Speaker 1Almost everything I knew about getting sober turned out to be wrong. Some of it nearly killed me. This is where we talk about old ideas. We talk about things that we come into recovery with, old conceptions, old notions, old beliefs and ideas, and this is where we need to uncover, discover, and discard. So in today's episode, I'm going to talk about biggest recovery myths, things that you may hear on the internet, things that you may hear from your friend, from the news, media, that is just plain wrong. It's a myth, and this is coming from someone that has been through addiction, someone that has experienced 10 years of recovery, in and out, well, not in and out, but 10 years of recovering, experienced relapse, someone who experienced other people relapsing around them, and this is just my experience. This is not me telling you, I'm right, you're wrong, this is just the way I see it, with the myths that I see out there. Some of these are actually dangerous, so I'll leave it up for you to discern between what works for you and what doesn't, take what you like and leave the rest, but again, I'm Anthony, I'm an alcoholic and an addict, welcome to Recovering Out Loud podcast. I am a year and a half sober, relapsed after seven and a half years of continuous sobriety, today I'm bringing this episode to you. The myths in recovery aren't harmless, they keep people from asking for help, they load people up with the shame. And they set the wrong expectations for what success looks like. You've been on both sides of a lot of these, the version that believed them, and the version that lived long enough to find out they were false. That's the lens for this entire episode. So I've seen both of these, I've, I'm constantly changing my mind, and being open minded about opinions in recovery, and opinions are like, you know what, everybody has one. So this is where I'm at today. This is where I've, I've found a lot of these things to be untrue. Some of it is more harmful than others, but let's talk about it either way. Again, this isn't clinical advice. This is pure experience. I'm not a doctor. I'm someone who's walked through this. 10 myths, why each one persists and what tends to be truer in real life. Myth one, you have to hit rock bottom before you can recover. So this one's a little bit touchy because it's. Subjective. So there's a caveat on this one. No, you technically don't have to hit the rock bottom that people tell you about. You don't have to hit that person's rock bottom, but you do have to come to some kind of bottom, some kind of hopelessness and desperation. At least I did. And the people that I've worked with have to too, because if you don't, you're not going to be willing to do what it takes to recover, which is things you don't want to do. Which is following direction. That doesn't really make sense, which is action. Contrary to my best thinking. I don't believe in a lot of the stuff I'm doing, but I'm doing it because the suggestions are coming from someone doing better than me, full stop. I want what that guy has. I'm going to do what he did. I'm not telling anyone what to do in recovery. I'm telling them what I did. It's sometimes it comes off as what to do, do this, do this, this, and that, but only because I'm passionate about it. And it worked for me and it works for so many other people find somebody do what they do. What they did, you will find recovery. Rock bottom is not flipping your car on the highway. It can be, it's not murdering someone. It can be rock bottom is subjective. It is different for everybody. It is personal to you when you are hopeless enough, when you are desperate enough, I would say hopeless. There's a different, you've been desperate. I've been desperate many times, many times to get out of a jam and I've gotten out of it somehow. And then I keep using, I had to be hopeless on that last day when I was getting kicked out of that hotel. That is not far from me. Now. Good. Remember when I couldn't afford to stay another night, I had a bunch of drugs, but I was just done. I was done. I was done manipulating the system for trying to move money around, finagling my way around. It was exhausting. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. You hear that all the time. My rock bottom was my rock bottom. It might've been someone else's Tuesday afternoon. This is an important thing to remember. No, you don't have to technically hit rock bottom, but you do have to come to a place where you'll do whatever it takes, in my experience, to get sober. I had to, because like I said, it's a lot of work. It's simple, not easy, but it is a lot of work and it can seem overwhelming at first, but I mean, so was addiction. I had someone say to me the other day, it's very, there's a lot of stuff that we tell newcomers to do in the beginning, whatever your recovery fellowship is, there's a lot of things. And I think that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to think of things and paths and suggestions. And I try to think of it this way. Don't complicate it. Do one thing at a time. Find someone, like I said, that has what you want and do what they did one thing at a time. Call them when you're unsure, ask questions. But most importantly, I want you to think about your addiction and alcoholism. Was it simple or was it complex and hard and difficult and exhausting? Of course, recovery is going to be difficult at first. And seemingly. Seemingly impossible. That's why you just do one thing at a time. Try to, you can't do everything all at once right now. So you take one thing and you do it. You do the next right thing to the best of your ability. And when you're not sure what the next right thing is, ask someone. Now, see the problem with this, you have to hit rock bottom myth is that it