Episode 19 : How Honest are you with your Kids?

Welcome back to Yoga Pants and Bad Decisions. First, before we get into episode 19, I just wanted to apologize for last week's episode, episode 18. I don't still don't know what the fuck happened on the editing part of that episode. As I've said before, I don't always listen to every episode all the way through, but for the most part, I preview it because I do, you know, rerecord certain spots if I accidentally say the real person's name versus their synonym. I have to go back and rerecord it if I feel like I'm getting a little too scatterbrained or off topic and I want to just circle back. So, when I'm recording episodes, I basically go back and forth. And, you know, again, this is just like raw dog and grass root stuff. I don't have any kind of real technical skill or knowledge in the editing of podcast. I figure I would just be as chaotic as I am in real life as I am on my pod if you know me, you know why. So, I apologize again, hopefully we won't have that same issue this week, but I will make sure that at least the intro makes sense this time. So, things that have happened since last week, we are still currently in the throes of potty training with our new puppy. She's doing great. She's acclimated quite well to the chaos that is my house. All of the kids and my husband have kind of stepped up in the caretaking of this dog, which for the first couple of days, it was mainly just me. It felt like, but everyone's kind of rallyed around her and she's quickly become a total sweetheart and a part of the family. And we've also gotten to introduce her to her new boyfriend, my couple's dog. They've had a couple of plates, so it's great to see the dogs get along, you know, because, you know, one day we'll all be family. So, yeah, this week's episode. So, I was kind of on the fence of where I wanted to go with this week's episode, because there were a couple of different topics that I wanted to bring up, but it was funny because my husband is actually on, like, staycation this week, he's not working, he's taking PTO. So, I was wondering, one when I was going to actually get to record this episode because he's home all week, and not that he doesn't know about this podcast, he knows about the podcast, he just chooses not to listen to it. And I think he, originally, when he knew that I was going to be doing this podcast, one, I don't think he actually thought I was going to follow through with it, because I never really talked about it beyond, like, mentioning it. And I think he thought that it was going to be solely about, like, my sex campaigns and, like, all of the different men and sexual situations that I've encountered, and not to say that that hasn't happened on this podcast. But he didn't think that he, I was going to be so forthcoming about everything, having to do with our relationship and the status of our marriage. So, he is aware of that now, he also knows that I spent several episodes talking about his current girlfriend, AKA Cuntface, Jane, as we call her. So, he's aware of it, but he chooses not to listen to it, and, you know, even talking to my oldest son this week, you know, he's brought up, he knows about the podcast. My older two kids know about the podcast, they also know what's discussed on this podcast, and I tell them not to listen to it unless they want to be scarred for life, but there's nothing I can really do to stop them, you know, they both have Spotify accounts. So, and they, you know, found out, unfortunately, because I had branding stickers made for the podcast to kind of do some, like, grassroots marketing and put them around town, where I live, because I can't really market this podcast anywhere in my real life to keep some kind of anonymity, but the people in my real life who know me, obviously, they share for me. So, again, if you want to get the word out and help a sister out, you know, it would be nice if I could eventually monetize this podcast, but that's, that's a ways away. Right now, I'm just doing this for funsies, and it's been very cathartic for me. So, I will continue to do it until that changes, and it's no longer fun. Sometimes I struggle to come up with topics of what to discuss, because I don't want it to all be doom and gloom, and how, you know, the current status of my marriage, I don't want to talk about, like, just all sex, and I find that the episodes where I talk about my sex competes, tend not to perform as well as the ones that talk about the nitty-gritty stuff of my life. So, I'm kind of torn as to which avenue to kind of, you know, lean towards. And one of the topics that I had considered for today was having my older kids kind of know what's going on in our lives, and the current status of our marriage. Because my older son, he kind of asked me, coming home, one day in the car, he was just like, yeah, let's talk about, you know, your couple, and he's like, you know, does Liz peg you? And I'm like, what? And I'm like, buddy, like, first of all, pegging is a very specific thing. And it's usually performed solely on men, and pegging usually refers to, you know, getting fucked or penetrated by something other than a penis. So, for the most part, when it's pegging, it's usually a woman doing it to a man. And he sees like, well, what is it called when it's to women? And I'm just like, fucking like using a strap on, like, you know, again, I'm new to this whole women loving women lifestyle. So, I don't even know all the terminology. So feel free to educate me if I'm saying something wrong or doing something wrong or referencing something wrong. But, you know, he basically wanted to know if she used a strap on with me. And there's the conundrum when children hit a certain age, because I have a 16 year old, almost 17. And a 15 year old, and then my youngest is turning 10 