Episode 661: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - Cryptids 101

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left. [laughs] [chatter] That's when the cannonball some started. [chatter] [music] Yeah, no, but it was a-- it was truly a wonderful talk. It was a great talk. But yeah, I was saying like one of my alligator buddies got bit by a coffee. I just showed this reel! Yeah, yeah, yeah. [laughs] I don't know, this is a crocodile bite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Luckily, it was a really small crocodile and it only ripped one tendon. So everything's gonna be okay. But he's already back up. He said that he went to the hospital. They pushed like the tendon inside of him. They put him in a boot and he was back at work that night. I was like, "Crocadol's gonna live." You know what I got? You don't got to get right back in there. Yeah, I think that is my last one. Maybe we could take a break. Give it around for millions of years. So it's just animal people, man. It's that badge of honor. I think want to get hurt and then be able to go back to work like you. I got bit by crocodile back at work two hours. You be like, "Nobody cares that you're breaking." Yeah, it's the same thing with my father, the same shit. You're the only one who knows. Yeah. You know that, right? You're the only person who knows that you're doing this to yourself. Digies of are allowed. Yeah. Super. I guess what really is a workplace injury. Yeah. You know what else is good? You need it. It's like friends and family and other people might know you. Yeah. You might want to leave for a second. I'm almost kind of jealous. I don't think I can get a workplace injury. No. Well, you can get a workplace injury. How fat do I have to get to get a workplace injury here? I know how. You know how, Eddie? Honestly. It's getting shot outside. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm outside of fucked. You guys have plenty of grave. If I'm on the sidewalk. Yeah, if he's on the-- I feel like that's perfect territory. If he's on the sidewalk, I ain't paying for shit. No, of course not. But all you hear is like, "Miss No Lawson." There you go. There you go. It's coming. It shoots you through his trench coat. It's like, "Please do it on property here." It's like, "I'll just drag my body over there." Well, I'm gonna lost my guest on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Farks. I'm here with Henry Zabrowski, the cold capitalist Henry Zabrowski. Yes, all I think about is exceptionalism. Everywhere I go, as you can tell. Obviously, because I flipped our humble little network here into an absolutely massive business empire. Oh, yeah, yeah. We're rolling in it. Oh, damn. How does someone make this money? We have the man who wants to eat himself out of a job but has the strength to not do it at said Larson. That's right. I want to thank Mark here from Alaska. Help us send him all these canned fish. You know what's really great about getting all this-- Help me get sick. Is it-- if I eat this to get sick, is that a workplace hazard? No. If I didn't ask what it had been? Yeah. It's a workplace hazard. See, this thing-- thank you sending this to Alaska. Before we went to Alaska-- We're going to Alaska in the morning. Tomorrow. I'm going to Alaska, but this will allow me to remember Alaska when we're home. You know what would be great is I'm actually just gonna put all of this in my backpack and then pretend like I bought it for Julie. [laughter] Look at all these gifts. Look at all these gifts. I brought you seven jars of fish. Yes, we-- you know what? Wives? If there's one thing I know wives love is jars of smoked fish. Yeah. I love it. Ladies can't get enough of-- they love the smell of it. It really-- looking at this, it really does make it hard for me to not open it right now and eat it. But I won't-- It will devastate this room. Yeah, it will devastate. Probably upstairs as well. Yeah, very much so. So, 100% full disclosure, total transparency here at LPN. We love disclosure here at LPN. Yes, I love that film. Demi Moore. Now, I want to be clear with you that we had a series that we were just about to do. We had the two episodes series that we're going to do. We're going to do it still. We're definitely going to do it. I mean, right now I'm looking at my laptop and I certainly have tabs open for Synonym Psychotic and Synonym Unpredictability. Great. I think there's a little hint. And another little hint is that we just spent three weeks going through probably some of the most harrowing material I've read since we did Mangle. And so now that we went through Jimmy Savile and then with this next series that we were going to do as we popped a hood on it, we realized how much molesting was happening in it. A lot. In fact, it was most of the first episode was going to be dedicated to that because it is incredibly important to the story. It is a motivation. It is a big part of it. Spoiler. But then I wrote, you know, like 14 pages on it. But then we sat there and we were looking at it and I sat Mark, Mark, and I looked at each other in the face and I was like, if I see, if I have to read the sentence, he parted her lips one more time. This month. No, I'm going to need it. I just did a break. I just did a break. So this day was the closest I came to buying a pack of cigarettes in probably 10 years. I'm just, yeah, honestly, and I'm been there with you. Yeah. No, I pulled into the gas station. I was about to get out of the car and then I pulled away again. Oh, that's nice. I said, no, you have a good gas. No, I did not. Nope. I didn't want to even expect that I'm going to sit there. Yeah, too expensive. Couldn't afford it. Not even out of that moment. Couldn't afford the gas. But due to this change, this is a little bit of a gap stop. We have another series coming right after this. I'm going to lead a series and we also have a, we have another massive series that's coming. I just wanted to like figure this would be good time for us to have a silly little talk about cryptids. Yeah. That's just a fucking ballet cleanser. Yeah, it cleans the power for us. It cleans the power for the fans. Yeah, we really, we needed it. You know, and I got to feel like if we're going to talk about one thing on the show and the cryptids seem to be like a big thing in my community. Everywhere I go, if you've always got the O'Mathman shirt on, we got the Mothman, the Butterfly Dude coffee. Thank you. We will be in you Jack coffee dot com. But let's go by spring. He'll jack coffee. It's still wonderful. Yeah, and that's what this episode is really about. Got my little squawk here. But since I've been a part of the show almost three years now, we've only done one cryptid episode. Yeah. You know, I find interesting is that you entered into this after we've done so much of the silly stuff. And it does really feel like because the world is currently not super silly. Yeah. And it has not been super silly for a fucking minute that it does kind of feel like when we were talking about cryptids, we're like, we didn't quite know how to do it with enough meat. Yeah. Well, to get you know, think about it like the like movies, you know, like there's not a whole lot of silly seventies movies. It's not a decade for silly movies. It's not that I wouldn't call it a tenet of twice. Yeah, you've really brought that up twice. Why is Putney swoop on the top of my mind? I have no idea. I don't even know what it is. Robert Downey, senior is parody of the advertising company. Yeah. Oh, okay. I watched that. Yeah, no, it's it's got a great soundtrack to fantastic soundtrack. I don't know why you keep up. I don't know. I don't know. You need to get this out of your system and just watch it. I had seen it not that long ago, but a year ago. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I think that is where we're at right now, of course, you know, things are we're in a darker time. So what we're covered is going to be a little bit darker. And it's it is hard to find a good angle on cryptids that's going to satisfy us. And it's not going to feel stupid. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, you know, because like the squunk, right? He's my boy. He's my favorite cryptid. I don't know what I learned about, but it was in that episode. Yep, yeah. That we did. But it's an example of a, which now just kind of become like I'm not not going to besmirch the squunk people because we met the people that run squunk a polluza. Yes. Yeah. Like, you know, we know it's a whole thing. We know now that these little kind of kind of, I would say almost proprietary cryptids are used to kind of prop up local economies. I'd call them cottage cryptids. Yeah. Yeah. It's like there's so many of these like little cryptids that you know, Patons will build festivals around like squonka polluza. Yeah. Because squunk is some other places will get way too fucking protective over their cryptids. Oh, and then ensue you and then come at you and then pretend that they can own an entire cryptid which is a thought form. Yeah. Yeah. The artwork is making up. You know what I mean? It's got an interesting, you're. Yeah. So the Mothman people they came out, they came out of us for the coffee. They, it's so did they create like the myth of Mothman? Are we supposed to say that Mothman isn't real because they own it? No. We can't talk about this Mothman real and is there slave? No. That is a bit of a slander. Yeah. I'm just wondering. He's asking questions and I'm a real refusing answer. I can think it legally we could say what they believe is that the company that came for us on our coffee believe well they were the first ones to name a coffee Mothman coffee. Oh, they decided that actually makes sense to me. Yes. Sure. There's a reason why the new coffee is called. Look at putting the edit all this fucking art to it. Look what they did Marcus. They had none of that shit before. I said Mothman coffee before and now it's got a fucking red eyes on it. Yeah. And a couple of people from the 1920s. Blappers? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they did. But then they added the red eye thing reason. Yeah. Well, I guess. But honestly, good on them. I don't mind it. It's fine. You can take it. Please. It's fine. We lost the case. You know, and I love butterfly dude. I love butterfly dude coffee. It's better coffee. It is. Yeah. It's much better ever since we dropped the Mothman thing. There was something gross about that. Butterflies beautiful. You know, Moths, you know, I always think of sounds to the limbs. Butterflies, I'm thinking of coffee, thinking of waking up, thinking of the morning. Thinking of good times. - Spring Hill Jack coffee. When you want to wake up in the morning and think of something nice. - Something nice. - All right, so here's a deal with me encrypted. I don't really know much about it. You know, big fan of Harry and a Henderson. - Sure. - Which is actually kind of got, it does have some true things in it. Like the Hunter in the Harry and Anderson's is based off of Reel. - He's a big foot guy. - He's a real big foot hunter. There was some real research done in that. - Hell yeah, that's great. I said, and I've seen them incidental lockness, the Werner Herzog comedy. - Which is great, by the way. - I really do like that movie. - Have you ever seen that? - I've never seen it. The only Herzog comedy I've seen is even Dwarf started small. Which is incredible. - I've never seen that one. - Very dark. It's a strange, very strange movie where it's a bunch of little people on an island and it seems like the world has ended. It's the movie where you ever seen that clip that I got obsessed with a few years ago where it's the little person laughing at a camel for like three minutes straight. He's just sitting there going, (laughs) because the camel's chewing and finds it very, very entertaining. - Hey, I mean, different strokes. - Yeah, there's a motorcycle in it. It's a Herzog comedy. It's very, very bizarre. - But incidental lockness is a mockumentary that he made. - That's pretty great. It's very goofy. - It's not his movie. It's he's just staring in it. - Yeah, he's just staring in it. Oh, is this there? Is this guy, is this the little kind of, there's the tiny maniac laughing at the camel? - Yeah, he does find it hilarious. - He's after tiny maniac. - Yeah, that is, oh no, this movie is nothing but tiny maniacs. - That's awesome. - In fact, that's the whole point of the movie is a tiny maniac society and what the tiny maniacs do if they are given their own society. - Well, yeah, they laugh at camels all day. - It looks like it's broken him. - Completely as a mind melt. - He does have a coughing fit at one point and he's thinking he might die because he is quite old. - Well, you know, he's smoking. Yeah, 'cause he's trying to relax. - So, but the thing with cryptids is, you know, like I never really got obsessed with them, like a lot of people do. You know, I think like you were saying, like certain towns, they take on cryptids to sell merch and I love merch. So I think that's a big merch guy, I think it's unbelievable. And so I'm, I want these towns to make their money, but it feels like sometimes they just claim that Bigfoot's from there and there's ease on. - Well, Bigfoot has got like, there's so many places that claim him between the Pacific Northwest. - That makes sense to me. When I look at the trees around Portland, I'm like, that bigfoot could be in there. - Well, there's so many different stories around Bigfoot and types of Bigfoot and then a lot of different, you know, Native American groups have, like indigenous groups have stories about the man of the mountain and guys walking around and we know that there's many different types of what you'd call Bigfoot. - Just up the top of my head, you know, this Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Skunkape, the folk monster, that's the Arkansas Bigfoot. - Yeah. - Dad, you know, I can just, - Yeti, a Bommetable Snowman. - Sure. - Yeah, they're in the same category. - Yeah, but large hairy humanoids, yeah. - Yeah, so it just always seems like something that could really, when people get obsessed with these things, it just seems like something you could like, leads like a serious psychosis. - Well, I think people want life to be more than it is. - Yes. - And I think that cryptids are a great, kind of almost like loophole in between aliens and ghosts and stuff like that, where you can ostensibly believe that a cryptid would be based upon some strange physical animal. Like something that's around. - And I love animals. - Yes, and I think that's why it would make sense that you would like cryptids because they are legitimately, like if you wanted to get into cryptids, that there are care bears. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? It's all these different types of people making up things after staying in a weird shadow and then kind of putting them all together or needing other reasons. Like one of my favorite alt theories about the Mothman was that he was entirely fabricated by the mafia families of New Jersey that were in the Weed fields. - That's in my notes, yeah. - That had Weed fields in West Virginia and they created a fake story for people to not want to go into the Weed fields. So there is like a story there which kind of makes sense to me, that tracks. - And the moonshine too. - Oh yeah, and people getting like sick on moonshine, on bad moonshine. - But that's why they want people to be scared of those woods. - I get it, and then makes sense. - Yeah. - And people losing their minds out, there's this incredible storyline and department of truth, which is, it's about a big foot hunter losing his, a guy who sees a big foot and then spends his entire life looking for it again. And it's all told through letters to his son and it's incredible. - I remember reading it, it was very depressing. - It's very depressing. - Yeah. - I think it's one of the best comic book storylines in the last few years. - Oh, it truly was unbelievable. To me, like cryptids are on like par with the Mandela effect. It's I think a lot of people who get obsessed with cryptids improving that they're real are just like, are people who get obsessed with the Mandela effect? It's like, instead of just admitting that you were mistaken, you'll go through all these legs. - And squawk. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You'll know that there are all these crazy legs to prove that it wasn't a hairless bear. - But look at where we're at, honestly, even politically now. It's a way, people's brains work. You have to create a way, no matter what, you have to kind of validate yourself, I think. Like walking around, you have to validate your reality. - And I think that-- - You have to validate your actions. - Yes. - And figure out why you are the way you are. - And a lot of cryptid stories, usually, like they start from usually one insane night. They, especially like the groupings, like when you talk about like the, what do you call it, the melon-headed kit, like the melon head. - Oh, yeah, he was at the, oh, the best ones. - Yeah, I think it was melon-headed kids, the melon-headed boy. It, basically you get like a family or a group of people that are isolated for a single night. And they imagine that they're being attacked by a group or-- - Fuck what's this? - Fuck what's this? - Yeah. They imagine they're attacked by a group of a, or a single animal. And so they spend all night, usually firing guns. And then they have to explain that behavior later. - Yeah. - And it's a lot easier to say like, oh, well, there was, it was a big foot, it was a monster, it was something I didn't know. Rather than just like, I got really paranoid and my family got really paranoid and we created something out of nothing. - Yeah, also I think a lot of this-- - That's embarrassing. - It is. And I think a lot of it also is attached to what we'd call like a pan theory about the entire quote unquote capital P phenomenon. Where like people would also do the, I believe some people see aliens, some people see angels, some people see ghosts, some people see the Dover demon. And they're all the same. They're like all the same thing. And that you use the hallucinations? Or is it, is a hallucination fake if it's in front of you? Like it's the idea of you're creating something that's kind of coming out. - I mean, just by, is it a hallucination makes it fake? - But yeah, unless you can physically stand in front of you. - Well, then it's not that it's a hallucination that it's not standing in front of you. - Yeah, it's not physically standing in front of you. It's not powerful in reality. (laughing) - How would you categorize cryptids? Is it like documentary sci-fi, fantasy horror comedy? Like what is it? - I usually would be sci-fi. - Yeah. - And with a little bit of horror mixed into it. You can, I think any cryptid can be a horror story. - Yeah. - Like the, what is it? Max Brooks, a book, the De Evolution. It was, it's the same author as a World War Z. And Mel Brooks is son, by the way. - Oh, oh. - The incredible horror novelist. But he wrote it through like blog posts of a, or a diary entries of a woman who gets stuck on a mountain outside of Portland, I think, during