tells people to wait before it gets to, to get worse before they're allowed to get help. I don't buy into that. You know, when you're ready, you're ready when you're willing to do whatever it takes. To get out of addiction, it's pretty simple. Myth to addiction is just a lack of willpower. Yeah. So if you haven't figured that out by now, it's pretty obvious if you've been through it, if you're somebody that hasn't gone through it, maybe you don't know this actually, you know what I shouldn't assume. Maybe you don't know this addiction is not, is, is not a lack of willpower. It's not, there's nothing to do with will whatsoever. We are very willful people. If anything, it's the exact opposite. It has to do with too much. Well, I'm trying too hard to impose. You impose my will on my addiction. I need another plan. My plan's not working. My plan gets me kicked out of my house. My plan gets me driving in a blackout on the highway. My plan gets me into rehab three times. It was only when I followed somebody else's plan, a new way of thinking I borrowed their higher power. I borrowed their plan that I got better. Maybe you're wrong about how to get sober. I know I was, maybe you're wrong about, maybe it's not that you're not trying hard enough. Maybe you're trying too hard to control the outcomes. Maybe it's as simple as doing one next right thing and being patient when you don't listen. Recovery is delayed gratification. Drugs are instant gratification. The best high in recovery is helping other people service full stop. That is the best high, but it doesn't feel instant. It doesn't feel, it doesn't fix you right here, right now. It feels good. In the moment, but it's not going to take you out of self for the next four hours. It's a delayed gratification game. The results will come if you continue on the path and stay patient and consistent. That's just been my experience. If it were about willpower, the most disciplined people I know wouldn't be in the rooms of recovery. Willpower had nothing to do with getting out. I always say this, but you can't be too stupid. For recovery, you can be too smart for recovery. You're probably too smart for recovery. If you can't get this thing, you're probably trying too hard. You're probably not able to take direction. That's just been my experience. I had to shut off my brain and start to listen over and over and over again. I still have to do that because my ego tells me to do things my way. My ego tells me that sleeping on the couch is the answer to all my problems all the time. And then when I sleep on the couch, it's the answer to all my problems all the time. And then when I sleep on the couch, it's the answer to all my problems all the time. And then when I sleep on the couch, I'm depressed about sleeping on the couch. I feel like I should be doing something. Myth three. Once you're sober, you're cured. Yeah, finish line. You're graduating recovery. Great job. Here's your diploma. Once you get sober, that's the beginning of your journey. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, whatever your thing is, is a symptom of our addiction. It is a failed solution to our problem, our deeper problem. What is our deeper problem? Me. My problem is me. My problem is I'm right. My problem is equal. My problem is I know. Yeah, but I'm going to figure this out. I don't need you. That's my problem. And so how do I suspend that? I ask for help. I pray. I meditate. I do the recovery things in my program that I belong to. And I follow direction. Especially when I don't want to. And I'm not perfect at it. But I work hard towards that goal every day. Progress toward perfection. Knowing that I'll never achieve it. Being aware of my defects. Being aware of my defects of character. Doing the things, like I said, I don't feel like doing a lot of the time. Helping others. Getting out of my shit into theirs. This is the starting line of something beautiful. If I told you what I thought I would get in recovery when I first came in, I would have sold myself short every single time. You hear that a lot. But it's true. Recovery gave me a life that is so big that today I don't need to escape it. That's the goal here, building a life so big you don't need to escape it. And big is different, subjective for everybody. Whatever big means to you, fulfilling, connected, tapped in. Myth four, relapse means you failed and you're back to zero. Well, I could be the first person to tell you that this is not true. I've relapsed after seven and a half years, like I said, off the top. And like I always talk about, I thought I was at zero. I remember somebody told me once, you don't lose all that recovery. And it pissed me off because I was like, what are you talking about? I lost all that recovery. I relapsed. It's not true. All we have is today. And yeah, the years sound nice when you're telling somebody about it. The days sound nice. I have four months, six months. It sounds great. And it makes us feel superior, even if you don't admit it. Sometimes it makes you feel like you're better than the person that has less time. Sometimes we compare our time to other people. It doesn't, none of it matters, man. I know people with 30 years that have relapsed. The time you have in sobriety. Is not an indication of how strong your program is today. Quality over quantity. I was always taught. What are you doing today? The person that got up earliest today is the most sober because everything resets after you go to sleep. You don't lose all that recovery. When you relapse, you're just adjusting your plan. Your plan needs a little bit of an adjustment, find out where you went wrong and try to fix it, try to do better. For me, my ego came back. I disconnected. I started telling people I was fine when I wasn't. I started keeping