Episode 80 :Social Anxiety , Utopia Rising

Hello, hello, hello everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Nick Jans from holistic health for an anxiety coaching. I specialize in helping people overcome anxiety and reclaim their lives. It's a holistic approach that addresses the mind, body spirit and provide personalized coach to guide individuals towards the state of balance and wellbeing. Together we can work on developing the effective coping strategy explored in the root courses of implementing positive lifestyle changes. So let's say goodbye to anxiety and hello, hello to light field of peace and vitality. Let's unpack. Let's unpack and transform it together. So welcome back everyone. Welcome to another podcast from holistic health anxiety coaching. Today I'm discussing social anxiety, unveiling the core roots and healing for self, for self and um but before before we go into it, diving, diving, diving, deep, deep diving, this beautiful topic and I'm sure it's going to help a lot of people out there. I'm dealing with some anxiety. I am so delighted so that I have Jonathan Lee with me, JL, also known for just love is an expert administrator, turn party host at the age of 15, when his parents bought him a computer, his first computer, he has been cleaning up disc, desktops and filing, filing ever since. So his love for organization, uh, then met up with a number of personal development programs which uh, he elevated into a shyness and today beneath his introvert of profession, he has been credited his own party community movement call of utopia, rising originally from the friends across all walks of life including vegans, non-drinkers and seminar lovers and also non-smokers. Fantastic. Having four years of experience in hosting over five 50 uncovetshial party themes as he mastered overcoming social anxiety in trick-it ways that he can teach anyone mindsets and and the techniques to do the same. So very cool. So welcome and thank you Jonathan for accepting the offer to go has the episode number 80 or 366 on anxiety. Mate, how is your day going? Yeah great Nick thanks for having me on this podcast. I'm really excited to share what I have to share and um, yeah hopefully inspired some listeners here and really forward your mission to have this you know, remove anxiety and go towards holistic health and well-being. Oh beautiful thank you thank you so much for beautiful like thank you for the opportunity to talk to you and and um you know dive did did you know gets both together dive deep into into what we know and what we can share as as life coaches and you know all our journeys experiencing. You know this is my 80s 80s this will be one of the 80s on the 366 journeys so looking forward to you know team learning at the same time I am learning you're learning world teachers and we're all students of this life so it's made it so good it's so good. That's right it takes a lot of work and takes a bit of research and saying I am learning at the same time though but yeah so today's topic that is um social anxiety also known as social phobia um and it's a condition out there it's intense for some people it's intense fear situation in the interactions even going to shopping centers and they could be overwhelming and self-consciousness of fear of changement rejection all that stuff so yeah so tell me make um tell me more about your your new parties the ones you have what did you choose to do those and I know I've come to a few parties and I really love them to tell you that I love your parties good fun. Good to hear and yeah so look uh before going to that because I guess me hosting parties from a full-on shy introvert is basically twins of the scale um I'm the you could say a typical um geek back in school I still love video games and and board games and uh I have a do have a quirky uh personality when he comes to it but what I found is that I've been doing a lot of self-work and um getting rid of things anxiety that you mentioned Nick one of them allowed able to do now is be myself fully and be myself fully in front of pretty much anyone that I come across because uh the discovery that being myself and my authentic self is actually the best way to live and the best best working contribute because he also it allows me to um not be drained by having to put a mask on and or pretend to be someone or do some do something that that's not aligned with my values and so yeah the story basically hmm the story basically there is you simply I got into personal development because of China's and um you know it's not the one teaching this has that anywhere my my my mom and dad you know immigrants from China did not in English didn't have any friends that I can recall back when I was young so I had to forge everything myself make my friends choose my own social gatherings and just migrate my way through being more confident talking to all types of people across you know men and women alike and in different age groups as well and so having you know hang yourself who got my confidence boosted really gave me a high you know well the one of those highs where like well I can live a life where I'm not afraid of people when it's actually fun to be with people so I guess from then I just wanted to get deep into it learn why you know how can I use my newfound confidence even age like 20 or so I was meeting a lot of people having conversations more mature so most of my crowd was about five to 20 years older than me and I still felt at home and with the wisdom poured down from the you know people in different older generations what I loved is that so you know my sense of belonging was close to them then people on my own age and yeah and people my age were you know most of them were drinking or clubbing and and I wasn't really into that you know 20 or so