Everything Is Stupid Except Punch and Porch Goose

- For decades, a shadowy organization called The Lemonati has kept lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Look around, lemon-forward sodas, even lemon-forward songs. We ran the tracks, slowed them down, reversed them, and squeezed out the truth. ♪ All hail the lemon ♪ - That's lemon propaganda right there. But now, 7UP is fighting back with their new lime-lemon soda. Join the 7 uprising, flip the sip. - Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light, and slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf, because you don't simply step into the season, you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross. hey guys guess what we're going on tour and we're going on a minute we're going on a mini tour yeah three shows three shows three separate days three places in california give them new oh yeah yeah okay well i have the dates here uh on april 3rd we'll be in san diego at the balboa theater on april 8th we'll be in irvine at the irvine improv and on the 11th of april we'll be in sacramento at channel 24 and we look forward to seeing you there hmm i kind of have to go to the bathroom but it's like i don't know if it's worth it because it's all the way over there it's all the way over there it's not like at 100 you know well if you need to take a break i have so many topics on my notes i bet you've had a busy few weeks no like these are like things that are happening in the in our world oh okay those yeah okay well should i uh i'm gonna stay here and if i need to go to the bathroom later i need to go to the bathroom later it's not a big deal it's not a big deal hey man oh is he i didn't need i did not say i had to poop i did not say that what is she you took away what what is she said everyone poops but i hadn't said anything about poop so it's actually is he got poop on the brain today are we recording oh yeah let's make sure that that wasn't included in the beginning of our episode no i liked that oh um i do just have to start off by saying something happened on the way here that rocked me oh hit me with that bass line and i trouble i saw one of my exes as i was driving here you know i was gonna street i was gonna ask you that because i'm not i don't feel like i know what and i racked my brain on what soup x could mean um i've actually only spoken about it in the bonus but was i not here no you were completely here i spoke about it multiple times to you we engaged soup about it the guy who brought me soup when i was feeling under the weather yes i just saw him walking down the street we had had a really strong connection over text and i was like i had a really big crush and then i will say it fizzled pretty immediately uh during meeting and after meeting as well but i really want to go back to the way we were before we met and i'm thinking i could text him two things right now i also want to flag that it also could have been the fact that i was handing him the bowl of soup and my my entire hand slipped into it as i was handing it to him and i should have just handed him the one that i was giving him because there were two bowls of soup one had had my entire fist in it and one hadn't and i gave him the one that my hand had slipped into and said sorry i think that's and i think that could have been the end i don't know i don't know what the end was i think i understood why it was an end but i want to know why he thought it was an end but anyway um i think i could text him two things okay one i saw you walking down the street two what happened to us okay um right i think maybe what about a hybrid between the two i saw you walking down the street what happened to us no hey what was he wearing today like kim possible vibes like black shirt up top and some khakis i think so okay i'd say how come you didn't wear those khakis over to my house maybe we need to maybe you need to wear those khakis over to my house sometime nice i want to go back to the way we were before we met oh well then say how come how can we wear those khakis over to my house when we hung out and then that doesn't i don't want to draw attention to the fact that we ever met i want to go back to the way we were then say nice nice khakis i can't guarantee that he was wearing khakis i can't guarantee it then nice nice strut i'm gonna text him that i saw him maybe you say maybe say this is crazy you had some pep in your step did you get laid yeah walking down that's the one so you're walking down sunset you looked chipper uh it's just hard when like you have a history like ours i don't want to open i don't want to reopen any old wounds yeah anyone um do you want to know what happened on his end and if it had anything to do with my hand in the soup i don't think so i think like the hand in the soup is something unless and i don't think you want to i don't ultimately i don't think you want to be with someone who is genuinely turned off permanently by a little hand and there's a little bit but i wonder i need to know if that's what it was you know i think so i really like but i'm serious i don't think that that would be he ate the soup of course he ate the soup then there's no way it was that yeah well no i don't think you eat the soup i'll text him i don't think you eat the soup like that reminds me of a time when i was at my friend's house and this was in like high school and her dad made clam chowder and and this was chicken noodle so it's not like i put a fist in his clam chowder if you know what i mean i do know what you mean a fist in the clam chowder is different because there's a lot of like residuals that are that follow then it not only becomes the issue of i put um my hand in your soup it's your chowder got on my hand you know now i'm dealing with the chowder on my hand yeah there's like that's that's a double issue i want you to i want you to consider the fact that like the viscosity of of a of a chicken noodle good word yeah i'm that came to me in a in the in the form of syrup from like high school um the viscosity of a soup a chicken noodle versus imagine if it was clam chowder on your couch where would you wipe it on your newly sweater exactly you'd have chowder all over you lick it off of my fingers you'd have to lick it yeah which could be something you can't come back from which could be sexy sucking clam chowder off my fingers sure now my friend's dad now that is hot my friend's dad sucked the clam chowder off of his finger after he had tried to get me one extra chunk because he was scooping and he dropped the chunk so he grabbed the chunk put it in my bowl i didn't know what you were saying the c word today i don't know what how else i would explain that part of the chowder clams because you know i like won't even i've never had clam chowder i won't go near it i remember the chowder being good but i couldn't get past the fact that he had these fingers yeah you don't forget someone's don't forget clam chowder fingers no that's something that sticks with you yeah um so the chunks are clams so we can just call let's just call it what it is clam oh yeah so my friend's dad was was tossing his clam over to my bowl and um he was licking clam off his fingers anyways it was really good i mean i do remember being like it was one of those things where i like clams well it was one of those things i don't really know what the chowder is that's my and i i'm a big texture person you know that and so it was my first time with the