Episode 681: True Crime Round-Up - You're Not Chris Hansen

there's no place to escape to this is the last on the left that's when the cannibalism started who's that and we can't start like this marcus why would you do that why would you start why would i ever why would i ever stoop to the level of dirty words fuck fuck shit stuff like that marcus everybody knows it's cock and suck cock and suck cock and suck and fucking suck that's better thank you yeah it's a little bit i'm just copying marcus my hero the only way he only knows it that's how he opened shows i remember that being an intrinsic part of the vows to your wife it really was yeah that whole 10 minute cock and fucking suck and cock and fucking suck yeah i remember when you said all that we rehearsed for weeks and then carolina did all the splacking yeah mrs hidalgo i mean mom that was a great wedding welcome to the last podcast on the left ladies and gentlemen my name is marcus parks i'm here with the splacker himself henry zabrowski i splack all the way from the front to the back that's right and we have uh the family man ed larson that's right i'm a family man i don't have kids and i have dogs and i put hats on them and i call them children honestly it's better it's better you know why because if one of them dies no one's gonna come looking nobody cares that's true that's true just keep them off of social media you can voluntarily kill it i don't think you can what do you mean well i mean if it's dying i think there are some rules yeah you can't just take a dog into the vet and say hey i'm tired of this thing get rid of it yeah yeah yeah you don't feel like it's a couple of home-based euthanizers like those guys that you can pay to come home there's a couple of them i bet kind of like what you do with your grandpa yeah yeah yeah i'm pretty certain that you can probably slip them extra 100 no fucking whack the dog for you sir my dog is depressed and he's just like i can tell let me get my gun and today we're doing a little old-fashioned true crime roundup yeah because we really wanted to get back into the true crime spirit of things we're going to get back into heavy hitters this month yeah we're going to get back to a serial we're going to get to a serial killer next month we're going to cover a canadian again it's been a long time since we've covered a canadian and i'm excited because they are the funniest murderers because i really feel like we've been so heavy and you know because in terms of we covered the me lie massacre we've been talking a lot about the state of the country and the world and we've been talking a lot about the and i think it's important to do something light like a guy that's only murdered and sexually assaulted like 15 children 11 please thank you yeah yeah i think that's something light something fun yeah something fun you know people are too tired of all these massacres let's do rape joker because that's that really does that takes the tension in the room down yeah it does the best part of a canadian serial killer is what they apologize every time every time it's almost like they didn't even mean it in the first place well we got a few true crime stories to go through because of course the world is never bereft of true crime so let's yeah start with our first story an influencer known for his efforts to catch alleged child predators is facing charges after being stabbed during an altercation with a person he accused of trying to meet with a minor no way that's what's hard is you really gotta set them up i'm really excited for the new movie the r pats movie oh the movie yeah that's gonna be incredible my friend reached out to me and he said i'm really excited for the new movie i'm really excited for the movie and he said i'm really excited for the new movie i'm really excited for the new movie because she had a boyfriend that was featured on to catch a predator after they dated years later she dated him when she was 15 to 17 right he was 17 she was 15 okay okay a little better that was in high school and literally he smelled like cheese so she broke up with him and then later on turns out he was on to catch predator he was just one of those guys he was super super super into it yeah it's funny how those guys sort of just pop up like there was a dude uh and from college that was in our college radio station and he got busted with like one of the largest treasure troves of child pornography in the history of texas why is it always a treasure trove and his last name was cosby can i honestly ask though why do they always call it a treasure trove it's not being surrounded by smout you don't need to go on an epic adventure to get c sam you just gotta get whatsapp yeah way too much i think is a better way yeah way too much piles and piles and piles one is way too much you're right okay you're right you're right because that's because you can also orbit in a mount and absorb it but even even one even one yeah an unreasonable amount even one more than one more how does this sound how does this sound illicit cachet oh i like illicit i don't want to go backwards here but she broke up with him because he smells like cheese yeah yeah that's a bad thing well that's a dick problem and they weren't not they're not wisconsin people then yeah yeah she's not a dirty fucking wisconsin i don't want to go backwards here but she broke up with him because he smells like cheese that loves a smelly gross man all covered in fungus well back to this man who uh was stabbed trying to impersonate chris hansen nicholas atala who goes by nikki sal on social media was reportedly stabbed while confronting two men at a tim hortons in jamestown new york in december 2025 atala of pennsylvania tries to catch potential child predators by posing as minors online notice it says tries to catch this is his it's his angle it's his hook because honestly you're not catching the big one every time sometimes you get something you got to throw back he has a post of even two days ago of this recording saying subs only seen it first i caught a follower he got one of his own followers of course of course you know and i unfortunately i believe of any of the chains timmy's is where the pedophiles go i don't know i would actually say denny's fast and you know why high school drama high school drama high school high school kids hang out at denny's and if you catch one out front crying because she got nullified with her boyfriend after their fifth cup of coffee with they've been chain smoking cigarettes for six hours yeah that's going to be a girl you can take advantage of have you been following the tim hortons is just old men yeah it could be but then a lot of old men can be pedophiles have you heard of wheel of the wheel of fortune announcer guy jim thornton oh my god that was the story i've been trying to think for fucking all day i was like there was a story that i saw last week that i would love to talk about and it's that one yes yes because according to him you gotta check out the local golden corral it's a regular boy fay that's what he said that's a direct quote so was that because i know that he had uh claimed that he worked in suicide prevention and that somebody had sent him the link and he cited to open the link on the airplane well he said he was only on there for a few minutes and he said he's trying to pete towns in defense so he told the police officer after the fact yes he was researching he was researching he said he used to spend a lot of time in uh suicide chat rooms or anti-suicide chat rooms talking people out of committing suicide because they had a family member that committed suicide but he spent 57 minutes in the same cold lifeline dot chat which is a chat room disguised as one for general topics but it's where men go to talk to people and talk about quote-unquote struggling with feelings of pedophilia and so the whole idea was that it was a bunch of guys who were supposed to be struggling quote-unquote struggling with their thoughts about pedophilia but actually it seemed more like a place where a bunch of pedophiles talked about what kind of boys and girls they like to have sex with well if you're using the words boy fay uh then that does not seem like a struggle that seems like a celebration exactly and it seems that jim thornton loved it so much that he decided to talk about the boy face while wearing his wheel of fortune swag jacket what