Episode 39 - B. Pagels Minor

[Music] Sit with Lexi B. Hey fam, welcome back to Sit with Lexi B podcast. My name is Lexi B and I am so honored that you're here hanging out with us, talking to us, communicating with us, and being part of our community. In this episode, we are talking to B Pagels Minor. B Pagels Minor not only is a tech executive, they have worked at some of the most consumer based tech industries in the whole entire world. Google it. Okay, we're talking about Netflix, we're talking about Apple, they have also dabbled in some political stuff, and we are really talking about that boardroom confidence. You know, the kids on the streets may call it some big D energy, but you know, we try to keep it cute here. So, boardroom confidence. The point is, is that many times in these corporate places, the people that are actually being heard and the people that are actually making moves from a financial standpoint, promotions and things like that, they just have the confidence to do it. Sometimes, even when they don't have the intelligence to do it, and that may be a separate episode. But the point is, you really need confidence in your career. You need to believe it to achieve it. And I know that sounds like a hallmark card, but it's actually really, really true. So, tune in, stay tuned. As B and I discuss, what this boardroom confidence looks like, what this big D energy looks like, and how to actually use it to your advantage. Sit with Lexi B, podcast. Welcome B, how are you? I am doing well. Fantastic. I'm so honored to talk with you, not only because of just the amazing things you do in the world, which we are going to talk about, but because I actually have a personal relationship with you, we are actually friends. And that's a big deal, because you know, I don't really call many people my friend. I know lots of people call us friends, but you know, I have such specific rules about what a friend is and I'm like, are you? Because I would not drop everything for you. See? And I only do that for friends. The feeling is visual. So before we get started, what is in your coffee cup? What are you drinking with us today? Okay, so I'm actually terrible. So this is actually water, like a proper heater. This is water. Also shout out to BC include great program. Everyone should check them out. They're amazing. But then I also have a cherry Pepsi because this is like my cheap thing. I have been so good and I was like, I just really want a cherry Pepsi. But I do them many once because I try to do it and you know, small portion. So cherry Pepsi your favorite soda? No, regular Pepsi is my favorite. Cherry Pepsi is like, okay, you know, I'm feeling a little sassy today. Like, you know, let's mix it up. I asked because cherry coke is my all time favorite soda. Also, if I told you my all time favorite and so wait, no, you're from the South. So you know, well, I mean, was it? You're from close enough to the South. So people disagree. So, knee high peach soda. That is my thing. That's a good one though. A lot of time. Whenever I get into the South, visiting family, I will, I will partake because it's only in the South. For folks who don't know, you know, what it's only in the South. And it's only in like the area where you might have to be a little nervous. Yes. And so, you know, I roll in there with my cousins. I'm like, you know what? We're getting a case of this nine and a half to liquid gold because it is so delicious. And then, you know, stop and get cheese. So, you know, a project pearls chicken. Yep. Right. Some blue bell ice cream. I love. Oh my gosh. And there's some dixie cream. And some dixie cream. And like, one of them. And yes, with some dixie cream. Yes. And like, I'm pretty sure Dixie Queen has never cleaned anything, but it's a so good. But that doesn't do vaccinations. And then I also want to add, if you're country enough, if you are country enough, you know about shonies and pick it. Yes. Yes. Everybody knows Apple Bear. And I'm like, "Prakil Bear doesn't really show how country you are. If you know shonies and pick it." Yes. And I would add also Ryan's because those biscuits. Oh my gosh. To this day. Like, my mom was like, "You don't even like bread." I was like, "I like this bread." Like, I would get the steak. And I would eat that bread. And I would just eat my weight in that bread every single time. I mean, now you couldn't get me to eat it above my life. I'm fined on it. It was just like, what's funny about all this? How times have changed? Yes. Because when I was little, I could tear up a shonies. And now I'm like, "You want me to eat eggs?" And then I was sitting out on a buffet for hours while people call fall over it. But you know, you know, we were 90s kids. So we just threw craziness to the wind. We're going to survive. And you know, and we did. You know, we did. And now we completely make sure I can still not just suffer due to some reason. So it dropped off today. It was so funny because I finally met, like, so I'm starting to actually socialize the Republican. Which by the way, anyone who's listening to this who has kids understands that this is like a whole process. Because you have to become friends with the parents. Like, you don't really have a choice. And it's super awkward. Because it's like really hard to make friends. Right. And it's even harder when the only reason you're making friends is because you're a kid. And so really, you're just hoping that they don't suck, right? You know, like what if they are like