Episode 449: Why buy the cow? (how to give good milk)

I'm Dr. O'Ry and Tara Ban and the Cicax better living through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is Why By The Cow? So if you weren't aware, you should know that I published my first book less than two weeks ago. It's called The Value of Others and it's the product of nearly ten years of deep critical thinking and research on the topic of mating and dating. Basically, I attempt to provide a single model to explain the behavior of both men and women in the sexual marketplace, which is no easy to ask. This book does not simply compile my old episode scripts, it's overwhelmingly new content, and I don't expect to discuss much of this content on the channel moving forward. However, to give my audience a taste of what's in the book, I'm going to put out a few episodes that touch on ideas you'll find within its pages. This is one of them. So if you like what you hear, please consider buying the eBook, audiobook, or the paperback version. Links in the description below. And be sure to listen to the end of this episode for the big reveal. Alright, Why By The Cow? Is the first half of a somewhat snarky observation about dating that I'm sure you all know, namely Why By The Cow? If you can get the milk for free. This comment alludes to men's observed hesitancy to provide additional commitment or resources to a woman who is already providing him with sex. Since in general, no one will pay more for the same good when it can be acquired for less, men's hesitancy is less about emotional immaturity and more about economic rationality. And to be fair, there used to be a fair degree of truth in this observation. The operative words being used to be in point of fact, this statement no longer applies to the current sexual marketplace and attempting to implement its implied advice, i.e. to make men pay for milk is unlikely to achieve the desired outcome. Let me explain. It used to make sense that men wouldn't buy the cow when they can get the milk for free. However, this truth presumes a marketplace in which milk is generally sold. If every other vendor in the marketplace is selling milk and a buyer can get the same or comparable milk without paying, that is a great benefit to the buyer. He's basically securing a desirable good at a discount. And since no one will pay more for the same good when it can be acquired for less, it is very unlikely that the buyer in question will voluntarily pony up more resources to secure a good that he has already succeeded in securing more cheaply. This is why when this occurred in the past, such buyers needed to be coerced or manipulated into buying the cow. If it were rationally in their best interest to do so, they certainly wouldn't have needed to be shamed into action. But here's the thing. We no longer operate in a marketplace in which milk is generally sold. Just look around you. For better or worse, we operate in a marketplace in which milk is freely distributed. In today's day and age, sex precedes commitment. And in a marketplace full of free samples, you can't reasonably expect to charge for a taste. After such incentives, the question is not why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. It is why buy the cow if you have to pay for the milk. If buyers have a choice between buying the cow or buying the cow and the milk, why would they pursue the latter option? It's too expensive as there are now two incurred costs instead of one. Like what is so special about your milk that you can possibly expect people to pay for it when vendors all around you are handing out free samples. You can argue about whether this is how things should be until you're blue in the face. But it's not going to change anything. This is the reality of the contemporary sexual marketplace. And it's probably not going to change anytime soon. What this means is that in the vast majority of cases, when women attempt to make men pay for milk, all they do is succeed in pricing themselves out of the sexual marketplace. This is because they are functionally demanding a higher price point for a comparable good that can be acquired more cheaply elsewhere. Now, before I go any further, if you're liking what you're hearing, please consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message because it's word of mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow. You can also hit the Thanks button and tip me in proportion to the value you feel you've derived from this episode. I'm also writing original content for my free newsletter every week. You can sign up on my website if you're so inclined. Finally, please fill out an inquiry form on my website if you're interested in booking a paid consultation. The links to everything I just discussed are in the description below. Please check them out as this is your way to support this channel and its mission. I really appreciate it. Thank you. In the modern day, women need to understand that insisting on commitment prior to sex is equivalent to selling a car without wheels. What does that mean? The fact that a car has wheels does not motivate anyone to buy a car. This is because we expect cars to come with wheels. You do not secure a sale by providing wheels with your car. However, a car without wheels significantly demotivates anyone from buying. You functionally ensure that you will not secure a sale by not providing wheels with your car. Providing wheels does not help you, but not providing wheels absolutely hurts you. Attempting to sell a car without wheels for the same price as a car with wheels would be madness. You would be priced out of the marketplace and no one would buy it. You could only sell a car without wheels at a significant discount to offset the total cost to the buyer of acquiring a fully functional automobile. That's the only way you could sell that car. By the same token, insisting on commitment prior to sex in a marketplace in which sex is freely given prior to commitment is to insist on a much higher price point for a comparable good that can be acquired more cheaply elsewhere. And since they are apparently not interested in transacting at a discount, like our wheelless car owners, such women price themselves out of the marketplace unless they provide something of additional value to the man that offsets the relatively higher cost of their sexual opportunity and that their intersectional competition either cannot or will not provide. That was complicated. So I'll say it again. Much women price themselves out of the sexual marketplace unless they provide something of additional value to the man that offsets the relatively higher cost of their sexual opportunity and that their intersectional competition either cannot or will not provide. And the only thing that really meets all of those criteria is purity. In today's sexual marketplace, women can realistically only put their sexual opportunities behind the paywall of commitment if they are virgins or have an extremely low body count. This is because men highly value purity in no small part because it's getting harder and harder to find. And this might offset the relatively higher cost of the sexual opportunity. However, the more women participate in the sexual marketplace, the less they will be able to provide this compensatory good. In general, the older they get, the less effective the strategy becomes for any given woman. So if the question is now why by the cow, if you have to pay for the milk, how do women differentiate themselves in a sexual marketplace in which sex precedes commitment? Well, if everyone is handing out milk, you stay competitive by offering the richest, creamiest milk around. I've already said this in other ways, in other episodes, milk exists on a spectrum from tasteless skim to rich, heavy cream. And I'm telling you, ladies, once a man gets a taste of cream, he will not want to go back to skim. More than anything else, this will motivate a man to take that cow off the market to ensure that he has exclusive access to that frothy, delicious leche. He will not want any other men in his dairy. However, if all a cow produces is tasteless skim, there is absolutely no need for a man to take that cow off the market because he knows that no other guy is going to do it. Just keeping it real. Okay, thanks for watching all the way to the end of the episode. So what's the big reveal? The big reveal is that the idea presented in this one episode constitutes just a few paragraphs of my 432 page book. Another way to say the same thing is that my book, The Value of Others, is equivalent to 500 unreleased full length psych hacks episodes. It is packed full of unflinching truths about the sexual marketplace and the game of mating and dating. So if you like what you heard here today, I would highly encourage you to get your hands on a copy. Again, the links are in the description. What do you think? Does this fit with your own experience? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, I appreciate your support and thank you for listening.