Episode 664: Robots from Space

There's no place to escape to, this is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannonball has started. I'm excited for today. Why? Because we get to cover something serious. It's been so long since we have. Are we finally covering cancer? Yes. I mean, talk about numbers. Talk about heavy hitter. It's a real heavy hitter. Cancer numbers. In many ways, I think cancer should be the fourth head on the Mount Rushmore Revival. Wow, just all cancers. Just cancer. Every cancer. Yeah. All right, just cancer in general. Sure. On riding on two of the heads, keep regenerating and regenerating and regenerating. You have to go back every six months to check. All right. Fine. I'll do it. I'll learn everything there is to know about cancer. Then you'll be a doctor. Yeah. I always wanted to be a doctor. This is how I can do it. One of my bucket lists, like items, was to be an oncologist. Really? Yeah. That's your bucket list. Yeah, my bucket list. Yeah. See? I got to see the pyramids becoming oncologist. I have to learn to bake bread. See the pyramids is second time. And then I am allowed to commit suicide. Really? Yeah. It's actually I always mind storm a cockpit. Wow. And even we can do that this week when we're on our way out of town. This episode today is truly special. It's led by me. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Welcome to last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. By the way, my name is Marcus Parks. Thank you, Marcus. Here with our leader for the day. Henry Zabrowski. Fuck you. And who's been, you've been into engineering lately. You've been into knowing like how things work. The nuts and bolts. You know me as it were. I'm a cross and tease dot knives. Detail oriented mother fuckers. Yes, you are. Yeah, certainly not broad strokes. Big time. Ideas guy. I'm very much in the weeds getting granular. And that's what we're doing today. And speaking of granular, Ed Larson's covered in crumbs. How you doing? I wish. I actually, uh, my breakfast was yogurt. So if I'm covered in crumbs, I don't know. And crumbs, I don't know how that happened. It came out of your beard. Yeah. So that's dangerous. Today starts with, this is something specials because one of my favorite aspects of the capital P phenomenon is the diversity. Yeah. Of its populace. And it's just true because much like Q Gardens, the universe is filled with an unlimited amount of species willing to sell you duck embryos as an order. You love it. It's quite good. Because when you got a contact in the desert, it's like 99% white. Except for the white guys that dress like black guys and the white guys that dress like Indian guys. Yes, you're right. You're right. So the common types of alien we encounter are normally in CE3s and CE4s. Or so most of our audience. Close encounters. Do you mean that's the CE3 and CE4s? It's my thank you. Yeah. This is my fucking episode. It's my fucking episode. And it's not an organized true crime one. Not even everyone in the room knew what you were talking about. Well, we'll see right here. Right? Because I feel like most of our audience can name off the top of their head, the large sampling of aliens we normally meet and encounters. Right. It's repeal. We're getting ahead of the goddamn story. Okay. So we got the grace, tall grays, tall whites, Nordics, the draconians, Pleiadians, Bigfoot's, floating orbs, energy beings. There's tiny blue guys, completely clear guys and aliens with huge tits and huge fucking great butts that we have covered them all. We know that exists. We do. Because of the guy that painted all the paintings of the gray alien that he lost his virginity too. Who had huge David Huggins? David Huggins. And that alien was stacked. Hold on. So a guy who drew the big titted aliens last name was Huggins. His name was Huggins. Actually, I have one of his paintings in my office. Oh, I have, it's a print, but it's beautiful. It's better than being fucking, hey, David, fucking fantastic a documentary called Loven Saucers about David Huggins. It's really good. Yeah. And a great soundtrack too. Okay. But now we cover today what I really considered to be the red headed stepchild of all of the aliens and the whole goddamn world. And this is surprising to me. I had never thought about this before. It's true. And counters with the robot. The robot. Yes. So the only way to properly pronounce robots in today's episode is to call them robots. These are very much robots. Yes. Robots to me, it's different than a robot, right? A robot is something you see around and it's it's very like like I would put it like very much from the Jetsons style, the maid. That's a robot. Okay. But a robot, which is what we're seeing here today. It's more like the food delivery guys, but with shooting white clouds of gas it will knock you out. I mean, that I would get more behind if it did that would be fucking cool. Yeah. But see robots are, people don't ever really talk about these experiences because I think it's due to fear of ridicule, but I posit. There are seeds of truth in every encounter with a 1950s style beet boop metal robot alien. Yes. Every encounter that we will cover today will involve a loss in space, aluminum, tube, armed, worldly gig-capped automaton who speaks and letters and gestures. That's what we're covering. The Tin Man is here and he's taking your blood. These tales are about the highest of high strangeness, truly outliers in a world of unique experience. It really surprised me when you brought up the alien and robot idea, I had never thought that there should be far more robots in alien lore than there is. You'd think that if the aliens are common or they'd send probes, they'd send, you know, advanced scouts, they'd send robots. These alien-true flyers really fucked up. You're correct. You're correct. Now, robots, I also feel like because they are so strange, it's also, it's very regional and it really comes down to the psychic part of the event and as far as I'm concerned. Now, before we begin, I'd like to thank Joel and Rachel for helping put together this extremely important and relevant topic. Relevant to what? Robots. There are several sources here that I will list on the internet because most of them are magazines. They are magazines. They're thick magazines. Yeah, and I've been getting back into magazines lately. You know, it's my dream to one day publish a magazine. Oh, really? What do you want to cut? What do you call it? I mean, the working title right now is "Funt," but that's just, that's just a working "Funt" magazine. I love "Funt." It's in guns. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Funt's an ammo. Have you had your film with Funt? I love Funt's an ammo. Yeah, Funt's an ammo is fun. Oh, here we go. Our first tale of Robert Terror is the abduction of Antonio Larubia. Sometime between 2/12 and 2/20 AM exactly on September 15th, 1977. Antonio was driving home from his job as a bus driver, and the outskirts of the tranquil beach city of Pasencia, Brazil, when he saw an unusual object in the field. Antonio would estimate the craft to be over 230 feet long, who was a dull gray, shaped like a bucket hat. I can all the time you bucket hat? I think they've always been the same shape. No. Antonio Larubia, he's the radio personality that got caught taking up-skirt photos. Was that his second life? I don't know what he did after this abduction. This object was so alien, Antonio, scared him half to death. After pulling over to see if he indeed was seeing what he was seeing, he felt intense fear. He bolted away from the object in the field, but suddenly found himself immobilized by a bright blue light. Wow. Wow. Mysteriously, what is described as an electric pole appeared before him. He called it an electric pole. All of this is being translated loosely from Portuguese. Okay. So, when he says certain things, you're like, okay, so when it says that, when Antonio says a mysterious electric pole appeared in front of him, that's all I can really comment upon. Got you. Okay. So, Antonio- So, the alien is stripper? We'll get there. You'll see. This is the entire counter. If I get a little sexy or not, Antonio isn't able to move or speak. You know, the Brazilians do get sexier with the other story that we talked about. In which a man had sex with an alien multiple, multiple times also came from Brazil. Really? I think they're horner in Brazil. They also want to like shred up war with the aliens, too, right? Yes. Yes, there was a tax. That was what Jacques Vallet famously covered and all of his, like, he covered all. They're very aggressive in Brazil. He murdered me. Here he is. Be careful over the robots soon realized, as he was immobilized, that he was surrounded by three, or for lack of a better term, robots. They were around four feet tall with nearly featureless metal football-shaped heads that spinning in tennis sprouting from its tip. For eyeballs, they had a reflective strip. No necks. Body shape like an oval plated with dull aluminum scales with two arms that came to points. For your viewing pleasure, this is Antonio's witness depiction. Please, boys, describe it. I feel like I could draw it better, even though I've never seen it. Antonio was very scared. I would say that the bottom structure looks like a barber chair, the pole that a barber chairs on and the top of it is It's kind of in the shape of Magneto's helmet, you know? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And he asked me, this is way better. - Yeah, this is a better rendering of it. - This is a rendering. - Someone did a 3D rendering of it. - But it looks like someone just like took the top half of a corpse of an alien and put it on a stick. - Who knows? - Yeah, because there's like a little almond head, almond shaped head on the top with, and it actually has an old school antenna. - That's why I like about it and it has an antenna. - I guess it would make sense. Why would the aliens come here themselves when they could just send droids? - Yeah. - Of course, or are they already biomechanical machines that appear organic? - So you think that the aliens are robots? - We'll find out. - Next thing we know. - And yes, Rob, you are right. It does kind of look like Tom's server. - It does look like Tom's server, correct. But this is about four times server. - Yeah. - Live from North Laid. - So Antonio was encased all of a sudden in a giant glass jar as he floated helplessly as a Gerkin. The three robots smoothly floated towards his prone body. Antonio noticed their so-called legs, a skinny pole with a foot on the end, and deduced they must be hover sticks because not a single robot, bogoed. - He's funny. - I'm point, point, point. - Absolutely, but he found, I think that's what he thought of the wood bounce, but when they just slid towards him, it frightened him. - And hover sticks, that sounds like a great, that sounds like a drug slang. - That's what I want. - Yeah. - That's what I had last night. - Already fucking smoke a hover stick. - Hey, that's a good, future drug, and it just makes you float like six inches, for like 20 minutes. - Bill, Bill, I'm supposed to go to the bite, my fucking spin class. - So one of the robots extended and appendage towards Antonio. He saw that instead of a hand at the end of the tapered arm, there was a syringe like needle. The robot crept closer with his needle hands, when the scene suddenly changed, and Antonio found himself, and his robot junky companions inside the UFO. - 'Cause the needle. - Yeah. - Take, he was in a glass jar in the middle of a field, and now he's in a UFO. - Yeah, he was in a UFO. - There's a lot of this in this episode. - Outside of the glass jar. He's no longer in the glass jar. - No, now he's been transported. - Are you sure it's just an Antonio Bourdain? - No. - It would be much sadder. (laughing) - And one of those robots would be Asia Argento. Looking to steal his life force. - I saw someone say how there was a meme about him, and it was like, "Oh, he had life figured out." And I'm like, "He could have suicide." - Yeah, he did. Yeah, that's right. He chose his way out. Just like our hero, Jeffrey Epstein. So he could feel a cry of me sandwich. - Yeah, thank you. - So he could feel the craft lift off, and he suddenly got nauseated. The walls were translucent too, and provided a view of their sentence of the clouds. That's when Antonio was bombarded by blue lights, and he found himself in the UFO's business center. (laughing) And Tonyo came into a large circular room, only to see that he was surrounded again. Two dozen robot aliens line the walls of the chamber, standing in stark, toaster-like silence. He regained the ability to speak and shouted at the alien robots. - What do you want? - I don't know how to speak Portuguese. - That is close, I think, I think it's close. Who are you? And the power of his Portuguese offense was too much for them. Just the strength of his yelling, knocked the two dozen alien robots to the ground. Now this was epistemoth or something, because Antonio was in zap with the disorienting wall lights again. The robot aliens rose from the floor of the craft and began to breathe loudly. This scared Antonio because in his own words, he went, "Where robots breathe?" (laughing) - In what world would it go about? (laughing) - Thank you, thank you. - I'm so glad you couldn't. - I'm so glad you were doing this, correct. - And what the world, what the world about? (laughing) - And a blink of an eye. - I just got, it's just sort of my father-in-law. - You're correct. - You're correct. - In a blink of an eye, the alien robots pointed their needle heads at their head spinnies and made them hard. They were spinning in and they got hard. - Okay. - Then they stopped