EP 68 - Horrible Rotten No Good Day

- This shit ain't nothing to me, you stupid piece of shit. - What's up, farmers? - Which? (laughs) - Wow, two weeks away. Two weeks away, strings have been going well and you really let it get to your head, eh? What's up, farmers? - What's up, farmers and farmers? What the farmers? What the farm in years? - Holy shit. - What the farm ats? - Friends, this farm here will have his revenge and it's right here on Content Farm. - Farmer Ford Coppola here. We're here to ask the big question. - What the farm? - Now, France's farm coppola farm here. (laughs) - My favorite Nirvana song. France's farmer. - Come on. (laughs) - You're face to face with a man who asked the big question. Who farm the world? (laughs) - Hey guys. - Hey, it smells kinda gross in here. Did someone farm? - Okay. - All right. - I don't want a strong farm here, but you're gonna listen to this podcast. (laughs) - We're farm than ready to go. Farmed and dangerous. - Wow. - Farmed and dangerous, I love it. - Wow. - Farm than dangerous. (laughs) - I smell farm. - It might be the title. That's a banger. - What? - Farmed and dangerous. - It ain't too many game bang with us. It was Content Farm. (laughs) - Before we get started, I'd like to point out in the group chat, we were like talking about the pod and stuff. I was like, "Miss you guys" and it hung in withered on the vine. - I was thinking about that in the shower today. - It was a long two week. It was a long two week. - I spent this almost the entire two weeks. Now you say, I spent like the whole two weeks like sick inches, I've been going through it. I've been watching the wire. - Nice. - I was looking on. - I was like, "I've won, I just finished won." - Oh, yeah. - Actually, there's still two episodes left. - You're like a stringer bell, shit. - I just, I finally, I just was like, I got nothing else to do. I'm doing the wire, I'm so sick. And my god, is there a lot of characters? - It's insane. - Also, I realized why I never just clicked with it. I think I'd like kind of watch the first season like on my phone a couple of times. - Oh yeah, that's tough. - Really tough to even, they cover this in season four, but tough to describe it with real bike. No, it's like the 25 year old black guy who's got a shaved head. - Yeah. - Oh yeah. - Come on, 25 year old black guy who's got a shaved head. - You remember that guy? - Is it the 15 year old, the looks 25 or the 40 year old, the looks 25 or the 25 year old, the looks 20? - Yeah. - And that is, I was watching it with Ali and I was like, this is the first time I felt very comfortable calling some of these EES haircuts. (laughs) - There is something. - There is haircuts. - We're interesting ones. A lot of the sideways headbands. - Yeah. - I love, I want to dress like Avon Barksdale. - Oh my god. - Oh my god. - I want to steal his swag. - I like the baggy tracks too. - Like the basketball episode with the reflective glasses. - The basketball episode. - Yeah, that's such a good, which I still to this day do not understand what the objective of that basketball episode was. So they wanted to get the photo of them for real. - Yeah. - And then he tried to find, he hit some with that. And I was like, I don't know, they're cops. They can just spin a U-turn and light them up. (laughs) - So much of it, I was like, what the fuck? - Yeah. - Great show. - Yeah, great show. Fantastic. - I remember with Naiman, 'cause I was like, why did they all have the same haircut in season four, Naiman, they're like, you got to cut that bun off. - Yeah. - 'Cause then you couldn't be pointed out by the police. And I was like, yeah, smart, yeah. - There are so many things that are, it's such a like a, whoever wrote it, whoever it is, I'll never know the thing. (laughs) I'll never be able to look it up. You still work for the Baltimore Police Department, eh? - Yeah, in the paper, too, right? - I don't know about the paper, I know police department for certain, because there's a bunch of the characters in the police department are apparently based off of actual weapons. - Yeah, I'd look at it. - Yeah, well, I think. - And some of them actually were former folks. - If I'm not wrong, if I'm not wrong, what it was was he was like a newspaper reporter who worked really closely with the Baltimore Police Department. - Dang, okay. - I think, 'cause he also has a book that he wrote before the wire came out, it's very good. - And then you ever watched the, I think it was called The Corner. - Yeah, they made The Corner, which is almost like a prequel to the wire, sort of them figuring, very similar. - The Corner was unbelievable. - I've never seen The Corner. - You won't want it. - It's amazing. - Yeah, I will. - That's why I'm, hey buddy, yeah, I'll love The Corner. - Yeah, I love The Corner. - That's why I found this song fantastic, "Cherny" by Cooley O. - Oh! - I love The Corner, that's why I charge money for people to come in my butt. (laughs) - I'm a corner boy, too. - I'm a corner boy, but I'm all around. - It is so funny how like, at one point in my life, not long ago, I would have watched it and like, you know, I'm a, I'm a racist. (laughs) - Well, like, I'm a, I'm a white, you know, Canadian law-biting citizen. - You would have really rooted for the cops, and now I'm like, I'm so anti-American, where I'm just like, man, the drug dealers are so like, I'm so pro drug dealer in it now. - Oh my god, yeah. - I'm like, get it boys. - Yeah, season three. - And there's like, barely in it. And fun fact, it's because he was doing some sort of thespian play of like, Shakespeare. - It's hilarious. - So it's crazy to see him beat his Baltimore cop. He does an incredible job. - Have you seen him? - And then he's back there, man. - Come here, the, the, the, the, the. - Have you seen the paparazzi photo of, he was like, like cheating on his wife, like, fucking a woman in a field. - No way. - And then the paparazzi found him, and there's one photo. It's from so far away, and they keep zooming in, and it's just his head in a bush like. (laughs) - And like, he was like actively cheating on his wife. - Oh no. - He got like me like, go away. - 'Cause that's paparazzi. - Besides Idris Elba, I was like, all this, this cast is all incredible. I was like, what the fuck happened to any of them? - Yeah. - McNulty, who's great. - McNulty. - Yeah. - And then also. - He does a lot of stuff in England. - The, the Docs worker, season two. - You're gonna love season two. - Yeah, season two. - So which is the season three, the bad season? - No, season two is the quote unquote bad season. - It's incredible, it all takes place on the Docs. It's all like marital. - So I, when I, I love smuggling. - When I was talking marital. - Fucking hated it when I was like a teenager. I was like, oh my God, this is so fucking lame. I hate this. I rewatched it about two years ago. It's a great season. - It's incredible. - It's unbelievable. - The main character of the kid is like. - From B.C. - One of the best characters in the whole show. - He's from fucking B.C. - Really? - Yeah, he's from like a small town in B.C. - You're gonna love it. - Yeah. - Yeah, I mean, I, anytime stuff gets into just like, smuggling on the Docs. - All the Docs workers had a good career afterwards. - Yeah, totally. - He drinks the vodka. - Well, they're in a union. (laughing) - It's a union. - Everywhere that kid I've seen and shit, Ziggy died like a year ago. - Yeah. - James Randson. - Yeah. - Kill themselves. - Whoa, didn't know that, that's really sad. - Yeah, he was a victim of a child on the side. - Yup. (laughing) - He was a victim of, yeah, all right. - Shot. - Shot. - What? - Shot. (laughing) - Child suicide. (laughing) - He can't even say it. (laughing) - No. - Don't make me say it. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - He got the birthday bumps. (laughing) - I wanna say it's birthday. They got the birthday bumps. - Dude, I had 55, they did all those nose. - This is how lonely I've been for the past two weeks. Last night, I had a dream where I was hanging out with you guys. (laughing) I told Ali, this is the morning. And Bobby said something that in the dream made me laugh so hard, I woke up and wrote it down. - Oh my God, what was it? - Yeah, we were talking about, we were literally doing this. And we were talking about the big bang theory. If it was black, like a black version of the big bang theory. And Bobby would, and then Bobby would, yeah. - Bang theory with that bang. - And then Bobby would, yeah, the big bang bus theory. Well Bobby said, yeah, the big loud bang theory. (laughing) I mean, I woke up laughing and then put it in my phone at like four in the morning, and then woke up this morning and had it like was drinking coffee and reading. I was like, this isn't funny at all. (laughing) - I'm actually saying something that kind of pisses you off and in the dream you go, fuck you, Bobby. You turn away and you go, I love the guy. It's good to be back. - Yes, no, yes, I'm just hanging with the dogs. I got to hang with the dogs bunch at the wheels wedding. - Yeah, you guys were both doing fun things. I thought, I don't know what you were doing, but it was fantastic. - How was the wedding? - Wedding was fantastic. Had a bunch of comedians there. I was there, Malik was there, Noah, Brad, Simon, Steve, Dempsey, Ahmed. It was great, it was so fun. - It was quite a lot of riffing for the, the groom was very scared. - Oh my God, he was terrified. He was also, I think, a little bit mad. (laughing) It was like the funnest wedding ever because, you know, while Will was doing his boring vows and having his first dance and all that shit, I was just riffing with the boys until we cried laughing. It was literally watching like my best friend do the most important day of his life and me just being like, no, no, what if Tim Horn was gay? Like it was like that the whole time. We just stayed away from the party, made our own little riff circles. - Exactly, exactly. (laughing) - I had riff of the night a few times, I would say. - Riff of the night at a wedding, is this shit? (laughing) - Yeah, Will swears it was his dad during his speech which was very funny but I think it was me. It was great, it was fantastic. And it made me realize during my wedding, what I want for my wedding is me, my bride, and then just 15 of my closest male friends and then my bride is in a different room, and the whole time. (laughing) - I just want to barbecue with my bride in the bathroom. - You want to go down to the same park that we always go to? - Yes, yeah. - You'll tune it up down there. - Oh yeah, yeah. Literally I was like, this is cigarettes. - Yeah, 100 cigarettes, menthols for all. - A giant, beautiful ceremony, flowers everywhere. Everyone dressed up and their best outfit. Me, my 15 closest friends on stage, my bride and her whole family watching us. (laughing) watching us laughing not producing dissipating well, I think if she tries to talk I show sure And so your fucking dad to shut up, too. He's drooling everywhere. Yeah, it's like can we should we have a ring bearer? Like my niece will be a great ringbearers. No, but I need a door guy So we have a ring bear. Yeah, but he's got a weird on his cock. That's funny No, a little kid, right Doesn't have to be a little boy. It could be a big guy. That'd be funny, too Someone's got a Honey, he got a butter him up. Yeah, my ring bearer is a giant bouncer Just doing a good day, good A giant bouncer that I may crawl in his hands and knees up to the Up to the bride. Yeah, it was great, though. It was very nice. He was that is it was at his mom. It looks a farm. Yeah, very nice They gave us oh my god. He came from mom farm money Well, I'd step that that's step that stuff. We love so he didn't grow with that You didn't grow up with it. Yeah. No, his stepdad's awesome really kind guy. Love the guy just black, please Step that's black just black. Yeah, just black His step dad's a black guy with a bald head and big veneers It looks like Michael Jordan with fake teeth Four feet tall No, he's a good stepdad because whenever he was raised if he had a chance to raise will He's like I'd never point your porn out of bracket. Yeah, I would never do that I don't know by the back of the neck. He goes, hey, I ain't step dad. I'm dead stepped up I'm the dad that stepped on a bug I'm scared. Thank you Thank you Can I have a little black? I'm dead to step down that pussy. Let's go. Let's get it. We family unit now I feel your mom up like a fruit gush. I'm making mama pop Yeah, at the wedding though. Oh my god. So I had to have a few funny things happen at the wedding First off first time talking to Will's mom. I think since I got sober so in like years and years and years hadn't seen her in forever Bobby you're so boring. Yeah, she and Bobby. Let's have some fun She I'm talking with Will his mom comes up will goes. Oh my god mom I forgot I like having talked to her at all yet this wedding. He's like oh my god mom I forgot we need a song to dance to like the the the dancer. You know God what is she? Yeah, and then she goes Oh, yeah, we do when I go what about pussy stank And then it just kind of hangs there for a second and then his mom dies laughing and I was like, oh my god That was close. That was crazy. Didn't know she was that type of gal at all. She was And then I was pussy stank. What about pussy stank? And then she said what's pussy stank? And I said a good song I'm gonna like it and so at the wedding though There's these two long tables. That's where everyone's gonna sit down and eat. It's like a sign seating You know what I mean our friend Ahmed Ahmed is at the wedding and he sits down all of the seats have like Nate there's little jars of honey like small little jars of honey on each seat and they have a name Written like handwritten on the jar of honey. It's like a little souvenir and it's honey and it tells you where he's supposed to sit and So we all sit down It's like me know Simon Steve and then Ahmed. Ahmed immediately cracks open the honey. I would start fucking putting his