Fat Guy Confidence w/ Stavros Halkias!

Oh yeah, alright gang, I'm talking about that American Garbage special from RU Garbage right here September 13th on our YouTube page. Yes, if you don't already subscribe, please subscribe to our YouTube page. We want to blow this thing up. If you're an audio listener, take a minute, pull up YouTube, subscribe so you get notified. We're going to be doing a live premiere of it that night. We're going to be in the chat. Chicka, chicka, chicka. Get your heaters, get your beers. The boys are throwing a gosh darn party. September 13th, American Garbage, our first comedy special. Do it. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hoppa, everybody, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Hell yeah. It's our little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they grew up to be classy. Yeah. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She's upstairs with a new thing of sea monkeys. Okay. They smell. Sea monkeys. They smell, huh? Okay. My ghost coming at you from right next to me. Woo! He's the CEO of RU Garbage. Sea monkeys is what he came up with. He had three hours before you got here. I've been working on it since two o'clock last night. If there's any clear indication that Foley is 85 years old, he's got a pet rock. That was the 17th draft. Sea monkeys. I'm firing those guys from National Lampoon. They're giving me nothing. They're Harvard grads. That's what they come up with? He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman. He's my best pal in the whole wide world. He's a fantastic father, a fantastic friend, king of the burbs, king of the boards. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James, Ryan, everybody. What up, gang? Shout out to you as always. Please make sure to rate, view, subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify. And then obviously, patreon.com slash RU Garbage. Those numbers are true to roof, gang. Yes, sir. Gang, we couldn't be more excited. They are incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guests back with us again today. Great friend of the show. One of the funniest, most successful guys out there killing it. He's got his second Netflix special out right now. Uncle Stob. Of course, he is one of the stars of the hit series Tires. My co-star. That's right. And he's also the host. This is Stavi's World. And we weren't aware we were getting two tickets to the gun show. For Stavro's Hockeyist, baby. That's right. Brought the pipes with him today. That's right. I think it's time that fat bodies reclaim the tank top. You know? I love it. I think it's time. Let's go. So this, I obviously fat my whole life. Right. I don't have it. I wish I had a tank top body. I don't have it. No, you're right. Certain fat guys have it. I don't have it. Well, because you are like the deceptive fat guy where it's like your face. Thank you. It isn't that fat. You know what I mean? Even when you've been much fatter than this. Whoa. Your face. But I'm saying your face stays. I'm not going to say handsome, but not fat. Catch him at the pool when those titties are out. It's tough, dude. It's tough. And so I get it. You kind of like, it is the kind of thing where you kind of have to be so fat. It becomes a statement. Yes. And I'm not. I never hit that fucking, I never eclipsed that arc. What I was pretty good at, which is like what chubby roofers do, is the cutoff. The cutoff is big. The cutoff, because it keeps this under armpit in. The side tits. The side tits in. And it looks like, you know, that kid used to play football or something. No, absolutely. That's what that is. What, are you an inside linebacker? Yes. What, are you laboring this summer? Absolutely. Yeah. No, that's a good look. And I do, I mean, it took me a while to work my way up to tank top confidence. Uh-huh. And it was just, it was way after I was posing nude on Instagram. Sure. And I was like, well, what am I doing here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got, they see the whole thing. I've already seen it all. And so, yeah, and I, and it's very, I think we need to go back to a time where everyone popped the tops off. Here's the bigger question. I was, dude, the 80s? 80s, 70s. Motherfuckers were smoking inside. Once, yes. Shirts off. Once they lost suits. Once, once society in the 50s was like, what the fuck? We're not wearing suits. It kind of went crazy. Bit of an overcorrection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish we could go back to the suits. The suits and the fucking hats walking down the street. You'd be sweating like crazy. Are you out of your mind? I know. I'd get a fucking seersucker linen in the summer. Like a southern gentleman. And then wear a wool one really pulled up high like Jimmy Stewart wore in the winter. Like a gentleman. Jimmy Stewart and sea monkeys. You want to talk about gun smoke again? I like that Michael Landon. This week on Hedges. Tank top confidence. Is anybody in this room, other than Luke, obviously, hockey? Jersey confident. Is that, what does that mean? I mean, hockey jerseys? You're taking a shot. Yeah. It's so funny. I saw someone wear one recently and it's, it's a certain, you have to be so big where you go, that guy's rocking. You look like Silent Bob. Well, that's exactly. It's like Kevin Smith. To me, when you say hockey, I actually think of that as like the lowest level of fat confidence It's a cover up, but you can't pull it off. A big guy can't pull it off. He pulls it off. Obviously, Kevin Smith, goddamn genius. But I would. First of all, hold on a second. Just because his movies are good, doesn't mean he dresses good. Friend of the show. No. I know he's a friend. He dresses like he's going to Warped Tour. Yeah. Yeah. He dresses like fuck. I mean, now he might dress different, but at the time when he's fat as shit. No, he doesn't. He doesn't wear his jean shorts. He's still a George guy. Jeans, shorts, chain wallet. Now, I respect someone who sticks to their look. Right? Yeah. Like, I respect that. I, uh, I literally am like, I have to keep looking like a piece of shit, even as I do. Like Kevin Smith is, you know, hugely successful. He could have dressed good at any point in his life. Yeah. Switched it up. Chooses not to. I respect that. I like that. And I myself am, you know, even when I have to dress nice for stuff, I try and make it look scumbaggy. I try, like for the Tony premiere, I wore like a pornographer's suit. I like that. You know? But that's funny. Where did you get that? Cause you, you wore that, I'm sorry. You wore that somewhere else on something. Uh, I did not. That was the only place I wore it. Guys, we're fucking double wearing suits. That's you? On a fucking red carpet. That's me. What do you mean? You bought that? I bought, what do you mean? I feel like I saw that somewhere. You want to hear a trash move, actually, right off the top? I don't know, tank top to a podcast? Oh, sorry, man. The decommissioned big buck hunter behind me deserves way more respect than a fucking tank top. It works for 25 minutes. Sorry. I keep my bitcoin in there. Foley thinks it's a physical coin. I've come in here watching him try to open it for quarters before shaking it down. There's no bubble gum in here. Okay, you want it that I am still a trash to my core, even though shit's going good? For the Tony premiere, I want, you know, I'm a trash, hero trash is like get gold. I'm a chains guy. You know this about me. White Mercedes? Exactly. I'm that, that's totally the type of trash I am. And part of that is all, you know, jewelry. So I wanted like a, I was the lobster roll guy on, on Tony, the movie. I play a line cook on the Anthony Bourdain biopic. And I wanted- I forgot to mention. Shout out to Tony. I wanted a lobster. Sick. Pendant. I couldn't find one. I found a fucking Louis Vuitton lobster. Lobster broach. Turns out they got a 30 day return policy. Here we go. So I popped that fucker on for the premiere. Sick. And I was like, who knows? Maybe I'm a broach guy. Not. I'm not a broach guy. It looked great for the premiere. You're a brunch guy. But what the fuck? Am I going to come here tank top with a fucking thousand dollar broach on? No, that shit's going right back. Is that what the price tag was? Was it grand? It was a grand. All right. Yeah. And you returned it? Returned it, baby. Returned it. Returned it. Yeah, fuck them. Yeah. We talked about this. I'm like, this is also another thing of being poor, growing up poor. You think a store can arrest you for returning something? Oh, man. We talked about that our whole lives growing up. Our moms would yell, they're going to take the goddamn house. Like at anything. I know. Or blowing a stop sign. I'm afraid I get. I'm kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I always felt like I was going to get in trouble. And that's why I never, returning something is something that's going to happen. Totally. No. Because I think when you grow up poor, you're just afraid of any, even fake authority. Sure. Figure. You're afraid to just be, it feels like when you return something, it feels like going to the police. Yeah. And you walk out and you go. Yeah. I got away with that. I pulled that scam. I always felt like when I walked out of a department store, they were going to accuse me of stealing. Right. Or if the thing goes, I walk out of a CVS now and that thing goes off. I'm like, I got nothing on me. I just make a beeline. I earn a good living. I have a drug and alcohol problem. I'm sorry. I do another trash thing. I still, I've stopped. Yeah. It's been very recent that I stopped just kind of shoplifting out of principle. Yeah. It was never me. What are you doing? I just like to crap a snack. What are you, like Hudson News? You get it out of there? Yeah. The airport out of principle, I did it for a very long time because they're overcharging us. Who are you sticking it to? The Hudson News Corporation. Sorry. Sorry. I'll suck it. I'll suck the mic. They're the ones that are doing it. Stop his first podcast. Yeah. It's not the essay. How does this work? I never got that. What? Stealing. They're overcharging you. Yeah. The popcorn. Yes. Come on. You think popcorn should cost $12 fucking dollars, Foley? It should cost