Ex-Satanist Reveals What REALLY Happens When You Practice Witchcraft

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I had even had an experience as a kid where I thought I was going to die. And I very specifically said, God, don't help me. That's how mad at God I was as a kid. I'm not just an atheist. I'm anti-God. I used to have the sigil of Satan tattooed on my left hand. Did you ever cast a spell and it worked? Yeah. People wouldn't do it if it didn't work. But it's like a monkey's paw. For what you get, something has to be given. I was in the bathroom of my home and I could see I was alone. And I could see that someone was waiting. Outside the door for me. I was flooded with this crazy dread. Like not fear, like dread. It was physically oppressive. The light was bending. Like physically crushing presence of this. Of like an evil thing in my house. So how did you even get out? Hey, before we dive in, if these videos have meant anything to you. If they've helped your faith or brought you closer to God in any way. Make sure you're actually. 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I recommend not trusting any random resellers. I genuinely believe that this is going to be a night people care with them for a long time. And I'd love to see you there. All right. Let's get into this episode. I mean, Shane, you were an atheist. I was. A career criminal. Yeah, yeah. And practiced Satanism. Yeah. I do want to get into all that. And a card-carrying communist. What? Yeah. So you were just the full package. I was the full package, bro. But before we get into all that stuff. One day you walked into a Catholic church. Yeah. For no reason. Not no reason necessarily. I was having dreams of being in a church. No way. Yeah. So my grandfather had died. And after he had died, I started to have dreams. And like in these dreams, I was in a church. And. Like a historic, beautiful. Yes, yes. Stained glass windows, pews, big, like a spiral, like a huge cathedral. Yeah, yeah. Not a real place though. I mean, I would, as you get further away from dreams, especially like the memory sort of gets weird. But I. I'm always curious if one day I'm going to just go because I go to cathedrals all the time, kind of almost out of like, am I going to find it? Yeah, you know, and maybe one day I'll see it and that'll be a crazy moment. But I've it's it's not a real place that I know of, but it's just like a cathedral. Wow. Yeah. So you so you walk into this Catholic church and we're like, so you went because of the dreams. Yeah. So I was I was in this phase of my life where I had been like crazy depressed, like so depressed. It's unbelievable. Like, I was so miserable and I was like trying medication and trying therapy and doing all these other things and it wasn't working. And it was it was this like crazy feeling because I really liked my life. Yeah. My life was like full of comfort and pleasure. And like I was a hedonist, you know, I was like an outright like I would tell I am a hedonist. Whoa. Like, you know, I was into that. Like, why not? Like, I was all about. I was all about the sexual revolution and and doing whatever you want and also there. And I was like, like deep in this. I was lost in the sauce. And so I was like, well, my life feels so good. But as soon as the volume got turned down, I'd be miserable. You know what I mean? Or I'd be by myself or, you know, I would experience something. And then right afterwards, I would feel like desolate. It would be the term I would. It was despair. And so I was like, I got to fix this because I'd grown up in this. I had like had a really difficult life up to this point. And so now I'm like living for myself. And everyone's telling me like self-care and, you know, mental health and pleasure and like whatever is best for you. Don't stay in a relationship if it doesn't serve you. Like I'm bought into all this. And so I'm like, it's so weird that I'm like doing all this to take care of myself and do everything that I want to do. And I'm like miserable. So I started to like take a step back and be like, what do I do? And I ended up talking to some of my friends from back home. Um, and I decided to like move back to Utah to get back in touch with like my roots, you know, cause I grew up, I didn't grow up like with a lot of political beliefs, but I grew up in a conservative place with conservative values, with no crime. It's very like the culture is all United. It was very old school boy Scouts, the whole deal. And I was like, there's something about maybe like small town living or community or like the way these people are. That was doing something to my brain. And so I was like kind of open to that. And when I moved back, I started spending a lot of time with my grandfather who was like a hundred years old and he passed away and he passed away. Like, uh, I have a, I do a bit about it right now in my comedy, but he passed away. I say he passed away so confidently and so bravery. He likes bravely. He stole grieving from us. Like he was so, he was such a believer that like when he died, he was like so unaffected. He was so afraid. Yeah. So like, I want to die. But he was like, he, you know, obviously, um, he was a Swiss immigrant and so he's a baptized Catholic and everything. And so he, he didn't want to like, he, he wasn't going to euthanize himself or anything. He was like waiting to die, like naturally, but it was taking forever. And he was always like, let's go. Like, where are you? You know? And so when he finally died, he was like, you could just see, he was like, yes, I'm going to see my wife. I'm going to see Jesus. I'm out of here. Yeah. Later losers, you know, like it was off, dude. And so even as an atheist at the time, I was like, that really like affected me. I was like, dang, dude, he's such, such a man, like so brave. And he passed away. And then I started to have those dreams. And because I was in this other part of my life where I was trying to like learn about myself and refigure out, like maybe I'm thinking wrong things. I was like, well, maybe supernatural experience. This is real. Maybe I should go and check this out. And I had been more, I'd always been a little open to the supernatural. Yeah. Yeah. That I'd always, I was always like that atheist that like, you know how Sam Harris does that cop out where he's like, I'm an eight of 10 atheists. You know, you're like, what does that mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, so you, you were open to the supernatural. You go and visit this Catholic church. Yeah. What exactly happened when you sat in this Catholic church? So my original plan was to go to church. So I was actually. I was actually going to be like a jerk about it. I went at like noon on a Wednesday thinking like if I tried to go that it would be locked and then I would be like, well, I tried and then I would like have been open to it, but I won't have to do anything. But it was Catholic. So it was just open. So I opened the door and I was like in workout clothes and I was like, no way, dude. Like I had to go in here and I walked in and I felt really awkward. And like I, I had satanic tattoos. Like I used to have the sigil of, of satanic tattoos. I had like a satanic tattoo tattooed on my left hand, like left hand path. Yeah. No way. So when I look at my left hand, like I would see that in, in like, remember, and now it's covered with a cross, but yeah, yeah. Victory. But, um, so I walk in here and I'm like, you know, I'm an anti theist. I'm anti God. And so I walk in and I'm trying to be open to this and I'm like, all right, like whatever. And I'm trying to be respectful of my grandpa. So I'm also kind of like in this mindset where I'm like, I'm not going to do this. I'm like, and I'm a polite guy, even though I was like up to all this stuff. It's not like I'm like trying to like go to church and be like, it's scary people. So I show up and I'm like, there's all these people praying in the chapel. And I was like, oh dude, I'm like ruin this for them. You know, I look like a freak. I'm wearing like basketball shorts and a shirt. And I was like, so I try to sneak in the back and I'm just like, and I was trying to copy them. Cause I didn't know what to do while I was there. And they were all kneeling. They were doing something called adoration, which is where you leave out the blessed sacrifice. and you just, hang out