Episode #44: Greg Welborn 03-11-2014 with Sandra Beck

[Music] From New York City to Los Angeles, powered up with Beck and Franklin, is giving women of all ages permission to live the life they've always dreamed of. Why live in black and white? When you can choose the brilliance of 3D and Technicolor. Each week, Sandra Beck and Linda Franklin and their high-powered guests will be here to cheer you on, to share their challenges, their successes, and what they've learned along the way. It's all about women supporting women. The stories and practical tips on sex, beauty, money, and so much more are designed to help you reconnect to the powerful woman you are. Fabulous knows no limits. Now it's time for you to expand your boundaries. Here are Sandra Beck and Linda Franklin. [Music] Hey ladies, this is Sandra Beck and I'm here with Linda Franklin and from coast to coast, we've got you covered with everything from money, sex, beauty, and love. And today we're going to talk about money and we're going to talk about retirement myths that women believe with Greg Wellborne. And then we're going to round out the end of the show with Michael Russell and we're going to talk about part three of his exploring intimacy program. But before we would get to all that, I would like to talk to Linda, my friend, because I only get to talk to you on the air. It's so crazy. That's because you're such a busy mom. That's why you've got so much going on. Oh, you know, and all I want, you know, people ask me recently Linda in a party, they're like, what can we do to help you? And you know what I thought? You could leave me alone. That's the first thing that came to mind. I was like, if I have one more phone call, one more request, one more like anything, you know, and people tell me you've got to take better care of yourself, I think my head's going to implode. Well, that's not good. You've got to take a little time for you. We talk about that all the time. You do. We do. And you are so good at that. You are so good at drawing boundaries, though you will be proud of me because I finally blew a gasket with the local school district because they signed me up to make these baskets for some fundraiser. You know, nobody asked me. Nobody said, gee, you know, should we maybe be conscious of the fact she's a single mom with an elderly dad and two kids in a company to run? Oh, no, we're going to sign her up publicly to do these baskets. And I just I was such a monster all over the town. I was telling everybody I'm not doing it. You can't make me. And you know what? For the first time in my life, I stood my ground. No, you have to. You know, I think if mom's down, if you're down, then everything else sort of falls to pot. So it's you're not being selfish by saying no, you're actually, you know, just the opposite. Right. I mean, I, you know, when I looked at the responsibility that I already have and coming up is a charity event that I do that I've been doing forever. And it's near and dear to my heart. Nice it on the, the nominations committee of an organization called World of Children. And we get hundreds of applications for, you know, over a million dollars allocated to third world charities benefiting children. And I have to read through a ton of these things, rate them and score them. And I'm thinking, there's only so much time in the day. And it's and it can't be like, I heard a great thing recently, Linda. It's like your emergency cannot be my priority. And I love that. Because you know, it's true. You know, everybody gets into this emergency panic state. And then they call the people that they know they can count on. But then they burn them out. Yeah, no, absolutely. You know, and you know, there's different times in your life and different stages in your life. When you can do the things that, you know, like your charity work and like, you know, devoting your time to helping other people. But sometimes when you're in the middle of your own emergency, you can't and you know, and you shouldn't feel bad about that. There will be time. But maybe this is not the time. That's right. That's right. And I went all like San Ballistic, which is not like me, Linda. You've known me a long time. I'm pretty laid back. I'm pretty chill. It takes a lot to get me going. And when these two specific moms cornering me outside of school and they're like, yeah, well, we need you to be doing this, this and this. And I said, oh no, you know, I'm not doing that. And I said very politely. I said, I didn't sign up for it. I don't know who signed me up. But, you know, the fact of the matter is, is I cannot do that. I cannot handle one more thing. Though I appreciate, you know, what you're trying to do. Now, if somebody had said that to me, Linda, I would have backed way off. And one of the ladies had the nerve to say to me, oh, well, I was a single mother once too. And, you know, and I had ordinary teenagers. And I just looked at her thinking, you know, are you really going to try and talk me into this? You have no children. You have a husband who supports you. And you're going to jot me in front of the school. And you know what, Linda, I unloaded on her. [LAUGHTER] OK. Well, you know, I just had to. You just have to say, you know, just back off. It's just crazy. I mean, yesterday was a perfect example of that. Well, first of all, we went to, Roger and I went to a wedding at City Hall. And I had never ever been to a wedding in City Hall. And I just couldn't believe my eyes because it was a Monday morning. And it was so crowded. There had to be like 300 people there to get married. Well, there was all people getting married. And then people that were, that guessed little guests that they invited to come along. But it was just a nigh opener because there was a lot of same-sex marriages, a lot of boys-marrying boys and girls-marrying girls young. And then there was people getting married that brought their little babies with them. And their family. And so they were getting married. And you know, everybody was definitely on the young side. I think the friends that we were there to support there in their 40s, they were probably the oldest people there. But it was the zoo. It was like hurry up and wait. So we did that. But then we all went up down to a nice restaurant. And we had, we had drinky-poos and