a nice- Butter sauce is pretty good. The butter sauce? They can't legally call it butter. That should be $8,000. That should be a gift in butter sauce. What a deal on that. You get all the napkins you want. Are you kidding me? You're the fucking man. Siding with the prices at movie theaters and airports- As a business owner, I get it. You fucking scumbags. You really are a piece of shit. No, the way I look at it, even if I didn't have it, you're going to get it. Even if I didn't have it, fuck you. Are you going to charge me that? Here you go. Take it. Interesting. Yeah. I'm more pissed off you're offering me snowcaps. Right. What the fuck? Snowcaps? Well, there's no snowcaps. There's no way to steal at the movies, which pisses me off. You can go get another movie. That's true. Classic. Oh, you know, trash popcorn is something we used to do in college where certain movie theaters gave you the free refill on a big one, and every once in a while, you'd find one that's pretty full in the trash. So you know whoever bought it, they weren't built for- Right. They're wealthy people. It's a guy maybe trying to flex. This is what I've- This is okay. This is one of those hot shots. It's a hot shot, trying to get pussy and buy a small petite woman a large popcorn to show, I got it like that, babe. It don't matter to me. What's the difference between eight and $12? Have some milk duds, baby. It's all in the house. And so this is what I had to conjure up. So that way, I'm like, well, she barely touched it, because I don't want some fat guy really digging. I don't want me- Sure. I don't want to get me from last movie's discarded bucket. Yeah. I want a petite woman- But under that logic, you wouldn't throw out a half a bag of popcorn. Exactly. I would never throw it back. Absolutely. It's coming home with me. Yeah. I know. Obviously. Or mine never makes the trash, especially back then. It's right on the aisle floor. I had that logic when I waited tables and I would eat off people's plates. I only did it for attractive men and women. Men and women? Yeah. Interesting. Pause. So wait a second. You boys all finished here? Hold on. Hold on. That actually does- I would rather eat off- I think I would rather eat off an ugly woman's plate than a sexy man's plate. Why? An attractive guy takes care of himself. He's got cologne on, stuff like that. He has a lot of job. He takes you out. Tender lover. What are you talking about? I guess, okay. I'm not eating off some guy like you or me's plate. I'll tell you that. Again, of course, because we're fucking complete animals. Yeah. Or kids. No, you can't do kids. They're gross. No, of course not. But I think, also it's not ugly. I would say it's gluttonous that I'm trying to avoid from women. So an ugly woman who's like, why can't somebody take care of themselves, wear cologne, and be fucking ugly? Why can't somebody take care of themselves, wear cologne, and be fucking busted? You're being. Sounds like you're projecting, but okay. I said take care of themselves. I'm rich and dying. Dude, when I would get a hot chick that would cut her hamburger in half, I'd be like, that's coming home to me. I'm getting at least the burger. Not her, obviously. Of course. Oh, she doesn't date fat, sweaty waiters with no problems? Whose dick is getting hard because she's cutting a burger in half? Probably a lesbian anyway. Yeah. Do you drop it? Let me cut that for you. I cut it into quarters. Oh, that's a beauty. That's a beauty. This was one we were discussing recently, submitted by one of the good folks at Patreon. When you sign up for Patreon, you get a garbage question on the red. How do you feel, because this was divisive, how do you feel about drinking out of a two liter? Stavi. Stavi. Don't lead the witness. Like, I need to know who said you should drink out of a two liter. Like, I don't know exactly which side both of you fucking landed on. I just don't want you to go again. I don't want you to go again. I don't want you to change your nature here. Not to say you will. You're a Louis Vuitton brooch, friends. Which I return. Which I return. You look overfold. You got a two liter brooch. Honestly. Jolt Cola. A bejeweled two liter brooch. That's pretty good. That's a new Stavi World AYG collab merch coming out. Yeah, we get the fucking jewelry. We do it. 60-40 our way. Can I recommend your move for the next premiere? Hey, Foley could use it. That's fine. I'll take it. He's making them. Yeah. He gets the hourly wage and the merch split. I'm wetting my beaks on both ends over here. They're paying me per hour. I make one a day. I'm in there pressing buttons. Or pins. Fuck. Okay, so. Do I drink out of a two liter? I mean, almost always the answer is obviously no. But. Do you enjoy it? Hold on. Stavi. Sorry. You can't not lead the witness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't not do it. Yeah. Go ahead. Because you see. You see if another larger gentleman not going your way. Go ahead. Do you like Milky Way bars by any chance? I do like Milky Way bars. Yes. We're talking in the fridge. Okay. Okay. We're talking in the refrigerator. Okay. We're not talking you're walking into a 7-Eleven or something like that and buying or a local store. That's. You're about to rob that place. That would be lunacy. That's crazy. To go in there and be like, I'm parched. Let me go pick up a usually not refrigerated, warm two liter of Pepsi. The largest legal quantity they can sell it in. Yeah. One side of the label is sun faded. You take it out of the window. Who the fuck on earth would do that? I've seen it done. I'll tell you what the secret here is. Some places, bodegas in the city, they'll hit you with a section of one liters. The one liter is not bad. One liter is interesting. They fell off. One little tiny punch or whatever it's called. The one liter. I think they were called the big slams by the Pepsi, Wild Cherry Pepsi, big slam, great slam. Something like that was the one liter. That thing was big. Your dick ain't good. I'm fine. I'm falling for branding from 15 years ago. They don't make Wild Cherry Pepsi anymore? They do. It's back. It's back. But it was gone for a while. It was. No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. Give me numbers on that. It absolutely was. Really? Because I'm a big Wild Cherry Pepsi guy. See, to me. Because I'm usually a Coca-Cola products man, but Wild Cherry Pepsi. It's shat all over it. Shat all over it. Yes. They went more wild. They went wild. It was traditional. It was sweeter. They were too demure about their cherry. It was sweeter. They were letting the cherries hang, if you know what I'm saying. I've said this before. I've always been Coke in the winter, Pepsi in the summer kind of guy. That's always the way I did it. Coca-Cola has the- I mean, that is a level of white trash that is seasonally changing your soda brand? Well, Coca-Cola has the Polar Bears and Santa Claus, and Pepsi, as you know, is the choice of a new generation. And that's summer fun. Which, by the way, I don't know if you know he started vaping. He started vaping once they get a tattoo. Oh my God. You have a tattoo, right? No. Damn. I'm a clean canvas. I'm also not clearly going through a three-quarter life crisis right now. Three quarters? Thank you for the compliment. You should see the thing he's vaping. It's crazy. Why don't you see my EKG? Do you have a fucking rig? You have the old school? I do now. He's doing O's, dude. Do you pour your own juice into the rig? No. What's juice? Don't act like you don't. No, no, no. That was because that was Gen 1 vaping, when it was more of a steampunk thing than anything. Yeah, no. I'm not. I'm not blowing the thing. Listen, I want to quit smoking. I don't like the way I smell when I smoke for the rest of the day. Okay, putz. Oh, he's right. The bird I'm seeing occasionally has a little vape that she hits off of. I started hitting that every once in a while, and then it switched a little bit. It's something about your personality. When you started doing a new drug, you got addicted. You got addicted to it. Is that what I'm to believe? Well, I don't believe it. I just got caught. Diesel just asked me if I sleep with it. I was like, yeah, it's. You plug it into your CPAP? You fucking put the hose directly into the vape? He's R-wired in, dude. EDM's playing in the background. Looks like a dragon laying there. I've thought about that. I've thought about pouring something delicious into my CPAP vaporizer. Depending on the season. Of course. Now it's voluntary Pepsi season. You know what they say you can't do, but I don't understand it. Why can't you do a touch of peppermint oil or something in there to freshen up the lungs? Because. Apparently it'll kill you. There's no way you should do that. A little Vicks if you're sick? I don't think so, man. Do you use water in yours every night? No, I don't, actually. I'm a dry guy. Only when I'm sick and I need the moisture. Do you turn the heating element off on your. You make sure the heating element's off? No heating. No, no. I go straight with it. I know, but you make sure it's off. Are you plugging it into a hot plate? Yeah. No, for about. For about a year, I didn't realize that I can adjust those, and I was going to bed, and I. What do you got? Let's talk turkey. You got a ResMed dream machine? What are we talking? Everyone's got a ResMed. What are we doing here? I don't think there's another brand. Yeah, I'm a ResMed 11 guy right now. Okay, okay. I got the newest one. Whoa. I don't know which one that is, but I also just. Things are going well. I also just kind of bought it. I haven't been to a pulmonologist in like 12 years, and I just kind of bought one off a sketchy website, so I hope it's doing something. I think you're fine. I have been feeling horrible for months now, so who knows? It's all part of the healing process. You got to get worse before you get better. Make sure it's not heating up, because I was breathing straight metal for about six months. Okay, I will. You know what's awesome? And I love this. That's a Dr. Foley guarantee right there. Thank you. Hank Foley, MD. I'm signing up for that show, by the way. Take two two-liters? Call me in the morning. He never answered the two-liter question. He