secrets and living a double life. That's how I relapsed. And ultimately fundamentally on some level, I thought I could handle ADHD medication. I thought I can control my drinking control and enjoy my drinking. The obsession of every abnormal drinker is that one day he will be able, she will be able to control and enjoy. His or her drinking. That's what happened to me, man. Even if I wasn't aware of it, conscious of it, it happened way before I actually picked up. Myth five, you should be able to do this on your own. Yeah. He's a smart guy. You're a smart girl, strong girl. He's got, he's good at work. He started a company. He should be able to get, I should be able to get out of this on my own. I can't, we can. This is not a self help program. This is not a self-will program. This is not a productivity hack. It's not a hobby. Recovery is a full-time responsibility. It's a full-time, it's a lifestyle. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. I have to integrate recovery into my life every single day. I have to put recovery as the top priority. How do I show what my priorities are? What show me your actions and I will show you your priorities. Show me your last. 20 hours and I will show you your priorities your last week, and I will show you your priorities. What are you doing? Recovery is not a thinking program. It's not an intention program. It's not a believing program. It's not a faith program. It is a doing program. Recovery is not for people who need it and it's not for people who want it. It's for people who do it plain and simple. Doesn't matter how I feel about it. Doesn't matter what I think about it. I just do it. I need my community to keep me accountable. I need to show up to a place with where there are people that understand what I'm going through. That call me on my shit and know when I'm off and know when I'm not there physically, physically and emotionally. I need people who know me and no addiction so that they can call me on my bullshit. Because when I'm talking to somebody in addiction, I'm talking to myself when I'm talking to you. If you struggle with addiction, you're in recovery. I'm talking to me, man. I see the me in you all day long. Even if I, when I talk to people on the phone, getting them into treatment, we're all the same. Myth six, I'm not bad enough to need help. The high functioning trap, still holding a job, so it must be fine. Yeah, the high funk. Ooh, I'm a functioning addict, alcoholic. I love this one. What level are you functioning at? There's levels to this, this functioning thing. This human existence, this functionality. What is your potential? What could you be doing instead of, if you have your job, could you be having a better job? Could you have got promoted? Could you be president or prime minister of Canada, United States? We'll never know unless you stop drinking. If you're struggling with drugs and alcohol and you call yourself a functioning addict alcoholic, you're basically telling me that you are breathing. That's what functioning means to me. Yeah, sure. You're physically places, but where are you emotionally? When's the last time you showed up anywhere emotionally? And this isn't to judge you or make you feel bad. In my opinion, there's no such thing as a functioning addict alcoholic because we'll never know your full potential while you're under the influence of some kind of addiction or substance abuse. We'll never know. One of my favorite lines is a functioning addict. Alcoholic. Alcoholic is like a stripper with a broken leg. Yeah, you could do it. It's not going to look as good as all the other strippers and we won't really know your dance moves. We won't know how good you are because you're hobbling around with a broken leg. Myth seven. Medication for addiction is just swapping one drug for another. Oh, I love this one so much. If anybody in recovery, that's not a doctor. Sorry. If anybody in recovery, that's not your doctor. Comments on your medication run. Run. Your medication and your plan for your medication, whatever you're doing, is between you and your doctor. Period. Not your mom. Not your sister. Not your wife. Not your husband. You and your doctor. As long as you're being honest with your doctor, don't listen to what anyone else says. Nobody knows you. And if they do, they're not a doctor. The people in recovery that want to talk about medication is you're not sober if you're taking medication. It's their problem. Not yours. You can be honest with people about the medication that you're on and still take no advice from them. And not listen when they say, "Hey, you shouldn't be doing that." Nobody knows what's going on in your brain. Okay? Nobody knows but your doctor. Actually, no one knows but you what's going on in your brain. No one knows what it's like to live with whatever you're living with. Be honest with your doctor. Take whatever medication will help you. And don't listen to anyone else that tells you otherwise. Myth eight. If you're a real addict, you can learn to control it. The moderation fantasy and why it's so seductive. Yes, yeah. We seen, posted a video about Brad Pitt relapsing after seven years. That scares the shit out of me. I hope it ends well for him. I don't think it will. But again, I'm not him. I'm not his family. I don't know the situation. I don't even know if he's an alcoholic. Only he knows that. And he's the only one that knows that he's going down a dark path if he is. Or he might be fine. He might be able to moderate. It's not my experience, not my business. But it scares the shit out of me whenever someone says I'm going to take up drinking again after being sober for seven years. I just, I don't see the reward. The risk reward is not worth it for me. What reward is alcohol possibly going to provide you long