Episode 5: Talking Injuries with Matthew Maloney

Welcome to When Hogs Fly. This is your go-to podcast where athletes and coaches spill the tea on their sports journeys, share expert tips on training and game strategies and dive into the big topics like mental health and motivation. You'll hear personal stories of passion, grit and a whole lot of heart. So kick back, relax and join us for a front row seat to the stories that make sports so warm and electrifying. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of When Hogs Fly. Today we have Matt here for an episode where we're going to talk a lot about injuries and all that good stuff that comes along with them. So I'm going to turn the floor over to him to let him introduce himself and we'll get started. Yeah, so guys, I'm Matthew Maloney. Basically I, you know, Play football at Clemson had a bunch of injuries that happened 3 ACL, you know, five minor surgeries. Unfortunately, and I was medically disqualified and basically, you know, from that I started learning like how to kind of train in a little different way. Kind of learning more about the body and I just really want to prove that no one dressed to let me know and just define you. And yeah, it started running my own business related to just me helping athletes come back from knee injuries, you know, it would make me pain because it's really cool. The body is really crazy and you can train a certain way to beat whatever you want to be. Just based on training and that's what I've been doing, you know, and that's been going great doing it for past five, six months and yeah, I'm loving every second of it. You know, I'm passionate about it, which is, you know, which is awesome. Definitely. Yeah, so we'll just jump right in. So in regards to injuries, injuries can be all kinds of ones. Sometimes they're things that are easily healed in a couple weeks. Sometimes they're things that make it so you can no longer participate in your sport. So when you had your first injury, was it something that was kind of an easier come back or was it something that was going to take a long time? Yeah, so that first injury had was in ACL. So I mean, when you have an ACL injury, I mean, that's a long recovery process. And it's one of those things too. You don't really know until you're there. You know, when we hear about injuries like, oh, ACL, like, oh, just hear about it, you don't really understand. That's why there's such a lonely problem when you're injured, because nobody gets it really. And we were talking about that the other day, but, you know, it just feels like nobody really understands. So you don't understand to their dare. And yeah, it kind of flipped a switch in my brain, because I, you know, went through a lot of that post injury kind of depression toward life. You know, you can't do the things that you want to do. Whole life, you're playing sports. You know, at 100%, you get joy playing the thing, doing the things that you want to do. You know, it brought me a lot of happiness. So being limited like that was kind of a big thing. Where it's like, wow, this is my new life right now for the next six to eight months. So yeah, no, it was very different. It was a long-term recovery. I'll tell you what though, which is crazy is right after that injury was like the day after. Co-sweeney in the team meeting, like, he played a video. I don't know if you've ever seen the video good by Jacco. I don't know if you ever seen that video. Yeah, to this day, it's like, it's my favorite video. All the time. It's like two minutes, twenty seconds long. Just basically talking about like how any adversity is always going to be some good that comes out of it, no matter what. And basically just looking at adversity as an opportunity to grow, to learn. And I was like, wow, like, if you can look at life that way in adversity, there's no way you can lose. And that kind of changed everything for me. It was like, okay, how can I always look at something negative and think, okay, good. I can do this. I can come back and be better. This is the opportunity. But I will say, well, it's kind of that first injury was kind of, I don't know, it was kind of, it was eye-opening. Incidentally, it was angry stuff. Yeah, I remember my coach having a similar conversation to me. I think it was when I was in her office and I was telling her, I am having it two more surgeries. And I'm basically not going to be able to play the cross anymore following this year. And I remember she had said to me, she was like, you know, I know it seems really difficult now. Try and maybe look on the lessons that you might learn from this. See if you can see the positive. And whichever said, I was like, gosh, I'm like, I know. Like, that's what everyone says. It's like, look on the positive side. And it's a really challenge when you're faced with something that's kind of a, this career and doing injury. And, you know, I remember I think I said to her where I was like, I had had these two other surgeries prior to this year and a half before. I learned a lot about myself through those surgeries. And so I kind of tried to take that same mindset. So when she was saying it to me, as much as I wanted to roll my eyes and be like, oh my gosh, I hate when people say this. I also understood the validity of it. I also understood in a different way because I already been there. That this is going to suck. And this is really going to try me and test my patients. But I'm going to figure something out about myself through this that's going to be helpful for me later on. I definitely think for me that was such a huge thing. And I think one of those big things was that compassion for other athletes. And kind of like what you were saying is where nobody got it. Nobody understood it. I was like, okay, I get it now. And now I can use the information I have to kind of, you know, you have a teammate that's not injured. And now you understand what they're experiencing in some regard. And you guys can kind of help each other a little bit. 100%. And then if you've been there and done that, you can really help them because I mean, just the depression, the sadness, the loneliness is so real. And it's nobody really thinks about it. You don't really expect it until it's there. And it's like having that having somebody there is huge for you. And just kind of like helping you with the whole process in general. So yeah, I'm sure you helped a bunch of teammates with that. I was the same way too. It's like after I've been injured, I just feel like, you know, I can supply just a lot of information for a lot of valuable advice and wisdom. But it's tough though. And like I said, it's easy just like grow your eyes, but, you know, I kind of had a fun experience where I had a teammate who is in the NFL right now. So his name was a Murray Rogers. And he actually he tours ACL. I think it was his sophomore year. And he came back. It was an crazy times. I haven't had months. And I think his first game back. It was like the next like three days later, I told my ACL. Remember he came up to me. And I'm like sad. I'm like trying on the field and everything. I'm just sitting at the wall. I'm just saying, I know, I know it's ACL because, you know, they do the little tests and it's just you know why I'm like, I don't know. But he came up to me and like only said it was just it was just like three words. It's just like it's all mental and like walked away. And I was like, what is that? I feel like a movie and like as he's walking like, what do you mean? What? No, come back. But basically like the further along my god, it was like, it really is. And these are 90% mental, you know, if not more. It's just that mental battle that is it's a challenge. Oh, yeah. And it's it's everything really is all mental. And it's like you can look at it. You know, the optimistic about it. You can put your head down to work. It was to give it the entire not look ahead. That's a gift. I'm going to give yourself a chance. You know, but yeah, it's I was the same. I reacted the same way that when I first was here, they just keep your head. I'm going to come back and be better. It's like, come on. And you just have to say that. Yeah, you're like, this is just like a default answer. Like, come on. Yeah. No, I don't like it. And I think to like, there's going to be times in that recovery. You're probably not feeling even with that. Hey, like it's mental. I know that you need to try and kind of keep a positive mindset. There are going to be times where that is just not how the day is going. And like, that's totally okay. I mean, it was when I had my first surgery. I had just like it was a week after my teammates had drove through my like my city on the way to school. And I remember they're driving by and I'm like, wow, where I should be. It should be going to this together. And not how my surgery week later. And it was it was tough. I mean, don't get me wrong. It sucked. But I was everyone was in school and it wasn't lacrosse season. So it was bad. But it wasn't as rough as I think when I had my second surgery, which was in March, which is in the height of lacrosse season. And I'm watching my teammates games. I'm watching, you know, my other friends from college who were playing. So I'm watching a lot of across. And you're just like, no one would be out there so bad. And I'm, you know, laying in my living room because I can't do the stairs inside hip surgery. So I've got a mattress, you know, living room and just watching the games on TV. And the older of the times this is really, really tough mentally because you want to be doing something that you love so much, but you're physically not able to. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. And that's what we talked about the other day. It's almost like when you're injured, feel like you're not really like a part of a team because you need to grow. You need to grow bonds when you're going through tough times. You know, when you're going through the rough and you're going through the hard. That's when you grow bonds. That's when you grow with people. There's that aspect of like, you feel like you're really like your part of the team and not really, you know, you're not doing the things that they're doing. Yeah. And it's, it's, it's, it's very different, you know, and I think that that's why the stat of like 42% of athletes that have an interview, like go through some kind of some form of like depression. And it's like, whoa, that's a crazy step. You know, that's a high number, but it's like, you don't have to go through like these injuries and stuff like you and I know that like, okay, I can make sense. You know, it really, really makes sense. But yeah, especially when it like, if it's your first injury, because I think you grow up and you know that people get injured in sports. I teammates in high school who tore ACLs or had shoulder injuries or things like that. But until it happens to you, I think there's almost as kind of. This is separate for me because it's, you're not experiencing it versus when you actually do have to go through it and you just kind of are sitting there all the time being kind of like, okay. This is not what I thought this was going to be, you know, I would see teammates who had injuries and everyone seemed as though they were doing great. And there are definitely those times where you're in a group setting and maybe you're not necessarily feeling mentally great about your injury, but you know, you're smiling, having a good time. And your teammates might think that that means that everything's great, everything's cool. But when you experience that injury for yourself, you can really kind of see where that kind of isolation, but also that kind of that depression and that sadness really starts to kind of take over. Even when you have days where you're with teammates or with friends and you are smiling, you have these really strong emotional feelings that are going on that nobody seems to understand because they've never experienced it. And that I think for me, that was so, so challenging is that I had come home from school in May and I wasn't having my surgery until the end of August. And so it was almost this pre-surgery mindset where I hadn't had the surgery yet, but you know, it was always in pain. I wasn't going back to school, I wasn't training for lacrosse, and it was like everybody else was doing the things that we had always done during the summer. You know, you're in your off season, so you're doing your training, you're in the gym, you're playing volleyball, you know, you're going to pick up league, all that kind of stuff. And I was already mentally, I had already mentally had my surgery. I was already, I was like, I've been there, I did it, had it, even though it hadn't happened yet. Because I was already experiencing all of those feelings of that isolation and that I just want to be out there with my teammates and that's just not physically an option anymore. Nobody understood it, nobody got it, nobody, there just wasn't a lot of, there was no resources that I could turn to that understood I was experiencing. I think that just made it so much worse, and you know, you have the surgery and then you're like, I mean, I couldn't, I couldn't walk basically. I was like, I was non-way bearing for a month on my leg and I had a walker and so I was very limited to basically my living room, which just made it all the worse. Because I couldn't go visit friends and it just was a bigger challenge than, but it just kind of made those kind of those not great feelings so much worse, especially when I was like nobody understands what I'm going through either. Yeah, and I think the toughest part about that too is that you don't want to act like you feel bad for acting real and being saddened for them. Because you don't want to be a burden, you know, I felt like when I would come home or when you're in the locker room, I just want to sit here and just cry. But what do you, you can't really do that because it's like, you know, the world's moving on, you're not thinking about you. But it's like, you don't want to be a burden to them. That's where it's like, I always felt like, let me just put a mask on. Let me put a mask on when that kind of builds up and you know, honestly hurt even more, but I tried to act happy when I really wasn't at times and that's just, it can be very common. Because that is just, because they don't get it, you really just, you feel bad for feeling bad for being sad in front of them. I totally get that. It's amazing. Yeah, and it's tough when you're on a team where you either have a really strong team environment and you guys are, you know, good friends, maybe outside, but even, even if you're not great friends outside, you guys are still really good teammates. And I mean, I remember having to tell my teammates that I wasn't coming back and I kind of that mask that you're talking about. I did it in the, probably the least sensitive way I could have. I mean, we're sitting in our sandwich shop on campus that has like chairs that like booths that you can sit and do homework. And I was always in this place doing homework. I was telling a friend of mine and I had just left my coach's office and I'm telling a friend of mine about it. My other teammate comes up and she overhears the end of it where my friend was like, oh my gosh, let me know how things go. I hope it, you know, things she's not good and she's like, what was that? And I was like, oh, let me tell you about that. And so I tell her and our classes, like, they start and ends on the same schedule. But my whole team would all come to the same place and we'd either be outside hanging out or inside this place. Just chill in for these 15 minutes in between class. And all my teammates start showing up as I'm telling this story. And I'm kind of just like, yep, so by the way, I'm actually not coming back. Yeah. And that was like, it was, that was it. And he had to go to class. And my, one of my good friends on the team, we were weights partners and we had weights the afternoon. So I tell everybody this, they go to class and then we all have to go to weights and we're benching. She, she's crying. She's spawning her and she turns and she's got tears in her eyes. I'm like, oh my gosh, what's going on? And she's like, aren't you sad? And I was like, oh, yeah. Like, yes, but I can't cry in public like this. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, if I'm crying at home, I'm like, I don't want to do that in front of you guys. I feel really weird about that. And it's just me personally. And so I really got the whole mask right. It was like, you're at practice and every practice, I knew a nice thing. But it was also kind of a sad thing to know that that season was going to be your last season, not because you didn't want to play anymore, but because you physically couldn't do it. It was nice in the sense of like, I think it made me more grateful for everything. I think I was so much more present. But at the same time, it was like, well, this is the last time I'm doing this. This is the last time I'm doing that. And that was a big challenge. And I just couldn't, I couldn't always express my emotions on that all the time. Because I was like, I'll be crying all the time then. Yeah, once you start, you can't stop sometimes. Yeah, it's kind of insane. I'm totally with you, you know, with that. And it's, yeah, I don't know about how you felt, but when you knew it was over, and this is it, for me, it was just kind of like, I grew up, sports was kind of life. And then when it's kind of over, it's like, what do I do now? And it's like, you know, one of my roommates actually in the past told me, it was like, you know, Matthew, I feel like your life, like all you are is football. And it was like, I start thinking like, dude, stop. I'm not like, oh, I am football. And I thought about it. I'm like, throughout my day, it's like injuries and football. We're covered to get back to football, talk football, talk about other teams in football, talk about play. My life just consisted of just like, just football and like, maybe some school came there. And then when I was taking away, it was like, okay, now what? You know, and that was kind of a scary feeling of like, what do I do, you know, who am I? Who am I now? You know, without football, without the things I've been doing my whole life, that like brought joy. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and that's another scary feeling, too. Yeah, I always say like, this is how I knew that like, my identity was so in my sport, was that there was like two, but one of the ones that's kind of funny is when I was in high school, I had taken history class, and I had so much lacrosse gear from like my high school, from my club team, from tournaments, then my teacher started calling me lacrosse girl. And like other people in the class did it as well. And I remember the one time I'm not wearing something and he's like, oh my gosh. Did you like house burn down? Like what happened here? Like, where are all your clothes? And I'm like, I'm doing laundry. And I do have other clothes, you know? But it was this thing that like people were like, she plays lacrosse, and you know when you're in a class, and they're like, oh give us a fun fact about yourself. And the first thing you say is, oh I play lacrosse, I play football. And like this is, this is the fact that you give, and it's, don't get me wrong, it's a cool fact. But there's so many other things that like make up a person more than just that sport. But when someone would say, hey, what's, give us a fun fact about yourself, it was always, oh I play lacrosse. And I know we talked about this earlier, but like, that feeling of when it's done, then you're like, what do I do? I mean, I played lacrosse from 10 to 21. And so there was never a summer where I wasn't playing lacrosse, hitting the wall in the gym, in a pickup league or something. And then to have a summer where I like wasn't doing any of that, it was, I was