EP 65 - Drunk Driving Force (Feat. Will Hannigan)

- This shit ain't nothing to me, you stupid piece of shit. - What? - There are ours are different. - Yeah, ours are closer to homelessness. - Yours are mass shooter-y. - Yeah, that's right. - Our ours are supported by their parents and may corrupting their grandparents. - ours also get a lot more support from certain comedy clubs and they're like, "No, get on stage, we need these voices to be heard." - Yeah. - And if someone up there being like, "A beehive is living in my head." (laughing) - And what he's like saying is keep on. - What are you going? - And then they get up there like, "Ha, ha, ha!" (laughing) - He's like, "Oh, okay, no, go." - Mike's hot! - Yeah. - Yeah, they grab one. (laughing) - He burns their hands. - I mean, there's some clubs we're getting electrocuted like is a possibility. - Do you remember when we were doing money? - Do you remember when we were doing Edmonton and right before our sets, that guy spilled his whole beer? - Adam Dix spilled an entire beer on the sandboard. - Yeah, oh no, please repeat what Simon told you after it happened. Of like, he was reaching for candies. - Yeah. - Afterwards, yeah, he was reaching for a big bag of candy and he spilled an entire beer over the brand news soundboard. They got for a black dog. - Yeah. - And then afterwards someone's like, "It's going to be so sticky now." (laughing) - Sorry to acting up for most of like towards the end of my for Darcy said it was just cutting in and out. - Oh yeah, big time. - It's fun though, that's fun though. - Anyway, we have an illustrious guest on the podcast today. We have, we're joined by an illustrious guest. Long time listener, first time guest. - Yes, I have big time. - Hey! (laughing) (laughing) - Right, dude. (laughing) - I'm very good friend. - This is just staring at one spot the whole time. You were talking, I'm just staring down here. It comes. - Oh yeah. - I said, I was coming, I was coming. - This will hand again. - The moment I'm like, man, we're really fighting our voice, really getting so aware, and then like, yeah, we're with someone on the pod goes rogue. - Yeah. (laughing) - I mean, not very rogue though. - Well, that's the thing. If we, if we, if we, if we really a tight line, you guys are always walking, where like, one side is a racial slur in the other side of the homophobic. - Well, no one knows that one. - Well, we're never seeing racial slurs. - I'm not racial. - I'm not racial. - Yeah, no one knows what racial slurs. - We keep buying something, it's just the S word. - Yes, what's the S word? - Shit. - Shit, sometimes he splurps out shit. - Blurp. - I can't blur about, yeah, I, my, I was gonna say, my God, for it is Bobby's dad burping into a migrant. - Yeah. (laughing) - Shit, bro. - Yeah, well, hand again. - Yes. - We're gonna pop. - All the way from England, bro. - England. - England. - England. - All the way from London, he brought a big bag of puns just for us. (laughing) - Oh, I've been listening to a lot of puns. - Oh yeah. - He's reinvented the language. - Now they get to destroy it. (laughing) - Welcome to comedy. - Yeah, I lost the, in the early round of the British comedian of the year. I went out pretty quickly in that. I got buried by a guy doing puns. - Jesus fucking good dude, the British comedy is. - It is pretty bad. It's wild watching how hard it, how well it'll do. - Just destroy it. - And it does well in a way where like the people hear it and then it's bad and then they start laughing. So it's not like, it's not like there's a rhythm where it's like they say something laugh, say something laugh. It's like, they'll say something and then people realize what they're doing and then they go, I, I like that. - Yeah. - Oh God. - Oh my God. - Where is you doing wordplay? Sounds like I dug a big old tunnel. - Do you think I would do well? Actually Bobby would do very well there. - Shut the fuck up. - Yeah Bobby would do that. - Bobby would do that. - I've always felt that. - Wow, I mean yeah, I guess I guess you didn't do it. - What I did. - My idea of you would do well. - Would I do well? - A couple more kicks of the kick in my joke. - Would I do well if I, if I walked there or walked there? - If you walked there. - Would I do well if I walked there? - I'm spinning over to your breath across the pond. - England, I'm gonna be there. - And it's a crossing the Atlantic. - If I got there and then I just put a Paddington stuffy on the stool went bear with me. - Oh it might actually work. - Yeah, that would actually work. - We have to nuke that country. - And then it's our fucking hand. - Yeah bear with me. - Oh. (laughing) - They wouldn't get the second part. - Yeah. - They wouldn't like that part. - It's too subtle. - It's too subtle. - They wouldn't look at it. Why isn't he fucking the bear in missionary? - Come on, we don't do it that way. - Oh fuck, I'm rutting with my cock. (laughing) - Look at me go getting nice and randy. - I'm absolutely so excited hearing you do voice. - I actually love her. - The other day what you said to me is I love it. - Yeah, we were talking about how bad your taste of comedy is. We were just making fun of the Alberta Vouch. And Simon was loving it. He was like, he was clapping like a happy child. - Yeah. - And then we were talking about how. I don't even remember what the episode was. - We did it just it was an episode that it was so dumb. - Well like will so impressed by people who can do a voice. - So enamored by voices and impressions. - Yeah, 'cause it takes me somewhere else. - We were doing like Rocky and Bullwinkle, like Bullwinkle fucking Robert De Niro, like I'm fucking Robert De Niro. Boy I'm coming deep inside your Robert De Niro. And like all of us being like, this is the stupidest thing we've ever done. And then I like check my Instagram after the episode comes out. And it's just a message from you like Darcy, you're unbelievable. (laughing) - I'm literally listening. Your mind is meaningful. - Yeah, comedic genius. - I'm