spinning and then became spoon-like. Antonio specifically said, "Like a tea spoon." Maybe in hindsight, this is some form of truce offered from the robot aliens, because that's when they decided to show him some dirty movies. - Needles and spoons go together. - I agree. - If you would have your Leonard Skinner. - Yep. - And the Middle East singer from Allison Chains. A box materialized in front of Antonio. Six inches wide, standing on two poles about five feet high. - So exact. - And at 10 a, sticking out of it in piano keys on its side, like a transistor accordion. (laughing) The alien robots glided over and began to farts with syringes and belts sticking out of the side of the stupid television. - Then images began to appear. - Humans love pornography. - Show him the pornography. (laughing) - We will come him down. Show him the pornography. - And me put my hover stick inside of you. (laughing) - You like it too much? (laughing) - So Antonio first saw a video of himself vomiting and shitting himself through. Now, according to you fall, just Iran Granchi, who interviewed Antonio to capture this encounter for all time, Antonio insisted. No matter what it was shown on the video, he never once shot himself. He wanted it to be clear. Never once during this encounter, did he ever shit himself? Everything else that happened. Absolutely true. - But it is true that he saw a video of himself shitting and vomiting and shitting himself. - Yes. - How did he know that he was shitting? Was there a close-up on like his, the pants seat and suddenly turned brown and wet? - All that's saying is the alien showed him a video of him vomiting and shitting himself. - It's okay. - I've already started to think. (groaning) - A camera goes 360 as his pants fill with shit. - That's all I'd imagine. - It is a very shaggy. It wasn't me. - Yeah. (laughing) - I would not do that. - Very no way. - What? - I would remove my pants. - I know shit on the floor. (laughing) - Maybe on the video, maybe he said like, "Oh no, I am shitting my pants." - Oh no. - Oh no. - Everybody get away from me. I am shitting my pants. (laughing) - You say that you are shitting your pants in the video. - I did not, and we're not shitting my pants. (laughing) - So the room-- - You have shat three men from the top. (laughing) - You have shat more than any other human. We have abducted-- - Caymentira. - Always deny everything. - Always deny. (laughing) - The robot aliens use a device then to forcefully raise Antonio's arm. This is when they use their needle tips to suck blood at the very top of his middle finger. - Alien robot doctor did a test on his blood by spraying it on the walls. Using his needle hands filled with blood, he drew three red circles on the wall of the craft and then traced L's inside so they look like pie charts. It seemed to be good news. - Ah! - You've got three elves. - Three elves. - Put like a needle thumbs up. (laughing) And there he goes. (laughing) - Antonio was presented with the screen again. This is when Alejandro Joderowski movie starting Antonio made by the alien robots played on the projector. (laughing) - So here's a series of images that were kind of like a moving film slide show. - These are actually sort of beautiful. - It's interesting. - I really love the sequence. - I want to do this, someone should film this. - Yeah. - First was an image. - Did you try to make an alien movie? - I don't want to talk about that. (laughing) - It's coming, it's coming, we're working on it. - First was an image of Antonio, nude on the table. Two robot aliens were shining lights on his gentles. Second, Antonio, nude, just standing there. Third scene, now Antonio was clothed, carrying an empty shopping bag. His teeth chatted loudly. (laughing) Very strange. I find it feel like him walking with bag and then cut too close up of his face, like that, like that. - And then the background, you're like, "Wow, wow, wow, wow, yeah." Fourth scene, horse and buggy, slowly ambling down a dirt road. - A dirty barefooted pedicent in the driver's seat. Fifth cut, it's an orange ball. Antonio stands next to it. - Symbolism. (laughing) - Of what? - Symbolism. (laughing) Six images, six images. Now the ball's blue. An alien robot stands next to it. - What does it mean? - The seventh image. A rabbit dog barks at one of the alien roads. In reaction, the robot alien melts from top to bottom like porridge. - That's trippy as far as we can go. - Right, that's fucking awesome. I wanna see this. - This is all very 1977. - Oh, yes it is, buddy. - I'm getting ready for altered states. - Ball, go in there. - No, I've actually bought a huge stack of an old Underground 70s comics back in Cincinnati. They're all like this. Every time there's a sci-fi story, it's just that it's this. - What's fucking trippy? It's like an elegant. - It's cool. - You don't have to explain everything. - No, leave it hanging. - A image, a high-deaf landscape shot of an alien world in the center of the picture, a giant UFO manufacturing plant, staffed and populated by millions of the alien robots. He saw three rows of UFOs in various stages of construction. (humming) - Ninth image, a Japanese manufacturer train popular in Brazil plow on its way through a tunnel. Everything reminds me of her. (laughing) - Ten image, cut to an image of live traffic and re-ordination error over some reason, and then the scenario came to an abrupt halt. - Yeah, that's very joderosky. - Yeah. - Traffic sucks. - Exactly. Antonio felt a sensation of being thrown overboard. Antonio tripped out. of the Tron world and landed directly in the middle of the street around the corner from the Pacencio train station. He was accompanied by one last alien robot and Tony realized his clothing had reappeared on his body and he checks his watch. 220 am. The exact time he was abducted. Wait, so he had been naked in the. In the ear of the whole time? It seemed. Ah, it seemed yes. All right. And so basically he just had a little dream. No, be wilder than Tony will look towards the heavens. There he saw the large dark smooth bottom of the UFO float up up up until it was gone. The vision of the craft rising was shared by a local town drunk who's hold many other drifters about it in vain attempts for free. So they did have the actual scene where like the drunk guy looks up and throws away the ball. I'm getting too old. And Tony did not tell his wife about the abduction. I wonder if my daughter still lies. And he definitely didn't tell her about the PowerPoint movie presentation. With him shitting him inviting himself. He did not. I did not shit myself. For two days and Tony was said his bowels were loose and miserable. Still, he continued to insist. He would never shit himself. Not on the UFO, not afterwards. He wanted that to be clear. Yeah, they were loose and miserable, but they were on the control, but I still had told with