean, literally, I'm like fully naked at the end of a music video. I mean, I'm covered in the right spots. But like just a little, just a little. I'm covered enough. But like really and authentically bearing it all in a way that I've never let myself go there before. And it's been so liberating. And I think I guess my hope is that other people will be liberated as well by listening to it. - Well, I've been feeling really liberated when I've been overthinking it. I've been listening to it. And it's been very helpful. I've been going on my mental health walks. And I listen to another man's genes and I'm like, hell, yeah. - It's just fun. - It is fun. - It's fun music. There's definitely a couple like insuspective. - Count on me. I love and love you need our two songs. That when I heard I was just like, I think love you need is my favorite. - That's one of my favorites too, because it's like, it's so true. If you haven't listened to it, you know what I mean? It's so true. - Yeah, it's just like a really sweet, beautiful song. Like, so wholesome. And like, the piano part is so inspired by Carol King. Like, that it just makes me immediately feel like comforted. - Can I tell you that my mom said that you reminded her of Carol King and a mix of Carol King and Cheryl Crowe? - And Cheryl Crowe? Like, she said a mix. And I was like, okay. - That's a really good mix. - I agree with the Carol King. I have to listen to more Cheryl Crowe to see, but I agree with Carol King. - Oh, for sure, Cheryl Crowe. - All I wanna do is have some fun. - I don't realize I was Cheryl Crowe. - Yeah. Oh my goodness. (humming) I don't even know. - That's such a good song. - Any collaborations that you wanna do or that are happening? - There's one, there's one collaboration on this album. And I, I can't even wrap my head around it yet, because this person has been my idol laterally. - Is this person? - It's person. - I don't know if she could just play the voicemail I have. This person is Diane Keaton. - Yeah. - Holy fuck. - And I, like, she, I've watched every film she's ever made. Her personality has informed my personality. Like I. - She made me. - She made me, I am me. I am objectively who I am because of her. - Like. - I love that. - I am because of my mom and because of a lot of other things. - Yeah, but we've been working on that for a while right now. - But right now it's Diane Keaton. - Right now it's about Diane Keaton. - I just think she's one of the most wonderful people in the world and I had the honor of meeting her in the studio. She came to, like, our grounds. So she was on my turf when I met her. - Or is that, like, meeting Diane Keaton on your. - I felt like a superhero. I was like. - You are. - And I'm also a human being. - Just kidding. - She's a superhero and is. - The human being. - The thing. - She does it all. - I do it all. - It was really, like, empowering because she was recording vocals on a song that I had written. And I'm, like, their vocal producing her. - Telling her what, like helping her through. - Yeah, like, you know, sitting with the line here or, like, let's just repeat that. - Oh, let's just sing this in the room together until we get really comfortable. And, like, it just was such, like, I couldn't. What a strange way to meet your hero to, like, be coaching them. - What was that moment, like, was it just surreal or did not hit you till, like, afterwards? - I tried to be very present because I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want to, like, black out for the experience and then, like, be, like, what just happened. So I was pretty present for it. And did you just go over it all the time ever since it happened? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I still, like, I. It's just one of those things that I think, like, again, maybe acknowledging some manifestation, like, I, my whole life have looked up to her and to be in a room with her, not just meeting her at, like, an award show or an event. - Not an award show. - Yeah, like, oh my gosh, I'm your biggest fan. Like, literally having her in my space and her singing word I wrote. How did you, like, I'm living a miracle? It's like, I'm, if I die tomorrow, I'm good. - Yeah, you just, like, you're like, you're chilling. - I'm good. Yeah, I'm so happy. So I think, yeah, moments when life gets hard or tiring, I'm just, like, shut up. - You're, like, dying, Keaton. - If you complain one more time, I swear to God, Ash. Like, you have, yeah, dying, Keaton, literally, is singing your song. - Just literally have anyone say that too, if you ever feel like that, just dying, Keaton, those words, and it'll be like, yeah, you're right. - Yeah, I know, you're so right. She's my iPhone background. - Is she really? - Yeah. My lock screen is the boy I'm seeing. - Oh, I mean, with, I'm with him. It's not just a photo of him. - Okay, that's cute. - And then my home screen is me and dying, Keaton. It should be. - And then I'm like, my life is amazing. - Are there any other manifestations you wanna put out there right now? 