like, look at your clips that are like doing well. I'm like, look at your career. I'm like, this is insane. - Yeah. - It's well just in green rooms in England, ruining the vibe. And you're like, you see in Canada, we do things a little different. (laughing) - Watch it. - Yeah. - Look at my friends do voices. - Yeah. - I'll just fold the pop guard down a little bit on your mic. - It literally takes me to another place. - You've been in England so long that when you sent that to me, like what I heard was, you're unbelievable. (laughing) - Damn, Will. - It takes me to another place. Robert De Niro's bedroom. Guess who's there? (laughing) Rocky from Rocky and Bulmingle. - Oh you guys, what is that? - You're going to bed without your nightly cum supplement. (laughing) Come on, Bob. - I didn't think so, Robert. - Will have you seen Story to bother you? - No. - Where he will contact someone who just teleport immediately into whatever setting they're in. And that's all I imagine, but it's you landing in a cuck chair as Paul Winkle's just throwing it at me out. And you're like, holy shit. - This is fantastic. - Oh my God, oh my God, how do they do it? - I mean the other dimension. - Darcy's imagination paints such a vivid picture. - My bowler's slapping against your Oscar nominee. It has holes! (laughing) - Unbeatable. - What was it like working with Val Kilmer in his prime? - Like he's in gentlemen, he's done it again. - Bobby, can you do Robert De Niro getting fucked by Bullwinkle? - That was my favorite part of the oppression. - Ow! (laughing) - And he kept doing, why would you do that? - Why would you do that? (laughing) - Ow, it's too big, why would you do that? - All right, I forget De Niro, what could I say? - Oh God, but yeah, it's nice to have you here. - Thanks for having me, I'm happy with you. - Big day of the pod. - I'm a huge fan of the pod. - Is there any questions you have, bro? (laughing) - Having a guest to ask them, would you like to give me a question? - How do Bobby's best, Bobby's best. - He's best, he's best, he can come here. - Any questions you like doing to De Niro? - How could we miss last month's rent, too? (laughing) - How do you do it? - That's genuinely a question. How do you do the voices? 'Cause all mine, all mine. (laughing) - All my questions. - Well, you have one of stand-ups from your minds in front of you. - That's the only thing you can think to add. - I just go, everything goes to Chinese with me. - That's not so bad. - Congratulations, you live in the future. (laughing) - So he's just be like, ready for my impression of Bowenkel fucking, and it's just, "Oh, how about De Niro?" (laughing) - Bowenkel. - Oh, fuck. (laughing) - Bowenkel. And also Locky. (laughing) - Locky, Bowenkel. - Robert De Niro, the Kings are here. (laughing) - Also, the idea of Chinese Bowenkel being like Jason De Rulo where he says his own name while he fucks. - Bowenkel. - Just Jason De Rulo says his own name. - Yeah, apparently he says his own name while he fucks. - That's, I wish I lived in. - Jason De Rulo does. - Yeah, Jordan Sparks was like, "Yeah, he's saying his own name a few times while we were fucking and it really turned me on." - I wish I loved myself that much. - This is my impression of me. (laughing) - Say my own name while I fuck. 'Cause so we're starting to fuck, I'm starting to fuck the girl and I go, "Bobby, what, I'm gonna come?" (laughing) Oh my god, I'm gonna come. Stop, shut up, shut up, shut up. Bobby, why are you coming? - Oh fuck, ow. - Oh my god, thank you, thank you so much for being here. Thank you, oh my god. - Oh Robert Junior, oh Robert Junior, oh Robert Junior. - Robert Junior. - Do you mind if I gotta be a little spoon? Do you mind? (laughing) - Please see us, please see us, please see us. - Knowing the music that Darcy and myself can be into, just the idea of entering over, I'm going, (laughing) I'm gonna come. Don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move. (laughing) - You know there's super huge ionists? - Why? - Disturbed. - Dr. Junior, are you serious? - Really? - I know whatever I tell people, they're like, are you serious? - Well always disturbed, but after October 7th, we're very concerned. (laughing) - I didn't realize that this sickness was Islam. - Yeah, I know very easy thing. - Down with the sickness is converting. - I feel like that's what plays in every tank though. - I know, well, there is a very good chance, the IDF. Like when you whimmer like in like those Vietnamese movies, like you'd have like John Foverty, like CCR and stuff, like, yeah, when they hear like, "Oh wow!" They bounce to each other and he's like, "Oh my god, they're here." - I mean, good for them for like, I mean, a crazy band who's like, "We're insane and we're the devil." They also have the police to back that up, but also this is the most logical conclusion a person could come to. Yeah, IDF, incredible disturbed families. Also even a think of the idea, you know how people will send over like Bruce Springsteen to play for the troops or someone like that. In the fact that it's just the worst musical selection imaginable, it's like IDF, it's who's another Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry Seinfeld. What is the gentleman? Can you go up the one and only disturbed? Here we go. All right, it's not real. It's here for disturbed, it's here for disturbed. Wow, it's just the worst benefit concept of all fucking times. Yeah, disturbed is here. Tell you what, I'm disturbed with the rise inside, anti-scientist sentiment. Damn, that sucks, I didn't know that. Yeah, well, it kind of is. Yeah, damn it. It is kind of all of them or just like one of the guys. I know it's like, I'm actually, I know, I do wonder, yeah, that's why the drummer's drumming so hard. He's trying to drown out their, the bassist is sitting there like, do no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And in his head he's just like, I hope they know I can do other stuff too. I'm looking to diversify projects. I would love to join Limp