Every Man’s Multi-tool For Life | Mark Vanderwier

Good afternoon, everybody. My name is Mark Vanduier. I'm talking about every man's multi-tool for life today. And thank you for the curiosity that brought you here today. How many of you were not here for my first talk, either earlier today or two years ago? Just a few. So real quick, one of the things that I share about home school is that homeschools save my life, literally save my life. When I was in a private school as a child, and I did not play well with the others, I got picked on a lot. In grade five, age 11, I was thought of taking my own life. A teacher had told me you're going to grow up to be a burden on society if you don't change. And my parents noticed that I was in a Christian school. They noticed that and we're like, we got to do something. We think we can do something to save our son. Took me out, homeschooled, tried every guinea pig thing for homeschool along the way, but man, I look at that. I'm super, super grateful for that today because I don't think without that, I would have had the opportunity for Christ to reach me in the way that he did. And so as homeschool dads, you, it could be difficult, but man, you have no idea the impact that you could be having. And so I'm thankful to be here today. I am thankful that you guys are here today. I feel it just truly an honor and a privilege to share with you. I think as a homeschool dad, it could be one of you here sharing and maybe in a couple of years from now, we'll be you here sharing. And that encouragement, it's a blessing. I'm grateful for that today. Today is something that I felt, I felt really compelled to speak about when they asked me to come and share. They, they're talking about a bunch of different topics and thoughts and they're like, what's really on your heart to share? I'm like, I got this thing, I got this thing, but it's, it's not very homeschooling. And she's like, well, send it to me. So I sent her the talk and she's like, this, this is all right. We're going to do this. And she made the description of the of the talk. She put the whole talk in the description. I was like, we got to change that. You know, otherwise, they're not going to even need to come. And so this thing that I just felt compelled to share shared at a men's conference in our in our area a number of weeks ago. And felt the same to share it here. And I want to start with one thought that I shared at our last thing is who you are matters more than what you do. Who you are matters more than what you do. And that statement, it's like, yeah, we agree with it. But so often we don't embrace it here. We'll embrace it with a mindset, but we won't embrace it with a heart set. And so my talk today, we're at the end of the O check conference. Some of you can see it. You've got that glazed look. There's not enough coffee in that cup. It's going to get me through this. Today, man, I just want to say this, don't feel like you got to take notes. There's a reason why it's recorded. If you're at the end, you're like, man, I really wish I could have took notes. I'll just give you my notes. I just want you to be able to sit here and just just listen, not to my voice specifically, but for his for his, not our hope and our prayer for this whole conference has been that people would experience transformation because you got handed a lot of information. And really, there was maybe one or two things that you'll take home that he desired to change you. And that one little change, man, sets the trajectory of your life, but it goes beyond. It goes into this generation of kids that we're raising. So, uh, my, maybe it's past really, I don't know if anybody else prayed in theirs. Can we pray for a minute? Can I pray for you guys? Father, thank you for who you are. Lord, together with dads, and now what a gift it is to be a dad. What a great pleasure and joy that it is. And Father, we thank you for this design. I just pray over the men in this room, Lord. I may not know why they're here, but you do. I pray that God, that you just meet us in this, in this time, as we wrap up this great conference. There are hearts in our eyes and our minds are directed to you. Pray that you'd speak to each person here in your name. Amen. Thank you. Um, I described this talk as every man's multi tool for life because we were like, how do how do you encapsulate this? I'm old enough to be, uh, remember infomercials. I don't know if anybody remembers that on TV, right? There's like this thing slices and it dices and it juliennes fries. It will park your car. It will babysit your kids. And it comes with no one, not two, but three, three knives, right? And you go to the local fairs and they sell you these kind of things and most of them are gimmicks. You know, I bought that potato peeler that, you know, it's an annual potato peeler. You got to buy it from them again next year for like hundreds of dollars. It was, it didn't do what you thought it was going to do. And today, you know, I thought about some of the other ones I've discovered in life that do kind of do everything. Anybody old enough to remember red green red greens multi tool. Duck tape. You can do a lot of things with duck tape. You can stick stuff together. You can fix a transmission. You can make a wallette. You can fix a window like duck tape is, it's, it's amazing. Uh, it is like one of those multi tools that doesn't do everything but does a lot farmers. Baylor twine. Man, I raised island cattle and I've used Baylor twine for a whole lot of things. Tying a cow to a gate, pulling a calf out of the other end, you know, the hanging stuff, making a belt when I forgot my like Baylor twine's one of those things, but they don't do everything. And I remember, uh, when a couple of years ago sharing, when this first really dawned up a couple of years ago, was out of a conversation I had with a friend of mine. He, uh, he was wanting to be come a turkey