EP #66- Nigel Roxbury on Mental Health, The Creative Process, and NYC History

(gentle music) The two big things I will give for better mental health, besides therapy and medication, let's take those out, is genuine curiosity about humanity, people and your surroundings, and also getting out of your comfort zone. Those are two things that I have greatly benefited me in my mental health and my brain, and yeah, those are the two tips I can give the most, especially in New York City, where you're granted that's so many opportunities to be out there and explore. Welcome back to another episode of Everyday Endorphins. This week is all about engaging in the creative process, whether that be through music or art, or sports or TikTok, taking care of your mental health, and the value of really immersing yourself in new experiences, being open to being spontaneous, saying yes and exploring new cities. And the guests that I brought on this week really embodies all the things we're talking about today. You may know Nigel Roxbury from TikTok. I know that's how I found him initially on my free page, and what I loved about his videos were that a lot of them focused on historical spots in New York City. As someone who is from New York, I love viewing content on my TikTok about New York, and Nigel is a really awesome content creator, and also artist. He has music on Spotify. He's a super creative person, and it was such a pleasure getting to speak with him during this week's interview. Stick around for all the great insight Nigel provides on how he takes care of his own mental health, and also some of his favorite spots in New York City. So if you're looking for a fun bar to go to, or a cool museum to check out, or a fun neighborhood in New York to explore, make sure to listen through the entire episode because we save all of the best recommendations for the end. Before we get into it, quick reminder to like, rate, and review this podcast on whichever listening platform you prefer. Hi, Nigel. Thank you so much for coming onto the podcast. Thanks for having me, Stella. Appreciate it, and I'm excited to be here. I really know that the TikTok algorithm does wonders because it brought me to you, and the videos that kept getting pushed to my feed were the ones around fun date spots in New York City, or cool historic spots across New York, and as someone who's a native New Yorker and grew up uptown, I love seeing those kinds of videos, and I kept scrolling through your content, and I was like, this is so great. I feel like I'm learning a whole new side of New York that I didn't even know existed. And so I would like to first start off by thanking the TikTok algorithm for bringing us together. Yeah, shout out the four U-page, and I'm really glad to hear that. I've gotten a few comments throughout my time on TikTok from Native New Yorker saying, like, you teach me things that I never knew and I've lived here for 40 years, which is, frankly, the highest honor I can receive in a comment on a TikTok video. Just given that I love this city so much, and I hope that people do learn things, so that's incredible, so I appreciate that compliment a lot. Well, let's start there. So first of all, what brought you to New York City, and can you tell my listeners a little bit about who you are, what you do, and how you found yourself into the whole social media space? Yeah, so what brought me to New York was really just, frankly, a love of the city. I visited for the first time when I was 10 years old, fell completely in love with it, told myself I was going to live here, and then throughout the years, I would visit once every about three to four years, 'cause my cousins live in Westport, Connecticut, and I went to school in upstate New York, right? So I was like, close by and able to come by again, pretty frequently. When I did that visit when I was 10, I remember coming back home and my dad is a history buff. I asked him if he had any books on New York City's history, or just New York City in general. He's like, yeah, I've got these like 10 books right here. So I read all of those and just became obsessed and all my favorite media is from New York, all my favorite artists are from New York, all my favorite musical artists are from New York. It just like kind of, I was all surrounded by it. So I made it a mission to live here directly after school and in 2017, I moved down here from Mythical College and haven't left and I love it so much. I'm gonna come to the social media aspect of it. So I make music under the name Nigel Roxbury, right? My real name is Chris Merch, surprise. (laughing) But Nigel Roxbury, I've made music under since I was 19 years old. And that's like, you know, just what my social media ads have been considering, you know, a lot of my posting was for promotion of music. For TikTok specifically, I got on in October of 2020 because I had this six song EP coming out in just like, you know, on Spotify and everything. And I wanted a different way to promote it, right? I didn't wanna be like an in-your-face promoting, like just playing my music on TikTok, like that doesn't really work. So, or if it does, you just get annoying. So I decided to try to do it a bit differently and I had this knowledge of like New York City historical landmarks, right? New York City, like things to do. Recommendations just 'cause I was always like outside and doing everything and during the pandemic, I needed an outlet. So, you know, we were cooped up all day in our room. So I used to like take the E city bikes or just city bikes in general and jet around town and go see like these historic landmarks. So I just figured, you know, this would be a good way to kind of expose my music to the masses, but in a very subtle way, right? So I would put my music as a sound underneath the video or I would do that and then at the end, I'd have like a small message just being like, "Hey, put out a new song, go check it out, link and buy it," right? And then eventually, you know, people started to really enjoy these videos that I was making specifically on New York City history at the start. And then, you know, the following really grew once I started kind of incorporating my own opinion on it around the fall and doing recommendations and things to do. So, you know, the TikTok has really turned into something completely different from just, you know, music promotion and with that's like also kind of how I wanted it. So it's given me, you know, it really has like changed my life. I met like an ex-girlfriend down there. I've met so many friends, you know, just through the internet. I've, you know, been given a lot of opportunities through it, which is so cool and completely unexpected. I mean, I, you know, I get to like