Episode 137: Struggling with Motivation? It could be your nervous system.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Chronic Fatigue and Bonaud Recovery podcast. Today, I wanted to do an episode on motivation, being motivated to do the things that we know that we should, in ear quotes, be doing, to help ourselves and help ourselves gain more stability, help ourselves recover, support our bodies as we navigate our healing journeys, ever the condition is that we are experiencing. And very often we know what we should be doing, but we aren't able to take action, move forward and do the thing. And granted that when you have some sort of energy limiting condition, whether that be a diagnosed condition like chronic fatigue syndrome or long COVID or fibromyalgia or post-biral fatigue or something that isn't diagnosed, but you just feel very fatigued, there might not be a lot of energy to do things. So that in itself can be a challenge, that in itself can be something that can impact on motivation, but I kind of want to separate that out today. So I'm not talking about the physical inability to do things because you just don't have enough energy, but I'm talking about some sort of block or some sort of stuckness or some sort of inability to move forward with things that you know and believe would be helpful for you. And I see this all the time when I work with clients, there can be great intentions, but no follow through for whatever reason. Or people just, even, do they just struggle to move through things or they move at a pace which is slower than they would like or they start something, but they find it difficult to be consistent or difficult to sustain the new habit or the new behavior and then it's like the wheels come off and they go all the way back again. Either way, whatever you're experiencing, whether it's inability to get started, the inability to stay consistent or something else, then this can be a sign of dysregulation in your system. And so if you're struggling with motivation, if you're struggling to do the same, whatever the thing might be, then it might not be a new problem. It might be some sort of copy mechanism within your nervous system, which we don't want to blame or shame or call out as being wrong, but instead we want to understand how we can support ourselves in the direction of change, how we can nourish and nurture and attune to ourselves in the direction of change, because this is ultimately how we create change that lasts. Most of us or many of us have often arrived in energy limiting state because we have pushed through so many times in the past. Not everyone, but a lot of people have arrived in some sort of syndrome illness because of the tendency to keep going and keep going and pushing through and pushing through. But that is not the same strategy that gets you well. So if you are somebody who can start things but struggles to stay consistent with them, that could be an example of where you're pushing your body to do something sooner than it's ready. So before it's ready, you're pushing your body into some sort of practice, whatever it might be, whether it's dietary change or exercise or some other type of healing routine or regime you're pushing through. You're using the same strategy that you've always used or perhaps the same strategy that's got you to this place in the first place, but that's not sustainable and your body is going to tell you that. If you're somebody who struggles to get going or do anything at all, that could be also a self-protective state of the nervous system because whatever you're asking your body to do is too much. And sometimes we can judge ourselves and it can be like, but it's only just this small little thing, whatever it might be. For example, I have clients and when I'm working with them one-on-one, we do a lot of functional testing and they get sent the test kit to their house and they have to collect the samples. In some cases, it's just collect the sample for a day. Sometimes it's several samples across one day or sometimes it's several samples, maybe across two or three days. So all they've got to do is collect the samples, but it can take months for them to collect their samples because there's some sort of block in the way. And even though this is such a small thing, it's just a urine sample. There can be so much, this can be so overwhelming for the nervous system that there can just be this freeze, this in-ambinity to move forward. So as we talk about this concept of motivation, it's really important that we, first of all, talk about the nervous system. And I've talked about the nervous system in so many ways and so many places on this podcast, this my getting to know your nervous system workshop, this my various blogs that I've written. But ultimately we're talking about the autonomic nervous system. And the autonomic nervous system governs our fight or flight responses, our survival responses, including freeze, immobility and shutdown. And we have two branches to the nervous system. We've got the sympathetic nervous system which governs fight or flight physiology, sympathetic activation. And this is like the accelerator, this is the foot on the gas, this is energy mobilization. So to get anything done, we need our sympathetic nervous system because we need to mobilize energy. We need to mobilize energy to collect the urine sample. We need to mobilize energy to start to make the dietary change or start the morning routine or get the morning light on our eyes, whatever it might be. We need this system to a degree. Then the other branch of the autonomic nervous system is the parasympathetic nervous system. This is associated with our ventral vagals, our social engagement system, the system that's associated with regulation. It can also be our dorsal, the dorsal branch of our nervous system which can be associated with rest and digest, but it can also be associated with freeze, immobility and shutdown. What tends to happen is that we move through different nervous system states. If we're starting an regulated state and then more activation comes into the body, more stress and challenge, then our sympathetic nervous system ramps up. If the activity in our nervous system becomes great enough that the sympathetic nervous system can no longer manage the threat, then we go into this parasympathetic dorsal vagal complex which is associated with freeze or immobility or shutdown. It's understanding that this is self-protective. The body goes into this more dorsal state in the nervous system because that's the way that it's learned to cope. Very often with people who have chronic illness, this is the way that they've learned to exist in the world. This is the way that they have learned to survive and I always say