hunter. And I am not a hunter. I don't know if you can tell. I'm like the right notes highlight in your Bible, you know, anti hunting indoors man's man, right? That's me. And I, so I look at this guy and he's like, man, I want, I want to go turkey hunting. I'm like, you go ahead. I went once to film it. It was the most boring thing ever. We never even saw a turkey. And I'm like, this is like I'm not doing this. But he wanted, he wanted to go. And so his friends who are hunters, they, uh, they told him, get this, you know, go out there. You need a turkey call. He goes out there. He calls. They call back nothing. No turkey. He comes back and his body's telling, well, you need a better turkey call. So he goes out with a better turkey call on day two. Call and call it nothing. Day three, they're like, how much did you call? I called a lot. You probably called too much. Okay, I'll go call less. He goes, he calls less. Nothing. Fourth day, he's like, what did I do wrong? Like, you know, you kind of just got to wait sometimes. He's like, how long did you stay? I don't know. I called, he called, no call. I just, I left. Like, just try calling not too much. And then just wait. So he says, yeah, I went out the next day. He called, heard it call back, called again, call back. So that's enough calling. He says, I just lingered there. He says, I was ready to leave. And he says, you know what? I'm just going to wait one more minute. And he says, and there it was. This is his big old Tom wanders out into the clearing. This is that turkey. He lingered there for a little bit too. And then, my buddy Brian got his first turkey. And he said, you know what? He says, I wouldn't miss everything if I hadn't lingered a little bit longer. And I want to talk to you today about that thought, about the men's multi-tool that we all have and use. We don't often realize we're using it and has powerful consequences and blessings in our life. And it is called the lingering heart. The lingering, having a lingering heart. And when you don't, you go through life. Man, there's lots of good examples like that turkey hunter who was like, man, he got the prize because he lingered a little. And then you got the bad examples of the turkeys who, you know, he lingered too long in the costume his life. And today, there's some hunters here. And there might be some turkeys here. Which are we? You know, and some of the talks you heard some quotes from some good old books. The one guy this morning, he's like, this book is written by a guy, 300 years ago. He's dead. Those are the best authors. And you see, I saw nodding of heads all around that room. Yeah, we agree. I want to quote from some really, really old books today. And you're probably familiar with it's called the Bible. And it's these authors who wrote some incredible truths. Paul and in his writings to the Corinthians and the Romans, he says, you know, there's some real old stories and the Old Testament. And they were written as examples for us and warnings. Some are good examples. Some are warnings. This you should do. This you should not. This is the hunter. This is the turkey. And so I'm going to give you a bunch of thoughts on that today. And as you think about it, yeah, if like I said, if you need to know it's at the end, we can give those to you. But Solomon, Solomon, why is this man of his time? Maybe ever. Solomon writes these these problems. And he writes them and he begins by saying, son, listen to my words. So even if you're here as a dad today, it's like, man, this thing of son, listen to me. This is so, so important. He says, he writes about a bunch of different things in Proverbs chapter six. He writes, he writes about this, a little extra sleep, you know, a little folding of the hands and poverty will come upon you. He's like, go to the ant. You sluggered. And I remember when I first heard that. I was 15 years old. I was in Venezuela. I was sleeping on a concrete floor in a church building that we were building on a mission's team. I traveled with team missions internet. if anybody remembers that group. And so I was there. And my man, one of our leaders, this very super cool Asian guy with a black belt and karate, he would come into wake us up every morning. And this is how he did it. Go away. Yes. And then we'd be like, oh, you guys, and if that didn't work, he was coming after us and I was like, sluggard, man, that's a word. We got to bring that back. We don't use that word. Go away and you sluggard. What would he know? He was trying to teach us something. He knew that if we linger too long in laziness, that things would come upon us, not because he said so, because wisdom said so. You linger too long in that laziness is coming your way and you're not going to be ready for it. You're going to become a slave to the lender is what Solomon says. And so when I look at this and then this crowd full of strong, hard working homeschool dads, you're like, yeah, this doesn't apply to me. Have teenagers? I got a few of those. I'm like, man, I want to wake them up with this. Go to the air, you sluggard, you know, it's the need for the sleep. But there's this principle, there's this truth in there. This realization that the lingering leads to something. But Solomon, he doesn't stop there. He's not just saying, oh, here's one story. He explains this principle. Let me read this to you. "Trovers 23 verse 29, who has woe and who has sorrow? Who has contentions and who has complaints? Who has wounds without a cause? If you go down the checklist, none of those things are good. They're all bad. Whoa, sorrow, contentions. Who has the redness of eyes and it says this in verse 30, those who linger long at the wine, those who go in search of mixed wine. He's like, don't look on the wine when it's red, when it's sparkles in the cup, when it swirls around smoothly. He's like, don't linger there." He says, "Because at the end, it fights like a serpent, it