the weirdest, like it was awkward for people? And so these two people, I had seen them many times. They seemed to moisturize. They seemed to like, talk to their kids in the firm tone. Like, they don't get them. Like, I could tell they don't get them. But they were like, you know, they put that deep voice on it. So I was like, so they obviously were raised, right? Right. Because you got, like, they, because their kids will stop and they do that voice. And I was like, okay, cool, cool, cool. So I finally had a conversation because honestly, and this is going to sound terrible. But again, anyone who is a parent who has kids now will know this. So like the blood, like the little teachers over the corner, talking to a parent. And they're like, yeah, you know, we really need to get this under control. Because this time she bit and she was hitty. And I was just like, thank God, that's not my kid. Like, that's literally the first thing you think is like, thank God, that is not my kid. And so like, I was going over and I was like, I just got to tell somebody this. And to the mom was sitting there and we made eye contact. I was like, you know, I just got to share this with you. I was like, am I the only one who's just like, that's what she's like, yes. He was like, once around, she was like, he was going through this period. And he bit and she was like, we got calls all like three times. He was like, I've never been more embarrassed. I was like, right, you know, I said, I said, girl, we're not supposed to be build that far. But you know, it was, it was weird. But we actually connected. It's hard to think from New York and no wonder we did a lot. So speaking of where people are from, where are you from? Where are you from? Where are you from? So in my people, actually it's so funny because like I started like messing with people. When I entered this question, because I did one of those African ancestry tests. And so my African ancestry tests, they said I'm from Camarillion. So I was like, I'm from Camaroon. So I was like, well, you don't have an accent. And I was like, you're right. I did that test and I found out that I was 18% British. And so sometimes people tell me, if we're asking me that question and I'm like, I don't know about you, I'll be like, I am related to the royal family of Britain and her face just. I had mostly irons, and Scottish and a little bit of British. And I was like, so that irons like explains a lot of like my vindictiveness. It's like I never get angry. But once I do get angry, I'm like, I wonder if I could destroy everything they've ever created. Yeah, but no, originally I'm a Mississippi and you know, yeah, it actually was so funny because I was in some other. What was I recently? I was like in California. I was here in California recently. And someone was from Arkansas and I was like, wow, that's super cool. I was like, you know, I never get to that. But he's like, I'm so happy the church other he's like, would you understand it's not that big a deal to be for markets all I was like right like we go places all the time. There's planes, there's restaurants like Gucci can ship to me too, right? It don't matter where you are. Mail works, right? You know what I'm saying? And I'm probably have more money than you because I spend less on other stuff, right? So it was really nice. So Mississippi is where I call my original home Tennessee is where I did a lot of my youth so like elementary school middle school or high school. So I like to tell people I'm a miss a CN or a to the city or something like that because I kind of call both of them home. And you know, that's those are my favorite places. But then my adopted home city of Chicago. So that's where I went to school. That's where I really love. It's like I was just there. It just like re-energizes me. It's like Chicago is you know what my blood might actually be made out. So it's been really, really nice getting back there too. But currently I'm in LA. It's growing on me. I've never met somebody who's not from LA but lose in LA and says, oh, I love it. It's usually like it's growing on me or my favorite line is like, well, the work is here. And I'm like, oh, I think you know, it's definitely one of those places that you have to find community. But you have to find community wherever you are. Right. And I think that's the thing that people forget. Like they expect, you know, people to pop up and say, hey, you're cool. Let's hang out. That's not how the world works. Right. People very generally go, hey, like I, you know, entire two. And I don't really know if I want to go out on a Tuesday. Even if I might meet, you know, Lupita, Neil go right. Like it doesn't matter who it is. Right. I just need to rest. So today we are talking to you about really about establishing and igniting the confidence you need to actually need successful in your career. Right. And some people may call it big D energy. Right. And hopefully it's work by the way. But really, if you go walk this walk, you got to talk this talking. You got to twerk this twerk. and the people who are very successful and how we define success in this conversation is financially successful, maybe climbing up the ladder in a corporate space, may not be the smartest person in the room, but they can walk the walk, they can talk the talk, and they can twerk the twerk. - And so? - So I wanna ask you, when was the first time that you maybe not have ignited this, but you realized it was necessary for you to move the way you wanna move in your career? - You know, it's really interesting because for me, kinda coincided with kind of becoming somewhat of a thought leader, right? Or having people start to think of me as a thought leader. The one essentially happened was that, you know, I wasn't very satisfied in my career. So as a result, I was looking for opportunities to mentor folks or get mentorship or to join other organizations. And so as I started doing that, people were like, "Oh, you should come talk to my team." And so when I'm gonna talk to that team, they'd be like, "Oh, you're so great, you should apply here." But I would never actually get the job. It was always so fascinating to me. 