Episode 1: Why We Started Finding Strength Between Generations

Do you want to talk a little bit about our story and why we're starting this podcast? Because I feel like we're in it. Yeah, well, I mean, we, I guess we got started in this because, well, one, we worked with seniors. Right. Yeah. We worked with them, you know, in real estate, on the real estate side of what we do. And we've run into a lot of crazy stuff where seniors were getting taken advantage of. And I think that was really eye opening because you've heard of elder abuse and stuff like that. But when we're in real estate and we're actually in a situation where we almost feel like we have to, well, we have, we've had to protect them. We've had to save them from a situation. Yeah, true. And I guess really, you know, what we really found in addition to that was almost always the families are fighting. It seems because everybody so stressed out dealing with parents, whether they just passed or they're still dealing with them and they're trying to move them, you know, to a home, an assisted living facility or just a fit to that plus community or whatever the case is, wherever they're going, maybe they're going to live with one of the other siblings. Then that's really common that, that like, that's probably more, well, I don't know. Actually, I'd be interested to know about statistic because I have a lot of friends. I can think of one, two, three, just right now who, and two for sure, who are dealing with them right now. Like, I say dealing with them, but, you know, you're in this situation where you're having to take care of them. And it's stressful. Like some people embrace it and love it. And some people, it's just very stressful on them. It's changing their life. Yeah, I think because of the, well, there's so many kids that live with their parents now until they're like 30, right? So the same kind of happens once the kids are established and, you know, they, they have full-time jobs and they're making good enough money to where the parents now cannot always afford to go into an assisted living facility. So we're saying that they move in with, with their kids, right, you know, and, but also not even if whether they can afford it or not, but there's also kids who just want them to be with them, want them to live with them. They don't want them to be, be in a, a facility, that's the way they look at it, raise a facility. And they, these are some really beautiful facilities, but again, you have to pay for them. Yeah, you do. And, you know, it, maybe they're not in their state or they're out of their city. So it's easier to move them in with them. But, yeah, I guess the whole, the whole premise of all this is, you know, kind of bridging that gap and having the conversation so that people, people understand that they're not alone in this situation, and it's obviously it, it actually happens to everybody, yeah, everybody who has kids or parents, right, or both. Every single person is going to go through this. And it doesn't matter if you're a celebrity, it doesn't matter if you're an average Joe, it doesn't matter if you're wealthy or poor or middle class, it doesn't matter. Yeah, everybody can go through it for sure, and, you know, I don't, it's, it's interesting too because we're, we're seeing it for ourselves, right, I mean, your sister has been taking care of your parents for a really long time. Yeah, I want to say, probably 15 years in a different way, though, right, like just helping manage their, their life, basically, um, but now they're at a, in a position where she can't do the things that they need now, physically can't do those things because she's just not, she's not going to go hang the, um, railings on the other side of the wall, like your mom, you're, your sister didn't do that and your mom needed it, right, um, with the bad knees and stairs. Um, it, it's almost like it evolves into a, a different situation every time, like, as, as, as the age, I don't know, yeah, yeah, no, it's true, um, and I guess that's where we're dealing with this personally, I want to, I want to kind of talk about that just a little bit because I think that, that there will be people that can, um, relate to this, like your sister, um, is almost like not the daughter anymore in a way, um, it's like she is the manager of life. I don't know. And so she's had to manage things and do things in a way where, uh, she doesn't get to just enjoy your parents. Is that a tie? Should be a title, life manager. Life manager. I know we're going to get her a business card and, yeah, we're going to go in the life manager. Doesn't exist already. Um, um, um, no, you're right because she's, she's turned into, interestingly, she's turned into the adult. Yeah. Right. So it's almost like she's caring for her children, yeah, you know, and the, the children know my parents, yeah, in a weird sort of way, yeah, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that. Yeah. Parents age, you know, they digress in a lot of things, it seems, and then, um, you know, they just, they need a lot of extra help, yeah, whether it's managing money or groceries or whatever and then house projects are a different thing, but they just need help with everything. And, right. Yeah, and my sister, unfortunately, he's had had to be the bad guy a lot, a lot, yeah, you know, and she doesn't want to be the bad guy, but, and it's funny, it's, the other interesting thing too is just is the dynamics in the family and it's interesting how one person just automatically takes on that role, right? It wasn't, it wasn't like anyone said, Hey, can you do this? Right. Um, she just took it on, you know, and, um, I think it's, she's happy to do it in, in some aspects, right? There's like, she just, because she knows they're okay. She's taking care of them. So she knows they're going to be okay. She knows their entire situation. Um, but then on the other side of it, it's like twofold, right? Now she's also the bad guy sometimes. Yeah. Um, and, and I think that that's one of the reasons that really drew us here, right? One, you just haven't been around your parents for years, you, I mean, there's things that we've celebrated this first year being here that you haven't done since you were a kid. Because I was gone, right? Right. So, um, and, you know, both my sister and I have been gone at different times, um, and doing different things and when my parents started really needing the help, I was gone and she was here. Right. Plus, she's, you know, she's that, that person anyway, the caretaker, the caretaker. She is the caretaker. Yeah. Yeah. So, like I said, you know, there's some, some roles that just natural, are natural for an