Episode 509: Opulence, You Own Everything

(upbeat music) - Hello everyone, welcome to the ePray.com podcast. I am your host, Savoy Anthony Jefferson, aka your number one dot ally aka your head dot dress aka bushy on a labesia aka if I was a bad bitch I would want to fuck me too aka be the bushy you want to see in the world aka embodiment abundance okay embodiment abundance that means that every dick I take in is abundant okay welcome to today's episode you know we try to have you here bushy high you know as always we love you we miss you it really can't say that we miss you because we haven't been going long we've been giving you all about the episodes so I just want to say thank me I want to thank me in amber for doing what needed to be done and recording these episodes and yeah that's really all I got for you all but you know now I am going to introduce the one the only the best co-host in the land okay the sexiest co-host in the land okay amber (laughing) - Hey y'all hey y'all what's up with you girl Amber Milani aka Moni mommy aka podcast producer Pussy aka dick bitch looking for a thick dick aka creative director of depressed hope aesthetics aka some voice partner and thought remember that one - Yes I was about what yeah partner and thought really at this part we are you are my partner and apsinus at this point because we ain't either one of it getting no partner and celibacy yes yes correct partner and adulthood I really I you know I be trying like last week I almost had a moment where I was about to get some dick and then I was like I don't think all this like this the effort that dick takes at this point in my life just I'm just I'm just like I don't want to get somebody else to do it like I'm very much like woman at target I have my eyes on the prize right now and my prize is not I'm a man or even penis so I yeah I'm looking for something else right now and that's all I've been focusing on but also yeah I think I think we're just getting older like we're in our you know Rihanna's not showing her nipples anymore - I am so great y'all don't know every time Amber references like getting older for the last couple weeks she hasn't mentioned that Rihanna doesn't show her nipples anymore like it's such a it's such a great example of getting older right like it's just like this idea that Rihanna a person who we've seen her we literally saw her nipples almost every single day at one point and now she cringes at the idea of showing her nipples and I don't know if she's just I don't know if it's just because she's gotten conservative or something but there's something about like getting older where you just like yeah my knees ain't strong what they used to I can't I can't just be taking dick no more like I gotta be I gotta be strategic strategic okay dick strategy yes a good dick strategy is great yes that is a really great strategy last year I had a huh go ahead he's busy saying got good dick strategy which is why they're here yeah like you should call dealing with Huncho I don't know him or so I don't I I always skip that when I see it on you know I don't know much about him either I just know that he young his hail you know okay so I don't I do not agree with a lot of these older women with much much younger women like when it's like a 40 year old with like a 21 year old I think that that's that's very weird but if you're 40 and you're with like a 34 year old or like a 30 year old or even a 28 a cute 28 or something I I approve that because men I am learning like once they're in their 40s this is a directs it's a rap like they don't I don't be one of the fuck like that and then but the opposite no like not even just focus like they can't they can't get it up as much it's like erectile dysfunction happens around the age of 40 okay maybe because I'm a gay man but all my like my older gay friends say that they getting hornier like in that's that's very interesting like they want to fuck every five seconds that's very interesting are they taking something because erectile dysfunction is like a real thing that happens and at least I don't know they might I don't know or maybe they're just like there's a lot there's other men that it doesn't happen to but a lot of times men go through erectile dysfunction around 40 and women we get hornier like the older we get so like it makes more sense for us to date younger in general you two you basically tell me that your dick is gonna follow about two years I only got to only got a year and a half left for good dick life I don't know at least that's what a thing is I don't use my whole anyways as a as a cultural and a sexual anthropologist and my studies come on I have come across erectile dysfunction from men 40 plus where I have not seen that is Jamaican men that are in their 40s because they're devil that's why you're making me have Jamaican so you know what I'm looking at full circle okay all right here we go here we go all right I am screaming why I see that and just make it yeah according to my studies in a small test study conducted by Amber you know how was your week Amber anything you know anything going on anything absolutely nothing nothing's going on it's very boring over here saying let's let's get to the show. One of us is going to have to start home and again for for for for for for for for for for for for for the summer. The summer. The summer's coming. Alright, the summer's coming. I'll open to that. Okay, so what we will both do is we will. We will commit right now in this moment that we will at least go on some days in foot, wanted to be maybe five. You know. That's how Jenny works for me. I don't get none and then all of a sudden I guess pop up. Five days. Yes, very feast our family over here. Um, I'm screaming. Alright, well. We'll go ahead and introduce our guests. Today's guest is a business coach, keynote speaker, product professional and activist. They have worked for notable tech companies like Apple, Sprout and Netflix. They are also the first openly transgender person to own a venture capitalist firm called diversion ventures. Please welcome. Busy high with your your. You know what? No, me. I say with with your your hearts and your legs open. However, because our guest today got money, I want you to listen with your wallet open with your bank account open. Okay, please. But see how I welcome be pegels minor. Hello, hello, hello. Oh my gosh. That's a great introduction. By the way, I was I was happy. I was on mute. Well, as y'all were, you know, getting started because I was definitely laughing. And I was just like, okay, this is going to be a great conversation. We're ignorant. Please, please, please. Yes. That's right. Ignorant. You're just giving real information. You know, I'm fine. I think, you know, I am a person who doesn't mind the word. Ignorant mainly because I just know it from people who call say in New Orleans and they kind of use it as more of like your funny kind of way. So that's how I've always kind of used it in that context. But anyways, be. Is there anything from, you know, obviously, did your introduction. Is there anything that you would like to listen to to know about you and you know, a little known facts, anything like that. Let's see. So first and foremost, thank you so much for having me on here. Of course. I'm also New Orleans is one of my favorite places on earth too. So, you know, we actually took my son there earlier this year. And I was just like, well, we have. obviously need to be back inside by like seven, but at the same time, I was like, what would happen if he saw something the things that you can see in New Orleans? Because you know, at some point, you know, they got to learn like crazy stuff happens. - Hey, back with it. - Yeah, but what I was gonna say is it's actually, you know, in addition to the divergent, we actually dislaunched the well salons. And so we started off focused on, you know, specifically black folks. But then we eventually started to expand over to women and LGBT+ people as well, with the idea of being that if we can help people, you know, build and maintain their wealth, then that not only will they have better outcomes for themselves, but they will create better outcomes for communities as well. - When you say wealth salons, what exactly is like the salon part of it? I guess. - Yeah, so I don't know. - So I will. Yeah, it's actually so funny because like actually, like someone came to me and they were like, "Oh, so you got a new people's hair." But the thing about this is that it's a combination or the goal of the salons and it's a combination of what I call like Wikipedia, meats, vice, meats, like nerd wallet, meats, Oprah, right? And the idea behind that is that, you know, we have these in-person salons. And so these are kind of darkening back to the Harlem Renaissance when, you know, Man of Sea Day walkers, you know, adopted daughter would have over some of the most brilliant thinkers and artists in Black America and just have them commune. And so that's how we got James Baldwin. That's why we got, you know, all of this, you know, content that we now think about is kind of the beginning of like, you know, Black literature. And so when I was thinking about the fact that we're having a largest wealth transfer in the history of the name time right now as, you know, that the baby, Bluebird Generation is dying away and their, you know, proceeds are going to their spouses. You know, there's all these, you know, people from historically and investing in these who are going to get this and they have no idea what to do with it. And I know this personally because when I got me into my wife, it was shocking to me how many times people would just say, well, you don't have to put your wife on that car or on that apartment or on that house. And so what that means is that if not for our desire to be equal. San Tazaar, she wouldn't have any right. And so as a result, she wouldn't be able to be as successful. And so as soon as you start to see that you start to understand that the difference between people who have well or at the very days have wealth that makes sense to them when I was growing up wealth was like taking multiple vacations and paying all your bills and then also being able to get the name brand food. I still kind of feel that way. Right. And so, you know, being able to have wealth is not nearly as concerning as being able to, you know, maintain it and spread it for the rest of generations of your family. And so then what we do is we do the in person where we have like these in person conversations, our first one had the area you wait in it. And so she talked about her experience. It was really, really dynamic. Our next one that we have coming up has Bricks in a Rick it too is an amazing former C C C X of cars.com and then in September we have one coming up in San Francisco, which they feel about brown where we're talking about entrepreneurship and really as you know, you know, smart young people how you can always be on your side hustle, but actually make that side hustle into a career path. I love that I love that you are taking a historically black art form the salons like you were saying of like the Harlem Renaissance and bringing that back and then introducing this like new technology. In a way to benefit our community. So shout out to you. Shout out to also Gabrielle Union Wade. A queen and Zagia. The Queen's I come on. And yeah, so thank you for for doing that because I think that builds community and also builds as you were saying, like, how's people understand how to like build wealth, how to also build economic empowerment as well. So thank you for doing that. Doing the