chowder it was my first time with a clam and the combo of the two it was kind of like i had already been invited over for dinner i'd already said yes they're italian what am i to do i can't leave they would take it very personally so i just sucked it up i ate the chowder i watched her dad lick his fingers and i enjoyed it i didn't enjoy the fingers i just enjoyed the chowder yeah yeah no i know i would like it i like clams oh i don't see clams and cream don't seem to be a natural myth it doesn't see yeah when you really start thinking about it it's like how did we how did we get here but lobster bisque is really good and it's similar but to me lobster and cream makes a lot more sense than clam and cream yeah lobster and cream yeah i could see that because it's just it's a butter base yeah anyways um what kind of notebook do you have in your hands oh and the moral of the story i do think i'm going to text him later i'll let y'all know what happens next week or i'll text him in the bonus i brought all of my notes yeah what kind of notebook is that i'm i like i'm so into like i'm usually not like a brands girl but when it comes to notebooks let me know i think it's leatherology okay not familiar with that which is weird it's there's no lines on it so that's something that's new to me it's an a6 isn't it huh it's an a6 isn't it i don't know it's i'm not as in touch with the i think it's i'm liking this though it was really nice to have it written out and i could do arrows and stuff yeah which is helping me keep track now i think that this is a notebook someone would would find maybe if i leave it behind in a taxi or something they go we have we have a case on our hands that we need to some whoever's notebook this is needs to be on a list oh tell me what's in the notebook okay well the first thing that happened was this morning i was at a coffee shop and this girl was on her phone okay and she goes yeah and then he asked me to share three fun facts what was this like a team building exercise so i think my understanding was okay there was a couple things i'm like team building exercise i'm assuming it was a date yeah i am too okay you're on a date the young man asked you please share three fun facts about yourself i can't remember the last time i did this i do know that it it for me it sends me into fight or flight because one i have a competitive side where it's like when someone asks you this it sends you into fight when you're going around in a circle and everyone's facts are like i do i do feel like this is the narcissist olympics where it's like i do want to have like a very cool fun fact but i also don't want to be like try hard and you also don't want to do that like name droppy thing like there was one time in barbados when i was deep sea fishing with you know the kennedys or something and you just want to i don't know like drop these bombs but then you also want to be like this person that's like i don't know what would you do if you were on a date i think i'd throw my hands into some suits just as a distraction just like as a yeah to change change the subject i have i always hated that i've never had a fun fact okay let's just like no pressure do three fun facts no i knew you were gonna do that i don't have any yeah brooke you do like and you know what's funny is i remember i always remember like grade school where people would be like i'm double jointed and then they'd show you the grossest shit in the world with their wrists and so you shouldn't your wrist is broken that's actually something you need to go to the doctor for i used to say i was double jointed because i could like bend my thumb back but like everyone can do that no i can't i can't do that well i barely can either like it's not like i can touch it to my arm i can just bend it a little like as you do with thumbs but i really don't have any fun facts i think if i were to share a fun fact it would be like there was one time with like a little like there's been several times actually where i think i've been very close to having a breakthrough with an animal communication wise but i don't know if that's like has enough i don't know if that holds enough weight to share because i haven't had it yet i do think that it will happen and i'm saying that with my chest i think like i think i might have made up my fun fact that i have and it's also like kind of like name droppy so i don't really want to like you lied no i just it might be true it might not be true okay can you share it yeah i guess i can when i was like young i used to be really good friends with m night shamalan's daughter oh and i think that like we were like drawing or something and i i'm pretty sure he used the drawings like in one of the his movies like on the kids walls but also it might not have might not have happened i think it might have been in signs if there's kids and signs i mean that's pretty much that's one of the more fun facts that i've heard but i'm saying like it also could not have been my art i think it could have just been hers i don't know where i got that idea that it was mine as well well i think i'm assuming someone must have told me that like i don't think i just made that up but i think even if it's not entirely true the sentiment is there i think that in some way you might have influenced shamalan jr and and the way her world was shaped and then in a way you were her muse for this movie like i do think it would be impossible if you ever interacted with this young woman for your your soul not to be interpreted in into her piece as well so i i don't think that's entirely a lie you could say i was her muse well said for uncut gems yeah yeah okay well then that is kind of a fun fact yeah i don't think i have i think that's a really good like journal prompt that like you can sit with for a while i also think the it's i think it's interesting how the fun facts evolve as you grow up like i think that's a really really interesting one right now yeah whereas double jointed kind of fades into the background these days because that's so true what happened in that community i do want if anyone's in in like a professional office setting right now and they're like yeah i can my thumb can touch the back of my forearm right yeah we've outgrown double jointed is definitely the same energy as leap your birthday for sure yeah something that was like a big brag in elementary school that might not necessarily still land that's an interesting one bro and i did it also like i weep for the double jointed because they've lost their they've lost their thing you know what a shame yeah if you're double jointed and you're listening to this just know that we see you and i hope you're doing okay because that must be a guy dislocated his shoulder in front of me like at a party like i'd still be like that's pretty sick man you know that's not double jointed that man is injured i don't know like hey can i ask you a question yeah what is double jointed brooke no clue at all like we we can just claim we're double jointed like all we want but at the end of the day what is it i think it's because i've been claiming it because my thumb can just like move in certain ways i think it's this like that's what i have mine's see how mine's kind of jumping yeah but i think everyone does as well double jointed is a common term for joint hypermobility condition where ligaments are more elastic allowing joints like fingers elbows or shoulders to move beyond normal range so