Everybody’s a F**king Expert

At Harmony Bank, we believe that better happens together. We're a locally owned bank built on relationships and personally committed to your success. Our community bankers are ready to make quick decisions. No big bank bureaucracy, just a custom approach to help you thrive. From business loans to mortgages and everyday banking needs, Harmony Bank provides a secure, modern experience with a touch of Texas hospitality. We're Harmony Bank, where better happens together. So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, Gaytriots, Theytriots, Blacktriots, Browntriots, we love you. And all of the MAGA cultists can do what, Pumps? Fuck off! Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with, and this might be a backhanded, had it with myself, but on the surface. What my had it with is, we've got to get away from the Halloween candy, the fun-size things. Every vendor, everywhere you go, they have like a little candy bowl sitting at the end. And you'd think if I had self-discipline, I could walk by, I wouldn't have to eat it. But I find myself picking up one here, picking up one here. So last night when I emptied my pockets before I got in the shower, I had six. I had six candy bars throughout the day. So I'm like, let's get rid of fun-size and people offering candy everywhere. Because, you know, I'm not going to do that. I don't have any self-discipline about it. I mean, I don't buy candy that I like by design. So it's not in my house. Like my candy bowl sits there. I haven't had one thing because I don't really like it. But when everybody goes and they have like a Twix or a Snickernugget, I have to go in. So I'm ready for Halloween to be over. So we don't have to look at fun-size candy everywhere you go. And that's the lure of the fun-size candy. You think, oh, it's little. Little, it's no big deal. There's hardly any calories in this. Yeah. Now, you know, I have a massive sweet tooth and I love candy so much. So I am not, Halloween doesn't impact me any more than any other time period. Because I've had to learn how to manage my candy. And I just have to have it around me all the time. Because if I were to not have it around me and then I was around it, I would binge it. But because I have gummy bears and little Reese's peanut butter cups, at the office and at the house at all times, I'm able to moderately eat them. But if I haven't had any in a while and then I get a bag of gummy bears, I'll eat the entire bag. But normally, I'll have like a little, like maybe five here. And that's it. And then after my meal, I like to have like two Reese's peanut butter cups. And I'll eat those. And then that's my dessert. And that's the end of it. And so when I see the candy around, I'm not so. Because I don't deprive myself. I don't deprive myself of candy. Yeah. So I have a lot of control around those situations. Would you say that six fun size in one day was good moderation on my part? I've done it. I've done it. I couldn't believe it. I like candy. I really like candy a lot. I like chocolate candy. I like sour candy. I like fun size candy. I love. I really like candy. When I was younger, I would go trick-or-treating. And I would have to hide my candy from my mother. Because my mother. As bad as my sweet tooth is, my mother's is the worst. And when we were younger, if we wanted candy, we would know to go to her car and under the driver's seat. You know the big Hershey bars that spell out H-E-R-S-H-E-Y? They're this big. This big. She hid candy from her kids. And so. I want some candy. Well, Jennifer, you know what? I don't want you eating that candy. And I'd run out to her car and break off some chocolate. But then when. And then I would come home trick-or-treating, hide it from my mom. And the next morning, she'd be waking me up. Jennifer, darling, where's that candy you went out and got last night? Where's the candy? I'm like, I'm hiding it from your mom. And she would like turn on the lights. I mean, it's five in the morning. And she was like, she needed a fix of the candy. Oh, God. That's so good. For Valentine's Day, every single time. Every time I got my heart with chocolates in it. Right, yes. There were like four to five pieces missing. My mother had already dipped into it. Happy Valentine's Day. I never received a Valentine's gift from my mother that wasn't broken into and part of it eaten. And she goes, well, Jennifer, I just didn't want you having all those calories. You need to watch your figure. Jennifer, it was about you. You know, Jennifer, I don't want you ballooning up. You know how boomer moms are all about weight. You know, Gen Xers know this. Anybody who was raised by a boomer knows, like, that shit is serious with boomer mothers. Like, it is serious. And so, yeah, she would eat the candy and then say she was doing it so that I wouldn't have so many calories. I love that. All right. So I don't have a grievance today because there's just too many. And I cannot open the floodgates. I'm incapable of opening the floodgates because all of my grievances are. Politically motivated or. But I don't see anything happening right now as political. I see it as moral shortcomings. So I am going to not dive into that because I dive into it all the time on our sister podcast, I Have News. And instead, I want to share some observations that I had at LaGuardia Airport. These are the best. Great things are happening at LaGuardia Airport. And let me just tell you what. I observed. So it was a shit show. It was an absolute shit show. We're putting our stuff in the bins. One of the things, the security lines completely broke down. Everybody's stuff is on it. They're like, get your stuff. Something's wrong with this machine. So it's mayhem. It's chaos. And so I'm just kind of trying to stay in line. There's this straight guy in front of me. Straight, white dude. I mean, just reeked of. I'm a white, straight man. He was young too, probably like 30. So I'm right behind him and he seemed like he had traveled a lot and he was ready. Like when the bin came up, he was ready to put all of his stuff in it. There wasn't like digging around, digging in the pockets because everybody knows I strive to razzle dazzle the TSA agents. It's a goal of mine when I travel. And I could tell that this young fellow had the same kind of ambition that I do at the TSA line. So I'm like, okay, I'm liking what I'm seeing here out of this guy. So we put all of our stuff in. We wait with it. We have to wait. You have to wait with your bin until it moves forward and then you're able to go through. And he didn't try to monkey around and take off. Nobody had to say anything to him. He knew what he was doing. This was not his first rodeo. So he goes through the metal detector and then I go through the metal detector and then we're waiting down for all of this stuff. And again, it's just the line had just doubled. And so everybody's bumper to bumper on the other side