Episode 41: Feel Deeply, Think Clearly

Thank you for sitting down with me tonight, especially in a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, what tragedy is going on right now. Before I say anything else, I want to say this clearly and I want to say it with care. I'm not here to dismiss what's happening in the world right now. I'm not here to lighten it and I'm not here to act like tragedy isn't real. People are suffering, they're grieving, and there is harm being done. And whether it's across the world or down the street, pain is pain and it matters. If you're listening and you're carrying sorrow, fear, anger or heartbreak, I am not here to talk you out of it. I am here to validate you and witness you. I am here for that reason and that reason alone. But if there was a secondary reason, I want to support our community by helping us keep a clear mind, a steady heart, so we can feel deeply and think clearly because that's what helps show up with real care and have real solutions. Not woo-woo care, not woo-woo solutions, not pretend care, but real care. The kind that holds hand, the kind that builds, the kind that becomes a spine. One where we can hold hands together and create the reality in front of us, we all desire to see, which I hope is harmony. Tonight I'm not here to preach, I'm not here to perform. I'm sitting with you right now at this kitchen table, just trying to strategize, just like you. I want to share a simple way of looking at life that's been kind of helpful for me to stay steady in this time. I've had my own ups and downs in the last 300 and something days, and so has the world. And I've just kind of seen the power of three, and so let's just apply that here to the small world, the big world in the middle world. Okay, the middle world is one that we mostly forget. It's the part where we actually live and where our choice is still matter. I know we think we're forced into being born. Some of us think that we are forced into living to a world, but there is this middle place where we can participate. So let's start with that small world, that's you, your thoughts, your feelings, your body, your heart. And if you've been feeling overwhelmed lately, I want to say this to you plainly. You're not weak, you're not failing, and you're not behind. You're human in a loud, heavy time. And I've noticed something in myself, when the world gets intense, my mind tries to protect me by thinking harder, planning harder, working harder, but thinking harder doesn't always help. Sometimes it just makes me tired, it makes me tense, and it makes me short with the people I love. And sometimes it makes me shut down. And I want to say this with honesty, I never want to sound like I'm above any of this. There's no reason for me to even be on this podcast, except for to try to make sense of the world around me as well. There have been times where me trying to keep everything together didn't look so sweet, it didn't look so gentle. So again, if I'm sounding like this gentle voice who doesn't seem to care, trust me, I have worked really hard to get here. I do care, and I care so much I want you to find that care deeply, think clearly. It might've looked cold on the outside sometimes when I was messy. It might've looked like I didn't care, but the truth was I cared so much I was trying not to let it fall apart. So if you've been doing that too, and you've been holding it together in a way that just doesn't look pretty, I just want you to hear me right now. How long has it been since none of us have been pretty? At least five years, right? So I'm not judging you. Now here's the small shift that helped me, because again, I'm all about making these shifts because I'm tired of fighting myself. I remind myself, I don't have to carry everything at once. I can care without drowning, I can be aware without losing myself, and I can feel things with the loud letting fear drive the whole car. And man, did it used to be my chauffeur. And this isn't about being calm, so you can ignore reality, go turn on some soaps. No, it's about being steady so you can meet reality. Whatever that is. Because a clear mind helps you make cleaner and clearer choices. A clean choice helps you protect what you love, okay? And we all are here to protect what we love at the end of the day. Now the big world, we feel like we have no push in it, right? That's real, people are hurting, people are angry, people are scared, exhausted. Some people are pretending that it's fine, and they're great, and this is great. But guess what? I don't think they feel safe enough to be honest to be true with you. And the hard part is, you can't fix all that. I say here many nights, just thinking, how can I fix this? How can I fix all of this? But you can't fix everything you see. You can't undo what's already happened. You can't protect everyone you love from everything, safety is an illusion. And that can make you feel hopeless and hopeless. That can make you feel like what's the point? Or it can pull you into the loop of, I should have done more. I should have known sooner. I should have had it all together. I missed my chance. You know, me, I'm 50. You know, this is ridiculous. And listen, maybe you should have. Maybe I should have. But beating yourself up doesn't build your life. It drains it. And drain people. They don't help well. So you think you're going to help. You see things in front of you no matter what your agenda is. You're not even going to be able to help well because you can't even help yourself. So when the big world feels too big, I try to come back to something simple. I can't hold all of this, but I can hold my part. You know, me, I love accountability and responsibility. But I usually bite off more than I can chew and then I become the monster. So I've learned you can't hold all of it, but you can hold your part. Not perfectly, just honestly. And if you do, trust me, it's going to gain momentum. Because if we try to carry everything, we end up carrying nothing well. What's that all about? Did you can't do three things right? Not at the same time anyways. And then we go numb or we panic or we get angry with no direction. We burn down all lives, don't we? None of those things should be our home, our heart, our heart. None of those places can you build from. Now, here's the part I think we forget most. The middle part, right? The middle world where your real life is happening. Your home, your people, your