Episode 55: Logan hits 3 years SOBER- Pilates, Mocktails and a Dry December

All right, hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of the Soba Sisters podcast. I have a super special guest today and I'm so excited to have her and have her share her story with you all and she's actually celebrating her three year soberversary, alcohol free birthday, whatever you want to call it today. So what a really special way to you know, honor that and celebrate a welcome Logan. I'm so happy you're here. Thank you so much for having me. It's a special day. I wanted to be here. Yeah, how cool is that? Talk about full circle moment because I mean, you kind of started your journey with Soba Sisters. Started it here. Yeah. So I'm hitting three years now. I've probably started following you maybe four years ago. And I know I'd message you a few times. One time I was six weeks sober. And then I fell off the wagon and I sent you a message. And you were like six weeks is great. You can keep doing it. And then I actually walked you for a little bit because I got embarrassed seeing your stuff because I was like, Oh my God, I fell off the wagon. And then I was about two weeks sober. And I messaged you and I said, I'm two weeks sober. And you had said, you know, what I'm about to do a group in December. And it was right outside of it. And I jumped in and I joined. And it's been three years since then. So there you go. That's so wild because you never know sometimes when because you're, you know, you're not still like active in the sober sisters community today. So but it's like, I wonder what happened to that person? Are they still, are they still sober today? And, you know, you had kind of reached out because you're starting the, you started the you for coaching program. And to know like you've been living your life sober this whole time. It's just so cool. Like to know that and to know that people do, you know, go on with their lives. And in all of that, after, you know, doing a group group program or whatever it might be with me. So let's just jump right in to a little bit about your story and your background. Where did you grow up? What was like life growing up as Logan as a little girl? I kind of joke. I call myself a Chicago fornian. I moved to LA when I was 14 years old. So I'm from Chicago. And then I moved back here nine years ago. I was a child actor and dancer. And so I was a professional working kid. I actually earned my sad card when I was six weeks old. So I've been working in the industry my entire life. And that's what moved me to LA. And then I was also heavy in the ballet world. My mom was a professional dancer. So I've always been in the entertainment industry. And then when I was 17, actually 16, and I started dancing at Disneyland. And at the ripe old age of 17 is where I discovered the parties there. And that's where they came up a party girl. And I think in the entertainment industry, it's really prevalent. It's, you know, what you do after a show. And so that's kind of how I developed into like the performer and all of that. I became a Pilates instructor when I was 21. So I've been doing that for over 20 years as well. It's interesting because I think I always felt like I was a fraud being a like a drinker and being in the wellness industry. So it's only until like the last three years that I feel like I've kind of come into my own in that aspect. It's also made me realize because I'm going through your fork trading. I'm going through this sobriety coaching thing. And that is really what I'm supposed to be doing. Like I'm absolutely in love with it. It's you who started this and is my mentor where you're my inspiration. Because right after I'm not left the group, you know, I still kind of, you know, talk on Instagram and stuff. And one of my dearest friends who was one of my hardcore drinking buddies come to me in crisis and ask for help. And he's been sober now for a little over a year. And then another friend in LA who is my LA drinking buddy, he is now sober as well. And having the two people that I drink the heaviest with, they said they both saw themselves in me. And they just knew it was time. And that's kind of what has still I reached out to you or actually a little over a year ago. And so I think I could do this. And so I'm kind of delving really first into the alcohol free world. And I'm absolutely loving it. So oh my god. I love all the I love the ripple effect. Like obviously you're seeing that in your real life with people around you. So it wasn't something that you forced, right? You were just like being you maybe share like were you open? Have you been open about your sobriety this whole time? Or was there a point where that you felt you are ready? What does that look like for you? Let's say and it's when we talked about it in the Sypacist group when we in that first month about whether or not. And I have like a professional page and a private page. A private page is now public and it's my sober page. But on that page, I started talking about it. But with my close friends, I decided to be really open up front right away. I assumed that everyone would question me because I didn't have a drink in my hand, which is something in a sobriety. You realize no one actually cares. But to my closest friends that I drank a lot with, I definitely like sat down and said, so just you know, yeah, I mean, I'm still gonna go to the bars with you, but I'm gonna be ordering a non-alcoholic beer. And that was definitely a trigger for again, two of my closest friends. And what was interesting is when my first friend called me and said, I have a drinking problem. I said, me too. Let's download some apps and help