of the metal detector and stuff's coming out really slowly. The TSA person is inspecting a thorough inspection. It's taking three to four times per bag than normal. And I have a lot of experience watching the TSA people on the computer because I always think, are they really looking for shit or are they just dicking off on their phone? So I always study the person. I do too. I always want to know what they're up to. So I'm like, okay, this gal, this broad was like nothing was going to get by on her watch. So finally, a bunch of people. I'm like, what's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? So I go through the metal detector and then I'm like, what's going on? What's going on? tell i was getting pissed but i could see i could see him going like a person walked off in their Ben was there. And I'm like, I'm, I'm feeling that too. And I could feel like he, he, it was palpable. Like we were experiencing the same emotions at the same time. And I'm usually like the one who was the hall monitor and the TSA lines. And I'm the one trying to set the example, not this day, this straight white 30 year old man, his stuff comes through, he gets his stuff. And then he takes his bin very dramatically, very dramatically, picks his up, slams it into the empty one, picks that one up, slams it into the empty one, picks. There were five empty bins, five in the most dramatic, imaginable way. He wanted to show everybody, you have to pick up your own shit. Your mother doesn't work here, but don't worry. I'll do it because I was already planning. I'm going to have to clean up all those bins. I'm going to, and I'm, and I thought I'm going to show everybody here that you, that I will pick up the other people's bins and, and help these TSA agents. And he did it all and great things are happening. I mean, cause this is, I'm like, this is really incredible. There was no entitlement. He was ready to roll. He had everything ready. He even smelled nice. Wasn't too much of a scent. wasn't too strong. It was a subtle, clean, soapy, musky scent. It was pulled together, didn't look MAGA in the least bit. I mean, didn't have those, you know, kind of sloppy, toothless, rube MAGA vibes that you get from people. You know, I didn't see the grenade on the shirt or ubiquitous in Mac. He didn't have that on. He was dressed not in his pajamas. So I just have to say, I don't know who he is, but I was impressed with the entire thing, top to bottom. And so in my plight to identify the helpers at the airport, I have great news for white heterosexual men. If only they can start voting better, I think we can be on to something. I think a lot of us get health ideas, exercise ideas from social media. So I jumped on the bandwagon, the creatine bandwagon. I was like, oh, I need to take creatine. 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And here's your chance to order it right here. If you want to try Momentous Signature Spec Creatine, head to livemomentous.com and use code HADIT for up to 35% off your entire first order. That's livemomentous.com, promo code HADIT for up to 35% off. livemomentous.com, promo code HADIT. Okay, let me ask you this question. if they were going to give an award in that TSA line, because you always win the award every time you go through. So between you and this guy, who would have won the award for most efficient? You think he had it? And I, you know what? I'm a, I'm a gracious loser, not a gracious winner, a sore, sore winner, but a gracious, gracious loser. And I would have said if they would have offered it to me, just like that lady, Maria Machado or whatever, that gave her Nobel peace prized Donald Trump, I would have immediately taken her lead and said, absolutely not. I'm not deserving. I agree that I'm an incredible traveler. I agree that I razzle dazzled you, but I was nothing compared to this chap right here. So go ahead and give me the award. I'm going to pass it on to this straight right here because he did an incredible job here. He is leading by example. And it's the type of leadership that straight American white men need. Need, no kidding. You know, cause you've been, you know, there's, let's just talk about the MAGA guy going through the TSA line. First, you got a toothpick in the mouth and they're going, the eye is so real, you know, and then they kind of look over at you. And while they're looking over at you, they go kind of looking you up and down and then they got their pants and then they, over the belly, you know, and then they, and they, You know how then they take their pants, they pull the pants up over the gut, and then the thumbs stay inside the pants, and they rotate around to the back, and then they hike up the back. You've seen it a million times. While they're looking you out, checking you out up and down as though you're even in the same league. I'm going to look at some of these guys, and I'm like, quit so brazenly checking me out. Like, maybe try to be somewhat sly about it, but then they don't have their shit ready. They try to go through the metal, take their phones in the back pocket. They're assholes to the TSA people. They've got on, I'm a big boy shirt, you know, with the eagle and the grenade. And I'm so tired. This is another thing. The imagery of the American flag that's black and white. So it's like a black shirt and it has this subtle like American flag on it. And it has like, I'm seeing that everywhere. And I don't know what it means, but I know it's MAGA. I've seen it too. And I, I, in my head, and I could be wrong about this when I see it, I think it's like dark MAGA, but I could be completely making that up. That's what I think. I think it's, I mean, I think it's all in the same genre of MAGA, which is this genre. Um, we feel inferior in our masculinity. So if I put on this shirt, it's going to make me feel like a big boy. I'm going to be, have a bigger dick, be better in bed because I have the shirt because I'm an alpha man, and I believe we all need testosterone shots just like Pete Hexseth. All right. Kylie, what's going on in the Internet? Before I do reviews, I wanted to know if you wanted to talk about our mutual lesbian friend who got engaged. Oh, my God. A hundred percent we have to talk about this. So, Julia, whose last name will remain anonymous, is a friend of Kylie's and mine. And she is a lesbian. And she is absolutely the stereotypical lesbian in the sense that she's an overachiever. She is a list maker. She is organized. She does things better and she knows it and attributes that to her lesbianism, which is in the field study testing that we've done on this show, the scientists always end up catching up with us, has proven to be true. So she stopped by the studio yesterday and she recently got engaged. I said, Julia, by the way, congratulations on your engagement. That is so exciting. And she said, oh, thanks so much. We're so excited. And I said, who proposed to who? and then she said she