his within the week. And Tony needed to quit his job due to the increasing extremity of his illness. He walked into work to quit when he told his boss he had difficulty breathing and a burning and itching on the inside of his body. Eventually a nurse of the job site checked his temperature. He was running 103 degree fever. Take him feel better. Antonio's boss had a fellow employee heading with the hose outside. This young man described Antonio going pale, claiming his skin was green as grass. Huh? But he said to you. I've just been like, why don't you go cool him off the hose? And Tony was just the beginning. This was just at the beginning of a month long debilitating illness due to his encounter with the alien robot doctor filmmaker people who kidnapped him that day. Modern medicine failed. This man does every alien object. It does. Antonio did go to the doctor and he did get tested and they had the goal to tell him he was physiologically and psychologically normal. That's why self advocacy and healthcare is so important. Yeah, especially if you're a woman. Yes. Presumably, Antonio is now somewhere in good health. He would be around 80 years old and I'm sure his bowels are in tip top shape now. Yeah, every 80 year old man, we know he has full and total control over his bowels and they are in love with them. It depends. Cute. Cute. That's good. I like that. I just also want to know guys that our researchers and the wonderful researchers, they gave me so much context for a bunch of these different stories and I'll tell you what I fucking stripped it. It took it all out. Wow. Yeah, it took all the context out. Wow. I mean, I'm not going to get into the context of the next story because it would add 25 minutes to the show. Sure. But how did it start? We'll see. Our next tale of encounters with clink clink beep boop beings from out of space takes us through the iron curtain to the USSR and the Ruskies of old. Oh, no, that's that's context gold mine right there. That's a huge that's a lot of context. It's too much context because basically ideas is that, you know, some up and went through a period of time because communism was considered an atheist belief system as the wall was going to come down the systems for collapsing. They were getting more interested in the paranormal and then Russia became like a hot spot for paranormal activity and a lot of that was fueled by the space, the psychic arms race that we were doing with Russia. Sure. All right. If you get kidnapped by a robot alien in communist Russia, are you a fellow traveler? Interesting. Well, find out. Actually, I don't understand that fellow traveler. That's a communist term. People who were like down with it. Comrade. It does a whole movie about. What movie? Fellow traveler. Oh, wow. Yeah. Ed's right here. Oh, sure. Good. Good. Well, I'm sure you guys were already guessing what I was going to talk about. The famous Varron, yes, incident of September 27th, 1989. Yeah, everyone knows. On this day in uphological history, a pack of children had a close encounter of the third kind with a craft in its inhabitants, mechanical entities in the form of bronzed human statues. 10 children played outside at the railroad tracks in the zone by a local school when a pink glow overtook the gray Russian skies. Too bad that wasn't the hammer maniacs. Oh, man, that would have been fun and see them fucking deal with the aliens. That's a good movie. That's a really good movie. Save that. A deep red ball about 10 feet around, descended from the clouds. It circled the group and vanished. The one girl allowed in the child gang, Yulia Shalakova, recounted the ball reappeared just as suddenly as it left and hovered above the tree line, like it was waiting for them. The tired, broken Russian orphans grouped underneath the vessel and they could do it in the finest Russian orphan style, could you? They could clearly see a hedge opening in the lower part of the ball in the humanoid in the opening. Actually, that's more like the guy who feeds the orphans, that controls the orphan. They could clearly see the hedge opening in the lower part of the ball in the humanoid in the opening. That was a little better. They could clearly see it. To the children's horror, entities descended from the craft. Three-eyed human-like beings. They stood nine to ten feet tall and were dressed in a workman's uniform, but the overalls were metallic silver and the boots shiny gold. A bronze disc was fashion to their chest. They were accompanying a humanoid robot that must have been built to resemble its organic handlers. Imagine an actual living statue, but with joints and ribbons. I didn't realize that living statues, like I was looking that up, like street performer that acts like a statue. It's just human statue. Yeah. I thought it would have another name. No, they don't talk. Yeah, human statue. But just human statue. Yeah, what would you think they would be called? Something like bagarnels. That's as good as any name that could be for them. Standard day or guys. Bintel men. That's where you use that from now on. That's human statues. Bintel men. Bintel men, I'm going to put it right on here. The human statue thing doesn't really make sense because why they like do metallic skin. Yes, like their robots. Well, bronze statues with their bronze statues, but that silver ones. That would be a silver statue. Rock. That's right. It would be marble. They're not silver. They're they're painted like marble paint yourself like marble that we're killing the audience. We're killing the audience. All right. The robotic disc man had no nose and in its place were two holes. It's metal eyes swiveled back and forth and severed instead of moving its neck to look at you. His skin was made of bronze material. His silver overalls and gold boots were just his torso and feet. Cool. All of the crew from the craft glowed in the dark. The robots handlers turned towards each other and mechanistically. Soon a shining triangle materialized in the air between them. The two disc men touched their robot friend and he activated. Now it doesn't say what happened when he activated, but it terrified the children. So I imagine it's like a truly horrific. I imagine it's when they turn on Ed 209 in Robocop and go. Oh yeah, terrifying the children panic stricken. They attempted to flee. The robots middle eye stopped and fixed itself on the center of the group. They froze in place, instantly trapped in silence. Another actual like similar detail. Disc man one produced a two foot long tube from behind his body. It might have been inside his overalls. He brandished this poster tube contraption towards one of the railroad track urchins. Then magically the targeted egg vanished into thin air. The robot and his disc men bodyguards PAs abruptly shuffled back into the red ball. Now parked on the two-legged kickstand mode. The dark