Bizkit. And then the other one is Boy George. Really? Boy George made an AI-generated pro-Israel song. Not Jewish, he's from England. Yeah. Boy George is just like crazy prosionist. Jesus. So yeah, Karma Camelian is the other soundtrack that the idea is, oh my gosh, it goes, it goes. It's literally rather here. Yeah, that's the same boy George. God, do you ever do that joke anymore about sort of burn your ship, but about specifically the Canadian war? My beautiful precious joke. No, remember the Ukrainian war and. Well, it's not relevant anymore. Like so much has happened between then and now, but yeah, I used to, I used to have a joke. It crushed in the early days of the war and then it had a shelf life, should've put online. I think I had like one clip of it that wasn't great. But yeah, it was like about how, you know, like wars always have a soundtrack like when they happen. You know, like World War II was like, "Oh, I'm dying, I'm gonna get back home and kiss my girl." And then like, Vietnam was like, "Why me? Why me?" You know, like CCR, it was like. And then you had like the war on terror had like corn and like lamb of God and so, you know, when you think that's what this told you to be listening to. And like right at that time when that war broke out, it was like, this is going to be a huge war for many years and this is going to have the dumbest soundtrack with the way music is right now. So this is going to be like a Black Hawk helicopter like hovering over Odessa. And all you hear is like Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda, Donda. But it required people to know Kanye West and like have a vague understanding of geopolitics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it like destroyed in like two rooms and I did it at a comedy clubs and people were like, "Who's Donda?" And then he came out with Hyal Hitler and I was like, "I don't, I don't think I'm gonna do it." And you say, "Well, this makes a joke really funny." I am, dude. Yeah, what was it? I remember reading Generation Kill. Can you do it a little louder? That would be great. I could try. But I remember reading Generation Kill and I think it was Generation Kill with a guy talked about how specifically every single Humvee was just blasting a different Metallica album. Yeah. What is externalist the fuck off? What's Generation Kill? It's a documentary about the content farm generation. It's just every single album. It's just a video whenever we get on stage, dude. It's a documentary about when we all started open likes. It's really good. We all owned Humvees. Things have gone downhill from there. And it can't be. Bob and it can't be. It's really started at the top. No, it's about like this guy falling a Humvee unit during their push to Baghdad. And it's like the spearhead going into it and it's just this Rolling Stones writer who takes along with them and it's him just watching all these guys and it was the first kind of Generation where unlike Vietnam where all of them jumped in and we're like, "Holy shit, no, these guys want to be here." They were all drafted from nowhere. Yeah, yeah. All these guys are fucking psychopaths. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're gonna be like, "Oh, I'm fucking killed so much." And they're just blasting right the lightning and he's like, "What the fuck?" It was amazing. I wonder if they turned it up because he was in their tank. Probably. Probably doing an experiment. Like, can you just see this like nerd shivering in the back? You're like, "Turn on the fucking corn." Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, "I don't want to be here, so we're gonna play Freak on a League." And he's like, "You guys really want to be here?" It's like, "Yeah, I fucking really want to be here." A lot of those-- No, yeah, I just, I couldn't pay for calling. No, I want to be here. Yeah, yeah. I love shooting fucking perfect strangers. I fucking love them right now. Yeah, I'm 18 and I love being here. No, you do, dude. The, uh, those soldiers specifically in that war, like, they were given like these pills. I don't remember what they were called. Yes, yeah, yeah. They were given in front of me. They were speed. Fun pills. Yeah, no, like literally it was like-- Didn't the Nazis do the same thing? The Nazis were on meth. Yeah. So yeah, the American government did that in like 2001. Yeah. One of the, the raids and pushes were at night as well. So it would just be them. Night vision goggles on, gacked out of the building. Yeah, it was called like rock something. Yeah, I remember with it. At the end of it, there's like the dude who drives the hum, he never shuts the fuck up. And he's the stupidest man of all time. Oh, that's annoying. He's rambling opinions. And he's documenting all this. Kind of in a malicious way of being like, "Look at how fucking stupid these soldiers are." Yeah. And then at the end, he kind of stops talking. And he's like, "Oh, is it because of the PTSD and all the fucked-up shit that they've done?" And he's like, "No, I'm out of pills." So he's just fucking exhausted driving down the street. Oh my god. You're going to go take this outpost. But then like, they were like, "We're going to need you like alert and ready to fight on a moment's notice." Yeah. So just take pills for three straight days. They come back with hundreds of pounds of copper. [LAUGHTER] Holy shit, dude. Yeah. That's so, my god. We killed everybody. We killed everybody. There we go. That's the fucking cans they could have. Look at this ceremonial bull. Look at a pond. The dog's nice. My dog's nice. Don't worry about my dog. I mean, yeah, my dog's friendly. Just don't fuck with him. Don't look at him. USO, are they dodging bullets? No, they just walk like that now. But then also, he's like documenting in it, which I thought was so interesting. How unafraid so many of these guys are, who's first really form of contact with warfare and how unfazed they're being. And he's like, wow. America's military is so well-trained. And he's like, never mind. They're