Episode 189: Community Dih/Bicycle [Not so Cursed Version]

Hello. Sobrang nakakaputang ina. So nag record ako Ng episode one. I just published before this one and apparently my problem Pala with my Mike and I don't know nakasaksak naman siya pero Hindi siya nag record Ng tama. And ngayon sobrang naiinis ako cause I felt like it was a pretty good episode na parang ang mommy Kong napagnilay nilayan ganun. Although iniisip ko na Yun baka sign to from the universe na uy Sam make up your thoughts muna Hindi PA siya ready to be released. Yung thoughts Mo on this topic so me being a very superstitious person, I'm not gonna try now in this moment to re record whatever I meant to say in that episode. And I don't know. Siguro naku curious din kayo kasi feel ko interesting yung topic um but yeah I'll try again next time right now wala eh. Nilalabas ko Lang yung frustrations ko kasi to be honest making the podcast ito behind the scenes na people would usually ask me a bunch of questions on the technical side, Pano ba yung process ko? How I record how I edit? But ako kasi very minimal when it comes to editing and it's stems from being tamad number one and number two. I guess in a way to keep it as raw in real like whatever I say in the moment. Kahit may am or kahit may kung ano man ay I try to live it in an unless I think naka capture siya sa pag final. Edit, yung clean up talaga ko sa I do use yung editor nung tool na to that where I record from to clean up just to before final. Release yung parang eco cancellation mga ganyan mga magic audio. Ba't ayun on that side very minimal editing. Dati kasi ang tiyaga ko PA may intro PA may outro PA ngayon old na ko eh wala naman akong budget para may team to edit and ayun it's just press record and then play but now I will remember kasi meron ditong section na you can see kung nagre record ba talaga Ng tama para may purple light, Hindi ko siya natalaga natuunan Ng pansin kanina kasi sobrang in the moment ko Lang sa kwento ko tapos yung pinublish ko siya, nagulat nalang ako yung tinetest play ko siya sa Spotify, Hindi na gumagana. So ayun nga the world is not ready for my thoughts and opinions on the subject matter. So censorship is a thing. I don't know if sino nag sensor sakin yung universe ba or yung Spotify. I think it's the universe. Hindi ko Lang talaga napuna kanina na Hindi siya nagre record. But yeah medyo may pagka dismaya and I don't regret babbling or rambling. About the topic naman kasi may natutunan din ako about myself, it's more of I felt like that was something other people could have related to and now wala na siya. And I know I can decide if I wanna talk about it again. It's easy as that I can say again. What I said kanina or at least Hindi naman ako. Wala naman akong photographic ko ri detic memory so Hindi ko siya masasabi Ng from Pano ko siya sinabi kanina. Di ko na marereplicate Yun. But yeah, maybe it's meant to be that way such a weird thing, but yeah, maybe more it would do more harm than good to release that episode. Although Hindi ko naman siya masyadong inaano mini mystifying Hindi naman super juicy. More of commentary Lang talaga na. I think I started with the Gossip Girl reference. And talked about how si Penn badgley he had a guesting Dun sa call her daddy ni Alex Cooper where he said. Pertaining to casual arrangements. Is it ever casual? And then I talked about. Gossip Girl, where it was the first time I saw in actions sex, I think. I forget what grade I was in but medyo bata PA ako but Yun yung pinaka spicy show that I saw growing up when I was in my. Formative years early formative years becoming like a crossing over to being a teenager. And I thought majority of what I had assumed about sex life was because of that show in some ways, and I just focus on the aspect na in that barkada or in that whole social circle. Ang daming. Overlap that people would end up sleeping with other people within that same barkada, and it's somewhat of a community thing na in this season. Ito yung magka pair this season, ito yung magka pair etcetera. Para siyang incestuous pool and I spoke about gusto ko yung sinabi ko, Hindi ko na papag usapan pero binibigyan ko rin kayong idea. Ayun na kasi baka some people might get the wrong idea and just briefly just to talk about it. We're all entitled to express herself sexually as long as wala kayong inaapakan. You're not cheating on anyone. Walang boundaries sa that are being crossed. Everything is consensual and your all good, but there's you can't help but feel na if people are sleeping with the same people within the same social circles, then may overlap talaga. And even that's the case. For example with mga group chats with mga ah what they call this. Yun nga friend groups barkada at some point some people in that barkada naging sila at some point. So I thought before that was all na okay sa TV show Lang may ganito but it does happen in real life and I talked about in that episode na I call call it now the cursed episode kasi Hindi nag record Ng tama but wala Lang it was just a mind blowing thing for me na okay it does happen in real life that people, you know who know people you know and you guys have stepped to the same people. It happens all the time and not just particular to my situation, but just hearing of it, hearing of stories. Na okay itong social circle na to. They they all did this and this like no judgment is more of AO. Okay. It's like trying to understand na sa third person ah looking at the situation okay and that barkada they were a thing before then now it's this pair. Ako kasi personally I don't think I've ever be able to be with anyone who has been with any of my close friends and I wouldn't go after them like deliberately what you that happens in some cases but ako rin at the same time I can say na if ever. Someone tells me now, a friend, a close friend tells me na old I found the love of my life and it happens to be someone na I slipped before. Would I tell them na I set to them before and ruin their relationship? Maybe not as long as Hindi naman walang overlap, walang cheating. I don't think that's worth diving into but I think different scenarios Yun kasi one thing is ah, the first case that I mentioned was deliberately going after someone you know who has been with a friend of yours or yung second naman