stings like a viper, your eyes will see strange things and your heart will utter perverse things." He says, "Yeah, you'll be one who lies down in the midst of the sea or one who lies at the top of the massing. They have struck me, but I was not hurt. They have beaten me, but I didn't feel it. And when will I awake that I might seek another drink?" Someone's like, man, you linger with this substance. It's gonna do something to you. There's this consequence that comes with it. There's something happening. And he says at the end, what is the result? He's like the person wakes up and they're like, "Where's the next drink?" I don't know about you, but I have friends of mine, and they lost so much of their life to a substance. They never started that way. They never started with that. This is what I wanna be when I grow up. And our kids, they're friends because you don't only have influence in your own kids life, you have influence in their lives as well. So many kids being raised in our world today with this, there's no guard over the substance. And there's this lingering, the lingering that's happening even in young minds and young ages, it's building something. It's leading to something because they chose to linger. Romans, Paul says to Romans, he says, "Don't you know that whatever you choose to obey, you become a slave to. You can choose to become obedient to the Lord. And to righteousness or to a slave." And it's like, "This lingering." Man, every man has it. Every man has a lingering heart. Where's it? Where's it lingering? Solomon goes on to explain this even more. So this one may be more familiar to you. It's Proverbs chapter seven. He says this, "Well, I was at the window of my house looking through the curtains." He says, "I saw some naive young men." They look at our culture and say, "I see some naive young men." It's like, they should know better, right? And Solomon's like, "Listen, son, he's like, I'm looking out the window and I see this whole group of them, these naive young men." And he's like, "But there's one in particular who lacks common sense." Or like, "That's still the same today." He says, "He was crossing the street near the house of an immoral woman, strolling down the path by her house." Here's a whole bunch of guys that were involved, but then there's this one who like, when the others have moved on, he still lingers. Why? Because there's a lingering heart. He says, "He lingers in that place." And Solomon's like, "He says, son, let me tell you how the story ends. This guy doesn't realize it's going to cost him his life." The end of Proverbs seven, it talks about the woman arrives home or the rest of the story unfolds. And here's how it goes. It says verse 21, "So she seduced him with her pretty speech and enticed him with her flattery. He followed her at once like an ox going to the slaughter. He was like a stag caught in a trap, awaiting the arrow that would pierce his heart. He was like a bird flying into a snare, little knowing it would cost him his life, cost him his life." You know, maybe the angry husband showed up. We don't really know how it cost him his life. But I've met many, many a man in church and in life, who've lost their life to something like this. They lingered in a place too long and it cost them their marriage. It cost them their relationship with their kids. It just cost them. And it's not that they're dead. They're still alive, but they've lost life. The cost of the lingering. Maybe you're familiar with a couple that was at a co-play concert recently. And the camera went and caught them lingering a little too long. That didn't start that night. But it hasn't ended since then either. They're still talking to these folks. They're still sharing their stories about how much it's costing them. Because it's a tricky thing that that lingering heart. They've lost jobs, family, respect, reputation. And so Solomon, in Proverbs 7, he says, "Listen to me, my sons. Pay attention to my words." I was in the Jason Weening, I think it's his name. The guy who's just talked about the Sabbath and technology. And he was like, "Man, as the parent, he's like, you can tell your kids. Listen, I'm checking your phones. I'm going to be the one to set restrictions. My kids call me Captain Restriction right now in our home. But I'm like, listen, my sons. Pay attention to my words. Don't let your heart stray towards her. Don't wander down her wayward path where she has been the ruin of many. Many have been her victim. Her house is the road to the grave, her bedroom, the den of death. Solomon's like a good father, man. He's warning his sons. He's like, don't let your heart slinger there. Don't let your heart slinger there, because it will affect your life. There's a great resource mentioned it earlier is about heart-based parenting. Where it's like, man, we're after the heart of our kids. Not just the education, the heart of our kids. Where is there heart lingering? Because we all have one. We all have a heart that lingers. And where it goes will affect our life. And see this. Let me read these examples in Proverbs. They're all nameless, faceless people. It's like there's that teenage kid who sleeps in too much. He's going to be poor. There's that guy who stays-- he's drinking too much. He's going to pay for that. Or there's that dumb young kid who's been around that woman should have saw a comment. But they're all nameless. They're all faceless. But what I've realized in life is all of those accounts have real names and have real faces. You know in my life, maybe in yours, you know people. You're like, yeah, I know people that it's their story. There's a real name. There's a real face. It really does happen in that way. It really does work that way. And Solomon-- he really didn't have to go very far to find a real name and a real face. Solomon's dad, David. It's a conundrum because he's the man with a man after God's own heart. But then he has