Esther Fallick is a Proud Millennial

(dramatic music) - Wave. - Last Friday night, woo! Come on! - I kissed a girl and I liked it. That was revolutionary. - That was revolutionary. - People were not talking about that. - Yeah. - And that's another moment. (laughing) (upbeat music) - Missouri Republicans are trying to ban abortion again. If you vote in Missouri like I do, I hope that you will join me in voting no one three to stop the abortion ban. I hope that you will share about it. I hope that you will knock on your neighbor's doors. If you have money to donate to the campaign and I hope that you will donate some, please, please, please do not take for granted how important this is. I know that you're exhausted. We all are. The reason Missouri voters are particularly exhausted is because a couple of years ago, Missouri Republicans enacted the strictest abortion ban in the country and then Missouri voters put it up for a vote and said no thanks and voted it down, which is extremely cool. And make sense. Abortion bans are an extremely unpopular policy. It makes you wonder how these Republicans continue to get elected since it's their only fucking idea, apparently. And now just two years later, the amendment is back, but this time because the Republicans couldn't win on the issue of abortion and know that they can't win, they have wrapped up this amendment in a bunch of very dishonest language about transitioning minors' genders. So of course, it's an anti-trans thing once again. They think you're fucking stupid. They don't respect your vote. They don't care about women. They don't care that women will die because of this if it passes. I don't wanna go on a big long rant, but abortion bans don't stop abortions, even if you disagree with them. They only stop access to safe abortions and healthcare. And I think it is extremely telling that the Republicans in Missouri have to wrap this whole conversation up in an anti-trans bias in order to get you to try and vote for their thing, to trick you into it. I think we should really think about that and probably stop electing these people. (upbeat music) - Everyone's smiling right now. - Yeah. - I just keep looking over and everyone's like, - We have fun in here. - Yeah. - I hope everyone was nice to you before I got here. - Yeah. - Esther, no. - Yeah, they're really nice. - That's a bug. - How's it going, babe? - Oh, it's going great. - Yeah. - It's going great. Yeah, I'm like, what's going on with me? - What is new with you? - Well, I have a day job. - What is it? - I do social media. I do social media. I work at this company called Spocko. - Okay. - And they're great. Everyone's great. They just celebrated 30 years. - Oh. - They're, they're, yeah, yeah. Which I know, you're gonna be celebrating one day soon. - Yeah. - You're 27? - Yeah, I'll be 30 in 15 years. - Yeah. - Yeah, exactly. - So I'm half as old as Spocko. - Wow. - Yeah. - They're like a Broadway marketing agency. - Oh, fun. - So I do like the social media for a little shop of horrors. - Oh my god. - Things like that. - That's like a perfect job for you. - It really is. - Like if there's someone who knows what to do with Broadway marketing, I feel like it's you. - At least for social media. - Yeah. - I'm like, I'm like, hey, Ethan Slater. Like, can we get you doing every single night my tits are sitting right? - Yeah. - You know? - Yeah. - It's like that's just the kind of thing no one, not everyone could think of. - Not every mind could get there. - Not every mind works that way. - But that's just the twisted mind of it. - That's a twisted mind. - Yeah, exactly. - Oh my god, that's so fun. - So that's fun. Everyone there is wonderful. Their first show ever was Rent. Like the Rent logo, they made. - No. - Yeah. And the Hamilton with the star, they made that. - That's you. - Yeah. - You did that inside. - I did that. - You contributed to the culture that did that. - Exactly. - That's crazy. - Yeah. So, you know, a day job. - Yeah. - Is a day job. - Yeah. - But I'm, other than that, I mean, I know you talk about fucking on this podcast. - Of course. - I'm really fucking virginal right now. - No. - Yeah. - Esther, that's not you. - I know. - That's not my estimate. - I know. - What's going on over there? - You've noticed I've been distant. You've noticed I've been kind of like, not myself recently. - You've been extremely cold, yeah. - Yeah. - It's 'cause you're. - 'Cause I'm virginal. - I'm virginal. - What's going on? - There was a relationship. - And don't talk about that if you don't want to. - I mean, it was like, it was just like lesbian bed death real quick. - Oh, fuck. - What else is there to say? - Yeah, that was quick. - I wanna respect everyone involved. - Yeah. - We had some, we had lesbian bed death. - Yeah. - And it happens to the best of us. - Yeah. - It happens to the best of us. - But. - Why do you think lesbian bed death happens? I mean, it's common enough that it has a phrase. What is that about? - I really don't know. I think because of how long it sex takes for us to be in. I think it actually is like, it's one of those things where it's like, you know, you're scrolling on, and you're like, you start scrolling criterion, and then you're like, I'm just gonna watch Gilmore Girls. - Yeah, fuck. I'm on criterion watching Gilmore Girls. - No, like, you go to a different. You're scrolling criteria and you're like, oh, there was like a Kurosawa, like I haven't got, like I could do this, and I could do this. Like, all these things, I'm sure it would be great, be good for me, but then you're like, then you've been scrolling for 40 minutes, and you look at the time and you're like, I'm just gonna watch an episode of. - Easy comfort instead. - Instead of having sex with the criterion channel. - Because lesbian sex takes minimum 90 minutes. - Now, why does it take so long? For anyone who does, I just, maybe someone who listening doesn't know. Of course, I know, but why does it take so long? - Are there any other lesbians in the house today? - No. And that's something to explore. - You think I'm happy about it? I'm on these people all the time. - Yeah, I'm like, let's get, let me give you some estrogen. Let's get you. - Chance on estrogen would be sick today. - I know. - It would be fierce. - I actually think this is getting, I actually think a lot of people should do hormones and I think that, I think you could be happy. I think try it. - So lesbian bed death occurs. - Yes, yes. - And then since then, you've been just reflective or? - Yes, since then, okay. I'm like, okay. God, I'm like, how much do I share about my relationship slash my own body? And I'm like, if I can't share it to half a million people, who can I share it with? - That's exactly right. If you can't share it to any stranger who wants to click, who can you be honest with? - Yeah. - Yeah. - There's this really funny Charlie Bardy tweet that like, maybe just a couple of years ago, but he tweeted about Halloween. - Yeah. - And it was, I'm gonna butcher it, but Charlie's so fucking funny. And it's basically on the lines of like, so excited to dress up for Halloween. Really quick first, what's my relationship to my gender, body, and sexuality? (laughing) - Yeah, he's so fucking funny. - That's what you do. - So true podcast. - That's me doing, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - So one thing that happened late in the relationship, and I had an insecurity about this already, and I don't think that this person, like, I don't think they did anything super criminal here, but they did tell me at one point, they were like, hey, so have you been to the doctor 'cause you're pussy stank? Everyone's gasping in the afternoon. - Yeah. - That's a huge fear. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Especially 'cause I'm like, it's new. - Yeah, yeah, I just got it, first of all. - It shouldn't be, it shouldn't be stinking for like years. (laughing) - You might go back to the doctor and you're like, I wanna refund. - Literally, yeah, yeah. - I'm like, are there any like little like, can Mike Clinton hang a little, - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, one of those two, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - New carcent, yeah. - New carcent. - Yeah, so that is really scary. - It was really scary. It was like, it was one of those moments where I just had to take it in and I was like, here I am, like living that short story. - Yes. - You know what I mean? - How did you respond? - A single tear. - Of course. - Roll down my face. - Yeah. - Something I will say I'm good at, I do think that I have like, oh, I have one of the most beautiful like stoic cries. Like I told someone, excuse me, once in a diner that I loved her and she didn't feel the same way. And I like looked off and I was like, okay. As one single tear. - Oh, that's so fucking chic. - It was like, I couldn't even be mad. - Yeah. - Because I saw how it was reading and I was like, I'm so captivating right now. - Yeah, of course. I would love to be mad, but instead I'm caught up in my own narrative. - Yeah. - My life is beautiful, I'm a movie. I'm a movie. - I'm a movie. - I'm a movie. - I'm a movie. - I'm a movie. - Yeah, so that's how I felt. I was in your pussy stank the movie. - Yeah. - To your role. - To your role. - There I was with my one tear. - Miss pussy stank. - Yeah, yeah. - I played Miss pussy stank in your pussy stank the movie. - I'm like, wait, okay, maybe that's my costume this week. - Yeah, it can't. (both laughing) - And I just was like, I don't know, I just like asked more questions and then I was like, I think I gotta go. I think I'm gonna go. - I'm honestly, I'm glad. I'm kind of glad she said something because I don't want you to have the experience. I had one time which was, I don't remember when, it's been a while ago now. I went, I had like, had a busy morning, I had gone on a bike ride, I had gotten up and like, not showered right away. And then a guy hit me on Grindr and was like, "Hey, I really want to blow you right now." And I was like, "That's amazing. Thank you." Communication. And then he came over and I just like, didn't think to shower and he blew me all the way. And then message me afterwards and was like, "Hey, just so you know not trying to be mean, but like there was a bit of a, there was a bit of a smell going on." And I was like, "Oh, dude, I'm so sorry. I wish you would have told me. I, like there was no need to like power through." Right. Right. Because I just wasn't thinking. Right. And I much would have preferred that he stopped and was like, "Hey, you should hop in the shower real quick." Yeah. Do you know what I mean? A hundred percent. Yeah. Like, I, I mean, one thing I did after this incident was like, I was like, "Okay, well, let me look up." Girlfriend said, "Your pussy stink reddit." Girlfriend broke heart regarding smell of pussy reddit. R-slash genuine. R-slash was good. Yeah. Yeah, literally. Literally. And, you know, the consensus is like, yeah, that sucks to hear. Yeah, that can be a conversation. Yeah, it matters how they said it to you, but it is, you know, something that maybe someone who's intimate with you is the only one who can give you information that might matter for your health. Yeah. And so, I, like, I don't know, I went to the gynecologist for the first time and the gynecologist had never had a trans woman patient before. Good. That's exactly what you like to do. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I love to hear. Yeah. I feel really safe in situations like that. Yeah. And I shit you not during our first conversation when she was like getting, like, kind of, like, a handle of what she was dealing with here. At one point, she, like, puts the pen down, like, during the intake or something and she goes, I am just so proud of you. Did that feel, did that feel sweet because it made me feel sweet, but I wonder if to you it didn't. I imagine if I were you at wouldn't, but as me, I'm like, I'll be real. I thought it was going to get a laugh. Yeah. Everyone was going to be like, I thought it was kind of nice. I mean, it was nice, but it is also one of those things where it's like, are you telling everyone you're proud of them for the pussy and like, you know what I mean? And it's like, I get it. It's like, did I have to overcome a lot to be here today? Yeah. Sure. Yes. Yes, I did. But I think it just made me feel like different from her other patients in a way that I already was feeling like a little uncomfortable at the doctor. You know what I mean? 100%. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to feel medic. You don't want to feel like you see this all the time. Yeah. I'm just another patient of yours. Yeah. You don't want someone to be like, this is awesome and unique and different. Exactly. Can I tell you what did feel good for me was just right now looking in your eyes and saying I'm so proud of you. Oh, that felt good to me too. Maybe that's what I was really proud of you too. Yeah. Yeah. Stop. What are we doing? This is the clip. This is the clip. Yeah. The clip is 10-2 gay friends earnestly compliment each other. Yeah. I'm so proud of you. You are doing things right now. You're doing that. I mean, if I start doing it as a joke, then it will transition quickly into sincere. Yeah. You can help yourself. Yeah. It'll transition. It'll transition. It'll transition. I can't stop transition. It'll transition anywhere. Okay. Let me run this by you. When you said that you were the first trans woman that your doctor had treated, do you think it would be fair to say that you broke the glass hymen? One single tear. Oh. Staring up into the distance at the diner. I guess you could say. Yeah. You know, it's really interesting. I actually think a lot about how -- I mean, obviously, because as a fat person in a society that detests fat people, just how much shame we have about our bodies. Yeah. Like, bodies -- everyone's body is insane. Yeah. Like, everyone's body is weird. Everyone's body makes, like, smells and sounds. Yeah. And has different attributes. Everyone's body is different. Yeah. And the amount of shame that people carry around, all of us at some point or another, about our bodies. Yeah. It's just crazy. It's so, so, so, like, it's so upsetting. Yeah. Yeah. Um, we really do only have one. And also then, then I feel like pressure to, like, turn my body into a site of, like, political action. Like, my body, I think early on in my transition, like, um, like, I was like, oh, I should, like, show my body more because it's like, hey, it's a trans body. Like, what are you going to do about that? You know, like, does that scare you? You know, like, kind of like in the Joker. Yeah. Why so fearful? Yeah. I want to give credit because I don't know who said this, but it was like a tweet or something. Like, you want to know how I got these scars? It's good. Someone is funny. Yeah. Someone out there is funny for that. Yeah. But like, I think as time went on, I, I don't know if you've, like, noticed this, but every single trans woman with the possible exception at this point of Hunter Schaefer, um, is, like, actress/activist. Yeah. Exactly. You know? Yes, I see. Like, and it's like, to some extent, like, yeah, I love that. Like, I've, I have led marches and protests and it felt so good and cool to be up front, you know? And I was like, oh my god. Like, what a feeling. Like, my comedian friends don't know what this is like, you know, um, but, but you do, you do. You do. Maybe not marches, but like rallies and like political actions, I do what I can here. Yeah. But I kind of, as my, you know, as I've lived more as a woman and like seen more politics go down and stuff like that, there's this trans author, Kai Chiang Tom, and I might be mispronouncing her name. But like, she has a book called Falling Back and Love with Being Human. And at one point, she just like, offhand drops how there's an expectation for trans women to be like at the front of the protest, like, like the most like militant girl up front. And that is like one of the ways that trans women like make the case for their acceptance, especially in queer community by being the one who has like, the, who's like gonna rally everyone. And that hit me so, so hard. It made me like, relook at a lot of my life, because I had spent a lot of 2023 and 2024 and, uh, like a part of, a big part of five, too, being like, um, someone's got to say this and someone's got to say this. And I was like, tired. Yeah. And it was getting in the way, I mean, I don't want to say getting in the way, but like, it was, it takes up time. It takes up energy. And there are like other dreams I have, but at the same time, this is like, this is turned into therapy. This is nice. Yeah. Yeah. After the, um, uh, after Trump's inauguration in a re inauguration in 2025, you know, the first month, he was just dropping all these executive orders and they were coming in at this rate where no one could like, keep up with them. And I also think that there were, uh, I think that with all the protests, like after October 7th, making like, like not moving the needle, basically, at all with the Democratic Party and stuff, um, I think and also like other people feeling like if they spoke out, that they would like lose opportunities, lose their job. I think a lot of the muscles that people gained in 2020 began to atrophy. Mm hmm. So people had like forgotten how to speak up. People had like gotten in the habit of not risking anything anymore. Like it felt dangerous again and it didn't feel like something that, I mean in 2020, I remember still the moment that I saw Mitt Romney marching and I was like, are you gonna be okay? We got this y'all. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but like after the, um, uh, like in early February of 2025, some of those first executive orders were like all these anti-trans thing, uh, especially like most notably, um, the executive orders against healthcare for trans youth and like no one was saying anything. So many people in my life that were like, you know, vote, vote, vote or whatever, weren't saying anything about all this stuff coming down anti-immigration stuff. And again, it. It's like we were exhausted, we were tired. Like we had gone back to brunch, but it wasn't the same. Right. Like it was that we had, we couldn't enjoy. We had gone back to brunch, but now we had Anhadonia. And I remember in my like close friend story, I was like, what? I was like, why are there no actions? Like why is no one doing anything for trans kids right now? And and in that moment, I was just like, I guess it has to be me. Yeah. Because if I'm the one, if I'm the one that's thinking why is no one doing it, then I can be the one that's like, I guess I'll, I'll do it. And like I'll try and organize it. Yeah, but it sucks. It's completely unfair because the expectation that trans people be the loudest activists and the ones that are making shit happen and the like you being the person that's like, I'm going to do this. Activist eclipses every other identity that a person wants to have. Yeah. And it also weirdly reinforces like one of my best buddies is a trans guy in Missouri and he's a mechanic and all he wants to do isn't want to talk about being trans. He just wants to fucking help people. He wants to fix people's cars for them. He fucking loves it. That's it. That's all he wants to do. And the expectation that he should be some sort of like trans activist randomly reinforces this like incorrect assumption that Republicans already have about queer people, particularly trans people that were these like radical woke schools that are unable to be normal and have fun. Right. And it's like, no, this guy just wants to fix your fucking car and you're not letting him like he doesn't want to march. He doesn't want to do rallies. He wants to like hang out like be one of the guys and I can get to do that in our friend group. But I'm like in the world, the expectation that trans people be like at the front holding the flag and doing all the stuff is like it eclipses everything else that a lot of trans people would like to be that 100% 100% like it. Yeah, we're made out to be like that's such a good point. Like Republicans are like every trans person is an activist. It's like, well, because you've made it so that when we play, you know, softball, it is like a, you know, slap in the face of blah, blah. But like 10 years ago, it was just like a trans person playing softball. Like it has been politicized, which is of course like, which is the purpose? Like with, you know, the first thing to go, the first thing people were talking about was like bathrooms. So it's like, all right, like the most uncontrollable aspect of our existence. Something incredibly public has now become a moment where you must take a stand as a trans person, which bathroom will you go in? And it's like, you know, something that you have to do a couple times a day and like shouldn't think about. But now it's given this like, it's just given a weight that, you know, just does take weight away from the screenplay that every trans person's working on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The mixed media art. Literally. Yeah. Yeah. It's completely unfair. It's to me one of the most, the thing you're talking about of like Republicans and anti-trans, like the anti-trans coalition being like, God, is it just me or all these people radicals that can't take a joke or relax. And it's like, you're trying to kill them. Like, right. There's not like, it's this insane, like, it makes me feel fucking crazy because I'm like, what would you do if you weren't allowed to go to the bathroom or if you weren't allowed to have a driver's license like they did in Kansas or if you weren't, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Would you be just like hanging out and chill in or do you think you'd probably get on Instagram and be sharing some graphics? Yeah. Like, and like, yeah, maybe sometimes getting a little like annoying and crazy about it because like, how could and to be clear, it's me saying that. Not Caleb. But because people are annoying and crazy. I did ask you to say that. I walked in and Caleb was like, so like at some point, I'm going to want you to drop like trans people are annoying and crazy. Just so I can kind of agree tacitly, I want to get the message out there, but avoid the heat. Yeah. You're hitting all your talking points. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm like, what are we supposed to, it's like, yeah, like pink pussy hats are cringe, but like, there was just a greater number of people wearing them, you know? Yeah. I think we really, I was just, who was I talking to about? You know, we were talking about, I was like, we yesterday I was talking about, I think one of the big things we did wrong in the like 2010s, like post like 2010s era, era is people who are genuinely trying to, to do good and just being like cringe, making so much fun of them from the left. Yeah. I'm like, people that are maybe in the middle that aren't nailing it that are like cringe and like saying things that are like woke, you know, to me like, I just think like it was a mistake to make fun of them so much when they were genuinely trying 100% and they might be the like, like the like, you know, a fucking like middle aged woman in like rural Kentucky who posts like crazy, like resisted them. Yeah. In this house, we believe. But it's like the only person in that neighborhood that thinks any of that. Yeah. So it's like, I think we kind of fucked up by being like, get a load of this dumb bitch. No, she's our only person in that town. We heard I'll say this. She's seeing heaven. Yeah. Yeah. She's seeing heaven. And so are we? And so we'll be right there with her. We'll be right there with her. Yeah. Yeah, dude. That that all makes so much sense to me. Yeah. Yeah. So that, I mean, that's one of the things that's like nice about this day job right now is like, I do feel super normal there. It is nice to just kind of like be like an email, Garley, like, yeah, baby, you know, to kind of just like live. Yeah, literally, to be like, um, oh my God. Do you know, uh, you know Amelia Ritalar? Girls rewatch podcasts. Amelia Ritalar? Yeah. She has a really funny joke where she's like, have you ever written a work email so good that you're like, I'm not going to make it as a creative. You know, those pieces in your closet that you find yourself wearing on repeat, the sweater that goes with everything, the perfect pair of pants or the T you somehow always reach for first. Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And that's what Quince does best. 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It is my experience and I think it's funny, but I even fucking love singing about it, you know? - Yeah. - But, feeling normal is something that a lot of trans people, like just don't get right now and deserve. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it's what everyone wants. It's like not this complicated day. Like, it's the thing that I maybe don't understand the most about the anti-trans coalition, is like, your guys' whole thing, for a long time, allegedly was like, we just wanna be left alone and we just wanna do our thing and hang out with our family and not be preached at. - Right. - And it's like, yeah, that's also what we were. That's what queer people would like. Leave us alone. - Let's just go away. I don't get it. I really don't get the drama. - Okay, there's like five percent of me that's like, are we about to kiss? - Me and you? - Yeah. - You know, I will say, there's something about the so trudio. - It's so charged in here. - There's something about the so trudio that gets to be about to kiss. - No, literally. I'm like, this is so, this is like so sexy this space. - Do you think so? I would love to feel like it's sexy. I actually think it's like, do you know when they're interviewing children that have witnessed a crime? (laughing) And they need a room that will make them comfortable telling the truth about what they saw. - Yeah. - That's what happens in the so trudio. - People come in here that I have never seen talk earnestly about something in my life. - Yeah. - And they sit in that chair under that light with that fireplace and they go, so the most devastating day of my life. (laughing) And I go, hell yeah. - Let's go. - No, it's very much like, it happened to me. I revealed more than I wanted to. (laughing) You're in so true podcast. - That's the next bumper sticker. - Yeah. - Yeah. No, I mean, it's such a comfortable space. And it is like, these chairs are cozy. - It's the swivel. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's all by design. We basically hired like CAA assets. - That's so smart. - To come in design a podcast studio where comedians would accidentally overshare an earnest. - And can I tell you what? I've never once hired a CAA asset and that's, I think that's hurt me. - It's keeping you back. - It's keeping me back. - Yeah, it's not that you're so good at writing professional emails, it's that you refuse to engage with CAA operatives. - I think I'm scared of my own success. So like the CAA operatives in my phone, like I don't respond. - You're hitting out with the CAA operative and you say something bad about yourself and they go, "Ester, don't talk about my friend that way." (laughing) - You're gonna sue with a gun? - Yeah, I'll be kind of funny. - We're on a flight to Latin America. (laughing) - You're like, I don't even know if I could overthrow a government today. I'm like, "Yes, we can, girl, stop." - I'm like, could I make a centrist write art? (laughing) - No, no, yeah. - Yeah, he's like babe, that is not the kind of talk. Hey, whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. - You're right. - See, that's another moment with a kiss. - Yeah. - We could have. - Ester, look, I think our friendship is long. I think there's been a couple of times that's come up. - Yeah. - And do I think eventually there might be a night where we're on the dance floor and this happens? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think it's completely possible. - Absolutely. - And I don't think there would be anything wrong with that. If anything, I think it would be powerful queer art. - Yeah. - I think it would be a performance piece. - I think it would be Greg Araki. - Thank you, exactly. - Yeah. - Let's get Greg involved. - Greg, roll your camera. We're about to do something. Greg? - Greg. - Greg, if you wanna direct us kissing, reach out. - This is something though. This is something that I wanna talk about. - Before we get into whatever it is, I'm so sorry. Do you even kiss boys anymore? - So, I am-- (laughing) I am always going back and forth. So I dated a pre-transition, I dated all women. So it's like, you know, there's like the, and I don't know if you're gonna have to, there's like the, there's the tit pipe line. - Right, I've always said that. - Yeah, yeah. But I'm kind of on the like bro to pipeline. (laughing) You know what I mean? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - And could you say that now? Could you repeat that back to me? All four of those slurs? - Yes. - Those, bro as a slur. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh. - Bro is a slur. - Should I have said bro? (laughing) - Bro is a slur against the straight man community. Chance is shaking right now. - It is, yeah. - I'm sorry, Chance. - Chance is gonna send an HR email later. It's like, I did not feel safe today. (laughing) I'm sorry, I got you off track. There was something you wanted to talk about. - I only dated women. - Yes. - With the exception of in middle school. In middle school, I experimented. I was like, I think I'm by, and kind of taking a conversation full circle. And the reason I experimented with my sexuality and gender in middle school was because of the influence of rent, the musical. - Exactly right. - And like, when the score is so good, you try blowing the guy. (laughing) - The transformative power of art. - Laterally. - Yeah, yeah. I did do some sexual experimentation in middle school and I was like, I don't hate this, but I just liked women a lot more, but here's the thing. Like, I yearned. Like, the way that I loved women as like a quote unquote straight guy was very often like, lesbianic. I was writing poems. I had like, at one point I had something that like, wasn't a girlfriend, but like, we talked every single night for over an hour. She, and it was long distance. And we like never kissed or anything. It was just like, we yearned. - Yeah. - And it's like. - Do you think she was in love with you? Or was this really young? And you didn't? - I mean, it was like high school. - Okay. - So I think she may have been. I don't know, I can't say her feelings. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I can. She was in love with you. (laughing) - I was like, I can't say her feelings. - If you wouldn't mind. (laughing) - Yeah, that makes so much sense to me. - Yeah, yeah. - So when I transitioned, I was like, I'm gonna be a gay trans girl. I didn't know that those existed. 'Cause I grew up in Texas. So like Southern, you know, just didn't know what the options were. - Yeah. - I thought that you had to transition and be with men. And I was like, hmm, I don't know. And then I learned about trans lesbians. And I was like, because yeah, I was always like, why don't lesbians want to be with me? Like, I'm a sweet guy, you know? (laughing) - Yeah. - Like, why don't lesbians want to be with me? I have a one woman musical. - It was a man musical. That's all. (laughing) - Hell, yeah. - But, yeah. So when I transitioned, I started dating women and mostly, like I was fucking a lot of trans women. And it was very much like, sluddest I've ever been was that first year of transition with other first year trans girls, where we would like, like fuck and then be like, can you believe that we made it? (laughing) We'd be like, we're here. - You fucking as soon as you both kind of actually put on rise up, I understand. (laughing) - Just cry. - Like, I want to see you be brave inside me. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. It was like a lot of that. And I would have like these huge like, I don't know, because, okay, if, let me try saying it sincerely and see if it still hits. - Yeah. - I was like, everything like, this sexual encounter feels, I would say, this sexual encounter feels miraculous to me, because of everything that I went through in order to accept, this gargantuan mountain that I had to move in order to accept who I am, and then act on it. And the fact that you had to do the same, and we had to figure out healthcare and everything, like, as like, Audi HD trans girls, you know? And then on top of that, like, then we found each other and had this experience. And it just felt like, all of the things that had to come into place in order for this, like, sexual encounter to happen, led me to feel like this moment's a miracle. - It's a miracle we ever met. - Yeah. And. Maybe that's why I haven't fucked in six months. - Yeah, it hasn't felt miraculous recently. - I need a miracle. - I need a miracle, I'm praying for a miracle. - Wait, I wanna talk about you not fucking for six months, but a little bit ago, you wanted to talk about something, and I asked if you still kiss boys and I got you off track. - I mostly kiss girls, and then, and then, it's just like, all trans, well, okay. In my circles, all trans people date and fuck, all trans people, like, for the most part. So, I dated a few trans guys, or non-binary people that, like, post-cordists would be like, I think I'm gonna start testosterone, you know? - I'd be like, pussy that good. - This is just what I needed, yeah. - Yeah, I'm like, the thing is it's like, pussy that good, everyone's changing their gender. - You never walk out with the pronouns you came in