with Jesus and pray or read or listen to music or whatever. And so I didn't know this. And so I'm kneeling and I'm like trying to think about how to pray. And I'd never prayed before, not once in my adult life ever. I'd even had an experience as a kid where I thought I was going to die. Wow. Yeah. So like, this is, this is me, like for the very first time, like opening myself up to prayer. And I was trying to think about what to say. And I, I, you're thinking about it. And at the time, like I had no frame of reference. So I was like, just talk to God. Like he's a guy chilling. That's what people in movies do, you know? So I was just looking at it. Jesus was on the cross and I was like, what's up God? Like that was my opening move. 20 plus years of like militant atheism. And my opening move was like, what's up player. And so I started talking to God and you know, I don't know how long you've been a practicing Christian, but almost six years. Yeah. And like when you first start, there's like this weird, like flow state where you're just like asking God questions. Yeah. You know, where you're, when you're talking to him, where it's just sort of like this. And I was in that where I was just like, are you real? Which is a funny thing to ask God. Yeah. You know, cause you're talking to him. Like, are you real? Is my grandpa up there? Like, why was my childhood that bad? Why did my mom suffer? Why does, you know, and I'm asking God, why did my mom suffer? And I'm asking God, why did my mom suffer? And I'm asking him just like kind of angry questions. And then I start to ask him like almost silly questions and I'm like kind of having fun with God and I'm talking to him like he's a person. And I, and then I'm, I'm asking him like, what do you want me to do? Like what, where do like, what do you want from me? If, if you're real, like, what is this? It's all so confusing. Like, what am I doing? And I'm talking to him and I'm thinking about what to say. And I like looked over and there was a tapestry of, of this, uh, of Mary, of our lady of Guadalupe. And, uh, I distinctly remember being like, cool lady, you know, like I literally didn't know who that was. I genuinely, in my head, I was like, good for her. She's probably like a parishioner and they've got her up. Like, you know, they're celebrating her. That's genuinely how ignorant of Christianity I was. And then I was in the pew and I had this crazy experience where I was just suddenly in the pew by myself. And I was like, oh my God, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. And everyone was gone, but me. And I was just sitting there. And I remember thinking like, oh, I'm dreaming. Like I passed out in church. Maybe I was kneeling and I passed out. I remember thinking I passed out and I gripped the wood and I felt it on my hands. And I thought, oh, I'm awake. I'm awake right now. And I literally thought like, I got like scared and I wanted to like run. Cause I was having like a, I thought I was going blind or something. I didn't know what was going on. And then, and then I was like, oh, I'm awake. I'm awake right now. And I literally she, she was there. She was just standing in front of me. And, uh, I was looking at her and I was like, like, what, what is happening? Like where, where am like, genuinely didn't know what to do. And I looked up at her and she was just looking at me and I was just like flooded with this feeling of like safety. And it was crazy. It was like the first time in my life I ever felt safe. Like, have you ever, have you ever like at the end of a day, like, have you ever done like a guided meditation where they tell you to like relax your body and you're like, oh dude, I've never relaxed in my life. You know, like I've never unclenched my jaw in my life till just now. Like that's the feeling. That's what it felt like. It felt like I had never been calm until that moment. It was this crazy feeling. I try to talk about it in my standup. The, I have a, a like metaphor or not a metaphor, but an experience that like one time I was, so my mom is like a cow girl. My mom is like a hardcore, like motorcycle lady, worked two jobs. She was me and my brother's dad. Yeah. And so she wasn't, she didn't do a lot of like momming. My mom was like teaching us how to fist fight, pop a clutch. Like she was a very like intense lady and she had to teach us how to survive. She didn't have time to be like, like gentle with us. She had to raise men. And so I didn't get a lot of that from her. But one time I stayed the night at a friend's house when I was like 12 and he fell asleep and I'm playing his PlayStation at like 2:00 AM as one does, you know? And I hear his mom coming down the hall of his house. And I remember being like, oh no. And I turn off the TV and I pretend to be asleep. And she comes in and she like, make sure I'm good. And then she tucks him in and you know, when you can like feel someone in the room with you, like in that very specific way, like when your wife is with you and you can't even see her, but it like feels good. Yeah. Yeah. I could feel his mom in the room, like loving him in like a very specific way that was like, never left my mind. And it was like this perfect love, like no one would ever know she did that. He would never know. She didn't know I was asleep. No one would ever tell her what a good mom she was. No one would ever give her accolades. She had nothing to gain from just giving that love in that moment in that specific. And that's like, it was so pure and so motherly. And that's what it felt like in this moment. And then, um, she reached down and, and, uh, she touched me on the shoulder and I was like crying, like snot bubbles in the mustache, cry, like, like cry, you know? And then she was gone and I was just in the pew by myself. And, and I was back with everyone. And I remember as she left, like where I was looking was just Jesus on the cross, looking at me, like, wow, I got you. Like, what's up? Now, wow. You know, where have you, you like, what have you been up to Shane? And I was like, it just blew, it blew me away. And I ran out of there. I was such an atheist at the time that I was like, I have a brain tumor. Like that's genuinely, I was like, I had like a hallucinated and I went home and I remember like driving home and gripping my steering wheel, being like the steering wheel is real. The wood was real. This just happened to me. And I, I went and looked it up. And then I had this realization where I was like, Oh no, I have to go back to church. Like, no way. I had to honor that because it blew your mind because it blew my mind. It was so crazy. It affected me so deeply. And I felt different. Something had changed. Like it was like a, you know, and we all have those as adults where you'll, you, your child is born, you get married, like your wife touches your hand for the first time, that first kiss or whatever, where it's like, Oh, everything's different now. Yeah. You know? And it was one of those, I could just feel that something was different. Like in my heart, my heart had been softened in a way. And everything you'd done before that was leading up to the heart, the Satanism, the hedonism, the atheism. And, and then you have this moment with vision, Mary in this Catholic church and changes, changes your life. Yeah. Like I'd spent my whole life hardening my heart. And then as soon as I had started to become a Christian, I was like, Oh, I'm going to be a Christian. I'm going to be a open to being wrong and open to grace. You know, I was able to receive it. Yeah. Because it's interesting. I do. I've told, I tell the story on stage right now. I talk about my conversion in my comedy right now. And people come up to me after and be like, bro, I had a similar situation with Jesus or Mary or, or my guardian angel, or they'll always have like some kind of deeply beautiful religious experience. They'll recount to me. And then there'll be like, went the opposite way of you, bro. Didn't do anything. And it's like, Oh, so you have to be open to grace. You can refuse grace. Like you, like that choice is always there. And then people experience miracles and then just go and shelve it. Well, I can imagine. I mean, you know, maybe, maybe not because maybe you're, you know, I, I, I don't know what you was running through your brain at the time, but from the minimal stuff I know about you, you've had an insane life. Yeah. This moment. So I could maybe understand why potentially people in your shoes, that aren't shamed could be like, I'm good on the grace because they look back on their life and they're like, shoot, I was doing this, that, and the other, and this, and I had this, I'm angry and I'm bitter. And I'm like, cause that's the thing I'm most fascinated about is like, for me, it's like, when I, when I, when I think of my story, I'm like, okay, I was depressed and anxious and grew up in the Bible belt and went to private Christian school and wanted to take my life at 17, which is its own bag of, you know, junk in itself. But then, you know, you're, you're, you're like, yeah, I was Satanist. I was a hedonist and atheism. And I was like career criminal and, uh, you know, I was a communist or whatever. And it's like, holy crap, dude, like my problems or my conversion story doesn't seem like it's crazy. And so when I'm looking back up, I, I, I genuinely want to know, cause you were involved in the occult. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What did that even look like? What, what did that look like being a Satanist? Quick pause, gas, groceries, eating out, even on the tightest budget, there's just no escaping them. That's the part you can actually control earning cash back. Every single time you fill up, hit the grocery store or go out to eat with the upside app. And our sponsor for this video is upside, but I'm not just reading this. I actually use the app. Checking it before I fill up has honestly become automatic for me. It's not something I remember to do. It's just part of pulling into the gas station. Now here's how it works. The free upside app gets you cash back on gas, groceries, and dining. The three things draining your wallet right now, you open the app, claim an offer, pay with your card like normal and get paid. That's it. And it's cash back. That's yours. Not points. You'll never use not credits that expire money. You transfer straight to your bank account. 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Beef jerky, microwave meals, laundry pods, even they can't screw up. Have you met my kids? And with BJ's gas, she gets there for less. They call me the road warrior. This is your home, road warrior mom, home of the save. Join for just $20 at BJ's.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer, new members only. BJ's, home of the save. Well, so I got involved with the Satanic Temple, which is like a non-religious organization, right? A non-religious. I would like to point out that there's this very, so they're a non-religious organization that does political stuff. They'll be like, oh, if you don't want the 10 commandments outside of- We'll put the Baphomet statue. Yeah, we'll put the, that's their thing. So they're not actually Satanists is what they say. But there is, but here's the thing, have you seen the homie on Instagram who is pretending to be Christian and became Christian? Same thing, bro. You pretend to be a Satanist, you're a Satanist. I want to know like what exactly you were doing as a Satanist. Yeah. So I won't get too into like certain stuff just because I think like people's curiosity can go too far. I always find- I always find that like, it's kind of like unnerving how into the occult some people get. Yeah. And it's like, you don't really, you need to know enough to know enough, right? But I, so it starts out as like this political thing. And then of course it's like, I'm into heavy metal. I still, to this day, like music is a huge part of my life. I love heavy music. And there's a lot of Satanic imagery in heavy music that's tongue in cheek. Like it's meant to be provocative for the sake of being provocative. Whoa. But again, when you pretend, Yeah. you're doing it. And so I was into like all this kind of stuff. I used to have 666 tattooed on me, yada, yada, yada. Like, like, I'm scary. Like I'm provocative, hot topic or whatever, which looking back now, it's like so lame, dude. It's so dorky. It's so dorky, dude, but whatever. And so I'm into this stuff. And then you start to meet people who are like into this stuff. And then they open you up to like, Hey, well, have you heard of like, magic, like real life magic? Or what about like the power of ritual? Like, Hey, you're an atheist. But have you ever thought of the power of ritual and the power of belief and the power of your thoughts? And like, if you can control people's perceptions, you can control your world. And like, you know, and then so they start to talk about all this stuff, and it becomes interesting, and you look into it. And then now you're, the next thing you know, you're like reading these books and participating in these things and doing, you know, you're like, you know, you're like, you're like, doing rituals and stuff. And it's like, kind of a part of satanic rituals. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I was like, practicing magic. I had like a magical practice. Wait, what is it? I'm just like, so curious. Like, what does that look like? So I've been to Salem multiple times. Yeah, yeah, tons of witches over there, you know, tons of well tried to talk to Satanists that are not too fond of the Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But um, I mean, just from even being in the room, like I've been to the temple twice. It's dark. It feels dark. It feels dark. The art is dark. It's all dark. But when I hear someone being like, oh, I was doing a satanic ritual. I'm like, is that literal, like blood drinking satanic ritual that people think? Or is it? Oh, no, we just like, you know, chanted a hymn like a, you know, liturgy? Or is it somewhere in the middle? Well, so I was doing like personal practice. And then like with small groups, but there are people who get to points that they are doing like, you know, wildly evil stuff that you can read about in a certain group of files that we all know exists. Oh, yeah. So like that kind of stuff is like the end game. You know, the like, the the truly horrific, like human sacrifice, like all these, those are real, like people have been doing that for thousands of years. So you so you so the like the big dog game plan, because I think this is, for me, this is so important in in because when I think of when I think of like witchcraft or Satanists, yeah, oh, this happens in a third world country, and it's common over there, and they have names for demons, and they see crazy stuff. So it's like in America, that doesn't really happen. And people like can maybe get turned off to that. But I'm like, No, it's just as it happens over here. Just in my opinion, I don't think Satan has to do that to make everyone like now convinced because he uses phones and entertainment and stuff like that to distract people. But when I'm hearing like a story, like yours, like, you know, it's a real it happens. It's legit like that. You were in it. You were Yeah, you saw it. Yeah. And there's like a ton of I mean, you could just buy books, you can learn like there are people who want to teach you and then you can go from personal practice and other things. But it's also selfish. It's all based on you. It's all based on the self you don't do. You don't practice magic for other people. A magic is all inward. It's all about you. And so unless you're hurting people, that's the time that it goes out of you. You know, and so but then there are lots of people who are like, well, there's and it starts small. Like that's how that's how it works. You know, I moved to Utah. I'm trying to be open to being wrong about me being the center of the world being the end all be all of my life. I am now open to grace, you know, and in this on the same on the same flip side, I'm doing tarot. I think it's silly and goofy. I don't necessarily believe in it. And it leads to, you know, x and y. And that's it's the same thing. Like you're, it's all all these roads lead to spiritual endgame. Did you did you ever start like the satanism journey with some people or you met some people that were at the beginning of their satanism journey and then you watch them go down that path of doing the crazy stuff that like, yes, yes, I watched I've watched people. I mean, I'm not going to say that they're like up to like illegal stuff. Like I don't know how like truly genuinely like the most horrific evil we can imagine because we have we have thoughts in our head