Everything Is Stupid Except Punch and Porch Goose

Hey guys, guess what we're going on tour and we're going on a minute. We're going on a mini tour, mini tour, three shows, three separate days, three places in California, give them new honor. Yeah. Okay. Well, I have the dates here on April 3rd. We'll be in San Diego at the Balboa Theater. On April 8th, we'll be in Irvine at the Irvine Improv and on the 11th of April, we'll be in Sacramento at Channel 24. We look forward to seeing you there. Hmm. I kind of have to go to the bathroom, but it's like, I don't know if it's worth it. Because it's all the way over there. It's all the way over there. It's not like at a hundred percent. You know? Well, if you need to take a break, I have so many topics on my notes today. I bet. You've had a busy few weeks. No, like these are like things that are happening in our world. Oh, okay. Those. Yeah. Okay. Well, should I, I'm going to say here and I need to go to the bathroom later. I need to go to the bathroom later. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. Hey, man. Oh, is he. I didn't need. I did not say I had to poop. I did not say that. What is she putting me over to you? You took away. What? Hmm. But I hadn't said anything about poop. But it didn't the beginning of our episode. No. I liked that. Oh. I do just have to start off by saying something happened on the way here that rocked me. Oh, hit me with that baseline. I saw one of my exes as I was driving here. You know, I was going to ask you that because I'm not. I don't feel like I know what. But-was I not here? No. You were completely here. I spoke about it multiple times to you. We engaged. Super bad. The guy who brought me soup when I was feeling under the weather, I saw him down the street. We had had a really strong connection over text, and I was like, I had a really big crush, and then I will say it fizzled pretty immediately during meeting and after meeting as well. But I really want to go back to the way we were before we met. And I'm thinking I could text him two things right now. I also want to flag that it also could have been the fact that I was handing him the bowl of soup and my entire hand slipped into it as I was handing it to him. And I should have just handed him the one that my-because there were two bowls of soup. One had had my entire fist in it, and one had it, and I gave him the one that my hand slipped into and said, sorry. I think that's good. And I think that could have been that. I don't know. I don't know what the end was. I think I understood why it was an end, but I wouldn't know why he thought it was an end. But anyway, I think I can text some two things. One, I saw you walking down the street. Two, what happened to us? Um, right. I think maybe-what about a hybrid between the two? I saw you walking down the street. What happened to us? No. Hey, what was you wearing today? Like Kim Possible vibes. Like black shirt up top and some khakis. I think so. Okay. I'd say, how can we even wear those khakis over to my house? Maybe we need to-maybe we need to wear those khakis over to my house sometime. Nice. I want to go back to the way we were before we met. Oh, well then say, how can we wear those khakis over to my house when we hung out? And then that doesn't- No, no, no. I don't want to draw attention to the fact that we ever met. I want to go back to the way we were. Then say nice khakis. I can't guarantee that he was wearing khakis. I can't guarantee it. Okay. Then nice, nice strut. I'm going to text him that I saw him. Maybe you say, maybe you say, this is crazy. You had some pep in your staff. Did you get laid? Yeah. Okay. That's the one. That's the one. So are you walking down sunset? You look chipper. Uh, it's just hard when like-you have a history like ours. I don't want to open-I don't want to reopen any old wounds for anyone. You want to know what happened on his end. And if it had anything to do with my hand and the soup. I don't think so. I think like the hand in the soup is something unless-and I don't think you want to-I don't ultimately. I don't think you want to be with someone who is genuinely turned off permanently by a little hand in there. No, but I wonder-I need to know if that's what it was. You know? I think so. I really like-but I'm serious. I don't think that that would be- He ate the soup. Of course he ate the soup. Then there's no way it was that. Yeah. We'll see. No. I don't think you eat the soup. I'll text him. Like that reminds me of a time when I was at my friend's house. And if there's like high school and her dad made clam chowda and-and this was chicken noodle. So it's not like I put a fist in his clam chowder if you know what I mean. I do know what you mean. A fist in the clam chowder is different because there's a lot of like residuals that follow- Then it not only becomes the issue of I put my hand in your soup. It's your chowder got on my hand. You know? Now I'm dealing with the chowder on my hand. Yeah. That's a double issue. This is more of a killer. I want you to consider the fact that like-the viscosity of a chicken noodle hood word. Yes. That came to me in the-in the form of syrup from like high school. The viscosity of a soup, a chicken noodle versus imagine if it was clam chowder on your- Gosh. Where would you wipe it on your newly sweater? Exactly. You'd have to lick it off of my fingers. You'd have to lick it. Yeah. Which could be sexy. That's the thing you can't come back from. Which could be sexy. Sucking clam chowder off my fingers? Sure. Now, my friend's dad went-my friend's dad sucked the clam chowder off of his finger after he had tried to get me one extra chunk because he was scooping and he dropped the chunk. So he grabbed the chunk, put it in my bowl. I didn't know what he was saying the C word today. I don't know what-how else I would explain that part of the chowder. Part of the clam's? Because, you know, I like won't even-I've never had clam chowder. I won't go near it. I remember the chowder being good, but I couldn't get past the fact that he had these fingers. Ooh. Yeah. You don't forget someone's fingers. You don't forget clam chowder fingers. No. That's something that sticks with you. Yeah. So the chunks are clams. Yeah. So we can just call-let's just call what it is, clam. Oh. Yeah. So my friend's dad was-was tossing his clam over to my bowl and he was licking clam off his fingers. Ooh. Anyway. It was really good. I do remember being like- I like clams. I like clams. Well, it was one of those things. I don't really know what the chowder is. That's my-and I'm a big tech shippers and you know that and so I was my first time with the chowder. It was my first time with a clam. And the combo of the two, it was kind of like I had already been invited over for dinner. I had already said yes, they're Italian. What am I to do? I can't leave. They would take it very personally. So I just sucked it up. I ate the chowder. I watched her dad lick his fingers and I enjoyed it. I didn't enjoy the fingers. I just enjoyed the chowder. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know I would like it. I like clams. Oh, I don't see clams and creme. Don't seem to be a natural myth. It doesn't see. Yeah. When you really start thinking about it, it's like how do we-how do we get here? But lobster biscuits is really good and it's similar. But to me, lobster and creme makes a lot more sense than clam and creme. Yeah. Lobster and creme. Yeah, I could see that because it's just a butter base. Yeah. Anyways. What kind of notebook do you have in your hands? Oh, I brought all the story. I do think I'm going to text him later. I'll let y'all know what happens next week or I'll text him in the bonus. I brought all of my notes. Yeah. Look at that. I'm so into like, I'm usually not like a brand's girl who when it comes to notebooks, let me know. I think it's leatherology. Okay. Not familiar with that. Which is weird. There's no lines on it. So that's something that's new to me. It's an A6, isn't it? Huh? I don't know. I'm not as in touch with the- I'm liking this, though. Yeah. It was really nice to- have it written out and I could do arrows and stuff. - Yeah. - Which is helping me keep track. Now I think that this is an notebook someone would find maybe if I leave it behind in a taxi or something and they go, we have a case on our hands that we need to, whoever's notebook, this is needs to be on a list. - Ooh, tell me what's in the notebook. - Okay, well, the first thing that happened was this morning I was at a coffee shop and this girl was on her phone. - Okay. - And she goes, yeah, and then he asked me to share three fun facts. What was this, like a team building exercise? So I think my understanding was, okay, there was a couple things. I'm like, team building exercise. I'm assuming it was a date, right? - Yeah, I am too. - Okay, you're on a date. The young man asked you, please share three fun facts about yourself. I can't remember the last time I did this. I do know that it, for me, it sends me into fight or flight because one, I have a competitive side where it's like. - When someone asks you this, it sends you into fight or flight. - When you're going around in a circle and everyone's facts are like, I do feel like this is the narcissist Olympics where it's like, I do want to have like a very cool fun fact, but I also don't want to be like try hard and also don't want to do that name dropy thing. Like there was one time in Barbados when I was deep sea fishing with the Kennedys or something and you just want to, I don't know, like drop these bombs, but then you also want to be like this person that's like, I don't know. What would you do if you were on a date? - I think I'd throw my hands into some soup. - Just as a distraction. - Just like as a, yeah, to change the subject. I always hated that. I've never had a fun fact. - Okay, let's just like no pressure do three fun facts. - No, I knew you were gonna do that. I don't have any. - Yeah, Brooke, you do. And you know what's funny is I remember, I always remember like grade school where people would be like, I'm double jointed and then they'd show you the grossest shit in the world with the wrists. And so you should, your wrist is broken. That's actually something that you need to go to the doctor for. - I used to say I was double jointed 'cause I could like bend my thumb back, but like everyone would do that. - No, I can't. I can't do that. - Well, I barely can either. Like, it's not like I can touch it to my arm. I can just bend it a little like as you do with thumbs. But I really don't have any fun facts. I think about where to share a fun fact. It would be like there was one time with like a little, like there's been several times actually where I think I've been very close to having a breakthrough with an animal. - Hmm. - Communication wise. But I don't know if that's like has enough, I don't know if that holds enough weight to share 'cause I haven't had it yet. I do think that it will happen. And I'm saying that with my chest. - I think like, I think I might have made up my fun fact that I have. And it's also like kind of like name droppie so I don't really want to. - Like you lied? - No, I just, it might be true, it might not be true. - Okay. - Can you share it? - Yeah, I guess I can. When I was like young, I used to be really good friends with a night Shyamalan's daughter. - Oh. - And I think that like, we were like drawing or something. And I'm pretty sure he used the drawings, like in one of his movies like on the kids walls, but also it might not have. - Might not have happened. - I think it might have been in signs if there's kids in signs. - I mean, that's pretty much, that's one of the more fun facts that I've heard. - But I'm saying like it also could not have been my art. - I think that- - It could have just been hers. I don't know where I got that idea that it was mine as well. - Well, I think you're right. - Like I'm assuming someone must have told me that. Like I don't think I just made that up, but. - I think even if it's not entirely true. - The sentiment is there. - I think that in some way you might have influenced Shyamalan Jr and the way her world was shaped and then in a way you were her muse for this movie. Like I do think it would be impossible if you ever interacted with this young woman for your soul not to be interpreted into her piece as well. So I don't think that's entirely lie. You could say I was her muse for Uncut James. - Yeah, yeah. Okay, well then that is kind of a fun fact. - Yeah. - I don't think I have, I think that's a really good journal prompt that you can sit with for a while. I also think it's interesting how the fun facts evolve as you grow up. Like I think that's a really, really interesting one. Right now, whereas double jointed kind of fades into the background these days. - Right. - That's so true. - What happened in that community? I do want if anyone's in like a professional office setting right now and they're like, yeah, my thumb can touch the back of my forearm. - Right, yeah, we've outgrown. Double jointed is definitely the same energy as leap year birthday. - For sure. - Yeah. Something that was like a big brag in elementary school that might not necessarily still land. - That's an interesting one, Brooke. And I did also like, I weep for the double jointed because they've lost their, they've lost their thing. You know, what a shame. - Yeah. - If you're a double jointed and you're listening to this, just know that we see you. And I hope you're doing okay. - Well, it's a guy dislocated his shoulder in front of me like at a party. Like I'd still be like, that's pretty sick, man. You know. - That's not double jointed, that man is injured. - I don't know, like, hey, can I ask you a question? - Yeah. - What is double jointed? - Brooke, you know, Clue, at all. - Like we can just claim we're double jointed. Like all we want, but at the end of the day, what is it? - I think it's it. - I'm claiming it because my thumb can just like move in certain ways. - I think it's this. - That's what I thought. - You see how mine's kind of jumping? - Yeah. - But I think everyone does that. - Mine's just a little bit as well. - Double jointed is a common term for joint hypermobility. Hicondition where ligaments are more elastic, allowing joints like fingers, elbows or shoulders to move beyond normal range. So dislocating your shoulder would be double jointed. - No, no, no, 'cause that's not flexibility. You are broken. - But you have to get to the