ep. 73 how to stop getting offended easily

What's up guys welcome back to the House of Jacob podcast where in this house we serve the Lord I'm your host Braxton and guys in this week's episode I wanted to discuss how to stop being offended so easily. I think this is a topic we don't talk about a lot and if we're being real as Christians this is a lot of ours big one of our big struggles you know a lot of us are sensitive maybe we get hurt easily some of us get angry easily and offended easily. And this is really a subject that kind of applies to everyone in some sense some shape or form everyone struggles with giving grace everyone struggles with being quick to forgive everyone struggles with getting hurt easily so we're going to talk about how to stop getting offended so easily and one of the big things for us as Christians as I think we we like to try to validate our feelings with the Bible and say like no God's okay you know there's right just anger and there's not like it's whatever like you know I can be offended like in all these things but what does the Bible say. Because Engolations 519 to 20 right before Paul tells us what the fruit of the spirit is he talks about the works of the flesh and he lists all these different things that are works of the flesh and a couple of them are this anger or I mean sorry enmity strive jealousy fits of anger rivalries these dissentions and divisions all of those or works of the flesh and Paul is some other things like sexual morality stuff like that but dude fits of anger jealousy rivalries divisions like all of these things are works of the flesh so when we get offended it's our flesh our flesh is hurt now there are times where obviously it's not sinful for like dude you got cheated on by the person you're dating like it's not sinful for you to have your like be hurt and heartbroken over that but the anger that you could feel from that can be you see where the line gets drawn there so these kinds of things do not belong in us as Christians fits of anger rivalries jealousy these things don't belong in our lives as Christians the works of the flesh and we want to walk in the fruit of the spirit so how do we become unaffendable I think this is obviously easier said than done. But what I want to discuss before we get into that is why you should become unaffendable now there's three main reasons number one for the sake of those around you you should become an unaffendable for the sake of those around you why because as you become unaffendable it will benefit your relationships your friendships your family all of these things because no one likes an easily offended or sensitive person they're hard to be around they're easy to like you know make mad like they're always arguing like no one likes being around those kinds of people so one of the main reasons we want to become and why I would hope you want to become an unaffendable watching this is for the sake of your relationships of friendships you want those to benefit by how make you are and peaceable you are the second reason is for your own sake becoming less offendable benefits you more than it benefits anybody because how you know a couple episodes ago we talked about Colossians chapter three and we talked about how it says the peace of Christ rules in our hearts it should rule in our hearts we should let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts how can the peace of Christ rule in your heart the way God intended if you are easily moved by other people and their actions or words like all the time that makes no sense how can I live in the peace of Christ if I'm just easily swayed by people's opinions about me and the things they say about me and how people hurt me if I'm easily swayed by that 24/7 I'm not going to be able to live in the peace of Christ 24/7 do you see what I'm saying here so James chapter one verse 19 to 20 says know this my beloved brothers let every person be quick to hear slow to speak and slow to anger for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God your anger does not benefit you and I know it's easy to think in the moment like no I have a reason and this and that but you know when Jonah is angry at God in the book of Jonah God asks him and Jonah chapter four he says does it do you well to be angry of course the answer is no it doesn't do us well to be angry and I want you to think about that when you get offended what is the benefit to you like if anything there's way more of a benefit of you walking in peace you forgive him quickly and moving on from it when you're angry it burdens you it makes you anxious like it's it's like you're you're sitting in it and it's not fun like no one likes being angry like like with anyone actually like looking in the face to be like I love being angry it's like it benefits me every day no of course not like it doesn't benefit you so the second reason we want to become on a phone is for your own sake it's for your benefit because you being sensitive angry and a phone one does not benefit to you to it does not benefit others and three it doesn't demonstrate or produce the righteousness of God your anger doesn't glorify God your ability to get offended easily does not glorify God because Proverbs 19 verse 11 says good sense makes one slow to anger and it is his glory to overlook an offense did you hear that it is his glory to overlook an offense it is the one who overlooks the offense that benefits yes when you sin against somebody and they forgive you and stuff you benefit from that but when he sins against you and you overlook it you say hey I forgive you I'm not cool peace out like that that