meet people out like who recognize me and like say, "Hey, man, I love this." And I'm just like, "Oh my God, what?" So it's very, very cool. Again, it's been fairly life-changing and, you know, I'm so happy that people just enjoy it. And, you know, and it gives them just more things to do in this city, but also gives them more knowledge of it as well because this place is awesome. And I wanted to continue to be awesome and people that come from out of town, you know, I want them to do the cool shit. I don't want them doing, you know, the, you know, obviously there's like Empire State Building's great. Like I'm friends with them on TikTok. They're awesome. You want to see like the low key stuff. You want to go, you know, see that restaurant that no one's really talking about or like go to that cool bar, right? So yeah, there's that so much to take advantage of here. Totally. Yeah, no. So interesting that your platform kind of transport, like you were able to use TikTok as a way to like subtly promote your music career and not do it in a way that's like super flashy, which I agree can get to be really annoying too. And it's just like constant promotion. But like you were able to kind of intertwine it with like building this voice for yourself around like the guy who knows New York City history. I thought that was a really interesting comment also that you made around like incorporating your own opinions into videos because I find that those are the videos that like are doing really well. Like people want to hear what other people have to think or like their opinions on like certain takes about like where to go out to eat or where to go out to drink or like cool workout studios to try. So like I feel like people like they get comfort I think in knowing like this is like the recommendation of like what to do where to go. And it's funny because you said you started on TikTok like in October of 2020. And I like had known about TikTok for a while ish but like never thought anything of it. And I thought it was like the most cringy app that like anyone could use. Oh, I was an active TikTok agent completely because I was such a big wine. I was so good. And so I thought it was the best. Vine still low key is better than the TikTok. But the comedy I can do it. I think the comedy on Vine was perfect. But I was such a big vine fan. I feel like I was cheating on it by getting on TikTok. And what I had seen about TikTok was that it was like high school people dancing and doing the renegade, right? So I was like, ah, you know, and then I downloaded it begrudgingly and was just like, okay, how am I going to take advantage of this? And then I saw people doing like stuff that I like currently and stuff that I'm doing currently. So I was like, okay, there's something to it. And so yeah. It's interesting to kind of see how TikTok has evolved over time. And also I think it's kind of like dominating the music industry. Like there's playlists on Spotify that are called top like 500 TikTok songs. Internet people on Spotify. Yeah, that one's bad. Exactly. And then also like when you're listening to the radio, all of the songs like the trending pop songs that are on that are playing on the radio, our trending songs from TikTok. So it's crazy to think about. - You know what's such a, you know, it's a funny, so I don't mean it, I was just gonna say, so the funny phenomenon is when I'll be like out and I'll hear a TikTok song in full, but I only know that little snippet on TikTok and I'm like, oh, this is what that sounds like. Okay, yeah. - Or like, then you realize like the actual name of the song 'cause you only know of it from like the small part of the chorus that's played, I know. It's very funny how TikTok is kind of infiltrated like pop culture and has kind of become like the dominant force, I think. But aside from TikTok, which obviously you're very active on and you've really created an amazing following on that platform, you're a very creative person. You know, you produce music, you start it out really in music, but I know that we've also talked a little bit offline about all the other creative endeavors that you have. So I'd love for you to share a little bit with my audience, kind of the trajectory of your career path, like with and also without TikTok. - Yeah, I mean, it really started with music, right? So I was a collegiate athlete and kind of speaking to mental health, it was bringing me down in that regard, right? I came in, you know, expecting to play well and be a part of the team and get minutes, right? And that wasn't happening and I wasn't like, really mentally prepared for the rigors of collegiate basketball, right? And that prompted me to kind of go into my shell a little bit. And so eventually I stopped playing and I kind of had this passion void in my life where basketball had always been like forever. And so I had, you know, but I was such a lover of music and such a fan of hip hop and I had, so I'd been writing, you know, little like wraps and ditties for years, and years, and I kind of had all this material built up and, you know, the confidence that to know that I could write, you know, some songs. So I, when I was 20, I started, or 19 or 20, I started just recording in my room, in my dorm room at Ethica and that really led me down, you know, this path of just being creative. And, you know, people were giving me solid feedback and then, you know, I started making music videos and that was cool because I was like, I was able to be creative in a visual medium, right? And then when I, you know, left school, I was obviously doing music, but, you know, it wasn't paying the bills. So I needed a, you know, full-time job and I had some jobs that I disliked, but then on the side, how I was able to start in my regular nine to five now, which is sports media. So I was a sports media major in college and now I work in sports media, but for about four years, or I'm sorry, three years, after school I was not working in sports because it's very difficult to get a job in that. So outside of that, what I would do is I was writing. I was writing for sports blogs, specifically about the MBA. And I was able to like, work my way up there. I started with blogs that, you know, are probably off the internet now to like, SB Nation and fan-sided who are like, two of the biggest blog networks in the world. Sports blog networks in the world. And then I wrote for like, USA Today, I was featured on like, Bleacher Report and Sports Illustrated. So like, that was really, really cool. Outlet for me and something that I've really enjoyed doing. You know, basically my background isn't writing. Like I was in AP English and I was, you know, constantly writing throughout school, whether it was