red spheroid ship then lifted off the ground and shot into the sky. Thankfully the disappeared boy rejoined the group immediately after. We don't know nothing about him or anything that happened to him. He just disappeared and laughed and came back and no one asked them. No one thought to ask him a single question. So we have no idea what his experience was like. I imagine that. So that was the loss of Russian railroad boys. I think that's why they've learned to keep their mouth shut. According to local party newspaper though, a journalist happened to be on the scene of the visitation. So he saw the whole thing. That's what he said. All right. This is where it came from. He managed to get several poll quotes from the beings. This intrepid reporter asked where were they from. They responded in perfect Russian. The constellation Libra. Red Star. Our homeland. Presumably in Russia. - So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, - Uh, why? - 'Cause he favors diplomacy and balance. - Okay. - It's a labor scrunch. (laughing) The journalist, I didn't, I guess he followed up with, "Will you take me back to your home planet?" Because I guess he would have chosen intergalactic slavery over livery and put it all in, yep? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, 1989, everyone's trying to get out of USS on it. - Fuck it out. - Discman one and two denied his desperate request. They replied to the reporter in the reporter's native tongue. - There would be no return for you and it would be dangerous for us. You might bring thought bacteria. - Yeah, they might bring thought bacteria. I mean, yeah, I think he would. - There's a lot of thought bacteria going on here right now. - Oh, yeah, we some thought fucking antibacterial shit. (laughing) - Antibiotics, thank you. - Goddamn it, I'm doing aliens. (laughing) The red ball and the zycupens were gone. Would not return. But they left behind a palpable unease. The children and adults on the periphery said that they felt intense fear for three days after the contact. It was the chittlegen of Rosenev, the onion girls, and the frozen gasoline runner boys that sought answers to what lay behind the experience they all share. - Does gasoline freeze? - I don't know. In Russia. That's how they transport. It's popsicles there. That's how they do that. They just do that. - They taste what it's like. - Many were shut down immediately due to the stigma and an encounter where they bronze robot with his disc men soldiers would bring up on their small week Eastern European families. The cries of these iron curtain youngsters finally cut through the din of criticism. The local party police did a deed launch investigation and they found that all of the children repeated the same exact account down to the detail. And when asked to draw what they saw to each child, even the mutant Chernobyl child, drew a circle on sticks with landing pads that look just like an elephant's foot, which they all knew from the coverage of Chernobyl. - Yeah, well, but was the elephant foot in like the, did they talk about that at all in Soviet Russia? Seems that they wouldn't. - I don't know, man. I know about the alien robots, okay? I throw stuff in here to sort of guess about what the kids might know or might not know, all right? I don't even know if they have parents or not. I assume they're orphans because they're in Russia. You know, it would help with that context. (laughing) But there's no context here, Eddie. Context less. - Now, local party investigators surveyed the scene of the landing. They found holes in the ground, the shape and the size of elephant feet. That must have been left by the craft's landing gear. Also, two strange red chunks of rock were found. Many believed them to be not of this earth. Eventually, everyone moved on and the Veronica encounter would be lost to the winds of time. Even though this is arguably the biggest story to come out of the USSR in 1989. - In 1989. - Yeah, yeah. - That's big. - There's a big story. - I don't know, I don't know what overshadowed. (laughing) - Is that how Gorbachev got the mark? They landed right on this big fucking ass. - My grandfather had one of those. - Really? - Yeah, he said he got it from a ceiling falling in on him in World War II, but I know it's a lie. - Yeah. - He lied a lot. - Yeah, his uncle's got one of those. - Really? - Yeah, man. - It was more common back than the day. I haven't seen a wine stain in a long time in a bald man. - Yeah. - I can't bring them back. - You'll grow one. (laughing) If only, hopefully, just like my pipe would. (laughing) - Five from North Lake. - Our final tale. This is the most mysterious and most action-packed of all. This was the story of the attack on Donald Trump. - Ooh. - God, it's like a bush coming. (laughing) - Drumming. - Drumming. - Thank you. (laughing) - Donald Trump lived in Sacramento, California by the way of Fayetteville, Arkansas. - It's Alaska. - No, yeah, Arkansas, that's the-- - AK is Alaska. - But it's fine, I just wrote it. I said the proper state, though. - Oh, okay. - I said the proper state. - Arkansas is AR. - I don't care. (laughing) It's a fake state. We should just solve the states. - AR Kansas. - These are all the states. (laughing) And this is not the home of the other famous experience or Chris Bledsoe. The two different, the cities are different, and they have nothing to do with each other. - Sacramento and Fayetteville, Arkansas and Fayetteville, North Carolina. - Sure. - Yeah, there's a lot of Fayettevils in America. - Donald lived the life and pain settled by Scoliosis, and ruined his plans to join the military. Instead, he had lent his talent in life to the aerospace industry with his job as a welder and painter. The key here is even though Donald worked with space technology, he did not believe in aliens or UFOs. - Good. - During the incident, Donald was 26 years old, and he and his two buddies actually just been fired from their aerospace jobs. The counter took place over one long evening. September 4th, two to the fifth in the year 1964. Shromanist two buddies went to the Tahoe National Forest for some bow and arrow hunting. - It's good forest. - Yes, for killing things in. - They were hunting on what used to be known as Gold Country, the heart of the westward movement of America, and it's search for freedom and easy money. - They found the gold to join, man. They gotta go, come pan to go. - One interesting fact, though, is that the area was also ridden with natural uranium deposits, one of the known contributing factors to alien abductions like a natural water source. - Yeah, that's nice. - It is interesting. - There's a lot of uranium, right now. - Yes, let's go get it. - Uranium fever. - Let's go get it. - Yeah, I think it's all gone now. - It's on a national forest. Well, I mean, now we, I guess we can. - Yeah, let's go dig it