so shocked. I was, I was like, what am I doing? What's going on here? And you know, it's this, I'm not sure who I am without my sport, because this takes up so much time. And one of the things that I have said before is that my injury was not fun. My surgery was not fun. I got eight screws in my pelvis now, which is always so great. The one thing that it did kind of forced me to do is it, and it gave me time to kind of figure out who I was without my sport. Because I couldn't physically play, I couldn't physically go out there and, you know, score a goal or like, run or do anything. And so it forced me to kind of go, all right, if this is something I can't do, I've now got loads of time to figure out what it is that I wanted you, the things that I like. And I think for somebody who has an injury, it doesn't have to, you don't have to have some game plan the minute you're injured. There is no need for that. It took me months to figure out things that I enjoyed doing outside of my sport that maybe I didn't have time for when I was in my sport or that I just never really considered. But it took a long time for me to be like, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to try this hobby, I'm going to try this activity. See if I like it, see if it's something that I enjoy doing. It's not always something that you are going to do as to kind of like take the place of your sport, but it's more about just exploring things outside of your sport, I think. Yeah, and what's cool too is what you're doing now is well with it, and it's all related too. Like it is kind of crazy how, you know, if it wasn't for what you're injured, it wasn't for like what you've been through and knowing all that stuff and going through that. What you wouldn't be most likely to be wrong, but you most likely wouldn't be doing what you're doing now. Absolutely, and like terms of like no and relate to people. I would say that, you know, it seemed like the worst that had ever happened to me, it had been probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Just because, I mean, for me it was just that injury that took me away from the game, but now what I'm doing is kind of using that in like, I'm doing my business now because of that. In showcasing that, no one do does that to me. Yeah, exactly. So it's cool, and I think it's even better now than it was when I was playing because it's like, I actually, I can help people go through this. You know, I want to make a difference. I want, and it's crazy because nobody wants to talk about it, but it's so true how like injury sucked. It's like, you know, we want to say accept it. It's like, you know, it's like, yeah, I do. I'm like, I'm down. I'm really sad right now. I don't know what to do. And so, you know, I know. And that's kind of a special feeling where if you get the chance to talk about that, relate to somebody and then encourage them and make them like see the bright side. I mean, that alone just, it gives me someone's joy, you know, and just inspiring other people, encouraging other people. In relating, because people just want to feel we hurt. Yeah, they're like, nobody gets it, dude, like nobody gets it. I'm like, I know, I know, like I'm with you. I know what he does. And especially like someone to kind of almost validate when it's not going well, because we just talked about that. Well, I've looked on the bright side, and I think sometimes that messaging is really consistent throughout your entire recovery. And when you have someone who gets it, I think you can have those conversations of like, I understand that there's a bright side to this, but like today, this really sucks. And today, this is really not that great. But I also understand like, this isn't permanent. It's not forever. But I do think that like, when you can relate to someone like you can and how now you're like helping other people, you can also offer that. Hey, there was going to be times where this really does blow, and it does, you know what I mean? But now there's this other side where, hey, now look what I can do with this, because I've experienced this. I went through it. I was there when it was bad. I was there when it was good. And now I'm able to kind of help other people with it as well. Yeah, yeah, 100%. My two favorite sayings are, you know, everything in life happens for you, not to you. And then, you know, and this is all I got this from Cooksweeny and everything is amazing. Big respect upon life, he's incredible. But every day happens for you, not to you. And then also life is, you know, 10% of what happens down a percent, how you respond to everything. It's just so true. You know, you can kind of look at life is, you know, this didn't happen for a reason. This isn't to me. This is for me. In the day, you know, God never says, oops, with anything, you know, and in the moment it's hard to understand at times, but you're going to look back and be like, hmm, I get it. And just kind of remembering that is so comforting, you're knowing that, like, I never says, oops, you know, this is happening for me, not to me. You know, so let me do be the best that I can be. You know, let me say, let me make the most of my situation. This is an opportunity to do that. You know, it's an opportunity to showcase, you know, how much of a warrior you are, warrior I am, you know, to inspire other people. And that's comforting, having that mindset, like almost nothing to lose. Like, yeah, everything's for me. You know, okay, then like, let's go. You know, I love that. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, I don't know. It kind of changed everything once you start thinking that way. It might be. Yeah. So when you had your first surgery, what, like, how? So I always, my first surgery, I was a freshman college. It was week three of the season in practice, you know, running down on scout team running down and on a little scout team kick off and I cut. And I was like, why in the world is that? And it's just with crazy feeling that hurt like crazy for like three seconds then, like, you know, I was like, well, so I'm fine. You know, you must be fine. And like, when the coaches and like coach Swini, two of the trainers came up to me, when it started getting numb, I'm like, oh, shoot. Like, I just made a big scene about this. I was like, maybe I'm fine. Like, this is awkward. What if I'm actually fine? You know, I don't want to feel like I'm a baby. And then I'm good. Like, let me, let me get up. Let me get up. And I got up. It was just like, whoa, I'm like, I was so shaky. I was like, okay, there's nothing in there. But yeah, yes, I was a freshman in college. I never really had any like crazy major injuries. You know, until then, I did in high school. I got seeded. I've been part of that. But basically, yeah, I like to play to my body and everything. So I didn't play sports for my sophomore year, lost like 20 pounds. But other than that, you know, it wasn't really as like as bad as or dramatic as like an ACL or as soon as I got into college. You know, when was your first? Yeah. So I had I tore both of my labor freshman year and it was like the first one is my left one and it was we're running we're running sprints. And I just planned it and I turned and I just felt something shift. And I remember like walked out the field and I looked to my friend and I was like, yeah, something's not right. And it took so long to get any imaging for if it was actually like born or anything. And they confirmed it like months later in my MRI and I remember a month after that. And at this point, like I had already registered it for the year because I was like, something's not right. Like I know something's wrong. I'm just waiting for a doctor's appointment. And I it was like a month after this and it was like, move out weekend or something that was dropping off my friend and I pull back into my parking spot and I get out of my car and as I'm getting out my tear my right one. And like I'm not in like I'm not even out of the car. I'm literally shifting out and it just like pops like it was it was the weirdest thing and so I had surgery. Those ones were just nice easy gopes surgeries. So I had the first one in May that summer and then in July and then I went to school in August and I had the brace so it wasn't terrible. But it was definitely it was weird having them back to back. I, but it's like you said in her for a second and then it was whatever, but you kind of know something's not right. Yeah. And especially as an athlete, I think it's sometimes easy to kind of gloss over some of the injuries because you're just always hurt. Oh my gosh, my body hurts. But these were these kinds of injuries that didn't necessarily hurt all the time. But mine made a lot of noise. My hips were clicking like crazy. And I'm like that's not normal. I was like something's not right and I could just feel that. And so yeah, they were just like these are torn. Yeah, it was definitely definitely an interesting thing. But I had registered that year and then started my sophomore year. I had transferred to another school. So it was definitely what we talked about earlier where being injured and then trying to bond with your team when you can't physically participate. It was a huge challenge. I was new to the school and I couldn't do conditioning. I couldn't practice. I couldn't go to weights and going to those things was so mentally drained. I remember I went to my coaches office and I was like coach listen. I can't go. I mind just taking flight. Every time I'm in here, I remember one day I'm doing like we had our read like a weight room. And then our cardio room was right next to it. And there was like this small hallway that connected them. We didn't have a door. So you could like hear what was going on when you were in the cardio room. And I think they were deadlifting and I could have deadlift. I'm doing setups that my I'm like doing a program that my assistant coach had like written out for me. And I'm doing these setups and I'm crying because