dislocating your shoulder would be double jointed no no no because that's not flexibility you are broken but you have to get to the point where you can dislocate it which is moving it past its normal range so you're double jointed and until it's dislocated you your double jointed nature has gotten you a dislocation you you jointed too close to the yeah um what's actually about people that have a dislocated shoulder is that they can just like sneeze and it pops out moving forward have you ever dislocated anything yeah it really hurts something in my arm i fell off a fridge oh what were you doing on top of the fridge we were moving i was very young and i had climbed onto like the trailer that we had put the fridge on and it was in the parking lot and i was up on top of the fridge like punched the monkey and i was pulling leaves off of the tree and one was really tough and i was like i'm gonna get this one and i pulled pulled pulled it gave i flipped off the fridge snapped my arm yeah one time my sister was hopping over a fence she falls her elbow pops out this way so like the way your elbow bends imagine it bending inverse in inward and i see it i scream she screams she hits it like this pop pops it back in i run her over to my dad i'm like her elbow just went this way and he's like okay yeah yeah yeah and we're in the back of the car he's driving us home she just goes like this kind of like stretches it stretches it stretches it because it almost felt like we dreamed it she gets right here just pops right back out this way we're all screaming and then she again goes twice she she relocated it she probably had a nursemaid's elbow sure what did you say nursemaid's elbow what does that mean i don't know i think it's when you're a kid and you keep dislocating your elbow because that's what i had painful elbow injury in children under six caused by sudden sharp pull on an extended arm such as lip jeez blah blah blah the ligament slips out of place causing the child to refuse to move their arm which is usually held straight or slightly bent you're treated by a health care professional with a quick gentle manipulation usually resulting in immediate pain relief and restored mobility though it may occasionally reoccur that's what i had i think i dislocated it three times that means someone's kind of yanking you around well yeah once it was pop-up uh he was so sad that was a really sad thing to happen oh and then once it happened at a roller skating party but no one was pulling on it well once once you're once you because i think once you go yeah once you go nursemaid you never go i think it was the initial that was a pull well damn i'm glad you're i'm glad we have you here today thank you do you still have it right now are you nursemaid no i it was like when i was really young like kindergarten oh my gosh well that's a key aspect of nursemaid's elbow yeah your your ligaments must be um more at risk yes yes yes the lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything even our music that hit song named after the color of lemons not a coincidence big lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years think about it but now seven up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda now lime comes first seven up flip the sip fall never arrives all at once first the air then the light and slowly the things you love begin to find each other a jacket meets a dress a hoodie slips beneath a blazer an old cap finds a new scarf because you don't simply step into the season you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall find fall your way at ross um i have some exciting news what daylight savings is next week we are so it always sneaks up on you i feel like it does happen too soon no this one is the good one no i know but like for to me daylight savings signifies like spring is coming but like it's not i see like you it will still be snowing in new york after daylight savings probably i know it's really really nasty right now it's like everything's so wet were you home for the blizz yeah it was really cool the blizz was cool because it wasn't that cold oh really no also i'm not drinking sparkling water on the today's episode so that i won't burp because i do feel like i owe everyone at least one episode what you just burped it was just a natural of natural causes yeah that did that kind of is what brought it up i did want to address that burp that was from that was beef but that was not sparkling water i like your sweater a lot thanks brooke look at this and i do want to i do want it's a full zip knit isn't that kind of fun yeah i love that thank you i gotta get you one now i want to say it's reminding me i am so horned up for love's story the jfk jr story honor do you think that's not the first note in my hobonichi and mine i knew you would be this is the type of glamour and intrigue that you have been yearning for praise be these are like these people this is so this is celebrity this is this is yeah and this is like the celebrity that i like where it was like we're not normal people they are not i look at them and i'm that one we are not the same species two like i'm embarrassed to have even existed on the same plane as them for even a short time they to me and you don't read like akatar and shit like that but the um species of kind of humans in there are there's humans and then there's the fey the fairies the high fey which are like an elevated type of human that kind of like they just have this je ne sais quoi like they're just hotter and better and better and better and better and better and better and every way to me carolyn and jfk are high fey does that make sense yeah and then you have the fray great band yes completely separate completely now that's a whole different that's a story for a different day um would love to see them in concert i am so like this show is so good i am intoxicated by brooke you need to come to new york please soon we have it's taken over the way people are dressing or maybe i'm oh i've seen that i am walking that brooke i put on my peacoat today it's cold out but on my peacoat i popped the damn collar and i wore a knit a knit underneath i was like oh like i didn't even do this on it was kind of like subconscious or i was like i'm actually not gonna wear a hoodie under under this peacoat no they're infiltrating the minds and bodies of everyone do you think you'll get one of those like backward caps no because i think i'll look like michael rapaport i know my limits oh i mean it's just like i am completely like yeah they are not human to me it's so weird and i guess that's exactly what everybody was experiencing at the time that they were alive like they are they are royalty and it's like hard it's really almost impossible not to be swept up in it like my whole explore page is jfk jr. like obviously i'm loving the show i i understand like if this was a time when we were like this is the closest we've had to royals right it is and i feel it in my bones and i don't feel that way towards like the british royals like i'm just like what are you guys on but then i see them and i'm like i would like to follow their every move i get it it's not and it's like it sucks because like you want to be the exact kind of person that carolyn was and just like not swayed by the kennedy name but it's like there's something it's intoxicating i can't explain it i'm intoxicated brooke i can't either i mean i said i was horny like you want to be cool but i