some food. And it was really nice. But our friends were telling us a story that kind of relates back to you. Because our friends had a son 40 some odd years ago that had cystic fibrosis. And for his-and he just died a year ago last Christmas at 42. And so they lost his son. But the whole life was sort of devoted around the son. Because there was always some sort of an emergency. Oh, I bet. With cystic there is always-there's always an infection. There's always a blockage. There's always always always. And so she was telling me that she was talking about her sister. And her sister was going through some stuff and the son-the sister's son. They were on the phone and she was-they loved to travel. And now they're doing like a lot of trips because they're doing catch-up now. Because you know, there was a certain time they just couldn't do that. And the-the-the-the-neft you said to his aunt, my friend, you're leaving town now in the middle of this emergency. And she-you know, she just held her ground and she just said, what are you talking about? Don't you know how we've been living for-you know, for the last three years? And I think he backed off. But you know, they lost his son and-and-and-and-and-and people are just crazy. The people are so wrapped up in their own stuff that they have no compassion for anybody else. They don't. They don't. And I think, you know-and I don't know if it's because of social media. I kind of think it is. Like social media has really pulled down like, you know, that whole good- you know, fences-you know, fences make good neighbors kind of thing. You know, where we share everything and make everything public. And I think on a lot of areas of the-of the country, that's a good thing. In the world, it's a good thing. But I think it's also given permission for these people to-to pry right into your personal life, whether you've invited them or not. I just think that there's a breakdown of these things. You know, where-where in years past or, you know, at least in my experience, asking people personal questions or demanding explanations on their decisions, especially personal ones, that have nothing to do with anybody. It just seems like our culture is a free for all now. For you to challenge me on what I'm doing with my child or my personal life or whatever. Like when I got married, Linda, I can't tell you how many people said to me. The first thing out of their mouth was I'm getting-when I said, oh, I'm getting married, you know, to this person. They go, oh, well, he's a Jew and you're a Catholic. How you gonna raise the kids? You know, okay, haven't had the kids yet. I have a dog, you know, you haven't asked me how I raised my mom. And we're raising the dog. He's a little bit of both the front-hand. That's right. He can burruchatoyatanoi alaheena with the best of the canines. Right. With his rosary beads. That's right. With his little rosary decluses, crossers, crucifix hanging on his skull. No, but that's the people. I think people- get involved with other people's lives so they don't have to look at their own. Oh, definitely. Because you know what, when I turned the tide around to these two, and I'm just going to say it, these two knitwits, and I don't care who in my town is listening, when I turned around and I said, "Well, let me ask you, I've got two little kids, I've got a 80-year-old grandfather, I sit on the board of two charities, I run two radio shows in a company, you are retired, and your husband is still working, and your kids are grown, why aren't you making the basket?" And it was dead silence. And I would have just high-tailed it and walked away, did you? I did, I did. You know, because I learned that the very reason that people are either bullying people or denying things is the very same reason that they should be doing something. It's like for her to pressure me to do something, it's because she didn't want to. Yeah. Well, that's it. You know, you'll find that the unhappiest people are the ones that are in your business all the time and criticizing. Oh, that is so true. I love that you say that you're just, I think you're just validating my soul today because I've taken a beating in the last week with respect to things like that, and you know, there are a lot of unhappy people, there are a lot of unhappy people everywhere, and it seems like everywhere I turned this week, somebody was on my behind for something, and you know, I just look at them going, you know, what do you expect of anyone? Really? All you can expect is people to do their best. Yeah, absolutely. You know, but you know, you said some sort of a precedent too, and if you've done it in the past and you've always been there, then people expect you to be there until you tell them, "No, this is changed. I've changed, and I can't be there anymore, so get used to it." That's right. That's right. It's like you can hear my voice. You know, it's like, you know, I'm still sick. I'm never going to get better unless, you know, people leave me alone, and part of people leaving me alone is me saying, "No." And as always, I want to thank you Linda Franklin for just a great opening segment on the show. You're always my inspiration with saying, "No, when we come back from the break, we are going to welcome Greg Wellborne." And he's a fee-only financial planner, which I think is cool because then he's not, you know, working for any one specific company trying to sell us things. And he's going to talk to us about retirement, myths, women, believe when we come back after the break. [music] We've got lots more powered up with Sandra Beck and Linda Franklin after these messages. [music] Have you heard the pages of American Patrick and Quilting Magazine come to life on our new weekly online radio show, American Patrick and Quilting. Join Pat Sloan, our blogging and quilt designer host, as she talks about the latest trends, ideas, and inspirations. Her guests include quilt pattern designers, authors, quilt shop owners, and our editors, all quilters, just like you. Call in with your questions. Get quilting tips from industry experts. Learn about free patterns. Here behind the scenes stories from our magazines, American Patrick and Quilting, Quilting Sampler and Quilts and More. Get the scoop on free stuff and find out more about the best independent quilt shops in North America. We listen to a live show, Tune in Monday, at 4 p.m. Eastern. Just log on to allpeoplequilt.com/radio. To hear past shows, go to iTunes and search for American Patrick and Quilting radio. We hope you'll join us because we know that quilting changes everything. Do you feel like when you watch a cooking show or read a food magazine that the recipes are not practical for a busy family? Do you wish you could have a conversation with someone about the best way to get dinner on the table fast? Or a long day at work? 