you don't do if you're jim thornton you wear a price is right shirt yeah yeah yeah you throw him off the trail just a little bit a little bit how about press your luck so he is definitely directly quoted though it's in the green it's so incredible so you've got went to golden crawl for the first time my for the first time with my dad and his wife yesterday a nice hangout for kids saw a couple of cute boys and hot little girls all you need boy fay uh and i do love that these it shows that these are not they're truly human because the response from one of the other guys mr z is i haven't been to golden growl in decades and his response is it's in burbank baby it's in burbank right next to where i work as the announcer as of wheel of fortune i mean just like you're you're wheel of fortune prime time it's regular television yeah you got you golden corral yeah that's where he goes to fuck the kids he's out there to eat oh but you gotta you gotta think like a predator to catch a predator because if you're gold if you're going somewhere fancy you're gonna find any kids in a fancy place they're not there you go to the place where the kids are running around with parents who don't care about their child's health safety or well-being, that's Golden Corral, my friend. Golden Corral sounds like the place that R. Kelly used to pee on girls. Yeah! That's just where he used to pee on horses when he was riding them in the park. Did we actually, did somebody, I have this memory of someone telling a story about being a child and drinking directly out of a chocolate fountain at Golden Corral. Oh, I am pretty, that's one of us. I had, it's close to that, I had a situation where I was eating the marshmallows directly out of the, by the soft serve at Ponderosa, and then they caught me eating the marshmallows and they led me back to my table and kicked me and my entire family out. Un-fucking-believable. You're just a fat kid with no supervision. My dad was happy we didn't have to pay the bill. Oh, hell yeah. He's like, actually, you're kind of, I didn't get in trouble at all. That's the most fat thing you've ever done, son, I'm so proud. Yeah, the chocolate fountain, it's, all of this screams unsupervised. Well, it's COVID, another COVID loss. Mmm, the chocolate fountain. Yeah, yeah. Dude, you know I want one. Oh, man. I want one, but this is cum. So he didn't You gonna, do you want to go past that? I don't know. I actually don't know. Did you say cum? Cum fountain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cum fountain. Yep, sure. So, what, are we gonna hire a cum guy? No! We have to have a cum guy that comes and fills it up? Where's he gonna source it, where's he sourcing the cum from? If I was him. It's Burbank, baby. Burbank, baby. It's a regular boyfay. It's an absolutely regular boyfay, you can't even imagine. Hi, old woman, give me a pee. And let's see, we go, who wants to buy a value? It's an E. So, what happened with this guy? He got stabbed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was trying to, how come this never happened to Chris Hansen? Am I crazy to think it did? No. It did not happen to Chris Hansen. Well, the difference is that Chris Hansen, he was running a TV production. Okay. And he had security. Yes! And he knew and that's, he knew how to trap these guys. He knew how to like, put these guys into a situation where they were kind of dazzled by the lights, because that's the thing about Americans, is that you put cameras, you put lights on us, we're dazzled. Like, it's, you're like, okay. It's exciting! Okay, I'm on a TV show now, alright. So, I'm on a, it disarms them. But this guy, he just met a guy at a booth in a, in a fucking Tim Hortons. He goes, you're a fucking pedophile! You're a fucking pedophile! Come with me! And of course, the guy is a psychopath, so he pulls out a knife and he stabs him. And I'm gonna tell you how you do this right. You see, if you want to catch a pedophile, you gotta do it with a net. That's the first thing you're doing wrong. You gotta put a copy of Boy's Life on an open hole with wee leaves underneath it, and then you put a net on top of that, and then the man falls, the pedophile's like, that's what you're doing wrong here. That's what you want to do if you want to catch a pedophile. That's what you want to do. Dude, this Nicky Sal guy, August 26th, help everyone. We're back on the road, and we could use some help, and he puts his cash app in there. You gotta be careful, man, with catching predators, because sometimes some of them are predators. And also, guess what people really react poorly to? Being called a pedophile. They really don't like it. It makes you angry. Well, at the Tim Hortons in December, Atala accused one of the men, James Morris, and that's the other thing, too. You got two guys showing up, so you can't have two guys. James Morris of trying to meet with a 14-year-old girl and allegedly threatened him. As a result, a fight broke out between Atala, Morris, and the other man, leading to Morris allegedly stabbing Atala. Atala was hospitalized. The physical altercation endangered a one-year-old child who had been at the Tim Hortons with their family. So this guy, in an attempt to save children, ended up actually endangering a toddler. I am, like, I'm kind of into this, the idea of, like, there's a lot of pedophile baiting on the internet now that's a big deal. It's kind of been around. Oddly enough, it's been around, pedophile baiting. Oh, yeah. I don't know, it's been around for thousands, thousands. It's like being the new rapper. No, it's huge. It's like being a rapper now. They see other people doing it and being successful, so they're like, I can do that. Yeah, which does make sense because, but you have to remember, I'm going to put this out there to anybody who's a vigilante, it's extremely shaky ground to stand on. Yeah. It's so hard. That's a part of the reason why the whole Chris Hansen thing fell apart is because he had the two guys commit suicide after the fact, and then I believe he was then sued within an inch of his life, and the entire production company was sued, and everything fell apart, and it's just really hard. Like, that's why it's super important if you're going to catch a pedophile, that you dress as a child with a giant lollipop, and he has to fuck you. That is the only way. Oh, my God. I love the shots from the Tim. The action shots from the Tim Hortons are on Facebook. This is just another time. They happen, they have these physical disputes. It's always the Tim Hortons, unfortunately. Tim Hortons is the Canadian equivalent of Waffle House. But we got a couple in the North. Yeah, and they're the worst. I mean, this was actually this is New York State. This is upper New York State. That is the single most. Which is basically Canada. If you are, I'm sorry, guys. We have a lot of listeners upstate New York. If you're visiting a Tim's in upstate New York, you're wrong. Yeah, no. You have to fucking stop going there. You have to shut these Tim Hortons down. I like Tim Hortons. You are disgusting. How do you like Tim Hortons? I like the coffee. Just chew on the coffee. It's just as good. You are completely, that is the one thing I'm fully going to full body fight you on. Tim Hortons is objectively the worst chain. The only one that's worse is in the UK, Costa. Yeah, yeah. Costa and I also, I'm sorry. Coffee bean blows. Yes, I also don't like caribou. Seattle's best caribou all fucking suck. Pizza also sucks. How hard is it to make coffee? It is hard, actually. That's what I like about Tim Hortons, because it's like, Pete's, I hate Starbucks, I hate all of them. Starbucks is drinkable, but I hate them as a company. I don't think they're drinkable. I hate Starbucks coffee so much. Tim Hortons coffee, it's got that wateriness to it that you know you're drinking bad coffee. That's disgusting. And I like that bad coffee. You miss bodega coffee. Exactly. That's what it is. It's bodega, because I love, I love bodega. I grew up on bodega coffee throughout my 20s and 30s. I drink it every single day. You know, the milk and two sugars give me fucking, you know, light and sweet. And Tim Hortons coffee has a hint of that to it. See, I can't drink Tim Hortons coffee because it's weaker than the kids that this guy was trying to fuck. Exactly. Exactly. I can't have coffee for children. I need full-grown man's coffee. And the food's