The podcast promotes Bathmate, a penis pump claimed to deliver scientifically backed results, and Blue Choo Gold, a supplement that enhances both physical and mental arousal, offering a special 20% discount with code "Belly." It also highlights Karna, a financial app that provides flexible payment options, with a comedian sharing how it helped during a financial crisis. The discussion shifts to broader themes of comedy and legacy, with guests reflecting on their personal journeys and the lack of understanding from parents about their careers. A humorous, fictional pitch is made for a wildly unedited, audience-driven episode of *Comics Unleashed*, featuring absurd performances and personal chaos. The conversation emphasizes the importance of personal boundaries, authenticity, and respect—especially in high-stakes comedic environments where personal attacks or disrespect can cause real harm. Ultimately, the episode blends product promotion with heartfelt reflections on success, identity, and the emotional realities behind public achievements.
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And watch what happens in the bedroom, baby. Your partner's reaction, baby. Christless. Right now, Bathmate Direct is giving our listeners up to 20% off when you use the code Belly at bathmatedirect.com/belly. That's Bathmate Direct, B-A-T-H-M-A-T-E-D-I-R-E-C-E-T.com/belly. Use code Belly for up to 20% off. Hit bathmatedirect.com/belly. Use code Belly. And start delivering legendary performances, Luke. The link is in the episode description. We're on Spotify, video. Hey, Tiger Belly, video now available to watch on Spotify, everybody. A Spotify, Pay Me and Users. Get fewer ads and more eyes. We love fewer ads and more eyes. We love more eyes. Yeah. Get the third eye. Fourth. And watch more. Get more videos. More and more much videos and watch it. Oh, dude, okay. Yeah. Specifically, dude. It's not. It's not. It's doing three soundtracks. Yeah. Kron. No, it's what I'll be free. It's what I'll be free. You don't have to think of this is an audio jungle thing called a prayer. It's not bad, I gotta say. That's a pretty good. That sounds. It's a white guy. A brother. Like Kenny G. Circular Breathing here. He's the last forever. The longer. What if that this intro for us a lot? Not wrong opening? Maybe. Yeah, maybe wrong opening. I apologize for that. But it's for good. Other wall people. And I think we're connected. I do. Do you? Why not? Maybe. Do why not? You do. Yeah. You love some more than others. Yeah. That it's absolutely not. You almost said, yeah. If you look at my face before we would introduce everybody in the room. I've been breaking out a lot. So on the left side of my mouth, there's a mountain recent region of. Yeah. Yeah, I mean of acne. Uh huh. The one down here, right? And consider my nose, the straight of her moves. Okay. It's Iran. I see the mountainous regions. And I think I did that for this podcast in solidarity. I see everybody. One, two, three. Um. It's raining. That's the opposite. That's the only can't. No, no, no, no, no, we don't know. We don't know. This guy. This guy knows a lot. Um, I, um, we have Zach who's new. You know, I mean, it's that was it was the last minute. Thank you so much. Oh, that's great. Uh, we have an old schooler Ramsey, but now a big star now. Uh, he was on a gigantic show that just came out called comics unleashed. And I just. Oh, my God. My congratulations to you've made it in show business. And let's do a salute to you. Dude, that's legacy media, dude. Well, it's a right of passage. It's a right of passage, dude. Thank you. Yeah, the $500. Yeah, it's not about the money though. It really isn't. It's about strictly about objects. It's about, um, being on the center stage with legends. Oh, like Christmas house. Oh, my God. Who's in your class? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The question, Zach, paint the couch. Yeah. I can't give you the paint the chair. You're the cast. I literally do not know. No, no, no, you tested me the other day. I swear to God. I sent you to memorize the three guys that you want. Yeah. You'll never believe this. He goes, guess where I am. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know one of the people. You didn't know their names. You know, you can't even remember. Wow. That's uninteresting. Yeah. Because sometimes you get the big ones in there. Yes. I did not get any of the big ones. They're very nice people. I just did. Maybe you were the big one. It could have been. Yeah. Is it aired? It's airing to May 28th. I can do a viewing party. Yeah. Yeah. We should run out the Hollywood. Yeah. Yeah. Mary Cooper, Mike Manolla, Chase Anthony. Oh, that Ramsey Badaway. New. Thank you. Yeah. Ramsey, Badaway 835 on CBS. I just did Byron lead you in really well. Yeah. It's like Ramsey. You have a dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Then he actually went, what makes you mad? That was it. That was one of the one of the leads. What makes you mad? And that dovetail perfectly into your man. All I want to add about that. Do you think anybody at home is like feels like it's super organic? Like we know how it works. Yeah. Yeah. In the scenes. I would really must know this person. Yeah. Or they just have like amazing jokes about these topics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so how's the prep prep? Do you, is there, you get there early? And then they, somebody you have a handler? Yeah. Some what? Yeah. And they go, okay, let me know how do we set up your joke? What jokes? I sent them all my jokes. They asked me to send a transcript of my material. Oh, not audio, just on a page. Just on a page. How does that feel? Yeah. When you have to break down your acting, actually type it. Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel like a fraud? Like then I tell her. You're like a court stenographer. Yeah. And you're like, what the fuck is when you see your jokes in the form? Yeah. What the fuck am I doing? And so does the punch line is a physical thing, right? So did you have to put in parentheses? This is where my right raised my hand up, right? And I go a little bit. Does the work in brackets Ramsey gets up and does the work? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How do you do yours, Seth? That's why I've never done it. I've never asked. I think that's the most important thing. I can hook you up with the connect if you want to do it. So I already, so this is what really happened. And then we're going to get to you and your snow. I don't know. No, I'm here for you. And all the things that you've been doing in the business and I'm very excited for you. But Monday night I was in a fever dream. You were. And I just I just couldn't stop watching on comics on a. Oh, so what's with what you left at that time? Well, it's just that's a weird fever dream. I'm getting text from Bobby at like 115 a.m. being like, what is this? This what is going and then two. Yeah, it kept going. It kept going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My fever dream. And number one, I think and I'm being quite honest here. Thank you. Great show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Good. I believe it. Great show. Not great in the way you would think it's great. It's great in a while you smiling. Keeping the same faces everywhere. You're all nervous. Your eyes. Your eyes are doing something diabolical. I don't like it. You know, you know, you know, red and puffy and scared. Okay. Okay. Red. Red puffy and scared. So, um, saw great movie there today obsession. I'll keep hearing about it. Oh my God. Six year old YouTubers. Yeah. Amazing. Talk to town. I mean, it's gonna make $100 million and he costs less than a million a make. Yeah. Anyway. Um, I was obsessed with comics unleashed and the reason why is, um, everyone on the show are great. I'm friends with them. Right. There's just something about this format that doesn't really, you know, I mean, you can't really get your muscle out there. Your point of view and who you are in a 30 a second joke. Yeah. Yeah. It's almost a relic of yesterday. Like it made sense at a certain period of time. Almost like late night. After COVID, late night kind of felt false. Like, why are we pretending to do this thing? And then now with Colbert going to that YouTube channel. It's like so much more fresh. Yeah. Then doing this pretend thing of like the cold gate hour. It felt like that. Yeah. It felt like state sponsored television. Yeah. Yeah. Or this is what we used to do. This is how we used to consume energy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Back in the day, it made sense just like joke, joke, joke, joke. Yeah. So, um, my point of view is about it is that I think it's great for young comics. Uh-huh. Is there any butts? No. No. You think it's great for everybody? Yeah. I think that you really have to focus on the dance when you're coming out. You got that's pretty much what I've been watching. Is there a dance? No, my dance. They call your name and there's a there's a split where you have to get to the stage. Yeah. You have to go through.
to this mini hallway where you're exposed to the audience. - And they all have their funny way. - And they, and they, and they, yeah. - Yeah, one guy's doing that. - Wait, is this like the Jennifer Hudson? - It's, yeah. - Yeah, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - People, come on. - You know what I mean? - How long's the dance last? - It's probably very short. Probably like, you're talking about three seconds. - What if they pivot and it's 90% of the show? (laughing) - That's what I just turned to this whole train? - Yeah, yeah. - Like, we're looking at the stands. The retention is great for the dance out. The jokes, they don't love so much. - Yeah, yeah, so now you were getting to what I pitched literally Tuesday to the people. - Oh, you spoke to the people at comics, at least, without me? - Yeah, without you. - As an intermediary? - Well, here's the funny thing is is that, I happen to have a better length than you have there. - Is that so? - Well. - You know, I'm an alumni. (laughing) - I have your photo on me. - That is true. - You're on the wall. - But, the executive producer of the show used to open for me. - Whoa. - Whoa. - For years. - Plot twist. - Okay, and we share the same manager. - Okay. - Okay, fine, you got a better connection. - All right, so I feel like I'm a better connection. (laughing) - What do you think, Zach? - That's a strong connection. - That's a very strong connection. - As strong as you probably could get. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Unless Byron had a direct contact to Byron. - Or you were Byron Allen. - Or (laughing) - Yeah, how's Weather Channel Byron? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Do you have a relationship with Byron Allen at all? - I have a feeling, and I'm been usually right about it, that he doesn't like me. - What do you want? - Really, why? - Because I did funny, as you asked my questions, whatever that show is, what is it called? - Funny, you should ask. Okay, I did two episodes of that, and I called, and I go, 'cause I know people do it regularly, and they're like, yeah, we'll contact you later. - Whoa. - I think it wasn't my vibe. - Yeah. - What do they do on funny, you should ask. - For yeah. - So back then, it was Louis Anderson, John Lovett, Caroline Ray, these kind of people, and they're all friends of mine, so I'm like, it's kind of old school, you know, what was that Hollywood's Thursday, you know what I mean? I'm like, I'll do this. It wasn't like, who are you? Next to me, you know, it was like everyone on the thing was like a guy that, playing Satterman, like, just people I know, you know, and I see around. Like yeah, that. - It's like this stuff. - Yeah, I loved John, I loved Louis, look at you, Louis. - Dude, I would crush it at the part. - Tim Meadows. - Tim Meadows, do Caroline Ray. - Yeah. - That was fun. - They're right. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - He's like, dance. - Yeah, so, so I mean, honestly, you saw what was possible is, does that sound like, - That looks fun. - Fun, you would do it, because you're around legend. - Yeah. - Yeah. You know, I never did comics at least, because I didn't ever, number one, didn't want to burn my material. You know what I mean? And number two, it just isn't my thing. - Yeah. - Yeah, so I called my manager, and I said, we're gonna get your special, I swear. - No, no, no, I don't care, no, no, no, all right. - He was pants, I wanna hear that. - Yeah, yeah, I called my manager and I go, I have a pitch, and I was dead. And Andrew wants to do it too, San Tino. I haven't called the other two guys, but we book comics unleashed. But we make a demand. It's gotta be me, San Tino, Tim Dylan, and Berk Rysher. - I mean, you take it over for an episode? - We take it over for an episode. - That's amazing. - They would love that. - No, it's not. I'm not done with my explanation, okay? - It's all dancing. - So, you know, I think you're getting this. - Oh my goodness. - So, you said that there is a handler that you have, or you write out your jokes. - You write out the jokes. - We would do that too. - Of course. You're gonna ask me about how my, how's your new lawnmower? (laughs) - I love that one. - And you and I gonna come up with a joke about lawnmower. - Yeah. - And then Tim and everyone will do the same, right? So when Byron brings up the lawnmower, I'm gonna go, there's a genocide in Gaza. (laughs) - They're quite literally mowing the lawn. (laughs) - Something of that ilk, you know what I mean? Like, something that has nothing to do when he asked. (laughs) - You know what I mean? - Yeah. And then what's gonna happen? Everyone's gonna be like that. I want Tim to do a three minute rant of whatever he wants to rant about. How about the Hollywood Hills and mudslides? - Or whatever. - Yeah, the fires or whatever and the conspiracy behind it. Byron cannot interrupt him 'cause when Tim's going, he's a locomotive. - Sure. - Okay, somewhere during Tim's speech about the fires or whatever, right? I'm gonna collapse to the ground. (laughs) And Andrew's gonna just get sliced, say, that I have a condition. And you can't call the cop, don't stop the show. Just let him say, he'll wake up eventually. (laughs) - That performance art comics on Lee? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - This is amazing, yeah. And then, you know what I mean? No one will answer the questions that they do, you know what I mean? Maybe, you know, byron will ask Burke a question and Burke just stares at him for as long as he can like for 45 seconds. - Question. Is Burke's shirt on or off at the-- - Completely off. - It's off, of course. - Yeah, yeah, he comes off, right? I would demand, Andrew, us and us, try to do the longest dances that we can do to get to the stage. And then we'll make it a contest. I think I'll make 15 minutes. - That's insane, 15 minutes? - Yeah, I mean, they'll cut around it. You're all just sweaty and-- - Yeah, they're gonna cut around it, they're gonna cut around it, right? And then at one point, toward the end of the show, I get back up, right? - I go, "What happened?" - Yeah, so it's like a coffin-esque kind of thing, you know what I mean? You guys wanna see my dog? (laughs) - I wanna say, yeah. And so, honey, you know, my housekeeper, he's gonna come out with-- - Dancing in a Dominatrix outfit. (laughs) - You agree to this? - No, I'll make her do it. I'll pay her what whatever she wants. From Neck to toe, right? And she's gonna bring out Julio. (laughs) - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. But Julio with a muscle. - Okay. - I have a dog Julio that's the most homicidal dog. (laughs) - It will do, like a Tasmanian demo, right? - Dickpot. - I will just go around, you know what I mean? He's gonna go crazy. And at one point, Byron's gonna be so scared. - Yeah. - Yeah, he'll be so scared, right? - Horrified. - This is like the first episode where comics will really be unleashed. (laughs) - Yeah, yeah. - I wanna unleash them. - Yeah. - Yeah. So, I think that, and then my manager said, no. (laughs) - Oh, yeah. - It doesn't have to be exactly what I said. I've just said, we could get me, before we can get together. And if you are something fun to do. - Float it for that show. - For that we're floating it by them. - Yeah. - Sure they'd be down. Because I think that it'll do way better numbers than they think. - It'll go crazy on YouTube. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It'll also be insane. - Yeah, but I would tell Byron, I go, I would go, you can't edit it. I mean, we edit it for this one show. It FDA, we will not cross those lines. - Well, that's crazy. - That's food and drug administration. (laughs) That's how crazy you guys are getting. We're the FDA's getting it all. That's the FCC, sure. But the FDA? - We tell you. - You're like this. - We're gonna poison the peace supply. No, we're so confused. I was like, red dye 80. (laughs) - FCC. - We're gonna put Ebola in. - Blood from comments on leash. They packaged frozen vegetables. - No, no, no, no. - I'm an FCC. I'm an FCC. - I'm an FCC. - The FDA. - FDA, yeah, yeah, yeah. And all right. They're all gonna be involved. (laughs) - Triple A. - Yeah. - All the agencies get involved. - I hate it. - Yeah. - That's how it's all the time. - All the time. - Yeah, yeah. - But what do you think of that idea? - I love it. - Are you being sincere? - No, I'm for real. - Yeah. - That would just be so cool, because it feels like, I mean, not stale, but something of the yesterday year, and it's a great opportunity for young comics, but to inject this new into it. - Yeah. - I think if they were cool, they would let you guys take over for one episode. - One episode. - And then it would draw a lot of attention to the show, and it would be kind of fun. - But they don't get to edit. - Yeah, you get to find that. - But the FCC will look at it. It won't cross any lines. - Would you edit in the can laughter, or would it just be like an awkward silence? - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you saying that? 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Is there a world where you could have used more flexibility in your cash flow? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Sometimes you know a paycheck is coming, but it hasn't hit your bank account yet, and you got bills. You know, I got a dog, he got sick, you know, he ate some stuff he shouldn't have eaten. And Karna would have been an awesome app to have, or an awesome feature to be able to use at those times. So that's what's incredible about Karna, that's why I love it. Download the Karna app today or visit Karna.com to learn more. California resident loans, made or range pursuant to a California finance law license in MLS. Number one, three, five, three, one, nine, zero. Karna balance account required to be eligible for cash back points, limitations, terms, and conditions apply. Karna, get it. (upbeat music) - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - That's presumptuous. - That's, you're saying there's gonna be no laughter in the studio? (laughing) - It's just crazy. - I don't know. - Coming in hot first time. - I don't know if the rabid dog would - No, we're gonna put in our own audience. - Oh, it's your own audience. - No, we're gonna promote it. We're like, we're doing this. Bring our audience in. - Yeah. - Or keep the televised, because they're paid. - Of course, they're, all television audiences get $50 a piece to sit there all day long. - I would like it was just that. - I'd be, they have to see this and they're from like, Omaha, and they're like, what's happening? - No, no, they don't know what's about to, you mean, develop, surprise. - Yeah. - They go, "Oh, we've seen the show on television." - Right, yeah, yeah. - Or we'll tell them that they're gonna watch like a Tim Allen sitcom or something. - Yeah, yeah, and then this is like so left of that. - Yeah, so audience responses, I think will be, - Oh. - Yeah, they'll be very good. - And then lots of silence. - Yeah. - And I'll be, feel free to mumble. - You'll say that, you'll come out. - Oh, I mean, before we'll have our own warm-up. - Is your warm-up guy even fucking weird? Like, he's not even doing the jump of getting the, it'll be tax flame name, or, yeah, yeah, yeah, perfect. - Yeah. - You guys, yeah, they go, where are you from? - This guy's cool. - Yeah, he goes to another place. - Yeah. - So we'll get all the information out about like, just love, you know, if you want, you don't have to, this is gonna be a weird one. And then, and then we'll do it. And they also, they promote it. So they go the next episode, you know what I mean? - Oh, yeah. - Andrew Santino, Bobby Leath, love, Berk Rysher, Tim Dillon, or we could even, he or whoever wants to do it. And we'll just see what happens. - I love that when they cut to the clips of like, next episode, it's just insanity. Like, it cuts on his body. Like, you're vomiting. - The dog is about to go out of the ground. - Yeah, it feels like a real pivot for the battle. - How would a Byron deal, is he? - He won't do it. - I'll tell you what. - Yeah, I think he's a panic button. He would hit it in the set with turning it to Judge Judy or something. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, completely cool. - Or what if you recast Byron just for that one episode? - Oh, Byron, he's an editor. - He's an editor. - Or something. - Oh, yeah. Byron's sick. - Yeah, Byron's sick. - He's filling in for Byron. He's playing the role of Byron now. - He's in the Congo, he got the, he got the E. (laughing) - He's sick. - Yeah, he'll be fine. He got the E, the A baller. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - Whatever, there's an excuse, yeah. - Yeah, any country. (laughing) - I'm in anywhere. - That was the first one that just came down my head. - I'm sorry, Argentina, Hanta. - But anyway, wherever. - Yeah. - Sudan. - So when Birdwatching and Hanta, in Venezuela, he got a little tummy ache. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, we could do that. - He's like Idris Elba, just got a huge black guy. - Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean. - Or a small one. - Like Kevin Hart, you know, like a tiny black guy. - Yeah, yeah. - I don't think Kevin would do it, but maybe Cat Williams would do it. - Oh, he might. - Yeah, yeah. But anyway, what do you think of that pitch? - I'm for it. - Amazing. - So your manager won't even float it by them? - No. - Can I say something? I'm against it. - Wait, why? - Why? - You're making a mockery of a television show that I was on. - Wow. - That is fair. It is an institution. - You're making a mockery. - It's an institution. - Of my biggest credit. - That would, okay, green bigger. (laughing) And I think that's the real message here on today's special, green bigger. - Okay. - I did the tonight show on Jay Leno until 2001 or whatever. - Did that change your life? - No. - Really? - Did it even then? - It did nothing. - Wow, that's crazy. - I thought you did it in an era where I at least-- - No, it did absolutely nothing for my career. It doesn't matter, right? Especially in the day and age of the internet, it doesn't matter. It's all the same. - Same with me. I did it, like, 2025. It was fun to do. - With the tonight show? - Yeah, but it didn't matter. - It does nothing. - Yeah. - I call it, like, going to the magic castle for comedians. - Yeah. - You dress up, you pretend that your famous comedian from the 80s, and then you have a stake afterwards. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You wake up and your life is no different. - No one calls. - You have cool pictures, but that's a bad thing. - Yeah, yeah, no one calls. - Nobody called when you did the tonight show? - No one calls. - What year did you do? - 2001. - I feel like 2000. - For some reason, I feel like it still did stuff then. - Does it make your parents proud at least? You know, it's like-- - No. - No? I don't think it. - I feel like-- - Is that, no. I think my dad, yeah, yeah, yeah, my dad, yeah, yeah, my dad say, my dad goes, how much did you pay them? - No, that's what he said. - That's what he said. - Yeah, that's what he said. - He thought that I had to pay them to do it. I'm like, that's not how it works. 'Cause I want them to feel proud. - Yeah. - Right, that like, hey, I got on TV. But they thought that anyone could just go, here's a grand. I'm gonna just try to do some comedy. Like Tom Cruise goes, thanks for having me on. So they don't know how show business were. I think later on when they saw me constantly on mad TV, they were like, oh, this is a real, you know. - That's what it said. - What was the last word they said? - This is a real, a real, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I brought my parents in the night show. - Did they proud? - Well, I did it, 'cause I-- I did it just to get the monkey off my back, you know? I thought like, I'd make the-- - Leave 'em home. - Huh? - Leave 'em home. - The monkey? - Yeah. - Well, I mean, they want to watch me do it too. The monkeys want to see you. - Is a spider? Is it, what is it? - It's all of 'em. - I'm a camper. - I ain't a tank. - Okay. - But I thought that would do the thing for my dad. Like, okay, maybe he saw me tonight show. But it was when I had a writing job and I had a parking space and I went to a building for eight hours. - That's what it was like. - He was like, oh, you have a parking spot. (laughing) - I had a break room. - Yeah. - They just restock it. - Oh wow. - He only understands nine to five businesses. - Oh. - So like Hollywood shit did nothing to him. But the fact that I go to a building, I sit in a desk for eight hours and I leave and I have lunch and they pay me. He can wrap his immigrant brain around that. He's like, oh wow, he's doing it. - Benefits. - Yeah, but you have to, I mean, your parents had to have some sort of concept of what the tonight show is. - That's why I brought them. I'm like, okay, I feel like they can find out. - I wish America could know what this is. - Exactly what this means. If your son or daughter was asked to do this show, what did it mean to your parents? That specific thing, not the writing job. - I think it meant something. Even though my dad didn't verbalize, like he did with the writing job, I think the fact of flying to New York, spending some time there as a family, going to 30 rock, being backstage, saying hi to the roots, you know, my mom meeting Questlove. - That's insane. - Yeah, Jimmy coming by and being like, oh nice to meet you and like John Oliver's back there too. - Well, Jimmy, Jimmy, if Alan met your dad. - Yeah. - Oh, so Jimmy's so nice, man. - Yes, I know him. I know him. - Oh, okay, well. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no - He's been proud of you. - He, it's like an immigrant cold love. - That didn't, it's actions, it's not words. He's not like, "Wow, you crushed it." I love, I love the way you open in the New Dumbtail. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He's not a comedy nerd. - No, I mean, my mom will make us hug sometimes. Like, she's like, "Aaaah." - Yeah. - Well, 'cause we don't need it, but my mom thinks, she's like, "Shut up, I'll hug each other." And we both just feel a little weird. If you didn't grow, like, we do it more now. - Yeah. - But like, we don't say, "I love you." It's implied. I'm very loving that with my mom. My mom is like, where I can be a thing of it. - I got back your mom. - Yeah. - Yeah, I love your mom, yeah. - And I remember when you said,
He's taking me on the road and stuff. You would almost do an intervention when my parents would be like, "He's very good at this." (laughing) You know what I mean? 'Cause you knew they were worried about me and say, "Yeah, yeah." And you go, "Because I relate to that," like I think Fihim has the same thing. Not Fihim. - Fihim has you. - I mean, your K has the same thing. - I mean, you're hilarious. - Yeah, but I think he has that thing with his dad. Do you, your dad? - Nope. - Nope, they don't know what I do. They don't know what I do. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, really? Zach, your dad. - My dad's dead, but I like to know how it is he feeling. - You know, he's with me always. No, he was a white guy. - Oh. - My mom's a Moroccan. - Oh, she's beautiful. - Yeah, yeah, she doesn't quite understand. She's just like-- - That's a Blanca's life movie. - That's a Blanca's life movie. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's her movie. - Great connection. - Yeah, no, she-- - Moroccan Rugs. Those are awesome. - Moroccan Rugs, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Aladdin. - I like that a lot. (laughing) - She doesn't quite get it. She didn't get comedy now. I mean, she doesn't-- - The white part. - No, it doesn't, it doesn't really affect her. - Does she trust you or is she like, I don't get it? Or does she think like you're throwing a life away? Like it's drugs or something? - She trusts me, but she always downplays me because she hates parents that brag about their kids. So people say like, oh, I saw your son at the show in San Francisco and she'll be like, yeah, he's trying to do comedy. (laughing) - Oh, so she's Moroccan. - But then she'll tell me she believes in me. I'm like, why don't you tell them you believe me? - Yeah, yeah, that's weird. - Yeah, I mean, I don't know what that is. But here's what, here's the, I think the good analysis or is we don't know 30, 40 years ago from now what AI is gonna do and so my son could be like, I'm a, you know what I mean? I'm a space prob, probe. I'm a space man probe in space, you know what I mean? I guess, I'm on Venus and I get to probe Venus. And we're like, and we're kind of like, congratulations. - Yeah, no, that's not real. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Yeah, you go, can't you be a YouTuber like everybody else? (laughing) - Yeah, DJ like you're a grandpa. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because we now live in a social, you know what I mean? Society where, because AI's taken over, that we have to pay probably 60% of our population. Give me a guaranteed wage, 'cause their jobs are gonna be gone. So then, you know, we're gonna have more artists, more comics, we're gonna have more, you know what I mean? - Space prob, you know what I mean? - The open mics were bad now. (laughing) - I think every for AI take away all the jobs and everyone else knows free time. - Yeah, but people have free time doing their own little projects and then they'll be, if that happens, what, what are you doing? Am I too loud? - No, I'm just adjusting everyone's levels. - Okay, okay, I just all the time. - Yeah, yeah, that's the first time I've ever noticed that. - The one time he sees you doing your job. - Yeah, but yeah, so maybe our parents don't really get what we're doing. - Yes. - I know they don't, so I understand it, but when you're 17 and it's happening, you're like, "You don't get me, yeah, yeah." - This is my life. - Yeah. - I don't wanna be a doctor. - You also don't know the living hell to get there. - You need that level of delusion. Like, thank God, little kid me didn't know how long it would take, all the steps and all that. - Yeah. - And there's a lot of pain and suffering up until that point that your parents are not aware of. - But I always tell my parents, I'd be like, whatever the worst case scenario in your mind for me is, and I'm like, homeless doing drugs, just no, I don't want that for me either. - Yeah. - I will, I will switch tracks. I'm not gonna keep on doing comedy 'til I'm eating fish heads that have a dumpster. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And like, you know, something my butthole for money, whatever. Like, I don't love comedy that much. - Yeah, yeah. - To do it to that degree. - Yeah. - Like, if things get really bad, I'll pivot. I'm still an engineer, you know? - Yeah, yeah, you could be an engineer. - Yeah. - You did both, right? - I did both until I could do comedy full time. So I'm like, I have a fallback. - Can you go back to that engine? - I have too much gap and employment at this point. They'd be like, why have you been gone for-- - Are you sure I'm your late life lawyer? - I just show them this a night, you know? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Will you let me work on things again? - I do, I think they would let you work on plans again. - What was the late night plan? - No, okay. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, well you, did you have a problem? Yeah, you had some prominent jobs. - I did, I worked in, I worked in-- - Government. - Yeah, I did, I worked at the state assembly in California and I worked at political consulting firms. - Yeah, and he is also a rock star. - Oh, don't do this to me, but I'm happy. - Whoa, I don't have it. - You don't know that this was a long life. - Yeah, he was in a band. - Yeah, I was in a band. - I was in a band called this wildlife. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Fantastic band. - What if I had no idea the whole time? - I'm like, I just listen to their music, but I never-- - I wouldn't do people. - He's been bullying me about this for two weeks now. - Then I had dreams. - Well, what did you play? - I was not very good. (laughing) - It was different vibe. - You played this thing? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It was in the North grade. - I was just thinking enough, your orchestra is more famous than the swan. (laughing) - You're really cool. - Back it out, you record, I think. - Oh, it's like, they're big. - They're big. - Yeah, they're big. (laughing) - Oh, so orchestra, what? - I was in orchestra, they would, they would, you could play electric bass. - Oh, you play that time they get you in. I'm like, oh, cool, I'm like a rock star. But then once you got to middle school, they take it away and you have to play the upright. And I was tiny, I didn't grow, so I'm just like a little kid, carrying this giant fucking upright bass, putting it on the bus. - Are you good at it? - No, I was, I was like, whatever. But the cool thing about the bass is it's such a low register that no one can hear how bad you are. She's like, all right, if you're violent, everybody knows you. - Everyone knows you. - Were your parents proud of orchestra? - Well, I was just something to do to put your kid in it. And then once I wanted to quit, my dad was so mad. He was like, if you quit this, you'll quit it everything. He wouldn't let me quit. And then I was able to, I was like, I want to do drama. - No, it's very Afghanistan. - Yeah, classic Afghanistan. - Classic Afghanistan. - They don't quit. - They don't quit. - They don't quit. - Well, I mean, let's be honest, there's a strength about Middle Eastern people in all regions that we're not fully aware of. You know, Koreans are tough because of, you know, the Japanese occupation. You know, so I think it gets passed on generationally. You know, I'm just this strength. And like, you know what I mean, you don't bully me. You know, you know, I'm gonna take this to the end. - Rage. - Not rage. - Strength. - Fourth. - I was doing a lot with a little too. I think even Afghanistan, it's always war torn. Like the British went in there. And then the Russians and then America, they always think it's gonna be easy. But it's mountainous. The people are very resilient. So it's not a cakewalk, you know. - That's okay. - And then Iran as well, they thought it was gonna be quick like. - It's over. - It's over. - It's not over. - No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - You think it's over? - Yeah, our country is really great. We won. (laughing) - Zach. - I'm with Zach. - Yeah, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - Where are you getting your information? - I wanna know because maybe it is over, I don't know. - Yeah, Trump, Trump himself. - Oh, he said it on truth. He said it in the room. - Oh, in and over, what if government propaganda's getting into podcast? They just have like pros with the butt, and I'm like, you're killing it. (laughing) - Which is accomplished. - You did it. - Yeah. - Um, I'll be honest with you, this last weekend, I literally thought, oh, maybe this one is real. (laughing) - At this war. - Can you, this one? - No, this particular like, oh, you know, 95%, right? Just we just have a couple of things. And, you know what I mean, everyone's involved. And I was literally going, oh, this is it then. And then he, they attack. We attacked the Southern region or whatever. - Yeah. - So then I'm like, I was fooled again. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, I was fooled again. But, yeah, I, you know, not a political guy, but I don't do that. - You guys gotta see Bobby connect with Uber drivers. - Okay, what does that mean? (laughing) - Bobby gets into an Uber sometimes, and when he finds out, he's from a place, Bobby goes off, dude. (laughing) Bobby be connected. - I'm with you. - He's like, Bobby's sitting there going over all the battles and all the fights and all the policies. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I go nuts. - Uber drivers love Bobby. - They do love him. - They chip well, and I also have great conversations. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - They're both talking with their hands and breathing. - And there are times where I hug them. - Oh, for sure. - Yeah, good luck, brother. - You do, you do. - Yep, my conversation. - I mean, that conversation. - Sometimes you'll cancel a ride to the white person to get around. - You go, sorry, Devon, I'm waiting for Mahmoo. (laughing) (laughing) - Yeah. (laughing) - So you were joking when you said that it's over? - No, yeah, it's not over. - Yeah, okay, okay, okay, it's that, yeah. - You're Moroccan mother. Now she's probably more supportive or no. - You know, if I'm in the local paper, I think would be the greatest day of paper. - What's the local paper? - What paper? - Yeah, you're in the paper? - Like the arc. - Like if I get in her local paper. - Where's the arc? - It's in Marin County, Northern California. - You haven't been in that yet? - No, I mean, I think. - There's a picture of me as a kid at a parade in the background and she framed it. - You're not even like you're just standing down watching like Johnny Mosley talk about when you're old. - Just, you're not on a base on your craft yet. - No, I mean, well, I guess I could just ask them to write about me and they probably would. It's a really small town. - Well, have you done comics on Leach or not yet? - No, not yet. - Hop on it and then get in the arc. (laughing) - Come on, that's huge for the town. - Wait, that's the move actually. - Yeah, yeah. - Just do it for your mom. - Yeah, my brother got in for football in high school and that was like the greatest day of our family's life. - Legacy, like media like that, it's a big deal for them. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh yeah, it's a big deal for them. - Yeah. - Yeah, would you do comics and Leach? - Look at me right in my face, it's fine. And you can say yes or no, it's fine. - Parents are listening to the podcast. - Yeah, does he? - Is he? - Byron. - I'll remember what you answer when you ask me to hook you up with the fact. I don't, you know, I don't think I'd be a good fit for it. - I think you would. - I think it'd be great. No, I don't and I'm standing for him in that why because I don't want to
to do it. (laughing) - Good. That's a good answer. - That's the real answer. - He said it like he's been drafted to Vietnam the way you said it. - No, I don't know, I can't. - I'm gay. (laughing) - I'm gonna be his bone person. - Yeah, yeah, my bone's first, okay, okay, okay. - I'm Muslim, I can't do kung-fu. - Okay, okay, okay. So yeah. - Just to move to Canada then. - Yeah. - Yeah, I should. - It's your only option 'cause they're gonna make you do it. - Yeah. - I feel like they make you do it. The Canada makes you do it. It's a component. - No, I think America makes you do it. - Cam, comic something. - It's like mandatory military service. - I think so. - You have to do two years of comedy. - As a comic, I think you think you make you do it, yeah. Yeah, I think that, I think I'm in the safe, I'm 54. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can make up something. - Yeah. - Kidney stones, you know, Paul, everything, you know. - It was an honor to serve Paramount. - Yeah. - You have hemorrhoids you can't sit in the seat. - Yeah, would you do it? - I've been asked to do it. - I'm with you, it's just not my speed. - I guess I'm on a podcast with a bunch of people who have so much integrity. (laughing) - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Scott didn't piss, no, not at all. It's not integrity. - It's not integrity. - It's knowing yourself, like how you operate, like I know I'm not good in that environment. Like Killton, even, it's a huge opportunity. Tony's asked me to do it in the past, but I'm like, I'm not good on a panel like that. I just know my comedy. - It's so funny that you say that because I say no to Killton, he thinks it's an offense to him. - No, I'm so flattered. And such an amazing show gives great opportunities, people are so good on it, but I just know that's not, I don't excel at that. So I'd rather not do it than do something so big and be bad at it. - Yeah, like when I do it, if you've never noticed, there are times I leave. - Yeah, you have to go to the bathroom and I'll wait 30 minutes, and then come back. - Every time I've seen you do a puppy look at me. - Yeah, because I'm not good at that kind of comedy, of like making, I'm not a roaster. - Same, like ball breaker. - Yeah, I'm not a ball breaker roaster. I do it with, I know how to roast, I'm probably one of the best at it. When it comes to personal things. - Yes. - I mean, if I know you and I know that it's, you're not gonna take offense to it, and Andrew knows, but there are things about Andrew and I, personally, that we know that is a no go, right? And so for me to do it in front of a stranger, you know what I mean, I have to do research and know where it really hurts. And I really, that's my thing. - So Kevin Hart asked you guys and paid you a lot of money to do it. - That's a different thing also as well, because you have your jokes, that's a roast. You, I guess you could rise a vacation to do a roast, I still don't love it, but Kilt Tony's is like, literally, it's like jazz, it's, somebody says something, you barbed, and then it's almost like jump rope or, you know, when they're doing double dutch, like how do you get into the timing of it? - They're reading a teleprompter on that last roast. - Do you know this? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all their jokes are written out, you know what I mean, on a teleprompter, they know exactly what they're gonna say. And with Kilt Tony, it's like, there's no, it's like podcasting, but what's safe about podcasting is that we edit, you know what I mean? - And there's some history and it's kind of small, it's controlled. - Yes. - Kilt Tony's chaos. There's somebody getting a minute. They got a weird thing. Somebody says something in the crowd. There's a panel here. There's a chick with huge dits coming out. - It's just like, it's overstimulating. - It's very, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not my thing. But some people are amazing and it's great to watch. - It's a great show and I'm not dogging it at all. And but he always took it personally. Like I'd be in town and I won't even call them, I'm in Austin. - Yeah. - 'Cause I mean, hey, man, you're in town. You have to do it. And I'm like, I'm not doing it. And he always convinces me to do it. (laughing) - It makes me remember the last time. - Call him to say you're not doing it. - Yeah, I call him and say, I will not do it. And somehow I get how I'm doing it. - It makes me laugh so much to see you on that show. It is so funny. - Why? - You just look so, I know you now and I know when you're really uncomfortable. - Yeah. - And you look so uncomfortable every single killed Tony. - Yeah, yeah. - I get laughs. - Of course you do. - Yeah, I get laughs. - But I could tell you don't want to rib. You don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. You're just trying to be you, you know? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if Netflix asks me to do a rose, I'd be able to come up with great jokes and I would do it. Here's the thing, is it you get open to people coming at you? - Yes. - You start crying. You're like sitting on the couch. (laughing) And you're pretending like you're okay. - Yeah. (clapping) - You're coming down your eyes. - Yeah, and I walk. - Yeah. - And I walk. (laughing) - It cuts back to Bobby. He's hanging. - Yeah. - Whoa, you found him right? - He's in a suit to the hanging. - You just, you just, you just, - Tombstone. - Only a tombstone. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I think that's the part, you know, that I don't really like, you know, my personalized my personal life. - Yeah. - And listen, there was a lot of resentment in that rost. - Oh yeah. - Oh, you can feel that. - There's a lot of hatred, resentment. These people do not talk to each other. They have a, just, I mean, I have a couple of comics in my life that I don't like, you know, because of wrongdoing that was slighted. - Yeah. - And I can't imagine being on stage because I will go off, you know what I mean? - Yeah, and that's what that is. - That's what that was. - It doesn't seem fun like it used to be. - No. - No, it used to be, now it's way too personal. - Yeah. - You know, it's like in 1993, he filed for bankruptcy. You're like, whoa, they're getting really specific. - Yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - You lost your kids. - Yeah. - Like what the, yeah. - Why'd your husband kill himself? - Yeah. - That was one of them, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - That part is like, no, you're not allowed to talk about that. - Wait, question, Bobby, who would be the guy that you would like to see least on the panel? You go, oh, enough, I see this guy, this would be a problem. - Well, this person called me a couple of years ago and goes, listen, I know you don't like me. And I don't really like you, but please stop talking about me. On your podcast, because it's ruining my life. - Whoa. - And he goes, just, can we just make a deal? And I go, okay. - And so we're not gonna name the person? - I can't. In fact, there's two people like that. - There's two people like that. - That's a couple of people like that. Where they're like, yeah, I'm getting harassed at work. You know, and I'm like, I'm just saying that I don't like you. I think that I'm even in the wrong in this. I mean, I'm just saying that I don't like you on a massive podcast every week. - Yeah. - And the guys at work. - And it gets clipped up, and there's clippers out there as well, and then the clip is circulating on Facebook, TikTok, and I don't see what the big deal is. - I'm boosting the post. - I'm just far more popular. - Yeah. - I'm putting $3 a day into these clips. It's not a big deal. You make your own podcast and then talk about me. Do you have anybody? - And amaze or what do you mean? - People that you're like, I'm gonna walk the other way, if I see them at the comedy store. - Oh, I just think, 'cause he can be such a guy that I feel like everybody loves him. - That's why I don't trust him. - No, that's why I don't trust this guy, because he has boundaries. - Yeah. (laughing) - The healthy stuff I have is that he has boundaries. - I'm with this. - I've never heard anything bad about a hero. - Yeah, yeah, nothing. - Just a hard worker. - Yeah, there's not a dent on your car, not even a scratch, I watch, I didn't look. And you're so like, you won't reveal specific things about your life. Yeah, you don't mesh that and you don't really rarely talk about your ethnicity or-- - No, I do. - I do. - Yeah, but this is a new thing. - But it's not my whole act. - It's a new thing. - Yeah, I guess so. - Yeah, you and I have had long conversations about it. - Yeah, yeah. - Of like, you know, maybe if you weren't here, you talked about, you know, it's-- - Yeah, opening up a little more. - Opening up a little bit more and you won't do it. And that's fine, you're protecting your personal life. - No, yeah. - But I'm better about it now, like, yeah. - But you are very private, you're so nice. I don't, I can't think of anyone that's ever said anything bad about you. - I have one enemy. - Whoa! - We have to say it out loud, but you do have one. - I do, you know who it is. - Can you whisper to my ear? - Well, cut it out, I promise. - It'll be blue, yeah, I gotta hit it. I gotta, you don't gotta say it. - I'll give you a clue. - Tell Bob. - Not a comedian. - Oh, okay. - Oh, why do I keep her? - Yeah, yeah. - Well, we'll bleep it out. - I don't know, I won't know them. - You'll know them. - Okay, come here. - 'Cause you tried to settle it. You tried to squash the beef. - It's gotta be a famous person. - I'm gonna go eat it. - Who could feed you? - It's Dax Shepherd, dude. - I was gonna get it. - It's gotta be somebody of note. Maybe it's a, maybe like a medical doctor or something. - Oh, I bet it's like industry. - It's gotta be industry. - It has to be industry. - Industry? - Agent or something. - Yeah, that's all we're gonna say. - Yeah, I know this person. - Is it Byron Allen? (laughing) - He tried to broker a piece at one point. - I tried to broker the piece. - Wow. - You're doing a tough spot when you're getting Bobby to broker the piece. - Or he's the voice of reason. - Or Bobby's the pieceful one. - I'm sorry, I'm very highly offended by that. - I apologize, sir. - No. - In fact, I am Pakistan. - You are very much attracted. - I've met many of times have broken pieces and negotiated on people that behalf. - I believe that. - And I find that what you just said, very highly offensive. - I am a ghost. - There's another thing that you did if you want to fucking play games. - I don't really want to play. - I like to not play. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Just keep it straight. - Let me ask you something, Zach and Faheem. - Okay. - Zach and Faheem. - Yeah, that's right. Zach and Faheem. (laughing) - That's how hilarious this episode is. Everybody kind of looks like. - I know. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - I know. - I'm sorry. - Let me ask you, Faheem and Zach. - Go ahead. - Jimi O'Yank. (laughing) - Sorry, I know you're gonna hurt me. So I wanted to, I wanted to. (laughing) - I guess the get out of this. - Go ahead, sorry. Go ahead, Bob. - I apologize. - I don't know if this is working anymore. (laughing) - I really don't know if this is working. - Right? - But remember, Faheem used to open for me. - Yeah. - Right. - You were the first guy to take me out. - I know you a lot. I know, you know what I mean, I appreciate your success.
success is the proof in the pudding. But I just remember just having a really good time with you. I've never thought anything bad about you, never thought anything bad about anybody. You made our travels smooth as if you weren't even there and you're very grateful and at times you were unfollowable. That's how I remember specifically San Antonio, LOL, I remember turning to a local comic next to him that was standing next to me and going, I seriously don't know if I can follow this. He's killing, okay? And so I want to say thank you for being a great opener. Thank you for causing me peace in my life and I will be forever in gratitude. - The feeling is mutual, Bobby. - Thank you. - Why did you include me on this? (laughing) - What do you mean? - You said I want to tell you something for him and Zach. (laughing) - Well he just wanted to hear this. - I got it. (laughing) - That's what this is. - Loudness. - This is set up to him. - Okay, okay. - Of what he did, okay. - Okay. - And he just called me Jimmy O'Yayang. - He did. - I'm sorry, I was lashing out, I felt attacked. Go ahead, I'm ready. - Okay, you don't even know what I'm talking about right now. - I know it will hurt. - That's what I know. (laughing) - I know it will hurt. - Yeah. (laughing) - We were somewhere, some place, you know what I mean? And we were outside and there was a group of fans that came up to me. Bobby Lee, you know what I mean by? And he made fun of my fan base. (laughing) - It's not. - To their face, or when they. - No, I'm like, yeah, these, it's a, it's a, that, that, that, that, that, that. I can't say what he said. And I looked right in his eyes and I said, if you ever do that again, you're fired. - Yeah. - Whoa. - These are the people that love me. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm sorry, my fan bases are weird. - Yeah, the people you were playing to? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Sometimes they're missing an eye, sometimes they're disheveled. - And they need to laugh in their life. - Their hairs are in the wrong places. But my point is, this, they still are my fans and they relate to me and I relate to them and I love them. - Yeah. - Okay. You would never disrespect me by doing that. - I would just be so happy there were people there. - Exactly. - That I could play at full house. - And Zach, where is he at Follow My? That's why I wanted to ask you. - For. - Defend your fans? - Yeah, Ramsey making fun of my fans. When he's my opener, would you ever do that? - Would I ever make fun of your fans? - Yeah, if I have you open for me. - If I open for you now. - Let me just say, she's trying to divide and conquer us right now guys. - Well, I'm just letting you know. - I'm just thinking about you guys going the road after this, Ramsey coming out and we're going, boo. (laughter) - They have eye patches and they're like, boo. - No, one guy has a hook. - Yeah, he's like, what are we doing? - Medical gowns. - Yeah. - Straight jacket. - Yeah, like a muzzle. - Yeah. - Bobby, I apologize. - Oh, this is going to hurt you from now on. I a little bit, I think. - Bobby, if I can say, just talk to the fans. - I would address the fans. - No, on his behalf, right? - I may put it in the tube. - What? - You can make fun of them too. - No, I'm not going to make fun of them too. I love them. - Me too. - Yeah, it was, they were the silly, the sillier of. - You have a spectrum. - I have a spectrum of people. - Yes. - And these people were a specific type of spectrum. - Their car had like no registration on it. - Yeah, that kind of thing. - Broken window kind of thing. - Yeah. - But I love Bobby's fans and Bobby, I do apologize about that. That was crossing a line and I do mean that. I'm sorry. - It's real. - Yeah, I already forgive you then. - Thank you. - I remember just, I want to trade Bobby notes opening. I'm trying to remember from when I opened to see if he does the same stuff with you. I didn't know about your rule. You would always pay when we went out, you know? And that was very cool. You'd get whatever you want. It was amazing. You feel like. - They're great. It was a real estate. - It was a really great meal. - So amazing meal. Stakes, whatever. There's no limit. Apatizer, salads. And I noticed about you too, you order everything and then you take one bite of everything, like Homer Simpson. And then you just like, believe it. You have whatever you want. But I remember. - I learned that from David Spade. - I tried to box it and you go, no, no, no, no. I go, what? He goes, no, no, no, you can't. You can't box food. You go, what? He's like, anything you can have anything here in this moment, but you can't box it and take it back. (laughing) I didn't know about that rule until touring a bomb. I'm like, well, he's paying for it. I guess it makes sense. It's a little odd, like no one's ever done that. - No, no, no. - But I kind of get it in principle. Then you're not trying to milk Bobby and you only order what you can eat at the table. - Ice. - Like he's not here to pay for this meal and your next one. - Right. Right. It says you do go. - Time together. - Same with you guys. Like, I can't box it. I don't know if I've ever even had a desire to box anything. But that's how big the meals are. - We don't even order main sometimes 'cause you get so many Apatizers. We just eat that. - It's legendary. It's amazing. - We call him the monster because he can sometimes go on the road and we call him the monster dinner. And I go, his is usually the most expensive thing. - Lamb chunks, you know what I mean? - Lamb chunks, I'm dropped. - That's off menu, you know what I mean? - He's like, I see the chops. We're the chunks. - A5, no, like, A5, no beef ox tail, something like that. Where it's like $3,000 on my own. - Comes with like a gold suitcase. - Yeah. So it's like, he's that guy. So it's like, sometimes I look at the monster and I go, go ahead monster, okay. - You haven't been making an announcement lately. You're like, everyone, I see the A5 wag, you at the table, just don't order. - Yeah. - No, he goes, you can order it. - Order it, but I might have feelings about it. - Uh-oh, okay. - Which I love. - I like that rule. - I like that rule. - Yeah, I do too. - It's fair. - Well, when I was coming up, there was no A5. - There was no A5. - There was no A4. - There was no A4, there was no A4. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - Cows weren't doing that. - Yeah, they weren't doing that back then. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - They learned the A5, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the A5, the specific one we went to, right? - Cat was-- - Is, is $100 every two ounces of meat. - Insane. - Whoa. - All right, so two ounces of meat is a size of this jewel. - Yeah. - $100. - Yeah, okay. - Now, if the monster, it was specifically for the monster. Right, right? 'Cause I don't even know if you can read. (laughing) I mean, his favorite brand is Limbiscat. So I don't know if you can read, right? So in that specific restaurant, I was like, all right, so no one ordered that, it was for him, right? And so for an order to get, defeat him with two ounces of Japanese A5, why do you, you know what I mean? Would it cost me $1,000? - Yeah, right. - Which is, I'm fine to do, but it's like, there's also a porterhouse that you can get. As a matter of you calling your accountant, I'm like, monster wants a thing like that. I'm like, you, can I do it? - Yeah. - I'll tell him to go 14. I can't do that, dude. My accountant. - Yeah, I appreciate the dinners though. They're good. - Yeah, I know, and you're welcome. You know? You're very much welcome. You're family to me. And so, but that's why I say it, out loud, I go, just that, don't know an order, because I'm getting every appetizer, and you can get any meal you want except for that, and it's only for the monster. - Yeah, and I, so I didn't even know how I got into bringing that up, 'cause you said something. - I heard you when I called you Jimmy O'Yank. - No, it was before that that started. What was the thing before that? - I'm changing up to go. - Oh yeah, you don't let people take food. - Oh yeah, being generous. - You have to eat it there. - Right, and then, do you have any beefs? - With people, comedians? - Yeah. - I certainly have beefs, but I don't know if anybody is significant enough to matter at this point, you know? Like, I don't have any beefs with anybody like. You know what's funny is I did an episode here with Trevor Wallace. I didn't have a beef with Trevor Wallace, but I was definitely rude to him in the early days of my comedy. And I remember sitting next to him and being like, I wonder if he knows, or if he remembers, or he should have brought it up. - Where do you think that comes from? Why? - Open Mike's scarcity, you know? Like feeling like you got to kind of edge out everybody above, you know what I mean? And now, you know? - Like, someone's success means less for me. - Yes, in the early days. - I think the way Holly would used to be, that was somewhat true. But now it's just an ocean of clips and-- - Yes. - Yeah. - Anyone's game. - Yeah. - Anyone's game. - But can I just put stuff out there and then help society gravitate towards it? But that's it. There's no gatekeepers like, you're the guy. - We're in a juncture in show business. And in the world where there's so many unknown factors that it's even difficult to plan what you're gonna do in three years. - Yeah. - Sure. - You know, like, I mean, I literally, that special I did was like, oh, this is the last time I might do this. - Yeah. - I mean, something else might come around. I don't know what I'm gonna be, but we are definitely-- I think like plumbers, stand-up comedians, I have a longer, you know what I mean, maybe lifespan. - Well, you have a skilled trade that is dependent upon you. You don't really need-- - Yes. - There's not a lot of moving parts, but stand-up. It's guy-talking, your fans show up. Do you put butts and seats? It's pretty lean business. But to act, you need the producer to sign off. The casting director has so many things. - Yeah, but if an AI robot could tell really good jokes, they're getting close. - Yeah, and perform live. - But he's like, anybody from out of town that he falls, and then they put a blanket over him and they drag him off. Did you see the clip of the Michael Jackson robot? - Yes. - My god, I haven't laughed at anything. - No. - It's such a long time. That thing scared me. - Well, it was so good. - It was great. - And then it's so funny that it could do all these complex movements, but stairs, like one step takes it out. - Yeah. - And then I love how it stumbled, but then it recovers.