proposed to me first and then and then she kept talking go what what what stop right there what do you mean she proposed to you first then you flipped it and proposed to her right after and she said yes and i said so is there any spontaneity in this no it was priorly discussed and scheduled oh i love that and the order of it was scheduled as to really yes yes and so then uh uh they decided they wanted to do it a day earlier than what they had scheduled they couldn't wait and there was a conflicting date with one of them in another relationship on like let's say it's the 12th or something and they didn't want the engagement to be that specific date. So they waited until midnight and one minute to then do it. So there wouldn't be a conflicting date with a previous relationship in the past. And there was like lists made, there was a moleskin leather notebook that was used. Ways I want to propose. Yeah. It was so planned out. I, I want to, I want to talk about with the listener and they can comment because I've experienced this in the past. I'm happy for them. Gays do engagements all sorts of ways, but I think it's a little bit double dipping. Well, maybe not as long as they don't have two engagement parties. Well, because we had these lesbian friends of yours that had two engagement parties, which is a hundred percent double dipping. But this is for the lastriates, the, the, well, and the gay triets. Here's what I want to, the straights, sit this one out. I'm very interested in gay engagements and lesbian engagements because then after that I asked Ryan what about the gays and he said I want to be proposed to and I don't want to know when it's going to happen which is kind of straight-coded if you will. That's kind of the way I thought of engagements to be. Kylie what about you? I feel like I would do spontaneity but mutual because i'm the same way i'm kind of like i want to be proposed to too but i also would be fine doing it so maybe i got to figure out a way to do both so i don't know it just is complicated but they there's a lot of things on the internet people sent should send us videos jen about how they got gay engaged because it's all over the board the gay and gay yeah yeah because the scheduling of it was really interesting to me that it's penciled in that like, okay, so we're going to get engaged and you're going to, I mean, the planning out of the engagement to that degree was something I didn't know existed. They sat on the couch next to each other for hours to waiting for 1201. So I'm like, what do you talk about? You know, this is about to happen. Cause I would have been like, let's say that we did it on this date. Let's just go ahead and pretend. Just kiss at the microwave clock and then we'll go to bed. It's midnight somewhere. So let's just go ahead and say we're on that time zone. But the commitment to all of that, the purity in it. Yeah. The purity in it is something that I don't know that I have at all. What I love about that story is everybody got their needs met. My engagement sucked. So, I mean, my marriage sucks. What am I saying? Of course it sucked. But it's just like, I love the pre-planning. I love we had a moleskin boat. on different, how we were going to do it. We were writing it down. I, I love the fact that that happened because I don't know, I think it can get haphazard, like back in my, I'll just use me as an example, haphazard. Okay. We're going to do it. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Contrast that with now we have 47 videographers. We've invited half the people that we know we've set it up in advance. We come and we act so excited or so surprised. I like the commitment to efficiency and we both got what we needed out of it. That's a good point. Here's a good point to that. Everybody acts like they don't know when it's going to happen. And it's a total lie. It's scheduled. The nails are done. The hair is done. The photographer's hired and they feign being surprised where this lesbian couple and they're like, look, it is scheduled. And we know exactly when we're going to do it. We're not going to fake it. So that's a very, very, very good point because I see a lot of engagement surprise fraud all over the internet. I'm like, oh, you just happened to know that that was going to be the moment. And you look snatched AF on a Sunday at 1pm when nobody looks snatched on a Sunday at 1pm because we've all just been fluffing in our beds, brain rotting to Instagram. And this person's, fresh hair, fresh nails, professional makeup done. So they're feigning the entire thing. Yeah, it's everywhere. Before you know it, holiday season is just right here. Actually, we're right up on it. And so a lot of stores need to hire new little helpers for the holiday season. You've got, you know, lead elves that are helping, real bearded Santas, snowplow drivers, et cetera. Well, how are they going to find people? Whether you're hiring for one of these roles or for any other role, listener, the best way to find qualified people who are genuinely excited about your role is on ZipRecruiter. And right now you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash had it. ZipRecruiter has a new feature that shows you the most interested qualified candidates first. So you meet the right people faster. ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology finds qualified candidates quickly. Candidates can tell you in their own words, why they're excited about your job. It's no wonder that ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2. Listener, let ZipRecruiter find the right people for your roles, seasonal or otherwise. Try it for free today at ZipRecruiter.com slash had it. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash had it. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter. All right. I've got two reviews for you. I've got a four star titled thanks for nothing. And Kelly writes, you got knocked a star for making me self-aware. I can't engage in regular society anymore without sounding like the weird Thanksgiving uncle relating everything back to politics. Don't worry, Jen, I pre-ordered your book and Kylie, I am married to a man, but wish I was a lesbian. Love y'all a blue dot in a red city and a blue state. Four stars. You got knocked a star. I love all of the blue dots as a lifetime blue dot in a red state. I just, I feel like all the blue dots need to unite. And there are millions of us. We've got to get rid of the electoral college. I mean, everybody says nobody participates in voting. We have such low voter turnout. Well, I wonder why, because if you live in some dipshit red state governed by a bunch of Christian nationalists and you know, your vote doesn't matter, you're not that motivated to get up and go vote. Well, and just, I mean, how many different, they're putting so many restrictions on it. I mean, it makes it harder and harder and harder and harder to vote every single time. And just PSA, I