140: Fat Elvis is on His Period

Boo! It's officially spooky season, and this episode of The Broskier Report is brought to you by my favorite little trick-and-treat, Smirnoff Ice. Get ready for your Halloween party and stock the fridge with Smirnoff Ice today! Mama! Mama! They put me in the Broskier Report! Mama! Welcome back to The Broskier Report. Holy shit. Elvis has left the building! Elvis has started his period! Huh? I am on my period. Elvis has a very important show tonight, and Elvis is also having chunks! Mama! It's chunkier! Mama! I'm bled through my maxi-pad! Mama! Okay. Don't I have, bro? When you're Elvis and you bleed through your maxi-pad, when you're Elvis and you have to have a hysterectomy because you have fucking really intense periods. Hey, guys! Without, bro. But really, I'm always with, bro. Bro is always with me. I am one with the force, the forces with me. I am with the force, the force with me. I am with bro, and the bro is with me. Guys! I am on my period. I'm worried I'm gonna stand up from this fucking desk, and there's gonna be a big dou-ru-stain at my back. There's gonna be a big fucking dou-ru-stain. Cause you know, a period of lunch is too long. God, I look like fat Elvis. A big, busty, triple-deeb Elvis. Triple H-tits, Elvis. Busting out the sports bra, Elvis, bro. Masked, tuck, Elvis. Honey, get into this Elvis Vegas tuck. Oh, I tuck for The Broskier Report. You bet your fucking ass I'm tucked under this desk, Mommy Honey Girl. Okay, uh, happy almost Halloween, seriously. What is it, October 20th? Holy shit. Why are you into 2026, gooooh? Oh my god, yo, it's literally yesterday, it's 25! Shit! So, you think my dad's 40, I'm 24, I'm 24, I'm 25! Oh god, I remember you knew this little, I remember you knew this little, I used to wipe your butt, I used to change your dappers, you know that I've seen your, whoah, I've seen that, whoah. Why do older adults say that shit, bro? I used to change your dappers, I've seen your butthole. You said half. I'm 32. Oh, good to see you, by the way, I'm 32. So, awesome, you've seen my butthole. Guys, this wig is like, it's shedding crazy style, there's pubes all over the desk, there's like little Elvis pubes, pelvis, pubic Elvis. All right, guys, we're gonna talk all things Elvis today, we're gonna kind of deep dive into some of the Elvis lore, um, we're gonna- All right, P Elvis, you would love still a lefty. And what was his thing? Why guys love to do fucking martial arts, bro? Robert Downey Jr. loves martial arts, Elvis loved- What is that? Like, like, I do wonder what that is. It's like, uh, it's like, uh, that's the closest thing of why guy can think of it's like meditating and praying. The closest thing to- why guy can think of it, to the universe is like, being a black belt. Like, what is that? Big, triple fucking H-takes. More big, fucking takes. Sure, whatever. All right. Elvis. Mama, it's chunky. Mama, they're trapped me in the brusque report. Mama. I would like to make a public apology, actually. I'd like to just take a second. Let's get serious. I owe a public apology to Austin Butler for the way I acted in, uh, 2022. From early 2022 to late 2022, even into 2023, I really was weird about- I really was weird about the Elvis movie. Like, I really, really was weird about it in a way that is- It was cute at the time, but now it's a bit unforgivable, really. I would drive myself to the theater. This is not a joke. Once, multiple times a week, Noah Cyrus and I bonded over this because she was the same as me. We would go to the theater alone multiple times in a week to go watch Elvis. I would pick the latest screening, like 10 p.m. 'cause I knew no one would be there. It would be like a Tuesday night when, like, whatever. I would go see Elvis. I would sit middle. I'd get all my snackies and I would watch it and just goon. I would just goon in the theater. I was like, "Austin Butler, Elvis! Fat Elvis shit on a toilet! Died on a toilet!" I loved that fucking movie. Like, that early part, when he first sings, what's it? "Mama, I want to play house with you." That whole scene, oh my fucking god, when he performed in the stadium or, no, what show is that? I haven't seen it in so damn long and you would think I remember more of it. I hyperfixated on that movie in a way that I think was a bit of post-COVID trauma, post-COVID trauma-bonded-ing-edge to that movie. 'Cause I think it was like, "Oh, we can finally go to the theater again. I'll have to wear a mask." It was like, "Me time. I could get out of the house, go do it. Just go goon. I could go goon in private." It was awesome. I was saving private goon. So, like, really thankful to the Elvis movie. I'm thankful to Baz Lerman, 'cause you guys really, that movie did something for me spiritually that very little, very little has done since, that's not true. I gooned to house the dragon, I gooned to Mandalorian, I gooned to, fucking, the Call of Duty phase, I gooned to Call of Duty characters, to the point of buying a cameo from the guy who does the fucking voice for Ghost. That was, that was, I think, in real time we can all say, that was my rock bottom. That was rock bottom and you guys were laughing at me, and that's fucked. That truly, that's a woman at her worst, like buying cameos from voice actors to goon too. That's a different level. And then sometimes I see comments like, "I miss when she was like this. Do you? I don't fuck." That is truly my lowest and awesome that is documented. All right, let's get into it. How many Elvis glasses? Just broken. Okay, my obsession with the Elvis movie aside, I had a real Elvis obsession when I was in middle school. And then also, after the movie, I, of course, I read Priscilla's book, Elvis and me. I read, like, all this, I was really deep into it. And then I watched Priscilla, of course, when it came out. And look, shout out Jacob Olority, friend of the realm, friend of the show, Jacob Olority. But like, I don't, I gotta give it up to Austin, man, that's my Elvis. Hashtag not my Elvis. Okay, Jacob Olority, that's my Frankenstein's monster. That's my Frankenstein's monster. But that is hashtag not my Elvis. I think he didn't know he did it a good job. But awesome about it. Damn. He's that fat suit. He cornered. I really, really, like thinking about it now, I actually just got speechless for a second. Cause it took me back to watching that scene for the first time where he's like, doing it. Oh shit. The first Vegas show. Shit. Check out. What the fuck? Where did that come from? All right, anyway, y'all, I got super high the other night with Elizabeth. We watched the fucking Hobbes on Martin, Martin, Martin. We watched them got caught in the hailstorm. And I was so high, I have not laughed that hard in for like, and I laugh all very hard all the time. That was a euphoric experience. Genuinely, I would really recommend taking a marijuana edible