they're doing something I'm like, oh my gosh, what I would give to deadlift right now. I'm like what I would give to just literally I want to run the sprints. Let me run the sprints. I don't care. I'm playing like altars this like thing where it's like when you can't do it like the the amount of like gratefulness I felt when I finally could I was like this is awesome. But I will say at the same time I I had surgery in July and I was back in January and it was a challenge. I, you know, they were like, oh, it's like a three to six month recovery. It'll be like the easy mine was not like that. I mean, I woke up for my right hip surgery in pain. And I did not have a day where I wasn't in pain until I had this other surgery. So about two years. And it was just like I never played the cross the same way again. And that was a huge mental thing for me. Because some of it was the mental block if I'm going to cut and I'm going to plant turn and I'm going to tear it. But some of it was also just like I you know when you have an injury and you're trying to get back for a season. There's not always enough time in between you know the surgery and like hey you're good to return to your sport in the sense that you can return to your sport. You might not be at the same level that you were prior because that you have to get your muscle back and you have to get your speed back things like that. And that was what I didn't know because I never had a surgery before I never had anything like that. And now I was going back and I wasn't 100% but season was starting and it was just that was such a mine thing for me. I'm curious if you had you had any of that because I know you had more injuries and more knee surgeries as well. And so was that like something that you dealt with throughout the multiple times? Yeah it ends you know that that's always like a huge fear of coming back it's like dang you always have me back to your head. It's like okay I just want you to come back out there I don't want you to get in but like my base here is always what if I'm not the same but I come back. That was always just a massive fear of mine. And a lot of times when you first get back out that you're finally like cleared you know a lot of times you're not the same. You know and it's not you're not like a hundred percent confident you know you're not as like fully explosive. You're missing that little last little bit of the extra gear. And I specifically remember my Liz Frank's surgery so I had a foot surgery as well. So I had a three ACL one had a three minuscuses two long two ACL one by itself and I had a foot surgery. And I have to come back from that foot surgery because I came back pretty quick. Give me back to the season and I was not the same and it took a major toll on me because I'm like dang I suck. And I felt like in my head I'm like you're thinking about what other people think and you're like they must think I'm a scrub. And that just absolutely killed me in my head I'm like dang I'm not as good as I was you know they think I suck. I'm like no I'm really better than this but I can't talk about it you know I got to show them and that was really tough. I think that that's something that's honestly not talked about enough is that first return to sport that feeling of like you're kind of in spin a while. You know a lot of times if you don't like something for a while in general just took a bunch of tongue off you come out a little bit rusty. You know adding the fact that you're a little bit nervous and I'm heartless and confident. You know maybe a little bit like you're missing the extra gear that you're supposed to miss. You know it's like dang it's tough but it's really tough and you feel like you know everybody around is you better. And you're like dang this isn't how I used to be. You know that can be head alone it's very that's that it's a really sad feeling. Can I even ever be the same? Oh yeah no for sure. And that was the conversation I had with my mom I remember before I went out to school and I was like I'm just really worried about this. If I can't play lacrosse the same way if I'm not as good as I as I was then like what else is there especially when at that point my whole identity was across it was how well I was doing how bad I was doing. It would make up your day. You know like it makes you break your day based on like if you fold well in a game and scrimmage you know it's like oh you feel you walk out of the lock influence so confident. You know if you played like crap it's like no my whole day is ruined. You know and I would go home and I'm doing my film and I'm just like man and you know as athletes I think we're more critical of ourselves than other people are. And I think it's tough to see that for sure when you're in it but now that I'm out of it I'm like wow I was not always nice myself when I was writing down my stats and watching film and like taking notes and stuff. But I have that conversation with my mom where I was just like if I can't play the same way like what. There was a conversation where I was like what's the point what is the point if I can't play lacrosse to the best of my ability what is the point and it was like I love the sport like oh my gosh I still love the sport. Like my whole thing and my mom just goes it's muscle memory it's like writing a bike she's like you've been doing this so long you know how to throw ball you know how to catch you know how to do all those things just like rely on that but that first game that was maybe the most stressed I'd ever felt in my college career so far and you know I was a senior during COVID and so I didn't play my senior year of high school and then I didn't play my freshman year of college so I my brain was like I played since I was a junior. I'm like this is so terrible oh my gosh I'm what am I going to do what am I going to do and that first game was so mentally challenging because it felt like a statement game. It felt like that game set the tone for the rest of the season coming back for my injury and it was not a good game for me. So it was definitely one of those where then I was like oh my gosh like I'm terrible but also I wasn't performing the way I wanted to and I was not feeling well. Like my hips were we were not on the same page and that was a huge a huge thing was that I was so it was just a game like it was just a game but it felt like kind of what you were saying where it's like I can't explain to somebody how it feels so I just have to like show that I'm like good to go and I'm capable of this and then to feel like I wasn't doing that was super challenging for me mentally. Yeah 100% yeah no I'm totally with you and it's funny because like as athletes were naturally like performance based you know that's how we think this results oriented and which can be such a struggle because you don't want to be that way because you always want to be inside out outside in but you know you feel like you're most like you're worth a lot of times is how you're performing. And a lot of times you think about you know as a kid what are the things that you really like doing is the things that you do that you know like a lot of times you know if you like or you'll not like something but then you start doing it over and over again think about like you know when you first learn to like if you were to ski first time you start getting better and better like this is so fun now you know or even people like lifting weights you know they get the beginner gains and they're like they seen it and they're seeing growth and everything like that it becomes so fun. You know a lot of times as athletes it's like you like the things that you are good at and that's where it almost where you're saying like what's the point of doing it if I'm not the same anymore I totally get that. I totally get that because that's like you always want to be the best version of yourself you know in general and it's like what if I'm not good anymore or as good it's like what is the point you lose a little bit of joy for the game because you know where you were to know that where you thought you could be and yeah so no I'm 100% relate to that just that whole you know performance space you know kind of kind of mindset I think a lot of athletes have that in general. It can be tough. Well then especially you know when you're out there and now you're like we're talking about you're an athlete who's this performance based results oriented person and it's not that you're not trying it's not that you're not putting an effort but your body is just not cooperating the way that you used to and that was such a huge eye opener. I kind of thought you had these surgeries you just went back to you like we're good to go and I have these surgeries and I'm not good to go after this. This is not it's not as it's not as easy as it looks like from the outside and that was always a big thing was that you know I'm such a people pleaser and I care about what people think about me and so I was very much like oh my gosh my teammates think that I suck. Like what you said but I can't tell you like you know it felt like an excuse to like I had hip surgery you know six months ago and what I could tell you valid reason to like he my body doesn't move the same way but to me it always felt like this is an excuse and I had that conversation with my coach once where we were doing a lot of sprint work and I remember I had to talk to her and I was like coach if you want me good for a game I can't be. Gas and out on these we were doing so much long term running that I was like I just get me on the bike I was like I'll bike the miles I won't do anything else but I'm like I'm like I can only do these runs in the game if you want me to be good for the games because I was just like I my body can't keep up. Because it's like you have these surgeries you rehab and then you go right into a season and there's no time to get back the stamina the strength a lot of that and I'm my coach I have enough for like a game and that's it and then I'm you know