like it didn't happen. You know, like, when the figure skates are false. - There you go. - Oh, no, no, no, go back further. Go, yeah, yeah, okay. - Oh, yeah. - Killing it. - To me, this genuinely feels-- - Okay, that, okay, that didn't happen. That didn't happen. Back to the performance. Nobody saw that. Nobody saw that. You're killing it, robot. You're killing it. Hit the moon, one, oh, oh. All right, let's try the steps again. Here we go. (laughing) And then he's done. - I literally see his up. - I've seen Eric Griffin do that. (laughing) - I really have, I really have. - Yeah. - This is like Vod Villian, it's hilarious. - Yeah. - This is how the t-shirt comes in. It's so sad. It sincerely feels like the beginning of a sci-fi movie where that guy is like, they humiliated me. They made me dance for them. Like, he, you know. - He feels shame for the first time in his life. - Yes, yes. And then he's gonna make us dance. - But he's gonna get better. - Yeah. - He's gonna learn from this. - He's gonna learn from you. - Yeah, yeah. - He hits me. - Oh, no. - Like Long Beach. - Okay, we're bringing Long Beach under. - So, I know, I know we're bringing long Beach. - We're too much bringing long Beach. - We'll give you the cliff notes. - I'll give you the cliff note. - Long Beach, right? Me and Andrew are playing Long Beach, right? And Andrew still talks about this. - This is really important. - Yeah, I mean, this is very, like, why do you do that? - I mean, I'm so nervous. - What's the matter? - I don't know what happened. I'm gonna tell you. - Okay. - But your eyes, I mean, are fixated on me. - My mom was a servant, man. I just have to. (laughing) - I'll get it. - Okay. - That is the Middle Eastern, I think-- - I'm more-- - Canundrum. - There's a sad face. - Okay, so, can I say this, by the way, Bobby, really quickly. The reason why he doesn't know this story, and Zack's a good friend of mine, is I've never told the Tim, because it was such a deep shame. - Well, if you don't mean to bring it up, it was too shame. - No, bring it up, bring it up, bring it up. - It was too shame. - Yeah, bring it up. - Okay, got him here. - So, I gave you and Angie. - Angie Stroud, an opportunity to open up for us in this big theater in Long Beach. - Home town, my hometown. - There you go. - How many seats was it? - 2,500. - Yeah, so the big, big, big, big place. You know, and I go, you're opening. - That was a great honor. - Yeah. And you know how you can tell when somebody takes the mic out of the stand, that it might not go well, just immediately from that. - You know, it's more of a. (laughing) - Fisgetey, yeah. You've seen that? - And then can you hear it, too? - Yeah, you're gonna hear it. - Oh, no. - Yeah. - Hey, you know what I mean? (laughing) - Like even the "A" was mad? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I remember most of it. - It's like vocalized, there's 2,500 people. (laughing) - Hey. - Yeah. - So, Andrew is watching Ramsey like that. - Oh boy, that's a scary thing to hear. - Watch it. - And I'm pacing. - Because I'm the one that got you on it. - Yeah. - And I thought you were doing pretty good. - I did fine. - Yeah, yeah, really good. But the ending was shame. - Yes. - Yeah, tell us what happened at the end. - So what happened at the end was, first of all, can I say this, it was a very, it was my first time in a theater. 2,500 seats, you know, I'd never performed. - That's a big joke. - By the way, Bobby, I had never opened for you at that point. So that was the first time you were watching me, like there was a lot of nerves in me, right? And then on top of that, they also have the bad friend set in the background. So I'm in front of the curtain. Like I'm performing at the edge of this. It's a very foreign, sort of thing. - It's almost like a plank. - It feels like a plank. - Yeah. - So I'm up there. - It's like that. - Yeah, just like a small area. - Like a pie restaurant. - Yep, and I felt like, you know, the sort of Andrew Santino poking me in the back. Get out there, you know? - Andrew, note that. - Well, you know, I just mean, he's a scared figure, figuratively. - I was more scared of Andrew at the time than I was a boy, I think. Because Bobby was more friendly to me, and Andrew's a guy who was like completely like, didn't, you know, so sets going fine. I go to clothes, you know, do my last joke. And right before I do the final punch line, the cable comes out of my pocket. - Did you step on it? Or what? How did it come down? - I don't even know exactly how it happened. - Is it a three-prong? - It's a three-prong. - Oh, so you got to find it. - You know the three-prong? - You got to find the whole thing. - Yeah, yeah. Oh, this is every, the comics nightmare. - Yeah. - Attachment, right? - Yeah. - And then to get it in, there's a three-prong thing where you have to line it up. - It's like interstellar. - Yeah. - So it's a puzzle now. - Yeah. - You already have no audio. - Yeah, right. - It feels like an eternity. - Apollo 13, remember when Kevin Bacon's character had to perfectly, you know, get it in that little thing. - Yeah. - The latch on. - This should do a reenactment. - Yeah. - If you play the interstellar music, or Ramsey's trying to. - Yeah, and the connection took too long. - It was just a little bit out. You could hear the connection. You could hear him. It not fitting the right way. In my mind, I was like, look at the dots. - You hear me? - You hear my mind. - No, don't. - Slide it up. Look at that dots. You're losing the ground. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So that happens. And then what happens? - Well, I just. - You could go and do another joke? - No, I just do the punch line as opposed to like addressing it. - Ah. So he had a punch. So he did a punch line. So let's take an old joke. All right. So, you know, a Grasshopper's a drink at a bar. - Yeah. - All right. The Grasshopper walks in a bar. Bartender says, hey, we have a drink named after you. And the Grasshopper says, you have a drink named Steve? - Yeah. - Okay, that's the question. - All right. So this is how this jokes, how rambly to that, yeah. (laughing) - Let me grab one of these. - By just everybody knows, one of the most traumatic experiences I've had. - All right. Hey, Grasshopper walks in a bar. And the Grasshopper says, you have a drink name. (laughing) - Steve? (laughing) - It's almost brilliant how you do it. It's like Andy Kaufman. (laughing) - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's so much time passed where they didn't even remember the set up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - They're wondering if I'm the janitor. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, is Steve the next comment? - Is Steve the sound guy? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Steve, they're expecting Steve to come out to do a set. - Yeah, yeah. - So I was broken. - Here's what you do though in that situation, right? Is you go, fuck that. I have to close on a laugh. - Yeah. - You gonna do a different joke? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - May I just say one thing? - I respect survival over anything else. - May I say one thing? Just one thing? - You can see whatever you want. - Right before I went out, Bobby goes, the time is 10 minutes. Do not go one second over. He gives me a little bit of that conversation. If you go one second over, we get in trouble. We rent this theater boat. It was a big conversation. That's compounded fear. - Yeah, now the fear is compounded fear, but what it teaches you is he doesn't have comics and instinct. - Okay. - So of survival. - But it's almost like a suicide bomber of comedy where he's willing to die to cut time for your guys' show. I'm Middle Eastern, he's a martyr. To my core, Bobby, when a dictator tells me to do something, and in this situation, you are a fearless leader. - I listen. - This is what I would've done. I just, I'll just tell you what I would've done. - Okay. - All right. First of all, it would've gone quicker. - Okay. - All right. - I've practiced it. - Okay. - I've gone to the comedy store during the day. Right? - It wasn't said I could have done it. - Like in a similar condition. - Yeah, it wasn't said I could have done it. - Yeah, I mean, I've practiced it. - Yeah, he's blind. - Yeah, yeah. - All right. - That's your career. - Yeah, so you know what I mean? I've also practiced lines that I have when that particular thing happens. Okay. You want to hear it? - Yeah. - Yeah. - So if I, you know, I'll do it. I don't worry, guys, my people made this shit. - Yeah. - That always gets a laugh. You have to have three or four of those in there, you know what I mean? In order to, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - Survive those situations. And I have jokes about anything that could go wrong in the room. - Give us them. - Yeah. - No, I don't want to burn it. - I don't want to burn it. - I want to burn it. Now I can't even do that. - That'd be some funny. We just like, yeah, yeah. - Like, I've spent training room through. Those, like, all right, lady, lady heckles, a fat guy gets up, a skinny guy. - A person with a nice hat. - Yeah. - So what I would have done is I would have looked, because I was, did you see him on the side of the stage? - I remember nothing about that night. - Okay. Yeah, because I was so nervous. - I was so, also mortified after that. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. Okay, so when he says Steve, I don't know what the punchline was, but when he goes Steve and it doesn't get a laugh, he puts the mic, and he goes, and you can see his body just drop. Right? - It was tough. - Right? - It was tough to hear. - And he goes, and next comic, you know, and he brings up Angie. And then maybe like 20 minutes later, I see him on a couch. And let's say I'm like, we're the corner of that garage is, and I'm, and Ramsey. - This is what Ramsey is doing. - Yeah, I do remember that. - I don't like that man. - Yeah, I do remember feeling that way. I remember being like, oh, that was tough. And I felt so bad. - Yeah. - And I walked right up to him with like just empathy, and I looked him right in his eyes, and I go, you went a second over. (laughing) You know Zach, I had a punchline there. (laughing) - You stole it, dude. - All right, plug the mic back. - No, no, no, no, no, no, I literally had a punchline there. And you stole my joke. That's fine. (laughing) But you know what, now you're shaking. (laughing) But I'd rather have someone use their comedy instincts than fail. (laughing) - Thank you. (laughing) - That's what I'm here. - He got the lessons, the lesson right there. - It's a lesson, you know what I mean? But that was a sad night, but, you know,
he's still opening for me, and he's killing it. I can put him in any position, in any scenario, and he hits the ball. - That's cool, you're getting theater bobbies 'cause I was getting club-- - Yeah, they're sold out weekends and stuff, but theater bobbies, next level. - Yeah, that's different. - Yeah. - How do you even prepare for that? You just gotta fail, like you said. You gotta try and like fall in that room. - Yeah. - Yeah, I think I was just really nervous at that day because again, it just felt like my hometown, it felt like I can't believe I'm here, and then it was like, Bobby's never even seen me before. There was just a lot in my head. - Oh yeah, I'd never seen him before. - You'd never seen me before? - Yeah. - Well, we all have those things as well, and you learn from it. You can dwell on it and let it eat you inside, but then you have to move on, you learn from it, and you move on. - I have a thousand of those. - Yeah. - I literally have a thousand of those. - Does anything come to your mind? - Does anything come to your mind where you go that day was one of these-- - Oh, yeah, I mean, I have failure, my whole life is failure after failure after failure, and still not quitting. - I like hearing that, when I was a younger comic, and you would talk about these failures to you, and then how well you're doing in my mind, I'm like, oh, you can still, you can have bad moments and still have a career, and persevere. - Yeah, it's, it's, you just fail upwards. (laughing) - Good, yeah. - Yeah, you just don't quit, and every once in a while, something will happen that you don't expect, and you kind of go, you get pulled up a little bit, but it's like, I have so many embarrassing failing moments where I was literally like calling people and go, I think literally I'm going to kill myself. That was so embarrassing, you know what I mean? So it's like, but I didn't. I just kind of survived, you know, but, you know, I had, if you want to hear a story, that's what you wanted, that we're setting in me up for. - I was just curious if anything, what's the thing that makes you-- - What's your long beach? - Okay, so my long beach is this. I'm auditioning for the Montreal Comedy Festival. - He is. - I could never get one. - Were you somewhat big at the time? Did you have anything going, or no, no. - This is before Matt TV, and I had Abby, my manager, who also manages the executive producer of Comics Unleashed. - And funny, she'd ask. - And funny as she'd ask. Okay, so anyway, I, she goes, sweetie, you're gonna do chocolate Mondays, or whatever was, what was that? - Chocolate Sundays. - Chocolate Sundays. - Chocolate Sundays. - Why did you laugh? I got the day wrong. - Is this funny? - Well, one is a pond, is. - One's a pond. - How was one of a pond? - Like an ice cream, chocolate sunday. (laughing) - Wait, you didn't know why that's called chocolate? - To be honest with you, neither did I until you said that. - Yeah, I did. - I didn't know it was like. - I didn't know it. - People love sundays. (laughing) - I think it's like a church thing. - I thought it was a church thing, I really did. - I think it's like a church thing. Oh my God, I never, you ride chocolate sundays. (laughing) - I'm embarrassed, this is a game. (laughing) - Bobby Muni. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I had no clue. - I did chocolate sundays and. Back then it was like a hard room. And I go, okay, and she goes, I'm invited everybody. - That's crazy. - I go, who do you mean everybody? She's like, Montreal's coming. Will Smith's production company's coming. Just all these fucking people are coming. HBO, I mean, the list goes on and I was like, oh, okay, and I show up, I don't know any of the comedians 'cause at that time, I just played the store. I didn't know, you know what I mean? Later, you find out who they are. - Sure. - Oh, sad rock, they're anarchy, you know what I mean? I mean, these types of acts. And they put me in the middle of the show and they have criss-cross. - Holy crap. - Like, these two kids, I know criss-cross. - They wear their pants and pants. - They wear their pants and pants and pants. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. And they are performing. Oh my God. - No one would do one. - They gotta follow criss-cross in their front. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's a stuff of nightmare. - Yeah, yeah. And they're, they're, I didn't understand why their pants were backwards. That was their thing. But I wanted to say them, hey, excuse me, your pants are backwards. They're about to perform. Like, I didn't know that was a hook. - Maybe you guys are nervous. - Yeah. - Maybe you're nervous. - Yeah. - Oh, just three prong or two. (laughing) - Wait, Bob, can I ask before you go further, when you do black rooms, 'cause the audiences are different, a lot of times the comedy's different for those people who, you know, maybe are unfamiliar. Did you typically do well in those types of sets? - Nope. - Okay. - Okay. So already you're in a new. - Nope, we're okay. - Yeah. - Were you the only non-black act on the line? - Yep. This is tough, Bobby. This is tough for anybody. And this is, you're talking to them also five years after the riot. - The riots, oh boy. - Yeah, okay. - Korean. - Yeah, yeah, so they think I'm a rooftop. They think I'm a rooftop Korean. (laughing) - You're coming. - You're not the name you're special. - I'm not. - Yeah. But yeah, yeah, but they think I'm a rooftop Korean. - Yeah. - So I'm like, I'm not rooftop. Here's another thing that I do that I've changed over the years. But for some reason, when I played black rooms, I would find myself trying to talk different. - Of course. - Yeah. - Yeah. - To, you know, and they just sat right through. - Yeah. - And they just sat down. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You guys just be yourself. - Hell no. - Yeah. - I'm Bobby L. - He's got a catchphrase all of the sudden. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm a little Robert. So then, little Burt, he's like cheeseburger. - So Chris Crocs go up and they do, they don't do comedy. They do music. - Yeah. - There's a DJ on stage, and you know what I mean? - Jump, jump, jump, jump. - I don't know. - Were they going crazy? - Yeah. - And they were doing a dance routine. - Oh shit. - And the whole place was standing. - Oh no. - Yeah man. - Damn. - Right. - Oh. - Oh, it gets worse. It gets way worse, right? They do two songs just killing it, right? And then, the host gets up on stage and turns the kids and go, "We have more comics going up, so you guys get a lead." The audience going, "No." - Oh my god. - Oh. No, no, no, no, no. Keep the kids up there, right? And then the kids are like, "Yeah, we're gonna do another one." And the guys, 'cause you know, there's so many comics on. No, we got it, move on, right? And then he brings me up while they're still on stage. - Oh my god. - So they're doing this. - Yeah. - And then you're coming up. - Those two kids are on stage. You don't understand how huge. - Yes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. These kids were the thing. - And they're younger than I thought. Like you're basically kicking kids. - Covering on stage. - Yeah. - It's rooftop Korean. - Yeah, rooftop Korean is walking up to kids. Going, you gotta get off stage, rushing their drive. And then they stay on stage. And I, for some reason, so nervous I just go into my act. - Oh no. - I don't acknowledge what's going on. I don't acknowledge, you know what I mean. You know, and my friend Jonathan Gottseck. I, 'cause you know, from the improv main stage, you can see people by that double door. - Yeah. - I see Gottseck standing there. And he's also the only white guy there. And he's at bald head. And he's, back then, you know, we grew up together in comedy. And I remember at one point, two minutes in, he just kind of. - When you start to see your allies turn from you, - Yeah, the back of his body. - They walk. - They don't walk. - Yeah. And I remember, I made it to like three or four minutes. - Oh no. - The kids are still on stage. - Why, why are they on stage? - They're doing a song after mine, I mean. Oh my God. - You're an intermission to your act. - Yeah, that's mean. - Yeah, and like get off stage in tears. That's how bad it was. - Fuck. - And I walk up to Jonathan and Jonathan goes, "You wanna move back to San Diego?" - Oh, what kind of friend is that? - Yeah. - No, but 'cause we moved here from San Diego. Restored it in San Diego. And he was trying to be helpful, like, maybe we're not ready. - Yeah. - Yeah, it affected him. - Maybe we're not ready. - Yeah. - And he couldn't, I was crying hard. It was so embarrassing. - But tears is nothing. - Yeah. (laughing) - It's so rare. And I never did new faces ever. Even though I had opportunities to showcase years after that, never did it. And I believe it's Chris Cross. - You, we, we, I believe it's Chris Cross. - I believe it was Chris Cross. - I don't, they're kids. - Well, they should've got enough. Stay. - No, no, no, no. They did another song and they crushed. - Oh my gosh. - 'Cause I confused them outside when I'm walking into my car. And at that point, there was no valet. So I'm walking down Melrose. I'm going to Braya from Melrose. Just that sad nighttime walk. - Of course. - I mean, you see all these fancy stores. - Yes. - And you're going, it's over. - Yeah. - It's all over. - Do you have anything, you don't have anything like that? - Oh, brother. - Yes, brother. - I failed harder than fucking it. - That? - Well, no, but I have, I have failed so bad that I thought I was going to like die at the club that night. - Yeah. - Like I thought someone was going to kill me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Can I add it to you? - I heard feelings. - Yeah. - Oh, you heard feelings. - Oh, you ripped somebody apart. - No, I just like said a joke. They're like, what the fuck is wrong with you? - And then I'm like, I don't know. - Oh, you said a joke. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And I said, was it racial? - Kind of. - Yeah. - Can you, can you, yeah. - As he tells the story, he's a monster or like, listen, we cut with the show. So just say it and if it's too uncomfortable, we'll cut it. - No, it's bad. It's bad. - Yeah, yeah, we want to hear it. - No, I can't. - Yeah, you can. Is that, we'll cut it. - We'll cut it. - We really do cut it. - All right, so I was new and I was performing in a lot of white rooms. And I had a very dumb joke. I mean, I'm probably a few months in. and I do.
a dumb joke about the fonds, talking about an epidemic, and he goes, "Aids." - Yeah. (laughing) - Very stupid, silly. - No, I like it. - But it would do well in white room. - Yeah. - And then I saw a competition that was like, you could win 200 bucks. And I'm like, dude, I think I'm ready. I'm ready to start making some money. - And so I signed up for this and I went with my friend. It was an all black room and stocked, and I think, or maybe it was outside of Sacramento. And the place was called Touch A Class. - Touch A Class. - Yeah. - And it was, we were the only white people, or off black people in there. And the guy was like, "Everyone's doing 10." And I didn't have 10. I had like two. (laughing) - Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. - All right. - You have two jokes, one of them is an age joke. (laughing) - You need some fall back. - I would have win it a year. - A lot of my stuff was making fun of my Moroccan family. But in an all black room, they don't care about your mom. - Oh, I see you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That does exist, yeah. - And honestly, if he stretches the aides, it's three minutes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So they're like, "Everyone's doing 10." And we drew names out of a hat, and they're like, "You're up second." - Oh my God. - Great spot, I don't even have that. - Great spot, I don't know where to think. I needed more time to think of jokes. - Wait, wait, wait, you're signing up for a competition. - Yeah, well, you only have two minutes of material. - Maybe five, but it's mostly about my mermaid. - I did the same thing, but I've already talked about it, so I get it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So you could like rise above the occasion. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Think, yeah. - Think, you think. - Pressure makes time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like a card, Mario Kart, you're just gonna be on stage. Like, I'm like, "Nice shirt." And I was like, "Ahhhh!" - Yeah, yeah. And I went up, the first guy goes up, and they go, "What'd you guys think?" And the broom was so nice and supportive. They were like, "Should he move on or not?" I'm like, "Oh shit, they're asking the crowd like that." And the crowd went, "Yeah!" So he moved on, and then I went up, did bits about my Moroccan family, and I could just see the crowd like checking out. And they're like, "Dude, wrap it up, man." And it's been like three minutes, I'm supposed to do 10. - Okay. - And so then I finally do this AIDS joke, but for some reason I said like, "Africa and epidemic." I don't even remember how I worded it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He wanted to tie in black. - Yeah. (laughing) - I'm like, "Whoa!" - "Patrick Joltson!" - We can all appreciate how sad the world is right now. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I go, "AIDS!" And I'm not kidding, there was like maybe, it felt like 200 people in there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And standing around me, and I went, "AIDS!" And it was silence, and one voice in the back went, "What?" (laughing) And then the host came up, and he's like, (laughing) "Oh, he pulled you high." - He was like, "Being polite." - Oh yeah, oh yeah. - Down on the stage, I can't just get up. - And so I'm like, "Thank you so much." And I leave, and these two big women got up to slowly walk out, to leave the show 'cause they were so offended, but they blocked me. So I had to like wait walking through the crowd behind these women that just shook their heads at me, and walk down and he goes, "Would you guys think of that guy?" - No! - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Here's the crowd of you, leave. - And I said, "Not even a boo!" - I said, "No!" (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Cognizant, and I was devastated. I go and sit in my seat in the crowd. I didn't know where to go. And I just sit there and like, eat it, watching this crowd hate me. And I feel a tap on my shoulder. And I was so mortified that I just pretended to not feel it. And it was like someone doing this, and I'm just getting nudged, and I'm like ignoring it. - Yeah, who was it? - And then I turn around and it was a woman. And she was like, "How long you been doing comedy?" And I was like, "Just a couple months." And then she turned to her boyfriend, and she went, "He's only been doing it a couple months." And he just looked at me and went, (laughing) "Now it is approval." - And then a guy in a wheelchair pulled up and said he wanted to book me for his show. He's looking for non-black comics. And that was the only show I never showed up to. - Oh, 'cause you're just like-- - I was like, "There's no way he would want me on that show." - Wow. - It was brutal. I'm like my heart shaking. Everyone has a story like that and a brutal. Let me say something. You're a great comic now. - Thank you. - I think you had to go through all that. - Yeah, it makes you stronger. I mean, you think about. It makes you feel like you deserve the breaks more than just doing well the whole time. Like, I had to deal with this shit. I had to deal with this. I did this awful show. - As a headliner, I didn't do it with you 'cause you didn't ask for it. But with Kat and Anne Ramsey, we have to have conversations. It's okay. It's the second show, you know what I mean? You have to be, you know, I always warn them. I go Friday night, second show. Probably going to be the worst show we have. - Yeah. Don't take it personally. - Yeah. - So you try to string them along. I have them learn little things here and there. I never used to do pranks on you, right? - I think you would try and then you realize I don't do that. (laughing) - And you wait, you would respect my boundaries. - Yeah, yeah. I would lock you in a, lock you in a. - No, you want to do that. - Okay. - Yeah, I think you did it a little note you one time where you had to go to the stage but then you kept them back there or there. - Yeah, that's what I mean. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, stuff like that. - And you would block the door. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh my god, it's the worst thing. - Did that do, I did that to you? - No, you wouldn't do it. - I wouldn't do that to you. - No, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wait, there's an option to exercise boundary. (laughing) - He's always been like that. - Well, Bobby can sniff it. He's like a dog. He knows how far he can take with certain people. - Yeah. - And I think with me, you just knew like, "All right, I know." - This is how much integrity he has, okay. I didn't even fucking know this guy, right? And I was on Matt TV, right? And I had a scene where I was doing a series of celebrities touring my apartment. And so I had Dave Novaro as the celebrity, right? From Jane's Addiction, right? And I wanted to open up a closet and have just an Afghani man (laughing) with a whole storing something. - It is underwear. No, it's sharpening a sword. - Yeah, it's sharpening a sword. - You're being your underwear sharpening a sword. - And not even acknowledge it all and just kind of do this. And I offer him the party because I'm not doing that. And at that time, he was just a, I was nobody. I was opening my bike. - Right, right. - I don't want to do that. - I'm not doing that. - No, I just go like, "Uh, I don't want to do that." I just said that. - That's what I just said. - Me too, it sounded like I go, "I'm not doing that." Like I was offended or something. I was like, "Uh, I'm not doing that." - I said, "I don't want to do that." - Okay, I don't want to do that. (laughing) - Yeah, but that, I mean, would you have done it? If I was-- - How old were you? - 20 something. - Yeah. - I'll do it right now. (laughing) - I know. - That's how different you are than him. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That he always had that. - Yeah. - Just in my mind, I'm like, "What's that gonna do for me?" I'm just gonna be a split second, sharpening a sword in my underwear. I also don't-- - Is this it? - Let's see who did it. - Who is that? Who is that? - Someone. - I don't know. - Oh, is that guy that kinda hangs out in the store, right? That guy with the-- (laughing) - That's Sandy Danto. - Is that Sandy Danto? - No, really? - That's Sandy Danto. - Holy air. - Wow. - I don't like him. Could've been you for him. (laughing) - Missed out, brother. - He's staring upon us. - What a weird time machine. Like my life is so different. I'm in a mansion. - Yeah. - Just in the pool. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, that's a good bit though. - Yeah, when you're younger, you say yes to everything. You're like, you're supposed to, but it takes like, integrity to say no. - Now that you saw it, you still wouldn't do it? - Yeah, I don't know what. I mean, I was pretty hard lying on it back then, I guess. (laughing) For me, it was just so quick. And then also, my parents, I'm in my underwear. It's Hollywood. Like, I always think about the shame stuff my parents did. - Right, okay, okay, okay, okay. - You don't wanna be like a caricature of their culture. - Yeah, or whatever they think I can do. - Even if I would've offered him, there's a part, your sketch. It's Michael McDonald's, the star of the sketch. You have to do a Afghani accent. He wouldn't do it. - Yeah. - Right. - Yeah, yeah, would you do it? - If I could do accents, I would. I would like train. I would go on a YouTube, but I'd learn to do accents. - I'll do anything, I'll do anything. - That's why you and I have more of a bond, I think. - I think so. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. That you're just willing to do anything. - I'm in. (laughing) - I also said this the other day. I called him and I go, I just want to let you know if I'm crossing any boundaries. We feel uncomfortable. He's like, do whatever you want to me. - He's just a Christ Ramney. - That's like, I wouldn't be able to do whatever you want to. - Ramsey goes, go harder. (laughing) - I said, you can do whatever you want to me. I don't mind, I don't care, you know what I mean? Bobby, I'm merely a series of holes. (laughing) - Yeah. - Do you have integrity like that? - I try to, you know, I feel like my mom was like, do do whatever you want. She was, you know, she was like a servant. So she's like, I don't care. Like, you have freedom, go be free. But I'll post some sketches where it's like, you know, I pretended to be like a paraplegic who's like getting fake jerked off by his nurse. - Okay. - And my mom commented like, no, God, no. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Turn this off, this isn't funny. I don't like this at all. - Yeah, yeah, it's an paraplegic. - But can I make the argument that funny wins? - Yeah. - Always. - I've always felt that. In any situation, I'm funny wins, no matter what I say. You know, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe funny doesn't always win. - Yeah. - I think ultimately, whatever you want to do, you know? - Yeah, off of that. I don't have like super hard lines, but I just feel my inside of me. I'm like, do I want to do this or do I not? - And if I don't want to? - I do land sometimes and that's an accent. So it's just like, I have to feel it or. - So if bad friends did a movie. - Yeah. - And we want you to play a landslide character. You know what I mean at a club? - Yeah. - Would you do it? - Yeah, probably. - Okay, yeah.