music or whether it was, I did like some album reviews for like the school newspaper and things like that. So it was something that I always appreciated and like a huge reader and I love like, just writing kind of on my own, you know, to creative writing as well. So that's like, that was kind of another creative outlet for me and frankly that got me my first sports media job, which was the last job I had with the International Champions Cup. Do it like as a social media director, was my writing background because I created an MBA humor blog called this league.net. It was like the URL. It's no longer active sadly due to a lack of time that I was able to give it. But that blog got on some people's radars and got me, you know, where I was with the International Champions Cup. So that was like, it was cool. And what I will say about that is, you know, I did it unpaid for like three years and just took that initiative, right? And I think that that's important to keep in the back of your mind. Like if you're doing something just for money, which a lot of people do in their nine to fives, but you know, also everyone wants to monetize their passion. And it would have been cool to make money, but it was for like the futures because I knew I could do it and I could do it well and I eventually wanted it to be. But you know, you have to like kind of work bare bones for a while and do something for the passion, but also, you know, just gaining more expertise within it and getting better at it. So yeah, that was like kind of the start to my writing creative career and social media creative career as well. Right. And also like not everything, especially at that point in your career when you're a bit earlier on, like not everything has to be directly focused on like getting the monetary aspect out of it. Like sometimes you have to kind of just put in the work to get those basic skills. And in it of itself is just like a great learning experience. And it doesn't necessarily have to be a means to an end. It can be part of that process. And you never know really what's going to come out of it. I want to go back to the point that you made around like being a college athlete and just navigating some challenges there. I never played any sports in college, but in high school I was a rower. And my whole identity in high school was just around the sport of rowing. I was so disciplined and focused on like being the best athlete I could be. And it really instilled a lot of values in me that I am happy that I was able to have that experience. But it's actually a really hard transition when you stop like playing sports at a higher level. Like when you have to like transition back into just being like a quote unquote normal person and you're not like, yeah, exactly a not. Or like a non athletic regular person, which I like when I got to college I hated that acronym because I was like, oh my god, I guess this is me now. I had a lot of challenges trying to figure out how to stay healthy when I wasn't competing. And I'm sure maybe you felt like similarly, I'd love for you to talk a little bit more about what that experience was like. Because it is hard when you're transitioning out of doing a really physically rigorous sport. It challenges you mentally, physically, and then when that's gone, it's like it's hard to redefine your relationship to exercise and learning how to take care of yourself. Yeah, I, you know, basketball largely, just athletics in general was largely my identity for my entire life. And I had even struggles going back into high school, right? Like me and my high school coach did not see eye to eye at all. And I was subsequently like not playing for my varsity team as a junior. But meanwhile, I'm getting recruited by colleges at the same time, which is, which doesn't make sense. I'm playing like second level high school basketball, but then, you know, getting collegiate opportunities. So, you know, there was a lot of kind of proto-trauma there, just from that experience where, you know, I knew I was good enough, but I wasn't receiving kind of the playing time that I thought I, you know, deserved, frankly. And then my senior year, I did, you know, I did better and was able to play more. And, you know, I committed to a college early. So, like that weight was kind of off of me. But, you know, I started getting a lot of performance anxiety surrounding a game that I played every single day and loved and hadn't for a long time. You know, and that I don't think it helped, you know, my decision making in high school, regarding smoking weed all the time. But, you know, that's like, or like, you know, partying all the time, frankly. But, at the same time, that, you know, that should have affected, like, my performance on the, well, maybe, yeah, I should have. But, what I mean is, you know, the anxiety aspect of it, I think, was rooted largely in, like, I felt as if maybe my coach didn't trust me, right? Or, just, you know, kind of zoned in on, like, my failures, compared to others, right? So, that was interesting, but heading into college, you know, I had some confidence there that the coaches, like, recruited me pretty hard and, and, you know, wanted me to succeed. But, again, the rigors of collegiate athletics, I do not believe I was mentally prepared for at all. And it showed, you know, it showed in my play, I was like, I would get out in the court and completely freeze, completely freeze. And by this time, I had stopped, like, the weed smoking, right? So, like, that was out. And, like, you know, yes, we were going out, but, like, you know, maybe just like once a week, right? Because of sports. So, it had nothing to do with that. It was, it was, frankly, borderline imposter syndrome, I think, because I wasn't that star athlete in high school, but here I am, like, starting the first few games in college, like, what, what am I doing here, right? So, that was brutal to take on. And I remember over the winter break, because we had to come back. We were the only team on campus at the time, us and the women's basketball team. And I remember just being on the phone with my mom, I was receiving no playing time. It was freezing ass in Ethaca. And just like, I just didn't want to be there. And I like, remember just like, falling my eyes out on the phone with my mom. And like, I'm not a cryer. Like, I'm a, I'm a Pisces. We just like keep our, our emotions. Are you an astrology? No, I'm not, but like, all these, all these, like, are you using Pisces to justify your-- No, you know, so it's like, I'm not at all, but I keep hearing this about Pisces men, because like, I'm dating right now. And so, like, we'll talk about astrology. and that's like what I keep hearing about Pisces Men. So, yeah. You