answered two-liter. Hold on. We're talking CPAP right now. All right, we'll come back in. I don't know who on the regulator. at that fucking industry, but thank God. I remember when my dad was getting them. You had to go through like six guys to get it. You couldn't fucking walk into a store. There's a place on the Upper West Side. You walk in there, you got a fucking brand new CPAP. Foley, do you think something has changed with your circumstances, or do you think the world has changed? The world has changed. You couldn't get a CPAP. You can get a fucking jailbroken CPAP on auto. Normally, they had a Senate. A jailbroken CPAP. You lose all your text messages, but still. I don't have any contact. I got a burner CPAP. You can play Snake. You can play Snake on it. I think the Upper West Side, there are so many dying, obscenely wealthy people that that's why. I think you now live in a place where they have- You think he lives on the Upper West Side? No, no. He lives in New York City now. He's not in the trash suburbs of Philadelphia. Sure. I resent that. That's a big difference. Yeah, we have a Whole Foods. Yeah. Oh, you do? Somewhere. I'm not allowed back there. Yeah, yeah. I just think, but I agree with you. CPAPs are- You think they're secondhand now? Is that what you're saying? The market's been flooded? I think probably it's still way easier to get a CPAP here than it is if you still live- So you're talking 15 years ago. Direct-to-consumer things have changed. Right, right, right. Online shopping. Of course, of course. I buy it all off the internet, mostly. Okay, let's talk about Helix. Helix! Helix, the best mattress you're ever going to own. Helix men here. Yeah. Right? I'm a Helix man. I'm a Helix man. Yes. My mother's a Helix man. That's not all she is. Yeah, you ain't doing this with a couple of Helix men. Anyway, gang, if you want the best mattress like I said that you're ever going to have, go over to Helix. Take the quiz. They want to know how you sleep. Do you sleep heavy? Do you sleep light? Do you sleep on your side? Do you sleep on your back? Do you sleep hot? Do you sleep cold? Whatever it is, they can match you up with the perfect mattress for you. We've been singing their praises for five, six years. Do yourself a favor. Get a Helix. Yeah, I've been a Helix man for, I think, six years now, and there ain't no turning back. Nope. I'm a Twilight man. Yeah, gentlemen. Go over there. Take the quiz. I mean, it's the first adult purchase. Actually, it wasn't even the first purchase. They sent me one. Shout out to the Helix. But I've gone on to purchase another. Because I love them so much. It's fantastic. It's just, it's right. It makes it right for you. Go to helixsleep.com slash garbage for up to 30% off. That's helixsleep.com slash garbage for up to 30% off. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you helixsleep.com slash garbage. Do it. Kim, let's talk about ButcherBox. ButcherBox. An old fave here at Tootie's. I know Aunt Tootie loves her ButcherBox. She likes having her freezer. Mm-hmm. Stocked with fresh, quality meats. Talking about responsible, sustainable, ethical. We're talking about grass-fed. Woo. Talking about organic chicken. Wild-caught seafood, Kim. Wild-caught. Talking about wild-caught seafood, gang. And here's the good news. Every box is customizable. Woo. Custom. Custom. Customizable. Customizable. That means you pick what you want for you laymen out there. Yeah. For you bozos, you get to pick what you eat. Yeah. Do yourself a favor. Get over there. ButcherBox. Get yourself set up. Put some top-quality meat. Stock that fridge. Stock that freezer for your family so you know they're eating good-quality beef, chicken, poultry, pork, fish, crustaceans, all that. Yeah. Listen, we're a ButcherBox family. Yes, we are. It gets me and my wife back in the kitchen together. Yeah, I got a rack of ribs. Let's get it going. I got the wild-caught tuna. I ain't done, ain't done, ain't done. Hit them with everything. Wild-caught seafood. It gets kippy out of the bedroom. Woo. Baby. Talk about it. Talk about wild-caught. If you're looking for an easier, all jokes aside, if you're looking for an easier way to get great meals on the table, give ButcherBox a try. Go to ButcherBox.com slash garbage to get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ribeye, New York strip, or filet mignon in every box for a year with free shipping. As always, go to ButcherBox.com slash garbage. Again, that's ButcherBox.com slash garbage. Be sure to use our link so they know the boys sent you. Obviously, I'm not talking about Schedule 1. I'm talking about Schedule 1, 2, or 3 narcotics, but we should really loosen up this prescription bullshit. Kind of sounds like you are. The fact that you can't get a- I can't go to Rite Aid and get an eight ball? It's bullshit. Schedule 1, 2, or 3, what's a Schedule 3? I don't know. That's like super low. Is it? Yeah, I believe so. New guy, Luke? I'm a Schedule 1 kind of guy. Yeah. Yeah. Schedule 3 are medications that have accepted medical use and moderate to low risk of physical dependence. Yeah. Okay, that's what I'm saying then. So those- Like eye drops and shit. Steroids. Tylenol with codeine. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, okay. Coding, you got to- Okay. Coding's on the edge. I got to get a fucking prescription to get fucking pink eye drops? Are you fucking kidding me? I don't know. I got to go to a doctor and say, yeah, I rub shit in my eye. I can't walk into a fucking CVS and say, where's the pink eye bacteria? Yeah. Antibiotic. You're giving me Neosporum. That's an antibiotic, but I can't get it from my eye because I put a pill up with too much to my legs and then sleep with the same pillows on my back. You recently got pink eye. Is that what's going on? Yes, I did. I did too, and I just went to an urgent care and immediately got a- Those guys are awesome. It goes away on its own too. Those guys are awesome. That's changed the game too. Well, yeah. An urgent care used to be like, hey, I sawed half of my foot off at a construction site. Now it's fucking- Anything. That's a designer shock. I got to be honest. I don't like that my doctor, I don't ever know who my doctor is, and he's sandwiched between a Cold Stone and a Chipotle. I much would rather my doctor be- I want to enter a medical building. I want to enter a facility. I want to get on an elevator, go up to the third floor, have a receptionist check in. I don't want it to be next to a T-Mobile where they're playing fucking bachata music next Those guys are great. I feel a cold sore coming on. I walk in there. I'm out of there with a fucking prescription for Valtrex in about 35 minutes. It feels like a- And I stop at the Taco Bell for some of those new cantina items. Foley's cut his own ads that you don't know about. Trust me. That's been explored by legal. A whole bunch. Every now and then he's like, oh, check out Frank's on Detroit Avenue. And you're like, what the fuck? I'm going to cut that. I can't help that Pat Simmons of Hairstyling in Bluebuck, Pennsylvania is the best place to get a haircut, and you can see me there this Saturday at 2 o'clock. He's doing public appearances for like $250. For a free haircut. He just plugs that he's going to be getting a haircut, and they're like, all right, we'll trim it for free, Hank. I'm sorry about Pat Simmons of Hairstyling. You don't have to apologize. Pat Simmons of Hairstyling? I don't know about Pat's. All right, back to the two-liter. Yeah, two-liter. I got to say it one more time. He just made $75. Foley just made $75. I got to get my bonus. My good friend Stavros Hakias will be with me. Yeah, he calls me. He's like, it's an emergency. Can you meet me here? No, these guys are going to kill me. Stavry. What the fuck? Stavry, I need you in Bluebuck right now. Just play along, dude. This is movie Tony, everybody. I need this. I need this. I need this. From Tires. Play along, play along. Oh, by the way, you got to do Ronnie. Yeah, there's a Tires set. There's a shitty, like, and we're going to reenact one of our scenes from Tires. Like, it's community theater. Stavry, do some crowd work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This show's about flackin'. I left it all on the tour. I got nothing. Give me something, Stavry. Okay, so back to the two- The two-liter, we're back on? We got offended. The people are- Yeah, he didn't get his opinion. Talk to me. Yeah, cut him off. I want to talk this through because I think, obviously, like we said, that's not a walking drink. You don't pop into a CVS and get it. Also, I don't think you can, on the first run of a two-liter, drink out of it. For example, at a function, at a barbecue, whatever, like, you would be a real piece of shit to drink out of it. Possible exceptions made for it's the end of the night, it's winding down. There is one final service. There is one serving left in it. You can finish off the two-liter at the end of a barbecue, in my opinion. I agree, but that is a crazy look. If everybody's like, yeah, buy the beer by the table and you walk up. You know what I'm saying? If we're here and we're, you know, and obviously there's, you know, it's like families, girlfriends, whatever. Still, if it's 8 o'clock, the peripherals have left the barbecue. Usually, when a barbecue is, if you're at the end of a barbecue, it's the main crew, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can polish it off then. They want you to polish that stuff off. I will also, I will also. Who is they? The people running the cookout. Yeah, get rid of it. We're just going to throw it out. You're just going to throw it out. Oh, you're just going to throw it out? You're going to our fridge. Pulls out a fucking glad bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eat my kid's lunch. He's fucking. He's got a bunch of his crunchies going. He's pouring fucking olive oil into an empty Essentia bottle. Either you can. Like a dirt bag getting gas in a Poland spring bottle to fill up his mini bike. You're trying to fucking siphon olive oil out of fucking. Out of Kevin's fucking kitchen. Either you can finish it off. I also think if when you are at. If it's just an at home two liter, your personal at home. Thank