is blind sided kayo lahat na everyone in that situation na. Oo Yun nga nagulat kayo na may connection connection Pala. Would you be a front of about it? Or Yun nga kung wala namang cheating is it okay to to? Quote, unquote, hide something from someone. But yeah, I feel like in some cases yung mga ginto the past is in the past, but going back to what Penn badgley said, is it ever casual cause you hear of stories all the time and I even hear personally some people would make kwento na. Oh, I found this amazing set up kasi both kami same page no strings attached etcetera and then years after I'll find out all actually someone and that. Set up fell for the other person, so it never works out like, based on my experience, and those around me would give me all the details. Hindi naman II think it making kwento in this way. Hindi naman siya kiss and tell kasi it's not as if their name dropping anyone. It's more of just making kwento na oh, you know, just something to discuss, but it's not something na parang sinisira Mo yung person by spreading this and that. But still I. Filipino oh shit sorry nag play bigla yung phone ko I don't that's so weird. I guess may parang ghost touch cause nag play okay it played yung paano ba to podcast ni ni SAB magalona but baka raw basa baka raw nag play Lang siya bigla sa phone ko. Weird and I don't touch my phone at sinabi Kong moments ganun na parang biglang may mape press sa phone ko na Hindi ko naman Tina touch and it always makes me paranoid na Oh my God meron bang ibang Tao may access sa phone ko tapos? There may napipindot sila or what sobrang paranoid ko sa mga ganyan and even everything since second guest ko na hala baka merong IBA nakakita Ng phone ko which prompted me by the way nabasag kasi yung screen protector ko. Reason why so I got a privacy screen and kala ko interesting siya kasi first time ko mag privacy screen kasi nga from the sides di Mo kita from the top minsan kita Mo PA rin parang na realize ko Lang na Yun oh shit when I take photos or videos I'm very ano kasi ma angle ako na okay ito yung gusto Kong angle or what. Now, when I try to take photos of myself, Hindi ko na Yan magawa kasi I can't see myself. And naba bother ako na Oh my God di ako pwede umangal O mangle kasi nga black na yung nakikita ko so na realize ko Lang na O Oh my God I wish I got eh an Android phone a Samsung in particular kasi diba meron silang feature that you can do privacy mode for certain apps like your banking apps, your Gallery or kung ano mang gusto mong I privacy screen but yung IBA pwede Hindi ang cool Ng ganung technology and it's also I don't know if nandun siya sa models with the flip phones pero naa ano rin ako na Oh my God. I want I want to get another phone, but yeah, I know I just got my phone recently. Although medyo downgrade nga siya cause I had the S twenty two ultra and my phone now is seven seventeen base model. So parang in terms of specs parang nafi. Feel ko my God parang downgrade to although I do like na mas compact siya mas magaan pero Yun nga katingkati na ako to upgrade my phone but Yan di PA siya time I'll give it mga two years siguro before I buy a new phone and although medyo ma ano rin ako sa phone ko yung. Battery health ko parang ninety two na Lang nga ATA ninety two percent ninety three percent so Hindi ako ganun ka okay as a user kasi bugbog talaga yung phone ko in terms of usage. Anyway going back ayun tawang tawa Lang talaga ako na. Kasi just for background na I tried to record weeks ago kasi gusto ko I document yung bread making journey ko tas ang dami Kong rinecord. Parang naka four attempts ako na tig TE ten fifteen minutes tapos wala Lang din ay trash na yung ginawa ko kasi Hindi ko siya ma publish because may mga technical MA din eh ngayon kanina I felt so I felt in the zone na I was brought inspired. I was inspired to create an episode tapos yung nag record na ako biglang boogsh yung inupload ko. Walang laman, walang mapakinggan asin. Sobrang I was dying inside na. Oo shit although parang tamad na ako to deleted parang inisip ko na Lang all keep it there and para siyang cursed episode na wala Lang andiyan Lang siya kasi nga in part naman na ko mag delete in part wala Lang memory of that episode. Personal memory kasi nga ayun nga parang sabi ko na kwento Dun tapos biglang wala na Lang din ah. But yeah Speaking of incestuous ganyan ganyan MA kasi ang daming plot nun di ba? For example, ah, the summer it turned pretty si belly ah sorry if Hindi PA kayo nagbabasa or nanonood. Anyway, spoiler so di ba eventually nagka thing siya muna with one of the brothers. Tapos yung 1 brother parang ako Hindi ko siya ma imagine in real life na gagawin ko siya to someone na magkapatid. Alam Mo Yun parang. Ah although Yun nga, no judgment naman to people who opt for that. Pero ako personally I wouldn't do something like that. Parang. Wala wala sa isip ko na ha parang magkapatid tapos yung Brotherhood or whatever parang ang hirap. Ang hirap Lang to be in that situation. Although ako nga hypothetical scenario if I wouldn't get in the way na if someone tells me oh the love of my life is actually your best friend or your cuz you're whoever parang ako OKI won't be the reason for you not to be together pero II would not be with someone who I know naging history before nung someone in my life either friends or either ah family ganyan pero siguro yung acquaintance mangyari let's say batchmate Mo Lang. Hindi naman super ano enough yung relationship na it would stop you siguro yung closer close na barkada Mo talaga Yun. Yung for me ha um but yeah na ang hirap Lang isipin na Oh my God it does happen in real life. And ayun ang crazy Lang. To think also nakwento ko rin briefly. I'm sorry if this comes out na as much more ah. I remember ito yung nasabi ko but yeah I'm in the in the moment ito yung I'm trying to put together kung ano yung mga naalala ko from that episode, the curse one one, eighty eight um I'm gonna search Angel number one eighty eight ano kayang meaning Ng first episode ko? Anyway, that's not ah recover rable na so bahala na lets just move forward so I was gonna say shocks. Ay interrupted myself. Hindi ko na tuloy maalala yung sasabihin ko. Okay shocks, I really don't remember anymore. I'm so mad at myself kasi may tendency akong ganyan na parang sa excitement ko na mag