know, I'm using it now, I guess, but I was just so sad. And I just didn't feel right. It just didn't, I wasn't getting along, like I was getting along with my teammates, like they were fine, but I just wasn't getting along with like the authority figures in my life. I wasn't doing well in school. I stopped caring, you know, and I was just writing the bench and not doing anything, right? So coming into that year too, I kind of made it my mission to try to play a bit better and, you know, interact a bit more and be more of a leader and take the time to do it. But then after like a month of that, it might kind of, it was hard, I don't think it's hard to call it depression, but I was just the anxiety came back. It was just like, it was gone for a little bit and then as soon as I kind of stepped back on campus and started playing again, it came right back. So, you know, I just decided to stop and then that's like kind of where the creative passions in my life came back in, but to any like athlete out there, what I will say is getting your mental is like, you know, right is very, very important pertaining to performance. This was not something that ever was spoken about to me in high school, right? Any sort of performance anxiety. I didn't start feeling it until it was maybe too late to discuss it then and I went to a sports psychologist in college and it just didn't work. I don't know why. I tried to take it as seriously as I could. My coach wanted me to do it and I did it and I, you know, maybe I did it for the wrong reasons 'cause he wanted me to, but it just didn't work. But what I will say is definitely talking to someone is very important. Like, you know, have a regular therapist now and she's fantastic. But that performance anxiety can lie in things outside of just the physical performance of the game. So I would, you know, definitely make sure to discuss whatever's going on with your life, like kind of outside of actual basketball or outside of any sport. And yeah, figure out what's going on 'cause if you're not 100% ready mentally, then you'll never be 100% ready physically. - Yeah, and I think you could argue that with really anything in life too. Like if you're not showing up for yourself mentally and if you're not taking care of your mental health, how can you show up for other people and how can you bring your whole self to, you know, your friends, your family to your job to just other aspects of your life. And it's interesting that like at that point in your college career when basketball was kind of like, there was like the end, you decided to pivot more into like these creative projects and experiences and, you know, there's a big sense of vulnerability to be a musician and an artist and to put your work out there in the world. So I'm wondering if like you've experienced the similar sense of imposter syndrome or like a different type of performance anxiety when you're actually like recording music and you know, how have you managed that at a different point in your life now? - Yeah, I'm currently managing that right now. I haven't released a song in probably five to six months. I was getting on the microphone and recording a song and I would just hate the shit out of it. Just, and I knew I could, you know, make music. I've been making music for years, releasing it to good feedback and all of these things. But I think what was happening is that I was making music for other people. I was making music based on the feedback that I had gotten from like taste makers and music, like blogs and things like that who maybe had rejected my music but had given me feedback in the past. Right? So I was like, okay, well, I gotta configure it to that to make it within music, right? I think now is I'm recording again and starting to, you know, try to love myself a bit more. It's gotten better just because a bit of that pressure is off. I'm also lucky to have like a monetizable different outlet now with TikTok as opposed to just music, which was like my main goal forever. Like I always wanted to make that my career strictly music. But now, you know, I would like to kind of be like a multi-hyphenate and have music be a part of my life but it's not everything anymore, right? The music that I'm making now and will be releasing soon is the music that I wanna make and that I really enjoy making. And if people love it, great. It's not gonna be so much different from what I've made in the past. I just think I have a lot more to talk about and a lot more life experience. Like my last song was about my girlfriend. Like in a positive, I don't wanna say a valid but it was like, you know, like a huge girlfriend song and then she broke up with me. So it's like I've had some life experiences just like kind of in these last few months that I'm able to write and speak on. And it's, yeah, so that is definitely something that I've gone through with music, 100%. It's not necessarily in past or syndrome, it's just like, do I suck syndrome? Like does anyone even want to open a job? - Yeah, it's hard 'cause you're pulling from like your personal experiences too. So you're being like so open and honest about things that have like affected you. I mean, we could, I've talked a lot on this podcast about the relationship between writing and like our mental health and using writing as a very cathartic outlet. I was a creative writing minor in college. So I think I turned to my writing classes as like therapy. So you can only imagine if you're like creating music how personal that can be and like how, you know, self-expressive that is. - Yeah, I mean, isn't it shitty when someone says no to something personal? Like music or like reading? Like you get a rejection letter about like a song that you, you know, wrote about a hard time in your life. Like it's not, it's not good feeling. What I will say about creativity though is if you go in with the idea of monetization or go in with the idea of, oh, people must like this, right? It compromises your emotions and it compromises what comes out of those emotions, which is, you know, writing or music or whatever you, you know, want to pursue, right? So what I will say is always do things for you and work hard at it and continue to get better, but you get better for yourself. You don't get better for other people. And that's like something that I'm really trying to learn and trying to focus on kind of in what I'm working on now. And that even goes to like the TikTok stuff as well. Like, you know, I make videos because I want to make them. I make videos because I love the history of this place, right? Or I really love these few spots that I, you know, will frequently go to. And so, you know, I'll want to like give people the recommendation of going there 