finger And they were gonna drink me to like arabic Winnie the Pooh. They did. Yeah, the wedding. It's him pants off going Where's Piglet or is I call him the Jew Anyways, oh man. He didn't even give me bread to dip in this honey He's fucking getting with his finger. He's getting in there licking the finger putting it back in the jar of honey Noah looks over to our right. He goes oh, man. You're honey's right here. He goes this is your seat Well, who's here? He's sitting in and then he like goes what that and he like looks at the jar of honey and he goes well I Rachel who the fuck is Rachel and then two feet behind him a woman goes I And it goes oh fuck oh Okay, oh your honey No, I see the hat and he goes you're my honey and she goes why would I want your honey? And he goes so I get this honey then and she goes. Yeah, you got It's like dinner time. He ends up back in his seat It's like the the speed just poison for him at this point. I'm my honey was Are of honey like do they know it was like a jar of honey like this big It was a tiny jar of honey and also he told me a couple fingers Yeah, yeah, maybe 10 fingers full honey max He did tell me he's like well, I got pre-diabetes. He's like I cut down the sugar I cut down everything. I was like that's fantastic the day after the wedding There is a pancake breakfast. He does eat six pancakes And I was kind of watching it and I was like I think he's been better generally so I'm not gonna say anything But I was like holy fuck this guy needs a handler But then anyways at the wedding we all sit down in our respective seats. It's the speeches going on Will's getting kind of not even intentionally slammed in the speeches But his mom is just like will was always a sensitive guy when he was a child I remember he always wrote poetry and I look over at Noah Broderer. Noah Broderer is crying Tears are streaming down his face. I look over at will. He's already looking right at me I start dying laughing. Everyone's doing the speeches are calling Will fat and gay and a whole bunch of shit And then Ahmed's just like kind of talking the whole speech Yeah, and there's a guy right beside us at the table who like does not know any of us We don't know him and he's like not happy with us because we're all like laughing really hard of the speeches We're like Ahmed's talking like a fucking madman and then he just keeps looking over it. I mean he goes Jesus Jesus fucking and he goes oh at least she's in his own fucking seat now Slams a table with his fist and then Ahmed's just over there doesn't realize any of this is happening at all Fills up his pockets with all his honey Ahmed also, yeah, I guess with the sugar thing Ahmed did by like three jars of honey to go to go big jar big jars. Yeah, yeah It's pretty good. Yeah From the wedding. Yeah, the wedding and merch, but no, it was on Will's mom's farm and they have like a A bee farm there as well. Yeah, so he was like well, I need to buy some of your fucking honey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was great Yeah, that's nice rule. Yeah, worked with the big conspiracy theorist comedian the weekend before that And how is that it was give names? Can we believe if we bleep it. Yeah, just say it once. Yeah, yeah, it was huge huge like just like a You know what I mean? Yeah, I should know that guy that guy seems like a fucking yeah, yeah, he seems like he's just like He's lovely. Oh, he's like the stupidest human. Yeah, it's truly like a lovely hang the man tipped me out 250 bucks Which was incredibly generous It was inside let him believe in whatever you 100% that's actually how I felt the last day He like gave me 250 bucks, and I was like I'll never say anything bad about you. Yeah, I was in anything negative I said 100% yeah, think zany things if you're doing good. Yes Yeah, I have only heard people say good things about him as a person. Yes. Yeah, it's not for me It's not for me. It's a lot of 250 250 fucking big ones So he did that but like just in the green room. I remember we would just be like hanging out and then he was like Yeah, you know I read a lot of stuff and I was like oh, yeah, he's like I don't know either believe it But I read it. He's like some of it I believe I don't know some I don't it's just interesting and I was like Yeah, what have you been reading lately? He's like there wasn't that many people on the slave ships He's like I don't know if that's true or not, but you know, he's like I was reading about it apparently They wouldn't need like 20 times as many slave ships again as many slaves over here as they said they did There was enough I have a lasting population to this day. I know Every city has like Dog I don't think they're going by cruise ship I don't think it was like okay two slaves to a room Everybody else to find dude. They're like famously stacked I know It's like when we can't wait that we can't make the slaves wait too long for the water slides on the ship Yeah I heard the slave ships actually had comedians on them. Yeah, he's like, you know, I've been on a couple of called carnival I've been on a carnival cruise. I don't think I ever would logistics of it. What a fucking The slaves would have complained so But then right after that he was talking about what were like the black people who were in Britain a really long time ago called again Irish Black people are I don't know like a this also sounds like something that's made up. Yeah, this sounds like some of the black people It's really long time ago. We're in Europe the more. Yes, the more they were inside Spain okay, and they were there were North African muzzle. Yeah, so he after the slave ship thing right after that He's like and you know, I think the Moore is actually made all of European culture and then white people destroyed I was like these are two very very Composing this is this is like I was trapped in an elevator with a black is real life. Yeah, truly Yeah, and a mega guy and I listen to everyone equally and with an open mind This is truly I think a man who's too stupid to form a opinion or a side is certainly too stoned. Yes Yeah, I think he's just like letting it all wash over him And he's like interest damn. Yeah, I mean, well, I think Darcy were you there I think you were there the other night when we were at Brecco a couple weeks back Yeah, when started talking about specifically the aerobics slave trade. Yep, and I was like let's just get off this Yeah, let's just not talk about this real quick I don't really want to talk about this. Yeah, yeah, we have too many people There's a lot of it around us. We have too many people here with for some reason pretty strong opinions on this So crazy holy shit. I mean There there wasn't an airplane period. Oh, no, I know of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. That's really all you got to say is like it did it did and it was Robust. Oh, yeah. Oh, they were cooking. They were boys were cooking. They were slicing. Yeah. Yeah, they were there was like Bison and chopping. Yeah, they were grabbing people from all over