point where you can dislocate it. - Which is moving that passes normal range. - So you're double jointed until it's dislocated. - Your double jointed nature has gotten you a dislocation. - You, you jointed too close to the double. - Yeah. - What's actually about people that have a dislocated shoulder is that they can just like sneeze and it pops out, moving forward. - Have you ever dislocated anything? - Yeah. - It really hurts. Something in my arm, I fell off a fridge. - Oh, what were you doing on top of the fridge? - We were moving. I was very young and I had climbed onto like the trailer that we had put the fridge on and it was in the parking lot and I was up on top of the fridge like punched the monkey and I was pulling leaves off the tree and one was really tough and I was like, I'm gonna get this one. And I pulled, pulled, pulled, it gave. I flipped off the fridge, snapped my arm. - Eugh. - Yeah, one time my sister was hopping over a fence, she falls, her elbow pops out this way. So like the way your elbow bends, imagine it bending. - Inverse. - In, inward. And I see it, I scream, she screams, she hits it like this. Pop, pops it back in. I run her over to my dad. I'm like, her elbow just went this way. And he's like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're in the back of the car. He's driving us home. She just goes like this, kind of like stretches, it stretches, it stretches. 'Cause it almost felt like we dreamed it. She gets right here. Just pops right back out this way. We're all screaming. And then she again goes, pop. Twice, she relocated it. - She probably had a nurse made elbow. - Sure. What did you say? - My bad. - Nurse made elbow. - What does that mean? - I don't, I think it's when you're a kid and you keep dislocating your elbow. 'Cause that's what I had. Painful elbow injury in children under six caused by a sudden sharp pull on an extended arm. Such as lift. - Oh jeez. - Blah blah blah. The ligament slips out of place, causing the child to refuse to move their arm. Which is usually a health straighter, slightly bent. It treated by healthcare professional with a quick gentle manipulation. Usually resulting in immediate pain relief and restarting mobility, though it may occasionally recur. That's what I had. I think I dislikated it three times. - That means that someone was kind of yanking you around. - What? - Yeah, once it was pop up, he was so sad. That was a really sad thing to happen. And then once it happened at a roller skating party, but no one was pulling on it. - Well once, once you, once you, once you go, once you go nurse made, you never go. - I think it was the initial that was a pull. - Well then, I'm glad you're, I'm glad we have you here today. - I'm glad you. - Do you still have it right now? Are you nurse made? - No, it was like when I was really young, like kindergarten. - Oh my gosh, well that's a key aspect if nurse made so. - Yeah, your ligaments must be more at risk. - Yes, yes. - Yeah. - I have some exciting news. - What? - Daylight Savings is next week. We are so bad. - It always sneaks up on you. I feel like it does happen too soon. - No, this one is the good one. - No, I know, but like, for to me, Daylight Table. signifies like spring is coming, but like it's not. - I see. - Look, it will still be snowing in New York after daylight savings, probably. - I know, it's really, really nasty right now. It's like everything's so wet. - Were you home for the blizz? - Yeah, it was really cool. The blizz was cool 'cause it wasn't that cold. - Oh, really? - No, also I'm not drinking sparkling water on the today's episode so that I won't burp. Because I do feel like I owe everyone at least one episode. - It's a lot of water. - What? - You just burped, it was just a natural of natural causes. - Yeah, that did, that kind of is what brought it up. I didn't want to address that burp. That was from, that was beef, but that was not sparkling water. - I like your sweater a lot. - Thanks, Brooke, look at this. And I do want to, I do want, it's all zip knit. Isn't that kind of fun? - Yeah, I love that. - Thank you. I gotta get you one. - Yeah, oh. - Now I wanna say, it's reminding me, I am so horned up for love story that JFK Jr. story. - I'm honored, do you think that's not the first note in my Hobanichi? - And mine. - I knew you would be. This is the type of glamour and intrigue that you have been yearning for. - Praise be. - These are like, these people, this is celebrity. - This is, yeah, and this is like, the celebrity ta that I like where it was like, we're not normal people. - They are not, I look at them and I'm, that one, we are not the same species. Two, I'm embarrassed to have even existed on the same plane as them for even a short time. They, to me, you don't read like Akatar and shit like that, but the species of kind of humans in there are, there's humans and then there's the fae, the fairies, the high fae, which are like an elevated type of human that kind of like, they just have this, genus Seik Qua, like they're just hotter and better every way. To me, Carolyn and JFK are high fae. Does that make sense? - Yeah, and then you have the fray, great band. - Yes, completely separate. - Completely, now that's a whole different, that's a story of a very different day. Would love to see them in concert. I am so, like, this show is so good. - I am intoxicated by this. - Broke you need to come to New York, please, soon. We have, it's taken over the way people are dressing or maybe I'm trying to. - Oh, I've seen that. - I am walking that, brook, I put on my p-coat today. It's cold out. Put on my p-coat, I popped the damn collar. And I wore a knit underneath. I was like, oh, like I didn't even do this on, it was kind of like subconscious where I was like, I'm actually not gonna wear a hoodie under this p-coat. - No, they're infiltrating the minds and bodies of everyone. Do you think you'll get one of those, like, backward caps? - No, because I think I'll look like Michael Rappaport. (laughs) I know my limits. - Oh, I mean, it's just like, I am completely, like, yeah, they are not human to me, it's so weird. And I guess that's exactly what everybody was experiencing at the time that they were alive. Like, they are royalty. And it's like hard, it's really almost impossible not to be swept up in it. Like my whole explore pages, JFK Jr. - So, obviously I'm loving the show. I understand like, if this was a time when we were alive, this is the closest we've had to royals, right? - It is. And I feel it in my bones. - And I don't feel that way towards like the British royals. Like, I'm just like, what are you guys on? But then I see them and I'm like, I would like to follow their every move if I get it. - It's not, and it's like, it sucks because like, you want to be the exact kind of person that Carolyn was and just like, not swayed by the Kennedy name. But it's like, there's something, it's intoxicating. I can't explain it. I'm intoxicated. - Rook, I can either. I mean, I said I was horny. - Like, you want to be cool, but I can't like thank God that I was not like a sentient being. - Right. - At the top, like, the peak of this because I would have been like club xalamet. Like I would have been like a person that I don't want to be and I've never