term? That's the key. Long term. That sobriety is not giving you. In my opinion, if you decide to drink after being sober for some time after struggling with drugs or alcohol, there's something you missed. I don't know how else to say that. You're missing something. You're not working on something. There's some kind of hole. When I relapsed after seven and a half years, I was not connected to the power greater than myself that I was at one point. I was not connected to myself. I was bored. I was looking for outside things to fix, change my insides. I thought steroids would make me feel better, whole, connected. Accepted by others. It did not. And then when that didn't work, I went to ADHD medication. And this is how relapse happens. We start with one thing and we move to the next thing until we go back to the thing that worked, which was for me, cocaine, stimulants, Adderall. That worked for me. And when I say work, what did it do? It brought me out of myself. It quieted my brain. It shut off my worries and emotions. Gave me love, really. Connected me to love, to a power greater than myself. I had power. Illusion of power. Illusory freedom when I took substances. And so when you stop looking in here for that and you start looking out there, it usually doesn't end well. In my experience, once you cross the line, you won't be able to control it. Again, just my experience. Myth nine. Recovery is boring. Recovery is boring. You lose your fun and personality. I hear this one all the time. I went to a concert last night with my dad. Had the best time ever. I can tell you all day that recovery is not boring, but you have to experience it. You're not going to listen to me. I hope you do experience it. I think what happens here is our brain tells us that we were more fun with drugs and alcohol. Okay? My brain does this. Here's what happens to me. And it's fleeting, but it still happens. I'm at the concert last night. I see people drinking. And my trigger, my reaction in my brain, and it's quick now. It doesn't really plague me or sit in my head for long because I work on it. And I ask for it to be removed. And I focus on other things. And I've been here before. comes with the territory and experience my first thought when i see people at the bar or drinking or having a good time laughing looking like they're in bliss euphoria my brain tells me oh man they're going to be able to go to the bar after and have fun with other people that are drinking and connect socially and you're not able to do that anthony that sucks and then my very next thought is why would i ever want to do that anyways i'm content i don't need to go spend money at the bar after i just had a two-hour concert getting blown away by a 70 year old band that is amazing that is incredible i don't need to escape with drugs and alcohol today there's nothing for me to escape i don't need to try and fit in with those other people too i don't want any part of me to be in the bar after i just had a two-hour concert getting blown away by a 70-year-old band that is amazing that is incredible i don't need to escape with drugs and alcohol today there's part of that i want to go to bed and wake up without a hangover also it's important to remind myself i just don't drink like those people that's the trap that's the trick my brain plays it tells me i'm missing out on all the fun when there's no fun for me to be had with drugs and alcohol it stopped being fun and it's never going to be fun ever again the sooner i accept that the easier it gets to go on living my life i just don't drink like that when i drink i want more when i drink i want drugs i end up in places that i shouldn't be i end up going it's like playing russian roulette i don't know what's gonna happen if i pick up today i don't i just don't know recovery is fun but it takes time you will find yourself in recovery it's an experience i need to do the work and find out what i like to do and then do those things and my idea of fun changes your idea of fun will change the longer you stay sober just keep going i promise you it will get fun if you do the work and continue stay the path myth 10 you want you have to want it before treatment can work this is another great one i did not want recovery when i first came in i was forced to be there i was kicked out of my house by my parents at 23 i was forced at some point in that treatment i wanted it for myself i saw other people i was forced to be there i was forced to be there i was forced to be there i was forced to be there i was forced to be there and i saw other people getting it i wanted what they had and so i followed what they did because it looked attractive nobody was promoting recovery to me it was attractive and so you can come into recovery without wanting it being forced getting the heat off at some point though i will say this you do have to want it for yourself at some point because you won't do the work otherwise but you can come into this thing forced you can come into this thing without wanting it and then at some point make the jump but in my experience that's what i've been doing for the last 20 years and i think that's what i've been doing for the last 20 years and i think that's what i've been doing for the last 20 years and i think that's what i've been doing for the last 20 years and i think that's what i've been doing for the last 20 years that yes i do actually want this for myself because i feel better and i i believe all these people and my life was really terrible before and i need help because i've tried to do it myself many times write your myths down below if no one has told you this yet today i love you please follow the podcast if you're not already and remember recovery is simple not easy
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