years ago smoking was also a loud in clubs so also didn't like that environment and yeah and so and also 11 years ago when I you know chose to adopt a vegan lifestyle added another layer of you know what we call separation not really by choice but but as a byproduct when people might comfortable around my my different values and so yeah coming back full circle I've decided that creating my own community creating my own people space so people that I do enjoy a company of to come together was the start of why you know why I got into creating a party community now because to me getting together in person as a group doing fun activities and activities that are meaningful both and playful is is what's going to first pray more longevity for myself and people who enjoy that as well as something that I can never be tired of it's just something that the more the merrier to the to the point you know yeah so that's well that's yeah that's how that's basically the story up to now that yeah my community is around quirky activities around different themes that bring a different self-expression in people that they're not always explore and when they explore it through you type of your rising then they they they inner self develops so that they can become leaders and be a forceful good be a possible good yeah cool you know I think you're talking to me here because I can see the social benefits like you know when we put some light to someone who's anxiously avoiding you know go into social with you know applets like that and you know they they would they would really probably find you know they know people who are anxiously socially like yeah anxiety or phobia they would find it very difficult to to show up but tell you what your groups yeah what you have and you put a lot of love in what you do and that you can see you can feel the love and you know the one the one mom said I was kind of thinking well the one said here you know started rejecting it and I think I was going to get rejected you know because that kind of stuff plays when you mind you mindset it and I think there's one thing about social phobia it's about how to go into settings and be okay with it. Not to be judged. No one judges you and your settings. You're very inclusive. It's a lot of fun. I'm telling you, there's a lot of people that go to your settings. They're feeling that anxiety. I can feel that and actually some make you push themselves. And then after a while before you know it, they've just gone, oh, no one's judging me. I'm having a, and everyone's smiling. I wasn't having a great time, you know? Utopia. Everyone's forming a beautiful relationship. And I think people with anxiety have difficulty creating forging with too inbound. They can't get to that, you know? There's such a fear, you know? There's such a fear of getting out into a kind of environment. Something we don't have to actually be challenged too much by that. I think our self limiting thoughts is one that is limiting. It comes into a psychological factor. It could come through an environmental factor. It could come from family history. It just comes of just culture of society that, I think when you're young and you do your first bold social act and you get to see the rejected or something of the expectation wasn't met. And then we just root off a bigger, and that's a little bit more safer. And yes, I guess physical safety is important to live, but social safety, that's a whole not a story that, so I think a lot of society isn't teaching that right. Or just letting nature take its toll and end up most of our anxious, you know, about showing the real self that alone, the true values and all that sometimes there's a place to, you know, always not always having to speak the truth, to know what you're, to know oneself. And how compassionate for people who are on a journey to, you know, discovering themselves as well. That's another take. I think many of the audience may be listening from a development purpose, you know, they think maybe they're going to want to get techniques or shift something in their life so they can live better. So I'll speak to that right now. Yeah, my name is. Let's listen to some mindset. Let's go speak to that just that's what you think. So how could someone who's really been challenged by serious failure, some people fear of, you know, creating relationships and this is what you do, you open up the area and so this feels crude and, you know, come back again. And yeah, tell me more, tell me more about how people can come over this impact of. Yeah. Yeah, anxiety, social anxiety for a year. Yeah, so I'll give you, before I go there, I just want to give you a bit of hope that some of our party themes as well as years they have taken people who have been the most shyest in their own shell to, by the end of the night, AKA the party, they're out in the front of a stage doing some public performance, not even just talking. They're actually talking in, you know, in a group. So the things I'm thinking about is, first is theatre sports, you know, it's improv, it's acting, acting on the spot spontaneously. Many people are afraid of that. Secondly is a operatic team where people who have a phobia around being taken photos or just being around cameras in general, they don't know what it is exactly, but it has an effect on people, brings out the fear of confidence in people very easily. And for those events, I've had people who are shy to take photos in one night being able to pose and have people take over 500 photos of them and then they've overcome that phobia. And lastly, which is one of my favourite themes and it was a unique one to begin with, and I was a risk I wasn't sure if people would actually do this. It was a rap and swag party where people who did not sing at all learn to write a song and perform