Ethan Got Lit On Fire!

- We're in week. - Big day yesterday, okay? - Big day yesterday. - Huge day, massive opening to this episode. - Hello everybody, welcome to Sean's Big Day. - Thank you, thank you everybody. Three cheers for the little guy. - Hip hip, hooray. - We went to, no, one is enough. - We went to, who needs three cheers? - Four kind of narcissistic twilight needs three cheers. - Three cheers. - Well, how many people ask for cheers for themselves? Usually it's like, "Three cheers for this guy." - Oh, why three? Just be like, "Everyone, give it up for." - No, no. - Anyway, we went out and got roast on a Saturday instead of Sunday. We went to a garden center with P. Jean-Sophie, epic, fucking caravory, got the works, full as a boss. Then went to an arsecraft store. Fucking awesome. I forget why I was telling this story. - Because you had a big day. You had a big day, it was Saturday. - Oh, yeah. And then after that, we watched Godfather Part Two. I've now seen the first two Godfather movies, which I've never seen before. Massive. Then I got Sharkootery afterwards, because he was eating like, "Jesus and Meets" in the movie. Got red wine. - Dude, I was ready to jizz 'em. Are you excited to watch the Godfather Part Three? - The Godfather Three. - Not really. Let's not watch that one, because everyone says it's bad. But I feel like we need to round out the story. - Yeah, I haven't seen the Godfather Part Three. And I haven't seen the first two Godfather's since I was child. So I should watch them again, because I don't really remember much other than the horse in the bed. - Yeah. We were watching, and I forgot that that came from the Godfather, because I'd seen it and everything else over the years. And then they cut to the guy's bed, and I was like, "He has a horse. It's the scene. Here it comes." [laughs] Like the meme, like, "Watch." - Did you go to the same place that we wouldn't got the roast? - No. - That was a much better place than we went to, because that was like an actual pub. - I think of that place, fondly. It was so small. - Yeah. - It was so small in there. - Like, little hobbit house. - It's so cozy. - A hobbit house. - A hobbit house. - A hobbit house. - A hobbit house. - So cozy in my life. - Oh, really God. - You got that cozy with us? - Yeah, it was so cozy. I was like, "Wow, wow." And there was a fire right next to me. And actually, at one point, I got a little too cozy, because I started sweating from all the roasts. - It's like when you're. [laughs] - You got the bean sweats. - Yeah. - When you're a kid and you sit in front of the fire, and you're like, "Is this kind of like drying on my eyeballs?" But I'm just gonna stay here. - Mm-hmm. - And it's like, I face feels like I'm-- - I'm like, "I'm a tackled pork skin." - Yeah, this is not good for me anymore, but it's fine. I'm cozy. - I used to sit in front of a fireplace when I was a kid, and just like, "Have my fucking ass right to it." And then, whatever was time to stop, my mother would just go out your burning. [laughs] - I must have been a liar, because my pants were on fire. - Uh-huh, baby. - Dran leak! - Sean out there, there's some creepy criminals that have got your information. They've got all your stuff right, and they're posting it all over the place. - You don't want that to you. - No, I don't like that. - No, you don't. You know, data brokers, they sell your information to scammers, spammers, and anyone who may want to target you. You're full email. You're full name, your health records, your relative's health records. They're at everything. - I didn't even know my health records and my relatives' health records. - I don't know, but I do. But you can't find mine, because I've been using Aura, the sponsor of today's episode. All right? - Aura shows me which data brokers are selling my information and automatically submits, opt-out, request for me. I don't have to go in there and say, "Hey, take down this stuff." Aura does it all for me. All right? - Whoa, and it's really easy to set up. So I don't have to download several different apps to get things like anti-fires, VPN, password management, perendual tools, identity theft insurance and more. I get everything at one affordable price. - That's right. Listen, you may already have one or two of these tools already, but not having Aura is like locking the front door and leaving the back door. - Oh, what? Open, Mike. - My back door is so open. (laughs) Listen, Aura's always on doing the hard work of keeping me safe. It can keep you safe. And I can focus on other tasks with peace of mind. - I want to be safe. I'm going to be safe. I'm going to go to Aura.com/brainleak. - Yeah. That's right. Aura.com/brainleak. Value your privacy. Like I value your privacy. - Yeah, stop data brokers from exposing your personal information. Get a 14 day free trial and see how much of yours is being sold. You deserve it. You deserve good things. - Aura.com/brainleak. (laughs) - Bravely! - Have you ever set yourself on fire? - No. - Back? - Like self-immolation? - Yeah, like you accidentally burned yourself. Like burned yourself as in, there was a flame upon you. - Um, yeah. - With like the older and cans. (laughs) - You let yourself on fire with the older and cans? - Yeah, when you were a kid and you get a lighter in a deodorant can, you go (blows) - Oh, yeah. - And you're like, "Whoa, that's awesome." And then it was like, "Let's spray it on my hand and see if it works." (laughs) - Don't do it. - Don't do it. - We're professionals. - Don't do it. - I never did that when I was, I did the deodorant thing, but I was never brave enough to put it on my hand. But I did, I did have someone light me on fire shortly after. - Shortly after, creator clash. There was like a little party that, uh, everybody got together and had a little party and there were people there that were doing fire stuff. And then they were like, "Does anyone want to volunteer?" "Well, light