you out. Like I immediately and I actually reached out to you. Got him hooked up with a community and it made me realize that I wish I had more personally. Like I didn't I want I didn't have the tools, but I knew where to send him to get the tools. And so it's kind of that's where people have come to me since and I've been like, okay, well, this is a great group. I know of and this is a great thing that worked for me and this is a great book. But so going through the coaching now, I want to be able to really help more people. Because for me, my life has changed in the last three years. Like I can't believe I put myself through the torture of drinking 20 plus years. And now I'm like, oh my god, well, life is just so much easier. Yeah, exactly. Even like the hard stuff you go through it is, you can just move through it a little bit with more ease. And so what are you noticing right now that kind of are like three biggest like changes in you or just your life since, you know, over the last three years? I think one of the biggest things is alcohol exacerbated so many underlying issues. Like I have childhood PTSD, anxiety and depression. And I wasn't diagnosed with those until later, but I started drinking at 17. So you're pouring gasoline on these situations that made me like I was the girl who was like a blast in a party until I had one too many and then I was sobbing under a pool table because the boy I had a crush on wasn't paying attention to me. Like I was that kind of wild emotional rinker. And I thought I had bipolar disorder at one point because my emotions were so out of control. I thought to do or something massively wrong with me. So like now I don't really have a temper. I used to have such a short fuse. I can now just acknowledge my anxiety. I've gone through therapy. So like I understand all that stuff. But done that years ago and I was still drinking. So it was one of those like I did the work, but it was now like, oh well, I'm going to start pouring jet fuel on a fire and not fix anything. So for me, a lot of that is just like all those mental health issues. They're still there, but I can deal with them. It's just it's like, oh, I'm having anxiety. Okay. Why? And it's just such a different world than that. Yeah. My health and fitness, even though I was a Pilates instructor, I was not in good shape. I wasn't taking care of myself. But now I take care of myself. I joined a gym kind of class place. I have nothing to do with Pilates and it's just my knee time. And that I feel like now and not so fraudulent or having the imposter syndrome that I had for so long in the industry. I was a dancer. So it was easy to become a Pilates instructor. So it was like, there you go. That wasn't living a healthy life. And so I always like I would hold back on a lot of things and just now it's just that. So I think I'm changing careers. I have a whole new, I used to I was talking with my my dear friend who sober, like, bunted my dreams. It's stunted my inspiration. I want it to be on Broadway. I want it to be that, you know, this big thing. Now it's not too late. However, the arthritis and my feet and my shoulders would tell you otherwise. And so like living with regrets. And I said, but if I didn't start drinking at Vintine and become this, you know, fun party girl. And then whenever I turned into, I wouldn't be going through this journey now where I'm so excited to help people like get to the other side. I always joked my friends when they asked how I might say I'm blissfully boring. Like I get my drama through my bravo housewives now. Like none of it is in my life. And it's boring and it's lovely. I'm obsessed with it. So yeah, yeah. Like there's just a piece in my life that I didn't realize a joke with my friends that alcohol for me was a chaos that I didn't realize I was addicted to. Like, check fathom how my entire social life was. Where are we drinking tonight or today? And then it was like, let's see where the date takes us. Now I'm like, wait, we took a mind-altering chemical and was like, let's just see what happens. Like it's insane to me. That was like literally my entire social life for 20 plus years. It was where are we drinking tonight? What are we doing? What are we drinking? Where are we drinking? And so now it's just like, what? We did what? Yeah, it is. It's like, oh my gosh. And now you find out we have like all this different, all this extra time on our hands because you don't realize how much it really just consumes so much of our time. But you mentioned something about like the peace. And I think that's important to talk about because sometimes when people stop drinking, they confuse that with boring like in a bad way or that they're made a bad choice and that their life is, you know, just whatever. But peace is really like what we were. That's what we were craving. You know, all those times when we were hungover and we had that regret and all those things like we wanted, we craved more than anything was to have peace. So sometimes like this mid-range, this mid-range place where we're kind of just like we're not highs and lows to just remind ourselves like this is the peace we were looking for and it's not wrong. It's not that we're like this boring bump on a log now that it is, it's just, we find a normalcy, you know, in our lives. And so that's that is a great, you know, part of it. And also too finding that baseline of your of our mental health. And you mentioned that kind of being eight once we do take we could do all the work we could do all the therapy we could do all the stuff but if we're still drinking on it. We're really just spin in our tires. And so you can kind of get to a place where you