in front of a stage in three hours. And this is a rap song, this is not just your, you know, twinkle little stuff, I mean, easy. This is like, you write your own lyrics and your rap, but in front of a crowd, that's right. Yeah, and if you're listening and you're being counted, there's no way I can do that. There's a journey that, of course, I take people through and it's someone who's hosted a number of events. I take full care of, I love when people can, you know, it's like seeing a flower bloom not in years, but in minutes. Okay, that's how the metaphor I look at it. That's possible. I'd say for someone who's actually serious about improving the anxiety or getting rid of it in due time, is first acknowledge the two sides of the coin. The first side is your desire to want to work on it. You know, that means you're reading books, you're hanging out, people are confident, then you're learning and testing different techniques that you work. Testing that can love that. Yeah, that's the first side of it. You need the high desire to want to change. And you know, when, you know, we go to the resources in the world for YouTube and resources is not, that's plenty of these things. It's all about your willpower and your willingness to, you know, how much you want it is, how much effort you're going to put into work on it. So that's the first part. You know, second part of coin is, is to acknowledge that if you don't work in anxiety, you're not going to be so, very attractive to others to make friends with. All right, and it's just, and it's a bit of a, you know, tough love proofy that, it's interesting that the greatest pillar of me, these days, I find them, you know, their personalities that are just attractive, they've done quite a bit of work on themselves. All right, and I know when I meet someone who hasn't done any work on themselves and they're not willing to, they're the people who always will seem awkward. And they're not, mostly not even aware of what they're sending out there. And the messages are sending out to other people. And they wonder that either, first, maybe, people that like them, or they don't like people, or both, or the fact that they're not fitting in. So I guess the first part is to acknowledge that, where you want to be is possible. You go to work on it, and you've, you've got to want to work on it, until you get to a point where loving your own development becomes an automatic and natural, that you'll be drawn to sources and people, and environments that lift you up. Yeah, so with your type of arising, obviously, the entry is anyone, anyone can come in. And what makes it, well, like you were mentioned, Nick, the people who you've seen bloom, it's because people like yourself who have done the work and who have a certain love for virtues to social virtues to help others, he's dead. And enough of that energy will rub on to someone who is simply in a different stage, still working on themselves, can't think too much of doing something bigger than their own world right now, because they're working on themselves. But you need a majority of the energy to be already, you could say evolved or transformed, so that people who are not yet as transformed can step into it. Yeah, I have to say, as soon as we walk into the room, and as we set the room up, and people start coming in, and they come in like, "What are we doing here? What's going on?" You know, they're like, "What's this all about? Did I make the right choice?" And they're requesting themselves, and even though they had many other things to do, they chose to do the party. And after a while, they're just totally different people within two hours, that the energy collective energy, like you said, I love that idea that we're like, a one-beat of water when we connect, it's like all there, and we all connect to the same idea. And I'm very grateful that there is an audience for what I'm doing, because many people who go to events, maybe partially out of obligation, you know, maybe it's your, someone's close to you's birthday, and you don't want it to be seen, someone's not going there, or you're going to an event, because someone's paid for you, or something that's not out of your own, not for the out of your own choice. Whereas my events, take for example, they've last event, I credit I had a smoothie party, right? When I celebrate anyone's particular, you know, celebrating any, yeah, particular event for a person, it's just simply a theme of, have we're getting together, we're going to talk about, we're going to have some healthy gathering, because it's smoothies, and it's a fresh, fresh food, there'll be some education on health, and well-being, and of course, the activity is, you know, we had a bit of friendly jewels as well, you know, making smoothies and seeing who each one tastes. So there's no actual third party pool for that. So which means that anyone who comes there, they're looking to explore. They're looking to say, "You know what? I'm gonna do something different and give myself an opportunity to open my mind to creativity or just stepping into new environments so I can get better at stepping into new environments." And of course, the more you can step into new environments, you are indirectly working on your social anxiety to reduce that. - Yeah, yeah. Well, you will have a degree of social anxiety. I mean, my last topic was about creative tension. My last chapter. I'm all about that stepping into something. I don't know what it is, whether it's, you know, whether it's utopia parties or whether it's, you know, going to a job interview or something like that. There's a change happening right there with you know what or not, but there's friction in the process. And that's what people, you know, that now when you put it into someone who are really, you know, in