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Speaker 2Welcome to Recovering Out Loud podcast with your hosts, Anthony and Caleb. The opinions expressed here are those of the individuals and not of any organization. Please help support the show by donating in the link. Enjoy the show. What's up, everybody?
Speaker 3Yeah, I'm good. All right. So, bro, to start off, I'm going to ask you, how was your day today? Simple question. It was pretty shit.
Speaker 2Yeah. Yeah, I feel like I'm getting, you know, when it rains, it pours is starting to come true a lot. But, yeah, I don't know. I thought I was going to get my job back today that I lost in my escapades, if you will. Yeah. But, yeah, I went in there, and he reminded me that, not one, but two, that I lost in my escapades. But multiple people had come up to him and said that I was exhibiting erratic behavior were the words that he used. So, I don't really remember that. But, you know, I'm laughing now, but I was pretty pissed off today. But, you know, that's life, man. That's life. You know, life happens, right? Yeah. And it's, you know, you just got to deal with it and move on. And, you know, I thought about doing drugs today. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. But. But it never came up as, like, an action plan. Yeah. And so that was okay. I've been talking a lot to people in recovery and, you know, getting through it. How was your day?
Speaker 3Bro, so I started a job about two weeks ago. And, like, it's a construction job. And I've always, I worked in the underground, in underground gold mines since I've been 18. And that's. That's, like, a hard labor work. So I'm good at hard labor. But, like, you know, it's just basically to sum it up really quick. It's a big piece of humble pie. Yeah. Right. Because I'm used to making a lot of money at that last job I did. And this time it's a little bit less money. It's not what I want to do. It's long days. You know what I mean? Like, for the first while I had outside of treatment, I had, like, my whole day to myself, you know, do whatever Caleb wants to do. So I feel like I took that next step in my life where it's like, all right. I'm going to go back to work now. I'm going to try and get my independence up again and, you know, rely less on my parents. And that part's going good. Right. Like, I don't have to, you know, ask no one for help right now. But. That's nice. It is a nice feeling. At the end of the day, like, when I go home from work, I still have to, like, okay, thank, you know, thankful that I don't have to text my dad or my mother for money, you know. But still, like, basically, before this is the part, the one pause, like, the job itself, I do not like. And I'll just be straight up honest. I do not like the job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hate it. It's evident. Yeah. It's not a fun job. But the thing is, though, is it's good because it's keeping me driven. On my last job that I, the job I did for the last five years, I felt like I was, like, at, like, I hit the altitude, right, where, like, okay, like, I'm at where I'm at. I'm good where I'm at. I'm making this money. I don't need to go any, I need to go up from here, right. So, like, with this job I'm doing, like, I have, like, dude, like, I do not plan on doing construction for the rest of my life, you know. And. Like, to anyone that works construction, like, that is no hate to people that do construction. Like, that's a good job. Like, you'll have work for the rest of your life. If you know how to build homes and stuff, people, people live in houses. So, you know, you got work for the rest of your life.
Speaker 2People do live in houses.
Speaker 3You know, but it's just not what I want to do. Like, I got bigger dreams and aspirations with my life. And even if it's not, even if it's not to do my exact, you know, my dream is to, is for this to blow up. That would be my dream. I want to own a business someday. I would love to start my own business. But even if that doesn't happen. I don't want to work construction. So, in saying that, the thing I like about it is that I come home from work every day. And it's like, fuck, I don't want to do this. So, I keep driven on my, my, my long-term goal, right? Because when you're in a position where you're happy where you're at, it's almost dangerous, man. You know what I mean? And not to say, like, you shouldn't be happy where you are, right? But, like, if you come home from work or whatever you're doing every day and you get back home and you're like, oh, man. I don't need to do anything. Everything's perfectly fine. Even, you know what I mean? That, that could be. It could be dangerous. Complacency could be dangerous. Whether that's in your work career, whether that's in your relationships, whether that's in anything, right? You've got to always kind of have something that's driving you.