'cause, you know, hey, if maybe if I like it, some people will, if they don't, that's fine. If they don't like my opinion on it, that's also fine just because, you know, it's coming from myself and my love of it, not, you know, what the public wants to see. - Yeah, and I think people can really sense that energy. Like when you're doing something for yourself or you're not doing things necessarily for others, like to please others, if you're really putting out content that like you care about you believe in, like it's actually like nourishing you, people are attracted to that energy. And then I actually like want to listen, want to tune in, like, you know, can feel that. And so I think that's super valuable. I mean, when I think about like my podcast, I record interviews with people that I find really interesting that I want to talk to, that I want to learn from with the hopes of being able to make it entertaining and then share that with a larger audience. And hopefully they can take something away from it. So I think it's like very similar and there's so many different ways you can express your own creativity and also, you know, kind of give back to yourself at the end of the day. - Yes, absolutely. I'd, you know, gathering kind of small bits of information from people that you either admire or consume, you know, on, you know, maybe it's a daily basis, a weekly basis, a monthly basis, like whether you're reading like an author that you really like or you're reading an article you really like or you're listening to a podcast of someone that you admire or that you maybe even just like heard about, right? But they're discussing things in which, you know, it could potentially help you. I think being a sponge as well is very, very important, right? And, you know, you can be a sponge to negative things as well, but if you realize the negativity in them, then you're able to kind of filter those things out. But being a sponge more so in your, just in like kind of your own reality in general, right? Like I am someone who really loves to explore, right? I'm very curious about humanity, but also just scenarios and settings in which I'm in, right? So that's why I really enjoy New York City history. That's why I really enjoy exploring the city, seeing new parts of it as well. So yeah, I mean, that's definitely a bit of advice that I've taken and tried to kind of bring into my life is, you know, being sponge Bob. But not a real sponge that, but yeah, it's, you know, being a sponge and-- - You heard it here first, be a sponge Bob. - Well, you know what's funny is that that is not necessarily bad advice because of how positive sponge Bob is, right? - He is. He is very positive. - He's so positive and he's very nice to the people in his lives. Like really not terrible advice. Maybe I should start a podcast called be a sponge Bob. - Yeah, trademark the name. (laughing) - Yeah, that's, you know, that's another thing. It's just like trying to maintain positivity. Like, you know, I've been on the pessimistic side of things and the cynical side of things and it's, you know, life over here on the pot, the attempting to be positive side is great. Not everyone can be wholly positive every single, you know, day of their lives, but it's, you know, it's a great way, it's a better way to live. And it's better for you mentally, right? Like I have worked on my, with my therapist for a while because I had what was called automatic negative thinking. automatic negative thinking is when you You are approaching a situation and you think the worst of it, right? That's what I was doing for so long. And with the help of medication, I'm on Zola, which has been a fucking godsend and with the help of therapy and just kind of taking that mindset of, okay, let's not think about what could go wrong, right? Let's think about what can go right in this situation. You're either well prepared for it or that's another thing, preparing for things. But also, you know, just knowing that even if you do fail, it'll be a lesson. Exactly. Like, seeing everything as a learning opportunity. Because I tend to also really think in absolutes, like, you know, worst case scenario, best case scenario. And I think I tend to have a pretty optimistic mindset naturally, which I think has benefited me in a lot of scenarios. And I think it's kind of, you know, I feel lucky to just naturally feel more inclined to think that the glass is half full, rather than half empty. But of course, there's this balance that you want to achieve because I tend to be overly optimistic and always think the best in people, which isn't necessarily the case. And sometimes I feel like you need a twinge of, you know, skepticism and a little bit of cynicism to kind of ground you and not get your head too high up in the clouds. Because I tend to like, sure. No, you know what I call that? I call that New York skepticism, right? You walking around the city will not be skipping hopping and smiling all the time, right? Because you're naturally kind of skeptical of your surroundings because it's New York. However, most people in New York are actually really nice. That whole myth of people being mean here. I have not found that to be true. Thank you. At all. Like, no, seriously, because, you know, people here, here's what it is. People here don't want their time wasted. They want to get from point A to point B as quick as possible without interruption, right? And that can be in conversation, that can be in relationships, that can be just literally walking or getting on the subway, right? So having that like kind of skepticism of, will this person be wasting my time? Will this situation be a positive one? Like, sure, it's good to have that. But at the same time, just, you know, wholly being like positive thinking about something or even about a person. Here's what I'll say about being positive about people as well, is I largely think that, you know, people are okay. Some people have the opposite opinion. Some people think humanity sucks, but I don't. I'm, you know, I'm hopeful for humanity. However, you don't, you want people, you want to spend time with people that are worth your time, right? So that could either, you could either find that out after one hang or you can find that out after a year or 10 years. It's just, it's kind of a weird timeline that that can be on, but, you know, making sure that the people in your life are also positive about yourself and your accomplishments, but themselves as well, and making sure that they, you know, love what they're doing and are not, you know, depressed or dealing with something without any help. Because, you know, the ability to, like, help your friends as well is so important. Like, I kind of have a friend right