Episode 33: The 'Cyber Bullying' episode

[Music] Hello, I'm Finlay. And I'm Ella and welcome to the What the Friday podcast. And in this episode, Blake has been speaking to Danny from a Victor's Wellbeing about Cyberbullying. Let's hear how they got on. [Music] Welcome to the podcast. I'm Blake and I'm here with Danny from Invictus. And we're going to be talking about Cyberbullying today. Is that where are we, Danny? Absolutely, and that's the Earth, thanks Blake. Nice to meet you too. So, what exactly is Cyberbullying? And how is it different from Impersonbullying? Yeah, I think Cyberbullying can sound a bit like a somebody you go through with, it's quite a lot, isn't it? But it's essentially any form of bullying that's online and digital. So social media, messaging apps, gaming chat, emails, anything that you find that can be offensive for us, saying, threatening or embarrassing. Or, he's likely to cause someone harm, he can definitely cause a few bullying just as in person. Can happen anytime, not just in school. I think your generation in particular, you've got it tough. When I went home, that was it, unless you logged on an MSN or something on your laptop. You guys have got it, literally 24/7. And it can be anonymous as well, which can be really damaging because you don't know. You've behind it. So, you can often feel like there's not much of an escape, but there's plenty of tools out there and lots of support if you need it. Yeah. If you do find yourself on the receiving end of the booth online. Speaking about finding stuff to help you with it. So, what do you think someone should do if they are being cyber-bullied? Especially if they know the people involved, like even just by association, like friends? Well, I've just talked about the difficulties. I think some of the easier things about online bullying is you don't need to respond. You know, you can just switch off your computer you've fallen, whatever. I know that's not always the thing that you go straight away, but it can be as easy as that. The bully wants you to respond just as in person. But really, I think it's important that you document everything, take screenshots and save messages. If you really don't like what someone's sending you, block that content, block that person that's sending you it. I'd definitely suggest that you reach out to someone, your parent, trustee, little school, counselor, or even just a friend. And just know that it's not your fault. You didn't choose that behaviour, that person's chosen that behaviour and to be like that. So, don't feel like you're the problem. They are. And if it's really affecting you or you feel like it's harassment, it could even become illegal. So, you know, do seek that help. It is taken really seriously in schools by the police and by mental health professionals these days. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. So, how does cyber bullying affect someone's mental health, like short term and long term? I think it's the same as any formable in. It can really affect someone's confidence and self-esteem, really knock their sense of who they are, make them question themselves. And where our own worst enemies, that's kind of thing. You know, we're always being super self-critical. Most people in the world are not 100% happy with everything in their life. So, when you've got that on top of someone, deprecating your making, you feel even worse about yourself, especially again, if you're a young person. That can be really, really, really helpful. It can affect your sleep, it can affect your eating, it can affect existing mental health issues. And absolutely long term, it can impact your relationships, your confidence, how you feel safe online and in person. And I think it's really important that if you are feeling like it's getting to the stage of really affecting you or it's becoming like harassment that you reach out for help. That's not okay. Yeah. So, why does knowing that people involved in the bullying, even if it's just the people you see around you, have mutual friends with, like, how does it make it harder to deal with? That's a really good point, I think, because it makes it personal, I guess. You might feel seeing them in real person, worry about how that's going to interact with your friendship groups, affect how you feel pressured to stay quiet or to avoid drama or what's going to happen if I do bring it up. And again, as well, you're going to meet lots of people in life and you're not going to be able to sit 100% trust every single person, I guess. So, you know, it can cause that sense of who is this person speaking to. Is that betrayal or confusion about someone? And that's why it's really important to set boundaries and have supportive friends and have those trusted relationships as well. What would you say to someone who feels ashamed or embarrassed about being cyber bullied? Shame thrives in silence, sir. What I mean by that is, I guess, is you can get in your own head a little bit, get worse the more and more you shut yourself away and don't get help of just spoken on another podcast about opening up and how that can be to do, but it's actually a sign of strength to do so. And, you know, bullies often target others to feel powerful or get attention and they've often been bullied themselves and that kind of thing. So, try and be yourself as much as possible, ask for help and open it up to a trusted friend, someone anonymous online or even just going to speak to someone at school that's not ratting on someone, that's not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength that you're setting boundaries and saying that's not all right. Yeah. How can someone support a friend who's being cyber bullied, especially if they don't know what to say? Human instincts were fixes, so we often rush to give advice. You should do