the world and and I heard the boats were beautiful We know the morris invented boats the morris invented boats the most invented airplanes 8,000 years ago. Yeah, yeah, did you guys see The new elephant graveyard video. Yes, now you have it on YouTube. YouTube. No, but like what we're talking about It's sort of like the final nail in the coffin like of Like how just the Rogan sphere is kind of over He really points out like Rogan used to be extremely anti-Builderberg group. Yeah, that way like he was obsessed and he was like What is it but can you explain the Builderberg group to me? It's actually it's like a think tank illuminati thing. That's okay That's what exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a illuminati think tank Yes, and then Rogan was like clins in the Builderberg group clins in the Builderberg group and then it's like Yeah, he wasn't a Builderberg group. So his Peter teal. Yeah, who you love who you think is the greatest guy ever? Yeah, so it's just sort of pointing out how compromised Rogan is yes, and everyone in the Rogan sphere is just like Here also taken seriously anyway shows a clip of Berk Rysher talking about casting a woman to kiss her in his movie Yeah, it's like really that's very odd really bad. It's like worse than I'm even making a sound here Yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, yeah, I like the elephant graveyard videos As a as a patriotic Canadian comedian, you know, it is. Oh, yeah, he was the Toronto guy. He did the shots at Kiltoni, right? Yeah, yes Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's very Canadian. Yeah, and even this like really is like he's obviously like an Ontario dude. So A long ago it was pointed out to me by no other than Orion Williams that he was like the voice in it is an AI of rich Turfry Yeah, he's like a CBC guy also known as the rapper buck 65 what yeah is rich Turf Really? Oh my god. So I haven't heard buck 65 in a long time. Yeah, Ryan was like it's rich Turfry He's like I immediately honed in on it night. Listen. I was like oh, it for sure is if buck 65 and Nickelback teamed up They could be a buck 70 anyways. Anyways, that's a type of Canadian stuff. We like to keep Hell together. We can buy ourselves a goddamn coffee Chris. You get a frickin double bubble. We get a frickin double bubble Welcome to Canada Welcome to Canada Indian people I'm going to Canada you already know about Tim Horton's so Yeah, I mean everything going on with with The elephant graveyard and everything it's very relevant right now So Ryan pointed out that he was like it's rich Turfry and it was like oh man like there's so many deep-cut Canadian thing. Oh, yeah in it. So Kurt Metzger. Yeah at one point in my youth He was my favorite comedian. He was fantastic. Why precious? Yeah, the funniest specials I have ever seen very good my god He is insufferable now 100% he is like more cocaine than person. Yeah, he is just like completely insane off the deep end so he is Smart enough to he's figured out who rich Turfry is. Yeah, buck 65 Elephant graveyard is box 65 and he's now going off on Rance being like but elephant graveyard is a government funded Canadian Sia It's like he's like he's fun about the government. He's a rapper and he's fun about the government and he's being thought what he's doing That's what he's doing and I was like watching and I was like it's so funny to know how Canada works where it's like Box 65 like might have some grants I like looked at a picture of him and I was like he might be indigenous maybe yeah, I might have some grants that have helped him out Yeah, but like the American brain sees that and they're like government funded Sia. Yes, and look at it Box 65. He's like 54. Yeah, he's so he does not know who Berkreicher is He's sitting in his like nice apartment in a Shua. Yeah, and then he's just starts getting these messages being like are you Elephant graveyard? You put me with nickel back for a part 7 or a buck 16 if I gave you the nickel back We like to hear about Canadian radio Dude, that's so funny the car meds car is going after a Canadian rapper buck 65 when you look at buck 65 on YouTube One of the top suggested comments is Elephant graveyard. Oh my god. So like they've just now made that connection that Ryan made so long Yes, but yeah, Ryan was a guy. It's like an AI voice. You can tell by the way it's starters and stuff Yes, and I was like ever since so now everyone's going after buck 65 like you took down Joe Roman He's sitting on CBC radio I'm rich to fry. I took down chaos in a rapper It's the only thing I've took down what And John you're an equally fun week as me. I was great, dude. Yeah, yeah, I gave you a call from the road She's not bad. It was you and no, but I had to hit you up. Wow fucking nightmare. That was yeah, let's hear about it Yeah, we go up to Kelowna me is there a new podcast Tuesday's with stories. There you go. Oh Get it long morning Me and no get in there. We're sucking each other up Sean does a mean impression of somebody better than the comedy. Yeah, like that joke. You just did all this on there Riving eight two cocks in each hand like literally like I was driving March open on that Joe's ass. I'm going in there going Yeah, yeah, no, no, it's that in a tell I feel like whenever someone dude I love they know so much a good one know what we want to he broke something in my brain work because we're talking about Rory Scoville's new special hmm. I can't remember when no one stands on it was I think no one said he liked it because I was like I wasn't crazy about it and then I was like once I get to the dad stuff It's really great. That's what I hear and I was like, yeah, I haven't gone there yet. It's kind of boring I've heard a lot of special Rory Scoville and then no is like yeah, I mean all of Rory Scoville's jokes You're just like then Jesus came down was like Cuz that's his voice because that's Jesus. Yeah, yeah Yeah, we chose the voice you know that's Jesus. Oh, fuck. Yeah, now I like watched a couple Rory Scoville clips And I was like no, if you've ruined this form. Oh, yeah, single one of it is just like yeah, cuz that's this is what he sounds I know I just chose that buddy Why not buddy? It sucks when the guy who's like whole thing is supposed to be like that He's on formulaic you like notice the pattern. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah cuz like with Bill birds like yeah He's got a pattern. He's just a guy who does comedy But like when your whole thing is supposed to be like I'm a wacky zany guy and then it's like oh you kind of are just you know So Noah's already ruined my day with that We're driving up. He's absolutely sour ruined my favorite comedians. All salad comedians Rory Scoville He says how much I love alternative comedy He's soured my fucking mood where no, no, he's being the man. He came pick me up. He's driving all the way up there We're just hauling ass off to call on a nice old time. Yeah, we're going out there I've had a long ass morning. It's been a lot. Yeah So he picks me up around I don't know one. We was a long ass morning. Can you okay? Yeah, okay? We get there. We show up to this place. I think like two hours early cuz Noah's like we might have to set up to have this Denizzi's pizza spot Yeah, I'm in what's it called? Dunnensies. Dunnensies. I'm a fucking shit Denizzi's I'm in like a terrible mood. We get in there the Irish bartender who's the manager of the bars the nicest dude ever He's a man. He's so cool. Yeah, he reduces himself to me. He's just like Sean McDonald And he's got this thick Irish accent. He's just like oh, it's a very Irish name and I just went yeah I was like I'm not in the mood right now. Yeah. Yeah, Noah goes on state Noah's got it all set up We're waiting there for probably like two fucking hours. Yeah, sorry. We didn't have to set it up everything was there We're waiting. It's a sea of old people. Yeah, it's like everybody is in there like white hair There's a couple young people who are like myself and Noah's age the wall with their parents are grandparents Just sitting there waiting for the show to start and I'm like Noah do you want me to give you like an intro or anything? He's like, "Oh man, I can do this." Noah goes up. Immediately tell my phone just goes hey guys. How are you doing tonight complete silence? Oh no clapping nothing And he's like gonna be one nose Plants his feet does 30 minutes. Yeah, he's the man. He's like the fucking man. Yeah, didn't hack out Do you know anything shitty literally? He did one the coolest things where there was one no one was cheering for anything Yeah, and he birthdays nothing and he celebrations nothing the bar snitched on someone went It's her birthday in the back and he's went. Oh, it's your birthday and this woman just went. Yeah, and he just went Oh, who are you celebrating with friends? How old are you turning older? Okay, and then you know, it just went I'm not gonna do any more crowd work because I'm yelling over the room And it's weird to yell to you in the back and I was like fucking thank you nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah He's just 30 minutes of jokes straight. Well, he's used to doing 30 minutes to silence. I'll tell you that He's to the Broder special did comedy and didn't get last plant feet Yeah, he's a man he did super funny, and then we're just like here we go you guys Sean McDonald and I like kind of on stage was like oh fuck first joke I'm like I have to do fucking 45. Oh, yeah, it is just nothing like fanfare like did he did he get any momentum? I like I don't know where he did everything he could have done. Yeah, he did everything he could have There was moments where he got laughs for the most part. He was nothing. Oh We're both me and Noah. They never all laughed together. Oh Holderation of the night. I'm not kidding. It was the biggest stonewalling I've ever felt Holy shit. It was like a million old people just also make matters where Noah's mother-in-law and her Dude, I really feel for Noah. Yeah, and he said that was the first time seeing him in like Like six years or something right? I felt so bad for him. Yes, holy sh*t. I had CDs I literally watched the first five minutes of Noah's set. I know how good Noah's at stand-up. Yeah, I'm not selling CDs Yeah, I was just like no, I'm not you feel so bad for Noah. You make him made him take a picture doing the soy jack face I felt for the guy show. I made him look like a complete. I made him in front of 60,000 people No, so we get off stage. It's fucking brutal. He's a holy sh*t No, it was like that's the worst show I've done in years. I was like that's probably the worst like top five Worshows I've ever done. Yeah, I get inside the car So the whole day I was just like I just did one of the worst shows in my life We traveled four hours to get up here I got dumped this morning and then I was like this is I was like this is like top worst days in my life No, I just like burst out laughing It's a horrible like one of the worst days in my life. I've had in a long time that's horrible laughing And I'm like, yeah, let's just get the fuck back. Oh my god bar. We just hung out Yeah, I drove his car back and then we started watching uh What's it called Miami vice? Oh, but terrible movie. Yeah, yeah, no the movie. It though I don't know the Michael man one. It's so bad. I've ever seen it's terrible. Yeah It's bad in a way that yeah, I don't know what he like it's bad in a way where we were we didn't finish it But I was watching it being like are they gonna explain this I love the man is fear so I do want to watch it But I have been I haven't yet. It's probably his worst film. Stovey and fucking Matt Johnson we're going nuts about that's why I know it was like I'm done watching. He's yeah, Johnson said this and I was like I hate how it's corrected. Yeah, it's like obsessed with shooting in digital. So yeah That one and then public enemies with Johnny Deb public enemies is bad. It feels the same It feels like cheap and shady because he's shooting on weird digital. Okay. Yeah, public enemies was horrible See I look like shots and it looks sick. There were certain shots. Yeah, this does look fucking awesome I can understand the appeal Miami vice feels like it should have been better like it's like Everything happening in front of the camera is cool. Everything happening behind the camera is weird and bad That's my Miami vice the thick Latina with the BBL the actress who the Asian girl learned all her lines phonetically Really? Yeah, she doesn't I was watching it being like this is the worst actress I've ever seen. Yeah, I cannot spot bad acting Yeah, it's like if you have to be so bad for me to be like that's terrible and I was watching you're like this is the worst act I was like here we go. That's insane Holy shit the amount of like time and effort and money. That must have cost. It's like just get a Asian girl from America Truly dude fucking so stupid. Yeah, horrible. Then the next day where the color Lucy looks like a tidy to me Anyway, put it in there to the right. I'm sorry Don't talk about Sherlock like that Next day we went to Sam and arm me and no pull up to Sam and arm we pulled up there early as well And we're just like this is gonna be fucking terrible too. Yeah, the staff is but when you have the cardic They're just like hey when you have like a horrible horrible show the night before and then you go to another one They know it's gonna be bad. It does feel like you're kind of wearing a suit of armor. Oh, that's that's the thing It's like I dude. I said this to know I was like if this was a regular show in Vancouver I would say man that fucking soft. Yeah, I'd be like that show was terrible But the show before was so bad yeah, this show became better the show the second night at least people were there to watch it At least there was some young people totally we did the mic check Noah did well on stage. Yeah, he had a really fun He could have made his whole fucking set that the fact that this one table is from St. Albert and went to high school with his dad