I mean there were times where I'm having to sit out practice because I'm in so much pain. I'm getting my hips scraped out which I don't know if you've ever had that done but it's really not fun but I was just like I was like coach I want to participate I want to be here but I'm not like I physically can't do this amount of stuff I have to alter some of this stuff to make it work so that way I can actually play in these games and you know we're like alright so I'll bike while the team's running. I don't want to not participate even if it's sprints even if we're in trouble and we're running that's just not yeah that was never something that I wanted but I'm like if I run this route today I'm not going to be able to walk tomorrow like I'm going to be in someone being a lot of pain and that was just kind of the conversation that her and I had to have but those are those are challenging conversations because they do feel a lot of times like you're trying to get out of something. Yeah your teammates but like so soft yeah like oh my gosh like you get to do this and said I'm like I would love to run with you guys yeah I would actually really love that but I can't do I can't physically run for two hours of practice you know five to six days a week have these games on top of it and you're there's just not enough time to recover in between all of the things and if it's like if you have enough time to recover in between then maybe it's different. But when you're running sprints on Monday you've got a game on Wednesday a game on Friday and you're running sprints on Saturday there's not enough time for me to kind of I guess prepare you know my body after this. And so that was a conversation that was not one that I enjoyed having because it always does really feel like you're trying to make an excuse for yourself but you're trying to take care of yourself for the longevity of it. And if that means that you have to alter what you're doing in the waiting room or what you're doing at conditioning like I always say have that conversation make those adjustments so that way that you can be as present as you want to be and as you can be. If there's things that you can maybe switch out do that and if it's not going to be a big issue it's not going to be a problem. I'm going to take care of yourself make sure that you are good for the whole season because I mean I need to re I re-injured myself same two injuries so now I have two torn laborums again and I just had surgery on six months ago. So like that was where I was at was I was injured again and never enough time to recover from that really. Yeah, I think that the conversation is just like the most important to because you know your body to better than anybody you know you want to be able to just like tough in an hour and I was that way I never wanted ever start anything ever. You know and because I just didn't want to seem like I was soft or anything like me to drive me off the field. In the words just like you feel in that way in your head like am I being soft like no I'm going to be tough you know and it's like I think having the conversations important like hey this is how I'm feeling right now. You coach like I'm going to be honest I can't really do this right now like it's not like you know when you think about the course of the season you get banged up. It's not like you're just saying you're back that you're cleared and stuff it's not like you're just 100% it's never goes that you never go through way to anything. It never gets hurt again you know because all the time she gets banged up and you know it's like some days are not the best days. Some days you physically struggle getting through stuff and I think you know that that's something that's very tough and especially you see in football too. You don't want to seem soft you don't want to seem like you're not tough at all and sitting out like just don't want to seem like it's an excuse but I think it's always important just to communicate in the deck. Because I mean sometimes your coach doesn't really get it but you know I'd rather I'd rather tell a coach I'm feeling some way and him to be like well come on all right fine. And then like do something and know I'm going to hurt it more and I can't be ready for game day. So yeah they work most important thing. Okay it's game day you know. Exactly because it's like okay what's more important. Changing this spring workout to a bike workout or playing in the game in two days. I think like having those conversations they're definitely challenging but I think they are so worth it and you know I mean even I like I had I knew that that I had retorn my labor was my sophomore year so I had my surgeries in between my freshman sophomore year and my sophomore year in the spring. Planted turn and felt them and I was like yep something's not right and I just knew I'm like there's they're gone. And I just like left him for like the rest of the season though I didn't get an MRI during the summer because my surgery was just like the way the way that they I guess like stitch the ligament. They're like it looks like it's torn even if it's not until like a certain point and so left it but come that fall I was miserable. I'm probably walking around in like level eight pain on a daily basis and I remember I came home for the holidays my mom was like yep we're going to the doctor. So I go and at this point there had been enough time for like if they were torn you could see it and they did the MRIs both retorn. And so they're like yep you're gonna have surgery on that but because of my genetics and hip dysplasia they're like you keep retaring them because your femur basically doesn't fit in your hip socket. And while they tried to shave that out in my first surgeries it just wasn't enough and so they're like we're gonna have to go in break your pelvis essentially and put screws into like pin it back so that way it'll be fine. And I was like okay cool so that was in January and then I went back to school and played my junior season and we're you know playing in a game and I'm just I mean I'm in pain all the time all along. And I can't sleep like it's miserable and we're in this game and it's like toward the end of the season and I'm running and I either get caught on my own foot somebody else's foot and I just body the ground. And it was on my my hip and I remember I'm sitting there and I'm like this is so not going to be good for me. And it was just kind of like when we're talking about like you get banged up throughout the season and even if it's not necessarily super severe anything like that. Like there's the wear and tear of just the season but then there are those other injuries or those other that's a bit of a bigger bump and I mean I had those and I was just in there every time going okay like this is so great this is really awesome you know. Yeah 100% now so it's called hip what? Hip dysplasia. It's just like it doesn't my hip socket isn't deep enough. Yeah okay. So essentially the way they described it is like your femurs can just be like shaped like this and then your hip socket goes over this. So when you sit or move it would kind of move like that mine was like straight and so when I would sit or bend my leg it would just hit it. And I used to have this super loud like sound every time my right leg would like basically move but essentially because of how my bones were shaped it was causing the labrums to basically just get like shredded. So that's what caused them to tear and they hoped that by doing the scope they shaved my femur head and my hip socket so they hoped that that would kind of negate the issue. It did not and so they go in and they break your pelvis and they like I guess just like cut it and pin it back so that way it's kind of like lifted and kind of moved. Yeah so I've got. Oh yeah they just have to you know stay and shave off my femur and break my pelvis. Yeah it was definitely it was a really interesting surgery because prior to this I mean I had had like with teeth out and I met like my hip surgeries which were just scopes and so with the scope for the scars and scopes it's like it's probably like maybe like the tip of my fingernail. It's like four of them on my on my legs and these ones are like six to seven inches long like just coming up the front and I had to be in the hospital for two days. It was the most in-depth surgery I've ever had but like I mean I had a home nurse that came to my house and you know took my blood pressure and all that kind of stuff and everything. So it was definitely a lot more intense than any surgery I had before but that's like I knew that's what I was in for in January of my junior year and knowing that that's what was coming for you in August was an interesting place to be for sure. Yeah 100% oh my gosh I mean that's absurd. Do you know like the percentage of like athletes that that like happens to or like are born that way or is it like a certain like one in every 10,000 people have this kind of. I'm not 100% sure. Typically from my understanding and I could be totally wrong but from my understanding is usually it's a pretty severe or it's a lot more noticeable and so like children have this surgery. It's probably a lot more often because it's because it changes the way that they're walking and the way that they're running because it is so much more pronounced. Now I had like I from my understanding is like I had like borderline but just with like lacrosse in years of you know being an athlete and running and jumping and conditioning and weightlifting and all that kind of stuff just kind of made it maybe worse. I could have maybe gotten by had I not been an athlete like it maybe it wouldn't have bothered me but because I was playing an impact sport and that kind of thing it worse but I want to say I know I know not people that I've torn their way rooms. I've known many people that I've actually torn their way rooms of like athletes hip display show though I'm not sure how common it is now when I was in there there was