horrible. Tim Hortons food makes Dunkin' Donuts look like a Michelin star restaurant. I like their glazed donuts. I like to get a coffee and a glazed donut. You're a fucking traitor to this fucking country. Last time I went out, the cook asked me to pee in a cup for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he drank it. Oh, man. Well, at least you know now, if you're a non-offending pedophile and you want to meet some people, go to Tim Hortons. That is honestly, it is nice. You can go there. You're amongst others, specifically non-practicing pedophiles. Get along well. Someone's got to put holes in those donuts. I mean, this guy's just going to end up in jail. This influencer. He's charged with second-degree criminal nuisance, endangering the welfare of a child, and third-degree assault. He was previously charged in January with first-degree assault, third-degree criminal possession of a weapon, and tampering with physical evidence. I don't know what this guy thinks is going to happen. Like, I don't know what his endgame is. He wants a television show. His legal challenges are piling up so fucking much. Well, he's not smart enough to know that there's not a single fucking TV network that's going to take a chance on someone who's so violent. You're correct. Yeah. He is not smart enough to understand that. Yeah. Chris Hansen sort of understood that, which is the reason why he developed it all into a fucking show, right? Yeah. He developed it into a gigantic show because of how popular the specials were. Because, you remember, they started as specials. And then they got huge, right? Because everyone was super interested in it because everybody loves watching pedophiles get busted. I did not watch the show. See, I was a big. I love that show. I watched almost every episode. Well, you love body cam footage. Well, yeah, and we were a big cop's house. We watched a lot of cops. I watched a lot of catch-up. I loved all those shows. I loved state shows. See, I grew up in South Florida. We didn't watch cops. We just looked out the window. Yeah, it was right there. I met Chris Hansen, but then he was sued into oblivion because of the guys committing suicide, but I also don't think that they were. Who sued him? The families of the people that committed suicide. But does that even work? Yeah. Were they actually pedophiles? Well, let's just say they were there. It's tricky territory because they went there to have sex. They went there to have sex with a child. If there's no child there, though, actually to have sex with, and if they then don't have sex with the child, on some level, there is a legal gap. Like, at some point, like, you can prove all these things that they were on their way to do it, and they showed all these things, but in the very, very end, if they didn't actually do something, they can often be just let go. So a lot of these guys that were caught into Catch a Predator went through the system, went through all the stuff, and then when there's not enough tangible evidence to put them in jail, they specifically, they're just let out. So what are they like? They show up, and they're like, oh, I was, uh, just, I was gonna show up and tell them to not do it. Literally. A lot of guys do that. Often, and then a lot of guys they'll do a thing a lot, you'll see a lot, especially if you see these, they claim that, like, I was, this was a fantasy. I never expected it to be a real little girl. I thought it was another adult that was, like, doing a fantasy with me. Even if they get all the way to the point where they're in front of one of the copycats in the room, they still kind of have this idea of, like, this was never all supposed to be real, and that's how they quote-unquote get away with it. Yeah, and Rob is scrubbing through some footage right now, And as you can see, there was one scene where there were about four cops chasing after a guy. Oh, yeah. They had armed cops there. So Chris Hansen worked with the police? Well, they hide. They hide in the background. And then he interviews them for a few minutes first. And then eventually he's like, well, I have something to tell you. I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline. And then as soon as he says that, all these cameras come out. And then they're like, oh, fuck. Yeah, well, then they walk out and the cops are normally there to arrest them. But if there is no evidence, they can't keep them. Wow. So this is where Free Cable Blowjobs comes from. It does. I've heard of Free Cable Blowjobs. They really do? Yeah, of course. Yeah. God, I love that. But can I suck you out? Man, Chris Hansen is a very interesting topic. Chris Hansen's an interest. I'd love to do a deeper dive on him. Chris Hansen is a strange individual. Very strange. And quite litigious. I am looking forward to the Robert Pattinson movie, though. Oh, easy. But I want, man, I saw The Odyssey. Yeah. Loved it. Yeah, Pattinson was phenomenal. I love R. Pattinson. And that's the thing. Is that I. Found, I discovered that I like him more as a villain. Me too. Than is it anything else. He's got bad guy face. He's an incredible bad guy. Because the way he juts out, his bottom jaw is perfect. And his eyebrows. Yeah. Bad guy eyebrows. Yeah, and he can go from looking tough to looking scared. It's the cowardly villain. He does it so well. He's a great actor. He's incredible. And also, I love his Batman. Yeah? Yeah, I love his Batman. I loved his Batman, too. And I also thought, was it Mickey 19, Mickey 17? I never saw it. Underrated. Yeah. He's the only, he's the reason why that movie's watchable. People, yeah, Mark Ruffalo kind of fucks it up with his, like, Trump character. I hate his Trump character. Yeah, he really, he does, like, he drags the whole movie down. It looks like written by, like, Rachel Maddow. I know. But if it was, but the thing is about it is that if we were in, still in an era where a bunch of movies were coming out all the time, it would have been seen, I think, as a really fun, like, kind of classic genre sci-fi movie. But everyone wanted it to be, like, the next Parasite, and they wanted it to say all of this shit, and it's like, it's just a fucking sci-fi movie, and it's okay that it's just a sci-fi movie. It's interesting that you say that Ruffalo was bad at his, like, Trump character. It's because he's so opposite of it. You kind of need someone who, James Woods probably would have been a better casting. Yeah. Or why do you think Alec Baldwin was so good at it? Because he's so close to him. Yeah, he really is. Because he's, like, he's the most like Trump of the left. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why it worked. Well, now he's regulated to doing memes with his wife. Ah. Have you seen the most recent memes? He does a lot of meme videos with Nadia. I could care less. She makes him rap. He looks like he wants to blow his fucking brains out. Yeah, because he used to be something. Yeah, he really did. He really, really did. Now he's essentially a nanny. How do we feel about Chris Hansen? Is he a good guy? Is he a bad guy? He is a straight down the middle. Right? He is dubious. Yeah. Yeah, I would say. He's chaotic neutral. Chaotic neutral. Chaotic neutral. That's where I put him. Because he's doing something that I feel like has to be done. Yeah, but it's also very dangerous. And it's for your own personal glory, which pisses me off, too. He benefits entirely. Because he thinks he's some kind of fucking hero. Yes, he benefits entirely. And a lot of the cases get thrown out. And as you can see, he inspired so many people who are just going out and causing chaos in the world for no gain whatsoever. Yeah. Like, all this guy did, this fucking influencer, all he did was get into a fight at a Tim Hortons. And almost kill a one-year-old child. Yeah. See, that's kind of what we've been saying more and more on Side Stories. It's like, don't hurt your local pedophile. Don't, like, don't do bad, like, physical things to them. Torture them mentally. Sure, yeah, gang-stalking. Like, gang-stalk them. Move their shit around. Like, do that kind of stuff. Like, deflate their tires in their car. Like, write pedophile on their fucking mail a lot. You know? If you get arrested for anything, get arrested for harassment. That's easy. Beat that. Yeah, you can beat that. Especially if you shake it. Never touch them. Yeah, never, ever touch them. Never touch