Speaker 2Yeah. Yeah, like, that drive to do more, right? Yeah. Yeah, you know, I was having dinner with my uncle last night. And I had to make some amends there. But also, you know, we had a really good conversation. He's a really smart guy. You know, he owns a business and a very successful business. And he was just, like. Teaching me these life lessons without, like, preaching, you know? Like, he was. And one of the things he kept saying that I kept hearing was, like, you know, hang around people that are like-minded, right? And he was telling me about this guy that is, like, a very successful, famous billionaire in Ontario. And he was, you know, he had private jets, like, all these things. And he, you know, he bought a company that, you know, uses my uncle's company. And he just said, like, the way this guy talked, the way this guy walked, like, it's just something about him. You could tell that he was very calculated, right? And, yeah, I think it's an important thing to think about is, like, who am I, what's my circle like, right? Are the people that I'm hanging around with on the same path? Or are people, you know, still out partying and spending money and doing stupid shit? Because I've hung around those guys, right? I've hung, I spent a lot of time around those guys. And, you know, I've come to realize that. You know, you just, as you get older, too, you're, like, these are things that you don't, I don't know. You just, you don't, there are people that, you know, you want to hang around people that are striving to do better. And, you know, there's a point in my life where if I wasn't moving forward in my job, I felt like I was going backwards. And that was good for me because it drove me to your point. If I'm just kind of, like, doing this, right, that's dangerous. I agree. Like, there's, I know a lot of people that are happy to do that, right? Yeah. And I know a lot of people that are miserable. Just kind of coasting at their 90s. 9 to 5 job in the office, grinding every day. They hate their boss. Yeah. Right? And then they wonder why they're depressed, right? Yeah. You know, it's funny I can say that now, coming from a guy that doesn't have a job at all. But, you know what? I'm trying. And I try to focus on the things that I can control and let go of the things I can't control. Because I spent a lot of time trying to control people, places, and things, right? What, I don't know, I kind of want to go in this direction today. But I've been reading. I've been reading a lot today about social media and how it's like a drug, right? 100%. How does that show up in your life? How do you use, I saw an interesting headline today. It was like, you know, social media is like, I'm going to butcher it. It's like cocaine or something.
Speaker 3Bro, I already know my answer to this question. I was talking about a tale with my boss. It's crazy, man. It's like, ask your question first. I want to hear what your question is. I want to hear your answer.
Speaker 2Well, I mean. How do you use social media as a drug?
Speaker 3I mean, I don't.
Speaker 2Related to your drug use.
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Speaker 3Well, bro, I wasn't sniffing Instagram. I wasn't sniffing Facebook, Instagram. Don't overthink it. But, like, I'll tell you what.
Speaker 2When someone likes your photo, do you feel good? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3Okay, okay. So, in that aspect, yeah. Like, when you know you post a picture and, like, you know, you got some cute girls liking your picture. Or, you know, some cool people that I like. That you look up to or think highly of. Yeah, you get that, like, oh, damn kind of feeling, right? So, in that sense, yeah, you're still getting that same, like, you know, not euphoric, but, like, that dopamine boost.
Speaker 2Yeah, here. Why social media addiction mirrors cocaine use?
Speaker 3Okay, well, I mean. I love it. It's a little extreme. Yeah, I want to tell you guys something that I talked to today about with my boss. And he's, like, basically saying, like, you know, people's lives look so good on social media. Like, so good, man. Like, dude, if you go down my Facebook feed or, like, my old Instagram feeds of, like, when I was, like, literally, like, curled up sweating in a bed looking for drugs, dying. You go on my Facebook, man, and it would look like my life was just, like, good, man. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, I remember, like, I would be posting about, like, I'd post, like, a picture with a dog and be, like, I miss, like, just, like, a family post or just something. Yeah, spot. Yeah, I miss spot. Right? And then, like, everyone. People don't like it. be like oh my god like such a beautiful family great guy or yeah what a great guy you know what i mean hangs out with dogs hangs out with dogs yeah they're or like whatever it was like you would go on my social media and it looked like my life was perfectly fine and he was talking about i forget what he was saying basically i forget had something to do with it with his wife or his woman right and how he doesn't like something to do with whatever but that's what i got from it was like it's and it's so true man because like you know like right before i went to treatment like dude like i was like one of these days we'll throw up on the screen what i looked like i looked horrible like i gotta get that picture up for yeah i look so horrible and you would go on my social media or you know you would text me on facebook or something or text my number and i'd respond back like hey man what's up like you know yeah maybe we'll come over tomorrow sometime even though we're never hanging out just like every you can portray this big fake like you know you right like it's you're hiding like the whole thing of hiding behind the screen it's so true you can post you can post whatever you want you can make yourself look like you're feeling whatever way you want right you can fake it yeah so for me like i use that as it not like it's related to drugs kind of like i mean i couldn't fake my drug use like i did drugs every day i got high every day i felt the way i did every day but like if you texted me or you looked on my social media like i could fake that to you right so i just used it to like to try and make myself look better than i really was okay you know what i mean i wasn't expecting you to go