other people who's a lot of other people having the same surgery. One of the girls who was ahead of me was a cheerleader so there's definitely other athletes like have this but it's not 100% sure what the numbers are for that but. Yeah interesting yeah because I feel like you know if I was in your shoes it would be almost like dang like why you know like it's just so unfortunate a lot of these injuries it's just something that you did anything wrong it's just unfortunate by this happening to you. Which that can feel that alone can take a toll on your mentally you know why me this is so unfortunate why does nobody has to deal with this you know. Especially when you're back like so soon I mean I had just gotten cleared in that the end of maybe early January before I left to go back to school my sophomore year and that's when I landed turns like a couple weeks into practice and I just I knew they were torn. I was like they're retorned I just know it took me like I said like about a year before it was like confirmed but. I I just knew that it wasn't right but it was he was so aggravating because I was doing the rehab I was going home I was stretching I was icing I was in the trainers you know I'm like doing everything that I supposed to be doing I'm on the phone with my surgeon basically once a week twice a week saying hey dude. I want a lot of pain what what else should I be doing and I'm doing all the things I'm taking care of myself making sure I'm you know being mindful of hey I did just have surgery six months ago I'm not going you know I'm not I didn't get back and start lifting crazy heavy again. And to then be a couple weeks into it and tear them again. Oh I was so annoyed oh my gosh yeah that happened for you with your knee because I know that you had multiple surgeries so how soon after the first one did you tear it again. So it was interesting because after my first one I never really tore that one again also was on my left side but I did have a meniscus retair. So when I actually played the whole season of the whole following season with the tormeniscus which was when I was just clicking and clacking and getting a lot out and super noisy and it's super. Yeah we wouldn't think it would be but there's if they're so loud. So loud I need some WD 40 on my knees you know because it was constantly making those noises but yeah that did it kind of does happen essentially because a lot of times with injuries you see this a lot. You know when athletes get injured have like a major injury it almost leads to other injuries. Just doing different things you start using one leg more than the other you know overcompensating with stuff. And that was kind of how it was with me a little bit almost like a snowball effect of that or like a domino effect. I had the ECL in the meniscus you know I felt good but then I sprained my ankle on my opposite ankle you know that ankle was bad I tore my lids right in my left foot you know it was kept like I kept shifting my weight and it wasn't. A lot of times and then we're coming back from my lids frank injury was when everything was in my right foot you know I needed my right foot my right foot was everything you know and then I ended up tearing my ECL of course on my right leg and then coming back from that I did it again but it's tough because a lot of times you can get caught in a pattern. And the toughest part is this because you want to come back right now you're going to come back as soon as possible you know as quick as you can. And that's where it kind of it can almost bite you in the butt from that and you see a lot of like professional athletes like NFL players will take a year or more than a year to come back because they want to be 100% when they do. You know whereas a lot of times you know I found myself like I should make it out there as soon as I could you know but yeah it is interesting because it can kind of like in its so annoying you know you're like okay I'm back I can do this so it's like you know you're not. It's hard to bounce back a lot of times and a lot of times it's like a domino effect where like you know that can it can lead to another injury which can be super frustrating because all that work you know that you put in like basically just like you know it just goes down the drain again. Because you get a reset and that's very frustrating at times but yeah no it can it can take a toll on you it really can for sure. I remember you were saying this that like something kind of cleats me when we were talking about how like you come back from these injuries and you kind of are under this impression that you're going to you're you did the rehab you're good to go and so then when you do have the same injury or a different injury it's. So stressful because you're like I did what I was supposed to do yeah and now I'm having more issues but I think it's kind of like what I said earlier was where you know they give you three to six months until you can return to sport. But in that three to six months you know that doesn't include hitting back my stamina I'm getting back my strength and so you sometimes are starting your season where you still aren't at a hundred percent and then to have those additional injuries it just becomes a big mind game I think and. Especially when like we've talked about when you're worried about injuring something again and then you actually do and it kind of just confirms those fears a little bit and it kind of starts to you know snowball on a wave oh my gosh man. I'm going to go to practice and now I'm scared to cut now I'm scared to you know drive to the net or stuff like that because you are so worried about this injury and then you have maybe you have an injury and it just feels like it's confirmation then oh yeah. This is going to happen which I think is a whole new adjustment. Yeah no 100% and you know that's where that that confidence comes in if you're not playing confident too like that you're not going to play as well in general and that can be another whole another factor. Well going into like you know back to what we were talking about with our performance and how we play and everything and it's tough and that's something that you don't feel like you know isn't really talked about enough in general is that when you come back in your plane that sort of first month that first couple months is almost brutal just because it's like you know like you're just nervous you're unsure you know what just happens again you know what I'm not as good as I used to be right now and that you know that by itself is just almost as bad as like month one post surgery. It's just like pain is this is this is this me you know is this really me but yeah no 100% it is. There's a lot of factors that go into an injury that's like it's just not talked about enough in general. You know that like people go through with that and it's hard to talk about with people because if you haven't been there it's like you don't really get it. So you're back you're healthy the trainer saying you're healthy trainer saying you're cleared why are you to play why are you playing as well and it's like no one are like yeah I got to my I come clear but like I'm not as I'm not feeling great right now. Yeah like 100% yeah 100% and that yeah that that alone is very tough in general like that just that aspect of when you first return I feel like it's you know just a whole different element of that but yeah there's a lot it's like getting phases different phases and different battles in each phase you know when you really look at it in general and I think that you know the best thing you can do is just take one phase of the time you know and just never look ahead to anything. And if you could just win the day you know and just every day is a battle and I think that's just the best way to go about it in general and I think that. Another thing too with it you know and I think that it's tough for for athletes in general where you can get down yourself but you know the way you've looked at a result of something either like I you know I won the day or I think today was bad you it's all your perception. And when you're constantly down on yourself and down and down it's almost like another snowball in effect too where you're getting negative with it you know you're losing confidence like I'm not as good. You know and it's almost like how can you switch it to like hey I just did it today I can play to practice you know there's a win there's always some good in general to everything you do. I think there's a you know a book called like the winners effect down if you if you've read it. I don't think I know what you're talking about. Yeah I saw like a video on that like a couple days ago you know I've never read it but something that I definitely couldn't read but basically just talks about how like the result of something actually doesn't play a factor in anything. It's how you perceive it. You know because you can lost a game but if you're like saying we played well you know we got a chance to like make it back to the championship and play against the team again like we just saw a lot of signs. If you can perceive something in an optimistic way your brain doesn't know whether you want to loss and then you can start stacking wins on top of each other. Because life is full of momentum in general and the more wins you can get the better you know it just becomes a habit when he becomes a habit. You know that's why you know people talk about as soon as you wake up make your bet that's the first win of the day. You know then it becomes a habit you know you just build momentum but yeah that's something that I feel like in myself personally I struggle with that a lot. It's because I'm such a results oriented person you know and if you're not at that level that's something that's very tough and you can easily get down to yourself. And I think just the advice I would say is just you know if you can just look at it as you know a win in some kind of way what is the good that comes out of that. I