with? - No, literally. - Not in my place. - Yeah, yeah. But, so, yeah, like, I've had boyfriends, I've had, and I've had girlfriends, and so, I'm by, but I want to, I'm much more interested at this point in my life in having a girlfriend. And I've also never had sex with a cis man, and that is something that I'm interested in. - Really? - I mean, just like, before I die, like, you know what I mean? - So it was cis men, yeah, just to get it out of the way. - Just to get it literally to get it out of the way. - Yeah. - Because, you know, people, like the cis women, or non-binary people, or even the trans women that I've had sex with are all like, I would tell them that, and they'd be like, honey, you're not missing anything. - That's kind of what I was thinking. - Right. - Because like every trans girl I know that's fucking cis guys is like, this is a plague that ails me, and I need to get out from under it. - Yeah. But I want the plague. - Yeah, yeah. (laughing) But I want to taste all of the rich flavors that life has to offer, does that make sense? - Yeah. - Exactly. - I love that. - Yeah. - I support you. - But I want to be in a trans-lesbian relationship is like, ultimately what I want, I think. But I'm open to anything. If anyone is like really, really like attracted to me right now. - You're on the right podcast. - That's what I was thinking. The trans-lesbians that are watching hit Esther's DMs. - Hit my DMs. - She is open and available. She has a job. - I've got a job. - She is a talented artist. She is widely beloved in the New York scene. You can't get better than this. This is the height of trans-lesbian partnership. - Oh my God. - Hit up Esther. Wait, what did I get you off track from? I feel like I got you off track from. - I don't know, it's from the Kissing Boys thing. - That was it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I. - No, this was before Kissing Boys. You had a thought. - Do you guys know what I'm talking about? I took you off of something. - I took you off of something before I said, do you still kiss boys? You said, was it about us kissing? There was something I know I took you off track from. You were gonna say something earlier and I took you off track from it and I'm feeling horribly. - I don't feel, you know how sometimes you have the feeling like I forgot. - You don't feel it. - I don't feel that. - Great, well then forget me. I just was worried that I got you off something you really wanted to talk about. - No, no, no. - Yes, if you are a trans-lesbian that's interested in serious and loving and healthy partnership, you can hit up my friend Esther. - Thank you. - And let me say this, if you are a trans-lesbian that is interested in fucking around and hurting someone's feelings and being silly, don't ever talk to my friend Esther. - Wait, wait, wait. - No, no. Don't ever hit up Esther. - No. - No. - No, I won't allow it. I'm like, if you're interested in playing games, Esther's like. (laughing) Oh my God, okay, well, let me ask you this. If I gave you, if I found for you, I went out, say I came to you tomorrow and I said, Esther, I've found $10 million. - Okay. - You have to spend it all on making one thing. - Whoa. - What would the thing be? - Okay, well, I mean, did you know that I'm writing an origin story musical for Miss Clause? - Okay, no. And I'm not surprised, and I'm not surprised in the least. - Yeah. - But I need to go ahead and hear about that. So, I'll say this, a lot happened before Santa dropped in. (laughing) - Yeah. - And they are scared to fucking tell that story. - And they're scared to fucking tell that story. - Yeah. - No one has told it. Let's talk about that first of all. But basically, okay, so you know how, okay, so basically I'm writing this origin story musical of Miss Clause. - Yeah. - And I, maybe you'll notice I said Miss. - Yeah. (laughing) - Sorry, let's take a minute with that. - Yeah. - Some historical figures that are anxious to get their MRS degree, not Miss Clause. - Not her. - Yeah. So, in the show, which is, I'm doing at Union Hall on December 14th. - Okay. - It's like, all the music is Millennial Pastiche. It's like a Millennial time period piece. - Now, when you say Millennial Pastiche, my brain immediately went to it. I'm wondering if I'm close or not. - Yeah. - Like, one, two, three, four. Tell you that. - Is it like that era? - Yeah. - Thank fucking God, dude. - Yeah. - Oh my God. - No one, because here's the thing. - Pearl. - Here's the thing, like, Greece, the musical. - Yeah. - Came out in the '70s and it was '50s pastiche. - That's right. - Little shop of horrors, '80s, '60s pastiche. So, I'm like, we gotta look back. What did 2006-ish sound like? - Yeah. - We got a little John Mayer. We got a little Macklemore. - Oh my God. - Yeah, we got a little, like, Katy Perry. You know, we got a little Luminier's. - We got a lot of Katy Perry. If I have anything to say about it. - That era Katy Perry, she was in her fucking bag. - Yeah. I mean, what was that teenage dream? - Teenage dream, dude. I mean, I think it maybe was a little later, but that like late 2000s Katy Perry, she was doing fucking. ♪ When I was there ♪ And when she sings that shit acoustic, she was in it. Now, you know, we present day things are going on differently, but back then, last Friday night, come on. - Yeah. And that's another moment. (laughing) - Yeah, okay, so, you know how? Okay, so basically in the show Miss Clause is a millennial brand manager. - Yes. - And she works at a company that is basically Amazon. And she's dating the head of the company who is like, yes, of course I'm gonna leave my wife soon blah, blah, and he is Scrooge. - Yeah. - And then Scrooge is like, so some of the delivery guys are unionizing like I need you to go in and like kind of like see if you can fuck that up. She goes in, try and goes undercover, falls in love with the head unionizer Nick. - No. (laughing) - Not Nick as an old saying. - As an old saying. - No. - Yeah, so then it becomes about like, you know, desire and class and politics and all of that. And there's, you know Vince Gilligan when he would talk about breaking bad, he would be like, I wanna see how a character goes from Mr. Chips to Scarface. - Yeah. - This show is seeking to answer the question. How do you go from Marney Michaels to Eugene Debs? (laughing) And we're gonna figure it out. - I am enthralled and can I also say, this perfectly encapsulates one of the most important themes of the Christmas movie, which is rejecting commercialism, rejecting consumerism and getting down to what really matters. - Exactly. - It reminded me immediately of, of course, the Queen Latifa masterpiece last holiday. - Oh my God. - Yes. - Yes. - Where that young woman is dating the bad CEO and through being around Queen Latifa, she learns that she shouldn't be doing this. - Exactly. - And she should leave his evil ass. - His fucking evil ass. - And understand the true spirit of Christmas, which of course is skiing and eating everything on the menu at the five-star restaurant, et cetera. - And living each day like it's your last. - Yeah. - That's what Jesus taught us. - Yeah. - The journey that Miss Cause goes on, I can already tell. - Yeah. - I can already tell it's gonna bring me to tears. - I think that, I think that it's a story that we have been waiting to hear. - Yeah. - And have. - Yeah. And it's like, because I think that there is something for millennials, where I think a lot of us feel, that's right, I'm a millennial. You thought I was Gen Z because of my skin. (laughing) I'm a millennial. - Think again. - Think again. - I'm a millennial and I'm proud. Yeah. (laughing) But I think a lot of millennials, we feel like, okay, we learned all these skills. We certainly know how to manage a brand. We certainly know how to process deliverables. And we certainly know how to get an asset out the door. - Oh, start to finish. - But what is that for? - Right. - Like in 2008, we all, but we thought it was, it's all for good. And like for those eight years, you know, like we were like, and even like into 2020, like during the first Trump administration, like people do forget, like we were fired up. Like woke one lasted through the first Trump administration because it was like flying in the face of, you know what I mean? So it's like, I'm gonna use my graphic design skills to make an infographic that makes everyone so educated. - Yeah, you know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like everyone has a role in