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Hey ladies, this is Sandra Beck and I'm here with Linda Franklin and this is Powered Up Talk Radio and as promised, we are going to bring on Greg Wellborne and he is a fee-only financial planner and for those of you who don't know what that means, you pay a fee upfront and he comes up with the best financial plan for you and having met with many retirement planners, Linda over the years, I kind of like that because I feel like they're not tied to any one company and I get a broader range of products that might work for me. What do you think? Well, yeah, I don't like to go to the big banks for instance that have all, and they all have a state planning, a financial planning and they're just trying to push their own products. So no, I don't like that either. I like to have diversity and I like someone that doesn't have a knacks to grind. I love that. I love that. Now, Linda, you have a great money background and we've talked in the past about issues that women have with money. So it's great that Greg Wellborne is going to come on and talk about retirement with that women believe. Now, you've got some personal opinions on women and money. Would you like to share them before we break Greg on? Well, I just think that women don't take enough responsibility in the financial arena. You know, if they're married, they usually leave that up to the husband to take care of and there's a lot of times that the husband doesn't do a very good job of it or the husband decides to leave and you're left holding the bag. So I really think that it's certainly time that women take that as part of their responsibility to plan for their own future because you just don't know even if you're married how long your husband is going to be around. And it could lead to some very bad stuff if you don't, especially if someone gets sick, a medical can eat up money like crazy. So you really have to have a plan going forward to know how to handle it. So you're not in panic spill when the what hits the fan. Absolutely. One thing that I learned is that people who have their eggs all in one basket, and I see this relative's of mine and older relatives, they have all their money in the stock market. And their day is driven by, well, today's a good day because I'm rich, the stocks are up today. It's a bad day. My stocks are down, I'm broke. And the ones who have diversified and the ones who have used different portfolios and different economic retirement tools seem to have a better retirement overall. But I would like to bring on Greg Wellborne and ask him what he thinks about women and money and retirement miswomen believe. It's an article that he authored that's very well done. Greg, are you with us? I am. Thank you, ladies. Enjoy being part of the show again. Oh, it's so good to have you back. Now many women aren't prepared for retirement. And I'm going to say this because I'm a woman in my 40s and I have many women friends in their 40s, 50s and 60s who aren't prepared. And Linda, I believe, is a money expert after her many years on Wall Street. Where do you think women fall down first with respect to retirement? Well, I think it was just mentioned is they make the assumption it's taken care of. And whether that's a general, oh, it'll just be somehow taken care of Social Security and then it's been enough. That's kind of my mis number one. Or it is, oh, well, I'm not in the workforce. My spouse, my husband's going to take care of it. That's kind of my mis number five. That's the wrong thing to do. Nobody, male or female should just make the assumption it's taken care of by somebody else. If you're married, it's a joint process. Even if you stay at home, you're contributing one because you are liable to be able to contribute to a spouseful IRA. Two, any money that you save is money that your spouse can then afford to put into the 401(k). And in most states, you know, you've got some interest in that. Should there be a divorce? So it really becomes a joint issue. It should be joint planning, joint communication. And when women don't participate in that joint issue, that joint objective, and they leave it to someone else, site unseen. That's when they get into the most trouble. And we talk about these myths and you're here today to debunk some of the myths. And you know, I just, I can't wrap my brain around in this day and age how somebody might think that when they retire, social security is going to take care of them. I mean, I-- Yeah. I can't either. But let me, perhaps we'll just change it a bit and say that they believe it's going to be a more significant part of their retirement than maybe it's actually going to be. The social security system is essentially broken. And I say broken in the sense that it cannot meet in the future all of the obligations it has promised to meet. So something's going to change. Now do I think it's going to go away altogether? That's the other extreme? No, I don't. But do I think that they will have to in some way change the formula, change the way to calculate inflation, change who actually can draw down or the amount they can draw down? Yeah, absolutely. They will have to do that. So that leaves people susceptible to changing ground rules, if you will. So even if you are looking at it and seeing why or so you think, oh, it's only going to be 30% of my retirement, I know that I'm going to do something else for the other 70%. I guess the argument that I would make is you shouldn't count on it for even the 30%. If you can find a way to retire without relying on social security, I think you're in a much stronger position. Then whatever social security you collect is kind of gravy. But you've eliminated that possibility that you're going to be sadly mistaken at a point in your life when you can at least afford to be sadly mistaken. Right. Social security, I mean, the government is supposedly taking care of that. So that sort of lets you off the hook. That's being done automatically so I don't have to do the work to make sure my retirement is going to be secure. And that's, you know, it does take some planning. It takes, and it takes, if you don't understand it, then you must go to somebody that does it and start doing it the earlier the better, wouldn't you say? Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, and then counting on this stuff, this is Sandra here, Greg. I think about what happened in Detroit, you know, with the pensions. And how are we supposed to, you know, when I look at these calculations, because you know, I get that letter in the mail, you know, that says like, if you retired today, you know, at 62, you would get $1800 a month or whatever. And I look at that and think, okay, well, that's great because that's not real money. You know what I mean? It's 20 years in the future for me and it's a number on a piece of paper. But how do I know the government in, you know, 15 or 20 years isn't going to turn around like what happened in Detroit with the pensions and go, okay, well, guess what? Now it's $900. I mean, what security do we have? Do we have any? I don't know. Well, I guess realistically, I would say you do have some, because I'm, my prediction and I think it's a fairly safe prediction, is it's not going to go away 100%, just as I'm saying, it won't be there 100%, but it will get changed. And so you can't count on all of it, but you can count, I think, on something. But that just brings up the point of, are you doing the planning? Are you looking at this realistically, trying to figure out, well, what portion of my social, retirement rather, is my social security? And what's my backup plan? It's always good in life to have not just a plan A, but a plan B. But the operative word there in both of those is a plan, not an assumption, not a false sense of confidence, not an abdication of responsibility, but a plan. Sitting down and going through it yourself, going through it with your spouse, figuring out what do you think you're going to need, what needs to be there, and then how many different pools of capital or resources are you going to draw from? And if you've got a pension and so security and you've got some real estate or you've got a 401(k), great, the more things the better up to a limit, of course. You don't want to have too many to make it complicated. But no one thing's going to work. You need to have 3, 4, 5. There's no magic number, but sitting down and figuring out where do we want to put our eggs? How do we want to protect them and diversify them? So if one goes bad, it was just one that went bad. It wasn't the whole kitten could do it all. I think a lot of people, too, today, especially the younger people, and Sandra, I put you in the category of younger people, they're still paying off student loans in their 40s. And then they've got credit card debt because it all kind of works together. And then they have kids and they say, "Oh my God, I better start saving for my kids college education, but the kid could be 5 or 6, and maybe that's not a priority right now. The priority is getting out of debt first." That's an excellent point. And I kind of refer to that as myth number 4. I can't afford to do it. Now at this any point in time, there clearly could be somebody whose situation is so extreme that right now they can't afford to do it. Fine. So sitting down and developing a plan, looking at what your outflow requirements are, what are the expenses? And if that includes student debt, fine, it includes student debt. But sitting down and figuring it out, and then when you get an increase in salary, even it puts an inflationary increase in salary, being purposeful about saying, rather than letting my lifestyle just expand to now encompass that extra earnings, I'm going to start putting something away. The best thing that you do is you're working simultaneously on multiple goals. You're putting a little bit away for your retirement. At the same time, you're putting a little bit away for a kid's college. Sometimes you're putting away something to whittle away on the debt. You've got different needs in life, different objectives, and you should work on them to some degree simultaneously, or at least contemporaneously. Too many people and I have found women especially are prone to saying, well, I'll get to my retirement plan when I take care of this or take care of that or pay off that debt or I know that my children's college fund is fully funded. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. You know, Greg, you're reading, Sandra? I am. Well, because that was me exactly. Because I, you know, and I can't wait to talk to you more about when we come back from the break. I need to take us to commercial break. But when we do come back from the break, Greg, I'm going to pick your mind because so many of my friends, including me, you know, I had all this money put away for my kids college education that got wiped out in my divorce. But the fact is, you know, as moms, we want to spend all this money for our kids not thinking about our own future and our own retirement. So I want to talk to you when we come back from the break. And anybody listening here today, we are visiting with Greg Wellborne and he is a fee-only financial planner. My name is Sandra Beck and I'm the host of Powered Up Talk Radio along with Linda Franklin. And for those of you who have just tuned in, you can check us out on iTunes, you can check us out on Powered Up Talk Radio or our host station in Texas, toginetradio.com. When you come back from the break, you want to miss more about retirement, miss, women believe. We've got lots more Powered Up with Sandra Beck and Linda Franklin after these messages. If you're ready for a big change in your work, your career, your happiness, your life, time for the Million Dollar Mindset with Marla Tobaca, Monday afternoons at 2, 1 Central, on Toganet.com. Marla believes it with the right mindset anything is possible. Join us at successful life coach Marla Tobaca, inspires you and her clients to explore, discover and live your dreams by developing what she calls the Million Dollar Mindset. Marla will inspire you to take action on your dreams and reveal secrets to success that will help you realize your own unique power. 