them. Always just do right on the border and do a lot of, oh, you're going to hit me, pussy? You're going to hit me, pussy? Yeah. And then when they do, what do you do, Henry? Oh! Oh, my neck! Oh, my back! Oh! That's my strategy. That's my fight strategy, Marcus. Well, what you do is you never let them know it's you. You do it completely anonymously. Of course. Anonymously. Wear a mask. Yeah, you cannot let him, you can't even let him know that someone is fucking with him. You have to make him question his own sanity. It's Gang Stalking 101. Russian tactics. Yeah. Russian tactics always win. And FBI tactics and CIA tactics. We learn. And Scientology tactics. They taught it to us. They learned it from you, Scientology. I learned it because I was watching you. I learned it from watching you. Fly from your grave. A former Ohio attorney was found guilty of attempted murder after he tried to shoot and kill his ex-wife in a restaurant. Matthew Exton, 43. Attempted to shoot his ex-wife inside the Souk restaurant in Toledo, Ohio on April 11th, 2025. Exton was found guilty of attempted murder and two counts of felonious assault with two firearm specifications attached to each of the three accounts he's scheduled to be sentenced. On September 21st, prosecutors alleged that Exton walked into the restaurant with a loaded firearm, pointed it at the victim, and attempted to fire the weapon, according to an arrest warrant. However, Exton's weapon failed to discharge. As the weapon appeared to still have the safety on. Oh, man. See, now the key here is the video. The video is, if you can go and watch it, it's crazy. So he comes in. I think he's wearing a Chicago Bears jersey or something. What is he wearing? What do. Okay. It looks Bears. It looks like Bears colors. It's Bears colors, for sure. Hold the video here, Rob. He's definitely not pretending to be anyone else. Okay. This is a full hypothetical, obviously. You're going to go kill your ex-wife. Mm-hmm. What are you wearing? What do you put in. Because you've got to get. You know you're waking up that day to kill your ex-wife. Yeah. Right? You're ready to kill your ex-wife. You know you're putting the clothes on that are going to be in the videos and the mugshots. Am I doing it like this in the middle of a restaurant? Yeah. Let's say you've gone completely insane. You're going to publicly murder her. I don't care about getting caught. Yeah. No. The goal is to be caught. Okay. All right. That changes everything. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm not. That's the thing. If I'm doing it. If I'm doing it this brazenly, I'm not thinking. I'm not going to be thinking about what I'm wearing. You see, that's funny. I'm the opposite. I would be wearing like a message on my shirt. Oh, dude. A MAGA hat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Really, really muddy. Muddy the waters as much as possible. Yeah. That's a good tactic. That's a pretty good one. That's a good. Yeah, yeah. Just throw in fucking whatever out there, dude. It's chaff, dude. Yeah. Maybe, I don't know, a Nixon mask. That's fun. Yeah. And maybe like a Nixon t-shirt. And Nixon's the one. Yeah. Every piece of Nixon merchandise I can find. Just head to toe. I think I'd finally wear. And I did it for. And I'll yell, did it for you, dick! I did it for you, dick! I think I'd finally wear all that Asian gear I'm not allowed to wear anymore. You know what? That big kimono I'd wear. I'd wear the big cone hat. You wouldn't go to Shiki? Ooh. No, because you don't. Because if. I don't want to be racist. If Shiki ever has a chance of coming back, you can't be the guy who wore it to kill his wife. No, that's a thing. That's just going to end it even more. I'm a fat man to Shiki advocate that is looking forward. You need a window back in. I need the pan-racial to Shiki to be back on me. Sure, sure. Okay, so yeah, you can wear, I guess, wear, yeah, the kimono and the. Pan-racial. Yeah, pan-racial. Gotcha. And so, all right, so we cut to this. So he goes to fire the gun, right? Yeah. And it jams. Or he forgot to turn the safety off. And the ex-wife knows exactly what's happening. She puts her hand out and she yells, no. Well, she set up her. She saw him coming through the window and set up her phone. There's actually an angle from her phone. Yeah. She, like. She set it up to record whatever he was going to say to her. Because she knew it was going to be super abusive. Yeah. And then it's fucking. And then she's just. She caught him, like, pointing the gun at the phone, basically. Which is fucking crazy. But who saves her? The waiter. The waiter. Goddamn waiter. And I've never. Not that I've never seen a waiter save anybody. No waiters do good. No waiters do good. And, well, you've got to remember, man, like. Whoa! Wow. Yeah, the angle from her phone is fucking harrowing. Yeah, it really is. But. You know, we've all worked as. Look, she's laughing like it's. She's like, oh, what's he going to fucking do? Yeah. We've all worked as waiters at one point in our lives. I haven't. You haven't? No, I've never done food service. Really? I've only worked as a waiter when waiters didn't show up. Gotcha. And so I was just angry and then told everyone to go fuck themselves. No, I never had the skill set. I was never good enough to be a waiter. Oh, no, no. I got fired from every waiter job I ever got. I knew. I was really bad at it. I was a cook. I knew I was not. That was not for me. I got back a house face. But back when I was, you know, but back when I was dabbling in the food service industry, like, we didn't really think about the mass shooting, like, the mass shooting possibility. Like, people who work in public now, every single one of them thinks about that. Jesus Christ. They have to. They have to think about, like, what's going to happen if a guy comes in here with a gun and that guy, that waiter, obviously had decided that if a guy comes in with a gun, I'm going to have to fucking tackle him to save as many people and also to save himself. I eat thinking. It's so daunting that we keep putting this back on our people that work for minimum wage. Yes. No, it is a fucking. It's a tragedy. It is really fucked up that we're at a point where that waiter had to do something like this. Yeah. Because also, again, a big message, y'all. Don't kill your ex-wife. Mm-hmm. You know what's the most excellent revenge? A life well lived. Yes. That is the most excellent revenge is to lose that weight. Well, OK, that guy got on a Peloton, lost some weight, got a better attitude, learned how to play guitar, maybe got a better job, maybe got to shave his face, got a better haircut. Maybe if he had, you know, like all that kind of stuff, maybe he'd be seeing more dividends in his day to day life. He claimed that his life was ruined by the divorce, hence the attempted murder. In his testimony, Essex said he was frustrated by how she'd handled their divorce, which occurred in 2024. He said he became homeless after their split, despite working as a prosecutor in Michigan and practicing law in Ohio. So it sounds to me that this is a man who does not know how to manage his life in any way whatsoever. If he's a lawyer and he's homeless, he must be a really bad lawyer. Like if you're a fucking lawyer and you end up homeless, you fucked up. Yeah, he's calling himself homeless because his wife took the house. You know, I'm sure he has an apartment that he rents. You know, he's just like literally just. He's just adding to the drama. No, he's just a prick. Yeah, he's just a fucking prick. And he thought that he could just kill her. And I'm so glad she lived. That's the best part about the story is that she gets to number one. First of all, what does every woman of a certain age love to be? A survivor. Oh. A survivor. My mom is just like, there's things you could do. Like, there are things the way my mom even kind of just thinks about stuff. It's just been like, sometimes it's just wonderful I got to fight that abuser. Like, just because it gave her. Strength, right? Sure. She loved the idea of it. This woman is invincible now. Oh, you could see as soon as the shooter was taken down to the ground, she stands up and starts pointing her finger at him, fucking yelling at him. You fucking idiot. You can't do anything right. You can't even fucking kill me. You're a bad lawyer. You're bad at fucking. You're bad at being a husband. You