a heart that's capable of some of the following stuff. Solomon was the product of it. And you know the story, right? David-- you can read in Second Samuel 11. David-- it says that all the kings go to war and David lingers at home. And it's that famous story where David gets up after his nap and he's lingering up on his house looking. And what does he see? He sees a beautiful woman bathing. I don't know why she was there. It doesn't matter why she was there. It's what he does next. He lingers in his look on her. And after that, he lingers in his mind on the thoughts of what he would like to do with her. And that leads him to that thing of telling one of his servants, go get her for me. And everything's fine. Everything is fine until the messenger comes back and says, I'm pregnant. And it's like that turkey moment from the hunter's story. Everything was fine until boom, it is it. So we talk about this lingering heart. It's like, man, we can see over and over that the lingering-- there's something powerful about it. David doesn't know it yet. He doesn't even realize in that moment, even after he gets pot. He doesn't even realize in his lingering that's going to change the rest of his life. The rest of his life. That's the power of it. He doesn't realize he's going to murder a man to try and cover his tracks. He doesn't realize that he's going to lose his reputation with his children. He's going to lose the ability to parent his children because they no longer respect him. That's all lost in the lingering. It's all lost in the lingering because there's such a power there. There's a famous statement that says, sin will take you farther than you want to go. Keep you longer than you want to stay and cost you more than you want to pay. Paul, he writes to the Romans in Romans 6, he says, "Hey, should we keep on sitting because there's grace?" He's like, "No, don't linger there because there will be a problem." And I think, we talk about this at the end of the day, it's like, "Wow, this is like a heavy thing." Here's some things to consider. There's a lot of areas where hearts want a linger that aren't terrible things. There aren't terrible things. For instance, we're right here. Hearts like to linger on these kinds of things. It's like Netflix, linger on Netflix for a little while. Then it's like, "I'm going to watch the next episode. It's funny how they just automatically think you're going to watch the next one and it starts without you even clicking." It's like, "Why? My kids, man, it's like daily dose of internet and Mark Rober and Mr. Beast is like, "It's going to watch the next, it's programming. It knows your heart will linger and so it programs to get you there and you lose that time that you never get back. You linger on marketplace. Anybody else? Oh, man. You spend money. You don't have to buy stuff. You don't need to oppress people. You don't even like and you're stuck. Why? Because it was like the lingerie. I don't know how many Highland cows I've almost bought in the last little while. If there was Highland cows anonymous, I probably need to check in. It is like, "What is the lingering? Are you linger at work?" Because you did spend too much money and I just need a little overtime to pay the bills and you linger just to make another dollar. You don't realize it costs you the relationship of watching your children grow up. It's such a powerful thing. It doesn't end with those kind of things. You can linger at work or in a flirty conversation with somebody and end up more emotionally or physically involved than you ever planned. But it was the lingering in the early moment. The lingering online, you end up watching inappropriate stuff on here or on computers. You linger in thoughts of negativity and you end up depressed. You linger in thoughts of self-pity and then find out, "Yeah, you're the only one who pities you and you're all alone." You linger in unforgiveness and you end up bitter. I talk about this because I think if we're honest, we would look and say, "Man, it's not just some guys from Proverbs, it's not just some king from the Old Testament. It's real guys. Real guys. Real guys like people we know or real guys like you and like me." I think about this. I've come across so many that have experienced the negative consequences of lingering. Too many to count. I need to be honest. I don't know your story. I mean, I can hang out here for a while and maybe get to know some. But I imagine there's somewhere in your life where you're like, "Yeah, I could say that power of the lingering has happened." But I know it in my. One of the things we talk about with men is, "Man, we need to be more vulnerable, but we rarely do it." I would recommend just going to be vulnerable than anybody and everybody. But for the sake of this talk today, I'd like to say that this has been very true for me. Very true for me. I struggle with addiction for years as a Christian and as a pastor. And it was like, "Man, people would like look at my life and think, "Man, you probably got all together." That's what I thought they thought. But not deep down inside. There was a consequence of the lingering in my life. And I found out that the boom comes. And it was like, "Man, things that hurt my life, hurt my children, hurt my walk with Christ." He still loved me. But man, it affected me. James like this nasty master that that weighs on us. And I'm like, "How did I get here? I never saw that it was from the lingering. I didn't realize that in the in the moment. Nobody told me, "Hey, it's the lingering." And so today, as I talk about this, man, by the grace of God, I'm not the man I once was. And today, I'd like, it's not what it was talks from like, "Hey, you guys go out there and do better. What I want to share with you is this." Because all the negative, all of that stuff, all the like that discomfort, there's a really, really some really, really good news in this talk today. And