individual. Right. And, you know, and she's, she is mostly happy to do it, right? There's people because it's natural, but I think it was time for us to come here and help. Yeah. I think we both were like, it's time. Yeah. She needed help for sure because it's a lot of, it's a lot of stress on her and it's a lot of stress on her husband. Yeah. You know, just like it is for everybody listening, I'm sure. And it just, you know, it takes, it takes a family to do it. Yeah. It really does. I think everybody needs the help. And thankfully my sister was there, though, to, to, yeah, I don't know. I don't know if they would be as in good of a position that they're in now, for sure, without her. Oh, definitely not. Definitely not. So, so with that, when we came back to Virginia, like we are now, we were, you know, we operated our life. We totally changed our life. We have a, we had a business and we still do. We have a business in Colorado. But we, you know, the kind of business we're in, it's kind of crazy that we came here and just start all over again, but it was important that we did that and we were willing to figure it out, which we are. And then came from all of this was this podcast. [BLANK_AUDIO] I think there's just so many people that we know that we've been able to talk to that have been in the same shoes and are in the same shoes right now as us. I thought it was important to bring people together and talk about it. So the premise of this podcast is going to be, I think just having conversations with different groups of professionals who work in this field, the caregiving, the senior living, that type of a world, and then pairing them up with people who are actively going through this with their own families. Yeah, and we, I'm kind of excited to bring on our first professional guest because he lives in the world of everything senior. And so that will be exciting and then I'd like to actually bring your sister on. I think she would be perfect with our professional guest on the next episode. Oh, yeah. I think that would be really good. They would be a good match too. And, you know, I feel like your sister has kind of been the lone ranger on all this. She's not really sought out a bunch of resources. She's just done it on her own. Yeah, she's just, and I think a lot of people do that. Yeah, I think that happens, yeah. For many reasons, I think one, they're like, I just got it. I've got this. I'm going to take it on to maybe financially. Oh, everything's going to cost so much money. I don't know if we should do it. So yeah, and then I wanted to bring up like when we started talking about this episode or this podcast. I reached out to some people online because I wanted to just get an understanding of like who would want to participate. This isn't, it's very personal to this. No, these situations. And so I didn't know how many people would really want to be involved or listen or whatever. I don't know. And so I put it out there and I actually have a lot of responses and I wanted to read just a couple. Some really good and some, you know, frustrating and stuff. So one of them was. She wants to talk. And I'm going to be bringing her on in the, you know, in the future. And she says it sucks. All of it sucks. I'm not one of those. It's such an honor to take care of my sweet mother people. She's demanding and kind of a jerk. And I didn't want another pet to take care of either. Like that was the other thing. Like she also was bringing in her mom's pet. And she said, but she doesn't have another option. She blew all of her money away. You know, she gave it to charity. She says, I don't need it. And I'm going to give it to charity. And by her doing that, she really can't afford to live and go anywhere else. And she also doesn't want her living in a nursing home for what she can afford. Right. Because those have bad stigma is behind them. I had another one who we needed more support from the family and they weren't there. We both worked full time jobs and the only one who did help us also worked full time. None of us had money to find a qualified full time caregiver. It was, it was really difficult and caused some resentment in the family. We just needed more help and didn't have it. We made a mistake and second guest everything we did. We made mistakes and second guest everything we did. It was very hard on the boys to watch and they declined then and then to watch them decline and pass away. So this particular person had both parents living with them and they had to watch them decline and pass away and then the boys her kids also had to watch it. So, you know, those are just some stories when these are people who are going to come on and talk to us. And the people who are experiencing those things, maybe we can give them an outlet, maybe we can give them resources or ways to communicate with each other, how to talk to each other and maybe have a better outcome in the situation too. Because it's hard. It's a hard hard all around situation to be on when we know and some people just handle other things different. You know, we're all different. We're all different. And so how can we move forward and make it a positive outcome as much as possible. Yeah, yeah, I agree with you and you know, I hope people enjoy coming on and sharing their stories and kind of it helps to talk through things, you know, and then hopefully by people coming on and telling their stories and they're talking through it not only will, you know, we'll be there of course, but we'll have the other professional on right in the industry. And maybe it'll be like a small little counseling session for them and then everybody listening and and then of course if people are reaching out and sharing their stories and I think the biggest thing is, you know, people feel like like, why is this happening to me and why is my family like this? You know, and they're going to realize that it's most. It's pretty common. It's stressful. It's just a stressful situation and I think, um, definitely finding a brighter side of its possible is what I'm hopeful for and finding community together in what everyone's going through and just being, I don't know, being and getting through it together. I think, I don't know, I don't know. Um, yeah, so, so this is the whole idea behind it and I think I really hope like if anyone is interested, I really hope that people reach out to because we want them to reach out and, yeah, participate. Like we want them to, if they, if anyone wants to be interviewed and it's not really interviewed is a conversation like this, right? We're not like interviewing people, but really just sharing stories and hopefully it being a good thing, a positive thing. Yeah.