day, your habit, your boundaries, your choice. How many people have told me? The only thing that matters is what's in my four walls. Well, okay, let's talk about that. It's the part of life where you still have some say. Even if it's small, that's why you guys stand on it so sovereignly. And this is what I've learned. When I feel lost, I don't need a huge plan anymore. I used to think I needed no A through Z. I don't anymore. I need one small study thing that brings me back. Not ten things, not a full makeover. Not even a perfect routine. I used to think I could get it perfect. Now I'm just imperfectly perfect. Just one thing that makes tomorrow a little easier, you know, I plan ahead. I lay things out just in case I walk by and I need it. I've been doing that since, you know, my health tragedies and coming back from them. Because you never know what day you're going to be able to fin for yourself or not. So when you learn it in those little ways and those small ways, you can apply it to that middle way, okay? And it might start building momentum that it does affect the big world, okay? Because so many of us are living in places that don't exist. Usually we're living in the what might happen, what should have happened, what we should happen, what we're afraid will happen. And we forget to live right here. Where life is alignment and not control. And again, we can't control this big old scary world. It's going to take all of this whole hands and cooperate. So what's one small thing I can do next that helps me come back to myself? That's why I ask myself all the time. And you know, I want to be clear, this isn't about pretending life is fine. I told you in the beginning, nothing is fine. I don't care what your opinions are right now. It's about staying close to your own life while you move through it. You got to stay conscious. That one small steady thing might be drinks more water. You know, get yourself grounded here, eat something real, take a shower. Sometimes we forget those showers when there's too much going on. Let's just turn off these phones for a while. I mean, we can't miss what's going on, but you can't also find out what's going on drowning in the sea of information. You know, go clean off one surface. That usually helps me clear my declutter, my counter, declutter my mind. Write down what matters for tomorrow. Maybe when you wake up, it'll change or maybe you won't have anticipatory anxiety because now you're ahead of it. Go to bed early. Say no to one thing. You can still say no right now in this environment. It's not selfish. Go ahead, reach out to one safe person. We have to stay connected as a community and not just through digital understandings, okay? Stepping outside for five minutes. Not because you have to get to the car, but because you need to just breathe in the natural world. Okay, they don't fix everything. They don't fix that big world. But if we all start doing little things like that, clean off our own doorsteps. Guess what? It's going to gain momentum. Okay, but those things help you stay steady inside of the chaos also. So don't forget that supportive point. And when you stay steady, you make better choices. And when you make better choices, you become more helpful. So when you're watching things, you know, happening in real time to your people, your community, to the world, your help will now be really helpful. Right? You can drink water all day long, but if you put supportive minerals in it, your body uses it. If you are feeling deeply and thinking clearly, your help will be more bioavailable, quote unquote. I'm being funny symbolically, but you get what I'm saying. So if I could leave you with one thought, me included it would be this. You know, I need to think of these things too. Don't let all this noise steal you from your own life. Because while we're trying to save the lives of those we love, and the ideas and the things that we believe make society better, you can't sacrifice yourself because you're part of that system. You're part of what makes it better, okay? So do not let this noise steal you from your own life. And I don't mean that in a harsh way. I mean that in the most loving way. I'm not asking you to be selfish and not care what's going on in your neighborhood or across the ocean. I'm just asking you to make sure you include yourself in that care and that help. Because your life matters, your mind matters, your ability to stay present matters. Don't be robbed of that. Don't let them steal that from you. And when the world is big and heavy, you still get to choose how you show up in your corner of it, okay? That is your free will. I don't care what side, what religion, where you belong, your only free will is how you choose to show up in your corner of life. Okay? You know me? I'm gonna leave you with some questions in an action. Not homework tonight. Just something to sit with, okay? Think about this. What's been making me feel worse lately? What's been making me feel steadier lately? What's one small thing I can do next to come back to myself? And three questions feel overwhelmed. The power of three feels overwhelming than just answer one and that's the third one. That's one small steady thing and you know me that's enough. Okay? I want to thank you for sitting here with me. I know it's been a few minutes, but thank you for breathing through your nose and out through your mouth as I love to say to the beat of the ocean. And I want to say this again clearly. This episode is not here to dismiss what people are living through. It's not here to act like pain isn't real. And it's not here to talk spiritual talk over suffering or spiritual bypassing. It's here because I care and because I believe that a clear mind and a steady heart helps us show up with more compassion, more wisdom, and more real strength. And that's what we need. Okay? If you need a place to come back to, you know where you can find me. Croskipper.com. And you know me. I love stories. I'm waiting for you guys to come on. Tell me your stories. Tell me your stories of pain, of triumph, of what you've done in your neighborhood, and what you did for across the pond. But most of all, what did you do for yourself and what did you learn grow and empower yourself through? All right. I love you guys. I am holding space. I am witnessing you and I validate this experience. Let's hold hands together. Let's feel deeply and think clearly. I love you all. Good night.