a volcanic eruption. And the volcanic eruption causes like all the big puts in the area to kind of descend on their location. It's fucking incredible. - That was a horror story. - It's really cool. But that is, that was a horror story because, you know, that they were attacked by the big puts. But then you get Harry and the Henderson's, that's comedy. - Yeah, yeah. - You just wanna play with them. That's family movie. - Yeah, yeah. But there are others that wouldn't, you know, like you can't really make the Jersey Devil necessarily anything other than horror. - Yeah, that's it. - It's hard to make that other than horror. - That's just an evil thing. Like it's just a, it's just a, it's a uncertain presence. It's a thing that you're looking at. You don't know why it's there. I think that's a part of the idea. It's you're seeing something that's completely alien to your understanding of your world. - It's threatening. - You know, usually they're threatening, you know, but like, but Chupacabra, like Chupacabra really isn't that threatening. - It just eats chickens and chips. - Yeah, goats. I mean, that's what Chupacabra means is goat soccer. - Oh, okay. - But there's also different types. There's the Puerto Rican Chupacabra. There's the Texan Chupacabra, which are two entirely different species, or like species. But they're considered like the Puerto Rican Chupacabra is a little more lizard-like and the Texas - And the Ampere. - Yeah, okay. (laughing) - It's just like the Puerto Rican Chupacabra is just as a horn inside his chest that it can just talk, talk, talk, talk. - And the Texas Wolf just has guns on a tip. - Yeah. - The Texas one is a dog with mange. - Yes, I agree with you. - Yeah, that's what it is. It's almost always a dog with mange. - Are there any cryptids that you guys believe in? The only one that I ever call it, come close to still to this day is Bigfoot, only just because every single culture that especially the United States of America, like in North America specifically, has a story of this type of thing. But I personally believe it's not anything, 100% physical. - Yeah. - I believe that there is a mixture of something that used to be there mixed with something that we want to be there, and that we put those two together with our brains, and that we make Bigfoot ghosts real. - Possibly. - That's what I believe. I believe Bigfoot, I believe in Bigfoot ghosts. (laughing) - Bigfoot might also be a man in a time travel suit. - Yes. - And that's one of the things that people say about Bigfoot. - Well, then also did he's in a truly, when you get enlightened. - Yes, the psychic Bigfoot. - Yes. - But the idea is that you go through, like they have a lay in Bigfoot stories, or all kind of this idea of like, once you shuffle off this existence through enlightenment, you transform into this other thing. And so they are considered to be wise, and they have like, and that's the reason why they're not entirely corporeal, and it's the reason why they hide, is 'cause they know that we are all corrupt. - But what cryptozoologists, that there are certain examples that they point to when they have to kind of justify their existence, they point towards like the giant squid. They say like, no one, like that way-- - Talking to giant squid, you know, through. - Yeah, giant squid for years, the giant squid was just a legend. - Duckbow platypus. - Exactly, like all-- - Thunderbirds are probably kind of real. - Connoissements, yes. - Yeah, possibly. And there are very possibly like massive gigantic birds that existed in the recent past. - Yeah. - Like they're probably, you know, there are certain animals that were just about extinct by the time we started writing shit down. And also by the time we, like humanity started to explore every nook and cranny of the earth. Like we gotta remember, it's fairly recent. - Yeah. - That not just that humans explored every nook and cranny, but also that humans have all had the ability to all talk to each other, and to all gather up all of the knowledge-- - Connoissements, information. - To have all of the knowledge that we have worldwide, in one place, that's what? 15 years old? Something like that. And that is throughout the whole human history that for just the last 15 years, do we have all of our knowledge in one place? - I also believe that there's a lot more roving troops of evil little people than we wanna talk about. I think that little people, if I were them, if I was a true little person, I would get together with my little little people, friends. And I would dress in scary outfits in the night. And I would use that presence in that shock factor in order to scare little neighborhoods. - Or you get a job. - Yeah. - That's a job. And then I hire you. I am gonna, I'm looking for my own tiny maniac. - We know, we know. - But they won't, the problem a lot of them say, diorally, and they have a lot of bad opinions. And most of them in America, they do, yeah, they just end up kind of, I think they just, they don't come out right. - I think you need your own island of Dr. Maraud. - I really do. (laughing) - I really do. - Because the problem with that is maniac. Once someone's a maniac, whether they're tiny, large, normal size, skinny fat, it's like, I mean, fat maniac is gonna be bad. Skinny maniac is gonna be bad. - Tiny maniac can pick up. Just like my fucking, that's why Karmie's okay. That's why I don't have to train Karmie. You like to just pick her up. - Yeah, tiny maniac. - Tiny maniac, you just scoop her up. You can just go in, you hold up and go, (laughing) you put him in air jail. - Yeah, you do. - Live from North Korea. - So you guys ever hear of hyper-tricosis? - That's being super hairy. - Yeah. - Do you think that that could have something to do with Bigfoot? Like someone was super hairy and they ran into the woods and someone saw him one day? - Definitely, yeah. I mean, well, again, you've seen Joe Joe the Dog Face Boy, right? - Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. - Yeah, and there are, whenever we've talked about Bigfoot in the past, there's always the stories of the wild man of the forest. - Yeah, the wild man of the woods, the wise man, man on the mountain. - But not even, I'm not even talking about the wise man, I'm talking about the wild man. And usually that's a big American thing where I think at certain points, they did just sorta let guys go. - Oh, yes, definitely. - You know, when they didn't, if a guy was very large and also, you know, may have had some sort of condition, like the hyper-trickenosis, hyper-trickenosis, right? - Yes, yeah, yeah. - Like hyper-trickenosis, if he was not useful, I think in many places like, say, Arkansas, I think they just sorta left him in the woods at a young age and some of these guys did survive, I mean, they survived 'cause humans survived. They become feral and so you have a very hairy, very large man who only knows how to go. (screaming) (laughing) - Yeah, and that, I think, is where some big-foot legends in America begin. - You know, and then America's huge. - Yes, it's so fucking big. Like I recently saw Alaska being put over the whole of America and it's over half of our country. - Yes. - Like that's the size of just Alaska. - And it unincorporated America. Like I do think there was a lot more people living between the lines. Like in the United States of America, but when we work expanding west, like people were just going out there and just living. So I could see there being guys just like in a hut, in this swamp that sees you coming in with your family and he's like, oh, I'm out of fucking get their food. I'm not that dirty food. And that's what he does. And all of a sudden you have a whole legend belt because that man with hyper-trickenosis who was given up by his family who now lives alone in the middle of the swamp, steals your food in the middle of the night. - Like a Yogi bear. - Yeah, that's what they essentially become. - Yes, but I was looking right up here. I was trying to find, you know what I find interesting? In Europe, cryptids are very different in which they use like in America. We have a lot of amorphous animals and blobs, squawks, hoedads. We don't know what the Jersey devil is. The Dover demon kind of looks like a thing. Thought what's monster would look like nothing. Europe, it's all worms and dogs. (laughing) - Yeah. - Well, no, worms are a big thing. There's also like a mind of mongolies. - I know what means they're gonna do cat too. - Yes, they're one big, yes, the phantom cat. - Yeah. - Well, there's always this, when you're looking into these sorts of things, there's a difference between cryptids and legends. Europe especially, and it's like Scotland is big on legends. - Oh my god. - So like a dragon's not a cryptid? - No, dragons, well some people do consider a dragon to cryptid. - I think if you think a dragon's a cryptid, you might be kind of fucking stupid. (laughing) - And a dragon is a character in a fantasy thing. It's a made up thing. - But then why was it in every culture? - Why were dragons in China? Why were, and also in probably because they saw fucking dinosaur skull. - Yeah. - That is one of the big theories. They dug up a dinosaur skull somehow and extrapolated from there. And they were like, what does this creature look like? Just by seeing the big fucking skull. Okay, let's extrapolate from here. Dragons, so on and so forth. Because the big dragon in Europe is St. George. - Well, yeah, it was the one that he killed the dragon. - Yeah, killed the dragon. But yeah, dragons do exist across cultures. But yeah, it's theorized that it's most likely dinosaur bones. - Okay, or, I