Speaker 2that way that's i didn't even think about that yeah point it's a it's a small window into someone's
Speaker 3life yeah it's a yeah and especially like i mean dude like okay i'm not that much younger than you like we're not like we're kind of from different generations but like so i'm 23 and you go like 10 years yeah 10 years so you you go like around my age like instagram especially snapchat snapchat like people post their whole lives like from morning till night what they're doing and it's like you know oh look at me at you know the nike store oh just going home from work you know look at this steak you know like everything looks like right like i remember actually when the first time i looked on your instagram and i was like expecting just like you flexing in the mirror like you know but no it's just these wholesome pictures with you and your family some like uncle shit what happens when you get older you know so like kids from my generation are like so much different yeah
Speaker 2it's a good point
Speaker 3yeah what about you like how would you use social media um yeah i mean like i did it today right i
Speaker 2was bored today and i without fail i feel the same way every single time it's like i've you know there's a term called doom scrolling you ever heard of that that's like when you just you're just like yeah you're just in your bed like going through tiktok like are you on tiktok now no but this i will i refuse to go on tiktok i put the channel on i asked you that last week no i can't stand it but i have to use it for this so i'm starting to get addicted to it so i gotta get away so i just spend time like you know uh feeding my dopamine that way i'm just like boom boom boom right and i do it a lot on reddit like i get in reddit and then i you know what's funny for me is i find myself getting into like arguments with people on reddit on reddit especially like there's like toronto reddits and uh subreddits and like addiction subreddits and sometimes i can like chime in and give my experience and help and i you know i feel good and whatever but there's a lot of times where you know i was on a toronto subreddit one time someone was complaining about like i don't know um bike lanes or something or like landlords and and uh you know i was i'll just say something so stupid back to them and then i'll just feel i feel so much worse after every single time right so you mean there's a there's a thing i see online you know joe rogan talks about it too it's like um there's a setting in your phone where you can make it all gray grayscale and uh it it's like science scientifically proven that uh sorry my mac is trying to update and it's scientifically proven that um you won't look at your phone as much if it's not colored so i tried it i put it i dude i lasted like four minutes i was like this is awful i can't i felt like i was colorblind or something i felt like an idiot i was like this is so stupid right and um so so yeah but i mean i can see i can see how it works and you know but it's like it's i feel the same way almost that i i feel after i do drugs like to come down it's like you know i was sitting on the couch today and um you know i got that bad news i was driving home with my summer tires on and the weather was so shit and i was like you know what if i and this is gonna sound terrible but i was like if i roll my car into a ditch right now i'm not gonna be that mad but you know these are the thoughts that go through my mind right and uh the good thing is i don't have to act on those thoughts which is good um you know i'm not actually suicidal but uh sometimes you know you in your head you like just joke around and and you know i mean at least i do i don't know i'm pretty messed up so yeah my thoughts are you know i always think you know this whole elon musk thing with um where they're like starting to develop this technology where you can read other people's minds i hope that never happens because i'm fucked if people knew what i was thinking i'd be so
Speaker 3fucked i was actually under a deck under like i had like probably four three and a half four feet of space no like less than that like say like i don't know i was on my knees under a deck uh today yeah out the window from the basement they had to go under the deck and spread them around so it wasn't a big hill that's fun yeah it was oh my dude it was actually one of the funnest things ever done and i was thinking like man i wish i would just lift my head up bash it off the deck and then pass right out no but i can't work now motherfuckers yeah can't act on all those thoughts
Speaker 2no it's man it's like if we acted on our first thought i was always taught first thought wrong right yeah and uh my second thought i have control over but my first thought i have no control