next month. So, the 10 year old oblivious to, you know, what goes on in mind in my husband's private lives. He knows my husband's friend is Jane. Doesn't know that that's like, you know, his romantic interest or his girlfriends. That's just, you know, she's a family friend. That's how it's always been presented. Even when the older kids were his age. So, he's kind of oblivious. The older too, again, you know, just to refresh your memory, we had to kind of tell them after my oldest son found my husband's secret porn stash on his laptop. So, we didn't have a choice because my son thought that my husband was cheating on him on me. Sorry. I thought my husband was cheating on me. So, we basically had to kind of break it down for him because he had started expressing some hostility towards my husband. So, we had to tell them they've known for a couple of years now. It's probably been two years now since they've known about it. And they've seen iterations of me dating other people. They've, you know, and if they ask questions, the stance I've always taken is I won't lie to my kids. I don't lie really period. The honesty is very important to me, even when it hurts. And that's probably part of the reason why I'm in the situation I am within my marriage. Honestly, it's because I have been brutally honest. And there probably should have been, and, you know, in hindsight, things that I should have held back or maybe worded or framed differently. So, as to not hurt my husband, but at the end of the day, the truth is the truth. And if that's how I feel, then I'm entitled to feel that way. I don't have to agree with it, but it doesn't take away the truth of the statement. So, I've always struggled with what is too much information for my kids versus, you know, not enough. Because I never wanted to be like my own mom where I didn't really talk about things of a sexual nature or, you know, if my kids have questions, I want them to feel comfortable enough for them to come talk to me about it. Even last week, my oldest son basically said that the last time all of his friends were here, that they dabbled with our liquor cabinet. And I was like, what the actual fuck? Because I am not, I'm not that kind of parent. I didn't grow up in a house where like, oh, if you're under 21, you're allowed to drink as long as it's under my roof. No, that was not allowed in our house. I wasn't allowed to go over to anyone's houses. If there weren't parents home, my parents were kind of strict about that. And it's kind of how I plan on parenting my kids in regards to alcohol. I'm not naive to think that eventually they will want to try and dabble in that. And that's fine. And I want them to feel comfortable enough to wear if they're ever put in a situation where they need a ride that they will call me. I actually already had those conversations with my kids, but both of them have never really expressed any desire to drink or dabble with any kind of drugs. And, you know, my son, my older son is always very adamant over like vaping, smoking weed and all of that stuff. He just hasn't, you know, he talks negatively about the kids at his school who do that. And like, kids that he used to play sports with who have now kind of gone, gone astray. And now that they're in high school, and he's just like, oh, yes, so and so all he does now is vape and get high in the bathroom. It's so disgusting. But he is not a fan of it. So neither one of my older kids, my teen kids have kind of given me any indication that that's something that they, you know, want to even mess around with. Now, my son's friends, yes, he's, he's made that very clear. And I made very clear to him that in our house. That's not gonna happen. I was like I I I am a cool parent and I'll keep it real with my kids. I can relate to them I talked to them. I use lingo that they can understand and relate to but I will not condone underage drinking in my house like that's not gonna happen Even if it's just my kids now once they get to college aged and you know They go away and I have no control over what they do that might be a different story But we're talking 15 16 right now. No, there is gonna be no drinking So my son actually you know confided in me and that they had tried what was and the funniest part was they tried Jack Daniels And the only reason I even have Jack Daniels in my house is for mass-hole Jeff Jeff I every fucking time Chris Chris every episode. I can't remember the fake name that I gave Confaces ex-husband and I always think it's Jeff, but it's Jane and Chris one of these days I'm just gonna fucking slip in that say his actual name Just kidding. I won't because that motherfucker would probably try and sue me and you so Chris was a Jack Daniels drinker So this bottle Yeah, it's 2026 now is at least like five six years old because nobody in our house is drinking Jack Daniels at this point in time So apparently they thought it would be cool to like try a cocktail with Jack Daniels So apparently now like, you know, I'm gonna have to like put a camera or lock the liquor cabinet and you know And in this conversation with my son he kind of was like well, that's the last time I ever tell you something and I was like listen buddy, I'm like you can tell me anything We've had these conversations, but if you think I'm gonna condone Underage drinking you're sadly mistaken and I said especially when you have friends over and I said you do realize Anything that happens in this house when your friends are here. I'm responsible for and and one of his friends in the past has Basically gotten into litigation with one of their other friends over an incident on a trampoline So I was like the last thing I need is for this fucktard to try and sue me because you know He got too drunk and did something stupid and hurt himself and have his parents come after