'Cause they'd be like, "Well, you're not strategic enough." And I was like, "Well, how can I not be strategic enough?" If the session I just did with you was on strategy. Like, it doesn't make sense. - A lot of times people say that when they don't even understand what strategic means. But go ahead. - Actually, it's so funny because my first blog was called "Straighteerry and Technology." 'Cause I was just like, "Well, if you're not gonna say that, I know strategy, I'm gonna write about it." But that really was the point. It really came down to, like, I'm really tired of people saying that I don't have this skill or I don't have this thing. When the reality is, I just didn't look like them. I didn't have the same bravado and things like that. And it's actually when I first started deciding that I was cool getting tattoos as well. Right, so I used to like be super like, like khakis, a polo shirt. Like, it was gross. Like, honestly, like, you know, Clarkshoes, my wall of these were cool 'cause they are comfortable. They had them in like every color. 'Cause they had to blend with the khakis. - That's okay. - And so then I was just like, honestly, like if I were to talk about who I would be, I was like, you know, I'm always, you know, like tattoo. You know the other one. Right. And just started, it was like building the person that I wanted to be. And so the easier it became to like look like myself on the outside, the easier it became to have the big D-energy, right? Because I was like, man, like I feel really good. And so that's an important part of this. If you can't, I have big, big, big, you actually can't fake big D-energy, right? And I think she was funny about this. 'Cause like when people look, you know, I hate to say the word, less intelligent people, right? Who were in positions of leadership. They'll go, oh my gosh, the person doesn't deserve it. Like, that's like, this just absolutely rude, like blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, but is that true? Like they were equal to create an environment or a circumstance or some kind of a lore that made people believe they can do this, right? So they're a Canadian storyteller, right? And they probably got new to co-auth their story by helping them do the work, right? - That's true. - So that means they're actually probably a pretty decent leader, right? They're pretty decent in negotiation. And you're not, honestly. Some of the best leaders that have led me cannot do my job. I do not think that you being able to do the job makes you a good leader. I mean, honestly, if you think about it, the best leaders are just people who ask questions most effectively. - And empower you to answer those questions, right? - Exactly. - One of the things that like I know, some brilliant people, in fact, now that I'm in BC, like the number of like PhD, like invented something that like holy cow, like is sitting next to me, it literally happens like every day. Like it's just like you didn't say, right? And so what I found from that though, is if you ask them what they do, they'll be like, well, so sometimes I do this thing and like blah, blah, blah, blah. And then their partner will come over and say, yeah, she got rockin' science and she got three patents and like she'd all the reason we can go through the mood. And you'll be like, girl, you got the money. And it's just like this idea of like, why would you ever think anyone is gonna give you anything if you can't even tell your story, right? Right? And so when I go into the room, I tell people, like in my head, 'cause like again, I'm so, actually my dad, he's a preacher too. And so I was around a lot of these like deacons and viches and so you know, to the two big, oh Steve Harvey suits with the Stacey Adam shoes, right? - And what's in the room? - Fabulous, fabulous warriors and fabulous order. - Yes. - But not just that. - People don't give I think Southern churches enough credit regardless of what you believe in religiously, walk into a Southern black church and you will be mind blown at what storytelling looks like. And so for you having a father in that seat and growing up in that culture, I can only imagine what kind of confidence was growing in suit and you. 