this. You should do that. And that's okay. But actually, in the first instance, if someone's reached out, that could be a really big decision for them. They could have been thinking about it for weeks and months. Can I actually open up to this person? So, my advice would be give them the space and time just to talk at their level and ask them how it's feeling and ask them open-ended questions because that can be really validating for people. You can absolutely give advice eventually, you know, but maybe ask permission. Am I okay to give you a bit of advice on this? Do you want my advice on this sort of thing? Just as we've already gone through the tips and tricks, reporting, blocking, going and speaking to a trusted adult. And as I say, you know, it is taken really seriously by the police and stuff. And often it does encroach into being illegal activity in terms of harassment and stuff, so. You've grown up with technology and being in a digital age, I suppose, and that comes with responsibility to use it properly. If people are, then that's really difficult and they need to be reported and held to account. So, what do you think schools and communities can do to better protect young people from tabooly? As I've just said, this is the age you're growing up. You're growing up and I got my first phone when I were 14, 15 and, you know, as parents didn't have one until they were in the 30s, probably. So, I think it's about trying to educate young people right from the start about respect, digitally online, how impactful and harmful behaviour you can be online to other people. Have really clear policy and procedures and making sure students and young people know where to go to help. And then I think providing safe spaces as well, like school counsellors, dropping sessions and where students feel comfortable opening up. And I think that's the thing as well. 30, 40, 50 year old teachers don't know the online space as well as 16 and 17 year olds. So, let's encourage young people to bring their own initiatives in. What can students do to keep more people safe online as well? Yeah. So, how can someone take care of their mental health if they've been affected by cyberbullying? I suppose it's the same as anybody going through an issue or a problem. You know, a problem shared is a problem halved. Talk about it with someone you trust. There's always someone out there, even if it's not someone you know that will listen to you and understand. You could try some techniques to take your mind off it as well, if it's just a short term thing. But ultimately, I think it's about trying to get to a resolution. Speak to someone you trust, get some advice and if you feel like something's gone too far online, there's plenty of online content that be able to tell you exactly what you need to do. And just remember as well that a bully is looking for a reaction. So, mad lives would be the bigger person, walk away and get the support you need. And if you are really struggling, reach out to a mental health service. That can be really impactful in your mental health. Yeah. So, are there any resources or like hotlines, young people can reach out to help them with cyberbullying and mental health? Yeah, absolutely. So, we work with a lot of great charities like Childline from the 19s. You can free from them or go to the website. There's also young minds, there's papyrus, there's mix. And we've also got in West Yorkshire overnight night hours. So, they work from 10 to 10 in the morning. So, if you're struggling with thoughts and feelings overnight, you can speak to them as well. And then obviously, school support and stuff like that. You pass the oral leads and mental health support teams in schools can really help you. And I think as well, this podcast from right is going to go on an app called Destination as well. It's got loads of great resources as well, isn't it? So, yeah, somewhere like that would be great too. So, if there's one thing you could directly say to anyone going through cyberbullying right now, what do you think it'd be? You're not alone, it's not going to define who you are. It's a tough thing to go through, especially if it's anonymous or particularly nasty or harmful. But, you know, it's not going to define who you are. There are people out there that are going to listen. It's not okay for someone to be harassing or disrespectful or nasty online. They won't say that to your face. And I think that makes it more harmful because you don't know necessarily who's behind the messages pictures, whatever it might be. So, reach out, make sure you're informed yourself about what's crossing the line. Don't respond to it and try and be the bigger person and walk away. But there's always someone out there that can help and support 24/7. There's someone out there who's going to listen to you. So, if you are really struggling, you just don't know what to do. Give one of those numbers of ring or speak to someone at school or speak to a friend or a parent. Yeah. I think that's really good. So, thanks Danny for being on the podcast. Yeah, it's been a pleasure. Really good speech about it. We'll be back next time with the next podcast. Let's see how it goes. Yeah, all the best for it. Yeah, thanks. Thank you so much Blake and Danny and Bo for producing. We hope you found that as interesting as we did. Not only did they host the episode, but they also undertook all the research too. You can find a lot of interesting podcasts on various subjects by exploring the useful podcast section on the destination app. Search destination.org.uk You can also find them on Apple, Spotify or YouTube. If you would like to know more information about the subjects, please check the podcast description. We'd like to thank Invictus and the National Lottery for their support. Jimmy for editing and Youth Social for producing.