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How to explore the ripple effects of leadership excellence and how to create your life as a living legacy where the legacy you leave is the life you live. As thought leaders, you need strategies to help you enjoy the confidence and thrill of riding the wave of rapid change. For more on Donna, check out our website, gamechangerthinking.com. Then join the conversation and sharpen up your wits on wise up radio with Donna Kimbrand, Tuesday's at 1 pm Eastern. Here on the Rockstar Radio Network. more powered up with Beckett Franklin. ♪ This is for all you girls ♪ - Hey ladies, this is Sandra Beckett and I'm here with Linda Franklin and this is powered up Talk Radio and we are visiting with Greg Wellborn and he is a fee-only financial planner. And before we get into our topic today again with Greg which is Retirement Myths Women Believe, I wanna ask you to explain to our listeners a little bit about what is fee-only financial planning. We've had a question come into the chat, how does fee-only financial planner planning differ from traditional retirement planning? So can you address that? - Sure, traditional retirement planning was usually done by a stock broker and insurance agent, someone who was earning money by selling a product. Insurance product, mutual funds, annuity, whatever it might be, there was a commission attached. The problem with that methodology is that even for the most honest of people, it's easy to rationalize. I make an recommendation of this product rather than that product and it pays a 3% commission to me whereas the other one pays a 1.5% commission. So there's always the overlay of the conflict of interest, is the advice really being given in the best interest of the client or is there always that little, it's in the best interest of the agent selling the product who happens to be giving the advice. So fee-only came along as a new model about 20-some odd years ago. Of basically financial advisors like myself and across the country saying, we're going to offer truly objective financial advice. We will charge a fee and we will promise to commit and we file with the government to this extent and say we will not sell any product to anyone for any reason. There's no conflict of interest, whatever advice that I or any other fee only, planner gives to someone, truly is their best effort at representing the client and getting objective advice. There is no overlay of my needs, my commission, there's no conflict of interest. - I love that, I love that. Now when we, before we went to break reg, we were talking about these retirement myths that women believe and you were talking and Linda brought up the topic about, like I have more important things to say for like my kids college education. And I want to quote you in this article to everyone because when I saw this Greg, I turned around and I fired this line out to like, I'm not kidding, 30 of my women peers because we're all doing the same thing. And you wrote, your kids can borrow money to pay for college and graduate school but you can't get alone to pay for retirement. And I have female friends who have good jobs and good houses and instead of paying down their mortgage, they've actually taken out things like a second mortgage to pay for their kids college education. They've done all these things, you know, ever since the interest rates have changed with the college education. And I know I personally had a ton, I had like $65,000 in loans when I graduated from Northwestern with my master's degree. So I know all about student loans but I did pay them off and you can get alone and you can pay these off and it does make you stronger. And when I look at these women making these decisions or husband and wife to mortgage their home or to use their retirement or pull out of their 401(k) to pay for their child's education, I don't think that's financially smart because who's gonna take care of them and you wrote, your kids can borrow money to pay for college and graduate school but you can't get alone to pay for retirement. So I'd love your thoughts on this topic. - Well, they're in this day and age are so many different paths to go to college, go through college to get college credits that nobody really needs to put themselves in an astronomical amount of debt in order to come out with a college degree or a graduate degree. We run the gamut in this country from the JCs, we can get credits very, very cheaply to the state schools which the next step up to some of the state universities to then maybe the private universities. But what happens is we get this stereotype in our mind of the college degree from the university is gonna be worth it for my kids and then instead of the kids taking on or going through the mental process of trying to figure out should I take on this level of a debt for the value of the degree that I think it is, it gets put back on the parents. So there's a separation there between where the benefits is going to be and who's keen for the benefit. So that danger there gets a lot of people in trouble because when you separate those two things, it's very easy for the person who is not going to ultimately pay for it to want more and more and more be it more prestige or more things that they throw at you in these schools these days. And they have gyms and sonnas and climbing rocks. I mean they're throwing almost country club type of facilities into some of these schools that costs money. It's much better in a sense if the child is taking the responsibility for some of that college education in terms of paying for it and really figuring out is this degree from this university all these years worth might taking on this amount of debt. Just having that conversation is much healthier than not having it and relying on mom and dad because too many times as you pointed out, mom and dad are tapping into a pool of capital that should be for their retirement and they don't have a plan that is balancing the two together. And so I'm warning against that danger. You can't just go out and borrow easily for retirement. That option doesn't really exist. Whereas if you have to