work. Okay. See then, but yeah, that's why we told you all to come into this conversation, which a while it opened. Okay. Exactly. Because we need that money. All right. As always, we start with Busy Pepp talk, which is one reason why myself Amber and our guests are proud of ourselves for the week. Maybe we will allow you to start of course. What is your Busy Pepp talk? Yeah. So, you know, it's kind of hard. I think, you know, maybe blocking down, you know, a great deal for my venture farm to verge of ventures. It's our first really kind of big deal and it's kind of cool being able to say like, wow, like we're on the board. Like we're really dealing with this and we're going to not only provide value for our investors, but it's also a company that focuses on helping Discover when someone has cancer earlier. So in three days of you know, you take in the test, they can tell you 20 cancers, definitively, whether you have them and It's something like 98% of the people who get early detection for that test actually are here. So that's a really cool thing. Like, you know, I've seen being able to do the work, but also being able to do it in an area that really matter. Don't love that. Amber was so Busy Pepp talk. I'm really proud of myself because one thing that happens to me, I get a lot of like anxiety around sharing ideas and being creative, even though like I'm in creative like Jobs a lot of times, but a lot of times sometimes I think I freeze sometimes and what I've been doing this week is even if I freeze, I keep going and not allow myself to get in my head and be like, okay, this is terrible. And then quit. I kept going and I like work through that fear and I work through that anxiety. So I'm proud of myself for doing that. Come on, friend. That's my best friend. She a real bad bitch got her own car. Okay. Stop being like this. I'm proud of myself because I think one thing as I am changing and growing one thing that has become present or come to my attention is that I have to create new habits because I don't have any more that my habits have centered mainly around work, especially like my morning routine, my bedtime routine, my midday routine. So I am literally creating habits as a speaker. So I've been journaling in the morning or reading at night or reading in the morning, taking a 10 minute midday break just to kind of be in silence. So you know, there's all new, but hey, it's working. I love that I've been trying to figure out how to add in like moments of joy because I think you know, as individuals, most of us are our own worst critics. That part. It's been interesting because it really has, it's only been a few days, but I will say that like just journaling at night or just like reading at night has been like very like, oh, like, especially the book I'm reading currently. So it's been good. I can't complain. I mean, you can't mention a bit book and then not tell us which book it is. Oh, you know what? I'm sorry. That's rude. Um, so I'm reading vibrate higher daily live, live your power by Lala Delia. I believe I never know how to pronounce her name. Um, I'm really going to learn that one day. And tomorrow's going to be that day. Maybe even tonight. But yeah, so it's been good. It's all about like your daily vibrations and vibrating higher. So this has been helping my vibration. Um, you know what? You know, I just want higher busy vibration. So, so I can bring man. Better quality man to my life. But anyways, that's not why we're here today. All right. We're going to just jump into it. As always for those who may be YouTube podcast, we go in order by section, eat, pray and thought. So we'll start with each. So first question, B, are you ready? Yes. I am. All right. Um, you're from Mississippi, but live in LA now. Um, what are some foods you miss that you can only get in Mississippi. So first and foremost is me high peach, right? The me high peach pop is like my favorite peach pop in the whole world. And like they never have it. And anywhere except for like, just like Mississippi and Alabama and stuff like that. And it's like, like 49 cents or 9.9 cents half the time. And so when I go back, I 100% always go back and grab those. What I love them. Secondly is smoke sausages and not just any smoke sausages. The circle B, the red ones that I'm pretty sure are completely unhealthy and might have some kind of weird like radioactive thing in it, but they're like crack. And then like just like legitimate fried green tomato legitimate fried cabbage, like none of these things where you're like, now this is like perched bro, this is not catfish. Like I want the legitimate catfish. It was the like real corn mill, not just like fake like jiffy off brand corn mill. Like I want the ones that you're like that actually kind of hurt when I was like seasoning the catfish. You know, if you go get some some fried green tomatoes and LA, they have like a tomato, a Jew rim, a lead, blah blah blah. And I'm like bro. Can you just take all that stuff off and just give me the fried tomato please. That's all I'm looking for. Those are a few of my my my my my my staffs that I wish I had all the time. I am screaming at when you may look at fish. It hurt a little like Like that is so specific You know what you actually unlocked the memory my first time ever having five green tomatoes was when I went to Vakazia from Mississippi For my like first family reunion and baby. I was like eight and like the way I had my mom as soon as we got back The way I had my mom and make me some fried green tomatoes and I have had fried green tomatoes forever So thank you About to I shot by and you are a hundred percent right about fried green tomatoes being LAs Yeah, yeah, it's like it's always so weird and even like I found I found one place to do like solid fried oak her one time And then every since then it's been bad and I'm just like that's the other thing and LA It's always good one time and then it's just never good again And then you just like you chase that that feeling for forever You also unlocked the memory for me be with me high because my my mom's either families from a mobile Alabama But you can also get me high in Chicago too like in certain parts I don't know if any more but when I was younger I definitely had some me high and Because I first I didn't even know what you were talking about. I was like Pete and then saying pop I haven't said pop in so long like oh Yeah, yeah, you really unlocked a memory for me, so No, my favorite part is like when I first like moved out of the South and I'd be like oh Can you get me a coke and people bring me coke? I was like you know, I'm in a sprite and Now it's just like they were like what I was like oh, I forgot y'all actually call the things what they are Okay, it's a whole situation That is hilarious. Okay, well switching gears just a little bit from like the South So you've you've worked with some Mike really big tech firms Who had the best snack or lunch options and in your opinion? What are the most what are those like must have snacks and drinks that you have to have at the office? Yeah, so first and foremost most tech places don't give you nearly as many snacks as you think that they do which is like a whole thing And I especially so Netflix probably would have been number one except I started like two days before COVID started Like really so I went into office on Monday got my laptop and Then on Tuesday they were like well, you don't really have to come into the office and plus on like Thursday Wednesday or Thursday I was going on my anniversary vape and a virtue trip anyway to originally we're supposed to go to Japan There's post-Gonna Japan and then we were afraid we weren't gonna be able to come back And so they ended up going to Hawaii instead and then I never went back into to Netflix's office, but that first day The levels of snacks seem like it would be the best option Apple definitely has the worst absolutely Because it's completely dependent on whichever whoever your director or VP is So if like their favorite snack is like neutral grain in your favorite snack is neutral grain like that's what you'll get in the office It's like honestly almost barbaric right like at the very least you would think they would let you like vote as like a floor or team on which one's like no, it's it's what your you know VP will approve so that would absolutely not so the only one I had true That's how radio experience with I mean No apple that's why apples of riches company they cheap Right, you know like your entire salary is really just based the run the stock doing well So everyone's incentivized for the products to do so products do well because the more you make more money based on the stock But yes, the spread social was the best Right, so they had like Gobs of different foods they rotated it in and out pretty consistently, but most importantly They cared about alcohol right because you know a lot of these like you know fancies me into the offices The best you ever know get there is like you know like some wine Some champagne and not even a good shop in pain like the Prosecco, right? Like it's not even like the real champagne, right? It's so then and then the beer is gonna be like the super light beer or so like the super weird beer. I don't drink none of that all right I am a true blue like Southern art who then came of age in the Midwest So I drink whiskey and sprout social head whiskey, right? They had you know vodka to key love, but then they had all the different types of beers and they had ciders like that That's how you that's how you make sure people want to stay at work. So sprouts social hands down best next and best booze of all the companies I work yet So be so basically you was drunk at work. I mean basically I Love you for me. I know I love you for me Most people would have said no, I would just know no I mean we did great work. Okay, okay alcohol incentive I mean it was a part of the team planning like I feel like my budget for two mountains was like largest at that company That is anywhere like you know maybe my first company was the craziest because That's CEO he would fly the entire company out to Vegas when we would do like trips and he would always flash out on First class and we would all have our own suite. It was the craziest stuff. I'd ever like experience I'm really working the wrong industry Yeah, but now you can't get a good tech job. So it kind of worked this up All right, so when you were pregnant, what were some of your top pregnancy cravings? Oh my gosh, so Being pregnant was the absolute worst because I had just a short diabetes So I had like I can only do like 60 carbs a day or something like that like my diet was like so restricted Like it was insane and all I wanted every day was a chili cheese dog Oh, wow, like that's the all I wanted like I didn't even want like all the other crazy stuff. They just like for some reason All I wanted is a chili cheese dog and I remember even like we had a trip to Chicago And I smelled one and I was like the biggest dick ever that night to everyone I was just like I hate everything one of you You're all terrible like I just need everyone to leave me alone Go out because I'm a stainless home to room and watch like I think I watched the purge and arki Like that's the room I was in like I was like everything should have burnt right because I cannot have just chili cheese dog so What I would tell you is what my healthy craving was or the craving that was within my diet I ate basically a steak and baked potato like every two days. Oh wow, right and it was required I was like no, I need a steak now And they're like no you don't I was like