know it's coming up and it might be too late, but I had to go twice to get my correct name because I did it and then they didn't do it. And I had to go back. So I had to go to the election board twice to get the appropriate name. And I mean, I felt like it was because I was registered Democrat, but maybe it wasn't. Maybe it wasn't personal to me at all. No, I mean, I think, I think that they are trying to suppress the votes. I mean, there's no question the Republicans have been trying to for decades. Okay. Last review, five stars. Name T writes, saw you at the book launch last night for Jennifer and just felt so great about the whole experience. And the book is a fun book and I love it so much. I like the King emoji. I like the emojis emoji. Yeah. Well, thank you. I'm so glad that you're enjoying the book. It was a labor of love and something that I have been passionate about my entire life. And again, the dedication of this book is to all the blue dots and red States, which has been my existence being a diehard political junkie for my entire life. And knowing your vote doesn't matter. And I think it's a great book. I think it's a great book. It doesn't matter in general elections and presidential elections and still trying to stay focused because you give a shit and you actually care. And it doesn't take something happening to you personally for you to care. Blue dots and red States are the toughest people the democratic party has period. No, I completely agree. They are. And they're, they're not afraid to stand up for it. Like the women in Oklahoma city, they, you know, they sponsor the reproductive movement. They're trying to get the vote on the ballot. I mean, they're active. They're doing all they can within the confines of this state to make it better. All right. Kylie, before we move forward, we have more videos because we are into the videos. And so Kylie, we are 22 minutes into this episode. How much content do you have ready for the viewer? I have 12 videos ready. Wow. Okay. All right. All right. Let me just let everybody in on a little something in our pre-production meeting. I said, Kylie, how many videos do you have ready for today's episode? She said, I have seven. And I said, do you think that's enough? And she said, I don't know. It can get dicey. And so from the time that we started this to now, somehow she's pulled five additional videos out of her ass. And so without further ado, Kylie, why don't you walk us through the listener videos? Perfect. And that's on lesbian efficiency. Noted. Up first, we're going to do Noah. Hi, Jen. Hi, Pumps. Hi, Kylie, Seth, Anna, and Josh. I think all the team that I've had it. So my name is Noah. I am a fellow gay tree that also lives in New York City, but I am a Southern transplant. I'm also a former pastor's kid. So I'm a former pastor's kid. Do with that information what you wish. I have obviously since deconstructed. And yeah, I am a Pisces double Leo. Getting a little fancy with it. But if you look it up, I was really bored during unemployment. And it is accurate as the fellow resident demon twink of Harlem. I, as far as the sock thing goes, I think that the whole sock thing went a little bit too far with Gen Z. And I would like to personally apologize for that. As one of the spokespeople I did go to the meeting last week and we did vote on it. We think that public shaming is okay, but you know, the whole sock thing just went a little bit too far. I did want to come on here and just show you all a little bit of the merch that I have collected from your all shows over the years. So did pick up this bad boy last week at the Strand. Jennifer, my God, you look gorgeous. Whoever's doing your Botox, I do need their phone number later on. And it'd be greatly appreciated. Um, and had so much fun. I plan on starting this soon. Um, second, I have this bad boy signed copy of black slaves using the stitch sandwiches at the 92nd Y with John Lennon. Um, absolutely geeked out when I met you both because you all are like the cool lesbians that I never had. Um, and lastly, from one of your first shows that you ever did in New York city, I have a signed pickleball that you all threw out to the crowd. Um, I will be keeping this forever. Please put it in my casket. And when I die, thank you all so, so, so much for all the work that you all are doing. I know that we are close to the midterms. So ladies and gentlemen, get up off your asses and fucking vote. We need a blue tsunami biblically. And you will hear me say that very often. Um, but thank you all so much for all the work that you are doing. And it is always appreciated and a pleasure and an honor as always. Thank you all so much. That was the best. That is just the presentation was at. Excellent. Uh, he's just as cute as a button. Uh, the demon twink in Harlem. I'm going to call you an angel twink in Harlem. Uh, and so I just, I, I'm just tickled pink with all of that. I, uh, will let you know my Botox purse. I'm really pleased with it because there's still a lot of movement. Um, I am going to go get my hair dyed next week. I think I'm going to take it a little darker. Anything that MAGA women do, I don't want to do. I want nothing to do with the opposite. I want the exact opposite. So I want to, I'm going to take my hair darker this, uh, uh, fall at NOAA. So I'll be looking forward to your feedback on that. And the pickleball is excellent. I kind of got nostalgic on the pickleball. That was so fun at the end of those shows when you hit the pickleballs. It was so fun. And, you know, Josh and I've been playing pickleball with, I think I mentioned with JVN, Jonathan Van Ness and his husband. I'll tell you what, that JVN is so athletic. I can, I would bet that about him. I would bet that he, I bet he's good at pretty much everything he does. Seems to me. So we were having this conversation with him and Josh was like, JVN, you, you give off Stefano's Tsitsipas vibes. Cause JVN had like his hair down and it was kind of waving curly. And he's like, you give off Stefano's Tsitsipas vibes. I mean, you're cause JVN is a lot taller than you'd expect. And Jonathan goes, I don't want to be Tsitsipas. I want to be a girl. With my sons and their girlfriends and Jonathan and his husband and Josh and me. And I mean, we all, I mean, we couldn't breathe. He was so mad at Josh for saying that he reminded him of Tsitsipas. I don't want to be Tsitsipas. I want to be a girl. I want to be Savalinka. He's so great. He's so funny. 