Oh, wow. Yeah, it's like the G move of just doing like four minutes and was like okay, and then back to me nice the king Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know if you know. No, he can not read for more than four minutes But also, I don't know why I'm being so mean during the hour. I love We did the light check. We did everything. We're like, yes soundcheck No, it's like gonna get this show started. I'm like no, like like I'm just gonna bring you on stage I'm like this is insane that you have to just walk in yes, and them up like you're an amateur wrestler Yeah, so I was just like are you guys ready for a comedy show the crowd starts cheering the lights just start strobing different colors I'm like what the fuck are you guys ready for a comedy show? They start cheering light starts strobing like guys like I'm so fucking ready And then I go no brother and then I get off stage and know is like what's happening everybody the light starts strobing again And I'm like that was weird. I guess someone's fucking with it off stage. No, it gets a big pop immediately the lights start strobing They're sound activated Sound fucking activated So there's no way go and I got to the staff. I'm like hey, you need to turn those off and then she's just like oh, yeah It's been like that for two weeks We don't know where the remote is and I'm like two hours ago we went over all the fucking lights with you We went over the stage. You never brought this shit up. Didn't you notice? I was whispering She's like, oh, I don't know I'm so whenever you start doing Too well on stage the moment you start getting momentum. It's like spongebob's house in that techno episode That's one of the funniest handicaps I've ever heard The moment that you like do a joke and it gets a big pop it's just like No, it doesn't know it despite the handicap despite the route not being good despite that there is a guy in the very back who won't shut the fuck up People are kind of coming in and be like oh, it's clearly the local bar. They won't drink there They're coming in and be like the fuck is that's and they're like you go to go outside so they're walking outside Know it as well he brings me up 10 minutes in my set. I'm actually having fun nice the lights going 10 minutes into my set I like asked someone something and there's a pause and I just go Does anyone else here sweet Caroline right now? The moment that there's a pause all I hear I'm like Anyone else here sweet Caroline and a bunch of people like yeah, yeah, we're here The bar manager just runs in front of the stage runs up to the soundboard just goes What do you for do for work? I'm in a cover band It was so so that ends I'm like no, let's just get the fuck out of here. Oh, yeah, dude. Let's just get going Yeah, we go back Come back then I have that MRG showcase MRG has that shit. Oh, it's the industry showcase. Yeah, it's a drive like seven hours, right long Yeah, yeah, we had to we were in California. Yeah, I was courteous bird from the strobe lights kind of No, it was driving. Thank God, but we fucking get back there the MRG thing happens. It's like there's no industry there It's just old people. Oh perfect. That was fun. That show was fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, one was really fun Yeah, and then just got absolutely slizzard. I love that I was gonna take a month off and I was like nah, I'm getting hammered. Yep. Yeah, yeah, I get it buddy You fucking earned it holy good. You did. I was a horrible weekend Oh my god, I'm going to be honest. I thought that this podcast is gonna be me really like being like I had a whole So much The whole time that I'm like coming back, and I'm like at least I can get drunk And then like never met my van cities frozen out right now because someone homeless guy might have my identity Oh, that's right. Oh my god. We're such a fucking dog shit week. That is a oh my god That's one of the worst weeks I've heard of in years. Yeah, yeah horrible rotten no good day. Yeah Horrible rotten no good day. Oh, we're about to be up crazy style show. I don't worry about that. Oh, of course dude Yeah, it's been good. Been back on the apps. Never been better already. Yeah, yeah That's back quick. You're a dog. I'm on all fours on these apps. Really all fours on the hands No, not actually. Okay. Yeah, not actually In a weird spur of the moment, I remember I downloaded What's it called I downloaded field? Oh, yeah, the field. Yes. Yes. I used to have Yes, and then I was like all these people is really creepy and ugly. I was gonna say yeah ugly human beings of 100% yeah, this is gonna be mean, but some of the ugly human beings I've ever seen also They're like enter what your kinks and fetishes are I'm like that's weird and way too personal 100% Very strange. Yeah, well, it's like the kink app. I remember also so hook up. No, it's like a kink It's like it is the hook up app now, but it like started like a kink app And I remember like they were like enter your fetishes, and I was like three songs Three-some blow job I was like fishnet Yeah, I don't know and then like immediately like within three swipes. I see a girl I know yeah, and see regularly and it's just like bondage that bratty femme play And I'm just like this is way too much information Yeah, I've on someone who I went to high school with and haven't seen in years. I'm deleting them I'm done. I'm like that's crazy that you just have this out here for the public to do it It's nuts. What's my kink getting shit on my my friend Sean? What's my kink crazy podcast crazy fuckers I want my friend Sean to punch me in the back of the head to like pass out You're just sitting here. That's too much room for me This is weird. Yeah, well, I'm deleted immediately because a homeless guy tried to steal your identity Yeah, we talked about this in the pot. I think member. Yeah, all my stuff. So I've just been like super paranoid Right, you stole the script. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, so that show ends. Yeah, yeah, and we haven't talked which is priceless You got you you're single now. I'm single. When did that have we haven't talked about that? Oh? Yeah, do you want to talk about that? That's fine. Have you talked to Bobby? No, I don't know. Did you find out? Yes, okay? Yeah, I was like a my a bad friend Noah because I was like you did You notice there's every time Noah comes to town someone dumps me and then I see Noah a medium No, not last time last time something bad also happened, but the time before that I remember he was staying at your place And I was like well guys, I got to go hang out with the girl. I'm gonna probably marry Yeah, and then I just went over to her place and within 40 minutes. I came back and I was like she dumped I think Noah sends these girls messages and says if I don't get a suck Sean off this weekend I'm gonna fucking kill your whole family messages and guys. You know he's cheating, you know, you know that right? He's like a raven. It's a harbinger for dude. Yeah He's coming after the apocalypse is