right now about what the end game of of satanic stuff is, which is like what people are doing at a black mass. Yeah. You know, and that's like, you know, beyond the pale that's like get the Inquisition out type stuff. But I've seen people go down a path that they started with me. Like, when I first started where we're like, you know, tarot and like, you know, spells about wealth and whatever and like, and then there's like sex magic sex is like really integrated into it because of course it is. It's a mockery of the sacrament and every and so and then that that this like kind of benign stuff leads you into like, really crazy, like lifestyle choices and like, a darkening of your life and participation in like, you know, communities that are degenerate and all these other things. And it's just like an assault on human dignity. Did you ever like cast a spell and it worked? Yeah. Like, like money spell or you know, oh, yeah, stuff that stuff. Like, I'm not expecting you like an envelope of cash. No, no, no, no. But like that stuff, it works. Dang. Yeah, no, that's the point, though, is that but like, it worked. Mm hmm. You know, it's like for what for for what you get, something has to be given, you know, and then they're like, weird. There's like, you know, it, it hurts people. So people are literally making deals with the devil, essentially, when they're casting a spell. Yeah, yeah. And but and but you can't create you can't create with Satan can't create. Yeah, he can only twist, he can only take away. And so when you're getting something via this, you're taking something away from somewhere else, you're hurting. The only way to get is to hurt. Whereas, you know, as Christians, we like there's so much creation, we, we're making from nothing, like I can, God gives me grace for free. You know, I'm, he is a And so I'm getting like happiness, I'm getting fulfillment, I'm getting, you know, the sacraments. These things are from nothing. But whereas evil doesn't work that way. So like, if you're doing things to get something, you're taking something away from someone else. Did you ever get to a point where you saw, I mean, obviously as a Christian outside looking in, you're like, this stuff was crazy. There was a crazy path. But was there ever a point that you were in Satanism? You saw something insanely demonic and that's where you drew the line and you stopped doing it? So I did. So I didn't, it wasn't. And so this is like, this isn't like some moral, like I was like, oh, and I'm a moral guy now. I did it. No, it was, I started to get scared. Wow. Yeah. Like I legit started to get afraid. I was having like experiences in my home that were freaking me out to the point that I was like, this is cringe. Like I'm out. Like, and I also remember just sort of being like, what am I doing? This is like kind of embarrassing. And then I was seeing the other people who are involved in it and I didn't respect them or like them. And it kind of destroyed some of my relationships. And I just saw myself being gross. And I was just kind of like, this is, and then I kind of decided like, this is fun when I didn't believe it. This was fun when I was like, it's heavy metal and it's imagery and I'm anti-Christian, but I'm not like pros. And so then I was kind of like, I'm out. But I did, I had some experiences like deeply, deeply terrifying experiences where I was just like, I remember once I was in the bathroom of my home and I could see, I was alone and I could see that someone was waiting outside the door for me. Like, you know, you can see that little shadow. And I remember being like, what? And I'm like a pretty, again, I'm from a cowboy place. I'm a pretty stoic guy. Like now if that happened to me, I'd like blow the door open. Like reveal yourself spirit, you know, like I'm on you, you know what you up to? I got, let's say, Michael, let's get his, you know, let's get him. But at the time I was like, no way. And I remember thinking, oh, I should open the door. And I'm like sitting on the toilet, mind you. And so like, I'm in a vulnerable position, but also like not even, it sounds funny, but like in a not funny way, I remember thinking like, yo, blow that door open. What's that? What is that? Is there a guy there? And then I was flooded with this crazy dread, like not fear, like dread. Like I, it was physically oppressive, the complete reverse of when you're in church and you can, you're genuinely like, dude, the Holy spirit is happening right now. Like that, that crazy feeling when you, you feel yourself lifting towards God. - Yeah. - Like, - Like a conviction. - Like a conviction. Yeah. Like you can see every once in a while, you'll be praying and you're just like, dude, yes, God, we are hitting it right now. Like this is, I'm feeling it. Like you feel close, you know? And that's not to say spiritual dryness doesn't happen. And then that also doesn't grow as spiritually, but you have those moments where you're like on fire and you can feel it and you're aware of it. And you're like, yes, the Holy spirit, like Jesus, you're my guy. - Yeah. - It was the total and complete reverse of that. Loneliness, despair, the most like fear you could possibly imagine to the point that I was just like sitting there. And I don't even know. I probably sat there for like 45 minutes. - Was it just because you didn't know if it was a demon on the other side? Or was it maybe because like, no, I knew it was real. - No, I knew it was something. I knew it wasn't right. And I felt it. It was like an oppressive, like, like the light was bending, like physically. Like physically crushing presence of this, of like an evil thing in my house. Yeah. - I'm about to ask you a crazy question. - Yeah, dude. - Have you ever had a face-to-face encounter with the devil? - No. - Or like a demon or anything? - No, no. - So you would just see like dark spirits or like a shadow. And you would know that there was a demonic presence around. - I would feel it around. - It's like, you know, I mean, that's what you're, you were hanging around it. - Right, right, right. - Dude, that is so, you know, I've, I'm going to be, I've never met someone from Utah involved with Satanism before. I just, I've never, I've never. - So Utah as, it's a really religious place, obviously, but there, the counterculture in Utah runs really deep because of that. You know, there's always the counter too. - Yeah, just like this rebellious, I'm not following in the religious. - So I used to have a friend that I told about this experiences before I was Christian, where I was like, dude, evil stuff is real for sure. And he'd kind of be like, Hmm, okay. Well, I don't believe in that. I'm like, he was like a, a nothing exists. 10 of 10 atheist where I was like a anti-theist like, and so, and he was like, he wanted to play with Ouija boards. He would be like, I want to be possessed. I'm trying to get the devil. - Because he just didn't believe in any supernatural. - Because he didn't believe in anything. And he could never, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how profane he was, no matter how many wild things he did get anything to, encounter. And at the time I remember thinking like that is weird. And now looking back, I'm like, why would Satan show himself to you? If he's already got you, you're gone, bro. There's no, there's no work to do. - Yeah. - Dang, there's no work to do. And then the exorcist in the Catholic church will say, it's like a blessing to experience evil, to see evil because it, it makes, it convicts you in your faith. - Wow. Hey, quick pause. Here's something that changed how I read the Bible. Every verse you read was first written in another language to people in a completely different world thousands of years ago. 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And it's basically my personal study library, 61 books I handpicked, the ones I actually reach for when I'm studying for evangelizing, or working through a hard question. On their own, those books run about $911. You're getting all 61 books for $89.99, right around a 90% discount. Start your exclusive 60-day free trial and grab the bundle at logos.com/bryce. That's logos.com/bryce. Links in the description. All right, back to the episode. - Wow. - Does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials? Results will vary. - Hank joined BJ's Wholesale Club the day he became a father of 30. - I coach football. - Now Coach Hank saves up to $25,000 a month for his family and friends. - I love football. - I love soccer. - And now he's up to 25% off grocery store prices. 