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Just head to lolablankets.com and use code HADIT to get 40% off your order. And after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that we sent you wrap yourself in luxury with Lola Blankets. Okay. Okay. Up next, we've got Kath. Hi, ladies. Jen pumped some coffee. Kylie, love your work. Love the word, used the word twat, Jen. Love the fuck off with pumps. And Kylie, oh, it was 40 years ago. But anyway, I've had it with the cause of most of the ills on this planet is men and their dicks. And I've got sex crimes, men and their dicks. Evangelical Christians, men and their dicks. The Columbia Five, men and their dicks. Human trafficking, men and their dicks. The Epstein-Cabal. I'll stop saying men and their dicks because it takes too long. Hijabs and burqas and all restrictions put on women by religion. Gambling apps, pink tax, drug crime, animal cruelty, Elon Musk, Tesla truck, SpaceX, big dick. Child pornography, sexual slavery, child molestation, Donald Trump's elections, and any religious restrictions put on women after that for the second time because it deserves it. So there's my grief. I've had it with men and their dicks. I love her. I love her. I mean, she read for filth. And the religious restrictions put on women. I love her too. And it doesn't matter which religion it is. They are all guilty of putting restrictions on women because they're part of a religion that shames something that they're genetically encoded to do, which is screw and be horny. And so it's, God, it's so nice building community and knowing that we're in a space that people see that. That people aren't afraid to criticize and call out the magical thinking and the cruelty and the cult-like nature of religion, whether it be Christianity, Islam, Judaism, all have their bout of magical thinking that dicks over marginalized people and is written explicitly to help straight white men or in Islam, you know, straight brown men. And so it's nice that we are addressing these things. And I just want to say, for anybody that feels like, oh God, I wish they wouldn't say that about Christianity. Every group is worthy of criticism. And if you're in a group and criticism of that group triggers you, more than likely you could be in a cult. And you, if you feel like you're getting defensive from something, it's probably because it's true that what you're hearing is true and it triggers you. And so I, you know, have always been so outspoken. Yeah. And I think that's a really good point. And I think that's a really good because I have just seen firsthand how dangerous it is and how much it just wrecks people and wrecks societies. And now we're seeing it wreck our federal government. So I just, I love hearing her accent, knowing she's in Australia and that we have like-minded ideas and building community, I just think is so important. And it's going to become even more important with the proliferation of AI because they are wanting to take all of the human interactions away from us. Yeah. That's so scary. You know, when I, I was thinking about, I love how she put it all under the umbrella of men and their dicks, because when I first started deconstructing my faith, it was about control. Like I realized how much control it was on the first layer. It was really about control. And then as I got in further, it was like sexism in the Bible, misogyny in the Bible. And it's obvious now from that, but it's just, it's control, controlling women, controlling whoever they want to control. Everything is centered around uplifting the male. And I grew up with internalized misogyny. I probably have internalized misogyny because of that. I think all to that religion. But I, I even have some internalized misogyny and, and I grew up an atheist. A lot of it, a lot of problems are because of religion, but then some of them are generational. If you were raised by a boomer and you're a Gen Xer, if you say, I have absolutely no internalized misogyny, you're probably not being honest. And I catch myself sometimes and I'm like, whoa, girl, you need to check yourself. You call yourself a feminist and here you are having that kind of thought or thinking this kind of way. And so I think that evolution and all of those things are always personal evolution are always ongoing. But some of these things exist outside of religion. Religion exacerbates them. And keeps them all put together. But there are a lot of assholes that just aren't religious too, but I think probably Donald Trump. Yeah. Prime example. But I think a lot of, and all the tech oligarchs, but a lot of those bad ideas are, have been in place and the glue that held them together to where they trickled outside of the religious group is religion. You reinforce this idea. The craziest shit on the planet, on the planet is when I hear women say that they have to submit to their husbands. And if you live in the Bible belt, you hear it. And they say it with pride. Like they're proud of it. It's, it's the weirdest shit ever. Every time I hear it, I'm like, I've got to get away from this person. Run, don't walk. This is not my person. Immediately, immediately get away from this person. No, like. Proudly, like, look at me. Aren't I such a good wife? Because I submit to my husband and it happens all day, every day. I mean, I think I've said this on the podcast before that my mom will make references to my dad being the head of the household and submitting to her husband. I'm like, bitch, you haven't submitted to anyone your entire fucking life. He hasn't said two words in a sentence when you've been around my entire life. And I'm on a, you know, I'm, I'm a 57 years old. So it's like, she tries to tell you, even though it's not true, because it's so ingrained that that's what a good Christian woman does. It's fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Kylie, who's next? Okay. Next we've got Marie. Ladies and everybody else. I am voting because I am first generation Mexican American. Um, and you're joining me on my walk with my doggy. This is him. I want more days where I can walk with my dog and not have to worry about the existential threat of everything. I want a world that's better for everyone, as close as we can get it, because we've never really had it. So it's time to change that, and it's time to do what we need to to make the world more equitable. And if that's voting, then that's what that is. And my I've had it is the fact that the world is on fire and no one can seem to find any water anywhere. True. So true. That to me is so relatable because the things that you think about doing that bring you joy, like walking your dog, which I love to walk my dogs. There is this like dark storm cloud everywhere we all go. If you're going to meet friends for dinner, if you're lying in bed watching TV. If you go to walk your dog and it is this fascist takeover that's taking place. And if you are a conscious, a conscious person, you can't help but not feel it, you know, and that's the hardest thing because we live with a bunch of psychopaths who don't feel it, who will look at you and go, I'm just not that political. Good for you, Caitlin. That's so awesome that you don't have to be political. Because nothing has ever impacted your life before. And your parents didn't teach you to care about stuff preemptively. Kudos to you for labeling yourself as a psychopath. But the