now who's like going through a bit of an addiction spiral and we're, we're like attempting to help them and I like send them my therapist and all these things. Like, you know, we, we want to be there for the people that actually matter in our lives and, and should matter, right? Absolutely. I mean, you just mentioned so many, like, key pieces of wisdom and things that I, I also totally agree with. I think that the people that you surround yourself with, it shows a lot about yourself and your character and your values and your interests. And so, you know, naturally, you want to be around people who uplift you and, and nourish you and I think it's also really important, especially like being in our 20s when you realize, you really realize like you have full agency and control of who you bring into your life and who you don't want in your life. Like, it's so important to be intentional about who you bring into your circle and who you keep close. And I think that, you know, growing up in New York, I'm biased and it's like not a huge transition, like living here post-grad just because this is exactly where I grew up. But I think that people that are like moving to New York for the first time and coming to this city, they can feel so overwhelmed by like everything that's going on and just like the opportunity to meet thousands of new people, but also maybe find it really hard to meet new people at the same time. I think it's an interesting dynamic, but that, you know, all goes to say that, you know, when you're young and in your 20s and you're living in a really upbeat city like New York, I think it, you know, the environment can sometimes make it even more challenging to practice what you preach essentially. And, yes. And like, I know you moved to New York and I'm curious, like, did you, like, did you experience any challenges coming here, even though you're like super well versed with New York history and like love exploring the city and have like really grown and attached it for this place? Like, was it still a hard transition for you moving here? Oh my God, it's so hard. Yeah, this place is chaotic and can be a lot at all, at all every turn. I experienced New York City challenges all the time. You know, again, I stepped into the real world, not necessarily knowing what I wanted to do. I did kind of know what I wanted to do with in sports and with music, but it wasn't paying, right? So it's like, if you want to live here, you need to be able to afford to live here sadly. And it's, you know, can be expensive. But, you know, I stepped into multiple jobs that I really dislike, like fucking awful. Like I sold beer all throughout Brooklyn and Queens, which sounds cool, but it wasn't like I had a beat up car that I was, you know, having in Manhattan or, or I would park it in Brooklyn as well, like near my office and driving around all day. And it was, you know, in the summer, it was hot, it was sweaty, it wasn't like paid very well, it was awful, terrible, terrible. And then I stepped into a recruitment job that I really dislike. Like, you know, there's, there was a lot of like professional anxiety and challenges. I've also been now laid off twice. I got laid off like two weeks ago for my, for my job. It's, you know, professional struggles in New York. I think, you know, happened to a lot of people, you know, not a lot of people will like their initial jobs here, maybe initial careers and their switch. Like, that's always been a challenge, right? And, you know, hopefully with, with my next job, I will step into something that I really, really enjoy and like doing. So that's, you know, something that I'm currently looking out for. And it's like, you know, again, the professional struggles will be there. But at the end of the day, if you prioritize what you, you know, what your passions are and what you like in life, I truly believe that you can sort of manifest, you know, any, any like professional challenges that you've had, you can manifest like positivity out of that and hopefully get on the right track. Relationship challenges. Oh my God. Is dating in this city just the most brutal, freaking thing of all time. It's literally the worst, the absolute worst. Look, dating in New York City, right? They don't make dating, they don't make like dating an Omaha Nebraska. They don't make like love life in, you know, wherever, right? And like, they have like shows about New York City dating and it's struggles, right? So I dating in New York City is such a challenge and you know what, it's fun. It could be very fun. And meeting new people is something I really enjoy doing, I'm largely extroverted. So like, you know, it's, it's very fun. And, and you know, look, I've been, I've been no angel, you know, I've, I've made my, I've done my ghosting thing, which is not great. And what I'm really trying to stop doing. I'm really trying to stop doing that. I remember in college, I would tell my parents just how horrible the dating scene was in college too. I think that's where a lot of people lie in New York. And I think some people are like 70, 30 career relationships, some people are 70, 30, the opposite way. It just depends. But I'm from Los Angeles originally, but at 11 I moved to Austin, Texas. And every time I go on Facebook, someone from Austin's married, someone from Austin had a kid, someone from Austin, with their long-term boyfriend, just got a dog. (laughing) Where I'm from, they prioritize things a bit differently. In Austin's a big city too, but it's still rooted in kind of Southern hospitality and Southern ideals. And then when you come to New York, it's quite different. But it's not different in a bad way. Again, that selfishness can be good in furthering your personal goals. It just comes at the sacrifice of dating and taking other people's emotions into account. So yeah, I mean, that's another challenge as well. And then there's personal challenges. I've had to move a bunch, which is expensive and annoying. Here's the thing about New York. You are gonna get thrown a curve all weekly. If not daily, if not maybe monthly, if you're lucky. Like this city will build character more than any other city in the world. Again, I haven't been to maybe the Tokyo's of the world or the Shanghai's where there's more people or the Mumbai's. But this city for the United States will give you more character than anyone else, who's simply based on who you'll interact with, the challenges of the city in general, the people you'll interact with, I think I've just said that already. You know, there's so much to throw there. - I totally agree. Like New York is chaotic, it's crazy. There's like this morning, for example, I had my whole schedule planned and then of course everything went