part of you on fire and we'll put it out." And I was like, "I do it. You just did a new set." - It's probably fine. - I just went a boxing match. I'm invincible right now. - Let me on fire. Go ahead. Go ahead. - Go ahead, see if you can light these Steelers on flame. - Yeah, it was crazy. It was so cool. - What did you get lit on fire? - My crotch. - I got my crotch lit on fire. - Ooh, I was gonna joke at your self-cock fire. - Yeah, cock fire, dude. - It's crazy. - That's cool. - Oh, it was my cock was on fire. - Yeah, it was kind of, it was kind of crazy and fun. I want to do a video where I go and see a stunt person and I want to get my whole body lit on fire. - I don't think you're allowed to do that. - No, you can. - I think you need lots of training. - No, no, no, they put you in the thing and then they, you know, there's a whole thing to it. - Wait, can you actually do that? - Yeah. - 'Cause I feel like-- - I've been able to do that. - Inhaling flame is bad. And you need to be like trained to. - I think, I think I like this little life. - Do you breathe when stunt men are lit on fire? - Isn't it like the heat? Like you can't breathe 'cause the heat will go into your fucking lungs and burn your bronchioles? - Interesting. - How do you-- - You just said, I want to go get lit on fire. And how you're like, can you breathe fire? (laughing) 'Cause there's also like, okay, like petrol, chemical, caracene or whatever they light you with. - Yeah, well, they put like a big gel all over your body. They make you see, don't get burnt. - So when stunt performers are lit on fire, they wear a special clothing which insulates them from the fire. Similar what this man did, that's not-- - That's better, better, better. - Usually it is a flammable liquid or a gel that is used and it is the fumes form that it is burning off. So for the first few seconds, you don't feel much. After that, you are relying on the protective clothing. The stunt person would also not want to be breathing in any super heated gases from the fire. So they may have to use a face piece as well. - Oh, interesting. - So don't breathe. - Really? - Don't breathe flame. - Well, I did have an idea for today. - Okay. - I thought. (groaning) - I have to find the thing. - I have never heard you think before. - Neither have I. - Okay. Actually, I have heard myself think before. Every time I think I'm making some sort of noise or making some weird face and then there's not really a lot of thinking going on. It's mostly-- - It's usually your other side of you that's British comes out. - Dead. It's just kind of a weird purgatory that my brain goes to. I can slip into it so easily with it. - You're doing it right now. (laughing) - Okay. What I was going to say was-- - I've been an asshole before. You've been an asshole before. Everyone around us has been an asshole before. We've all been assholes. Okay. So why not peruse the internet and look at a couple of posts from a very popular subreddit called the ass. - I am an asshole. Am I the asshole? A Reddit subreddit where people post, hey, here's the scenario. Am I the asshole here? - Yeah. Usually it's like, please tell me I'm not. the asshole. Oh please, for the love of God, I don't want to be a bad guy. I kicked my dog when he came down with two perkylosis. Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole? Please. The top one for today is am I the asshole for divorcing my husband because he's extremely overweight? What's the old time one? What is the old time one? Hold on wait. Am I the asshole for telling my husband I told you so and laughing at me when we got the paternity test results? Oh, that's some real shit. Okay, so top of all time is am I the asshole for telling my wife the lock of my daughter's door? Does not get removed to my brother-in-law and his daughters are out of the house. Oh, wait, are we on different subreddits? I am on AITAH. Oh, I'm on R slash am I the asshole? That has 17 million members. How many does yours have? Oh? 1.6. This is fucking baby time. Baby time baby. Baby time. Oh, this is way better now. We're fucking cooking. Right. Right. Let's look at this month. What's happened this month? Am I oh here we go? Am I the asshole for spending my son's university fund on a trip to Europe to drink beer like I always threatened instead of giving it to his step brother after he passed away? Yes Oh my god Everyone's saying not the asshole so let's let's give it a peruse all right My son was smart smarter than me. I almost requested a paternity test because he was so damn intelligent That is a joke My accident I divorced when when he was about 12. She remarried when he was 14 I did when he was 16. I had an RESP setup for him. I don't know. Oh, that's an that's an education fund in Canada As long as he went for post-secondary education he could use the money for anything for anything I always told them that I was okay with him not going to university That way I could use the money I had saved up for him to go to Belgium and buy some beer From monks that only allow you to buy one case He knew I was joking and he always played along he wouldn't He wouldn't let me get his goat wait when he got accepted you went to Belgium to buy beer from monks I guess this is the weirdest When he got accepted to McGill it was the proudest moment of my life I took him out for a beer to celebrate his achievement and more in the loss of my trip to Europe my son was struck and killed by a drug Driver and March she is dealing with it my ex is dealing with it my wife has been nothing but my rock in this She's holding me up. I was dealing with the funeral arrangements and everything when my ex came to talk to me about his money She knew he had a scholarship and was Just going to use the money for living expenses and an emergency fund. She asked me what I was going to do with it I said I was going to do what I said I always would I was going to Europe to drink beer she asked If