can't like thank god that i was not like a sentient being right at the time at like the peak of this because i would have been like club chalamet like i would i would have been like a person that i don't want to be and have never wanted to be i mean could you imagine if they were to be around during like this this era but during social media that would have been a blood no that would have been really bad for everyone involved my bloodbath was not the word that i wanted to use there it just would have been really bad it would have been yeah it would have been very tough um i do want to say really quickly like i had to one more time look up like when this was set because the actual way it's written is very much like it's how we talk still like he's like suck my ass i'm like wait were they saying suck my ass you think they were doing like full like times of yore in the 90s like have we come full circle to saying suck my ass i don't think i don't think anyone said suck my ass in this show i promise you they said suck my ass because this is stuck with me really yes yeah they were speaking like we were alive we were babies i don't see my parents ever suck my ass well that's it that your parents are southern this is very they're these are new yorkers my parents are not new yorkers for sure yeah that's true yeah um okay well yeah that was my only notice i mean i just think this is just like this is just like fun you know the tv's tv's getting fun you guys something also that's interesting is i'm having a really challenging time separating the actors from the real people which is not something that is usually a problem for me what do you mean like i'll see it like when i watch i'm like this is this is jfk jr and carolyn bassett like i'm not watching actors playing these people i'm watching the two of these like documentary style do you feel refreshed in a way that and again this is one of those things that i might be just out of the loop for but i do really like that i didn't know these these actors i didn't know either of them what you've been saying and a lot of people have been saying and i think this and heated rivalry have really proven it to be true and i think that's a really good point and i think that's a really good point to be true like we need new people we need new faces we need new faces yeah because when it's the same people over and over you just you know them and you project their past characters their personalities onto them we have these like beautiful clean slates and such talent there is so much talent out there that is yet to be untapped as we've seen and i'm just glad that that we are utilizing that i like it and i also like i have that thing where i walk into a theater show and i am projecting someone's entire imdb onto their character and it pulls me out and seeing this new faces new spaces wide open places it's so refreshing i love it i'm so excited this is just like i really think i agree i think he did rivalry in this it's opening up like a new window for for new new characters for us i'm so excited i'm giddy about yeah and you know what the two people that i do know grace gummer and is noemi watts was jackie like i've i was having a harder time like i was like you're not carolyn kennedy caroline kennedy and you're not jackie i know who you are right but whereas these uh sarah pigeon and uh paul i'm like you you are who you're playing yes paul anthony and i said we're on the same page brooklyn paul anthony kelly here's what i'll say about him yeah have you seen him out of character i haven't seen him really genuinely with i'm saying in full honesty i have never seen this man in my life besides on the tv in this show in the interviews it's like and this was happening to me with hudson and connor too because they're just like good actors but i'm like whoa you are not you're actually not jfk jr he's so different he's so like soft-spoken and mild-mannered and like kind of like artsy like he has an earring and like glasses and like curly like curly hair like he oh i almost didn't know that he could live in silver lake um but yeah it's crazy i also think that this will mean something to only a few people i think he's the only one qualified to play resand in um an akatar i know i that translated to me i didn't understand that because i've been looking for that person we've all been looking for that person there have been a few question marks we found our we found our reese that's i'll just say that brooke has thrown her hat in the ring i will just say that about that well well said thank you he is hyphae they are hyphae to me hyphae yeah they're not yeah not to be confused with the fray yeah i'm i'm really excited it's so nice to be excited about tv it's so awesome i love when people are all watching the same thing me too it reminds me of my dad you have a simpler time yeah like tiger king yes thank you yeah and outer banks i don't know if you're on board with outer bank no not my show not my kind of show i just think of outer banks like it was like so the goonies vibes for me when i first watched it it was like me and my roommates every single day sitting on the couch same time same place so nice yeah but i was also watching a lot of love island uk during that time which does bring me to a space in my heart that i really miss watch keep watching it it's past and i look i just like people started watching love island us and i i didn't like that i didn't like when everyone started watching that it was kind of this like safe space in the uk that no one else was watching and it was like fun and there was no thing around it nothing against people that watched us i just it took me out it removed me interesting so were you inundated we haven't talked in so long that punch the monkey has has been brought into the world i don't know punch oh you don't i saw my first thing about punch last night but didn't look into it so what did you see there's just that there's a monkey named punch so punch is this like little baby that's being reincarnated into or not reincarnate what is the i don't know i don't know punch is he can you help me i'm sorry what were you looking for being not reincarnated that's when you die um okay i can do this what are the context yeah reinstated re-in um reintroduced but not in that way he's trying to be re-in something to the the new troop of monkeys because he's been raised reintegrated reintegrated yes kind of i don't know whatever you know what i'm saying i don't that's the thing okay so he he he's oh yeah reintegrated he was an outcast no well he was abandoned by his mom i'm pretty sure and so they raised him with a little plushie he's adopted as his mother look what the fuck is their problem these other monkeys it's just like and then i'm like why are we take this baby out like maybe we just make an exception and have this be a domesticated monkey yeah that's that's where i will raise that as my own oh my god i'm not going to do that i'm not going to do that i'm not going to do that i'm not going to throw up i'm throwing up it's just like i don't know oh my god where is he now so he's being he got his first hug this morning from who he's he's received a hug from who i don't know the name of the hugger but was it a monkey it was a monkey yes not a man brooke you need to see when the humans come in the like punch runs over and jumps on their leg like he's seeking shelter he has so much comfort in this plush as many adults i think do but it's he's he's