got a stupid hat on. That jacket doesn't fit. You're fat. You're coming here. You're trying to kill me in this nice restaurant. This fucking place never asked for that. That fat fuck got taken down by the replacement waiter. He was the one who came over when the shift ended for Shelly that picked up the beginning of the check. I didn't even get to touch my kafta egg rolls. I can't tell if these look good or not. Oh, no. No, yeah. Those are probably. That's kafta, which is, you know, that. Do you like what's his butts? Do you ever get those? One of my favorite meats at a Mediterranean restaurant. Like, because I love the stick. It's like a hamburger on a stick. I like the poopy. The ones that look like poops. Yeah, I like the poops. Oh, I like that. That's what that is. That's the poops. That's the poops meat in Mediterranean food when they put it in a spring roll. OK, well, I like Afghani food. Yeah, you like the poops meat. Yeah, I do like the poops meat. I don't. I don't like pre-cut egg rolls, though, because they get in. They get cold on the inside. Yeah, I don't like pre-cut egg rolls. Oh, that's a really good point. I don't like pre-cut eggs because also to me, it shows all the grease coming out. It's presentational. It's kind of. We don't need to do this. I don't need to see what's on the inside because what's on the inside of an egg roll is never appetizing. They dry out. Yeah, they dry out. It's why it's in an egg roll. It's wrapped up. This one comes from Brittany G in Toledo. She says it's patio season and the patio at Souk is hard to beat. Comfortable seating and lovely views. Maybe that's why he went to go shoot her there. It's like, thank God there's a patio. Oh, I can see right in. Excellent. Perfect place to kill your ex-wife. Yeah, they got great reviews. Unless Mario is doing his shift. Because then he's. He's going to take you down. He's been waiting to attack a customer for years. Because that's the thing. Never give a waiter an opportunity to attack you. Yeah. They have been filled with so much pent up rage about the customer. Oh my God, this guy finally gets to attack a customer. Yeah. He's like justified in attacking a customer. Everyone who has ever worked in customer service has had that fantasy. And you want it. You want it. You want to be able to like, just like one day just someone's going to come in. I'm just going to take out all this. Fucking rage I have on that fucking asshole. My manager at Borders was like, if someone shoplifts from here, you are to chase them into the street and get those books back. And it was like, absolutely not. No. You know, you know, it reminds me of that. It reminds me of what's the new snake documentary called? God of Snakes. Monsters of God. When they start off episode two and talk to the undercover cop. And he says, like, I can't wait for one of them to come into my house. I masturbate to the thought of one of them coming to my house. And he's just surrounded by guns. So many guns. It's the nicest gun room I've ever seen in my life. I masturbate to the thought of that. That's everyone who works in customer service. Oh, just wait for someone to come in that they can unleash all their rage on. I remember I was working. Security at a at the Shania Twain concert when I was a kid. I was 16 years old. Full football at a strong, probably strongest ever been my whole life. You know? Yeah. I mean, I know you're telling the story. And I just got to say that don't impress me much. Oh, yeah. Good work. Thank you. So I'm sitting there. My job is to guard the back of the hill of the lawn. The guy's like, if anyone runs up the hill, you got to stop him. You don't let him in the concert for free. And then my 16 year old ass, I'm just sitting up there. I'm like, if anyone tries to come up. I'm just going to let him in. Good for them. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, who cares? 30 minutes later, I'm like, someone comes up this fucking hill. I'm going to tackle him so goddamn hard. I'm going to beat the shit out of him. Yeah, dude. You're allowed to fucking uncork your rage on somebody. Yeah. That's what they give you at the end. Never give that power to a 16 year old. Ever. No, now they just take it to Reddit. And then I just started walking around the crowd looking for people smoking weed. And people are going to hate me for this. I found some guy smoking weed. And I put my flashlight in his face. I was like, hey, give me that. I work here. And he's like, what are you going to do? I was like, give me your weed. He gave it to me. And I left. And I went and smoked it on the job. Yeah. I'll buy the back when it's coming. It's a Shania Twain concert. That's okay. That's okay because you smoked it. Actually, that is totally fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because at the end of the day, he was probably so happy that he didn't get kicked out of the concert. Yeah, that's fine. Dude, I also got arrested there for smoking weed like weeks later. That's karma. Unfortunately, that is karma. I went to a Wu-Tang concert before. They were three hours late. I was there with a date. We went. We had rolled up a huge-ass blunt. We were there for like two hours waiting. They ended up showing up until like three hours 15. I light up the blunt. And the second a bouncer comes, grabs the blunt out of my hands, throws it on the ground, stomps on it. I would have rather him smoked it. Yeah. Like, that is where it's supposed to go. It makes me angry when they waste that shit. I'm surprised. Like, that's how I know you really are a germaphobe. Because I would have tried to light that shit back up. No, he destroyed it. Oh, yeah? Yeah, he destroyed it. He was just like, I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. This is so much worse than the smoke. That was just a ground-up weed. No, this is something for someone else to fucking sweep up. God fucking damn it. Fire him. Fly from your blade. Speaking of just something else for somebody else to sweep up. TV's news anchor. Stabbed her fucking mother to death. A former news anchor fatally stabbed her mother in her own bed during a horrific Halloween attack before allegedly claiming she did it to, quote, save myself. Angeline Angie Mock. Actually, I read that and I was like, there's no way her name's Angeline. It is. Yeah. Yeah, it's Australian. Well, she's, because I believe she's from Wichita. No, this is Wichita. This is Kansas. Yeah, Angeline is a very, yeah. Angeline. Angeline. Angie Mock, 48, entered a guilty plea to first-degree murder in connection with the death of her 80-year-old mother, Anita Avers, on October 31st of last year, inside their shared residence in Wichita, Kansas. Disturbing fresh details regarding the crime scene have surfaced in a probable cause affidavit. Responding officers discovered Avers, unresponsive in bed, dressed only in underwear and a bra, positioned beneath blankets in an extensive pool of blood, bearing severe stab wounds to her face, head, neck, torso, and arms in a particularly chilling detail, four blood-covered kitchen knives, and a bloodied cheese grater were allegedly positioned on a pillow beside her head. Court records stated all the utensils had blood on them. Wow. So she fucking got out the cheese grater on her. Got out the cheese grater. Now, do you think, all right, pre- or post-murder? I think post. Post, because Aers was transported to the hospital, but subsequently succumbed to her injuries. She was still alive when cops showed up. She was still alive? She was still alive. So she was just cheese grating her somewhere. Yeah, cheese grating her, stabbing her with four different knives. I mean, she's, it's anger. You know, she's really taken out a lot of anger. And also, also extreme mental illness. Yeah, well, sorry. So she's in her bed, okay? She's in her bed. She's laying there. She's sleeping, the victim, okay? The woman comes in. She hates her mom. She stabs her. Then she goes to the kitchen and gets another knife? No. Or does she show up with a bucket of knives and a cheese grater and then just starts going to town? From what? How would you do it? I mean, I would probably get one. I imagine I would stab once, you break the knife, because knives aren't always as strong as you think they are. They hit a bone, they break. Yeah, that's why oftentimes you get cut really bad if you stab someone. She did. She did get cut really bad. She