you, Stavi. Keep going. Under 50 percent. And if the carbonation is low. Oh, you can then drink it. But you cannot while it is a premium shareable beverage. Sure. Then you are. You absolutely cannot drink out of it, put it back. And then when a guest comes over. Pour it. My whole thing is not can you or can't you? It's the enjoyment of the beverage. It's delicious. It's do you. Yeah. No, listen, it's it's wild chari Pepsi. It's delicious any time of day. Do you. If you were at home and you were like, I'm going to have some soda and it's let's say give it is that it is the perfect possibility to drink out of there. It's right under half. Right under 48 percent and lost. It's a good chunk of its car. You can sit down with that. Are you? I'm just saying he can do whatever you want. Sit down. OK, no. You can't just drink out of that rather important. You got to take out. It's a swing. It's a swing. Why you're why you're scoping out what's going on. Yes. Here's here is my here is my philosophy. Stop, Rose. I don't know who you are anymore. You're really pushing this down. Let me finish my very important thought here. If you once basically you have you market from a communal beverage to a personal swig opportunity as a way to make sure it gets a PSO, right? You have PSO personal swig opportunity. And so then it becomes, oh, it's half is left from the barbecue and I'm going to take a nip. I'm going to take a nip because I will say one thing I do sometimes I have lost a lot of good cans of zero sugar NW root beer. Some of the finest. Now I'm doing some of the finest. I have I have lost many a rare diet soda to just the reality that what I really wanted was maybe three nice gulps. Right. And often. Oftentimes, if you are trying to cut down on your soda either a two liter or let's say you just go to a fucking, you know, get a regular whatever. One liter. One liter. 20 ounce. 20 ounce, whatever. That's, that is, that's the utility I have for it is I just want to swig and then I go sit on the couch and you know what? I actually didn't need any more soda. I'll drink some fucking water. So that is my, I think at a certain point, be it at a, the end of a barbecue or at, in your home, when it becomes, when it ceases to become a group sharing vessel, at some point you can convert it into a solo personal swig opportunity. Stop using these words, vessel convert. This is, this is something that happens to my brain when I have debates with other fat friends about fast food or soda, I gain like 1000 IQ points, which this is like me going, this is me going super saiyan, like, like mentally super saiyan mode. Which, excuse me, I'm sorry to interject with a two part question, but I agree with Mr. Halkius all the way, but I have one question. If I could, thank you very much. Um, you mentioned, you mentioned the, uh, the sharing, uh, component of the two liter. Yes, sir. Are you a person that draws the line in the communal aspect? Were you not the kind of kid or young man or young adult that would go into your refrigerator and take a swig directly out of the milk container or orange juice container and then put it back and act as though nothing happened? I was, I was also at one point, uh, a young adult. A young man who shit his pants and his mother wiped his ass. So yeah, I did that. It was fucking rude. And when I was a fat 11 year old slobbering over my family's milk, yes, I used to do that. I was a piece of shit for that. I grew up and learned that that is no longer how I should behave. And yeah, and, and maybe I could possibly hear an argument that if you're the head of the household and you want to put that kind of, uh, that you put food on that table, if you want to, I could hear it out. I still think ultimately. That's a fucked up way to behave and you're setting a poor example. And if you do that, perhaps you would get the kind of grown sons that at almost 50 years old are arguing over. The way we're not arguing, if your father behaves that way, this is what happens. We're passionately discussing these things that are molding the modern world. I have been in a, uh, I have been in a, uh, period of, uh, self-disclosure of self-destruction self-disclosure. What are you doing? What do you think that means of honesty? And I just want everybody in my, in my reflection reflection. Yeah. Thank you very much. Thank you. If I've been in your home in the last 15 years, if I've been in your home in the last 15 years and you've left me unattended in the kitchen, there is a 99.9% chance I have taken a swig of your orange juice and put it back and not said a thing. No, you're lying. You're, you're, you're being funny for hyperbolic reasons here. That's crazy. It's not my. My blood pressure is fine. Okay. Okay. First of all, I told you I was at the doctor, but no, I am not speaking in hyperbolic. You really, you really would do that to a, like a friend's that's fucking nuts. I think it's fucking extended family for sure. Kelly, I apologize. Listen, extended family. Neighbors. Yeah. Yeah. Family. How extended are we talking? Cousins. Cousins. Up to third cousin. I will get a third. You're once the law says you can get sucked off by them. I don't think. You can just suck. You can suck their orange juice down personally. I think I will listen to you when it comes to extended family only because that is often a place where you regress to childhood behaviors, but that's the only, it's truly rude and fucked up and you should not do that. Huh? Whoa. Yes. What? Putting your mouth directly on other people's beverages is something I don't think you should do. Now you said you, you've grown like as a kid, you would do it. Obviously, you know, we mature as we get a little older and stuff like that. But, uh, at the end, you know, say I, we come over your house and, uh, you, what you had took a couple of personal swig opportunities from the two cold two liter diet while cherry cook. Very good. And I come in and I go, I have exactly the answer. I'm not stuck at all. Can I have some of this? Are you going to go, are you going to go? Yeah, obviously. Are you going to go, Hey man, just a heads up. I've been taking nips off that. You give the gentleman's warning. You get, yes, exactly. And now the. Are you telling me that too? I come over, you're just letting me go. Yes, I am. Henry, stop drinking my orange juice. Even criminals deserve due process. Yes, exactly. I am giving you that opportunity as well. Yes. You, as long as you get the heads up and I'd also, I'd also further like to, to state, even when I was behaving like this as a, you know, fat child, I did do another, the gentleman's, the gentleman's hover. I hate that. You, of course you do. You fucking piece of shit. It's gross. You're, you're, you're, you're basically saying we should not, you're like a guy who's like, who doesn't believe in masks during COVID. You're like, they don't work. Like, well, what if you put your mouth on, you don't put your mouth on, it's the same germs. It's like, no, there's a huge difference between, let me ask you this fully. I wore a mask because I felt like a ninja. Hold on. If a woman holds your cock this close to her mouth or puts it in her mouth, is that different? Not for him. I almost fucking broke the chair laughing. I was just honored at the idea that you think I'm in that kind of position these days. I'm just happy to be here. Wait, you guys are getting your dicks sucked? What the fuck? It's an honor to be nominated. Oh, fuck. You're like a 16 seed in the tournament. Or that you could hold my penis with a closed fist. I'm sorry. I'm more of this guy. Yeah, that's, when you reflect on how a woman holds your penis in a non-horny moment. Oh, I don't think so. I can't do it. I can't do it. That's tough, dude. And then you see in a porno, it's fucking, Jesus Christ. That's tough stuff. Looks like they're doing that thing with the baseball bat to see who hits first. God damn. I know, I know. It's brutal. Did you ever have a period of, like, when I was like a- You wonder why I'm drinking out of people's orange juice. Yes, I guess. Whatever. It's fine. It's a lot of personal trauma. It's fine. Dude's also like, if that's the worst thing he's doing, we gotta let it slide. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's, it's certainly not. The worst thing that he's publicly gonna acknowledge. Yeah, yeah. That's right. So my, okay, did you guys ever watch, did you ever seek out little dick pornography as a youth to make yourself feel better? Because I did a couple times. I could use it right now, though. And honestly, it did not help. No, no. It did not help. It actually made me feel so much more pathetic. Yeah. Because I was like, wait, that's what a little dick looks like getting sucked? That's what my dick looks like getting sucked? It pissed me off, dude. I was like, fuck. This is all fake anyway. I'm fucked, dude. No. Every once in a while, though, you will catch a glimpse of your hog and it looks pretty nice. It just happened to me yesterday. That's awesome, dude. It was sick. That's awesome. It was awesome. Something's going on. I can see it now over my belly. The fluid retention. And I just went, I'm gonna choose to see it like that forever. Exactly. Or at least until I see it again. I know you're a married man, whatever. Whoa. I would say, take a picture. The ring. Take a what? Take a picture of it. Fuck, speaking of rings, I had a ring on and I took it off. I don't think over here. I didn't take it. It's probably over there. Yeah. I gotta run to the Diamond District real quick. My acidic guy walks in. I'm so stupid. Anyway, it's probably over there. It's fine. It's at the coffee station. I just realized. I think I washed my hands. Who gives a fuck? I can call that a coffee station. Hey, I'm trying. Very nice. The people don't know. I can see my erect penis when I'm laying down over my belly. It's like the cavalry coming over the fucking hill in the sunset. Yeah. I was really trying to work that in. It looks like a little circus tent on your belly. It's like a little tent is perched on your fucking fat ass stomach. Ah, bottom and belly's a town. Yeah, dude. I have to come at it with a fucking, you gotta be angled. I mean, I can't lay flat and look at my