the resistance. - Exactly, yeah. And I think that there's like this on we that set in for millennials where it's like, wait, what was that all for and how can I move forward? And this is a show about like she figures out how to channel the skills that she has honed for causes that she didn't know that she disagreed with towards things that she really believes in for people that she loves. I'm gonna quote Star Wars the last Jedi. That's how we're gonna win. Not by destroying the things we hate, but by saving the things we love. - Hello. - Wait that up. Okay, you're playing Miss Cause. - Yes. - Who is, who's gonna originate the role of Nick? - Okay, so I still have to write the book. - Okay. (all laughing) - Having written one word, by the way. - Sure, sure. (all laughing) - Have written like, we've written like seven or eight songs in my co-writer. So I saw a comment on one of Joe Sunday's things that said, I can't stand how the mic is going. - It's so annoying. - Oh no. - Yeah, I'm just checking. - That's so funny. - But I do have a dream cast in mind. I haven't asked them yet. - Okay. - Like I haven't reached out to that cast. - I love that. I can't wait to see. I'll be, I'm gonna try to be there. - Fuck yeah. - I'm gonna try to be there. - I would love if you were there. - December 14th at Union Hall. - Yes. - I can't imagine, I can't imagine anywhere else I'd rather be. - I think it's gonna be a really magical night. - Because I should ask the audience to do something. Like I'm like, should we dress up or something as the audience? - Yeah. - As, I'm like me and my fellow audience members. - Like should we be wearing like Santa hats or reindeer ears or something? - Or what if we do a secret Santa? Like what if I get everyone's names? - Oh my God. - You know? - Well after, yeah, what we have to do is stuff it out really quick. - Yeah. - You guys sell this show out really quick. - Sell the show out. - So we can get your names. And then we can assign a secret Santa. - And the audience's secret Santa. - That's really fun. - And it could be like, you know, like $5. - Or you could just tell everyone, then you wouldn't even need names. If you just told everyone bring a $5 White Elephant gift. You don't need a name but just bring your White Elephant gift and we'll do a gift exchange. - How cute is that? - Can you imagine something more adorable? - No. - Hello. - No, I'm trying to imagine something more adorable. - And fast forward by the way. And I'll just take a really small percentage of the overall profits from the show for my participation here. - Of course. - Yes, yes. - Fast forward, five years from now. - Yeah. - This is playing on Broadway. - Yes. - And it is a Broadway tradition that every time you go see the show you bring a little White Elephant gift and exchange it with other members of the audience. - Oh my God. - Christmas in June. - I mean, that is what theater is missing. - Christmas in February? - Christmas every day. - I have been trying to think of an interactive theater piece for like two years now. - Really? - Yeah, I haven't figured it out because when I do my theater project and I will. - Of course. - I don't want my first thing to be like stunt casting in some long running show or something. I think that's so fierce, but it's what I want. - Yeah. - I want to originate like an all theater piece that's like, yeah, I want the audience involved. I want like, I've experimented, I was writing an idea for a little bit that I got away from. 'Cause I was working on other stuff, but I experimented with an idea of like the audience on, like not doing it even in a traditional theater, but being in like a warehouse and putting the entire audience on like a moving platform and moving the audience around to different set pieces where they meet the actors. - Whoa. - Like the, basically the set pieces would be designed in like in this thing I was working on just doing a bunch of like crazy drawings. Where like the set pieces would be designed in like a circular fashion. - Yeah. - So the actors have a big shared like a quick change in green room in the middle that the audience can't see. And then there's doors to each of the sets. And the audience is on a moving platform that like follows them around to each set. So a scene ends and then there's like transition music and like hiding that happens. And the audience platform gets moved like to the like fourth set and you meet the cast back there and they're already picked up in the scene. Like you're, by the time the audience this platform gets there, they're already in the scene and you just pick up with the, you know what I'm saying? - Yeah. Well, do you know carousel of progress? - Well, I don't know any theater and that's why a lot of times I think my idea is a reparation area. - Carousel of progress isn't theater. - Okay, what is this? - It's a ride at Disney. - Oh, that's. (laughing) - What is this, is it what I'm describing? - It is what you're describing, but it's like, yeah. - No, this happens every time I think of a theater thing 'cause I don't know theater that well. And that's my, that's why you shouldn't trust the guy who doesn't know theater to do theater. - But I think in many ways, and I wouldn't be the only theater person to tell you this. I think in many ways, you're exactly the person we should trust. - Whoa. - I mean, I think theater is the most fucking magical thing, but I also do think, I mean, I feel this way about comedy too. I'm like, I'm like, no one is funny. Like, everyone thinks that they can do what comedians do, but no one's as funny as comedians and even comedians aren't funny. - Right. - Hello, yeah. I think about theater, I'm like, I think there's just too many rules in theater right now, and also everyone's thinking way too much about what's commercial, because we have to, because the economics are so bad right now. Like, I totally get it, but it's like, no one, there's just very little experimentation. So I think you're the perfect person to come in and be like, here's what I come in with a new idea. - We'll see, I had a question come up in my head. - Uh huh. - Well, okay, this is kind of like, okay. The question I was thinking is like, what is your life about? Like, what do you think your life is about? Like, what is Esther's like? What is the big picture? - Well, do you know what I mean? - Yeah, absolutely. - 'Cause there's so many different ways it could be. You know, it could be like, but I want, what do you think your life is about? - Okay, I've, I like this question. - Thank you. - What do you think yours is about? - Well, I was trying to think, 'cause I was like, there's different answers. I'm like making people laugh, feels like one. But I think really, that's like kind of a smaller one that I, a way that I would answer it. But I really think my life is about community. I think that's like what I'm in search of at all times. I think that's when I feel, when I feel that I'm in genuine community, I feel, it's the reason I know that I can do this show forever is 'cause I feel in actual community with these guys. But like, I'm in search of community. It's what I want. I wanna create it, I wanna be part of it. I don't like when I don't feel like it's happening. I don't like when I'm in a space where a bunch of people are there for the same reason or doing the same thing, but they don't feel connected. It doesn't feel warm. That makes me feel really spiritually ill. Yeah, so I think, I think maybe my answer right now would be a community. - And that really reads for you. - Thanks, babe. - That does. - What do you think yours is? - I think mine is, so there's two, there's two things that I have like kind of set it in the past. One is, I wanna help people like see new possibilities. And part of that I think is my like, I think some of that desire is did come from like my like, trans, I'm at the front of the protest line. - Yeah. - Because like, because transness is like, especially trans sexuality is like this like real taking a leap and like trusting the net will appear. And I want people to be like, oh, more is possible than I thought. And I feel it with people politically all the time, like I wanna be like, no, we can imagine more, which is what I love like what's going on with like, the DSA in New York and stuff like that. I'm like, these are people that are not afraid to like, imagine big, you know? - Yeah. - And then the other thing is, and this is actually something that, when we were just becoming