watching that specific slushy news video of them just like having a nothing day. And then it's like the worst storm in Toronto history or some shit. It is the funniest thing I have ever seen in 2026. It might be the funniest thing I've seen. It was ridiculous. It was so, so funny. Really would recommend that when they were caught in the rain and he's just gagging. Shut up, bro. All right, Elvis. Did he have the middle name? Elvis Presley, full name. Elvis Aaron Presley, of course, I fucking knew that actually. Here's some things I know about Elvis off the top of my head. Favorite snack was that fat ass big guy meal. Peanut butter and bacon. Bro, and I bet there was butter on it on some bread like that. What I really deeply respect about him actually is that like he was unabashedly a big fat guy. Not many people are doing big fat guy the way Elvis is doing it towards the end of his life. Like just big and fat and like living large. Living it up, truly like you have everything in the world you could ever want. Yeah, I want my mom to make me a bacon banana and peanut butter sandwich. And of course, that's just probably fucking phenomenal. Cause personally when I'm on my big fat guy shit, I love a maple bacon anything. I love a maple bacon donut. Yeah, my donut has bacon bits on it. Bitch, I don't give a fuck maple bacon donut. I love a bacon caramelized maple maple bacon, maple, maple, maple, please. A bacon bearized maple blaze. Hey, hey, uh, but maple bacon caramelized glaze. You know, I'm talking about it. They make like a chutney. Out of that sometimes. You guys don't understand. I did so respect that is one of his favorite snacks. I mean, like holy and he had a bunch of other ones that were just nasty. Elvis favorite snacks. Oh, sorry, it was grilled. Oh my god. Fried grilled peanut butter and banana sandwich made with crisp bacon and cooked in butter or bacon grease. Big fat guy shit. I love it. Drizzle of honey or marshmallow. Pro. His blood vessels were congealed. The preparation to sandwich is pan fried and a skillet with butter or bacon grease until golden brown and warm. God damn. Hey, y'all. Welcome to a new segment. I'm calling boo. Or boo. It's a working title. It's not my best work. Where I give the verdict on recent trends and Halloween costumes. As we know, Halloween is right around the corner. So I wanted to give my opinion as I do on some costume ideas. Y'all might be ideating on. Okay. Let's start with what's in this year. Okay. I'm talking to return to classics vampire, which scarecrow Frankenstein's monster a bat. Okay. A bat is a good one. I'd also like to suggest men dressed as sexy nurses. I really would like to throw that into the culture and inflatable costumes. I'd like to see more of it. I laugh every time I see an inflatable costume. Keep it up, fellas. And by fellas, I mean everyone. Fellas is a gender-inclusive term. Dressing up is someone you know in your real life. It's hilarious. Dress up as your dad. Dress up as your boss. Dress up as your local neighborhood guy. It's very funny. Dressing up as inanimate objects. One of my friends dressed up as the space needle one year. And that's funny. Okay. Here's what's out this year. I don't want to see this stuff. And I'm serious. Couples' costumes. Sheeple. Wake up. You're an individual. Or you're literally sheeple. You're a follower. Or you're a follower. Or be an individual. Be your own person. Low effort costumes. I don't want to see any more of this. This is my Halloween costume. T-shirts. This. No T-shirts on Halloween. None of these low effort costumes. I'm serious. If you're a cat, and you wear all black, and you draw whiskers on, not cutting it. I need a little bit more effort from you. Plus, you look like an idiot. And we always should go home early. So. Okay. Another thing that's out this year. Dressing for your gender. Out. We are gender bending this Halloween. Go with something, you know, not you. Go with something that feels a bit out of your comfort zone because you just might find a new comfort zone. Also out. Scary, gory costumes. I don't know. I'm scared. I don't want to see that. I want to see everyone dressed as cartoon characters and like monsters. Like, that's funny to me. I don't want to see something scary. And in that vein, I don't want to see any costumes losing liquid, losing blood. And I don't want to see that. And also, next to me on the couch, and it gets on my costume, now I'm mad. I don't want to see it. Okay, now that we've gotten my do's and don'ts for Halloween out of the way, I would like to reveal to you my personal favorite. 2026 Halloween costume. The Smirnoff Ice Ball. And. Yes, that's me on the box. For the box. Okay. Now if you're interested in matching me, you can get your very own. And we can create an army of Smirnoff Isis. Go to smirnoff.com/merch. They just created a million Smirnoff Isis. Thanks, guys. And happy Halloween. Elvis Presley's 18 favorite foods. Let's get into it. What the hell is the Elvis Ice Cream Sandwich? Oh my god. Oh, it's the same sandwich. Barbecue Chicken Bites. Oysters Rockefeller. Where are they getting this information? Fried pickles. They're just like throwing some shit out there. Well, I don't trust you. I don't trust you. Taste of home.com. You didn't know Elvis. You didn't even talk to him. Oh, here we go. Our slash Elvis. A list of items to be kept at Graceland for Elvis. This list was written circa mid 1960s. All right, let's read this. To be kept in kitchen and house for Elvis at all times every day. Number one. Fresh lean, unfrozen, ground, raw, rawned meat, ground meat, ground something meat. One case regular Pepsi's. All right. One case orange drinks. If you know, you know. Elvis and JLo. Rolls. Hot rolls. Brown and serve. Cans of biscuits. At least six. Hamburger buns. Pickles. Potatoes and onions. Assorted fresh fruits. All right. Cans of sauerkraut. Weeners. At least three bottles of milk and half and half cream. Fin lean bacon. I'm so fucking sure. Mustard. Peanut butter. Fresh hand squeezed cold orange juice. Banana pudding to be made at night because it's got a congeal in the fridge overnight. I see you, Elvis. See, I get him. Ingredients for making meatloaf and sauce. Let me tell you something about meatloaf. I can only speak for my own culture here. All right. I don't know what other cultures relationship to meatloaf is. I'm not gonna act like I do. All right. But what I can tell you is I probably am the resident expert on meatloaf. I grew up eating meatloaf. And not only did I grow up eating it, I grew up loving it. What the fuck is meatloaf made of? I don't know. You're asking me? I don't know. I don't care. I don't care what meatloaf is made of. I'm still gonna eat it. I'm gonna put ketchup on it. I'm gonna put fucking ketchup and mustard and barbecue sauce on it. I don't give a fuck, bitch. I love meatloaf. I ordered and tore