throw and Ng ah ganito ganyan. Di ko na maalala kung ano yung sasabihin ko until pakinggan ko ulit yung episode from the start as a with fresh ears tapos sabihin ko Oh my God naalala ko na ngayon yung gusto Kong sabihin pero too late na Hindi ko na siya masasabi kasi na record ko na and usually di ko na rin siya mababaon to the next episode kasi sobrang tagal usually yung gap. When I record nowadays so before weekly ako nag upload weekly Dun ako usually nagre record or even sometimes multiple times in one night ngayon talagang once every two months once every ganyan parang once in a blue Mo na Lang talaga ako mag record Kaya kanina yung nag record na ako tas excited na ako tas Oh my God happy na okay naka. Record ako ulit Ng something Ng output even though I know right now parang IBA namin na rin from you guys listening. Siguro you're naging inconsistent na with listening kasi nga it's been so random na rin. And I know nagde deviate na ako from the main topic. I had like when I started talaga ah but nonetheless, thank you for those of you who are still here still listening and hopefully may mapulot PA rin kayo sa episode na to kahit medyo chapsuy siya para siyang ah. Alam Mo yung meme na ito yung para syang. Bad version nung 1 episode nung main kasi nga feeling ko mas it was a stronger episode ah. But still what can you do so? Actually wala na akong masabi ngayon. Parang I'm all drained out kasi nasabi ko na lahat kanina and I'm so mad at myself kasi pinipilit ko to record now kahit Alam Kong I'm a bit spent na naubos na yung energy ko, Hindi na ako ganun ka ah. Kulit kulit hyper Hindi na ako ganun ka enthusiastic mag record ngayon kasi nga nag record na ako. Sorry ginagawang ko ginagawa ko PA siyang problema niyo no. Sorry more of ento yung internalization ko na process. I think Mali yung paggamit ko Ng internalization but this is my way to cope. I guess na okay wala na Yun but habang fresh PA, I'm trying to say whatever I meant to say para Lang to get my point across. But yeah in terms of that topic, Yun nga social circle same communities. Small communities, friends of friends like people within your circles, and you'd be surprised to see the uncommon Ng overlaps. So in terms, for example, let's say you're on bumble and someone else nandun din sa bumble. More often than not, yung mga kunyari, let's say two people are similar in terms of characteristics, ganyan ganyan and then you tend to attract the same people also. So yung mga overlap niyo na same people na kausap or ganyan, it's not wild to think na mangyayari Yun. And I think right now, you can't really blame the algorithm also, cause there's a matching thing. And of course, if people are within the area and other people are within the area and they mix and match and then that's gonna hand happen. Ang naisip ko rin na Oh my God, what if ganto ganyan kasi I do know people now if they met through. A dating app iniisip ko hala ba kayong someone na kakausapin ko in the future. What if kilala PA Lang someone na ito etcetera but you really can't help na ganun yung mangyayari. Also can I just say kasi I saw some tiktok recently sayo na parang oh let's bring back people introducing people to other people pero if you really think about it, ang laki Ding responsibility to introduce someone to another person kasi you are somewhat responsible or liable na what if things go wrong or things go South na ikaw yung naging catalyst na mag meet sila what if? Laden end up in good terms di ba parang ikaw PA yung naging dahilan na nangyari yon? So I think that's part of why people are so scared to set up people. Kasi nga. Parang magiging ano ka um it's more risky na nasayo lahat Ng risk na ikaw yung nag set up sa mga Tao ah. Speaking of ito Pala na mention ko kanina natatawa ako kasi there's this popular figure now na medyo sikat siya now eh nakita ko siya sa FP ko etcetera and years ago we actually met already and he he listened to the podcast before I he was I was planning to have him as a guest pero Hindi natuloy pero natatawa Lang ako kasi at that time I was exclusively dating someone else so I would wasn't really seeing him or anything. That, pero I was trying to set him up with people in my circles na some people, friends in real life or some people I've met through other social groups so they nireto ko siya to people. But may nagsabi na Lang sakin bigla na Oh my God ano girl he's married parang ganyan tas yung sinearch ko nga oh shit kasal nga siya tapos Yun I think kapatid niya or cousin niya yung kabatch ko but sobrang funny Lang to me na obviously I wouldn't really make a story out of it na ni name drop ko PA siya gusto nagparang nagpa blind item Lang ako dito pero. I did my kwento to two people Lang na parang Oh my God kasi small circle na Oh my God this person is ganito parang nakaka mind blown blow blow mind palang Mali yung pagka ano ko nun ah kahit taglish para mine II was mind blown na Oh my God bakit to sobrang sikat ngayon kasi I would see edits of the person ganun parang ha parang of course ayaw ko na mag cause Ng anything and wala namang anything but after that after I found out na he apparently was married. Binlock ko na sya. I cleared our conversation. Wala na akong contact sa kanya. But if ever you're still listen to the podcast, I think you'll know or you'll realize na ikaw yung pinapagusapan ko dito. But yeah, sobrang funny Lang to me ah kasi I set up people I used to set up people get all the time ganyan may mga cases na I would do that ah but Yun nga ang laking responsibility. Imagine nun buti nga nalaman ni girl sa pagka stalker niya yung renetta ko Kay guy buti nahanap niyo na kasal Pala kasi nga if Hindi niya Alam parang. Naging kabit PA sya ang knowingly and I was an accessory to that crime of yung adultery. They were committing or they were about to commit kasi nga. Nireto ko sila so reto responsibly guys and Yun nga ang ang laking heavy weight na. Ang hirap tell people na O introduced me to other people. Ganyan kasi nga the liability will fall to the person na nag introduce Ng OU vouched for this person. And ayun right now I don't think since nangyari Yun, parang wala na akong rin ito since nangyari Yun na trauma na talaga ako sa pagrereto. Although Yun nga pag sa mga group chat ganyang joke joke ka na reto reto pero I wouldn't also put that on someone