can identify maybe some underlying, you know, mental health things and I know that's definitely what had happened for me as well. Yeah, so I love that because I think so many people work, we're just we're not able to really see the full picture of it all because it's being, you know, masked by drinking. Love it. So you mentioned the brain, the amount of time for me, I was like the queen of attempting moderation and it was like I could I could go on monologues about like the car ride, like how I drove home dependent on what beer I wanted. And then I would go to that street to go to that liquor store, but with that liquor store owner saw me last week. So I'm going to go to a different place and then well, I'm only going to buy four. Well, it's cheaper by six. Well, maybe I'll buy 12 because I'm going to save more money, but I'm not going to drink all 12. Yes, I did. And so for me, like you said, it did come off as boredom initially because my brain didn't know what to do. And all this free time, like all of a sudden it was like I'm no longer a drinker and it was like, red so many books. I needed so many scars for Christmas, everyone got a scar. But it just like that does settle for people like I think that's for me, I felt overwhelmed with like the silence and I used to really negative things to myself as a drinker like I said, I mean, I would just be like I know I'm killing myself and I don't care. I mean, I don't want to sit with my thoughts those thoughts are insane like I knew what I was doing to myself, but alcohol braided that spiral of negative thoughts. So it was like why do I. So it's interesting because. Turns out without alcohol, my thoughts aren't negative. I was so scared to sit with my thoughts because I just knew they were the swirling net and it's like, no, they're really not that negative like it was all what the chemical was doing to my brain. It's just I mean, I'm a pretty happy person, but like not all the time, like I think that's something to remind people like for me, I haven't relapsed once in my three years. The one size realize I cannot drink the idea of it now is just it's insanity to me to ever touch out the whole again. I know that some people don't have that, but I spent 20 years torturing myself. But for me, I did a dry January, I don't have a problem. That's it. I'm fine. You know, so I did that every year. I was like, I did so bar tober. I clearly don't have a problem. And then I drink three times more in November. Exactly. Yeah. What does that mean to you to say to get to that point and yeah, what does it mean to you to say like, I can't drink like that I got to the point where I know I can't drink. What is that like, how does that look for you? I'm kind of in a way I joke that I'm built with a slight malfunction. I don't have an off switch. That's okay. So why would I turn on a machine that I know will never turn off. And so once I kind of just accepted that like drinking brings me no good whatsoever. It's just easy now. Like I have a really good memory. So I look back at the, sorry, my dog is licking the tripod. Don't move the camera. I'm going to go back and I can remember, especially towards the end. I mean, I was waking up sick. And then I would like need a beer to stop the shakes. And then I'd be so ashamed. And it was I was at a really, really dark like end like I had hit rock bottom for me. But I hit that point multiple times in the past, given myself a break and then been like, all right, and pick up another beer like it wasn't. I didn't have to hit like I fell in hit my head in a bar with my mom. I had 12 stitches in my forehead. That should have been it. I keep drinking for a year and a half. No, like there were times like like the writing was on the wall. I just didn't want to accept it. Like I still believed that like my mom still drinks. I share a condo with my mom. She drinks. She goes out with her friends. She doesn't have a problem. So I was like, I can turn into that. I can still have a soul. No, I can't. And so I think once I just accepted like I can't. It just made life easier. And like I saw the changes of being sober so quickly. Because I was such a low that like I just it immediately was like, why would I do this again? Like I just for me, I love mornings. I love waking up. I'm supposed to something on Instagram. I feel sobriety like laser eye surgery. When I got my laser eye surgery when I was 23 years old, it took me years to stop reaching for my glasses because I used to get I woke up blurry every morning. Then I had to go the whole process of seeing. And so I still have moments where I wake up and I'm like, I have no headache. I can get up and do whatever I want. And so it's just once I got to that point, which didn't take very long probably because I was such a low that it was it would have felt. It's just stupid to me to even touch alcohol again. It just it also did the research a quit lit. Like a woman changed me. I mean, I was like, yeah, what was your fate? Was that your favorite one? Yeah, because I was lit. I remember there's the excerpt where she's talking about drinking your green juice, getting a hydrofacial and drinking jet fuel. I drink a green juice every single morning. I have a monthly hydrofacial. I get the I was like that to me was such a smack in the face. Also something about the fact that she also was worse off than me. I was like, well, at least I'm not doing drugs. I didn't think. But just that that changed me. And also like I'm I'm a probably single by choice woman. And so I also seen kind of the underlying feminism of being a sober woman and kind of seeing where the marketing comes in and not okay with that. I don't want some men to make