it down the other day and I ordered meatloaf from this place. And I literally was like, "It's not good meatloaf." Like I have a ranking system of meatloaf growing. Let me go ahead and swallow. Thinking about meatloaf. Meatloaf to me. I don't know if it's beef. I don't know if it's turkey. I don't know if it's all the awful parts of a pig or some bullshit like that. Meatloaf has a texture that when paired with something like a mashed potato, when paired with something that has a sort of soft pudding-like texture, I find very satisfying. Taylor makes fun of me, Sierra makes fun of me, my sister, that I make something called Bobo Mash. Now Bobo Mash, thank you for asking, is when I combine all the food on my plate into a casserole. And I mash it all together because that's what I like. That's what I like. Because listen to this. Meatloaf crush it up a little bit. Mash potatoes mix those together. A little bit more of the meatloaf sauce on top. Maybe let's say you have a side of green beans. Throw a green bean in there. It's all going to the same place. It all compliments each other. I just mix it together, put it all in my mouth at once. Instead of all taking a few bites of meatloaf, I'm going to take a spoonful of mashed potatoes and then green beans and it's all my mouth same time. I'm drunken does anyway. You're eating it anyway. Bobo Mash. I've made Bobo Mash as I was a kid. I don't know what the fuck is wrong. I mean, I'm sure a lot of y'all can diagnose what's wrong. Because there's probably a laundry list. And you've probably observed a lot of behavior for me over the years that is, you know, concrete textbook evidence. If someone was seeking to diagnose an ADHD patient, look no further than the brosky report. Now, does this have any bearing on my life? No. No, it doesn't. Because I don't know. It's not fixable. And I don't know if I want to fix it. Okay. I've got my cheesy Elvis tuck under the table and I'm in a wig and I'm experiencing gender euphoria. I like that. I feel like those girls on weird obsessions, strange addictions where they eat deodorant and they say, I don't give a fuck. I love it. I love the chew on my mattress. It feels good on my jaw. I get it. I like to wear a wig and be bald and tuck under the table. It's fine. Okay. No, but seriously, guys, bobo mash. Bobo mash. I first started doing this and I was probably like nine or ten. And we go to golden crawl after church on Sunday. when I would go visit my grandparents. And I would make what at the time I did not know was Mach 1 of Bobo Mash. It was a very early iteration of Bobo Mash. And I would just mix together mashed potatoes. Mash potatoes is a creating ingredient of Bobo Mash, by the way. If you're not gathering that, you need a bonding agent. You need a bonding agent. Mash potatoes would do the trick every time. Mash potatoes also easy medium, all right? You just need a little salt. You don't need to fucking season mashed potatoes. 'Cause nine times out of 10, I don't trust the way that they've seasoned them. 'Cause they probably haven't. It's just the powder mashed potatoes that they just mix up. I had a little salt, it's never enough salt. Don't worry about salt, I'll add my own salt. I got the salt. I'll worry about salt. That's why I used to travel with onion salt in my purse. Don't fucking worry about it, I will season it. 'Cause I don't trust you guys to do it. Oh my God, I ate at this restaurant recently. They had Lowry Season Salt and Lowry Season Pepper. Bitch, I didn't know Lowry's was doing all that. Lowry's, y'all been holding it down in a lot of seasoned households for a very long time. So shout out to Lowry's really quick. Lowry's, if you'd like to sponsor the podcast, please reach out via my business email. Because I love Lowry's Season Salt has got me through a lot of hardships in my life. Onion salt as well. So I really feel like Boba Mash started there because I used to do mashed potatoes. And now here's where I'm gonna lose some of y'all. If I haven't lost y'all ready, corn, sweet corn. All right, it's gonna offset the saltiness of the mashed potato, sweet corn, add that in there. It's a good texture, it's a good pop. It's like Boba. (laughing) It's like Boba, all right. Now, on top of all this, 'cause corn doesn't really count as a vegetable because our bodies can't process corn. And I don't wanna hear about it from the nutritionists. I don't, whatever I say goes. All right, on this podcast, whatever I say goes. And I mean that. If I said it, it's true. So corn, mashed potatoes, and they used to have these little chicken nuggets, chicken popper things, throw those in there. But cut them in half, very important. 'Cause I have a small mouth and I will choke. (laughing) You have to be careful around me. 'Cause I will choke. You gotta cut my food up before you feed me. 'Cause I'm like a baby and I'm slapped in the table. (screaming) And I won't eat food unless it's been bonded to match potatoes. (laughing) 'Cause it goes down easier. 'Cause I got it, I got a small throat. Anyway, I would mix all that up. And that would be on it. And you know what's even thicker? Is that would be my dessert. Like obviously golden crow, you can have 30 plates. No one cares, everyone there's big, it's fine. I have my first plate and I'd get, you know, chicken and vegetable and bread. Mainly bread, it was mainly bread. And then whatever. And then I would go back for Boba, Matt. It would make Boba mash on a plate. 'Cause you need to be able to cut shit in half. You need to be able to mix it with your fork and your spoon or whatever. I'm folding it like fucking cold stone creamery. (laughing) They use, they chop it up like this and then they scoop it. Oh, they got that! That's how I was doing Boba mash. So I was making Boba mash as a kid. So anyway, what the hell? What were we talking about? Oh, meatloaf. Yeah. Yeah. I really, I fuck heavy with meatloaf. So next on the list, he was doing brownies to be made at night. I wonder why. 