the mindset of, you know, infobiors and fear, you know, yeah, they're taking it difficult because they've got a different setting. And, you know, when we, just a little bit more of anxiety and social anxiety, you know, it mentioned that it could be genetic. Now, there's only a small amount of people. That's what I'm saying. I'm a believer that there's a small amount of people that have lack, lack, you know, it's a chemistry of the mind, the brain. They have lack of sort of tonn and our deficiency or dopamine deficiency because we need those to uplift their modes, you know, uplift their spirit. We need those and we're not, we're lacking on that. When, therefore, we are just, and we need that then we're into the lower vibration, stuck in the lower vibration. We're feeling a lot of vibration. We need to be lifted out of the lower vibrations. And so there's only a little bit of a slow, very, very minimal percentage of people, like even people like I've got epilepsy or something like that, right? Which I'm just by that. There's only very, very fine amounts of people that have that. So that, what I'm saying, like you said, there is hope out there for folks who are stuck into this kind of negative, negative rolling space. You know, it could be. Yeah, the longer you've, you've stuck, and it does take a little bit. Just like having exercise for a long time, it's going to take a little bit of time to ramp up so you get used to it. And the first three times after you work out, after a long time, it's going to be more painful, just like it's going to be more uncomfortable. If you've been, if you've lacked, you know, any of those, that for me in oxytocin or in dolphins for a while, because you're getting used to that again. And that's a natural high. Yeah, it does. It is unfortunately people aren't having enough laughter or real joy for a period of time. They even forget that's what they want. And then they stop seeking and then it becomes a sparring itself. But thank goodness, just like, and I'm not different in terms of when you're in your biggest load, you better want to be able to have your, you know, your paper closest to you, at least someone to be a high energy and want to pick you up. And then we've all need other people to do that. Yeah, I think, I think, you know, I think this particular message for us is meant to be together here. You know, Jonathan, it's meant to be here for us. I'm feeling that it's finally come to from circle. We'll be talking about this with you. And, you know, we got to keep those neurotransmitters and fight up, you know, we don't want them to be getting burnt out. And, you know, these, so what I was getting back to was like, there's only very, very small percentage of people that are deficit in this sort of an also dopamine. But when some probably 1%, okay, any 1%, so there's 99% of people psychologically affected, you know, psychological, we did, but there's always that potential. So ever's hitting hearing, I said, there is potential. And I love the way it said, they got to be exposed to it. And the word is exposure. All right. So when we're traveling, you're trying to get healed through any type of anxiety, we need to be able to sit in the worst, the worst fear, sit into the disturbance, sit into the disturbance. And we need to learn to be exposure. We need to sort of, you know, also to heal social anxiety is also a role play. So what you offer is a role play for a lot of people, you know, being child, it's with shyness or social anxiety. You see, it's all of that, they can take two or three numbers like in a pair of threes that they'll be okay. When someone walks into the room with 20 people to 50 people to 100 people, that's a different ballgame, they want to run away. And then they create that habit of, anxious avoidance, you know, and they keep that cycle going like you said. And also there's sometimes it depends, some people are happy to hide in bigger crowds. And it's usually when the spotlight comes to them, the anything that's not complete with you or anything that you, you don't want people to find out. Many of self help gurus call it is the shadow self. The self that when you were young, you want to, you know, attention or be loved and you couldn't just ask for it. And so you had to find other ways and to, to satisfy that part. And sometimes the spotlight does bring people out. And yeah, I'm very careful with, with my activities when I put people in a spotlight that's always got to check in whether you don't want to get to a point where, you know, you have to tackle your journey, your own space and your own intensity. And if you do it too far, then you may curl up again and it will take a lot more to get you back out. - Yeah, so that's it there. So yeah, you got, yeah, I guess you should, you know, we do that with truck like you said, we have the environment to play with and to be exposed with and to have a setting that allows us to experiment and see what works. And I think, you know, and that is it. That's the big psychological thing to be able to also get out of that feeling of not good enough. It's just like, and then also irrational beliefs and of themselves or the self-judgment and, you know, the self-critical ways. And there's those therapies are cognitive therapy that can be placed, you know. There's all this kind of different things. But that I'm just saying, when you said something like that, it just, you know, just remind me that, yeah, that's the one way of treating or getting over it is and, you know, you go to workshops. And this is what you're offering is a workshop, really. You know, to get in the way. - Yeah, it's like a workshop in disguise. Sometimes people will, will in their own journey. I like how you mentioned about roleplay as the way to combat some of this anxiety because many