borrow for college, those options do exist. Let the kids take advantage of those options. Put your money aside. Well, and I just want to chime in here because I went to a very fancy-- I went to a country club school. And I'm just going to say this. And I'm very popular, Greg. So bear with me for voicing the unpopular obnoxious opinion. But I will tell you that going to Northwestern in the year I went, it was the number one business school, the number one graduate school. And I studied in both. And I worked my tail off. There were an awful lot of kids there who didn't have jobs, who didn't have to participate in their own education. And they blew it. They didn't study very hard. They had no vested interest in what they were doing because mom and dad were just foot in the bill. And I'm here to tell you that, yes, my Northwestern education was worth every penny for me because I invested in it. It opened a lot of doors for me through networking. But only because I used it. And I will tell you that it was no indication of success. I have a lot of Northwestern peers who are not working, who are unemployed, who are-- it's the person that creates the industry, not the education. And it's no predictor of success. So I just going to put that out there for everybody. And Linda, I would love to know your thoughts because you have great success in your life. But you don't have a big fancy country club degree behind you. No, I mean, I never had those problems because I didn't go to college and I don't have kids. So I didn't have that worry. I think that the number one question that people that are getting to be in their 40s and 50s and 60s and looking at retirement or not working anymore is how much is enough, how much will I need to maintain a lifestyle that I'm used to? And I understand it certainly depends on where you're living, how large you're living. But is there any kind of way to sort of ballpark it so that you have an idea of how much you will need since we're living longer, let's say we're living to 90? Yeah, I think there are two easy rules of thumb. And every time you throw out a rule of thumb, the risk is that it doesn't apply to everybody. So people have to be wise in using this. But generally speaking, if you take your current living expenses, strip out those that are purely related to the kids. Whatever that new number is, divide it by 0.05 by 5%. That's the amount of money you ought to have in the piggy bank at the time that you retire. And that number that we just got to, your living expenses minus whatever is really devoted to the kids, that's a pretty good estimate of what you will need in retirement, even through age 90, 95. Composition of your living expenses will change. Yes, there might be extra healthcare costs. But there then might be less travel, fewer meals out. So there tends to be an ebb and flow. I'm not a big one to say, look at your living expenses, strip out the kids expenses, and then reduce it by 20% because you won't be spending as much in retirement. I know too many people who live active lives, and they do stuff in retirement. They end up in a bout where they were before retirement. So that can be as a healthier number. So when you're putting together a plan for somebody, and they come to you and they say something like, well, I'm not ready. I can't afford to say, I don't really work outside the home, so I don't need to worry about retirement. I still have plenty of time. Where do you begin with somebody like that? I'm just curious, because that would be me. Well. Um, that's a very good question because you've hit on a lot of different myths there, a lot of different mistakes that are being made. I guess I would peel them off, not in any necessary order, but one at a time and say, "Okay, let's talk about the fat. You're out, not working out of the homes. Does that mean you don't have responsibility for this?" I probably can get them to say, "Well, yeah, I do have responsibility." You can't afford it. You got other things to say for. Well, when are those going to go away? And you tell me a date, you probably can't. And if I show you the time value of money, if I show you what putting money away now versus starting to put money away 10 years from now represents, it's a huge difference. Maybe you'll get motivated to take this issue a little more seriously and find ways now to save money. It's discipline in many instances of just either reducing expenses now that are superfluous or for those people that truly are in a hardship situation or not being superfluous, not being, you know, spend for if they've just really got it close to the nub, fine. But planning for what you will do when you get a little bit of a relief or when you get a little bit of a raise so that lifestyle doesn't just grow with that. Again, it's communication, take responsibility, realizing that time is your ally so long as you use it, but if you don't, you lose it. And then you'll never get that back and the earning power over time is tremendous. Greg Wellborne, I want to thank you for being our guest today. I love having you on the show. You always bring such just great information for our listenership. You can find more out about Greg Wellborne by going to first financial consulting.net. Now their company is located in Pasadena. They have a great website and you can read that article, Retirement, Myths, Women, Believe. Greg, do you serve people nationwide and can they call you? We do and yes they can. You want me to give you a phone number? I would. You got 30 seconds make account. 