wrong. And then you have to just take a deep breath and be like, it's okay, like things are gonna work out. And that's something I'm working on right now is like not. Like if plans change, not freaking out about it because I'm very structured and like I like my routine. And if anything messes that up, I'm like, okay, like it's chaotic, I can't deal with this. But I'm trying to learn to be a little bit more go with the flow. So if you wanna put in an astrology terms, I'm trying to be more like you, like a Pisces. That's more like, you know, fluid, airy, whatever. And like I'm a Virgo, so whoever listens and like isn't a astrology, you can make your assumptions about me. But very like disciplined rigid and like my way is in structure and routine oriented. But aside from. - Yeah, New York City will throw you down for a ball for sure. Yeah, your plans, your calendar will look so much different from a Monday once you hit like Thursday. It's like, yeah. - Oh yeah, exactly. Like things are always changing. You have to just be like really, you know, quick on your feet. But I always like talking about, you know, the dynamics of New York City with people that are living here now that haven't necessarily grown up here 'cause I find, you know, that fresh perspective really fascinating. And who better to chat about this with than you who also like actually knows so much more about New York than I think I even do. And like any other person that lives in the city just given your expertise on the history of New York and speaking of, I feel like I can't, you know, do this interview without asking you some of your favorite hidden spots in New York or like some special areas of the city that you've really grown to love while living here. - Yeah, well speaking of areas that I've really grown to love, Red Hook Brooklyn is probably my favorite neighborhood in all of New York City. You can't even get there by subway. You have to take a subway to like, you know, go on this and then bike up or like take the bus and good luck. I find that area to be quite beautiful. My favorite dive bar is there, Sonny's. Also my favorite barbecue restaurant is there, hometown barbecue. It's beautiful. It's right on the water. It's very familial. No tall buildings, you know, really. It's like, you can just like venture out there and feel like you're not in New York for a little bit, but then you like have the view of Manhattan and the waters right there. It's stunning. Yeah, and then I, you know, as far as like hidden spots or concern, I mean, there's a few species that I really enjoy. The back room is really dope. Blind barber in East Village is sick. Definitely like, you know, there was one from back in the day that I really liked named Chumley is, but that closed down. - Oh, yeah, I love Chumley's. I'm sad that it closed down. - I feel, I have a feeling it'll reopen. I certainly hope it does because like that's-- - Fingers crossed. - Yeah, well, like the area is so cool too and like really, you know, would welcome like, you know, a bar like that because it's kind of sleepy West Village, right? So I would love for them to come back. I'm trying to think of like other, I guess technically, like hidden gems or hidden spots. I mean, it really just comes with like, for me a lot of research and like, you know, exploring the city as much as possible, right? Like, yes, I know just a lot from like reading books but all in like, just knowledge that I've accumulated throughout the years, but I'm also very steadfast in researching things as well and looking at new things to do. I have a rule that I'd never go to the same bar twice two nights in a row. I have a rule that I don't go out in the same neighborhood two nights in a row, right? Like I always want to try to experience new things, see new things and take people along with me if they, you know, are welcome to it. You know, I try not to go to the same restaurants all the time. - You're keeping it interesting. You're, you know-- - And I try to hang out with different people, yeah. Like, you know, one group of friends one day, another the other and, you know, if they can meld together, that's even, you know, better. And yeah, I mean, just what I will say for anyone that's new to the city wants to move here, attack it. I like to say attack it. Really don't be the person that doesn't go to Brooklyn or Queens or Harlem. Like don't be that person. No one likes that person. That's a red flag. They're annoying. Fuck them. Like, you know, definitely attack this city and try to do as much as possible. Go see as much as possible. Try that food that you've never tried before, right? Like go to that bar and get that drink you've never had before. It's, the city is very rewarding if you do it in a correct way. If you stay within your bubble, you're going to be bored and lonely because it's the same people from college or whatever or your work friends, right? And it's not, you're not taking advantage of it. Yeah, so get away from Marie Hill essentially. Yeah, definitely don't even go to Marie Hill period. The only reason to go to Marie Hill, only reason. The oldest Mexican restaurant is there. El Perador Cafe go there and then one other place, Sargez, which is a better pastrami sandwich than Katz's. OK, I'm going to have to test that out. I didn't even know that, first of all, either of those places existed. So you're already schooling me about New York City knowledge. This is bad. But yeah, no such great advice. And I totally agree. Attack it. Get outside your comfort zone. There's so much more to explore than Just Manhattan. And fully immerse yourself in everything that New York has to offer. Absolutely. Before we end today, I have two final questions for you. My first question is around certain wellness practices that you do. So throughout this interview, you talked a lot about therapy, which, first of all, thank you for opening up that conversation. I think more people need to hop on that train. Especially guys, I think a lot of guys need to go to therapy and become more emotionally aware. And then also you talked about using medication. And thanks for opening up that conversation too. Because if you need help, you've got to get it. And there's no shame in using both cognitive behavioral therapy or talk therapy with also medication. They're both super effective. But besides that, what are some things you like to do to just stay healthy generally? Yeah, absolutely. So I definitely exercise as something that I try to prioritize in my life. And I've found interesting ways to do it. Because the gym can get repetitive and a bit boring. And the gyms in New York, if you're not at the fancy ones, whatever, can be really crowded and not that nice. So I picked up skateboarding