'Cause, like, you did for the album? - Whoa. I don't know, honestly, it's dangerous. Careful what you ask for, because in my experience, I get the things I want. - Well, let's do it. - I'm scared, I'm scared. - Why are you scared? - I don't know. - I'll go first. - Okay. - And manifest, have Lin-Manuel Miranda on my podcast. - Ah. - His dad came on my podcast. Anthony Ramos came on, we're so close yet so far. - Oh. - Has to happen. - That's around the corner. - It's got to. And then, being content within myself. - Ah. - And if anything else that's added. - I love that. - Your turn. - That's so sweet. - I was just thinking about me going, careful what you manifest. I literally, for, like, two months in December of last year, I really wanted Chase Stokes to do a music video with me. And I would literally journal every day like, I'm so grateful that Chase Stokes is the co-lead in my next music video. - I'm so grateful that I get to work with him and we just signed the contract. - Like, I literally am, like, just saying, like, it's already happening. - 'Cause it's going to. - He's not, we're not doing a music video together, but we're friends now. - And like close. - Bet him this clip. - Maybe. - Yeah, I literally, he was like, he hit me about the song that I originally imagined him being in the music video. - What song? - Hope you're not happy. - Oh, okay. - And I was like, I really wanted to, like, do this whole, like, love or montage thing with Chase Stokes. I just feel like it would be so hot. - Would you ever direct a music video? - Heck yeah. I could see it. - That would be amazing. I just don't, I honestly, I love the director I work with. And it takes a lot of the pressure. What I don't want to do is direct a music video to say that I directed a music video. - You want to do it because it's your vision. You want to execute it. - Yeah, I want to do it, not to do it. - Not to say you'd do it. - Not to be like, and I directed it, and. - You don't care about the title? - Don't die on the freaking, that cross, I don't care. So, and what I love about my amazing director is he, like, he takes off so much pressure of me. So, it is my vision, and I am doing a bunch of the directing, but someone's just helping you execute it. - Yeah, so I don't know. That was random. I would like to one day work with Harry Styles. - I can say I'm going to Harry Wean, which I'm so excited for. - I'm so jealous. - Oh my gosh, that's gonna be so much fun. - I'm so excited. - I don't know how or when or in what, literally, maybe it's not even a song. Maybe it's just, like, we write a book together. Maybe we do a podcast together with Harry Styles. - Yeah, like, it doesn't have to be, I feel like oftentimes the universe will be like, okay, like, me, my whole, what, manifesting, Dianne Keaton, I just wanted to meet her. And then the universe was like, how about she sing on one of your songs? And then I was like, that's so much better. So, I'll let the universe decide how Harry and I will hang out. - Yeah, that kinda happened to me, actually. It's kinda how the podcast happened. I didn't expect to get anything I just wanted to, well, I originally wanted to really interview Julia Michaels 'cause of her song 'Xiety' really helped me. And then I pitched it and they're like, yeah, you get a pilot. - Have you interviewed her? - She was the pilot. - She was the pilot. - And then because of her, we got renewed and now we're launching our fourth season. So, you never know, well, you manifest. I didn't even think I'd get an episode. And here we are, over 42 episodes later. - What was that like for you when you got to interview or about the song that, like, helped change your life? - It was really helpful because it was because of that song I got to get out of my own head. And that's what created the podcast. So, I owe so much to her in which it was a lovely moment. - I bet she really, I bet that really touched her. - Shout out Julia Michaels. - Yeah, you guys should work together. - Oh, that collaboration. Oh, my goodness. - I know, but the only thing with me and her is we do the same thing in the room. So, I'm imagining like, like-- - But that's why I feel like it would just be like, that on steroids, like, even better. - Or we're fighting each other the whole time. - I don't think it would. I think you have very similar vibes. - Really? - Absolutely. - Oh, good. - I've not, I've ran into her in passing ones, but we've not hung out. - You may not be manifesting it, but I'm manifesting it for you. - Okay. - Next album, it'll just be like, "Oh my God, featuring Julia Michaels." It'll be like, "Oh my God." - That would be cute. I'll let you manifest that for me. - To the future. - To us. - To us and to Rey. - And your 20s. - And the next chapter for you. - Fine. - Yeah. - Well, everyone, go listen to Rey. Ash, thank you so much for taking the time to talk and chat and get real and just being yourself, 'cause it's so wonderful. - Oh, thank you. It's been such an honor. I've had a really good time. - Yay. - Thanks for having me. - Thank you for coming. - Hmm. - Amazing. - Yay. - Yay. - So fun. - I just wanted to thank Ash again for coming on my podcast and taking the time. Make sure you check out her new album, Rey. It is absolutely phenomenal, highly recommend. Anyways, I will see you guys next week with a new episode. Oh, feels good to say that again. Bye, guys. (upbeat music) - Are you desperately hoping for change in 2026, but feeling stuck? I'm Dr. Laurie Santos. And in a new year series of my show, The Happiness Lab, I'm going to look at the science of getting, well, unstuck. This is an I Heart Podcast, guaranteed human.