friends, I posted something about this and you like, popped into my DMs in response to this. This is like in my close friends story. - It's scared, yeah. - Yeah. - You popped into my DMs and sent some things that really didn't. (laughing) - Feel good. - Fuck, what did I say? (laughing) - In a way that made me feel like so supported and like, just made me excited to get to know you better. - That's true. - Like it was a nice moment with this. But basically, like one thing that my life is about is I want to make art that's so good and so funny and so like heartfelt and connects you so much to your humanity that fascists spiral afterwards and rethink everything. - Yeah, you know? - Yeah, absolutely. - I want to make art that makes fascists go, oh fuck, there are things I've been wasting my life. - Yeah, you know? - And they have. - And they have. I mean, yeah, that I was thinking earlier. or when you brought up woke one. And I've been thinking a lot recently about woke two. And I'm like, I don't know the delineations. I really don't, I'm not too invested in like what that means or if I care about woke one or woke two. I feel pretty, I feel like I have known what I'm about and I'm just focused on that. But I think if there is something to be said about woke two, the thing that we could do better at as people who have these ideas that like, we actually can't have a better world. Everyone actually can live in a safe affordable home. Everyone actually can afford groceries. We actually don't have to capitulate to billionaires telling us that trans people and immigrants are our problem when those people are not doing anything to us. - Yeah. - This world that we believe in that is completely possible and like just right over there, just like literally ours for the taking is that we could just make our case like joyfully and with full hearts and full voices and just like not judge people so much. The most serious activists I know are not woke schooled. So they're not shaming people. They're not going, if you voted for Trump fucking die. They're the most serious, brilliant, inspiring activists I know and have learned anything from are all extremely patient, extremely cool, very, very much down to like converse with anybody. - Yeah. - And they're never ever, ever trying to do a gotcha with somebody. If they hear something off-kilter, they don't go, that person's problematic. I don't fuck with them. They go, they go, I don't know. I kind of don't know if I necessarily see it that way. I kind of look at it this way. What did you mean? - Totally. - Like they're empathetic and they're generous. - Yeah. - And part of what we are missing out on on the left is a bunch of us have gotten very obsessed with being police officers and like trying to win and like shut each other down. - A hundred percent. - And yeah, I think when I think about woke one, woke two, what I think about is I'm like, we just need to get extremely generous and extremely focused and just try to make our case in a fun way. - A hundred percent. - Because part side is fun. I've been saying it's an invitation to the party. - Yeah. - I'm inviting everyone to the party. - Yes. - I don't care how you've been in the past. I don't care if you get everything right right away. I don't care if you said on Twitter in 2012. - Right. - I really don't care. I'm not interested. You are invited to the party today. And if you want to come and have fun, our worldview is so much more fun. - Yes. - We are having a blast. Everyone's welcome over here. - I 100% agree. Like all the people that are the most serious activists that I know, they're not the ones that have the time or the energy or the interest to be like online in a certain way. They're like outside making connections and making things happen. And like, I do think like, Ella Yermen did have like a great bit. I love quoting my friend's bits, but she was like, whenever she's like in a fight with a person online, she like stops, takes a breath. And she's like, you're 16 and you live in Ohio with your mom. (laughing) And it's like, I think that's more true than the like, oh, you're an in-sell in your basement. - Yeah. - I think what's more true is like, there was a recent tweet of someone being like, we're not talking about this. And then someone else said like, actually, this just course has happened multiple times. You're just young. - Yeah. - We are talking. We have talked about it actually. - We've talked about so much that we've moved on. - Yeah. - We've talked enough. (laughing) - We've talked enough. - Astrophilic, we've talked enough. (laughing) And I approve this message, get out and vote. - Yeah. - Truly. - Yeah. - Yeah. It should be fun. Our worldview is fun. It's like, it's not fun to be right-wing and conservative and be so scared of people different than you that if you accidentally stumble into the wrong room, you're gonna be like terrified. It's not fun. - It's the Michael Brooks quote, like, wow, I'm feeling so well-read today, by the way. - Yeah, hello. - Yeah. - And you are. - Thank you. What Michael Brooks would always say is he'd say, be generous with people and ruthless with systems. - Yeah. - It's like, I got shit to say about SNL. (laughing) And, but I actually don't have any beefs with anyone that works there. - No, there's nobody else. It works there is so fucking cool. And like cool, I mean, I don't know, I don't know everyone, but like the war that our friends at work there are so fucking cool, so nice to me. I've never made me feel any sort of way like about like anything, but I've got beefs with the institution. - Yeah. - You know, and it's true with like, people just get caught up and shit. I don't have, I'm like, yeah, I think it's just like hard to look at a person and not want to just connect to the person in front of you. - We had a version of, I didn't know the Michael Brooks quote, but we had a version of this when like the group that I organized within college that I would protest with, where we would say, our advisor would say to us, a lot of times like, we were in Southern Missouri, so there was a lot of opportunities to practice patience. But we would say, be soft on people and hard on barriers to understanding. And that's the issue is it's like, I don't dislike you. I'm having a really, really, really frustrating time with the barrier between me, you, and the better world that I think we hypothetically would both like. And then there's a different thing when it's like, I would like a better world for everyone and you actively want certain groups of people to be in a lot of pain. That is still a barrier to understanding, but it's a different kind. It's like a barrier to humanity. But yeah, the things between us are the things to be hard on. It's like, we really, we are going to need everybody if we want, besides billionaires. If we want to make a better world, billionaires are going to have to go one way or another. Yeah, I don't know what the, and by that I just mean, and by that I just mean their billionaires status. By that I just mean they're going to have to take hormones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, by that I just mean they're going to have to lose some of that money. I don't want anything else to go down. I'm like, eat the rich, more like the rich should eat. [LAUGHTER] And that was another moment. And that was another moment, and that was another moment. That was another moment. And that was another moment. Yeah. Esther, what's so true to you? This is a controversial take that I've had for years ever since. Like, you know, I do think that when I was a baby trans, I like to have like really like incendiary takes and then I sort of calm down. You know, there's a moment where everyone must grow from trans girls to trans woman. Hello. And we don't talk about that transition. That's all I talk about. And I always think that. And that's why I feel so comfortable. [LAUGHTER] But this is one that has stuck with me. I genuinely think that if we really separate, if we believe that like your body and who you are are like separate, like that your genitals don't define who you are, then I think 50% of people are trans. Whoa. Because if there is this like arbitrary sort of like mark in the middle of the gender spectrum, that on one side is boy and on one side is girl. And like forever, it was just like boy, penis, girl, vagina. And we say, oh, actually it's not penis and vagina. It's these other signifiers. Then everyone like would get on a different