626-844-4630-1. Thank you very much, Greg. And for those of you who didn't write that down and want to find it out, it's first financial consulting.net. This broadcast is also available on iTunes under Powered Up Talk Radio. It's also available on toginet.com under Powered Up Talk Radio. Now when we come back from the break, we're going to welcome Michael Russer. We're going to talk about intimacy issues more after the break. Now we're going to talk about the break. Chances are you didn't give birth to Einstein. So why are you trying to raise your child to be like him? Welcome to Stop Raising Einstein with your host Tara Kennedy Klein, woohoo radio network's parenting show dedicated to helping you release the myth of the perfect parent and discover the unique brilliance in your child and you. Tara and her panel of amazing, intelligent and sometimes off the wall guests will share the tips, tools, trends and techniques available that will help you stop raising Einstein and start relishing your role as a proud and present parent. Join her every Tuesday at 10am Central Standard Time for Stop Raising Einstein only here on the woohoo radio network. Join us for self-aid success stories with Helen Wu, Wednesday nights at 10, 9 central on toginet.com. Helen Wu was born and raised in San Francisco's Chinatown and after a very difficult upbringing, fighting depression, abuse and addictions, she finally finds herself genuinely happy inside and out. Helen believes in taking our positive thinking and doing something positive to achieve a positive outcome. She's here to make a positive difference in your life, to be your game changer, your aha moment mentor. She's ready to help both men and women get into a better place. Helen Wu is also the author of Self-Aid Success Stories, 25 Success Stories from Successful Entrepreneurs, Inspired by Ellen DeGeneres, Helen wants the world to know that just because we find ourselves in a difficult situation doesn't mean we have to stay there. We can aid ourselves to a better life. So join us for self-aid success stories with Helen Wu, Wednesday nights at 10, 9 central on toginet.com. We're back with Sandra Beck and Linda Franklin. Here's more powered up with Beck and Franklin. Hey ladies, this is Sandra Beck and I'm here with Linda Franklin and this is powered up talk radio and we were just visiting with Greg Wellborn. I wanted to give you his email or his website address again, www.firstfinancialconsulting.net. He's in Pasadena. He handles clients worldwide, nationwide. So give me a call if you have any questions. We're now going to move on to our intimacy section of our show today and we are welcoming back Michael Russer. This is the third part of our intimacy series and for those of you that missed part 1 and 2, you can go to our website and look up Michael Russer and you can go to toginet or iTunes and look up powered up talk radio and Michael Russer and find the episodes with him on it. Michael, today we're going to talk about performance versus presence in the bedroom. Ooh, I am a lot to just shout about that. I'm sure that's two, but we're going to give you the mic right away to say, "All right, what does that mean?" Oh, well, it means the exact opposite of what you see in every Viagra and CL is commercial. Anything you ever see in porn or anything that's even suggested in most of our media and films, everything there is based on "performance." And you know, Sandra and Linda, I'll tell you, if people would just take the word performance, put it on a big sheet of paper and then put it through a shredder, that's the best thing they can do with it and then replace it with "resence." So just be in the moment. Yes, just be in the moment. But it's even more than that, Linda. It's being in the moment and being fully present for your partner. And that goes both ways, man, and women. You need to be fully present for giving and you need to be fully present for receiving. And it's possible that the man can be fully present, it doesn't happen a lot, but fully present in paying and giving attention and pleasure to his female partner. But a lot of times women have trouble receiving it being fully present. A lot of women have, you know, worry about whether they're going to climax and therefore, if they don't disappoint their male partner, somehow hurt his feelings. That's not being present. That's worrying about performance. Well, and I'm going to take it one step further because I had, you know, this conversation recently about being fully present in the bedroom because I was like, honey, I know ESPN is coming on, but, you know, we need to finish here. But then in my head, I was going like, oh my God, I forgot to do this today. Oh, God, I'm going to get that, you know, DBA over to blah, blah, blah, and that was running through my head. So you're right. It's, it's both our issues about not being present and it can be not being present because of things outside of the bedroom or it can be because of things present in the bedroom. But it's really hard to focus. And I don't think I'm the only person to say it's hard to stay present during that time. No, and it's fairly, I mean, it's very common, Sandra. And this is kind of one of the things I teach. And it starts with, first of all, planning your intimate sessions. So that means you block off whatever day and time and I always recommend allow at least two hours. Now, I know we haven't gotten to that part yet, but that's how long minimum that my partner and I block off before we're intimate. Because to really get to that space of being fully present, first of all, requires intention. And the intention is no distractions, internal or external. So no cell phone, no TV, no music or radio or things like that. I mean, what is this like, you don't know, like a hyperbolic, you know, suspension chamber with it? I mean, I just. No, actually music is fine, but the kind of music that actually is conducive to being present and connected with your partner, rather than something that would, you know, maybe put you in your head or kind of distract you. And so, yeah, my partner and I, Jackie and I often play music. There's this Italian composer that just sends us both. both. And so that's a way of using music to help you actually become more present. No, what it means is to get out of your head and into your heart and really feel it from that space and where performance is all about being, that's a goal. That's very much an objective and something that's very much in your head. And so in conjunction with this, we call it goalless love making. So you go in with the idea that there is no goal, including climax, by the way. And because when you remove that as a goal, it's so ironic, you're much more likely to see, especially for women, multiple explosive climaxes, if they remove that pressure from themselves, that sense of, oh, I've got to perform, so he feels good about himself. Well, men ultimately will feel good about themselves if they know you are genuinely excited. And it's very difficult, if not impossible, to get that way. If you go in with the idea, I