people are walking around with a story that's kind of in the subconscious whether I'm not love them or good enough or some sort of that. And so when they, when they, when they're like, the spotlight shines under, they're like, "Oh, no, people are gonna, that, "people are gonna find out that's what I'm thinking." But when you're roleplay, you give yourself an opportunity to, you know what? I'm gonna roleplay a song who is confident. You can be fully self-expressed and bit by bit. You know, we'll practice in doing again and again. You get to a point where you find, you become proud of yourself, all your strengths and your flaws. And that's why my subtitle, you know, it's happy rising cool to be you comes into play. And it's something that I found that all the things that what made me, what gives me confidence when I walk into a new networking event or I go to a seminar or something. It's because I know that I do a lot of things that I'm proud of in my life. And I hope hosting being, you found out these parties is wonderful. It's a big draw. And it's all bad draw, you know? Your draw card to, you know, are you good at something that you're proud of? Are you, have you done something recently that you're proud of? And all that together makes people go, you know, oh, you're a cool person, you did that. And you've got to know it yourself. And I think that's why I bring, depending on the thing, I bring out different cool sides of people. And yeah, even making a good smoothie. And so, you know, you did it. And you did it in that short period spontaneously. It doesn't have to be, you know, super big and changing, like world changing. You just got to do something that you say, you know what, I like that. I like that I did that. And slowly that part of becomes your default, you're just looking at changing your default. Right, most of that conversations, there's little voice that gives us negative comments. The reason why it's prevalent in your life because it's your default. Then you can test it. If you ever look at, you know, you've documented all your thoughts in the day. Right. How much of it is positive? How much is the negative? And if you just switched at, adjust that slightly every day. You know. For me over time, you're going to be saying so much positive things that you live your life through your external life, is it, you know, reflection of your internal dialogue anyway? So, yeah. So you kind of see when people will be, you want, and it's an exponential. Once you get to tipping point where you're proud and you're happy, that magnetism, of energy, your attract more people that will sustain that new personnel or being for you. Yeah, you're definitely trying to wipe out all those thoughts of, you know, that self-defeating and self-limiting beliefs. And by doing group settings, absolutely. Like, yeah, we're able to cope, you know, you're actually providing a place to strategy for coping in that environment, you know, and coming back to social and guard again, you know, we have a control, but you can also, you know, learn to, you know, you started meditation, we started, you know, controlling the breath techniques and deep breathing. You know, we can positive self-talk, like we talk about a moment, you know. And a challenge, and challenge as negative thoughts and beliefs and, you know, contribute that contributes to this kind of anxiety. And, you know, it's, yeah, gradually exposure, you know, like I love public speaking. I never did. I remember my first public speaking. I was in front of 10 people and it came 20 people. The first 10 people were the hardest and it's my speech. And remember that I couldn't even utter word. I was just afraid of sweating. I can feel the tension. I can feel the anxiety, you know, even from a task like public speaking and I remember those days. And even though I don't know what I was talking about, right? Yeah, I was able to do a poetic sort of thing. It didn't matter. What it mattered was that I could actually produce a speech, you know, provide them like I had to memorize the damn thing. And I'm in each paragraph and I drilled and drilled and drilled. And it was amazing that you can do that. You can actually overcome them. It was like a shadow. It was just like a lifted. It didn't matter. They didn't know what I was saying because I actually got in front, whether you're gibbering or whatever you're doing, it didn't matter. The only is to expose yourself to the fear of public speaking. And I love the way we, you know, we provide that environment to be able to help you listen as well. Let's let's break down a little bit and on then afterwards, okay, my time first, two times hosting as well. So with your case, your first time public speaking, what was going through your, what, what, what's conversations that you, what was going through your head that no longer happens? Well, I go in there and I say, I can't fail anymore. I used to feel like I lose it. Like I'm a guy, you know, I feel like, you know, the self-conf, the self, the self-limiting believes like, you know, I like to say that word, but I want that I, you know, I would say, yeah, I won't drop that bomb. But it was like, yeah, I'm not good enough to do this or, you know, who might have made a speech? You know, I'm talking basically shit and, you know, it doesn't make sense to anybody. And I don't know if anyone's listening and who might have been listening to. So this kind of negative things were saying in my mind. So this is what anxiety folks are going through. They just demolish themselves and get into a lower, lower, lower bread. And then all of that comes pre, pre-prime to pride, you know, event or going to social gathering. You're, if you, if you try to exercise, right, if you're listening to this, so, now imagine there was a, you know, typewriter that