me And so when I framed it that way to my son, he kind of understood, but That is what brings up the conversation and the topic of like what's too much? And when are your kids old enough to know and I also brought this up because last week? One of my cousins who I've known, you know, obviously my whole life, but like we've become you know Text friends we don't we live in different cities now. We don't talk as much like we go through periods where we're in a lot of Communication and then periods of time where we don't talk to each other at all. It's just life But we always circle back and one of the ways we always circle back is is through TV shows movies books and music You know, she'll just randomly hit me up, and you know, I think it was like her birthday than my birthday and then you know We'll say hey, how's it going? How's life? Are you listening to any new music? Are you watching any new shows and we basically both like geek out over the same stuff? And you know he did rivalry and what's all all that stuff and you know She's always asking me for new movies and the most recent time she reached out to me It was over a book that I had put on good reads and she had read it as well and asked me what I thought about it and I was like I enjoyed it. It was similar to the movie that she mentioned and I was like, but I still liked it If you want to know what it was it was one last letter by Rebecca Yarros Who is the author of fourth wing that I'm like fanatical about but she also does like romance stuff So Rebecca Yarros last letter. They're apparently making it into a show I think on Amazon or like a mini-series. So I wanted to read it before that came about So she hit me up and she was you know talking about books and I was talking about audiobooks and She's like I can't really get into audiobooks and I said I didn't think so either and I because I always get very distracted when I read audiobooks I've always just been you know a kindle girly not even like a paperback I know there are diehards my sister-in-law and her daughter and my nieces are all diehard like book and hand readers I'm not I just like to be able to go and I like to be able to read it night without a light on so that's why I love using my kindle But I haven't been reading a lot lately. So it was cool and audiobooks. I've been racking up some credit So I downloaded a couple of things and we were talking about audiobooks and I told her I was like this is the one that got me into audiobooks I'm getting ready to start another one that my brother recommended to me dungeon crawler Carl if you know You know I'm currently obsessed with that audiobook. I'm on book two and I will be in for the long haul But I digress but in talking about books. We were talking about music and you know, she lives in the city In New York City and basically she's like I don't really listen audiobooks because I don't have a commute She doesn't drive she basically walks and takes the subway everywhere And she's like I just listened to music and podcasts and I said yeah I've never been a big podcast listener and I joked with her I was like yeah, don't listen to podcasts. I just record them and and she kind of was just like what do you mean? You record them and I and I basically told her and she was like oh you fucking didn't like I sent her you know A screenshot of my podcast logo and she's like you fucking didn't she's like what is it even about and I was just you know I told her I was like my life unfiltered and then after I told her that like she never responded back via text and I was like okay Um, and so that I followed up with her like the next week and I was like what I was like are you like mortified by this Revelation that I record a podcast and she's like girl. She's like as long as I've you know as long as we've known each other She's like as much as I know about your life No, she's like nothing surprises me. She's like you do remember that I I swiped on your husband on bumble Which was hysterical because that's how I ended up telling her that we had an open marriage because at one point in time She was living in the same city as us So she actually found my husband on bumble or came across my husband on bumble and she and so she reached out to me and kind of like you know was testing the waters because she didn't want to like out my husband for like cheating on me So but she also wanted to let me know, you know, obviously something is up. So she kind of you know She fished around back then and I disclosed to her that you know, hey like we've opened our marriage We're both dating other people so then she came clean and she was like oh thank fucking God She's like what I came across him on bumble and I nearly shit myself because I didn't know what to do I didn't know how I was going to tell you and I was like girl you're fine But I appreciate you, you know looking out for me So she knows the good the bad the ugly She's been a sounding board whenever I would have to talk about stuff Between Jane and my husband and the situation there like she was there for all of that and and she knew She saw the writing on the wall too. She knew it was never gonna last and even now She's kind of like you know when I talk about how I don't understand why My husband and Jane are still together when they only see each other once every two weeks She's like girl like what woman who's now divorced from a total narcissist AKA Chris Maslow like who would want it be involved with the man other than once every two weeks You get you know you get dick down once every two weeks and then the rest of the time your life is yours and I'm and And to her that was like an ideal setup like you know a standing Dick appointment and then the friendship that comes with it, you know Because I know that Jane and my husband communicate daily so like they still talk