it's this. That was the same power of lingering that got me stuck. It's the same, it's that same thing that got me free. The lingering, the lingering is that lingering heart. It's a multi tool for everything. It works in all kinds of things. And so what I've discovered was the power of lingering in a different place. And man, the fruit of us a result. Let me leave you the couple examples of this today from the other side of it. Again, from scripture, there's a guy named Joshua and famous guy, Joshua thought the battle of Jericho. In Exodus chapter 33, we read about a guy named Moses. And it says this, "Moses, it was his practice to go to the tent of meeting to meet with the Lord. And everyone who wants to meet or make a request to the Lord would go and meet outside the camp. But inside the tabernacle Moses was talking with the Lord face to face as one speaks to a friend. After that, Moses would return to the camp, but the young man who assisted him Joshua, the son of none, he would remain behind at the tent of the meeting. He would linger back there. And I'm not a you, but man, when I read about Moses and being with the Lord, I'm like, well, of course, Moses is going to be. And maybe I think that thought, well, you know, past your spending time just lingering the presence of the Lord, well, of course, he's going to do that. But what I realized is that Joshua wasn't a leader. He wasn't the pastor. He's just the regular guy. And when Moses would go, Joshua would stay where he knew the presence of the Lord was. Later on, we read stories about Joshua. What do we read about him? He's one of the guys chosen to be one of the spies. He goes out and spies off the land, but he's one of two who comes back and says, no, we can trust God. How does he know he can trust God? Where did he learn that? It's where he lingered. It's where he lingered that caused that knowing of the Lord to say, you know what? God can do this. He's the guy who famously said, as for me in my house, we're going to serve the Lord. And sure, then a man who lingered in the presence of God and his heart wants more. Here's the truth about lingering. It's like this, though phrase we coined, it's like this, where you linger longer, you'll long to linger, where you linger longer, you'll long to linger. We'll say it together. Where you linger longer, you'll long to linger. And I hope you wake up in the middle of the night like, why am I thinking about it? Because that's the truth of it. That's how it works. It's like, were you choose to linger longer? Your heart begins to long for that. And we have so many times where it's like, we just feel stuck and we don't realize, well, I got to do, do, do, do, to get out of it. That's how you end up in burnout. That's how you end up in depression, everything else. The realization was, man, I just got to linger in a different place in a different time. There was, you know, we think realizing that Joshua did, wasn't just a man thing. Mary, such a famous example of that. Luke chapter 10, if you read the story of Mary and Martha, man, it really should have been men. I'm sorry, Mary and Martha, but this story, like when you hear about it and you read about Martha, she's like, she says to Jesus, Jesus, don't you care that all this work isn't getting done? That sounds like a very man thing to me. Like, all this work has to be done. And I'm going to do it. And I'm going to make sure all the work is done. And then Jesus, maybe there's time for you. When I, we're so pre-programmed in our hearts and in our minds to be busy, do, do, do. And I say it from my own perspective as well. As a pastor, man, I spent tons of time reading the work, tons of time, prayer, why? Because it was my job. But that's not how it works. That's not where the benefit is. It's in the, just in the lingering for him to, to just simply be with the Lord. And I talked about earlier, if you didn't hear the talk on Sabbath previously here, man, I would encourage you to go listen to that one when you get home. That was from Mr. Weening, the idea of just carving out some time and saying, God, I just want to be aware of you. In this moment right now, we're in the presence of the Lord. So you realize that? Well, we're like, well, of course, he's everywhere. And he is always everywhere. But our awareness of him is the thing that gets disconnected. We're like, I'm going to do this. Oh, I got to do this. Oh, and busy, busy, busy. Or linger. Oh, maybe, we don't spend a little bit more time here. I don't know what it is for you. But there's something that draws on our hearts all the time. Martha, Jesus, don't you care that all this work isn't getting done? Actually, no, I don't care. I don't care most about that at all. Because that's where anxiety and trouble and stress come is what he says. There's only one thing that matters. Mary's discovered it. It's not only discovered. She is chosen. She is chosen. I was reminded of when Paul meets Jesus for the first time on the road to Damascus. He asks them two questions. He says, who are you, Lord? And what do you want me to do for you? And most of us flip those two. We're like, what do you want me to do, Lord? What do you want me to do? He's like, I just want you to get to know me. And you say in here, like, really? I went to this talk and he's going to say, I just want you to, to avoid to get to know Jesus more. That's so like cliche. You know, I see it in the life of Jesus. I see it in the life of Jesus where man, he would just spend time away from ministry, spend time just alone with the Father, spend time just listening. And if Jesus needed, man, we do. And we talk about this just simply being aware, attentive, intentional about the three S's. Silent. solitude and Sabbath. Silence, solitude and Sabbath. If you would choose to linger there for a while. In silence, solitude, Sabbath, what? Silence, man. It's like when we pray. It's like at the end of our prayer, amen. It's