Speaker 3where did that come that's the one of the biggest things i struggle with to this day because like i was such a uh what's that word when you like go to the store and buy something right away impulsive i'm an impulsive person impulsive with everything my responses my first thought the first thing i do it right like my my first instinct all the time was to always freak out yeah i just freak out on people man i've gotten a lot better with that um i wanted to ask you this like what is one of the biggest things because like this is a question like i feel like is it i feel like it's a good one just to let people know who out there who probably still struggling right who maybe don't think they could ever like change or they think they know who they are or something what's the biggest thing you noticed about yourself that since you've changed like like what's the biggest like personality trait or whatever that is like what's the biggest thing you've noticed about yourself since you haven't
Speaker 2been sniffing and drinking every damn day i um i would say i think about myself a little bit less um you know when i walk into situations whether it be uh and this is going to sound so insignificant and stupid but for me it's a big deal because i never thought of this i didn't spend a second thinking about other people before right um you know if i'm walking into a place and uh i go out of my way to like hold the door for somebody like i never used to do that before right um so that that's the biggest thing i would say one of the biggest things for sure is uh i actually care about how other people are doing and i want to listen don't get me wrong that's you know that wavers sometimes right some days i don't want to talk to anyone um but again i get through it and i don't pick up drugs and alcohol and that's the number one priority so if i was an asshole today i need to i need to apologize where the apology needs to be you know had or done but i also need to try and change that behavior because in my experience if i have these like behavioral patterns where i'm acting like my old self you know i'm lying to people um you know i'm not telling people that i'm feeling like using or uh i'm you know a big thing that i do is i'm i like to make people laugh or i think that i'm funny and i like to you know put people down we talked about this in treatment is like this emotional abuse that i do to people and i never really realized it was emotional abuse until i started doing it a lot when i had nothing else to do in treatment right and what i mean by that is i'll be i'll have this like passive-aggressive attitude where i'm like no i'm gonna embarrass the shit out of this is in my head i'm gonna embarrass the shit out of you and you're gonna feel my pain and i'm gonna make everybody else laugh right and it's just this is a fun defense mechanism that i use because i don't enjoy my presence sometimes right or i'm not happy with myself or so those are things where uh i used to just say it look at this fucking guy right like and you know make try and make everybody laugh and embarrass somebody now i'm like hold on okay well take a second like let's let's not react to the situation let's respond to the situation
Speaker 3and try and be an adult here right funny man i'm gonna share something really quick i remember man when you first got like maybe your first couple weeks when you were in treatment like i was i was like uh i used to i still do it all the time and it's a it's a character defect i think i just roast people all the time and make fun of people and in my mind it's never well 99 of the time it's because it's just a joke but there's that one percent where i actually don't like the person but 99 of the time it's just part of my personality and it's something i'm not very fond of i wish that i wasn't like that because it's true like i i'm usually embarrassing the person or you're putting them down but i remember bro you're having a bad day that day you were just cranky as fuck and we had a circle and it was like i think it was i forget what the question was but you're like it was about yourself but like and it was not directed at me but like i totally took like it was directed at me because i was like just being myself that day making fun of people probably putting people down what did i say and you're like man you know one thing i don't like is like i just don't like i i want to be nice to people i don't want to roast people all the time make fun of people all the time or something like that do you remember that yeah and i was thinking like ah damn like that hit because you know i'm the same way and i'm just like bro like that's so true you're like i guess this is not good yeah i guess i should stop too but it's something i've always known that i should change
Speaker 2yeah i mean it's just like simple fix change simple changes and to to normally i don't want to say normal people but to non-alcoholic and addicts it might not seem like a big deal but another thing my uncle said to me last night that really hit home and i was not expecting this because he's changed a lot since he had kids you know he used to be he used to be like a firecracker and he he'll say it himself you know he used to snap on his guys at work he was always like you know had this like rage right um he said to me he's like we we need to spread more love and i was like holy like what i did not like this is a man's man i did not expect him to say that right yeah and he said it a few times he's like you know i think it's our our purpose and goal and you know to spread love in this life and you know spend kindness and you know if you just need to spread love and i'm like holy shit that's profound like wow but it's true um there we have enough negativity in this world like there's there's enough i don't need to add to it right and i'm good at adding to it i can be you know when i was growing up a lot of people called used to call me negative right yeah that was my nickname it's because like i was always negative and i was always going into situations like oh guys what if this happens right and like um you know if my friends were breaking the rules or you're taking my mom's car out or whatever i'd be like what if we get caught right i was always worried i was always that kid and that's probably because i used to get in trouble a lot when i was a kid and i had a lot of uh consequences um you know i used to get grounded a lot and my phone taken away and uh my xbox cord they never used to take the xbox they used to take the xbox cord which is genius like now that i think about it right because the xbox you could just like i don't know actually both of them are probably pretty good idea but either way i hated