spot. And then it just becomes on the spectrum of like, well, is it a bell curve thing where most people are kind of in this section? And so are they trans or are they like, you know, a man who like walks a little flouncy? Hello. No ham dated ham. Yeah. Or are they like, are they trans or are they a woman that-- I don't know. We are suits. Like a tomboy. Yeah, yeah. Like a tomboy, a genuine tomboy. And then if you go further down the spectrum, it's like, well, then they like need to feel comfortable. And like to better set expectations for themselves and everyone in their lives, they need like they in there. They need they pronouns. And then you go further. And then it's like, oh, like these people need medical intervention. Yeah. But like, if we're setting the line at the like midpoint and it's arbitrary, then wouldn't like 50% of people be trans? Right. If we're removing like genitals as definition of what you are. Yeah. Yeah, I understand what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. No argument for me. No argument for me. I like it. I'm like, my genuine opinion on everything with gender and sexuality is like rock on. I like it. I love it. I mean, my thing about it is just like, I don't think, I just really think that if we lived in the world that like, Terfs claimed to want where it's like, we should live in a world where like, you can just be a feminine man. You can just be a masculine woman. If we really did live in that world, like if all of the options of what you can do with your body and your sexuality were like, on the table for you. Like from, you know, your whole life, if you like, at least new that all these things existed, then I think like so many more people would be slightly trans, you know? Like if there was no barrier to access, if there was no judgment, if you didn't have to think about, like, oh, like what will my family blah, blah, blah? Just like, I think, and I believe the same is true with sexuality. I'm like, everyone would be a little gay. But I think that this is true. I think that like, I just think so many people would enjoy hormones. - Yeah, okay. - That's what I'm thinking. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - It's like the central premise of conservatism. The central premise of conservatism is anti what you're saying because the central premise of conservatism across the board is that if people had the option to do whatever they genuinely wanted in their hearts, they would do things that conservatives don't agree with. - Right. - They're like central thing is like, if we don't regulate away the idea, they're, I mean, all these fucking god-awfuls turfs, these cis women that are like, I was a tomboy growing up. I liked wearing big t-shirts. I played baseball. I had a bowl cut. - Right. - If trans was loud, they would have made me a boy. It's like, no, we're fighting for a world where you can just be a tomboy. And if you during the course of that time realize, oh wow, I really don't feel like I'm a girl. I feel like I'm a boy. We're trying to create a world where you could safely say, I am a boy. And then we would just take care of you. - Yeah. - No one is transing the tomboy. - No one is transing anyone. Also, whenever they say we lost our good lesbians, I'm like, but you gain me sister. - Hello. And we got a good one in the process. - And we got a good one in the fucking process. - Yeah, their big fear is that if people are allowed to act from pure joy and self-fulfillment, that people will do that. - Right. - And have too much fun. - And I get it, that's scary. - Yeah. - It's scary. - Well, because what does everything mean? I get it. It's like clinging to, it's like faith. It's like faith is very comforting. - Yeah. - Definitions and certainty are comforting. - Terves are like God. - Terves are God. I've always said that. (laughing) - I have one more so true, actually. - I wish you would give it to us. - Ghosts are just as scared of you as you are of them. - Hello, that's why they're see-through. - Exactly. Also. (laughing) Because they're white as a sheet. - Think about it. - Yeah. - That you think that they don't have the power to be fully physical. Yeah, they would, but they're see-through. - They could be corporeal. - Yeah, they don't want to be. They want to be able to move through that wall in case you start acting fucking scary. - Because what do you think, like they're like, last thing they saw was like a musket. - Yeah. - And now here you are with a phone. - Yeah. - You're watching TikTok. - What the hell? - What the frickin' heck? - Yeah. - I'm sure they're very scared. - Yeah. - Like I was thinking about it. So my dad died a few years ago. - Mm-hmm. (humming) - We'll put in violin music right here. - No one should die. - Mine too. What year did you die? - 2022. - Mine too, what month? - Really? - July. - Ah, I beat you. January. (laughing) - All right. You win this one. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But still tell your story. (laughing) - Our last ever conversation, 'cause he was sick for a long time, but the day he died was a surprise. So it wasn't like a goodbye conversation. It was just like a call. - Yeah. - Our last ever conversation, like two days before he died, is he called me to say, "I love the real you posted. You need to be posting more reals." (laughing) - My father's final wish is that I really hit the algorithm. - I really put up my real. - He truly took his bath breath. He's like, "You have to hashtag F1." (laughing) FYP pushes it out more. - Yeah, that is so fucking funny. - Yeah. - That is so funny. - Yeah. - So do you want to play a game? - Yeah. - Nice. - Okay, hell yeah. Get my papers in order here. Okay, as you may know, I'm gonna read you, my nose is itchy. It's this fucking facial hair. I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. And Esther, if you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars. You ready? - Ah! - Okay, here we go. William Henry Harrison was the 12th president. - True. - False, he was the 9th. Ignias Rox are formed from cooling magma or lava. - True. - True. Jupiter has four rings. - False. - True. The lead singer of the band Train is Kellen Quinn. - False. - False, it's Pat Monahan. - Yeah. - Who had an incredible single I was obsessed with a middle school called Horizon. Stratford High School's news. (laughing) Stratford High School's newspaper is called The Spartan. - True. - False, the Oracle. - Oh my God. - There are 66 books in a King James Bible. - True. - True. - The oldest living giant tortoise is 110 years old. - Wait, I'm sorry, back up. Wait. - What, the Stratford High School? - The Stratford High School's newspaper is called The Oracle. - No, I know, and I wrote for it. My senior year, who put these? - Really? - Oh yeah, chances doing that kind of stuff. He's doing that a lot. - Oh my God. - He gets like every guest with a high school question. - Oh my God. - Yeah, he's very soft. - And I got it wrong. He's really scared. - I choked. - Yeah, you choked. - False. - False, 193. Danny DeVito directed the film Throw Mama From The Train. - True. - True. Tokyo is the capital of Japan. - False. - True. - I thought that was gonna be a- - The victors is the University of Michigan fight song. - False. - True. - Hail to the victors. - It's just the victors. - What? - Oh, fuck, you guys can fight this out later. - Yeah. - In the comments, let us know. - The first final record was invented in 1899. - True. - False, 1948. - Okay. - Okay. - Swans meet for life. - True. - True. Martha Stewart was born in South Africa. - True. - False, New Jersey. - Okay. - Blue belt. Okay. Blue belt is the second belt ranking karate. - False. - False. It's yellow belt. The Houston Texans mascot is named Benny the Bull. - True. - False, it's Toro. Chance, how'd she do? - Seven. - No. - But you showed incredible spirit and effort. - Yeah. - Say lovey. - Esther, thank you so much for being here. - Oh, it's just a joy. Thank you for having me. - We just love you. Do you want to tell people where they can find you support? - Absolutely. At Esther Fallick, that's within F. It'll be, can I tell you something? Esther Fallick, that is the name that J.K. Rowling would give to a Jewish transformer. - Absolutely. - Yeah. - Absolutely. - Yeah. - So you're complicit. - I'm complicit. - Yeah. - I'm complicit. - We're complicit. - We're complicit. - We're complicit. - We're complicit. - Yeah. - We're complicit. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah.