Ep.83 We weaponized the work

Hey friends, it's Shiv and Dave and you're listening to the all of you podcast Okay, so if anyone has listened to us for a certain amount of time you know from time to time We will give confessions Dun dun dun I I'm growing still and I'm learning new like they say new devils new new new levels new devils and Something that we've discovered And I think it could be I think it's applicable to anyone who listens to our podcast is Along the lines of criticism But more so weaponizing the work and for me As of late I Realize I was calling you out too much Yep And it's it's hard to admit that but it is the reality and I want to talk about it because I think it's I think it's helpful for anyone who Find themselves getting frustrated with their partners or finds themselves more along the lines of like the captain call out in the relationship and We both can do it, but I would say I've worn that hat a lot more than you Yeah, so I think what's actually I'm what I'm gonna jump into that I think is helpful is like what is even weaponizing the work mean and I think how we How we saw it popping up and actually how I see it happening with a lot of clients where you're working with a man And I'm working with the women the women will tell me this happens is When you'll use the lingo that's supposed to help you grow and heal and go inward and help Help your relationship when you're it's when you're using that language To kind of attack the other person so Even just just criticize not even if you're using to attack just Just even because I want to share like it can be hidden in the It can be hidden underneath a really good intention and I want to get to that later, but good totally I think we'll go into kind of how you Used it later, but what I see that's really common is you're triggered Mm-hmm or you're being avoidant or you're so defensive and using the language It's tricky because you're learning these new terms and you're learning how to see them in yourself so that you can learn how to grow But what I've found is when you use the terms before you know how to actually embody the work That's when you can really fall into weaponizing it so If you don't know the ways you're manipulative if you don't know how to see that really in yourself and make sure you're not manipulative I wouldn't call someone manipulative what was happening to me was I Took it upon myself to try to lead our relationship to healthier Pastures I took it upon myself to Be the one kind of calling out manipulation for both of us or or I was I was totally open for you calling me out I like was asking for it and and if we got into a conflict and I was like If I'm being manipulative or if I'm being defensive, please call me out. I want to know but the problem is That if that happens too much like I think it's not wrong to call out manipulation. It gets dicey right? This is very nuanced because what was happening to me is I was under the intention of getting us to healthier places. So if you all the sudden in a conversation Got triggered. I wasn't always like your triggered. I would ask you you know Hey, do you think you're triggered? That wasn't the way I was weaponizing it Some people use the terms in the lingo in a dangerous way and I think that that's Not right But if you what if you do know what manipulation is? What if you do know what defensiveness is and you're still calling out I'm going even a later deeper to say you're still wrong Even if your partner is being manipulative. It's not always the right thing to call it out And that's what I'm learning right now Yeah, why you call me out so much bro Well, cuz I think that I actually got I think it was under the intention of I thought that was a good thing to do I thought that if you were being manipulative you would want to know And yes to a degree, but that's actually That can be harmful. I think it's it's being aware of If like in a in a situation where you don't word something correctly It's not my job to always call that out and I think it's extra tricky for us because we are coaches and we do have a podcast on this work So we're very aware of it. We're both very aware of it and when you We're we're acting in a way where like you know your old pattern was coming back or your subconscious was kind of slipping through Maybe a manipulative statement or something like that I would nip it in the butt because I'm like of course you want to know. I mean, I know you want to know But it's still Dangerous. It's a dangerous game you play if you're gonna be called if you're gonna promote yourself to referee of the relationship You're you're playing a very dangerous game Yeah, I think coming from my perspective and what was happening there it felt like In the sounds even gross to say out loud like almost a parent child dynamic or like a therapist patient or coach and client dynamic Because it was like you oh, okay, what are you gonna tell me I'm doing next and it felt like it was all the time pointing something out and Then eventually for me I was like well, this is really pushing me away from you this end And I think it actually kind of hurt our relationship More than it was helping it because I felt a little bit on eggshells like okay if I slip up he's gonna call me out and Then I'm and then that crit and I don't respond well to criticism that's something I really have to do a lot