Speaker 3that it's easier for your parents though they just gotta take a cord yeah no it's a good point yeah
Speaker 2and it's easier to hide so that's where i was getting at i think that's where i was getting at um but yeah like and to go back to the social media thing um i you know i it's it can be really bad for a lot of people right um because you know the other thing too that it does it it uh and i love this quote um i forget who said it but it's comparison is the thief of joy right and so if i'm constantly compared because social media all it is is i'm comparing myself to you 100 right oh why does he get to go on vacation i'm not on vacation and then automatically you feel like shit about
Speaker 3you have a six-pack and what yeah why does he have a six-pack
Speaker 2exactly and then you feel like you hate yourself you know you're like man i wish i had a six-pack but i don't want to work for it so i'm gonna be sad instead and i'm not gonna do anything about it
Speaker 3yeah and late lately man i know there's some people that are gonna relate to this some people that spend a lot of time on tiktok because my tiktok people i'll scroll down tiktok and then all of a sudden i'll land on some 17 year old kid in miami like loaded loaded and he's like
Speaker 2drop shipping stuff and i'm like bro i gotta get into this i gotta start my own business today
Speaker 3you know what i mean so there's just such like a unrealistic life um that's being perceived by everyone when they look at it you know and it i mean i consider myself to be somewhat smart i don't i think i have a good head on my shoulders and it tricks me sometimes too so i can imagine what it's doing to like you know i'm not saying i'm smarter than everyone else but i'm just saying like it's i feel like it tricks the average person to thinking that like there's an easy way to doing
Speaker 2of doing things yeah yeah and that's what i was gonna say is like the short there's no shortcuts
Speaker 3there is no shortcuts man i've learned that you know
Speaker 2that's i mean that's pretty obvious but some people you you gotta say it over and over again
Speaker 3if it seems too good to be true it probably is too good to be true i was always taught that you know like something happening in my life right now i remember like literally the exact words that someone told me like dude this is too good to be true i was saying it to myself like this is too good to be true right like you know it happened it was too good to be true it's not it's not true you know yeah just like usually good things in life man like the things you want anyways whether that's like an expensive vehicle whether that's like you're at a job right now it's like you're you want to move up to a promotional position you know whether that's you want to start your own business you know what i mean you have to do the hard work like everything you want man even like dude this to me this isn't hard work because i really enjoy it man but like i was at work all day you did things all day i got home like two hours ago we had another uh like commitment we had to do we had a commitment we had to do for an hour and now it's like 9 30 and i was like i gotta be up in like 5 30 in the morning but no like we want this to work we got to put in the hard work right and yeah to your point it's like
Speaker 2yeah i agree you have to do these things especially when you don't want to do dude like
Speaker 3you have you're in great physical shape you're a gym guy did you get like that by just you know doing five push-ups in your room and then you know watching tiktoks all day no you had to wake up consistently do the do the actions do the do the dieting stay dialed in right and that's hard
Speaker 2work there's i i can't remember the i honestly i mean this i can't remember the last time i wanted to go to the gym yeah like there's there's days where uh i go like i i go every day because i've built that routine now yeah where but there's days i go and i don't work half as hard as i usually do but i went yeah right and so the point of going is so that tomorrow it's easier yeah and then the next day it's easier and then now it's you know it's hard to miss and to throw in the gym man
Speaker 3people get fooled because people go to the gym and they look at look at the guy who's like you know jacked and wearing all the wearing all the clothes and stuff and they're like oh my god i'm gonna go to the gym clothes and they're like oh man like that guy wants to be here like i don't think anybody in the gym yeah wants to actually be in the gym i mean sure there's a few people that enjoy it but
Speaker 2like not every single day man like i would say those guys that you follow on uh tiktok where they where they called the trend twins those morons he's not jacked whatsoever i just gamble
Speaker 5my life savings way too he's richer than me he's taller than me yeah but i'm more fucking jacked and i'm funny that's all that matters yeah everything i earned was through hard f***ing work i was in the streets on the corner selling f***ing steroids you know what gambling you know what gambling is this age is only fans for men f*** that i don't gamble i work hard