every day They might see each other once or twice throughout the week like you know, just you know Running into each other or you know, they'd meet at the pool or whatnot But they only have once every two weeks where they're spending a night together and actually have like child-free Time where they can you know actually be together. So like to me that would never be enough But then it's just like well look what I've been living with for the past like years maybe You know, maybe there's something to that um But in the conversation with my cousin again like I just I always go off these tangents guys. Sorry It is how my brain works But so my cousin was just like listen as much as I know about you and everything that's gone on in your life She's like I don't fucking care what you do. She's like as long as it's not hurting your kids or you Like do you boo like whatever you want and it got me thinking like okay like Oh Will this podcast you know that be detrimental to my kids Um, they both know the older ones know that it exists uh My oldest son he doesn't he says he doesn't listen to it But I think he's he's listened to certain episodes and he's been made aware of certain things and honestly like on Spotify and All of these platforms like they do transcripts for you know each podcast So even if he's not physically listening to it in and hearing my voice regurgitate uh the facts and the history of my marriage and how we got here Uh, he does read it and so he does know certain things and You know one of the things that he referenced was the episode um asparagus jizz and broken hangers I think it was and he was just like broken hangers He's like what like why are you into that mom and I was like do you really like want to know the answers to these questions And I said because I'm not going to get into it just so you can like laugh at me I'm like if you're genuinely inquisitive and and want to actually know because you're curious Cool, but if that's the case you have to be mature enough to Handle the answer that I'm going to give you like don't ask questions that you don't want the answers to I'll answer everything and I'll answer it truthfully, but you but if I feel as though you're not receiving the information In a mature enough manner then this conversation is over and that's basically how I framed it to him And he was like yeah, he was like I'm just genuinely curious and he was like you know My buddy says that you're your BDSM and I was like okay He goes what does that mean and I go why don't you google? it and look it up so that he can look it up. And so then he started asking questions about like intimacy with my couple. He was like, you know, do they do this with you? He asked if they used a ballgag on me. And I was like, no, for the record, I've never used a ballgag. I'm not opposed to it. But it's never actually come up in any of the the play times that I've ever had where a ballgag has been pulled out, but it's funny because one of my old co-workers for the longest time was having an ongoing affair with a married man for years and years and years. And like they would just meet up randomly in hotels. And she said that he would always like he would use her to be like his kink kink person. And and it was so crazy because back then I was living vicariously through this woman who like if you looked at her you would never guess that she was like into that kind of stuff at all like not at all. And it was wild to me. And so when you know I don't even know how it came up. But one time she told me that she used a ballgag with this guy. And I was like, what did you just fucking say? I was like a ballgag. She's like, oh yeah, it's so hot. And I'm like, oh my. And it just blew my mind because never in a million years. And that's why like you never know what happens behind closed doors. The most straight-laced, you know, honest like friendly church loving Christ loving people are the biggest fucking freaks behind closed doors. And I just think it's hysterical. But because at least with me like I'm open like most people within like two hours of working with me already know too much about my personal life. And again the amount of times that I've been told that you know like by my own family not by the people that I work with or by the people that I'm saying this to. It's always people in my own family who are like you'd share too much. And they're like you know that stuff will get used against you. And I was like how? Like if I'm open about it and so many people know about it and everybody who knows me knows about it. Like what are they going to do? Extort me for what? So even thinking in the future like you know you know what if your kids find out or what if your kids listen to these episodes. I'm kind of just like they already fucking know. So go ahead. Like the only thing would be is if like you know all of the Facebook community knew who I was. Because as of right now like honestly the only people who listen to this podcast who actually know me in real life are people that already know my shit anyway. So they're getting a kick out of me storytelling all of these stories. And and probably greater detail than they've ever heard before. But it's not anything new to them. And for the for the new listeners a lot of them I have come from FetLife a lot of them are guys that I you know have been involved with. And friends telling other friends and just basically word of mouth who are hearing this stuff for the first time. Like they're probably thinking that I am a total fucking lunatic. Who who is probably a horror slut. And basically that was one of the questions that my son asked me in the car the other day. He was like would you consider yourself to be a horror. And I go well I'm like the horror is kind of negative connotation. I don't feel anything that I do makes me a