like, I'm just going to, God, I'm just going to sit here for a minute and wait to see if you have anything to say. God, here's my heart. I'm just here and I'm just going to sit inside. I'm going to put a set of time around my phone for four minutes. Lord, that's what you get. Man, four is probably more than he's been getting to borrow up. It's like, I just, God, it's just me. I'm just here. See, a lot of us, we just have a hard time just being. The hard time being, being who we are around other people. We have a hard time being alone. We have a hard time being ourselves. We have a hard time being quiet. We should have a hard time being. And so we do, do, do. And, you know, I thought it's so interesting. And my last talk at the end, people have questions. Most of the questions were, hey, how do you know when you're burning out? Why? Man, we just have this something in something around us is causing us to linger in the due rather than in the B. And I want to, I want to finish with this thought and then we'll take some questions if there are any or you just get to go home early. Taking time for it. Taking time for it. I say this most of the time our struggle is that we're like, I don't know how I'm going to find time to do that. If you saw my schedule, you would know I don't have time to just, you know, be quiet, be silent, be alone. I got a wife and kids and I got a job and I got all this. I realized something recently that we're really good at finding time for the thing that we value. So, friend of mine called me the other day and said, hey, I got tickets to the Buffalo Sabers game, playoff game at home. He's like, are you in? And I'm like, heck, yes, I am. And he's like, darn, I was hoping you would say no so I could give these tickets away. I'm like, well, I know who you could give those tickets to. And I looked at my, he's like, what is it? Tuesday night. I looked at my calendar, Tuesday full of stuff, Tuesday night full of stuff. I guess how many minutes it took me to rearrange all that? About 20. And they were like, this meeting is postponed. This one's moved. I'm not doing this. I felt it's iring right and everything. Why? Because Buffalo Sabers hockey hasn't happened in 15 years and the Leafs suck. So sorry, don't I say that. But I'm like, I'm going to make it happen. I guess what? We carved out like six hours of time. We have the ability. We just don't always see the value in it. You know, CS Lewis, like he said earlier, he said, I'm busy because I'm lazy. I just lazy that everything else fill my schedule instead of realizing the value of lingering. And for us, I would say that same thing. We sometimes haven't realized the value of it. And I didn't realize the value of either. I read a book three times. I don't read books. Maybe you can tell. I read a book three times about this emotionally healthy spirituality. I'm like, this is great. That's a good idea. I'm going to do this someday one day, maybe. And I'll read it again. And I just couldn't get there. Then I burnt out. And I'm like, OK, nothing else to do. I'm going to read this book. And I'm going to do this stuff. I'm going to practice Sabbath. I'm going to sit in silence. I'm going to spend some time in solitude. And I just, I know what's happening. I honestly, I had a chair in my house. I would go to it. I would sit here. I would be like, OK, Lord, I'm just going to like try and focus on you. I think. And I'd wait 30 seconds later. I'm balling my eyes out. Sorry. It's only men here. Yeah. Okay. Just trying like full bar. I'm like, what is going on? Like get a hold of yourself, man. I was like, you know what? No one's here. No one cares. The only one who does knows and just man. Crime. Like, man, I'm not doing that again. Next day, man, go sit in the chair. I'm like, God. It's just me. I don't even know what to pray. But I'm here. And I believe you are. And then just sat in silence. I didn't feel goosebumps. I didn't hear voices from above. Like attention came our shoppers. Like, I didn't hear any of that. See, I don't want to paint a picture for you. That's like, Oh, it's supposed to be like this and like this. No, like I didn't think anything was happening. Three weeks go by like that. Three weeks. I'm like, man, I got a problem. I'm like, I need to like check in somewhere. Like, dude, should not cry this much. And I didn't know that something was happening here. All I knew is that I was like, Jesus, I just want you. I don't know. I mean, I can't pass. I preach. But I just want you. I know what happened for me. I walked into a store one day. And I saw something. I was connected to my addiction. And I saw and I was like instantly in my mind. There was this sentence. I don't want that anymore. I want you. And I was like, something's different in my whole life. And struggles with addiction and everything else. It was always I don't want that. I don't I'll do anything because I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want that. But I never had the. I want you. And in the I want you in the lingering to this. It was like, man, I realize you can't go to directions at the same time. It was just allowing my heart to linger here. But we're incredible fruit in my life. I became a better dad, a better husband, a better father, better pastor. She's a better person. Why? Because the power of a lingering heart works both ways. And so today, man, I hope that when you go home, you're like, what did I learn? I just go, honey, I just got a linger. I got to go to my room and linger. She'd be like, what's wrong with you? Don't worry about it. Then I'm telling you, she will thank you. My wife and I have had this conversation over and over. That power of just simply lingering. I didn't know what it was doing. Just like when you linger in the other way, you don't know what it's doing until boom. And my prayer for you is that you'll have that same experience of just like, I'm going to linger with him. And