must do this. So goalless love making is a big part of this. So you say get into your heart, but you've got to get into your body too and just sort of feel what it feels like as you're getting excited and aroused. Do you ever, or is there anything wrong or there's no such thing as wrong when it comes to sex? But even watching some light porn, something that turns you both on. Well, yeah, that's fine. And when I say get into your heart, I meant that from the standpoint, Linda, where it gets you into the space of being present. And when you're in that space of being present, it means you are now at that exquisite place of being hyper-aware, not in your head, but in your essence of your partner, what excites them, what arouses them. So it allows your intuition to come in in a place that otherwise didn't have room because your head was going 100 miles an hour. And they're in a space where they're hyper-aware and aware, again, not from an intellectual standpoint, but more from a present standpoint of what's happening with them. And then they can give verbal feedback or even physical feedback as to what's working, what's not. And in terms of using AIDS, sure, I mean, that's always a possibility, but it's not necessary. I'll tell you that, not at all. And I like what you said, Michael, about, you know, I just want to go back before we miss this point because I think this point is really important for couples. And I think it's really important because a lot of women don't speak up in bed and a lot of men do things that they think are pleasing their woman. And she might act like it just to keep them happy or whatever. But, you know, I'm reminded when I was in high school, I said to my boyfriend, honey, those are li-- I was so sorry. I said, honey, those are nipples, not lug nuts. You know, you're not trying to twist off a tire. And, you know, he, like you, he laughed right out loud, but it's like you got to say what works or doesn't work because you're right. There's like real, no real wrong in the bedroom unless you don't speak up if it doesn't feel good. You know, I just think I want to put that out there to give permission to both men and women to say, hey, you know what, that doesn't work for me or no, I don't like that or, you know, like I said, their nipples not lug nuts. I think that's really important. Yeah, whereas I like to say, you know, a lot of men go into the, what I call it, whoa, now what is that? Are we having sound effects, Michael? Are you going to take your clothes off? I know. It's stripper talk radio with intimacy expert Michael Russer. You know, when we talk about two hours and you know, most couples are going to say, you've got to be kidding me. I mean, the only time that, you know, people that you have two hours is if you're having a, you know, a wonderful afternoon with your lover and you've blocked off that time to have two hours, but you know, a couple they come home and they're tired and they're, they, and there's, with a couple that are living together that are married, whatever, there's always stuff. So how do you know, how do you get rid of this stuff? How do you train your brain to get rid of this stuff? Well, here's the thing. It's like anything, right? So Linda, you're, well, both lindens and you two, Sandra, you're both business people. You know what it takes to focus, right? You know what it takes to do what you need to do and when you need to do it. So think of this is another way of focusing and only far more important than anything you could do in business because it is about your life, it's about your lover and your partner. And so you, you, you know, it's a discipline. Now, my partner and I, we both have several different companies. We're working, you know, all the time. And from first time we get up in the morning until time we go to bed. And there's times when, when we, when we plan our lovemaking sessions, we're dead tired, but I'll tell you, and this happens every time, the time we're done, we have far more energy than what we started with. And that's part of this process because when you remove performance and replace it with presence, your lovemaking is generative in terms of energy. When you focus on performance, it's depleted and everybody's exhausted or frustrated. And so, so there's a huge difference. So it's a matter of setting that time. Yeah, but I don't know with couples, you know, that are married or what they're thinking of performance. They're, they're thinking, you know, some women are thinking it's a job. Yeah. So it's not even performance. It's like, you know, they could less if they perform. They're just going to, they're going to do the wife leaping in lay there and and and do what they think they need to do. Well, in a sense, that's a form of performance, of a whole different kind of performance. It's called acting and and it's 87% of women has been proven in a scientific study approximately 87% of women moan or vocalize just to hurry the guy along. And so what do I mean, what does that say? Right? And so this is this heart's back to what Sandra you were saying that if women don't stand up and assert, you know, what works for them? What does it? Now granted, they can be, they can be gentle with that so they don't devastate their guy in a way to approach that says, Hey, you know, honey, you know, I just love our time together. How would you like to take it to a whole new level? Well, you want to get a guy's eyes to perk up along with everything other part of his body. You say that and they're going to go, yeah, which sounds good to me and then coach them. You know what, Michael, I got to take us to commercial break. I love having you on here. Actually, I got to end the show. We're already through the show already. How fast was that? Oh, my God. Yeah. So you can find more about Michael Russer at hardlybroken.com. Tune in for him next month. We're going to have segment four for intimacy building tips. My name is Sandra back for Linda Franklin. We want to thank you for listening today and we'll catch you next week. We're so glad you joined us for Powered Up with Beck and Franklin. Sandra back Los Angeles based single mother and technology company owner knows what it's like to be fit, funny and fantastic in your 40s. Linda Franklin, a New Yorker with a successful marriage and [BLANK_AUDIO]