'Cause brownies are better warm. Brownies are better straight off the oven. Ice cream, vanilla and chocolate, shredded coconut. Fudge cookies, gum. 24 cigars. Oh, no, sorry, these are in order. Gum cigars, cigarettes, driston. What the hell is driston? Oh, to nasal spray. Over-the-counter medication brand used to provide fast-acting relief from nasal and sinus congestion. I've never even heard of this. I usually use flow-nays. I don't know if I hate that shit. I hate anything that goes up your nose. (grunting) I feel like a baby. I feel like a baby when they suck boogers out of your nose. (grunting) Super, animist? I don't know what that says. Contact. Short suites. Spirament gum matches. All right. Honestly, not as strange as I thought, but definitely like, you need that at all times. Someone commented, I don't know what 27 is. Yeah, me either. Super anihist. Damn, okay, he was like, stopped up in the nasal region. I wonder if he was allergic. Three packs of spirament gum, three packs of double-ment gum, three packs of juicy fruit gum, secrets, antibiotic red boxed, phenoment gum. - Phenoment, phenoment. (laughing) - Bucky Elvis. That is an Elvis meme. - Phenoment. - It's a laxative? What the hell? Phenoment was a popular over-the-counter mint flavored chewing gum laxative. Girl, bring this back. It was marked as a gentle, chewable remedy for constipation, so he couldn't breathe through his nose, and he also couldn't ship through his butt. - Fart goes the butt. That fucking loop- (laughing) Don't loop, Brian meme. Slam goes the door. Fart goes the butt. Truly unbelievable. Like what an unbelievable life. Your wife's 14, your 30. Your, you can't poop. You're clearly allergic to something. You're eating full-blown lard, and you're performing at the peak of your game. Unbelievable. Like, wow. ♪ If I can dream I'm caught in a trap. ♪ All right, everyone, I need everyone to go as a fat Elvis this year and tag me. I need, I'm looking to create an army of fat Elvis's. Let me put my glasses on. I want to create an army of fat Elvis's. They can't stop us all. You just created a million fat Elvis's. (laughing) They just made a million fat Elvis's. Okay, I need to know what did Elvis use to die his hair? Black shoe polish when he was a teenager and could not afford professional products. I bet he smelled fucking crazy. Here's my, I really do have a question and I feel like I've tried to ask my grandparents this before and they just like won't tell me. Did people smell fucking bananas in the '50s? In the '60s, like, I don't know if deodorant, they weren't doing 24-hour anti-purchperant anti-odor. I really don't believe it. I bet y'all stunk for real, but also look. Lot of things introduced in the 21st century that, you know, are not natural, are not, uh, it's not even not good for you. Full-blown toxic to you that we ingest on a daily basis. What's that statistic? We all have like the equivalent of one plastic spoon in our bodies from microplastic, sure, whatever. Oh, don't even get me started on wearing a tampon. Oh, I'm doing the arsenic challenge. Everyone join and tag your favorite arsonist, arsonist. Everyone tag your favorite arsonic forward tampon brand in the comments. Plot twist, it's all of them. Arsonic and lead. I'm doing the arsenic and lead interest depository challenge, 2026. I won. I've led poisoning. Like, what do you mean there's lead in tampons? It's just so, like, that's what I'm saying though. It's like everything's toxic. They poison our food so they can sell us the cure for this sickness so that we have to pay money where that was the fucking meme. It's true. It's literally true, whatever. This episode of the Bersker Report is sponsored by Lola Blankets. I love you, Lola Blankets. Guys, I'm telling you, I need everyone to pick up a book. I don't care, I don't want to hear it. It's fall, it's cozy time. Life is all about the little moments you carve out for yourself to be peaceful and to have rest. So might I introduce my newest reading essential, my Lola Blanket? 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I'm actually going to call Mimi. I got to call my Mimi. Hello? Mimi! Hi, Dolwich. I got a question for you. Okay. I'm really wondering, the difference between, like nowadays, all of our beauty routines and whatever we do. And of course, all of its toxic and full of plastic and arsenic and lead, whatever. In the '50s and '60s, do you remember people stinking? Do you mean a body out? Yes, like bad breath, stinkin' B.O. Puss. Yes, really? I can't use to sit next to me in school and he would pick his boogers and ate 'em and he also smells so bad. It's the smell, I mean, his body. I think it was the underarm smell like rotten seed. Because I was just thinking about it. I was like, we have everything today, like deodorant, antiperspirant, like, you know, there's perfume. I mean, it's so accessible. And of course, all of it's probably toxic. But I'm like, exactly. I always wondered, especially because y'all were doing baths, like, community, sister baths, and like, you'd share the water and whatever. I'm just like, I don't. Everybody had to smell like poop and butt. Not everybody, because if you didn't take a bath and you took a bath and perfume. Right, but she's not an alternative. No, all it did was, uh, next stinky feet and perfume began. Oh! And did y'all. did you have air conditioner in the school? Only for half of my school time. Like the high school? I thought we did. Okay. But in our house, we didn't have an air conditioner. Was it as hot as it is now in Texas back then? I guess. I didn't notice because I was a kid. Right. But, but, uh, you know, we had what was called an addict. Sam, it was in your, in a ceiling in one of your hallways, and it sucked air up in it. And you'd leave windows open so that it could suck the air in. Oh, it says like a reverse AC. Yeah, it'd blow the hot air out. I was going to sweat. Yeah, I had. You should put food in there. And, uh, uh, dad was probably saying because you were laying in bed sweating. And the air passed and over you would evaporate and make you cool. Now that's interesting. Okay. Yes. And, uh, the thing you should wake up in the morning and everything was wet. Oh! Because sucking the dew in your hair was all curly and your cheeks were dampened. That was awful. Lots of fun. Oh! So when. Okay, so in school, you had AC in high school. When did you move in for the first time in your house where you had central AC? Was it military housing? We lived. No, uh, uh, when I, uh, the last year I lived in, uh, high school, we, dad put air conditioning in our house. Wow. So that was 1962. Oh my god, that's crazy. And, you know, I used to wear a moral norm and make up all the way to high school. And we used to put this mask. It was called a mask on your face. And it was red. And you brushed it on. And it was a liquid. And it turned hard. And if you smiled, it would crack. What was the point to draw out impurity? For right. It was just lead. It turned like an ML. I bet it did. So you took it off and your skin was still red. From being irritated. That's how I got cancered, right? Oh my god. They didn't worry about lead, stuff like that. That'd be it. Of course not. You know, so it's all making sense. I know it. It's just crazy. I was just thinking about how, I mean, all tampons and pads have arsenic and lead and every single. There's not one brand. Even the ones that are like organic cotton. No, those have arsenic too. It's just insane. We went from not using any of that stuff to put everything in it. And then the older it got, the more they put in it. So well, all right. That was my main question. Is did people smell like butt and BO? Yes. Okay, good. Even though they had the yogurt and all that stuff, people just didn't use it. You