coming one Noah it's time to The phone apocalypse. Yeah, I know she called me in the am day before we had a great conversation Yeah, the coolest hell mm-hmm called me in the am was just like yeah Like I got a deal with a bunch of stuff right now, which he does honestly Yeah, and she's like got a deal with a bunch of stuff. She's like I can't ever write just Realized you're white Realized your white Catholic boy, and that is actually the opposite of what I am That sucks, buddy. No, no, it's fine. You guys are good at amicable. I mean obviously It's not great. It was the herd doing. Yeah, I was up to me. It would not have happened. Yeah, like obviously Yeah, so not amicable We're for Joe. We're very cool. Of course like she gay at first it was like an eight minute phone call and I was like no I don't I don't need that I was like whatever whatever I don't yeah, I'm like whatever. That's fine And then four or five days later I was like can I actually call you and she's like yeah, and then for like two three hours She just kind of explained what was going on. Yeah, totally understand actually the bud cannot afford to lose a queen Yeah, hold on for your damn. God for real. Yeah, I've got a yeah anyways I've got to write some wrongs buddy Yeah, fucking crazy. No, I am back on the apps, but just very casually. Yes. Yeah, I was talking to my girlfriend yesterday I'm reading that book the year of the rat that's about going undercover in the British far right right and I was talking about this one character in the book Who like the author is like I have some hope for this guy, you know, because he has like a girlfriend He's not like a lonely in cell like the rest of these guys And one day he's gonna be like wait, why am I like you know Why am I leaving my girlfriend at home to go hang out and do this racist hate rally and she said that's how I feel when you leave to do your podcast Funny. Yeah, pretty funny. I said shut up Devastating devastating comment So she is familiar does she know that it's for the Queens though. Yes, I have made that very clear I told her last night because I was telling her I would help her write a wedding speech And then I said it was gonna be very racist and then she said I thought your stand-up was for black women I said the podcast is for black women my stand-up couldn't be further from I hung out with a girl a couple days ago and I kept the ruse up as well. Oh, yeah He was like who's into your stand-up? I was like autistic guy and she was like what are your podcasts? I was like weirdly black Dude, I do it all the time. What you know look a lot of black women I know I did it at the wedding this weekend Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah feel such a funny ruse to be like, I don't know like guys guys guys some reason we're huge in Atlanta It's not a ruse. Yeah This is for the Queen. This is for the Queen. It's pretty clear. They don't have to listen. No, but it's for them It's for them. We baked you a cake. You don't got it But it's for it. It's for you says your name on it right there La Shonda La Shondaavius don't wear head to right really small in that cake the big loud bang Have you gotten have you gotten a queen-esque gift you had from your girl? No, not yet Shea butter when I know when I was 20 when I was 20 the girl I was seeing my girl. Yeah When I was 20 she got my girl. She got me a t-shirt of a nude of her That's I was like, yeah, I can't wear this I was like what the fuck am I supposed to do with this? I was supposed to jack off to the shirt I'm looking the mirror and jack off. I wear it over top and She was really upset because I was like, where'd you get this printed? You just came in with like a new like who printed it? Was it just like an old Chinese Yeah, that's awesome. It looks like actually kind of look like like a porn star had died I'm like, I want to do that. Yeah, I want to give I want to sell merch. That's just a new It was crazy and I was like just as beat off to this Where this is the mirror and jack? Yes, this is your tribute shirt She did give you a tribute shirt She was like really overthinking this and you're like you under thought that she's like, yeah, she's like it's the rag The object One where I was like if I am I supposed to wear this out because I have to wear a jacket all times and then if it gets a hot Take your jacket off and I'm like okay, yeah, you take your shirt off at a family barbecue You're like you'll remember my girlfriend What you're supposed to do is wear a bra over top of the t-shirt To give her. Yeah, we so fucking weird I mean like this doesn't feel like they'd feels like the equivalent of when a girl gives you like lingerie for your birth Look I don't wear that Girl gave me lingerie from my birthday. I would put it on and treasured out Happy birth day to you like that doesn't look like playmobile That's not Legos. That's not warhammer at all You try to pull here you're wearing that You didn't you shit in that Well you guys I gotta tell you as a single man I am now terrified for specific every person I've been talking to which is obviously casual and obviously I do not have interest and it's just kind of a course getting my mind off of a woman that I still love dearly Yeah, it is good is literally one where I'm like I you can't listen to any of my stuff. Oh my god Dude having the podcast while dating is a whole oh, yeah, I think the stand-up clips is bad enough. I mean stand-up clips is brutal Yeah, I'm not giving Yeah, I know I'm like just get my phone number. Yes, 100 percent. Yeah, I know they always ask for the Instagram And I'm like you're good It's kind of a decent litmus test where you're like I mean if you're still down after Literally the most embarrassing thing about me, which is that I'm a 30-year-old male stand-up comedian and podcaster Yep, you're in you know down isn't it crazy when you run into guys that like that's the best thing they have going for Yes, yeah, yeah, they open on that. Yeah, yeah, we are like, oh, yeah, unfortunately this is for me Yes We're all smart enough to know that that's not a flex. Yes, totally reflection of how awful our lives We are this is I the most of the reason I'm doing this is so if I ever have a kid I'm not gonna survive to see him into adulthood yeah so he'll have something to get to know me you know I love you wherever you are the guy with cancer I love you no baby have you seen the video of the guy with cancer I love you the famous documentary where he's teaching his son how to do different things before he dies a stage four no it's brutal I haven't seen the doc yeah I'm teaching you how to fucking beat the shootout a feel it's how you stimulate your prostate you shoot ropes like crazy no it's how I made you a little fucker but instead it's Tarsie being like this is how to probably do it Indian accent yeah this is how to ruin a barbecue but make friends for life in the process my sister did say she like my older sister who works at a school on the reserve she like tag me on her Instagram story for her birthday for my birthday sorry and she was like yeah feels a lot worse tagging you now they have podcast clips up you know she's like kids from the school might see it and I was like Katie I don't know if you know that is quite literally our target demo that is like very much we're going for like we're like salivating like are they bad kids are they little fuckers are they ruining people's development fidget spinners and they sit in the very back are they 13 year olds who smoke oh my god also speaking of podcasts I listened to a podcast yesterday with it was this is gonna sound super gay but it was Jeff Foxworthy on Pete Holmes's podcast yeah my god yeah my friend Aaron McCann he was like listen to this it's great it was actually great Jeff Foxworthy's kind of the man he does wrap dude he rules do a couple interviews with him he kind of rock he fucking rock is like a kind of one of one yes Johnny Carson said he was his favorite comedian ever and he's like the way he built the blue collar comedy tour too it seems like he was the guy a hundred percent also like comedically great also like just like huge family man like just he was like I would like fly go to a stadium in Cleveland and then like take a red eye home so I could like take my kids to school the next day yeah you know like awesome shit right there totally bill angle I also I'm not a huge fan of his stand up yeah I don't think he's like terrible yeah he he's one of the few standups I've seen just like retire and his retire he did one final tour and he was like I don't think I'm ever gonna get better as a comic and he was like all right now I'm so happy with it and I just want to like get it done get everyone who can see it to see it ship it get it out there recorded it when it's at its absolute tightest and then like live off what I've made in my career and like love that man and I was that is like I think more such a G-Mood yes yes yes you don't wait you many Canadian comedians being like my retirement yeah the show sold out looks like I do it again yes holy shit all the time yeah Canadians are comedians that being said we do need Mark Critch son of a Critch season five so not everyone needs to retire the thing is they're like all right I can finally live off what I've made in my entire career $7,000 USD oh yeah but I was listening to Jeff Fox where they knew he was just like talking about like his grandchildren and how we like raised his kids and he just like Pete Holmes during it was like you're like the grandpa like you're like the grandpa like you're just giving like sage advice like sitting in your like rocking chair like just being like say they're kind and thoughtful like the great you're like the spiritual cosmonaut grandfather no no no no what if you put on a fun hat but anyways I was like loving the podcast until we kind of said that and then I just got so really a sage grandfather and then I can just know and then he was like he was like yeah I'm like 60 or like 72 years older whatever the fuck he is and then I just got so mad at my own father I was like oh yeah old guys can be like this type of guy yeah what I mean like I always forget that old guys can be like because for my entire life I was like that's what dads are is like this you know what I mean and then now I know all these old guys who are just like awesome and I'm like oh you could have just been cool this whole time yeah no don't worry the you once you realize that like they're constantly criticizing you and stuff and then you're like you had like three of my lifetimes together so much time to not be this guy yeah yeah I know I just brought him up have you guys watch the Bruce Springsteen movie with no I've heard you Darcy you would love it I mean I think Springsteen's the man it is great Darcy you would love it it's about specifically recording Nebraska where he's like just teetering on super stardom yeah record label is like holy fuck you because he had recorded all of born in the USA yeah like all the big hits down for born the USA so it's kind of like a preview of what's to come for the next year of content yes we did all our best riffs the bad boys of magic are in the can you know we need to rely on super style it's literally bad funniest it's the worst performing thing I've ever made it's the best like I think it's episode has more listen to bad boys I truly think it's like one of the funniest things I've ever created it was so fun in eleven years of doing comedy like scripts like everything I've ever done an album I think the bad boys of magic stands bad boys of magic big but full of shit in Simon King mosh moshing because you won't write your your local member of parliament are like the three best riffs I think we've ever had a hundred percent great and it's yeah like the universe is like yeah Chinese right we're going up to a microphone and they're like what do you got for a spruce he's like okay I have you motherfuckers I got a big but full of shit right now like but full shit this guy here's got a big but full of shit I can kill people I was trying to explain to a friend of mine you know seeing the podcast but full of shit but it's like five layers it's impenetrable truly is where I'm like you needed to do so many layers specifically from 2024 to 2026 in Vancouver British Columbia and hang out with five specific yeah in like have contempt for like specific people yeah yeah yeah I got a big but full of yeah watch the movie though does he I think I'm really sure yeah what are you gonna say about it oh it's just like a cool movie where he's just like I've got to get this out and yeah we have like an album of fucking hits like you're about to be an absolute superstar and he's like folk album I'm like no yeah don't do that yeah time for a folk folk album and to get back in my dad it's like a very interesting story I got a watch that I've also never listened to a Springsteen album I think I want to start with that one though yeah the one that's most up my Nebraska I think yeah more than USA is like front-to-back hits one that I greetings from Ashbury Park I think is really interesting to listen to just because you're like oh he's like fucking 19 wow yeah this is correct like blind you know it's like yeah that's a cover of a song he wrote on that no way so embarrassed of whoa yeah he's like I use like this stupid rhyme scheming book to come up with it he's like I'm really embarrassed to that song he barely ever plays in yeah yeah yeah biggest one of the biggest songs ever and then another band took it and that was a trooper I don't know to be honest what was it what blinded by the light I don't think so yeah what was the one he did for the Philadelphia soundtrack I really like that album I can't I know the outer it's called for big gay lords I think that's called for big butts in parentheses it's the best thing I've ever made it's for big butts and then a finger hit your mouth it's a crazy one I have you never heard of Bobby what the opening track is just born with HIV boy yeah I'm super gay should we call it yeah let's go it cooking