Ep 641 - The Russian Masters (feat. Tim Butterly & SWIM)

Wow, wow, Wes. Hey, welcome to the podcast. We're here. I'm with Tim butterly Tim. I think they're properly say hello. Hey, man, what's up? Mother fucking Tom. What's up? What's up, bros? How are you doing, man? We're just, you know, filling in chillin' chillin' in during the slow news week. Yeah. Nothing going on. Not really much going on. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you. Yeah. So that's my answer there. I think this thing's been shagging out. I, um, I had a actually, you know, I had a personally, I had a tumultuous night last night. So as you know, my babes pregnant, so my babes pregnant and, um, she's been having just belly issues. First trimester, you know, first trimester. Sick as a dog every day, sick as a dog every day. I mean, I'll tell you about parenting, man, these days are long, but they go by quick if you know what I mean. So I'm like, end of the day. I'm like, all right, time to chill. Babe hits me with literally like, oh, yeah, good call actually. Babe hits me. Dude, I'm not fucking this bad. Baby, I've been doing that for like five months. It's like good call. We got some clarity this week. Yeah, I got Claire for sure. But she hits me with like a pregnant hospital, like, level, like her stomach got super fucked up. So I'm like, you know, I'm like, all right, we got to go. I selfishly hate the emergency. I hate the hospital. Hate the emergency. I'm like a real big bitch when it comes to going there. It's a tough hang. It's a tough hang, dude. What? So I'm like, trying to be like, let's, let's wait it out. I have to go. And I'm like, let's give you 15 minutes. And if it gets worse, we can always go in 20 minutes in 20. I was dude. And I said, you know, I just need to put my shoes on. I'm ready to go now. My biggest thing was I was trying not to be. That's a bitch just being like, all right. Let's go. Six hours. So I'll do it my best not to be like, yeah, let's go. All right. No, I love going to the emergency room. So I'm, it's taking it. It's just embarrassing because I'm marshaling every just like speck of my willpower. Not to be a complete baby and make it all about myself. All right, I'll do this. Told you so of all time. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like it's super Smash Bros. When you squeeze it, it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger. I mean, it was like an ultimate told you so smash. I mean, I was not sure I'm seeing in monster told you so. And I was like, don't even think about the told you so life and death told you told you're not dying. So let's go. We go there. And I'm like, in first of all, this is on me too. I'm like so tired. I miss the exit. So like nightmare scenario. Well, how did you miss it? I'm like, I'm because I'm thinking about other stuff. And I'm like, just we can go this way. It's the highway system's fine. It'll connect us. So I, you know, so everything's chill still everything's chill. I'm driving. We get to the hospital. And I, it's like, do we go to like the pregnancy area? Cause I think you get kind of first dibs when you're pregnant at the hospital. But I'm like, I don't, I didn't know where to go. So I'm like, let's just go in the emergency room and they'll kind of sort us out. Dude, we go in there. And it was like full on Star Wars bar. The emergency room there. It was I was gallery. Just packed with like various stages of death and dying in on to me. She got gunshot victim. Yes. I walk in there. My green people. There's just a guy. Cause like, Brittany, I go sit down and say, something was really fucked up. I'm like, you sit down. I'll go handle official administrative biz. So she's in the chair. A dude, two to over next to her. She's this old guy who's just, you could tell is never read the back of any nutrition label ever in his life. Dude, he's he's three, he's three chairs down. He just goes, oh, my God. You're like auditioning at that point. Yeah, I'm trying to go back. Everyone's trying to go back first. You start going, you start going, babe, stay with me. Someone please. Shirts fully on button. I look over him like to fuck up. I look at my poor, sweet wife. She's like this or stomachs all messed up. And then behind me. And if this is hip of my bad, I don't know with the technology. I think hip is not existing anymore. But there's a couple next. The guy's in a deeper level of baby hell than I am. So there's also pregnant babe or just not pregnant baby. It's like, yeah, man, I was not going to do this guy's here to my knowledge. Non pregnant woman, excuse me, excuse me, pregnant person. Can we start over? But so I see this there, there's a move in the hospital where like because there's a four or five person line to get to admin. So I get in line. And there's two people in a chair and the lines like there's a chair, but it's off the side. So I get in line in front of the chair. And I hear like, I'm like, fuck, I look back and they're, they're hitting the Spanish back and forth with each other. And I can get I, I get the lady spas in the guys going. It's universal language. You guys going, tranquilo. And I'm going, oh, shit. I think they might be in line, but sitting kind of like I'm in line, but I'm sitting move. So I'm like, Hey, man, speak now forever. Hold your peace. I got my own emergency going on. I'm technically in line. If you guys, if they were to be like, Hey, we're sitting in the line. I'm like, Hey, I would have yielded, but they didn't say anything. But the lady keeps popping off its lady. The guy that she would go, and I'm like, I should do understand what you're saying. Yeah. So I'm sitting there. And I'm like, Oh, dude, they're fighting about the fact that I'm here. And I was faced with a real moral conundrum. I'm like, my babe suffering. It was like the, like the ethics thing. Like a five people on island. You got to kick them off. What do you do? And I was just like, not my problem. So I kind of, yeah, let's see, I don't know me. Puffer for the soil and pick a door. I'm a center. But so I can't, I get in front. I'm like, just in line. I'm like, I get my babe suffering. I'm like, this is no time to be like, Oh, sorry. Were you guys? Come on. Come on. I'm like, dude, this is life of death. If it was for you, obviously, you prefer and, and it's like, you can't sit in a chair and call your sponsor. You got it. The dude, I get up. I'm saving a spot. My babe's in a chair. That dude should be in line. And if I had a guest, the baby's like, he's like, no, I can't hold you. I got to get in line. You got to just be a grownup for five seconds, but whatever. So whatever. But anyway, it's, it's tough. But so I'm, I'm watching this whole thing unfold. And meanwhile, I'm like anything for my, my babe, I got it. I'm, yeah, I'll kill both of them right now. Yeah. I'll fucking, I'll kill these guys. I need to get my babe seen right away. She's with the child. Come on. Don't even talk to me. So I'm in line. And then this lady starts, she starts escalating, escalating, and the guys say, no, no, no, no. And then she's like, so they, they stand up behind me. And they officially get in line. And the lady keeps on, and he gets, and then they did the point where they're like, we need security to this lady. And then she dude, she ultimate. She just goes, ah, and does a fake faint. Just one up with a completely fake faint. And I was like, dude, get us the fuck out of here right now. Jump in front of you at that point. No, no, she just want, because we're like, we're, they're waiting. And then like the lady came out to help me with a clinic. It was so crowded. They came out to help me with a clipboard. And then she was like seeing people dispatch. And you know, I'm getting some action. I'm finally get some fucking play. Yeah. So she just hits the ultimate. Like after screaming, shut up in Spanish. And then started to laugh like a maniac. She go, they mentioned security. And she goes, ah, Dios, man, this is late. And just like puddles out on the floor. The dude picks her up. He's like, come on. And then he, at one point, he looks over at me, like, what do I do? And I look like what do I bro? I really have. I was like, you guys should have rolled together. I should have. Like, let's just do move the move. I look at him. It was, I was in the hospital. I looked at him. I said, right, we find it. Don't. Yeah, we're going to get some sleep. Don't worry about it. But yeah. But also, we're thing. They were claiming three. She's like, you've been having a panic attack for three days. She hasn't slept in three days. And I'm sitting there like, she's doing. She's possessed. Either she's possessed or she's on meth. Or she's like, but it was like the most. It was horrible. But, um, but