yes, I do like right now And it needs to be here Five minutes ago, but they can bake potato that was within the diet It hit all the different things because steak was like you know zero carbs I don't know the kid like he really wanted me for some reason and it's funny because now like you know I do like a steak still, but I don't know if I I probably eat less red meat now than I have in years So how did you like your steak or could you be in pregnant like could you eat like me anything like medium or like oh No, no, no, no, no, it's you have to do everything like super super well done, but also I'm a I'm a germafo And a little bit of a class as I guess because for me I'm like unless you have gone to a school Where like they hit you with like the like the spatula when you like just you know julienne the potato the wrong way Like I don't know if I'm gonna I'm gonna take a steak from you, right? Like I just don't I just don't trust that you have had all the type of training and support that you need Do you understand? The that to make sure the Grill is the right what you know the temperatures right? So no like when I'm out I need my like I need no peak right I was like that's the only way I can be sure That there's virtually no likelihood Of any type of issue now if it's a Michelin type of restaurant Or if it's a restaurant that truly is known for meat right like you know like master's or something Then we can talk about some medium right we can talk about you know You know what they've been doing and you know how I can trust them right and then we can we can maybe go for it So what bjs really said was did you broke bitches ain't gonna give me no no bad thing I'm telling so I had one bad food experience and it will change your life like you will never feel the same about food and I was like Yep, I was like even like and actually I left When I was at a company and the the entire company left the restaurant We didn't pay our tab because the restaurant refused to make my steak well done And he's like no he's like this is a great cut of steak blah blah blah blah blah like you know Absolutely not and actually I was like a few grand or something and And you know and you know the guy was like it like seriously like you really won't make them a steak that they like and they're like now He's like okay, we're leaving and then we went to the next place. It was like across the street that was like you know The competitor and we ate steak dance But I said you're not gonna make my meat the way I want it Exactly Especially with how much stuff costs in Las Vegas considering it's mediocre Now that's now that's the gag Vegas is really only fun if you like gambling Well, or if you like getting other people to pay for you that too That's who that doesn't ever been my experience. I'm usually have paid for myself So I can't speak to that be so oh, yeah, not a fan Negative five out of ten would not recommend I know and it's like so smelly And I always feel like I'm loose time when I'm in Vegas. I'm like how many days have I been here like like Have I even left this casino because I feel like I've been walking for 15 days anyway? Like yeah, no, I'm very much better off without and it's very dirty I think that's what people also don't talk about like Oh, yeah, yeah, city I mean they literally I mean there's like there's a whole like underground community like Subterranean community type situation right people who can't afford to live in Vegas But they still work in Vegas. They live under like the bridges and stuff. It's like crazy Yeah, no, I'm not a fan once again negative five out of ten would now recommend. Yeah, unless I get to stay in a sweet aka somebody pays for it Exactly, but all right last eat question What is your favorite meal to have with your family your wife your child and your child? You know, it's actually so interesting because like when you said this question I was like man like we have like some of our like Our constants, but I guess the one where like I feel like you know, it means that like we spent like some real time like Planning it out and you know, it always requires like more effort. So I don't know the legitimate name for this Please don't anyone judge me But one of my best friends in the world Alex Brito, you know She is Mexican and so many years ago we went over to her Family members house camera which family member and that this is like Mexican soup and she was like yeah Just like you know, it's Mexican soup. It's chicken. So when I say it's Mexican soup. It is coming from her Not for me because I would say it's soup That has elements from Mexican culture, right? That's what I would say okay so It's just like super basic, right? You know, it's chicken it's coyote It's an upside-down like it's all this like really basic stuff But it takes you know hours to like do it and to build it up and say even and so whenever I make it is usually when we're like kind of just like Oh, it's kind of been kind of jury or we've been under the weather So it's one of my favorite meals to make because you know, it's like really like one of those like let's heal You know a little bit of everything was it Amber's a soup girl. I'm not really a soup girl So I can't really I love soup. Was it Pazole? No, because usually Pazole is ork, right? And then secondly, they usually has like some kind of bean in it like if I were to say it I would just say like Caldale the polio or something like that. I would just say it chicken soup, right? But it's definitely with elements from Mexican culture because like the coyote is like this very specific squash and all that type of stuff So that's the meal that you Like to have with your family is the the Mexican soup Yes, nice Right, we gonna jump into prey. We start prey the same way every time. What is your passion? Oh, my passion is you know, honestly is helping black women, right? Obviously I go to like a larger idea of like helping out of all under vested People from all under invested communities, but you know my passion has always been trying to figure out how to help people Who look like you know the women in my family, right women who are really really incredible And despite incredible odds have been able to you know Create these dynamic legacies and I've always just thought it's like very strange that women have to you know Especially black women have to work so hard to do what should just come naturally when you're good at what you do I love that I I too also have a passion for black women as well and I feel like more people should have passion In general That's a word Harfax, you know Have a more passion and Or when they're called out for not protecting black women. Maybe don't laugh. He he ha ha you know About it Shannon Sharp, you know, but Amy who? So be you grew up in Mississippi and went to college in the South How was that experience as a non-binary person and in your opinion? Are there any misconceptions about being queer being non-binary in the South? Yeah, so it's a little so it's a little bit more convoluted than that right because like I grew up in the Mississippi Tennessee area and then I went to college my first couple years at Duke in North Carolina And I did come out as a lesbian while I was at Duke right so freshman year of college I called my mom Like crying and just like apologizing saying you know, hey Like I'm gay and she was like yeah, honey I knew that when you cried at the Ellen DeGeneres special and I was like, well, why didn't you tell me? Right, yeah, you know That's a whole thing. And then she proceeded to tell like everyone an entire family by the time, you know I had you know my head had hit the pillow And it was like, you know, if you say anything to my baby, you don't have to deal with me, right? And so I was very fortunate because you know my mother Essentially well educated human and then also, you know social worker guidance counselor like she's very very Into understanding what things were and in fact when I ended up coming home You know that summer. She was like, okay, so I mess some gay people They told me about this club and they do drag shows you want me to thank you? And I was like mom you're gonna take me to a gay club She was like yeah, she's like I've always wanted to see a drag show So she took me the drag show and it was like awesome And but then she like really made me like hang out with them and stuff because I was like mom You cannot force them to be my friend, but we actually did in a big friend But anyway, I say that to say You know for the most part, you know things were cool. I didn't tell my dad to my dad to baptist ministers I didn't tell him until I was a senior in college and at that point I had a transfer to Northwestern and I was significantly far enough away I wasn't really concerned about anything. I was like well Worst case scenario He tries to disown me, but honestly, I'm the only one who would take care of him So he can't really disown me. So I was like, you know, let's just keep it going, you know, like I wasn't that worried about it And so, you know, you know, ultimately when I did come out, you know, he was just like it's not super surprising He's like, but you know, I can't come, you know, if you ever get married, I can't come to your wedding or blah blah blah blah blah Right, I was like Interesting. I was like, okay, that was assuming that you're gonna get invited, but let's keep going Um, and you know, we kind of just moved on from there and you know, he did indeed not come to my wedding He did throw some cash towards it. It's like, that even be that man. I was like, you know, because Honestly, you know in our community when someone throws cash That means something that sometimes they will show up and not contribute anything Um, although I did tell him after my son was born that you know, he's still he's gonna have to convince him to invite him to his wedding But also he has to live long enough so we'll see which one happens first Um because I was like, frosty as like I don't forget those things as I say that I'll just say You know, my two my two side of the family so my dad's side of the family is like very like white collar Well-educated many Ivy League type people ministers doctors teachers my mom's side of family blue collar like mechanics You know folks that you would just see every day who are super chill And while they may not be comfortable with you know, my life so they're used to it though right because from a you know socioeconomic level Every single one of us, he's like a you know a person who hangs out in Mississippi, Tennessee We know someone Who has a roommate or someone who ain't never been you know blah blah blah blah blah And so we are used to that and so we're used to being respectful of that And so in some ways it actually is easier to be different in the South Right because there's already a language for it, but there's already a certain acceptance for it Then it is in like the you know Other part to the country where you know People claim to be comfortable things, but when it actually confronts them they often react in a very negative way So first of all shout out to your mom Like that is like one of the best coming out stories I've ever heard Also you cried at the Ellen special Okay, so I was like And it was like it was like this And now now it's our coach or coach No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. It's just like I think it was the one. Actually, it was I think it was the little boy had HIV or something. So it was like two or three different ones. You know, when they used to do on HBO, they used to do these like, you know, hard-hitting, short, short series or whatever. And