talked everything that you said to yourself. And then start from the time that you committed to a social event, you know, all the way to walking in. And then notice the time that it disappears because there's sometimes you are out there and you're, you're in conversation with someone and you should have the most joyous points, right? Because you're not in yourself. You're, you're just being you and your values and your expression out for others to, you know, to be part of. And then even after event, look at why conversations happen, do you have comments about yourself and how you relate it to certain people or do you do, are you serving certain people, do you like here or all that? So if you record all that and you just say, this is the worst that you ever be and you go and work on it, you know, it's like this time, I'm going to, next time I'm going to stop saying this. And even if you change one thing at a time and after many gatherings, you're going to have a different, some, some, you, you'll start differently. Put it that way. And, yeah. And then if you ever get to the point where, so transforming one side of, you know, having anxiety and then getting rid of anxiety, so that you become more confident person and of course you've been a foot from your life on that. That's a month stage. And I really invite those who are getting to there very soon. Or even if they want to jump to the queue here of, you know, becoming confident for others. So you know, I got more confident as soon as I said, you know what? I want to do this. I want to host and help other people. Yeah. If you take that leave, you're going to, you're going to be learning much faster because you're no longer learning for you, you're learning for anyone else to come before you or in front of you, whenever, event, you're going to go to a host or organize. And I tell you, it's, it's some, some kind of, some lines will never go away. It's free or more whenever go away. After over 50 parties, I still have a fear of up you're going to show up. I feel going to like it. Even though there's almost no more evidence that opposite is true. Right? That it, it's just that, it's a conversation. You only get better at managing and want to get better at managing. They're at least more of your time than you will be joyful. Right. That's, and, and that's life's offer. I think that, you know, the arrogant thing you'll get somewhere one day that you have no more say, you know, problems with, you know, there's just going to be new, as long as you keep growing and growing your life. They call it, you know, play a bigger game in life. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, if you just live the life of it, you know, if you take it the way of all the responsibilities and accountability is some people have a raise like, but you don't want that. You grow it in order to be able to better play a bigger game, contribute more and in the end have a more fulfilling journey. Yeah. So what, what you're saying, though, John, as you see, you've got a lead, you've got to take, I always like something that I've learned, like, you know, maybe this can help the creating that, creating that knowledge, you know, knowledge that knowledge that you can learn from your cognitive restructuring, you can learn that knowledge from behavioral experiments, you know, learn from the Bavian thoughts and patterns that are existing and then change them through confronting them and by actually taking leadership and you'll learn more as a leader, like you said, and I totally love it when you said. So when we have the knowledge then what happens next, we can have more control of our anxiety than we move on to, once we have the more control, we can become more responsible as leaders or for someone else, you know, leading ourselves for a bigger group out there. And I guess this is why we're kind of doing this podcast to the moment just to chip in and become more than the more than we are in not just personally, but a whole global level. And that's that the word utopia comes in. Yeah, love it. And yeah, for me, the utopia is possible when everyone has built the inner utopia. And when I say inner utopia, they've worked on their own human conditions to the point where they can build a contributive life around that. And that's a they can they can find peace when they need it. They can find love when they need it. They can summon those, yeah, the emotions that they need for to accomplish whatever they have they desire. So everyone having the inner utopia means that now we all can be leaders and bring more people to better place. Absolutely. And you just a smile and positive vibrations contagious. And that's the whole idea of it and more than Mary, Maryer. And I think, you know, once we know it, we then can have some control of it. We have we have a positive, then we have more responsibility as says, you know, to create that. And then we have this next level goes into connections with ourselves and then with upwards and then finding that we can then communicate what we need to communicate, you know, not holding back and how blossoming the reality will become. So I think there's a there's a cure in that, you know, those in those words that I've just mentioned to heal anxiety. And it's it is about confronting and being comfortable with that. Now, I'm thinking, this is only a 16 minute broadcast before we got like a little bit to go out to go. But I'm thinking there's a lot of a lot to talk about, you know, how how to cut copy mechanism. It's a deep breath. You can positive talk visualizations. Another thing, you know, in setting going into a setting, sometimes setting that intention and visualization helps before you even get to that environment. And if you give yourself intense going to be good, it's if I think it's going