is your glory like that benefits you it's helpful for you so you're you becoming unoffendable is for your sake number three last reason we want to become unoffendable for the sake of his glory the way you handle your relationships and your friendships the state of your heart in these things it glorifies God or it doesn't the way you handle your relationships and the state of your heart either honors or dishonors God if your heart is in an offensive state and your relationships are constantly in argument that doesn't honor God it doesn't glorify God so I want you to think about the way you handle your relationships and friendships as stewardship the way you steward the people in your life is a way to honor or dishonor God and you can be a poor or good steward of it so something I was thinking about the reason I'm preaching this episode to you guys before we get into like the nitty gritty of how to be unoffendable is because this is something I really struggle with this is something the Lord's really been teaching me lately and honestly this podcast episode like to be blunt with y'all is pretty much everything the Lord has been teaching me the last like couple weeks and months about becoming unoffendable and I still really struggle with this I'm still I can still be very irritable at times and easily offendable and those around me know that so I'm not claiming like I've got this all down but this is what the Lord's been teaching me and as I was thinking about this the next thing if you're taking notes that I want you to write down is why you get offended easily the reason why you get offended easily as I was thinking about this about why we're not easily offended I could never down to form main reasons although obviously there are many for some people it's mental health like maybe you have something like there's a chemical imbalance so you're irritable or whatever for some people maybe it's this maybe it's that whatever but for the most part it comes down to these different main reasons one because you lack grace it takes grace to to lose your offendability it takes grace to overlook an offense like Proverbs 19 says and we need to have grace towards others and forgive quickly and when we don't we're easily offendable makes sense amen number two you lack gratitude for grace this is the biggest one like 100% biggest one and here's why the more aware I am of how much I need God's grace the more easily I give grace to others and the more unworthy of grace I know I am the more grace I give to those who I think are unworthy of mine do you understand what I'm saying here like your offendability is often conquered by simple grace it's your grace for people that conquer your ability but this grace is produced in you by the grace you experience with God himself we lose grace and patience when we lose intimacy so I realize this with myself in the sense of the times where I forget how much I need God's grace is often the times where I don't give people a lot of grace and I'm irritable and I'm easy to make mad and stuff like that the more aware you are of God's grace and how much you need it the more you're getting it to others because that grace that you're pouring out to other people is produced in you by the grace God is giving you himself amen the fourth reason sorry third reason is because all you think about is yourself I know that's pretty blunt like a punch in the face but like all you think about is yourself is part of the reason we're easily offendable because all we think about is me me me and we're often easily offended because we often think about ourselves and I think we have to learn to get rid of the doubt this is something I really struggle with and I have a good friend who we were kind of talking about this recently about how her perspective is when she gets offended by something she tries to think like you know for example you're driving on the road and you know someone's just driving 20 miles under the speed limit she tries to be like before getting offended maybe it's someone who's really old in front of me something like that so I think as we give others the doubt will naturally give give others grace so a good example of this is when you call somebody and you miss that they miss your call it's very easy to like get offended and be like bruh like come on why are they like ignoring me why are they doing this and really they're just like at work like sometimes it's just that simple and all we think about is ourselves why did they not answer me why not why did they not do this and they're like in the middle of something super important which leads me right to the fourth reason the fourth reason we get offended easily is because our expectations are too high of people this other than number two is probably the biggest reason and why all of us are offended easily and this applies to every single person really the reason being I think defensiveness comes from too high expectations I think we can all agree that we have expectations about like when we have the expectations about something and they don't get met it's irritating when I expect to go do this today and then my day looks completely different because all these random things come up it's irritating so I have a friend who has always said to me that anger is is a byproduct of an unmet expectation so when you're angry it's because you had an expectation and it wasn't met so the reason we often get offended is because we often have unrealistic expectations of people and we expect people to never hurt us or irritate us and when this expectation goes on met we get angry so you expect people to never miss your