like I think one was about a kid who had contracted HIV and no one wanted to be around him. And another one was about a gay kid like whatever. And I remember those distinctly, because I remember going to my mom's bedroom and I was like, I just don't understand why there would be means of them. Right? I was like so upset about it. And my mom was like, why else would you be so concerned other than the fact that you identified that that must be what you were like? And I was like, if you understood all this, why did you just let me be awkward? She was like, because you also still inert. And I was like, okay, well that does make sense. Like the nerddom like had to work itself out before I can get to the gay part. I am screaming now with the nerddom. Okay. All right. So I tried to nerddom had to work itself out before I got to the gay part. A word. Yeah. And then to the last part, the trans somebody, so this is why I also say it's complicated because I was so weirded out just being different in any way. Right? Because like I grew up in a deep self. I didn't talk very Southern. Right? I didn't talk like other people say, I always got me a partner for that. I was truly a nerd. So like I went to, you know, this is back when every school had like the, you had the regular program and then you had the optional program or whatever. And so I was the only black person or I was the one of only two black people in all these classes. So like I never even hung out with like other black people. So when I would hang out with black people and talking about Nirvana, because that's what all of my classmates were talking about, they were like, you're weird. And of course now as a grown person, I realize that there's a lot of us are weird. And like we're just this like an ass and I label. But the time I thought was really, really strange. So it didn't even occur to me to that, you know, being, you know, interested in the same sex or the fact that I could have different opinions. But now, you know, when I met my wife, my wife was like, I was pretty sure that you were trying it no matter what. And again, I was like, why didn't anyone ever tell me? Right? Like, you know, just tits me off a little earlier. Like I could start the wardrobe transition earlier. It would save us money and time, right? But no, they always wait until after I've made these commitments. But you know, basically after meeting her, I was like, oh wow, yeah, you're right, because I've been trying to be a butcher lesbian or like a stud. But I'm really not, right? Like I'm really not. Like honestly, I took a shower before the call because I was like, all right, this is my last opportunity to take a long shower before I have to get on this, you know, podcast and then after you pick up the kit. I really need to do my sugar scrub because I discovered a sugar scrub recently. And like literally my skin feels amazing, right? This is you. Come on, touch this. I'm. Thank you. And it's like, and I'm the best a metrocessful man, right? If you're going to talk about like being masculine, right? And so I was like, I really cannot continue to be in here talking about these cars. And like, how are we going to change the oil? Because I don't care. All right. I just don't care. Right. And one of my friends was like, you know, bro, and I say this in the kind of way. But you're not really a bro, bro. And I was like, what do you mean? They're like, yeah, you could at sports and like you understand all of it. And you actually do enjoy it. But you don't like the like, you know, when we say like, you know, someone's like the B word or something like that. I was like, well, because you shouldn't say bad things about women or like whatever. And they were like, but that's what we do. And I was like, but it's true. And they were like, this is why you're not a pro pro. And I was like, okay. But does that mean I can't come up? I'm like, no, you can just go between them to them. And I was like, this is so much better. Because then when you know you go into the room with like the ladies. And you know, they keep talking and they start talking about something crazy. You know, like, you know, you know, baby showers. And I could just go talk about the cars, right? And then like once I started doing that, I was like, what else can I do? And then my wardrobe changed. And then all of a sudden I was like, well, what if I changed my pronouns? And then everything just became easier. You know, so I will say that I'm very fortunate because I had so much time to become a human before I ever had to choose anything else. And so my evolution has felt kind of natural, right? Because I had established, you know, real friendships, real family, real community. Now, did I lose a lot of people? Absolutely. Especially with like, you know, old school, like, you know, lesbian, church, you know, the train exclusionary radical feminist. Because they thought that me becoming who I was was me somehow not wanting to be a lesbian. And I'm like, no, I'm team lesbian. That's my first title. It's the first one I claim is the first one I ever felt comfortable with. And I had, you know, fought, you know, tirelessly to advocate. Because I understand that it's all human rights, right? You know, I said the thing I'm most passionate about is helping black women, right? And it's because I know that women are disproportionately, you know, biased against. So I know lesbian, so just for North black lesbians are disproportionately biased against even more, right? You know, trans women are disproportionately biased against even, even even more. Right? And so just becomes like this cascading thing that is I became more myself. What I found is that it was more disappointing how other people were really not nearly as inclusive as they thought they were. Right? And so it's been this really interesting journey for me more so than anything else of being able to navigate so many different rooms. But then also still be at the same time being like, wow, like I feel bad for you. Right? Because all the things that you're missing because of the ways that you kind of continue to inhibit yourself. There's also a lot of these people that I'm talking about, something people who have been the most disrespectful. I bet you all things being equal if they were free if they had done all the things they're supposed to do. Many of them would identify as trans or other identities that I think would be vastly different than what they've told comfortable with. And that's precisely why they act the way that they do. And so in that way, I try to forgive them. Come on, that's the look. Forgiveness is key. I wouldn't, but I heard that is key. So wait, when you said like the film, you said feminist were. To try and try to. Yes. So these are the ones, these are the ones who were first supporting JK Rowling. So they are the ones who are like JK Rowling. Thank you. You're finally getting our point. You know, like trans people can't be whatever. And just like for instance, anyone like me, they believe that I just like have some kind of psychosis that makes me not want to have. Like breasts not understanding that it's far more complicated than that. Right. And so really their entire, their entire strategy is regressive. Right. Because it basically says that we as humans somehow are so broken that we choose to be trans instead of being normal. When the reality is is the biology shows us that you know, hey, there are too many different combinations of chromosomes of, you know, various human body parts that can be in a person or not in a person for us to be prescriptive of what gender or what, you know, someone can be biologically versus, you know, physiologically. Thank you for school. I mean, did not know, but now I know. Hmm. Fuck y'all. Exactly. And this can be assholes too. So, oh yeah. Everyone can be an asshole. Everyone needs to watch origin. Able to write a movie or origin, which is an adaptation of Isabel Wimpershund's book cast. And honestly, so I mean, I feel like I'm a very well educated person. I understand so many things, but even for me, it was a game changer in understanding exactly why we have these issues. Because when you start to understand that it's more about the systems of oppression, right, cast and how people is again, like even in the black community, you know, coming out as an LGBTQ press person, you know what that means, right. It means you might have to make some sacrifices, right. When you go home to Mississippi, you may have to wear a dress if you're more but you're looking person, right. You may have to enter to a dead man. And you make that sacrifice because you knew going in because the boundaries were created. Right. And so I think that's the thing that, you know, people don't get right. And if that can happen, we'll send a home adenious group of individuals or supposedly home adenious group of individuals. Why are we surprised then of the type of testimony that can happen with that group. So how do you need people first of all, cast origin was really good. And like you say, what a game changer for sure. Yeah, I wasn't actually to read the book. Now it's not if you say something like I do need to read the book. Are you read the book me? I have, but I'm going to tell you the movie. So I like to read. But actually don't like to read serious stuff. I know like like like I sound like a nerd nerd, right. But I prefer to read like like trashy like fiction, honestly. And so it's always hard for me to read things that are serious. And so that's why I also really highly recommend the movie because I think the movie just makes it so much more digestible and easy. Right. Cause it's just. you don't have to try hard to get the concepts. - Okay, good to know. I'm like that with television. I don't like watching reality television. I only like to watch like comedies. I'm weird like that. - Yes, yes. Well the reality shows make me feel sad. I'm like, they know, I'm a sure they don't be okay with this. (laughs) - Not that they're making me feel sad. I just like to laugh and I just like to be in a little world that don't feel anything like. I want, I like fake shit. Just give me some fake. Give me something stupid. I don't need, I live in the world. I don't need to be a part of this. (laughs) - Oh my gosh. We've been watching the, everybody loves Chris. Let me, everybody hates Chris recently. And I was like, this is actually perfect, right? Because it gives me like black culture, which I always love black culture. But also, every single time something happens, I'm just like, it did feel like that when your mama was like yelling at you, you were like, okay, so I'm just gonna die now. Because like that is definitely the yell that said that I really should have taken out the chicken. And by the way, now that I've taken out the chicken, like I feel like we all feel this way, I'm just like, I won't be my own ass. I like, I totally get it. I totally get it now, mom. Yeah. - I always think about that too, 'cause like my mom, she used to commute. I think she used to have like an hour and a half commute. So if we didn't do something that she asked, like if we didn't have that chicken out for her, she would be so mad and I never understood that. But now I'm like, I would have, like she showed so much restraint in my opinion. Like she didn't beat us, we're gonna fall. Like I would have thought about beating my children. I don't believe in that, but I would have thought about beating us because I just had to go to work for nine to 10 hours, then drive through traffic for two hours. And the one thing that I asked you to do is-- - You love the cuckus they do. - But I will say it is very easy to defrost chicken. It's not that, it doesn't take that long, by the way. - I mean, yeah. (laughing) - I agree, I agree. I agree. - You know, but this, actually, I mean, at this point, I just instacarnia. I'm like, you know, I might even try to like, rap a deep frostus, I'm just gonna instacarn some more. - Mm-hmm. And I'm not trying to like, navigate all that, especially like with a toddler, all you trying to do is just get through, like let's just get this done, let's knock it out, 'cause we gotta get you set up for bed, so you can go to sleep so we can have like that hour of blissful silence, everything. - Come on, our blissful silence. I love parents like me, 'cause they keep it so real, like, baby, this ain't the dream that you dream of, like, I get one hour of blissful silence a day. - Well, no, and actually, you know what, but this is what's disgusting, right? 