yeah. And apparently they were trying to like bounce, get like bouncer energy on her. And this nurse thank God came out. And it's like, dude, just let's bring this lady. But she's clearly something's off. Yeah, whatever. So I'm out of there by then. I had to go move the car, transport babe to like baby board. And it was just like, I haven't, I have the emerge. I was like, dude, the emergency room's going to be crazy. And when we got in there, it was a level so beyond that it took everything in. I mean, not to turn around and be like, do you feel better? Yeah. The guy literally the first guy in line. Thanks for the invite, baby. The first guy in line. When I get there, it's like, I think I'm having a heart attack. And I'm like, three in line. Just like, all right. That's one guy out of the way. Like, uh, let's go here. He starts trying to go conversation with people convincing them they're fine. And they leave. You know, like, I hate when you see like a kid with a big ice bag on his arms, like, damn, it's going to get preference. When he tried walking it off champ, you know, yeah. Oh, he's fine. Nothing but like, there's like, dude, just like wrapped in blankets there. And I was like, what are you doing, dude? Well, get out of here. She hit him with a six-pack of ginger ale. Ginger ale. Ginger ale. I would have taken care of like half the crowd. So that was my night. So I was there till one 15 a.m. last night. Jesus. Got a situate. Hey, man, look. And what was the diagnosis? It for real. Honestly, I think it was a, um, uh, those pregnancy vitamins. They have like, like, iron can really fuck your stomach up. So it was like zinc. There was no iron in it, which was the big confusion. But I think it was like a massive dose of zinc on an already irritated stomach. I looked it up as like a four hour or a deal. It'll fuck you up. They passed. They treat anything or they just send her home to chill. You talk about the professional medical guesters. Yeah, no, they're all very nice. You need Dr. Huberman back there. They need to be like iron actually doesn't go into your stomach when you're pregnant. Yeah, actually because he would take it with K2 for it? No, they were all, they're all super nice. They were just kind of like, well, let's just like see what's up. And then they hit her with the light of king cocktail, which that's kind of all we need. That's bring some home, huh? She brings some home. I might start, yeah, but also trapping with that shit. Can you? I would cut, I would try this shit out and use it as cut. Oh, nothing. You can't trust me. The numbing industry. Come on, dog. I'm going to trap. I'm going to count that with some creative team. Trap it out. You can trap it. You can trap it. The mother should pop in, dude. You got to get your hood poppin. I do have to get my hood poppin for real. I live on a bitch block right now. I put up tails. There's nothing poppin poppin, bro. I got no, but my block, my strip makes I was like, look at this sims neighborhood. I was made out for like 15 minutes. I was like, looking around. No, no hopper Charlie perks. Nothing poppin on your body. It's a young bulls out there. It was like three years before any law enforcement came around. I could for real sell heroin in my neighborhood for like 10 years. But I got Facebook marketplace. Yeah, just be like, yo, just pull up. I, too, you're, you're, you're, yeah, poppin at my CR. I have all the stash in the tire of my CRV. It's our buying up houses on your block. Skip out of port of all up. I'm going to take decorating to my own hands around here. The pet dies crack house. That's your future. This is the traditional way of where I come from. I saw me post up on the block with my chair pants, dude. Oh, yeah, dude. It's a chair legrest. I'm losing a phone. I'm missing a boat right here. Yeah, dude. These things are kind of sick. They are sick. I mean, that was my night, dude. Just this episode is brought to you by price picks. Football is heating up and price picks makes it easy to stay locked in. Find players with improved search. Track your picks with live box scores and find popular picks to copy with one click. So what's you all in this season? What players having the most surprising performance? I would say Josh Allen is a, I really like what he's doing quarterback. Download the app today and use code drenched to get $150 instantly in lineups. If you win your first $5 lineup, that's code drenched to get $150 instantly in lineups. If you win your first $5 lineup, price picks, run your game. I had a, I had a dad pulled me on a dad hell. Oh, we were walking in the Walmart. Oh, that's your entering the mouth of dad hell. Yeah. And a guy was coming out. A guy that escaped. He was, you know, close to sin. Another thing in Aladdin, when like the Jaguar head comes out of his head, you gotta walk in. And Jasmine's dressed ridiculously fine. That was so inappropriate. What? How hot they made Jasmine in that scene. Dude, that's none of your business. That's true. That's, dude, I thought of your new scratch that dude. I'm not good. That's one strike. Hey, it was that was violence. Thomas looks ridiculous. Is that Disney put in easy? You know, the thing with a little girl, say off the clothing. You know, I'm talking about. Yeah, it didn't be put in like a thing there where they say good. Yeah, which is the tiger. And they go, good little girl, say off the clothes real quick. If you want it, do you know that? You're like the Disney Easter eggs of like, I know there's like dicks all over the little mermaid. Have you ever seen the priest's boner in Little Mermaid? No, bro. I'm not fucking keeping meat like that. I'm telling you. I was staring at the mermaid totes easing. We heard about Ariel 16, but we heard about it. Although she lives under water. She's a little fish. I feel like the land is, you can make the argument be like, well, international waters officially. That's their culture. I respect it. Prince Eric's a real fucking. What? Prince Eric's a real villain in the story. He's grabbed and made a lady out of the ocean beach and like took her home and kissed her fucked up. It's fucked up, bro. That's why like frozen. I like, I don't like just have sisters empowering each other, punching guys in the face. I'm with that. I'm with frozen. People say frozen satanic. I think it's empowering. Why does he think that? I've never heard this. Because they just say it's like, you've been out of the game too long. Yeah, true. It's just like right back in the room. I'm right back in. The butter is out there. This kids are grown grown. We unified our sons. It was like, oh, bro. They like my kids. I heard of that. I was thinking about that meeting about a year ago. I was like, bro, no two humans are going to hit it all harder. We were driving home. Max was like, I've never met anyone like me. Not to put his biz out, dude. He wouldn't be happy if I put his biz out. He hit me last night. I was putting him to bed and he was like, yo, can I ask you a question? I thought I was going to be like, can we go get us, like, can we go to the game stop? Yeah. It's like, what's up? He's like a Santa real. Yo, between you and me, he's a between. I want to say nothing to me. Is he real? I'm like, what do you think? And then he's like, well, dude, I just like, I know you and mommy don't drink that much milk. So who drinks all the milk? So I was like, so you think this magical man's not real because milk is consumed? But what's your evidence? And he's not really starting listing it off. I'm like, all right, I'm not going to tell you this because it's up to you to find out. But you're saying you don't think there's a magical guy with an island of elves that builds toys that look like they came from Target. And what's hanging you up is a glass of fucking. And he just was like, dude, what's real? What's not? He was like, fucking. Yeah, it's the first existential crisis. You know, boys, like, why did you guys lie to me? I said, we've made a magical fucking seven years for you. It's fun. Don't put this on me. You try to hold on to Santa Claus until puberty. Yeah. It's just like, yeah, whatever. Then we devised a plan where we were going to treat the eldest though. That's the thing. It's better if there's old. I remember I learned about Santa not being real, but you and Kevin were like, yeah, dude, that's just for kids. And I was like, well, so I made sure you do with you guys. I remember, yeah, I remember feeling cool that I got to like help set up the toys that year. Yeah. And then after that, I was like, this sucks. I don't get any more presents. Well, I was trying to run a game with them. I was like, dude, let's not tell mom and let her start to worry about you at like 15. And he was with it. I was