again when I was during the pandemic. I did it when I was younger and then started doing it again almost daily. Early pandemic, now I'm an old man and I get really sore. So I have to take like days off. But that's been an activity that A, gets the endorphins very high due to you having to focus on it and wanting to get better at it, learning these new tricks, getting that new trick that always feels amazing. But it's also the most I've ever sweat like doing anything. Because you're constantly kicking, but also squatting for tricks and things like that. So that's really fun. And the culture of that is really fun as well. So I enjoy meeting other people that do that. Running, I've gained a bit more of an appreciation for running ever since my therapist told me that that was one of the better ways to get endorphins into your brain due to the consistent upper heart race that you get, increased heart race. Heart rate. And then I love city biking. I find that that brings me a lot of joy, like throwing a podcast or throwing some music and just going is very fun. Also, yeah, exploration of the city really brings me a lot of joy. Going out with friends brings me a lot of joy. I wish I kind of had better outlets as far as when I say going out. I mean, I'm out there. I'm like, drinking and having a good time and having those late nights. And maybe that doesn't prompt the best feeling the next day. I'm trying to learn a bit more moderation slowly but surely. But really being sort of the extroverted person I am. But even if you are introverted, again, it's about attacking the city and getting out of your comfort zone. That brings me to Dorfins as well, getting out of my comfort zone. I was on a comedy dating show a few months back. And I would have never thought about that prior to medication or therapy. I would have been way too scared to do it. Was it the one at the city winery? Yeah, it's updating. Yeah. Oh, you were on that. I was on that, yeah. My friend, my best. friend took me to see that show in September for my birthday. I find it's like so funny that you did it. Like was it fun? Yeah, it was super fun. You might know the girl that I was on it with Talia, Lichtenstein or Lichtenstein. She's like a very popular TikTokger. Yeah, no, the name sounds really familiar. Yeah, she has like a podcast on Beaches and is like a such a funny person. I really enjoyed getting to know her. That was awesome. And yeah, you know, it's just like these different experiences. I mean, it doesn't even have to be like that extreme, but you know, going out and like with a coworker and meeting their friends, right? Or just, you know, maybe go into a restaurant by yourself or a bar by yourself and just like, you know, learning to approach people and talk to them and, you know, be genuinely curious. That's like the big thing. The two big things I will give for better mental health. Besides therapy and medication, let's take those out. Is genuine curiosity about humanity, people and your surroundings, and also getting out of your comfort zone. Those those are two things that I have greatly benefited me in my mental health and my brain. And yeah, it's those are the two tips that I can give the most, especially in New York City, where you're granted so many opportunities to, you know, be out there and explore, because especially in the summer, like it's hot here in your apartment probably stinks and is hot. Like get out, leave. Get in the sun. The literally get outside. There's so much to do in the city. I love the city and like the spring in the summer. Now I feel inspired to just be a better human. Like you are filled with so much positive energy and happiness. I mean, my final question was going to be on something that brings you in Dorfins, but you kind of answered it indirectly through just giving all those examples, but I don't know. Is there like one final thought you want to leave with my audience on something that brings you a bit of endorphins? Yeah, I guess I kind of already mentioned it already, but yeah, definitely like, you know, getting out of your comfort zone, be curious, be non-judgmental, right? I think is is another good one. Like it's not worth your time, your mental energy as well, to be judgmental about really anything. Just be open to exploring, you know, different people and different parts of the city. You know, go travel outside of the city as well. Like there's so many dope things to do in like little upstate or even Long Island, things like that. Like, you know, just embrace uncomfortability and and don't be a square and not do anything. Just like, no, go do, like go do do. Be like, you know, try to have as much fun as possible. Be nice to people and, you know, definitely just, you know, embrace your curious side if you have one and if you don't, you know, there's there's even outlets for the introverted as well here, right? Like there's, you know, you can rip the library, which are free, obviously, and you know, there's there's other things to do. You can go see a show by yourself. Go to comedy clubs as well. That's a good good piece of advice. Those are very fun, especially for a date. So yeah, there's there's so many things to do here. You're you're a fool to not embrace it. Absolutely. Well, you heard it here first. This is so many amazing pieces of wisdom that you just shared. Where can my followers find you on social media? Yeah, it's all at Nigel Roxbury. So NIGEL, R-O-X-B-U-R-Y, all, uh, no, no space or anything in there. So yeah, come come find me on TikTok or Instagram. Uh, on Twitter, if you guys are on Twitter, I'm actually underscore, or at underscore Chris Merch, but my name is sometimes Chris, sometimes Nigel. So I'm like, you're gonna nigg my, you know, it's like Twitter. I use for more like professional, like sports media stuff, right? So that's that's what I got there. But uh, yeah, I hope you guys come, come over and follow me and uh, check me out. And I can guarantee you that who's ever list, whoever's listening right now by the time the episode finishes. And if they go on TikTok, I bet you the first video that's gonna come up will be one of yours because our phones have a funny way of knowing everything that we're doing. But I would highly recommend everyone go check out your content. It's great and very uplifting, very authentic and just really entertaining to watch. So thank you so much for coming on to the podcast. It's been such a pleasure having you. Thank you so much Stella. I really appreciate it. Thank you for listening and remember to like, rate and review this podcast on whichever listening platform you prefer. Don't forget to keep spreading in Dorfins and find things that bring you in Dorfins every day. See you next time. (upbeat music)