of workaround Well, that's how it was hidden also it was hidden in our relationship dynamic because You don't like criticism. So then when I was pointing these things out you would say It would be harmful to you because you don't like criticism and I'm just thinking it's your wound I'm like well, I have a my my intention here is for us to have a Better more healthy relationship dynamic. So of course This is what we need and then you're you're like well, I don't really you know, I have a criticism wound And I was like well, it's must be your wound then And I really didn't see it I think can you clearly explain the nuance of why it's not just my wound that it's the problem because if you are pointing out your partner's errors even if you're in good intention And you're taking it upon yourself to point out their flaws You are becoming their coach you are becoming the referee of the relationship you are not a partner think of it I was talking to a good buddy the other day and He was you know, we were talking about this this kind of how often should you criticize when should you point it out? And it's an interesting topic because you know, it's not like you can can't ever point it out There's a certain way to do it but You know if you are on a team with if you're on a basketball team with someone and they're doing something wrong There is a coach to point it out, right? It's not always your teammates job to to point it out and it can be very annoying if your teammate All of a sudden starts acting like a coach it changes the dynamic in a relationship Yes, you are Each other's accountability partner at times you are there to you know iron sharpen iron But it can't always be you pointing out your partner's flaws because if you are you're really starting to change the dynamic To parent child to coach client whatever you want to call it. It's a it's a power dynamic And that was slowly happening to us without really us noticing 100% so what I can hear A client's voice in my head if I were to say that to them what they would say to me is Yeah, but they're driving me crazy what their their behavior is harming me. What do I do Dave? Yeah, and this is something I wrestled with for a long time I've been wrestling with this for years. I mean in trying to figure out how often to point things out to you or when not to. And I've not arrived. I'll just say that. This is not something I've arrived on. But what I would tell them is let more go than you say for starters. Let more go than you even say to them. And it's not your job to point it out. It's your job to keep yourself safe. So use boundaries more than criticism. I think a lot of people resort to criticism. And this is what was true for me was I didn't want the distance. I didn't want there to be conflict between us one because it is hard that we have a weekly podcast. And it was like I don't want there to be a bunch of distance between us. But also it just doesn't feel good for me. I have an abandonment wound. I don't I don't like the distance. I don't like the space. So I was thinking it was better to try to address the issue with you in real time so we can just keep moving. Like we're we're on this race together. You're moving a little slower than even you said you want to move. I'm like speed up. But if I'm always saying speed up speed up speed up or fix this fix that. You feel like you're married to a coach instead of a partner in a teammate. And it's just not my role. So what you do is you accept your partner for who they are. And if you really are unsafe like they are being manipulative. They are getting triggered a lot. You emotionally distance as much as you need. You take the space you need. If you start to operate in ways that it's been a little heated lately. There's a lot of conflict. You're emotional. Let's say something happens in your life where you go through a season where you're on edge July and you're really emotional. Is it my job to call you out about that or is it my job to keep myself safe in distance. I have to distance. Now you might then. Yeah, because you call me out for being emotional. That just isn't going to go well for anyone. No, no. And if you then start to notice the distance. You can ask me about it. Now if you come and attack me because I've been emotionally distant. You're doing the same thing, right? Now you're criticizing me for the space that I've taken. So it's about both partners really leading with curiosity about one another. Let's say I'm the one that has poor behavior. And I've been really emotional, reactive or stressed lately. And you need to take space for me. And you don't even tell me you just kind of silently boundary me. You know, you put headphones on. You're cleaning. You're just not talking to me as much. And you seem not as interested. It's not my job to attack you. It's my job to come up and be like, hey, is there something I'm doing that's, you know, detracting you is detracting a word? Unattractive. I believe it's like some tract. The opposite of attracting you. In my. Yes, repel. That would be it. Is there something I'm doing that's repelling you? Because I would want to know. It's so hard to do. It's so much easier to attack your partner when they're not doing what you want them to be doing. And I hit it. Not purposely. This was none of this was conscious. Like none of this was like, I'm going to be critical