like, I can't do that too well. Sandy. That was actually all I confirmed. Santa's not real. It was I stayed up on Christmas Eve all night. My older Wigger brothers were they were old enough to like help set up the tree and shit. They're not elves. I hate them so much. And I was getting Street Fighter 2 for a super Nintendo. Yeah, I laid down at the top of their business. It was my business. Dude, it was my Street Fighter 2. I was on the edge of the top stair just peeking over and they were all sitting on the tree and my brothers were like handling my shit. And he picked up my coffee Street Fighter 2. He's like, damn, I'm about to start playing this right now. Just raging at the top of the stage. I was this close to running down. Wait, did you come down and like tell him the next morning? No, I slunk back off to my bed and kept the secret because I was worried it would diminish the number of. Oh, damn. Because if it's magic, magic run up the list, obviously, but then the second Santa's not real. It's like, man, mom, dad don't make that much money. You know, I should probably I got caught out of thinking about what I'm about. My dad all tough. Like, you know, Santa's not real. And he was like, now he can help. Yep. And it was like 20s from there on that. Yeah, there's 20 bucks. You're 30 bucks. You're like socks and fucking yeah. Like, yeah, you got to help the little kids now. I'm like, fuck. I thought I felt so cool that first Christmas. And I got he was feeling himself when he woke up. He looked at me like, so like, yeah, I told you, mom, milk out of the carton. Yeah. They was like, our leprechauns and fairies real. I'm like, yes, kind of. Yeah. We're getting into fucking now. We're gonna add territories that I can't even explain to you. My holds it down. Everything's real. Like if I'm like, well, she's like, dad, unicorns are real. I'm like, yeah, man, fucking whatever. Whatever. My bad. Excuse me. She's like, why don't I see fairies? I'm like, they're so fast and tiny. It would be like, I see one so bad. She gets really, she gets really fucked up about it. She's all about leprechauns right now. We because we used to do the thing at the same pattern or same actually where we would die the toilet screaming stuff. What? So it's like, he's like cascading every like, oh, big weight. Oh, fuck, that's fake too. That's fake too. So he's having a real like, yeah, ontological. He's hearing up to realize that you don't know shit about anything. That's someone that really, that's gonna hit him hard. I'm telling you, I gave that to my prematurely by putting on these chairpants. Yeah. And I sat down and she went, I cried. That was a guy. I fucked my bad. That was supposed to not. That's a good way to introduce her to the never talk about other people where, though. Yeah. True. I actually kind of fucked up. I was actually going to fucked up. It's fucked up. She you mentioned that. Well, that's first and foremost in our house. True. That's that's that's top priority. I'm like, yeah, dad's naked. Don't say anything. Man, how do you drink that coffee? How do your girls do around like, deformed people? Uh, poorly. I mean, they're like, they're quick to fire off collections right away. Yeah. Point. Yeah. Right away. Yeah. Watch your eyes. His legs like that. Yeah, dude, they snipe the guy with a bionic leg at the farmers market this weekend. Really? And I had your two kids and my two kids and the three little ones were just like, yo, yo, yo, like the pointing star. I'm like, yo, drink that strawberry milk. That fucking man alone. And they think it's cool. Yeah. But I'm like, we're just not, we're not hitting like a three kid. Yeah. What the fuck right now? Yeah. I'm sure the dude would laugh it off. I'm sure he's not like still waking up like fuck. Yeah. Yeah. They talk a big game like they're used to it. They still go home just like, fucking kids. And started brewing though. Like I heard one of them like, yo, they song the alarm. Then the other two were like, whoa, I'm like, dude, shut it down. They do it with fat. They hit it with fat all the time. Like, well, that guy's really big dad. I'm like, and also people who they can't tell or boys and girls, but because that a man or a woman, you know, and the roof, it'll be like a dude with a ponytail. I'm like, it's clearly a seven-year-old dude. I get offended. Might hit me with the fat. They should remember. Yeah, the pool. She was like, "Dad, why is his belly so big, dude?" It's because he's rich. They, I was sitting there the other day. We're at like one of those outdoor brewery play plays kind of things. And Chloe just came up to talk to me. I'm like standing in front of like four different people. Chloe comes up. She's like, "Um, dad, because there's these little like stalls, like vendor things. It's all like bracelets. So she's like trying to scheme on a bracelet. And as she's like trying to formulate her sentence, she's like stress-balling my stomach fat. She's like, "Dad, I'm like, fuck off of me." She's like isolated under my shirt and started squeezing it. I'm like, "Yo, fucking release me first of all. No, we're not going to find fun." You come out of that shirt on there just like, you know, I get crushed. I get crushed. And I'm like, "Guys, I've been, I'm always like slimming up a little." Like, "No, you're still a, you're still a chubby dad." And I'm like, "Alright, fucking thanks. Thanks." They're on it. I'll be in, because they'll be like, "Get a shower." I'll be sitting there like, "Dude, I can, I can, I can, I can't reach out now." They're like, "No, you're still, you're still right there." That's like all around your hips, mostly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That doesn't seem to ever go. No, I'm like, "Oh, you're right. It never goes, kids." First of all, I'm slowly letting get a belt on my belly. So he'll approach from like, he'll come from across the room and he's got his hand up and it's just, and I go, "Ah, he got me again, bud. It's really great." But I was in the middle of like, we were, me and MJ were trying to figure out something in the kitchen and it was like, a scheduling thing. Are we going, whatever. And he walked up and I didn't see him coming and he hooked it and he called me and he knocked the wind out of me and I'm like, "You ever get, like, in this stomach, you can almost feel like it touched your spine, like it went through all my work and I'm like, "It wasn't ready." Yeah, I still bit you up. If I get a nut shot, I'm like, "Ah, God damn it! Stop!" Yeah, I won. They have no idea what's going on. Stop it right now! Stop for me! No, that a fucking job! Dude, I was, yeah, I've been, I've been, I've been rocking, dude. I've had, again, I've had a sick, my baby's been sick. So I've been rocking. It was just me and the kids doing, like, I bring them everywhere now. Like, I get your dog food. You say, "Here, I'm like, no, you're coming." So I bring them with me. It's no, like, we see the cats, like, "No, you got to stay with me." So I bring them home and then we're, we're heading back last night and they're like, "We're so hungry." And I'm like, "God, it'll be fine. You're not going to die." My belly rumbled. I'm like, "Yeah, you'd be fine." I was like, "That way you'll actually eat what I give you." And they're like, "You're so mean!" Yeah, they're not used to it. I took them on like a 99 degree hike and I was like, "We're hardening you guys off." Yeah. And we walked and walked and we said, "Sip water, keep going." Yeah, I'm like, "Dude, they cracked." But then they like, they're coming around to the Texas heat. Dude, I hit my husband complaining. He's like, "I like Philadelphia. It's too hot here." And I was like, "This summer, I'm toughening you two up." So I was making them do long walks in the heat. And I do like a little bit. I'm like, "Yeah, a little bit tougher today." I kept doing them now. They've been toughin' up pretty much. We like went through the park down into like some creek bed. We were like playing the creek. We like walked up on like a five star homeless encampment. Nice. And they were like, "We shouldn't be down here." I'm like, "We're not hurting these guys who're chilling." Yeah. Like, if they come out, they shouldn't be down here. Yeah. So I'm part of toughening up. I used to like some wacko in the woods being like, "Yeah, dude, what's up?" We stepped to him. We're standing in a pile of rocks. I bitched up. I went through a homeless encampment in somewhere in Spokane, Washington. And I'm walking. There's like this cool little kind of like platform thing you walk down in the river. And I come up against like a dude. It was like a six person, like a gauntlet of maybe like eight homeless people, four and four. And I'm like, pretty tight