text or forget about this or like you know say you're a boss at your job you expect people to never forget about what you told them to do so when they forget about it you get offended and it's and it's annoying to you so the big really the big reason a lot of us are easily offended is because we hold too high expectations of people that just aren't realistic people are going to mess up people are going to hurt you they're going to annoy you they're going to irritate you because they're people like what would you expect of a person like you don't do anything different I don't do anything different so what do we do when we're offended and how do we handle offense now that we know you know why we want to become unoffendable and why the different reasons we are easily offendable how how do we handle us how do I become unoffendable as a Christian I'm going to give you two main points of how the Lord's words shows us how to handle offense although I will say there are a plethora of passages about this there's like a million I could give you about this some of them being I'll give you two to read on your own Matthew 523 through 25 and Matthew 538 through 42 if you want to go back pause that write those down go read them on your own but I'm going to give you two main points one how to Jesus handle offense first Peter 2 verse 23 says when he was reviled he did not revile and return when he suffered he did not threaten but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly so what did Jesus do when he was refiled reviled and threatened and mocked and suffered he trusted God to handle it he said I'm trusting God as the judge I'm giving myself up to God as the judge and I trust him to handle this so when you're offended you don't go take revenge as a Christian you don't go throw hands like you you take your offense and you lift your hands to to the God of heaven trusting him as the perfect judge who can handle your situation who can convict and bring people to repentance and show people what they did wrong so that they'll apologize to you or all these things we don't return offense with offense Jesus said don't don't take an eye for an eye or tooth for a tooth we forgive and we give it to the Lord that's what Jesus told us to do so the second point is how did Jesus tell us to handle conflict what did he tell us to do in conflict and Matthew chapter 18 verses 15 to 17 Jesus literally lays it out for us about how to handle conflict in the church he says this he says if your brother sins against you go and tell him his fault between you and him alone hear that if he listens to you you've gained a brother but if he does not listen take one or two others along with you that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses if he refuses to listen to them tell it to the church and if he still refuses to listen to even the church let him be to you as a Gentile and attacks collector what is Jesus saying here what's this point Jesus is saying that if someone sins against you tell them confront them like Jesus in this passage is giving us some big do nots about handling offense one do not take the conflict between you and this person to the whole world don't go gossip about it like your conflict and offense with somebody else is not a time to go gossip like he says go talk about it between you and him and if he doesn't receive it then get two or three people so that you know maybe they saw it maybe they have an opinion like whatever two like don't internalize him pow confront Jesus is dealing with the unhealthiness of shutting down here and compartmentalizing he's saying dude if your brother sins against you tell him he's not saying go pow don't talk to them for five days and be petty he's saying if your brother sins against you you go tell him and if he repents you've gained a brother like hallelujah he's also saying forgiveness does not mean zero boundaries he says in the in the in the end of that if he still doesn't receive it treat him like a gentile or a tax collector which essentially what he's saying as a metaphor there is if he still doesn't receive it have nothing to do with him separate yourself from them you don't need to be around him forgive him and separate yourself this isn't like a like a petty thing it's Jesus is showing us how to handle conflict in particular in this context in the church and then he also shows us what forgiveness looks like where if they if they still want to apologize I'm going to forgive him and I'm going to move on with my life I'm in a disassociate from them I don't need to be around him and I'm going to set my boundary so what Jesus is saying here is he's not saying be petty and divisive if they won't apologize he's saying dude if you're offended tell them if they won't repent cool so like sometimes guys like let me tell you this as Christians I feel like a lot of people who are like new to the Christian faith think that forgiveness is like you know I need to like let everyone walk all over me and yes to an extent it's don't give an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth but forgiveness is not you have to like forgiveness is not reconciliation like I can forgive somebody and separate myself from them and and and lose contact with them because they're an unhealthy person for example like forgiveness does not mean zero boundaries so Jesus shows us here how to handle offense he shows us hey go tell your brother confront it don't don't pout don't be petty don't shut down you go and confront this in and if they don't receive it that's on them like separate yourself but what he's not saying here is don't forgive him he's saying