issue is to teach people to care preemptively. You know, teach people to care about other people because it's the right thing to do. Not because it happened to you, but because it's the right thing to do. And so much joy has been taken from all of us with this. And again, Trump doesn't. It doesn't upset me anymore. I don't give him that kind of power because he wakes up, says gay shit, takes a taxpayer funded nap, bends over Vladimir Putin, you know, calls BB and tells him what a badass he is, stays up all night on a bender with a bunny boiler, posting AI slop. And then tomorrow it's going to be the exact same day over and over and over and over again. I don't find it funny. I don't find it cute. I don't find it neat. I don't even find it entertaining. And there's a time where I was. I was like, oh, my God, what do you do today? Right. What I can't even laugh at the shit he does or says anymore. I'm so exhausted from it because it's so painfully unoriginal and so painfully predictable. And then the Republicans, I'm used to them being pussies. I get it. They are not going to do what the Watergate Republicans did. No, they're not going to do it. The people I'm most mad at right now are everyday Americans. That. Voted for this one, two or three times and either still continue to support him or are now going, well, I always liked his policies, but I didn't really care that much for the man. The people who triple Trump, double Trump, single Trump, whatever, who trumped need to be on their cell phones saying, I bought into this because the government has never delivered for me materially. And he seemed like X, Y, Z. And I fucked up. And I. Regret it. I regret everything about it. I'm a lifetime Republican. Go vote for these Democrats. They should be the loudest voices there is. But there's just such entitlement and a culture where people would rather be mean to trans people or mean to black people than admit that this is not a sustainable path for our country. And those are just the grossest people to me right now. Like they've always grossed me out. Pumps can pumps can attest to this. Like I can. I cannot be in rooms with a lot of Republicans and a lot of evangelicals like I physically my body starts having a reaction to it. But I just the fellow Americans that don't have enough integrity to speak out against this is what grosses me out the most. Yeah, there's so many things that gross me out. And that's a great one because it it's so because people think that, well, I mean, he went off. He went off the rails. I was reading this article and it was like talking about different voters. And, you know, I can't vote for Trump anymore because, you know, he went off the rails. He was off the rails when you voted for him the first time. Like nobody paid attention. Like nobody looked at like January 6th and said he was off the rails. Then the fact that he wants to overturn the midterms before they even start is not news. Like this is not a newsflash for all of that. And I guess what my thing is, is I. I vote in Oklahoma and I look around and, you know, I see the one guy that I have to pass three times a day. He's got the big Trump thing with the governor deal. And I think, you know, maybe this is the year in Oklahoma. And then I catch myself. It's never going to be the year in Oklahoma. Like, stop. It's never going to be the year. And that makes me frustrated. But yet I feel like I just you don't have a choice. You. You have to try. You have to try. And I hope with these midterms, we get the result. I mean, now I'm seeing all these polls that are like, well, maybe it's not as, you know, the distance isn't. I'm sorry, the Republic or the Democratic advantage isn't as much as it could be. And I think, how is that possible? How is that possible? But I guess we're getting ready to find out. No big bank bureaucracy, just a custom approach to help you thrive from business loans to mortgages and everyday banking needs. Harmony Bank provides a secure, modern experience with a touch of Texas hospitality. All right, Kylie, who's next? OK, next, we've got Kelsey. OK, I'm going to have to do this kind of rapid fire because I have a lot. To say, my name is Kelsey. I was born July 1991, which makes me a cancer. The reason I'm voting is for marginalized groups. I just went and voted early for the midterms. Thank God for immigrant and my thank God for immigrants T-shirt. But I'm also voting for my two nieces to hopefully to start, you know, making this country better for them and their future. So that's my reason for voting to the sock debacle. I'm going to wear whatever socks I want. If it works for the outfit, that's good enough for me. I'm not going to let anyone bully me into wearing a certain type of sock. And three, my I've had it is I have had it with the ladies not coming to the Midwest specifically. Kansas City. I would love to see them browbeat the shit out of Eric Schmidt and Josh Hawley at the Midland Theater. One of these days, maybe you guys can start making that happen. And number four, who I want to see go to prison in this administration. Obviously, this is a super hard question. I would love to see Caroline Levitt's smug botched lip filler face behind bars where she deserves it. I would love to see Caroline Levitt's smug botched lip filler face behind bars where she deserves to be for lying and propagandizing up on that podium almost every single day. I cannot stand that woman. I think she's vile. And if I was a nice person, I would shout out my injector. But I just don't get good lip filler. Anyways, love you guys. Bye. Awesome presentation. Awesome reasons for voting. Five stars. No notes. I mean, just. Absolutely excellent. Yeah. Excellent. Again, it's the importance of feeling community. And for those of you that want to send in your video submissions, we love seeing and or hearing. Make the video on your phone and then it goes into your camera roll. Then go into the DMs of Instagram and send it to Kylie or to I've had it. Okay. Up next, we've got Avery. Hi, I'm Avery. I am a Gen Z. Patriot, and this is my first submission. I've been watching you guys for like three years, obsessed with you guys. I saw Anna and Kylie at the US Open was so starstruck, could not even walk up to them because I've been taught the New York ways. I would like to say that despite being part of the bullying class, when it comes to socks, I have my own agreements. I believe that crew socks are consistently too tight on the ankles. Now I am a size eight, 10, but I don't think that that should disqualify me from wearing. Crew socks, right? And I think this is part of the government's ploy to make us all smaller. There's all that. Now, this is not a knock on you, miss legal beaver. Um, you look amazing. Love that you're getting healthy for yourself and growing your confidence. But I think we all know there's a skinny dynamic going on. And I think that as a size 10, there are women bigger than