uy introduced me to bababa ba? Parang wala if it happens it happens if it doesn't. If you don't get introduced to anyone then wala talaga. But yeah sa cha funny funny thing. I was like SMS 1 Knight yung first time ko nakakita Ng tiktok edit or ano parang sobrang tawang tawa ako na as in grabe grabe tawang tawa ako eh magine kasi may ganung realization na oh shit ito yung Alam Mo yung lower Alam Mo yung history but Yun nga you can't really Hindi ka PA Hindi ka pwede mag magpakasira Gaza na mag expose ka diyan parang and I mean ayaw Mo Ng ganung drama so I wouldn't do that and ayun nga. Tapos naman na but I don't think any of you would be able to guess naman sino Tong sinasabi ko but natatawa Lang talaga ako. Anyway okay gusto ko yung naconnect ko PA siya sa pagrereto kasi nga Yun nga kasi di ba in the olden ace days mostly how would how people would say oo how did you meet? Oh, I was introduced to by XYZI was introduced by ganyan ganyan and USO din ngayon yung mga hang outs where may mga group. It's not exactly dating dating event in a way na parang nangyari may mga Tao may mga PowerPoint sila about their friends tapos San you can share it with everyone in the room and then ayun nga make ano. Out of it na ito yung intro for this person and if they're interested they can chat chat, etcetera Baba bla and can I just say na note Lang? Like, for example, of course, ah. There are some people na very mindful for example like sa following Ng under person niyo. If you go down na oo nag change by one or by two you kind of now parang sabi nga nila Yun pero may haylo may ano sa Instagram. Usually people who you may now nandun yung mga ibang Tao, ibang mga Tao usually and ang sobrang weird ni Instagram or ni Facebook for that kasi ang dalas na rin nangyari sakin na ay I don't know if it's because the other person found out about me or new about me tapos maki to stalk nila ako tas mapupunta. O pop din siya sakin as a second endless cycle na okay, these people know these people etcetera. And sometimes there's some ano in knowing for example for transparency, I did get invited before to this group na para syang barkada of like people who fuck each other and no judgement to them. I think the set up a school I don't think at that time I didn't. I don't think that time I was ready for that right now. I don't think I'm also looking for something like that, but still hats off to you guys. I don't know if buhay PA sila but then. I remember the guy who invited me in nag send PA siya Ng photo na parang may barkada sila and then naka shade out yung mga faces PA. He was inviting me to join them also ganyan ganyan and I was really tempted to join us like someone who can observe first kasi I don't think I want to partake. Parang more of gusto ko Lang Makita. Totoo ba to talaga? Like I wouldn't like document everything naman. Although Yun nga people I feel arbitrary to. Mingle with me when they find out na Oh my podcast ka ah baka pang content Lang to or ganyan kasi ang dalas nga Ng kung ano mang gagawin Kong ganap parang sabihin Ng mga Tao ah ano na to is this an experiment? A social experiment for the podcast kasi. Admittedly, in the past medyo marami akong pakulong ganun ngayon medyo Hindi na ako ganun ka energetic dati. Ang dami Kong ganap na Halos lahat na Ng gawin ko every move people would assume my social experiment akong ginagawa kasi nga for the podcast for the content eh. Well, I think the nag transition na rin Tong podcast na before sobrang ganun raming MM puro juicy, juicy stuff talaga yung kwento ah I think fifty percent, eighty percent juicy twenty percent real talk serious shit but now baliktad na na eighty percent serious talk. And then twenty percent juicy, juicy talk and now I must say Hindi naman ganun ka juicy yung mga pinagsasabi ko dito. So thank you for those na nakikinig PA rin kahit Hindi na ganun ka juicy kahit dry na yung mga topic dito um but still thank you and. I appreciate you guys and again if you want to guest on the show, open Mike open, invite to anyone you can just drop me a message on Instagram and ayun until now wala PA rin yung main Instagram account ko so nag give up na ako. Yes, my old Instagram is dead. And I don't think mare recover ko na sya ever ginawa ko na lahat. I've accepted the truth. So now I'm living a more lowkey life. So yung Instagram ko I made it private kasi wala inisip ko its my own private thing na siguro. I know it's so easy to create a fake account of so easy to create a dump account so people some people who follow me minsan wala namang Alam Mo Yun Alam mong dump account Lang or fake account but I don't know whoever is following me ano parang at least Hindi na siya ganun ka public na anyone? Just anyone can see kasi before admittedly sobrang. Ano niya open and even with my livestream so far so open, anyone would come in and now I guess I'm more protective with my peace na who I got into my life. Hindi na yung kagaya dati na talagang so trusting and so naive. Although iya with everyone who's ever approached me, bahala na kayo kung ano mang intensyon niyo approaching me but for me. Hindi naman sa nagpapaka malinis ako or what? But I don't know, I just try now not to take things too seriously. I don't have beef with anyone. I know that sounds crazy to keep on saying na oh I don't wala I don't wish ill upon anyone but totoo naman although not gonna lie I do part a part of me bilib bilib still believes believes in karma but. More of because I believe in the universe, but I know people don't always get what they deserve and it's not fair for everyone or anyone for that matter. And minsan mapapaisip ka na Lang na SANA totoo yung reincarnation para those who did life dirty dirty in a sense na ang dami nilang inaapakan. Those people, may they find? Their. Oo what they deserve may define that in their next life. Parang ganon may parang pagka ganun pero Hindi naman nila ni evil na O SANA wala naman akong ini evil eye or anything. I just wish people were more mindful with their actions. But yeah, I don't wanna be preachy. I'm not a Saint, I'm far from a Saint. I'm just a normal person ah but yeah as now. As a now thirty year old sobrang nawi windang PA rin ako to find out na ah before kasi I was on the lower end of the demographic na mas bata ako. So obviously when I was starting ah to mingle with