to be a good be okay then it's going to be okay but if I think it's not going to be okay then it's not going to be okay. You know you got to have at least the goals using grounding techniques, the five senses, the practice, the relaxation techniques, the marks, the meditation. Taking a break sometimes you know because you might be able to well-mean all these sort of stuff so and always looking for groups like you know yours Jonathan and to seek support in one way and other coaches. Yeah well just sort of stuff but um I do have one technique and you know some people use some looseners the type for a bit more um what's that left brain they'd like to don't want to have a how to or do some active something they can do as I've listened to this so whenever before end I'd love to share that. Yeah let me know. Yeah yeah let's go with it and then then we'll then we'll kind of wind up with a beautiful meditation subject. Okay great. Yes. It's about 45 minutes to it's a maximum 60 minutes recording. Yeah yeah please tell me. Yeah so this is from the originally I did this from my seminar before and I incorporate it into one of my party themes and gratitude party first so to speak and in this exercise is called 100 reasons why I love myself okay and it kind of ties back to what I what I came up to share this is you know I mentioned about you know when you can find the side of you that you can be proud of and you embody cool to be you then you can start looking for you can start using that to better the world and so how what this exercise simply is get a share of paper and you know you just you know your number of once a hundred and then in one sitting without any breaks you write 100 things they love about yourself. Right and most people will struggle if they have 90s before around 2030 and then the rest is going to be a bit of a brain grueling brain exercise but you've got to push for it because sometimes you don't think about a lot of things that you actually do like that about yourself and not acknowledging that and and if you've done it before even at 70 80s where you'll start the struggle bit but once you get the 100 what you can do is you can go through that list and you picked to say to make it easier for everyone five things that you're most proud of and then you go out on metah.com or facebook events and you find events where you get to have people see that side of you because it's a theme maybe if you're good at a certain skill you go to the meetups to have people talk about that skill so they're going to discover that about you and then so you're going to have from both inside out and outside in of people saying hey you're cool because you've got this trait or the least thing that you've this side of you're proud of and in over time you can increase that list of you know I'm going to go out of places where I get to express this side of me that I'm proud of in a life I think that's a good way of getting getting your grounded to to fight those negative comments about you because you're going to have an influx of the positive comments of the areas of life you care about because how many times have you got to compliment and you just brush it off and it's not and I realize not it's not about the person the person complimenting you or you know sometimes they just compliment things that you don't care about like do you want to I'll give an example I love people you know after their haircut they'll be like nice haircut I'm like okay that's cool but he doesn't give me any hit that I need but if they they love the party that I've hosted because I put my heart and soul in the line for that I care about it and then that matters so you know I'm interested back you did a sexist size you find the five things you're proud of and you care about people's opinion and it's okay to have that because this is the thing that's going to make you want to do more of that and then you go out there deliberately to find people who would acknowledge that part of it and then you build your cool factor I call it and your confidence will come from there so give it that shot yeah I look um to summarize that I think any gratitude or self-love practice you know try to see how much do you love yourself and adding on to love and touching base where you are and really seeing yourself and the you know those thoughts that you know you might find it challenging to begin with but as we practice gratitude and it becomes easier absolutely thank you for that and also mixing with people the energy where where you'll be proud of and your skill and you can make sure skill and you know I think that's that's the second part also very very valuable yeah and sometimes that is the one that's going to be the kicker I mean not very often people tell you you know go to places deliberately so you get complimented on the things that you care about it's almost like oh you know I don't know that feels a bit more selfish or self-focus but um how we actually do think we we almost desperate for a vote we never say we want it but why not just go after the things that you know I'm proud of this and I want people to see me for this and yeah and that mindset you're going to take you can apply it for more and more areas as you yeah get better at adopting it. I think there's another speech come there I think there's another title you can talk about this one this is a little later than the track I think that's a great great topic to gratitude we can go into gratitude because that's actually one of the one of the things that you know as I said it's 99% of the time it's a psychological thing in in social anxiety and and just to get that list out of any gig up and stay there you know stay there in the love light you know and be there that's that's where people are kind of stuck in and that's all as there's many