she could have it for her stepson I thought about it and said no her husband is a decent enough person But he made it clear that he wasn't responsible for any expenses for my son beyond food and shelter and stuff obviously Like I said, he's decent I said I was not I said I was not going to do that that I was going to drink beer in my son's honor She said I'm wasting thousands of dollars and I guess I am I have to give back I Have to give back the government portion of the fund, but I don't care my ex thinks I'm being stupid and irresponsible and Wasting my son's money like this I don't care my son would laugh his ass off if he knew I actually did it Okay, I wish you're not the asshole. I've rescind my asshole I think grief is difficult and everyone deals with it differently and you do whatever you feel Plus yeah, strangers on the internet don't know you so who really gives a fuck? Yeah, I also I would also like to point out that I don't know how realistic any of these are because I don't know if I got into That situation with anybody that I would go to Reddit to seek validation for anything Yeah, so you can never tell if something's made up or if it's real, but this one feels real my My thing here is when I originally Read the title I didn't realize that it was I thought it said giving it to his oh Yeah, his step brother. Yeah, I didn't understand the the hierarchy of what he was trying to say Yeah, and so she She the ex wife wanted to use that money to give to her stepson Which would have no relation to the original father/poster of the story So now I'm like oh well, it's just yeah Yes, his money that he set aside for his son watch it her steps on get it. Yes. 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I'm gonna be like oh I'm going poo mode I'm going poo mode baby poo mode going dark every morning I drink a cup of coffee at least one usually two This is not the and am I the asshole story, but it is about my asshole. Okay, so as it should be you know, it's brainly So I started Taking a class recently and I had the first the first day of class the other day And I woke up and I went to the coffee machine and I was like I can't have my coffee today because I'm afraid that I'll have this coffee and then I'll have to poop during class And I can't do that. We afraid of shitting in front of the whole class Yeah, I was afraid of shitting in front of the whole class show and tell You can can you show what you everyone you brought to the class today Just don't try to dude. Oh, yeah brother If you had to bring something from your house Say you were doing a show and tell now, okay, like this is for everybody. I know from this - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody, you are your age now. And you have to bring in something for show and tell, okay? It's maybe you're having a get together and the theme is show and tell. All right, calm down, all right. I think this is an interesting, thought experiment. - Okay. - What would you bring in to show and tell about? Are they friends or strangers? - That's a good question. - Because strangers-- - I was easy. I would just bring like a 10 million subscriber button or like a comic book or my gold record. And like just, I have so much shit that I could just be like, I've lived a life, guys. - You vain asshole. You fucking piece. - What else am I gonna bring in? - God, that 75 pound berserk guy and you have to carry him uphill. - Both ways. - Ooh. - The new Cicifus. I would say you're showing friends. - Oh, yeah, then I can't bring like play buttons and shit 'cause they already know that. Bring it back in coffee, be like, ask me anything. Then yeah, I would bring one of my dark horse berserk number ones and just be like, this is my fifth amonger. Please tell you about it if you were sort and client. - What is the secret? - I sort of demon on the first page. And he sees a butt cheeks and there's titties in almost every page. - If you never told me this, if there's every thing. - I'm gonna read. (laughing) This is like the version of like, I'm not much of a cinephile and then you go to like, one of those websites that tracks nudity and movies and you're like, turns out cinema was here all along. (laughing) - Turns out I was watching peak. - What is berserk about? - Titties. - Is it a brief synopsis? - It's about the depravity of humanity. It's about like the deepest darkest depths of humans and what you have to go through to overcome all of that. And there's a lot of evil in the world and do you go along with it or do you fight against it? - Kind of. - Your second most recent tattoo is berserk, right? - Yeah, a little bit. - A little bit. This is called the egg of the king or the crimson bayulet. And if you have one of these, your utmost dream can come true, which in terms of one of the main characters means that he kills all his friends and then he does some horrible shit that I would need to have several trigger warnings on this episode four. - Whoa. - It's a very fucked up. It's all those stories that I'm like, everyone should read it. But also maybe not, 'cause there's a lot of abuse. (laughing) - Huh. - Should I read it? - I really like it. - Do you think I would like it? - I think you would like some parts of it. So other aspects of it can be a bit drawn out, but if you like the characters, then it's good. But there's a lot of cool shit in it. - Lot of titties. - You could, it's-- - Ah! - It's one of those things where it's like almost every single female character that shows up at one point, it's like, okay, how long is it gonna be until you're completely naked or topless? - And then it's just every single woman in the thing is just sexualized the whole time. - Yeah. - Little, no, but-- - Not sexualized all the time, but I'm like, I'm fine if you have that much nudity in it, but whenever it shows like, guts or Griffith naked, it's like kind of covered up. And I'm like, you're showing these other characters fully nude, like why aren't you showing the guys fully nude? - Why aren't you showing the cock and balls? - Yeah, I wanna see something more. - I think more cock and balls should be shown in media. - Yeah. - Didn't, uh, didn't Barry Kjogen show his cock and balls? - Yeah, just was so brown. (laughing) - I didn't watch that movie. - Anyway, what would you bring for Show and Tell? - I was thinking about that. I was-- - And you're not allowed to say Spencer. - No, I can't bring Spencer to Show and Tell. - Can't bring Spencer to Show and Tell. - What would I bring to Show and Tell? - Are you even able to think about stuff outside of your immediate vicinity? - Well, that's what I'm thinking about. I'm like, do I have anything that's not in this room? (laughing) - It could be something in your room. - It could be something. - Just bring your PS5 and be like, I don't wanna play Fortnite. - Anybody wanna play Fortnite? Come on. We can play no build mode, it's fine. - I'll show you my skills and you can tell me all about what a little bitch you are. - I think just because it's kind of interesting to look at as a little time capsule. - I think I had them the last time you were here. A while ago, I found some vintage boxing magazines at a flea market. So I have some of those in there from the '70s. And they're just cool to look through. Because it's just a little time capsule. So maybe I would bring those. - Back when they were called pugilists. (laughing) - Yeah. - I just like to work pugilist. (laughing) - Oh, I downloaded this app. - Right. (snoring) - It analyzes how much you say like in a sentence and it gives you, well, it's not only like, but it's a bunch of filler words, but you can filter it out or you can just do all of them. And then it gives you prompts. So it gives you 30 second prompts to read. And you're supposed to just kind of like forget that you're using it. And you have to just talk. - I don't know if I was able to forget. - And then it tells you all of the things. It's crazy. - How many did you have? - I said like a lot. - Well, the first time I only had three, or sorry, four likes because I was really self conscious about it. And then I didn't do it again. - So I don't know. (laughing) - Wow, you're really fucking shilling this app. - And then you're like, I've been using it. - I know, it's awesome. - Yeah, you sit once. Anyway. - I paid for a subscription for it. And it's probably gonna come up in a rocket money ad at some point. (laughing) - It was a paid ad or a paid app. Actually, I did pay for it. It's not subscription based though. - I just realized that I scream in my mustache. - Were you eating my ice cream tonight? - I ate a whole tub of Ben and Jerry's before they came on here. - Oh my God, what flavor? - Benoffy. - What is that? - It's like a Taffy Banana Cheesecake. - You had a whole pint of Benoffy. - Mm-hmm, damn dude. You're gonna be shitting for weeks. - See how strong I am? You see these bones? So much calcium in that milk. - Look at that. Oh my gosh. - Remember when I was buffing? - We were both buff at one point. - That's true. - We should do it again. - I'm just happy. - We should do it. - We should be fat old man now. - We should do a 60 day challenge. - I would rather die. - 60. - So long. - About 30. - Whatever I see people in movies now that are like they have poor health and they're just eating cheese and wine. And I'm like, I get it. - I understand that. - I wanna min-max my life where I choose the path of least resistance and I don't wanna move. I don't wanna see people. I just wanna play a game and have ice cream shulled into my face. - Yeah. - It's not because I have ADHD and my brain doesn't work properly and I need dopamine from a different source. But. - But. - Why can't it be like gym? Like lifting weights or running or something? I don't get runners high. I don't feel good after lifting weights. It just feels tired. - I know. I think that the boxing match, which this makes total sense obviously the boxing matches the best I've looked in my entire life. But I wouldn't recommend it to people as far as what I had to do every day 'cause I worked out twice a day. - It was like a crash course. - Yeah. It was so much and I did enjoy it, but it's just not a sustainable one. - Well, yeah. You enjoy it 'cause you have an end goal. I whenever I work out, I'm like, I'm gonna look good for this event. I'm gonna look good for going away on holiday, which I never do. I wanna like, it's always like, oh, the side-men match is coming up. I wanna be healthier and not as heavy so I can run around and then that passes and I'm like, dude, peace is awesome. - Pits fucking dope. - Pits is sick. - I can't figure out what works for me. I can't, like I know how to work out. I know what's involved. I can get in great shape in like three months when I need to. But then it's like, how do I keep that going? How do I consistently? I think it's just a consistency thing. I think maybe my next goal will be get really fit again and then tone down the workouts just to maintain. - See, I thought about doing that and I was like, maybe not just not eat like a pint of ice cream. Like, coat out the ice cream in the snacks and whatever and eat whatever you want. And I'm like, that just, it doesn't last. My brain doesn't work. - Mm. - Those synapses be misfiring. Why can't we just work out once and look really good? - We can't evolution just be like, you can do whatever you want. - I'll take care of it. - Yeah. They need to figure this out. - Fuck any idiots. - Yeah, Noura Link, AI chip in a brain. - Give it to me. Give it to me and make me focus good please. - I did Noura Link because I didn't want to eat ice cream. - And how did it affect your life? - If it may be why I scream more. - Wouldn't it be crazy to just think, oh, I don't have to do that. Do you have these times when you're walking down the street and you're like, if I step on that crack everyone I love is going to die. Or like if I don't successfully hold my breath for the next 15 seconds, then I'm gonna get hit by a car. You ever had that? - Yeah, I'm clinically diagnosed with OCD, so I do a lot of shit like that. - I didn't know that. - Yeah, I have it. I have so many things where I like, oh, I squeezed all the fingers on this hand. Now I need to like squeeze all the rest of them. I like, I do a thing where I like breathe in, out, out in. And then I need to reverse that. So it's out in, in, out. I have to do a thing where I have to like, you know how you can go like, and you can like move your uvula. I'll do that every now and then where I go like, and I like move it because the sensation like I need it. - Huh, yeah. I didn't know that you had had a diagnosis. - Yeah, it's a thing like I step on a crack at one foot and then like, other foot feels weird. I need to step on the crack. - Yeah, weird. - Yeah, so I do that. I don't do it where it's like, if I step on the crack, the world will end. I can't step on any cracks. Like it's not, it's not a debilitating form of OCD. It's not, I'm not like the, I need to switch light switches off. - Yeah. - Possibly. My dad had that, but I don't have it. Maybe in my later years, it's waiting for me. Maybe, I mean, in my brain, I'm like, I know that this won't happen, but I'm like, well, I just, I can't change it. I have to. - Have you, have you taught you a therapist about that? - No. - Maybe you should. - Maybe it'll be my little secret. (laughing) - Maybe if I talk to my therapist about it, she'll die. - Yeah. - So I can't say anything. That's just butterfly effect, isn't it? - Oh, man. - Oh, I have it. - If I eat this butterfly, I'll shit. (laughing) Butterfly effect in action. - For your pyro ice cream, diarrhea. Butterfly effect. - I have it. (laughing) - Butterfly effect. - If I eat lactatives, I shit everywhere. Butterfly effect. - Yeah. - If I didn't eat them, wouldn't shit. - I had a moment in therapy where I copped myself the other day, and I went, oh, just like that, actually. Where. - Would you pinch him one off? - No, I wish. Then I ran out when she was like, all right, well, we're done. And then she called me out on it. She was like, oh, you're getting out the door real quick. And I was like, yeah, I'm embarrassed. (laughing) Because she was saying-- - Oh, you didn't call her mom, did you? - No, no. She was saying she was asking me how have your meds been? Have you been taking your meds on time? And I was saying, yeah, no, I've been taking my meds on time. Usually though, I don't take my ADHD meds if I'm not working. And she said, why? And I said, well, I feel like they're wasted if I'm not doing work. And then I went, oh. (laughing) And she was like, you caught that, huh? And I said, yeah, that's bad, isn't it? And I said, yeah. You don't just have ADHD when you need to do something. I know. You have it all the time. - All the time? - It's in here. - I am a doctor. (laughing) - Dr. Han. - I am a surgeon. - Yeah, but I said, yeah, I feel like I'm wasting my medication if I take it when I'm not working. And I realized, and I said, oh, sorry. - I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. (laughing) - Oh, boy. - I said something I shouldn't have said to you. - Oh, oh. - Mrs. Therapist. - Oh. - They're gonna call me out on it. - Jane Therapist, I'm so sorry. - I'm so sorry. - Anyway, there's a huge giant elephant in the room that we haven't attracted. We haven't talked about. Get out of here, elephant. (laughing) - I so desperately wanted to do that for thank-miss to be like, there's an elephant in the room. And then Evelyn was like, I'll dress as the elephant. Like put them in the audience and be like, "This is gonna fuck out of here." (laughing) - Yeah. - You should do that next year. That would be funny. - But you dyed your hair back. Have we haven't said anything? - Oh, yeah, I forgot. Hi. - I dyed my hair back. - How'd it say anything about it? - But here it is now. - I'm so glad you just recapped what I just said. - I know, just in case people weren't listening all the way. And they went, wait, what did you say? I got you, don't worry. - Yeah, I have had blonde/whiteish hair since March of 2022. So it's been over two years. And my hair was getting real funky because of the bleach. And I also just didn't feel like getting my hair bleached every day. - Yeah, it's painless. - Monter, whatever, it was just kind of getting annoying. - Well, pull the trigger. - I said, you woke up one day and you were like, not today. You put that cigarette out. You put down the whiskey and you were like, no more. - I don't even know. I think I just, I had my last hair appointment. And I was thinking, wow, this takes a long time. And then I was setting up my next haircut. And I said to myself, what if I just put it back for a while? Because I did like the white hair. I thought it suited me well. - Yeah, but, yeah, depending on the ass. So now my hair is back to, this is not my natural hair color. This is like a, actually a couple shades lighter than my natural hair color. Because my natural hair color is pretty dark. It's like your, it's like your roots. Maybe even a little bit darker than your roots. - Are the color of your silver hair. What are you talking about? - No, no, no, but your God-given hair. (laughing) - Your hair. (laughing) - Yeah. So, now I'm back to just being a normal guy, I guess. - It's so weird, 'cause I'm like this close to just letting the gray go. - Hmm. - I'm like, it takes so long to get roots done. And I don't wanna be one of those guys that's like, you just said this hard line of gray and then everyone's like, dude, just let it go. I don't wanna be that guy. - How? - It's very great. - It's very last time you got your roots done. - Like two weeks ago. - How often do you have to do it? - It's completely get rid of my grays. It's like more than once a month. Like they grow back so apparent and so quick. I gotta done a week later, the grays were already coming back and I'm like, it's not worth it. - You should just be full gray. - I know. - But I like how I look with brown hair and I'm not ready for-- - Ready to be kinda cool. - Everyone says that, but I don't think so. (laughing) I thought it, 'cause it's just pure snow white, which I think looks a bit weird. But I'm thinking about getting it just gray 'cause I can't just let it grow out. It would just be a fucking hard line, the entire way down here. So I would just get it like the way you had it, like silver and then get like a dark belly ash through it. Like highlights or no lights. - That'd be cool. You should do that. - Yeah. - Wanna do that? That'd be kinda sick. - I should. - I should say do that and then everyone's like, oh my god, his hair's gray. And then to be like, it's not going back. What happened? (laughing) People already think I'm old, the way I talk and the way I look and the way I hate certain people. - The way I hate. (laughing) - And the way I vote, June. (laughing) - I was thinking the other day, I was just having a very nostalgic moment thinking about old YouTube and stuff like that. And I was just sitting there and thinking, wow. We'll never be back there again. - The good old days. - 'Cause it's the past. It's the past, you know? - Unless time is cyclical. - And that's true. We could be living in. - What you mean is, never endless loop. - If it's cyclical, then a boring. - I know. - Number two. - Boo. - Boo. - Who says it comes back around the same? You know? What if the biggest fungus comes back? Success all in, boom. And then it's like, oh, our planet's over there now. I said it over there. What if life affects it? All because you ate that cheese earlier. (laughing) I ate cheese once, frretted in the wrong direction, caused the motorcyclist to crash, killed an old lady, butterfly effect, universes ending soon. - And you know what? It's fucked up that you haven't been prosecuted for that. - Hey, what can I say? - It's all at the end of the day. - I'm young, I'm white, and I'm famous. I can do whatever I want. - I can do anything in the world, baby. Anything in the world. And if they accuse me of it, I'll deny it. I'll pet the fift. I don't even think we have the fift over here. I think that's an American thing. - Do you know what pleading the fift is? - It's where you can deny answering questions that would incriminate you, right? - Yeah. - 'Cause we watched an O.J. Simpson thing after he died. And I was like, I should probably know more about this. Dude, he was so much fucking weirder than I thought. - His book where he talks about how killed people, but he's like, nah, I didn't do this. It's just if I did it. - Dude, the fact that he had a blood is fucking care. He drove away after he was supposed to go to court and give himself up and he drove away, pointing a gun to his head and saying, I'm gonna do it. And then drove home. I was like, I just gotta see my mom. And then he was wearing the shoes that were at the bloody footprints leading from the place. He didn't go. - Take his fucking arthritis medicine so his hands swelled up so the glove wouldn't fit. - That's fucking crazy dude. - The found the other glove outside his house and then claimed a cop planted it. It was fucking wild. I also didn't realize how big of an NFL player he was. - Man. - I was like, I knew he was in NFL, but I didn't realize he was like, he held records for NFL stuff. - Yeah, the juice. (laughing) - That's him. - That's him. - Yeah, it's kind of crazy. And I don't understand who let him write a book from the perspective of himself if he had done it quote unquote. Why would he not have? - He was seeing videos of him read the book. - Yeah, who just recounting memories. - You are recounting a memory. - And it was like eight or nine cases of him like beating up his wife. Or she like called the police and they were like, do you have somewhere to go? And she had like black eyes and cuts and everything. It's like, are you fucking shit me? No one took that seriously. And then she was like, one day he's gonna end up killing me 'cause he beats me up already and that always leads from one to the other if left on. - Checked. - Yes. It's my say on purified. And I'm like, what do we fucking exercise in ghosts? (laughing) And then he went away. And then years later, he ended up in fucking Vegas and he made a rap song that's really, really bad. - Oh, I haven't listened to the rap song. - He robbed someone at gunpoint to steal back his shit that somebody else stole from him. And then he went to jail for that. Dude. Anyway. - Oh, Jason, everybody. - Yeah, but that's how I learned about the fifth 'cause people were pleading the fifth. - Yeah. - Jesus cop played the fifth a lot. - It is crazy. - It was crazy, crazy. - Anyway, that's the American dream. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - You can't be super star. - I wanna get away with it. - That name is the American dream. (laughing) - Yeah. - Getting away with murder is a lot of people's dream. - Oh, man. What would you do if the purge was legal? If the purge, well, if the purge happened? - Tappened? - Yeah. - What would you do? - I would lock myself inside my house and hope that nobody ever comes near me. - You wouldn't do a cool little crap. - No! - You would steal from the book fair. - Dude, I'm afraid to go out legally. I'm afraid to go out and make phone calls and talk to other people legally. In case I make a fool of myself. - I think I'd do a crap. - What would you do? - Did you know that it's illegal to, what's it called? What's it called? - When you. - In decent exposure. - No, no, that would be fun too. But when you put-- - Insider trading. - When you put sheep into-- - A panic. - Charging, charging sheep? - Huh? - Herding? - Herding? - No. - What do you wanna find sheep in LA? - Hold on, what's it called? What's it called? - What are you trying to say? Use your words. - I can't. - I just can't. - Hold on, California. Wait, wait. - Chastise sheep. - Drive sheep. - Drive sheep. Driving, driving sheep. You drive sheep. Okay, anyway. - Like, when you moved them from one field to another? - Yeah, in Hollywood it is illegal to drive more than 2000 sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time. - Oh. - She can do 1,999 sheep. You could actually, you could do 2000 sheep, just not 2000. - Who's counting the sheep? - I don't know. - There were like 1,500 sheep and they're like, ah, it looks legal. - I kinda wanna, I kinda wanna get a bunch of sheep, 2000 sheep and pull out this law and have a cop come up to me and say, hey, you can't do this and I'll go, actually, this is less than 2000 sheep. - You realize that the purge makes everything legal. So you're walking down with sheep while someone's just gonna shoot you in the head. - No. - There's nothing stuck to you and it's like, instead of just explaining this to you, I'm just gonna let you out. - Well, hold on, no, Sean. Hold on, because why would they, how, who, only a fool would shoot me in that scenario because if they kill me, where the sheep gonna go? They're gonna go crazy. If there's no one there to control these sheep. - Hollywood Boulevard Chinese theaters ruined. - Yeah. So, it's a-- - If they're thinking, they'll say, oh, we can't shoot this guy. I'll be invincible because they don't want to see if they get out of control. Uh-huh, the sheep will rise up. And at that point, because the law is more than 2000 sheep, I will have amassed tens of thousands of sheep that I'm driving down Hollywood Boulevard. Hollywood Boulevard is very, very painful. - You said Boulevard, Boulevard. (laughing) - It can happen to, what is happening to you? - Nothing, it's a normal day for me. (laughing) But I'm gonna have a bunch of sheep bring him down Hollywood Boulevard. - This is a more unique one. I wanna like piss in public, in places where it's not legal. - Like public? - What if I burned the American flag, huh? - Is that illegal? - Is that illegal, I guess. - Is it? - Yeah, you also can't say, like make a direct threat to the president. - I feel like many people have made a threat to the president. - Yeah. - How do you, - You can't like, - How do you different, - Yeah, joke. - I don't know. - Are we gonna get arrested if we say it in this, even jokingly? - I don't think so because it's a joke, but if you were to say, like, I want to kill the president. - You can't say that. But this is for context. Don't take this out of context. - He's just going to jail. - Do you want to know the dumbest laws in Maine? - Sure. - I can tell you. - After January 14th, you can be charged a fine for having your crick, Christmas decorations still up. - Hmm. - In Maine. - Mm-hmm. - Okay. - In Waterville, Maine, it's illegal to blow one's nose in public. - Huh? - In Portland, Maine, where it grew up, it's unlawful to take a little woman's chin with a feather duster. (laughing) - What's your name? - Why, who went around the great tickler of the East, went around and tortured women all across Maine? - I think they were like, "We gotta outlaw this shit." - In New Orleans, in Louisiana, you cannot tie an alligator to a fire hydrant. - Tiesing sir. - I understand that one. - Morners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. (laughing) You've had your field, get the fuck out. - So I'm looking at a list of the dumbest laws in each state. I think all of these are just extremely old laws that are just, they just never got rid of them. And so it's not like you're actually gonna get charged with these things. - You could though. - In Indiana, it is against the law to pass a horse on the street. (laughing) That's not up to you. - Well, no, the horse can pass you. You just can't pass the horse. - Oh, so if you see a horse, you have to stand still. - Yeah. - Like red, like green, I just be like, club, club, club, club. Okay, he's gone. - Clip, clop, clop, clop. Ooh, if any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the act to prevent certain immoral practices law. (laughing) - These are weird. No one may catch a fish with his bare hands. (laughing) - You guys talked about the right to bare arms. That wasn't for fish. You gotta shoot them in a barrel. - Back in 1924, or back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South Bend, Indiana, of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay $25 fine in the trial cost. - Did the monkey represent himself? - I don't know. You can't do that. - Can you? - Right. - I don't know if you can prosecute a creature that can't understand what it's being prosecuted for. - Right, but you can prosecute someone else on a creature's behalf. Like, remember, I think it was also a monkey or something like that. Somebody prosecuted somebody else on a monkey's behalf because someone took a photo of it without the monkey's consent. Do you remember that? (laughing) - Monkey photo consistent trial. - I think it was in Scotland. - Some guy trained his girlfriend's dog to do a Nazi salute and then he got convicted. - Monkey selfie copyright dispute. Between 2011 and 2018, a series of disputes took place about the copyright status of selfies taken by a syllabus-crested macaw. Or, yeah, macaw, monkey. Using equipment belonging to the British wildlife photographer, David J. Slater. The disputes involved Wikipedia comments in the blog "Tector" which have hosted the images following their publication, newspapers, blah, blah, blah, blah. In July 2011, there's a few over Slater's objections that he holds the copyright and people for the ethical treatment of animals, PETA, so PETA, so this person, who argued that the copyright should be assigned to the monkey. Slater because it was a selfie. All that. Let me. Let me send you the photo of this monkey. This is the selfie of the monkey. I've seen that before. Oh, are you saying he is? He has a valid copyright claim because