'Cause that's how we talk. That's how black folks in the South talk, right? - Yeah, actually. And then I was like the weird kid, so it was like very interesting for me. But no, what I told people, like I'm in that suit with the Stacey Adams and I put that first foot down and I know the whole like everybody stops, right? Right, like I know. I mean, but that's also like why I dressed the way I dress, right? That's why I looked the way I looked. That's why I'm unapologetic about everything, right? Because when I walk into the room, I got big D energy, right? Because there's no space where I'm uncomfortable. And as soon as you start doing that, everything changes, right? And so then all of a sudden, you don't have to go looking for many opportunities a lot of times they come looking for you, right? You know, when I was at Netflix, they used to say like, you know, your reputation is that you just get shit done. And I was like, well, it just seems like people want to do what I tell them to do, so we're exiled. - But it sounds like an order to activate this confidence in your career. You really have to activate it in yourself. And really come to terms with what is your most authentic self, what layers of identity that you want to put forward that just make you feel confident? How do we start there? Because it sounds like we have to start there. So what are your tips and tricks? How do we encourage people to say, hey, figure out who you are and just go for it? - Yeah, so this is actually like my first big talk, right? It was this idea of this like authenticity, being your superpower. And one of the first things I always tell people is to do the root analysis of yourself, right? If you had to do a SWAT analysis of your own life, you know, what would that look like? And if you started to look at those pros and cons for why many of those things exist, all of those things, which things would you change, which things would you double down on, and which things, for instance, would you say like, I just don't have it and I wish I had it. For me, you know, I liked to follow through. That was like my number one issue, right? It was never that, like I was a smart person. I was charming, but I just never had what it took to like always consistently follow through. And so then when I was doing research, everyone was like, oh, well, you know, a lot of times the person just follows through and I was like, well, darn it. I decided to start setting alarms for myself, right? To make sure I would follow through and think of like that. Maybe the second part of that too is also like, there's no such thing as like dealing when it comes to great leaders, right? And so I started just like reading about like all my favorite leaders, so like, you know, Tim Cook, right? You know, Barack Obama, actually more Michelle Obama with a little bit of Barack on the side. I can't help it. I love Michelle. Honestly, honestly, Michelle. Because in my head, Michelle was actually the first black resident, but like that's the whole thing. Yes, because honestly, looking what she did with that scrawny kid, she made him a president. See, see? I'm just saying. That's why you know, like people are like who living or dead. Like when they say living, I'm like, okay, Michelle Obama because I want to know how she did that magic. But I just started to read about these people, right? What are you think socrates? Cause like I realized that like I would always get these interesting reviews as a manager of people that was like sometimes people don't feel like you listen, right? So it's a credit method. You gotta ask a lot of questions. And then when I also realized if I just kept asking questions, actually people stopped asking me for answers. Well, so it was great. So you know, it was like, okay, well now I'm empowering everyone. And now I get to do what I like to do, which is strategy. Like, and that's funny because that's what I actually want to do the whole time, right? And so what I also love about that is that once I started taking up that space, like it gave people the gave people, it gave me the ability to also people accountable. So then suddenly I wasn't doing all this gut work and always the person who had to take on that project or whatever because I'd say no, that's the other thing, right? Like you signed up for it, you shouldn't have signed up for it. I'm focused on this thing because this guy will deliver value. And I started using that language cause you know, once I started looking at leaders and see I was like, what do they talk like and what do they not? And actually it's really funny because like people think I'm loud, right? But if you actually ever in a meeting with me, like I'm just like one of the quietest people in the world. But you know what I mean to because I am a Capricorn. So I like to observe everything. I want to see that one twitch and that one eye, right? I want people saying how you respond to it. but there is something very powerful in silence. And again, also people think that I'm the loud one in the room, and I'm usually just like, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say here, "Muatch y'all." Exactly. And I love when they lean in, right? Because they also realize that if you decide the talk, it's a big deal. And so everyone leans in a little bit closer and you get to be like, "So, I really just disagree with this statement because if you look at the data, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you get to look back and you get to, you know, and I love that. I love being able to control the space because once you start to be able to control the space, you can actually create great outcomes. I distinctly remember when I started gaining confidence in my career and it was literally a year after I started working. So three weeks after college graduation, I started working at this company. We're not gonna name it. And I was there for a year and I hated every minute of it. And my manager and I did not get along. I will say looking back and going to therapy that I think that she is a great manager for people who are not new college grads. Yeah. I would give that