wanted to be. - I mean, could you imagine if they were to be around during like this, this era, but during social media, that would have been a blood bad. - No, that would have been really bad for everyone involved. - A blood bath was not the word that I wanted to use there. - It just would have been really bad. - It would have been, yeah, it would have been very tough. - I do want to say really quickly, like I had to one more time look up like when this was set because the actual way it's written is very much like it's how we talk. Still like, he's like suck my ass. I'm like, wait, were they saying suck my ass? - You think they were doing like full like times of your in the 90s? - Like have we come full circle to saying suck my ass? - I don't think anyone said suck my ass in this show. - I promise you they said suck my ass because this is stuck with me. - Really? - Yes. - Yeah, they were speaking, like, we were alive, we were babies. - I don't see my parents ever uttering suck my ass. - Well, that's it that your parents are Southern. This is very, these are New Yorkers. - My parents are not New Yorkers for sure, yeah, that's true. - Yeah. - Okay, well, yeah, that was my only notice. I mean, I just think this is just like, this is just like fun. You know, TV's getting fun, you guys. - Something also that's interesting is I'm having a really challenging time separating the actors from the real people, which is not something that is usually a problem for me. - What do you mean? - Oh. - Like, when I watch, I'm like, this is, this is JFK Jr. and Carolyn Bassett. Like, I'm not watching actors playing these people. I'm watching the two of these like documentary style. - Do you feel refreshed in a way that, and again, this is one of those things that I might be just out of the loop for, but I do really like that. I don't know these actors. I didn't know either of them. - What you've been saying, and a lot of people have been saying, and I think this and heated rivalry have really proven it to be true. Like, we need new people. - We need new faces. - We need new faces. Yeah, because when it's the same people over and over, you just, you know them, and you project their past characters, their personalities onto them. - Yeah. - We have these like beautiful, clean slates, and such talent. There is so much talent out there that is yet to be untapped as we've seen. And I'm just glad that we are utilizing that. - I like it, and I also, like I have that thing where I walk into a theater or I sit down to watch a show, and I am projecting someone's entire IMDB onto their character and it pulls me out. And seeing this, new faces, new spaces, wide open places, it's so refreshing. I love it. I'm excited. This is just like, I really think I agree. I think he'd rivalry in this. It's opening up like a new window for new characters for us. I'm so excited. I'm giddy about this. - Yeah. And you know what? Like the two people that I do know, Grace Gummer, and Naomi Watts was Jackie. Like I was having a harder time. Like I was like, you're not Carolyn Kennedy, Caroline Kennedy, and you're not Jackie. I know who you are. - Right. But these Sarah Pagein and Paul, I'm like, you are, you're playing. - Yes. - Paul Anthony Kelly. - And I swear on the same page, Brooklyn. - Paul Anthony Kelly, here's what I'll say about him. - Yeah. - Have you seen him out of character? - I haven't seen him really genuinely with, I'm saying in full honesty, I've never seen this man in my life besides on the TV in this show. - In interviews, it's like, and this was happening to me with Hudson and Conor too, 'cause they're just like good actors. But I'm like, whoa, you are not, you're actually not, Jave Kai Jr. He's so different. He's so like soft, spoken and mild mannered and like kind of like artsy. Like he has an earring and like glasses and like curly hair. Like he could live in so many. - Oh, I almost wish he didn't know that. - He could live in so very like. - But yeah, it's crazy. I also think that this will mean something to only a few people. I think he's the only one qualified to play Resand in an Avatar addict. - I know, that translated to me. - Did it? - 'Cause I've been looking for that person. We've all been looking for that person. There've been a few question marks. We found our, we found our Reese. That's, I'll just say that. - Brooke has thrown her hat in the ring. - I will just say that about that. - Well, well said. - Thank you, he is Hi-Fay. They are Hi-Fay to me. - Hi-Fay. - Yeah. - You're not afraid. - Yeah, not to become afraid. - Yeah, I'm really excited. It's so nice to be excited about TV. - It's so awesome. - I love when people are all watching the same thing. - Me too. It reminds me of a simpler time. - Yeah, like Tiger King. - Yes, thank you. - Yeah. - And Adder Banks. I don't know if you were on board with Adder Banks. - No, not my show, not my kind of show. - I just think of Adder Banks, like, it was like so. The goonies vibes for me when I first watched it. And it was like me and my roommates every single day sitting on the couch, same time, same place. It's so nice. - Yeah. - But I was also watching a lot of love Island UK during that time, which does bring me to a space in my heart that I really miss. - Watch it, keep watching it. - It's past and I look, I just like, people started watching love and I didn't like that. I didn't like when everyone started watching that. It was kind of this like safe space in the UK that no one else was watching and it was like fun and there was no thing around it. Nothing against people that watched US. It took me out. It removed me. Interesting. So were you inundated? We haven't talked in so long that punch the monkey has been brought into the world. I don't know punch. Oh you don't. It's not my first thing about punch last night but didn't look into it. So what did you see? There's just that there's a monkey named punch. So punches is like little baby that's being reincarnated into or not reincarnate. What is the? I don't know. I don't know punch. Is he, can you help me? I'm sorry. What were you looking for? Being not reincarnated. That's when you die. Okay, I can do this. What are the contexts? Being stated, reintroduce, but not in that way. He's trying to be re-in something to the new troop of monkeys because he's been raised. Reintegrated? Reintegrated. Yes. Kind of. I don't know. Whatever. You know what I'm saying. I don't. That's the thing. Okay. So he, he, he, his. Oh, yeah. Reintegrated. He was an outcast. No, well, he was abandoned by his mom. I'm pretty sure. And so they raised him with a little plushie. He's adopted as his mother. Look, what the fuck is their problem? These other monkeys. It's just like, and then I'm like, why are we take this baby out? Like, maybe we just make an exception and have this be a domesticated monkey. Yeah. That's, that's what I will raise that as my own. Oh my God. I'm going to throw up. I'm throwing up. It's just like, I don't know. Oh my God. Where is he now? So he's being, he got his first hug this morning. From who? He's, he's achieved a hug. From who? I don't know the name of the hugger, but was it a monkey? It was a monkey. Yeah. It's not a man. Broke you need to see when the humans come in that like punch runs over and