also think there's a symbolic edge. If you look at old maps, so the idea that all of these things were the ocean, was filled with things that were going to destroy you. They were filled with monsters and mermaids and things that were going to destroy you. And I think partially it's because the unknown is weak, conjecture a lot of stuff out onto the unknown, right? In order of just the first being like, 'cause like having to convince a guy to give you a bunch of money to get in a boat and just go west, right? Requires some kind of pitch. Right, requires like a thing of like, we're here, we're gonna handle the sea monsters. We're gonna go out there and it kind of gives you something to push against. - Yeah, and also think that the monsters symbolize a you staying home. That's the scary outside world. This is your home, when you leave here, you go out into this other place. This is a, so here is actually where you're safe. - Even on like the old maps they used to write, here there be monsters, you know, beyond, you know, the map, beyond the edges of the map to keep people close. - I also think the dragons are a poetic device. Quite often, they're used to kind of symbolize conflict and they're supposed to be like, they're used a lot in Christian symbolism and they're used in a bunch of different places where they're used as kind of like literally just kind of imagery of hassles. - Yeah, and I also think that the legends and things like this are legends and cryptids and such as part of a product of the age of exploration. You know, a time when Europeans especially were discovered - What's Chinese like? - Yeah. - Well, if you look, I love drawings of like, say like lions, like a guy who saw a lion once and then tried to draw it two years later and then everyone thought like, "Oh, that's what lions look like." - Yeah. - And it always looks stupid. It always looks insane. It doesn't look anything like a lion and you saw that over and over again. And especially, you know, when they started exploring Africa and they started exploring the Americas and they're seeing all of these animals. that are nothing like anything that they've seen before or they might be slightly different versions of things that they've seen before. And I think the imagination, people's imagination just fucking runs wild. - Yeah, and Florida they tell us that Mermaids for Manatees. - Yeah, and it's been like, how old are you, these fucking sale of these? - Manatees. - They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. (laughing) - I know who I make, I make one inside of it. (laughing) - Yeah, Rob just brought up a picture, an old picture of a lion, and the lion has a beard and a tongue that's sticking out. - Yeah, like he's got a man's face for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's cute. - I almost always have a man's face, but you also got to remember this is a time when, back in the day with art, it really cannot be overstated how much abundance has an effect on art, because that guy only had enough materials to draw that lion once. - Yep. - He couldn't, he couldn't practice it over and over and over again. He could just go out and buy new pencils, like he had a very limited, yeah, very little blue. - I drew the lion already. - Yeah, they said they're like, I think there could be, I have some notes. It's like, I drew the lion already. - Yeah. So going back, I wanna go back to Bigfoot, 'cause I had some more questions about that. What is the difference between a Bigfoot and a Yeti and a Bommel Swarm Man? - Look for their front, - Delocation. - It's all location. - And white, right? And the snowmen are white. - Yeah, yeah. - Bigfoot's like, yeah, Bigfoot. - Bigfoot's like, yeah, Bigfoot's. - They've been depicted in cartoons. But not necessarily how they're depicted in reality. - You know what I watched recently? The Yeti Duck Tales episode, do you all remember that one? - No. - There's a, it's a horiny female Yeti that spends almost the entire episode trying to fuck Scrooge McDuck. - Interesting, no one tries to fuck him. - And yeah, I know, you figure you would settle. - Yeah, but with Goldie, he scrooge as a girlfriend. Goldie. - He met her girlfriend? - Yeah, he met her during the Gold Rush in the Klondike. - Oh, I don't remember. - Well, I'm a big duck tale. - I'm a big duck man. - Well, I'm just a big duck man in general. I'm a big dumb duck guy. I love them big Scrooge McDuck guy. Scrooge McDuck specifically. But yeah, the Yeti, no, that's the new one, Rob. That one. - Oh, she does have a girlfriend. - Yeah, it's a sexy, sexy Yeti that makes sexy noises throughout, like, (grunting) - It's Jack. - Yeah, yeah. (laughing) - It's his sister. It's his sister. But yeah, Yeti and a Bommetable Snowman are the same, it's the, it's two different words for the same thing. It's like Bigfoot and Sasquatch. - Yeah, it's different, it's different locals, different styles. - Gotcha, yeah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So I've heard Bigfoot's an alien. - That's one. - Possible. - Possible? - Sure. - Yeah. - Why not? - I guess it looks like Chubaka. - Well, you know, it's the idea that he is some form of like, you know, when you go deep into UFO lore, these things always pop up. Like, there's always, how many times I've read an abduction scenario where a guy says, it was me and I was there and there was like, there was like three grays and there was a tall white and then there was a little blue guy and there was a Bigfoot there and they always kinda talk like that. - So are there hairy aliens? - No, I mean, I don't know. I've never heard of a hairy alien. - If we go from the, I guess we call like the standard alien roster, you know, like the, you know, if you're talking to like play aliens and so on and so forth. - Well, they're like, they're light beings. - Yeah. - You got the tall whites that have just long hair. - I don't think there's any like hair covered alien. - But that's just, that's limiting to this idea that of, oh, well, David Huggins, this is what I'm talking about. As a David Huggins has done several of these. He wrote this concept of watching a beam of light coming down and then dropping a Bigfoot there. - Okay. - And then it's happened a lot. Like, you know, when we did the UFO Bigfoot flap of, I believe it was right outside of Pittsburgh. - Yeah, it's a pencil, the Pennsylvania Bigfoot flap in 1973. - Yes, and they were all put together in one big thing. Bigfoot and UFOs are seen together a lot. - Yeah. - But I don't know. - That is true. They often Bigfoot sightings are followed by UFO flaps or vice versa. We just had all those Bigfoot sightings in Ohio right after those comments were flying right over us. - It was very interesting. - Yeah. - But also find out those guys, we found those guys that were following all the Bigfoot stuff. They were kind of attaching real Christian iconography to it. They were legitimately talk about Bigfoot as the, the progeny of Cain that they are a, they're walking around with Jesus' secrets. Like that's kind of a thing too. There's a little bit of more Bigfoot that's showing us was into confession. - Yeah. - No, you with that, that was not Jesus. That was the whole horny man after that. - Oh, good, yeah. - That's not getting like, Bigfoot might be assigned to some of these people that the end times are coming and Jesus is going to come back. - But those people are also the types who are looking for any sort of sign of the end times or cause they want the end times so badly. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, they either, they literally thought Mike Huck would be doing the baseline at, is like, you know, when he was doing that for, Betanyahu's fucking birthday party, whatever. They're like, that's what we've been looking for. - Yeah, yeah. - That's the end. - As the Bible world. - I knew the Bible would say what happens. - Yeah. - Did, I heard Teddy Roosevelt thinks he saw Bigfoot? - Teddy Roosevelt had an incredible, like, conservation career. Like that was this whole thing. It was hunting and conservation. Like he wanted to, he wanted to protect nature. - Yeah, he kind of started National Parks. - Absolutely. - Yeah. - Yeah, there is a story. I'm, yeah, I'm remembering it where he wanted to kill it. - Oh yeah, so that's really good back then. - Well, that was the thing with Teddy Roosevelt is that, like, he wanted to conserve it. He wanted to conserve everything, like, every animal, but he wanted to kill it first. - This is a great little section on this. - Yeah. - No idea. - Because Teddy Roosevelt was an incredibly violent man. - Yes. - He kept on in a control most of the time, but the whole reason why he, you know, went to Cuba and, you know, the rough riders and all that is, is like, he wanted to kill a man. - Yeah, he was a rich boy. - Yeah, he was a, he was a rich boy. I like all the Roosevelt's where. I know that his, even his, like, biggest catchphrase, walked softly, but carry a big stick. - Yeah. Well, my favorite line from this is get action. That's what he wrote when he was a kid. He's like, that's what he wants. It's get action because Teddy Roosevelt also, in my opinion, had extreme undiagnosed ADHD. - Well, that's why he made the rough riders? - Partly, yeah. - Wow. - Yeah, because if you look, he had extreme hyperfocuses, like, you know, conservation, hunting, navy. Did you know that Teddy Roosevelt was a naval historian before he held any public office at all? He wrote like this four volume history of the United States Navy that was taught in schools for decades, you know, a very long time. - What a horrendous waste of time. (laughing) - And also they said they would have more time back then. - If you look at pictures of Teddy Roosevelt, he's always got his hand into a fist. They said that he was like a coiled snake that was always looking for something to do, always. - If ever, as he got shot in the middle of a speech and then finished the speech. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He was the original clout master. - Yeah, I love this 'cause he called it a goblin story. (laughing) - Yeah. - Yeah, once listen to a goblin story, which rather impressed me. I've been told whether Pete Norden hung up on the name of Bowman. How far on in the past all his life on the farm tail? - 'Cause he did have a high little thing boy. - He had a very high pitch voice. - So Henry said he would be willing to believe in Bigfoot. How about you Marcus? (snoring) - My instinct tells me no. - What would it take? - Scat. - Like actual shit. - Yeah, like shit. Like it would take bones. - Scat. - And I think we've never found bones. - Yeah, 'cause they disappeared. - It was the hardest part. - Yeah, it'd be cool if they literally go back to heaven. - It's bones. 'Cause if you start getting into the world of like Bigfoot Hunters specifically, and we talked about this many, many, many years ago, if you get into Bigfoot, get ready to read about dermal ridges constantly. - Yeah. - Because that's what these guys always point towards when they, 'cause the only thing we've ever found with Bigfoot are ostensibly is footprints. - Yeah. - And so they always, they talk about like-- - It's always like one footprint. - Yeah, it's like one footprint. - That doesn't make any sense to me. - Doesn't make any sense at all. And they'd say like if you look at the dermal ridges, you can see that this is actually, if it was a biological creature, then you could see that this-- - It'd be a three state dermal ridge that you would have. - And it must be at least 400 pounds. - At least, yeah, they do that over and over again. But yeah, it would take, like, yeah, I don't need a picture. I don't need a video. I need the evidence that we would have for every other animal that we know exists on Earth, which is bones and shit. - Well, 'cause the main issue is we're also saying like, where do they eat, you know, like a large 450 pound animal, a pack of 450 pound eight foot animals are gonna eat a lot of food. Where's all the fucking examples of the food that they're reading? Where's all the, where's all the three is cleared out? - We've seen starving bears, like, like you see the search for into the middle of the ocean even. - You would see the trees cleared out, right? You'd see an area, you'd see a bunch, like, you'd see more of that. You'd see more like, oh, they must all get together and feed, or they all do this thing, they eat this thing, they could tell that they're going through the woods. - The migration area for a pack of sasquatches would be massive. You're like, we would see, we would know about the migration of the big foots from one location to the other. There's no way that they could just stay in one location. - And then what I view is, unfortunately, and I'm saying it's my solution, but I also understand that it's a cop out to many people, but that's why I believe we're seeing something, when people are doing it, and talking about cryptids, we're talking about something past an animal, past an idea of it. And I honestly don't think that everybody's lying. - If, my opinion is that if cryptids are, if Bigfoot's real, the Jersey Devil's real, if Tupacabras are real, then that will change the entire nature of reality. Like the way we see reality, the way we experience it, the way we think, the way we think reality works as far as dimensions and so on and so forth. It's completely different from what we think. So that's kind of what it would take. It's like, okay, show me, like prove in theory to me, you know, prove that there's, that we can, that creatures can cross dimensions, that biological entities can cross dimensions to that. And then maybe we can talk about Bigfoot, but until then it's a nice idea, it's a fun idea. Like they're very fun, like cryptids are a very fun, that's a very fun idea. - That's kind of why we wanted to talk about it. It's because it's something nice. It feels very hopeful. I think people love cryptids because it is this, it is a way into another world. It feels like you're talking about like a fun fantasy world that you want to exist. Much like how, but I also feel like it's the same people that actually follow Q, right? The same thing where it's like, that's all they're really looking for is something that's past them. You know, something that is makes them feel like life is a little bit more exciting, a little bit more involved, but I feel like more people need to know that it's fucking all in here, it's in center of our brains. - Yeah, I think the difference between cryptid believers and Q believers is that I think Q believers are looking for a narrative to life. And they're looking to be a part of a narrative and a part of a story and a part of a game. - And they can join. - And they're also looking for a reason whether lives are so bad. - Of course, that's also, well, that's the base motivation. They're looking for that narrative, they're looking for that story. And it also, it's a lot like we're also, you know, brained into, you know, wanting to be a part of entertainment. You know, Q was the perfect, it was the perfect entry point for that. I think people who are in decryptids, that are really in decryptids, it's more of an environmental thing rather than a story thing. Like they just want the world in general to be a little bit more magical than it actually is. Or then we actually know it to be. I wouldn't say that it actually is, but as we know it to be, they want to be a little bit more magical. Like they want to be able to go out into a forest and maybe something will happen. - Yeah. - Yeah, maybe something will happen. Maybe there's more to this world than we see. And I do understand, I now see, as a man who is now 43 years old, I see why most cryptid hunters are older. - Oh, yeah. - I see why they're in their like, 40s and 50s. - It's fewer time at times too. - Yeah, but because I think. - They've also accomplished very little in your life. You're trying to like find that one thing that's gonna make you break you. - There are some cryptid hunters that are incredibly successful people. - Oh, yeah. - That have spent their entire- - They gave up their actual careers? - Yeah, they gave up their careers. 'Cause I think as you get older, you sort of kind of look around at the world and you really, you have so much experience being in the world that you see like, shit. All right, this is all there is. And I think some people might replace religion with cryptids. - It's literally exactly what I was like. It sounds like you go to look for God. You don't find God. - No. - And so what you wanna do is have a thing that you can aspire to, that's bigger than you and Bigfoot's right there. - Yeah, and it's here on earth and there's- - And there's a possibility that you might see it without having to die. You know, 'cause none of us wanna die. So if Bigfoot is real, if Troopa Cobber is real. - You already like spending time in the woods? - Yeah, exactly. That also might be a part of it as well is that you love spending time in the woods, you love exploring and this just sort of gives you a goal. It gives you something to do out there. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, 'cause you're not gonna hunt. - Yeah, 'cause you're not gonna- - Exactly, 'cause you're not gonna hunt. That's the thing. Is that very few cryptid hunters are actual hunters. - Well, they don't wanna kill it. - Yeah, well, I've actually read a little, back and forth of that the other day, so when asking is there a way to hunt without killing something, without hurting something, because I want the sport, but I don't want the, I don't wanna hurt anything. It's called wildlife photography. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Bigfoot picture, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it's like that, that's- - But I also wanna fire a gun. - Yeah. - So all you have to do is take a picture, shoot a bullet in the air. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's it. That's all you have to do. - I like bird watching. It will bird watching. It's not something I've gotten into yet, because I haven't gone, I've watched- - Well, you still have too many things to do. - That's the thing. You need a lot of less things to do. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But what I love about bird watching is how popular it is, and it's still just like all on the honor system. - Always. - Yeah. - You know what I've talked about that too, that there are so many. There are scandals within the bird watching community of people being like, "Yeah, I saw that warbler." - That's really hard. - When we were in New York, I remember that massive, that massive thing where someone said they saw a certain bird in Central Park, or they saw it on a building or something. And there was a huge scandal. It's like, are they telling the truth? - Yeah, I mean, they would have to be, and they were all like, I think they ripped them apart. There were like, there's no way that bird would have been here, blah, blah, blah. We don't know how it got here. It's never been seen here before. - 'Cause the big schism in the bird watching community. I think there was a whole half an episode of How To With John Wilson. - Yeah, how bird watching biggest record threw its online community into chaos. (laughing) - That's right. - Fly from North Korea. - All right, so speaking of things that can fly, Mothman, don't know much about the Mothman. Unfortunately, missed the episode. I'm sorry. - Fuck you, I'm sorry. - So here's what I know about Mothman, and like, help me fill in some blanks when I'm done. Here, I know that Mothman is from West Virginia. I know that. - Well, you can see that's where he hangs out. - Okay, and I know that Mothman has red eyes can fly. - Yep. - It has attacked some cars and destroyed a bridge in the 60s. - It did not destroy the bridge. It was warning them that the bridge was going to collapse. - Okay, okay, all right, all right, all right. - It showed up just before the bridge, and that's why people see the Mothman as a portant of doom. As if the Mothman shows up, something bad's gonna happen. Because the bridge collapse was quite, like, was like 50 people died? - Yeah, 100 people died. - It was right in the middle. - So the Mothman's good. - That's what some people say. - Yes, he's scary, but he's a harbinger of doom, but that's good for us. - Yeah, we actually did have an idea for a Mothman story for a while that Mothman over the years was just depressed because he didn't stop Oklahoma City. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We had to always think that we were gonna, all the time, I would try to warn people over and over again. - We know what we fucking believe him. - So is there more than one Mothman? - No. - No, Mothman is saying, like, that's, there is, that's a big cryptid thing. Is there certain cryptids that are singular? Like Mothman, Jersey Devil. - Well, there's only one Jersey Devil. - There's only one Jersey Devil. - Yeah, there's only one Jersey Devil. - Yeah. - I thought there was a bunch of Jersey Devils. - No, no. - No, no. - Supercoppers was a bunch. - Supercoppers, there's a bunch. - Supercopper is a type. Bigfoot is a type. - Is it bigfoot or big feet by the way? - Bigfoot. - Bigfoot. - Okay, so bigfoot's, there's-- - Was you fucking get a wrong you for a second? You fucking bastard. - This is why I don't care. (laughing) - So there's only one Mothman. Did the Mothman kill people? - No. - From what I remembered, the Mothman, they killed people inside of cars. - No, he scared people. - Scared people. - To get them away from the dynamite fields. - Where the weed was, where all those gangsters were. - As far as I know, I don't think there's really a cryptid who has a body count. - From what I remember. - Let me see, let me look that up. Actually, that is interesting. - Yeah, I cryptid. - That's what I know of. - I'm trying to figure that out. - That's kind of the problem with cryptids is that no one's ever touched one. - Yeah. - Okay, for Halloween, here's that. This is a list of cryptids that have allegedly killed people. They're right, so here we go. A giant jellyfish. - Well, that, yeah, that would have happened. - The black panther. - Yeah, that's the hamther. - That's the hamther, yeah. - Mongolian deathworm. - That's what the thing in dunes based off of. - I don't know. - Yeah, Mongolian deathworm is a, that's a whole other, that can't have worms. - Do you know what people here, do you know what, do you know what, do you know what, bofie? - The mingua, the dobhurtu, the cave cow. - I mean, that's the thing. Once you start going worldwide with cryptids, like it starts getting really weird. It starts getting really weird and really insane. African cryptids are really interesting. - Also, in Japan, they have that whole world of demons and little animals. - They get from all that stuff so fascinating. And we were gonna do an episode on those, but you're just listing things. - Yeah, that's like the problem with that. It was just like, and this thing, it looks like this, and it does this. - Yeah, this thing. - It looks like this, it does that. - So the bridge did collapse though. - Yo, God yes, yeah. It was December, it was daring, it was ripe before Christmas. - Okay. - And a lot of people were on this bridge and they just started hearing horrible noises. - Yeah. - The whole fucking thing, and it was a bad, bad traffic. So the entire bridge was filled with cars from beginning to end. - So people like the Moth Man, they're not scared of the Moth Man. - They were scared at the time, but he has since become such a, he's become like such a kind of character. - He's the ICP have cryptid. - When he started, he's very popular. - When I was a kid, lockness. and Bigfoot were the most popular. Now I feel like Mothman might be the most popular. - Yeah, I think Bigfoot's still up there. Loch Ness has got totally fallen out of a, I've fallen out of favor as far as the kids go, but I think Mothman, as far as American cryptids go, yeah, Mothman definitely gets one of the top spots. - Whoa, look at this. So I just found this, the Bisseau Gouville d'Ain, the Bette du Gouville d'Ain. This is from the 1760s in South Central France. It is a bunch of beasts, right? They somehow say they're somewhere between a lion, a hyena, a wolf and a wolf dog that killed a bunch of people in France. - No. - They say this is real. - Yeah, there's been-- - It's France! - Yeah, there could be big dogs that kill people in France. - Yeah, we covered this once. - Yeah. - Yeah, give all dawn. - Yeah, it's a big-- - Bette du Gouville d'Ain. - It's a wolf. - It's a horrible creature, yeah. - I think it's a wolf, yeah. - Yeah, I think it's a wolf. - It might be a gigantic wolf. - Yeah, despite the general consensus of the beef, it was a wolf or other wild cane, it's several alternative theories for identity. I've been proposed. I'm thinking it was a sub-adult male lion. - Okay. - Yeah, 'cause they were lions in England. - Yeah, they brought them in. - Yeah, they get loose and they start fucking. - Yep, that's true. - That's great. - I mean, really, I mean, you can see how cryptids get created. - Like my dad created a cryptid when we were kids. - Yeah. - He called it the Guy Anthor. He said, it had the head of a mountain lion on one end and the head of, I think, a lion on the other. And he said, watch out for the Guy Anthor, 'cause it was so mean, 'cause it couldn't take a shit. (laughing) - It does eight, eight, eight, but it was so angry, 'cause it could never take a shit. - You did, didn't even know that he was literally creative. - Yeah, you know? - He was, yeah, he was, you know, he's an incredibly creative man. But yeah, it was, but yeah, that was a story that he told us when we were kids. Said, you can see how cryptids get created everywhere. - Yeah, this is a fucking weird one. - What is it? - All right, it's called the Trek-E-Wekufi. - Right, the Trek-E-Wekufu. It's from Moch-Puchay mythology from Southern Chile in Argentina. It is a moving, could you say, Argentina? - Argentina. (laughing) Argentina. - It is a moving piece of leather that goes through the water and attacks people. - Huh, interesting. - The tag-cake of hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. (laughing) That's cool. - That sounds more like a ghost or like a demon. - Yeah, that's what it says, it's a demon. - Yeah, 'cause that is another thing too. It's a demons cryptid, like those sort of areas, those areas can't touch tips. There's plenty of people that say that cryptids are demons. Plenty of people that say that aliens are demons. - Yes. - For example, our generals invite our vice president recently said that he thinks aliens are demons. - And if that box should probably keep us mouth shut before the Pope has been killed. - Well, if you-- (laughing) (laughing) - Joe Fog with the Pope. Is that what a Wendigo is? - No, a Wendigo is a Native American creature that's closer to a big foot, or closer, yeah, it's a Canadian, I think it was a Canadian tribe that had the legend of the Wendigo. - Ooh. - Yeah, and honestly, that was seems a lot more, there's a lot of things attached to the Wendigo. - Yeah, and there are a lot of-- - It's skin walkers. - There are a lot of really violent legends surrounding the Wendigo. Like that is actually one creature that has actually had a couple of deaths attached to it from what I remember. - Yeah, though you mentioned skin walkers. - Are they cryptids? - No, they're aliens. - No. - What are they? - They are evil, dark magic witches from the tribes people that have used changed size-- - Rituals. - They're not used to be tribes. - Yes, right. - They became, they could turn into an animal after committing an atrocity. They had to do something horrible and ritual in order to gain this ability to use on animal hide to turn into an animal. - Okay. - And so that's kind of what they're, that's one explanation for them. And that's kind of why they're also supposed to not, you're not supposed to talk about them. - Navajo, that's what it is. - Yes, yeah. - They are not, you're not supposed to talk about them. - And because they bring you bad luck. - Oh, okay, well, you're good. - You're not even aware. - I don't think it counts if you're not knitting, man. - So skin walker ranch. Does that, is it just the name of the ranch? - So it, so it ended up getting that name. It was not actually called the name and got that name because of all the writings about it. The reason why skin walkers were even talked about, on that ranch was because it was in this place called the You Into Basin, which is this like historic, kind of like essentially no man's land for these various different tribes. So we're all like, we don't go in there, spooky shit happens in there and it's always been like that. And so all of a sudden a bunch of white people showed up, carved up the land, right? They now live in the bottom of this You Into Basin, which they're all scared to go into because they say that's where the skin walkers walk back and forth. Skin walker ranch, I believe was the title that NAP gave it, George NAP gave it. And that it went from there, but the skin walkers were supposed to sort of walk in this area, which is the things they saw, the giant dogs that they couldn't kill, the things that were in the sky. - Bunko the everything dog. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Who's that? - It's Bunko, little Bunko. (laughing) - Yeah, got everything. This is gotta, he's all different parts. - It was a creature that was at the Gorman family. - Yeah. - Yeah, the Gorman family were the ones who brought the skin walker legend, like just 'cause they brought the skin walker legend to life. They were the ones that all the weird shit happened to. And there was a dog that they saw on occasion that seemed to be in and out, like phasing in and out of reality. And that's a lot of the ideas of cryptids phasing in and out of reality. I think a lot of that comes from skin walker ranch. - Yeah. - Like it's like that's where that idea kind of came from because there was so many strange things going on. And some, there's some measurable stuff going on at skin walker ranch. - Yes. - And some of the relationships of the only thing that I can't like wrap my head around. - I know so the cattle, like the, when they all were transported into that little shed that didn't make any sense. And then there was another, there's a bunch of weird stuff. I still, what we're saying here though, is that reality is a lot more difficult to pin down than we want it to be. - Yeah. - And I think that the more isolated you are and the deeper you go into places like the desert and the forest and these liminal spaces in between our consciousness, that's where weird stuff happens. - So I know we're not talking about aliens but now we talked about it for two seconds. I want to, I want to, the skin walker ranch, the cattle, mutilations and the note, there was so, they would find the cattle from the docs that I've seen. They would find cattle with no footsteps around the cattle, totally drained of blood. - Yes. - This happened. - Yes. - And there's no explanation, right? - According to that, yeah, we don't know. They'll always say animals. Everyone will always say animals, but there would be some kind of track. - You'd think. - Yeah, you'd think. But we don't know. And it's been happening for decades upon decades. - Oh, no. - And all over the country. - And dude, just fucking happened. We just had a whole flap of cattle mutilations in Oregon. There was one in Arizona. It happens interestingly enough and we don't quite know what it is. They have everyone always say it's wildlife, it's wolves, it's stuff like that, but it is very interesting. - Yeah, it can't be wolves because they're not actually eating the animals. - It's like sucking all the blood out of it. - And there's like, their reproductive areas are carved out. - Yeah. - When you talk about their buttholes getting carved out, they talk about their face. - And it looks like someone took a laser to it, right? - Yeah. - It's weird, who fucking knows? - I've seen coyotes go pretty hardcore on the butthole of a dead cow. - I think that there is a way of possibility that animals can do a lot of it. And there's very little of it that is unexplained, but there are a couple of instances. I think skin walker ranch is one where it's super fucking weird. - Yeah. - Blockness monster. - Not real. - Not real. - Ghost of a dead dinosaur. - You think it's a ghost of a dinosaur? - That's what that's, I mean, that's as much sense as anything else I've heard. - I think it's a ghost of a dinosaur. - Yeah. - And I think that a lot of people have, I feel like Blockness Monster might have like, some of the most sightings. - There's been, you know, there's so many different sea monsters. There's so many, you know, there's so many that have been seen over the years. I usually think of what happened with Blockness is the fact that Alistair Crowley lived there. - Oh, that's a lot. - I think whatever happened there happened because of Alistair Crowley, whatever he was doing, but again, I still think it's just thought forms. - Yeah, I mean, but you have a photo of the Loch Ness, so-called Surgeon's photo, which is of course fake. - He's got a cult. - Yeah. And I think Loch Ness, it's the plesiest sort of thing. - Yeah. - The idea is that there's some sort of underground, underwater, or not underground, but underwater tunnel leading from the ocean to Loch Ness and that plesiestores come in and out of Loch Ness through that underground tunnel that's never been found. - Is it saltwater? - No. But there's also, what do you call this, champ, up in Lake Champlain. - Oh, yeah. - There's a couple other ones. - There's Ogo Pogo. - Yeah, Ogo Pogo. - Yeah, the sea, like, or the lake creature is a, it's a fairly common, it's a fairly common cryptid, which is why some people say like, well, it's a plesiestore. - They went look at Fordans too big, they can't fucking find it, they, you know, who fucking knows. I think that they see as extremely mysterious. - Yes. - It's extremely mysterious. - But the Loch is a Loch. - Yes. Um, yeah, I don't think there's that much to it. Yeah, unlock just means lake. Yeah, um, Montalk monster. That was just a, it was a raccoon that was found that was that it was a raccoon because I've heard other things. No, it's not. No, it was a raccoon. It was definitely raccoon. Yes, it was just hairless. Yep. And then I've been a dibs decayed. Did I have like alopecia? No, it's the hair had fallen off of it. Oh, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, this guy because it was small. Yes, they called it a monster, but it was tiny. Yes, it was small. Yeah, because they only showed us the picture with no, uh, you just drew it like, what was the Montalk monster? Yeah, and it's just like drew it standing up. Yeah, there's never been another thing that looked like it. It did not look like that. Yeah, it could also have been some sort of like taxidermy project. Yeah, we just kind of left there. Yeah, we know what we want to talk about with that stuff is how they might have, uh, what's this putt's got leaked from there that we wanted to do a whole episode. Plum island. We're going to talk about Plum Island eventually the idea of like that essentially that is the island of Dr. Murrow, right? Kind of, but it's it's the Lyme disease. Uh-huh. It was accidentally released. Like, there's this idea that Lyme disease was a was worked on as a thing and that it became leaked from Plum Island. But Tixman around for, yeah, exactly. But Tixer, how they spread it. Yeah, oh, okay. I see, I see, I see, I see. Well, I mean, so the only thing, so if something is extinct, all right, and it can become encrypted like the Tati- Yeah, sure. The Indian Tiger. I actually do think that that's true is that we will see those. I can guarantee you, we will see a hundred years from now when something goes into things that we see walking around regularly now could end up being cryptid slater. Okay. So if a Tati-Madeian Tiger was found, that's just proof that it didn't go at sting. Yes, that's just science. That's just science. No, that's just science. No, it's like talking. It's like, hey, how you doing? Don't tell anybody. I just can't tell anybody I can see. Yeah. You know, I, yeah. Well, by definition, once a creature is discovered, it is no longer a cryptid. Is it because it then becomes part of zoology because you have the body. And you have, you have biology behind it. So once, yeah, once it's discovered, gets out of the, it's now a part of the record. Which, which, uh, now I like to close with a nice friendly question. Oh, what's your favorite cryptid? Oh, well, I've always got a soft spot for the chupacapa. Yeah. I love the chupacapa. Yeah, he's adorable. Yeah, he does. He's trying to eat chicken and sheep. Yeah, who's hurting? And goats, you know, they are easy, you know, running around, little mischievous, uh, any, any could be real. There might be something out there. There might be some weird shit out there. I don't know. I always like the chupacapa. Honestly, now that I'm looking at this, because I'm looking at this list, man, I haven't thought of puckwagies in a long time. Puckwagies are great. I love the puckwagies. Yeah. Because they're fun. You would like a puckwagies. Yeah, I want to tie out with them. I want to fucking hire them. Yeah. I want to cast them. I want to put them on the network. I also love the melon heads. Yeah. The melon heads. What's the difference? Well, melon heads, it was a Connecticut thing and a Michigan thing is that there is a theory that a bunch of children with hydrocephalae, you know, gigantic heads, water babies escape from a mental asylum. Oh, my God. And, uh, and bothered somebody one night. Uh, I can't exact, I can't remember what the full story of the melon heads is, but I, I just love that idea, uh, that it could just be humans, but, you know, humans that are differently able to see. Notice nobody's going after these guys though. There's no melon head hunters. There's no puckwagie hunters. And I feel like that's where we could really fill the gap. And we can get in there, look for puckwagies. We just got to call somebody a melon head. I mean, you start with it. I think, uh, I think some good old fashioned Vietnam war traps. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Take out some rough, like, they got some stuff, put some palm leaves on top, put leaves on top of the hole. Yeah. But what I really love is it like personally, like I am a, I'm obsessed in heaven since I was a child obsessed like circus freaks. Yes. You know, like the, like people that are like people like Jojo, the dog face boy, the, you know, Joseph Merrick, the elephant man, you know, the, you know, the crab, the crab boy, you know, all of these like, like people that, you know, could have been considered, like that it's very possible that some of the legends of cryptids may have come from people that, you know, that just deformed people. Yeah. Yeah. They're formed in one way or another. Um, but those people, I, in those, the careers I'm obsessed with, like that, that's the stuff that I really love because it's, it's real. It's, it's people on, it's, and their stories are always so human. Uh, sometimes very funny and sometimes tragic. And also like about freak show stories and that kind of thing is the examples of people doing the best with what they got. Yeah. Like, like, you know, like zip, um, the what is it? Um, that was a guy. He was a, like, zippy the pinhead was based on this guy. Yeah. And he had, uh, I think it, I think it was hydrocephaly that his, um, his, uh, what do you call? I get microcephalic. That's what it was. He had microcephalic. He had tiny head, uh, and, uh, he was, you know, build as, you know, like he's the missing link. He's this. He's that, you know, a lot of like super racist stuff. Yeah. Uh, but at the very end of his life, his last words to his sister, it's like he suddenly snapped out of it and he said, we sure fold him for a long time, didn't we? Yeah. He just, he just fucking, he said, like, he knew his entire life, what he was doing. He was taking, he was taking advantage of it. He was playing everybody his entire life. That's wild. You know, who's kind of like that a little bit because like the closest we have right now, to be honest and analog to this is what Howard Stern's Wack pack beetled juice. Sure. Yeah, no, no beetled juice. Because beetled juice also has microcephaly. And he does a thing where you could see some of it is not on purpose, but actually quite a bit is. Yeah. You start to realize like there's like one thing I was like watching. Like did Beetle just break persona? Like, like, early on like beetles way more like cognizant. Like and then he kind of homerizes himself. He was like, you planarizes himself. Yeah, I do a lot of alcohol. Yeah. He was angry. Well, he also probably just learned as time went on. He learned how to adapt. And that's what I love about the freak show. Like the, the, the freak store is that so much of it is about adaptation and, and doing the best with what you got and figuring out how to survive. Because a lot of those people 10 years before would have just been, had their heads smashed in as soon as they were born. Yeah, unfortunately. And then capitalism figured out what to do with them. No, thank you, capitalism. One more time. You saved a bunch of penets. Thank you, Pete. Bardum, you only owned one slave. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. You can get a mulligan for that. Yeah. It was George Washington's nanny. Oh, really? He said he claimed that, yeah, he, he, you know, he was talking about human Zeus. Yeah, we're talking about human Zeus. Yeah, he purchased a woman and, and so the, and she would tell stories in his American museum of like, you know, master George when he was a small boy and so on and so forth. But he also owned her. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, it does. It also doesn't make sense. Numbers wise. Well, she was said to be 120 years old. She was incredibly old. She was old woman. She was very, very old woman with a really active imagination. He wouldn't pay her, huh? No. No, he did not. I think he did actually, I think he did. No, she did not, he did not give her a freedom because she died because she was so old. Is that not the most free you can be? Yeah. Isn't death the ultimate freedom? Yes. Oh, I've cryptid hunting. You know, you know, you know, seeing the world is a little bit more, a little bit more special. No, we thought it to be. Well, this was nice fellows. Thank you. I feel smarter and dumber. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is. It's kind of amazing how long we could talk about them. Yeah. And how much you actually know in the end. I know it's like this, I do like the squand because of how sad he is. Of we all do. Everybody likes squand. I should like this gun cape because he's Florida, but it doesn't mean nothing to me. He shouldn't. Well, he just smells real bad. Yeah. Yeah. And that's just bad. You know, that's just the water. Yeah. I mean, I do have a, I have a liken for a trooper copper being from Texas. Yeah. You know, he always heard about it. The trooper copper was the cryptid that I heard about growing up as a guy. And other ones. Um, I'm thinking I feel like Florida only has the one cryptid kind of because everything can just live there anyway. Yeah. It's got it's like literally filled with dangerous animals. Why do you need cryptids? Yeah. I mean, and hell of Texas is actually filled with a, they had a lot of big cats. They're still on a, on the family ranch back home. Every once in a while, someone will still see like a, a panther out there. Um, because Texas used to be full of panthers. Really? Yeah. Big cats. That was probably a couple left. Now, the coogers are more around downtown Austin. Yes, they are. From what I have seen when I heard so with my own two little cooger running guys. No, if there's a cooger town in, uh, in Texas, it's San Antonio. Yeah. Oh, yeah. All right, fellas. Thank you so much for this. This was good. I have, uh, I feel better now. Yeah. And then next week you'll ask more about milfs. Yeah. And we'll have a longer conversation, a longer extended conversation about milfs. What age does the milfs start, Henry? My wife and I have a, a singular disagreement about this. Where we. - Well, we talk about how there are categories, yes, right? Obviously, there are real life categories. - Did you have to be a mother? - No. - No. See, that's fucked up. - Yeah. - Put in the time, put in the work. - You don't get to be a milk, you're just a chick. - Well, milk is just so much more fun than mature. 'Cause that's what they used to use. - Well, you used to use the whole of the milk. - Yeah, 'cause guess what makes a wife ornier than anything? - Yeah. - Just write it how mature she is. - Yeah, you're mature, I'd like to. - I used to get a very funny thing the other day about, I was just like, with your vintage. (laughing) - Yeah, we got a big, big, fine job, buddy. - Yeah, I'm proud of you. - I do it so you don't have to, guys. - That's right, that's a real bad idea. - Oh, all right, well, come see us on the fucking road, man. We got some lot of shows coming up. We're gonna be in, we got four more left for the old JK Ultra. Obviously, we're gonna play Cincinnati tomorrow night, but we're gonna be in Pittsburgh, Carnegie Music Hall of Oakland on Friday, May 29th. Grand Rapids, Michigan on June 27th, at the GLC live 20 Monroe. Tulsa, Oklahoma on July 17th, Cain's Ballroom, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, the Tower Theater on July 18th. That's it, number killing JK Ultra. - Yeah, and then we gotta come back. - With some new dates. - That's right, in the road. - Not in the road solo, you can go get tickets for that at editunes.com. Also, gotta say, new YouTube channel in the house, brighter side. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, we're trying it out. So we got a whole bunch of other YouTube channels, make sure you check them out someplace underneath. LPN Romantice, the foreign report, no dogs in space, LPN TV, of course. And now the brighter side, LPN TV, home of HGX2. That came out last week. - Yeah. - You will watch that on YouTube. - Yeah, check out HGX2. - We're all in at the season. - Everybody's in it, it's so much fun. It really is the most chaotic game show we could have created. It's true adult swim. And shout out to Eric and Holden for really putting that whole thing together for us. - Yeah, and not wait. So go check it out and also get CS live. And Hale, we're Satan. - Yeah. - We'll see you out there. - Yeah, and also I forgot about the Wampus Kitty. - Oh, wow. - That's another, that's the Texas Big Cat. - Oh, okay. - Never heard of the Donkey Lady though. - Yeah, I won't. - That's a no one. - I'll show you. - Donkey Lady's new. - Donkey Lady, like I'm sure there was one episode 12, you know, 12 years ago where I went crazy about the Donkey Lady for like 20 minutes, but that's gone. - Yeah, Donkey Lady's saying it's out here. - I don't remember anything. - Wasn't she a cast member on "He-Haw"? - Oh, thank you. (laughing) - Yeah, her job was to blow the banjo players. - Oh, that's so nice. - Roy and Sutts. - Yeah, the jug players blow themselves. - We'll see you next week with some aliens. - All right, have a good one, guys. Hail Squawk, bye fuckers. - From the bookie down streams of queens to pile of beans, a new cup of piping hot Polish Italian Java. Last podcast on the left and Springfield Jack Hothio rising from the rubble with the new brew on. Butterfly dudes, blue-eye blend. Nothing to do with any mouth-based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a butterfly dude. Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian. Our new proprietary roast might see in eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you. - It's a butterfly dude roast. This is the butterfly dude's blue-eye blend. It's entirely delicious and not just the same beans. From the cocoon to your room. (laughing)