dick. No, sir. System of mirrors. But what I was going to say is, take a picture of your cock when it looks that nice. And just look at it sometimes. Yeah. Is that what you're doing? I just had, one time I was sexting with a girl, and I can't reuse it because it was around Christmas. And you can see. It's got a little hat on it. No, but you can see the reflection of the Christmas tree lights on my dick. So I can't send it in fucking August. That's good lighting. I keep my tree up all year round. Do Christmas in July. But listen, you better believe I'm waiting for Christmas to roll back around. You should start that now. You know what, I get in the spirit early. I can't send her this, it has a Halloween costume on. And yeah, so I can't reuse it, but I was looking for something. Like, I was looking for plugs. You know, we're doing a tour doc for the special coming out, Uncle Stop, coming out on Netflix September 8th. Check it out. It's out right now. Out right now. Out right now. We also have a tour doc. We have like seven episodes of, because I was on tour for it. Basically two years. And so we have seven episodes and I was going through old stuff to like, like, you know, my, the, our editors would be like, Hey, do you have a picture of you at whatever the fuck at the Hampton beach or whatever. And I was just going through my sweet dick pic from Christmas, dude. For real. I was like trying to find something and I was just saw my fucking dude. It was looking so nice. That's good. Like, dude, I was like, whose cock is that? The girl I said it to. No, no. The girl who said it to was just like, she was literally like, what the fuck? She was like, this is awesome. But also like, wow, it looks awesome. Like she wasn't even like, we already hooked up, but it was one of those where it's like, so she, she was like, that's cool. Cause we're sexting and I like seeing it. But also after the horny segment was done, she wanted to, she just had to chime in and be like, it actually looked kind of crazy huge in that pic. And so I just, I, whenever I'm feeling low now, I just look at my, my hog on its best day. So what you're saying is you, you took that, appreciate it, kind of forgot about it, stumbled across and was like, why do I have a picture of some dude's huge dick? - Yeah. 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So right now, join the millions who are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for a banking. Head to Chime.com slash garbage. That's Chime.com slash garbage. Sign up now. It only takes a few minutes. Do it. Do it. Stavi, are they starters or appetizers? What are we asking? You just said. We're going to do some starters. Are you going to say we're going to do starters? We're going to do some appetizers. Oh, wow. Appetizers. Hmm. Gentlemen. Yeah. Starters is more casual, right? If you were like at Friday's, you go, you guys want to get some starters? Are we going to do any starters? Yeah. It feels like a little more. I can't do starters doesn't feel right to me. You know? I don't know why. How do you feel about this? Yeah. You get a pizza delivered to the house. I'm listening. You have some of the pizza. Sure. You didn't finish it all. Sure. Which has started happening to me since taking ZappBound. Of course. Never had I ever experienced not finishing a pizza. Doesn't that kind of suck a little bit? No. A little something? No, man. You can't be thinking this way. I know. This is why you keep relapsing. Well said. Well said to my best pal, Stobby. Me too, by the way. I'm not mad at you. I'm also relapsing. We discussed that off the air in private. As my sponsor, I feel like that's a little fucked up. I'll probably wait until like minute 48 to drop it. I wasn't going to say it unless we had a perfect opportunity. That felt pretty good. Just a tiny bit of comfort that we lost. So, a little bit. You get what I'm saying? What's the comfort? What's the difference between eating eight slices and four? We're still not eating the right amount. We're still eating half a pizza. About three episodes of Sopranos. Yeah. I feel good about it. I know what you mean. You know? Because, okay, when I am really like relapsing and like psychologically trying to get back to my habits, I'm not doing any, I'm not drinking, I'm not doing any pills, I'm not doing anything psychedelic, no cocaine, none of that shit. I still have allowed myself weed when I'm really, like that's my only, but I take so much that I get fucking so high and I order like I'm not on ZipBound. And so, sometimes I'll order like fucking from a Chinese place in particular, like eight fucking things. You want to pretend, you want to create a Chinese buffet in your home basically, right? I love that. You want to create your own Chinese buffet on a kitchen island. And, but what will happen, I will order that much and I won't eat it and I will just kind of eat that for like a week. That's pretty good. That's pretty good though. And so, I know what you mean because. You're getting, you're scratching that itch by the order. It's the order and that's when you realize, oh, it's not even really tied to finishing the food. It's having it there. And, you know, this is the most fucked up rich guy bullshit of all time. We're like, yeah, I just get extra food because it makes me feel better that it's there. But it's like that. I mean, it's better than fucking doing Xanax. A lot of poor people doing that too. So, that is what I'm fucking, that's what I'm up to right now. But anyway, what was that the question? All right. So, let's say you got immediate. Let's say you got a medium pie. Maybe somebody else was with you. I don't know. There's three or four. There's enough slices where you could take it out of the box, wrap it up and put it in the fridge. Do that. Put the box in the fridge. Or do you ever just slide the pizza box in an oven that's off and operate from there? Absolutely not. That's crazy. It's dairy. How long? How long are we talking? Overnight. Overnight? No. What? Are you guys out of your minds? What do you think is going to happen to you? I'm totally fine with leaving it out and just. Crushing a za in the morning. Fuck no. That's so fucked up. The cheese hardens to a perfect thing. That is insanely food unsafe. For real. Okay. I'm not kidding. You guys do that all the time to this day? This guy's sticking his dick in the orange juice. Yeah. You guys are dairy overnight. I don't do it all the time, but if I'm somewhere and that's happening. I'm stunned. Can we get a bacteria check on this, my boy? Oh, get out of here. Bacteria. Come on. Should you leave a pizza in an oven overnight? We're doing a lot of stuff. You should be doing it. What are you doing for the SEC? What's going on here? What about? A leftover Chinese thrown in the microwave and closing the door. Fuck no. That's sealed. It's sealed? You think the problem is that it's not sealed? What was the question? I'm sorry. I used to have a roommate that taught me a great trick of if you order, if you get. Taught you a trick. Not using the refrigerator. Yeah, because once you refrigerate it. Well, what was it? I'm sorry. I didn't hear. Just putting leftovers in the microwave overnight and then having them the next day. I've done that with burgers, with tamarinds. Oh. What the fuck? Guys, this is fucked. And I'm not a guy who, I'm a guy who let it sit. I always love every episode we get to a point where he goes, what the fuck? It is true. On his show and our show where he just goes, we're humming. The three of us are humming along together. And then we and you just peel off to the right. Which I love. He's like, what the fuck? It is nice because people can trace the sort of trash evolutionary tree. Because we share a common ancestor with mid-Atlantic trash. And at a certain point, Greek and white trash. And it kind of splits off, you know? And that, so it is interesting. It's like how fucking, you know, whales used to be little fucking rodents or whatever. We're all traced back to that killer whale. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Susie, whatever she's called, that they found in the Yucatan, the Neanderthal, whatever. Oh, yes. That's a deep call for that one. Of course, Susie. Did they go to ninth grade science? That started down in the Yucatan. I don't think that was her name either. So no on the pizza, huh? I would say no. And do we have, Luke, do we have a? It's obviously unsafe. But what's on there? I need a mouthful. So it's flying a plane. You get hit by a bus. An air conditioner could fall on us right now. I agree. Fall down a sewer, you know? Whatever they're doing down there, by the way. You are naming things I don't want to do. Get hit by a bus and eat pizza that hasn't been refrigerated for over, you know, 12 hours. Here's something interesting. Yes. According to my research. I got one. How do you feel about the Savannah bananas? Bullshit. Suck dick. They should be ashamed of themselves. Okay. It is a sign of the, of how all of society. Society is, is crumbling because no one gives a fuck about baseball. No one wants to see anything with like skill. They want to see a fake version of, they want a more entertaining version of an actual thing that is skillful, interesting, has real odds, has real stakes, but can be a little harder to get through than just, uh, you know, pop, popcorn entertainment. Like it's the candy. You care about baseball though, right? You were saying the. I like the O's, but I don't really, I just, I just mean, and I don't even give a fuck about baseball to be honest with you. Okay. It's just like everyone now likes the baby, they like the baby version of stuff, not the real stuff. I, it's the tick tock version of it's AI. It's AI thinking for you. It's like, I don't want to think about baby. Tell me when the, Oh, some guy who couldn't, who couldn't make it on fucking minor leagues did a backflip. I don't want to. I know. I know when it's like, it's like slam ball. Yeah, exactly. Slam ball is cool, but it's like slam ball stayed exactly where it was. A fun novelty on TNT, Spike TV, that you could watch high. And by the way, if the Savannah bananas were playing for like a couple hundred people, this is, it's not their fault. I feel bad for these guys. Cause