me. There are women smaller than me. And I think we need more inclusive socks now to the, to the real question of why are we voting? I don't think that should be the top of anyone's prayer. Priority list, but Jen, when you're a president, I do think this is something to consider and I. And I would like to say that I would vote for you for that reason, but I would also vote for this midterm because I want to see a better future for the kids. I'm a nanny. I'm seeing so much hate injected into little kids because they're growing up in this political situation, and I just want to see a more positive, better future for the kids. She's adorable and sweet. Love that. Very much so. And, you know, it's so interesting how many people are saying, I want to make it better for the kids, yet you have the people in power that don't give a fuck about the kids' future. It's just an interesting contrast to my head. No. One of the biggest lies is that Republicans and MAGA care about kids. If they cared about kids, the number one killer of kids in this country wouldn't be guns. The number one supporter of guns are the same people MAGA Christians are big gun nuts. Always, always, always, always. And these people are, oh, we're pro-life. We're pro-family. Also, let's have our kids practice getting shot a couple times a year during their. their active shooter drills. It's just, they can say whatever they want to say, but their actions are for the death, deaths of children, their policies, their votes. People that I know would much rather have guns than prevent kids from being shot at school. You know what else makes me crazy? Guns don't kill people. It's the crazy people that have guns. Well, if they didn't have the guns. They'd be crazy people if they didn't have the guns. I mean, I just. Every time I pick up my phone and I see more mass shooting, I get more defeated that we have allowed this problem for so long and have done nothing to make it better. Yeah. Yeah. And I just want to point out that if these church leaders, these evangelical church leaders cared about human life as they did, they would be talking about these things, but they don't. No. They do not talk about it. It never comes up. I can't. Next, you go. Trisha. Hey, Jen. Hey, Pumps. Kylie, Ryan, and Josh on occasion. This is Trisha. I am a blue dot in Red Hill, Wilmington, North Carolina, through and through hatred. Yes, ma'am. Love your show. You guys keep me sane. What I've had it with are these 20-something influencers capitalizing on vulnerable, 45, fed-up, fucking angry women like myself and perimenopause telling us we need to take Berber in. Yeah. Or ferritin or this, that, and the other to lose our bloat that looks like we've been stuck to an air pump by 2 o'clock over our brain fog and our hair falling out when literally I work out five days a week. I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I eat really clean, and this shit ain't going nowhere. So sit the fuck down, bitch, because you haven't been there yet, and you're in for a rude awakening. I've had it with that shit, okay? Love your show. Keep going. Go blue. Go blue. Go vote. God, I love Trisha. She's fired up and ready to go. She's grown up my entire life. I love it. And it's so true. I'll be on Instagram and one of my just complete brain rot benders where afterwards I'm like, God, you need to pull yourself together, girl. And it's like some gorgeous 24-year-old influencer, and it's like, ladies, here's what you need to do. And I'm like, what? And I'm rewinding. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? Why do I care what she thinks? Every asshole has a phone and a microphone and a ring light. Now, does it make you an expert? And we don't have to listen to them. And for some reason, I can't stop listening to them. I can't stop listening. And I'll tell you what else. Like, okay, here's what I think. They're sitting there going, you would not believe like the crepey skin. I'm in this crepey skin market. My, you know, my skin is so much tighter. Da, da, da, da, da. I'm like, you're 22 years old. How bad can your skin possibly get? Because you haven't aged a day. I mean, give me a fucking break. I've got all the things. I mean, it's just, it drives me crazy. And then this new thing that keeps popping up, popping up, popping up. If you want to look younger, you need to get a peptide shot. And I'm like, what's that? I mean, it's, there's always something that's going to make me look younger. And to date, I've tried them all and I'm still aging. I haven't tried the peptide shot, but that's the new thing. I mean, like, remember when the apple cider vinegar got me? That was going to make you thinner and prettier and younger and age. I mean, I was like gagging every time I took it. I took it. Nothing fucking happened. And I cannot learn my lesson. I'm still watching this shit. It's all a racket. Biology is undefeated. All right, Kylie. Next. Up next is Cass. Hi, Kylie. Most beautiful woman in the world. Jen pops boys. My name is Cassie. I am a Capricorn STD free elder millennial. Fuck no show socks. We're not wearing skinny jeans anymore. We don't need no show socks. We don't need them getting bunched under our arches while we walk around. We love a cruise with a Mary Jane. Okay. I am a blue dot in a red state. I live in Kansas City, Missouri. Fuck Josh Hawley. He doesn't even go here. He doesn't even fucking live here. That cowardice bitch. We are voting for the second time in Missouri to keep abortion legal. Yes, the voters already said overwhelmingly that we want health care for women. And yes. And yet the legislators are making us do this all over again. Yeah, makes sense. So Missouri, it's yes on six. The rest are tricks. That's the only thing we need to vote on this midterm. And I just also wanted to say that I am in a book club and we're only reading cool shit. And Jen's book is up next. Not today, fascist. We can't fucking wait to read it. Thanks for everything that you guys do from the blue dot. I love the blue dots. We're starting a thing here with the blue dots. I dedicated the book to all the blue dots because it's been one of the most lonely existences of probably early adulthood. By the time my kids started school, my kids went to a school where I was around a bunch of just hardcore progressive women that didn't give a fuck. And we were all, you know, in alliance fighting for a woman's right to choose, fighting for gay rights. But in general, if you're a blue dot in a red state, the shade. And the judgment from like the worst human beings that, you know, like the worst people, you know, are judging you for having compassion. The worst human beings, you know, are judging you because you give a shit about people with a different skin color. And it just it just kind of great. It's a beat down. So blue dots and red states unite and send us videos because we need to form. We need to be unionized. We need to have a big, big, big