horror. And I was like by all classifications. And you know if it if you're if you're going strictly on the numbers game I would probably be probably be classified as a slut. And I don't give a rat's ass about that. Like I feel that you know the amount of sexual experience that I've had in the time that I've had it. You know yeah it are my numbers staggeringly higher than most peoples. Yeah because I think what is it the real that the average American has eight sexual partners anywhere between four and eight sexual partners in their lifetime. Yeah well not even close for me but you know guess who falls in that window. My husband. My husband's had five sexual partners and he's 45 years old. So I mean I know there's people exist and good for them but I'm not one of them and I have no shame in that game. So you know when I when my son asked me he's like I don't want to know what your body count is and I said cool was going to tell you anyway and he asked me he's like oh is it in triple digits and I said I thought you said you weren't going to ask me anyway and I said would it make you think differently of me if it was in triple digits buddy. I was like would that change who I am to you knowing that and he's like no not really and I was like okay then then it doesn't even matter it's just a fucking number just like the numbers on the scale are just fucking number it doesn't speak to who I am as a person it doesn't speak to how I treat the people that I love and care about in my life it's just a number. So moving forward on like the kids front like I feel like both of my kids are return off and at an age now where you know when they have questions they can ask them and I'll speak truthfully to them the couple that I'm dating has expressed an interest in going to some of my son's sport sporting events and you know of course I would ask him if it's okay and he's fine with it but my husband will also be there so it's kind of like we're starting to get to the period or the part of the program where the people in my life are very important in my life and they want to meet the other people that are important in my life which are my kids so at what point do you introduce significant others to your children that is a caveat all in itself you know that I'm sure all single parents or divorce parents deal with on the regular but it's something that I haven't really had to navigate because you know our kids were younger and our older two kids they they know what's going on with my relationship with my husband they know that currently we're not in a good place um I mean again we're still friendly we're still friends I still love my husband I will always love him he is the father of my kids but again like I don't see an endgame where things will work out why because none of the things that I have told my husband that I would need to see a resolution or a reconnection or like a reboot of this marriage he hasn't been doing and honestly those are just therapy as a couple couples therapy and losing the girlfriend because I just don't see a world where I would ever be able to continue on in a marriage where there's intimacy and romance and a love when she is in the picture so until he's willing to do both of those things it's kind of not even an option for me um and you know I but currently again we're still living in the same house we're still raising our three kids we still give the front that we are a married couple like you know there's nothing on our Facebook's that say that we're separated um his parents are aware of our marital situation my parents and my siblings are I don't think his siblings know what's going on but it's wild because like this month on the 24th of this month I think it will have been one year since him and I have had any form of intimacy I think that was the last time we slept together um so that's kind of like it's it's disheartening but it's kind of I've made peace with it at this point in time and as much as I do love him the I I want to be with someone who actually really just wants to be with me or people who want to be with me since I'm with a couple like I just I still have plenty of life to live there's still things that I want to do with my life um and as my children get older I'm being you know my eyes are kind of being open to the freedom that I will have once they're out of the house and I'm an empty nester and I just don't see life where my husband and I are going to be empty nesters and be happy together um and I think he's on the same page too but I think he like I but I also think that he would be perfectly okay with the status quo as it is now where we would have just exist in this home um that you know we can't afford without each other and live like roommates and I'm just like no like eventually I want to sell this house eventually I want to move and get my own place or move in with whoever I'm sharing my life with at that time um the couple that I'm with now like we've we've talked about future plans and you know we joke about how when I move in and you'll be gaining two cats and a dog and we'll have this big happy family and we talk about what we want to do for like our retirement endgame we've already have it all planned out so like that's the future that I see I don't and and I see it as being friendly with my husband and co-parenting with my husband but not together in any romantic sense and eventually yes a divorce will happen so like you know my kids kind of see that writing on the wall um but again like you know they know like they don't want to you know speak it into existence even my younger son kind of like knows what's up um he knows that you know mommy and daddy aren't in the aren't in the best way and and we're not as affectionate as we once were you know he doesn't see the affection that we've had before so you know we we're not