know, it was too much trouble. Okay. But anyway, yes. And people used to eat burgers, so yeah. All right. Thank you, Mimi. Love you, bye. Right yet. Oh, I love Mimi. Okay, so people did wear the yogurt. I'm assuming. I really am curious. What did it look like in the 50s? What did deodorant look like in the 50s? Looked very different from today's twist up plastic sticks. Packaging featured small glass jars, metal tins, squeeze bottles, an early spray or roll-on bottles rather than solid plastic tubes. Cream deodorants and jars. Popular brands like Mum, Tuthy, and Revlon Aquamarine came in small milk glass jars, opaline glass or metal tins with screw-on metal or plastic caps. Users dipped their fingers directly into the paste or cream to apply it to the skin. And what the hell was that probably made of? Aquamarine cream deodorant, anti-perspirant with land light. Lano light. What is lano light? Okay, this needs to move immediately. What the hell? Lano-lin. Lano-lin is a yellowy waxy substance secreted by the sebaceous glands of wool-bearing animals like domestic sheep. Ugh, so it's like animalic? I bet that shit smelled fucking crazy! Lano-lin is harvested from raw wool after it sheared from the sheep. The wool is washed in hot water through a process called scouring and machines like centrifuges separate the waxy oil from dirt and debris. God, I bet it smelled crazy! It's widely used in creams to soothe sore or cracked nipples during nursing. It's added to lipsticks, makeup, baby balms, and medical ointments. It's found in leather conditioners, rust-preventative coatings, and lubricants. It acts as an emolient and semi-aclusive moisturizer helping to trap existing moisture in the skin and heel-chapped lips, dry hands, and crack skin. Is Lano-lin still used today? Yes, it is widely used. So I guess if it's, is that considered cruelty-free? Do I have any sustainability students who watch? Can y'all let me know? I did a whole course on sustainability reporting and all that. Pinkwashing, greenwashing, cruelty-free, vegan, whatever, and how all these companies get around. A lot of these tags and descriptors, I'm curious. Is cruelty-free? Does that mean that that specific batch was not tested on animals? Or that it has no animal products? Or is that vegan? Is Lano-lin vegan no? Right? No, it's not vegan, because it's an oil extracted from sheep's wool. That's crazy. Okay, stop pet, introduce a famous flexible non-breakable plastic bottle with a squeeze pump mechanism that delivered a fine mist. Stop. Whoa, I've like never seen a, oh, that's a cool ad. That's a cool like Art Deco ad for Deodorant. Poof, there goes perspiration. Stop it, the original spray Deodorant. This is crazy. I feel like I've never seen, I've always seen old toothpaste ads or moisturizer, or whatever, but I've never seen Deodorant. This is cool. Okay, so people were stinking back then. I guess that makes sense. Okay, here's what I really wanna know is Graceland Haunted. You know there's some stories of people that work there. There's gotta be, oh my. While there's no scientific proof that Graceland has haunted, many visitors, staff members, and even family members report feeling the spiritual presence of Elvis Presley and his mother Gladys. Okay, well, here's the shit, right? Is like, is this wishful thinking? 'Cause you wanna be able to say, I heard the piano move. Yeah, the one he's smiling, all the one he's sitting at literally right at probably. Or is it like actually, you know, I love a story of someone's cleaning, someone's doing closing shift and they hear some shit. 'Cause that's like, who the, who's here Elvis? But it's just me dressed as fat Elvis. Doing karaoke, doing karate, doing karate karaoke. And I'm ordering kimchi fried rice at the Korean Karate. Korean, okay, mom all. People often report hearing faint music, piano playing, or Elvis singing, coming from the private closed-off second floor of the mansion. Former Graceland housekeeper Nancy Rook shared stories of lights turning on and off by themselves, doors slamming and an unseen force gently tugging her foot while she worked, you're joking. Here's an interview, well, it's from theelvisforum.org, thank you. Ooh, here's some tea. How many years did you end up working at Grace? So this is a Q&A with Nancy Rooks, the old housekeeper of Graceland. This is actually tea, I'm excited to read this. Question is, how many years did you end up working at Graceland? She said, I worked there until 1977 when Elvis passed. I was there. I was the only one of the maids that was there because one of them was sick and the other one was at home because she worked nights. The other one had left me that morning to go home so she could get some rest so she could come back that evening. So I was really left there alone that day, that Tuesday, but I told her that I could handle it, which I could. If he needed anything, his auntie and I both was both going to fix it anyway. So he came in early that morning from the racket club, him and one of the other bodyguards. He stands on the steps waiting to go upstairs in the kitchen. I said, you want some breakfast, Mr. Elvis? He says, no, I don't want anything to eat now. I just want to get some sleep. But what I would like is some water. I said, well, okay, that's no problem. So I told Pauline to take him some water upstairs. We didn't carry him water in a big glass like you'd probably drink out of. You remember you used to buy orange juice and it had the hand thing on the side of the jug. It had hand class on the side where you could hold it. But anyway, I carried him some ice water upstairs. Pauline said, I ain't never known him to grab that water and drink it like he drank it this morning. I said, he's probably just tired. He just came from playing racket and probably was hot. That's why he probably was drinking the water like he drank it. She said, but I never seen him do that before. Constipated. He's so dehydrated. He's like, fuck. Question, how did Elvis look to you that morning? Great. He was planning on leaving that night going back to California. He was gonna drop his daughter off in LA and some of the boys had already left. They were already out there in California, so his road manager was here. I don't know how long he had been. I had been in the office with Mr. Presley, Vernon, who's Elvis' father, and the secretary, Mr. Smith, had left and went to his trailer back there because he was gonna get some rest too, so he could be ready when the night came. He was scheduled to do a show. He packed on some weight. During the summer of 1977, had Elvis packed on some weight? Answer. Quite a bit. He gained quite a bit of weight. Like I would tell people, I would beat up maybe three or four eggs. When I beat him up, I'd put a little cheese in him, put a little onions in him, put a little stuffing in it, then I would fry as hard and as dry a whole