'Cause I really am, I like, actually, my friend, like, see, so Lexi, but, but she just had a baby, right? And she was like, be, she's like, I kinda knew, 'cause you kinda told me, she's like, I still didn't know, I tried to tell you, okay. I was like, these little dudes, like, like, first of all, they are the most adorable. Like, when he gets to sleep and he looks all angelic, and he'd especially when he, like, puts his hand out, and he, like, touches you 'cause he knows it to you, I'm like, oh my God. I'm like, I don't even wanna ever have another baby. In fact, I could take my ovaries right now and I'd be cool, but it makes me wanna have another baby. You know what I'm saying? I was like, that is disgusting, and this is how you know, this is how you know God is some kind of, like, tricksters in some way, right? Because why would you make something, something, they can be so terrible. Like, my son will swing on his mama because she didn't give him his juice fast enough, but then turn around and be the sweetest, most adorable, like, I love you, mama. And it's like, and it tells you over and over again. I'm just like, I don't know how this is possible, but this is why baby survive, right? Anyone wants to take out a country, just send some babies over there, okay? Because they used to be like, all right, all right, like, okay, cool, I'm gonna tell you these babies are adorable, that's all I'm saying. But they are a lot of freaking work. And like, they always want your attention, no matter what situation it is. And the one second that you think they don't want your attention, like, the one second you're gonna go, and you're like, okay, let me just run in, and like, I don't know, check that one thing I want to check in a refrigerator for like 15 minutes, like they disappear out of nowhere, like just looking behind your shoulder. And you're like, man, I can't get that snack now because he's going, well, some of this fruit snack, and if he gets some of this fruit snack, he's gonna go crazy, and I'm really gunning for that one hour. And so I say that all to say that suddenly, your entire life is convened around this like, this like golden moment where you get sick's health. You might even be able to get an alcoholic beverage if you're in California and other legal state, or maybe a little weed. And then you just know, like, oh, I'm gonna do it again tomorrow, but I survived. That is my experience of parenthood. And it's blissful. - So waiting to exhale too should be about parents, like, parents of toddlers. (laughing) I just put, you know, those commercials where the people go into the like, kids house and just like, destroy stuff. Like, I'm gonna start writing a list of things that he's done. And I'm gonna teach his kids to do those things. Like, on like, like, the first year, I'm just like, I'm gonna be like, hey, so when you poop on your dad, make sure that you get the length in the perfect angle so that it gets on your favorite shoes, like his favorite shoes. Not just any pair of shoes, the favorite shoes, you know, 'cause that's what they do. - Not the favorite shoes. - This kind of like a prison. (laughing) - Like, hey, I'm fine. - I'm fine. - It's like, it's, but we all are stock homes in the world. Like, we all are just like, we hostages. And we're like, yeah, like, we walk them to win. Like, that's literally, we all cheer for 'em. Like, we walk them to win more than anybody else in the world. - The reason for 155 lots of what Hemphing Jefferson and having no goddamn kids, but shout out to all the parents. We love y'all, especially the good ones. - Especially the good ones. - See, this is why we need the ratchet friends though. Like, honestly, I'm just texting my friends. It's like, what happened? I'm like, what? Oh my gosh, that's great. That's great. And then I get to hang it up and go to sleep. It's beautiful. - Well, speaking of like, parenthood, I guess tell us about like, what your pregnancy experience was like and did you have a good support team with you medically? Because a lot of times we hear specifically with like, not just like black women, but black queer people. The medical staff isn't the kindest to us. So how was that experience for you? - Yeah, I mean, so first and foremost, what most people don't realize is that, most insurance is even if it's an HMO or something like that. Like if you do not like your care provider or somebody in your care team, like maybe it's just, you know, one part of the team versus someone else, you can request someone else, right? And I think that that's a huge part of it. 'Cause like for me, on day one, so like my mother ultimately passed away from a disease called epiphyletitis, which is also basically known as a severe short-run. Right? You know, they didn't take her airway seriously in, so she ultimately lost her airway. And that's why she died. It's also because she went in on Sunday. So statistically, if you go in every weekend, you're far more likely to have a negative outcome than if you go in during the week. Right? And if you go into a hospital that has a very specific specialization and doesn't have a more broad specialization, if you go in for something else, you're again more statistically likely to die, right? So like if they, in my mom's case, you went to a hospital that's known for, you know, obstetrics, right? And so it's a classic example of one that like now that I know that I've been like, oh, you should actually go to this hospital because they have a more of a special team than this. Because which hospital do you go to makes a difference? So having all this information, I started interviewing people. I was like, okay. So first, foremost, I was like, what day would I, like could I choose which day? That I go into labor, you know? Can I choose to have a C section that straight up and nothing coming down? Yeah. I mean, you know, so what you were talking about all the things that have gone in for you, yeah? No, not over here. Right? So I was like, you know, she's going to be a C section from day one. Right. Until you know, everyone who was like, no, I don't think that's the best choice. They automatically got eliminated. Right? And then the person I ended up choosing was a black woman, right? Like so she was, first of all, she was great because she knew to ask about pronouns. And although, like to be truthful, her staff was like a little bit older, so they didn't always get it right, but she always got it right. But then I started asking questions like, hey, like if I go into labor at two a year, who's going to treat me and she's like me, I was like, okay, but when you go to go to vacation, she's like, I'm not going to vacation. Like, you know, we had a whole conversation. But what really got me is like the things that, you know, Serena was talking about, right? Like would you take her seriously? And that was what I thought was best of our relationship because, you know, because of my family's out, you know, health situations, we knew there's a very high likelihood I was going to have a station on diabetes. So. Once I started feeling weird, we just automatically started treating me for it, right? I didn't have to go through testing. I didn't have to convince anyone. You know, when I said, you know, I was uncomfortable as other way, she automatically, you know, referred me over to this other person. And so for the most part, they said for the fact that I could not have as many carbs as I would want it and think like that, I was actually pretty okay. But you know, with, you know, everything that happened in Netflix and the stress, like literally we have people, you know, threatening to come to our house threatening to kill us, text messaging us, emailing us, like, disgustingly harassing us. And so, you know, ultimately that stress made me go into early labor. So it was like, literally, I was like, you know, 10 p.m. at night. It was just like, man, this is uncomfortable. And so for full context, I've had two spinal fusions too. So like, I'm really okay with pain, just generally. And so like, a lot of times, I don't realize I'm in as much pain as other people, right? So for me, I'm just like, man, this is really uncomfortable. This kid really needs to stop moving tonight. Like, you know, I just mean how I'm chill. But I just kind of went on all night. And so then the next morning, my wife started waking up and I was like, hey, babe, I'm just like really uncomfortable. And she's like, how long have I come? I was like, hours. And she's like, is it happening in certain intervals? I was like, maybe. It's like, oh, the doctor's doctors like, yeah, you're in labor. You need to come in. And I was like, oh, okay, okay. I will, I will do that. And so then, you know, I'm just like sitting there chilling as my wife, like literally, you know, though, you know, I'm like, I'm the movies that the people are running around with like crazy. That was like what she was doing. It was hilarious. Like, I was just, I got such a kick out of it. It was so funny. So then I'm finding that into the hospital. But it like was was not, you know, the most ideal situation because when we found out pretty quickly, is that I went to pre-eclampsia, and then I went to eclampsia. And so I almost had a stroke. And so we had to do the emergency c-section. And, you know, it was so crazy because like, I'm a jokester, like, I'm a southerner, right? And I'm black. We joke. That's what we do. And I remember them just being like, oh my gosh, you know, I'm like, the nurse is like this like petite white lady. And she was just like, just look at me. Don't worry about them putting a needle in your back. And I said, girl, I said, I have that two spinal futions. I am good. Just give me this medication. Put on some Beyonce. And let's go, right? And then this, but the thing that threw me off though is that this white man came in and of all the things, this man had on the Cleveland Browns like scrub hat. And I was like, wait, I was like, who is that? And they were like, wait a minute. I was like, please tell me I'm not going to have to look at the fucking Cleveland Browns. This entire time. And he was like, you know, I was like, I spent 12 years in Chicago. I would look in virtually any team except for the Cleveland Browns right now. Like, you know, it made me the Patriots. There's only one I hate more maybe. And so just like we can't this all joke because then everyone got come because like literally, people, my wife, I can see the wife of her eyes, my doctor's freaking out. I have like, they're in the room. There's like, you know, 20 people in there. And then finally, I feel it's a here cry. Like I don't hear cry at first because he was born with his umbilical cord around his neck. So he went to the NICU. I went to the