people online I was young really young way too young to be online but there I was on omegle at thirteen and then you can imagine whatever happened then from thirteen omegle to my adult hood na nagre ready to whisper omegle etcetera etcetera. Fill orgy whatever app in existence ah kung ano mang journey ko na Yun, I wouldn't wish anyone to go through what I went through and not to say I mean we all. I mean, we've heard of other stories that are worst, but it's not a competition naman na who had it worst worst who had it worse. It's more of Alam Mo yung saying na if you're drowning and the other person is ten miles down if your five feet down, if your ah hundred meters down, you're drowning at the end of the day, it's all not the ideal path like. For me as a child who was active on the Internet and Hindi mag Hindi ganun ka existing PA yung mga supervision, adult supervision. I was just wet. I was let loose on the Internet at the young age I. When people ask me, why did you start the podcast? It would bring me back to that moment na I was a thirteen year old unsupervised on the Internet. What would that little girl, what should she be listening to? Na, there's a way kasi for sex and without it imposing na um parang there's a way or approach to learn it without it. Bringing out, um at the type of experience that I had na masyadong in your face. Oo ang hirap two kwento in detail kasi of course I don't wanna revisit that kasi baka mamaya may IBA pang mapapakinggan to and might take that as a in a different way kasi ito rin naisip ko like for example with people who had um somewhat ah ayun nga ah. Unfortunate experiences na underage lalo going through sexual things online or whatever they can advantage of in that in that sense, how can you speak it into existence and talk about it without other people taking that and using it for their own pleasure? For example, if you write a memory about your experiences like. Ay experiences like in my case, I, I've had experiences of getting sexually assaulted, which I don't really discuss masyado in detail, and if I were to write something about it, I would be scared that if someone were to read it ilang percent ba Dun who would end up reading it with? How ilang percent would be ah from a lense na it can be helpful to them or it can be something unfortunately related relatable to them and their own journeys of like dealing with everything or adjusting to. Everything that's happened to them. And ilang percent would take pleasure and something unfortunate that happened to me, so I think that's also in part why? Ay more parang as much as ang dami Kong gustong sabihin about those ah days noh. Then Yun nga I was a young person on the Internet. I think there's a way I can go about it na I not sharing too much details but siguro Yun na yung juice na asayang person on the Internet. The place was not for me and there is a way probably in terms of better moderation where it shouldn't have been happening in the first place na I was put there cause obviously. When you're on omegle and you chat your age, I would be saying at that time, na O I'm sixteen but Yun Pala I'm thirteen and it's a mix like both are still young, obviously, but then. In some cases, even if I were a front about my age na I'm thirteen and the other person you about my age, I wouldn't be ano about it. Anyway nag deviate na naman ako sa gusto Kong sabihin bat yung main point ko Lang is now before I was on the yung side ngayon the time on the older and it's crazy to uminom the people I've been talking to usually would be younger than me already. Parang Oh my God ang weird Ng feeling talaga O although obviously I wouldn't be comfortable talking with someone way younger like even ten years. My junior na ilang na ako talaga kahit let's say I'm thirty nga so ten years twenty, Hindi naman sila minor but still there's still their formative years and I wouldn't. Want to talk to them, mingle with them or cha chat with them. Parang they're too young talaga and I don't think ayun nga, that's a whole other thing. Yung age gap or people or predatory already to people who we know are still in their formative years. Kasi there's a difference between not doing it because you're scared. Of the law scared to go to jail or not doing it, di ba because, you know, it's really wrong. You shouldn't be doing it, di ba? And ayun, there is that line na I think it brings me back again. Oo why do I do this because of that? If at least one person who was my age then can listen to me now and I'm gonna tell you like, no, you're not mature for your age, no, you're not ano, you should be doing other things because then ang Dali ko rin mga sweet talk before na kala ko legit ngayon sinasabi now yeah, even if I'm only seventeen, I'm only eighteen, I really might be. Tapos mature for my age. That's why I get along with this person na forties na or ganon parang sobrang weird for me na kung I can't imagine talking to someone and that way na ganun at ganung age. Tapos now that I'm thirty, parang there's it's just really wrong and. I don't know. I don't know what controls can be put in the future, but hopefully better controls are in the in place and it really does start at home. Start with ah family child rearing rearing. Tama ba yung return child child bearing child rearing growing oh Speaking of growing yung anak ko not actual anak yung anak ko recently was my bread cause I had a face I was making bread and ilang beses na to kasi weeks ago I tried to record an episode also talking about my bread journey and then. Hindi rin sya nag workout, technical difficulties etcetera. So now I'm talking about ay kanina Pala na mention ko it yung bread journey ko kasi I want to name my sardo sourdough starter if ever I have one na but now ah Yun nga I tried to make bread naka naka two batches na ako yung first one I used to tablespoons of salt instead of two teaspoons and sobrang sad Lang nun kasi I used a lot of all of all I was trying to make for cache bread tapos Yun Yun nga fail siya so sad so right after I tried to do another batch with ease this time kasi yung first time gonna try wala akong. Gest I used I think baking powder baking soda whichever but the second time Hindi naman siya nag rice kahit iniwan ko rin siya sa fridge for forty eight hours yata yung ginawa Kong fermentation