pound of bacon, okay? A lot of people think a pound is a lot, but it might be, but it had about 18 or 19 slices in it, and I had to make sure it didn't have any grease. It had to be dry. That's the way Elvis liked it. Okay, regular day, okay, here's the question. Go back to August 16th, 1977. That was probably just a routine day, wasn't it? Here's the answer. You're right. It was just a regular routine day, but Ginger, who's Elvis' girlfriend at the time, Ginger Alden, what the hell was upstairs with him? Why do I not know who Ginger Alden is? And she's sexy. Well, he certainly had a tie, didn't he? This is kind of tea. Are y'all kind of like vibing with me the way that I'm like, really into this? Okay, Ginger was upstairs with him. Now the two boys supposed to be there that day, like a bodyguard, just watching to make sure everything's okay. That was David Stanley. He was not there. He came in that day, him and some other boy. The other boy's name was Mark White, but he left. He started to go upstairs to check on him, but he asked me, is Ginger there? I said, yeah, Ginger still upstairs. She hadn't left. He said, well, there ain't no need for me to go up there. I guess everything's okay. I said, well, I don't know about that, 'cause I heard a lot of noise up there. So he goes upstairs to the black doors, but he didn't open them or anything. He just came on back down. So later on about 10 minutes to two, the telephone rings on the intercom. I picked it up and I thought they were probably calling for their breakfast. Ginger said, who's down there? I said, there's nobody down here, but me. Aunt Delta's gone to the drugstore. Al's gone to pick some stuff up for tonight. His dad and the rest of them are in the office. His grandmother's in her room. She said, something bad has happened up here. I said, what is it? She started crying and I said, oh my God, it must be bad. I put the telephone down then. I went upstairs myself 'cause I thought maybe he did something. Sometime he might bust some glass up there. Very teen. I went upstairs and I went down a little hall and into the dressing room area and I seen him on the floor. I said, oh my God, what is this? I ran back downstairs and by that time, Al's strata was coming in the door. I said, I'll go upstairs, something's happened up there. He said, what is it? I said, go and see right now. So he goes up there and looks. He comes back downstairs. I said, don't you stop and look at me do something. So by that time, he had called his daddy and the road manager, Joe Espicito. So Joe Espicito comes inside and he runs upstairs. By that time, he called his daddy and his cousin and they came in and they went upstairs. And with the holler and they were doing, they just knew he was gone. So by then, I tried to get in touch with Dr. Nick. I called him on every phone that he had. I didn't get any answer. So his auntie was gonna try to get her doctor to come out there and she called him up there in White Haven and he said, nope, he's not my patient. I can't come. What the fuck? That's crazy. Like not your patient, you're a doctor. Get the fuck over here. I mean, he was dead anyway, but my God. So he said, I'm sorry and he didn't come. By that time, somebody had called an ambulance. They had gotten in touch with Dr. Nick some kind of way. I think Dr. Nick and the ambulance and some of them met up in the gate there almost together. The question says, it sounds to me like an ambulance wasn't called right away. No, they didn't, not right away. I let them in when they got there. They didn't know how to get upstairs with the stretchers. So I showed them how to handle them stretchers over their heads, going up the steps and when they got up those steps to bring him back down. But when they brought him back down, he looked just like he was asleep, but he had passed sometime earlier. He had blue spots on him. On his face, you're talking about? Yeah. What time did you hear that loud noise upstairs? About 9.30 in the morning, somewhere between 9.30 and 10 o'clock. But I just thought they were into it. If she hadn't been up there, I wouldn't be checking on him. His auntie would have gone up there and checked on him. We don't let him up by himself without anybody checking up on him. Question says, now when they were into it, what do you mean by that? She says, I mean him and her were having an argument about whether she was gonna go to California that night or if she was coming in the morning later. He was saying, hell no, you're going to night. If you don't come tonight, then so-and-so, if you're not coming out there in the morning, I'll have somebody else. So that's the way the argument went. What the hell? Question says, wasn't it kind of sad to work at Graceland after Elvis died? She said, yeah, I missed him when he passed away. Really, when he passed away, I was sitting in the house, sitting at the table and one morning, a door slammed so hard, but I didn't see no door closed, but I heard it. I ran out of the house and told the guard to go back in there that somebody was in there and it slammed the door. So he goes in there and searched the house over. I stayed outside 'cause I said maybe someone slipped in there, but it wasn't. I said, that was Elvis. He was angry. He just slammed the door real hard. He never wanted the home opened up to the public. He wanted the trophy room open to the public, but he was gonna intend to do that himself if he had retired. He was gonna let him come through the hall there and go down through the trophy room on back by the swimming pool and on back around. He had decided on doing that. But I stayed on up there at the house until they opened up across the street. They put the place across the street over there. Then I was removed out of the house and put over there across the street at Heartbeck Restaurant and rock abilities to run the cash register. Question says, sounds to me like you're saying Graceland is haunted. She said, yeah, well, it was. I'd be down in the trophy room and the lights and things would flash on and off when I'd be cleaning I will. worked at night. I would tell Mr. Elvis, "Now you leave these lights alone because I got a seat." One night I was laying down on the platform where his uniforms, his suits, they had in the middle there in the trophy room on exhibit. I was laying down. I tried to sleep and take me in the app and somebody shook my foot. I said, "What is this?" I jumped up. I didn't see anybody. I said, "Mr. Elvis, I know what you did. You did that to wake me up." She started laughing. That means for me to go to work. So I got up and I heard out of there. I read somewhere that Elvis and his bodyguards were eating dinner in the dining room and a voice cried out, "Elvis." It was his mother's voice. Did you ever hear Elvis's mother's voice? She said, "No. What the hell?" This episode of the broski report is sponsored