up. - Yeah, he thinks Trump. - Yeah, let's blow it up. I want a shoe to be for in the head. - I want to die from uranium poison. - Yay. - It's much better than dealing with the Libyans. - Yeah. - The ol' Libyans. - So. - Maddie. - I was saying, I wanted to do a prequel. Young Doc Brown. - Yeah. - It's great. Why can't we do it? - Yeah, how did he get in contact with the Libyans? - I should be Young Doc Brown. - You should be. - We'll be like middle Doc Brown. Young Doc Brown's in the movie. But Young Doc Brown is not young in the movie. But you know what I mean? - I think I would be a young version of Doc Brown. - I think you're actually older now than Christopher Lloyd was when he filmed back to the future. - Yeah, he was in his 30s. You believe that? - Holy fuck. - That makes you sad. - Shit, every day is a fucking another slip slide inch towards the casket, isn't it? - And Michael J. Fox has Parkinson's. - Fuck! That's what's wrong with him. (laughing) - That's everybody who's 46. - He was 46. - Oh, okay. - So I'm still technically a young Doc Brown. I could play 40. So here we go. So the men split up looking for deer. Eventually, they went looking for deer on the night. Eventually, Don, he got lost in the ever-increasing dark. And he found himself trapped by a sheer cliff face. He had to double back and he couldn't find anything. And all of a sudden, he was losing all his precious daylight time. All right, and he knew he was in danger. 'Cause that's the four-scot darker. Night is the time for bears. - Oh yeah. - Wool-lil-lil-visa. - And yes, hot local coogers. - It's true. - Staho. - Yep. - Coor country. (laughing) - To hide from the realm of predators. Don, shimmyed up a 25 feet to the top of a pine tree and tried to comfortably sleep amongst the needles. - Around 9 pm. A couple of hours after sunset, Don saw a light emerge from underneath the mountainous skyline. He traveled from east to west and then oscillated up and down. - Initially, Don thought it might be a flashlight or even a helicopter already summoned by his friends, looking for him. Don quickly climbed down the tree. Thinking he was about to be rescued, Don tried his hardest couldn't be noticed by this traveling light. He let three small fires and waved his arms wildly, trying to catch his attention. The light suddenly stopped. It instantly zapped over to Don's location and hovered. Now, Don could see what the light actually was. It was a matte black cigar shaped vehicle with panels lining its bottom and a singular light on its tip. - Cigar shaped very common. - Very common. - And what scared Don the most was that the craft was entirely silent. Eddie, you take Don. - That's what scared me. - Don said. I didn't hear any noise at all. The light hovered between two trees and just hung there. And I was pretty sure it was no helicopter. - You'd be right. 'Cause his friends couldn't give a fucking shit about it. Immediately Don knew he might be safer back up in the tree. He shimmed back up. Irving silent, still hoping the craft would simply leave. - It did not. It swept the area around the tree and came to a stop hovering in front of Don about 50 feet away. This is when Don realized the true size of the craft. He estimated to be at least 150 feet long and could absorb the light around it. He stared at the ship. Eventually, it's a middle panel on its wide body opened and shot at a little ship. Don called it a module and looked like a tiny version of what he would describe as the mothership. And remember, these are not in the lexicon at the time. This is before the moon landing. - You're okay. - Right, so the idea of modules, he did not really, I guess he could have maybe have heard it in his industry, but it was not a thing yet. - The cigar shaped craft tool. - Like a module. Yeah, any of these things. - Okay, cool. The module. People scouted the area below the ship and eventually landed right near the spot where Don was hiding in the tree. He said it was also completely silent and a silver dome on top of it that blinked. A panel opened up on the scout ship, and it released its inhabitants. A five-foot tall chunky bipedal creature approached Don's tree. The little guy was wearing a one-piece silver uniform with bellows on his elbows and knees, decorative bellows. His head was covered by a tight-fitting hood, and its face was dark and featureless. Don was pretty sure it was wearing goggles. I love workmen uniforms on aliens. Yeah, and I want to make a line of workmen's uniforms for aliens that are metallic silver and gold. What are bellows exactly? I don't know what bellows are. I view, in my mind, they are just like pirates designs. You know how like when you, like on robot, like in the lost in space robot, his whole arms and that kind of crunchy thing, the crunchy like slinky thing, it's that, but it's just decorations for your elbows. Yeah, cool. It's a designer's choice. I think it's fun. I think it's maybe, maybe she got it from the Valentino or something. Danger, David Robinson. Danger. You remember? So, now, creature one was soon met by another identical alien. Don't notice that they seem to be studying or gathering gathering samples of nearby brush. It's danger, Will Robinson. David Robinson played for the spurts. I know. The Admiral. He knows. They were particularly interested in the months that don't know. Which is an evergreen shrub. Don gathered, they were intensely curious about their surroundings. Don stayed as silent as he could to not be noticed. The two creatures worked their way towards Don's tree. He saw as they approached the bottom and looked up at him. He said the eyes haunted and terrified him. They stared at him with their black, don't like eyes. Their faces were also flat and black. Don couldn't be sure if it was part of the helmet or their actual face, especially since the nose was lower than any human's was want to be. The aliens admitted cooing noises, like birds, commuted back and forth, communicated back and forth with the mothership. They would hoot and hoot like owls, and the ship would answer back in the same manner. Yeah. Go, go, go, go, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Do you think his nose was low so he could smell his own balls? [Laughter] Simply delightful. Oh, another wonderful choice by the alien. [Laughter] So the nose is right up top of my dick? Yes, make sure it holds your breath when you're taking a peepee. [Laughter] The aliens chose to ignore Don at this point. They focused on looking for something specific. It became obvious. They were directed by the sounds of the mothership. The first two guys would eventually be joined by four more identical aliens. They're all looking for something they can't find. Eventually, the first two aliens circled back to Don. He heard an intense, thrashing noise coming from the brush nearby. And he was startled to see two huge flashlight orange