all just high out of their fucking mind, where it's like the first-ever commander is just getting shots whizzed at him. And he's just like peeking over the door. And he's like, yeah, I think these are the coordinates as he's just sculling smarty-- or, sorry, Eminem's. Yeah. Yeah, I think this is where they're at. And he's like, holy shit, these guys are fearless. And they're just taking so much speed. They also work. They just get high and just bomb entire villages and kill hundreds of people after doing a bunch of meth. God makes it seem like when we were just driving on it, it was pretty harmful. Yeah, I mean, we got home safe. Yeah. They got home safe. We got home safe. Everybody gets home safe. All I did was drive and everyone threw a fucking fit. You want me to drive this soldier after a fire fart. And he's like, holy shit. Holy shit. And they're like, oh, are you hit? And he's like, oh, no, I found it. Oh, we're going to hit it. No, no, it's still there. OK, we're good. We're good, we're good. Holy shit, it's all right, I thought I lost it. My bad, my bad. Yeah, can we tell some co-cat Will and Bob stories? Oh god, I don't really remember any of them. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Can we tell them on the Patreon? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, this episode has been very family-friendly so far. I thought so. This is what I was going to say. Oh, we can go. Yeah. What do you mean? They're open with Bobby saying a slur, then. All right. No one knows what I said under the police. I'm not here to police. I'm not here to police content. Dude, dude, what's-- what's been up there? [LAUGHTER] Bro! Oh, man, what the fuck are you? You're not here back, dude. How's England? How's England? Can you actually-- because I just want to-- You're actually? Can you actually? You had a great run. You had a great run. It's over now. Yeah, so great run in England thus far. Things are on the up. The first eight months that you moved there, I felt so much better about my life whenever I would check text from-- Oh, my god. It was-- I'm going to fucking kill myself. It was so bad, because when I recorded something before I left, and everything I did, I did wrong. Because I had a road of regional hack garbage is like what I can do. And I didn't record any of it. I recorded everything that wasn't regional hack garbage. So then any-- It was a five minute special. [LAUGHTER] All on red deer. [LAUGHTER] And then-- It was a five minute special of regional hack gold. [LAUGHTER] Oh, man, I shouldn't have said any of this. Oh, yeah. Every time I try to get myself, Bobby's like, we're not finished. [LAUGHTER] I'm just like the giant stadium will on stage, pacing up the East Cow Williams. Y'all know Burger Baron. [LAUGHTER] Y'all know my other fucking Burger Baron. The way it used to be, the way it used to be. And these are taken over. I hate burgers. That used to be a subway back in my day. I'm making a motherfucking fall off of burger now. But yeah, anyways-- She'll make you feel awful. Anyways, you can go in. Wow. You do great. You do great. You do great in the UK. I'm sweating. But yeah, then when I moved, I didn't have any material because none of it made sense there. And then everything else was regional. It went from Will fondling the back of Bobby's neck. And then he put his arm down. And then Bobby put his hand behind Will's neck to fondle it. We have to be ready. I never had a friend before you bird a boys are very touchy. I know they're the most homophobic game that I've ever been a Bobby sent me A picture of you guys nightmare tour and it was like a bunch. You guys just sure list on like mattresses on the floor That was awesome. We had like a sleepover. We do we want to get to my tour after sorry. Oh my bad Nothing. I just I just you're a hack. You make hacked regional. Yeah, yeah, and then so I was like my all my powers are stripped because I was like I don't know any of the regions here. I don't know Literally it was like the guy me and Malik. We're talking about where he goes up to the other guy on the show I was like I'll give you a hundred bucks if you tell me town the people shit on around here Yeah, like what's the town the people show around it was like frustrating watching people kill because I was like I don't know where Shrewsbury is but everybody else knows where Shrewsbury is How do I figure out what and then so then I'd like go to the shows and I'd like try to do What I used to do which is like so what do you guys like make here like what's your like main thing and then they did start talking I'd be like I don't understand what you guys are saying. I don't know he's like I hope they're saying yeah, and then so the first year And then I was like I got I did one gig for this Paul Meyer hug set me up with this guy Which is I'm really grateful for because he was like he you'll be able to meet real British audiences and kind of like build a bit of an Actor like learn about British audiences through this guy. So this guy Paul didn't know any of this because this guy's Reputation had changed over the last 10 years. Oh really since Paul this was like an old contact the Paul had yeah, and so like super Gravel for Paul and Paul did not hear any about this like I talked to him the last time we were on a yeah Like I saw him and Paul's just being the patron saint of Western Canadian comedians. Yeah, it's being super so it's great And then so I like do this like I do a show in London and this guy Jeff is there and I bomb so hard like I just bombed Almost dead silence the whole time I come up to him after and he goes. Yeah, that was awesome And he goes great great great stuff. He's got this like that was awesome. I booked this show in opposite lane We think you'll be perfect for it Yeah, I shouldn't know and that it was he had the grifter energy of like oh, that was great That was oh that was fantastic. Have you had a job? What a recommendation from Paul? Yes, great, great, great, great And then I really call my mom And that's