this is brilliant because this got you this far. You're still here, you're still alive and we have to thank you wonderful nervous system for all of that. But what we do want you to have now moving forward is more flexibility and more choices so that every time something becomes too much, you don't have to shut down or you don't have to go into a freeze. But you can actually stay in regulation, move forward and do the thing. So that's essentially very briefly an overview of how the nervous system comes into play here. So let's just talk a little bit more about how we can then move forward if we're noticing that we've got these patterns of freeze or shutdown or collapse in our system. And actually before we do that, just to distinguish that often in a freeze state, there can be a high level of activation. So the language of freeze is I want to but I can't. I want to change my diet but I can't. I want to collect the samples but I can't. It just feels too big. It just feels overwhelming. I want to start the new supplement regime but I can't. I want to get up in the morning and get morning light on my eyes but I can't. I want to eat more protein but I just can't wrap my head around what I actually need to be having a breakfast, let alone the rest of the day. So with a freeze, there's like a real desire to move forward but it's almost like there's so much energy that the system gets gridlocked and it just can't move forward. So there's a lot of charge in the system. If we're looking at more of like a shutdown or a collapse or immobility, there's still a freeze like quality but there's less charge and there's less energy and that can often be associated with more sort of hopelessness, appetite, the age, just not being able to. And so I think the difference between freeze and and that shutdown collapse in mobility is the freezes like I want to, but I can't. Whereas the shutdown collapse in mobility is more just like I can't. Like there's not even the desire to in the first place. So it's really important to understand which one aren't you? Are you the person that wants to, but then can't? Or are you the person that just repeatedly finds themselves in like extended periods of collapse where it just seems like nothing is possible, except for like lying around and a lot of rest and a lot of disconnect and potentially disassociation as well? But either way, whichever one you are, it's important to understand that we've arrived in this place because it all feels too much. The freeze is like I want to, but I can't, because when we actually conceptualize everything that needs to happen, it feels too big, it feels too overwhelming. And the same for the shutdown and the collapse as the body resides too much and then collapse. So if we're looking to move forward, if we're looking to find some sort of sense of motivation and we're looking to take action steps in our health and in our recovery, the first thing we need to do is take the pressure off the system. In the case of either of these examples, the body is overwhelmed. The body needs to reduce the pressure, reduce the levels of stimulation. We need lower levels of activation. And then how we do that, how we work with that is we want to help the body in whatever way possible to start to feel a little bit better, a little bit resourced. So we're taking away any sort of ex-systemeration, we're taking away any excess commitments, we're taking away the pressure. And then we're also helping the body to feel a little bit, okay. So nobody really wants to change their diet. We just want to keep on eating what we would like to eat. Nobody really wants to change their routine. Nobody really wants to pee in a part to collect some poo samples and send them off in the post. So it's important to understand that these actions that we're asking ourselves to do, even though they may be healthy and beneficial for us in the long term. In the short term, they require energy, energy that we don't have enough of. So there's something that may deplete us a little bit more and we can't do the other things that we want to do each day. So we don't feel good. So the first thing we want to do is lean into the things that help us feel good. And here if nutrition is something that you're struggling to change, I'm not talking about leaning into a pile of cake or donuts. I'm talking about leaning into the things that help you feel more rusted, more present, more resourced, more here. And so that might be, you know, cuddling your pet. I've got two cats. So, you know, just picking up a cat and just stroking a cat or sitting with your cat or watching your cat, whatever it might be. You know, that's something that can feel resourcing. I always found risks so much more restful when I had a cat just nuggle. I could also just be, you know, sitting in the sunshine and just allowing yourself to feel the warmth of the sun on your face. If you have capacity and access, it could be just going to like a beautiful nature space. Like I always really enjoyed going down to the beach and that's where I clear my head and that's where I resource myself. It might just be watching a funny TV program on the sofa. It might be listening to some beautiful music. It might be talking with a friend who lifts you up and helps you feel good. So, before we do the things that are a bit more challenging, the things that we feel stark or the things that we have a block around, we want to help the system feel a little bit better resource. We want to give it some resourcefulness. And then from this more resource-resourced place, then I think it's really important to be realistic about what we're trying to do. So, in some cases, and this is what I see a lot, is like people struggle because they're taking on too much. And even if the changes seem small, if they don't even seem that big to you, remember that often our concept of size is skewed because we're comparing what we're doing now against what we used to do in the past. When in the past we were probably doing too much anyway and that's why we ended up in the situation in the first place. So, we have to re-calibrate our sense of what is a lot. And very often, when I'm working with clients, I'm like, "Whoa, this feels like a lot." I think that's too much for you to be taking on. And they're like, "Oh, yeah, that's probably true." And then other times, I'm like, "That feels like enough." And it was still too much. So, everybody's system is different. Everybody's system needs to work at its own pace and therefore it's about finding out for you what is a step that you can take forward which feels tolerable but it doesn't feel too distressing too overwhelming. So, we don't want to be comfortable because when we stay comfortable, we don't stretch ourselves and we