jumps on their leg. Like, he's seeking shelter. He has so much comfort in this plush. As many adults, I think do, but it's, he's, he's figuring it out. I don't know. I just like, everyone's saying like, now these monkeys are sensing that there's so much love being like pushed onto a punch that now they're feeling it and, and now they're clout chasing punch. Oh my God. But look at punch here. Oh my God. I can't watch those two monkeys. I can't. They haven't those, those, they need to go to monkey jail. I'm going to kick their ass. They're monkey ass. I would really. Oh, who's that? What's going on? Look at this. Is he back? He's back in the game. He's so back. Punches so back. Punches so back. So that that picture there brings out like a sort of primal feeling in my stomach that makes me want to throw up and then and sob and then just find this baby. I agree. Oh my, I would drop my, I'm not kidding. I would drop my, and I just met punch a few seconds ago. I would drop my, your life for punch. I wouldn't move to where he lives to take him under my wing. I know. Like, all eyes on punch. Yeah. Oh, where does punch live in Japan? Japan. Oh, Japan. I would move to Japan. What do I think? He's plushy. Oh my gosh, it's so sad. What? Like, I think first place. I just say, no, don't watch. There's a video of them fighting. I can't. Please don't pull it up. Yeah, I can't believe you didn't, I can't believe this wasn't on your FYI. It was as of this morning, but like I didn't have time to get into it. I'm sick. I'm sick. I mean, I just wanted to kick some, some monkey ass over again. He reminds me of my boys. Yeah, he did. Rob. Okay. So sad. Did you see porch goose? No, I didn't see porch goose. I was going to look that up. I forgot. I think porch goose is less viral than punch, but oh my god, I saw this video last night. This girl basically, she kept driving by this house a few streets down that had this porch goose. And she also had a porch goose at her house, so she felt very connected. What do you, is it a goose that's on your porch? Such a goose, like a statue of a goose that lives on the porch. So she began like dropping off like clothes to dress the porch goose in because she had clothes for her porch goose as well. And she like had just these tender feelings for the old couple that owned this porch goose, you know, porch goose and porch goose. Um, porch goose sees porch goose. And one day she got, she saw something, she got something back. Somebody dropped a bag off for her for for the porch goose. It was a bomb. No, it was not a bomb. It was an obituary. Oh, son, the daughter of the elderly couple. And a note that was like, my dad just passed, but like, please know that like in his last months, like you brought him so much joy and the clothes that you, I'm going to start crying. The clothes that you dropped off, like for porch goose, like he showed, like my kids, like his grandchildren, like it was just such a staple in the last few months of his life. It brought everyone together. Like you made us so happy. Like, and you know, my mom, his wife, like past, like a few years ago, and she loved porch goose so much that this really like brought up the best memories of her. Um, and like here, I want you to have this. And she gave her like her mom, her late mother is like cookbook that was like the mom, like loved geese. So it was like mama goose, like her, her cookbook. And it was annotated. Yeah, look, watch, I've reposted. I don't know if I should watch this. And the girls just like, like she's so emotional about it. And it truly is just like one of the like, this is what humanity, like it should be about. Like it's these like little things that like bring us together that are just, oh, this is, this is what this is the human spirit. To me, just watch the beginning. Okay. Because there's this like elderly couple, like two blogs away from me that have a concrete porch goose. And I've been dropping them off porch goose outfits like an anonymously. It feels so silly for crying. But I've been like writing them little notes, like love your friends on Melody Lane. No. And they found my house by finding my porch goose, because I told them I had a porch goose and I've never met these people. And they just dropped me off something and just like drove away. And I'm about to open it. I'm clearly crying. Hey, there's a card. Oh, oh my god. Oh. Oh my god. Oh my god. They died. Oh my god. I think that was her daughter. What do you mean they died? What is she means? Dear to this friend, we wanted to let you know that the goose owner passed away earlier this month. Okay. Dad was so tick, this is not dead. Like, I mean, dad was so tickled. The guy could have put a shirt on before he played. He didn't know. He didn't know that he was about to go completely virus. Lisa could do that. Pulled me out of it. He did not know. He was about to go mega viral. Sorry. I literally almost went. No, he's not that. He's behind you. Okay. Anyway, that well, that is just about the sweetest thing you could ever see. Yeah. It makes me want to drop off. Lord knows we could need a little. We could use a little positivity, huh? Yeah. Just yeah. Yeah, we could use some positivity. Yeah. You know why? I need a little positivity. Why? Because twice in the past two days, I've walked into a restroom, gone to wash my hands, lotion. That's bad. Don't put the lotion next to the sink. Put the soap next to the sink. Lotion second. Listen, I'm I'm on your side. I'm washing this lotion off my head. Why won't this come off my head lotion? I'm sure it's nice too. Now it's down the. I actually don't think it should be in the same place as the soap. I think it should be in a different area. Lotion just right outside the door of the bathroom. Sure. To me or even like on a on a little table lotion. What are you going to do these days? There's so much wrong in the world, including people putting lotion next in first. What are you going to do? Pardon me. I mean, where do we go from here, Brooke? There's I have so much on here. I actually want to say to believe it or not, but do you like went to the Olympics? Yeah. I went to the Olympics. The Olympics were lovely. It was so amazing. Thank you to Team USA. We won a ton of medals. That was just the coolest thing you could probably ever do. It'll probably be my one and only time going to the Olympics. So pinch me. That was just like the coolest thing ever, especially at being in Italy. And especially we knew a handful of the athletes, which what you're so cool, just from Jake. who came with me. He's skied with these people growing up with these people. It was just the coolest thing ever, like pinch me, pinch me, pinch me. I thought obviously the finals in hockey were pretty funny. Like did you see the whole of the men's team just go in and funny? Yeah, I thought that it's funny how you could fuck that up so bad. They're so stupid. It's just like unbelievable. And then so we've already, I mean, that's been covered a thousand times. It's just like, oh my gosh. It also just pisses me off beyond belief because like you had like heated rivalry set you up for the brook. That's what I was going to say. All eyes, all eyes on you. Like literally like you had the best footsteps to follow in. You were set up