Lord, you can do whatever you want to do. And I'll tell you this, like some people ask me about freedom and all that kind of stuff. And it's like, do you ever, is there ever still temptation? Heck yes, there is. Of course there is. The battle always goes, Satan's not giving up till you dead. I'm not dead yet. And that thing is there. But I'll learn something. I just know now. It's like, man, I just need to be lingering here. So this morning, before I came here. But I was in the barn. Of course today decided that it's going to be a great day to screw everything up and waste much of my time. I rewrote the talk multiple times. And I'm like, I got to rewrite the talk one more time. And I'm like, you know what? No, what I need went to the chair. It's like, Lord, up to you. My prayer today is that he speaks to you. You don't leave this conference talking about some person or something. But just in your mind, the other. I know I need to linger with you. And maybe your experience has been like, I don't know what God's going to think. Let me tell you what he thinks because he lingers too. I love the story of the prodigal son. I love the story about the dad. He's at the end of the driveway. He's just waiting every day. Just wait. You're going to come today? Is he going to come today? I feel like it's like he's by the chair. Is it going to come today? Because if he does all man. It's not that he loves you any less. But it's something happens in that moment. And so every man's multi tool for life. You're like, I thought it was going to be better. It's simpler. It's simpler. You have a lingering heart. Everyone around you does your children do your wife does. Where is it lingering? Because there's such a power in that. I don't challenge you with this. Choose wisely where you linger. Even if you don't feel something. It's like, I'm just going to I'm going to linger in these areas. It's like maybe I've seen the other one hanging out with your kids at bedtime. It's like, I want to pull my air out like kid, just go to bed and believe I have stopped to do. I've learned how to linger. I've learned some great conversations with my kids. Linger in relationships that are positive and good. Linger in the in the you know in conversations with your wife about all those wife. You just really don't care about it will be better for your marriage. It's incredible. The power of lingering when you use it not right. And so today. And that is my prayer. That is my hope. I appreciate the chance the opportunity for you guys to to be here and to be a part of it. Hope is helpful for you. And if not, maybe they won't invite me back. But I was a pleasure. Spend this afternoon with you. So I don't have a timer today. Oh, hello. How are we doing? 12 minutes. So we have two options. One, we can take some questions or two, we can pray and leave. So let's start with one. Any questions? That question is great. How many had of cows cattle do I have? I have 10 highland cows. They are Instagram famous. I have a bull named Carl who loves you and would love to throw you over offense the next moment. They are man. They are my like Sabbath place when 90 time away from people. That's where I go. The cows do not talk back. They are just. They're just. I don't know. They're. They're like great animal and they taste good too for those who want to. Great question. I think sometimes we think of Sabbath as like this ritualistic thing. I love how he said is what are you delighted? Now I am in the garden pulling weeds on Sabbath till that one week feels like that's work I'm done. Right. So whatever, whatever it may be. Any thoughts? Any of you have anything to add? Maybe that might be a good question. as well. Yes. Yes. So do you have any tips for catching yourself when you linger in the not good? Yeah, there's a couple of things. Like I think my struggle was for years, that I can't get that long. But there were things I recognized. I always recognized them. You know your habits and your patterns. What you're doing with lingering is saying, I recognize that, but I'm just going to change where I linger. So often we're like, we're like fix it guys, right? Here's the problem. I'll fix the problem because we think it's right here, but it's not there. It's here. And so it's like, I'm going to do something different. I would maybe ask this question. Anybody here know or recognize when you're lingering in the wrong places? A few. I would say that that that that function has a name. He's the Holy Spirit. He's like, he's going to prompt you. It's like usually that still small voice is a whole lot better than the bone. You know, I, man, I can share this. I have a friend of mine. We, we, now it's like two quick, two quick stories. So a friend of mine, he was in my youth group when we, when I was an early youth pastor, he was one of my youth. He saw kind of hypocrisy in the churches, what he said. He'd be able to linger with these other fellas. He became a hell of angel. So he went that way and I went the other way. And we, we remained friends for 25 years. He did all kinds of craziness that I can't say on record. And I didn't do a lot of that stuff. And yet we remained close and connected. The boom happened in his life in January this year. Everything caught up to him. He'd done jail time. He'd done a whole lot of things that, whatever, but his wife found out about some things. And all of a sudden it was like the boom. His whole life as he knew it was, was, was, was done. And I saw God just do a miraculous thing in him. That's where he realized he finally hit rock bottom, the money, the guys, nothing else satisfied or could carry him. And he realized, man, I've lingered in the wrong place. He's come back to the Lord. He is like on fire for the Lord. He's still lost everything. And yet I've watched God do incredible, incredible redemption in his life. And that's why I believe there's hope for anyone, whether it's in this room or