a strength so that we are easier to control. I'm okay. Yeah. Right. I want to see once we like see that for what it is, it is hard to like I remember just being like like jaw to the floor like reading that like, oh my god, like we have been being like duped and they are targeting us and trying to just like keep us. Yes, keep us small and keep us like in that cycle of negative self-talk and all those things. And once you see it, like you don't and especially if you're like, you know, a woman who doesn't want to be, you know, like. Control in that way that you just you see it differently for sure science, you know what I mean just knowing what it does. I have my aunt had breast cancer, my grandpa, parents died of it. Like there are two forms of cancer we can prevent in my opinion. It's skin cancer and anything that's alcohol really. So I want to live a really long life. Whether it's, you know, just chasing around my two and a half year old niece, which I don't know how I could have done that hung over. Thank you very much. But like, I am that the whole I'm not a parent. So I cannot I cannot speak to how hard it is to be a parent, but I watched my mom and it I get it. I don't the whole wine mommy culture and mommy's juice breaks my heart because I cannot have them not being present or being hung over and not being able to enjoy or able to roll around on the floor and and run around and be silly and that's just something. Yeah, yeah, I actually had my brother and sister and I were very and really big in helping me and my brother whispered to me and when his wife got pregnant and said, you know, if you drink like you do, you're not going to be a parent. I'm not going to be able to watch my kid. It wasn't in an accusatory way. It was just in a very, it was very, it wasn't in a way that made me upset where if like my mom would have said something I would have been like. And it just made me stop because I immediately thought I wouldn't either. And then when you had invited me to do the December group, I talked to them and I was like, I don't know, I'm money's a little tight right now. And they both stopped and they said, absolutely not invest in yourself. You are worth it. They both were just so supportive in the way I didn't know I needed. You know what I mean? They were just my quiet cheerleaders and they really, but that was something that really hit me hard. So I was almost a year sober before she was born like that was she will never be on this planet and see me touch. I love that. My favorite aunt is sober and she doesn't talk a lot about her sober experience, but she was brought by person. She was an international cast up or sign and my uncle's talk about she was a part of your they're like, I'll let her fool you. And so she knows I'm sober and she's very like she'll just send me little like I'm so proud of you. And it's one of those I realized like I'm turning into my favorite. So that didn't even realize it. Sorry to all my other aunt said, love you all. I love that because like she's got a special title. But yeah, and it's funny because now that I'm in these shoes, I'm like, I see this. I'm not going to try to talk because my dog is looking at oh, that's okay. Mine's barking in the background. Yeah, like a lot of dogs like situations going on here. I try to put mine out there so that he wouldn't bark. Oh, he's a friend of. Yeah, I remember when the mopets. Yeah, he used to come to the meetings. Yeah, he's still here. He's a strong supporter. He drinks non alcoholic beer as well. I love that. Do you love those mocktails and any drinks and stuff? Is that are you big? Absolutely. I was a beer girl. So I have I have found my non alcoholic beers that I like, especially the ones are like low calorie that I can just enjoy and not even have to worry about it. But yeah, it's I think it's really Chicago's doing a really good job in the sober community. They're really growing my first year sober. I haven't gone since because I haven't been able to but our Lincoln Park Zoo had an ox sober fest, which was all non alcoholic stuff with like the German bands. I have huge events where all the means beneath some together. So I'm really hoping to get involved in the non alcoholic community in Chicago. I actually have second city sober now, which is so that's something because I think Chicago's an amazing community, but it is a big drinking city. I drink and picked up so much worse when I moved back here. It's so acceptable to just be drinking during the day sitting at the bar, but also like things happened in our country. So like 2016 was a scary. I'm defending on where you stand politically and then COVID. So those two events for me made my drinking droop a lot. I want to say for me, sharing Akkonda with my mom and going to work, I was constantly scared. I was going to bring it to her just being of her age. She's an amazing health, but it was like the anxiety of COVID and also just the fear of the world was was something I joke that like I I deleted the four years of 2016. I drank them all away. I can't let what's happening now allow me to drink, which is something that I know of people who relapsed when the tree changed again. That broke my heart. But like if anyone's out there struggling, I will not let what's happening let me drink again. Like you know what I mean? Like I won't let right. He's taking over Chicago with the scariest thing. I'm like, nope, but I'm not going to let it drown my sorrows in a bottle wine because it's not going to do any good. Right. It doesn't do any good. And that's the thing. Like a lot of times like when people give the reasons of why they're relapsed or why they drink and it's like, no, those are