for like to be adored and you fucked it up immediately. Do you have to take, I mean, I, do you have to take a phone call from the president when you're celebrating the Olympic gold medal? Like, what are you? Like just enjoy your team. Like what? And then the film and then obviously you pick up like Ash Patel is in there or head of the sea. Is it CIA or FBI? FBI. Or head of FBI is in their shocking peers in the locker room. You better have been looking for Nancy Goothry and all of those lockers before you chugged that beer. Like what are you doing there? You know what I mean? I had a dream that, oh my God. I don't know if I should say this. It's like not in good taste. We know your heart, bro. But I had a dream like Nancy's disappearance was part of the rehearsal season three. And Nathan Field there was behind it. I don't know if I should say that. But it was just a dream. It was just, it was all a dream. Yeah. Obviously that's not the case. No. At all. Not even. But that was something that I dreamed about. It's so amazing that we haven't found her. It's also so amazing that it's national, national news and our head of the FBI is in lawns, deep it except for porch goose and punch. And punch. And punch. Just interesting. It feels like we're kind of on our own. And also JFK that. Yeah. And great show. Um, hard to fall that up. I'll be honest, because I have to be now too. Can we take a quick mission to pee? Yeah. If you're going to push through, I'm going to push through too. No, mine sucked itself back up. But you should go pee. Oh, you put your pee back in the chamber, put your pee back where it came from or so help me. So help me. So help me. No, you should go pee. No, I'm okay. I did want to say that I was on my way. What? I didn't have to pee. You'd never had to pee. Uh-uh. What were you going to do? The other thing. Okay. You had to pee. What? Um, you had to pee. Um, I do want to say on my way to Milan. I was, I was flying through Paris because I was in Vancouver doing a show. And I love Vancouver. Thank you so much Vancouver coming to the show. It was so much fun. Just for last Vancouver. It was a blast. Um, flew through Paris. I get to Paris. Okay. This is the most organized I've ever been for any trip in my life. Okay. I have snacks in my bag. I have vitamins in my bag. I have lotion. And I get to Paris to board the flight. I need in my passport. So I put it right into my tote bag. My tote bag was an extra carrier, like a purse-type situation because I checked my bag. So I had the tote bag on my arm and a backpack on my back. I go to my back, my back packs up above tote bags on the ground in front of me. Obviously, it's like open, you know, it's an open mouth tote as most totes are in no zipper. And so I go to get off and I put my tote bag on my seat and I put my backpack on and I'm scurrying off the plane. I realized when I get into the gate right off the plane that I'd left my tote bag on the seat, passport and tote. They go, you cannot go back on the plane. I go, while I totally understand what you're saying, can you go back on the plane? They go, no, we cannot go back on the plane. And they're French, by the way, French bless your heart, French. But I, you don't like me and I understand why. But I, they sent me, they said you have to go talk to my colleague. They sent me their colleague, colleague goes, you need to go to customer service. Customer service says, we'll go check to see if it's there. I go, it's not really a check situation. I know it's there. I boarded the plane. My passport's on the plane. I didn't have it when I exited the plane. I don't have my tote, my tote's on the plane. My tote on the plane. So anyways, it took them five and a half hours to locate it. Now, they said, you should just go do something. And I said, should I go to like the city of, should I go see the Eiffel Tower? They go, yeah, you should definitely, like you have time because they pulled the plane. They put one, you get off the plane. It was one of those things. Usually, like I've done that before and you just have to wait until everyone's off the plane. They told me to get out of here, like essentially, I was trying to gather tone of voice, but I don't think there's any tone of voice that's essentially like, oh, baby, like hang on, baby, we'll get you, baby, like we'll take care of you, baby. The French don't have that like nurturing, the French that I spoke to. And it was kind of like the third time I went to customer service, like, hey, can you just give me like a piece of information that gives me hope and like an ETA something they go, no, wait there and we'll, we'll wave you over when it's ready. So it's kind of like one of those, this is out of my hands. I'm helpless type situations. Finally, they located the next flight out was 9 p.m. I had arrived at 8 a.m. Paris. So I just spent the night. My, my next flight was nine, so I spent the night in Milan, but it worked out. But it, to have that on my first night, yeah. How did you get to Milan? My flight out of Paris was 9 p.m. So it was just like, I missed everything to get to where I needed to go, but flew out at 9 p.m. Wow. That's wonderful. The whole day in Paris, but it was cool. It was like obviously very cool that I never, never spent the night like Paris, but yeah, it was a pretty cool experience. But, um, did you leave the airport in Paris? Yeah, no passport. Where'd you go? Like the city. It's an hour out of away from the airport. Oh, yeah. But I was just thinking like to have an inconvenience like that where it's like, this is ruining your day, puts everything into perspective. Do you know what I mean? I genuinely, it's like the, those types of inconveniences that make you like happy to be alive once you cross. Nothing else could have happened to me. Yeah. That could have been worse than that. Yeah. So I was like, you know, and there were so many like, it obviously took me two full days to get where I needed to go. And there was like an eight-hour car ride and all these things. When I was like, I'm happy, like I'm alive and I have my passport. And it was just so great for it to happen the first day. I'm like, this is an amazing situation. Yeah. An amazing time. It sucks. We can't be grateful like unless something like that happens. Like I wouldn't be just like so grateful to have my passport. Yeah. I lost my passport. I also, there's this thing about like going on a trip with your friends where like these group trips, have you been on like a group trip where you've traveled a long way with like a group of people? I would say I've, yeah. Like, well, I, you know, I went on that French exchange. Oh, yeah. In high school. And then recently I've done like two to three to four people in Europe. Yes. Oh, yeah. There's stuff that happens where it's like, oh, this is probably the worst day of my life. But when you're with people, you want to kill them by like day three. Yeah. But then you come back and it's like, you look back at that. And it's like, that was so odd. Like it's like a trauma bond situation. Like, now it's funny. That day, like one day, this is going to be so funny. That day. I think it was not today. But then you're in one, you're in that day now. And it's like, oh, my gosh, that was funny. Yeah. I totally get