ice view. I didn't see him for almost 48 hours because I was completely out of it. It took me a couple days to recover. And I remember like finally seeing him. He's like so small. Like he was six pounds and five ounces. Also, he was so yellow. I come to SMI life. I was like, are you sure that's my baby? I was like, 'cause I am not yellow like this. Okay. And there's nothing against the light skin people. Okay. But like I was just like, I like the donor also went to my skin. So I was like, I don't understand. But then you know, my elders were like, you know, they'd be light skined. They come out, but you know, you check behind the ears and behind the ears was dark. And you know, so I was like, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. That's my baby. But then about two minutes after that, his attitudes let me know it wasn't really my baby. But yeah, you know, it was it was it took me almost a year and a half to fully recover though, right? Because my heart was damaged. You know, the gestational diabetes let's heal a lot of like blood sugar things and things like that. And so it was really kind of a blessing in some ways that like, you know, things went so crazy. Because if I had to have the same circumstance happen, I'm not sure if I would have had the time in space to kind of recover the way that I wanted to as well. Wow. That is, well, that's quite the journey. And also, I'm crying at you not wanting to see the Cleveland Brown. It's like, it's like, I don't put on some beyond saying, oh, this is going well. And you go throw it off with some Cleveland. Like imagine like having giving birth to your child and then looking at a torrential loser. Like it's like, it's like, you know, born under a bad son. That's born under a bad team. I'm not doing that. Not you know, about the room of my baby's like, hey, that is so funny. Well, you you kind of hinted at this a little bit when you were saying that you the Netflix situation kind of forced you to go into like an early labor. Can you talk to like just for our listeners who might not know the backstory with what happened to you at Netflix? I guess like tell us what happened at Netflix. And then also if you can kind of share how you are feeling about it now. Yeah. So around October 2021 Netflix released a Dave Chappelle special that was basically super transphobic. It was like the second of what eventually became three. I think she was the second that eventually became four, I think. Different comedy specials. And so essentially when this happened, I was the head of both Black Hat and Trans Start Netflix, which are employee resource groups that are set up to basically, you know, support various employees, but also to advocate for, you know, people, you know, different diverse different people's diverse opinions. Right. And so when the Dave Chappelle thing happened, what initially kind of figured my concern was that I was getting a bunch of outcry from employees saying, hey, like I'm, I literally don't know if I can work here anymore. Like as a trans person, I don't feel safe all the time and to find out that, you know, my company, you know, is knowingly supporting this is like a concern. And so what I did is I actually reached out to HR and said, hey, these people are reporting to me that they're having a mental health crisis. Like to me, this sounds like this is a true HR issue. Let's discuss what we can do. And so the part of that discussion, you know, you know, I was able to help facilitate something I called like the trans day of like rest where everyone who was a TDNC person was going to get the ability to kind of take the day off and not be penalized. I reached out to like various executives around the company, and I got permission from all of them. But at the same time, someone was taking like anything I posted and Slack or via email and they were actually, you know, sending that directly into like newspapers and things like that. Right. So it's like, you know, unnamed leader says blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So people just generally thought that, you know, somehow I must be doing this or whatever. But the reality is, again, I'm a K from Mississippi who builds technology products. Who do I know in the press before this? I did not. And so instead what I was focused on was just trying to be data driven and find data to support my opinion, right, which actually ended up being, you know, just some extent, you know, data, at least the data we had suggested that it was correct. Was that like essentially, even though Netflix might get acclaimed, like so maybe an award or maybe it might get a lot of views, the price in Netflix might pay for a special that is, you know, a day should pal special or, you know, some other very controversial person that offends a great deal of people may not actually return the same ROI on a special that is incontroversial, right. There's just funny, right. They cost like a 10th of the price. And so the idea of being that, you know, economically, you actually probably could go out and buy 10 of those other specials for one day should pal create the type of diversity of opinion in ways that people really want, right. And also, you know, mitigate some of the hard that you're doing by putting Dave Chappelle's message out there, you know, without any context. And that was my point. And I think that's important because, you know, I'm a very pragmatic person, right. You know, Netflix, the reason Netflix has had so much success is because they are the, you know, they're the streamer who lets people be free, who lets people do things that they wouldn't do anywhere else. And so taking that away from Netflix would take away the competitive advantage. And as someone who's a product leader and a business person, I have a personal responsibility to deliver value to investors, right. So there's never a goal to take away the competitive advantage. But there is always a goal to look at that information and see if there's a way to take that and become more successful, right? And that was my goal. Well, someone took that same memo and basically leaked it to an insurer. And so even though I'm not the one who leaked it, at the very least, you know, Netflix said I showed bad judgment by creating the memo, and that's ultimately why I was terminated. But you know, the thing that I thought was really, really fascinating is that I always thought of myself. So this is going to be a very weird association to go with me. All right. So dig training, like the dude is definitely like probably an evil, like Austin powers ass type dude. But he obviously was running things, right? He was able to get everything he wanted to get done done. So when I actually thought about myself in life, I always thought about myself more like a big trade. Like I'm the person in the back who's like, let me go over here and get this data right. Let me get all this infrastructure right? Let me make sure we hide and write people so we can get the job done, right? I don't need to be the one in the front. Like I've never been like that. It's also, I'm short. Right? So like, what is going to look like with me having to step up on steps, tools and stuff, thoughts people. So I always understood where my lane was. And so this Netflix thing became bizarre because then I had to be this person who was out there in the front. And I was like, I really don't like this. But I am trying to now navigate being infamous in some circles and using that infamy to be able to at least bring awareness to things that are important. And so that is the CLDR. I got fired for being right. And then I won when they tried to say that. Yeah, I like characters, essentially. So there was also a walk out, correct? Oh, yes, yes, yes. So we did so so that the day of the day of rest became a walk out. So the group voted to do the walk out. And since I was terminated like a few hours before the walk out, I actually was able to speak at the walk out. Because we weren't allowed to speak as Netflix employees. But since I wasn't employee anymore. I got to say my piece. So you said that that like level of stress was like sent you through kind of an early labor. Was it just. Was it because you were like in the media? Was it because you were working for a company that was, you know, creating some of this content? Like what what kind of contributed to that level of stress? Would you say? Well, I think first and foremost, it was just this idea that like, you know, all these people are coming to me saying, you know, how can you help us? Right. And it's like, you know, even though I set myself up for these leadership roles, like you don't really think you're going to have to go. You know, be a leader through this, right? Like you're thinking, okay, maybe we have an entire issue. We need to get our benefits plan change. Like that's what I signed up for. Right. I think that's the first thing and taking other people's emotions, you know, on like that. It was a lot. Right. So that's one thing. But the second thing is is that people were legitimately calling texting harassing like all times today. You know, the good thing is I'm pretty good at like not paying attention to social media. But even with me, like, you know, I would see a notice with like, you know, my name on social media with people questioning whether like I, you know, and, you know, a real human like I know why everyone thought I was a trans woman. And I was like, how would you change like, like, why would I be pregnant? I was like, can you can we talk about? Can we talk about how this works? I, you know, how the human body works, you know, the birds and the bees, which also I learned a lot about people not understanding the birds and bees. Like, like, you know, full stock. And so I think, you know, it was just like this very, yeah. But yeah. So it was just like, it's just in general. And then obviously, you know, it's going from having also knowing this, you have this huge salary. You take you know, I was the breadwinner at the time for my family, right. And so it's also just like, okay, not only has all this gone crazy. But I don't know if we can actually afford this baby. Right. I don't know. Like, you know, now all of a sudden it's like, oh, wait, like every decision. Like, you know, we, we plan our life pretty perfectly. We did the things we're supposed to do. And now everything is feels much more precarious. Right. Which means like, you know, it's not that surprising why I care about this idea of creating, you know, people talking about the social safety net. But you know, for me, it's just like, why is the floor and the ceiling so far apart? Right. We should be constantly lifting up the floor so that the ceiling becomes lower to us, you know, versus other way around. I love that analogy, by the way. Me too. Is that why you do your current work? Like, is the Netflix? Did this Netflix experience kind of push you into what you are doing currently? Well, I will say that I've always been, you know, so one of the fascinating things about life is that if you had access to all the information you have, you know, at any given point, what would you have done differently? You know, for me, you know, when I first went to school, I was like, I'm going to be a turn in the attorney and be clear, flexible because that's what I kind of understood is like success and you have the types of things that I was looking to have. Right. And so that's what I could kind of identify and understand. But what I was really saying is that I wanted to do really interesting compelling work. I wanted to get married and I wanted to live in a cool city and I wanted to be