hugging or kissing or doing anything like that really in front of our youngest son but it's also opened up dialogue with my older kids as far as, or at least my older son because he's like, well, what's gonna happen? Like, what's the living situation gonna be like? And I tell him, but I'm like, don't worry about it right now. And I said, it's nothing's gonna happen before you finish school because he's a sophomore in high school. My daughter is a junior. And of course, I'm not gonna be selfish enough to kind of just, you know, blow shit up so that, you know, they have to switch schools because unfortunately, where we live, I've spoke on this before. There's not a lot of housing options that are affordable for the income separation between my husband and I. And I, together, yes, we have a nice family home separately. Neither one of us could afford this. And neither one of us could afford a house even in the school district. So, you know, he has family that lives in the same school district. So I mean, an option would be to use that address to get them to continue with schooling, but that, again, that would require more work for us. So, I mean, like, again, I'm not miserable in my life with my husband here, but it's definitely not sustainable. Like, because I feel like I'm just in a a period of stasis. Like, I can't plan or do anything for my future. And it's just like, yes, I want to be able to have a future and be in a romantic relationship that I can actually, like, openly talk about and openly, you know, tau, which I can't really do right now because, you know, the people who know were open, yes, they know that I'm dating a couple, but like, would I eventually like to introduce the couple that I'm with, like, to everyone else in my life? Absolutely. Do I give a fuck what they actually would think about that? Not at all. But it would just make it easier if you know, the divorce was finalized. And I just don't see where, you know, the timeline for that, because of that. So, we're looking at like another, you know, two years after this before my oldest is graduating or, you know, at least maybe towards the end of his year. And then, you know, my youngest will be going into middle school, which is an ideal, but unfortunately, like, there comes a time where enough is enough and I'm not going to. And maybe by then, the situation will be different and one of us will be able to maintain this home or, you know, something will change and we'll be able to, you know, stay where we are. I don't know, but eventually, like, one of us is going to have to leave this, this family home and move on and, you know, my husband has mentioned that, you know, he would leave the house and I could stay with the kids. I don't know where he would go. He could either move his parents. Maybe he would move him with Jane. I don't know. I don't really know, but we're not there yet, but I feel as though there, but I'm also not spending a lot of time in the house, which makes it easier for me. Because if I was here seven days a week living the way that we are, I would probably go insane and we probably would start fighting a lot, but we're not fighting because I don't spend a lot of time in the house. Like, I'm here for all the important things. I make sure that I'm here for the kids, like, if they have any kind of extra curriculars and my husband can't get to them, like, I'm there. Like, I go to their games when I can. Most of the time, I, you know, in reality, a lot of the times, I haven't been able to go to their stuff due to work related schedules. So they're kind of used to that. So it's not really any different. It's not like anything has changed with the amount of involvement I have with my kids. And honestly, like, the older two basically want to hang with their friends and do their shit. It's not like they're sitting around, you know, asking to, you know, watch TV with good old mom. But I see them enough. They're fed, you know, even if it's a night that I'm going to my couple's house and they're cooking dinner there. Like, last night, we had dinner at the couple's house, but I made dinner before I left. So, you know, my family is still getting a home cooked meal by Moa. I'm still cooking and then I go and watch my couple cook and then we eat. So I'm not jerking all of my responsibilities as a mom living in this house. But I've definitely stopped doing as much as I had just because I just don't care enough to do it. Like, it's just not something that I want to do anymore. And that's fine by me. But my son has made it very clear that, you know, in the future, he's like, he's like, I think my sister, his older sister, will probably want to live with their father because they're pretty much like peas in a pod. My husband and my daughter. And, you know, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case too. But at that point, you know, by the time we actually can divorce and separate, she'll probably be in college and away anyway. And, you know, my son made it very clear. He was like, I said, yeah, where are you going to be? He goes, I'll be with you. He's like, because there's no way that I'm living in a house with Jane. So needless to say, my son, and I was like, well, why? And he's like, I just don't want to live with her. I don't want to live with her crazy kids. And I said, well, buddy, I'm like, it would probably be 50/50. And I said, but once you're 18, and I was like, you can go wherever you want to go. The only person that it would really be affecting would be your younger brother, because he is, you know, would be the only minor left in the house. So that kind of gave my older son a little bit of relief because, you know, I mean, he's not numb. Half of his friends are from divorced homes. So he understands how the whole shared time is spent and, you know, shared parenting and