of you. I'm going to take it on. I'm going to put on a referee suit and become the referee of our relationship. It was all in the name of I want us to operate in a higher standard. But when I say I want us to operate in a higher standard, I'm now trying to control you. What I all I have control of is myself. And I had to go back to that and go I had to go back to square one of all the learning and go, oh my gosh. Even though we're so committed to this work and we're so invested, my expectation of you still I need to drop it to zero or one. It can't be. So high because if you have a setback, if you stumble, now all of a sudden I'm Mr. Critical. Yeah, and it was killing me. Yeah, it sucked. It sucked to admit it. And we went through we went through a few days of conflict, I would say, even like weeks where like there would be like a conflict and another conflict. And we're like, what's going on? And there was a moment and we thought it was other things and we tried to like tweak other things but then there was a moment where it clicked for me. And I can share it. It was when we were in some conflict, there was something that happened that I didn't agree with you or something and the way that you reacted to that wasn't to a standard that I thought was good or deemed correct. So I called you out about that. And then you got more frustrated and I was like, how is she so frustrated that I called her out about this thing? And I took space, which is the right thing to do. But it was like five minutes of space. Not I think I even said I was like I think I need an hour. And about five minutes later, I was like, this isn't that big a deal. This is super small. I can go fix this because I thought I could and I came back and it wasn't time. I didn't take enough space. You then were curious. You were like, hey, why did you come back so soon basically? And I think I went for a run and during that run, it clicked for me that when I went and I took space, there was a feeling that I didn't like to feel. And it was totally unconscious. I had this is the first time I'm bringing this feeling into like real awareness. And I came back and I confessed this to you. And I so I did my work. I was like, I'm think I'm really critical because I don't want to take the space that it would require. Like if you're being manipulative, if you're being if you're really triggered, I need to take space. But then when I go take this space, I'm facing a pain, a certain feeling in my body. A wound. Yeah. And you were like, what's that wound? And I was like, resistant to feeling it. And we're sitting on the bed and I was like, all right, I'm going to face it. And I started bringing it into awareness, the feeling in my body and my whole body clenched up and it was like really, it was really kind of a aggressive feeling in my body. And I ended up finding it. And it was basically when my dad left when I was five, I then had one parent in the home. And if she was mad at me, I was in I was scared. I was like, I was afraid that if she was mad at me, she would leave. Or if she was mad at me, then I like, I wasn't going to be okay. Like I wasn't going to be taken care of. I was going to lose my only parent. Yeah. And then so that registers as a child. When when my mom is mad at me, I might die because it's a survival instinct. If you have parents to take care of you as a child, that equals death. Because when we were sitting on the bed, I was like, what's the feeling? And you just went, it feels like death. Yeah, it was tough. It was like a full body like clenched up. And I had no idea. I was avoiding this feeling. But if just to like kind of paint the picture of how that translates in a relationship or to ours, when we were when we're in conflict, when when I'm mad at you, basically, you feel like death in your body. You feel that feeling. Well, I don't. I didn't. I didn't feel it. You would try to try to avoid it. So consciously fixing that I'm mad at you. And I was using the feeling and I was using the work to to say like, we know how to fix this. Like we don't need to be in conflict because we have the tools to fix this. And as long as I knew that we were fixing it, I was okay. But it was when we were actually in conflict. And there was actual conflict going on. And I didn't know it was going to be okay. That's when that feeling would would probably come up. Like when I when I was like, I need space. And then and I told you I was like, once I feel this feeling and I and I face it, I'm going to be okay. Like I'll figure it out. And it was it was really hard, though. But I have been working on it like nonstop. And then yesterday we had a scenario where we did like. Yeah. We did the thing and it all played out and it was it was fine. - Yeah, it's kind of funny. We could actually share what happened. - Yeah. - Well, I went out, I was taking the, taking trash out or something and you were like, cleaning the shop. - I was cleaning the shop. - And you were like, can I throw away this like pad? You put under cars to like catch oil. So the driveway doesn't get dirty. - It was like an old oil mat. That was pretty like ruined and. - Yeah, and I was like, yeah, I don't care about the pad, but I do care, we don't get like a lot of oil on the driveway. So like, can we just try to not? - You said we should keep the driveway more clean though or something like