what you say to your mom you're like I told I was like it's happening start crying things are getting together now I was like I just did because this had been like six two weeks or something or two months of me like just like going to bring her shows Because there's like all these like there's like the open mics or like the bottom of the bottom and then above that is Bringer shows which is like second and then there's like sort of book shows and then there's Clubs and each has like a really weird ceiling to get out of what I like about Canada is we've circumvented all of that where the clubs are Bringer shows and open mics. Yeah, it's all the same it seems like all the same here. It is it's a horrible like you're on a line up with like mentally Old people and professionals yet the fact that the fact that there are some people that never break out open mics here is the craziest thing I was talking to a comic from America yesterday about it and they're like what do you mean people just stay in open mics? I'm like the level of bad you have to be to stay at an open mic is so fucking insane. You will be your PR officer Has or your parole officer has to be the one signing off There's open-mikers that you'll meet here that have been open-mikers for like seven to ten years. Yeah, it's like Yeah, how have you not figured out how to not do this anymore. You can't choose. He's on a Wednesdays bad. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, and they're like everyone's out to get me and you see their act and you're like you're out to get Yeah, they're brutal there like the it's it is hard to like get out And then you there's the clubs have gong shows So there's all these like little like there's pre they call it progression But it's like a Twinkie on a stick so the clubs will have gong shows and they're like that's how you get a paid TAN at a club or like a a trial spot a five or whatever and basically you go you sign up and You get like a minute sometimes to sometimes no amount of time and Before the audience can gong you off so they they'll raise up One show has dildos the other show another shows have like little signs that the audience holds up and if three of them go up You get gonged off and the crowds like it's it's the worst It's fucking awful. I was just thinking I have been gonged off every show Every single time I think I I did well on like one and I asked and But it's like a circular thing so you have to win them a couple times and then they sort of care it on a stick you and yeah Jesus to yeah, so it's these kind of hard to get out of those what what were you thinking what the fuck are you think about gongs? And we'll go. Oh, trying for my Chinese accent That means my time is not over Somebody is going to bring out something weird for me to eat But what so this show happened you called your mom call my mom. So then he books me for like this like place in Bournemouth and I didn't realize that he was Everybody hated him so like the more gigs I started to do his name would come up and about how much money he owed people and Right he owed I'll almost everybody I talked you had the crazy story about how many you owed him like thousands and thousands of pounds and so I started doing gigs for him And he was really slow on paying me and so what I started doing is like the morning before the show I'd be like I can't do this unless you pay me and then so you'd like send me some money one time I send him a Message and I say this and he goes writes me this big email about how hard it's been for him and how he he He lost a bunch of money at the Edinburgh festival and he just was like came clean to me and I've never really had anyone do that that owed me money And he was like I hope you understand I really apologize and I was like wow that's a really stand-up thing to do and I did the gig And then that night I'm talking to somebody at the gig who's complaining about him and I tell them about this I go well he wrote me this thing about how he lost money at the Edinburgh festival and they go yeah Because he had hookers there the entire time so he was he had got an investor to invest in him And then the acts that he like the way the Edinburgh festival like works for some people is like agents will pay for your run And so then or or you put up the money for it and then the and the agents will get the money through your ticket sales And then pay you back after and he didn't pay like like a dozen comedians But he was show up to their shows with two prostitutes for three weeks, right? That's all I spent all his money Okay, so he's the man Yeah, I think we've got the king of the bringers Yeah, all right being goes is illegal and London comedy scene Wow, it is crazy. They make the same guy everywhere literally everywhere. Yeah, but just a little stronger in England Yeah, definitely a lot sort of well because they're closer to like poor countries in Europe, right? So yeah, the prostitutes are cheaper and easier to get way easier to travel It's the guy that released the dark That is dark Bobby something not. Yes, anything on them. Okay, dark. Yeah, it's not yeah sex trafficking is dark Then why do you keep buying them you? You crane as a sex worker and you're like finally I'm out of this country and they're like fucking Edinburgh for inch And another prostitute and then 68 year old man. Yeah, a woman coming up when I was a girl I saw my father get exploded by the enemy and that's the French show and your Because your hour was the worst thing I've seen a girl seeing some guy go on stage talk about his trauma And it's just him being like being a bisexual Like I'm chained have been blown off I'm chained to this man. I'm with right now my father was eaten by pigs in front of me And I had to eat the pigs after Anyway, it's tough being gay. I had a stalker. I had a stalker. She was a big fat Scottish lady. Somebody touched my fan Somebody touched my bum Did it with this was the guy that released the email like was it didn't this guy make like a public statement that was