ah. But yeah II was using pizza flour and San Molina flour and I used that before nung pandemic to make pizza and the pizza was good naman. But there's so yung bread making kung Hindi Hindi umunlad ah I really wanna try again although yung parents ko parang well open naman sila of course but then my mom was saying oh mas mura PA bumili Ng bread which is true but then IBA kasi yung baby Mo Ng Alam mong Oh my God I made this bread. Although baking is so much different from cooking baking, I would say it's more of a science like it has to be precise or else, for example, would so fly as of may, it won't rice like a little. My new change to the recipe baka ganto ganyan like unlike cooking, you can kind of take it as you go na okay this might end up working kasi you can adjust if it's. Kulang sa salt lagyan Mo Ng salt finishing salt and you're good to go if masyadong maalat. Lagyan Mo Ng konting broth or milk or whatever. It might end up working but baking once you take it becomes bread. What a what we did Pala with the first batch na sobrang alat nilagay namin sa clam chowder tapos nun dinurog durog namin yung bread tapos Yun. Okay naman sya. Edible siya balis not the best but I mean di SANA enough at least Hindi nasayang ah. But overall I'm still so fixated. I want to make my own bread. Yun nga ang daming classes dumaan umaano sa FB ko na bread making class pero Mahal din Pala like yung 1 nakita ko parang mga eight K for one session to make bread and sabi Ng dad ko just use that nag bumili ka Ng ingredients tapos trial and error try try try and until makuha Mo siya or ganyan and ako kasi sobrang inip ko nun minsan feel ko na di nanggigigil ako Dun sa dose so. Na over need ko siguro Kaya naging dense talaga sya and ayun medyo kailangan Ng discipline Ng baking um Ewan ko. Anong next ko ito? Try I really wanna perfect making sourdough bread or focaccia or whichever anong mga bread mga cinnamon rolls, ganyan roles and cooking cooking tuloy cookies baking cookies feel ko might be a bit simpler or achievable ah not so sure baka ang ang yabang ko na naman to assume. Lahat Ng nag try na ko mag bake Ng cookies. I think nag wonder ako before matcha cookies talaga ako mga chocolate chips and whatever nuts ganyan okay naman pero yung goal ko talaga is sardo bread cause I love sardo bread almost well I love pasta I love Reyes but I think bread has a special place in my heart like sardo bread focaccia bread like yung mga sponge ery the sore yung basta yung maasim talaga Ng bread sobrang drona ko to dating just that we like butter or something like. Solve na ako. I'm so happy na. Kasi I also do love sandwiches ah um ayan gusto ko yung napunta sa pagkain Asya busog naman ako Hindi ako but more of she share ko Lang yung inaatupag ko lately kasi Yun yung focus ko now to be honest, I know it's also impacted the podcast Hindi na siya more Yun nga di na siya about sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, it's more about me and whatever I'm doing at the moment and right now I'm in the phase na Yun nga I wanna learn how to bake properly and. In terms of the other things that I've been reading, I've been watching. I've been ano parang not just living my life and right now Hindi ko talaga priority yung looking for a sex partner. So for those messages I get guys, if you're listening ah, ayun Hindi. I'm not looking for anything like that, like I'm good where I am and if ever I don't. If it comes it comes but ano na ako, I'm happy where I am. I do fantasize about eventually having someone na life partner ganyan but I don't know if it happens, it happens if it doesn't um. Whatever like ganun na yung attitude ko ngayon. Parang di na rin ako kopya na Hindi na ako umaasa na dati kasi ang bilis ko kikiligin and my twenties ang yabang mag in my twenties porket thirty na but I mean dati medyo mabilis ako kiligin if I really like the person or if ano pero ngayon mas ano na ako I guess ah kikiligin na Lang ako pag may karapatan na akong kiligin para Hindi na ako umaasa and I think in terms of that mentality or philosophy it will be more beneficial for me. To not get kilig unless ayun nga unless may karapatan akong kiligin. So ayun kilig responsibility kasi guys ang hirap kiligin. Honestly kasi pag kiligin ka mauuna yung ano Mo idea Mo of the person na akala Mo it's all ayun nga parang rose colored glasses Alam Mo yung song na Yun yung love Yun rose yung favorite one of my favorite songs ah Yun nga very true siya rose colored glasses parang. In some ways, if you like the person, nothing they can do can really give you the ICC or if it does. Yung Ek parang medyo tanggap Mo PA. We accept the ex we think we deserve but of course may mga borderline naman Dun na kung anak Sept table talaga deal breaker sayo wag mong pilitin na just because gusto Mo yung person eh hayaan Mo Lang na okay if it doesn't sit well with you. Kaya nga di ba sabi nila sa tiktok nabasa Kong comment eh parang one of the best things you can do with the new partner or before you get married. And someone dumaan kayo sa Reddit subreddit na am I the ass hole tapos daanan niyo tingnan niyo if aligned yung values niyo kasi you learn about the person also and yung fare is magsulat kayo Ng thoughts Mo niyo kung asshole or not a hot not an asshole before mag share like sulatin niyo na tapos Yun at saka nyo I share para no Hindi bias na they will just say what the youth but they think you want to hear di ba? So ayun ay yung mga things na I think gagawin ko if ever man in the future. Pero ayun right now sabi nga nila sexy in the city si Carrie Bradshaw was thirty two ATA nung nag start yung sexy in the city. So I mean my thirties now thirty na ako now so baka two years bago maging exciting ulit ang buhay ko. I don't know and frankly I don't care anymore parang I have all I need in terms of um my happiness and family, friends and workwith like. I'm good. I'm settled already and siguro may mga things that I had thought would be like equivalent of what a successful, fulfilled life is in terms also of like what a happy life is like having a family at this age. Kala ko that was in the cards for me, but no, it's not and I think I have to somewhat accept already na maybe it's not because Yun nga I do have P mos or picos PCOSPMOS na Pala ngayon um which means I guess eto yung common