group. With tons of signatures and march and just start a huge, huge, huge movement to get rid of the Electoral College because it disenfranchises people. My vote for president has been disenfranchised my entire life. My vote has never counted ever. Not one time when I voted for president. And it's so arcane, the whole system. Like if every single person can just go, I mean, go on their phone. I mean, I understand I'm simplifying, but there is no need to vote through the Electoral College now that technology has caught up with the ability that every single person on some level has access to voting in terms of finding a precinct near them and all of that. But I can tell you what the Republicans don't want to give it up because then they would never win another election period full stop. Because if everybody's vote counted, their policies would be complete. I mean, nobody would. Nobody would vote, ever. Ted Cruz would be out of a job. It's, I mean, think about George W. Bush would have never been president. Donald Trump would have never been president. It's just, it allows for minority rule and it allows for the worst people you know to govern you. That's what it allows for. Because the worst people we all know right now are in charge of the federal government. The fucking worst. All right. I have an announcement. Crooked Con, which is Crooked Media, one of our peers, has a great platform. You've probably heard of Pod Save America, et cetera. I'm excited to share that I'll be a part of Crooked Media's 2026 Crooked Con. So join me November 7th in Washington, D.C. And I'll be joining Alex Wagner, who I adore, for a panel I've never met in real life. And I'm going to have her, we're going to have her on the pod so that she can, we can kind of start the chemistry off. I'm joining her for a panel on the attention economy and how we break down all of the noise to get reliable information and determine what's real and what's not. It's a chance to join thousands of people who want to build a pro-democracy movement big enough to win while having a good time doing it. So you can get your tickets at crookedcon.com and use the code JEN, J-E-N, all caps, J-E-N-2-0, JEN20 for the discount. And limited tickets are available. And this just so coincides with what could potentially be celebratory times. And so I think it's super duper duper important that we all keep making this investment in independent media. And I talk about this in my book. If you look at the investment that the right wing made in independent media for a very, very long time, it paid off when they got their imperfect vessel. our first gay president, which is, I'm sorry to all the gays. I know he's not your best, but Ford, I know this personally, we could have had such a good gay. But anyway, it's so important that we continue to build these spaces, that we continue to empower blue dots and red states, that we continue to call out the hypocrites, the religious Christian nationalists, the misogynists, the abusers. It's just very, very, very important because all of the media has been bought up by fascists, all of the corporate media. They own all of it now. So these spaces has never been more important. And people like Pod Save and Crooked Media have paved the way for people like Pumps and Me to be able to get into these spaces and other people now that are in these spaces. And so please come see me at CrookedCon. And I think that's all we have. For today, Kylie, how many of those callers did we get through? I think we did eight or nine off the top of my head. It's a good thing we didn't just stop at seven. Stop with the seven. Thank God. And I just want to point out, we had at least two say how gorgeous Kylie was. Is that your count? I think that was my count, too. I believe so. I believe two. Yeah, one saw her at the U.S. Open. Yeah. Was so struck by her beauty. Couldn't even go up to her. Kath said if she was 40 years younger. Oh, so three. Yeah. So there were three. We missed one. We missed it, but Kylie didn't miss it. I don't know what else there is to listen to. Kylie was right on it. She knew. Oh, Kylie, what would we do without you? You are very pretty and you are very good at what you do. And I just, I've been remiss in something. This is going to be good. It's going to be good. She's over there terrified. Scared. Kylie does such a good job naming the episodes. She does. Kylie names those. Like the one that came out. Uh, on Thursday was with Matthew McConaughey and she called it all. All right. All right. Alt. Right. I mean, that's pretty fucking clever. All the episode names are great. I'm always, I always get a giggle when I see him. She does a great job. We don't know. Pumps and I don't know until they publish what they're going to be because we just produce so much content. We used to approve them and I'm like, Kylie, just do it. I don't want to do it. You do it. You know what you're doing, but you do such a good job naming the episodes. Thank you. I'm excited to see what, what we do this one. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or you already matched. Kylie is so Kylie is hot. That's kind of what I'm thinking. Gotcha. Thank you for the compliment, Jen. You do. You do a really, really good job with that. You do one area of concern since we'll just have your employee review here. Perfect. Let me get out my notes. One area of concern is failure to consistently prep enough content from listeners for episodes. Pumps, wouldn't you agree that that's one area of improvement? It's a weakness. There are very few weaknesses, but that does fall in the weaknesses category. Perfect. Actually, Kylie is such a great employee that we have so much fun actually razzing her about this because there is nothing to complain about with Kylie and she is easy on the eyeballs as all of the listeners that she has chosen to be featured on this podcast also enforce as Matthew McConaughey would say, you don't have, you don't have to vote for a Democrat or Republican. You can vote independent. You dipshit. What a fucking schmuck. God. I used to kind of like him. I loved him in Dallas Buyers Club. I loved True Detective. Oh God, I forgot. Yes. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. All right. That's all we have. We'll be back later. I'll tell you what I've had, I've had a lot of fun. I don't know. phenomenal phenomenal all right that's all we have we'll be back later i'll tell you what i've had it with let's hear it i've had it with that at harmony bank we believe that better happens together we're a locally owned bank built on relationships and personally committed to your success our community bankers are ready to make quick decisions no big bank bureaucracy just a custom approach to help you thrive from business loans to mortgages and everyday banking needs, Harmony Bank provides a secure, modern experience with a touch of Texas hospitality. We're Harmony Bank, where better happens together.