30 pounds of pasta, three cases of protein bars, 75 sports drinks. - And that's just pre-game. - He knows teamwork and BJ's knows savings. Home of the save. Join for just $20 at bjs.com/mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. - Yeah, yeah. And that's, you know. - It's fair. - So, I mean, you grew up in Utah. - Yeah. - And I mean, it's funny. I've just never heard of the state of Utah, but yeah, you grew up in Utah. I mean, what was life like growing up for you? - Growing up was like two sides of a coin because my home life wasn't great. My mom is working like two jobs. She's a breadwinner of the family. She's doing everything she can to help me and my brothers. She's stressed. And she just, she had bad luck with men, dude. My mom married some guys who just weren't all there. And the last guy she married was none of me and my brother's father. And he struggled with alcoholism and he just wasn't a nice guy. I wouldn't say he was evil. I would say he was like incompetently evil, you know? Alcohol and he had these moments of brilliance where like I really respect him and be like, "Whoa, you're like a mountain man." And then there'd be other moments where I'd be like, "Dude, you're like an abusive loser." Like, you know? - Yeah. - But so my home life was weird. And my mom's doing her best, but we're very poor. We grew up in, we're in a trailer, the whole deal. And just really all over the place with our home life. And then, but outside of that, I grew up in this like idealistic small town where everyone is kind, everyone is giving, every door is unlocked, there's no crime. Everyone's helping each other. Everyone plays sports. Everyone goes to scouts. - Yeah. - Everyone goes to church. So like this really beautiful place. So I had like, I had a perfect home life. horrible childhood yeah you know what i mean yeah when you talk about like the the abuse and stuff like that did that even allow you to be a child no no no no and then the same way like my mom didn't even get to be a mom she was she had to be our dad she had to be our mom she had to work she had to deal with these men she had to you know figure her own life out yeah and then my mom also has struggle with substance abuse and so she's like just like hanging on by a thread doing everything she can yeah like i'll always be so thankful for her but like and so yeah we as we were like grown men when we were like 13 oh my gosh you know what i mean like we're just like and we thought we were and we acted like it and we did what we wanted and so yeah um and we were sort of like going our own way doing our own thing so and then your brothers joined a gang a motorcycle we all ended up uh doing gang stuff so i ended up getting way into hardcore which is a subset of punk rock and then um and so it's like uh it's it's hooligan culture adjacent okay does that make sense yeah that makes sense so we're like fist fighting people at shows and we've got beef with other groups and we've got a crew i've seen video clips on tiktok of like people literally throwing haymakers in a mosh pit oh yeah yeah well that's all in good fun that's all in good fun yeah yeah yeah like i watched that and i'm like dude that does not look fun that's fun and it looks like literally i remember seeing this one thing where this guy just kept doing this like roundhouse kick like yeah and i was like it's called crowd killing i was like what is that guy doing he's having the time of his life brother he's going off dude so those shows are like it's kind of like everyone consents like everyone knows like we're here to be violent we're gonna beat each other up you know we're gonna have a good time we're gonna jump on each other's heads we're gonna punch each other it's awesome but the outside of that there is like a lot of legit violence yeah like a lot of like oh you know you talk trash about me oh you think you know it's it's hooligan culture it's not gang culture necessarily but through that i got involved in gang culture and so then like dudes dudes what they'll do is they'll see like oh we've got all these violent crazy kids and they're like oh we've got all these violent crazy kids and they're like oh we've got kids over here and then like a motorcycle club will kind of be like would you like to make some money and then you know and then it begins and then it starts and then it rolls into the next thing and the next thing was it was there an initiation process to that i mean kind of it's it's a business it's so much more organized and well run it's not like a street gang it wasn't like the bloods where you know this is like a family yeah you know that's a different thing a street gang like a like what johnny chang like is involved in that's like a a group of people who are rooted to a neighborhood who know each other and that's like a family and the the initiations and the things that go on there are totally different than what i would have been involved with which is more like the mafia what was like what was the scariest thing you had to do being a part of i mean robbing people just at gunpoint so that that's how you became the career criminal was through the gang yeah yeah yeah yeah so i would i would hang out with my friends and i would hang out with my friends at night and we would like go to a concert and beat people up and then i would lie to my friends and be like well i'm gonna go stay the night at my girlfriend's house and then i would go like you know case a drug dealer's house for a time we were gonna rob him later you know and you would just we would just sit outside in a car and figure out when they go when they come who lives here how many dogs they have do we have to get the dogs not to bark not to attack us when do we go in you know and you just plan out i mean it's like a military operation oh my gosh yeah yeah yeah did you ever have like a moment where you came close to dying yeah a bunch of times like what what did that even look like people shooting yeah yeah yeah people shooting at you people almost stabbing you almost you know being in a place where people know who you are who want to hurt you and narrowly avoiding seeing them when you're by yourself because you can never be by yourself that's one of the rules once you start you can never go into police public alone ever again you always have to roll in a crew that's like at least three deep oh my always all the times it like steals your life from you and then it becomes like a whole thing so that that was a problem and then i was living like a double life where like i'm i'm going and fist fighting other guys with my friends for like fun and then at night i'm like rolling out with these guys and like you know setting up a roadblock to rob a semi-truck on the highway you know like doing wild wild you pre-gamed crime yeah yeah yeah at concerts yeah so basically the they would they contract to you to do the crime so there's like motorcycle clubs they get contracted by there's always a bigger fish there's always you know and even at the end even the guys at the top of the cartel are answering to someone everyone's answering to someone there's always a bigger person if you want like let's say like you know this drug dealer has a bunch of money and you want to rob him but you're the one who sells to him but you want that money and you're going to betray him or whatever for whatever reason you don't want him around anymore you don't want that so you contract to someone who has nothing to do to you over here and you've got all these rough dudes who ride motorcycles not even involved in the game exactly exactly go hit this guy yeah yeah yeah and that guy has now just gotten roped in yeah yeah now you're doing trades so like you're doing yeah yeah yeah and like what what better than like a group of criminals who live in salt lake city you know i didn't even know crime existed in salt lake well the highway scandal i've seen right now is this bricks and minifigs thing oh dude bricks and minifigs yeah dude we got some sodas we got the mormon housewives that's our biggest scandal right now dude i feel so bad for lds people that's so crazy it's so brutal that they represent them they're like so degenerate and terrible