feedback. But I was 20 years ago. Most people are like that. Exactly. And I got put on a pip. And for folks who don't know a pip is a performance improvement plan. It's literally the stuff before you get fired. And I virtually no one comes back from them. No one comes back from it. But I did. And I think the reason why I did was that in that first year because I had no clue what I was doing. And I really didn't have a great manager that was great at managing new college grads. I decided to emulate every adult in the room that I deemed as powerful. And then I get that pip and I realize that I spent the last 12 months trying to be everyone else instead of being myself. And I remember the next day after that pip, I literally was like, you know what? Affit. Y'all gonna fire me. Whether you've I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. So I started being my authentic self and it saved my career. Well, and you know, I want to add to that because I think something that you like going back to this idea or authenticity. You know, it's very difficult for people to trust in offensive people. Right. Because like, you know, you always know like for me, for instance, when I first started my career, I would never tell anyone I was gay, right? Which honestly, considering how I dressed in my attitude, it didn't really, I don't know why I thought that was going to be effective or whatever. So, but I would always be like the gender neutral pronoun, things like that. And so it also meant that no one ever asked me to go on like a double day or no one ever asked me was going on in my life and things like that. And so you don't have the ability to create that personal connection that you need also to create that. And you need to be successful in your company. So it's that's another reason for it. Like the authenticity and then for your alt point, if you're authentic and they they don't vibe with it, then the only response is to really add to that is like, that's not the place for me. Or that's not the person that should be writing my review. That's not the person that's going to tell, you know, they're not going to advocate for me. They're not going to sponsor me. And guess what? I feel like knowing the people who are not in your corner is just as powerful as knowing the people who are in your corner. That's a data point. That's an important data point. Honestly, I mean, what? Actually, I was just watching Godfather Parts Yo again. And I was like Michael Corleon. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to know where all the players are. Right. And then honestly, a lot of times they can look at them like your biggest, you know, advocates, because sometimes you turn the person who is the person that you like least and see the barometer for which you need to be successful as well. So you have had this career and tech companies like Apple and Netflix. And now you are in this VC field. You started your own VC. You're working with all these people. I'm sure networking a lot because fun back folks when you started VC, it's a lot of networking, a lot of, you know, friendship building. So how were you showcasing this confidence and this energy as you build your firm? Yeah, you know, I think first and foremost, I'm just showing up everywhere. Right. You know, I when I first started this process, you know, people are like, well, how can you know you can do this? And I'm like, wow, can I know I can do anything? How could I know I could go to college? How could I know I could, you know, play a sport? Like how can I know I could be a parent? Like I've never known I can do anything until I do it. Right. This is a simple fact of life. But you know, it is, it's coming in and knowing that it's based. Right. I have the same values and everything I do. Like I want to do well. Like I want to learn. I want to be an expert at that thing. You know, I want to, you know, be a a force multiplier in every industry on ends and make sure, you know, that the industry as a whole has the best outcomes. And so, you know, when I know that, right, because like I have such a clear, you know, I always tell people like you want to find harmony in your life, right? Because a lot of people, they're like, oh, alignment, I'm like, it's very difficult to find a complete alignment. Right. You can't find everything that's going to be like, I have the perfect amount of time from a family, from a work for, you know, my cousins, blah, blah, blah, blah. But you can find like a harmony that works for you, right? And that harmony can change at different points. And then it can really, really, you know, synergistically work out. And so, you know, once you start to find that it makes it really easy to just go into those other spaces and say, you know, what I am going to the space with starting to hear some of the ways people operate. I was just like, no, I don't want to do it that way. And it's really been able to help me distinguish myself from others. Because, you know, we say, you know, we don't really want to say no, say no, we want to say no, but here's some other resources that might make me better at the end, right? And then for other, you know, investors in areas like here's a whole area of the country that you don't really pay attention to you. And perhaps we can give you that insight to need because it is the most diverse and economically interesting part of this country. Yeah. And I always tell people, I love no end. I never try to tell some one just know. And boundaries or