all the reasons to not drink. Those are the reasons to keep your head on straight to keep your mental clarity to have best mental health that you can absolutely have. Like those are the re like a lot of times the reasons of why we give excuses for drinking and stuff. And like those are the reasons that you should not drink. Don't let it win. Don't let them win. Yeah. We can handle anything with clarity. But you add what I mean, it's a drug. If I take a drug, I'm not going to handle things better. It's just. It's logic. But when we drink, we don't have logic. No, that goes right out the window for so. And I have I have a really end up. My Facebook algorithm is evil. And I don't know why it shows me like drunk people getting kicked off of planes or like drunk people trying to do DIYs and like basically like doing cartwheels on the straight line. And I don't know why I stop and watch them. But what I just noticed like the way these people are so sure of themselves because alcohol just completely changes your ability to think literally. It's like no. Yeah. People on planes. Those are like. I was drinking. Tramps. Tramps. So much in airports like I can't I used to get to the airport two and a half hours early to be safe. No, that was so I could bar hop. And then I I was always nice to fly to tendance. And so they always gave me a free drink. I always I always people used to joke I was the drink fairy. Just nice and people always give me free drinks. People are like we're going out with Logan shoes. The drink fairy and drinks show up because said hi to someone which is a really evil problem. Like in just being so I would yeah I get off the plane. Flashed. I have no idea how I never got in trouble on a flight. Like I'm a pretty good drunk but I do. Yeah, I think about it now. I'm like oh my god. The especially when you see videos I don't think it's one too many to lose your emotional control and lose your mind. And it's just like. Yeah. I'm lucky I'm lucky to be here. I'm lucky to be alive. I'm lucky to have a job. I'm lucky to have friends because my drinking could have taken every one of those things away from me. Everyone. Absolutely. Yeah, I know. I feel that way too. So what as far as like have you traveled much in the last three years? How do the airport? How do you navigate traveling and airports now? Because I know that is a struggle for. Yeah, I only traveled twice and I saw it. Well, so when I relapsed after the six weeks a few years ago after I reached you, my relapse was in an airport. My first beer was in an airport. In Chicago airports, you can take your beer to go. You can take your drinks to go and walk around the airport. It like becomes Vegas. So that was the first drink I had after my six weeks. And I went for a wedding and then I drank the whole. But since being sober, the first time I traveled, I was excited to see non-alcoholic beer. It's like, and then I was like, I don't want to spend $17 and I'm not alcoholic beer. So I didn't get it. But I remember being excited to see that. Then the other time I traveled, I got coffee. Like I wasn't even. It didn't. It wasn't a trigger. I walked, these moments where I see and I'm like, oh, that would have been me. Like, for me, hopelessness and helplessness are my, would have been my triggers. Like when I'm like, oh my god, like, for instance, ice coming in Chicago and ripping out a day cure teacher from her school in front of it. Like that to me. Back in the day, I would have chugged two beers hearing that news. I would have been like the world's falling apart. Like that's, so like that was something I did when I felt helpless and hopeless. So when I, those emotions, I think to myself, this would have been like a four beer day. Like I think about how I would have coached. Yeah. But yeah, it's interesting. I don't get triggered. And I think it's just because I can just immediately see how bad things were. And I'm like, oh, god, no. Yeah, like where it's like you get so far away that you're like, I do not want to go back to that low place. And that's, you know, I think back like in my, the last time I drink, wasn't my worst time either. Just like when you, you know, had got had to get stitches in your head like that wasn't your last time. It's not always our worst time. But that's sometimes the time that we look back and we know like, okay, if I were to go back, like this is where it definitely most likely will lead back there or worse. So it keeps us going forward. But yeah. And I can, I can look back now and I can find like, oh, there were like, for me, my drinking was like a wave. It wasn't always problematic, but it was never moderate. But I kind of, and it's something I want to speak to with my generation. Like, I'm 42. So I'm in a, then you all kind of in between the Gen X and the millennial. Me too. Me too. Exactly. And we drink. I mean, that was just like every movie, every TV show. And like, there was no talk about controlling your drinking. It was I remember going to parties in the Disney world and some of our guys who drove the floats were also EMTs when people would get so drunk, they'd give them fluids. They would give them an IV at these parties because we were just drinking to excess where we were puking in the bushes and being thrown over someone's shoulders and thrown on the couch. And it was like these wild parties. Like my first party was Jell-O-Shots and a Cag. And it was like this so much. And but like I look back and I'm like, people were giving each other IVs in a backyard. Like, what were we doing? And there, no one thought anything of it. It was just what everyone did. And so it's interesting because I'm like, did it, was I like always a