quarters. There's about the width of like this rug. And I'm like, I'll walk right through. I'll get my fuck out. I started getting closer. One of the dudes just was wearing a Jason mask. I was like, "Yeah, maybe not." Jason mask guy. Jason mask guy. Okay. That guy has me kind of shook. Now this dude had like an old retired campery found somewhere like a pup tent. And he had like some tarps up some city areas. It was a fucking spread. And I was like, whoever this is is a wise man. Like, this isn't what we need to worry. If he comes out, we can probably have conversations with him. Yeah. Benefit you as part of you could learn a thing or two. Yeah, he's got on to some shit. That's that's another thing my kids bug out about homeless people. Like they just now like we pull up. They'll be like, they figured out like what homeless people are. And they're like, ah, but every time I pull up, she's like, Dad, give him money now. He's daddy. They need money. I'm like, I don't have any. I don't have cash. Well, I'm like, well, let's feel the guy out. I don't, you know, I'm like, you don't know what the fuck he's going to use it for. He's like, Dad, give him money, daddy. He doesn't have a house. They get they get so fucked up about. He does. Yeah. He does it. All right. It's fucked up. I know guys. This is sad. Just we got to do is ignore him and drive. She won't come up. They're like, yeah, you got to get him a bunk bed. True. Let's be like, go. Yeah, you got a top bunk. See how tough you are now. They talk shit because we had a leading heart. You are now. We had these things they get their school gave us blessing bags where you go home. You're supposed to give them. They want you to take your kids. If you see a homeless person, you go with it. It's like an apple, water, some supplies and you hand it to the homeless person. So I'm like, our guys, we had the bags. I took them downtown on my full injection needles. That's where they had it. Female condoms and, uh, backstab, dental dams. And, uh, did you hear they're proposing like sex housing for homeless people like outdoor sex huts? What? They're just gonna, they play like a play, like a play tent. I saw a lot. I thought you meant they're gonna put them up in a crib and you can pop by. I was like, who the fuck is proposing this? Like the bottom of the internet? You talk about like a glory door. Just put up one wall with like, not my idea. I thought that's what they were proposing. It wouldn't be one to be the craziest thing this government's proposed. It's true. No, it was from America, Sean exactly did. Jesus man. The, uh, they were proposing like party play, like they need a place where they can like hook up. We didn't get to support that. I need to do that. Step one to get your ship back together. I would say, like anytime I've been like, I've never been homeless by the time I've been like off the rails. Yeah. And I get a new girlfriend. My shit's like that's true. Air cut. That's true. Should clothes are washed. Like, yeah. But you think it's step one though. What's that? Do you think it's step one? It's step one when like that's coming back. And I mean, I haven't gone through this phase since I was like in my 20s. But like, once that's like in the realm of possibilities, you like kind of start to lose hope. I think we should like jump against some new new. It can't be taught about celebrating lovemaking with a new person. We should. They should work for it. Make it like a book at program. Like you show with a haircut. There's a teeth cleaning that you can get. And then at the end, they give you like a voucher for some pussy. Yeah, but if you had like a little smash stamps on your homeless guy clean up your act card, we can have the same thing for homeless ladies. That's what I'm saying. But if they started doing the whole guys that live places have sex with homeless, bro, we're the prize. Don't forget it. We're the prize. Yeah. Okay. They got a book it for the D. That's my favorite content. What are they proposing? Just places for them to make homeless love? Yeah. Full support. I don't like it. Distinguished. That's what I've heard a place for homeless people to make love. That's like cushy or hook up. Dude, let's not put I don't want to put today with Christian value. Oh, you don't put like the IV on a heteronormative PIV. Exactly. Yeah. They could just hook up. They could play. That's true. Could be Polly. So just like a little incense, a little like yeah, I would venture, say maybe a lot of incense. Yeah. Some soft tunes. Yeah. Yeah. Support that. I came up with a new conclusion. Every more now, like I sit outside and smoke cigarettes and just think of like, you know, government solutions pressure. You know, the fire I do today. I think like Trump has been a very divisive president. Sure. Well, we kind of need to keep that energy in the presidency for a year and a half, right? Why? Here's where it's going to get good. So like we need to start like even diving in harder and just getting like old alcoholic borderline racist mechanics to be our president. Okay. And just leave them at Twitter and let them take care of that, right? Then we need to split the vice presidency and start getting the most whacked out far out vice presidents. That's not bad. So if like we were to get like 9/11 again by whoever did it. Yeah. We have this old drunk mechanic who can take care of business. It's like if your dad's like real tough, but like you want him in the about a goon. We need like a goon president, right? He's got his finger on the turn it into a parking lot button. It's like everything's fucked. We got to go get dad, but getting dad's your last resort. Yeah. We need to start getting a vice president who's like ask your mother burning man and like in some weird, queer, poly relationship. You want to hear a hippie vice president? No, I want someone so whacked out. He has no idea what's going on. But when you hit him with like a nuanced problem, he's like, Oh, yeah, I thought about this last. No. We need like these chambers here and everyone's just screaming about this in front of a school. Like you said him now, you're like, bro, what are we going to do? He's like, oh, obviously, we need and he comes up with a whole out of them because he's not touched into anything. True. So he's a pure mind of just like chaotic psychedelic visions. And when you go to him with like an, if you go to the press like the box, like if you're like, yo, we got a lot of potholes, he's not your man. Yeah. This would be like potholes. He has no idea how the street was pothole. Then they're not a problem. We go get the old drunk where we're like, dude, hop off Twitter for a second. He's like, I was just about to send this meme about the difference between like boys and girls. It's like pop, pop, slow down. We need you to level the ground real quick like it rained really hard New Orleans and we don't know what to do. Yeah. You just got to get this like machine and clear all this shit up and I'm rummaging through like a hardware. He's like, I got all the knockout board. I fucking told him it was come and we just let him cut loose on Twitter all the time. So if you go on Twitter, the president's obviously putting things in racist means I've been classic blondes and like we all just kind of put up with him as a globe. Yeah. The president's old dude when shit hits the fan. This guy fixed my roof in like 35 seconds then the vice press. You don't use them for that kind of stuff. No. So you're like, you know, we just got hit by two planes. You're like, yeah, let's not even tell him. Yeah. He's tripping. Don't mention it. You're going to fuck up his game. I don't know why we don't have. I thought about this just having like completely split ticket. Whoever's the president, you got to throw him the opposing party vice. Get it still. It's dual. Exactly. Maybe it doesn't need to be that extreme. I don't think it's just like itchy with each other at all. Like the whole every press conference, they're just like making faces at each other. And then as they're turning to talking to go, whatever that was, that's what I'm saying. It's such good television too. That's all that matters. And then we have, we'll probably get a damn president next. You throw him with like a hard line. Any during his speech, you just watch it, cut to the Republican vice president. He goes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Like mumbling shit. Yeah. Her, my fucking wife say the same thing the other day. He's taking on flattering pictures split from like behind him at the podium. He's like, if we split those two offices, I think we could start making headway. I think we could. Cause then we could blame the vice. We could blame the press. Perfect. And then right