figuring it out i don't know just like everyone's saying like now these monkeys are sensing that there's so much love being like pushed on to punch that now they're feeling it and and now they're clout chasing punch my god but look at punch here my god i can't those two monkeys i can't they haven't those those they need to go to monkey jail i'm gonna kick their ass their monkey ass i would really oh who was that what's going on look at this is he back he's back in the game he's so back punch is so punch is so back so that that that picture there brings out like a sort of primal feeling in my stomach that makes me want to throw up and then and sob and then just find this baby i agree oh my i would drop my i'm not kidding i would drop my and i just met punch a few seconds ago i would drop my entire life for punch i would move to where he lives to take him under my wing i know like all eyes on punch yeah oh where does punch live in china japan oh japan i would move to japan why did i think it was china um he's plushy oh my gosh it's so sad what but like i think in the first place i just like no don't watch there's a video of them fighting i can't please don't pull it up around oh yeah i can't believe you didn't i can't believe this wasn't on your fy i it was as of this morning but like i didn't have time to get into it i'm sick i'm sick i mean i just wanted to kick some heat some monkey ass over the weekend he reminds me my boys yeah he reminds me of rob okay the lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything even our music that hit song named after the color of lemons not a coincidence big lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years think about it but now seven up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda now lime comes first seven up flip the sip fall never arrives all at once first the air then the light and slowly the things you love begin to find each other a jacket meets a dress a hoodie slips beneath a blazer an old cap finds a new scarf because you don't simply step into the season you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall find fall your way at ross now at kroger your points add up to more ways to save every trip use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump you can even save up to 35 on your next fill up same points more choices and with low prices on fresh quality food plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop your dollar goes further redeem your points online or in the app kroger fresh for everyone restrictions apply seaside or store for details so sad did you see porch goose no i didn't see porch goose i was gonna look that up i forgot i think porch goose is less viral than punch but oh my god i saw this video last night this girl basically she kept driving by this house a few streets down that had this porch goose and she also had a porch goose at her house and she was so she felt very connected what do you is it a goose that's on your porch like a goose like a statue of a goose that lives on the porch so she began like dropping off like clothes to dress the porch goose in because she had clothes for her porch goose as well and she like had just these tender feelings for the old couple that owned this porch goose you know porch goose and porch goose um porch goose sees porch goose and one day she got she saw something she got something back somebody dropped a bag off for her for for the porch goose it was a bomb no it was not a bomb it was an obituary oh from the daughter of the elderly couple and a note that was like my dad just passed but like please know that like in his last months like you brought him so much joy and the clothes that you i'm gonna start crying the clothes that you dropped off like for porch goose like he showed like my kids like his grandchildren like it was just such a staple in the last few months of his life it brought everyone together like you made us so happy like and you know my mom his wife like passed like a few years ago and she loved porch goose so much so this really like brought up the best memories of her um and like here i want you to have this and she gave her like her mom her late mother's like cookbook that was like the mom like loved geese so it was like mama goose like her her cookbook and it was annotated yeah and look watch i've reposted i don't know if i should watch this the girl's just like like she's so emotional about it and it truly is just like one of the like this is what humanity like it should be about like it's these like little things that like bring us together that are just uh this is this is what this is the human spirit to me just watch the beginning okay because there's this like elderly couple like two blocks away from me that have a concrete porch goose and i've been dropping them off porch goose outfits like anonymously i feel so silly for crying but i've been like writing them little notes like love your friends on melody lane and they found my house by finding my porch goose because i told them i had a porch goose and i've never met these people and they just dropped me off something and just like drove away and i'm about to open it i'm literally crying hey there's a card oh oh my god oh my god oh my god they died oh my god what i think that was her daughter what do you mean they died what do you think she means dear goose friend we wanted to let you know that the goose owner passed away earlier this month okay okay dad was so ticked this is not dead like i mean dad was so tickled the guy could have put a shirt on before he like he didn't know he didn't know that he was about to go completely virus least he could do that pulled me out of it he did not know he was about to go mega viral sorry i i literally almost went no he's not dead he's behind you okay anyway that well goose well that is just about the sweetest thing you could ever see yeah it makes me oh my god lord lord knows we could need a little uh we could use a little positivity huh yeah just yeah yeah we could use some positivity yeah you know why i need a little positivity why because twice in the past two days i've walked into a restroom gone to wash my hands lotion that's bad don't put the lotion next to the sink put the soap next to the sink lotion second listen i'm i'm on your side i'm washing this this lotion off my hand why i want this come off my hand lotion i'm sure it's nice too now it's down the side i actually don't think it should be in the same place as the soap i think it should be in a different area lotion just right outside the door of the bath sure to me or even like on a on a little table a lotion what are you gonna do these days there's so much wrong in the world including people putting lotion next in first what are you gonna do pardon me um i mean where do we go from here book with there's i have so much on here i actually have a lot to say too believe it or not but you you like went to the olympics yeah i went to the olympics olympics were lovely it was so amazing um thank you to team usa we won a ton of medals that was just the coolest thing you could probably ever do it'll probably be my one and only time going to the olympics so pinch me that was just like the coolest thing ever especially at being in the olympics i've been to the olympics in italy and especially we knew a handful of the the athletes which are so cool just from jake who came with me he's skied with these people growing up with these people it was just the