that. - Yeah. - And then I got really upset with that 'cause I was like, we? What do you mean by we should keep it? - That's the most thing. I'm not exactly the driveway cleaner in the relationship. - You don't do the outside stuff. - I did the garden. - Yeah, but yeah. And that's about it. - And so I knew you were like putting it on my plate, which is fine that I got annoyed with that comment. It's fine that I got annoyed with that comment. But where our old cycle would have continued from there is when I was annoyed, I would attack you, not I wouldn't say attack, but I would criticize how you worded it. - Yes. - And I even kinda did. I was like, we? What do you mean by we? And then you were like, you seem upset by this comment. Maybe we, maybe we can talk later or something and then you went inside and I actually was like, yeah, that's a good idea. Like it's fine. And then I came in a little bit later and I was like, hey, I'm sorry I got upset. If I'm asking you about the driveway, of course you wanna keep it clean. Like it's fine. Like, I mean, if you ask me, should we keep something clean? You're gonna say yes. - I'm always going to say yes. You can expect that. - And you also admitted, you're like, I probably could have worded it differently, but we gotta let that stuff go. We gotta let it go. You're not gonna word everything perfectly and it's not my job to call you out and teach you how to word things correctly. It's my job to take the space I need when I'm disappointed or offended. Not lash out or criticize you. And the work that we do, you can use it as a weapon. You can really start to go, I'm doing this work. I'm gonna hold myself accountable to not being manipulative. I'm gonna hold myself accountable to not wording things in a way that's, you know, like passive aggressive or, you know, I'm gonna start communicating a lot more clearly. I'm gonna communicate my wants and needs. So you can start to try to hold your partner to the same standard. And that is where I've been wrong. - Really appreciate you admitting that nor can I know it. - Oh yeah, what else am I gonna do? Double down on my, like subconscious ways. No, the Carl Jung has a quote, until you bring the unconscious conscious, it will control you and you'll call it fate. And I don't wanna be like that. If I, I'm gonna find new patterns and I'm gonna commit to when I do sharing them on the podcast as much as I can because I think it's really helpful for, hopefully for anyone that listens to know, we're with you. We are doing this work, we are two people doing this work too. We're not perfect. We still have patterns and we're committed to finding them. And we want you to be too, because we believe that it is how you fix the connection issues in the relationship. And when the connection is off, it's usually because somebody's our line, somebody's criticizing, somebody's manipulative, somebody is doing something unconsciously that is harming the other person or the connection. And you started to feel it. And I, to be honest, I thought it was you. - I know you did. And I was trying every way I could to try to explain to you, to get you to see it. Some ways were weird, some ways were decent, but I couldn't, what I didn't know was that you were trying to avoid a feeling. So, and so what it seemed like I was actually being kind of defensive, but I was trying to get you to see, like I would just be like, take it easy on me. And or I would say like, I'm allowed to go at my own pace. - You would say it. - I think the amount of times I said that, I can grow at my own pace, which I believe. - Yeah, you can. - Yeah, and I, I ratcheted up the expectations, especially when we started the podcast and we were gonna do this work and we both said it. We both said like as we do this work, we should hire, hold ourselves to higher standards, but that's the thing. We each need to hold ourselves to higher standards. Not we hold ourselves to higher standards. Like if you're trying to hold your partner to a standard, you're trying to be an accountability partner to somebody who didn't necessarily ask for that. Now, here's the other side of it. There is space to have conversations when someone is not treating you well, when someone is, has a pattern or something going on. It's probably not to call it out in the moment. So if you are, and using me as the example here, just falling on the sword a little bit, but I didn't know I was trying to avoid a feeling, and that sucks, and I think that's probably a lot of people. But that is the question to ask. Like is there a feeling I'm trying to avoid? I know the right thing isn't to call you out. I know the right thing is to use space to go clean the shop, go do what I need to do. I can go golf with buddies, I can go to the driving range, I can go surf, I can go to yoga, I have plenty of things I can do without you. But if I'm not okay, and I'm trying to fix the conflict, I'm trying to fix our relationship to feel okay, there's probably a feeling I'm trying to avoid. And I know that so well, but I still fell for it. And I think that's the difference of head knowledge and heart knowledge. Well, I know. Because you knew that, but actually embodying it was a little bit more challenging. Well, I think it's also there will be another one. It's not my last thing to fix. Like there will be another feeling at some point that my subconscious