guys this is not us i know even even i'm like hey everyone chill out this is not what they're up to yeah mormons are like really sweet people and then you're just like wondering if they're actually grave soaking you know what i mean you're like you hear something just like loud but but uh dude so like when i hear this the life that you're living it it sounds like you you're in an impossible scenario to leave so how did you even get out so me and my brother uh my younger brother both decided like together like bro this is unbelievable unsustainable like and he was not as he wasn't doing the type of crime i was doing but he was in the hooligan culture and that was leading to to like a lot of other crimes so it's not like he wasn't up to stuff he was car he was on the build up to what you were doing literally yes and he's car so you're doing things like petty crime like car hopping you know uh smashing grabs shoplifting you know like yeah and then that leans into like um stealing electronics and fencing and like all these and it all leads down this crazy path and so both of us were like dude we got to get out and we both agreed and we were like living in a trap house basically with like nine other dudes and we were like fist fighting every other night and like you can't go anywhere alone people are like shooting at each other we're like you know doing so many crazy crashing cars and like we're just like dude we have to get our together and to his credit he's like five years younger than me and he's like he's always been ahead of the curve on me in terms of maturity he's bigger than me he's like six foot three and he's super jacked and big he's my little big brother you know and uh i love him so much and he he was a huge part of why i was like all right we got to figure this out yeah and so yeah we just decided to leave and so it's not as easy as it sounds you have to there's stuff you have to do to be what you have no one to answer to everyone knows what you're up to you're safe to be alone again yada yada yada so uh but we went through that process we basically just decided together like dog we got to get out of this this is immature this is stupid our lives aren't going anywhere and our mom had moved to salt lake to be close to us when when we were young men and and that kind of helped too where we're like dude our mom's like going to school trying to get her life together and and like you know we're roping her into this stuff yeah because my mom grew up like a gnar you know she grew up around gnarly stuff so we would just like show up and be like can we hide in your house we just hit someone with a sword you know and she's like yeah sure you know telling the cops like i don't know what you're talking about like yeah you know she's down too mom is like the she's like our our our den mother like the scouts you know like that's hilarious and so we're like we're roping mom into this like we gotta chill bro and so yeah we we made the decision we made a a conscious decision like we gotta end this yeah and so then we we got our lives together and as we got our lives together that's when i fell into like okay well i was into all this i i started getting into societal issues and politics and that led me to communism which led me to like well if i'm a communist how do i fight the system oh well the temple of satan is fighting the system they're against the conservatives and all these people who are like ruining the country quote unquote quote unquote grew up around or whatever yeah and that like leads one thing into another dude it just sounds like i and and you dude please correct me if i'm wrong It sounds like literally you were seeking chaos because you've just been, you had been around. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. It was like, okay, well, if I'm giving up the life of crime, I'm just going to go, you know, be chaotic and, you know, in this area and politics or communists or Satanism or while I love, while I do still to this day, love chaos, like that was my childhood. And so that's always going to be what feels comfortable to me. And I have to like fight that. Right. And so fighting boredom is like a cross I have to bear, like, uh, you know, and it feels like, you know, sometimes you feel, and I know lots of dudes who feel this way, like even in becoming a father, you're like bored to hang out with your kids sometimes. And that feels, it feels bad. You're like, dude, this sucks. Like I'm a bad person. This is the most beautiful, good thing I could be doing. And I'm bored, but like, Hey man, some, you're a person, you have feelings, your feelings don't have to be real. They don't have to match up with reality. And you don't have to give into them. And so, uh, you know, what is a good person is a good person, someone who doesn't feel bored with their kids or as a person who just spends time with their kids, no matter what, you know? And so, yeah, I love chaos, but I will say, I think that I was seeking more structure. I wanted to make sense of the world around me. And I wanted to, I always wanted to be like the hero. Yeah. And does that, and that sounds crazy, but when I was a kid, I loved books. I read like crazy. I'm a huge nerd. I've always been into dungeons and dragons and Lord of the rings and all this other stuff. And I always saw myself as like a scoundrel, like, like a Han Solo, not like a bad guy. But then you have this realization where you're like, no, I'm a bad guy. And then I was like, well, what does a hero look like? Is a hero someone who like, and then I'm like into counterculture. And back in 2015, 2016, 2014, like to be a hero in the public sphere was to be on the road to woke. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And so I was like, well, I want to be a champion for these like minority groups. And I want to be a champion for, for good politics. And I want to make people happy and take care of people. And I thought that was my road to doing it. Yeah. But I see now very clearly that what I was enjoying, I wasn't actually thinking it through. I was getting the feedback loop from everyone else. Yeah. Like when I would say like, yeah, fight the power, you know, you say something like we should seize the means of production. And like three of the girls you're interested in are like, listen to this guy. You feel very good. Yeah, for sure. And then you're like, why even think about that statement? Yeah. I'm getting like, people are telling me I'm right and cheering me on. And the more I did it, the more I got cheered on. And I was kind of like, dang, man. Yeah. And you fall into it quick. So now looking back, I mean, your, your life and then now you're a Christian. Yeah. And I, the one thing that I can't stop thinking about is your stepdad and the, the abuse and the, the life that you experienced. I mean, have you been able to forgive him? Do you have a relationship with him? So he's passed away. So he's since passed away, but I absolutely forgiven. I love him. I pray for him. Uh, he's in my prayers every day. Uh, yeah, he's, uh, a really important person in my Christian life. I think about him all the time, all the time. And I really like, uh, it, it actually felt like a weird test recently. My biological father passed away, who was an amazing, wonderful, like a 10 of 10 father. I could not ask for a better father. Like he was the goat. I didn't get to see him a ton as a kid because of just how life played out. But every chance he got to be in my life, he knocked it out of the park, like a truly wonderful dad. And he passes away. And so of course I pray for him and I pray for his soul. And, uh, to have my stepdad in those prayers with my biological father, there was a moment that felt like, does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials? Think of it as operation. Get your sanity back. Results will vary. Paid membership with connected payment account required to see Experian.com for details. Hank joined BJ's Wholesale Club. the day he became a father of 30. I coach football. Now coach Hank saves up to 25% off grocery store prices, 30 pounds of pasta, three cases of protein bars, 75 sports drinks. This is your home coach, home of the save. Join for just $20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer new members only. BJ's home of the save. It feels weird. Like this guy who like wasn't kind to my mom, wasn't kind to me or