now we always end up with like an extreme version in the presidency. Well, have we even figured out who we can credit good and bad things to because I still have never got a clear line. Every time a bad thing happens, it's like, well, yeah, obviously the last president fucked me. Yeah. But if it was two of them, you know, it was the vice president. Like he was in a K hole and that was his idea. True. Just be like, boom, send him off. True. You'd have like Eric Trump next time and then like, I'm wondering, do you think the Trump family will become a political dynasty? I don't think so. You think they'll fade out? I don't want to put smud on the office, but his sons are subhuman. What? It's none of them all. Baron, Baron 648. Yeah. But none of them have like good. Oh, he said that. I don't know. No, we're hot enough, dude. Yeah. Yeah. So strictly from a Looks Max looks Maxine prospects for sure. What if they were to get upgrades? I think it's. I mean, what if you're talking about like, are you from Aaron? My parents got shot. Baron's got a shot. The other two there. Aaron has like an ice cold calculator president. Yeah. Non-sense. He's got a jawline on him. Baron's got a jawline on him. I can't trust a man. It doesn't have King face. Are you familiar with King face? I think I don't want to say anything bad about our president, but his sons are lacking the structure. Yeah. A little bit of Munch face. You're thinking that you're saying in terms of the skeletal hierarchy. That's what we eventually lead to. Yeah. They all have a little bit of Munch face. Newsome then, I then I would. They all kind of have like the Newsome from a Looks Maxine perspective. I would say Newsome is a contender. Probably the odds on favorite. Yeah. Looks Maxine. I would say Newsome. I would. Yeah. If we had a pick based on that, but these Newsome's the most handsome. I think I am Paul's on myself, but like Newsome, I would say it's the most handsome contender. Ah. There's some of those. Yes. Hey, guys. I'm personally not, you know, a track track is an Islamic man. Yeah. I just. Just what it is. Yeah. It's not. Yeah. I'm nothing against him. But I can see how people. You can see how handsome Monami is. Yes. You can envision a Hassan Piker presidency is what you're saying. I could use a little more. I could use a little wider chin on him as well. Yeah. But I like his gravely voice thing. It's kind of like Eric Trump's what like six four. Is Eric Trump six four? Six two. He's got to be up there. There's a tall man. Is he really? I don't know. Eric. Can we get the hang of the Trump song? We need this now. This Trump is. Yes. Trump's what six three. He claimed six three. Sure. Wait, what? Six five. Six five. Six five. He's a big boy. I can't even speak on. I'm subhuman. He's up there. Hunter's got to be like, he was pretty tall eight soft. That's a different hierarchy. I don't know how you didn't bring that up when you interviewed him. I interviewed someone who's seen this I saw. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see anything. I covered it like that. Hunter was stacked. I heard. It was impressive. That's not from hell. I saw that. It was like this isn't for me. I don't need this complex. True. I just, I did feel weird being like, I don't want to go through. I'm, I'm again. I'm a, after reading the rush. You're a privacy man. After reading the Russian classics, I mean, dude, reading another man's letter was shameful. If you caught a dude's letter on the table, if you flipped it, it was so tempting because you would, like, come to someone guy's office and he might be like, passed out. It always ends poorly. And you could just flip his letter over and be like, oh, what the fuck? The idea was like very gentlemanly not to be like, yeah, you don't want to read another man's stuff. Never. I tapped down the laptop once I saw the hog. I'm trying to design it. No, that's kind of enough said. I'm trying to design an AI porn filter where he filters out any penis that's bigger than yours. Really? So every time you jump a vid, you're like, it's kind of like the Texas porn technology. But it just, you, you upload a pic and everything's a little smaller than yours. Dude, I've thought about this. I've thought about this so many times and I guarantee it's been done. I have not pulled the trigger on this and I don't think I ever will. How many dudes you think have taken a picture of their owner, sent it to Grock, be like, yo, total honesty. Where do I stand? The global hierarchy. Grock will get soft on you. It'll be like, it's great. Not a few eyes for total honesty. Really? Oh, dude. Try it when you go home. I'm not. I refuse. I refuse to take a picture of my own penis. Really? I've just never done it. I'm too old. I've never, yeah, I've never got into the, the dick picture game. I've never even come close to it. I've never worn it. I think we're dry snatching ourselves or not having impressive hot, dude. I'm comfortable with my body. I'm 44 years old. That's why I've grieved. For sure. Well, like, I've gone through all the steps. Would you grieve your corpse? But my problem is, dude, back when I was like 17 and 18, I thought I had a third break. Same. Like, I was pulling that shit out, me and like, fucking huge, 'cause all that compared to the, all they compared to was my own dick pre-puberty. I know. It's how I'm like, yo, this thing was like a fucking baby guy. Goldfish. Now look at it. I thought I was splitting it up. I, I for real, I just thought I play sports. I'm kind of cool. And naturally follows. I have like a massive, bro, I just like put my leg up, sorry, I just to put my leg up on shit. Yeah, dude. It during sex. It was hammer time. I used to cap the Morgan out being like, yo, I'm one of the first time, let me know. Just let me know if it's too much. The first time I put the condom, just tat, just tat me and it's too much. That was my final Santa Claus, I for real was like, that is the final Santa Claus, it's like, yo, I'm Gucci, I thought I was for real, blessed. Packed out of your mind. And you're dealing with someone who's probably only seen your penis for the first like year. And they're just like, dude, that's huge. And the first time I ever put a condom, I'm like, I'm glad this fits. I came in ice. I mean, they're leaving that extra role, obviously, but that's just like keeping it all in. I put on a condom, be like, I don't think I can even breathe in this. I'm like, damn, I'm filling this. I thought there's supposed to be like shopping bags and I'm like, this thing is fucking packed. And then slowly, it's the porn that slowly, you're like, yeah, well, that's a crazy, that's a fucking freak video. Freak. It's a freak. Dude, what the fuck are these guys doing? And then like suddenly, they're like, I've never matched medical auto days. But if I could filter, you can't even get off unless you see one. That's the bottom of form when you're like, it's not big enough, they're like, fuck. Come size queen, I'm feeling size queen. If you're going to start snapping pics of it, don't do it hard, because that's not the real measure. That's your tail. That's not the real measure, either. What? Soft is your measure? Not even soft. Soft and stretched is how they measure your penis. Wait, hold up. Wait, how? Who's that women? Like, have you fed the rock? No. I haven't submitted myself yet, but they said it in the article about the guy with the world's smallest penis, the only clinical measurement of, you just like flopped and stretched. Flopped around a little. Then you grabbed the end of it and you yank it as hard as you can and then you mark it down. For real? That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's like, tippy toe. Tippy toeing is when there's guys that read that there's penis behind the balls and under it. Which is true. That is true. But there are guys that have wrote that. That doesn't count. After penis inside your body, that's, that's what's, but that's the, that's the penis powering the penis. That's my insulating network that really feel what's inside, you know, dude, I, I want to get that shit out of me so bad. What the dark penis. There's a ligament. There's a surgery. I know where they cut the ligament in the sort of like extent. I know. I've seen a cartoon of rendering of the thing you get him plant, him plant, him plant. Yeah. What are you talking about? It's just like they slight, they like stretch you slice you and they put like a rod in there that keeps you fucking maxed. I think like 98% people die that get the guy here, you know, that'd be so hurt to be like, I'm going to slice this thing open and. put something in it, I mean, I can't even handle a ball trimmer getting near my balls. Really? Like, I can go around it. I always end