- No, it would be the last thing we ask you for. - Yeah, I would. - Yeah, it's, in fact, we were in the car and we were, I remember the underground comedy movie and the scene and the, have you seen this? - Oh yeah. - So we said, can we show it again or is it too dated? We've done it already. - I'll try to find it. - No, we saw it. - Yeah, it was a great-- - The whole movie and he had to kind of find the scene. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Girls, right? - Yeah, with a girl, so I wanna tell you, I was, doing Open Minds, I was probably 22, 23 and literally, three weeks in, the Shamwawa guy shows up. - Vinnie, he was a Montreal one year. - I know, R-I-P. - What's his association with comedy? - Nothing. - Okay. - He just happened to be at the La Jolla comedy star at Open Mind. - Huh. - Yeah, and he used to hang out there. - Okay, set pushpaws. - Just for reference, yeah. - Yeah, pushpaws. Pushpaws. - Yeah. So, Vinnie, great way to pause. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. Everyone's mics are on, so you can hear it. Okay. So, he goes, he saw me meet to Open Mind. I had like you two minutes of material. And he goes, you wanna be a movie star? (laughing) - It felt very like, you know, Masad Agini. - Yeah, yeah. - Or it's not like something you hear before you have to suck a dick. - Yeah. (laughing) - It's lazy, I wanna be a movie star. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Or something like that, yeah, yeah. And I go, yes sir, you know what I mean? 'Cause I knew, 'cause I would watch television. I knew who he was. - Oh, for sure. - You were the shine. - Was he wearing the heads that had said no. - But you could tell he was the shine. Wish I'm all guy. - Huge deal. - Yeah, yeah, it's a huge deal for me. I never met, aside from Paulie Shore and Carlos Garcia, I had never met a celebrity. - Yeah. - Okay. So, I'm like, oh my God, what movie? He's like, you're, you're gonna speak in it, but we're gonna dub your voice. (laughing) Like a, you know what I mean? It's very stereotypical. And it's not really that, you know what I mean? It's, you're not gonna like it. - You just told you, right? - You're gonna do that. - That's really Paulie. - They tell you it's a real typical. - It's a really racist. And it's like, so I can understand, 'cause back then, I still was like, I was like, what's up dude? I still was like a San Diego guy. I sounded more like a beach guy. I listened to Fu Gazi. I was just kinda like that. I don't really know much about Asia or whatever. I grew up with suburbs, you know what I mean, skating, you know? And stuff like that. So, you know, this opportunity, so I came to North Hollywood. And I filmed this beautiful piece of action. I was an open-micro, it made me do it. I got no money. - How many days of shooting was that? - A day. - For the movie? - All day. - It was just one scene. - Well, it's a sketch show. So it was like, we would do a sketch a day. And I remember driving back to San Diego going, I already ruined my career. - Oh, you felt it. You felt bad. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, it's over. - So why'd you do it if you felt that on the car ride to San Diego? - Back. - Yeah, yeah. - After I did it. - Did you think it was going to be something different? - I didn't know what it was. - Yeah. - But it sounded like opportunity. - It sounded like opportunity. - Yeah. - You know who else is in it? Michael Clark Duncan. - What? - Yeah, Michael Duncan. - In my own mind. - Yeah, I mean, there's so many people in it. So I'm like. - Slashes in it? - Oh, that's. - Well, he gave you zero dollars. - I have $50, maybe. - Yeah. - You got gas. - So he's saying I got Michael Clark Duncan and Slash. And in my mind, I'm like, oh, you know what I mean? Now watching it now, you know what I mean? It's like, oh my god, how terrible is it? - Yeah, that's, but it's not the end. Like, who do you mean is that the end? - Well, like you feeling that bad. That it's nice to know that you're fine. I'm flourishing. - That's what I'm saying. - It didn't hurt you. - It didn't hurt you in that moment. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It dropped in the bucket, like it's literally. - It just doesn't matter. - In the total at this point. Three years, four years after that, I got mad to V. - Yeah. - Yeah, no one knew about that. - Yeah. - But there was no internet too. - You go, I have a sketch idea. (laughing) - I just ripped it off. - Yeah, yeah. But, you know, you do things in your career that you're not proud of. - Yeah. - And, you know, if I had to take it back, I don't think that that had any connection with me, getting mad and movies and all that stuff. It's just a part of my history where I could have gone, - No, dude. - Yeah. - That did not help me. - Yeah. - I think it's your 20s, though. You just do a bunch of stuff. - Totally. - Then you find out you can't really be. - You're talking about 1997, 1998. I mean, this is a long time ago. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I mean, you wouldn't even recognize my body there. - Now, did you look great? - You look great. - You look great. - You do look great. - I was waiting for you to enter. (laughing) - When that guy was on me. - Okay, whoa, two. Finn and, you know, and I believe that if that kid, you know, had the jokes I have now, and I was that funny, but in this time period 2006, that I would have done very well for myself. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to survive that kind of racism in Hollywood. - Sure. - Where those are the kind of parts I was offered. - I think about the generation before me, like mom was, and I met, I met, and stuff like that. - Yeah. - Like what they had to navigate, it's tough, 'cause we have the luxury of social media now, where we could be a little more nuanced, but the stuff that they had to do, or the walls that were afforded to them, aren't we have a better opportunity now? - Aside from Bobby offering you that thing in the closet, were there any other offensive things for him that you were offered that you felt like were, you know, crossing some type of a line? - I think my agents knew what I wanted to do and what I didn't want to do. So I just, I made those boundaries again. You're like, I don't want to go out for this type of stuff. I don't want to be the terrorist and homeland, or whatever, or what does that do for me as a comedian? No one's gonna be like, oh, that guy was scary on FX. Let's just be him this weekend. (laughing) - Funny bone. - Yeah. - The guy who almost blew up America on CSI. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Let's see the softer side of him. (laughing) - Let's see if they don't put eyeliner on him. (laughing) - Yeah. - Yeah. - And I vowed never to do an Asian accent again. - Really? - Yeah, about, John, I was talking to John Coney, he goes, I've never done one. And I go, you know what, I'm done. And this last year, I've done two. (laughing) - I think it's case by case, when I was younger. (laughing) - I'm a whore. - We have this conversation every year. - Every year, we have this conversation. - And is there an Asian accent you have to do on? - Okay. (laughing) - Yes, I messed up. - Yes, I messed up. - Did you stand up to a pretty big Netflix movie, The Vampire One? You said, I'm not doing it. - Oh, that, that one I did. - Yeah, I had a big part in a Netflix movie where I had to do a thick, I'll tell you why. Because in that role, he didn't have to have one. He was just some guy in LA that sold weapons. So I'm like, why does he have to? He's like, that's just my vision. - Yeah. - I wouldn't have had a thick Korean accent. - Oh, weird. - And I go, yeah, but if I'm a Korean dude, you know what I mean? Because, you know, dumbfounded at all these kids and that I know that grew up in that town, they talk like me. - Yeah. - So why can't he be that? - He's like, no, Asian accent. And I can't do it. - You're also a Chinese man. - Chinese man, yeah, yeah. So I play Chinese man a lot, a lot. - A lot, yeah, yeah. I'm really good at that. - Michael Clark Duncan played Gay Virgin. - Gay Virgin. - I love his names over here. - Yeah, yeah. - Slash was as host. - Any other names in there that we know? - KK, you could have been worse. - Vince offered played JJ Cool. That definitely is not gonna be racially sensitive. - I know Michael Wilson-Varisi. - Michael Clark. - And as gay man. - Gay Virgin? - Wow. - As gay Virgin, yeah. - Grant's best tight. I don't even think you can say that anymore. - Karen Black is a name. - Oh, did you look at the system? - Oh, awesome. - You know who's good when it's gone. - Grant, do you read the New York Times review? - What is the New York Times review? Where is it at? Okay, let's see. - The New York Times offered a scathing review describing the movie as a series of, quote, a series of sketches built around subjects like masturbation, defecation, alienation, urination, necrophilia, voyeurism, casual cruelty, and mockery of the unfortunate. Yo, bars. - That makes you want to see the movie. - I know. - I'm like, whoa, that's good. - Sometimes you're like, this might be art. - I would put that on the poster of the film. - Crazy dude. - That's so bad. - Anyway. (laughing) - Fairly brothers were on there? - Anyway. - Part of the lawsuit anyway. - Oh, I see that. - So it's good to have ethics. It's my point, I think. - Yeah. - I'm less hard-lined on it now. I'll do a next. Sometimes I did, if the opportunity was big enough, I did that Tina Fey movie back in the day. Whiskey-Tango Foxtrot, where I play this Afghan guy. And I'm like, okay, he lives in Afghanistan. He hasn't. It makes sense from having an accent. I have. - Yeah, okay, good. - And the people involved, there's like Lauren Michaels producing and Tina Fey's in it, Alfred Molina. I'm like, this is too big of an opportunity to have these hard lines. - Yeah, but no, not a match of you. I get it. (laughing) I know. If I could go back in time, I would just pause it. - All right, what are you promoting? - Oh, my special on YouTube, yeah. - Is it out? - Yeah, it's called The Trusive Thoughts. It's on my YouTube channel. Yeah, I'm proud of it, but time to move on. - It's really good. I love all the clips. - Oh, thanks, man. - Coming up, thanks. - Well, that's the other thing too, is now I just got to clip it up for social, so. It's almost like-- - So you do the main room. - I did in the main room, yeah. - Yeah, how many camels did you use? - Four, maybe four or five. - How many shows did you do? - Two. - One, I wasn't even, this wasn't even gonna be the special, it was on accident, because Ali Wong was gonna maybe shoot mine and have her directed and produce it, 'cause I was opening for her for a while, and I'm like, oh, if I could get the Shang Wang treatment, that'd be awesome, 'cause Shang was opening for her for a while, and then we were trying to do that, and then at the end of my tour, I had this on the books, and I go, I like the room, and let me just shoot it, just in case that falls through, 'cause Ali, which shit doesn't always work out. - Did that fall through? - It fell through, so I was so lucky that I had this. - Wait, wait, Netflix said no to it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think, yeah. - But you were in the party. - I was Hassan's plus one. (laughs) I won't say anyone.