will feel safe to let me feel, you know? And I think that's the way this work is. It's not linear. And as you go, as you climb the mountain and you reach the peak and you are like, this is a beautiful view. Like I've figured this out, I'm here now. The clouds start to clear a little more and you realize you're still not at the top of the mountain. There's a new peak to climb. And I think that's just the reality. I'm not. I'm not like, this isn't the last time I'm gonna sit here and be like, I've been messing up. There will be another one. And I'll probably slip back into that pattern at some point. - No. - Yeah. A little bit like not to the degree, hopefully, but you know, there's always patterns we're trying to fix within ourselves. The key is for me in this is that if you are not showing up in a way that I like, it's not my job to hold you accountable to that. It's my job to keep myself safe. Keep myself lower my expectations of you. And I don't, nobody wants to hear that because they're like, so I'm just gonna lower my expectations of my partner and I'm gonna be married to someone that treats me like shit or doesn't do the things that I want them to. And it's like, yeah, because hear me out on this the reverse side is you become an asshole and show them all, you know, hold up a mirror that's so bright. You're not helping them grow or heal. So yeah, it is just to accept them. - I think what's important to call it there too when it comes to holding up a mirror because we actually talk a lot about the benefits of being each other's mirrors. That's where unsolicited advice comes in. - Yeah. - Hold up the mirror when they're wanting to look in the mirror. If they don't want to look in the mirror and you keep holding it up, that's where it can become unhealthy. And that's basically what unsolicited advice is, is you're giving someone advice and feedback. And they don't want it. And that's actually a form of abuse. So hold up the mirror if they're willing to look in the mirror. But if they don't want to look in the mirror, you have really two options. One, lower your expectations. And two, or actually three. Two, learn to let go. Three, boundaries. Yeah. You can remove yourself to keep yourself safe. Or I guess if you want to throw in a fourth, you always have the freedom to leave. Yeah. And you can also reframe it in a form of communicating your needs and asking for their support. Like if something's really, if you're doing something that's harming me, I don't want to call out that behavior. I want to communicate my needs. You know, like, I'd like to feel closer to you. That's a need. My need cannot be you need to stop this behavior. That's not a need. It needs to be, I'm wanting more, I'm wanting our relationship to be more connected. I feel distant from you. And I'm needing us to have some time where we can bond and feel closer. And I communicate that. And then you, I hope you would get curious and you could say, what would that look like to you? What's what are the things that are possibly preventing us from that? What are the things that have happened in the last, you know, if you're curious and you ask me to hold up a mirror, if I, then that's okay. But I, if I just walk up and hold up the mirror and be like, we're not close because here's the things that you've been doing. That's that kills connection, not supports it. Well, and I think always the antidote there, which we probably say this every episode is instead of calling them out, get curious about why they're doing the things they do. Leading with curiosity will always move you in a better direction. It's like the one, I would say curiosity is the one tool that like just doesn't really fill you. If you're genuinely with an open heart being curious, that will always guide you in a more positive direction. Yeah. And I think like if there's any takeaways for anyone, it's, it's don't promote yourself to the referee. You know, I know, I think especially for guys who are driven and trying to reach goals, trying to reach new levels in their career and life and, you know, kids and they're trying to accomplish a lot. The more they hold themselves to a higher standard, they can start to ratchet up the expectations of their partner. And maybe for women too, as women, you know, have, I think, super common for women when they have kids, they hold themselves to a higher standard and then they expect their partner to get that memo to. They're like, I became an adult because we have kids. What happened to you where you didn't get the memo to emotionally mature and they can get critical? And you can do that, but I'm telling you, it's not been working for me. Like when, when I do that, it just kills our connection. So if you promote yourself to the referee of the relationship, you're, you're going to be exactly that. You're going to be a referee and they're going to see you as a referee and nobody likes the ref. Nobody likes a ref. No. Pulling the whistle all the time. That whistle. Yeah. And there are ways, like I'm falling on the sword for this episode, but there are ways that you can be the ref in the kitchen or in things like we can all, we all do it. We all do it. That's your area of those are your boundaries. That's your playing field. And when I go in there, I can get, I can get whistled on. I mean, if you're going to step into the office, I do think that