blessings, but I always love to say no end if I can because just because I can't do the thing that you're directly asking me to do is not mean that I can't support and help in other ways. And I was going to say honestly enriching your community, right? So, you know, going back to this idea of like, so the energy also helps when other people think you're cool, right? And so when you help other people and they go, hey, you know, like see help me out, be helping me out. When you're in a room and you need that like little backup and they're in their room, they're going to say, oh, I grew a beat, right? So that's another cool thing about paying forward is that sometimes that can be that that other person can help you in a tune to that leadership it, you know, level for other folks in a space. So in closing, I like you to reintroduce yourself, who are you? So this is so funny because like, so this is, I know, but like if I had not had so much therapies to be a crisis, no, no, that's funny. That's funny. Yeah. So it's so funny because that, you know, my name is B Pagels, right? And I am Ceezy Franklin's baby, number one baby, right? And so Ceezy Franklin, I was my mom there. I feel like that's the first thing I always think of. Like, when people like are you black, are you trans, are you, you, Southern, like, no, I'm a mom with baby, right? Because that's really my barometer for most things, right? And then after that, you know, I'm just like a true teller and a dream maker, right? Like, that's all I ever want to do, right? I really like this idea of being the person in a space, right? You know, whether it's in B C or tech or the LGBTQ plus community being the person who's trying to ask the right questions, who's trying to, you know, uplift the right people. And what I mean by that is that we're all make better when we're all more successful, right? And so it's just really, really nice, you know, being someone you can say, like, how can I help you? And that's what I love to do. I would like to add on to that. I remember meeting you for the first time and we met through a mutual connection. And I remember one of the first things you said to me was you really believe that when everybody gets what they want, everyone is happier. And that just makes the world a better place. And it was the first time someone said that to me. So, particularly and just so instantly and snappy. And I do want to honor that. Like, you are the person that people go to in the, you say, how, how can I help you? Because you genuinely believe that by you helping them, they become a happier and better person. And then they can help someone else. And then therefore there's less oppression in the world. And so I do want to honor that. And thank you for that. Yes. And that's what my nonprofit gets to do now. It's so crazy. I'm a nonprofit. So I would be remiss if I didn't say that. So the well salons, right? Is so we had two in Chicago. One was for focused on women executives. And it was like really interesting because these women were like, you know, we never get to have conversations like this with tears. And the second one was, you know, focusing on LGBTQ plus people. But what you said right now just really resonated with me because when I was growing up in Chicago, I was really in a position where I was broke as I'll get out. I could never afford like a cab. And so like, I'm going to say four trains to get back to Northwestern. And some of these people who were there are the ones who took care of me, you know, brought me home. sure I was always okay and one of those folks, you know, she sent me this really long text and she was like, I'm really down because I was just really wondering if I'd done anything. And so I'd send her, I'd told her I brought her to the side and I said, honestly, thank you for loving me so much until I could love myself, right? And you know, and it's really that love now that I'm putting back into the world. And so she was like, you know, do you really help me? She's like, I'm so thankful for you. And I realized that that's like, that's what I get high off of. I was like, man, like, it's like, wow, like these people are some of the greatest people I've ever met. And if they feel that way, imagine what other people feel like, right? And so to your point, yeah, like I really do believe if we could figure out how to make people feel better, right? Feel more hopeful. Understand that things are going to be okay if they can really just, you know, work together a little bit more. I think that the world would be better. Well, in closing, I just want to thank you for always reminding me that I can do it. And I don't know if I've ever told you that. I don't know if you've ever thought that about our relationship, but there have been many times where because the ancestry exists that you pop up in my phone at a time where I need someone to tell me that my idea is not crazy, that I will be okay and that I should keep going. Well, you know, I think you because though it's actually funny, I just have to say I thought Lexi was older than me for a while because her energy is like so auntie energy that I just assume that she's not to be older than me, but she's actually younger than me. So I like, I appreciate you for having auntie energy because I'm like, you know, I kind of like the fact that it's like like it's like a peer, but not peer, but at the same time it works that I dig that. I should get a shirt. I love that. Well, thank you so much for being here and we'll talk soon.