eyes emerge from the forest darkness and they illuminated with Don called a robot jaw. The robot marched towards Don's tree. As it got closer, he could see that it was in fact a humanoid robot in a metallic suit and not one, but two. Both were slightly shorter than the uniform aliens. The robots had new visible nose and a large hinge square jaws. The robots had a human-shaped hands made of metal like a suit of armor or medieval gauntlet and of course, herky-jurkey movement. They kind of remind me of the robot in the more human than human video, but it lights on. Yeah, it lights on. You know, the robot that was on the cover of the CD of Astrocreep 2000. I had the other one with the super sexy sounds, super sexy swinging sounds. Yeah, that's the one I had. Yeah, that was a good one. Yeah, yeah. I wasn't allowed to purchase the album. Robots shuffled over to the signal fires Don had lit. They stomped out the fires. Very fire bad. The mothership directed the two evil robots towards Don. And one of the robots moved its hands up to its square hinge jaw. The robots jaw opened and the cloud of white vapors sprayed out of its mouth forming a cloud that moved toward Don. Don didn't smell anything. He gasped for breath and passed out within seconds. It was an indica. Don was now unconscious. Faithfully, the way he positioned his hunting bow, caught him before he fell to his death. Afterwards, Don came to believe that he had interrupted the aliens doing some form of investigation. Now that they discovered Don, perhaps they were trying to kidnap him for their extraterrestrial zoo. This whole game about gasing Don. He passed out. He'd wake up minutes later. Stick. It'd go on for the entire night. Don would wake up. The robots would unhinge this jaw, emit a gas cloud. They'd knock Don out minutes later. He'd wake back up and they tortured him this way for hours. We used to do that as a kid. We'd knock out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do it at home. It's bad for you. You have a spotter. Brain damage. I don't remember much. Now Don knew he was gonna have to fight his way out. He'd take this Eddie. He was determined to use every means at his disposal to make it back to his wife Judy and his young daughter Don. And all he had was a 60 pound recurve bow with a 28 inch pull and a bunch of arrows. You don't know what any of that means. I just saw it online. I know it's a big, it's a thing. I don't know. It's strong. Two aliens of one of the robots had Don surrounded. Don figured shoot the robot. He's the one who's going to do the fighting. Don aimed at let the arrow fly. Stuck the robot in the torso and what it did, a big arc flash of light filled Don's vision. This scattered the aliens. The arrow pushed the robot back like 10 feet. The aliens followed suit. They were surprised by the attack. Yeah, due to my years of research, I know it's probably because often firearms are not usable in the presence of UFOs. Yeah, no one really tries to use a bow and arrow, but if aliens have been coming here forever, they would have run to a bow and arrow at some point. Oh, yeah. Predator is real, which it is. That's a documentary event. Yes, at some point, they would have had to run into some form of an or if we saw what's it pray, the same thing that runs us at some point. You're right. Thank you for saying that. No one ever says that. It's so nice to hear. I just got to say it's so good to hear. Don kept firing arrows to keep them at bay. As he ran out of arrows, he was sure they would count her attack and they never retaliated, but they didn't leave. Don knew from the previous interaction. These guys didn't like fire. He hatched a plan. He took out one of the seven books of matches. He still had in his pocket and deleted on fire. I was wondering how he lit those three fire so quickly earlier. He packed with packs of matches for some reason. He threw it at the robot below, which caused it to back away. Then he lit his head on fire and threw it at the aliens. He noticed the more fires he lit the higher the mothership would float. He burned everything on his body down to his pants and shoes. Now that he was out of quote unquote ammo again, the aliens re-approached. What is he wearing that's so flammable? No, he should be. He kept climbing higher up the tree, tying himself to the trunk with his belt. Flammable belts. That's the only thing I have. It's we had an appear lead. The aliens began to climb up the trunk, but they couldn't reach the first branch. He kept trying to boost. They kept trying to boost each other up. Like all the aliens, like getting on each other's shoulders, trying to force themselves up the tree. No, put my foot there in your hand. No, it dissipates. Let's do him. Don's up there, pissing on him. I'm full of it. You'll never be the proper blood filled man. You'll never be the man. He also realized he could shake the tree from the top and they fall down. Still they hit him with the gas again. He passed out and he woke back up in a panic. Still tied to the tree with his belt? Yes, he's been suspended. He threw everything he had in his pockets in the aliens. I thought he already burnt his clothes. No, he has pants on. So he threw his change at the aliens and he barked at them like a coyote, which is the high pitch. The barks did nothing, but they did pick up the loose change and he that he threw out them when they pocketed it. Like it was a museum treasures. That's nice. They were like, they were like, yeah, actually, they looked, did the discs. All night, if Don was inviting the robots, they would keep knocking them out. Then they tried to climb up to get them and he'd wake up and he knocked them down the tree. All night. So they finally hit him with the biggest gas cloud of all. So they had a big knockout the whole time? Oh yeah. Don woke up, disoriented, suspended from the tree by his belt. He noticed the first few rays of the sun coming up over the mountain tops. He also saw that the ship and its occupants. Look on. He had survived a full 12 hours of close contact, alien warfare. You're going to try to, you're going to try to shut, you're going to minimize this. How big was the belt? Like when I have a belt, there's only like a couple extra notches. That's true. Not enough for an entire tree. That's true. He might have, it might have been a rope. He could have been skinny and had too big of a bill. That's what I'm going to say. Maybe he brought a backup belt on camping trips. Those have four belts because they're rip through them. I should bust them open 24/7. They can't even stay on me. Maybe you needed the belt for the bow hunting. Sometimes they have the pull. Yes. I love it. I don't, again, I remove context for a reason. I stripped it. I had poke holes in it just like he did with his giant belt. Thank you. Yeah. In order to tie himself to the tree, keep him safe for me. He always