know it's kind of cliché well okay take away something that was pretty out of it you know there's pros and cons to everything you know let's talk about the pros let's not talk about just the cons always. You know I think that's going to kind of know also give you momentum as well as I give you just a little more joy in what you know. I'm sure yeah and I'm actually really curious about when you became like medically disqualified like when like when was that and then like what did that kind of conversation look like with your coaches me with your teammates. Like your family. Yeah so basically I always said I remember when I tore my ACL for the second time and this was it would have been my fourth major surgery all in a span of three years and I remember people come up to me saying. Like dude you think about medically disqualified like you think about you know hanging out the cleats and I was like what no like I'm not going to and they're like you think this is a sign maybe you should get out of the game. You know what I'm like you know I really said this out loud I was like if God wants me to leave the game I'll do it again and they're sure enough I did again and actually the way I did it was I was playing I just got cleared you know this past like my clearance test and everything. And I went to go play basketball with like I can play basketball now like I can't good and of course of course I did and I was going to get a rebound of my own shot that I missed you know because I can't make a shot and save my life. And I'm going to get the rebound I land I just heard something I landed a little awkwardly you know and I landed like I think somebody's foot was in the way as well I couldn't like tell you all details about it but you know I just felt someone I heard a pop and I knew exactly what it was and it was like okay I 100% did that and that was the scary feeling you know just like the world kind of dropped me out once and that was when you know that was probably the toughest like next month of my life because I know what I was going to do you know I found out it was torn. I'm a two days later I had a competition with my family like you know I know what I'm going to do and I had a you know I took some time for this this period of football we have like a month off you know so okay I'm going to take this time a month off to kind of really think about what am I going to do that's my next step you know and you know I came I came to the conclusion of like I think this was you know God's way of saying get out you know everything happens for a reason you know and I think like the end of the day I've did everything I wanted to do in the football I loved it. You know but it's like at some point you know let me move on I think this is God's way of saying get out I really just felt that way. And logistically it kind of didn't make sense of me coming back and I was like you know what I'm just going to start some the new. And I had a tough conversation I'd call coach Tweeney you know tell him and there was always part of me too and I let him know like maybe there's a chance I'll come back. So you know just want to say like I'm going to be out this next year is that cool if I like just kind of left the game for a little bit and maybe I come back I don't know. So like I never fully like try to give it up to everybody but in the back of my head I was like you know this is just a hundred percent it. Yeah I'm not going to come back from this and yeah so that that was kind of that situation it was you know very tough. Because then it was a matter of okay now what do I do you know when your whole life all you do is football it's like you don't really know it's kind of what we were saying it's hard to really know who you are without the things that you do. Yeah. You know and that was all I did so it was kind of this time of like okay what do I want to do you know how do I make the purpose of this you know I'm very passionate about this you know and I said you know I kind of was like okay. I want to prove like I could either like you upset by this you know it's like kind of the well on this you know I can't play anymore. But I felt like you know what like what if this is an opportunity to like try to come back and you know I'm not playing. Yeah. Show me like no one you have to limit you you know that can come back and be like just better in a way you know and I that was like a kind of flip the switch. Another switch for me was like you know like why not I have nothing to lose like this adversity and just like you know I'm inspired by other people. That was my biggest thing I'm inspired myself you know I want to prove to myself that I can be nobody has to limit you no matter what even if you're playing or not playing. And yeah that was kind of where I got my motivation from was that and yeah then I started like a new chapter in my life but was doing this alongside of it where I was rehabbing very hard. You know I started doing some new things on the side rehab by myself doing some different kind of like physical therapy some more specific training like a long side of physical therapy and I started to see some results and you know it's pretty cool because. I set some goals for myself like right after my my most recent search I was like I've never done before I was like I want to see if I can come back and I was like I want to be able to like also run like a 4 6 40. Because that was like my fastest time I was one of I wonder if I can do that you know I was like that's going to be a goal and I was like I want to be able to squat 500 again which at the time I actually don't think it would have been a new record 500. And I was like I'm going to do this all by five months post surgery and I got to five months I was actually kind of crazy I was able to don't and I ran a 4 6 I did not get close to 500. But it was it was pretty cool to see that you know I kind of surprised myself that like no actually in the day does always have to limit you know and I think that was really cool to me and I was like this is exactly what I'm doing now this is my passion about that same time my first semester in my MBA was coming up and I was like I'm going you know let me help people do this you know I want to help people like mentally as well. Just with it and give them hope you know I want to inspire other people you know I want to take go with them step by step along the way I just like there was such a calling for that. So that's why I always say the worst thing that ever happened to me and that being basically the best thing that ever happened to me at the end of the day. So that's kind of like a little bit of my like backstory with it everything. Yeah no for sure. Yeah. Yeah no I definitely think like having that mindset of like you know what this obviously wasn't maybe what I envisioned myself but being able to turn something that has a lot of designative connotations to it into something that's positive into something that you are really passionate about and that you feel so strongly about and like they do you want to help out the people is such a huge thing because I think there's oftentimes where we can let those setbacks really kind of start to become more than setbacks and become these massive obstacles that we just cannot get over and those are those are big you know real challenges that I think athletes have to deal with and you know a conversation of how people is that like at some point like your sport ends and it ends for everybody. You know even if you play professionally at some point like you will retire you will no longer play and I think that there's always that kind of what we talked about earlier is that oh my gosh what do I do now. And I think when having an injury and having one that kind of ends your athletic career essentially it's one of those that it kind of comes a little quicker than other people who just kind of you know they graduate or they just hand on a plane anymore type of situation but kind of we said earlier where you have that what do I do. Yeah, I'm not in my sport. What what what are my options and you know something I said was that like it's a scary thought at first of all what I do. But then I think something that I've tried to really kind of embraces I can do whatever I want like I can do anything. There's so many different options and so many different avenues where I can figure out what it is that I enjoy doing what it is that I'm passionate about and decide if I want to career in that maybe I don't. You don't want to go to school maybe I don't you know so I think like for those athletes who are having these injuries and are no longer playing or the athletes that are just retiring in general like it's okay to be. It's okay to be like oh my gosh what's happening but I also think having that mindset of I can do anything like what do I do whatever I want. You know whatever feels right for you and feels like the best choice the best next step forward I feel like you've got time to figure that out and I think that's something that's super not talked about enough but it's something that like for me when it happened I knew I was I knew for that whole season that I wasn't coming back. And I was the whole season I just kept thinking what am I going to do I know I do when I decided to take a year off before grad school it was the same thing what am I going to do. And somebody said to me they're like well you can do anything you can do whatever it is that you want to do there you know you don't have you don't have to do anything. And they're like you get to choose and it can take time it can look however it looks but like you get you get that choice which I think was very empowering at a time where I felt like there weren't a lot of things in my control and that I wasn't really given a lot of choices you know my conversations were the doctor was like yeah no. And another one was like you could but I don't know like just because you could doesn't mean that you should kind of a conversation and there was just no way