misconceptions. I think it's case to case basis siya but I have ovaries. Ay oo II have sis sa both ovaries ko so I think. Medyo really miracle if mabuntis man ako eh when I decide to you know, I think I'd like to in the future start a family. I think Yun yung thing also na another thing and I just say I think something na I wouldn't get mad at a future partner for if ever let say you get to that point na you're considering marriage and setting up a family. If I find out na I'm not. I'm not off. Hindi ako. How do you say the effort, not the effort that you're thinking? The fourth fertility fertility wise? Hindi ako fertile, fertile, fertile and fertile fertile for it sounds so so weird, but basically, if not, I'm not able to conceive. Parang feeling ko I do understand if I would want the guy not to give up yung dreams nya if ever gusto niya maging father dreams of fatherhood just because to be with me, parang I wouldn't ask that of anyone. It's a big ask and even ganun yung set up. Set up ganun yung thoughts ko and comes to like long distance relationships like I even if I get along with someone, let's say they're not in the Philippines there abroad. I wouldn't want them to approve their lives for me to live with me be with me kasi I wouldn't do that for them. I wouldn't move for them and I wouldn't want them to move for me tama, does that make sense? Kasi ah for me like for example I'm very close with my family and I do have a sister who special so. Hindi ko talaga ma picture yung self ko moving or living abroad and ito din yung one of the what ifs ko kasi I did get a pre Natal chart reading before na ang sabi nila like the best place for me to really bloom as a person grow as a person to reach my full potential would be if I move to another country. Parang ganun yung reading na lumabas. I don't know how to that is pero I really don't wanna give up being close to my family just to find out if I would indeed be more fulfilled abroad or not. Alam Mo Yun. Ah, but I don't know if you guys are having on astrology lately ako Hindi na ako masyadong nagbabasa Ng mga ay nanonood yung mga Tao card, YouTube videos or tiktok videos. Although I do stills occasionally practice taraw GFC PA again I did by a decree recently ah Oracle deck for like in fortune telling and what not. But yeah, I just with my free time and I'm very ano siya like it's I for me when I view Taro it's not like ito yung mangyayari talaga. It's more of. Just an approach just to inspire guide you if ever you need guidance. But Hindi siya yung end all be all the no this is the law. Hindi naman ganun yung view ko although I don't know, I think it's also a matter of compatibility finding ah a psychic or a tharo reader that aligns with you, but that's very tricky kasi I've had my Taro um, I have had my fortune fortune, tama, fortune red I've had my fortune red then by multiple people mostly paid. And usually Hindi Lang nagre resonate Ng sobra sakin ay Hindi Lang sakto and I did before cause I do believe like reading Taro for someone is an energy exchange and I. Just on my principle, I don't wanna charge for it, so I read before for I think mga three hundred plus people already. This was pandemic time nung wala akong magawa so I would pull a full um spread for each person and part. I would also like look at their profile that their comments, that kind of person they are and then put the spread and then. And most cases marami namang positive na they saw themselves in that. Riding in the reading that would give well, I don't know din kung they were just Yun nga confirmation bias or talagang may skill ako for it or talent for it although. Excuse me, sorry, that was a big burp. Yung shit. Sorry ang random nun. Anyway yung. Great nga ang mother ko and was unfortunate teller. So I think it might be in my blood or kung Idol maybe that's just what I tell myself kasi nga eh. I'd like to think there's something special or churky about me na I can do this but. Yeah, it's been a while na rin since I've read for someone else. Usually I just do it for myself like gagawin ko mag I would take a spread and then. I would take a picture also use like AI tools to help me assess and then also create the read reading for myself and then maybe Journal about it if ganahan ako. Kuya, it's just a nice day stressing activity that can be can serve as like some sort of guidance for you. And. Ayun Lang although fury din ako So what the future holds. I mean I wouldn't know I'd be here right now. Like the industry, I'm in the type of person I am, the experiences I've had. I wouldn't have thought. That as a kidnap ito yung life I'd had I'd have ahead of me although not gonna lie this chika part I have always before yung ito yung parang hidden ano Yun hidden dream yung parang unrealized dream ko growing up I you wanted to be a YouTuber kasi ang daldal ko talaga sa person. I felt like people could connect could be Baba blue and to be honest I am so comfy na. Right now to like, record with the camera is just so happens na since yung monitor ko nga na bago curved siya so wala akong mapaglagyan nung ano ko nung camera for yung attachment ko. So dati kasi itry ko siya lagyan nag ano yung screen so ayokong masira. So maybe if I have a new desktop per a new camera set up to record again na with video I will upload video podcast again although now ah I think ah Yun nga parang Hindi ko rin maisip na mag record to through my tablet. Wala kasi akong personal laptop. I just have my tablet and yung tablet ko. Parang di ko rin sya mapa connect sa mic ko so I'd rather focus on the audio cause itong podcast nga it was to begin with more audio than visual. But yeah, I guess namimiss ko rin naman chumika na nakikita niyo ako kasi feel ko mas in the moment na nakakapagkwentuhan talaga tayo. Um, what? Yeah, maybe the future and ayun nga natawa ako kasi I did post about an incest three sixty yung bagong Luna ultra nagjo joke joke ako Dun na bilhan niyo ako Dun as a joke ka although of course ah I got a lot of offers mga almost ten din yung nagsabi na they get me one pero parang may hidden agenda or ano so parang I wasn't comfortable also accepting or if ever yung mga those who said they would and di na natuloy parang ayoko rin to put that pressure on them baka napasubo Lang sila in the moment tapos Yun well it is an expensive