there's criticism. Here's another thing, it's terrible to criticize the person and that's shaming and we should never do that. She never criticized someone's character, like never saying you're so messy or you're so whatever. I'm going a step further here. I don't even want to criticize behavior. Not like never, but very little, very little. I think because that's what my, that's what our relationship needs. Our relationship needs less criticism, even of behaviors and more patience and more boundaries. And we'll just let it go. You will, you are wise enough and smart enough to get the memo. If I boundary you, I probably don't need to tell you what you were doing wrong. Oh, for sure. I always know when I'm up to shenanigans. Yeah. So that's our relationship. And if you're in a partnership where you're like, well, if I don't tell them, then they're not going to figure it out. You might be inclined to try to take the referee role. And I just don't think that's, I don't think it's a good role. Well, you're just trying to control. The referee is trying to control the other person's behavior. How they're trying to control how they're treated. They're trying to control that person's growth. And you can't, can you like try, trying to control someone else is never going to lead to a positive result. Yeah. You have to just let it go. But some people invite that type of criticism, like, yeah, tell me what you don't like or, you know, they're, they're saying they're open to it. I still think it's dangerous. Is the conclusion that I've come to you? It's really dangerous to even criticize behavior too often. I think it's better to just let go. And if it's really harming you or really frustrating you, take the space you need. They'll and hope and hope they get the memo or hope they become curious. And maybe you're worried about that killing the relationship. I space doesn't kill relationships very often. It's usually, and if it does, it shows the weakness of the relationship. I think to clarify there, space is a good thing unless someone is overly avoidant and then avoiding all hard conversations, then that can actually kill the relationship. But if you're taking space so that you can regulate your emotions, process what's happening, choose how you want to respond, whether that is actually saying something or letting go, like that's healthy space. Well, and even in the case of the avoidant, I would say if the relationship can only exist when you're the parent and they're the child and you're calling them out, you're the referee all the time, it might be better to let it go. Let what go? The relationship. The relationship can only exist when you are the parent and they're the child. There's not really a healthy relationship there to be had. If you can't take space and then them figure out or come back with curiosity, they just act like everything's fine all the time and never do their work, then you kind of have a child on your hands. I don't think you have to let go of the relationship. I think you have to choose what you're willing to live with. Yeah, because you could be married with four kids or something. And that's, and there's so much more complexities and nuances to it. If you're dating and that's a scenario, then it might be like, yeah, if you're dating, I'd like that go. Yeah, everybody has their reasons for staying or leaving and we don't want to say you should or shouldn't stay or leave, but it's definitely something to, but either way, becoming the parent and becoming the referee in this terminology were using different terms, but it's all the same thing. You're becoming the criticizer. You're pointing out all the wrong doings. Now I see it so clearly that it's like you're trying to force the relationship to be good. You're trying to force your expectations to be met and you're doing it in the way of a parent child dynamic. Yep. If I'm frustrated with you, catch me in the shop. I'm totally fine with that. I love it. It is the best thing for us. Yeah. And not everybody. Yeah. Find your space. Find your space that you can go to and take the space you need. You know? Yep. Well, with that said, life updates. I feel like this entire episode has been a life update. Yeah, that's well for you. That's kind of what you've been working on. I feel the vulnerability hangover a little bit. Oh, I bet. - Yeah, yeah. The worst vulnerability hangovers are on release day, like Monday when it goes out. And you know you said some things that you're like, "Ah, shoot." People are gonna listen to this. Mondays are the hard ones. - Yeah, we're committed to showing up vulnerable. So, there you go. Hopefully it helps. - I think the life update for me is, I've been so social lately and it has felt amazing. I feel like the past like, while we've just gone and been in grind mode and I've kind of put socializing on the back burner a little bit, but I got brunch with one of my best friends from high school on Saturday and then we just had one of my old co-workers from two jobs ago, but she was co-worker that turned very, very, very dear friend. She just came over for dinner last night from, she actually lives in Mississippi and she came into town. So, - And we're up in Huntington, - Oh yeah. My sister's 30th was on Saturday, so we got to hang with the family and celebrate her. And then tonight I'm getting dinner with a girlfriend's from