got taken to the hospital with cuts to her hands. Yeah. So I think that she stabbed once, didn't work, went and got another knife, and then, like, it didn't work again. And then the third time, she's like, all right, I'm just going to bring a bunch back. You also be surprised. I do genuinely believe that, at some level, you'd be surprised at how you would react to getting murdered. I think everybody assumes that when you get stabbed a couple of times, especially because this is an old woman, I think a lot of people assume, oh, you're going to freak out and you're going to try to run away. I can also see you are so overwhelmed by the experience that you're not even really, like people talk about it, not feeling real. People talk about it all being like, like all rushing together. So you can kind of see how she might've just laid there in a half asleep state. And it's also your daughter. Yeah. Who stabbed you too. It's not some stranger. Exactly. And there's that old expression, like everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face. Mike Tyson. I've got, I've got a little bit of a timeline here. Okay. Detectives say Mock later claimed she had gone into her mother's bedroom to discuss an upcoming TV job interview when she found Aver's quote unquote sharpening knives. Her mother was apparently sharpening knives. My mom always does that before going to sleep. Mock alleged her mother came after her with a knife and fought. Her before she grabbed a knife herself and got on top of her. Investigators also reportedly described a trail of bloody droplets throughout the residence. They reportedly discovered a bloody butcher knife alongside Mock's phone on a living room coffee table. While the victim's blood soaked phone had been discarded in the kitchen sink. The affidavit reveals Mock made startling allegations about her mother during questioning. And this also, this has a little bit of bearing on how much you believe of the, you know, the assailant story. She allegedly insisted. Avers was the devil and spewing venom and maintained. She stabbed her mother because she believed her life was in danger. Of course, Mock's stepfather told authorities her mental health had significantly deteriorated following her dismissal from her broadcasting career. What is it about news anchors? I feel like news anchors. In what respect? Are like low key. Some of the more unstable. Stable people. Yeah. Like in a. Because you've kind of see there's a lot of like there is weird news anchor boring. But I feel like that's kind of the issue is I feel like there's a lot of times we project this idea onto news anchors. Kind of like witness story that the famous story with the astronaut with the diaper and she drove across the country and all that kind of shit. We're like, does do rational people do this? And they start to find out like, oh, within the science community, there's quite a lot of loony tunes. Yeah. A lot of crazy people in science community that are just good at their jobs. They just think a certain way and you apply a boring label to them because you assume that they have to be boring to be a scientist. We're same thing with like news anchors. I feel like a lot of times they end up being kind of crazy. Well, they are just proficient professional busybodies. Yeah. Yeah. They're going somewhere. Ask. Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? What's going on here? Let's see if we can find someone who's willing to talk to us. Matt Lauer was a crazy guy. Right. He's a bad dude. We got. What's his butt? Kelly Ripa skinny. Yeah. You got the. I'm trying to think. I was a liar. Johnson. I mean, Brian Johnson. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for the most part, you know, they're pretty level. Like, you know, what do you call it? What's his name? Good night and good luck. Edward R. Moreau. Yeah. He was very good. You know, I would say Sam Donaldson. It's not wrong with him. Right. I don't know. I grew up watching Sam Donaldson. I love Sam Donaldson. I feel like Ted Koppel does weird stuff. Yeah. You know what I mean? I feel like the guys do weird stuff. Marv Albert, we know, did weird stuff. Yeah, I do. How do we? Is Geraldo considered news? He's considered amongst. He's there. But yeah, he's a crazy one, too. Yeah, he's definitely crazy. He was. Yeah. From what I read, I read a book not too long ago about meditation. It was called 10% Happier. And it was written by a TV news anchor. Interesting. Who had discovered, like, meditation helped him to calm down. The craziest ones are the war correspondents. Those are the ones that are. But they're just awesome. Yeah. They're amazing. They're just smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey. Yeah. And this guy was a war correspondent at some point. He went from, like, the desk to religion to war correspondent. Man, who was the chick that was played by Gone Girl with the eyepatch? Yeah. She was fucking awesome. Oh, what was her name? Rosamund Pike? Rosamund Pike was the actress who played the journalist, the famous journalist. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was fucking badass, dude. I love that shit. I don't know if news anchors have. I think this is more of a schizoaffective type. Yeah. I don't know if this is. Like, I would say, actually, I would say there probably aren't a lot of schizo, schizophrenics in the news anchor business. Yeah. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Do you know someone with schizophrenia? No, it's a good movie. In the news business? To Die For. When's the last time y'all seen that? Oh, the Nicole Kidman one? Yeah. She's like the news anchor serial killer? Oh, man. That's the 90s. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I love all that shit. Nightcrawler. Nightcrawler's good. Nightcrawler's good, yeah. Yeah, it is. I love that kind of stuff. All right. Well, I hope that she gets better. She had previously been employed at Fox 2 in St. Louis, Missouri, establishing herself as a recognizable presence on local television following her hiring in 2011. Oh, man. Because I love local news. Oh, yeah. I fucking, every time we, anytime we go somewhere and play a show, I spend most of my time in the hotel room just watching the local news. I love, especially in other countries, I love local news. In other countries, local news. But yeah. Like, the local news in Tulsa, Oklahoma, or in Tulsa was incredible. Like, there was a whole, this whole story on a horse girl that had the most incredible name in the world. I actually do have to look this up. I took pictures. You know what I like just as much as local news is local radio commercials. Yeah. Pittsburgh? Yeah. Pittsburgh has some of the best radio commercials possible. You always find out what's wrong with that town. The Pittsburgh accent. That's my favorite. Exactly. One of their main problems. Yeah. Like, it is the Pittsburgh accent in an official capacity. It is one of my favorite things. Like, hearing a guy in Pittsburgh accent saying stuff like, trouble going on in Iran today. Like, it's one of my favorite things in the world. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There was a news story about a girl. She was a horse girl. She was a rodeo girl. Her name was Piper Toon. Oh. Yeah, dude. She had to be a horse girl. Oh, yeah. Her mother's Heather Toon. Heather Toon. Heather Toon. Oh, man. I love local news so much. Oh, and there's also, I also love to see all of the different mistakes they make. Like, here's, I have a picture here of their news report in which they wrote number of tipple digits instead of triple digits. And I watched the news for a whole hour. They didn't correct it the second time around either. No, they didn't. No one caught it. I love, love local news. Because you get to see this guy, Daryl Riggins. Oh, I love Daryl Riggins. I'll have to send this to you, Rob, so you can put it up on the video. Oh, poor Daryl. Daryl's just trying to be a man. Well, he was arrested with a mobile meth lab. Oh, yeah. Like I said, just trying to be a man. Just trying to be a guy. Just trying to make it through. So, yeah, this is the first time I've seen that a local news anchor has been, like, directly involved in a brutal murder in which she thought that her mother was Satan. Yeah. Hey, man, good for her. Here's the first. Yeah, you never know. You never know. You never fucking know. You never know. And speaking of brutal murder, brutal mutilations, cattle mutilations back in the news. Thank you. It's news you can use. I feel like this is. You remember? Yes. It's the news you can use. So. Oh, wow. I guess we did also skip right past pedophile. We really did. Ow, ow, don't touch me. Yeah, we did skip right past. It was more about the pedophile hunter than it was a pedophile. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've grown. So, I gotta say, Henry, with all the shitty alien news that's been coming out lately, with the FBI dumping everything on us and we can't care about it because it's all coming from fucking shithead Patel, this is awesome. Yes, it's all stuff that we've seen before, a lot of the stuff that's been re-released and these. This new aliens.gov fucking horseshit has all been released into various areas. We've all seen these videos already. Kash Patel also thought it was really cute to make it all look like X-Files so they could continue to make fun of us from this idea of that we are obviously so stupid and naive to even want this proof. He has to make sure to insult us while we're receiving it. Yes. Yes. That is the key. The key is to make sure we still know that we're wrong and stupid. How much of the community knows they're being. They're being insulted. I'd say straight up 50%. And the other 50% right now are just kind of chasing after this other idea of disclosure that is gone. Yeah. I mean, well, they want it so bad and they think that maybe this is right. And so they'll chase. It's the information hounds. They'll chase every single bit of information. They think if they gather enough information, then they'll see something that nobody else will see. They'll see the pattern. I. Well, this idea, too, that if we. People that like the movie Disclosure Day are exactly kind of the issue, right? Which is this idea that someone in an official capacity within the government is finally going to give everybody the proof that they need as if the phenomena itself can be even recorded in that way. Yeah. It cannot. No. We know it cannot. Well, you know, we don't know if it can. You know? You're right, Eddie. We don't. We don't know what we don't know. Yeah, we don't have the technology to record it just yet. There might be some infrared camera that has. That captures some. like that would be really cool if one day there was this camera where they find some frequency where they actually can show like oh that's what it actually looks like i feel like it would require entirely understanding human consciousness which they'll never do no i see i'm more talking about extraterrestrials yeah yes yeah no that's what i mean it's like if we because i could see not being able to photograph the uaps sure but the actual like things walking around oh yeah you gotta be able to take a photo with them oh yeah of course but they uh don't want to be taking pictures of apparently you know it really is when when you're at a concert in los angeles like a big concert in los angeles that's really when you start to have that question like it's me and carolyn were enjoying a hot dog at the rose bowl we went and saw guns and roses and that's when she leaned over and asked like so do you think aliens are just walking around among us because you see that at those sorts of concerts that's when you really see just the true weirdos of southern california oh yeah trying to be human yeah trying really hard to be human is where aliens have went yeah if they are anywhere they're here yeah yeah if they want to fucking gain some notoriety hey they want to make in the biz well here but my theory they're in the desert they're just outside of here in the desert because i saw so many desert people at that guns and roses show yeah like the skinwalker ranch's neighbors yeah i'll get into all that one day one day yeah so but this is the one of the things that i really i don't believe in this shit no offense henry it just doesn't make any sense to me sure but the cow mutilation thing is the only thing i can't figure out or have like any kind of can't explain away they no one can a new documentary not one drop of blood available to stream this week on amazon prime video investigates the enduring phenomenon and the recent cluster of cases in oregon's remote harney county the mystery intensified in february 2021 when one mutilated cow was discovered on ranchland before six more were found across the county with body parts missing and reportedly no blood remaining one local law enforcement officer admits in the film that the baffling evidence has pushed him towards an extraordinary explanation quote my personal opinion it's aliens see and i should know because i've lived in horny county my whole life i legitimately uh this is legitimately one of the more mysterious parts of the entire phenomena because what's doing it if there's no footprints there's no blood there's no they always say like there's always an idea that there was some kind of predator behavior that there's some kind of poaching behavior it just doesn't match any predator that we know why would you poach a cow and not take its meat yeah and only take its blood only take its blood sometimes tongue its testicles and its udders and that's constant that's what they all do the one thing that's different about this is in the past i've seen they say it's like a laser that cuts it off and this they say a scalpel but that's also i mean that just might be the term that that dude is using yeah using his own knowledge okay yeah i mean because you're right we're not talking you're not talking to a medical professional there you're talking to some small-time sheriff who's just using his own yeah got a laser get it you know you know those wonderful plates the president makes laser cut with the beautiful bosoms of melania yeah that's what he's talking about yeah the one of the craziest things for me is you know just growing up and you know on ranches in texas and you know seeing dead cattle around everywhere it's the fact that the cows just drop where they are there's no it's not like they're being chased uh it's not like they're yeah it's weird it's they just drop and then they're done the more interesting thing is no other scavenger animals ever eat them that's a huge thing that is a massive thing because that's what you do like you want to get actually get rid of um you know cow when because cows die all the time like when you're a rancher like it just fucking happens disease whatever yeah you have to get rid of them because otherwise you're just you're you're it's a coyote's buffet yeah it's a feast yeah i go and it's it is very interesting they don't get touched it's also what are they getting out of it what do they get out of it what is the point of this besides is it practicing for us maybe they're taking their fucking they're dicking their balls and their tongues and they're making new cows in space and eating cheeseburgers on planet xenon also cloud cow tongue is delicious it's cheeseburger on planet xenon you don't like tongue no not really we've had it though yeah i made you eat it i've i've had in the jewish delis like i've tried it multiple times my father made me try it as a child yeah because he thought it was funny because it's just like that it was back when they were just like you know have like a tongue oh yeah in the in the deli case you know what i don't think i just there's so many other good parts of a cow see if you've ever had i don't want to eat its tongue you've read lengua the spanish version of tongue no mexican version of tongue no maybe i have i don't dude stewed see stewed i try really good if you've had yeah menudo no i mean he doesn't have that that's the whole thing but i'm also i'm super not into tripe yeah i love it i love it i love it like tripe i had tripe in sueto and it was gray and i was scared and i did it out of courage and i thought it was delicious really yeah i like liver and onion yeah so do i oh liver and onion is phenomenal dude carnival he showed me lebanese oh dude liver and onions it's the best form of liver and onions i have ever had in my life carnival restaurant in uh in studio city all right i'll try that filled with strength oh dude iron give me iron no this is the this is one of the best food i've ever had in my life i'll try it i'll try it i'll try it i'll try it i'll try it i'm still very much of the mind that if they are physically here