my brother, wasn't necessarily all the time good, made all these mistakes, was a murderer, hurt people, did all these bad things, you know, and jaded my mother and like, just really like was the pin in a point in our life. Like he could have been the force for good in this point of our life when, when the whole family needed it. And he wasn't, and he failed and like to pray for him and to know, like, dude, I fail. I could, maybe it's some at the exact right point in a person's life. I could have been the one and I failed and I need grace and I need prayers. And so to have my stepdad in those prayers with my biological father felt like a test, like a, like God being like, can you, are you ready? Yeah. Are you ready to do this? And, uh, and I have, so yeah. Yeah. I love my stepfather and I wish the best for him. I hope to see him in heaven. So now that you're following Jesus, what's actually become different about your life, dude? So much, man. It's crazy because it, it, it's like at first a ton of stuff changes, right? Yeah. It's immediate. Like, yeah, because there's a lot to it too, because not only are you on fire for the Lord and you have all this stuff, but then you realize as you're converting, you're like, well, I got a lot of stuff. I got, you know, sexual morality. I got to reframe how I think about like all these issues. And especially as a Catholic, like we have the catechism. So then I was like, oh, yo, I'm against abortion now, I guess, because I have to be the church. And so then I got, now I'm like, I got to learn about this. Yeah. Yeah. Like I got to arm myself with this knowledge. I can't just say I'm superficially this position. And so, and you start to like get into the weeds of morality and all stuff. And so your life is changing so much. And those changes like snowball into bigger changes. And then you level out and your Christian life kind of levels out. And there's almost a point where you're like, huh? And then, and then, you know, you pray and you keep it going. And then God always hits you with like a, Hey, just so you know, you're a moron and we still got work to do. And here's, here's this, or here's fatherhood or here's, you need to work on being, a husband or you need to work on being a son. And it opens up the Christian life more and more, or like, you know, you fail in a way you didn't even know. And you're like, or you're just like, you know, sometimes you have the opportunity to be kind or good or give and you don't. And then it just hits you in prayer later. And you're like, Oh man. And it just convicts you. Like, yeah. You're like, I can't believe I drove past this homeless person. And it's like, you get home and now you can't stop thinking about them. And you're like, I can't believe I drove past this man. And dude, it literally happened to me the other day. We, this was literally yesterday. We're going into, I was doing, I was doing a podcast and sleeping on the doorstep was this homeless man and he was asleep. And I, I like pulled out some cash and like set it there, but like, didn't try to wake him. Didn't try to check on it. Just kind of like sat there and was like, I'm doing the right thing. Like, I'm just like putting some cash and then I go upstairs. And the whole time I'm doing this podcast, I'm regretting not like tapping him. And dude, are you okay? Like, are you good? Like, how can I pray for you? And, uh, then when I came down, he was awake and I knew that I had to take advantage of the moment and like, and like go there because then, then I would have really felt that the second time I just walked past him. And dude, I totally know what you mean. Dude, praying for homeless people is like, because there's only so much we can do in our material world. And God doesn't expect us to just like go, you know, you can't just be like, here's I'm naked now and have all my wife's and my money. And like, you know, you, there's a limit to the, the material good you can do in the world before you've removed your ability to do good. And now you need help or whatever. And so, but when I was like a communist, I would think about like, Oh, these Christians, like they're not actually helping. And then of course, one of the things that moved me towards Christianity after my experience that really moved me to like, I went back to New York and I went to like a homeless shelter and it was run by the Catholic church. And I was like, how many of the homeless shelters here run by the church? And of the soup kitchens and they're like virtually almost all of them yeah and i was like oh so christians and then every non-catholic one was like a baptist denomination and i'm like oh so christians are just doing all this and we're just pretended like they're not yeah you know and then i started to notice like well why is the hospital called saint jude you know it's the catholic church give them money oh they do oh they're the largest health care provider in the world wow like what like i had no idea you know and you're like oh christians are like doing it yeah like and so when you see like the church of christ like hospital or whatever like that church is that's a real church project that's not just like a a nice thing for people to go there that's what i thought as a secular person wow like the hospitals were just named that way because historically christians invented the hospital yeah for sure like but you don't realize like and so i'm but to i had this negative view of christians and like oh you're gonna pray for people but asking a homeless person what you can pray for them for has like been i can't tell you the amount of homeless people who were like so so so thankful just to be seen and heard and to be sat with for even a second and treated like a person and uh i feel like a lot of what they need is to feel human in order for them to like you know sort of get to that next step because even as a person who was in despair and like living a very negative lifestyle like you you need someone to be like you're capable of more yeah they don't forget who you are yeah don't forget this is you know yeah absolutely and it's been good it's been a beautiful thing has anyone from your old life reach reach back out to you oh yeah transformation yeah yeah yeah totally and that's just been so cool to connect dude and try to like yeah so we used to do some crazy stuff bro like you get you out to one of the craziest things is pretty much everyone who reaches out to me from my previous life is like yo i'm christian now wow like they're yeah and so it's just been like satanists and stuff oh no so no satanists none of the satan so some of those people that i used to do stuff with are all still deep in that they're as far as i know but like from my days as like a hooligan and doing crime and stuff a lot of those people have come to jesus and talk to me and been like really cool and convicted like dude i've been i converted four years ago it's so awesome and they reach out to me and that's been like so beautiful to be like my brother in christ like that's so sick and they we're talking about our families and they're like brother in crime to brother in christ dude what's up that's a really cool one yeah man it's been it's been really beautiful i have had a few people from my my previous life or not a few i've had quite a few people from like when i was doing communist politics like i used to stream on twitch and i used to have like a radio show that was very popular a podcast about my communist beliefs and really really secular beliefs and i've had a ton of those former listeners uh reach out to me over the last couple years and be like i'm so sorry i freaked out when you became christian and i'm actually looking into this and i'm like oh my church wow or i started going to church or what's a book i can read or i i had an experience and i want to be more open to this and so dude jesus is moving and grooving in culture right now yeah he is and um there's a really a friend who's a priest of mine said something in a talk once that god implicates us all on the plan of salvation in that like we have our free will and we're called to to not only tell people about the gospel but live the gospel in such a way that just by virtue of seeing your life it inspires people like sometimes i think the most radical thing a christian can do is just live the christian life yeah casually normally love your sons