like Different guy really completely different all different guy. Wow who also owes people so much money He owes so many people money that he had to BCC and say and the the subject line was to all the comedians. I owe money to So choose separate dudes that you've worked with extensively are like you're never getting your money. Yeah To all the girls have no and I will work for them again That guy he I went I did a gig in I was supposed to do a gig in Serbia when I first moved there Oh, I remember this yeah, and then there was a terrorist attack So then the whole thing got shut down, but he had booked himself he was supposed to be on the gigs But he had a bad bad back or something couldn't get the refunds for the hotels So then I stayed in like really nice hotels the whole time in Serbia. So that was nice But then you didn't have to do a show did not have to do a show I'm really sending his pictures of like burned out rusty cars because I was just walking around I'm just walking around Serbia, and so it was like no no the whole experience is like completely lost on me because I don't I'm not a backpacker. I don't find like the world that interesting do you know There's like Roman ruins there sure there are there's also with like regular ruins And everybody's basketball and they're fucking off like you can see like basketball academies and they're missing every shot that they take The greatest in the world is from there. They have like things on buildings of him like big mirror Yeah, I love is there is their girls. I think Tesla is Serbian wasn't I'm not sure I don't know maybe wasn't I don't know, but uh this so no no that's where I went and the guy who was running the show was like Telling me about another comedian. I think his name is Dave Thompson that was there and he was like talking about how he ran a Workshop and how incredible it was and he was like, I don't know if you know him, but he played the coveted role of Tinky winky and I was like who what are you talking about and he and he goes the Teletubby Tinky winky and I was like couldn't tell if he was joking or not and he was like can you imagine? The role of a lifetime Tinky winky and you're sitting there like I don't I'm not curious about the world You going back to your room and just staring at a picture of the Wiggles So you literally talked about tinky winky for like 25 minutes and how about he learned so much from doing about doing stand-up from tinky winky and What the fuck so the next week I'm on the I'm on a gig and and I'm driving back with these comics and I'm telling them about Serbia and about Jeff booking this thing because everybody's telling Jeff stories And I'm start going into talking about the Teletubby thing and I say yeah this fucking guy He thinks like Dave Thompson and then everybody in the cartoons around and goes Tinky winky Oh my god a role of a lifetime Oh my lord and I was like I just shrunk into the back of the sea as they all started talking about how awesome that would be for their careers Yeah, he got fired after one season for sexual impropriety really what? Tinky winky did the first. Yeah, the first smiley face cookies. He was just I want to fuck the sun. That's so fucking hot dude. I think the sun is baby. I want to really fuck this Yellow ones is the hardest one. Come on. Do you see? I don't know that I don't know Something no stop neither does well. Well doesn't know a lot of movie. Oh, I don't know. I was at fun house I was gonna grab it for you. Yeah, I got to show Bobby is they have a alph trading car Like packs of alph trading. Oh my god. That is crazy rules. Yeah, I might have to get one of those We can check it later man pretty good wise. You can play the alph trading card game Make all your friends so that Bobby can go to the casino and go you guys don't know what's in store I'm counting cards on alph cards For the kind baby Alph Alph it also Alph of space Alph of clubs Dude and now I just want to hear motor head go you know the space That's crazy help out. Yeah, we got a royal fun Sexual misconduct. What did he do? I don't think they were like I Think it was really oh so to get fired back then it's gonna be dark. Yeah, I think he was probably just like hitting on people and they were like and it was This taught me how to do stand up That's my stinky winky uncircumse I Very stinky I think it was just like season one and they were like yeah, we don't need to like this is going well So we don't need this guy who's being weird and then he wrote and then they were talking about how he wrote a book about his sexual Escapades Yeah, but they were love like talking about him like he was like and then I want to work in with doing a gig with him like a couple Like a year later. What was he like we what the fuck do you think? Just as British puns as British puns could be I mean, there's a lot of there there are there are a few like pretty solid comics there and some funny people Yeah, and the work is good. I mean this is all boring, but no, no, it's fine I mean you are you mother fuckers getting paid. Yeah, the spot pays great and you can do a lot of spots and once you're I don't know I feel like my first year was like trying to figure out how to do regional hack garbage And now I have enough of it where I can like have fun doing stand-up is like cuz it is just a field Yeah, yeah, do a little bit of I have like the regional stuff that I start with and then I feel like I can just do stand-up now and just talk about Yeah, you know, yeah, just do just do stand cuz for the first one That didn't really laugh to that but they laughed pretty hard that over in chop-shuh You guys are over here shagging cows me while over there the shagging sheep which one's better which one's worse Stand-up comedy so easy. It's retarded. Yeah, let's go and say it to you. Who's just ready? Love you When the skin kind of falls apart at like an old chucky cheese Well, oh, yeah, my big the big joke I had going there that I was like, oh, this is like I'll be able to do It was talking about having