up with like a long, like your balls, you were cut your balls? They don't stop bleeding, dude. Guys, I have some shows coming up. These are, boy, these are big ones. Guys, please October 23rd, I think that's next weekend at Lannard, Georgia. I'll be at the Atlanta Symphony Hall. Then the next night, I'll be in Chetanuga, Tennessee, October 24th in Atlanta, Georgia. That's a 23rd. There's going to be a big little Florida run, sixth, seventh and eighth, sixth. I'll be in Fort Lauderdale, then Tampa, then Orlando, Florida, that's, hey, man, that's three days in a row. That's them rock. And then guys, please, for the love of God, Newark, New Jersey, this is just really killing me. November 20th, that's, yeah, that's, that's 2800 Cedar that's really hanging over my head. Baltimore, Maryland, Columbus, Ohio, Cincinnati, San Diego, and ball sacramenno. Please come. Matt McCusker. Come. I, you were cut your balls? I've never come. I've got my balls. Like self-harm. Tell you how it's done. It just makes me relaxed. Sugar warning, SW. Oh, I remember I was like trying to do and I had the, the browser making your balls. No, I took the, like, a while back, I took the, like, the guard, the guards, the guard off the chair. I went after it. And it bites you. Yeah. Yeah, it did. It bit me. Fuckin' dude, it bleeds. Your ball skin bleeds. It doesn't stop. I've never dropped a toilet paper square on it. Yeah. Slathered up. How close are you going? I was trying to go. We're trying to go. It was something my partner wanted me. It was like some baby play. No, I guess. It was something a lot of the time. It was age play. It was age play. But no, I was, yeah, I remember I got into, like, it was like college. I remember I had a weird phase where I was trying to, like, big out, probably for size, honestly. Yeah. It's a max. I was maxing. I've never done something like that. I'm saying, like, I'll, I'll get the trimmer down. And the closer I get to my balls, it's like a reverse magnum, like, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you go away. I'm saying to go and get it sliced open and get a rod dropped in and then closed and then you're just like huge. Yeah. More than injectables personally. Botox. You put Botox and you'll get a nice, flaccid size. That's kind of a chill move. It's not bad. It's probably what Newsom's doing. I think that might be Newsom's secret, Crutch. What? I think he might, Pinole Botox? I think he might be. He think he's packing. He's got to be shrived. I think he's shrived. I'm watching his mannerisms. I'm studying. He's studying. I'm reading him. That's fair. We should know that about the president. We should drop in pants. Yeah. Yeah. It's not bad. You should be able to download a fully accurate 3D model of the nude. Just spin it around. Like a fortnight skin. There's a debate. A nude debate would be fire. A nude debate would be nude. You said it stand up. Yeah. It was just two men like him, but they're going to cycle out and get all that shit put in. Those are the guy who used to. They were getting. Oh, yeah, true. Did you flick it? I got to him plant. Yeah. He sliced the tent and he's taking his dark penis. His dark, that's dark penis. You have fact checkers. That's actually 30% dark penis. That's the guy that's taking it out. It's actually 30% dark penis. It's still my secret. I like your theory about nicotine. We missing the smoke break. There's something fucked up about that. It's fundamentally what's wrong with our society. I think so. Native Americans used to think that tobacco was a gift from our ancestors. Brian Johnson kind of fell off though. He's getting right, bro. He's working on it. He's still trying to live forever. He's trying to beat and all the the basketball right now. So right now, well, here's the that's absolutely. He's trying to dunk. I think I could beat him at basketball. That's a good job. Just by looks alone. I'm like, I can whip his ass in basketball. I'm sure about that. I can't play basketball. I think I could be Brian Johnson. You think you just rough him up a little. I think I could outlive him too. You probably you might. I might if the two of us sat down or like, he's calling a lot of fouls. Just so you know, yeah, true. Yeah, he probably go on those like playing strictly by the book. Yeah, I played the other night. So I think I got these fucking chair pants on his legs. I give you legs. I played. There's a guy who was 60 must have been 65, seven years old outhooping. I was like, dude, it was, it was wild. He could only do one handed shots. So he would get the ball on his go. And he was fucking swishing on his other arm. He just wouldn't for some reason. He would do the parent like no, he was just always trying to fucked up shoulders. So he would just get the ball and just be like, just wing it and sweet you. Sure wasn't just stunting on you. No, he would do it. I'd be with one arm. It was kind of fucked up because like loose balls. I was, I was rebounded hard. We lost. We lost, we lost with two games, but now that matters. Was he a white man? It's a white man. He was a white man. No, it's a good question. But he was a, I would, we were like banged bodies a little bit and I'd be like, Oh, bro, I'm so sorry, because I'd go for the rebound. It got close. It was a game point. I like hit him one time. Let me know if it's too much. He tapped his stomach. Yeah. But it was one of the, it was kind of like, it was like, yeah, sometimes I'd like, I just take that man. I don't want to, I don't want to bang into that. I'd be terrified. If I like, was it one on one? No, it was to every second. Where do you go? Play ball with random strangers? My court, right? I go right the show. Oh, yeah, you go up there. I want there to shoot around. There was some two on two. And there's another guy. We hit some three on three. It was my, I'm still fucked up. I was walking yesterday. Like, it'll take it out of it. Fucking gets concrete courts. I'm dying. Can you talk? Huh? When did Brian Johnson switch? I want to dunk a basketball. It was part of his regimen. But it was just like, he's all about, he's, he claims, this is going to piss you off. He claims to be hard. Have the most nocturnal erections. I saw that chart. He, he, he hooked up like a boner. He also claims that his girlfriend has the top zero, zero, one percent of the giant of flora or something. He's like close to just trying to swab. That's create. He's also squishing her. You see that? He got in the girlfriend squishing when he like lays on her. Yeah. Yeah, I heard that. That's like, maybe what? If you lay on her for like, it like releases oxytocin and blah, blah, blah. Also, do you ever get in the, in the world of like 30 minutes of eye contact with your wife before bed? There's like, I'll try to get my wife to do it. She won't do it. Yeah. She won't look me in the eyes. It's like way too much regret. She had to look me in the eyes and she's like, no. Yeah. We'll see you for 30 minutes. You guys both feel awesome if you do it. So you stare at each other's eyes. 30 minutes for a bed in silence. Yeah. I'm going to try to do this. They say you have flooded with oxytocin and like, she won't do it. Yeah, my bad. I can't get to do anything after like 730. I'm like, yo, I never like tell your wife like some like heavy shit and then she'll just be like, when is, uh, when does that one bill come out from guy go and you're like, yeah, all the time. I'll be like, I'll be like, dude, I just figured this out and like, I've like been doing this forever and like, this and I think like, but the kid should do that. It should be like, when does guy go come out, the 15th? I'm like, you know, I'm kind of revealing something right now. Yeah. And I think I don't want to go over the Google calendar. Yeah. It's just like her rip cord to get out of it. I've pratted out in that situation. I don't want to look at options on Amazon for anything right now. Yeah. That's okay. I've been like, okay, so you're not even listening to what I'm just like, I'm going to tell me. I want to hear now. I'm like, no, I just, I just take it as you go. That's bait, though, by the way, as soon as she's like, I'm not even going to tell you, you're like, yes, but you're like, I'm saying I'll be like, no, I'm flipping the script or I'll be like, I was actually telling you something. So you're like, okay, sorry about that. What were you telling me? And I'm like, no, no, you're wife maxing. Yeah. Does not work. I tried that for the first like three years, my marriage to like act like she does to show her how bad it is. Doesn't work. Does not work. You cannot do it. Or I'd be like, can you just put this somewhere? Like I'm so sick of looking at this. And I'd be like, what are you doing? Like, I'm showing you