love your daughters love your wife love your family love your church go to work pray you've done it yeah and and through that you can like save people's souls because that is what brought me to the point that i could receive grace was i'm so depressed i'm so miserable and my friends who are like not even like great christians but just like kind of conservative going to church three times a month or whatever being like bro get back to basics come home come home and just like be with your family and focus on the small stuff yeah and just by virtue of that those christian lines those that christian ethics that christian life yeah i was able to be open to grace yeah so i always think about that that like the most that that's like the most punk rock thing you can do is to just like live the christian life bro yeah yeah dude before before we we close i just want to know what's next for you that's a great question so dude it my journey's been so weird so when i first started my conversion i knew it was going to implode my career right because a ton of my career was built on liberal politics and in the communist line like you know the people who like hassan piker liked me the people who are like i'm what i i was deep in it i had hundreds and hundreds thousands of followers who are really into this part of me and um the stuff did really well millions of views bro millions of views like i made a bunch of money i made a bunch of money from it and i also had a podcast where i was very dirty very filthy and i was also like involved in like collaborating with like only fans stuff like this and so i knew my conversion was going to implode that and so i kind of thought well we'll just see what happens but i'm pretty sure my comedy career is over i genuinely was like i'm gonna go back to working on a machine in a factory wow and i was ready yeah i was totally ready and so i i came out with my conversion and i did i lost tens and tens of thousands of followers on every platform a bunch of my shows got canceled ticket sales plummeted yada yada yada you know it happened what i thought would happen happened and then i received a lot of hate you know the doxing the death threats the whole nine dude just absolutely crazy and so it kind of like ruined my career for about six months and i i got like some invites from people to come on to podcasts and talk about my experience because my experience was really specific it wasn't like some people convert and no shade to anyone's story and no everyone's story is different in and all unique stories are so important to different types of people yeah right every unique conversion story helps a type of person my conversion story helps a lot of weirdos and stuff but my conversion story specifically helps a lot of weirdos there was nothing to gain materially only to lose yeah and so that that i think that's what made people so mad at me what blew so many people's minds was like yo you so wait you could you can sleep with whoever you want you can sleep with all these people you can make all this money you have all this fame everyone loves you for this you you have all this and you're gonna give it up for what yeah to to to be like catholic that's the craziest thing i've ever heard of to do the to follow all these rules and stuff like that yeah and so i was like okay i'm gonna do this to like you know go to church or whatever and so my conversion happens it implodes my career and but through the grace of god that some people were really kind to me and invited me on shows and stuff and i started to build a christian audience and they started to come out and i went from before where i wouldn't do meet and greets because people would harass me and grab me and grope me and there'd be drunk people to now i oh i every meet and greet i do christians from all denominations giving me gifts giving me gifts giving me gifts giving me gifts giving me gifts praying with me being kind to me and a lot of normal people too just like are stoked to hang out and uh so what's next for me dude i don't know i don't know my i didn't expect my career to get to this point i thought it was going to end so right now i'm my current special is a one-man show about my conversion wow it's a comedy show from childhood to to baptism wow so and i just talk about it's a show not tell so while it is my conversion i'm not going to tell you what i'm going to tell you my conversion story there's no call to action there's no like uh and you should do this it's a a total and complete genuine just story yeah see what happened to me see where it took my life see that i went from this person who suffered to a person who was very selfish yeah to a person with a wife and kids and i talk about how christianity doesn't make my life necessarily easier or even better yeah all the time sometimes it's harder sometimes it's tedious sometimes it's in your way sometimes doing the right thing makes your life way worse genuinely yeah you know the christian life's no guarantee of goodness jesus's friends were like brutally murdered yeah so like why do we think it's gonna go well for us yeah yeah and so i talk about how it's about it's about worship not what i can get but the undercurrent of my life is happiness i'm fulfilled whatever you want to do with that yeah and that's the whole special and uh so we'll see where it takes me man let's go we'll see what happens but um i'm trying to be uh outward about my my christianity and my love for christ and my love for the saints on earth and in heaven and everyone and my fellow man and just like spread the gospel and the good news and uh while also being like a a guy yeah like i want people to see like oh dude like i gotta be like a normal guy but be like a jesus freak yeah you know that's what i want like oh shane's still into playing games and listens to heavy music and likes to shoot guns and is just like a goofball but that doesn't necessarily take away from going to church as much as i can praying as often as i can being mindful of the life of christ and how i need to emulate that um being you know dutiful to my obligations as a christian yeah and so all of these things can go together yeah you know modern life doesn't have to be this like boring like we don't have to be ned flanders yeah you know what i mean well dude that's i think one of the biggest things i'm encouraged about from you is your child likeness yeah and that makes you so fun and i've just enjoyed hanging out with you thank you bro you know you're shooting the crap or whatever and it's been fun and navigating your story and dude honestly like you know typically i have the guests pray for us but i would honestly love to pray for you dude that's cool please is that is that cool yeah yeah absolutely let's do it yeah jesus thank you so much for today god and thank you for shane and thank you for his life and and god i'm just so grateful for the way that you've gripped his heart and he is just such a kind genuine full of integrity honest human and god would you just continue to bless him and his family guide him and protect him lead him lord and jesus in this next chapter of his life and the special and his you know showing his story and not telling it god would you just use that to impact people's hearts and show people that you're not just a you're the way and just the the beautiful ways that you've gifted shane god we love you and we thank you for his life and we thank you for what you're doing in his life in jesus name amen does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials experian can help take the pain out of canceling by handling it for you think of it as operation get your sanity back over 200 subscriptions are cancelable so get started in the experian app and see how much you could save results will vary not all subscriptions eligible savings not guaranteed paid membership with connected payment account required to see experian.com for details tammy regularly hauls stuff to her kids at college that's why she shops at bj's wholesale club saving up to 25 off grocery store prices beef jerky microwave meals laundry pods even they can't screw up have you met my kids and with bj's gas she gets there for less they call me the road warrior this is your home road warrior mom home of the save join for just 20 minutes and we'll be right back at bj's dot com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save amen