by What Not. Look, my whole administration, my platform as Supreme Leader, is predicated on whimsy. The whimsical practice I'm pushing nowadays is a sort of spiritual return to the bizarre of old. I'm talking bargaining, burdering, negotiating, etc. It's time we bring it back. Thus, enter What Not. The number one live shopping app in the US, where shopping happens in real time, with real people, real conversations, and incredible deals. On What Not, you're connecting with sellers and other shoppers. It's kind of like hanging with a group that gets you. It's a fun way to shop. Plus, you almost never pay full price. Shop name brands across makeup, perfume, clothes, handbags, jewelry, and more, all without the retail sticker shock. This is the best place to find great deals on products you love. Sellers are going live 24/7. You can comment in real time and they'll show you a close-up of the clothes, explain the sizing, and answer any questions. Download What Not Today and get 20 bucks off your first purchase. Search What Not, WHAT in the App Store, sign up, and start finding the best deals on the products you love with $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Click the link in the description to download the app today. I believe it is haunted. How could it not be? When your spirit is so intimately tied to a place, I don't even know if it's a residual haunting at that point. It's just like you are, I believe partially, probably his spirit is not trapped there, but wants to stay there. You know what I mean? That was his home. He's probably caught in a loop. This is my theory. Okay, from everything, from talking to my mom, whatever, all the bullshit. I do believe in a residual haunting, and I do believe that it's just so familiar that it's almost like I'd rather stay here than pass on to the next life. Everything I love is here. Everything I know is here. Crazy. Very, very tea. Okay, to pivot from Elvis for a second. Let's book Club really quick. I read Haunting of Hill House. Bitch, I'm scared. I was fucked. The book is scary. And what a fun experience, like reading a book and getting scared. Like, what a fun thing. I used to have this friend who is just like right when I moved to LA. I do not talk to her anymore. But I told her like, yeah, I love to read and whatever. And she kind of looked at me and she was like, I'm kind of jealous. And I was like, what do you mean? She was like, I wish I could read and like make words on a page, make me feel something. And I was like, have you ever tried to read? Like, you'd probably enjoy it. You read every day on TikTok. Like, just like you pick up a book. Like, it's really not a daunting task. Just pick up a book that you think is tea. It doesn't have to be some high brow bullshit and just read. Like that, anyway, that sticks with me. I heard being like, I wish I could make a book could make me cry or a book could make me scared. And I'm like, bitch, just didn't read. It will come naturally. It's not a forced reaction. It's not a forced whatever. Like, I'm reading this book with Halloween ambience on my TV late at night alone in my house. I'm scared as shit. It was so good. It was my first Shirley Jackson. I really, really enjoyed Shirley Jackson. And I'm about to start, uh, what's her other one? We have always lived in the castle. Very excited about that. I don't know. I think it's, it's rated a bit better on Goodreads. But I mean, I don't, Goodreads doesn't mean shit to me. It's more so a way to log my thoughts on the books, and read other people's reviews. But like, with anything, it's so, reading is so subjective. And what you glean from it, you know, other people could say is stupid. And what other people enjoy, I could say is fucking stupid. So it's just fun. And I don't know, I just put, please, y'all, 2026, 2027, the year of reading. It's the year of the book. It's the year of the physical book. Let's go ahead and pick one up. Let's go thrift one. Let's borrow one from a friend. Um, I'm about to read another Shirley Jackson. And after that, I'm going to read the original Alice in Wonderland. I've always wanted to read it. And you know, I'm on my Victorian shit. I love all that, that shit. I read Tenant of Welfare Hall. Oh my God, I saw sense and sensibility. So good. I enjoyed it. Now, I have got read sense and sensibility. Okay. I'm not a Jane Austen super nerd. I have Pride and Prejudice. I have sense and sensibility. And I think I have persuasion. I bought them all like really pretty copies. But I'm working my way through all the Bronte sisters. And then I'm going to start Jane Austen. I know they're very, very different, but sense and sensibility, I really enjoyed. And I haven't seen the other version of it. The one from like 2006 or 1998 or whatever it is. I haven't seen that. And there's this girl on TikTok who I follow who is a Jane Austen head. Like that bitch is a Jane Austen freak. And I deeply respected. She's got this super cool mohawk. She's like, I get her videos all the time. She's a bunch of punks. I really enjoy her. She like legally changed her name to Austin or something like. And so I was getting about to her videos reviewing the movie and reviewing even like when weathering hides came out and all that. And she's just like a a loyalist and a traditionalist when it comes to the text like these books are perfect in her view in her mind. And I of course haven't read them. So I have no skin in the game. But I really appreciate input from someone who to its atomic makeup understands and rides for and defends the bodies of work that inspire all of these adaptations and remakes and whatever. Like and keeps the spirit and tradition of a austenian literature alive. And all that I learned about the girl, the Kelly Clarkson Jane Austen ring thing. Here's some tea that I found about out there. I wish I remembered her name. She's really cool. I would go look up a Jane Austen lady mohawk on on. She's awesome. Kelly Clarkson and an auction a few years ago or like a 10 years ago. But a personal belonging of Jane Austen, a ring that she used to wear when she was alive. But it not for you know to donate it to a museum or to donate it to a public exhibition or anything kept it for herself and wore it around the city. This like national relic of one of the most famous authors to ever live. And rightfully so in my opinion, fans were pissed off. And it's not even just it's when something is that old and that precious. And it is one of the few remaining original items that someone as important as Jane Austen had. That should be on display for everyone to see. Like there are things that kind of graduate out of I'm going to buy this and display it in my own home or for my own private enjoyment. There are things that belong to the collective consciousness, like the collective public that should be enjoyed by the public. And so she taught me about