you, man. And then you start getting Vennmer requests for parts of the trip. And it's like, oh, I'm going to kill it. I'm going to come over to your house and drive my car through your front door. Yeah. Oh, my God. To receive a Vennmer request from someone you that was your friend. I got it. You think you know someone and then you get a Vennmer request. Wow. Oh my God. Eat the rich. I got it, man. I really do. Have you seen Clavicular? Clavicular? Yeah. No. Okay. Have you seen? What would it mean to you if I said completely frame-mogged? Frame-mogged? Frame-mogged. That can use it in a sentence. Clavicular completely frame-mogged by ASU frat leader. No, use it in a sentence with some other words that I would know. Okay. Okay. Slay completely framed-mogged me in that photo that we took together. That's completely out. Did you? Yes. But just by his build. There's about a builder face. His the way he's cut. Oh, it's about his. Oh, it's frame. It's his frame. But it's also looks maxing. What do you know about looks maxing to walk me through looks max? Is that the same as slay? Like what slay would do? Like he just outdoes your looks. It's working toward to like looks max your face where you'd look better and better and better but you're doing like ridiculous things to get to that point. Okay. Slay to max max. Wait. I got exactly this sentence, right? Clavicular got frame-mogged by a frat leader. It's Clavicular a person. He's on the right. Right there. Okay. Who looks like if he looks like if Killian Murphy had that like normal sponge Bob situation happening? Who is Clavicular? He's on the right. No, who is he? He's a looks maxer. Are you sure Clavicular is on the left? No, that's ASU flat leader. Clavicular looks Maxing live stream. Is it to achieve the greatest possible level of physical attractiveness? What is he, how far into the process is he and what has he done? He's months. He's now taking a hammer to his jaw and cheekbones to make them swell like you would get filler done. So clovicular is promoting his lifestyle to his young eyes. He's like alt-right. I'm a, I mean, like, it's hard to not think that, but I don't know. OK, so I want to let you know that he has publicly stated that he takes heroin to look slimmer. Yeah. And it's math. It's math. He is supporting Hitler right now. Oh. Right now. OK, my bad. Maybe he is alt-right. And he hits someone with a cyber truck. Everyone has the right to do what they want with their own bodies. But looks maxing influencers are promoting toxic masculinity in dangerous values to impressionable youth. This is not OK. I think we can pretty much draw the line on hitting someone with a cyber truck. I know. I almost wouldn't drew the line at the heroin and the Hitler as well. Yeah, those are not great like resume, bullet points. The killer got framed mocked by a frat leader. That, but the frat leader, like that frame is like scaring me, but I can't tell if it's the piece that he's wearing that's like making the frame look scary. No, I think it's pretty scary. OK. He looks like Larry the lobster. Yeah. Um, so I want to know, and now that you know who clovicular is like a kid, I understand why he wasn't on your, he didn't come across your desk, um, I do think it's like part of the year. Well, the clavicle, oh, and we learned about our ears last week. I, I think that, um, I, I don't imagine a world where SNL doesn't do a skit about this this week because it does seem like something that they would assume they have their finger on the polls for. Yeah. Clovicular got framed mocked by a frat leader. Say it again for me. Say it again for me. Say it again for me. A little bit. Nice. Like, I'm like, what are you maxing right now? I'm, I'm hunch maxing. I'm hunched over like a, I'm hunched, I'm, I'm hunchmogging you. I've been touching my feet the whole episode and picking the nail polish off of my toes. Your athlete's foot maxing right now. No, I don't have athlete's foot. Don't put that in the space. Don't put that in people's heads. Um, I'm, I'm like, I'm like UTI maxing over here because I am holding it. Go. No, I'm sphincter maxing. Go pee and I can tell everyone about my tour because I haven't talked about it. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, wait. But I want to hear this too. But okay, wait. Hang on. Okay. Okay. Tell them about the tour and then like give me a summary when I come back. Sorry. Okay. No problem. It's not really anything. It's just that I'm going on tour with. Let me get my phone. I haven't touched my phone this whole episode. Um, I'm going on tour with Phoebe, starting on May 26th. New York. Um, oh, thank you. Is he is. Is he pulling it up? Yeah. Come join me. Um, there are still some cities with some tickets available. We're starting off in New York. Let me tell you exactly where I'm going because I'm already, it's, I will be sleepy. But it will be in May and amazing kind of sleepy. Starting off in New York on the 26th. That's pub day. It's Phoebe's birthday. Then going to Philly. That's where I'm from. So that's exciting. Both of those. And Boston. Boston's the next day. Those three are sold out. But those are like sold out for good. Then we're going to Los Angeles, Barnes and Noble, the Grove. So coming back West, then go into Chicago. These are sold out, I think, but with the opportunity to move to a larger venue. So keep an eye on that one. There's two in Chicago. There's a lunch and thing, which is the one that I think they're looking into a larger venue. And then I think there's a one at night with tickets that are sold available. Okay. Then we're going to Charlotte. I think there are tickets available for that one or it might be sold out. Then I'm going to Louisville. I have not been to Charlotte or Louisville, so I'm excited for that. I definitely think there are still tickets in Louisville. Then going to Dallas. Never been to Texas. So that's exciting. I think there are tickets there. And Austin, which I'm really excited about, because Connor, you never been to Texas. What's the date for Austin? Because I do want to come. The date for Austin is June 5th. That is my sister's birthday. Happy birthday. Can I come to that? I would love if you came to that. Are you freaking kidding me? Yeah. And that one is sold out, but I think they are looking to move to a larger venue. So keep your eyes on you. Wow. June 5th. Yeah. I'm not sure about that one. Then we are going to back to Los Angeles. I'll be at diesel bookstore, which I've actually never been to that location, which is exciting. And that one is not sold out, but the moderator for that one, which will announce the moderators in a few weeks, I think you will love. So I would get tickets for that one if you want before the moderator is announced. Then heading to Seattle. I've never been there, which I'm really excited to go there. I think there might be tickets available for that one. - Oh, you're gonna have so much fun in Seattle. - I'm excited. - This is so amazing. - I only have one night in all these places though. - That is kind of hard. That's kind of, that's my experience too. But you get the whole day. And because you get the whole day, like if you're in the place like Seattle, you hit all the touristy spots and it's fun. You know, you get to like be a tourist all day. - But I feel like I'll get there that like during the day. Like that's when I'll arrive. - I usually, I try as many, as much as I can, I try to get places the day before. - But I have the show, like I have a, the tour stop in nice before. You know? - Oh wow. - It's like every night. - You're busy, busy. - Yeah, so I don't, I don't know what to do, man. - I don't even know. - I don't even know. - Then going to Portland, never been there. So that's exciting. - Portland, Seattle, that'll be a quick trip. - And I do think that one's sold out, but maybe we're going to a larger venue for that one. I can't, can't be too sure. Then San Francisco have also never been there. - Have you been anywhere? - Although I've been getting yelled at because apparently the location is not actually in San Francisco. So go ahead and make sure you look at the location before booking tickets. 