that's what I was going to say. It seems like a fun gig. If you're a guy who, I respect them. Don't want to throw shade at them. Yeah. And I, it's not the guy's fault that like society, it's almost like podcasting. It's not our fault. It's not our fault that we've become like media figures. Like, but thanks to the good folks out there, we still are ruining society. Just like the Savannah bananas. We're bringing them together. I don't want to, I don't want to throw shade at them. They all, they all seem. I'm like, "Cool, guys, I get it." - Yeah, if they left the burger on a plate, you'd eat it. it we get it yeah some of us i know shout out one i shot a movie in savannah and uh uh some of the i did a show and a guy from the savannah bananas came and i was ripping them for 10 minutes yeah and shout out to that guy sorry about that man i do you're a good sport about anything with a choreographed dance i'm out i hate a choreographed dance you know what i really hate too at the weddings when they choreograph the dances you're just like what are you doing i know it's so when the bridal party comes in and does a thing that's okay i get what you're saying that's okay and then a cut and then a chick and a dude who don't even know each other they try to do the wheelbarrow he ends up slipping and fucking blowing his acl and ruining the wedding get the fuck out of here what are we doing i think that if you do it for the express purpose of posting it yeah well that's what it is but there used to be a thing where people just kind of did stuff for fun sure like if you're a corny ass family who likes to do like embarrassing bullshit like that in your private great if that's how you if you have a little you know if you and your grandma do a little dance on christmas i don't give a fuck but again like the savannah bananas that meant that was meant for home movies sure that was not meant to be on youtube and like now everybody's trying to go viral you're killing it though they're doing good but i really liked it it's for like guys that maybe were pro before or didn't couldn't go pro they're like they now get to have a job in base for doing bit you know playing baseball i just think we need to regulate it it's gotten too big uh we cannot have people going to arenas to see the fucking savannah bananas the family enjoys a nice night out i get it it's also cheap it's affordable personally for me well that's actually like this you know what keeps everything under like 30 bucks you're making a great point thank you that the foot like sports has completely gotten away from like the average person and it is fucked up like i like when you go with the the one game like the knicks lost in the finals it was like crazy it was like all these people fucking fi you know because i went to a i went to a playoff game and it's like you go during the the year and it's so fun it's like you know it's still pretty expensive it's new york but you got a lot of regular motherfuckers in there you go to a playoff game it's guys in fucking vests who work in fucking finance who could spend two grand on fucking seat geek or whatever the fuck so i respect the savannah bananas for that yes sports in general needs to be it's very there needs to be a cap there needs to be like tickets cannot be fucking a thousand dollars for people go take their families and shit out there so that's a good point major league sports has fucked us and the savannah bananas have come in through the populist economic model i just can't even though even though the baseball sucks dick i don't know what that means yeah i just can't i can't i just want to be in one of stav's uh political twitter videos that makes one of us i love when you go do something to the gulag or stop he takes over dude you go i do these fucking like non-comedy podcasts like we we can't wait to talk about it was tony the special tires every clip is the one thing i'm like oh you know that was a fun interview they asked me two annoying questions and they're like okay the two annoying questions were chopping up and fucking posting them a hundred times well and they go viral because all people want to do online is argue argue yeah if you think your leader yes opinion's not going viral you got another this is what i want to go for this is the kind of debate if pierce morgan had a two-liter segment instead of an israel palestine segment i'd be there bronson pierce morgan charles bronson no no pierce you actually just folied him you come in you came up with an older reference than pierce brosnan who's pierce morgan pierce morgan is a guy he's like a news guy he has he also these like debates well so what do you think you're talking about graham norton because i love it no i am not that's just a different british guy that's it but uh graham is cool yeah shout out to graham norton his shows look fun as i would love to do those shows stavi yeah baby we're back yeah i always say that he's on those that should be those shows look like tonight totally totally everyone's hanging out with a glass of wine you got harrison ford tom hardy somebody else how did he you couldn't come up with a third celebrity of all celebrities and it wasn't even a joke it was just naming celebrities god damn it i love that hell amir huge studies some some very horrific opinions politically unfortunately not to turn this into the politics you know how bad an opinion has to be for me to not like someone with huge tits bad oh i was just trying to think of a huge tits joke between me and him and i just couldn't get there back to the savannah bananas i just can't watch choreographed dancing otherwise shout out to those guys they're killing it they're giving people a place to go and enjoy it i'm all about it it's mine's a little more i i start questioning my dance i can't dance but i would guys dance and makes my thing jump a little bit does it really oh hell yeah dude this guy should sit right behind all right let's take you to the savannah bananas let's put a little a little some kind of like a blood pressure cuff around your cock and see see if it moves i'm joking but the the 1990s in me because i can't be watching this you know i see i see i see i don't want to stereotype as a greek gentleman yeah how many mints do you feel is it acceptable for a single person to take as they're leaving a diner and can you give us the unwrapped mint and the wrapped mint and what's your what's your thoughts on wrapped is one because you just don't want to be rummaging or i'm sorry unwrapped is one because you don't want to be rummaging now are you talking about the soft ones that have soft oh they're so good but you got it you take the little spoon you put one you keep moving i'm a king leo guy you know king leo's huh i don't the brand i say i would say three absolute max hmm king leo's i would say three max two is fine one you're a real judge those are great those are the best the king leo's they are they are an incredible texture they melt in your mouth they're not too hard but they have they're they kind of bridge the gap between the little one the spoon and the general peppermint that's a great call shout out to king leo i'm like really proud of you i swear to god i mean i mean all the things i've accomplished really he's not kidding in his eyes you can see it yeah foley's an incredible actor but this is the most genuine i've ever seen you this is almost like the time that you uh that you did that you were eating frozen peppermint patties remember that yeah that was like one of my proudest moments i thought this is why i love foley this is what matters to him yeah like truly this just healed like your relationship 10 percent when we connected a lot of times i bailed him out of bankruptcy no no literally not i'm not kidding that does not matter to him it's good candy that he hasn't thought about in a while you're reminding him of a candy he likes but does is at the top of his mind that's more important than bailing him out well you know what big guy getting a pound of a pound a one pound bag delivered here we're going to keep them in stock king leo's when you come and go we had him sent to your apartment but your landlord ian confiscated them he says until you pay him back rent he's having all the king leo's can you give me saltwater taffy too you piece of this guy pushes it that's never enough for this guy king leo's huh king leo man you're all right crazy the amount i've done for him this is the only time he's expressed true gratitude but this it's insane but you know what you know what i'm saying though that's a pull and a half it is but also this is where that all that gratitude is filtered in you know what i mean i love you so he has to like you can't say thank you for stopping me from completely ruining my life so he's like those are good mints that's that's bro discourse what's that did i ever tell you the peppermint patty story no please he was down the shore during covet and he found a bag of peppermint patties in the freezer and he used to have him great story 11. great story i should tell that i never knew that he liked peppermint patties the story you the fact that you frayed you know it's crazy sometimes you have one a day he's a comedic genius he's the funniest guy and then other times he hits you with that story and you go i don't think you've ever done this before well the beauty of foley i mean you're you're such a great like you're an incredible performer like you can inhabit yes like on tires that was the most fun we were shooting yeah we had a good time we had we had a real like uh like the spy versus spy white blacks but we were like and i i do i don't know if i said this on this but me and the when ty when we were just coming up with the character because like you know tires just dude we have scripts but i think it was was you were you on season one or two two i remember me and mckeever being like we need to it was like a plot thing where we were like we need oh i guess i should be on the phone call and i was like and we're like it's gotta be like a scumbag it's gotta be somebody that's like like my nemesis and i was like foley yeah immediately i was the mckeever i was like don't even try and cast anybody else and he was like why would i you're so right and