coolest thing ever like pinch me pinch me pinch me um i thought obviously the finals in hockey were pretty funny like did you see the whole the men's team just go in and funny yeah i thought that it's funny how you could fuck that up so bad they're so stupid it was just like unbelievable and then so we've already i mean that's been covered a thousand times it's just like oh my gosh are you it also just pisses me off like beyond belief because like you had like heated rivalry set you up for the brook that's what i was gonna say like all eyes all eyes on you like literally like you had the best footsteps to follow in you were set up for like to be adored and you fucked it up immediately do you have to take i mean i do you have to take a phone call from the president when you're celebrating the olympic gold medal like what are you like just enjoy your team like what and then the fulfillment and then obviously we pick up like hash patel is in there our head of the c is it cia or fbi fbi our head of fbi is in there chugging pierce in the locker room you better have been looking for nancy guthrie in all of those lockers before you chugged that beer like what are you doing there you know what i mean i had a dream that oh my god i don't know if i should say this it's like not in good taste we know your heart brooke but i had a dream like nancy's disappearance was part of the rehearsal season three and nathan fielder was behind it i don't know if i should say that but it was just a dream it was just it was all a dream yeah obviously that's not the case no at all not even but that was something that i dreamed about it's so amazing that we haven't found her it's also so amazing that it's national national news and our head of the fbi is in milan stupid except for porch goose and punch and punch just interesting it feels like we're kind of on our own um and also jfk yeah and great show um it's hard to follow that up i'll be honest because i have to be now too can we take a quick intermission to pee yeah if if you're gonna push through i'm gonna push through too no mine sucked itself back up but you should go pee oh you put your pee back in the chamber put your pee back where it came from or so help me so help me so help me no you should pee no i'm okay i did want to say that when i was on my way what i didn't have to pee you never had to pee uh-uh what were you going to do the other thing okay you had to pee what um you had to pee um i do want to say on my way to milan i was i was flying through paris because i was in vancouver um doing a show and i love vancouver thank you so much vancouver for coming to the show so much fun just for last vancouver it was a blast um flew through paris i get to paris okay this is the most organized i've ever been for any trip in my life okay i have snacks in my bag i have vitamins in my bag i have lotion and i get to paris to board the flight i needed my passport so i put it right into my tote bag my tote bag was an extra carry like a purse type situation because i checked my bag so i had the tote bag on my arm and a backpack on my back i go to my back my backpacks up above tote bags on the ground in front of me obviously it's like open you know it's an open mouth tote as most totes are no zipper and so i go to get off and i put my tote bag on my seat and i put my backpack on and i'm scurrying off the plane i realize when i get into the gate right off the plane that i'd left my tote bag on the seat passport and tote they go you cannot go back on the plane i go well i totally understand what you're saying can you go back on the plane they go no we cannot go back on the plane and they're french by the way french bless your heart french but i you don't like me and i understand why but i they sent me they say you have to go talk to my colleague they send me their colleague colleague goes you need to go to customer service customer service says we'll go check to see if it's there i go it's not really a check situation i know it's there i boarded the plane my passport's on the plane i didn't have it when i exited the plane i don't have my tote my totes on the plane my totes on the plane so anyways it took them five and a half hours to locate it now they said you should just go do something um and i said should i go to like the city of should i go see the eiffel tower they go yeah you should definitely like you have time because they pulled the they put when you get off the plane just go back and get like just walk it was one of those things usually like i've done that before and you just have to wait till everyone's off the plane they um they told me to get out of here like essentially like i was trying to gather tone of voice but i don't think there's any tone of voice that's essentially like oh baby like hang on baby we'll get you baby like we'll take care of you baby the french don't have that like nurturing my the french that i spoke to yeah um and it was kind of like the third time i went to customer service like hey can you just give me like a piece of information that gives me hope and like an eta something they go no wait there and we'll we'll wave you over when it's ready so it's kind of like one of those this is out of my hands i'm helpless type situations finally they locate it the next flight out was 9 p.m i had i had arrived at 8 a.m in paris so i just spent the night my my next flight was 9 so i spent the night in milan but it worked out but it to have that on my first night in milan yeah how did you get to milan i my flight out of paris was 9 p.m so it was just like i missed everything to get to where i needed to go but flew out at 9 p.m wow that's just the whole day in paris it was cool it was like obviously very cool that i never never spent the night like paris before yeah it was a pretty cool experience but um did you leave the airport in paris yeah no passport where'd you go like the city it's an hour out of away from the airport oh yeah um but i was just thinking like to have an inconvenience like that where it's like this is ruining your day puts everything to perspective do you know what i mean i genuinely it's like those types of inconveniences that make you like happy to be alive once you nothing else could have happened to me yeah that could have been worse than that yeah so i was like you know what this is good and there were so many like it obviously took me two full days to get where i needed to go and there was like an eight-hour car ride and all these things but i was like i'm happy like i'm alive and i have my passport and it was just so great for it to happen the first day i'm like this is an amazing situation yeah an amazing time it sucks and you can't be grateful like unless something like that happens like i wouldn't be just like so grateful to have my passport yeah i lost my passport i also there's this thing about like going on a trip with your friends where like these group trips have you been on like a group trip where you've traveled a long way with like a group of people um i would say i've yeah like well i'm you know i went on that french exchange oh yeah in high school and then recently i've done like two to three to four people in europe yeah yes oh yeah there's stuff that happens where it's like oh this is probably the worst day of my life but when you're with people you want to kill them by like day three yeah you know but then you come back and it's like you look back at that and it's like that was so odd like it's