'Cause some people have been upset that at me, that they didn't look at the location. So just go ahead and look at that for me. And then back to LA and we will be doing a little birthday party on my birthday, June 18th at the ripped bodice. - So that'll be there too. - Be there too. - Great. - Yay, and that's it, and I'm very excited. And I hope to see some, if not all of you, there. Appreciate you. Thanks a million. - You're completely frame-mogging me right now. - With my frame. - With my frame. - What? - With my frame. - With your newly frame. I also want to say, we are going on a little mini tour, that we already talked about. And it will be announced. - Can you talk about it? - Yeah, I think we'll have posted it live by now. - Oh, amazing. - So three little stops California, we're so excited. It's gonna be so much fun. It's already live, so people sleuths have already found it. We're so excited. - Oh, I can't wait. I've never been a Sacramento before. - Oh, look at that. - Like, a little graphic. - I've never been a Sacramento. I can't wait to go on April 11th. On San Diego, wow. - And San Diego and Irvine. - Irvine is the one that we did our show up before, right? - Yes, and we're gonna reinvigorate it this time. We're gonna have so much fun. - Oh, yeah. Well, sweet. I think we're excited to get really comfortable on that stage this time around. - Yeah. - Frame-mogging looks matching. - Black time would stand up. So I'm looking forward to standing up. - You were sit-maxing. - I was sit-maxing. No, but I think I dropped my hope in each of you all you were gone. - I think I have something else in there. - Oh, yeah. - I have a big one if you don't. - One quick thing. My dad was visiting this weekend, and I did something that I don't know if you will see, but you might. I did something with our close personal friend, Dylan, friend of the family. And I was very nervous for my dad to be there because I don't know what parents are ever gonna say. You know, I did think my dad was gonna say something about-- - Like what? What could your dad's-- - I thought that he was gonna be like, where's Zach? And why haven't you called Zach? And so I told my dad on the way, you may not bring up Zach. - What if he's just called Zach? - My dad? - Like I could see him saying that. - No, I know. Parents don't understand. Sometimes it'll be like, oh, I really, I have a crush on Andrew Garfield or something. Parents will be like, just email him. Okay, thank you. So I was worried my dad was gonna be like, call Zach. So on the way there, I said, no, you know, we're not doing any Zach. Just, you know, hi, introduce yourself. And, you know, that's it. 'Cause I do, my dad is a big fan of Dylan. Like really, really. - Yeah, I know. - He really cares for the guy. So the other day he sent me a photo, and he was like, here's this photo I took of you in Dylan. - Yeah. It's just. Dylan and like my foot, isn't it? Like he had completely zoomed in on Dill only. - It's majority Dillon, yeah. - And was like, here's this photo of you and Dylan. Dad, you went ahead and you just got Dylan and which is fine and I totally get it. Like I wouldn't have wanted to be framed mocked anyway, but it just kind of cracked me up. - Cracked my father. - That's really, I mean, what an experience. Your dad's probably gonna tell people who had that for a long time. - Yeah. - Maybe, well I'm looking forward to maybe saying it or maybe not, based on what I'm hearing. But I have one more thing I want to talk about really quickly, just I should have slipped it into the TV. I should have probably slipped it into something a little more comfortable, but it is like relevant to TV film right now. - Yeah. - I saw weathering heights. - Yes. - I want to talk about that in bonus. I did really enjoy it, I think it's special. I do want to shift gears. I have a longer, whoa, what is going on? I have a longer, pretty like intellectual conversation to have about it, which everyone I've talked to has been really impressed with my ability to look into things and connect things, which I'm pretty stoked on 'cause I didn't look anything up about it. Like I didn't know anything about it, but like I can draw, this is why I was so good at my essays because I'm really good at symbolism randomly. - Okay, I'm excited to hear what you have to say. - I love symbols, but I can, can, can, can, those kind. But I also love it. - Okay. - Oh, Jacob Lorty. - Yes. - He's been cast as the new James Bond. - Call that. - I do not like it. I do not understand how someone of his stature can slip quietly through a crowd. If he was slipping through some sort of gala or ball, you'd be like, there's that tall guy with the gun. You know, I don't see him being able to be sly and slipping around the corner and even doing a backhand spring. - You know, when like spies have to, or not even spies, like if you're breaking into something, there's all those laser pointers going in different directions and you have to like sneak through them as to not activate the laser pointers. - Yeah. - I want to do that. - Okay, Jacob's wingspan alone. - Jacob can't do that. - No, Jacob can't slip through lasers. - Although he, what can't he do? It's really, he will be able to do it. - Yeah, I think so. But ultimately. - It's got your take in the bonus. - Yeah. - See then, Jacob. - He might be a great James Bond if things are too high for other people to grab. Like that could be his holding as I'm tall James Bond. - Right. - I'm tall, I'm tall Max. - Yeah. - I'm height-maxing. Anyways, I'm just saying. I don't know if they can like, whatever they did for Tom Cruise, I guess he wasn't James Bond, was he? - He was mission impossible. - Mission possible. Well, whatever they do for Tom Cruise, where you don't even realize that he's five five, they're gonna have to do the opposite for Jacob Laurie. Like they're gonna have to film from him, from above. - I'm just saying. - Okay, well that's all I got. Rest in peace, Eric Dane also, we missed that. That's such a shame. I hate ALS. - Fuck ALS, like I, I don't even get me started. - I know. - Is he, can we put a link in the bio to donate to ALS? I have one to send you. Anyway, donate to ALS, not to it, but to research, appreciate it. Thank you. - ALS research. - Okay, bye. - Okay, bye. I'll see you in the bonus. Thank you guys for listening. We'll see you in the bonus. Later. (cheering)