he engineered the situation that resulted in the pictures traveling to Indonesia by traveling to Indonesia preferring a group of wild McCaws and setting up his camera equipment in a way that a selfie might come about. Slater stated in August that as a result of the pictures being available on Wikipedia, he had lost at least 10,000 pounds in income and his business as and his business as a wildlife photographer was being harmed. That is. So I know what they say. Monkey see monkey do. I know. Monkey P over you. Wait, so did the monkey win in 2017. Slater said he was not no longer motivated to take photographs because he had become depressed and that his efforts to highlight the plight of monkeys had back fired on my private life and ruined his life. Damn, those monkeys fucked him up. Oh, dude. That's crazy. So did he who won the monkey selfie? He won the monkey case. Okay, it was the court issued its ruling in favor of Slater, the photographer, finding that the animals have no legal authority to hold copyright claims. Take that, Peter. So Peter should this man on a monkey's behalf because the monkey took a selfie. Hey, the monkey that the world's, I don't know. In Iowa, a man with a mustache may never kiss a woman in public. Shit. What about full beard? If it's detached, I think you would be able to fight that because I wouldn't say that you, I wouldn't say that you have a mustache. I would say that you have a beard. My facial hair is all connected. So it's a beard. If I cut these parts, I have a beard and a mustache. When was the last time you had a mustache? Never. No, you should do it. What would it take? I don't know. My dad had a mustache. So I'm like, I don't want one. Come on. I think it looks good on other guys, but I'm like, I don't know. What about a cool handlebar mustache? That'd be kind of cool, right? Yeah, it's the spades. Yeah, that'd be kind of sick. I should, yeah. I wonder what I'd look like with the gray hair and the mustache. Wait, do you dye your beard also? No. I have gray hairs growing into my eyebrow right now. And I have like a little gray patch coming in here or here. I see the little gray patch. Oh, father time. That's fools of us all. He's catching up to you, shot. Did you know in the UK, it's prohibited to be drunk while managing cattle? I think the sheep thing. Why? I don't know how drunk. Don't drink it. Move. What's the legal limit for cattle? I don't know for working with cattle. This law is put into place in order to prevent accidents from happening and keep people safe. I wonder if it's the same as drinking and driving. It's illegal to slide on icy streets. Oh, but that's fun. Yeah. Do you think if someone gets what? What would a DUI be called with cows? Oh, a B UI bovine under the influence. Do you think that you have to blow before you take care of the cattle? He's like six point two. No. Oh, shit. I can't. Six point. Very good. Somebody's been appointed out now that's like you would be dead if you blew a six. You would be. Unbelievable. He did. I don't know what breathless or limits are. What's what's drunk? You don't know what the legal limit is. I don't have a license. So I've never had the I've never known. I've never been breathed. I don't know if it's the same in the UK in the what do you think it is? I think it's like point eight or something like that. Point oh eight. So so six point two. Dude, you are alcohol at that point. Wait, six point two. Wouldn't that be the equivalent of your body just like being a beer? Where are we? Oh, yeah, everything is point something. If you are, I don't know what weight I am in pounds. I think I'm like 145 or something. I'm like 150. I can't remember. But oh, this is confusing point oh three. What? Oh, this is how much you get number of drinks in one hour. 10 drinks. Get me to a point 28. Point 28 is stinking drunk. Oh boy. Dude, I would love to challenge someone to blow a six. Fucking dead in the morgue. What would you have to do a beautiful? I feel like the only way you could do that is if you put ethanol in your mouth and then just spit it into the machine. A BAC of point three seven point four one can cause alcohol poisoning and death. Not even reaching one. So what you're saying is that there's a chance. I guess there is a chance. There is a chance. God. Six point two. Anyway, in the UK, if whales or surgeons become beach, they need to be offered to the reigning monarch. Oh, your majesty. Disturgent has become beached. If we have brought it to you, we have brought it to you. What would you like us to do? All right, put it back. All right. Well, all right. Thanks. Thank you. This law dates back to 1322 when Edward II decreed that the head and spermissetti of a whale should be given to the king while the rest of the carcass belonged to the finder. So this is another one of those laws since the 1300s was like, this has never happened. So we don't care. Well, Sean, here's a question that I have. You know, I was like, we should read a couple of M.I. The Azels. And I think we only read one or two. Should we ask what shows that we're the Azels? That we're the Azels. Should we ask our leaky friends to tweet us some M.I. The assholes of their own? Yeah. Like you had a fight with your friend over something. Mm-hmm. Or you stole someone's child. Yeah. Anybody steal in children out there? Hopefully not. But you can tweet us. Why don't you use the hashtag hashtag M.I. The leaker. That's going to be all right. And then maybe next week we'll read some of those. Tell you if you're an asshole or not. That's spoiler alert. Yes. Yes. Somebody pointed out last time that instead of saying trigger warning, you were like spoiler alert. Or spoiler warning. You start yelling spoiler warning. And then you're saying, oh, I didn't see that comment. That's good. That's funny. I mean, Mason. Well, everyone, thank you for tuning in. We'll see you next week. Namaste. Namaste. These nuts in your mouth. Yeah. Very unique.