car. Si Mira parang almost sixty K. So that's ano rin a big. Chunk to just spend on someone random person ah but yeah parang ngayon iniisip pinapag isipan ko PA siya if ma or why ko talaga siya ah. But right now I think I don't get an instant three, sixty to record for the podcast and to vlog or I might get a an an I'm Mac or a MacBook. Laptop two record although I think yung MacBook camera Hindi rin super Cristal ano IBA yung parang studio vibes talaga? So Yun yung mga peg na ini imagine ko na baka if makapag ipon Ng konti meron na nga akong spot sa room ko sa corner na feel ko would be a good place to record near my books although I'm trying to re shuffle rearrange my room kasi I want to put in a book shelf kasi sinabi ko Ng na accumulate na libro cause I'm. I'm Sam and I'm addicted to buying books. Hindi nga reading eh. I wish I were a reader but I'm such a shopper so ang nangyari is I love by new books kasi there's a joy and Mina. Oh my God, looking at the. Cover and the. Blurb sa likod kung type ko parang naaaliw ako to shop for books a wide potentially read this when I have the time pero yung actually reading them minsan tinatamad ako so either I'm in the zone na magbabasa ako until midnight until the madaling araw or wala akong binabasa at all but I do have a lot of things on my reading list na kailangan I need to ano myself discipline myself na Hindi muna ako bibili Ng book unless matapos ko yung mga books ko batya. Speaking of Yun nga ang dream set up ko yung gana. Set up an area dito na lalagyan ko Ng book shelf ko. With my books and then position meron akong chair diyan na Hindi yung chair ko kasi ngayon di ba? If you saw the old video episodes naka computer chair ako na parang medyo weird siya tingnan sa ah video PA Lang parang mas gusto ko meron akong parang chair na mas chill chair parang more lounge chair siya so I'm gonna use that with my book self and then record from there. But yeah yung all the set up the other things as mentioned di naman siya sa pino project ko talaga Ng bonggang bongga kasi nga this is just a passion project, it's not really something. I'm monetize ING right now, or I don't even know if ever I'll reach that point na this will be monetized and if ever man ma monetize, baka feeling ko baka ten pesos Lang or something makukuha ko monthly or ano na naman na pine presyo ko lahat. But this is really just me being my madaldal self and sharing whatever I want to share with you guys. So ayun nga um the set up the the dream set up I'm thinking of that I have in mind feel ko pwede ko siyang gawin although di ko siya priority right now not as if wala naman akong ibang sine save up like I'm not saving up for anything. I think nawala na rin yung. Yung urge ko to move out kasi work from home na ko fully so before I wanted to move out to be closer to your workplace ko. But now since I work from home ay walang push na. Kailangan ko mag move out. It's if ever man gusto ko mag move out it's more to decorate kasi may estetika akong gustong ilatag or gusto ko siyang ma visualize and come to life pero parang ngayon okay Hindi ko siya pwede ko siyang I delay PA Ng konti so I do think though I believe kasi parang napansin ko rin with with myself, the more I spend money it comes back to me but of course budget budget PA din naman. You can't be careless. Nowadays, especially since Hindi naman ako bata na I'm thirty. So at this age I should have enough savings for this, for that for ganyan. Pero wala naman akong big purchase sa inaano ko na soon. So right now, ayun nga, I'm lucky enough na I'm still living with my parents and ah wala naman akong inaasikaso PA masyado ah. But eventually it there will come a time na I need to step up and really start saving up saving up for ah. Whatever I want for the future ganyan. Retirement ganyan ito na ganito na yung topics Ng mga thirty mga trenta hin. Iniisip ko nga Oh my God I'm closer to forty Dan twenty. Oh my God, it's so crazy to me. Parang oh shit guys, I don't know well five years na Tong podcast this is oh um. I hope actually. I hope naman na until throughout my forties nagre record PA rin ako kahit siguro. Hmm siguro lahat na rin nun Ng nakikinig PA kada time ano na rin kayo may sari sariling pamilya ganyan. Naalala ko tuloy natatawa ako kasi ang dami din nagsasabi sakin before na oh they would listen to the podcast tapos biglang mapapa pakinggan Ng IBA na makikita kasi nga kunwari naka connect sa Bluetooth or what's may ibang makakita parang kinakabahan silang nung una kasi nga Yun nga before well before kasi very sexual Ng mga titles yung mga topics. Mga juicy talaga. Ba't ngayon naman medyo mas kalmado na so I guess SANA Hindi naman na kayo mahiya. I guess hiya in the sense natin nahihiya yung mga Tao pag na nakikitang nakikinig sila kasi nga sobrang garapal Ng pagka sexual topics natin. Na in your face talaga na and Baba ba ba ba tas my word but now very chill I would say although ayun admitted di parang isa. It isn't as entertaining us before so Hindi ko nga sure then if Yun nga if you guys are listening if you have ideas or thoughts, namimiss niyo ba yung old days na? Yun nga I think when I started the first two years talagang puro sex, sex, sex, sex, sex in your face kasi ayun nga meron PA ngayon di ba sa cover? Podcast govern the sex podcast parang ngayon Hindi na sya the sex podcast ay Hindi na akma yung title. Parang nagbago na rin. Nag evolve na rin ako. Hindi na puro ganon ah. But still I don't forget my roots sweated start with that and I do still want to promote Yun yung tagline natin, discourse on intercourse sa that's the purpose that's the vision but II do acknowledge na nag deviate na Ng konti kasi more ayun kwentong whatever about life or life ganyan. Well Hindi Pala are my life since Yun nga wala na tayong masyadong guest dito. Si nami miss ko rin ang nanay ko mga podcast her friends before na I would have on the show so I do hope I'm able to reconnect as well with them and then hopefully bring them back to the show. So right now actually it says here trying to reconnect make sure you have a stable Internet connection. Naku kung ito Hindi na naman magrecord di ko na Alam anong gagawin ko so hopefully kung ano mang pinagsasabi ko na now um masalba. Judge sya. Kasi kung Hindi, I'm gonna lose it. I sorry, I'm gonna lose it. I'm gonna freak out.