pop problematic? No, no, I was just doing what everybody else was doing. That wasn't even an option to be like, oh, I'm going to hang out. It's just literally what everyone did. It was like, where were we drinking tonight? Okay, even if you weren't a Vag, I had a friend who looked like me. So I got to use her ID occasionally. It just was what we did. And like the younger kids don't drink as much. And that's awesome. But like there's so much deprogramming of our generation that I think like just isn't talked about. Like I think about the movie can't hardly wait. That moment where you see like Jennifer Love Hewitt at the party and like the crowd's part. Like I think we all thought that that's what partying was. Like this glamorous, you know, movies, the solo cups in the, but I mean someone was always puking in the bushes. Right. Or getting like, you know, sexual like abuse or something, you know. I mean sexual harassment. Yeah. So fat that I, I mean, I'm probably a little bit too feisty. Cause it's like, I don't know how I've never been in it. Like I think if I would. Yeah. And that's what it does. Yeah. And that is what it does to us. We just obviously make some really bad decisions. I have something here that I haven't shared with you. So it's just a little bit, but you had wrote this back in December when you started the dry, December or the dry December. Yeah, dry December. I was really. Yeah. So I do. So I usually will do like an intake. And I've since made this like much longer, but it looks like it was really short. So I still have it. I'm able to pull up what your answers were all this time ago, which I think is so cool. I do this a lot when people will hit like in the group. They'll hit their one year. And then I'll be able to like go back and just see that because sometimes we forget, you know, like, yeah. We were, but so you had said my question was, are you sober yet? Or will you be on day one? Tell me a little bit about your sober journey. You said I'm currently, um, I think maybe on day 10, I've been attempting to quit for the last year or so. The longest was six weeks, but I keep convincing myself I could modify and drink socially. I know that's not an option. So it's like you were already feeling it. Then when starting the group, which is pretty cool, you had already done by the time you were ready to join a group, you had kind of done a lot of like work on your own and stuff like that. And says, what do you struggle with the most in regards to alcohol? And accepting that it's not something I can, that I can control and I can't. And then you said, how do you want to feel? I want to continue feeling as good as I do now. The last time I hit a goal, I rewarded myself with a beer thinking I could just have one or two. Oh, man, how many of us have done that? Like where I would hit 30 days and then I would drink and be like, that was my reward. It's like so insane. Yeah. And then you said, I said, what do you hope about? What do you hope to get by work in the program? You said the ability to stay on the current path I'm on. I wake up feeling so good right now, but I've been here before and somehow I fall off again. And obviously you haven't fall off again and here you are. Celebrate your three years tonight. Okay, you're so exciting. Oh my god, I'm jakes are having that. I know I love that. It's so cool to just look back and be like, wow, you're three year old, you're that version of yourself from three years ago and just to kind of see and be like, ding, I made her proud. Like I stayed the course. I did the things it. It was and I have to say the very first meeting immediately went, oh, this is where I'm supposed to be. Like because I fined up that laptop and it was just people like me. I immediately realized I wasn't alone. And then it was people of my age group and older. So it wasn't like, you know, I was like, okay. so we're all and then it was a lot of people in healthcare and a lot of people in in the and all of a sudden it was like every fear I had about talking about wanting to be sober was immediately squashed because I realized like it wasn't a lot. And that just it was and I think for me that's where like my need to help people has come from like and just feel like it's like because that's all I need it. Honestly that I think from that first moment of like everyone introducing themselves I was like I got this like I'm never going to drink again look at all these wonderful people like I just and that was that's I just needed to know I wasn't like on this island by myself struggling and that's how I found her page was it's just and it's funny because I'm doing this now myself and I'm like true me to Megan like what was it it was like you were just be yourself and so and that's just like letting people know like your life doesn't end when you get sober it actually just begins it's it's like oh my god what was I doing for 20 years and I think there's probably going to be a little bit of regret I have to work through because I had a goal that was very age oriented and I know my body and it ain't going to happen and that's okay but it's it's one of those I look back though and I'm just so proud of like that got made that girl proud like the you know the dreams I had and life isn't over it's just starting so it's like yeah I have many more dreams that are going to happen they all involve the sober community so I'm I'm going to be bugging you all the time yeah no I love it I love one I mean I'm always kind of saying encouraging women in the community to like start a sober account even if it's anonymous you don't you're not ready to like openly talk about it but there is something that like just using that