you came in and crushed it and then we had we talked about i'm gonna start crying we had remember remember i am a scumbag yeah remember the the like the we did we talk about the last one we were talking about fat around thc thomas hayden church that was so funny we hadn't even met him yet we hadn't met him we were just comp everyone was gone it was like he was sitting in a corner so he couldn't really leave and it was foley on the couch me and the desk he was dressed as george washington as well yeah shane left mckeever left and me and foley were just talking about like hoagies or some i like the mini nerds here like jesus yeah yeah yeah which we're going to annoy kevin okay because i was told i wasn't allowed to talk about it no no no no no to a cease and desist order from the burger king corporation we weren't allowed to talk about it we're not allowed to just start off family listen this is the perfect time to bring it up okay okay go ahead what do you have well i want to you had mentioned something out there okay that you had noticed that another famous delicious American institution had kind of butchered something right Wendy well so first of all everything that's wrong with America I mean you really are making me fucking go socialist right now everything wrong with America is private equity like all these companies buy nobody had like it used to be went we'll talk about Wendy's here right yeah specifically they've completely fucked the lettuce on the spicy chicken sandwich they've made it they have done cost-cutting shredded lettuce it sucks they've done other shit that's wrong they're not the piece anymore not the piece because they kind of have that it's a little rustic when they have that they have that the branch of the nice fat chunk of fucking tomato too anyway purchase by lettuce stinks purchase what are you talking about purchase by private place because what happens is when he was bought by private every fast food basically has been dude well I thought I knew they'd been at king yeah well you can still get to the ceo and convince him to change things no because no I really have faith in this guy at burger king that listen man no just fucking email me and we'll talk about it next time fuck this the fuck yeah he's gonna email you but I care that much dude hit me the fuck up you a guy who loved making chicken sandwiches used to fucking run a restaurant and try and make a good living and make the best chicken sandwich Dave Thomas now exactly literally shout out to Dave Thomas now some dickhead in a suit is like oh they're fucking oh if we um fire all their employees and replace them with fucking kiosks and took the shredded lettuce out and did this and fucking blah blah blah and made the bread shittier we could make fucking 10% more and everyone will hate it no one will be happy used to it when it comes in or we just kill the company and fucking sell for parts and whatever the fuck like they're fucking vultures and pieces of shit that's what I'm saying we need to sell this thing for parts when I can get a decent penny I told you that we shouldn't be organ donors we should be organ salesmen when you die you should be able to sell your organs on the open market but and so Wendy's and we were talking Jersey Mike's Jersey the decline has just started and that's a shame because they're they are a great chain they've been bought by fucking private equity I watch what happens over the next couple years Jersey Mike's will be fucking subway level type shit see this kind of stuff with the not that we get political at all yes the kind this this kind of stuff I'm in because these kind of things these affect the fabric of our country which made us cool made us cool and good sports is another thing dude now all these fucking billionaires are paying like seven billion dollars the Lakers just sold for 11 billion dollars to a Kushner like that those motherfuckers don't really it used to be a family business it used to be like someone in the community that shit's fucking cool now it's fucking Epstein Island guys and I don't you know what I mean it's like they're like that's who's buying sports teams now no that's truly who it is we're just talking about lettuce I mean no disrespect I think the Philly owner don't don't google Philly owner Epstein that's all I'm saying of the Phillies of the Sixers I believe do a little can you uh just call LeBron James give us a break no you guys are fucking I mean the team is gonna be awesome this year completely fleece the fucking dumb ass Celtics and LeBron coming is so LeBron taking a helicopter from Brooklyn to fucking Philly practice every day is gonna be so funny um do we got anything there Luke I don't want to be I don't want to be sued yeah Josh Harris and Epstein had some emails going back for 2016-ish not great they could have been talking about Burger King oh they could have been griping about the chili or losing the salad bar you don't know what they said this guy listen allegedly allegedly allegedly for comedy purposes this guy's a quack by the way I'm a quack I'm a fucking piece of shit this guy's trying to sink the ship I'm trying to yeah watch Uncle Stav if you love if you love fast food and you hate that the billionaire class has ruined our fast food sandwiches watch Uncle Stav watch Uncle Stav on Netflix right now you are a we are kindred spirits that that is you know that's how we don't like to get political at all but that is a valid point man it's like some of those things we gotta keep that's everything but also like listen you know how I feel about Burger King and Pepsi right Kevin stop it do you know my theory on this uh the country is the country is cooler when Burger King is number one and Pepsi is number one that's interesting this is and you can look at it this is why you're the man you can look at it historically you've been saying dumb bullshit this whole hour and I'm sorry if I've repeated this and you say one of the most profound statements I've ever heard in my life and his defense has been one of his staunch only like really staunch opinions this is beautiful that he's come up with on his own and I love this throughout the whole theme of AYG and you know here's why he's come up with on his own and I love this throughout the whole theme of AYG and you know here's why that is because they're the underdog corporations and what that is is they have to get creative and when they're number one that means the legacy number one McDonald's and Coke they got a fucking they got they got a little pep on their step and so that's the stuff there's no one biting at your heels exactly nipping at their heels that's a great one again it's also when an underdog wins everything is cooler and feels better so when they're rocky the Knicks this year but isn't that all cyclical and this is like a little bit but like you know but it hasn't been the cycle has been broken and it may be because of what it hasn't been the cycle has been broken and it may be because of what what what what our private equity our communist friend I have an earpiece mom Donnie's tell me what to say right now win over these fat idiots tell them they're ruining their Wendy's chicken sandwiches don't tell my mom you know you got the fucking Mandarin collar I've had those but also they're Because all of these things start to suck. But this has been the same thing with art and kind of anything. The status quo starts to suck. So people start. There has been so many more pop-ups of pizza shops, of fucking artisanal burgers. Like these guys doing the stuff on a smaller level that then grow, that then creates. There's been such a focus on more homegrown. Because all of these things now suck. And that is the only. Which will spark creativity. Hopefully. Yes, of course. I have the perfect point on this. Yes. Of what Stabby's saying. And you can look at this. This is an opinion. This is fact. Yes. It is with it fully. It is. I didn't realize it until now, but I witnessed this exact situation happen in the middle of last. The beginning of last summer. Okay. Now, I was an active addiction and going through a lot at the time. It's a bad time to pull a memory from. And I really leaned on a specific order from McDonald's in my youth. Right. To, quote unquote, as I called it, put me to bed. Love it. It was two daily doubles. And it was a 10-piece chicken McNugget with a large fry, a soda, and two of the blueberry and cream pies. By the way, thank you, Popeyes, for doing the fruit and cream pie, which caused McDonald's to put the apple on hold and do fruit and cream pies. That's interesting. Because they are phenomenal. If you leave them in the microwave overnight, they're fantastic. That I'm willing to. There's plenty of preservatives and whatever the fuck's filling. That's fine. That's fine. So here's what I'm saying. Last summer. And I love that. By the way, Foley, really nice order. Thanks, pal. Really good stuff. I've learned to appreciate the McDonald's fry to such a degree at my older age that I feel like. Your ratios are unbelievable there, too. You really nailed fry to chicken to burger. Oh, yeah. I gotta be honest. Smaller than I anticipated. I thought that was gonna go on for another 15 seconds. Proud. Quite proud. Well, I usually. We had it every day. No, it would be a cycle of like every fifth day. Oh, yes. of the. Of the youth cycle. When Fat Junkie. I mean, literally, dude, I. Yeah. You're saying this, that's the happiest I am is when I'm doing shit like this. Yeah. I really miss it. Like, even. I've been on, like, theater tours. I've been watching a movie that I have no business in, like, being in, and I. It's the happiness I get being fucked up and having a fucking. Having two burger. Two burgers and fucking 20 nuggies come in, dude. Doesn't match it. I'm literally happier. Nothing to do the next day. Knowing that you could just sleep on the bed. You could just sleep on the couch and fucking let the world pass you by. And I've always said this, too. The happiest I've ever been is the, like, 30 minutes to two hours, depending on how fucked up you are, between what you ate and it hitting you. Oh, yeah. You know, like, that when you're still feeling. I'm sorry, I cut you off. No, no, no. You're making me. You're