that I was going to be by the time I'd be like 100% I'd be like I could still play but I'd be a lot older than I would want to keep up with that schedule. And so for me you know I didn't have a choice and so having someone say to me you've got options and it's whatever works for you to me I was like this is great. It's so nice I can figure it out and I can do what feels best for me and that was a really big game changer of kind of seeing where those choices actually did lie in a time where I felt like I didn't really have many you know. Yeah 100% I'm 100% with you the world's your oyster that's what they say right and that's that is kind of a free and feeling too you know and just kind of doing what you're passionate about. And I love like what you're doing right now and I love this and I love that you know I'm so appreciative you brought me on here. You know when having these kinds of like injuries I think you do learn a lot and so what is your what's the biggest thing that you want to say like what's the best advice that you could give to somebody experiencing you know whether it's an injury that's something that they can come back from or if it's a career ending injury. Yeah I think that really the biggest thing I learned through all of this is life really is all about how you respond to events because you're dealt the cards you're dealt in life and a lot of times you cannot control it at all and that's a sad reality it's tough because things are going to go your way all the time. But the biggest thing I learned is you always have a choice from when any adversity like strikes you always have a choice on how you come back from it. And another thing is just how you perceive yourself as well coming back from it you know your body language and stuff like that. I feel like this is the biggest thing I learned is there's so much adversity that happens in life and you can't control that but you always in life you always can control how you respond. So you know just with that being said in general like just knowing that and learning that you know my biggest advice for people would be you know just understand that versus going to happen all the time you're going to get injured. And it's a lonely world it's such a lonely world it can be very sad you know you can get into a dark place but life really is all about how you respond and you have the option to come back you do. And if you can stay positive if you can take some good if you can see the light in it because see the positives you know nothing can stop you in life at the end of the day. You know if you can look at adversity is like you know what I'm going to learn I'm going to go from this you know and everything really does happen for a reason you know and it's really crazy in the moment you're like there's nothing good that's going to come out of this. You know you don't see it but then you know six months later you're later you're like dang you know I'm so I totally understand why that happened and look me now I've grown so much so there really is good that will come out of everything it's so hard to see in the moment. But I would say the biggest piece of advice would be understanding that and then look at adversity as an opportunity just look at adversity as an opportunity to showcase who you are. You know as a man as a woman you know just as an athlete you know just coming back from that by the way that you come back you know how positive you are you know how much you can inspire the people it's such an opportunity you know showcase you know how much more where you are in general. And I think you can look at life that way as just as an opportunity but there really is no way you can lose anything you know things are going to happen there's going to be good days to be bad days you know if you take something good out of everything you know there's no way you can lose with anything in life. And it can be so hard it can be so so hard but you know just knowing that everything happens for a reason they have this for you is very just like kind of relieving. So just go be the best person yourself you know with the cards that you're dealt you know go make the most of it because you have nothing to lose at the end of the day. That's kind of like what kind of what I learned kind of my biggest advice. Yeah no for sure yeah what would you say for you. I think that for me I think the biggest thing I learned was like this really deep compassion and understanding for athletes of all different sports. That were it's experiencing the same thing that I was but also different things because sometimes the injury isn't always physical sometimes there's mental things going on as well. And I think being in a place where I was having physical problems with hips and I was in a mental headspace that wasn't super great. I think it just taught me this really big kind of overwhelming sense of like hey everyone truly is fighting their own battles you know what I mean. And you really don't know what other people are going through and this level of compassion that I think you know I've always tried to have that you know prior but having this and having conversations with teammates. It forced me to connect with my teammates on a different level because I wasn't always physically able to participate. I did really rely heavily on conversations with my teammates and so I got to know them in a really different way that just wouldn't have been possible had I not had my injury because it just it changed how I saw so many things. And made it so you know usually when you're hanging out with your teammates you guys are working out or you're doing conditioning you're at practice and when I couldn't physically do that my time to bond with my teammates was these conversations. And so I think it just really taught me a different way to understand people and a higher level of compassion for athletes and for other people I'm just kind of everyone's dealing with things that you might not see and people like what we talked about do put on really great masks and don't always appear maybe as sad as they really are but you know. With that level of compassion I think it just opened me up to having those conversations that maybe prior I just wasn't having and then I would say my biggest piece of advice is to just take it one day at a time when you have an injury I think it can be really easy to look eight months down the line of okay well I'm having my surgery this day. This is when my recovery's supposed to be done this is when I went right into my sport and I think sometimes when you do it like that it can become really stressful and it looks really daunting but when you just take it one day at a time of hey this is what I need to do today and when you look at like that way when you break it up I think it can be so much I think can be so much more beneficial then looking at that broad picture because that broad picture it is not fun. I mean I remember a team meeting where we were talking about our quote for the season and I said mine and I remember I was talking about it I know that there's some heavy things coming for me in the fall and this was in like everywhere. And it was you know this thing that I'm like this is going to last two years and it's really daunting when you look at it like that I mean I'm still I'm one year post off from one hip and I'm still got another six months until I'm a year of the other one so it can look really daunting when you look at it like that but I just try to take it a day by day and I think that really helps kind of break up that that feeling of oh my gosh this is going to be a challenge you know and it still will be but I think when you look at it in that big piece it can just seem really daunting and so I would say a one day at a time for sure. 100% yeah it's hard to see yourself in the future from where you are a lot of times like I can't imagine being 100% with the way I'm from now you know and I think that just taking it one day at a time is just incredible because if you put your head on the pillow and you look at it like damn so far from like being there you're always going to be down and it's going to be so discouraging but if you're like hey did I do a good job today did I do my treatment did I do that I did some extra work hey let's go on the right path. You know I was a day you know and I think that that's just really advice at the end of the day just like it really is just to get a one day at a time every day is a one day serious you know one game serious because it can get it can get very discouraging. Yeah and I love that you talked about like the compassion because that's another thing is like empathy is a quality that a lot of people just in general you either like have it you don't have it you know it's got to be something like this. People like us naturally have empathy that we wouldn't normally have you know towards like people that are going to the same things. You know and think about like I should remember when somebody related to me when I was going through it it meant the world to me to feel heard and for them to understand when I'm going through it's hard. You know it meant the world and it's like we can provide that for other people which is you know kind of amazing that's kind of it is the cool thing that you know we've learned through this. Yeah I know definitely 100% agree. Yeah yeah well good well good coming out of this you know in general. Well thank you guys so much for tuning in for this episode. We will put all the social media handles in the bottom so you guys can go and see his page see all the good stuff that he's doing and yeah so thank you guys so much for listening in. Thanks for tuning in to When Hogs Fly. If you enjoyed today's episode be sure to follow us on social media to stay connected and join the conversation. And don't forget to check us out at www.sportshogs.com and that's H-A-W-G-S. For tips and resources to help coaches and athletes give better results on game day. Until next time keep training hard and dreaming big.