like what you did. It's like, fuck off. And it's like, damn, I thought that was like a master plan. If I show you how bad it is, when you brother me about what I left. I tried. I tried. You know, I'm reading a, I'm reading Anna Karina by toll story right now. He talks about it. It's age old. It's age old. He's the guy. There's this one character, Levin, who like, he's trying to get married to this chick. This young chick, Kitty, and he like proposes. He gets bested by his rival, Vronsky, a military man. And eventually the Vronsky is just a young playboy. He's just shatter poor Kitty's heart. And eventually I don't want to know spoilers, but they can join Levin and Kitty. Levin's a humble farmer. They finally can join and he's like so blissful. And then he goes through like the first three months of marriage and like the shit she's doing to him. And he's just kind of like, I can't comprehend why she puts the importance on the matter. She puts on it. It's mind-boggling. And I try to be kind. And dude, it's so-- - It's like an age old problem. - And it's just like a gentleman. This is like a Russian gentleman, smartest dude ever. And apparently that book, Anacrinos, the most autobiographical of Tolstoy's works. He really kind of was vulnerable. And I was like, did he stay married or? - I'm not done in the book yet. - Oh, damn, he probably did. Back then he didn't like get divorced like. - Not if you're Anacrina. - Wait, is Anacrina his babe? - Anacrina is the lady the book's name after her. She was, she's not a faithful wife dude. There's a hard cucking. - He's a cuckold. - The husband's a cuckold. - Damn. - The husband's a cuckold with a young military brash. - So he's like, does he participate in the cuckoldry? - I don't want to spoil. - Is he enthusiast? - Well, the guy, he's. - Wait, wait, I don't want to give it away, but does the old Chad Boyfriend come back and show him a thing or two? - I don't know. Well, no, the Chad's a young man. The old guy is like an elderly statesman who has a hot wife. Not, not like hot wife, but he has a hot young wife. - Well, technically he did have a hot wife. - Hot wife and cuckoldry aren't exactly the same. - He's not so active. - Staggy, yes, he has. - He's like, what's the world? - Yes, his young Tolstoy knew this, but yeah. - That's why he wrote the book. So I'm not a cuckold with a hot wife. - Back then, apparently in like high society, it was like cool to have affairs. Like guys, for sure. - Still is. - You keep a ballerina and you like to, it's start, the book starts with this one character getting caught cheating on his wife. Anna Kreena comes in on, in like a coach and he calls Anna like, please make my wife not be bad at me. He just kept growing up. - Wait, so he's getting cucked and he calls Anna Kreena to see. - No, I gotta say the reader, but it's so many. - It's, did the rush, welcome to the Russian masters. There's too many, the books are really live. A lot of characters. But the book starts with this guy. He's, everyone works in the, they're all like, high ups at work in the government that have like, absolutely nothing meaningless jobs. So he's just, this guy's out and he like, fucks like the French made in this house and his wife finds out. And the dude is like, he's like a good humored guy. So when his wife finds out that he cheated, he just like, unconsciously smiles, he does. And smiles at her. And she's like, he gets really mad at the fact that he smiles her in that time. And he's like, and they're all grappling with like scientific thoughts. So he goes, and it was an unconscious reflex, no doubt. There's no, nothing I could have done about that. - Would he find out his wife cheating? - No, he cheated on his wife. His wife finds out. - Oh, and he smiles at her. - He smiles when she confronts him with the evidence of if he's writing her like horny letters. - Ooh. - And she's never read gentlemen's letter. But she confronts him with his horny letters and he goes, ha ha, capitol or whatever. And so that starts with a move too. - What? - It's a good move. - It is a sick move. I'm a trouble. I might be a Russian minister. - Exactly. So he starts with a guy getting caught cheating. - Guy gets caught cheating. - Brushed off, kinda like, hey, Dex Anna, like come chill my wife out. Please sister, I beg you. - Come chill out my cuckooine. - Anna basically like level up my cuckooine. Please let this chick know that this is cool what I'm doing. And as she comes, talks his wife off a ledge. And on the way to do that, she meets the young military upstart Vronsky. I mean, total gentleman. But you know, there's things to be desired about him. But he meets Anna, falls in love with her and he cucks her husband. And it sets off a chain of reactions. - As it does. - Except, you know, they really do a good job spell in that out. But they produce a bastard daughter. Or what do you call that? - Abitually. - Abitually. - Abitually. - So they produce, but this guy is like a high level politician. He's getting cuck. So everybody's like trying to introduce bills and all the other guys are like, kinda like laughing at him. - So he got phase two cucked. - He got the pregnancy. - Yeah. - Jesus Christ. - He got literally cuckled and his, and Anna starts to almost die in the childbirth. - True cuck's know that the sneering is actually part of it though. Being denigrated like that by your peers. - True. - I'm sure we're going to worm that kind of stuff. - True. - But the other true cuck's true. - True cuck's. - And true cuck's. - Well, it does that the cuckledries sets off a spiritual like awakening in this elder statesman. He cuck is end up when his wife's almost dying in childbirth. The lover's there. The young lover's there, who was supposed to have been in from the house, but he went anyway. It's a very passionate guy. He couldn't handle it. So he's covering his face as a woman's laying dying and the cuckled at husband pulls his hands away from his face and says, you must look and the guy's, and the guy's so upset that he gets like, he's, in his head, he's like, then the husband's fucking poning me. I thought he was the cuck. - Yeah. - No, you're fucking death cuck. - The husband's death cuck's. - Death cuck's. - Death is your bowl. - The husband's death. (laughing) - He's sitting at fucking chair and watching die. - The world to the bowl. - Dude. - Yes. - The Russian masters are, I'm telling you, they're the best. - There's nothing more powerful than being a dead wife. - I mean, a dead wife, a dead wife. - He totally dead wife. - Yeah, he thinks that shit's cool, pulls his hands apart, but he kind of like melts. - And the guy. - And the guy. - And the guy. - And the guy to end the day's his face. (laughing) - Yeah. - That's why. - I was reading at the hospital. - Why? - I was reading at the hospital last night. - Damn, it's so nice that your wife hasn't got to ask me, like, well, I've got six hours of literature to read. So not my problem. - Writing the Russian masters. - I'm leaving the cut. The nurses come in. I fucking leave the cover down. I'm like, still struggling. - Not a deal, yeah. - Like, reading. - A lot of people are, a lot of people are, you know, warm peace. Would you periodically check up to see everyone notice you reading it? - Every time. - Every time I read. - Every day. - Every day. - Turned out I would lay it down. I'd go. - Slide it forward. - Read in some of the Russian class, Tolstoy, Dosty Eski's novels a lot more alive and frenetic, but Tolstoy's just a lot, it leaves a lot off the page, so they're really kind of the impression. - Look, sir, your wife's dead. You're like, oh fuck. - And I go like this. - You're reading it at the funeral? - As it would unfold. - Yes. Death comes across all. Yeah, it's dude. I love reading just like gentlemen of old talk to each other. It's so fucking funny. - You can glean a lot from it. - I do, I do. - Sings, if someone gets angry, you just go, "Jeepater, you're angry, therefore you are wrong." I don't know what that means, but that's fucking true. - He original, you mad. - That's you mad for sure. - You deal with it. - Oh, you big mad. - Yeah, that book is sick, dude. Those Russian books are unbelievable. - I don't know when I'm going to read down here because I used to read in the winter. - Maybe the dead of summer? - Yeah, just before bedtime, every night before I go to bed, I kiss my wife. Every gentleman is supposed to, the kid, you supposed to go to your study. - Go to your study. - You go to the study. The fact that we're not hitting the study before bed, you're supposed to. - You're supposed to study every single night. - You're at the study. - Okay. - It's got a gaming chair in it. - It's got a secret lab. It's tight and evil, Excel. I'm not