that. And I was like, damn, that's crazy. That's crazy. That'd be like me buying the Bronte sisters writing desk and being like, mine, I'm going to put my coffee on it. That's insane. Like something's just belonged to the public. So very tea. Anyway, I think she returned it or no, they wouldn't let her leave the country. They wouldn't let her leave the UK with it. They like put some form of a travel ban or something on her. And so she had that. I think she ended up selling it or donating it in some capacity, but crazy. They wouldn't let her leave the country with it. So yes, she like walked around London and just wearing Jane Austen's ring. Oh, crazy. Anyway, loved haunting of Hill House. I'll give you a short little like if you want to read it. There's this doctor, this doctor of philosophy who is interested in metaphysical. He's interested in finding concrete evidence, a scientific exploration of a haunted manner. And he finds this perfect old haunted house that the locals are like, we don't talk about what happened there. Nothing good happens there. It was built 80 something years ago and it has sat empty for damn near 80 years. People move in and immediately move out. People die there. Like it's just we hear horrible things. And so he's like perfect for my experiment. He writes to all these people that he had read stories about in the paper or, you know, in journals about paranormal things that have happened. Paranormal experiences these people have had, whether that's poltergeist, ish, activities, things like telepathic things, just coincidences that cannot be explained to the point where they were written about in the paper. It was reported as news. And so he located these people, these individuals. wrote to them because it's a set in the 40s, I believe, 50s, it's a set in the 50s. A few right back, it's two girls and then a member of the family who owns this haunted house, obviously they don't live in it, is brought in and he's kind of like this young guy, just whatever. And so they all are destined to meet in this house and just spend three months there and observe, record, and notate what happens and grow some shit happens. In the ending, I'm not going to spoil, but it is quite the ride, quite the ride. No pun intended. So I really, really enjoyed it. I'm excited. I don't know anything about, uh, uh, Castle, Castle that I'm Castle that we oh, the castle. Hi, my name is Carmen Winston. We've always lived in the castle. I don't know anything about it, so I'm going to start it. And then after I do Alison Wonderland and Alice through the looking glass, I'm going to go back to Villette by Charlotte Bronte. And then I'm going to do burial of the rats by Bram Stoker. And all these books are kind of sure. Villette's long. Um, and Alison Wonderland, because I have both of the books and one, it's kind of long, but I'm excited. I'm going to get through it. All right, let's do our shit of the week. Song of the week. Okay, through it all. And I hate to say this, but like he's a monolith in pop culture. I do love Elvis's music. Like I really, I have since I was a middle school. I obviously was thrilled for the movie. I still enjoy. He's on a lot of my playlist now. And in the case of Elvis, it is this strange thing of like you choose or maybe you don't choose to separate the art from the artist. I don't know if you can. I actually don't believe you can. But what is to be said about the art? If it's fucking great, what's to be said? So that's kind of where I'm at with Elvis. But two of my favorite Elvis songs of all time are Kentucky Rain and Crying in the Chapel. Uh, I love those two songs. And then what I'm watching, I'm watching hacks. I've only seen before we had Max Salsa and Hannah I'm behind her on I'd only seen like three episode of hacks. I'll look. I'm not an angel. I am not perfect. I'm not Sean Evans. All right. As much as I try to be, I'm not. I'll never be that bold. I am finally watching hacks. I have never laughed this hard at a fucking TV show in my life. Like I hate to be the one that's like, if you guys seen hacks four years later, if it's finale, just aired like this year. Fuck. But I'm on, uh, I'm almost almost season two. But I'm laughing my ass off. I'm like my fucking ass off. Anyway, style things I'm loving. Again, I'm inspired by Salsa's ability. I don't know, dude. I'm going to start. I'm going to start braiding my hair and tying it with a bow. It is so, and I look, my girl, my Jane Austen girl, uh, was bitching about this online that the hair, and I will admit the hair in this movie, very not period accurate. Um, Marianne has like greasy stringy hair for all of it. And I know her whole thing is like, she's wild and she runs around. She's outside. She loves nature. But like girl, she still would have had her hair curled. It's fucking Regency, Arab Britain. Like she would have gone out with her hair curled and her dress buttoned up. Like I understand her. If we're nitpicking, like sure. But the overall I think telling of the story was beautiful. And I daisy Edgar Jones is just the best. I love her. I love daisy Edgar Jones. And her fashion's been killing it for this press tour. I just, I love her to death. Um, but yeah, I'm going to start braiding my hair with a bow. I'm just really, I really see that for myself, Salsa. All right, y'all know the deal. Uh, Royal Court, go subscribe, go watch. We've had every single one of your favorite celebrities on it. If we haven't, then we probably are about to go, um, we'll subscribe to this channel and, uh, rate the podcast. Guys, if you like what you're seeing, my big triple H tips and busting out of the Elvis costume, go ahead and rate it five stars. If you even give a shit out, I don't care. Leave a comment. Okay, sometimes I look on the YouTube comments. And the most important announcement of all is the Patreon next episode. It's kind of like when I get to it, um, fan submissions. Anything you want me to Google, anything you want me to listen to, anything you want me to, I should really, you think I would enjoy, you think I, I should Google a rabbit hole. I should go down. Leave it as a suggestion on Patreon. Okay, that's, uh, it's only Patreon members. And, uh, we will read it. There is a high likelihood we will read it. And by we, I mean me and Elvis will read it on the pod. All right, y'all. I don't do it for me this week next week's Halloween. I'm saying friggin' excited. I'll love y'all today. Yes. Elvis has left the building because he has to go wipe his fucking period blood that he feels going up the back of his smallest back. I'll call him a crap. I didn't bleed through. I didn't bleed through it. That's it. We're okay. All right, bye, y'all. All right, my subjects go cause a little Halloween mischief. Get your costume together, stock the fridge with smear and off eyes and gather your ghouls and goblins. Happy spooky season!