no matter what you forgive him because in Luke chapter I believe it's verse it's Luke chapter 17 Jesus tells us to go to brother and if he ends against us seven times and says I repent every time we're gonna forgive them seven times we're always called to forgive as Christians so what does this look like for us this is like five steps in order what this looks like you get hurt you tell the Lord about it and you pray into it you say Lord here's what happened I feel this way and I feel that you process with the Lord you don't go gossip you don't go do this you go to the Lord and you process with the Lord then you get wisdom from him James one five three eight like anyone who asked God for wisdom will get it and then as you get wisdom from him and you say God what do I do what do you want me to do do you want me to like confront it do you want me to just forgive him like what where's the wisdom lead me to a scripture like what do you want me to do then you confront the hurt and be honest with the person but let me emphasize you do this with gentleness you say hey if I'm being honest with you like you did this other day and it hurt me you don't come with your fist up and like hey dude you angered me the other day like let's throw hands it's like hey I just want to like could you talk for a minute like I just want to like vocalize you at hurt my feelings when you did this and it's just really sucked like that is healthy conflict right there you confront them and then you're honest with them and then the last step to that is you forgive them even if they don't apologize you go to them they don't receive it cool forgive them like and by the way this Matthew 18 passage Jesus is not saying by the way for your little high school drama or college drama or whatever it is that if the person doesn't receive it go gossip and get three people that in the context was with the church and he's saying if someone in the church is sitting against you and they're not repenting get two or three people who have seen their sin as witnesses get their opinions and if they still won't receive it like involve the whole church and if they still won't separate them but Jesus is giving us a principle for one on one conflict in friendships here of you confront them if they don't receive it forgive them and you know if this person's an unhealthy person please don't hear me this passage is not saying they won't they won't repent one time you cut them off what Jesus is saying is what this looks like for us is hey I've got a friend who's super healthy they're super unkind to me like they're selfish or whatever and I've brought it up multiple multiple times and nothing's changing okay cool I think I'm just going to separate myself from this person do you see the difference there amen so I'm going to leave you all with a question of the week I want to start doing this some podcast episodes before we pray just to get y'all to like unless you're on Apple to just drop a comment just think about the and if not like I would love if y'all did that if not I just want you to answer for yourself think about it through the week I just want I want this to stick everything I just said to you I want it to stick and even if you took notes I want it to stick with a question think about it my question for you of the week is this who are you the most easily offended by and how can you go about working on being more gracious in that relationship is it is it you know someone you're dating is it your best friend is it like your parents is it a coworker who are you most easily offended by and then I want you to reflect how can I go about being more gracious in this relationship how can I go about handling this conflict healthily and not being so easily offended not every word they say makes me mad like I'm hard to offend now because what I'm not saying in this podcast episode guys is it's wrong for you guys to ever get offended people get hurt like that's normal I'm not saying you don't have emotions but what I am saying is we want to not be easily offended as Christians we don't want every word everyone says about us to move us we don't want everything everyone does to make us mad that's not what God intends for us so let us pray Lord Jesus I just thank you so much for this week's episode and just the word you've put ahead of us and God I just pray for each and every person watching this on any platform God would you just do them or speak to them through this episode God God would you just make them not easily offendable would you let the peace of Christ rule in their hearts and God would you just make them unshaken would you make them kind and gracious people who forgive quickly or slow to anger quick to listen and slow to speak God would you just transform them into the image of your son gotta pray you keep them in good health good safety would you bless them keep them make your face shine upon them be gracious unto them turn your face toward them and give them peace God we pray over the world God would you continue to save the loss heal the sick and strengthen the saved in Jesus mighty name we pray amen amen I want you guys to drop a comment if you're watching this you're not subscribed subscribe or if you're on Spotify Apple you're not following drop a follow rate the podcast it helps me out a ton but yeah I hope this video impacts it all in some way shape or form let me know how it did what you what you learned from it what you learned from it I don't know why I'm saying what you what you learn from it what it made you think about whatever it may be I love you guys God bless you guys and I'll see you all next week