Speaker 2bro you gamble i think those guys like being at the gym those guys like me in the gym because they're juiced up on every steroid in the world but but that's like um that's another uh another thing about another point about social media like are those guys like that 24 7 maybe yeah you know
Speaker 3probably some no and see i was always taught because like social media is something that like i like starting a podcast i had different ideas because i genuinely wanted to do this for a bit and i talked to some people and they were like hey if you're gonna do this you gotta be yourself because the second you try and play a character you gotta like let's say you do end up getting something you gain some traction then you gotta maintain that character at all times right so it's like lying yeah lying is so difficult and it's different if you're doing like certain videos like obviously if you're doing a podcast like you should probably be yourself it's easier it's easier and you know you imagine if you like i don't know if you meet me in person right now this is the exact guy you're gonna meet and like i feel like i'm literally like literally all i'm doing right now is having a conversation with you with cameras and a microphone right that's it but yeah i was always taught like if you're gonna get on social media be yourself because it's so much easier man i mean all you gotta do is just do you and people appreciate
Speaker 2it more and people appreciate it they can tell when you're being fake right 100 percent um but yeah i mean to touch on the lying thing like how hard is it to keep up a lie oh bro you gotta remember that you start lying yourself you gotta remember what you lied about and then you're like did i tell him that not him that and it's like so stressful right i used to
Speaker 3lie about everything everything man like it becomes such a second nature to me to lie and this isn't my addiction like i would bro like i would do anything like i would lie to people about work relationships i'd lie to my relationship i'd lie to my parents my everyone everyone there was no like no one really knew what i was really doing you know people probably did know what i was doing you probably knew i was messed up the whole time but lying man is lying is so powerful and it's such a horrible personality trait right because like nowadays and this is what lying has done to me being like telling so many lies i'm gonna tell you something interesting and it's it kind of sucks a little bit i have such a hard time trusting people now because of all the lies i've told interesting you know what i mean because i know how easy it is to lie but you also you deflect you reflect that off of people you project sorry yeah you project it right and like what i've come to learn is from the most people that i've been getting close with and getting to know recently i feel like they're all pretty honest people because like at first dude like anthony like i would have someone tell me like yo i i you know i had a pee this morning and went for a coffee and i'd be like no you didn't you probably you know took a poop and you probably had a pepsi like you know anything you told me i would second guess and it literally sucked because like i couldn't trust anyone right so i'm coming to learn like and it takes i just watch the person what they tell me and i watch it come true and i'm like okay this guy's not a liar but it sucks that my first instinct to think if someone is lying and like there's a lot of you know not so great people out there but there is a lot of good people too and you know what that has done to me is now thinking everyone's a liar when really no
Speaker 2caleb you were the liar yeah right but yeah no it's a good point man lying is just so powerful i agree um i want to touch back on this this cocaine and social media thing because it really interests me but um i'm not a liar i'm not a liar i'm not a liar i'm not a liar yeah so you know cocaine floods the brain with dopamine it's a feel-good chemical 300 above normal levels wow so a line of cocaine yeah 300 above normal levels and to think i was doing that almost every day um there's probably not you know a lot of healthiness in that social media triggers dopamine dopamine spikes through likes notifications and endless doom scrolling reinforcing compulsive use and that's from harvard Wow. both cause withdrawal symptoms cocaine withdrawal anxiety irritability depression yep yep yep social media withdrawal 2019 study found that heavy users experienced increased heart rate loneliness and FOMO that's fear of missing out right when forced to quit that's from social media the journal of social and clinical psychology
Speaker 3Wow bro I wrote when I got out of treatment then not even I just I used treatment as an example my life cuz it's like the most recent one but like dude there's so many examples of my or like times in life I could think about where like I wouldn't maybe been on social media for a bit or like maybe I didn't have a phone or maybe I was in trouble and I was in juvie or something I can't bro I remember getting on my phone and be like okay Instagram Facebook snapchat and I'm back on it now like you get that dopamine rush right and for like you guys are all probably know the dopamine rushes but like bro it is the same thing like it's different obviously when you literally sniff a line of cocaine because you get a bigger dopamine rush but like for someone who doesn't do cocaine you're getting that same type of feeling something that makes you happy that's not real like not you get what I'm saying with that right like it's not like you know you're having a conversation with your brother and you know you're getting happy from that right like this stuff is not like it's it's it's synthetic it's synthetic I always like to say too like the cavemen you