many reasons and reasons why social anxiety exists and you know it's usually sometimes is from patterns of blueprints parents you know but it's just just a whole bunch of things that we can go a little bit deeper in that kind of subject no time but Johnny I think it's time for time for meditation I might just quickly read the text because it's related it is a wonderful thing for about 25 verses so yeah all right so I um yeah well this has been a beautiful thank you Johnny some say you want to say goodbye now and let's let's let's let's hang out and do the meditation because we're going to be bailing out in 12 minutes so the time it's come up come up to yeah to have a lot of time so thank you thank you for having me unique and for those listening thanks for taking on my days and I hope that's to he to hear your story one day how this made a difference because you know that's that's the thing that people you know who's in the life of contribution always loves to hear in order to perpetuate and feel the fire to do it more and to contribute more hmm absolutely thank you such such a pleasure have you with your knowledge and I love the techniques that we shared and uh just amazing and now hope we're going to do this again we need to do more of that you know we need to do it more to uh going deeper and whatever we the world needs yeah absolutely and feels very fulfilling to be doing this sort of thing um yeah so I invite everyone to to settling into a nice space and and today's a topic has been specifically designed to help us cope with social anxiety ideas and cultivate in a piece of confidence um social overcoming social anxiety and just taking our time and to get into this relaxed space and coming down into into more gentle space pausing dropping into our space of relaxation and finding this beautiful counsel space that your your body knows and when it's used to it's in meditation being at most peaceful space we can just relax and then and focus on your breath and and just closing your eyes and take a deep breath in and just allow your lungs to expand fully and exowing slowly releasing attention or fear that may be weighing you down acknowledge any anxious thoughts or feelings that arise without any judgments visualize a gentle soothing light surrounding you offering comfort and protection now just imagining yourself surrounded by a circle of loving and supportive energy and friends and in wonderful circles and feel the warm and acceptance of this energy and it embraces you with compassion and focus on your heart and center and breathe deeply into the space just allowing it to expand with loving courage repeat the affirmation i am safe and i am enough just as i am embracing the present moment with acceptance and kindness toward yourself and picture a nice calm peaceful social sitting where you can feel at ease and confidence in a beautiful sitting visualizing yourself engaging in conversation with ease and grace and radiating positivity and the need to be able to do it. authenticity, being just you, practicing grounding techniques, but focusing on sensations, your body and support of the ground beneath you, and then connecting with your inner strength and resilience, knowing that you have the power to become your social anxiety. Release any any self, just releasing, release any self doubts, negative self talks that that hinder us, and then replacing it with empowering and uplifting affirmation, and taking a slow meant intentional breath and just relax and you get to the center yourself and calm your racing thoughts, just thoughts, your own made up stories, recognize that it's okay to feel nervous or anxious in some social settings and that you are not alone in these struggles, not alone, embrace the vulnerability as a source of strength and connection with others, just imagine a shield of confidence and self-assert assurance surrounding you, protecting you from all external judgment, there is no judgment, and then focus on the present moment and the opportunity to practice self-compassion and self-care, allow yourself to let go of perfectionism and embrace the imperfection as a natural part of being and given. Visualize third future, visualize the future where you feel empowered, liberated from the constraints of social anxiety, now set this intention to cultivate courage, authenticity and resilience in your social interactions, express gratitude for the progress you've made in the growth you've experienced on your journey to overcoming social anxiety, open your eyes slowly carrying with you this sense of inner peace and strength and confidence as you navigate social situations with grace and authenticity. Take a moment now, breathing deeply, absorb the empowering energy of this meditation, embrace your inner strength, resilience as you walk towards overcoming social anxiety and cultivating a sense of peace and confidence in your interactions with others. I hope that you've all enjoyed this podcast and hope that you've joined us on the next podcast, Alistair Kelfenwell being. Subscribe to our podcast, Alistair Health and Society Coaching for Expert Tips, Guidance and Support. Let's conquer anxiety together and bring us to life of balance and wellness. Just feel free to share with those who need to hear it. Together we can make a real difference. Feel free to share this invitation with your friends and audience and spread the message of hope and support and thank you for your commitment to make an positive impact for yourself and others, your loved ones and we'll hear this healing and messages. So Johnny, thank you for joining me and I'd like to say thank you and looking forward to another episode. Likewise, Nick, thank you. Beautiful, thank you. Good night my friends, so good no friends and until another time. Good night all. [BLANK_AUDIO]