able to take care of my family. That's what I was really saying. Right. And if I had been able to know that, you know, product management existed or that VC existed or that I could start my own nonprofit, how might my life be different? You know, like what my life be, you know, 20% more consent. I don't know. But it is this idea of like, how can we create a paradigm where people have enough information so that it can make really excellent decisions from the very beginning. So I think you touched on you touched on this a little bit, but like the idea like you being the dig chaining. I guess with everything, what kind of how everything just kind of change and, you know, being pushed out out your position and Netflix. Like I guess how do you as somebody who really is a leader, so to speak, kind of deal with like not necessarily wanting to be at the forefront, but still wanting to do the work, especially in like today's world, where so many of our like our activists are leaders abolitionists kind of have to have this. I guess social media slashes overall perception. I guess how do you reckon with that? Yeah, you know, actually, so when I first, you know, was like navigating this space. I was trying to navigate it like very similar to other people. So I was like, I guess, you know, I have to do social media post and I need to do videos and I need to do tricks. But it felt very inauthentic to me, right? Because like there's some things I sure I want to comment about and I might want to make a post about things like that. But there's like a lot of stuff that you don't care about, right? Because it just doesn't make sense to me. I'm like it. That's they care about it. Let them talk about it. And so, you know, one of the things I think was super important was to understand that like, there's a lane for everybody, right? You know, I don't necessarily love being in the forefront, right? Because like I don't think I'm the smartest person in the most talented person to have many messages that needs to exist in the world. But what I do love is that this is now giving me a platform to put other people. Right? So for instance, you know, with our, with our various websites, we have sub stacks associated with them. And you know, I was just like, well, you know what? We should actually just offer to allow people to write on the subset. Right? Because we get so much viewership just because of who I am. And then hopefully we can help those people get more funding. Right? And then also we get to be the great place to go to find out like really cool stuff. And then since I'm a nerd, I get to have a really great place to go to find out stuff and really cool stuff too, right? So what I found is that, you know, it's okay for me to be cool with having some acclaim or some success. Because what it really means is that it gives me more opportunity to allow other people to have the type of life that they have. And in fact, you know, I was thinking about something. So one of the most challenging things for me in my life has always been that I did not like I have a healthy ego. But I probably didn't think of myself in the same way other people thought of me for a long time. And you know, someone sent it to me. I don't know how I came about. That I said, you know, I'm so thankful that so many people love me enough, hear about me enough, hype me enough and believe to me enough until I can actually do that myself. Right? And so, you know, in many ways, it's like we're trying to, you know, create that same circumstance for other people. Right? And so with that, the idea of being that, you know, through our, through the way that we view them, they can start to become in in their own self, who they should be as well. I love that. I love that. Yeah. I just love that. I love that thought process. Like, hmm. We need more people. By the way, I also think that you're extremely intelligent. So, exactly. I feel like so many people who are dumb. they are always the ones that are like, let me bring a mic. Let me talk about this. Let me, let me have an opinion. And it's always the ones that are like, no, we want you to talk more. They should. But maybe that's a, that's a show of intelligence in a way. You know, the Lulu is the Lulu. And I, yeah, what I have learned and me and Dania, who is both me and Bruce Fran, we have talked about this. Don't people have a lot of delusion, like, and I think that is because they don't know better. They literally don't think about all the things that could happen if this doesn't go right. So I think that's a lot of times why I find like they, a lot of, I find that a lot of times that people who are in certain positions or get to a certain place. I'm like, oh, you're not that smart. But it's like, you, not that smart, which is why you can think about all like I'm overthinking and over critiquing everything, everything, everything that could possibly happen. The average dumb up again, thinking about that. So they go ahead and they go get this opportunity. It's like, well, damn, had I had just gone for it, maybe. So shout out. Well, you know, there's actually a scientific thing. It's called the Dunham Kruger effect. So basically it says the dumb or you are, the more confident you are, and the smarter you are, the less confident you are because the more you understand what something entails, the less likely you would want to just simply engage in it. Right. And so that's also why, you know, the person who's just like, that's why the kid who doesn't know something can hurt, can go runs smack them into a wall and be like, okay, I'm fine. Right. But it is. So I do this talk. It's called like, you know, using, um, basically authenticity as your superpower. And so one of the first steps is thinking about the Dunham Kruger effect, right? Because you are simply at whatever stage you're at. Right. So the first day you start the podcast, you're like, everybody got a podcast. Like you can't be that hard to do a podcast. And then it's, you do, then you recording like, oh man, it didn't work for right. Like we missed that part. Like we did this for it. We got to edit this. We got to do that. And so the more you learn about it, the more you respect the process, the more you respect the process also, there's a bi-product that your product, your product becomes better. And so it is, there's a, there's a, it's actually a curve. So like, you know, and if you google it, it's a very fascinating thing. But we all have that problem, right? Because we all have overconfidence. And so we have enough experience to have the well-refaltened know that we're wrong. So we got to be, we have to figure out how to get done. That is. Yes. Well, so what the, what what what we would say is is that, you know, like, saying, you know, inside out is coming out, right? And I thought it's so funny because one, I love that movie. My son has a guy named so yet, which is why again, I question him sometimes. I am screaming. He is too. He can give us more time. I don't know. I don't know. He came through with cars though. So I was like, okay, so there's still some hope. I am screaming. Not you judging your child. Hey, baby, if you don't like it, it might not be, I don't know. I don't know. I put on Charlie the chocolate factory too. And he didn't. At first, he wasn't with the Oop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop-a-loop. That's like really. Oh, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. See your baby. Yes, that's scary. I, first of all, I'm one of the peak kids that Charlie like Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory was a scary movie. So it like said, it's slavery. So I put your son. Me too. That's all right. We haven't done the whizz yet because I don't think you can do the mic. So yeah, I think that there are some limitations. I don't know what they can do. But, um, but yeah, so like I do think that like it's like the most fascinating thing, right, getting older though. Because until you actually get older, you forget about the fact that like you were so dumb. Okay, going back to the Rihanna and the Nipples, right? Maybe. Maybe. What happens is she's like, she's like old enough and she's like, I just don't want to put these Nipples out here like that. It was so much easier when she was younger just to just show a titty. So you know what's funny is I actually, I have a different opinion. Ooh. Well, because you know she breastfeed, right? Oh, you think her boobs just don't look good anymore. Or not. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that maybe she doesn't have as much Nipple confidence right now. And so she doesn't have Nipple confidence. Maybe she just doesn't want to mouth there. Okay. I feel that. Yeah. Because I'm not saying because like some people think because like, you know, I think that you can also go through a period where you're like, you know, my body is at my body. Because I definitely felt like that. Like one, I think every human who has a baby, you should automatically get a year off. Right. And then you need to get at least a week off a month from the family too. Like you need a big case or from the family because it's crazy. But then secondly, everyone should get like after they're done having kids, they should get a free tummy tuck. Or whatever that cosmic thing, the cosmetic thing they want. Because your body is vastly different. Like even now, like, you know, my stuff is cool because like, you know, I had my baby, then I had my trans surgeries. But like if I had to sing like scars and stuff, like if I hadn't already planned on a strategy to navigate that, I'm not sure what I would do. Right. And so, you know, saying that I easily see like if you're, you know, you know, feeding your kids like, like, your, your boobs look different. Just being praying at your boobs look different. So I can imagine having a two kids over the past few years, you're just been sucking them out. You know how different they look, right? And so, and then wouldn't surprise me there in a few years after she's sure she's done with our kids. If they back out. The return of the nipple return of re re's nipples. We are awaiting. But I was just going to say, be like, I, I hate what happened at Netflix, but I am glad that you are out here. Doing the work of finding it of helping underrepresented companies, organizations to get funding who need to be out here. So really, really respect the work that you're doing and, and, and thank you for that. Well, thank you. Thank you for letting me come on here and talk about it. All right. So we're going to do that real quick. So you obviously talk about having a, yes, yes, yes, yes, son, who like I don't like oobaloo, but now that you have a toddler, how do you and your wife make time for romantic intimacy? Oh my gosh. So like, do we, like, I think that's what our answer would be. Because honestly, at this point, like, just being able to sleep in like one like weekend feels like it's the best thing in the world. Right. And I do mean that like an intro, like we obviously, you know, we have date nights and stuff like that. But it really is more about those little things, I think. It's because again, that hour only takes you so far. So being able to get in those little extra things where it's like, all right, like, you know, you go do your, you know, many petty or you go do that extra thing you want to do. And I will take them out by myself for, you know, that's the thing. And, and it's partially just about trying to do those caretaking things to, you know, help refill more than anything else, I think. Are you attracted to your wife born now, like seeing her as a parent? Because I