kind of thought he was going to need to do this. So he went down. He saw small footprints all over the area. He found remnants of everything he had burned and thrown down. He just re-covered his bow, his canteen, two of his arrows. One of which have been melted. And the coins that he had thrown were gone. He eventually found this friends back at the original camp. He told his bullies all about it. And none of their lives were ever the same. According to Don's wife, he was white as a sheet. He walked as though he had walked for hundreds of miles. I like that you're doing it like Audrey from Blowup, you know, from his eyes with days. He spoke to me in a very shaky voice. He had dark circles under his eyes. His arms were covered in pitch as with his pants and t-shirt. He had small scratches all over his arms. He came in and he didn't even say hi. Hello, anything? He sat down on a couch. He didn't proceed to tell me about his disco grove experience. His hands shook and his voice stood in very shaky. It seemed so he was on the verge of crying. I hate my wife. For the rest of his days, Don would remain traumatized. He was sick for weeks after the encounter with an intense running nose and chest pants. The check for radiation poisoning and found none. He would wake up from a dead sleep screaming, "Those eyes! Those eyes!" He would eventually grow to be completely afraid of the dark. When he went hunting with friends, he would always return to the campfire as it got dark. Sometimes after the encounter, Don and Judy moved up to citrus heights. Don and Vincent and his wife, Gloria, they were sometimes go camping over a Duffy Creek, and one evening at the campsite, Don got suddenly very quiet and looked out at the ridge. This is a strange light in the sky appeared and it was zoomed across the sky and disappeared. Followed by a small, strange light, to follow the exact path as the first shooting stars. Don said he got a buzzing sound in his ears right before the UFOs appeared and he got the sense of where to look in the sky. Later the night, Vincent found Don away and holding his handgun. Vincent, Don, heard crackling, crunching and walking sounds for the rest of the night. And when daylight emerged, the pectop can't left, even though they were planning on another night camping. It got scaled, because he was clenching his gun at the middle of the night. Listen, Don, I'm thinking we need to head back. I forgot. I got a thing. I got a thing. I got to get to I am just I got a hard out of this camping trip right now. I got to go. Now what's funny is that this encounter finally reached the global air force base that happened to be Wright Patterson. So two officers from Wright Patterson hearing all this was happening. They met with Don on September 25th, 1964 to interview him. The officers tried to dissuade Don from believing in the encounter to UFO. Don showed the officers his melted rainbow colored arrowhead that he shot at the alien robot. The officer asked to take the arrow head back. We're going to take this kid analyze. Don agreed. Never got it back. Never heard from the guys again, fucking jerks, right? Eventually the intelligence officers would state that at the end of their investigation, it's more likely that Don was attacked by a group of, quote, Japanese or howdy prank loving metal teenagers. That is literally what they said. They're like, well, it must have been the Japanese in 1964. No idea why immediately they're just like, huh, robot people. That's the Japanese. The racism was still high back then. Yeah. Yeah. By 64, maybe at least say Korean, one of their huge Gundam fans, they could be that because I feel like anime, when did when did mecca anime start? Don't know that off at the top of my head. I wouldn't. I think Astro Boy was in the early 60s, I think. Do you think that's a super into vintage Japan animation or you have one sentence left in your Googling shit? 1967, 1963 was the first one. Oh, okay. So it was Jake Antor, the robot, I love Jake Antor. Well, I nailed it. However you slice it, I'm pretty sure after today's episode, we know that alien robots are real and very dangerous, but also they are cute and fun. Thank you. Hey dude.com slash last podcast on the left is where you can go see our stream. You can give us a little bit of cash for that. Or if you got an Netflix account, you can see the wonderful performances from today. Acted out in real time. And thank you so much for watching everybody who has made our Netflix series, bonafide hit. Yeah. It's truly wonderful. Thank you and go to LP on the left for all of these social media needs. And you have, I don't know why you have them, but they are there and you can go to YouTube and you can see some place underneath LP and Romantic seed, the foreign report, no dogs in space. And over on LBN TV, HX2 season two, it is still rock and rollin. Go check it out and also check it out for our new lineup of VTM, which will be coming out soon. Also, it's got there. Go check out our brand new Halloween sound effects out. Bright Janssen's revolting repository of ghastly sounds, volume one and two, if you can still get it, I don't think you can. New air comics, check it out. Yeah, they might still have a couple. We'll see. Also on YouTube, the brighter sides on YouTube now for the brighter side LPN go subscribe over there and watch that spell off on we're hitting the road. We're going to be in Pittsburgh. Steele city, baby, I'm excited. May 29, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Carnegie Music Hall of Oakland, Saturday, June 27, Grand Rapids, Michigan, CLC Live, 20 Monroe, Friday, July 17th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Canes, Ballroom, and July 18th, Oklahoma, City, Oklahoma, the Tower Theater. Those are the last four shows of the JK Ultra Show. Yes. And then we will come back with a new tour right after that. Yeah, almost to me, dude. And if you want to see that, you got four more chances to come out. Also, I'm going to be in Phoenix on June 7th with Amber Nelson and Julie Rosing over at the Desert Ridge Improvs. Cool. Check me out there. It's going to be a lot of fun. And by the time you get to Phoenix, it's a four hour song. Yep. Yeah. Hail sweet sitting, everyone. Hello, Gene, Hail David Robinson. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, we're all the San Antonio spurs that we know and love for them. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Is that one guy? Robert, or he? Robert Torrey. Tim Duncan. Tim Duncan. That's the one I'm trying to think. He's very good. Yeah. Well, it was. Now he's, I mean, I'm sure he's still pretty good at basketball. I'm sure. Yeah. I'm sure he's old. Yeah. Yeah. Certainly not a robot alien. Nope. That's what people like him about. Don't check his blood. Nope. We're saying it right now. Tim Duncan, not a robot alien. We'll see. David Robinson, maybe.