it's bad news and that this is an example of why it's bad news because the let's just say i think they're safer than we are what do you mean if they're around i'm less scared of them than i am of human beings you think that i just my my view is they are still just curious but it's neutral and neutral's bad neutral's bad versus positive because neutral means they don't doesn't matter what the outcome of the engagement that they have with us is it doesn't matter like so they we i don't think we feature very much in their plans i think that it's like me looking at an anthill very much so you know i don't care that it exists but this moment it fucks with me i'll kill it all basically yeah that's how i view it i mean my fantasy i i do have a fantasy of the um the nature preserve theory that that the galaxy finds earth to be such a beautiful strange place that it likes to keep it the way it is like a nature preserve like we would a nature preserver a national park and they come and visit us all the time to look at it to look at it and it's like it's a tourist spot it's a tourist trap or we're the last reserves of resources in this part of the universe and they're waiting until they're completely done yeah and then they like starship troopers in a way hurry up when they're almost out ourselves oh buddy i actually think that's part of the uptick of all the activity i think it's a part of the uptick of activities like oh fuck we might need to go get that stuff before they ruin everything but also it doesn't matter because the earth's going to be here for all the earth doesn't even care what kind of climate what we do to it it's just going to kill us yeah and then it's going to go back to normal yeah we've only been here a few hundred thousand yeah it's going to kill earth's just going to go right back it's going to snap back it'll go through an ice age fix itself and it'll come back it's gonna be great four billion years yeah it'll be done it's not back many many times yeah many many many times we don't even know what the fuck happened dinosaurs were 65 million years ago yeah we don't know what the fuck's happened on this goddamn rock yeah before that man gumbies i wish gumbies there might have been humans 10 times we have no fucking idea now we're getting them in there now we're really pushing them in there that was deep in the waters that's bad talk man he's getting in there that's lemurian talk yeah that is lemurian talk you know he's really getting into it there's two really cool um documentaries that just came out like a series one's called eons and one's called humans uh both on pbs they will answer many of the questions that you just posed oh okay damn eons is by far the worst um 311 album and this is why they're not coming folks yeah because you know why they're not coming because you were just we're all mixed up yeah we're dumb we're dumb they don't know what to do with us we can't help yeah one day you turn around you find the the muscle is you is that what the lyrics are all mixed up i don't know yeah i don't know and then i just start hitting the bong and then it's all just like i just wait for the middle to come back where are we at rob all right all right well you know i just gotta say what a breath of fresh air this is hasn't it been fun because it's nice to talk about topics freely just a little bit talking about some true crime getting you in there yeah i'm back up to speed getting a little bit because we've been playing hardcore history for a while here dog yeah we have we really have been so now it's good we're gonna get back into some fucking blood and guts before we get back to some super dark history because i do believe the next head on the mount rushmore of evil is not too far away it's really not it's not it's not too far away at all yeah we're we're gonna do uh plan right phoenix uh phoenix the the said it's not too far away don't talk to him phoenix just a couple hours down the road oh phoenix By the time I get to Phoenix, we'll have the next head on the Mount Rushmore of evil. You know what's funny is that I didn't think of the city. I thought of the mediocre musician from the 2000s. Oh! Why? That's not a band? That's a person? I think it's a person. I think it's just a guy. I refuse. See, my brain thought of the guy that was Orion. There's nothing to do with anything. Really? The musician? Yeah. Fake Elvis. Wow. Great documentary. Thank you very much for joining us today, ladies and gentlemen. We also have, after our next zero killer, we've got a good weirdo, a good con man from old times, who's going to be a fucking just strange journey. And then, yes, the next head on the Mount Rushmore of evil. So thank you very much, patreon.com. And then we got a bit of a swerve. We got a swerve for the fourth head. I'm really excited. We got a good swerve for the fourth head. We came up with it during break. Get very, very excited about the swerve for the fourth head. Patreon.com. Last podcast on the left. If you want to go see our stream every Tuesday, last stream on the left, that plays live on Patreon every Tuesday at 5 p.m. PST. And, of course, on YouTube afterwards. And check us out on the social medias at LP on the left, just to know what we're up to and what we're doing. That's right. And this weekend, Henry and I are going to be in Norfolk, Norfolk, Norfolk, Virginia at the Addicts Theater in Raleigh, North Carolina. Yeah, we're there tonight. Tonight. Tonight in Norfolk and tomorrow in Raleigh. And then the week after that, I'm in Milwaukee. And then we got all kinds of shit. Then I'm in Denver personally. Henry and I are in Brooklyn at the Warsaw, which I can't fucking wait for. Can't wait. Hartford, Connecticut. Henry and I are going to go to Connecticut. We're going to eat some goddamn pizza. Redway, California. San Francisco. That's going to be just me and Billy Wayne Davis and Holden McNeely. And then we're going to be in Portland, Maine. Sold out. Portland, Maine loves us. Yes. Dude, we had an amazing show in Portland. Portland, Maine a few years ago. It's a really cool town. It's a really beautiful town. We're going to have fun. So if you can't get tickets to that, come see us in South Burlington, Vermont. That's on November 15th. Iowa City, Columbia, Missouri. And I got a whole bunch of more. Go to our website to find out where we're coming or go to eddytoons.com. If you want to come see me, do stand up. All right. Here's my announcement. Pull money out of AI and put it into desalinization plants. Yeah. Thank you, Kevin Costner. We're going to need some desalinization plants. That's a good idea. Because the data. The danger isn't that AI is going to kill us all. The danger is that the AI data centers are going to cake up all of the world's water. We're going to die of dehydration and brain rot because we're all going to be too stupid to think of a solution. Just know that for a fact that godlike AI in a box is not coming. The only thing that is coming is more climate devastation and lining the pockets a bunch of evil, very evil, on the spectrum assholes. Yeah. From San Francisco. Yes, indeed. Men who have come up with all of their ideas, living in polycools and doing a lot of ketamine. Just remember, a lot of the stuff you hear about AI comes from ketamine. Yeah. Like, it is not even from people. It is coming from the power of the use of ketamine. Yes. And remember that many of the firms that are warning about the dangers of AI are supported and funded by the very same AI companies that these companies are purporting to say that they are. Yes. And they are extraordinarily dangerous. Just look a little deeper into it. Look a little deeper. They're going to make a god in a box. They're going to call the god in a box and it's not going to be that. They're just going to call it that and it's going to look like that. It's Project Bluebeam, but for fucking AI, it's happening. I say just go read a book and don't let the data center into your community. You don't need it at all. Nope. We've lived an entire civilization without it. Go burn down your local data center. Well, that's okay. Satire. That's satire. Satire. That's satire. Don't do that. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do that. Don't do it. Don't do it. Get rid of the flock cameras at least. No, you can do it. Cut down a bunch of flock cameras. Yeah. It's also a part of it. Satire. Cal State and everyone.