college. And yes, just a lot of socializing going on lately and it fills me up. I love it so much. So, I really love humans. I just love humans. - Because I've been a really good friend. - You love getting your social needs. - I love it. - You have a bigger social needs than I have. I can go clean the shop and be a little solo a little bit. - And the shop has been looking great while I've been out chatting away. And I think it's just been really nice. - Yeah, I need to figure out my life update and not everyone will enjoy this, but there's a few people I know will. I need to figure out a good vacuum setup for my shop. Like you can hook up a vacuum, like a dust shop back. I have a shop back, but like I wanna run vacuum lines to each, like my chop saw, my table saw. So that way when I use, or even my sander, like when I'm using the tool, when I'm cutting wood, that sawdust gets vacuumed out of the tool instead of all over the shop. 'Cause it's really dusty in there all the time. And I feel like expecting me to pull my tools out of the shop to every time I cut something, I cut things often. So I want like a full woodworking setup. That's what, if you're, like my neighbor has a legit woodworking shop and he has a vacuum setup that's like dialed. - To be honest, if I'm just gonna, this will be interesting. If you leave it in the episode, I really think you should look at the priority list in our docs. - Oh. - We have a Google doc, it's actually-- - Keeping this shop clean is-- - And Excel spreadsheet with all of the priority projects. - Yeah. - You think this is a high rinker? - It might be. It, the dust and, so that, the dust, 'cause we wanna put a gym in there and you're gonna be laying on a bench to work out. - Oh. - There's some sawdust all over it. Every time I cut something, the dust just goes everywhere. This will keep it, it'll be more like a dust free. It's not perfect, but it definitely keeps the dust down. - Yeah. - It's pretty big deal. - Okay, well. - It's also just like every, any guy that works with wood, you know what I'm talking about. It's nice to have it clean and not have to have the dust everywhere. All of it, a vacuum set up is nice. - Yeah. I don't doubt that actually. I like it, I like where your head's at. I find it to be an interesting priority. - I'll show you-- - I'll show you that online. You might get into it. You might love it. You might become a woodworker. - No. (laughs) - I mean, I like sanding. - You cut some wood? - I like sanding. I've cut some wood. I'll polish and sand. Sanding's very meditative. I don't mind doing that. - That's what I mean. You hook up the vacuum to the back of the-- - That's what I mean. - You know the bag on the sander. - Mm-hmm. - You hook up a vacuum hose to that. You hook up the vacuum to the back of the sander. - You hook up the vacuum hose to that. So the dust gets sucked into the vacuum instead of all over you. - That's pretty cool. - It's so cool. It's very cool. - I don't see how that would work with the table saw. - The same thing. Every saw has a little like a thing on the back of it. A tube and a bag that collects sawdust. But when you hook up a vacuum, it sucks the sawdust. It's like, it's very much-- it's not perfect, but all the dust from the cut of the wood goes into the vacuum. - All right. Well, while that sounds lovely, I think we've probably lost all of our listeners at this point. - I don't think so. I know a few people that are-- it would be interested in this conversation. - Well, I hope they're enjoying it. All right. Well, I think let's maybe table the saws. No pun intended. - Two. - For another time. - Thank you all so much for-- are you cool if I end it? - Yes, fine. The only thing is my life update is that the shop will be clean and we're going to put a gem in there. That's actually a great life update. - We're going to make it into offices. We're going to pivot. It's not going to be offices in the shop. It's going to be a gem and woodworking station. We're going to build offices later date. - Yeah. - So we're not the podcasts in our living room. - If you're a longtime listener, you probably know we're big pivators. So-- - Yeah. This podcast started-- - Thanks for being a lot. - It started in the shop. It went to our bedroom and then eventually-- or then it went in the shop. - It had two iterations in the shop. - It's had a few different iterations in the house. Now we've been here for a while and eventually we're going to put like a studio on the-- - Radio. - Like a shed. I would say first, we're probably going to do like a shed. Like a nice shed and make it that into a podcast studio on the property. It's evolving. It's ever evolving. Just like we are. And I am. - My goodness. - Can I wrap now? - You can wrap now. - Thank you very much for that. Thank you all for listening. We love you so much. If you're still listening right now, extra thank you to you because this was quite the funny life update segment. We would love it if you subscribed, followed, left a comment and tell us what you enjoyed about this episode or even sent it to a friend. And yeah, I hope you guys all have a great week. - Love you guys. And if you do work with wood, you can DM me and tell me how much you liked this segment and your vacuum setup. I'd like to know. - So much I could say, but I'm just going to end it with love. - Love you guys. - Love you, bye.