know like we were talking about this in the prior episode that like one thing that is very attracted to me is like seeing a man do the dishes or something. And like, but seeing, I think imagining like seeing someone showing love to my child in a way and being a parent just feels like a level of attraction that I would love to see one day. So do you do you feel that at all? What I will say. So I think what happens to me is not so much attraction. It's just that like you are very clearly a team now. Right. Like you understand that there's something that like you both will kill for right you'll do anything for. And so like, you know, even though like we've been together for 10 years, I'm not sure there's anything where it's like so clear that we have 100% alignment. Right. And I think that that's nice. Right. Because, you know, culturally, like, you know, in every relationship, the most difficult thing you have to do is navigate communication. So having like that one Rosetta Stone that, you know, unlocks for both of you exactly what you need to do and what you have to do. I think it's very helpful. Come on Rosetta Stone. And come on a team. Come on. Come on to that. Baby, I never been on a team with nothing. They always been there. Have a Siri. (laughs) Always been a Cleveland Browns, okay? (laughs) (laughs) So if you could go back and prepare yourself for your sex life after tea, what would you tell yourself and why? - That's a very interesting question. I'm not sure if I tell myself anything. I'm early because like, honestly, I've read and I taught to so many people and I thought I understood everything and I was still surprised by so many things. And so in many ways, it felt like trying to do my homework, maybe feel stressed about what was normal, what was not normal. When again, you should always just run your own race, right? And once I started running my own race, that's when everything started to feel right. - All right, as always, we do our bad bitch, Hall of Fame. This is one woman or a film that we want to give their flowers and just really highlight their overall greatness in life. - I know that y'all call it the bad bitch fan. I'm gonna call it the bad chick of fame 'cause I don't usually use that word real story. So for me, it's Quinta Bronson, right? And it's for a few different reasons. So one, Abda Elementary is great, but we got to see like they did, like in here in LA, they do these like pop-ups where they like, promote the show. And so she was up there with the cast and like, the cast is like, many of them are much older than her. And you could tell that she just like, demand it. Like they like, everyone just defer to her. Everyone like, with like, look at her and say, like, should we answer this or you go answer it? And like that type of energy, that was true boss energy. And like also, you know, with her, like, you know, with this new season and the like, the will they won't say, and I said, I can't, I see it, I see how it's going. So for me, it's Quinta Bronson, you know, someone who is changing the game in her industry, but also showing that you can do it in a way that, you know, feels comfortable, makes sense for you. - I love Quinta. - I'm gonna say that because Quinta is short, you find some type of, (laughing) it feels tall phobic, that's just all I'm saying. (laughing) - So, so, so, so, so to be clear, my wife is six feet tall. - Oh wow. - Whoa. - Yeah, so I'm not tall phobic. - Ah, ah. - But I wanted to have someone who was distinct, 'cause I was like, of course, I can say, "Megan is now like, I can say all these people, "but I wanted to have, you know, one that was thoughtful." - Okay. - All right. - All right. - I love that. Who is yours? - So there is a photographer by the name of Adrian Wreck, Wreckail. She has photographed pretty much everyone. She most recently did the essence usher cover, but she shot everybody and she's just a phenomenal, phenomenal photographer and just arts. As a overall, and I've just, I've been a fan of her work for a very, very, very, very long time, but she just keeps getting better and better. And it's just the way she made. She makes black people just look so, "Oh, just something." Just, she's amazing, but she's like shot precious, she shot Doge, you can't, she shot Lizzo, like anybody who is anybody Adrian has shot and she is super fucking dope and a black woman. So shot, that's her. That's my life. - That's a shot, I'm sorry. - Someone who can capture the manteedies on usher is an artist. That's a true artist. Okay. - Okay. - That's your art piece. Okay, so I have two actually. So my first one is gonna be Shonda Rhymes because Bridgerton just came out. And I haven't watched it yet, but I just wanna give her her flowers. She went to my high school. We did not go at the same time, but she is, was like probably one of the first black people to go to my high school. So shot out to her. And I mean, just what she has done for culture, for television culture, for black women in media, like there wouldn't be the ESA rays, there wouldn't be the Quentin Bronsons without Shonda. So shot out to her. And then another person I have, her name is Anna Dio. I might be a pronouncement. - Oh, I love her. - Last name, Ronk. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous girl. I was listening to a podcast. I was covering the book of Clarence, which I did see back in the day. And I just, I've seen Anna was in it. And I was just like so happy to see her as the love interest 'cause she was just so beautiful. And it's always good to see a dark skin woman who is darker than her love interest. Like that is also really nice to see. But she's just a phenomenal actress besides just being beautiful. And I just, I hope to see her in more things. And I also saw her in a scary movie. I forgot what the name of it, but she was very good at it. - Oh, it was called the nanny. - The nanny, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That was also very good. So shot out to her. And shot out to Shonda. - Okay, oh, I forgot Bridgeton was coming back. Thank you for reminding me. - Yeah, yeah, my friend was like, oh, Bridgeton's out. And I was like, oh shit, I'm gonna watch that this weekend. - Okay. - All right. And now we're gonna do our crush of the week. This is one person that we are crushing on that gets the busy way, as they say. And my crush of the week is not someone that's crazy. I am crushing on all of those air people of person, Olivier Rastin, the creative director of Balmain, Balmain, Balmain, Balmain. I can never remember. I'm not, I'm not. - Fashion, you know, I'm not just like look. All right, it's Balmain, Balmain. - Okay. - Balmain. - But shot out to them. - Yes. 'Cause baby, that dress, that Tyler, that Tyler, the man-galladress, my chef's kids. But also like, I just love the, I am, I used to be a fashion girl. Or I used to be really into fashion, I used to be a fashion girl, I used to be a fashion girl. But I used to be a fashion girl, I used to be a fashion girl. And I used to be a fashion girl, I used to be a fashion girl. It's Coleman Domingo. Like, I don't know why, but that man, it's his wardrobe, it's his swagger. It's like, and even like the color purple, I was like, I don't know if I can do this because I love him so much and I can't deal with him being mean. But he just like navigated that so perfectly that at the end, I was like, what's he actually mean? I don't know. So, you know, that, yeah, it's Coleman Domingo. - See, I'm done with you. I'm done with you. - What's he actually mean, guessy-wether? - You shouldn't have done it. But I always like, damn, Coleman, you'd be confusing me. (laughs) I'm screaming. - So, I'm struggling with my crush of the week. I haven't thirsted out a load anymore on TikTok as a recent week. And, but I'm gonna go with someone, I don't know if I said, I probably have said this for a long time ago. This person is dead, R-F-E-T-U. But it just pops up in my mind because I miss him and I miss Lusting after him. And it is Richard Roundtree. And I love, I love this mature roundtree. He is so fucking fine. He is just such a man. - He's just a man of Savannah. And I'm sad that he's gone from us. I'm sad that I never got a chance to ride that dick. I'm really sad about it. - Really? - I'm really, really sad. So hopefully, hopefully we are together in heaven. So I can ride him to the wheels fall off. Thank you. What's out to Richard Roundtree? As always, I'm glad you'll take care of her. I'm not, I'm not. (laughing) Although I was the other day talking about how I can't wait to get to heaven so I can fuck Murlin, Santana and my friends were like, well, they're beautiful. I don't think they're as fucking up in heaven 'cause it's your about your soul. And I was like, no, my soul is fucking. (laughing) - Anyways, as always, be close and I don't go pussy-by. This is a quote that I've seen, but I think today, this quote is so perfect. It's from the Weed of Urban and it says, act even if fear is present. Act even if fear is present. I think as smart girl as we told us. (laughing) We tend to overthink things and not always be present. even one fierce president, but we got to be, we got to act. We got to continue to do things that scare us, 'cause things that scare us are usually the most worth it. All right, is there anything, any place, anything last, like any last remarks that you would like to share with the books you have? - Yeah, so first and foremost, come find us all over the internet. So I'm B Pagels, my inner, so that's B P A G E L S and my N O R, everywhere. So that's LinkedIn, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, all that stuff. My company, DeVirtant Ventures, is DeVirtant Without the Vows, because we take shortcuts to get people capital quickly versus prolonging the work. - Wow. - That's DBR, G N T, V E N T U R E S, and then our nonprofit is a wealth salon. So T E T H E W E A L T H S A L O N S dot com. And again, the wealth salons is the name, and the Virtant Ventures is the name across all sorts of media. We also will be having events across the country and we have a virtual community as well. So we are super excited to bring people on all over the country starting today, 'cause we just relaunched the website, which is very exciting. And so we are really, really hopeful that we get to expand our message rapidly across the country. - And I will be signing up, 'cause I need to get some wealth. - Come try to be a bro. - Yeah, come try to be a bro. It's very try to apart, - Negative 5 out of 10. All right, V, thank you so much for taking the time, to speak to us. I hope you feel better. - Hey, it's all good, 'cause the cold mostly the hate itself so I'm happy. - You did a very good job. - Great job. And thank you so much. We love you and I hope you have a good quiet time, good quiet time with one hour tonight. (laughs) - Hopefully you get 90 minutes. That's why I'm more afraid. - Yes. - Yes. - Okay, ready to be awesome. - Yes. - All right. - As always, Bussi High. Thank you for coming. Thank you for being here. We love you. And yeah, Amber, any last words. - Not ever sicker, the way you're making your head. Like, baby. - No. - Yeah, just. - Yeah, I wanna order me some ribs and. (clapping) - And call it a night, okay? Like, my last words are, I hope all of us get our 90 minutes of just quiet time, 'cause whether we have children, whether we have responsibilities, whether we have an A-Shit man, whatever it is, I hope you get 90 minutes of good time to yourself and order your comfort food. And I'm gonna do that after this. - All right. As always, Bussi High. We thank you for loving. Bye. - Bye. (upbeat music)