creativity and having that outlet and talking about it and inspiring other people and helping other people and obviously that's you know what you're doing what's your handle again for your city sober second city sober okay I'll definitely sober yeah show notes too thank you what would you say to somebody who's just been hesitant to join a group feeling like maybe it's not for them or they won't fit in or that they'll be judged any like words of encouragement for anyone listening that's been on events anyone who's in a group is in there to to help themselves and I think it deep down to also help I don't think I've ever joined any kind of group where there's an attempt to improve yourself or someone is in there not to also sober so for me that's what I needed was to know I wasn't alone and so I would just say just trust trust your intuition if if you're if something is telling you you need help you know or there's an outlet for you that might be the answer trust it because I knew I needed to quit but I also knew I couldn't do it on my own I mean I messaged you back and forth a handful of times before I really jumped into join so I would say just listen to your guy and don't be scared because for me I still am Instagram friends with a few of the girls from the December group the average time I see them pop out by smile so hard and I think I became closer to two of them that we still kind of occasionally but it's one of those like I even if we don't talk all the time I'm so rooting them on like I hope and if they if they fall I'm still rooting them on and like that's the thing and I think it's just nice to know that there's people that they're really supporting you no one is judging in this world like I don't know when in the sober world's judging we want more people to join us and and understand like we've all been do we I have a dub session with cult documentaries we were all in the alcohol cults and we didn't know it yeah now we're getting now we're getting out of the alcohol cults and we're seeing that there's a whole life outside of it and it's beautiful but we were brainwashed to think that life was a certain way and there's a whole way outside of it it's really awesome and like everyone's support it's like what they tell you in a cult they're like everyone on the outside is bad you can you know all the bad things happen you out there well that's what alcohol is telling you like all the fun is right here in this bottle it's not in the bottle there's a handful of things I remember you saying that always I like told my friends like they don't show you the puking after in the in the beer commercials like and where's the morning after and then I also was telling my friend the other day moderation is like changing seats on the Titanic like things that like always the ordinance of I am when it comes to drinking and like it just isn't there's a whole world out there that is lovely and and we want you in it and if anyone is judging you for getting sober it's because they have their own issues with alcohol yeah and that's yeah and you can help them with that later or you can cut them out of your life I have and it's lovely yeah have you caught a lot of people out of your life that were not serving you or a couple or yeah I realized that alcohol brought a lot of toxic people into my life and so I don't think a single romantic relationship I ever had was healthy because I was drinking it every single one but I have some some friends that I wouldn't say they weren't supportive but I realized our friendships were only tied around drinking it was just and and there you kind of you're clouded by your judgment I kind of the personality traits that didn't bother me because I was drunk and I'm like yeah you're not a very nice person snarky humor was only funny when I was under the influence and now you're actually defending everyone in the room and I never noticed it okay so yeah there's I also like I have a family friend that I distance myself from because I know he drives strong he's been doing it forever he's but and I just it's one of those like I'm like okay well I'm not going to that event because I know the and you know so certainly situations I just know what the outcome's gonna be and I don't want to even deal with it yeah so I you know I protect my peace at all costs yes absolutely I know I'm in my like peace bubble around here I really nothing sometimes things will try to sneak in but for the most part it's like just the peace is worth it so much and I don't ever want to like compromise that what are you like up to these days I know you're doing Logan's doing the same certification program that I went through and yes a few of the ladies and the sobacistous community have gone through it also what are your hopes with that in just any goals and dreams that you have around sobriety coaching and all of that well so I definitely sobriety coaching is my next journey I'm not planning on leaving Pilates but I've been doing it for a long time and I can feel the industry is changing and it's not changing in a way I love and so I would like to be able to really delve into this coaching saying so I assume I'm starting one-on-one coaching just because that's kind of how you get into the industry and then maybe a community I would like to get really involved in the Chicago world too and help with that the um sober community there I know of a few bottle shops there's one that's open up not far for me that's an LGBTQ+ I'm a huge ally in that community I think that's mainly training or mainly helping women and people in that community most of my time drinking was at the gay bars with my boys so understand how hard it is to be a sober and