Speaker 2know thousands of years ago didn't have smartphones so no it can't be good for us no no but you know they both cause withdrawal symptoms I said that already idiot it causes that's true both neural pathways brain scans cocaine shrinks gray matter in areas controlling judgment impulse control yeah impulse control definitely a problem I know what I want to talk about reduces prefrontal cortex activity and that's social media overuse wow I mean this is these are a lot of I mean I would just say this before you get to your point but uh if you think you're not addicted to your phone maybe ask yourself am I being honest with myself because I'm definitely addicted to mine I'm so
Speaker 3addicted to my phone I can't go without it if I like if I was like I would drive an hour away to work every day if I was like 59 minutes towards work and had one minute left I'd turn around if I left my phone back like you can't no one can we live in this world now we're like you are literally
Speaker 2addicted to your phone you just reminded me of something funny too Joe Rogan I saw Joe Rogan one time uh do stand up live and he said he had this bit where he was like you know it's really weird I would leave my kids every day with my my mother-in-law right my wife's mom I have no problem with that but I would never leave my phone with her yeah yeah you know I thought that was so funny so like think about that for a second you would never leave your phone with them but you would leave your your kids with with your mother-in-law it's insane oh man I like this like this chat so
Speaker 3we're gonna have some series on here like we're gonna have our uh we're gonna have guest speakers come on and tell their stories so that's like me and Anthony did our stories and then yeah we got
Speaker 2some pretty cool people uh my sister's gonna come on too I want you know she's gonna tell um her experience of what it's like living with a degenerate addict like myself Anthony is the only degenerate addict out there yeah yeah I'm uh alone in that category for sure but yeah no we're uh I'm looking forward to that you know it'll add a different um different vibe to this and uh yeah
Speaker 3so yeah we got we also got plenty of like a actual like registered addictions counselor that's gonna
Speaker 2come on and speak yeah yeah qualified professionals not not too much knuckleheads yeah something I
Speaker 3wanted to say quickly because that was just for chatting I like this you know you get like I remember when I watch podcasts man like it's like just like listen to two people chat about some cool stuff that's why it's popular so yeah one thing I wanted to mention and kind of like get your take on it as well as like one thing I was warned about but I also noticed now about getting sober is like you're going to try and fill like that so-called void or like the things like when you did drugs every day to feel better you're going to do something else now that you're sober to feel better right you know what I'm saying like for me when I got out I had like that kind of board time a little bit right so I was like you know I'll just be honest I tried to fill that with women I tried to feel like you know because you want that that feel good feeling everybody does right and like I'm going to say normal people again but like people who don't have a drug and alcohol problem who've never had to deal with that you know they have certain things placed in their life that they're happy about but like when you come out of addiction when you come out of doing something that makes you relying on something that makes you because let's be honest when we sniffed the same drugs like we felt good we got that boost okay right so now that we don't have that like what are we doing to obtain that and to like you know once you got to regulate that at some point because you can't be constantly trying to look for happiness in you know in things or places like you got to find that happiness inside yourself yeah and for me man like is that making sense yeah I
Speaker 2think the important thing is to focus on healthy habits I mean I got addicted to golf for a while I got I did I ran marathons for a while I got addicted to that but it doesn't have to be that
Speaker 3it could just be Community right but for me like I'm genuinely talking like I was like like trying to find something to make me happy like in someone else like a woman or like buying sneakers or like you know just things that like if if you're relying on a woman or a pair of shoes to make you happy clearly there's something inside you that's missing right um for me I think one of the things that I I didn't like that it was going on that's I wasn't working right I'm someone who's worked and you know having being not self-independent like not being able to support yourself even though you're sober it's it's for me personally it affected me a lot and it was just the way I was raised right but I feel like I'm not making any sense here but like basically what I'm asking is what do you do that you want to feel like what things you do to fill your void that you want to