don't build capacity. So, we need to be outside of our comfort zone but we still need to be working at a manageable pace that can be sustained. And this is what a lot of people struggle to get right. Trying to change too much, too soon, change too many things at once or just create action steps that are too big and they cannot be sustained, they cannot be kept up. So, if there's a particular area of your health that you're struggling with and you want to move forward but you just feel like you keep on getting stuck, reduce the size of the task and then maybe reduce it again and reduce it again. Because one small thing done consistently over time is much better than doing some big things but you're back in another cycle of boom and bust. We create stability and we build foundations through consistent action even if the only actions we can be consistent with are the small ones. Trust me, they will add up and they will snowball and you will get a return on your basement over time. So, if we're struggling with motivation the first thing we do is take a step back, take the pressure off. We lean into the things that are resourceful for us and then we renegotiate the size of the task and we pick something small, something that's uncomfortable but it's tolerable and it's manageable and we feel that we can be consistent with it. And then all we do is rinse and repeat. So the great thing about habits is the reason why we build habits is because once a habit becomes a habit it no longer takes as much energy to perform. And so once you've taken a small thing and you've repeated it enough that it is now habitual then you're ready to take on the next thing. And then when you've repeated that thing and after it's habitual then you're ready to take on the next thing. And little by little you're doing a bit more, you're doing a bit more, you're doing a bit more. And here I also say is that a lot of this, there's a lot of reasons why people take on too much. Sometimes it's our overachievers getting very gung ho. It's the desire to get better faster because if we can do more we can get better faster. We don't have to suffer as long which is completely understandable. But then we also just end up tripping over our own feet which isn't very helpful. And then I think this can also be, I think with social media there can also be so much pressure to heal. And so often I think one of the questions I get asked like 50% of the time is how quickly am I going to get better? How long is this going to take? The reality is that bodies heal at the rate of their capacity. So your body can only heal as fast as your body can heal. And everybody's body is different. And what slows people down in their unique healing journey is overwhelming their capacity by trying to heal too quickly. And so I'm sure you've heard the saying in the fastest way to get there is slowly. And so really taking the time, especially if you identify more with these free states or shut down or immobility and collapse states of the nervous system. If you're identifying with those, the best thing you can do is really, really take small steps but small, consistent steps where you just keep tripping away, little by little, but by bit. And it's really hard to do, but also learning to lose attachment to the outcome. So I see a lot of people, they'll start something and if it's not working, then they start researching and then they want to try something else. And then that's not working and then they start researching. And then they hear about something else and then they want to try that. And then it just becomes so confusing. and they're sick and guessing themselves and not sure if they. coming or going or what they should be doing. And that builds a lot of dysregulation into the system. It's not honoring of the body. It doesn't give the body the time and the space that it needs. Remember that all the different factors which have created your unique experience of your illness, the physiological factors, the nervous system factors, everything, that they took a really long time to get to this point. And this sort of onset of the illness is the sort of pivotal tipping point. And now it's also going to take time for that system to stabilize, first and foremost, and then start to reorganize and then build capacity to create more health. And that needs the time, it needs space, it needs a tunement, it needs less pressure, more allowing and more acceptance. So if you have been struggling with motivation in your journey, in whatever it is that you're trying to move forward with, my final message to you is not to beat yourself up and think that you're wrong or there's, you know, you're a flawed human or you just can't get yourself together, that's not the case. It's really just understanding that this is a nervous system response. And if you can meet your nervous system where it is, and then a tune to the needs of your nervous system, very, very gently, you can begin to bring a lot more movement back into the system, a lot more mobilization of energy back into the system, so that you can then begin to take those more actions little by little. So hope you have enjoyed listening to this short episode today. If you haven't already, please leave a review on Spotify or iTunes. I greatly appreciate your reviews. They help other people find this work, find the podcast and get the help that they need. And also because we have spoken a lot about the nervous system today and this idea of regulation and building capacity, you can access more support in the nurturing resilience membership. So the nurturing resilience membership is a membership which covers the five foundations that I believe are important for your health and energy recovery. One of which is the nervous system. So there's a comprehensive course where you learn somatic tools to help you not only regulate yourself but build capacity and just charge the survival energy from your system. And then we've got blood sugar, pacing, sleep and managing inflammation in the body. In addition to other complementary courses like Digestive Health, detoxification and oxygenation and breath work and you know, get as well. So you can join the membership. It's just 39 pounds plus VAT per month. You can cancel at any time. And every month we have two group calls where we can engage in discussion and dialogue about these topics. We have one call which is dedicated to the nervous system and then another call which is dedicated to want some of the more practical or technical aspects of recovery. And you can get to chat with me and your fellow community members which is actually really fun and really nice to do. I always enjoy the calls. So I will leave you with that today and wishing you well on your fatigue recovery journey.