writing. It's just what's in my study. - Dead souls? Isn't that a video game? - Dark souls. - Dark souls. I'm thinking of dead souls. It's Google. It's one of the precursor to Dosey Eskiy. - I lost my study moving down here. - Did you really? - I mean, we're in like a shoebox. - It's like every corner there's a storage. - Yeah. - Okay, dude. - We're gonna read and smoke sigs in the car. - Yeah, you need to just wipe out your living room, put a giant writing desk in there. - Okay. - I don't know. - It's not a bad idea. - Bigger time. - What is it? - What is it? - Frivolous woman? - Papa. - Papa. - What is it? Frivolous woman? - Just separate it with a curtain. Take half of the half of the space. - Here we are. - Also very Russian. - It's true. - Back in the day, you would even have a room. You'd have a corner. So you would live in like, there'd be like just a efficiency and you're, it wouldn't be a room. You would just have one corner that'd be like, you're set up over there. - I'm full of it. - You guys would be like there and you'd be like, fuck you guys doing over there. - It's not a bad might be a good set up. - Corners are nice. I'll bring this up when I go home. - Corners. - I'll show our chat GBT of my new set up and then see only racial comprehend. I'll be like, look, I chat GBT of my study in the room. She's like, oh, that makes sense. - AI, please. We have to. That's the one. I'm not worried about killing us at all. I'm worried about my wife having all that information at her hands. - Oh, we're just like the ultimate. - No, you're wrong. - Yeah. - Look, I looked it up and I have, I pay 30 bucks a month and it knows everything and you can't argue with it. - Did you know what actually fucked me up to think about? So, Crohn's disease is on the rise. If you have Crohn's, you're like 30% more likely to have an episode of incontinence. Re-shit your pants. My thinking is, if Crohn's is on the rise and as you get older, your chances of shitting yourself go up. With that multiplier of Crohn's disease rising, we're going to have way more elderly incontinence. We're going to get to an age where we're like, probably jacked off of testosterone and fucking, you know, all the peptide issues. Like with fucking like AI customized, just like tapped into the mega mind, but while like shitting ourselves, we'll be like Beethoven's fifth symphony. All the top hits combined. Oh, it's beautiful. And you're like pissing your pants, pissing and shitting yourself. Our stomach's going to be fucked up. - But you're in like peak physical condition. - Yeah, your shell's going to be nice. Your shell's going to be nice, but we'll have allergies to every food group. We'll just be like, please combine what was synthesized, the works of them. - Yeah, but everyone's going to be like a private Tony Stark with Jarvis. And he's going to be like, Jarvis, maybe a still suit that takes the diarrhea that comes out of me and repurposes it. You're going to be wearing like a lush garden suit that's going to be fertilized by the diarrhea that the suit swoops directly out of your cheeks. While you listen to fucking classical music and watching movie that's being made for you on the spot, based on your interests that day. - You're just dumping out the whole stuff. - You'll pause the movie and be like, the protagonist is kind of watered down. We had a little bit of that. - Oh fuck. - This is the one thing we won't be able to do. - Jarvis, make his penis slightly smaller than mine. (laughter) - Yeah, I was trying to get hard numbers on it. And I was. - Oh, well, the crows, is he that bad? - The crows do mechanics. I was trying to colon the what mechanical colon. Yeah, that'd be nice. Take it off my plate. I don't ever wanted to think about pooping. Also, yeah, dude, you should have a carbon fiber butt that stores the stools. I don't even want to feel it when I shit anymore. I look like a sewer cap kind of on. You're like shitting. You're going about your day. It's just stopping at the cat. And then like every three days, you just unscrew it. Yeah. Follows out. You screw it back up. Just go about your day. This is me a second pump at the gas station. You just turn around and back into the Tesla charger. So you shit. Take your plug out. Right. Huh? Future. It's looking bright. I think it'll rock. I think everyone's taking dumps off the table and saves so much time. Yeah. But then it's like that's something's going to happen. Like it's saying, self-shitting ass. But if you I think if you remove the just like whatever is going up, those like the biological mechanism of like, like shitting, it's going to affect our, if we stop shitting our person out, we're going to get so we're getting rid of sleep. We're getting rid of shitting. Yeah. It's going to be just calm. We're not probably going to eat anymore. Yeah. We probably won't jack jack like actual. Yeah. The fluid is like the mechanical masturbation. Yeah. Your normal links going to know what signals to send to your brain to make it feel like you're coming. You're going to crank that to tend and leave it on all day. There's going to be like a war. You're going to have to click okay on a warning that says like only use this like once or twice a day. Like probably we're going to work and then we're going to bed. Obviously. And you're going to just jam with the 10 and break the handle off and just never stop feeling it. Yeah. Just getting hold of yourself and coming everywhere you go. Did I'm praying to guy Eugene Levy's watching this? He's talking about auto shitting and coming. I can't find anything to watch you for views. I forgot. I don't believe in other takes on being hooked up the fuck machines 24/7 scoop with a scoop on it. Someone from DMZ has had to watch every word of this thing. They're going to address it at some point. I mean, how? That'd be nice to have a fuck machine scoop. So just reaches up and it's like and it's just pulling shit out. He said something. He said to the podcast. They just talk about auto coming and cuckoldry and Russian masters coming everywhere and shit and cone. Crazy. You can't offend anyone by talking about how you want to auto poop into machines. But it is the most offensive thing you can talk about. Yeah. I wish I didn't have to poop anymore in that machines pull and come out of me. I mean, people probably looked at what's offensive to humanity. People are like the toilets with the same hot. It's the same horror. It's being like, I should get shit. We can eliminate the bathroom from the house. Now you've got an extra what 20 square feet. Yeah. And it jacks the budget up. It's like bathrooms are expensive. It's fun. It's the biggest. It's the worst project you'll have. It's not some kitchen in the kitchen house. Yeah. Kitchen is a done dude. Feed tube. There's going to be two tubes coming out of a wall in your efficiency. There's going to be a top tube that you suck the goo out of. And there's going to be a bottom tube that sucks the goo out of you. And you just stand in front of it nude with an erection or soft and stretched alone. You look at your watch like, oh, I have to come. I have to eat. Yeah. A thing in the back your head's going to buzz and we go time to stand by the tubes. Yeah. And then you're going to pause that step in front of the TV and just like watching news and go, oh, get some bitch. It's going to largely get mad at you. Jarvis uploaded my thoughts. Jarvis now. Here's your pre-rambled. We already wrote it for you. You know what? It depends me when I see reactions online. I go reactions. The basis form of thought. I wouldn't even say thought. Hey, I would say I would say it's but a precursor. Reacting is like reptilian frogs can react. As a human as I'm saying reaction videos. Imagine. I don't react. I meditate. That's what all humans should do. If you're reacting really quick. It's a base. It's a absolute base behavior like a new story. I would never sink myself to such a vile depth. And then to go as far as to broadcast your reaction. Dude, seriously. That's a little death. Dude, it's for real. Toys. He talks about. Toys story talks about that forever. A lot of reading a lot of toys. As a gentleman, I mean, look, there's there are, you know, there's fortunes to be made to glean the surface of thought. But it's definitely I require. It's a thin atmosphere in which I can't even breathe. I required, you know, truth. The low-grade energy source, truth, earnestness, presence, passion, presence. That's like the elements that make up the air we breathe. For me personally, I can't go games. Video games. Star Wars movies. Well, dude, as we did it, man, let's slide in the motherfucking bag. Oh, yeah. Thank you for having me. Thank you, guys. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.