fucking. I'm about to fucking. When those preservatives catch up to you and that fucking dopamine starts dropping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Woo-wee! And your blood. Talk about paying the devil. You can feel your blood slow down. You can feel. It's coagulating inside. It's coagulating inside you. So, around this time of last summer, Burger King was kind of making a little bit of a move. I don't know if they were going through a slight regime change, as you would say, or what. Right. But McDonald's hit us with what they call the McDonald's gold sauce. Right. Which I've talked about. It was. It was like when you see a beautiful. It was like when you see a beautiful woman that you're seeing for the first time, but there's something familiar about her. Where she feels like you were in love in a past life. Right. That's what it was like. It was phenomenal. In the medieval times, you both worked on the same mill, and you fell in love, and you finger-popped her under a cobblestone street, or a. I guess you can't do it under a cobblestone street. Somewhere under a nice fucking. God damn it, I'm fucking this up. I made fun of you for not being able to pull a third celebrity bike. You had me at finger-popping, so don't worry about it. Under a thatched roof. Go ahead. Boom. Then, McDonald's pulled ahead. Gold sauce went away very quickly. And you know what they're hitting us with now? They're trying to come at me with a shitty Caesar dressing dip. Bullshit. Pissing me the fuck off. Are you kidding me? Stavi, make me a Caesar dressing at home in five minutes. What are you putting in it? I'll be honest with you, I'm not. You're doing an egg. You're doing an egg. You do some fucking fresh cheese. We all know how to make fucking Caesar. And it's the kind of stuff that is so good fresh, don't fucking try it. What are you doing? too chemical-y, it's going to be too science-y if you try and mass produce it. There's no love in it. I tell you what, Burger King starts putting the fucking heat on them, that fucking Caesar's going to go away in two seconds and that gold sauce will be fucking bad. I missed the entire gold sauce era. Really? I did not get any gold sauce. I'm fucking pissed. I definitely did a little McDonald's, but I typically I don't know, I've been going like more ethnic cuisines when I'm going buck wild. A lot of Chinese, a lot of Korean, a lot of sushi, a lot of, I mean, you want to talk about, I've been, I've put in sushi orders that as a boy I could never dream of. I know, it's crazy. The amount of money I've been like, except for just like a kind of not that filling meal, just to be a complete piece of shit. But still, it's fucking awesome. To get to the point of feeling, oh my God, what did I do with sushi? It's a real long, it's a marathon. To get sick to your stomach from eating sushi. Now listen, there's going to be some tempura involved in that. There's going to be some dumplings involved in that. I love a veggie tempura. Give me a fucking deep fried fucking sweet potato with fucking panko on it. Yes, sir. And some of that yozo sauce. Talk to me. But yes. What the fuck? He hit us with a what's up. Dude, he's been sneaking out in a conversation and it's been missing. He's got a Budweiser deal. It's been missing like crazy. We gotta wrap it up. Well, you know what's funny is that it would hit. It's just that, that speaks to like your timing being off. Cause what's up hits. If you do it just right. But you really. I got nothing without my gold sauce. What was the, can you just, can we talk about the flavor? I know we have to wrap up, but I would love to talk about that. I couldn't really describe it. Luke, can you get a gold sauce description, please? For Mr. Halkey. A flavor profile. I think it was. Hey Luke, you make what a doctor makes a year. Look up gold sauce for our esteemed guest. Oh dude, I'm so mad. I think about, Eldest makes more than the WNBA max. Which is what, by the way? Well, actually they upped it recently, so maybe not. But he was doing until a couple years ago. I think it was more a response to what Chick-fil-A is doing with their sauce. And also Chick-fil-A, you get a bottle of that. You can get a bottle of that. Yeah, it's alright. Chick-fil-A is, I just, I really, they got me hook, line, and sinker. I just love what they're doing over there. They're steadfast. Who? Chick-fil-A? The Chick-fil-A nugget tray. It's good. It's unbelievable. Come on. If you're having a christening without the Chick-fil-A nugget tray, that kid's gonna end up in hell. What do you got, Luke? The McDonald's special edition gold sauce is a creamy tangy blend of vinegary North Carolina style barbecue sauce infused with notes of honey, smoke, and mustard. Interesting. So it's like a barbecue honey mustard. That's a guy working. Burger King can keep the fucking, their feet to the fire. That gold sauce will come back. And what we were saying outside, that I don't know how to talk about in front of certain people. We were also saying we need to do like a special Patreon. We need to do a quarterly Patreon fast food roundup, Foley. You need to come over and we need to get fat. Yeah, there'll be three of those before you both die. And they'll be working! For the people! Let me tell you what Burger King's problem is. You bite into a Whopper Junior, everything comes out. And I'll tell you why. It's the pickles. It's your pickles, man. Hit me the fuck up and let's get this country back on track. What would you change? Thinner pickle? I think we have to go like what Kevin said. Is everything is becoming farm to table? Sure. Give me a real pickle. Let's get better pickles. Country cut, maybe like a rougher cut. Give us some ridges. Dude, hit me with a crinkle cut fucking bread and butter. Crinkle cut. Hit me with a crinkle cut bread and butter pickle. Never. They're never gonna do that. They'd lose 50 million dollars a year. But it's not about. See, you're a dirty capitalist pig. Kevin's for the people. Me and Foley are saying, fuck corporate profits. I'm not saying I would do it. I'm saying they would never do that. You can't say that about this man. They would never do that. He's got all dollars and cents. He's about quality. You're telling me and Foley to get our heads out of the clouds. Yeah, you're screaming at the weather. These guys are like, what the fuck are you talking about? We can take them down. They're not the weather. Kevin agrees with us. He wants the same things as us. He just knows they're not gonna bite. You have quitters mentality. Join the beast revolution. You guys are yelling new pickles. Go make your own fucking burger. That's what I do. Go make your own burger with whatever pickles you like. But not everybody's in the position that me and Foley are. You guys are slaves. No, no, no. Me and Foley want people that don't have undeserved podcast millions to get nice pickles. The one thing we can never do. Million. Kevin, the one thing Stavi and I can never do is touch the hearts of Americans the way McDonald's and Burger King have because they have a 50-year head start. Not with that mentality, you're never gonna do it. That's what we need. Guys, are we changing them from within? You guys are fucking losers. Do we get jobs at McDonald's and Burger King? No, this dickhead just gotta shoot me a fucking email, and the three of us, maybe me, you, we'll bring Kippy in, can sit down and fucking straighten this out. Alright, I got two words for you. Burger buddies, bring them back. Lose the fucking pickles. Oh, by the way, for every fast food place, stop with the fucking crispy jalapenos. Nobody gives a fuck. And stop putting crispy onions on your sandwich. That's all the time we have. Check out Stavi on the new movie Tony. You gotta, I was with you everywhere. They're not. The Texas Whopper. You guys would never last in corporate America. We'll work this out. You'll never last. We'll work it out. You're losers. We'll work it out. I think next week literally we have another episode where we're arguing Foley was 45 minutes late. I was a half hour late, I promise. You keep saying a half hour. Dude, I didn't. I'm a pink guy. Oh, you did it. It was 40-something minutes. See? I remember. Oh, that's what this that was a callback to an episode that hasn't happened yet for the most people. I'm a pink guy. That's a very Tarantino move on us. That is, that is. Stavi, brand new special. It's out right now. Uncle Stavi on Netflix. Yes, sir. And also, randomly, if you're in Mississauga, I am doing a theater, like a big show. John Mulaney is headlining. Fred Armisen is there. Let's go. James Austin Johnson. Uh, shout out to Mike Berbiglia for dropping out. Let's go. And they needed someone last minute. And a lot of other people said no. Sure. I apologize. That got heated. No, no, this is healthy. Got jumbled and all that kind of stuff. No, no, no. We were yelling at each other. Don't let Kevin's corporatist mentality What are you talking about? You guys were ready to join him. This guy's hometown American. I'm a podcast for the people. Yes. By the people. Listen. These guys are going, should we join McDonald's or Burger King? They don't care. Corrupt them from within. They just want those big, they want a golden parachute is what they're looking for. Listen, one thing I'll say about Kevin James Ryan. Yes. He's a Main Street guy. You're a Wall Street guy. He cares about America. He's got a child. He's invested in the future of this country. That's true. That's true. And I want better pickles. I think he's about to ask me for money. I want better pickles. I'm definitely going to ask you for Burger King. All I want is better pickles for your child and for children everywhere. That's all. That's all we need. That's all we want. We do that. I'm going to raise my boy to go, hey, there's no pickles I want. I'm going to go make my own pickles. A self-starter. All right. Respect. This goes back to my, assimilate, don't annihilate, baby. Oh, we can't get into that. I don't know. I would check where you found that. I read it on Farsight this morning. There's two caterpillars saying it. Gang, we love you. Are You Garbage special? Yes. September 13th, American Garbage. Oh, hell yeah. We love you, and we'll see you there. Peace.