like a trauma bond situation like now it's funny that day like one day this is gonna be so funny that day that day was not today but then you're in one you're in that day now and it's like oh my gosh that was funny yeah i totally get you man and then you start getting venmo requests for parts of the trip and it's like oh i'm gonna kill you i'm gonna come over to your house and drive my car through your front door yeah oh my god to receive a venmo request from somebody that was your friend i get it you think you know someone and then you get a venmo request wow oh my god eat the rich i get it man i really do have you seen clavicular clavicular yeah no okay have you seen what would it mean to you if i said completely frame mogged frame mogged frame mogged use it in a sentence clavicular completely framed mogged by asu frat leader no use it in a sentence with some other words that i would know okay um okay slay completely frame mogged me in that photo that we took oh he completely outdid you yes by just by his build um there's not a build or face his the way he's cut oh it's about his oh his frame it's his frame but it's also looks maxing what do you know about looks maxing to walk me through looks max is that the same as slay like what slay would do like he just outdoes your looks it's working toward to like look smacks your face where you look better and better and better but you're doing like ridiculous things to get to that point okay so slay doesn't have to look max wait i got exactly this sentence right clavicular got frame mogged by a frat leader yeah is clavicular a person he's on the right right there okay who looks like it's clavicular he looks like if killian murphy had that like normal spongebob situation happen who is clavicular he's on the right i know who is he he's he's a looks maxer are you sure clavicular's not on the left no that's asu flat leader looks maxing live stream has achieved the greatest possible level of physical attractiveness what is he how far into the process is he and what has he done he's months he's now taking a hammer to his jaw and cheekbones to to make them swell like you would get filler done so clavicular is promoting his lifestyle to his young he's like all right like i don't i'm a i mean like it's hard to not think that but i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know okay so i want to let you know that he has publicly stated that he takes heroin to look slimmer yeah and um it's math he is supporting hitler right now oh right now okay my bad maybe he is all right and he hit someone with a cyber truck everyone has the right to do what they want with their own bodies looks maxing influencers are promoting toxic masculinity and dangerous values to impressionable youth this is not okay i think we can pretty much draw the line on hitting someone with a cyber truck you know what i almost would have drew the line at uh the heroin and the hitler as well yeah those are not great like uh resume clavicular got frame mogged by a frat leader that but the frat leader like that frame is like scaring me i but i can't tell if it's the piece that's like making the frame look scary no i think it's pretty scary okay he looks like larry the lobster yeah um so i want to know and now that you know who clavicular is like i can't i i understand why he wasn't on your he didn't come across your desk um but i do think that sounds like part of the ear well the clavicle oh and we learned about our ears last week but i i think that's um i i don't imagine a world where snl doesn't do a skit about this this week because it does seem like something that they would assume they have their finger on the pulse for yeah clavicular got frame mogged by a frat leader say it again for me a little louder say it again for me a little later got frame mogged by a frat leader clavicular got framed by a frat leader clavicular got framed by a frat leader nice like i'm like what are you maxing right now i'm hunch i'm hunched over like a i'm hunch i'm i'm hunch mogging you i've been touching my feet the whole episode and picking the nail polish off of my toes your athlete's foot maxing right now no i don't have athlete's foot don't put that in the space don't put that in people's heads um i'm i'm like i'm like uti maxing over here because i am holding it go no i'm sphincter maxing go pee and i can everyone about my tour because i haven't spoken about oh yeah yeah okay wait but i want to hear this too but okay wait hang on okay okay tell them about the tour and then like give me a summary when i come back sorry no problem it's not really anything it's just that i'm going on tour with let me get my phone i haven't touched my phone this whole episode um i'm going on tour with phoebe starting on may 26th in new york um oh thank you is he's pulling it up yeah come join me um there are still some cities with some tickets available we're starting off in new york let me tell you exactly where i'm going because i'm already it's i will be sleepy but it will be an amazing kind of sleepy starting off in new york on the 26th that's pub day it's phoebe's birthday then going to philly that's where i'm from so that's exciting both of those and boston boston's the next day those three are sold out but those are like sold out for good then we're going to los angeles barnes noble the grove so coming back west then going going to chicago these are sold out i think but with the opportunity to move to a larger venue so keep an eye on that one um there's two in chicago there's a luncheon thing which is the one that i think they're looking to move to a larger venue and then i think there's a one at night with tickets that are still available okay then we're going to charlotte i think there are tickets available for that one or it might be sold out then i'm going to louisville i have not been to charlotte or uh louisville so i'm excited for that i definitely think there are still tickets in louisville then going to dallas never been to texas so that's exciting i think there are tickets there then austin which i'm really excited about because connor you've never been to texas what's the date for austin because the date for austin is june 5th that is my sister's birthday happy birthday can i come to that i would love if you came to that are you freaking kidding me yeah um and that one is sold out but i think they are looking to move to a larger venue so keep your eyes wow then june 5th yeah heading to st louis i've never been there either i'm not sure about that one then we are going to back to los angeles um i'll be at diesel bookstore which i've actually never been to that location which is exciting and that one is not sold out but the moderator is going to be there so i'm going to go to that location and i'm going to go to that one which will announce the moderators in a few weeks i think you will love so i would get tickets for that one if you want before the moderator is announced then heading to seattle i've never been there which i'm really excited to go there i think there might be tickets available for that one then oh you're gonna have so much fun in seattle this is so amazing i only have one night in all these places though that is kind of hard that's kind of that's that's my experience too but you get the whole day and because you get the whole day like if you're in a place like seattle you hit all the touristy spots and it's fun you know you get to like be a tourist all day but i feel like