switching homes and stuff like that. So he's not ignorant to it. I'm sure he's felt very lucky in the fact that that hasn't happened to him yet. And, you know, and again, it would be different if we were like fighting all the time. And this was like a toxic environment for my kids where their father and I were just constantly going at it. But it's not. Like, we're very civil. We rarely, if ever, fought in front of the kids, even when we were happy in our marriage. But even now that things have kind of just stopped on that front, we're still, we still keep it civil. And at this point, like, for me, there's no even sense in arguing, because it gets, it gets nowhere. Like, it just, the only thing it makes me want to do is move the timeline of me getting the hell out of this faster. But realistically, that's not going to happen. So picking arguments and starting fights with him and stuff that I deliberately try to. But, you know, certain things have come up where it's just like, are you for real? And again, like most of the arguments that my husband and I have are around finances. Because he's so fucking ignorant as to what, you know, money is coming in and money going out. And I just don't know how to break that cycle with him. And again, unfortunately, all of our shits tied together. So it's just, you know, I have to basically say, hey, buddy, watch, you know, check into the checking account every now and again and keep your eyes on it. And I said, because like, was it really necessary to drop 250 a Costco when you're buying the same fucking things, but like five at a time. Like, can you stick to like maybe one at a time? Or, you know, check in. And that's, again, it's all about communication. He never wants to communicate with me what he's doing or what he's, you know, spending his money on. And then I have to be the asshole who comes in and is like, hey, homie, like, we're trending towards zero in the bank account. Like, what are you doing? Like, cease and desist, you know, because I have to get an oil change. Like, you know, the stuff that I'm spending money on is normal stuff. I'm not dropping 250 at fucking Costco. But again, he's oblivious and thinks that money grows on trees. But we've already had that podcast episode. So we're not going to just keep harping on that. But kid stuff. Yeah, at this point, you know, talking to my kids about what's going on in my life, like the podcast exists. Yes. Eventually, you know, maybe they'll listen to it. I don't know. But the things that I say in this podcast, you know, my older son, he's heard the episodes about Conface. He knows about the love letter that his father wrote. Did I want him to know those things at the age that he is? No. But unfortunately, due to my husband's actions, my son has already been involved in their relationship on numerous occasions. My son has been asked to lie by Jane. My son has been asked to lie by his own father and omit things, thinking that it would upset me. So when I think about what he's already had to be and, you know, and finding the pictures of his dad with Jane on his dad's laptop, like all of those things kind of exposed him early enough. So at this point, I don't feel that I should have to hide or sugarcoat anything because unfortunately, those things happened through no fault of my sons and through no fault of mine. I will 100% blame all of that on Jane and my husband for putting my son in a situation where he had to be a little bit more mature than he should have been for his age. But I also know my son better than anybody. So I know what he understands. And he knows, and I've been candid with him, and that we've both heard each other, and he is aware of my infidelity. Because I'm not, you know, like doing this podcast, like, yes, like he obviously sees the titles, he can seize that, but like he heard it from my own mouth. And I've, and what I've continued to reiterate and what I will always say to people when they ask, you know, where we went wrong is that we both hurt each other a lot. And, you know, yeah, could we change things? Sure. Do we wish that we both could have handled things differently? 100%. But you can't rewrite history. You can only move on from it. And again, like, I'm not the same person that my husband married. I'm not the same person I was five years ago. Five years ago, I, you know, would have done anything to keep my husband with me. But five years later, I'm kind of like, okay, cool, you made your choice. And it makes me sad that it took me so long to understand that him not making the choice between her and I was him actually making the choice. And I, and if anything, my biggest regret outside of the infidelity was thinking that we had a shot once Jane entered the picture. And what cracks me up and what still boggles my mind is that he still says that she has nothing to do with issues within our marriage. But I, you know, I just don't see how she's not. And yeah, I don't want to waste any more energy talking about that cut because Lord knows all of her minions will probably report back to her like they always do. What's up ginger cut? Yeah, I'm sure you're probably still listening to and her ex. So, yep, yeah, they never go away. I'll always button their noses into other people's business. But whatever. All right, what else? I was going to talk about this. I'll probably save that for the next episode because we're already at like 40 minutes for this episode. So, okay, so we're going to, we're going to talk about dungeon crawler Carl for like the last couple minutes of this podcast because I just need to express with you how amazing this series of books is. And if you are an audio audiobook person listening to audiobooks, I highly recommend. My brother has been begging me and my younger sister who is a big book person, an audiobook person to get into these. My brother is not a reader. He only does things in audiobooks. And prior to dungeon crawler Carl in this series, he was a big Harry Potter guy. That's all he listened to. And he would basically use it as like ambient noise while he was doing stuff around the house. And you know, in lieu of listening to music, he listened to books. So, if there's ever a trivia night about Harry Potter, like he's the guy I'm calling to clean up and win. Anyway, so he's been bugging us to read these books for months. And if you look at like the cover art of these books and you're kind of like, what? No, it looks like a fucking teenager's comic book. So like nothing within the wheelhouse of what I wanted to read. But I had extra audible credits. And he just swore up and down that, you know, I had to give him a chance. So I had three audible credits. I was like, fuck it. So I went under the charts on Audible. And I was like, all right, what's what's trending? What's number, you know, what's what's the top of the charts? And lo and behold, fucking dungeon crawler Carl is like the number one book on Audible currently. Or in the top 10. So I was like, all right, if it's the number one book on Audible, there has to be some some clout to this. It can't just be my brother nerding out over, you know, a dude book. So I finally gave it a whirl. And to not give anything away within the plot, because all of this happens within five minutes. It's basically like a role-playing game, sci-fi, like dystopian world. It's got aliens. It's got orcs. It's got theories. It's got witches, goblins. It's got all sorts of like fantastical characters. But it's based on a game that another or another planet is putting on where humans and other races are basically competing in a dungeon. And there's 18 levels to this dungeon. And you know, they have to like cast spells. They have to level up. They have to, you know, beat the neighborhood bosses. And it plays out like a video game in your mind. And it's like Dungeons and Dragons meets the hunger games, meets survivor, meets freaking big brother and American Idol. Because at some point, you have to get sponsors. You have to get followers. You have to get viewers and your social media clout basically dictates how popular you are and how well you do in these games. So it is fantastic. So this Carl is the main character. He basically ends up in this dungeon with his ex-girlfriends cat Princess Donut. And very early on in the book, Princess Donut is granted the magical power of being able to speak. So she basically, so her character and Carl, they become like sidekicks on this quest where they're trying to get to level 18, which has never been done in the history of all of these dungeons. So they just keep trying to move levels, stay alive, learn a thing or two. And you know, it's just so fucking fun. I'm totally obsessed with it. I highly recommend for any of the nerds in your life and even the non-nerds. Because like, I don't really consider myself to be super nerdy, a little alt, yes, nerdy, not so much. My brother, yeah. But it's so much fun. And if they're into like any kind of dungeons and dragons, magic to gallery gathering, if they were into like the Hunger Games or Harry Potter, like that kind of those are the kind of people that, you know, highly recommend dungeon crawler Carl. It is a trip. The first, the first book, learning all of the verbiage, the nuances, and the different sound effects that are made in the audio version. And I haven't read anything on paper for this series, but I just highly recommend the audible version because it's great because literally like you can, it feels like you're in the middle of the game yourself. And it's just a lot of fun. And that's currently my latest obsession as far as books go, highly recommend. And then, yeah, practical magic two came out. So I'm probably gonna hop off here and skate on over to see a movie by myself because I can't even remember the last time I've seen a movie by myself. But yeah, it's officially spooky season. So it's all things soup, wine, pumpkin, and everything black, like my soul, if you know, you know. Anyway, that wraps up episode 19, next week, episode 20 guys, never thought in a million years that I would get to 20 episodes of this podcast. Most people apparently, according to the statistics, never make it past episode seven when they start a podcast. So two more episodes and I will be, you know, three times that stat and I will pat myself on the back. But since I started this episode with two topics in mind, I'll most likely talk about the other topic next week. And that will be an interesting tale about like the guy who I've basically known but never met for the last 20 years of my life. And how certain people and certain movies and certain things trigger certain memories about certain people. And the reason I almost started talking about this topic in this episode was because forgetting Sarah Marshall. My husband was watching it before he left just now. And that movie will forever always remind me of the topic of my next podcast episode. And yeah, it's just, it's an interesting story. It's got a lot of history to it. And yeah, but yeah, a guy that I've literally communicated with, talk to, knows the ins and outs of my entire life. And we've never actually laid eyes on each other. So that'll be the episode for next week. I hope you will tune in. And again, it's still open to all questions. If you have any Q&As for me, things that you want to know about what's going on in my life or anything that I've talked about on previous episodes, please feel free to reach out on any of my platforms and make sure you hit that like and follow button. And of course, tell all your friends. Again, young pants and bad decisions. Hope you all have a fabulous week. And I'll see you next time. Thanks.