a pride um all those events that are not easy to deal with so I'd like to really kind of get into that world and really help people that are struggling then you know that can be infused in my Pilates world for sure but this is just a calling that for now a little over a year it's been it's a time I gotta get more involved in this and since I've been able to help a few friends it's like I want I want to be able to really have the tools to do this and and do it right and help people out so you know just just coach and and help people get more people on out of the cults yes exactly yeah yeah and I love it and I think service and just like helping other people and like holding that hand out to the next person is such a huge part of this and I know it's been a big part of it for me so usually when people do start to hit milestones say six months or a year and they're kind of feeling like oh they kind of lose the the spark sometimes of sobriety I'll definitely encourage them to start hosting meetings to start holding space and giving back and helping other people and then all of a sudden you see them light up again so there is something huge to be said about just you know helping to you know sustain our our own sobriety you know go I feel selfish because like it's helping me by holding these meetings or you know whatever I was six months sober when I started doing you know my just holding free zoom meetings you know and so but it was something that got me through at the time but I love it and you know just as part of like the giving back and helping other people and I love coaching and I know you're gonna just do incredible things and I love even just like that the in-person stuff that sounds like you're really wanting to get so needed and I wish I did more of that you know the in-person stuff as well like in my community I'm trying to do that now but I love it any other anything else you want to share with us or parting words for anybody who's listening mean alcohol sucks don't drink it boo yeah it's just it's a thank you you are truly my inspiration I don't think I'd be here without messaging you without you giving me that invitation to join the group and then I've been inspired by what you've done and it's it's one of those things I didn't go into joining the group to be a sober coach I went in the group I wanted to just keep growing my Pilates industry but the reality is as I've learned so much from going through the training that my intuition was also being stunted by all yeah as much as I'm a great Pilates teacher and I won't stop doing that because I'm good at it that's why I do it because I'm good at it but look back into like what's one of those feelings of service when I was well for 13 I organized a group of my friends and we walked in the AIDS walk we started a little group called young dancers against AIDS and we raised money because one of my uncles was diagnosed with HIV I will never forget wanted to do something like that for the rest of my life wanted to like that euphoria that I felt that is still something I think I've been chasing that is I'm feeling it now again and I don't think I've ever thought I could make a career out of being people in this way. And so I'm kind of just delving to really exciting new world and I would never have done it without quitting alcohol. I'd never be on this completely new journey if I were still learning about the Chicago craft beer scene. Right. Right. Which I can tell you a lot about, but hopefully there are a lot of them are making some good non-octalk brews for us as well. So that I can tell you all about. I'm a cry. I'm a non-octalk beer connoisseur now so I can give you all the goods. But yeah, I just think if you think it's holding your back it is and listen to that intuition because I can't imagine being where I was three years ago. My relationship with my mother. There's so many things that would just be disaster if I kept going down the path. Yeah. Listen to you. Listen to yourself. You can do it. Life is so much better. So much better on the other side. I love that beautiful, beautiful message. It's so true. Listen to that intuition. And I did. Yeah, I remember laying there thinking like there has to be more to this life. Like this can't be it. It can't be like hungover drink, washrooms, repeat. Like I just I knew it and I was like I wanted to find out what really you know, I was capable of and had no idea the things that were coming down the pipeline from me. I thought I was just going to not be hungover anymore and then right. Just all this amazingness, you know, came. So, but thank you again for being here for sharing some of your story. It came way to see what you know, ends up coming out of you finishing up the certification. I know it was just like so helpful to me. So such a huge part of my journey was doing the empowered coach certification with Carolina. And happiest three years to you. Celebrate your health today. I will. I'm so excited to be here. It's an honor. Thanks Logan and anyone else who's listening. If you want to join the Soba Sisters Empowerment Club, I'm still offering the annual special right now at 50% off. I don't know, I'm crazy, but it's been awesome and we have meetings now seven days a week. We have, you know, the chat 24 hour chat in our app. There's just so much goodness. It is a real small community if you're looking for that and just, you know, not getting lost in some of the big huge meetings with hundreds of people. There's usually, you know, no more than 20 on a group and again meetings every single day. So I'll put the link in the comment there. And I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. See you later. Bye.