a real Hassan hit me up the day before he's like, you want to go to this thing? I go, I don't know. I don't want to seem like I'm scale defense to be at this party. And he goes, no, I brought Prashant last time. It's not a big deal. A bunch of plus ones come and I'm like, all right. You got in the photo though. I didn't want to, Jeff Ross. He's like, get in this thing. Uh-oh. Can I let you through? I guess. I didn't want to get in the photo. But then Jeff Ross is like, this is one of those things. He goes, you should be in this. Yeah, and let me say something. No one, I just found out that you were a plus one. Well, thanks. So my mind, I'm like, my natural to be called plus one. Yeah. In my mind, I'm like, oh, yeah, it seems here. Well, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said he wouldn't go. I wouldn't go. No, I feel as a plus one. I feel too uncomfortable. Yeah. Would you go as a plus one? That's integrity. No, I don't think I would. Yeah, I'd go. It's actually not integrity. I don't think that's right. I think it's fear. Yeah, where is-- Oh, I'm next to Norman in the back. Caroline Ray. Arms around test renders. Oh, there he is. Wait, wait, let me see. That'd be funny. I'm in the front with any Murphy in Seinfeld. Let's see. I got to find out a better photo. This one's two. These photos always look like-- Oh, you could see me there in the back. Yeah, there he is. Just zoom in on it. Here, person to the left, person to the left. Dude, if a Ron-- You can see Mark Norman. Oh, here. Oh, there you are. Next to Caroline Ray and Mark Norman. This genuinely feels like a national security threat to me. Here's the thing, though. I didn't want that one. It just plays to be. Jeff Ross was like, yo, you should be in this. And then when I was at the photo, there were some comics where I'm like, I could be here. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? 100%. Yeah. 100%. We're not going to name those people, but 100%. Oh, David Letterman's here. I'm here. Yeah. Yeah. So seriously, if next year, I get invited, and I'm like, hey, you want to come? You wouldn't go. No. Wow, that's good. Yeah. I don't think I would go either. I can't do it. Well, I mean, you should go. If I was a plus one, I couldn't do it. Yeah, yeah. I got to get invited. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just my thing. Totally. I don't know why. I'm not trying to do that. But then Hassan twisted my arm. He's like, it's not a big deal, dude, come. I think we're wrong. I think you're right. Yeah, Hassan was right. But also, they're not you. Yes. Correct. Yeah. Also. You should have been invited. Right. But I don't know. Look, it's their own taste. It's their own party. If they don't see me as a non-plus one, they don't see me as a non-plus one. And I'm not trying to do this Instagram thing of like, you're going to post that photo. Yeah. I'm not trying to juice the optics of this thing. My friend asked me to hang out and I tried to get out of it. If you posted it, no one would care or question it. I guess. But my soul couldn't let me do that. I couldn't be like, what an amazing time at the Netflix branch. Thanks, Ted. I didn't have that. I didn't post anything. Yeah. You never post anything, though. I know, but I wouldn't post it. And I'll tell you why. Okay. It's. I have a real resentment toward legacy media and the elites. I'm with you. In Hollywood. I'm with you. They pick who they pick and it's not based on humor. It's not based on the streets. Fan base. Right. Yeah. It's based on anything. It's arbitrary and it's who's in the club. Yeah. You know, it's a country club. It's a country club. And I love how. It's very elitist. The internet has blown that up and I love it. I'm way further along in my career now than trying to play the way Hollywood used to be back in the day. And I tried to play it. And sometimes I got in. Sometimes. I got it. You know, I couldn't believe it. Sometimes how rigged it was until you see what's happening now with like, yeah, how much you're flourishing online and people just like who they like. Yeah. I should have been, you know, there was always like a top five for a movie. Jimmy O'Yane, Ken Jeong, Ronnie Chang, that I was fifth, every movie. So four people would have had to said no for me to get it. And that's hence the Asian accent. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, back in the day, you couldn't even get in front of people unless the Comedy Central guy liked you. There was no phones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if the gatekeeper didn't like you, no one would ever see you except you at a club or something. Right. Alison Jones was the only gatekeeper that liked me. And I have to say that out loud. Most every movie, Hollywood, I ever did or television that's worth anything was worth through Alison Jones. And she's in Aptow and Larry David, and I'm guessing the record is one of the bad news. She's also, and I, she also believed in me. And so it's like without her, I would have never gotten anything. I think Matt TV got on my own, but other than that, you know, I mean, it was Alison, but now it's like, um, and I, you, I could already tell who that, you know, there, I wasn't in fully. And so now the internet half, I was just like me and Andrew both, Andrew feels the same way I could speak on his behalf. But we, like, we didn't get in and we have a little bit of chip out on our shoulders. And now we're doing our own thing. That's also encouraging, just like the failure thing where it's like you see carving your own way, works out, you know, if, like, stand on what you believe in, what you like to do. It's funny. Yeah. I'm also old. And I've been in it. I survived every am 30 years plus end of 55 almost. Do you believe it? No, that's crazy. I could die. You know? I love anyway. We're coming out of it, but you know, you're on a list, dude on IMDB. So that's important. Let's be him is you, where are you at, Bobby? Where's he? Look. John Cho. You're showing him the wrong part of the list. This is just like a user generated list. Yeah. It's real, man. Bobby Lee. Very well. Whoa. Come on, dude. Yeah. But he's not going to look who he's above. He wants to see who he's below. No, let's see what's below. Just in John. Rex Lee. Beat him along. That's classic. Oh, yeah. Good. Yeah. It was ahead of me, though. That's what I wanted out. Yeah. Randall's ahead. Ken Lung's great, though. Yeah. He was in Project Calamari. Pull up top 20 Afghan-American stand-up comedian. He was first five. Yeah. Yeah. Pull it up. No. I don't think that's a list. Yeah. If I've been top 12, I'm going further in the beginning. These are Koreans, specifically. Where's the Asian? Oh, yeah. Harry Chan. John. Just want to. We're Steven Yoon. Yeah. What the hell? What the hell? This is on IMDB. Wait. That's 14 years ago. Oh, damn. Well, this might be shifted now. That's 14 years ago. Wait. But hold on. The first one came. Your star has only risen even more. That's true. You might be one now. You'd be at least in the top five. Don't even look at me. I know you want to fucking see it. I'm already knowing. I'm 12. I felt good about that. Hold on to that. Hold on to 12. Yeah, yeah. I think you're hired out. That's my mind. I'll tell you why I'm not hire. Tell me. I'm a Golden Gallo event. You get invited, don't lie. I did. Yeah. And I was going to go. And I asked, "All right, me plus my girlfriend." And they go, "You don't get to bring a guest." Oh, shit. So I said, "All right, I'm not going." Good. Yeah. Nice. You don't get to bring a power move. Are you kidding me? Yeah, because I've been there before and I go, "Oh, there's John Chosewife." Yeah. Or whatever. Right? I don't get to bring a guest. Okay. She got invited, though. Who? John Chosewife. She got an individual in it. That's true. It doesn't matter how-- I agree. My plus one is invited. I agree. Discrimination. And I had been there before and what they do is they put the old, in their eyes, the older ones in the back. Elders. It's me, Marker Chose. You know, just sitting in the back there. Yeah. I mean, when you look in the front of the table, who's in the front? It's Cherry Cola. Ronnie Chang? Yeah, Ronnie Chang. Aquafina? Yeah, John Chosewife. Yeah. Steven Yoon. Yeah. Michelle Yao. Yeah. They're all in the front. Yeah. I mean, I mean, crickets. And I still go, I get it. Yeah. Right? But I found it a little offensive. I always need a war, too. Right? Because my war with other things have--I want it. I win every war. It's true. And just to let you guys know, you have to win every war. And if it takes 10 years. Yeah. Yeah. 20 years. Yeah. Do you hear that Trevor Wallace? You restarted it? You're restarting it? I didn't win this one. Yeah. Yeah. I restarted the war, dude. Yeah. So it was fifth home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so your war with this person is--I'm on your side on this war. Thank you. I recently saw this person a week ago. Unfortunately, I gave him the biggest hug one can give. That's fine. Okay. Yeah. I did a head rub. Oh, wow. Yeah. Because he's no longer in the business. Or, yeah. My only thing is, he was saying bad things about me that weren't true. They're not true. And all comics know that when they're up there. Yeah. But it just sucks when you're not there to defend yourself. Okay. I guess these lines are just being spread and you can't do anything about it. Yeah. And I guess if they're out of the business, then you want. You already want. I guess. Yeah. You took them out. Picking about them, does you know? I don't think about them every day or anything like that. Yeah. Yeah. We all have those. I have a big war. My mom, when she was a servant. When she was poor in Morocco, she helped two white travelers that were hitchhiking. And she helped them find shelter and took care of them. And then took them to the bus. They were trying to get you to go to Algeria. And the guy in the group was like, "Hit me up. If you ever need anything, if you ever come out to Canada." And he wrote down his name and his number. And it's James Cameron. Are you kidding me? I swear to God. And you got to use it. Mom, your mom has James Cameron's number. Well, his old number before he was famous. This is like the 70s. Wow. You could be a Navi. She hit him up. She was like, "Please, my son is doing acting." You? Yeah. And he never put you in anything? Dude, this is crazy. This is crazy. Yeah. She sent me a photo of his number. She's like, "I told you I wasn't lying." And it's like in her book. It's just random numbers. That's proof thing. I told you. There's also a lot of James Cameron's in the world. No, she actually, her friend was a PI. And found out that it was James Cameron. Oh, I see.
I see, I see, I see. - And that friend died in her sleep. - Whoa. - She got too close. - Yeah. But at that point, this is pre-terminator. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I mean, what would you play in that movie as a kid? - Well, no, no, no. She did, I think, when I started like comedy. So this is probably like early avatar, maybe, or no. - Yeah, so he had already made it. - Yeah. - Yeah, but so then use the number. - She reached out to him. - Oh, and he never responded. - He never responded. - Oh, I see. - So you have a beef with James Cameron? - Yeah. (laughing) - Okay. - I can't let it go. - Well, James, if you're listening. - We know you're listening. - Yeah, we know you're listening. - We could have left you for dead at that bus stop in Casablanca, but no. - Yeah, and this was so when 2018, when I have it, because of Blanco thing. - When my mom helped him? - Yeah. - I was like in the 70s. He was like a traveling stoner. - I don't get what you're saying. - He was hitchhiking as like a 20-something. - Oh, so in the 70s, your mom called him, but he had never done movies. - No, no, no. In the 70s, he-- - Your story, right? I don't understand your story. You guys are in the beginning. - Okay. - Are you understanding the story? - A little bit. - No, no, no, no, yes. - Okay, tell me the story. - So this guy was backpacking across Morocco. - In the 70s. - In the 70s. He was stranded. He needed help. Zach's Moroccan mother helped them. And he said, if I can do anything for you, if you ever come to Canada, here's my phone number, call me. And so Zach's mother reached out when Zach started comedy and said. - This is years later. - Years later. - You think he has the same number? - No, no, no, but she found the address. She wrote him a letter. - He found it. - Wow. - You think he reads that? - Who knows? - He gets a billion fan letters. - Yeah, he should still read it. - I don't know. - No. - Are people sending that many letters these days? Do you change Cameron? - Letters, like handwritten letters. - Bob, are you taking James Cameron's side? - Is that in this world? - Look, I get it. - Over Zach Chaploni, who you-- - I get to ride. (laughing) - Over a ride? - But you know what? She helped me get enough of it. - No, he stayed with them. He stayed in their home, they fed him. - That changes things. - That just does change things. - Yeah. - So James, if you're listening, their son is on my podcast right now. He demands some lines. - Turn me blue. - No, no, no, no, no, we're not turning blue. - We're not turning blue. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Come on. - No, we're gonna put you in a reboot of Terminator or-- - Ooh. - Yeah, yeah, or-- - How could you do that? - Yeah, or the Abyss. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, part two. - You can play water creature, I don't know. (laughing) - I'm just a blob, a blob. - I'm an orb. - You'll be an orb. - Who was it, the big director? Was it a commercial you did? And not, it was a Cameron like-- - No, we already, we resolved that. - Ah. - And I'll tell you what happened. - This is-- - No, I'm not gonna tell you what it is. - Okay. - Yeah, 'cause I want to spring it, we're good now. That person, I went to his house for Thanksgiving. - Whoa. - I know who it is now. - Yeah. - And we ate, I dinner with his mother, his fiance, and a couple of his friends, and I had Thanksgiving at his house. - That's it. - That's pretty amazing. - Yeah. - And you might have-- - Beat that. I don't even know who it is. - Yeah, you know, no beat that with Cameron. - Oh, yeah. I gotta get Thanksgiving dinner. - One day you're gonna have Thanksgiving dinner at James Cameron's, he'll be dead, but James Cameron's his house. - With his holiday. - He's a state, with his hologram. - The AI robot that has his consciousness will be eating with you. - Yeah. - He's like, "Help me up the stairs." - Zach, you want to plug anything or? - Yeah, just follow my socials. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Zach's an open-micro, and he does, I'm kidding. (laughing) - He's-- - I was in the last scene of Shameless. - Yeah. - Yeah, he works at the store. - Speaking, you still work at the store? - It's awesome. - No, I'm a paid regular now, Bobby. - We got past roughly together. - When did he get paid? - He got past, probably like, I'd say, five months before me or something. - Oh, congratulations, I did not know that. - Yeah. - Did I congratulate you? - Don't get angry? Yeah, I don't have a fucking list or-- - I don't-- - I got bigger fish to fry, dude. - I got the new food. - I'm going after James Cameron right now. (laughing) We're good, Bobby. - All right, anything in the plug? Vesky, me, it'll be a fun time. - Okay. - Special for him and Warren. What's it called? - Intrusive Thoughts. - Yeah. - Jim, give him a round of applause. - Yep, me. - Yeah. (clapping) (singing in foreign language) (upbeat music)
Podcast Summary
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Summary:
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