a DUI and it's and they would drink driving where you they take they don't find it funny Even a little bit. Yeah, like you could have no you could have hit a horse I am going to steal it Damn that is yeah, I found that in BC up until about twenty twenty one twenty twenty Yeah, is this someone was like I got a DUI everyone's like you could it specifically Vancouver cuz it's the city They're like fucking killed someone like yeah, they take they take it so and I like ask them about it They're like oh, we had big adverts like whatever like in the nineties to not do it and then we just didn't do it and so People would just like they don't find any of it funny at all. Well, dude when I was in I was imagine being such a gale Or do you get stopped by an advert? Yeah, you see a commercial and you're like I better not do that anymore. Did you see that there's like The UK government sorry, okay, well yeah, you go with the UK government To combat the rise and sex crimes in the UK They've started issuing pamphlets to to refugees that are just like no right people really Sounded the BBC. I don't know what you did there put now you hit it's literally It's like don't follow people home if you try to hit on someone and they turn you down no means no Consent is when both parties agree like it's literally like they have that and then at the end of the pamphlet It's like unless you're good at footy Unless you're a cool Brazilian good at footy do exactly as you please Jesus Christ I know I'm just thinking if he's from there. I don't you're thinking what oh I'm just thinking like you hand a person like a pamphlet and that's in English and they don't even read English It's like well, what's the point? That was my thing. That's kind of like planning drugs on somebody. It's like It's like when you Should have known better. It's like well, they can't read the language like when you go to parks here And it's like no littering and you're like yeah, I'm sure everyone who reads English is really gonna do that I'm sure all that I'm sure all the yeah people are in English. You're just dumping garbage ducks in the pond are safe We need his hands as no stealing ducks. Yeah, no stealing ducks no cooking with your feet No deep frying live animals There's also like ads on like the trains and stuff where it's like staring in his harassment They're all over the place where you just don't you're not supposed to look at anybody. Yeah, which I guess is you know Well, you love to look you love to look you hate to touch. Yeah, I don't mind touching Yeah, really? I guess I'll touch Bobby. We'll try to start off his own podcast. It was called peeping will You barely got through that It was called touching willy People will Malik just really took me out All-time. Yeah, all-timer. No, I was in Arizona though to the D. I won that I thought was crazy This was years ago, but the girl I was seeing at the time was like, oh, no, you can't have a drop She's like if you blow like a 0.01 she's like they're gonna hit you with the DUI. Wow, and I was like that's in this place open Yeah, yeah, this crap is like I'm like a borderline libertarian state. Yeah, open carrier is like you better not drunk drive though If you drunk drive, I'm gonna shoot you to death That guy had a mimosa Hopefully they have a sense of humor about it I'm sure that yeah the cops got great sense That's so funny. You're going to jail. Yeah, what the fart man. This is hilarious. You're going to jail for bringing it driving Yeah, it is so redneck in Arizona. I didn't realize that until like The moment you're out of fiend because like Phoenix is the hood. Yeah, there's like so many rough parts of Phoenix Then the moment you go out of it It's like pure redneck until you get like Sedona. Yeah, it's the west. Yeah, yeah, it's a desert. They're cowboys Yeah, seems nice. I'd like to go. I remember going and being so taken back when they're like how do you want your hamburger done? No, it's like excuse me. Oh, yeah, yeah, we're like how do you want your hamburger done? Did you get it medium? No, I was like well done Oh medium so good. That is such a good medium liberty thing. We're really like We're just having you're eating bird burgers and then you go down there and there's so much fat and flavor Yeah, yeah, it is good But sometimes I look at it and we're like how do you want your burger done? And then you look at like their health standards and it's like though you guys feed cows concrete and other cows Shouldn't shouldn't we be cooking this all the way through? Guys got a worm crawling through his eyes Bob what take a little trip to AZ to a easy. I would like to I know a dude who does stand up out there And he was like telling me about like going like he's like you can come you can set up shows We can do stand up and I was like that sounds cool. And he's like plus I have like a bunch of AR-15s and we can go shoot them And I was like I'm in I am in those guns are really trying to outlaw Yes, so fucking he's got a ton of them and they he they will not take them from him They will not I can I do an impression of Bobby doing stand up Arizona more like air's a boner and Then spazzing because it didn't work. Yeah It's weird. It's weird. I write perfect jokes and deliver them right and you don't let you guys are just like my dad Let me suck your day Yeah, he is doing it now when Bobby Bobby's new thing from the moment. He gets up there is just grabbing the mic standing when And then like pausing and being like And it is killing really really you have like a you get like a fixation every like six to eight months Oh, yeah, and then you do so on bombing yeah Wow, I mean you had yummy. Do you still do yummy? Oh it's like in your act now That is just becoming stems really. Oh, yeah, it's horrible. You'll see tonight He has we kind of bullied him out of doing fuck. Yeah, which fucking God that took a long time. That was a good Opener. Well, what do you think? Yeah, fuck. Yeah Fuck yeah Yeah, it's an opener. Well. Yeah, it's great. What the fuck do you open on hey? I'm will I'm I'm from Edmonton Hey, least any red deer not anymore Now I go I'm from I'm from Canada, what I thank God. It's not so sex. Yeah, pretty much now. God He's pretty much do you do jokes about like just came here over the Atlantic boy or my legs covered in crabs? No, I wish never never can we write your act for you? Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, well I got Michael Rowland to go up and then do this and go hello my little morsels And he did it and I was like you're the king. Yeah, I mean, I feel like he could tell it. He's very silly They created it. Well, yeah, but whatever I got you to go up and after you F a joke didn't work Point to a guy and go yo, man, keep you me in favor. Can you absolutely destroy my tailbone after this show? I got you go up on stage and go I'm gonna let these white people change me Yeah, yeah, that's good. The black woman in the back. Oh, yeah Okay, yeah, for the day. Yeah, you're it was also after a joke landed, which made it that much Why people changing? Yeah, it was at a hotel in front of like a very diverse audience. Yeah, yeah, you said that there is a black table that was like Change all of us mm-hmm people like us mm-hmm. Yeah, no, it is fun having someone tell you one thing that you have to say on stage at night And then trying to figure out where to play. It's very good. It's great It always does help I feel it makes it makes comedy fun. Yeah, because God knows going up and doing your act Yeah, you can just turn into it. Yeah, it's like there are times where you're like God I wish I learned how to be a carpenter like At least I'd be able to look at a house I build yeah drive past something and like show my kids like I built that it is So drive by like boarded up bars and be like I used to bomb literally driving by and it's like a thriving business And you're like that actually used to be run by a pretty skit's a frenet guy Yeah, and he let us do an open mic and one time I watched him stab a guy and then they close it down and now it's a what night Close now it's supporting a family and your girlfriend's just like, oh, oh And then you just keep going Oh, it's not oh, no, it's not not really and then she goes I'd like to see you do stand up sometime you go shut the fuck up I'd like to see you do the lung Bitch Oh, we have fun. We have fun. Yeah, we're gonna fucking Victoria tomorrow Oh, that will be Bobby's been crying about it. Bobby doesn't want to go Victoria is I think the most overhype city I've ever been to really Thank you on a stand because what do you like fish and chips? I don't care I already hold on I like Victoria So you don't have to like sell me on it Why do you like fish and chips I don't fucking get you don't like Roman ruins you don't like fish and chips. We don't connect on anything I mean I like Roman ruins in terms of like oh, okay like okay Roman ruins sounds like a really bad porn stuff. I was just thinking Standing beside a four-foot asshole It wasn't the big when I got here Are you horny for me Are you gonna come when I'm tired, I got a pee You have to come on their face at the end of it. I do Runs over to the camera guys Finally get the money shot you fart stirring it. I tried really hard to hold it in but you know crap services head tomatoes today Hey, do one of those weird zooms on his face. He just sneezes All right, so Roman you're gonna like have to like do another com shot. I can What can't you edit it in post? Are you coming? I stop my toe. I Stubbed my toe on her pussy I heard did they look weird. I was shaving my balls with the battery died and I had to come right here Sweating sweating so much the camera is getting foggy It's not infected. It's fine. Oh, I don't speak ukrainian She just come out of a cage Is she having fun? I don't want to be here. She's not having fun here legally. What's going on? Are we hanging out after this I'm in ripe of our shoot who ate all of the cottage cheese. She's him gnarly breath running down his face. I don't know I think it was her Can we wrap this up I'm lactating Oh my god. Yeah, I'm a new joke that I pitched a mallick and he fucking hated. Let's hear dude. Do you want to hear the new joke? I don't think I'll ever do it on stage. That's never stopped you. That's true. The new joke is I you know I don't love having sex first thing in the morning I think girls think that guys like having sex first thing in the morning because you wake up with an erection So they're like oh he's horny, but it's like that's the first thing He's truly Bobby's the only guy to go can I run this joke by you and then he pulls out his pants and goes Bobby's the guy who's so excited to maybe get a laugh. He starts true Oh You listen to my joke out there. It's like pre-come for joke. Why did the chicken cross the road? The first set up the first set up is pre-come for the second identical set up But you know, so they think you want to have sex because you're you know, you have an erection, but you know One time a girl she was sucking me off in the morning, and I wasn't going oh my god Oh, she's gonna make me come. I was going. Oh crap. I'm gonna pee in her mouth Why is that it that's a joke? You've been away a long time Bobby you letting him fly and going whoa there was a lot of come Workshop it. Yeah, it's crazy. I thought you were gonna say something about like you wake up and your heart And it's like it's not because I woke up and saw you it's because I was just dreaming about kids No, that would be sort of a will style joke. That's okay Oh god, I know what Bobby feels like That feels terrible Well Sal is getting ahead and getting hard and about to come and they go are you gonna come and he goes I'm sorry. I was just thinking about force burger Alberta The burger bear in there Crazy so good if I were if I were gonna do that one it's be like you know like yeah woke up feeling a little randy Great punch like the no one's not good. I live up the blanket sure enough. She's stuck it on my Johnson and I Should we call it yeah, we can go on