i'm i'll get there that like during the day like that's when i'll arrive i usually i try as many as much as i can i try to get places the day before but i have something i have the show like i have a the tour stop the nights before you know wow it's like you're busy busy yeah so i don't i i don't know what to do man well i don't even know Then, going to Portland never been there so that's exciting we're in Seattle that'll be a quick trip and I do think that one sold out but maybe we're going to a larger venue for that one can't can't be too sure then San Francisco I've also never been there have you been anywhere although I've been getting yelled at because apparently the location is not actually in San Francisco so go ahead and make sure you look at the location before booking tickets because some people have been upset that at me that they didn't look at the location so just go ahead and look at that for me and then back to LA and we will be doing a little birthday party um on my birthday June 18th at the Ripped Bodice so that'll be there too great yay and that's it and I'm very excited and I hope to see some if not all of you there appreciate you thanks a million you're completely frame-mogging me right now um I also want to say what with my frame with your newly frame I also want to say we are going on a little mini tour that we already talked about and it will be announced yeah I think we'll have posted it live by now oh amazing so uh three little stops California we're so excited it's gonna be so much fun it's already live so people sleuths have already found it um we're so excited it's gonna be so much fun oh I can't wait it's gonna be so much fun it's gonna be so much fun it's gonna be so I can't wait. I've never been to Sacramento before. Oh, look at that little graphic. I've never been to Sacramento. I can't wait to go on April 11th. Oh my gosh, it's so fun. San Diego, wow. And San Diego and Irvine. Irvine is the one that we did our show at before, right? Yes, and we're going to reinvigorate it this time. Oh, yeah. Well, sweet. I think we'll see you there. I'm excited to get really comfortable on that stage this time around. Yeah. Frame-mogging, looks-macting. Stand up, so I'm looking forward to standing up this time. You were sit-maxing. I was sit-maxing. No, but I think I dropped my Hobonichi while you were gone. But I think I have something else in there. Oh, yeah. I have a big one if you don't. One quick thing. My dad was visiting this weekend, and I did something that I don't know if you will see, but you might. I did something with our close personal friend Dylan, friend of the family. And I was very nervous for my dad to be there because I don't know what parents are ever going to say. I did think my dad was going to say something about like- Like what? What could your dad say? I thought that he was going to be like, where's Zach? Oh, yes. And why haven't you called Zach? And so I told my dad on the way, like, you may not bring up Zach. What if he just called Zach? My dad? Like I could see him saying that. No, I know. Like parents don't understand. Like sometimes if I'll be like, oh, like I really, I have a crush on Andrew Garfield or something. Parents will be like, just email him. Okay. Thank you. So I was worried my dad was going to be like, call Zach. So, you know, on the way there, I said, no, you know, we're not doing any Zach. Just, you know, hi, introduce yourself. And, you know, that's it. Because I do, my dad is a big fan of Dylan. Like really, really, really cares for the guy. So the other day he sent me a photo and he was like, here's this photo I took of you and Dylan. Yeah. It's just Dylan. And like my foot is in it. Like he had completely zoomed in on Dill only. It's majority Dylan. Yeah. And was like, here's this photo of you and Dylan. Dad, you went ahead and you just got Dylan, which is fine. And I totally get it. Like I wouldn't have wanted to be frame-mogged anyway, but it just kind of cracked me up. Cracked my fat out. That's really, I mean, what an experience. Your dad's probably going to tell people about that for a long time. Yeah, maybe. Well, I'm looking forward to maybe seeing it or maybe not. Yeah. Based on what I'm hearing. Can't stop touching my feet. I have one more thing I want to talk about really quickly. I should have slipped it into the TV. I should have probably slipped it into something a little more comfortable, but it is like relevant to TV film right now. Yeah. I saw Weathering Heights. Yes. I want to talk about that in bonus. I did. I really enjoyed it. I think it's special. I do want to shift gears. I have a longer. Whoa, what is going on? I have a longer, pretty, pretty like intellectual conversation to have about it, which everyone I've talked to has been really impressed with my, with my ability to look into things and connect things, which I'm pretty stoked on because I didn't look anything up about it. Like I didn't know anything about it, but like I can draw. This is why I was so good at my, um, essays because I'm really good at symbolism randomly. Okay. I'm excited to hear what you have to say. I love symbols, but, um, King, King, King, those kind, but I also, uh, love it. Okay. Oh, Jacob Lordy. Yes. He's been cast as the new James Bond. All that. I do not like it. I do not understand how someone of his stature can slip quietly through a crowd. If he was slipping through some sort of gala or ball, you'd be like, there's that tall guy with the gun. You know, I don't, I don't see him being able to be sly and slipping around the corner and even doing a back handspring or, you know, when like spies have to, or not even spies. Like if you're breaking into something, there's all those laser pointers going in different directions and you have to like sneak through them as to not activate the laser pointers. Yeah. I want to do that. Okay. Jacob's wingspan alone. Can't do that. No, Jacob can't slip through lasers. Although he, what can't he do? It's really, he will be able to do it. I think so. But ultimately that's your take in the bonus. Yeah. He might be a great James Bond. If things are too high for other people to grab, like that could be his whole thing is I'm tall James Bond. Right. I'm tall. I'm tall maxing. I'm height maxing. Anyways, I'm just saying, I don't know if they can like, whatever they did for Tom Cruise, I guess he wasn't James Bond. Was he? He was mission impossible. Mission possible. Well, whatever they do for Tom Cruise, where you don't even realize that he's five, five, they're going to have to do the opposite for Jacob Laurie. Like they're going to have to film from him from above from like. Okay. Well, that's all I got. Rest in peace, Eric Day. And also we, we missed that. That's such a shame. I hate ALS. Fuck ALS. Like I don't, don't even get me started. Izzy, can we put a link in the bio to donate to ALS? I have one to send you anyway. Donate to ALS. Not to, to it, but to research. Appreciate it. Thank you. ALS research. Okay. Bye. Okay. Bye. I'll see you in the bonus. Thank you guys for listening. We'll see you in the bonus. Later. Coca-Cola for the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers for the optimists, pessimists for long distance love for introverts and extroverts, the thinkers and the doers for old friends and new Coca-Cola for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you. Fall never arrives all at once. 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