Speaker 2fix yeah I mean we talked about that last time right like but I yeah I think yeah I think that's what I'm asking is what do you do that you want to feel like what things you do to fill your void that you want to fix yeah I mean we talked about that last time right like but I yeah I think that's what I'm asking is what do you do that you want to fix yeah I mean we talked about that last time right like but I yeah I think yeah I mean we talked about that last time right like but I yeah I think you know I've heard uh the opposite of addiction is connection right and I think when I use drugs I was looking for some kind of connection um I have no problem talking to people and you know being the center of attention like I always try to be the center of attention and you know it's a double-edged sword sometimes yeah uh but you know drugs and alcohol made me feel kind of connected to everyone else in a way um where it kind of shut down the noise like we talked about and you know things didn't really matter I could kind of shirk all responsibility I didn't have to be a brother I didn't have to be a friend I could just kind of be nothing and uh the lack of responsibility was kind of nice so I mean I think now it's just you got to fill it with community and because I didn't have that before right like genuine relationships not just intimate but genuine friendships genuine relationships with your parents genuine relationships with your brothers and sisters and like-minded people like we talked about earlier you know and then when you go and hang out with them you put your damn phone away stop looking at social media you know what I mean because we all do it we're at a bar or restaurant and everyone's on their phone if you have you ever like been in a restaurant or a bar and actually just put your phone and stopped and just watch the table of people all on their phone it's the weirdest looking thing but we all do it dude it's the strangest looking thing in the world right but we all do it and it's just like I always think like if I was you know if I were to travel in the future you know 30 40 years ago and come in and see that I would lose my mind I'd be like what the is happening with society what is that what's going on why are people doing that right and you know kids nowadays I feel bad for them they can't start a conversation they're gonna text each other no you notice that man about people nowadays like
Speaker 3it's like younger people like no one is like socially like connected like on like on a personal level everything's over the phone yeah like I would tell you something about myself that anyone that knows me knows it's like I'm not a shy person and I'm like a like what's one of my personality like strengths that I actually like about myself is like I'll go up to someone and talk to them yeah I agree you're very outgoing and like I'll tell you one other funny thing about that is like so I'm from a small ass town like you go down any street you're either going like this out your truck off your steering wheel everyone says hi everyone how's it going buddy that's awesome you know how's your dog doing everything everyone's just like real tight when's the last time you did that here in Toronto well I try I'll be like going up like what do you call the escalators is that we call those things you know you don't have those around from I'll be going up them and I'll like make eye contact with someone hey man how's it going no response they think you're like mentally ill they literally think I'm mentally ill like to the point now we're like I don't even try anymore I just like I'm starting to become like yeah you know I mean
Speaker 2we are mentally ill I should add that yeah
Speaker 3no man it's a part of where I was raised but too I just I don't know I think I'm like just I don't like I don't want to say not like the rest of them but like just most of people from my generation aren't like dude like I was at I was watching my cousin's hockey game last night there was a bunch of like kind of kids well I'm 23 these kids were like probably a gen Z yeah yeah right I'm just like you know how's it going man like how are you doing and like hey you know like they just don't have a car yeah everyone's so strange like you know what I mean if I would have texted him on Instagram though he would have been great yeah everything would have been fine you would have known their whole life story yeah so it's so easy to like it's so easy to in think about this bro whether it was a friend whether it was your mom or your dad or a girl and there's something you want to say in person how much easier is it to just say it over the phone yeah you know what
Speaker 2I mean and then the tone gets totally missed taken out of context and then you know hey how's it going understood as hey how's it going right or bye it could be like bye or it could be like bye right you know does this person hate me does this person want to murder my family I don't know you know does this person love me I don't know right so let's end it there because I think that's good enough but I'm looking forward to the next episode and yeah I'm proud of you for showing up and I'm proud of me for showing up because I want to go to bed
Speaker 3I've been enjoying this so much
Speaker 2hopefully everyone else is yeah
Speaker 3and even if you don't just pretend pretend you are
Speaker 2yeah we'll appreciate that too throw a like on the video like comment subscribe tell us what you're going through and maybe we can help each other
Speaker 3get us a thousand followers on TikTok so we can start going live yeah that would be fun we're going to try and throw some lives up for you guys and yeah we're going to try and actually build the Ant-Man's moving out of the house pretty soon so we're going to be a little bit distanced so we're going to try and not super distanced like he's still going to be in Toronto right but Toronto's a pretty big place so we're going to try and build like an actual upload schedule maybe twice a week maybe three times a week maybe once a week we don't know but we're going to try and figure that out so yeah just leave some ideas if there's anything you guys want us to talk about yeah any specific yeah we'll do that too like a Q&A I'm interested in that if you guys have any questions even if you're not an addict and you're just someone who has a son or a cousin and you just want to know we'll try and help you guys out right
Speaker 2yeah we'll answer from our experience alright alright guys
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