anybody you may know that that there's, there's always a, a good end to that story. And so maybe you're looking like, man, I've, I failed. I failed. And I failed. My buddy wrote a song, this same one. He's like, if God could save a sinner like me, he could save anyone. And not just save as in salvation. I was a Christian when I needed rescuing you know, and I say that same thing. He can do that for you. And the other thing is, as a dad, we don't always realize the impact moments we have in our kids lives. And they can be really, really powerful for good or for negative. So for instance, when my children found out about my struggle, my goodness, that was those were really hard conversations. But they've led to good ones of like sons don't linger where I did because the same will happen for you. You have to tell your daughter. And this, this is where I linger. Those, those things, I wish on nobody to have those conversations. But I also saw just the, the truth of, of the impact that, that a father can have in their children's lives for good or for bad. And I'm reminded of one thing when I was a child. So when my parents became believers in Jesus, they went to church all their lives, but they finally, my dad finally became like a true follower of Christ. He began to linger in times of prayer. I would see my dad take you times of prayer. And I was like, it's, that's vaguely in my mind. But what happens is, what happens here affects your responses and your reactions. We were talking about burnout in the last session. You know, your responses and your reactions are all out of whack. That's what happens here. So when my little brother was four years old, I was about 10, I think at that time. My dad was talking to a guy across the road. My little brother went to the end of the driveway and water truck drove by and my brother ran across to my dad and a pickup truck was going 80 kilometers now and hit him. And through him 60 feet through the air, broke eight of his ribs, fractured his skull, punctured his organs. And my dad saw like right in front of him. And my dad's reaction will never, will never leave my mind. He ran to the house where we were, the other four kids, he yelled down the stairs, kids, come here, come here. He says Lenny's just been hit by a truck. And I don't know what you would do in those moments. It's like call 911 or, you know, we're going to, everybody run out there, whatever was going to be, he just simply grabbed us all on the front entrance and said, guys, we're just going to pray. We're just going to pray. I knew that the neighbors had called 911, found that out later. I knew that somebody was taking care of my brother out on that road that day. I found that out later. I didn't know that then. What I knew then though was that something had changed in my dad's reaction from where he had lingered. And at that moment, it was like, man, man, oh man, it matters. And those kind of impactful moments, you can't, like you can't orchestrate them. It's, it's, it comes out of what's in here. So this heart, it matters more than anything else. Not as more than anything else. I don't know if that answered your question. Sorry, I'm a storyteller. Anybody else? Yes. Sure. So you're, oh man, how do I, so yes, he mentioned that in a previous session, I mentioned that your heart matters more than charisma. I believe what I says virtue and character matter more than be, than your charisma and then your skill set. So for instance, I, being a pastor, I'm aware of so many pastors who have real great skills and talents, but their character never gets developed along the way. And so I was in a church where they, you know, the pastor had just this epic fall. He had thousands of people in the service, but no, the character wasn't there. And we, we, we tend to look at people and, and see what we see on the outside or see what we say. And so today, my hope in being a little bit vulnerable with you is saying, there's a heart in the heart of every minute. There's something on the inside there. And that only, that only matters by the grace of God, I still get to do what I get to do, get to share with you guys, those kind of things because of him. It's not because of me. And I feel like that's the most important thing is that our hearts now, are they truly lingering after him? It's what he died on the cross for, right? That's what he paid for. It's like, man, can we know him? And, and man, he does it. So yeah, I would say if you're developing anything in your children, it's going after their heart. Where's their heart lingering? Because many of the enemies after them too. It's, it's always on. So yeah, that's why it matters more. Yes. Cool. Well, we are down to our last two minutes. So let me pray for us. If you want, questions want to chat after happy to, but yeah, Father, thank you. Lord, I want to say thank you for what you've done in my life. The reality of who you are, your more than a story, your more than, more than words on a page. Truly are good. Truly are an amazing, amazing Father. And, Lord, as we got in this room today, maybe we came with different reasons of why we were going to be here, but you know, it's a Lord today. I just asked that you would continue to do in my life, where you're doing, continue to do in these men, what you desire to do. Lord, help us. Help us. I pray, Holy Spirit, make us aware, remind us, remind us of the, in the times where our hearts are, are taking us in places that you don't desire for them to go. Lord, draw us. Pray for a lingering, to be stirred up in the hearts of each of these men, that that might not only affect their lives, but that their kids might become good lingers in your presence. Lord, may we be aware of you. The rest of this day, may we live it out to your glory, because you deserve nothing less. Jesus, thank you for the cross. Thank you for who you are. We commit the rest of this day to you. In your name, Amen. Amen.